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EP192: Ray "Cash" Care - Why You Should Bet On You!
80 Plays8 days ago
“All I’ve done is I’ve tried to take past experiences of pain that I’ve learned from and pour them in the other men who I’ve come to terms with.”
Strength isn’t about domination—it’s about discipline, self-respect, and responsibility. The real work of becoming a man today begins with facing your demons, taking full ownership of your life, and learning to protect and provide for those you love. Masculinity, at its core, is not toxic. It’s essential. But to embody it, you’ve got to be fit—mentally, emotionally, and physically—and be ready to bet everything on yourself.
In this episode, you’ll hear how pain can be turned into purpose. You’ll learn how to build your “life resume,” why failure is the stepping stone to success, and how daily discomfort sharpens a man’s spirit. From fatherhood to faith, team building to trauma, the message is clear: your growth starts when your excuses end.
Ray “Cash” Care is a former Navy SEAL and CIA contractor turned entrepreneur, speaker, and men’s coach. He’s built his mission around forging savage servants—strong, disciplined, vulnerable men who lead from the front.
Learn more & connect:
Also in this episode:
Books Mentioned
Emotional Intelligence 2.0
Author: Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves
https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-2-0-Travis-Bradberry/dp/0974320625
The Missing Secret of the Legendary Book Think and Grow Rich
Author: John Mitchell
https://thinkitbeit.com/
You’re invited to come to a Sovereign Circle meeting to experience it for yourself. To learn more, go to https://www.sovereignman.ca/. While you’re there, check out the Battle Ready program and check out the store for Sovereign Man t-shirts, hats, and books.
Recommended
Transcript
Quitting Negativity for Personal Growth
00:00:00
Speaker
I quit all the negative people, places, and things in my life. The one thing I'll never quit on or give up on is myself. But I will quit things that hold me back. Once I did that, I was like a racehorse that someone just started hitting with the crop. And I was just like, now here we go. And have a better relationship with my wife, with my daughter.
00:00:19
Speaker
My circle of friends is good. My coaching group. i I'm very selective, very strategic with what I do. You're a man living in the modern world in a time when men and manhood are not what they once were. You live life on your own terms. You're self-sufficient.
00:00:38
Speaker
You think for yourself and you march to the beat of your own drum. When life knocks you down, you get back up because in your gut, you know that's what men do. You're a badass and a warrior. And on the days when you forget, we are here to remind you who you really are.
00:00:58
Speaker
Welcome to the Sovereign Man Podcast, where we aim to make men masculine again. I'm your man, Nicky Ballou, and we've got a great guest lined up for you today, Ray Cash Care.
Overcoming the Past: Ray's Journey
00:01:10
Speaker
Welcome to show, Ray.
00:01:11
Speaker
Thanks for having me, Nicky. I'm excited to be here. Excited to have you on the show, my man. So, Ray, why don't you start by telling us your backstory? Yeah, 53 years old as of March 5th, 53 years young, if you will.
00:01:29
Speaker
on of briade but yeah Baltimore native, um byproduct of a broken home and a lot of abuse and a lot of ah trial and tribulation and errors. And, you know, just ah just a guy who.
00:01:44
Speaker
who's just spent his life trying to better better himself and better others because ah of the hardships that he's went through. You know, in a nutshell, know, I get on a lot of stages and I don't like to use the word motivational coach or,
00:01:57
Speaker
you know, a disciplined coach. I'm a pain coach. um All I've done is I've tried to take past experiences of pain that I've learned from and pour them into other men who I've come to terms with. a lot of men go through, we go through a lot of the same shit.
00:02:13
Speaker
we very We just are too arrogant to talk about it. We have too much pride and the ego gets in the way. And I think when you when you can really become ah true savage, you know, savage warrior is when you can become vulnerable um with yourself and your past and you can be open to it.
00:02:34
Speaker
um And then what I've realized is, is there's a lot of other men out there suffering in silence, be the savage servant that they were meant to be. um You know, I feel like society has almost castrated us, if you will, to be masculine. You know, being masculine is a bad thing. No, it's not.
00:02:51
Speaker
there's not There's no such thing as toxic masculinity. There's just out foot like people. and you know There are toxic individuals in life just because you're masculine. you have you know I'm stereotyped as a guy with tattoos and I work out.
00:03:06
Speaker
yeah I am actually a statistic of a young man who's been abused, um who grew up with his mother, who obviously, you know, the, the, what happens in the internal dialogue is you want to become a protector.
00:03:21
Speaker
So, you know, I'm stereotyped a lot of times as I'm, you know, they call me the masculine monster. I take it as a compliment um because our true, true masculine man, you know, knows when to be kind and gentle, but he also knows when to step up and protect and provide. So, you know, I have a daughter and i have a wife and,
00:03:42
Speaker
I talk baby talk to both of them. I can be, you know, I'm the dad that when my daughter was young would throw on a dress before all this shit happened nowadays, right? Daddy, will you dress up for me? Of course
Defining True Masculinity
00:03:53
Speaker
I will. You know, and it wasn't, but you know, I don't wear dresses, but, you know, a masculine...
00:04:00
Speaker
A masculine man will, you know, put a smile on his daughter's wife's face. And, you know, and my goal, you know, a true masculine man, his children and his wife aren't aren't don't fear him. But if you try to take what's his, I will instow fear in others, ah you know, in others. I will if I have to. I'll protect my family at all costs. I feel that that's what that savage servant does. You know, if you and I were to get into a fight because you were trying to break into my home or trying to take what's mine. It's not because I'm a savage. It's because I'm a servant because I took a knee, um, 20 plus years ago and asked my wife, will you? And she chose me.
00:04:43
Speaker
And there's responsibilities and duties that come along with that. And me and my wife have roles and responsibilities. Obviously, my job is to protect this household and provide for it. My wife's a stay-at-home mom. She's got the toughest job in the world.
00:04:55
Speaker
And I love nothing more than her to be able to have that flexibility to do you know what she wants. But you know the house is neat. She takes... Listen, if me and my wife got divorced, I don't even know what where to start, what I would do.
00:05:09
Speaker
you know I have my zone of genius, which is like this big, and hers is like this big. So... That's what a masculine man is with me. That's my background. And I am just trying to make an impact and create a civilization of, of stronger, better men, because through time, I don't know what the hell happened, but you know, shit has changed.
00:05:34
Speaker
um You know, just shit has changed. Yeah. Amen. So let's go back a bit and unpack some of what you were saying. Let's go back into your backstory.
Path to Self-Improvement and Discipline
00:05:45
Speaker
So you came from a broken home.
00:05:48
Speaker
um You grew up without a father. Tell me what that experience was like for you. Well, the time, I just I didn't know any better. So I adapted to it. Yeah. You know, um but it did give me a lot of leeway to get away with a lot more than I should have. You know, my mom busted her ass. So I was off running around, getting in trouble, doing drugs, drinking, you know, figuring out how things work down there with girls and, you know all that stuff. I don't want to get rude, but um I was a I was a hellion.
00:06:16
Speaker
And yeah. you know, I, I don't know. There's just times when you have to self-correct the course of your trajectory. And, you know, I think the first one was when I joined, when I got into high school, I was small, people picked on me and I started working out and getting, you know, I'm not tall. I'm only like five, seven, five, eight, but i've wide. I'm about 210 pounds.
00:06:39
Speaker
And I just, like i I realized that The bigger and stronger that I got, the more that people would respect me. You know, and it's, we talk about it now, right? Your life, your resume.
00:06:51
Speaker
One resume you have is your body. It's my life resume. It's your life resume. I can look at you and see that you're a pretty fit guy. um And I tell people this all the time. I don't do the whole andi Andy, Andy Elliott thing where you have to six pack to work with me. And I get, it's packed mentality, right? Sure. sure um But,
00:07:12
Speaker
I don't care how arrogant or almost racist it sounds, but I don't want to work with people that are out of shape because it's a form and a level of discipline. Now, with that being said, number one, I'm not racist at all.
00:07:25
Speaker
um I'll use that word very carefully. um But I also take into consideration there there are people that are out of shape due to medical reasons. What I'm talking about, I'll make this very clear, is the people that sit on their butts And they wish and want, they don't make and take action. You know, like I do a lot of coaching and I hear a lot of men saying, you know, why me, why me? And I go, why not you?
00:07:47
Speaker
You're not doing this this this, this, this, or this because we talk about it. So you're not gonna get this, this, this, this this is results. you know There's two types of people on planet earth, people that talk shit and people that do shit. it shit It's that simple.
00:08:02
Speaker
um i i don't you know And listen, you and I can do, that we
Parenting and Education Values
00:08:07
Speaker
can both be doers, But we're going to run on different frequencies and different calibers, meaning you may get things done faster than me and your, you know, your subject matter, you know, your zone genius, your 5%, something you do better than anyone else.
00:08:20
Speaker
But there's things that I may be better at, but real savage servants, we feed off each other, right? I surround myself with with like-minded men, if not higher higher frequency men, right?
00:08:32
Speaker
And I learn from them. I talk about it all the time. I learn, I earn, and I burn. They're the three things that I try to do every damn day. I try to learn something new about myself and others, right? I try to burn.
00:08:45
Speaker
i want to get a physical, mental, and emotional just sweat in every day. And then I want to earn. i want to i want to earn. Earning to me doesn't always mean from a monetary standpoint. it's about the growth.
00:08:58
Speaker
I want to earn respect and you know and earn a a higher level every day with my wife and with my daughter. But you know listen, I also want to earn generational wealth. you know i like i like I work hard and I care big. you know That's what I do and who I am.
00:09:15
Speaker
Amen. I like it. So um your answers are really fantastic. Thank you. Here's what... Here's what I say. like my My mom and dad stayed together, but I got divorced when my children were quite young.
00:09:31
Speaker
And it's not something I wanted or looked for, but it ended up happening and I wasn't able to ah you know i ah i i wasn't able to persuade my wife that keeping our our marriage together was the right thing to do ah at that time. And it's one of one of my failures in in life.
00:09:49
Speaker
But I made a decision that My two sons would never, ever feel anything other than complete love and support that I was going to get them at least half the time.
00:10:02
Speaker
And i was I took ownership for what happened with both of them when they were little. I didn't put anything on their mom. um And I made it a point to raise these boys to not be pussies, to be men.
00:10:17
Speaker
You know, my one boy turned 19 in January. He was gonna go to university here in Canada, in Toronto, where where we live. um I got him a job with um the man who's my health and fitness coach.
00:10:33
Speaker
His name's Ammer the Hammer Camera. He owns Hammer Fitness. It's a fitness company based in Canada with 15 coaches. He's a former IFBB pro bodybuilder, and he shows people how to get on stage. So I started working with him.
00:10:48
Speaker
February 2023, weighed 227. I was fat. I was overweight. And I was a guy used to be in great shape until my late 40s. I'm 57 now. and so Thank you. And dropped 58 pounds.
00:11:03
Speaker
um You know, got my six pack again. A year later, i did a bodybuilding competition. i was the oldest guy in my class. It was 35 plus. I was 57. Oh, yeah.
00:11:15
Speaker
I came in third. you know, it was it was cool. um But my son, I had my lady, my new lady, and my son start to work with this what this fellow, Amra.
00:11:29
Speaker
And him and Amra got along. And Amra said, I'd like to give your son a job in the summer. And I said, yeah, sure. My son said, yeah, I'm all over it. And then he comes to me midway through the summer and he says, i don't want you to be mad, but I'm not going to university.
00:11:43
Speaker
And I said, what? He said, yeah, listen, dad, I've talked to all these people. I want to work. I think I'm going to learn more on the job and, you know, we can put it off for a year and then decide. And he chatted with me. You know, I went to university, I have my master's degree from Georgetown University, man. I graduated magna cum laude. So um i'm i'm I'm an intellectual and I,
00:12:03
Speaker
I was raised to believe in the value of education, formal education, but education today has gone so woke, it is about indoctrinating kids more than it is about anything else. So I said, okay, son.
00:12:17
Speaker
And his first month, he made under a thousand bucks. Now he's making over five grand a month and he's on track within a year to make over 10 grand a month. He's 19 years old. He knows what he wants to do out of life.
00:12:31
Speaker
All his buddies are in school trying to figure out what they want to do. I mean, i mean some of them have ah a sense of what they want to do. um He was a high level soccer pro. I thought he was going to go pro. He was that good.
00:12:43
Speaker
He ended up deciding not to do that, which broke my heart, but you know, it's a decision he's been good with. Yeah. And the other day they had an awards dinner for hammer fitness. And I sat at a table and you know, introduced myself to some of the people there, um,
00:12:58
Speaker
And one of them ah was a woman and she said, oh, Baloo, are you related to Kayvon who works here? I go, yeah, he's my son. says, oh, he's such a great kid. He's all that. say, yeah, yeah, he's a great kid. She says, well, i hope he appreciates everything you've done for him.
00:13:12
Speaker
I hope he says thank you. i said, not really. she says, but he should. He should. I mean, you need that. As a father, you did that. And I thought about it for a second. I said, ah her name was, I think, Vicky.
00:13:25
Speaker
said, Vicky? um My son's 19. He's financially self-sufficient. He's doing something that he knows he loves and he wants to do. And this is his path in life. yeah um He doesn't go out drinking. he he meet goes He works seven days a week. He works his butt off. He reads. He learns.
00:13:47
Speaker
He's more of a man at 19 than most people I know at 29 or even 39. I raised him. raised him. i raised them That's all the thanks I need, bro. You know, that's that that's what I have to say. And I know that's a big part of what the message that you're you're giving us today as well.
00:14:07
Speaker
So going going back into your into your background, when you finished high school, walk us through what you ended up doing and why. Well, finished high school. i wasn't I wasn't a scholar, I'll tell you that.
00:14:19
Speaker
um But that's okay. um Wasn't a huge scholar. School wasn't my big thing. I mean, I got by C's. I wasn't great at it, but I got it done. um I ended up going over doing some community college.
00:14:31
Speaker
um Just wasn't for me. you know it's I knew I was meant and destined to do something bigger and greater, but I just didn't know what it was. So... so I was getting a lot of trouble, doing a lot of stupid shit.
00:14:46
Speaker
um And I was 17. tell a story on every podcast I go on. It's that pinnacle moment in my life where come from abuse. My father was abusive when I was young and I'll never forget it.
00:14:58
Speaker
And I can't remember what I had for lunch like six weeks ago, but I can remember being 17 vividly. remember looking, it was about three o'clock in the morning and came home, you know, and this is back when we were kids, you know, I'm 53.
00:15:11
Speaker
I was drinking, doing a lot of stupid things that you don't do nowadays. Looking in the mirror, washing my face, it was winter time. And when I looked up, I saw a reflection and I didn't see me. I saw my father.
00:15:21
Speaker
And, I think something or someone of higher power to me said, it hit me, had like an epiphany. If you don't change your life, if you don't do something different,
Military Experiences: Lessons Learned
00:15:33
Speaker
you're going to go down this dark path. My father was murdered.
00:15:36
Speaker
Oh, no. but's no and you know And again, You know, we talked, you you talked about something that was really powerful. You said you used the word with your wife, failure.
00:15:47
Speaker
You used that word, I failed. And i I intertwine, you know, failures are in the stepping stones of success. So you are the man you are now from the failure that you overcame. But then with that- Right. This is it's it's it's there's it's a double edged sword. Success is a reflection of your willingness to serve.
00:16:08
Speaker
So now, you know, look at your son. He's becoming more successful because he's serving. Right. Even though he's reaping the benefits of it, he's serving and helping others. So I had this epiphany and I was like, you know, I want to be successful. I've I've overcome a lot of failure in my life and I'm ready to serve. So something, something somewhere or somehow said, join the military.
00:16:33
Speaker
So I literally went to the recruiter the next day, took my ASVAB test, absolutely bombed it. In order to become an AVSEAL, you have to have a combined score on your aptitude test, which I had to take.
00:16:45
Speaker
um I took it a total of three times. Bombed it the first time. Second time, missed the combined score by one point. Everybody told me, everybody told me to give up.
00:16:56
Speaker
And then there was a gentleman by the name of YN1 Conklin. Tell the story too, because he's probably one of the biggest influencers of my life. When he gave me ah couple huge piece of it pieces of advice that I still live by.
00:17:11
Speaker
And he said, Ray, you know, was at the time I was a semen apprentice care. I was no one. I was like an e two right? And he goes, you know, I failed and I'm sitting there, I'm almost in tears. And I busted my ass.
00:17:24
Speaker
And he goes, when are you going to just ask? And I said, what do you mean? He goes, when are you going to ask for external help? And I was like, I don't know how. And he goes, well, you just did. So he helped me and he, he you know, so you had to, had to wait like six months to take the first one that had to wait a year to take the second one.
00:17:42
Speaker
And after that, I don't know what the time length was, but that was it. So let's fast forward to I'm standing in front of him again after a year of busting my ass, not drinking, not chasing the ass, not doing this, not doing that. Just really front sight focus on, you know, i had I had a goal. I had an objective and i had to do it.
00:18:01
Speaker
And I'm standing there in front of him and I'll never forget it. He's sitting there and he's like reading something. he's got his glasses on. You know, I'm standing at attention and I'm looking down at him. And by this time, you know, we were coming to each other. You know, he's in uniform. He's like, Ray, how do you think you did?
00:18:14
Speaker
And I said, sir, I don't really know. and he goes, that's step number one, not believing and betting on yourself. i don't know if you see the shirt that I have on. I do. Whenever I get on a stage. It's the first thing I wrote down in the notes I took from our conversation. I love that.
00:18:28
Speaker
I speak on stages, this is my this is me, I bet on me. stopped betting on everything else and started betting on myself. He goes, well, number one, start betting on yourself and believe in yourself. I said, yes, sir, even though he was an E6. He goes, number two, how do you think you did?
00:18:42
Speaker
And I said, I just don't know. and he goes, you passed. So I had this moment. of flying Yeah, I didn't know what I wanted to laugh. I wanted to cry. i wanted to i don't know. Right. So I'm sitting there trying to keep my emotion. I'm tearing up. I mean, this was everything to me, you know, and he goes, do you want to ask me anything? And I said, I do. He goes and he stopped me because I know what you want to ask me.
00:19:05
Speaker
You want to ask me what your score was, don't you? And I said, I sure do. And i remember, I'll never forget, he he had his his glasses on. He took off his glasses and he said, and it went from to like, it got real personal. said, Ray, let me let me give you a million dollar piece of advice right now. Are you ready? And I said, yes, sir.
00:19:20
Speaker
He goes, it doesn't, and this is what he said, pardon my language. He goes, it doesn't matter what your FN score was. What matters is what you're going to do with the opportunity that you allowed yourself to have.
00:19:32
Speaker
And I went, shit. So long story short, to this day, i could look it up. I have never looked it up. Never looked it up. I don't care.
00:19:44
Speaker
But when I went through basic underwater demolition seal training, you know I started with my class and I finished. 148 started. We had 51 graduate. Only eight original, like me, made it through. We didn't get injured and hurt.
00:19:57
Speaker
We made it through the first time. and Whenever things got bad, I would always focus on the abuse that I had as a kid and me standing there in front of him. And that has worked for me with everything I've done. Like, let's just take it right there. Three battlefields of life that all all human beings deal with. The internal battlefield, the business field, and the home field.
00:20:22
Speaker
you know, I met my wife 22, 23 years ago at ah at a bar. First night I met her, I told her, you will be my wife. She literally said, that's the biggest load of crap I've ever heard.
00:20:33
Speaker
When you know, you know, and when you believe you believe, you can make it happen. Like, you know, that's the problem with people. People, you know, I hear people all the time, let's just use the Navy SEAL. They want to be Navy SEALs. It's their lifelong dream.
00:20:47
Speaker
But yet they ring the bell so fast, so quick. They make excuses. But the real, the real, the real, you know, dirt of the story is, is what else are they quitting on? What else have they quit on?
00:21:01
Speaker
Because I'll tell you, you know, They say, you know, quitting is contagious and it spreads like wildfire. And I'll tell you this, here's something that I i tell people too, and this is gonna, this shocked the world. I said, hey, my name's Ray Cash Care and I'm the biggest quitter you've ever met.
00:21:19
Speaker
I said this to 2000 kids at New Balance lacrosse tournament. And you could have heard a pin drop. I said, but here's what I quit. The self-talk, the self the self-sabotaging, not knowing my self-worth.
00:21:32
Speaker
And I said, I quit all the negative people, places and things in my life. Once you quit, you can be a quitter with that. The one thing I'll never quit on or give up on is myself. But I will quit things that hold me back.
00:21:45
Speaker
And once I did that, I was like a racehorse that someone just started hitting with the crop. And I was just like, now here we go. And You know, I've become successful more successful. And success to me, yes, I make good money, but I have a better relationship with my wife, with my daughter.
00:22:02
Speaker
You know, my circle of friends is good. My coaching group. i I'm very selective, very strategic with what I do. Before, I was all over the place because people that are all over the place, you know,
00:22:16
Speaker
They're the same people that are making an impulsive purchase is they're not happy with their self. They're seeking and searching out happiness. But true happiness comes from within. it when you're When you're wholeheartedly invested in yourself, you believe in yourself and you know that you have, per you know, they always say, hey, you have to be purpose driven or you can be purpose and passion driven. You can have it all.
00:22:38
Speaker
you can have You can have your cake and eat it too. you know I'm doing exactly what I want to do in life. Now, could I always be making more money? Of course. But- doing good and I'm happy.
00:22:50
Speaker
And like that's, it's, it's about being happy. I used to chase money, right? I don't chase money. What I do now, Tim Grover, very good friend of mine, coach Grover. love Tim Grover. i've I've taken a few of his courses. He's great. Right. He told me one time, you know, Hey, listen, you know, stop, stop chasing dreams, run them down.
00:23:08
Speaker
And once you run down one, run down another and then another and another. And you know, he's, he sat front row and listened to me speak. I've opened up for him before and Boy, when he gives you advice, it's this is it's straight advice.
00:23:23
Speaker
What you see is what you get with Mr. Grover. I mean, I call him once a week. He's a great – he's a huge, huge influence on me. um And he's a no-nonsense guy. And I've – that's what he – when I first met him, I did a speech, and he goes, you are – insane.
00:23:39
Speaker
And I went, sir, and he goes, don't have to, first of all, he, this is how he talks. Don't cut me off. Stop. Let me finish. And I was like, you know, I'm standing there with Tim Kennedy and Michael Chandler. We're standing at attention. He goes, I love it.
00:23:51
Speaker
You were me about 10 years ago. And I was like, did you hear that? Did you hear that? You know, like Mr. Grover said I'm him, you know? so ah So I take it as a compliment and I'm just running with it. I'm never going to change. I'm because I think a true masculine man stays true to his beliefs and his values.
00:24:09
Speaker
I don't change who I am around the audience I am. i What you see is what you get.
00:24:17
Speaker
So during COVID, he was running these online programs. And one of my clients you was also Tim's client.
00:24:28
Speaker
So he he called me and he said, look, I know you're my coach, but I think you should do this course. He said, it's ah it's an online course. you know it's not It was a really small investment. It was, don't know, $1,000, $1,500, whatever the hell it was.
00:24:43
Speaker
um And I said, okay. And I did three of them in a row. It was eight weeks. Really? Yeah. um And you know he had his – the lady who um is his so producer.
00:24:56
Speaker
God, I forget her name. Sherry. Sherry. Sherry, that's right. Sherry. She's great. She was there. There was about 150 people in each of the courses. Yeah. It was really fantastic stuff. And it's funny that you mentioned him because I was scrolling on Facebook and I came across ah a quote from him.
00:25:15
Speaker
There's a picture of him in the 80s, Michael Jordan sitting on a bench with some two dumbbells here, about to do military press, i mean shoulder press with the dumbbells. I remember that picture, yeah. That picture, he said, I would ask Michael one question after, and he said this during the coaching sessions he did with us, after each game, 5, 6, or 7. That meant you want to start the workout at 5 a.m., 6 or 7. Yeah.
00:25:39
Speaker
we seven And he said Michael would usually pick one of those numbers and we wouldn't say much else. And then I'd see him in the morning. And then he'd also say Michael was the most physically talented ah guy in the group. And yet he was the only one who, after every game, wouldn't sleep in, would get up and would work out.
00:25:56
Speaker
And I said, yeah, that's what it takes to to be a champion. That's what it takes to win. So it's really, really cool stuff. I've become friends with Pete Roberts from Origin USA. Do you know that company? I do.
00:26:08
Speaker
So um Pete's been on my show a couple of times, ah including lately as part of a um ah panel of three apparel company founders.
00:26:19
Speaker
ah And it was really fantastic. really Wow. have a month Yeah. Pete's a good dude. Pete's a really, really good dude. So you joined the military, you gotten into the SEALs, you got some good advice.
00:26:32
Speaker
um What did you learn from being in the SEALs and serving at the at that level? And how long were you in the teams for?
Teamwork and Mission Success
00:26:42
Speaker
So I was in the Navy for 12 years of that time. I was a SEAL f for eight. Then I went over to the CIA for about 14 years, just transferred over. And it was pretty much doing the same thing, just getting paid more.
00:26:54
Speaker
But some of the biggest things, you know the takeaways from being a SEAL is something I speak about when I do my my coaching or I'm on stages, the importance of a team and what a team is, right? it's Team is trust. hardest It's the hardest thing to gain, the easiest thing to lose, effort.
00:27:12
Speaker
Don't give me 100%. Give me everything you have and then give me more. A is the attitude. There's only two kinds on this planet, good and bad. Nothing will open or close a door faster. and All three of those battlefields of the business, home, um internal business and home field than a good ah or good or bad attitude.
00:27:29
Speaker
And last is mission. and Mission is growth. and Mission is physical, mental, emotional, social, spiritual, and financial growth. Now, something else I've learned about a team is when you show up, effort and attitude is on you. you That's not taught. you have that's That's your deliverables. That's what you have to show up and deliver to your platoon.
00:27:52
Speaker
Trust takes time and mission will be taught to you. and Once you accomplish that, and you're really a part of a team, like I have, you know, team care with the family. We have the same goals and principles and values. You know, I have a 16 year old daughter, i have a 31 year old son almost, and I have ah a wife, her age is none of your business.
00:28:13
Speaker
She's younger than me, but um but you have to instill, you know, and that's all I've done. This is the secret to my success. What I've learned um is simply this.
00:28:26
Speaker
um I am a pain coach. And what I've learned how to do is just profit from pain. And I talk about it all the time. And some people don't like the sequence, but it just works for me.
Harnessing Pain for Growth
00:28:37
Speaker
You know, pain equals growth, growth equals power, power equals knowledge and knowledge equals profit. All I do is profit from pain. So instead of running from it, you know, I run to it, you know, um but you have to learn how to name, claim and tame that beast. It's a demon.
00:28:54
Speaker
Most people, you know, like case in point, if you are an alcoholic or you're a drug addict, you have to learn Like don't drink, but you have to surround yourself and put yourself in situations. I used to drink a lot.
00:29:07
Speaker
I can have a drink now, but I will never put myself in that situation. I don't hang around with people that drink insanely ridiculously, but I will hang out with people that have a few drinks. You have to learn the discipline. Now I have other friends that have had the same demons as me and they can't be around it. They they haven't, they've named it and they've claimed it. They just haven't learned how to tame it yet.
00:29:28
Speaker
So, you know, and I talk about this, I'm speaking about men, but women have it too, but we have the internal voice and we have the demon, you know, 60,000 thoughts, 48,000 of them are negative. You can kill a lot of those negative thoughts. You can't just by doing drills and and and things like that, surrounding yourself with better people.
00:29:48
Speaker
But a demon, that's the thing. People try to kill that demon. You can't. Now, I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm known for doing push-ups. I'm the push-up guy. I do 1,000 push-ups a day.
00:30:00
Speaker
Every day. Every day. Well, I don't do them on Sunday because I go to church on Sunday. And people always ask, how come you haven't been beat? Because I'm willing to go to a deeper, darker place to do this. But the reason why i started doing push-ups is I was addicted to a lot of things a few years ago.
00:30:18
Speaker
Porn, drinking, When I was younger, drugs, and I was scared it was coming back. I went and saw my pastor, and I asked my pastor, I said, sir, I don't know what to do to this demon. I can't shake it. He goes, what are you good at doing, Ray?
00:30:31
Speaker
I said, I love working out. He said, well, then drop down and do some push-ups. I love that. And I said, how many? He goes, enough to the point where you never want to lift it, hug on it, or pop it, or watch it.
00:30:44
Speaker
And I was like, okay. So whenever I would get to eat, I would just start doing pushups and I'd get up and I'd still want to look at it, do some more. Eventually, you don't want to pick up the phone. You don't want to pick up a drink. you don't want to pick up a bottle. You don't want to click on anything.
00:30:59
Speaker
So what do I do? How do I name, claim, and tame that beast? I pay respects to it. I do a thousand every day. I don't do them in one sitting. I still have like 200 to do today, but I do them. And it's ah about, right?
00:31:11
Speaker
The key to success is commit and stay consistent. So I can't, it's just like praying, right? I'm not of part-time prayer. i pray every night with my family. What do most people do? They pray when it's too late or when they need him.
00:31:24
Speaker
Right? Amen. Please, God. Please. You've got to be consistent with everything you do. Commit and stay consistent. um i'm I'm a committed Christian. So I commit. Praise God.
00:31:35
Speaker
You're a fellow believer. i love it. I love me and my family, every night, collectively, no matter where I am on the planet, we do it. No matter where I am, we find a way to talk and my wife says a prayer.
00:31:46
Speaker
That's who I am. That's what I do. And that's why I do the things that I do. I'm wired different than most people. um But the people that understand me are wired like me. you know like As I became successful and I started excelling, I outgrew a lot of people.
00:32:03
Speaker
I didn't become arrogant. you know People are like, oh, look, that's fine. Goggins says it. You're not going to be understood. i don't mind. The people that need to understand me do. They understand how I work. People are like like the growers. They get it because he's insane too.
00:32:19
Speaker
You have to be insane. But it's not hard to be exceptional nowadays. All you got to do is show up and do what needs to be done and put in a little elbow grease. It's easier now to be successful than I think it was back in the day, even though we have all the amenities. A thousand times easier. thousand times easier.
00:32:37
Speaker
Back in the day, man, you just had to work your ass off. There was no internet. There was nothing. You just had to show up and do it. Now there's all these other ways to do it. it's It's easy to be successful now. But the question is, are you willing to put in the WORK?
00:32:50
Speaker
And most people aren't because they're looking for a free meal ticket or they're looking for, you know, like kids make money sitting around playing video games. That's cool. That's not how I want to be known for making my money. I mean, that's great that you are, but that that doesn't work for me.
00:33:04
Speaker
no I want to be known as a guy who goes out and busts his ass and hustles, but he's helping other people. That's all. But that works for me. right I'm really grateful that we got connected.
00:33:18
Speaker
you know yeah I think there's no accidents. God is good. The fact that you brought Tim into the conversation about 20 minutes before the podcast started, I was like reading that post and watching watching that that photo of him with Michael.
00:33:32
Speaker
and he had the hair He was on Jimmy Fallon with that. I actually called when I saw He's like, really, Jimmy? That's the picture you used? But look at what how look at how he got that position.
00:33:44
Speaker
Look at how he handwritten, handwritten letters like every Chicago Bowl and only one answered Michael Jordan. And I have been I've gone I've been beside him when he goes through his prep.
00:33:57
Speaker
And I won't say what it is, because with Miss Sherry and stuff with with him, it's like he is. I got goosebumps. He's like everybody has a process. he is like an F5 man. When he's getting, you got to get out of his way. Like, cause I was going to announce him.
00:34:14
Speaker
So he wanted me there. But like he walked, Bobby would say anything. And then asked question, how much time id be two minutes, sir. And then he'd go back to what then, you know, I'd go up do the big thing, but then he just goes. And I mean, you know, this isn't a podcast about him, but it's about, you know, I give respect to people, you know, like,
00:34:32
Speaker
He's the best in the world at what he does. He's the best in world He talks to me all the time about these events and he's like, you know, Ray, you charge this, you should be getting this. And I'm like, damn. You know, I mean, I know what he gets. who um But, you know, I do very well for myself. But he's like, just keep chipping away.
00:34:47
Speaker
You know, just, you know, he speaks about being relentless and winning. You know, he's like, I talk about pain and I talk about very few things. He's like, you have to, that is his own a genius. Yeah.
00:34:59
Speaker
You're not going to, you're not going to talk about winning better than him. He's got every Avenue covered. Um, he's the best in the world at what he does. He is. He is. He is the best in the world at what he does.
00:35:09
Speaker
But let me get back to what I was saying. Um, I think that God connects people at a particular time in their life and your message in the way that you put it is one that's landing for me at a personal level.
Activating Personal Potential
00:35:26
Speaker
Um, I also, you know, what I do for a living um isn't podcasting. Podcasting is a ah thing I do to elevate my brand and my profile in the marketplace.
00:35:39
Speaker
But what I do for a living, man, is I'm a professional believer in good people. oh And... um What I do is I find good people who are experts at what they do, and they tend to be coaches, consultants, speakers, authors, that that kind of person.
00:35:55
Speaker
My superpower is activating people. i don't know if you've ever done the Strengths Finder from Gallup, that test. um It's similar to the DISC profile. ah It's... um It's a very powerful personal profile.
00:36:10
Speaker
And my number one strength was activator. Activator means I'm someone who gets myself and other people into an action beyond their comfort zone. So some people's comfort zone is very big.
00:36:21
Speaker
Some people's comfort zone is very small. But that's what I do. And I'm really good at doing that. And my God is telling me that I should tell you, Ray, I'd like to chat with you both about what you do and about what I do, because I think off camera and offline, because I think that God put us together for a reason. I'd like to explore that with you. I'd love to, too. Amen.
00:36:43
Speaker
Amen. Amen. um So you were in the military and you transitioned over to the CIA. Was that part of the the special activities branch? Is that what they're called?
00:36:56
Speaker
I did some stuff with them at the end. I did GRS like the movie taken and i ended up over it. Um, essay over there doing some stuff. Yeah. At the end. Yeah. Yeah. Cautious about. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. I'm not asking you to zero dark 30 stuff.
00:37:09
Speaker
I was asking you the to stick. No, no, no, no. I did this. I did the zero dark 30 stuff. I did the geo locating, a firearms instructor. Um, But, you know, it took its toll on me with the family being gone all the time. I'll bet it did. That's tough work. And I, you know so you know, moving forward, I just got into the entrepreneur world, which is scary as shit because. How long ago did you transition out of the military into entrepreneurship?
00:37:35
Speaker
Well, I got out of the CIA in 2000 and end of 2019. Oh, wow. So recent.
00:37:40
Speaker
oh wow so it's fairly recent Yeah. So but i'm I'm late to the game, but I'm a fast effing learner. No kidding. If you had stages with Tim Grover, within six years, you're doing all right, brother. You're doing more than that.
00:37:58
Speaker
Yeah. I've worked for some great people. worked for Bedros Koulian from Fit Body Boot Camp. Sure. I know who he is. I've done things with, you know, I'm doing things with Sean Whalen. I mean, i yeah I'm not going to sit here name drop people, but i' I've been introduced to the who's who of of society when it comes to speaking and things like that.
00:38:17
Speaker
And I just show up, authentic you know, i'm I'm authentic. And that's kind of my superpower. I'm just authentic as hell. And, um, I just keep grinding and I won't stop. And people see that. I mean, people that have it, they know when it comes, you know, like yeah yeah I'm not trying to be a Tim Grover.
00:38:37
Speaker
Never, no one ever will, but he sees a lot of me in him. And that's what, you know, and there's like, there's a guy named Cody Alford. you ever, you know, Cody Alford? He's the guy you got to get on your podcast. He's amazing. you say Not all, but sane, but he's the guy loves and he gives and I see it in him.
00:38:59
Speaker
You know what i mean? And he's, he's the next big thing coming. He's an amazing speaker and it's, you know, people pour into me because it's my job to then, you know, absorb and then pour into someone else, you know, it's, but to get there,
00:39:13
Speaker
I will tell you, you have to work your ass off. And I'm a guy that's not scared to work. Amen. Amen. Amen.
Evolving Masculinity and Core Values
00:39:21
Speaker
So, Ray, the men who listen to this podcast, yeah generally speaking, are seekers.
00:39:33
Speaker
They're looking for how to be a man in 2025. Because let's face it, the last years, understanding of what it is to be a man has been diluted.
00:39:47
Speaker
Yeah, I agree. Fogged out. So as we seek to land the plane on this episode, the next few minutes, would you go ahead and give us your best advice on how a man, whatever his age may be, can seek to be the best version of himself as a man in 2025?
00:40:11
Speaker
oh Wow, that's a hard question. um Well, I'll tell you how i seek how I seek to be the best version of me. um Number one, um it starts with the life resume, right? So if you want to be a man, and I know this is goingnna i know this going to make some people mad, I don't care how you look.
00:40:31
Speaker
I care how you show up. So you've got to take care of yourself. You've got to be physically fit, right? Men were put on this earth to protect and provide. And once you do that, like you start sculpting and shaping that body, you know, I'm all about, listen, you know, don't don't drink too much, lift weights, um eat good, you know, have sex with your wife um and love the Lord.
00:40:55
Speaker
I mean, these are the things that I do. um And another thing with being the best version of yourself I think men need to drop this, the egos and become vulnerable, right? Like when I became vulnerable is when I really started growing. When I reached out to people and just said, listen, here's the deal. Like this happened to me as a kid and this and this.
00:41:17
Speaker
I realized that I wasn't alone. um the problem what The problem with society is is people don't really know what it what it means to be a real man. People think it means means you have to have a lot of money. It has nothing to do with money.
00:41:29
Speaker
It has to do about... your values and who you surround yourself with. So a drill I like to do is I've got this book right here. I know you've read it before. emotional Emotional Intelligence 2.0. I've got all my books here.
00:41:43
Speaker
um Human beings live in three colors. They live in red, blue, and green. You know, let's put let's let's break those colors down. Red gets you excited and hot like a sauna.
00:41:57
Speaker
Cold blue is like a cold plunge where you disassociate, where you you you disconnect from the real world. Like if you're getting yelled at and all of a sudden you don't hear anymore, you've disconnected.
00:42:08
Speaker
What I tell men to do is don't run from those colors. so Get the people out of your life that do this, create a journal. And if something, something, some person, some things, some place constantly puts you in the red or the blue, you need to disassociate it.
00:42:23
Speaker
But then you have to create the narrative. Every day I'm putting myself in the red. I put myself in the red. Every day I put myself in the blue. Every day I fail. That's what being a man is. I told you this before.
00:42:36
Speaker
Failure is in the stepping stones of success. If you're not failing, then you're not pushing yourself hard enough. Success is about what? It's about your willingness to serve others.
00:42:49
Speaker
So in order to be the best version of you, you have to be fit. You know, you have, you have to believe in something like believe in yourself, but if you have a higher power, that's great.
00:43:00
Speaker
But if not, it all starts with believing in you. I live by four F-bombs, family, fitness, finances, and faith. Family, no matter what role you are as a man, you need to be the best version of that brother, son, cousin, nephew, whatever it is.
00:43:13
Speaker
Fitness, fitness is three dimensional. You need to show up fit, but you have to be mentally, emotionally fit too. yeah Right. You can be, you can be built like an Adonis, but if you lose your shit, every time things go side sideways, no one's going to want to be around you.
00:43:26
Speaker
You have to be physically, mentally, emotionally strong. Right. Family fitness finance, right? You have to, listen, in order to play chess, you have to master master checkers, right? I was told that by a very wise man.
00:43:39
Speaker
If you want to be savage, you must average, you must master being average first. Everybody wants to be a savage, master average. Get your shit dialed in, be the best version of you that you can be, and then seek other help.
00:43:53
Speaker
And then faith, listen, I'm not telling you to believe in God. I'm not telling you that, you know, i I'm just saying that I do. You don't have to. But what I will tell you, you have to do as a man. If you want to be a man moving forward, you must believe in yourself.
00:44:08
Speaker
If you don't believe in yourself, then you have to surround yourself with other people that will help you teach you how to believe in yourself. Well, Ray, how do I how do I do that? By stacking up the W's, little little wins, daily wins.
00:44:21
Speaker
Basic things. You've heard it. Get up, make your bed, right? Drink your water. um Do this, do this, do this, do this. Here's what I tell people. I don't care. Like Wes Watson gets up at 2.45 in the morning. I don't care what time you get up.
00:44:36
Speaker
It's what you do when you get up, right? If you're working the swing shift like my mom, I'm not going to sit here. my my wife my I used to get up and get myself ready for school because my mom worked her ass off.
00:44:47
Speaker
Does that make her bad mother? No. No. No, she provided for me. It made me have to be self-sufficient. She made me better. Right. um When you start counting and believing and betting on yourself um and you start taking out all the comforts of the world, you will do nothing but grow.
00:45:06
Speaker
That's what I tell men all the time. And they say it can't be that easy. And I'm like it is. Just focus on one thing at a time. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
00:45:17
Speaker
That's it. That's it. It's that simple. At least that's what's worked for me. You know, I mean, there are people that, is powerful you know, some people think I'm insane and full of shit.
00:45:27
Speaker
Listen, my job is to tell people what's worked on my journey. No, you're you're not. ah You know, i i I briefly met Andy Elliott at Patrick Bet-David's Vault Conference.
00:45:38
Speaker
um And I got tell you, I like the guy. He's little crazy, but I like him. He's insane. I love him. He's a little crazy. he's's I love him and Jacqueline. They're both great people. Yeah, he's little crazy, but he's great. And he...
00:45:52
Speaker
um The things he says are a little provocative on purpose, in my opinion. They are. Yeah, of course. Yeah, they're a little provocative on purpose. Look, the point is, whether you have a six-pack or not, if you're someone who is lazy in how you maintain your body, you're going to be lazy in how you approach the work that you do.
00:46:16
Speaker
You're going to be lazy in other things. Harv Eker used to say, how you do anything is how you do everything. How you do anything is how you do everything. So I'm to leave you with a book that I think you ought to get. It's called The Missing Secret of the Legendary Book Think and Grow Rich by John Mitchell.
00:46:35
Speaker
So um John was a guest on my podcast got a Business podcast. um And John has also spoken for my men's group.
00:46:46
Speaker
John, um at the age of 50, had an epiphany that ah he was doing okay in life, making two, 300,000 a year, but he was ah unmarried up to that point. He was doing a lot of interviewing, as he put it.
00:46:59
Speaker
His mom was dying of pancreatic cancer and he was crying himself ah to sleep every night, every day after he went to visit her in the hospital. And he didn't want to live his life this way anymore. So he said, what's the number one book on success in the world? Think and Grow Rich by a factor of 10. Sold 160 million copies. The next highest selling books only sold 16 million.
00:47:21
Speaker
So he went, he read it and he said, okay, I love it, but there's a secret that he doesn't tell you. So what's the missing secret? So he went and wrote this book. He created an algorithm that creates, that spits out the mission statement they talk about in Think and Grow Rich.
00:47:35
Speaker
hu It uses ChatGPT to do it. It's 12 minutes. You read it once a day. So you take your unconscious habits, right? And you reprogram yourself. So those unconscious habits are serving you at a higher level.
00:47:50
Speaker
So he says 95% of our actions and habits are unconscious. So everybody usually just lives the same day over and over and over again. He says, even the people that are quote unquote successful, they're they're successful at the top end of their comfort zone.
00:48:05
Speaker
They're not going past it. So I said, okay, I bought the book. I did the test and it was mind blowing. I asked him to speak to my men's group over zoom. Cause we meet over zoom a couple of times a month.
00:48:17
Speaker
The men loved him. And these are, these are skeptical men, you know what I mean? yeah The skeptical dudes. And I think what you have to say is powerful Because you hit it right on the head.
00:48:33
Speaker
Most men, 98% of men are going to listen to this episode and they're going to go, that was great. They're not going to do anything different. But 2% of men are going to take detailed notes. Like I've been taking notes in our conversation.
00:48:46
Speaker
They're going to go, okay. Love. Family, fitness, finances, faith. I love it. Team. Okay. What do you say about team? Trust, effort, attitude, mission. Okay. Let me see how I can put that in there.
00:48:57
Speaker
Physical fitness. All right. I got to get in there. I got to get my fitness up to another level. I'm too fat. i I'm not as strong physically as I should be. I'm not as fit physically as I should be.
00:49:09
Speaker
Those are the men. that need to hear this message. Those are the men that going do something about this. So I thank you for taking the time to come on the show and share your wisdom, brother.
00:49:20
Speaker
You're awesome. Thank you, man. I appreciate it. I was pumped. I'm pumped. I'm always pumped. I love, I love pouring into people. Um, and you know, I'm proud of the journey that I've been on.
00:49:31
Speaker
Um, but I'm even more proud of where it's going to take me. You know, I, i don't, I don't live by the Al Bundy syndrome of what I used to do. Right. I was an ACO and all that stuff, but it's, what can I do now? What can I do to help?
00:49:42
Speaker
Cause the more you make, the more you give, that is the biggest thing I've learned from my pastor give. And the more I make, the more I have to give the church, but that's another whole story. yeah I love it. I love it I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
00:49:55
Speaker
I had um Mark Devine on my business podcast, you know, I love Commander Devine. He's, he's the shit, man. He's the shit. He's a very intelligent man. Yes, he is. Yes, he is. and And his biggest message to all of us was being a seal. Isn't just, you know, you, you got on the teams. It's a mindset. It's an attitude.
00:50:21
Speaker
And the attitude is you can do 20 times more than you think you can. Whatever you think your limit is today, it's really 20 times higher than that. And the first time I applied that to myself was two years ago when I was 50 plus pounds overweight.
00:50:37
Speaker
And I said, at my age, is it possible to get fit? Because I'd lost belief that a a man over 50 could have a six pack again, or me at least over 50 could have a six pack again. But once I did it The first thought that came into my head was, where the fuck else am I playing small?
00:50:56
Speaker
Where fuck else have I limited myself with this bullshit negative thinking? Yep. That's a question I ask myself every single day.
00:51:07
Speaker
Thank you for bringing me back to taking out the comforts of the world because that's my goal for the rest of the year is how to take more comfort out of my life and put more discomfort into it.
00:51:20
Speaker
Thank you for having me, sir. God bless you, brother. Thank you for listening to the Sovereign Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life and become the man you've always wanted to be, invite you to join the movement at sovereignman.ca.