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EP186: Paul Bauer - Attraction Dynamics
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“You can be anything to a woman, but you can’t be boring.”
The hard truth? Attraction dies when a man trades his edge for comfort, his decisiveness for “whatever you want, babe,” and his self-respect for a never-ending to-do list. Women don’t fall for a guy because he’s nice; they fall for a guy who makes their heart race, who leads with confidence, and who—let’s be honest—knows how to keep things interesting. Lose that, and you’re not in a relationship—you’re in a slow-moving hostage situation.
Our guest breaks down why so many men go from exciting to invisible in their own relationships. He shares war stories, laugh-out-loud failures, and the hard-earned lessons that turned it all around. The secret sauce? Stop asking permission, start leading, and remember: attraction isn’t a faucet you turn on when you’re in the mood—it’s a dynamic you maintain every single day.
Paul Bauer is a men’s coach, author, and podcast host who learned the rules of attraction the hard way—by breaking every single one of them. After years of trial, error, and some truly questionable dating decisions, he dedicated himself to understanding what makes relationships work. Now, he helps men reclaim their confidence, maintain their edge, and, most importantly, avoid becoming the human equivalent of background noise in their own love lives.
Learn more & connect:
Come on, Man podcast on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ComeOnManPodcast
Books:
- The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi
https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862 - No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover
https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339 - The Player’s Handbook by Rollo Tomassi
https://www.amazon.com/Players-Handbook-Rational-Male/dp/1801440402 - Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
https://www.amazon.com/Think-Grow-Rich-Landmark-Bestseller/dp/1585424331 - Atomic Attraction by Christopher Canwell
https://www.amazon.com/Atomic-Attraction-Psychology-Mastery-Dating/dp/1953616012 - Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 by Athol Kay
https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731 - The Essential Skills of a Masculine Presence Psychology Paradigm
https://a.co/d/4D1djp0
You’re invited to come to a Sovereign Circle meeting to experience it for yourself. To learn more, go to https://www.sovereignman.ca/. While you’re there, check out the Battle Ready program and check out the store for Sovereign Man t-shirts, hats, and books.
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Transcript
Understanding Women's Hypergamous Nature
00:00:00
Speaker
Women are hypergamous by nature. That means they have to see you as better than them in some way. That's why women, like a high powered female attorney will never marry a barista at Starbucks.
Dealing with 'Shit Tests' and Emotional Anticipation
00:00:11
Speaker
So we talked about handling shit tests, learning how to be more assertive, learning how to set boundaries and enforcing boundaries and, you know, putting your foot down when you need to. All that kind of stuff builds healthy emotional anticipation and intention. I call it heat.
Identity of the Modern Man
00:00:29
Speaker
You're a man living in the modern world in a time when men and manhood are not what they once were. You live life on your own terms. You're self-sufficient. You think for yourself and you march to the beat of your own drum.
00:00:44
Speaker
When life knocks you down, you get back up because in your gut, you know that's what men do.
Personal History and Relationship Challenges
00:00:50
Speaker
You're a badass and a warrior. And on the days when you forget, we are here to remind you who you really are.
00:01:00
Speaker
Well, let me give you guys my Batman origin story, because I think it's important to understand how I got into this space. Because like I said, I was in the Navy and... I was always that kind of guy that was sniper dating, right? You see one girl, she's slightly nice to you and you go all in on her and you're like, I'm going to marry this girl.
00:01:22
Speaker
you Right. You get, you get Twitter painted with, with every girl that that's slightly nice to you and touches your dick. And so that was me. And I was always pretty good with, with, with women back in high school and i lost my virginity at 16, that sort of thing.
00:01:36
Speaker
But I always had that sniper mentality and I was always running for that white picket fence. Right. I'm going to get married. I'm going to go to marry this girl. Well, I had a whole bunch of little flings until I joined the Navy. And my second year in the Navy, i met my now ex-wife and my now ex-wife.
00:01:55
Speaker
ah I met her. I went home on leave and we were. You know, she lived in Colorado. I was stationed in California. And so we met and we spent the whole week together. Didn't hook up at all, but, you know, exchange numbers. And then I spent the whole next like, you know, nine months or so emailing back and forth, calling her on phones. My first cell phone I got because I had to call her every day. You know, that sort of simple thing.
00:02:22
Speaker
And. I convinced her to move out to San Diego with me. And she, so she and I got an apartment. And so face-to-face time, we probably knew each other about three solid months worth of face-to-face time before I decided that I was going to do the right thing and be
Marital Decline and Coping Mechanisms
00:02:40
Speaker
a real man. And I was going to marry this girl and make sure that she was taken care of because that's what men do.
00:02:45
Speaker
And I was also going on deployment. I was going to go on a six month job. let's you know, a three month training exercise, come back for a little bit and then go on a six month training exercise. So that first year we were married, where we were only together a couple months and we eloped.
00:03:03
Speaker
We told my, we told our parents that we were going to get married and but we wanted to just do a justice to the peace wedding, but both sets of parents insisted on coming down to San Diego. So we told them, ah, we're not going to do it, but we went and did it anyway.
00:03:16
Speaker
So that was the start of bad decision-making. Well, couple years later after the military, you know, we're still doing pretty good. But then we we have our first kid. You know, we have but we have our daughter.
00:03:30
Speaker
And then a couple of years after that, you know, we've had we had some rocky situations, but, you know, not too bad. I would say probably on a scale of one to five or five is, you know, a totally horrendous situation.
00:03:42
Speaker
We were probably around a three most of the time. And then we had my son and then we moved into our first house. And it was like right around that time when we moved into that house that just everything went downhill. Like everything, you know, the last, I would say the last half of my marriage, the last seven years of my marriage was just absolute misery. It was, there was times where,
00:04:04
Speaker
um i I just didn't like her very much. So i would I would go get a cot out of the garage and go go sleep in my office and just so I didn't have to be around her. I'd work 17-hour days just to avoid her because I knew that when I came home, was just to get an earful you know you know how like i don't know about you guys but a lot of guys experience this where they they know that their wife's just going to unload on them when they get home so they come home and they just sit in their car for like 15 minutes just trying to get their mind right like okay what kind of fucking bullshit is she going to dump in my lap when i walk in that door after you spent you know 12 13 hour days putting out fires at work right
00:04:43
Speaker
Well, that was that was my life for a
Women Leaving Relationships Mentally Before Physically
00:04:45
Speaker
long time. I gained a lot of weight. I was drinking a lot of alcohol, um just trying to cope with the situation.
00:04:54
Speaker
But i was I was the kind of guy that I would have never quit. I would never quit that relationship. you know My parents are still together. They're miserable, but they're still together. My grandparents never got divorced. And i I was like, no, I've made vows. This is this is life. like This is just how life's supposed to be. You're supposed to be in this miserable situation and suck it up.
00:05:13
Speaker
Well, in 2019, we ended up moving back to Colorado. No, sorry, 2013. We moved back to Colorado. And this was actually a part of her exit strategy. One of the things that we've sort of learned about women is that a lot of women will check out mentally from a relationship up to two years before they're ready to pull that pull that trigger.
Post-Divorce Dating and Self-Improvement
00:05:33
Speaker
ah Okay, Richmond says five years. But... You know on average. Right. And so they'll they will pull that trigger. They'll basically be mentally checked out from the relationship.
00:05:45
Speaker
And what a lot of women do is they start looking for their orbiters. You know, they're trying to line up guys. That's why a lot of guys, when they go through a divorce, their wife ends up with another guy almost immediately.
00:05:56
Speaker
And they're like, what the hell happened? We just broke up. How can be with another guy already? Well, it's because that guy's been around. ah you know they but She might not have been cheating on you at the end, but usually there's ah there's already a guy in the picture that she's got lined up when she's ready to...
00:06:09
Speaker
and Drop that brick in your lap. Well, find myself, this is back in 2014 when she filed. And i um I find myself back on the dating circuit. Haven't haven't been on a date in 15 years. I'm 50 pounds overweight. I'm just floundering. I have no idea what I'm doing. The dating apps were new. you know Back when i was I met my wife, there was no dating apps. You would meet people through social circles or cold approach, you know going to the mall, cruising for chicks or something. But these dating apps were a whole new thing.
00:06:39
Speaker
I had no idea what I was doing. And I just floundered around on the dating circuit. I would get dates, but I was too much of a pussy to make a move. You know, I was all like, oh, I basically wanted a handwritten invitation before going in for even something simple like a kiss, you know? So I just, I just sucked. I sucked so bad and until about 11 months in. And I met my, uh, what ah a girl that I call red pill chick on my podcast.
00:07:03
Speaker
I met Red Pilchick near the end of 2014, and she was a little bit of a chubby chaser. She was nice to me. And just like my my previous history, any girl that's nice to me, I'm going all in, right? i i put the I put the blinders on. I'm overlooking red flags, and I go all in.
00:07:20
Speaker
Well, luckily for me, um i ended up losing weight you know that – First year of that relationship, i finally decided to take my my health back, started losing a lot of weight. I ended up getting in in really good shape. And then, um but I fell back on old habits. I thought I reached the finish line. Each relationship I got into, I thought I reached the finish line.
00:07:41
Speaker
And so... luckily my pattern started to merge pretty much immediately. Cause I basically immediately fell into the same patterns that I was already in with my, you know, my, ah my ex-wife.
00:07:54
Speaker
And so that really started turning this chick off. And so about, about two years into that relationship, she, she checked it out. And so we stayed together for another two and a half years after that, but she, she was just going through the motions and I was, I thought everything
Red Pill Insights and Podcasting Journey
00:08:07
Speaker
was great. You know, this is a perfect situation. I'm, I'm happy. happy You know, i see her every day. I'm not really trying anymore. or I'm not really trying to seduce her anymore. It's just like, hey, you want to go to bed?
00:08:17
Speaker
you want to you want to fool around kind of thing? And. Well, she ended up cheating on me. She ended up lining up her orbiters. ah You know, last, I would say last six months of that relationship, she started hanging out with like dudes at work ah ah more often. She was like, I don't want you coming down to my house.
00:08:35
Speaker
I'm busy. And like one of the last times I went down to her house, um I always kept stuff there. I kept the dog bed there because I have a dog and would bring it down. Well, one day I go down there, the dog bed's put away.
00:08:47
Speaker
my toothbrush is hidden in her drawer. And I'm like, what is going on? This doesn't make sense. And oh, by the way, my coworker, this guy, ah he he brought over a ladder the other day and helped me paint my bedroom. Oh, he did. Okay. That was very nice of him, you know, kind of thing.
00:09:02
Speaker
Well, after she started pushing me away so much that I finally broke up with her. Right. And that it just no clue, no clue what was really happening. She ended up with this guy. You know, she ended up in a relationship with that guy for about a year and a half. And so I found myself back on the dating circuit again. This is 2019. And I'm getting dates really easily, but I can't keep chicks around more than like.
00:09:25
Speaker
three dates. i I'm like repelling women. And I'm like, what the fuck am I doing wrong here? The two biggest relationships in my life have failed. I, I can't keep women around more than three dates. I'm, I'm the, I'm the problem.
00:09:37
Speaker
but Like I'm the common denominator here. What the fuck can I i do?
Helping Married Men in the Red Pill Community
00:09:41
Speaker
And so I took a ah deep dive in intersexual dynamics. I, I read, I read, a man, probably a hundred different books. Some of them I've read like 25 times.
00:09:52
Speaker
And I was just like on repeat. I was like, I'm going to fucking figure this out. I'm going to be, I'm going to be the Bob Proctor of women. Right. And i don't know if you guys know who Bob Proctor is, but he, he read Think and Grow Rich for 60 years straight. Right. So I'm like, I'm going to do this. I'm going to read this shit for the rest of my life. I'm going start a podcast.
00:10:09
Speaker
So it's always in the forefront of my mind. So I'm um'm always learning this stuff. So started the podcast. I yeah i joined a men's group very similar to this, but it was on Facebook and we would were swapping notes about women, like what worked, what didn't.
00:10:23
Speaker
um And out of that group, I started my podcast and then out of the podcast, I started working with some of some of the bigger names in the space. um lot of people haven't heard of these guys because it's very niche, but guys like Rolo Tomasi, he wrote the wrote the Rational Mail series, ah Rich Cooper, Dr. Robert Glover, like a bunch of ah popular names in the men's self-help space. they've all They all came on my show. I started working with Rolo Tomasi.
00:10:48
Speaker
ah He invited me on his Saturday um show called Rule Zero. And so I still do that. In fact, I'm hosting this Saturday. But I started doing that and I started working with men. I started coaching men on this situation. And I was ah really found fulfillment in helping men who were married. Because one of the big big problems with the red pill space is we're always, you know,
00:11:09
Speaker
pounding our fists that men shouldn't get married. Don't get married. It's not worth it. The juice isn't worth the squeeze. You know, the marriage laws are unfavorable to men. it makes no sense getting the government in your relationship.
00:11:20
Speaker
But what about the men who are already in relationships? what about What about the men who are already married? Well, there's a sub group of red pill called the married red pill. And it's guys who started taking this stuff because they were in dead bedroom situations. They're they're found the space because they're looking up. How do I get my wife to fuck me again?
00:11:39
Speaker
And they found groups like on Reddit that that applied the information that we've learned in Red Pill and the a science of attraction and and evolutionary psychology to understand how women work. And we started using this to to actually fix marriages. So it's actually pretty pretty fascinating. So with all that being said, guys, let's get into it.
Understanding Betatization and Its Effects
00:12:03
Speaker
um Let's see here. There we go. So we're we're going to talk about today. Pretty simple. We're talking what's called the betatization process. And that that refers to a psychological state impacting perceived value in romantic relationships.
00:12:18
Speaker
Right. you guys pretty You guys get the concept of alpha beta, right? Like alpha is like top dog and beta is like a pussy pushover kind of guy. We're going to talk about the neurochemistry impact of alpha versus beta. A lot of people don't like the terms alpha and beta. In fact, if you talk about it at all online, there's always some fucking nerd that comes in the comments saying, well, you know, there was a wolf study one time that says that wolves aren't really alphas and whatever. It doesn't matter. it it totally doesn't matter. It's a container word.
00:12:48
Speaker
People know when a guy has a dominant masculine presence, women know who they want to fuck. Alpha is a real thing. Beta you know are guys that are pushovers that women don't want to fuck. You can sit you can call it whatever you want.
00:12:59
Speaker
Alpha and beta just happens to be in easy you know sort of terminology to use. But there is a neurochemical impact to these types of traits, right?
00:13:12
Speaker
And then we're going to about a concept called dread game, or you know ah which sounds terrible, but it actually will break women out of their complacency because women get into a state...
00:13:23
Speaker
after the beta-tization process where they're complacent too. Like they don't think they have to try anymore. So they don't. And their biggest agency, especially in a relationship is their sexuality. And so they sort of use that as a bargaining chip and manipulation tool. Right.
00:13:37
Speaker
All right. So the beta-tization process, um, This is basically what it is, right? So they they attract the alpha type guy. They find a guy, they find him sexually attractive. they It starts when a woman attracts a what what they would consider a high value man, right? And that's subjective.
00:13:54
Speaker
what What one woman might consider a high value man it has nothing really to do with money. A lot of it has to do with potential. Right. they They see something in the sky. They see that he's a go getter. Like he might be working at McDonald's, but, you know, and right now he's he's mopping the floors. But next week is the fries, baby.
00:14:10
Speaker
And so she sees potential in him. She thinks he's ah an alpha male. So it's completely subjective based on how a woman perceives a guy. Right. That's why a lot of guys will they'll break up with their girlfriend and she'll be with some loser.
00:14:23
Speaker
Right. And they're like, why is she with that fucking loser? Well, to her, he's some kind of fucking alpha male. like He's got a throat tattoo. He's cool, you know. So they attracted alpha guy. Right. Then what women try to do is they're they're trying to secure resources and protection. This is all evolutionary psychology.
00:14:40
Speaker
This is a women's survival mechanism that's been bred into them for through you know um generations. Right. But once when she gets a guy, she wants to lock him down, secure his resources, his attention and protection to ensure the safety of herself and her children.
00:14:56
Speaker
Because, you know, 500 years ago, women had nothing. They needed men to protect them stuff. Right. So they that it makes sense. Then there's this gradual shift from this alpha dominant male guy to a beta provider, right? So over time she secures more of his resources, commitment begins to test and challenge him.
00:15:16
Speaker
And then if when he doesn't handle it properly, she basically loses respect for him, starts head packing him and stuff like that. And then he's just trying to keep the peace. You know, you ever hear guys say, I just want peace. Like when I get home, I just want a girl that brings me peace.
00:15:29
Speaker
Women will never bring you peace. Yeah. And then because they've beta ties to you now that sexual attraction dries up, right? They basically taken this guy that they think is fucking sexy. They're banging his brains out on a daily basis and they turn him into a weak guy that they just lose all attraction for. Okay.
00:15:49
Speaker
And then they the cycle repeats itself when they either cheat on that guy or they go out and dump him outright and go find another guy that the process repeats itself. So how it works. Right. It starts off by them testing you.
00:16:04
Speaker
We call all these shit tests. Right. So women will test you. All women test men either consciously or subconsciously. And some women test more than others, but they all do it at some level.
00:16:15
Speaker
I have a friend, another friend in the space. hes He doesn't teach this stuff. He's just one of the guys that just applies it in his life and uses it in his relationships. But he said something profound to me one time. He goes, it's not a test until you fail it.
00:16:28
Speaker
He goes, because if you pass the test, she just thinks everything's normal. She thinks everything's cool. She make scenes of attraction for you. And she's just happy that you handled it. Right. Right. But as soon as you fail it, she fucking knows now it's a test.
00:16:41
Speaker
Right. So they start testing guys and most guys have no clue how to handle this stuff. Um, One of the things that that I've learned from Dr. Robert Glover is the concept of deering, right? Defend, explain, excuse, rationalize.
00:16:55
Speaker
A lot of guys, when a woman criticizes them, they'll start explaining themselves. Well, well I'm only doing it because of this. And, you know, they're trying to justify whatever it is they're doing. That puts them at a one down position from her mentally.
00:17:08
Speaker
She's now the arbiter of what's good and bad in what you're doing. And now she starts losing respect for you. And the thing
Importance of Male Support Networks
00:17:16
Speaker
about what we're going to talk about a little bit is women are hypergamous by nature. That means they have to see you as better than them in some way.
00:17:22
Speaker
That's why women like a high powered female attorney will never marry a barista at Starbucks. So they test you. And when you fail it, then what the next thing they try to do is they try to seek communication. How many times do you have a woman say, hey, being vulnerable with me? I just want to connect. why don't you talk about your feelings more? You ever get that?
00:17:42
Speaker
It's a fucking trap. It's a trap. um And it's so it's it's basically a something that's pushed by our society, right? Be vulnerable. It's okay for men to be vulnerable. It is okay for men to be vulnerable, especially in groups like this.
00:17:58
Speaker
It's very good for men to connect with other men. Uh, cause, cause men solve problems, right? And men are, men are very, uh, solution oriented. So if we have problems and we, and we have a group of guys to go to, do it's so good for us. It's so healthy for us. So it's awesome that you guys have this group, but, uh, what a lot of guys, a lot of guys don't have a group like this.
00:18:19
Speaker
So they also don't have any friends. How many guys, you know, have no friends outside of their marriage or their relationship, or they did have friends and then they got into a relationship and then they stopped hanging out with their buddies and they only hang out with her.
00:18:32
Speaker
Right. That's like 99% of dudes. Right. So what happens is guys have no one else to go to. She's her. She's his best friend. So he just dumps all his problems and his emotions. He starts crying and all that kind of stuff.
00:18:46
Speaker
All that kind of stuff. Women will ah bless their hearts. Right. They'll say they they want that. They might might even think that they want that. But when you do it, they lose their traction. Right.
00:18:56
Speaker
They lose attraction because they need to see you as their rock. It doesn't work the other way around, unfortunately. Now we're humans. We're humans, right? So it's terrible to tell guys this and then say, well, you have no outlet, right? Well, you do have an outlet. You have a group like this, but you're going to slip, you right? We have feelings. We're not fucking robots, right? So you're occasionally going to ah you know tell your girl that you had a shit day.
00:19:21
Speaker
But the key to that, the key to handling that is adding a solution to the end of it. Right? So let's say you have a terrible day, you know, your coworkers aren't acting right or whatever, and you you find yourself telling her all this stuff.
00:19:37
Speaker
At the end of that, go, but you know what? Everything's going to be handled tomorrow morning. i got a plan. I'm going to go talk to so-and-so. We're going get this wrapped up. And then put a positive spin on that shit at the end. You're going to be fine. but Right?
00:19:48
Speaker
But if you ask any woman and they're honest about it, they'll say, yeah, I mean, I care. I care about his problems. But if he can't fix his shit, like what kind of man is he? Right? So women...
00:20:00
Speaker
They just they start looking at at you as weak when you
Signs of Lost Respect in Relationships
00:20:03
Speaker
can't solve your own problems. And that's really where the seeking communication part becomes an issue. ah The next thing they'll do is they'll make you they'll they'll put you to work. They'll make you a dutiful plow horse. That's why that's why when you go to marriage counseling and they bring up the fucking love languages and they say, OK, what's your what are your love languages? And she's like, well, you know, it'd be really great if he cleaned the gutters around the house.
00:20:25
Speaker
Right. It would be great if he helped me with the dishes sometimes. So guys are like, OK, yeah, whatever gets me sex. So they'll go and clean the gutters and wash the dishes and they'll be like, oh, hey, honey, I clean the gutters and wash the dishes for you. Now, can I have sex?
00:20:37
Speaker
It becomes a it becomes a negotiation for desire and you can't negotiate genuine desire. And so when she sees you doing this kind of shit. it's it It does nothing for attraction, right? it it She's like, thanks, you know, thanks for doing that. But it gets it doesn't do anything to get her vagina wet, right?
00:20:55
Speaker
So that's one of the reasons why i love languages don't really work. Like, they're kind of nice, right? Like, if you do this kind of stuff from the beginning, just because you are serving your girl, and, you know, she's doing this kind of stuff back, that does make for a healthy relationship. But to try to do that kind of stuff to fix a relationship doesn't doesn't work.
00:21:13
Speaker
So then evolutionary selfishness kicks in, right? So her focus now shifts entirely to her own needs. She's lost attraction for you. She doesn't respect you anymore. Now she's going to start manipulating you just to secure her emotional material priorities and stuff like that.
00:21:29
Speaker
And that's where self-determination comes comes in. Self-determination is where women will either cheat or file for divorce. Right? Right. This is where she sees, OK, I've betatized him to a point where I've just lost all attraction for him.
00:21:44
Speaker
This isn't working out for me. And now there's a 50 percent divorce rate and 80 percent of those divorces are filed by women. So how do you recognize it? Right. Well, it's pretty easy.
00:21:56
Speaker
You start noticing that she just doesn't respect you anymore. Right. You try to you tell her, hey, honey, ah I don't appreciate you doing that. And she just laughs it off and does it anyway because she doesn't respect your boundaries. Right.
00:22:06
Speaker
Stuff like that. She starts um just nitpicking everything you're doing all the time. Everything she's she's becomes ah just a, you know. an insufferable bitch, right? She's just complaining about everything you do.
00:22:19
Speaker
All that kind of stuff becomes, it's pretty apparent. it's basically a warning sign. But what most kids guys do is they almost sort of accept that as reality, right? Like this is just what women do. You've been in a relationship for a long time. She's an irritable bitch and she she nags me all the time. that's My mom did that to my dad. So this is a normal part of relationship. So we have these paradigms growing up based on what happened with our parents.
00:22:43
Speaker
And we think, oh, well this is just normal. It's not fucking normal. If she's doing this kind of stuff, she's disrespecting you. She's undermining your authority with the kids. She's nagging you all the time. All this kind of stuff.
00:22:54
Speaker
These should be like warning signals for you. Like, oh shit, something's fucking off. i need i need some help here. i need ah I need to call Paul. I mean, I need to call Bauer or i need to you know I need to do something. I need to tune into his podcast at least. right I need to start figuring out what the fuck's going on here.
00:23:10
Speaker
But most guys don't do that. They're completely oblivious. And that leads us to the three different archetypes that we typically see in a marriage situation.
Optimal Relationship Dynamics
00:23:19
Speaker
That's basically on the rocks, right? So a healthy dynamic that we like to advocate for is more of like a, and I'm a Navy guy, right? Is a captain executive officer type relationship with your girl. It's not an equal partnership. A lot of guys are like, Oh, she's my partner.
00:23:34
Speaker
You know, she's my best friend. She's my partner or whatever. The problem with that that paradigm is that if you look at her, like she's your equal, um, typically you start deferring to her.
00:23:45
Speaker
You don't want to, you don't want to make a decision without consulting with your equal partner. Right. So you, you won't, you know, you won't go and do things without getting her buy-in first. Well, now that makes her the decider.
00:23:56
Speaker
She's not even equal at that point. Now she's the decider. She's above you. And like I said, she has to see you as above her in some way. And so that's eroding attraction, right? So What ends up happening is if you if you're looking at the captain executive officer dynamic as the you know the goal where you're you know you're in charge, like the captain the is the in charge of the ship. He's in charge of the overall mission of the ship.
00:24:19
Speaker
Now, his executive officer is there to support him, and it's a leadership role too, right? So the other sailors on the ship, like let's say your kids, they have to listen to the executive officer. The executive officer has a lot of power in the relationship.
00:24:32
Speaker
And executive officers are pretty smart. There's no reason not to take what your exact executive officer suggests under advisement. But at the end of the day, you're the decider, you're the leader, you're setting the tone, you're leading the mission. Right. So that's the old that's the the health the healthiest, basically dynamic you'll ever get to.
00:24:52
Speaker
So what happens is a lot of relationships sort of start off that way. But after the debatization process, it usually lands in one of three areas. Right. So we have the drunken captain and his begrudging first officer. This is a type one captain.
00:25:05
Speaker
ah This man, he's reactive. He's inconsistent. He's undisciplined. His leadership's completely unreliable. And his wife or executive officer ends up stepping stepping up to pick up the slack. Right. Right.
00:25:18
Speaker
But she's doing all the shit that she feels you should be doing. Big, big example of this is finances. ah How many guys, you know, once once they get married, they just turn over the purse string to the wife and say, you handle everything, you pay the bills and I'll just bring home the bacon. Right. Right.
00:25:38
Speaker
that's That's a situation where most women really don't want to be in, unless there are some kind of like accountant major or something in college, right? But most women don't really want that responsibility.
00:25:49
Speaker
um So now that she's doing these jobs that she feels you should be doing, and now she's she's building up resentment, right? And then you have the neurotic captain and his constantly complaining first officer.
00:26:01
Speaker
Now, this these guys are the are are challenging, right? Because... um These guys, they're riddled self-doubt, indecision. They overthink everything they do. They you know they they can't make a decision for shit.
00:26:17
Speaker
they have to They have to look at like 15 reviews before you know pulling the trigger on buying a toothbrush. And so, you know, getting these guys on a call, it's it's a challenge because ah one of the things that makes a guy very attractive and sort of dominant and alpha or whatever in women's eyes is a guy who's decisive, a guy who can make decisions quickly.
00:26:37
Speaker
You know, Napoleon Hill says that that successful men make decisions quickly and change their minds rarely, if ever. And so these guys are the complete opposite of that. They can't make a decision for shit. So just because they don't have the confidence to trust their gut.
00:26:52
Speaker
Right. Well, that that leads to resentment and loss of respect too. And then we have the captain and her husband, right? So this is a type three captain. This is where the guy has completely letting and go of relationship.
00:27:05
Speaker
His wife has has taken over. She's basically mutinied the ship and now she's the captain and she's running everything. um i have I'm sure you guys know know people like this. My ex-wife's...
00:27:18
Speaker
um my ex-wife's aunt was like this, just a complete ball-busting woman, alpha alpha bitch, right? Just boss woman, her husband just let her do everything, just walked all over him. It was it was sad to watch, right?
00:27:32
Speaker
So that's the third dynamic. But the thing is that even the most boss bitch of women, right? The most you know successful female attorneys you know out there, the the female CEOs, the last thing they want when they come home is to have to make decisions in the
Neurochemical Reactions and Long-term Attraction
00:27:48
Speaker
relationship. And so they they tend to resent men who do that too.
00:27:52
Speaker
So let's talk about these alpha and beta traits a little bit. um So I have here, sprinkle a little beta on it. We'll get to that. So basically the neurochemical reaction to women for guys who show what they call alpha traits, right? So dominant,
00:28:06
Speaker
um You know, like I said, decisive, they're masculine, they're confident, chest out, shoulders back. They take up a lot of space. They women can't get their way with them.
00:28:19
Speaker
You know, they handle shit tests like a pro like these guys have these alpha traits. Right. Well, those traits create a dopamine spike in women. Right. And dopamine, if you guys know anything about it, it's very addicting. I mean, just if you're stuck all day playing on on TikTok, it's because of the dopamine addiction. Right. Well, women get their dopamine addiction from these, you know, from these alpha traits in men.
00:28:45
Speaker
But they also want security, right? A lot of guys look at money. They think women only care about money, right? How many of you guys have that thought about, you know, oh ah all women only really want me for my money?
00:28:58
Speaker
Well, they do if you if you start off that way. But it money doesn't make them sexually attracted because actually that's a beta trait. Right. Being a good provider, being a good husband, being a good father, being a nurturer, being a kind, you know, like your your your wife has her period. So you go to the store and bring her chocolates.
00:29:17
Speaker
those That's a that's a beta type action. you're You're showing her comfort love. Right. So that that releases oxytocin for her. She feels comfortable. She she feels like, oh, man, this guy really loves me. You know, this is where if you ask a woman anything about relationship advice or dating advice, this is what they describe.
00:29:35
Speaker
they women can't describe a relationship from anything other than the comfort aspect. That's why a lot of guys lead with the beta qualities and, and get confused why she's fucking some guy with a throat tattoo and a Waffle House parking lot, right?
00:29:48
Speaker
Because that doesn't make her sexually attracted. She likes that stuff. but She feels comfort in that, but it doesn't make her sexually attracted. Right? So, If you're going to be in a long term relationship, you have to understand this dynamic in women's brains, right?
00:30:02
Speaker
They they need both. They need a guy who sets the tone and leads the relationship that's dominant, has a dominant masculine presence that they find sexually attractive. They they like guys that are in shape.
00:30:14
Speaker
You know, they like guys that, you know, take their health seriously in that regards. They like a guy that they can't get their way with that. Those are all sort of alpha dominant traits that they find sexually appealing.
00:30:26
Speaker
But if you're going to keep her around in the long term, you have to, what we have, what we say is sprinkle a little bait on it. You've got to at least have 20% of these these beta traits in order to maintain that that traction in the long term, but also keep out of a dead bedroom.
00:30:44
Speaker
Right. So you have to optimize the alpha traits if you want to stay out of a dead bedroom. And so one of the things that that we we say in the the space, right, you you you can um you can't sprinkle a little alpha on it. It doesn't work. You you can only it only works the other way around.
00:31:03
Speaker
So how do we fix this? So this here is this picture. Here's Rolo Tomasi. He's the author of the Rational Male book series, widely regarded as the as the godfather of the red pill.
00:31:13
Speaker
um A guy named Pat Campbell gave him that moniker. He didn't he didn't give it to himself, if you guys were wondering. And that's his wife. A lot of people don't realize this because if they've ever read Rolo's books or they ever hear his podcast, they think that he hates women.
00:31:27
Speaker
but but Which he he totally doesn't. It's just like sound bites and like selective hearing, but he doesn't. And that's his wife. And he's been married to her for 28 years. And he's been applying these principles and they have a very happy relationship.
00:31:38
Speaker
But one of his sort of ah mantras is, what he calls the the the cardinal rule of relationships. And that is, and it works it is it works in business relationships, it works in your friendships, it works in your your romantic relationships, but and in any relationship, the person with the power is the one who needs the other person the least, right?
Passive Dread and Self-Improvement
00:32:03
Speaker
So we have this sort of mental model, right? Where you will you are sort of ready to leave at any given moment, like the movie Heat. you know um you know as soon as you smell the heat coming around the corner, you're going to walk out with you know within 30 seconds or something, right?
00:32:19
Speaker
see That's a almost a helpful mental model to have to stay lovingly detached in a relationship. And I say lovingly detached. It's something I learned from Dr. Robert Glover. But ah what happens is a lot of men get so Twitter pated in the relationship that they they can't look at things from a rational perspective. They can't maintain their frame.
00:32:38
Speaker
They can't identify shit tests as they're coming, you know, and so they just sort of ah end up being reactionary, you know, and they're sort of in men are idealists anyway. We're the ones that that love the idea of love and women are really more opportunistic.
00:32:52
Speaker
but So men really have a hard time with this. But if you can stay lovingly detached and and use some of these mental models to to do that, you can actually lead a healthy relationship. You still love your your your wife or your girlfriend, but you can do it more strategically.
00:33:08
Speaker
So the we're gonna introduce a concept here called passive dread. Now there's there's a concept up called active dread too. There's a really good book. It's one of my, what I call Holy Trinity of books. It's called Atomic Attraction by Christopher Canwell. And he taught, he has a whole chapter on dread and it's fucking awful. It's terrible. He he starts talking about how if you're having problems in your relationship, go to Macy's and go to the perfume counter and spray woman's perfume on you and then come home and let her smell that shit, right?
00:33:38
Speaker
That's toxic as fuck, right? that's But that's the idea of toxic dread. It's basically to give your to actively try to induce competition anxiety in your wife by doing manipulative bullshit.
00:33:50
Speaker
Totally unnecessary. Totally unnecessary to do that kind In fact, ah it'll probably hurt your relationship more than anything. Okay. But passive dread is something where you, you, you're doing it without even trying.
00:34:04
Speaker
Right. So one of the things that we do is you basically are leveling yourself up up so much that you are a naturally attractive guy. right you work on your You work on your muscles, you work on your money, you work on your game, you work on your frame.
00:34:19
Speaker
And other people start seeing this stuff. Other people can see when you're more you work on being more social. right You go out, you start having a friend circle again. um When your wife goes out,
00:34:30
Speaker
with you, um she sees the other women checking you out. Women will notice other women checking you out way, way more than you will notice it because women are always having that, that they have their radar up for that kind of thing.
00:34:42
Speaker
And so passive dread is sort of the act of just being a naturally charismatic, attractive guy. Okay. It's not even ah a bad thing, but yeah,
00:34:54
Speaker
The reason why it works is because you're you're now optimizing your alpha traits. You're optimizing your sexual attractiveness, okay? um Doing these things, working on the things that we talk about, we call them the core four, but the muscles, money, game, and frame, um that's all that stuff really increases your sexual attractiveness, right?
00:35:12
Speaker
And what it does is it reintroduces competition anxiety. Now, a big reason why women stop trying in a relationship too is because of the loss of competition anxiety. When you're out on the dating circuit,
00:35:24
Speaker
um and you're you're dating efficiently, and I say you dating efficiently, I mean, you're dating you're actually seeing multiple women at once, right? You don't have to be sleeping with all of them, but you're at least talking to multiple women.
00:35:35
Speaker
ah We call this spinning plates, right? Women call it dating. This is how women naturally date. They are are talking to multiple guys at once and they are weighing their best possible option.
00:35:48
Speaker
But most men don't do that. Most men talk to one girl at a time. They're immediately exclusive and they they they go the sniper route, which I was talking about the beginning. Well, if you're like Guys who are naturally attractive to women typically spin plates, right? They date multiple women at once.
00:36:05
Speaker
And women actually find that, um one, more attractive, and it also brings up competition anxiety in them, which makes them want to try harder.
Pre-selection and Competition Anxiety
00:36:14
Speaker
Women are very competitive.
00:36:16
Speaker
um It reintroduces a concept of pre-selection. and Pre-selection is a psychological ah it's a psychological phenomenon where women find men who other women like attractive.
00:36:31
Speaker
It's one of the reasons why if you go to a bar with a wedding ring on, you're like nine times more likely to get a date. Because women look for that wedding ring and they're immediately attracted to that because they're like, oh,
00:36:43
Speaker
If another woman chose him, he must be a good catch. It's a psychological shortcut that women do to try to pick mates. It's it comes from their evolutionary psychology because, you know, if they can't figure out these shortcuts, well, now it takes a lot of time, months, sometimes years to figure out if you're a good guy.
00:37:00
Speaker
But if the if other women already like you, oh, he must be a good guy. so So it reintroduces preselection. um I sort of skipped over it, but but one of the reasons why women stop trying in when after they get married is they they don't see you see ah other women as a threat anymore. So they stop trying, right? They lose that competition anxiety. So if you reintroduce that,
00:37:22
Speaker
Now they're going to they typically are snapped out of their complacency and they want to start trying again. Right. This also reestablishes your sexual market value and you end up becoming the prize. So I have this picture here of this guy and this hot waitress bending over showing her cleavage.
00:37:39
Speaker
Now, fun fact about women, they don't just bend over and show you their cleavage and they're completely ah unaware of it. If a woman's leaning over to show you her cleavage, she's trying to get you to notice that. Right.
00:37:51
Speaker
Well, women notice this shit, too. And so, ah you know, it's a passive dread when you're at a restaurant with your wife and the waitress starts flirting with you.
00:38:02
Speaker
Right. And you're just like, you're just a, you know, social person. You're not actually flirting back. You're just being, you know, kind and respectful and and talking to her. Right. And then when your wife goes, Hey, what, what was that all about?
00:38:15
Speaker
And you you just laugh it off and be like, what was what about? Right. Right. She goes, well, he was she was hitting on you. Oh, was she? Well, why wouldn't she? but You know, but most guys don't do that. Most guys are like, what? Oh, well, I would never I would never. Right. Which they try to alleviate that competition anxiety. Well, that competition anxiety actually boosts attraction.
00:38:34
Speaker
So you don't want to dissuade it. You just want to playfully, you know, tease her
MAP for Self-Improvement
00:38:38
Speaker
about it. Right. So how are we going to implement this stuff? Well, we have a process called the map, the male action plan. There's something I learned from a guy named Athol K wrote a phenomenal book called The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011. And he came up with this this plan that fucking works.
00:38:56
Speaker
Guys over, you know, A huge swath of time have applied this swap notes in forums, you know, and it really talked about how it worked. And i would I would venture to say it has a 90 percent success rate.
00:39:09
Speaker
But basically what you're doing is you're just engaging in self-improvement. Right. You're working on leveling up money, muscles, game and frame. And when I say money, like a lot of guys, a lot of guys are wealthy, right? And so they make good money, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about they, they sort of take back control their finances. If they let their, they let their wife, you know, run the purse string, they take it back and they say, no, I'm going to own this. I'm going to give my wife an allowance.
00:39:36
Speaker
I'm not going to make millions of dollars and have her give me a fucking allowance. Right. So they take back control of that stuff. That, or if they're not doing so well financially, they go back to school. They start learning a trade or something. They start learning they start getting a a degree, some kind of marketable skill, and they start making more money, right? They work with Nikki.
00:39:57
Speaker
Yeah. They work with Nikki, start making more money. um And then you start maintaining your independence again. You start, ah one thing that's really healthy in relationship is guys having a good circle of other guys. I will sing that from the rooftop. That's why I think this group is is phenomenal.
00:40:14
Speaker
But Most guys don't have that, right? But if you go out and you have guy friends that you hang out with weekly or whenever you have a bowling night, you go out without her, separate from her, you know, you're not doing anything, you know, you shouldn't be doing, but you're you're going out, you're having a social life again. Women actually find that attractive. They, they, we call that social proof. It's very similar so preselection, but basically women like guys that have a good circle of friends. But most guys let that all go and they go, you you know, they think that their wife wants their full attention and she doesn't.
00:40:46
Speaker
And so that actually creates a little bit of ah space in the relationship and ah attraction grows in space and it dies in close proximity.
Maintaining Attraction in Long-term Relationships
00:40:55
Speaker
So going out, maintaining your independence, doing things outside the relationship actually builds that attraction.
00:41:01
Speaker
And then attraction through challenge, right? So we talked about handling shit tests. So learning how to ah handle shit tests, learning how to be more assertive, learning how to set boundaries and enforcing boundaries and you know putting your foot down when you need to, all that kind of stuff,
00:41:19
Speaker
builds healthy emotional anticipation and intention. I call it heat, but a lot of guys are doing everything they possibly can to squash any type of tension in their relationship because they're trying to get their peace or whatever. Well, that seeking of peace kills the attraction.
00:41:35
Speaker
It kills all the tension. And um women need to feel something. Women are very emotional beings. They need to at least feel something. And but for them,
00:41:46
Speaker
You know, if they're mad, if they're fucking anxious, you know, if they have a lot of anxiety, if they're happy, all of that's good. That's all good for them. They're feeling something and you're evoking some kind of emotion in them that actually builds attraction.
00:42:01
Speaker
The worst possible thing a guy i can do is get to a point where his wife is completely indifferent to him. Where she's not testing him anymore. She basically, everything's robotic.
00:42:13
Speaker
You know, it's like, she's just going through the motions. You know, if you're talking about the kids, she's like, yeah, pick them up at five. And then otherwise wants nothing to do with you. It's the worst possible place for a guy to be in. Cause she's lost all attraction.
00:42:24
Speaker
You got, if you're going to turn that around, you have to get her feeling again. Right. In some way, even if it's to piss her off. um The role of self-improvement, we talked about this a little bit, money, muscles, game, and frame, basically, you know, physical fitness boosts your confidence and appeal.
00:42:38
Speaker
um There's lots of benefits for just getting in good shape. And and ah one of the things that ah people complain about online a lot is how women only go for the top, you know, five or 10% of guys.
00:42:51
Speaker
And a lot of guys use that as an excuse to give up completely. And I say, well, you know, if you're just not fat in America, you're already in the top 25% of guys. Because we have ah an obesity problem here, right? We have, you know, 75%, maybe even 80% of people in America are obese now. It's pretty bad.
00:43:09
Speaker
So if you're just not, you're already in the top 25% of men. So if you now work on your game and frame, you can easily get into the top 10%. There's no reason why you can't be the best guy in your area, you know?
00:43:22
Speaker
So it's actually pretty easy. Money. You know, you talk to Nikki about that and game. Right. Game is the art of playful, bantering, charm, charisma, seduction.
00:43:33
Speaker
Most guys, when they're married, stop the seduction completely. It becomes routine. Right. they Oh, it's Tuesday night. it's time to fool around. Right. You know, it's 10 o'clock. It's time to go to bed. It's fool around time. Right. No, like you've got to, you've got to do stuff that keeps that spark alive. Um, I'm going to have a podcast episode on Monday. It's called why, it's going to be 20 or 10 or 20 reasons why you should bang your girl in the back of your truck. Occasionally just, just keep her guessing. Right.
00:44:03
Speaker
Because, um, that, um, that routine sort of action becomes boring and you can be anything to a woman, but you can't be boring. And then frame, frame is of an interesting concept, but basically you wanna cultivate mental toughness.
00:44:20
Speaker
ah You want to get to a place where you're not so emotionally reactive and that's hard for men, right? We sort of default to anger. If our if our girl's like getting on our nerves, we wanna yell at her and tell her, hey, fuck off, right? Like, leave me alone.
00:44:35
Speaker
Right. And you start yelling, you start defending all this kind of stuff. Well, that emotional reaction, you just failed a shit test. Right. So if you can learn how to not emotionally react to her nonsense, ah another good mental model we have in the space is to um look at your girl like she's the most responsible teenager in the house. Right.
00:44:54
Speaker
All this stuff sounds fucking awful. Right. It sounds toxic ah as hell, but it's super helpful because if you think about this, right, if you have, let's say, a a teenage niece, right? And she's sort of acting up like you're, you're probably not going to yell at her. You're probably going to look at her like she's a goofy bastard and you're going to tease her a little bit, right? Like, Hey, Hey, chill out.
00:45:14
Speaker
You know? So if you treat your wife the same way, when she's acting all emotional and you don't really take it seriously and she knows that her emotions aren't able to, you know, manipulate you,
00:45:26
Speaker
She might get pissed off at first, maybe for 30 minutes or so. But if you hold your ground and you're just not swayed by it, she's going to come over and curl up in your lap like a fucking cat.
Common Mistakes in Relationship Improvement
00:45:36
Speaker
It's but fascinating to watch.
00:45:39
Speaker
But I like to say women don't want to win, right? They'll test you. They might not even get mad and stuff like that, but they don't want to win. They actually build more attraction and respect for you when they can't get their way with you. It's it's fascinating to watch.
00:45:53
Speaker
So avoiding common pitfalls, you want to, the biggest thing is ah guys start failing shit tests. When you start working on this stuff and your girls start seeing your changes, She's not going to trust those changes. She's seen all your bullshit for the last 10 or 15 years.
00:46:08
Speaker
Right. So you start doing all this stuff. She's like, yeah, whatever, whatever. This isn't the real you. And so she'll start testing you more. Well, if guys can't handle those tests, they start falling back on old patterns. Right.
00:46:20
Speaker
And so they. um they'll start falling back and and they'll lose that, that, that respect. Another thing that guys do is they start, they really are focusing on changing the wife, right?
00:46:32
Speaker
Every guy that comes to me first is always like, okay, my wife's doing this. My wife's doing that. I need her to do this. I need her to fuck me more. I need her to stop being a bitch. Like all this kind of stuff. They're focusing on her.
00:46:43
Speaker
You can't change other people. You can only change yourself. Right? So the hard part for men is taking the focus off their wife and focusing on themselves, making themselves their own mental point of origin.
00:46:55
Speaker
Because if you're focusing on your wife, if if you can't tell me about the relationship without referring to her in every sentence, um you're operating in her frame. you're like You cannot see the relationship from your point of view. You're only seeing it from her point of view and what she's doing to you.
00:47:11
Speaker
And that' ah that's weak. That's weak behavior. It's unattractive behavior. So the the hard part is to get guys to shift the focus back on themselves. Right. um And then, yeah. And then what they end up doing is they they try to do all this stuff in order to get their wife to bang them again.
00:47:28
Speaker
Right. That ends up being a covert contract, which is ah something that nice guys do. It's where you're doing something to get something, but you're not telling the other person about it. And that builds up resentment because when you're not getting it, you start building up that resentment. It's completely unhealthy behavior. So you have to not focus on her.
00:47:47
Speaker
and it's one of the hardest things for guys to do. You can't focus on her. You only focus on leveling yourself up. Right. And then falling back on old programming. this is This is the number one thing I see guys do too. They'll they'll read all the books.
00:48:00
Speaker
They'll apply all the tactics. They'll do everything until they get to what they perceive as an end state. Their wife's fucking them again. Okay, cool. Now I can stop trying again. Right. And so they fall back on this old programming where they go back to their old patterns and they stopped doing the stuff that made her attracted in the first place. Same thing that happened when you first got into a relationship with her, you're doing all this attractive stuff she likes. And then you've started being beta ties.
00:48:25
Speaker
Right. So what I like to tell guys is that the work never stops. There's no finish line. There's no end state. You, you always have to keep working on the stuff. It's never
Key Takeaways and Continuous Growth
00:48:35
Speaker
ending game. If you want to be married,
00:48:38
Speaker
It's going to require this kind of work. But the cool thing about it is that if you do it enough, just like anything, it becomes a habit. And once it becomes a habit, it becomes something you do without even thinking about it.
00:48:49
Speaker
And so then you become the game. Right. That's one of the things that we strive to tell guys. You have to eventually become the game. And that's where you're just doing it without even thinking about it.
00:49:00
Speaker
So summary key table takeaways. We talked about the beta-tization process. This is like the biggest reason why women lose attraction over time. They basically find the alpha guy, they turn him into a weak beta guy, and then they leave him. Um,
00:49:12
Speaker
The but best dynamic to strive for is the captain executive officer dynamic where you're setting the tone. You're leading the relationship. Your girl is there for support. um One thing I didn't touch on, but I think it's the best way to to really encapsulate that is the ah what are we going to eat for dinner tonight? Argument.
00:49:32
Speaker
Right. Hey, honey, what do you want to eat tonight? I don't know know. What do you want to eat? Right. Like it's fucking nauseating and guys hate that. If you're the captain, you don't ask her where you're going to eat, right? You're saying, hey, I'm going to go get steak tonight. You're welcome to join me kind of thing, right?
00:49:46
Speaker
Well, when I started applying that, i at first was like, there's no way that works. When I started applying that, what I what i learned was, is okay, you say, hey, grab your shoes. We're going to go get steak tonight.
00:49:58
Speaker
And then if she goes, oh, I don't want steak. You go, okay, well, you have a better suggestion? Your executive officer, right? You're going to take her, i you know, suggestion under advisement.
00:50:08
Speaker
If she has a better suggestion, there's no reason not to go with it. But if she but most women won't, most women will go. I don't know. I i know. I just don't want steak. OK, OK, well, I'm getting steak. You're welcome to join me.
00:50:19
Speaker
Right. So that that's how you handle that situation, because you're the fucking captain. When I started applying that, when I was out spinning plates, before I met my my my current girl who I've been with going on five years now, it's effortless relationship.
00:50:33
Speaker
um When I started applying that, every girl that I did this to, I said, hey, we're going to go do this tonight. They all said, oh, good. That sounds good. Because they most women don't want to make decisions. And so if you don't care where you want to eat, which most guys are like, well, I don't care where I want to eat. Perfect.
00:50:48
Speaker
Then fucking pick a place. Just pick a place and say, hey, we're going here. And now guess what? You get to eat wherever you want, whenever you want. And it's fucking magical. And she just wants to do what you're going to do. Most women just want to join your lifestyle.
00:51:02
Speaker
OK, we talked about alpha beta traits. So basically, alpha, if you look at neurochemically, alpha is that dopamine rush that you're giving her. You want to be if you read Rolo's fifth book, it's called The Player's Handbook. He basically says you want to be your girl's dopamine drug dealer.
00:51:17
Speaker
Right. So alpha traits are giving her that dopamine feeling and that beta traits. um That gives her of the oxytocin feeling, the feeling of comfort, right? Can bring in her chocolates when she's not feeling good.
00:51:29
Speaker
um That married man's sex life primer book, he talks about ovulation game. That's where you secretly track your wife's cycle. Because different stages in her menstrual cycle, she's going to want different things from you.
00:51:42
Speaker
When she's ah ovulating, she's going to want to fuck. She's going to want those alpha traits hard, right? But when she's ah pm like when she's actually you know on her ah her period, she's getting cramped, she's not feeling suit too hot, she's going to want the beta traits. She's going want you to bring her the ice cream and shit, right?
00:51:59
Speaker
So having that understanding is good. You don't really have to track a girl's cycle. like I'm like, that's pretty fucking psychotic, man. But... but At least if you're intuitive and you pay attention to what's going on, you can intuitively sort of know what she needs in that moment if you just pay attention.
00:52:15
Speaker
um We talked about the cardinal rule of relationships, which is whoever needs the other person least has all of the power in the relationship. And we talked about Dread Game. And then I have the fucking guy with the lion here because that's alpha bro shit, right?
00:52:31
Speaker
um Resources, way to connect. I have a new book out called the site ah ah The Essential Skills of a Masculine Presence Psychology Paradigm. It's all about rewiring your subconscious to have more of this type of mindset. right It talks about you know the the paradigm of thinking of your girl like youre she's your best friend and why that works.
00:52:50
Speaker
that tends to ruin relationships. Why are you thinking of her as your equal partner ruins relationships, that kind of stuff. I talk about it in this book. I have the come on man podcast. I have new episodes every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday on your favorite podcast platform. I go live um on YouTube for that, but then I release it later that day.
00:53:08
Speaker
And then, you know, if you guys are having problems in your marriage or relationship and you want to talk about it, book a free call with me. If you go to call.fixeddeadbedrooms.com, we can chat and talk about your, your specific situation.
00:53:22
Speaker
Thank you for listening to the Sovereign Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life and become the man you've always wanted to be, we invite you to join the movement at sovereignman.ca.