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EP182: Huds & The Wingman | Why Failure Is The Best Teacher
54 Plays9 days ago
"The best mentors I've ever had always told me about their failures."
Failure isn’t just a misstep; it’s a choreographer of growth and change. Faceplants, blunders, and spectacular miscalculations are less about defeat and more about refinement. Think of failure as that brutally honest friend-- uncomfortable, yes, but invaluable. Real growth rarely comes from a flawless victory; it thrives in the aftermath of our most humbling defeats, where we sift through the rubble for lessons sharper than any polished success.
Our guests, Huds and Wingman, co-founders of the Men of Now community, share raw, unfiltered stories of personal challenges that became pivotal turning points in their lives. From navigating toxic relationships to facing legal and financial struggles, they reveal how these experiences catalyzed their growth. They discuss the importance of mentorship, community, and accountability—highlighting that true wisdom often comes from the willingness to confront uncomfortable truths, both from within and from the people who care enough to call you out.
Huds and Wingman are two of the three co-founders of the Men of Now community. They’re dedicated to helping men become the best versions of themselves through mentorship and personal development. Huds’ journey into men's work began after overcoming profound personal struggles that reshaped his outlook on life, while Wingman stumbled into the space through mentorship and a knack for guiding others. They bring complementary skills and a shared passion for fostering growth, resilience, and authentic masculinity.
Learn more & connect:
Look to Men Of Now on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts.
1. Books by Rollo Tomassi - The Rational Male
2. Corey Wayne - How to Be a 3% Man
https://www.understandingrelationships.com
3. Athol Kay - The Mindful Attraction Plan
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B4GQ8OW
You’re invited to come to a Sovereign Circle meeting to experience it for yourself. To learn more, go to https://www.sovereignman.ca/. While you’re there, check out the Battle Ready program and check out the store for Sovereign Man t-shirts, hats, and books.
Recommended
Transcript
Making a Difference and Learning from Mistakes
00:00:00
Speaker
healthy relationship. So how about I just make one person's life better and then it's all worth it. I would be doing a disservice to the world if I just called it quits. In some directions and avenues are not going to work out but you're not going to know until you go so it's better to start that process now sooner so that way you save yourself a little bit of time so you can dedicate more time to getting to the pathway that's
Men Living on Their Own Terms
00:00:24
Speaker
eventually going to work.
00:00:24
Speaker
Bone up to your mistakes. Brutal honesty about yourself and about life has only done me favors. You're a man living in the modern world in a time when men and manhood are not what they once were. You live life on your own terms. You're self-sufficient. You think for yourself and you march to the beat of your own drum. When life knocks you down, you get back up because in your gut, you know that's what men do. You're a badass and a warrior. And on the days when you forget, we are here to remind you who you really are.
Introduction to Sovereign Man Podcast
00:01:04
Speaker
Welcome to the Sovereign Man podcast, where we aim to make men masculine again. I'm your man, Nicky Baloo, and we have two very special guests, two of the three co-founders of the Men of Now community, Hudson and the Wingman. What's up, man? Oh, man, thank you so much for having us. I'm so excited to get into this.
00:01:30
Speaker
I would have to hire you to be our hype man with that intro. So, you know, there's a job offer waiting for you to end this cast. All right, men. So, men, um what made you get into the work of men? Why don't we start with wingman?
Wingman's Journey of Self-Discovery
00:01:50
Speaker
Yeah, it was a interesting journey that I took. You know, a lot of guys fall into this sort of space or self-discovery journey.
00:01:59
Speaker
out of something really terrible happens, or there's a traumatic event or something like that. So it leads them to look for more. For me, I was considered myself fortunate that my origin into this wasn't necessarily such a um you know such a trajectory.
00:02:16
Speaker
It was more of I had been trying to make my way out through the world, just got out of college, was trying to figure out life. And I just was very self reflective and was realizing that hey there's certain areas of my life, you know, the the dating side of my life and the finance side of my life, I'm just hitting some walls. I'm very frustrated. I'm just not sure of like where, you know, where the next best step is. So, you know, I need to figure out, all right, how can I go about finding my own pathway through? And so that led me to seek mentorship. And so I'll seek coaching, seek mentorship, find a lot of great online resources.
00:02:52
Speaker
And so through all that whole self-discovery process and everything, um because I've always been, you know, A, I have siblings that are younger than me, so I've always had been a little bit of an older brother, but two, always had kind of that older brother energy that I carry with a lot of people um that that I know that are in my circle. um I'm always, you know,
00:03:09
Speaker
trying to pay that back. So I wound up stumbling backwards into it. And then, you know, just haphazardly when a very good friend of mine, we wound up meeting at fashion week and turned out he'd been a lifestyle coach for about nine years in New York, just moved to l LA. And so we, we connected up. It's like, dude, you you have a really good knack for this. Like we've been hanging out, but I've seen you interact with other people like you should work with me. I can show you how to structure programs, make it a little bit more formal. Um, and then we could build out and do some cool stuff together. And so I was like,
00:03:39
Speaker
You know, yeah, let's just do it. Let's try it. And so that was ah almost 11 years ago now, but about 10 and a half years ago. So getting close to 11 years ago. So it's been a wild, fun, amazing journey since. But yeah, just ah kind of stumbled into it by the the grace of somebody, you know, pointing out and saying like, hey, you you have a a knack for this. You should try it out. So what connected you with with HUDs and how did you men create the men of now Well, we we were connected about three years ago through a mutual friend that we'd met through another group that I was helping to to run at the time. And so we co-ran that group. And then again, the world just gets kind of interconnected.
Hudson's Story of Self-Improvement
00:04:20
Speaker
So one day he's like, hey, there's this ah cool guy. He's based out of Philadelphia. um you know I want to set up a Zoom meeting because I've been doing some work with him. And I think it'd just you know be good to have a bigger collaboration for that. So then we we got to all of us got to talking. And then so they were like, yeah, we
00:04:37
Speaker
We have some very complimentary skill sets and we've got a couple of other backgrounds, but the most important thing is we have a very focused vision on. We're very, very passionate about making sure people can become the best version of themselves, not necessarily being clones of other people. You know, it's like, Hey, be my program, do exactly how I do. And then you'll be an exact clone of me. we're We're not interested in any of that. It's more so that everybody that we're we're talking to when we're formulating this thing was,
00:05:04
Speaker
Yeah, we bring this, we bring this, we bring this to the table. So how can we learn from other people, but also how can we share what we have in order to help foster and build them up and develop them and give them the tool sets in order to overcome the challenges they have? Because a big issue we've seen with a lot of other, um you know, groups or programs or things before is that it's just like, they tell you, hey, here's the mountaintop, but we're not going to help you at all get there. We're just, you know, going to tell you, climb up, figure it out, you'll you'll you'll be fine.
00:05:30
Speaker
where we're a little bit more like well there's a lot of journey and discovery and different things along the way so you know we really want to focus on that mentorship aspect of it. Right on. So, Hudson, you're a Philly man. I am a Philly man. Oh, my God. Oh, we're going to the Super Bowl, by the way. So, super excited about that. Only thing I'm not excited about is there was a Temple student at 18 years old. Yeah, he's a high school student. He's a high school friend of my son's. my son's going Really? Yeah. Yeah. My son's going to his school next week. They were very good friends. Tyler and my ex-wife is friends with his mom. It's really messed up.
00:06:09
Speaker
Yeah, but I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it up that way. I just have to say like Billy is
Men's Mental Health and Community Support
00:06:13
Speaker
a a wild environment and I'm going to be moving in about a month. So kind of looking forward to getting out of the heart of the city. Sure. When the Super Bowl first. Yeah. Do that first. Yeah. Yeah. It was a it was a crazy thing. um I met Tyler.
00:06:31
Speaker
ah Couple of times but he went to high school with my son. He was a champion gymnast and He and came on Really good friends. It's a damn shame 18 is way too young to die way too way too young. Yeah anyways um So tell me about your journey to the work of men brother All right. Well, I don't want to continue to keep it somber, but I have to also be realistic. I Now I know that a lot of people in like the red pill space, which is kind of how I got into helping men and figuring out my path to help men. yeah In this space, they talk a lot about those BPD relationships.
00:07:16
Speaker
So for those who don't know, BPD is part of the cluster B personality disorders, and it stands for Borderline Personality Disorder. Essentially, it is a lack of self. So um there's a lot of erratic choices that are made ah in just normal decision making processing um that aren't tied to reality, but they're tied to the emotion at the moment.
00:07:44
Speaker
So I had gotten in a
Value of Mentorship and Community
00:07:46
Speaker
relationship with somebody who um like, God, I absolutely loved her. I really did. And we had moved in together and I thought we were moving forward, um but I was not paying attention to red flags.
00:08:00
Speaker
Then what ended up happening is over time, um there was an instance when we, ah one of the other places, we we lived in multiple different locations, um but there was an instance where a neighbor called the police ah essentially on domestic disturbance because we were screaming and yelling. And I ended up getting arrested that night.
00:08:24
Speaker
And through that arrest, I ended up, I didn't have enough money to afford everything. I mean, granted, I did end up with everything being dropped. So like, because I but i wasn't actually, like I didn't do anything wrong. But if if you understand in in the state of Pennsylvania, not all states are this way, but I think most are, if they're called for ah domestic disturbance, they have to arrest at least one person. So I ended up getting arrested over it.
00:08:53
Speaker
So in the in the time, having to move back with my parents um during that period and having to go through the court situation um and then finally getting everything everything dropped and being able to move forward in my life,
Evolution of Communities
00:09:08
Speaker
i just i I looked back on my decisions so far and my decisions with her, and I hated myself. and by Quite frankly, um I was close to kind of often this whole journey of life. And so I ended up coming across MLD, Modern Life Dating. He does a lot of different courses and he had one where it's called Pandemic Pickup. And so you imagine during the pandemic, everybody's locked in inside. He's got this course, it was only 300 bucks. I was like, this is super cheap.
00:09:48
Speaker
I might as well like, you know, I don't need help necessarily with the women, but i want I want to sense a community. And so I ended up jumping for that. And throughout that experience, I ended up realizing that I could actually teach these guys. I could actually help.
00:10:07
Speaker
And i had I had told myself at that time when I kind of like fully stepped into this this phase, I was like, you know what? I messed up my life, but I still know how to be how to have a ah happy, healthy relationship. So how about I just make one person's life better?
00:10:26
Speaker
And then it's all worth it. And so that kind of was my plan. I know it's it's very dark, but it's reality. um I was considering offing the journey, um but I chose not to. i And a really like I was choosing to do so once I really, truly helped somebody find their person and find their purpose in life, their person and their purpose.
00:10:51
Speaker
And then once i I was able to help somebody, I was able to help them way quicker than I thought. And then I was like, you know what? Let me try it again. Let me try it again. Let me try it again. And then it just started snowballing. And the more that I i just realized in that in that time period of my life, i have a I have a knack for this. I have a talent for this.
00:11:16
Speaker
So I would be doing a disservice to the world if I just called it quits. And so that's kind of how I landed here. And then just through my own my own journey of of trying to meet other people, trying to get connected with other people, I mean, that's how Josh and I met. Through mutual connections and then just continuing to try and drive that networking.
00:11:38
Speaker
And it it really has been fantastic. i mean Josh and I, we met for the first time ah in person just a few weeks ago. And it was just a phenomenal experience, like especially when you've got somebody that you've known for
Identity and Societal Expectations
00:11:51
Speaker
three years and you've never actually met them in person, and but and we had such a great time. So that's kind of how I landed into it, was a bad relationship. And then realizing I mean, I was thinking negatively at the time that I screwed up. So how can I help somebody else? But then realizing I actually was good at helping other people. Well, dude, um I'm glad you didn't kill yourself. That would have been fucked up beyond fucked up. Whole lot of people other than you would have been hurt. But obviously your life, your your chance to shine and give your gift to the world would end.
00:12:28
Speaker
Far too many men kill themselves. The rate of suicide of men compared to women is six-fold greater. Think about that. For every woman that kills herself, six men kill themselves. So if you ever have those kind of kinds of fucked up thoughts, I want you to send me a text and tell me to remind you why you matter. Because I've had friends of mine kill themselves because they had nobody to Talk to, including a man in our men's work. At the age of 36, he threw himself off a six-story balcony. oh geez And I was fucked, man. He's a good dude.
00:13:12
Speaker
His name was Nardip Graywall. Problem is, there's a lot of mental health issues that are out there. There's a lot of men that don't talk. They don't go out and speak to other men and say, hey, man, I'm not feeling good. I'm feeling fucked up. I'm thinking of doing something fucked up. So it's really important that men talk to other men. It's one of the reasons why having the bands of brothers like Men of Now and like my group, Sovereign Man, is so fucking critical.
00:13:42
Speaker
So fucking critical. And you engaged in one of the precepts of Glasser choice theory. Glasser choice theory says that when we need to learn something, the the the best way to learn is to actually teach what we need to learn to someone else. You get 95% of that material embedded in you when you teach it to someone else. When you just read about it, you only get 10% of the material embedded in you. So think about that. I remember we were talking about this because it's like you you only retain like, what what were the numbers? 10% of what you read, 95% of what you teach.
00:14:31
Speaker
experience is the ultimate teacher, right? Because you got to go through the motions. And also, too, it's important to, you know, see what it means for you. Because, you know, you can always read things. And it's very, you know, academic or very objective. But once you really start to go through the motions, of the exercise, you really understand, hey, what exactly does this mean for me? You know, because anyone can look at a hammer and you can say, well, a hammer hits nails. But With that hammer, you could build a house, you can build a boat, you can build a lot of different things. It really just depends on what your inclination is.
Evolving Communities and Feedback
00:15:02
Speaker
So, you know, it's extremely important to go through that exercise, not only for the knowledge attainment, but also, you know, what does that personally mean for for you and how you exercise that knowledge? So, fuckhuds, you've had oh quite the journey. I've been through the wringer. Let's just say that, but I'm happy to be here. but Listen, it's quite the fucking experience that you've had
00:15:25
Speaker
to be on the journey that you've been, to bring you to where you are today. ah Because when I was going through my divorce, there was a period of time where I wasn't able or allowed to see my kids. And I thought, fuck, I don't know if I want to live. I didn't say to myself, I'm going to kill myself. Living does not seem that great.
00:15:53
Speaker
i i As soon as I felt that thought come into my head, I called somebody and I said, I need to be around people. I called this, um, this couple that I knew. And I said, look, guys, I'm, I'm having really dark thoughts. Can you come and see me? And they immediately did. They fucking canceled what they were going to do with their friends. And they came and they hang that with me. And they, by the end of the three hours I spent with them. month Yeah. Community is huge. And I know that like for guys, uh, there's that.
00:16:24
Speaker
inherent expectation that just like toughen up but um it's reality it's reality and that's why you know going back to what josh was saying what men have now really is it's about helping people find their purpose and then connecting them with the right types of people that can help them in whatever area they're trying to improve upon. I mean, we've seen just over the past year, because we've been doing this a little over a year now, ah we've just seen exponential growth. I mean, you were just with one of the members, right, um ah down in Texas. You guys were playing pool. You guys were sharing some of those photos.
00:17:00
Speaker
When we look at him, compared to when we first met him to who he is now, we have really helped him find his purpose and gave him the confidence to really crush it at life. ah But, you know, it's also, um, what an interesting about the notion of community is that it's understanding that, you know, communities evolve, right? And so certain communities are going to be good for you at different stages in your life. Right. So like, you know, when you're a kid, right? Your little league team, right? That's a great little community that you have.
00:17:28
Speaker
But then you get older, right? And now it gets a little bit more serious. You got to move to say a different team. And then you're doing like a travel team or something like that. And then if you continue and you want to play like in college, right? Then you're picking different colleges for, for that team. So it's important for guys to understand that, you know, the communities that you're in right now, they may shift or they may ah evolve, but it is very important to understand that, you know, communities definitely do serve a purpose, but if it's no longer serving a purpose for you anymore, or has become something more negative, now's the time to you know shift away from that community or find a different one because that cheat stage or that chapter of your life is over. And
Accountability in Men's Groups
00:18:06
Speaker
I know a lot of guys, they get a little too hung up on certain communities where it's like, hey, I was here and I've been here for four years and it's completely different from where I was, but out of loyalty, right? I'm i'm staying, even though you know the whole situation has just become something, a very negative part of of my life.
00:18:23
Speaker
So understanding when to close those chapters and when to evolve. It doesn't necessarily mean that you hate everybody or you're on bad terms, you don't speak to other people, but it just means that, hey, you're here for a time and a purpose now. And then if you go beyond that purpose, hey, great. And that's one of the things that we've kind of made as our core tenant is that when people talk to us about, hey, do you guys collaborate with other communities? What do you think about people being, hey, we're all for it. If we can help you in one area, that's great, but we want you to get help in all the areas you need.
00:18:52
Speaker
So even if we're only a temporary stop for us, where you come by for like a year or so, great. a No problem. Like we want to make sure that you're ready and go where it is that you are going to get the most value and where you need to be. You know, we we're not looking to you keep people in hostage situations at all. So, you know, it's important to really understand that, Hey, your communities are going to evolve and your, your needs and your interests and just what you want out of life is going to evolve too. So.
00:19:17
Speaker
you know Don't be afraid to let some of those community bonds go a little bit in order to find and foster new ones that are going to be you know better suited to where you're at now. Otherwise, you'll you'll never grow, you'll never expand, and you'll find yourself kind of stuck in a little bit of a rut. It's an interesting thought, to be sure. on I don't think that's the biggest problem men have today. I think, frankly, it's they don't fucking stick with things long enough.
00:19:43
Speaker
to get masterful at them. I think the problem's the opposite. They're too ready to quit on shit. That includes a relationship. You shouldn't stay with a woman who's fucking toxic or bad for you. If you're married and you have kids with her, you shouldn't be so fucking ready to quit either. You should find a way to to to make it work, especially because a child needs a mother and a father. I also think that um in our men's community,
00:20:13
Speaker
One of the things we do is we stand men up, we hold them accountable. So if a man is, for example, coming to us and saying something like, my wife's being a fucking bitch, we're not just gonna affirm that. We're gonna probe and see if that's really true. And if the truth is she's not being a bitch, that dude's just being a boy and not a man and not stepping up in the relationship, though we should, we'll tell him that.
00:20:42
Speaker
And there's some men that don't want to hear that. They just want to be affirmed. They want to be affirmed in their bullshit. And I don't think that serves men. And there's men who run away from that. After we do that three or four times, they go, I don't think this is a group for me. I've grown. I've evolved. No, you haven't grown and evolved. You dip shit. You just don't want to fucking face yourself in the mirror and see that you're not being a man. You're being a boy.
00:21:05
Speaker
That is literally how my first men's group ended was because my partner ah for that, um I called him out and he did not like it. And he didn't like it so much that he let it completely destroy our entire relationship. And I haven't spoken to him since.
00:21:21
Speaker
So you it was a dumb crap. It was all because, dude, it was all this is such a dumb story. It was all because he was going to be moving to Mexico with some girl that he had been dating for three months. And I was like, I think you need to take a little bit more time to think about this. And he didn't like me critiquing him so much. So the ego was so strong that it it it crumbled that first men's community. And that's why I mean, it's so important to be around people that are uplifting.
00:21:51
Speaker
that uplift others, but are also gonna hold you accountable and listen and pay attention. You don't want a bunch of yes men. You want people that actually have your best interests in mind. Yeah, dude, you're you're a former friend. He's a pussy. He's a girl. He's feminized.
Men's Roles and Leadership
00:22:09
Speaker
Because if he was a man, he'd be able to hear that and not get all butt hurt. He'd ask you, why do you think that? And he'd hear you out. And he'd still make his own decision, but he'd hear you out.
00:22:21
Speaker
Like, if I have someone who's a good friend of mine, runs my men's community with me, and he's got a problem with how I'm showing up, I want him to tell me. I want to know. I want to know why. And I want to examine if he's correct. Because if he's correct, then it's in my benchs interest to do something about it. If he's wrong, he's wrong. Well, fuck it. I won't listen to him. But I'm not going to get all butthurt and angry and yell at him and stop being his pal because he fucking had the temerity to call me out. Oh, my God. That's so horrible. You can't call me out.
00:22:53
Speaker
fuck god I mean, that's the purpose of ah these groups, right? Is that, again, you're covering each other's blind spots, right? And, you know, as much as we all like to think that we're so amazing and awesome, like we're we're all human, we're all fallible, right? So, you know, it's important that you have other people in different perspectives that will tell you, you know, stuff that that you don't want to hear.
00:23:13
Speaker
Um, and the things that, you know, maybe may not necessarily be like as flattering. Now, of course, there's a way to go about it, right? you They could be, you know, someone could deliver it in a very condescending way, which is not as constructive because now the person that's trying to receive it isn't as open to hearing it. But the, you know, that foot standing, you know, it's really good to understand that, Hey, you know, in order for you to get better, you're going to have to go beyond what you can currently do. And we get really comfortable a lot of times and like, Oh, Hey, this is our routine. This is who I am. This is what I do.
00:23:44
Speaker
Um, but it is important to be around other guys that are going to say like, Hey, you can do better at this, or we know there's more that you can do. And we're not just saying this because, you know, we, you know, we're trying to have a joke at your, or just to be mean, but we actually really do think you can be here and we're trying to get you to that, you know, next level that is going to be for, for your best interest. But the real question is going to be, you know, you have to ask yourself, do you want it? Hmm.
00:24:08
Speaker
I wholeheartedly agree. And I also think, I mean, we're men here, right? We're not little boys. If you can't take a man speaking roughly to you, you have no business calling yourself a man. You really don't. You're a girl, you're a pussy. ah If I'm being an asshole, and I'm sometimes an asshole, that's a fact. I bet you men are too. I'd want my my men to look me in the eye and say, you're being a fucking dick.
00:24:37
Speaker
Right? I want a man to look me in the eye and say, you're being a fucking dick. And I wouldn't want him to sugarcoat it or be sweet to me to try and get the message. Well, maybe that's not the best way you could have put it. No, you're being a fucking dick. Cut it the fuck out.
00:24:53
Speaker
Right? Because sometimes that's what a man really needs to hear. Like, we're not girls here. And this is the problem with our society right now. We're treating each other like women. We're trying to shade the truth so we don't offend people. Fuck you, man. I want to i want to be offended. I want someone to fucking tell me when I'm being a dick. Because I want to get better. I want to know when I'm fucking up. Exactly.
00:25:19
Speaker
And I fuck up every day. oh Far from being awesome, dude. I'm just a fucking jerk of a man, man. Some days I'm great, and some days I'm a shit. You know? I'm the same way. I'm the same way. Listen, the other day, my 16-year-old son, so not not my son, his friend passed away, but the younger one, he had a soccer game.
00:25:45
Speaker
And he said to me, dad, we have to leave at X time. And I said, no, no, no, that's too soon. you know And he just got mad. He started yelling at me. Now you would think you know I'm an adult and I wouldn't yell back, but you'd be wrong. You'd be wrong.
00:26:00
Speaker
is because I yelled back and we had a fucking screaming match and it got bad. And I just, I said, I'm your dad. I'm taking your phone away. You're not gonna play soccer anymore. You're not gonna play any sports. You're grounded for the rest of your life. Like stupid shit like that. And so obviously I i won that argument, but I won it by going nuclear. And I felt horrible.
00:26:28
Speaker
Afterwards, and i I called my son up, you know, because he stays with his mom some days, some days with me. And I just said, look, son, you know, the way you spoke with me wasn't cool, but there's no way I should have engaged. And I'm sorry. And, and you know, God bless him. My boy said, but I was a jerk. I was a dick. That's not the only time. Won't be the last time I'm a dick to somebody. That's for sure.
00:26:54
Speaker
But that's what's so important about like becoming a man. Like as you said, we're not boys here, we're men. And um I think that one of the the very honorable honorable things you can do, anytime you mess up, hey, own up to your mistakes. yeah Own up to your mistakes. Brutal honesty about yourself and about life has only done me favors. So men, you have a partner, men of now, who's not here with us.
00:27:24
Speaker
supposed to be here, but. Well, well, he's getting, he's getting a new house built because right now he has to do a, like an hour and a half commute to work. And so he's getting a new house built. Hopefully that's going to be in the next couple of months that he's going to finally be able to move in. And then it's only going to be a 10 minute drive, but he's probably driving right now. right on yes um How did it come to be that you started working with him?
00:27:53
Speaker
ah So I can kind of feel about one because the group that the guy who introduced me to HUDs, he was in and came in. So I got to know him there through that group. And so once ah be the guy introduced me to HUDs and HUDs were like sitting around talking, the first thing that we all like said was being like I said, was like this guy, we want to bring him here and bring him a part of ah as a founding member for this one. So, you know, we we basically just bring him up. He had a little group combo and he's like, yeah, I'm i'm totally in. um And he he is kind of like the big brother for the group. So he's that guy that just, you know, is looking out for everybody, checking in on everybody, but also to just trying to keep, you know, very good solid pulse on things and making sure that, you know,
00:28:36
Speaker
everybody is getting exactly what it is that they need and like no one's slacking off as well too. So yeah we all have like kind of our very distinct roles in the the organization but for him he's definitely kind of like that big brother sort of community manager and he's fantastic at it so if anybody else tries to poach him we'll fight you. Yeah we will get you.
Kevin's Military Influence
00:29:02
Speaker
Kevin's absolutely fantastic. Kevin has a history in military. um So he's he's very familiar with kind of what structure looks like and what good structure looks like versus bad structure. And he does a great job helping these guys just kind of navigate these different issues in life. And if it's if it's a certain topic that he doesn't know, it's the same thing as us. It's directing them to the right people or leaning on one of the other members on You know, one of the other leaders, I guess I would say, of Men of Now, hey, like, I don't know how to help this person. What what do you think what do you guys think? And then we go ahead and direct the right way. um But Kevin does an absolutely fantastic job with that. And then he recently got his, he had a certification ah to be a financial coach.
00:29:51
Speaker
um He doesn't have whatever, because I know there's two different ones, to to be able to give financial advice versus not. So it's not that, but he has lived debt free. he been He's been able to just completely crush life. um So he helps a lot of the guys, especially those that have never really done a budget before. He's just really good with helping them like kind of get started in those beginner steps and really set themselves up.
00:30:21
Speaker
Right on. So why do you believe he wants to be a part of something? Wow, quickly, he leapt into it. And how what the first group that we're in, um he was- I don't know, Josh, do we do we reveal anything about that first group? Because, I mean, we could say it very cleanly. I just don't know if you want to use his name or not. No, I can um i'll i won't mention names, but I'll say in the first group that we're in, he was doing a lot of very good stuff in there. And there was a lot of stuff. There were some gaps that were there and he was stepping up to kind of fulfill those gaps. Unfortunately- But why is he doing the work of men? Nevermind the specifics of the group. Why is he passionate about doing the work of men?
00:31:09
Speaker
ah it's I think it's just because we don't want to put words in his mouth, but he's one of those people that when you talk to him, you can just tell you just he genuinely cares and he wants to see people succeed. um yeah you mean He's slightly older than me, so but when we get to talking, I feel like he's like my big brother in a lot of ways. And so he just wants to see people succeed and is a very giving person. And he very, very much has a lot to give and has a lot of knowledge and a lot of insight to give.
00:31:34
Speaker
And so that's where he kind of directs his energy towards, is just giving that knowledge and insight into saying, hey, here's something that could be a tool or resource that could really help you out along your journey, just because I want want you to be successful. And he kind of is on the same wavelength as being a husband. We just genuinely, we love seeing people win. Like that's, you know, I call out here and you tell me that, hey, you just closed a big deal or something.
00:31:57
Speaker
I'm super happy and over the moon for you. So we we all kind of share that. But yeah, I think that's a very big telling part of his personality. Yeah, and I think it comes to it comes to it comes to sorry, it just comes to from that military background. And so having that opportunity, I think it's just inbuilt in some of us to want to be like strategists or leaders and and helping others. And he's been doing it his whole life. Like some people, they get into military and then once they're they're done X amount of years, they're out.
Modern Challenges for Men
00:32:28
Speaker
Kevin they didn't want to leave. And I think it just speaks to his character of of trying to build up and and make things better.
00:32:36
Speaker
So why do you believe men today are so fucking lost? Why do you believe they need other men because they don't have father to guide them? I just, I'm sorry. i I get really passionate about this because I love my dad to death. He's done A lot of things right, but um growing up, he was he was fairly absent. And that was because he was traveling for work because he was trying to provide for the family. But during the time of my life that I needed to have a prison father, he wasn't there.
00:33:18
Speaker
And I think that more and more you see media that essentially shits on men. And then the um the requirements, the expectations, the amount of money that's required to even have a family is higher and gets higher every single year. So both parents then need to work. So then both parents are absent. I think that that's really it. I think it's.
00:33:40
Speaker
The parents are not as present as they probably should be, and especially not at the times that they should be. And then in combination with that, it's because, um you know, but because the the money aspect, essentially, and then the media that the everyone is kind of consuming while the parents are not around. Just shits on that. Yeah, I would say that there's a strong delusion of sort of that masculine energy and masculine presence, right? So if you think of things in terms of like, you know, energies, right, men and women, they're such a spectacularly complimentary system, right? We need to know some good masculine presence to be balanced out by some good feminine presence, right? There's pros and cons when you see like, you know, when it's too masculine, then suddenly, everything's a fight, a battle, wars are breaking out, people are getting killed, like it's just, it gets a little hairy, right? When it's like a little bit too feminine, like what we're seeing, like currently,
00:34:36
Speaker
then there's not that sense of like structure. And so things just tend to wander and roam and be unkempt and go all over the place. So where it's, it's, it's trying to get back to that balancing act. And I just do think that right now there is a very severe dilution and and lack of that sort of masculine presence, which was why when yeah i was like you as a guy, if you carry yourself with that, you just instantaneously stand out far more and people are just like, whoa, something, something's up or interesting or or different about this guy. So, you know, I think they're on a broader social level for sure. And,
00:35:06
Speaker
it It kind of comes with the the the times, you know, where I think it really all kind of points back to a bit of the, what was happening in the world, especially from like the 1920s all the way through the 1950s for that good stretch and run. It was like, Hey, we need very good, strong, pressing, you know, mask and presence the world. Cause there was a lot of craziness and then things sort of kind of stabilized. And so, you know, we kind of became victims of our own success in that front where, all right, things were a little bit more stable. The world got a little bit more stable. And so.
00:35:36
Speaker
Now things are trying of to run amok a bit, but I think with the advent of the internet and people seeking this knowledge and being able to go find what it is that they want and build that community or go ge it not be geographically restricted to
Political Shifts and Masculinity
00:35:49
Speaker
it. We're starting to see a little bit more of that balance come back a bit, but there's still quite a way to go, I would say. Oh, there's a heck of a, dude, a lot. There's a, there's a lot more we need to, we need to do, but I, I know, I know Nikki, you're, you're a Trumper, right?
00:36:07
Speaker
Love it. Same thing. I love it. I love it. I have to say i've I have been so impressed. um I have never seen an administration brand new that has done so much in such a short amount of time. I agree. And I think that when women essentially where we're talking about where I do think that there is a disparity in like the family dynamic and like people are allowed to run a little bit more free than they probably should ah Trump came in as as dad he came in and he just established structure and it's like this is how it's gonna be and I just can't I can't wait to see I mean personally I just can't wait to see how everything will get better because with structure you you you find success with no structure you never know what you're gonna get um I agree with what you men said I believe
00:37:04
Speaker
The world is certainly in the West, United States, Canada, Western Europe, Australia, New Zealand, those kinds of places. There has been a delusion that has been perpetuated by the forces of godless communism to weaken the West and put the world under the control of a group of elites who wanna tell you how to live, where to live, and they don't give a shit if they burn society down as long as they get to rule over the ashes. They just don't give a shit. And I believe the election of Donald Trump was an attempt by the masculine essence to push back and say, fuck that, we're not gonna let that happen. And this first 10 days, 11 days of the Trump administration,
00:38:01
Speaker
has been full of more positive activity than the entire four years of the Biden administration. And that is shocking. you know i I used to say that the best president of my lifetime in terms of his accomplishments was Ronald
Cultural and Political Divide
00:38:17
Speaker
Reagan. And I still think objectively that's true. But by the end of this term, it's probably going to be Trump. He's probably going to surpass Reagan.
00:38:24
Speaker
um I think he's setting up the Republican Party for a period of extended dominance in American politics, and I believe this is good for the cause of freedom in the world.
00:38:40
Speaker
And men are at the forefront of making this happen. And you can see that the the men around Trump are all strong, tough, masculine men. And the women... J.D. Vance? Oh, my God. He's a stud, man. He's a fucking stud. Pete Hagseth?
00:38:57
Speaker
Fuck me, that dude is a rockstar, man. It's a fucking rockstar. And I was watching RFK Jr. and Kash Patel and, you know, Pam Bondi and Tulsi Gabbard, they're women, but they're fucking rockstar babes. You know, I love them both. the real is that Is that the new press secretary? there one hero Yeah, she's great, too. She's so good. She is good, man. She's good. um But i I tell you,
00:39:24
Speaker
I believe we're in, not just for a golden age of America, but a golden age and renaissance of manhood and masculinity because of the election of president Donald Trump. That's my belief. um when i agree I agree with you on it. on that i mean yeah Let me just speak on that for a second because for so long, um when it comes to when it comes to politics, I love politics and I love drama. But ah when you think back to how Donald Trump's been represented the entire time,
00:39:53
Speaker
It's always been toxic masculinity. Yeah, that's the new n-word, bro. We can't be using that on this show. I just got to tell you, you got to call it the TM word, just like the n-word. That's the new n-word. We're not allowed to use that phrase on this show. So I got to just warn you about that. You get a pass because you don't know, but that's it. Fair enough. Well, instead of TM, I think it truly is a display of positive masculinity.
00:40:17
Speaker
And that's what we've seen. And that's what's so important. And that's why it's so important that when we think about relationships and we and family, you got to make the right choices. You got to pick the right girl. You need to really understand yourself. You need to be the leader of the household. If you truly become the leader of not just your life, but the life that you want to live And you're going to raise a beautiful family, you're going to have beautiful children, you're going to have successful children. And so this beacon of positive masculinity is incredibly exciting to actually finally see again. But I just think it's, you know, it's a sentiment of like, you can only push people so far before there's a reaction, right, or recall back. And so, you know, um
00:41:02
Speaker
Interestingly, right the the right they've taken more of a like just sort of centrist almost like more like hey We're just normal kind of stance where you know, the left got a little I think like power It really started going off the rails, which is like, you know when like a guy like Bill Maher, right? Who I actually met Bill Maher, you know that nice guy I don't agree with a lot of stuff he says but more recently like even he's just like dude, I don't even know who the left are I can't even consider myself here and he's like a kind of a big lefty. And if he's saying, guys, you guys run really off the rails on extreme, you know, so I think it's just people in general got a sentiment of like, all right, look, we tried obliging a lot of this crazy stuff, but it's just simply not working. So now people are just like, look, let's just be normal, right? Because again, if you were one o'clock back four years ago, but you considered like, you know, just normal rational was considered like wild and extreme where it's like, dude, you want the clock back 20 years ago, this was all like normal.
00:41:56
Speaker
So I think,
Finding the Right Community
00:41:57
Speaker
yeah, wherere where we've hit that sort of like we swung the pendulum way too far and now it's starting to to teeter back. So it'll be fun and exciting to see what happens. I think that we don't have a left or right anymore. We have normal and insane, you know, um because Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
00:42:19
Speaker
I mean, a lot of the things he believes in are traditionally left, like he's an environmentalist and against corporations and all that shit. But he makes fucking sense to me. Like he's normal. He's not nuts, right? While these people are saying, you can't sue the vaccine companies. I'm like, why not? What if they fucking fuck up and hurt people? You should be able to sue their asses.
00:42:40
Speaker
like It's not left to right. It's normal and insane. Right. It was crazy watching watching his um what what was that confirmation hearing the confirmation hearing. It it almost felt like I was watching. um Gosh, I'm so bad with names ah back in 2017. Who is the judge?
00:43:03
Speaker
Cavanaugh. Yeah, so it it felt like watching Cavanaugh again where it's like all they want to do is just attack. And i've seen I've seen memes where it's just like, do you see a pattern? And it's always like somebody on the right being very calm, collected, stoic, so because I think the most important skill or habit or whatever mentality that a a man should have. You have all these stoic men and then you have all these screaming women at them every single time. And it's like, why? Yeah, that was wild, man. I was fucking wild seeing him with ah Elizabeth Warren yesterday. Oh, my God. That was pure entertainment. I break out the fucking popcorn with the butter, man. Let's go.
00:43:53
Speaker
yeah Well, I think, you know, the, the good news is, is that, you know, that sort of trend in that shift and sort of vibe, like now makes it an exciting time. So for, you know, guys out there, if you're, you're seeing this, like, you know, opportunities are shaking open now. So it's like, now's the time to really start capitalizing and really like put yourself out there and really go for it. But also it's important. Like, you know, find your tribe, you know, find a tribe of guys that are moving in the same direction because life is a team sport. If you try and go like all, you know, solo player or commando against everybody else.
00:44:21
Speaker
you're You're fighting against teams. You're always going to be outgunned, out-resourced, out everything. So build a team. Yeah, don't do it alone is super fucking important. You need to have a tribe. um I had a guest on recently on the podcast, Adam Allred, and he said that ah good tribes make for good men.
00:44:45
Speaker
I really liked that. I thought that was powerful. You know, good tribes make for good. So every man needs to be part of something, something bigger than himself. And if he finds a good tribe,
00:44:59
Speaker
And I would encourage guys not to just not to give up if it fails a couple of times. I've picked some bad tribes. um I couldn't be more blessed to have somebody like Josh and somebody like Kevin by my side doing Men of Now like and all the other members in there. It's absolutely unbelievable. And then yeah the the things that I do with the Dragon Ship, which is with my good friend Thor, and and with Paul as well.
00:45:28
Speaker
um God, like i just I'm so blessed every single day. And I think back to that period of time where right after that arrest, I didn't really have friends anymore. like I didn't stay in contact with people from college. So I was dealing with everything in life all at once alone.
00:45:49
Speaker
And I just have to say that once I got back into, into understanding the importance of community and finding the right people to have around me, everything changed. Yeah. And again, just, you know, never underestimate like where things can go by just, you know, putting he yourself out there and then chasing after stuff like me. I've been fortunate. to where I've met.
00:46:09
Speaker
all the pretty much like big names in the space, even way before they were like super
Mentorship and Education for Growth
00:46:13
Speaker
big names. So, you know, back in like 2016, I was interviewing Rolo back in 2017. I was having dinner with Andrew and Tristan Tate. um You know, I've had met everybody, I mean, you know, Michael Sartain, like I beat that guy, see him and hang out with him quite a bit. So, you know, there's a lot that you can do in access and exposure you can get by just putting yourself out there and pursuing a little bit of a pathway.
00:46:34
Speaker
And then you'll meet very interesting people along the way. But you know, if you have the important thing is you have to have motion, right? And some directions and avenues are not going to work out, but you're not going to know until you go. So it's better to start that process now and sooner. So that way you save yourself a little bit of time. So you can dedicate more time to getting to the pathway that's eventually going to work and be a much better and a more fruitful one for you.
00:46:59
Speaker
I think men ought to educate themselves, ought to listen to podcasts like mine, like yours, like Paul's, ought to read books like Paul's, like ah Rollo's, ah some of my books, although my books currently aren't about men's space, they're mostly about success and politics. That's going to help move them forward.
00:47:22
Speaker
It's really, really important to choose good mentors. Two years ago, I um was pretty overweight. I weighed 227 pounds. Got disgusted when I saw myself in the mirror with my gut hanging over my, and I just said, I gotta change this. I hired a guy to coach me.
00:47:46
Speaker
I dropped 58 pounds in six months. And since then I've continued with this guy and I'm on a bodybuilding journey. Paul became my client and I've been helping him grow his business. But I've been really interested in this topic of male, female attraction dynamics. So I started to listen to him and others talk about it. I read a couple of his books.
Failure as a Learning Tool
00:48:11
Speaker
And on top of that,
00:48:13
Speaker
I also ah started to read other books, like folks like Corey Wayne ah and Athol Kay. And I'm going to be reading more books in this regard. And I can tell you that I've started to apply some of the things that they've talked about in their books inside my relationship. So I'm in a long-term committed relationship with Warner. We've been together just shy of 14 years. And I can tell you,
00:48:41
Speaker
Last week, on the weekend, I was kissing her goodbye and she walked over and and kissed me. She hasn't really done, you know what I mean? Not just to pick on the clip, like a passionate kind of lip-on-lip full-on kiss. And when she broke away, she said, you know, I'm falling in love with you all over again.
00:49:01
Speaker
And that became possible because I'm Paul's business coach. And I took an interest in learning what he had to teach. because and And I thought, fuck this, I'm going to apply some of this myself. But I wanted to be a better coach by really understanding what he was all about, right?
00:49:18
Speaker
and that made my relationship, no which is a beautiful thing because, you know, 14 years, some of the passion can die, right? In a relationship, it totally can die. So I'm really, really thrilled with that. And I think it's really important for us as men to continually be seeking out mentors to make us better. So I want to I want to get really good at blowing up on social media, because I have no fucking clue how to do that. But I want to figure that out. And I'm prepared to find some mentors in that regard. I want to be really good at blowing up my podcast on you know YouTube and elsewhere, because I have no fucking idea how to do that. It's just grown how it's grown. It's not that I had some big plan on, hey, let's do this and this will happen. So these are some things I want to learn as well.
00:50:10
Speaker
And the way to learn these things is to be around other men that are good at it, that are fucking good at it. And a great takeaway from that too is as well as that, you know, if guys who are out there seeking mentors, you don't think that you bring any value to the table and you're like, what would anyone see in me? It's like.
00:50:25
Speaker
you know, when you coach other people, you learn a lot from that other person. So um yeah don't think that just because, all right, cool, I'm here at the beginning, base level, or wherever level you are, your journey, right, that there's absolutely nothing that you have absolutely out there to offer, because you'd be very, very surprised as to to what, you know, your your coaches and mentors will wind up learning from you. They're learning about themselves, or just learning about a different perspective on the world.
00:50:48
Speaker
So never, never, ever undervalue that. It's crazy. That's how I learned how to do an oil change from a previous client. I had never, I never knew how to do it. And he taught me everything. You never know. Everybody has something. Yeah. every Everybody does.
00:51:06
Speaker
and You men have something. I mean, you've got your community, but you also have, both of you have strong background in helping men with your expertise and in particular coaching programs.
Future Goals and Men's Communities
00:51:18
Speaker
You both deserve to have a bigger fucking coaching practice. And you both deserve to make a shit-fuck ton of money doing that, making yourselves a few hundred grand extra on the side because what you do helps other men.
00:51:37
Speaker
And if you're helping other men, you deserve to be helped in turn. You deserve all the riches and the prosperity. I appreciate that very much so. I mean, just this journey has been ah has been very, very interesting. um And Josh and I both, we we share the same and and Kevin does as well. We just share so much satisfaction out of helping people not just see their dream, but attain their dream.
00:52:06
Speaker
And I'll tell you guys the secret to what has made you know us effective coaches. And one thing that I picked up from you, Nikki, as well, it's very similar wavelength to Kevin and Hudson. When we do coaching, 80% of it is us talking about our failures. We tried this. It failed. We did this. It blew up. We completely just flattened out and rock bottomed here. So you know we could always, it's easy to sit on our high horse and say, oh, look at me. I'm so successful. I'm so great. I'm so XY. I'm so Z. But in reality, just failure is the best teacher. And where that's why we usually lead very heavily with most of what we have to say is, hey, here's about our failure. So that way you know exactly what to look for, how to better prep yourself, but also to save yourself some time, some aggravation. And here are the things that takeaways I learned. So that way you don't have to go through it. Or if you do, it doesn't impact you. It sets you back as much as it did us. So that's always something to be very mindful of in, in your mentors is when you're looking for those mentors.
00:53:03
Speaker
How often do they talk about theyre their failures? Or do they just always show you about, hey, they're so successful and so X, Y, and Z? Because to me, you know the the best mentors I've ever had always told me about they their failures. And a great example is my mentor, who told me, yeah yeah, dude, I was bedridden and couldn't walk for two years. And I lost $80 million dollars during that time period. I'm like, and how did you not shoot yourself in the face? It was like, dude, it was very tempting so many times. But let me tell you how I got through it. So you know we that those are the types of mentors that could be the best and the most effective.
00:53:33
Speaker
are going to be the ones that you know are going to share their experiences where, hey, look, this all went completely wrong. But here's how it made me better. Man, no, beautiful beautifully said. So Wingman, why the fuck do they call you Wingman? So funny enough, when I got started in this whole journey, ah my very good friend, he was known as the professional Wingman. And so he built his his whole brand on that.
00:53:58
Speaker
So, you know, me, I was kind of have a little more of that sort of maverick renegade ish type attitude. So I became dubbed the the renegade wing man. So that's the where that name came from. Maverick renegade dish. All right. That's fucking awesome, bro. All right. ah Man, it's been a fucking great conversation. I appreciate you. Appreciate the work you do.
00:54:25
Speaker
Appreciate that you're striving to be better men yourselves and to help more men. I'm sorry, Kevin was unable to join us. ah We'll have to do it another time and make sure he's there.
00:54:39
Speaker
And I think it'd be a great idea with your community, too. Maybe we figure out something where ah because one of the things we're going to be pushing is we're going to be doing webinars every month from now on. And it's going to be on a very specific topic. um So whether it be like building financial wealth ah or like had like something while saving at home. like I don't know. it could It could be really anything. I'm going to be doing more of the dating type of stuff, but Kevin's already got something in the mix. um maybe we could Maybe we could cross communities at some point. I mean i would love to give your guys free value. Well, I appreciate that. I do. We can certainly talk about that offline.
00:55:20
Speaker
um But as I was saying, I'm sorry that Kevin was unable to make it today. And I'd like him to be here with the two of you on ah on a podcast, because I think it'd be very powerful to have all three of you in a conversation. And um I think it'd be powerful to have me interview you each individually as well on the show. And I believe it's time to step things up for you men in terms of Not just serving the community, but filling your coffers and filling your own pockets. Both of you deserve that. And now, not someday in the fucking future. And that's what I'm here to tell both you men and want to make sure that happens for you. That's what I live with the men of now. There you go. There you go, man. Well said. That's it. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you so much for having us. Yeah. Appreciate it.
00:56:16
Speaker
Thank you for listening to The Sovereign Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life and become the man you've always wanted to be, we invite you to join the movement at sovereignman.ca.