Transcript
Speaker: Well hey there sweet peas, welcome back to Friendless, the podcast that tries to teach you how to be a better friend while I lose every friend I have. I'm your host James Avramenko, back once again after taking a couple weeks off for a quick little recharge, but I'm back with a brand new batch of episodes starting with today's minisode.
Speaker: Is that copyrighted? I don't know. Miniguide? Little episode? It's just a little guy. Welcome to the little guy episodes. So I've been exploring ideas on how to give you listeners more content other than the core interviews. That would be a little more helpful than just the ongoing like pseudo audiobook of my new novel. Just one second. There. Okay. Music killed.
Speaker: much better. So what I've done is I've come up with a batch of topics that revolve around friendship and intimacy and other things that I've wanted to take a little deeper look at on an individual basis. Over the next few weeks between interviews with my upcoming batch of guests who are all gonna be so much fun and I cannot wait to share those episodes with you, I'm going to be dropping these little
Speaker: mini guide, what did I call them, these little guy episodes on a specific topic. This week's topic is going to be on a emotion that I feel deeply and consistently the one, the only, loneliness. But before we jump into that, I do have a little sidebar question for you, the listener, to kind of ponder or ruminate upon.
Speaker: It's a silly little Jimmy needs validation question, but is the novel series interesting to you? Like I'm really proud of the writing and I'm excited to continue working on it, but I'm not entirely convinced that it actually fits on the friendless feed.
Speaker: But if you are interested in still hearing the rest, I'm obviously more than happy to continue sharing. The editing process did hit a little bit of a wall recently, but I am picking it back up again. So one way or another, the book is getting finished and Hope of Hope's published down the road. But before then, I guess what I'm wondering is what the outside reaction to the series is.
Speaker: Let me know. Send me a message either on Instagram at friendlesspod or you can email me at friendlesspod at gmail .com. I would genuinely love to hear your thoughts on that whole thing. OK, but with that other way, let's jump into the actual topic of this little guy, loneliness.
Speaker: I was recently out with a couple of friends and one of them described me as a lonely soul. And that got me really thinking. Well, OK, so like it actually got me really spun out first. But then once I had regulated and couldn't think a little clearer, what I realized was that it was actually a really astute observation of who I am as an intrinsic person. It's a really strange feeling to balance. And I think it really lays at the heart of so much of my personal expression.
Speaker: I'm very lonely. I've always felt like a bit of an outcast, never quite fitting in with any of the groups that I encounter, whether it's living on the other side of the country as most of my family, or struggling to maintain long -term connections with friends even in the same city.
Speaker: even when I'm with people so often there's this lingering sense that it's it's not real it's ephemeral it's it's just going to disappear and leave me alone again and I mean like okay so that's definitely a product of an absolute dog pile of traumas but
Speaker: Feelings aren't real, but that doesn't make them feel less real, if that makes any sense. The thing about loneliness is it is a universal experience that has profound effects on our life and our well -being.
Speaker: It's something that I've felt at many points in my life and I think it's really important to understand its impact on our emotional and mental health. I think before I go any further, I think it's really important I say, if you're feeling like you share similar experiences to what I'm describing, you are not alone. My therapist has been encouraging me to make a really pointed and mindful effort to take any opportunity I have to express comforting or reinforcing statements.
Speaker: And I think it's a really wise place to start off with a gentle reminder that even when you are in the depths of these feelings of shame and isolation, what you're feeling doesn't have to be tackled alone. We are in this together and by shedding light on the importance of connection and sharing practical strategies for overcoming loneliness, I hope you can feel empowered to combat these feelings and cultivate a sense of belonging in your life.
Speaker: So I've done a little reading and a little researching and I want to briefly explore the psychological and physiological consequences of loneliness. Basically, the question is, what exactly does loneliness do to us?
Speaker: loneliness has been described as an epidemic in our modern society. With the rise of technology, the increasing pace of our lives, and the breakdown of, I mean, the word is traditional, but that word feels a lot more loaded when said aloud than I intend to, so I really hope you can take the context, but traditional or familiar physical community structures, they've all contributed to this widespread issue.
Speaker: Research is showing that chronic loneliness has an incredibly detrimental impact on our health. Physiologically, loneliness can lead to increased levels of stress hormones in our bodies, which can weaken our immune system and make us more susceptible to illness. It can also disrupt our sleep patterns, leading to fatigue and a lack of energy. It's been associated with an increased risk of depression, anxiety, and cognitive decline. All things I definitely have.
Speaker: Loneliness also affects our self -esteem, leading to feelings of worthlessness and a negative self -impact. It's this vicious cycle that can be difficult to break free from. Understanding the gravity of these consequences is the first step in addressing and overcoming this loneliness.
Speaker: When we're lonely, certain areas of our brain that are responsible for processing social cues and emotions may become less active or engaged. This can make it more challenging to understand and interpret social interactions, leading to a sense of social awkwardness or isolation, which has made just tenfold harder when you are, like myself, on the spectrum, which is a great, great little what's the word I'm looking for. They play really well together if the game is making your life hell.
Speaker: Additionally, as I have touched on, loneliness impacts our emotional well -being. It leads to feelings of sadness, emptiness and a lack of purpose in life. It also can contribute to negative thoughts and self -doubt, further exacerbating these same feelings of loneliness.
Speaker: It's this really awful vicious cycle where you're lonely so you isolate but you're isolating because you're lonely and you just cannot find any reason to connect and so you just stay alone and it just the cycle of pain continues and there's seemingly it feels like there's no way to get out of it which is where I'm coming to because you might be listening to this wondering well what can you do if you're feeling lonely
Speaker: and I've come up with a couple points of actionable steps that you can take. I've been trying to implement these into my daily life and so far I am starting to see very small shifts but you know I'm not gonna say like if you do these steps your life's gonna be changed tomorrow or anything you know ridiculous like that but
Speaker: I do encourage you to give them a shot and just try to stay open to giving this process the time that it needs in order to actually make tangible, permanent change. So step one, you're kind of already in the process of is recognize and acknowledge your feelings of loneliness. It's really important to be honest with yourself and understand that it is okay to feel this way. By acknowledging your emotions, you can start the process of addressing them.
Speaker: It's often when we ignore these emotions that they become too big for us to actually process, or they will shift and morph into more volatile or hostile emotions. It's that really, really frustrating thing of like, you have to feel what you feel, otherwise you're going to feel even more and worse. Step number two is reach out to others.
Speaker: As hard as it might feel, do not be afraid to initiate contact with friends, family, or even just acquaintances. Share your feelings with someone you trust and let them know that you need support. Sometimes a simple conversation can make a world of difference. One of the most nefarious characteristics of depression that I've kind of talked about is that it makes us avoid the things that will help us move out of isolation.
Speaker: We'll tell ourselves that we're too much of a burden to be worth the connection, but it's that actual connection that will remind us how loved we are and how worthwhile this shift is. It's so important to reach out and connect with others.
Speaker: Sometimes the hardest part is just taking that first step. So start by identifying the people in your life who you feel a connection to or would like to get to know better and you be the one to reach out to them. Set up a coffee date or maybe just invite them out for a walk in the park. You got to remember that genuine connections are built through shared experiences and meaningful conversations. Not just wanting a connection but making that connection actually happen.
Speaker: Number three can be a little bit dubious and maybe a little cheesy, but honestly, I think this one's really fun. Join groups or communities who have similar interests to you. Find a book club or join a sports team or find a group that shares your love for Dungeons and Dragons. It's all about finding like -minded individuals who share your passion to create a sense of belonging and provide opportunities for meaningful connection.
Speaker: just one caveat please for the love of God if there's like a leader who may or may not be dressed in like light flowing robes or maybe have very dark heavy sunglasses who begins to rail against like you know wokeness or something like that or maybe they start telling you that this magic crystal is gonna like cure your personality disorder
Speaker: run just just run because no good is going to come from that. So yeah, be on the lookout for that one.
Speaker: Number four is actually kind of building on top of that. It's really important to be proactive in creating opportunities for social interaction. So you have to be the one to create the opportunities that you want to participate in. This can look anything like hosting a dinner party, organizing a game night or even just attending local events or maybe find a workshop or something like that.
Speaker: By putting yourself out there and being open to new experiences, you're going to increase the chances of forming connections with others. Number five is not only a really good one for you, but also will have the added benefit of helping the community you're in, which is volunteer or get involved in your community. Helping others not only will give you a sense of purpose, but it also provides opportunities to meet new people and form these connections that you're looking for.
Speaker: and last but not least number six and this one is a pain in the ass take care of your physical and mental well -being engaging in regular exercise practicing self -care and seeking professional help if needed all is going to contribute to a healthier mindset and a stronger sense of self and like i know exercise sucks but it's also kind of the best
Speaker: Like recently I dropped off my yoga practice and my mental health basically just plummeted. But since getting back on the old DDP yoga bandwagon, I'm starting to feel like so much better with the added bonus of being able to activate my core without feeling like I'm dying.
Speaker: So those are six simple steps that you can take. I know they might sound daunting, but they genuinely are very simple. Just take them one at a time and remember above all else to focus on quality over quantity. It's not about having hundreds of friends. It's about having a few genuine supportive relationships. So invest your time and your energy in nurturing those connections.
Speaker: Be present, listen actively, and show genuine care and interest in the lives of others. Because you gotta remember that building deep connections takes time and effort. But the rewards are that you have real friends. Well, that is kind of my spiel, but I wanted to leave you with a call to action.
Speaker: This week, I want to encourage you to reach out to someone you know who might be feeling lonely. It could be a friend, family member, or even a co -worker. Take a moment to check in with them, lend an empathetic ear, and offer your support. Because together, we make a difference in people's lives and create a more compassionate and connected world.
Speaker: I talk often about how when I feel myself desiring a type of connection that I'm not receiving, something that helps me is to start by embodying that trait. So if I want friends who call, I try to be the one who calls. If I want friends who speak honestly and intimately, I speak that first. It might be kind of cheesy, but it really can boil itself down to the saying by that old pervert Gandhi, be the change you want to see in the world.
Speaker: And that's it. Thank you so much for listening all the way through this very special first little guy episode of Friendless. If you enjoy the show, please consider leaving a review on your favorite podcast platform. Your views help me reach more listeners who might benefit from the content that I'm trying to share.
Speaker: Also, please don't forget to follow me on social media. You can find Friendless on Instagram and TikTok at FriendlessPod. I love hearing from you, so please feel free to send me a message with your thoughts, suggestions, or any questions you might have, either through those accounts or by email at friendlesspod at gmail .com.
Speaker: Also don't forget to sign up for the monthly sub -stack. The latest June update is coming out this week and it's a ton of fun. I am expanding the content so I am going to be hopefully moving to a bi -weekly thing and it's going to be super fun and always free. There is a paid option where I am adding more behind the scenes content but the main stuff is always going to be free so sign up today. Follow the links in the show notes. But before I go I just want to say one more time
Speaker: that you are not alone. Loneliness is a common experience, but there are resources available to help you navigate through that. If you're struggling with loneliness or any other mental health issues, please consider reaching out to a mental health professional or a helpline in your area. Just remember there is support out there for you.
Speaker: Thanks again for tuning in. I will see you here next week with another episode of Friendless, but I'm not going to worry about that now. And neither should you, because that is then and this is now. So for now, I'll just say I love you and I hope you take care of yourselves and keep building those meaningful connections. Fun and safety, sweeties.
Speaker: So.
