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How to Survive the Internet (with special guest Sam Murdock)
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This week on a very special episode of Friendless, host James Avramenko sits down with Sam Murdock—tech wizard, board game buff, and the behind-the-scenes moderator of Codenames Live. Fresh from his adventures as a Twitch streamer (pants optional), Sam shares his journey from computer programming dropout to community builder extraordinaire. Together, James and Sam dive into the intricacies of forming genuine connections in the digital age, the irresistible chaos of live-streamed game nights, and how a simple meme or DM can sometimes be the sincerest way to show up for your friends.
They swap stories about discovering the world of board games, nurturing small social circles online and off, and keeping digital spaces welcoming in a world full of trolls. Sam also drops recommendations for indie games and deck-builders, discusses the magic (and anxiety) of playing and hosting Codenames Live, and reflects on what it really means to be a friend—spoiler: it’s often about being present in the small moments.
Tune in for tons of laughter, a few nostalgic deep cuts (Audiobooks on cassette, anyone?), and some thoughtful advice on how to be a more attentive friend, both online and IRL.
Check out Sam's work at https://nerdservice.ca
Check out Codenames LIVE!
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:08
Speaker
Well, hey there, sweet peas. Welcome back to Friendless. I'm your host, James Avramenko, and this week, we're diving into the wild world of online gaming with the one and only Sam Murdock.
00:00:20
Speaker
Sam is the guy in the chair behind the scenes of Codenames Live, He's also a board game fanatic and a Twitch streamer who's never afraid to go pantsless
Building Genuine Connections in the Digital Era
00:00:28
Speaker
for the bit. We talk about building real connections in a digital age, the magic of codenames, and why sometimes the best way to show up for your friends is just send them a meme.
00:00:37
Speaker
Let's get into it, so it's time to lean back, get comfy, set your volume at a reasonable level, and enjoy my interview with Sam Murdock here on Friendless. This week on Friendless, I have ah um someone who has been the the the moderator of several of my my big moments over the last year, but someone who I have yet to actually have the opportunity to you have like a full-on, just one-on-one he and I conversation.
00:01:05
Speaker
um I met him through Codenames Live, but he does an incredible array of other work that
Sam's Journey in Gaming and Streaming
00:01:11
Speaker
we're going to get to. He's the one, the only Sam Murdoch. How the hell are you? I'm doing good, James. Thank you.
00:01:17
Speaker
that ah Yeah, we've definitely, I've witnessed a few events while you were playing Codenames with Meg, and I think Meg has been your only partner.
00:01:28
Speaker
Yeah, well, there's been a few. i got initially brought on by Brian, by Brian Knottling. ah he's Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And then we had, of course, the legendary Mark Bensler this very last time.
00:01:39
Speaker
yeah Yeah. where we I think that was the first time I've ever won a like a regular game. Yeah. Meg came back with Clayton's wife and still lost.
00:01:52
Speaker
So we're really identifying the issue in teams here. You know, you know it's ah it's ah yeah, it's, ah what do you call it when what both members are the weak member, you know?
00:02:07
Speaker
ah There's not a good word for that, so I think that's just... Yeah. I love it. I love it. So, so Sam, you know, as as as we we we talked about with Codenames, we're going to get to that. But, um you know, for any listener who may not be familiar with you, um I'll put put the question to you very simply. ah Who the fuck are you?
00:02:26
Speaker
I am a man of many things. um I'm primarily known as a nerd. Like, I'm even wearing, you can barely see it, but it's a Stitch and Doctor Who crossover shirt. Gorgeous. Because why not? They yeah never interacted in the slightest. Let's smash those together.
00:02:42
Speaker
yeahp But also on my free times, i stream video games. I love like indie titles. I love things where like, oh, this one guy made Bellatro and he thought, yeah, whatever. My friends will play that. And now he's $100,000 in and famous games would be like hey can we throw our people on your cards it's like my production file still says card game like so that's kind of the jam for you yeah but i'm also like i'm i'm the the token tech guy of my family hey the printer's not working well yeah it's a printer it smells fear like you told it you're in a hurry you're not getting a page out of that yep yep
00:03:19
Speaker
I love it. um I'm really just, I'm the jack of all trades. Like if something
The Role of Community in Online Spaces
00:03:24
Speaker
needs to get done, i can figure it out. I learned video editing because a friend is like, hey, can you tell me how to do clips for this thing? And I was like, buddy, I will just do the clips myself.
00:03:33
Speaker
Yeah. You know, that is something that I really, i i it's funny. My brain goes in two different directions with that. A, being like, I respect that so deeply.
00:03:44
Speaker
And then the like therapized side of me is like, oh no, Sam, don't overdo yourself. you know you know I have that special autism ADHD where i don't just need to know a skill exists. I need to understand the skill.
00:03:58
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. And then the like, the like, you when you figure out the system, but then it's still novel, right? It's still interesting to you, right? Yeah. That's the sweet spot right there.
00:04:09
Speaker
My partner doesn't like being on cameras. So I looked into how to do V tubing. I was like, okay, here, I've thrown together a quick model from free shit. We can install it on your computer. You can do webcam stuff without anybody ever seeing your face.
00:04:21
Speaker
Whoa. Okay, we have to circle back to VTube stuff because that is something that I'm fascinated by. um And I don't want to get to too deep in the weeds too early.
00:04:34
Speaker
But that is something that I am fascinated by. Maybe we might need to end up just doing this an off mic thing because... because like I want to know everything about it.
00:04:45
Speaker
um but But let's dog ear that for now. Okay. um So, yeah. So, you know, you you you very much are this, like, this jack of all trades. you're You're kind of the, like, tech savior in my in my experience yeah with with with the crossovers, you know? um and And I'm very curious about how did that kind of...
00:05:03
Speaker
formulate for you. um um yeah i think you so you you wrote that you you studied public relations. yeah and And so I'm curious about that that sort of, that pipeline.
00:05:15
Speaker
Yeah, so I am a Three time computer programming dropout. o um I originally went to, I don't even remember what it was in Toronto.
00:05:26
Speaker
And then somebody stabbed their father in my apartment building. So I went, fuck that. I'm moving out of Toronto. Yeah. and i bear And then the program here. So that was computer programming and analysis. But the college here didn't have and analysis. So they made me start over.
00:05:41
Speaker
Gotcha. And then ah coding is a goddamn nightmare and I hate it but it's so intriguing because somebody once described it as a murder mystery where you're the detective, the victim, and the killer.
00:05:55
Speaker
I went, fuck, that's so true. It's spot on. i spent lockdown learning a couple basic languages. And ah yeah it was so interesting at the time. And now I'm like, you put any ah and I'm like, ah I have no idea what I'm looking at. It's ah yeah a foreign language to me again.
00:06:11
Speaker
Oh, 100%. And then so that that kind of veered into the well, if I could figure out how the brain works, can I make the hardware work and making hardware work is so much easier?
00:06:21
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, this button wasn't pushed. Oh, that lights off. Well, why is that light off? This wire is loose. Done. Um, and so then in the capitalist hellscape of the world we live in everybody needs a degree to get a job. So was like, okay, let's, let's do the local colleges. What program should I apply for quiz?
00:06:40
Speaker
And it said, uh, you should do accounting, library tech or public relations. And I went, well, my mom and sister are already librarians and that's a weird family job. We're all librarians. So I was like, let's try public relations.
00:06:55
Speaker
yeah i can Yeah. I'm good at communicating. I can code switch with people. Yeah. oh and you know And the nice thing is, I mean, barring any great disaster, you know like that library legacy is always going to be there. You know you can always you could always fall back on that, right? Yeah, 100%.
00:07:12
Speaker
So that's, yeah. it's That's so fascinating that you've got that that the the sort of, I'm stuck on the library thing for a moment because that's such an interesting like lineage. are you you so So you must be a family of readers, I have to assume. yes. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Like, I...
00:07:31
Speaker
I didn't even grow up reading Harry Potter. I grew up having it read to me as a bedtime story. Right. Yeah. Yeah. All the way through those. Like if we took a family vacation, it was audio books the whole way down and back. Yeah. so like I've, I've listened to like Harry Potter, but also Sylvia Plath and the whole alphabet murder series. Like I, hell yeah.
00:07:49
Speaker
Hell yeah. That's, that's an interesting, you know, that's been a thing that, you know, cause as, as a kid, all I had was books, right. You know? Um, so I, I read books and books and books and books, uh, as I grew up, I moved more into comics cause they're just easier, you know, but then I've always had it in my head that I was like, I'm a reader, you know, I always read books and, and, but over the last couple of years, I've recognized that, you know, I was talking about this on the last episode. I've recognized that like, um,
00:08:16
Speaker
buying books and like having books is a totally different pastime than reading books. Right. You know, absolutely. I used to work. You're Canadian, right? Yeah. Yeah. So I used to work at chapters before. Right. Of course. go and And same idea. It would be like, oh they let me borrow a book so that I can have knowledge base to talk to customers.
00:08:37
Speaker
I don't have to buy anything for a while. just borrow a book read it, give it back. It's my personal library of new releases. Brilliant. But, and this is the thing that it leads me to is that it's, I've realized that audio books are now my jam, you know? at Oh, a hundred percent. Oh my God.
00:08:53
Speaker
um And it's, and it's reminded me that like, My dad used to be a big audiobook guy, but he was a books on tape guy, right? you know Yeah, yeah, so like well yeah. actual, yeah, 14 cassettes. Yeah. Oh, my God. Do you remember those, like, the padded cases and they all popped into their squares, you know? Oh, it's the best.
00:09:11
Speaker
Oh my god, that just unlocked a memory of listening to an interview with a vampire when I was yeah like eight, you know? Yeah. McDonald's is full of cigarette smoke and yeah. Right, exactly.
00:09:24
Speaker
ah Oh my god. i But so, okay, so let's let's not get too hung up on this. I feel like we could just like autistically fixate on on any number things. Every single thing we bring
Navigating Digital and Political Landscapes
00:09:34
Speaker
up could be its own episode. Exactly, exactly. We gotta focus up here, you know? Um...
00:09:39
Speaker
Because I really want to lead us to what got you involved with Codenames. From my sort of perspective, you know and what I'd like to see hear is the gap of like, so you've got all these skills developing, and you know you're clearly a but but board gamer and stuff like that. And and so, yeah, how did how did all that kind of fall into place?
00:09:58
Speaker
Yeah, so it's it's like seven different branches on my story. So COVID hit, everyone's locked inside, and I have an Xbox One. Yeah, One, not the 360, the Xbox One.
00:10:10
Speaker
And I know that they've got a, Microsoft has this streaming thing called Mixer just built into it. So said, you know what, friends? I will stream Jackbox. That's our way to spend time together. Every Friday night or whatever, I'll put Jackbox on at 7.30.
00:10:22
Speaker
I'll blast out the code. We can all have fun. but And so from there, my friend, Daniela Lard, who is a teacher at Algonquin, she started doing a Instagram live show, just checking in on people saying, hey, what have you been up to?
00:10:37
Speaker
Come chat with me for 30 minutes. We'll do, you know, just show people that there is still joy in the world. And then from there, she started streaming on Twitch and doing music. And I went, huh. I could stream video games on Twitch and give people entertainment. And then,
Authenticity in Digital and Physical Interactions
00:10:50
Speaker
so I was modding for her. She hit partner immediately fast, like crazy fast, fantastic performer.
00:10:55
Speaker
um But I was moderating for her when our mutual friend, Tim joined the chat. yeah And I was telling him like, Oh, Hey, yeah yeah I'm also in Ottawa. I'm going go get some poutine when this is over.
00:11:06
Speaker
And he went, no, no, fuck that. Meet me at this place. I will buy you poutine. This is way better than the crap you're going to go get. Cause Tim's a huge foodie. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. So I traveled to Gatineau, which is basically the same city, but on opposite sides of the provincial border.
00:11:22
Speaker
ah Ottawa and Gatineau are basically twin cities. Gotcha. yep And met a guy, I'd never, like I'd seen his name online for 30 seconds in and a French place where I speak French, but not Quebec well enough. They'll still judge me.
00:11:36
Speaker
ah Yes. um And that's the difference. There's a big difference between speaking French and speaking Quebecois, you know? Yeah, exactly. I can understand it and I can fumble my way through it, but they'll judge me.
00:11:48
Speaker
um And so I was chatting with him and ah he was saying, you know, like, ah I'm also doing this thing. You should check it out. I call it Codenames Live. It's just me and my friends. It'd be cool to have you join us and check that out.
00:12:00
Speaker
And so that happened. And then i was, I saw like, oh man, he doesn't have any of these permissions set up. He doesn't have commands and things like
Reflections on Community and Friendship
00:12:09
Speaker
that. And I was like, okay, here, Tim, I will help you out on get this rolling. Cause you've got a great idea. It's a ton of fun to watch you and all your comedian friends.
00:12:16
Speaker
Yeah. And so it's just ballooned over time. And then eventually he brought me on camera. yeah And like, I remember the first few episodes where I was on camera, I forgot I was on camera.
00:12:26
Speaker
So it's just like, I was sharing an apartment. Like i I was renting one room in a five bedroom house with a ton of strangers because it's dirt cheap. And so I'm just in my bedroom with my gear and headphones on.
00:12:39
Speaker
And it's like, fuck, it's hot in here. So I take off my shirt and Tim goes, nobody look at the screen. Sam's shirtless. It's like, oh, fuck, I'm on camera.
00:12:50
Speaker
You got to give the people what they want, you know? Yeah. Well, it's funny because like years later, we brought on... I can't remember his name. he Human Juke, who's another musician on Twitch.
00:13:00
Speaker
And I famously don't wear pants if I'm on Twitch because fuck it. You can't see me from here down. yep ah And somebody's like, I will drop 50 subs if Sam proves it. So I stood up and showed, hey, I'm in my boxers. Like, where's my 50 subs? and yeah yeah So that's...
00:13:17
Speaker
People have seen me prove that I'm pantsless from chest down. like Gorgeous. gor well And the irony, too, is that now now Tim is always announcing the new episode shirtless, you know? So its it comes full circle, right?
00:13:31
Speaker
Yeah. And it's that's a weird thing, too. Like, he just noticed that one day he couldn't be bothered and it got 20,000 views.
00:13:40
Speaker
Again, you got to give the people what they want. Yeah. know Yeah. Those algorithms are wicked. Right? Exactly. Exactly. ah So on Codenames, you talk often about, you know, you've got... um ah you know, you've got this newsletter that you do where you recommend video games.
00:14:00
Speaker
um You also, you know, you, Tim, and and so many of the other guests, you talk really extensively about um about board games. And there's this, like, there's this incredible board game subculture that I just have, like, very, very passing, you know? Like, I have a i have Wingspan, like, collecting dust under my coffee table, you know, like, because nobody will play it with me, you know? yeah.
00:14:24
Speaker
um But i'm I'm really curious about how you... Like, how do you maintain your kind of board game fixation?
00:14:36
Speaker
For sure. Do you have a big group together? Yeah, how do you do that? I largely blame it on Tim. Because i was gay I was like you. like I was familiar with board games. I played Catan. My family enjoyed all these little whatevers.
00:14:49
Speaker
And then... um Just ah towards the end of COVID, Tim started saying, you know, hey, my daughters are out for the weekend. Do any of my friends want to come over and play board games? e And we've had that going every two weeks for two, three years now.
00:15:03
Speaker
Sometimes it's at his place. Sometimes it's at our friend Evan's. I'm super fortunate in that the three apartment buildings that I live at have event spaces you can just rent out for free. Gotcha. So I've got a party room in the basement. I just, I say, Hey, yep. Can I book it on this Sunday or Saturday, whatever.
00:15:20
Speaker
And we'll have five, 10 people come over. We'll play a handful of board games. We'll, we'll chat. We'll enjoy social life. And then we'll do code names on Monday. love I love it. is there um Is there any these days that you're like really sold on, like really fixated on or any any any recommendations?
00:15:38
Speaker
I fucking love deck builders. Like any game that the engine is figure your shit out yeah is all, is ah I'll die for. it Like I've got one on my thing called Clank, which is you are all adventurers trying to get into a dungeon to grab all the dragon's treasure and get out before you wake it up.
00:15:54
Speaker
yeah The problem is you've got like heavy armor you can wear. So if you roll poorly on the dice or you draw poorly on the dice, uh oh, you tripped, you made a noise, the dragon, add another dragon to the dice bag.
00:16:05
Speaker
And so you've got to build your deck and weed out the cards you don't want. And that gets you in and out. And it's, that's really cool. Tim just introduced me to one, think it's called Control, but you're two battling AI systems.
00:16:18
Speaker
And so the game comes with like 12 half decks and you just both choose to shuffle them together. And there you go. And I was like, this is blowing my mind. Cause like no two games are ever going to be the same. Yeah.
00:16:30
Speaker
Yeah. That sounds rad. do That, that sparks a little, this, some random factoid in my brain. that the there's a the the number of ah permutations for a 52 card deck, if you shuffle it once, the the odds are so, like, the the the statistics on it are so high that no two deals have ever happened before.
00:16:53
Speaker
Yeah, or will be until the heat death of the universe. Yeah, yeah. It's like astronomical high number. And it just, yeah, that one wrinkles my fucking brain. I just can't. It's so good. Yeah, yeah.
00:17:06
Speaker
That really, you know, the ah the the sort of the foundation of the of the the board game stuff. And i want to i want to swing back to to video game stuff down the road, but... but but you know I feel like the board game element really encapsulates one of the sort of tentpole questions of the show.
00:17:22
Speaker
um And it's really integritying interrogating this question of community and sort of like, what is community to you? And then as a further kind of build on that of like, how do you build community within your own kind of for yourself?
00:17:40
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. So community to me is is tricky because I know the dictionary definition is, oh, it's people you surround yourself with. But we live in an increasingly digital world. like yeah My partner lives in Minnesota.
00:17:52
Speaker
my One of my best friends lives in, i think he's in Alberta. like it's It's all over the place. So community to me is just regulars, people you interact with on a constant basis. They don't have to be close anymore. They just have to be someone you're familiar with, someone you'll show a little bit of your soul to.
00:18:08
Speaker
That's your community. and And the way I build that is just be real. Just, you know, grab a friend, grab a friend of a friend and go down the chain. Like that's that's the way it's been working for me is like I met mike my friend Danny and I met her friend Tim. And now I've met all of Tim's friends and their friends of friends. And I've met their friends and I've met you and I've through you i've met this guy. And then it just goes down and on.
00:18:32
Speaker
Yeah, that's such a fascinating take. I like that because, you know, ah so often this is cut This is a big reason why I wanted to get you on the show, to be honest, because so often we talk about and I think obviously we talk about it obviously because it's very vital, but it's like we we talk so often about the sort of the local community. Right. And sort of like the like, you know, the in person, you know, and and obviously, you know, I think.
00:18:55
Speaker
especially with the way things are going these days, I think local is going to be pretty fucking important coming up, you know? yeah Um, but there is this whole other realm that, um, you know, I personally dip my toes in and out of, which is that the sort of digital world, you know? yeah um and, and for years I have really, and will continue to really vociferously like defend online communities and the need for, you know, like, like, um,
00:19:23
Speaker
you know, finding connection wherever you can, right? and yeah and and And where I struggle with it is the idea of like, we're we're inherently social creatures.
00:19:35
Speaker
And, you know, years ago, like I think I was in like university, some like whacked out hippie who was probably high on mescaline or something on ah but on ah like a double-decker bus in Victoria, BC, was like telling me about how like,
00:19:50
Speaker
our bodies are magnets kind of thing, you know? And, and, you know, obviously it's like, okay, buddy, but it's also like, but I liked the spirituality behind it because he was talking about like, we are always at once attracting and repelling everything.
00:20:03
Speaker
And, yeah and we, we, um we feed off of that magnetism. And the only way we feed it is by being in person and being in in communion together. Right. And, and that's something that I,
00:20:15
Speaker
When I lean into my digital communities, I struggle to feed that need, you know? um and i and i'm And I'm curious about, yeah, your your experience with like, how do you how do you replenish that if if the sort of the in real life stuff is lacking and it's and it's leaning more on digital?
00:20:36
Speaker
Yeah, it's it can definitely be tricky. I love video calls like this. like This is huge for for when online just isn't quite hitting it enough. But I'll also play video games with my friends because that gives us that we're interacting. It it brings me back to childhood, sitting in a room with four other friends playing Mario Party.
00:20:52
Speaker
Fuck yeah. My partner and I try to do Stardew Sundays where we'll play farm sim. doesn't It's not always Stardew. We were heavy into Fae Farm. I just introduced her to a new one called Fields of Mysteria.
00:21:04
Speaker
um So it's it's just these little tiny, yes online, but what are you using online for? Yes. Like that's that's a huge one. Like it' is a sometimes we'll just sit on Discord and play completely separate games while chatting.
00:21:19
Speaker
yeah And so there'll be this hilarious moment where like I'm deep in a heartfelt cut scene and I'll just hear, oh God fucking damn it. Oh, okay, what's wrong? She's like, oh, nothing.
00:21:30
Speaker
The guy I wanted to use this attack used an item instead. It's okay, my guy's dead. It's like Aerith is being murdered. but Yeah, exactly. And Barrett is over somewhere tripping over a chocobo.
00:21:47
Speaker
I love it. I love it. But that also, that alone, even that kind of like, you could almost call it the dichotomy is actually that creates almost more humane connections too, right? Because then you're not just locked away. You're like, you're still having that like, oh, right. There's live people here, right? exactly.
00:22:03
Speaker
Exactly. And I find like i'm I'm a Twitch streamer. I find that helps a lot because then it's just more friends sitting on my couch watching me play a single player game and tell me, hey, you missed a thing. Hey, what the fuck are you doing? Hey, this game kind of sucks.
00:22:18
Speaker
It's like it's it's those interactions that i'm I'm huge into as well. So it's like if I don't work today, fuck it. I'll go live for two hours. I'll make buck or whatever. It doesn't matter to me, but I'll get to entertain my friends.
00:22:30
Speaker
Tell me a little bit more about this. Tell me a little bit more about streaming. It's something that I, again, it's one of those, like, I'm i'm passingly aware of it, but I've yeah always been too intimidated by it. I've also always felt like, and this, again, i've been on there I've been on a roll last couple of episodes of saying this and knowing it's bullshit, but, like, I've always felt, like, a little too old for it, you know?
00:22:50
Speaker
um But it's also, like, shut the fuck up, James. yeah Get over yourself, right? you know But but like yeah tell me a little bit more about like how do you sort of enter the realm of of like Twitch streaming and stuff like that? And how do you go about doing that?
00:23:03
Speaker
So i I'm going to back up a step in and just yell at you for being too old because some of the coolest streamers are legitimately like a fucking army veteran who plays Call of Duty and tells people, okay, he's this far away by my site finder, so i'm going to put him two dots on my scope and headshot.
00:23:20
Speaker
It's like crazy. I hate that you know that yeah in real life and have used this skill. But also you're 80 and headshotting people 100 yards away Call of like and That's so dystopian in like the best sense of the word. Yeah. you know yeah like he'd absolutely Like if the world fell apart, he'd absolutely be like the old guy in the cave that people tell stories about.
00:23:41
Speaker
Right.
00:23:43
Speaker
It's so don't go near Farmer Jim's cave. He'll take you out at 100 yards. It's like, I don't understand any of those words, but I'm not going near that fucking cave. yu But to actually get into Twitch streaming is...
00:23:56
Speaker
It's heavy on the technical side in that there's a lot of setup you have to do. There's programs you're unfamiliar with. And then there's always room for error in that, oh, it's just not capturing your game or it's just not capturing your camera if you're a performer, things like that.
00:24:10
Speaker
But I liken it a lot to busking in the digital age. o You're not standing on a street corner. You're standing on a website and you're just saying, hey, here's what I have on offer.
00:24:22
Speaker
If you like it, drop a follow. Get a little ding when I go live. Come hang out. If you really like it, throw me a dollar. Give me a subscription. Whatever you like. I'm offering it for free. Support me if you want.
00:24:35
Speaker
That's the way I view it. And I know some people view it as, no, I am there to perform. People must pay me. Right. And I hate that. That feels disingenuous. Yeah. And so I like, like I said earlier, I got into it just purely for the entertaining my friends in the middle of a global pandemic. Everyone's locked inside.
00:24:53
Speaker
Yeah. And I like to think that's kind of stuck with me the whole time is that I might get 50 bucks every two months. Like I don't have a huge audience. I have two or three regulars and a handful of people who pop in and out.
00:25:05
Speaker
Yeah. But I know there are people who like, oh yeah, I made 16 grand while it was a slow month. but That's half my yearly income. like Yeah, literally. Right. That's, I think that's the thing that really baffles me and really intimidates me is that I think, um, you know, I, and you know, I, honestly, I have the same ethos around my podcast where it's like, I just put it out cause I like it and it makes me happy.
00:25:27
Speaker
But knowing that like, you know, some fucking Neanderthal mouth breather is being paid like millions of dollars by Spotify to like, you know, and it's like, yeah the ah the disparity of the possibility with the form is it ends up kind of like disheartening me in a way, you know? Yeah.
00:25:43
Speaker
Um, And I, I, there are some standards I hold myself to that I shouldn't hold myself to. Like I had friends who started streaming after me, but they got one lucky raid where like they were playing Detroit become human. And one of the people who played in the game, in that game rated into her. And that resulted in like thousands of followers. And I was like, well, you got a lucky break. That's bullshit. I put a lot of hard work into this. shit and So that's something like I had to work with my therapist and I was like, I really have to like get over this. It's not her fault that I'm jealous.
00:26:12
Speaker
Yeah. Of course. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. That's definitely not a her problem. Yeah. ah Like, yes, she got a lucky break. Okay. That's great. Yeah. And like, what isn't a lucky break in a certain perspective? you know The fact that I'm able to sit at a computer and play video games and make any amount of money.
00:26:28
Speaker
like That's just it, right? by that's That's exactly right. Yeah. it's it's just such a It's such a fascinating world to me in that, like, you know, I worry sometimes i slip into, like, old man yells at cloud type mentality. It's hard not to these things. Right?
00:26:47
Speaker
Yeah. You know, with the things like watch-alongs and stuff like that. But then I do, but then I have watched those and I'm like, oh, yeah, I get it. I get it entirely. Exactly. yeah I grew up watching Rooster Teeth and Achievement Hunter doing all their Let's Plays. And I went, I want to do that.
00:27:02
Speaker
And COVID gave me that chance. And now I do. Yeah. It also, you know, you know what, that the the the inroad for me was that there was all these old games that, you know, I'd played when I was a kid, you know, um,
00:27:15
Speaker
but had no access to. And, and even if I did, I didn't really actually want to replay them. Like I was thinking of like, like in lockdown, I watched like um the original Metal Gear Solid. Yeah. like so Like the original Silent Hill 2.
00:27:27
Speaker
And like these kinds of games that, right. You know, these games that I was like, i haven't played these since I was a kid. And, would I even want to go back to them? But so I watched people play them and I was like, oh yeah, that just scratched the exact ditch I needed. Exactly. Yeah. It's funny you brought up Silent Hill 2 because that was kind of a moment I picture evolving my stream because that was a game purely for my viewers.
00:27:48
Speaker
Because I'm known, like, I fall for jump scares so easily. And my viewers know that. So i was like, you know what, guys? I will play for October. I will play Silent Hill 2 Remake in high depth.
00:27:59
Speaker
And I will even give you free sound alerts that you can redeem just by watching my channel. and so it was just a month of my anxiety through the roof and like dark room with a flickering flashlight and i know there's a monster in here and oh god yeah and that fucking radio that um i that remake took me about three months to finish because i i just kept on like and i knew like i know the story i knew what was happening and i still was like oh this is this is a lot fellas you know like Yeah, absolutely. There were times where I'd just, I'd pause the game, I'd put the controller down, I'd push back and I'd say, we'll be back in five minutes, guys.
00:28:34
Speaker
Right. I'm going to have a heart attack if we keep going. Yeah. I need to go watch Nyan Cat for a few minutes. Yeah, exactly. Jesus Christ.
00:28:48
Speaker
How do you keep your connections in this digital age? like How do you form new ones? How do you keep them? And how do you protect the digital versus the physical and and the intermingling there? Yeah, that's... I mean, isn't that the fucking question, you know? ah um ah I think the short answer is poorly.
00:29:06
Speaker
ah but But, you know... um Yeah, that's that has really been... So over the last i would say over the last like year and a half or so, I've really moved into a mode of like keep my circle real fucking small, right? Like like as small as possible.
00:29:27
Speaker
um And and that served me for a time. But now I'm actually it's it's funny you should ask that because that is the sort of next phase that I'm moving myself into in how do I um nurtures some of the connections that i have last I've let kind of wane. And how do I build new ones, right?
00:29:49
Speaker
yeah um And it's been through things like doing code names. And, yeah and um you know, ah this podcast in a way has been sort of my secret weapon at times because it's been a way to like be like,
00:30:02
Speaker
I'd really like to hang out with you, but I have no reason and I'm too anxious to just say, hey, I think you're cool. Let's be friends. So instead I'm going to be like, hey, do you want to be on my podcast and try and like pretend to be ah interesting person for an hour, you know.
00:30:16
Speaker
um But with that removed, it's it's, you know, I've actually i've I've really circled back to a couple pieces of advice that some former guests have given through through throughout the last I would say about the last year so. And a big thing was this idea of like when someone else tells you what makes them happy or what they like or if they if they tell you about a show or if they tell you about a book or.
00:30:41
Speaker
you know Whatever it is, you know if they say, oh man, I really love this kind of chocolate bar, whatever whatever it is, you know I've been trying to really make a point to like write that stuff down and remember it. And then ah just sort of like random times, I think even Tim might have been the one who talked about this.
00:30:55
Speaker
um You know, at just like random times, i if they pop into my mind, i go out and I like try to you know you know find that chocolate bar or i remember to text that friend who i haven't heard from in a while or you know like just those little things um i think it really boils down to just like trying to be a little bit more proactive with how i show up you know um and and not not slipping into that very very easy and very familiar sheen of ah
00:31:26
Speaker
they're not texting me because they hate me and they're mad at me and and it's all my fault. And instead it's like, what if we just both suck at texting? So, you right? you know said 100%. I still have ah songs on my Spotify that people in college said, hey, you might like this. And so now that song is their song. Every time I hear it, oh, this is Jeff Hayes. Shout out to him.
00:31:48
Speaker
Introduce me to this podcast. jazz techno and it's incredible and it only reminds me of him that's yeah the jeff song yeah and like i'll do that with like memes and stuff like that like there's there's a a photo of a fox in a snowstorm with his just fur blown black bolt blown back and it's it's heckin windy and so that reminds me of people and like there's a pokemon version of that and it just goes down the chain Fuck yeah.
00:32:11
Speaker
Fuck yeah. And it is this thing too is, um and and maybe you relate to this too, you you know, being one of the the the sweet little touch by the tisms is remembering that it's something I remind myself is that um thinking good thoughts about someone is not the same as sharing those good thoughts.
00:32:32
Speaker
Yes. Right? And so, um and it's something that I have really, you you know, bit um this is therapy speak, but it's something I have been ineffective at in the past in that, like, I've often sort of ah consoled myself but by being like, oh, yeah, I thought of that person.
00:32:51
Speaker
And then I just went back to playing video games, you know? um And is I don't know I'm such a good person for thinking nice thoughts, you know? And instead what I've been doing is, like, if somebody pops in my head, I text them or I, you know, or whatever. i go look, you know, look them up and I reach out and I contact because it's, um...
00:33:06
Speaker
Yeah. If you know, it's like i think especially nowadays, it's like it's just so important to share, you know, absolutely and not hold it in. Right. And yeah and it's it's almost that like, um you know, I am cringe, but I am free, you know, 100 percent. Yeah. right Like i like i I I'm on Facebook and I just share whatever I like because I think what I like other people will get a chuckle at.
00:33:29
Speaker
And like people are like, oh, you you should start a meme page for that. I go, no. i don't I don't need to tell the public what I find funny. I'm fine telling my friends what I find funny. Bingo. Bingo. Yeah. Isn't that, oh my God, doesn't that build on something too? The idea of like,
00:33:44
Speaker
not needing to make everything ah side hustle. yeah you know Yeah. And I think that actually might've been one of the things that's held me back from streaming is that because I do play, I play video games all the time and I kind of don't want to add that like,
00:34:00
Speaker
extra pressure of like, yeah you know, right. You know? And sometimes it's hard to decide like, am I being Sam today or am I being suited monkey? This Twitch streamer today? What am I being on Twitch? Am I, am I going for those jokes or am I just stream of consciousness at my friends?
00:34:15
Speaker
a Exactly. Yes, yes. um um And that, okay, so that, that but building out from the ideas of community and and coupling that with the idea of streaming and being visible and with the sort of like video game ecosystem being really run by the loudest shitheads possible, you know, like the narratives really get controlled by the screaming monkeys, you know?
00:34:44
Speaker
um and I'm, I'm curious in a few different directions and we can kind of and we can tease this out as we go, as we go, but it's like, you know, what is your sort of experience with that kind of volatility and, and how do you find yourself,
00:35:01
Speaker
either pushing back or at least kind of like trying to maintain your own kind of like safe ecosystem for yourself and you and you know your community i i'm i'm very open with the band hammer if you piss me off and get the fuck out yeah i i have no room for assholes i don't deal with that shit if i've heard bad things about you that are verifiable by someone i trust i don't trust you yeah and you're done.
00:35:27
Speaker
There's no, you can write me a second chance note. You can request an unban. If I'm feeling generous, I'll give you another chance. ye No, I have little commands on my bot that are like, uh, art services. Cause I keep getting people coming in saying, Hey, you know, I'm an artist that could use a commission. And I went, I'm a broke Twitch streamer that gets all his shit for free.
00:35:48
Speaker
Yeah. Are you offering me something for your own exposure? Cause every artist I've ever heard from says, do not do this. Yeah. but Yeah. So that's that's the way I kind of protect me and my friends is just very vigilant.
00:36:00
Speaker
Absolute no bullshit. If I don't like the vibes, you're not part of the community. I love that. I, you know, I have a similar have a similar ethos on my TikTok in that it's like if you you like one comment and you're gone, you know, yeah like what? Right. You know, like I don't engage with you.
00:36:16
Speaker
unless I'm having a really bad day. but But even that's very, very rare. um but i am a little naughty playing online games where like it gives me a chat to other people and sometimes I'll just i fire off that comment and then leave the game so they can't respond.
00:36:30
Speaker
It gives me the tick of joy and I'm sure it pisses them off because it would piss me off. yeah But I got my joy and I ran away.
00:36:41
Speaker
You're part of the problem, Sam. i i say i I am the toxicity I don't want to see in the world. like
00:36:50
Speaker
ah But continuing on the idea of like you know the idea of of community within video games, um again, it is it's such a fascinating ecosystem and it's such a fascinating sub-system.
00:37:03
Speaker
know subculture even though i mean it's pretty mainstream at this point um but i guess um maybe one of the directions i'm curious is like do you find you have a sort of a go-to community or do you or do you collectively sort of float like do you float around specific game and people rotate around it or do you as a group float around different games together Yeah, so I have a core. My partner and our friend Stupid Monkey, which gets confusing when I'm suited, he's stupid. So that's a whole thing.
00:37:35
Speaker
We're a core and we float around a couple games. Like right now we're playing a lot of Helldivers, lot of Marvel Rivals. yeah Jen and I will do farming games or things like that. But then there's also like Mr. ADHD Games will join us on things and other people will join those games. So it is...
00:37:50
Speaker
It is very much there's a core with a couple games, but then in those games, we float around and collect a few other people who play with us. And that's kind of the the ideal that we have going on. Yeah.
00:38:01
Speaker
And do you find, like, are there are there any, like, old standbys, like, any recommendations of, like, ah you know, like, ah where you would start with this kind of thing? um That's a good question.
00:38:14
Speaker
It's tricky. It's really, you have to find a game you like and you have to find someone you like who also likes that game. Yeah. And that's kind of the hard part is that you may like the game and you may like them, but they fucking hate the game.
00:38:28
Speaker
Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah So that's, that's where people can struggle sometimes. I know like, I'm not a huge fan of dead by daylight, but my partner is. So I play a lot of that, but I grumble the whole time and I tell her, you know, I'm sorry.
00:38:40
Speaker
I'm so annoyed and grumbly about this game. But you enjoy it, so I'm playing for you and I'm trying not to grumble about it. I'm not going lie. I'm on board with you. I'm shocked i'm shocked that the game has survived as long as it has. but There are genuine moments where it's so fun just yeah hiding around the corner as the guy goes running past and you sneak past him. But there are other times where you're 40 feet away, he swings and hits you and you go, what the fuck?
00:39:05
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's that's been my number. With all that type of game, the the, you know, the whatever it is, the Monster V, the team, like, yeah you know, all those games, I'm just like, this is horseshit.
00:39:16
Speaker
Also, I never get to be the monster, ever. It's so frustrating, you know? Right? Like, just let me be Jason Voorhees, goddammit. Yeah.
00:39:32
Speaker
This kind of, this i this is a bit of a left turn from what we've been talking about. But I think that, you know, a lot of what we've been discussing this whole time has been like, you know, finding these pockets of joy, you know, and and and and allowing allowing ourselves to sort of like, yeah, a letter allowing ourselves to breathe a little bit, you know, because like the world is fucking rough right now, you know? and and and And I think it is...
00:39:59
Speaker
okay to to find a balance within that you know i'm not somebody who thinks you have to be always online and to know every new update and know every like i just i i don't see that as you know um i i can understand the argument for being a privilege and at the same time too i don't see that as a negative privilege yeah i guess is maybe the way of putting it i don't know maybe that's that's that's a clumsy way of putting it but um um with all that kind of in mind, you know, with the state of everything and how heavy everything is, um I'm curious, like, what is one thing that's giving you hope
00:40:37
Speaker
these days to sort of keep keep going and keep doing yeah um that's a tough question like obviously just the fact that like my friends are there and my friends need somebody and i need somebody so there's that mutual let's get through this shit show together there's light at the end of the tunnel all the the idioms we've grown up with but also like how bad can it get?
00:41:02
Speaker
Like I'm, I'm not in a third world country. i have fresh water. i have a roof over my head. Even if I don't have a roof over my head, I've got support systems through my government. Sure.
00:41:13
Speaker
So yes, the world is bleak, but I'm not at the bleakest. sure So it's kind of like, uh, I'm floating, but how much floating room do I have is kind of where i where I find that level. Like it's bad, but it's not the worst. So am I really that, do I have that much to grumble about?
00:41:31
Speaker
Yeah. I guess there is, you know, there is always, you know, I do, I do appreciate that of like, you know, in a way it's funny to be like, well, it can always be worse, but like, but, but at the same time too, recognizing the good that you do have. Right. Yeah. know Like, thank God I'm not like Ukrainian, like yeah poor people, like 20% of their country is just destroyed and their president is getting yelled at because he didn't wear a fucking suit.
00:41:55
Speaker
Yep. Yep. Like, yeah, I don't have to worry about that. You know, and by the, the, I mean the fucking Elon Musk is, walking around in a fucking t-shirt and blazer and a fucking baseball hat. Five-year-old kid says you're a motherfucker to the actual president. It's all just, you know, oh my God, it's so hard. Like, it isn't that I avoid politics. I'm actually deeply entrenched in the politics and I'm very, very hyper aware of it all.
00:42:17
Speaker
It's that like, in ah so in a certain direction, it's so simple to see the bullshit that it's like, it's almost not even worth unpacking because it's just like,
00:42:31
Speaker
they're gasoline shut the fuck up look at what you're seeing shut the fuck up you know like there's no like oh you know and i you know the stuff about like oh he he had an autistic motor function issue and it's like i'm sorry was roman salute and was like yeah you know what the roman salute came from the nazis exactly that's the thing we don't even know if the romans did salute like that that was made up by the fucking italian fascists you know Like, it's all horseshit, you know? And it's just like, it's like, i've I think I've hit a level of saturation where I'm like, I don't need to unpack every fucking talking point because it's like, what new bullshit are they spitting now?
00:43:08
Speaker
You know, like, just look at it and you see what's, you know, but I don't know. And I saw something powerful, I think, on Tumblr that went like, you're not going to change the people's mind who are spewing this shit.
00:43:20
Speaker
That's right. But you'll bring awareness to the people who aren't fully bought in yet saying there is a resistance. Yes. You're not arguing against them. You're convincing the witnesses. Yes.
00:43:31
Speaker
And so that's that's that's exactly right. And that's kind of – that's where I end up falling with it where it's like I don't really –
00:43:40
Speaker
it's Sorry to make your whole podcast about this now. No, no, no. It's good it's great. It's great. and it's No, no, no. this is I prompted this. um You know, it's it's the thing of like, it it's that balance of like, how do you discuss these things um without creating more conflict?
00:43:58
Speaker
And this is something that I like, I wrestle with a lot internally and sort of philosophically. And and and i I have yet to really, you know, ask with all these questions, why it's why I continue to answer them because or or to ask them because I don't think there is a single concrete answer. I think it's a very liquid, it's ephemeral and it changes all the time. But like, it's this idea of like, to create peace, you don't fight for peace.
00:44:23
Speaker
Because to fight for something is to create more conflict, right? yeah And so you you create peace by being peaceful, you know, and by acting peaceful and by not by not creating more conflict and obviously you know there's also a gulf and this is something i've been writing a lot about recently is this idea of like there's a big gulf between being a pacifist and being a coward you know um and and so like you do still have to you know if somebody attacks you do have you still have to defend yourself you know um it's not about just like i'm just gonna keep my hands down no matter what but like
00:44:58
Speaker
It's just finding that balance that's like healthy for you and healthy for your community and healthy for your... you know and And what's so troubling right now is that like there isn't any one thing to be able to hold onto and fight against.
00:45:11
Speaker
It's just being bombarded. 100%. Absolutely. And it's this blitz of things, right? Yeah. And even like, I'm, I'm, I'm not a member of like the trans community or, or gay bisexual.
00:45:22
Speaker
um I'm in the alphabet. We don't need to get into that, but like, so when I see them being attacked, I know I'm next. Yeah. And so just because I'm not in their community, I'll still defend the fuck out of their community. Yeah.
00:45:35
Speaker
Yeah. Like I, I recognize that like, yeah, You're being attacked. I will be attacked. I need to help you. Yep. And well that so it's, yeah go ahead.
00:45:46
Speaker
No, no, no. I was just going to say that's, that's exactly. I mean, it's like, it's, it, it is, it really does boil down to like anybody who thinks that they're not next on the list is fooling themselves. yeah Exactly. and And it's very like, yeah. Okay. I don't want to start a fight.
00:46:01
Speaker
I will fucking finish this fight though. Like I won't throw the first punch, but once it's thrown, it's getting ugly. Yeah. Yeah. I see this is okay. So oh yeah, this is a funny spin away, but it's like, this is where I think I, and and this is, I'm not like trying to call you out directly. I, and I'm not trying to be like, you know, it's, it's that like, i have, I have a personal issue with this idea of like, I'll be a hero.
00:46:30
Speaker
and yeah and because like, I don't, I don't want to have to be in a situation where violence is the choice. you know No, absolutely. I get that. And obviously i don't have a choice in a lot of you know in a lot of that, in in in the grand scale of things. you know um But something I've been really ruminating on is this idea of like what part did I play in the world getting here?
00:47:02
Speaker
you know how am i responsible for what is happening um and that's not a question i hear a lot of people asking and and and i think that internal introspection you know is is long term going to be much more beneficial than saying like it's all poopoo heads fault right you know um and and that ties in with this idea of like you know i agree with you that it's like if if fight comes, I'll participate.
00:47:34
Speaker
But it's like I don't want to be responsible. or you know I don't want to hold responsibility, which I will because we all hold responsibility to the society we live in, whether we like it or not.
00:47:45
Speaker
If we get to a point of violence and of outright conflict, that will be all of our fault. You know, that won't be just one person or one other person. It'll be that's our fault.
00:47:59
Speaker
And and so my question right now, you know, not it is a rhetorical question. I don't have a fucking answer and I don't expect you to. But it's like but it's like how do we stop things from derailing to that point?
00:48:11
Speaker
So that we don't have to absolutely think about will I be a hero or not? I don't want to be a fucking hero. I just want to be some guy who runs a podcast. Well, exactly. like i As much as I say, like, oh, i'm i'm I'm ready to fight. I fucking hate white knights who go out looking for the fight and looking to defend.
00:48:26
Speaker
That's not exactly right. If I see an injustice, I will do what I can to reverse the injustice. I will not search out injustices to get this this favor from a stranger.
00:48:37
Speaker
Exactly. that's And that's that's the nuance I'm driving at. And that's and I knew that's not what you were saying. i just like No, I know. Yeah. 100%. like i I'm in a unique position where – and i I don't think it's unique at all, but ah it's my brain says you're the only one that's done this. It's like – I grew up in a very small, isolated, rural Quebec town, like not even a town and municipality.
00:48:59
Speaker
So like, and even then I felt like I was kind of the outsider. Like my family was new to that town compared to everybody else. Who's great grandpa worked in the lumber mill. And like, so like, yeah, this guy's my best friend, but his best friend is clearly his neighbor whose families have lived together for 30 years.
00:49:17
Speaker
Of course. And so it's, it's just always kind of felt as like, and now i'm just rambling but like it's it's always been on the outside looking in where is the injustice how can i help the kid that i was yes yes where where can i see that that person who wants to be part of the community but recognizes that maybe they're not part of the community in the way they think they are and so it's it's it's difficult to develop an eye for that and then then translate that to like The gays just want to exist.
00:49:47
Speaker
Yeah, like literally. Just let us fucking be. Like, yeah honestly, you know? like yeah nobody Nobody wants to dress your kid up in drag. No, no. We want to entertain your kid. We want to teach them about injustices. I mean, if they want to, if they want to, buy the fuck up.
00:50:02
Speaker
We'll educate them. 100%. hundred percent Like, exactly oh, drag is sexual. You watch RuPaul and tell me that that's sexual. Like, that is... I mean, it is. Well, you know, I mean, that's... the Okay, I actually... You know what? The thing is that it's like... The thing is that it's not that drag is sexual. It's that human nature is sexual.
00:50:18
Speaker
Yeah. You know? Like, I'm sorry. you're you're You're not batting an eye at any number of other things, but that's the... thing Like, no. Fuck you. Like, you know, the only thing that has nothing to do with sex is sex.
00:50:30
Speaker
Okay? 100%. but hundred percent Right? so It's like, oh, if drag is sexualized. Okay, but you've got the cheerleaders at every football game. There you go. Exactly. Wearing less clothes than I sleep in.
00:50:42
Speaker
Exactly. Exactly. And like, I'm not shaming them. No, none no, no. 100%. You have a great body. Show it off. Get paid. Make your money. That's what I mean. don't come at me with this bullshit. exactly exactly you know and so it's like yeah and that's what i mean is that it's like i don't you know i have no problem i have no problem with drag being sexualized it's that it's like everything's sexualized so like what if we just like abolish shaming sexuality you know like why do we have to be puritans about everything exactly exactly right yeah yeah
00:51:17
Speaker
Okay, we we we've we've really got off the... We're on a whole different rail system. Right, exactly. We're in bizarro Joe Rogan land now, right? you know but But let's c circle it back. um i want to i want i'm i'm watching the time, and and um and I want to make sure we still get to the last you know like couple ah anchor questions. but um But before you do that, I wanted to see if you had ah another question you wanted to throw my way.
00:51:43
Speaker
um Or did we already do your, I can't. We did a question. okay. Yeah. Yeah. you have different one? I could, I can come up with one. well So you, you've been part of the Codenames Pipeline where you, you came in with one person and you've had a different partner each time.
00:51:58
Speaker
How is that for you? Because a lot of people are just like, oh, my friend brought me in. i am connected to that person. You're very much a guest who comes in with somebody else different time. And it always seems effortless. You always seem very friendly, connected with that person.
00:52:11
Speaker
Yeah. um Yeah, that's funny. um It's probably my, you know, my, my, um what's it called? My, my, um ah oh my God, what's the word I'm looking for? It's, it's my, my, my low key narcissism, you know, but, but yeah. you know but ah um No, it's, you know, it's that.
00:52:32
Speaker
I really love the ethos of the show where it's like, these are people I love and want to spend time with. And they brought people they love and spend want want to spend time with, you know? And so the people I've brought on to the show have always been people I love and want to spend time with, you know?
00:52:45
Speaker
um um And so it's, and I'm,
00:52:54
Speaker
this is, I don't know, i podcast, this but podcast especially is the platform to overshare this kind of thing. but like A lot of my current life is very connection starved, you know? And, and so I really cherish the times I get to have an excuse to to hang out with a bunch people and, you know, and, and, and it's fun. I liked, you know, I used to be, I was an actor, you know, I grew up as an actor and went to theater school and um haven't had a chance to perform
00:53:27
Speaker
really in a long time. And so it's like, it's a little bit of scratching that itch of like, I get to kind of like put on a show and like have bits and, you know, and you know, the, the, the anxiety blanket that I had, was like, this is such a fun bit. I knew I'd have to call back to, because that's such a great bit. The chat had fun with that.
00:53:43
Speaker
And like, i I love those moments where it's like, Hey, we all know this guy. We all know the funny thing he did. Let's pile on. Exactly. Right. You know? And it's like, yeah, it's just fun stuff. like and And especially that that happened so organically and, you know, and it's like,
00:53:57
Speaker
you know, yeah, nothing ever comes in plan or anything. It's always just like, yeah, I'm just going to bring somebody I like and and we're going to just have a really fun evening because like that show, that show is so fucking magic and I love it so much. It just hits that perfect yeah something.
00:54:12
Speaker
yeah um And it's so funny that you mentioned theater because I, in Ontario, you have to get 40 hours of volunteer service and I did musical theater to get that. Gotcha. Okay. Okay. Like it didn't click for me until you said that, like, Oh fuck.
00:54:25
Speaker
I am just putting on a performance. Like I've done Shakespeare. I was in Midsummer Night's Dream, like but I've also done Little Shop of Horrors where I've voiced Audrey too.
00:54:37
Speaker
and like yeah but like me see Yeah. I was like, ah well, a year old with this voice, like. yeah they see horse I love that but that's just it it's like it's it's such a beautiful little you know because it's like it's very it's it's both sides um you you know your team has really hit that sweet spot of like it's intimate because it's just the team it's just the the the team's playing and Tim and you hosting you know and and um and then but then it's also public it's also be you know there's the the the chat and and all that stuff going on and all the viewers and so it's like
00:55:16
Speaker
It's a really interesting ah balance between those two things. And yeah, and it really very scratches a very magic. It's Shakespeare in the park. Yes. Oh my God. It's a private performance publicly.
00:55:27
Speaker
like Yeah. That's a perfect way describing it. That's exactly right. And it's yeah and it's and it's magic. And it just, yeah. and it And like I say, it gives me an excuse to, you know, like, you know, um Mark, who i who I was on with with the most recent episode, you know, he's my best friend, you know, like he's a ride die. I've known him for 20 years. and and um even though he literally he literally only lives on the island yeah he lives ah ferry right away but like we never see each other we just like you know shit just always comes up right and um and so just like having that excuse to like just get to hang out with mark you know like fuck the rest of you i'm just hanging with my best friend you know right like like that's that's yeah that's really special for me and really important to me and um um
00:56:09
Speaker
And I just, i adore you and I adore Tim. And so it really like, it it also feels like coming back to see buddies, you know? It seems like, oh, fuck, hey, pal. You know, like, ah ah so yeah, it's just that, yeah, yeah. I could gush about that for hours. I could it is so special to just have that dedicated time where like it's it's i'll get excited and i'll tell my friends hey you know james is coming back meg's coming back yeah it's going to be a shit show that we want to watch yeah like it's it's a train disaster without none of the disaster just smile and wave yeah but
00:56:45
Speaker
and that's Oh my God. That's, that is the other magic too, is that like, I love it so much, but it gives me so much anxiety. And so it's like, it's just, you know, um, yeah, that, that,
00:56:57
Speaker
that duality ah really reads on my face as I'm playing. Yeah. There's not much of a smoke screen. it's and like, kudos to you for conquering that anxiety because Meg's original partner, Clayton, he brought on his best friend, Patrick once.
00:57:14
Speaker
Right. Patrick immediately when the show was over, Patrick told him never again. that was I cannot do that again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it's, yeah, I mean, it's, yeah, it's a blast for me. And I think especially since I realized that it's like, there's no stakes. There's no actual stakes. I'm inventing all the stakes, right? You know? yeah So, yeah yeah yeah. Zero stakes.
00:57:31
Speaker
yeah We make fun of whoever loses. Yeah. That's it. And then you don't even remember who won the next time, you know? No, exactly. right Yeah. yeah chat gets to bet on whoever that they use points to fuck you over in the speed round. yes Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:57:46
Speaker
And so this is a long winded plug listeners. Make sure you're, what you're watching or check it out. Codenames live. Cause it's the best fucking show on, on the internet. It's so much god youre fun. um um I have the last big question and, and I'm finding lately, it's been really fun to kind of, you know, sort of close out the main interview on this question. And, um,
00:58:07
Speaker
Because it really is, it's the central idea of the show. It's been the question of, for years of asking myself, you know, have I been a good friend? And and to answer that, what does that even mean? And then, of course, through therapy, I've realized there's no such thing as good or bad, you know? and and but um But I'm curious, from your experience, from your personal experience and and perspective, um what does it mean just to be a friend?
00:58:36
Speaker
it it's To me, it's just someone who offers comfort. like That's all it is. It's that simple. It's not some deep... You don't have to come to me with your life problems. You can just say, hey, I really liked that meme you sent. Here's a like.
00:58:49
Speaker
and That's the only interaction we'll have for a week. Hey, sweet. I'm glad I brought you joy. Problem solved. And like, there are specific times where like, I fucking love the term. It comes from penguins.
00:59:00
Speaker
I'll pebble people. Yes. Where i'm like, this thought, this made me think of you. I'm sending it directly to you. This isn't main feed. This is straight to you. Yep. And I, fucking love doing that and people be like oh my god I can't believe you remembered that like I've I've got one of my friends who grew up with like her mom and my mom were childhood friends so we connected and like I know she loves the sims so when I see an update I'll send her hey you know the sims just added robbers back into the game but she'd be like man I haven't played the sims in like a year i was like I know but I know like I grew up you playing sims 2 we're in our 30s you're playing s sims 4 here's the thing about the sims fuck yeah I think that's a you know
00:59:39
Speaker
it's a question I have with myself often back and forth of like the idea of like the levels of intimacy. Right. You know? And I, cause I think personally, I, I lean more towards that type of friendship of just like, it doesn't need to be deep to be valued.
00:59:57
Speaker
Right. You know? um I think, you know, the, the, the core connections I do have, you know, and there's very few of them, but those ones are like, I will defend them. But like the rest, like it doesn't mean you're a lesser friend.
01:00:10
Speaker
Right. Yeah, exactly. And I think that's something that we all get so caught up in is that I am not the best friend in the world to this person. So therefore I'm useless. And it's not.
01:00:22
Speaker
There are six trillion shades of gray in between good friend, bad friend, enemy. Like it's not just this dichotomy. It's not a gas gauge where you're, you're full, you're empty, whatever.
01:00:33
Speaker
There are, there are levels to it. And I think more people need to recognize that you don't have to go all in. If you can't go all in with this person, like it's yeah meet them where they're willing to meet you and just go with it.
01:00:46
Speaker
Hmm. I love that. I love that. Sam fucking Murdoch. God damn. What a blast. Thank you so much for chatting with me today. This has been so much fun. um You know, but before we wrap up, I just, I do want to say like, you know, it has been such a pleasure.
01:01:00
Speaker
It's been a little over a year since we met and, and you know, every time I get to see you, it's always a treat. And, and I love, I love, yeah, I love all the little bits. I love the, bye Sam, you know, yeah I love love it all, you know, and, and I just, yeah, you bring so much joy to that feed and you bring so much joy to wherever you're going. And it's just, it's such a pleasure knowing you. And I, I'm really excited to, you know, come back on Codenames, whatever, you know, and and ah or whatever, you know, like I'm just excited to stay connected with you going forward. Right.
01:01:29
Speaker
Hell yeah. um Before we get to the last, i always like to leave listeners on like an actionable question of like one, what ah but but before we do that, um, what Where can listeners find you? what Do you have anything you want to plug? any you any Anything at all?
01:01:45
Speaker
um ah They're more than welcome to add me on Facebook. Sam Murdock, I'm sure you'll have it written somewhere. yeah It's a picture of my face, I believe right now. So i look for that.
01:01:55
Speaker
um Otherwise, if you want to see what Twitch is all about, suited monkey as in a monkey wearing like a tux, all one word, twitch.tv slash suited monkey. I'm there sporadically.
01:02:07
Speaker
I giggle because I call it gorilla streaming in both the the double entendres. I don't have a schedule. I'll pop up when I feel like popping up, but also gorilla is a monkey. Ha ha. Dumb joke. but but Technically they're apes, but you know we'll we'll let it slide. Which I always laugh of because I got one of my friends to design my my banner and she drew a chimp. And I went...
01:02:29
Speaker
That's an ape. Yeah. But I promised I'd pay you and you put a lot of work into this. Yeah. yeahp Yeah. Yeah. I love it. Yeah. All that, all that, all those are going in the show notes. um Yeah. Thank you so much, Sam. This has been just such a treat. Thanks for having me on.
01:02:44
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. um Last thing, as I said, I love leaving listeners on an actionable step they can try out. So what is one thing listeners could try doing this week to be a more effective friend to themselves or to their community?
01:02:59
Speaker
Yeah. One thing, um look, you'll see little things going on with your friends through the things they share and the things they say. i i discovered a friend went through a divorce just because she changed her name on Facebook and went, hey, everything okay? I saw you change your name. And she's like, oh We haven't spoken in like a year, but I just left my husband.
01:03:17
Speaker
yeah This is going to take a little more energy. And it's just, I noticed something on Facebook and it's little things like that. Just look at what your friends are sharing, what they're saying, and don't take it all at face value.
01:03:29
Speaker
Dig a little bit. Yeah. You know, my running joke is always, you know, every story I share is a little cry for help, you know? right but Absolutely. like ah When the the Ontario election just went by, immediately I said, fuck you. I'm done. I'm moving. I'm done with this province.
01:03:44
Speaker
And I immediately had people reaching out saying, are you okay? Like, are you safe? and i Bless you. Yes. yeah I'm just screaming into the void because it's cheaper than therapy. Right.
01:03:58
Speaker
fuck though. Yeah, I don't know where we're going to go, but we're probably going to have to figure something out soon. but Sam fucking Murdoch, one more time. Thank you so much. Bless you. You're ah you're a good My pleasure. Thank you so much for bringing me on.
01:04:10
Speaker
Absolutely. um I'm still trying to you know, I'm seven years on and I still don't have a sign-off the way that you got that when I keep Timber the real. I still, I don't know. I say fun and safety, but I i don't know. I don't know. well who i got ah We'll workshop something. Sometimes no sign-off is the sign-off. There you go. Right, exactly. Well, Sam, go fuck yourself.
01:04:34
Speaker
so
01:04:42
Speaker
And that's it. Huge thanks to Sam for joining me today and sharing his insights into the wild world of online gaming. Sam is an absolute gem. And if you haven't, be sure to check out his Twitch channel and also go watch Codenames Live. It's on every week and it's an absolute blast.
01:04:59
Speaker
I've been on ah couple episodes and I've always had just the time of my life. All the links to that are going to be in the show notes. And if you enjoyed today's episode, I'd love it if you would help this community grow.
01:05:11
Speaker
Leave us a review wherever you get your podcasts. Why not share your favorite moment on your social media platform of choice or just tell a friend, you know, make that in-person connection and tell them all about friendless.
01:05:26
Speaker
Please help. no
01:05:29
Speaker
Also, don't forget to subscribe to the Friendless Substack. It's a monthly newsletter filled with all kinds of goodies. It's fun. It's free. You won't regret it. As always, the links are in the show notes.
01:05:41
Speaker
But that's it for me for another week. So let's wrap things up here. Thank you so much for listening. And I hope I'm going to catch back here next week. But I'm not going to worry about that right now. And neither should you. Because that is then.
01:05:52
Speaker
And this is now. So for now... I'll just say I love you, and I wish you well. Fun and safety, sweet peas.
01:06:50
Speaker
Amen.