00:00:00
00:00:01
Danny Foozled The Yord Of The Way
17 Plays2 months ago
Today, we rehash some hold questions that were answered before Danny arrived! We ask about washing your ass, thanksgiving misdeeds, and ...whatever the third question is that I forgot. Also, FOOZLE!
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Transcript
00:00:00
Speaker
Well, there we go. Got a frog on my throat, but it's gone just in time. Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, ladies and gentlemen, non-binary folks of universes, no unknown and welcome back to That's Our Queue, or TOQ for short, where we take your cues and we put them in our mouth, and we swish them around really fucking good, and we spit out some A's in the sink. But hurry up, because they're going down the drain. to Nice. Hawk to it. Yes. And what that means for those of you who don't know is we take questions from the internet and answer them as if anybody cared about our opinion in the first place. If I haven't already mentioned it, my name is Adam and joining me is my buddy Danny guarantee. Greetings to you, Danny. Hi, Adam. Hello. Did you like my quick? I did a quickie today. It was good. You didn't even need to go like, um, um, um,
00:00:47
Speaker
No, I thought of it like I thought of it when you were going to shut the door. I was like, I need something. And I started kind a second. I started singing to myself, like, put them in your mouth. And I was like, what would I do if I put them in my mouth? And I was like, oh, I'd spit them out like it's mouthwash. Here we go. And we got thrown in a. ah Modern meme with the hot to a girl. Oh, I thought I was the hot to a girl. I mean, you can be the hot. Anyway, um let's do you want to answer some questions, did Danny? I do, but I want you to answer a question. Go for it. What is your deal with, and I quote,
00:01:34
Speaker
First of all, oatmeal raisins are the superior cookie. So I hope you enjoy it and finally realize that chocolate chunk chip are as the kids say, mid. Yes, we're getting into it. Oh, that's my response to Caitlin when she was talking about you over this. First of all, Caitlin, I don't know if you listened to our show, but firstly, you said that your soul was crushed, and I thought something bad happened to you. Something bad did happen to them. And then you were talking about cookies, and I was like, okay, first of all, you got the best cookie. You got an upgrade to what you asked for. What's the problem, right? We love Caitlin, but that's why I said, okay, I gotta draw a line here. I have to defend my cookies. So what's your question? I already forgot what you said. What? Where do you get off? Mostly in my room.
00:02:24
Speaker
pretty much
00:02:28
Speaker
If you must know what there's must know. You answered that so confidently and so quickly. I'm done. We're good. All right. thank you but We can work for the cookies. good ah but You know what? I'm glad. I'm glad you and now the rest of the Internet knows as if it was that much of a mystery. um Anyway, so did you actually want to talk about that? I mean, I'll answer you if you want me to. No, I don't care. I just wanted to be silly about it. I mean, you know that oatmeal raisins are better than chocolate chunk, chocolate chunk, Danny, chunk, chocolate chunk cookies. Agree to disagree. ah That being said, my workplace has white chocolate and cranberry cookies that are easily the best cookie there. theyre But they're dried cranberries like raisins, right? They are not.
00:03:20
Speaker
They're just raisins, or they're just cranberries shoved into a cookie? They're probably dried, but I wouldn't say they're as dried as raisins are. They're kind of like- Do they look like raisins? Are they craisins?
00:03:32
Speaker
They might be craisins. I'd have to look again. Because here's the thing that I don't understand about this hate is people will eat craisin cookies, but they won't eat raisin cookies. And when you ask most people why they don't like raisin cookies, it's because they don't like the texture of the raisins. That's what most people have told me in my life is I don't like how they feel in my mouth. And yet you'll eat craisins, which are almost exactly identical, but they have a, they do have a different taste. So it's just said maybe they taste gross. Then ah like, okay, fine. Maybe it's not your taste. But for me, it's the taste. I don't like the taste of raisins. Now, I get the hate on prunes. Prunes are fucking gross and they give you diarrhea. Great for fiber, but you can't really enjoy a lot without shit in your pants. You know, raisins are also good for fiber, but you can eat a lot more before shitting your pants. It depends, though, because, you know, we've talked about this before. You don't like taking a shit. I don't. For some of us getting to enjoy a nice prune and then pooping it out immediately after is part of the experience.
00:04:32
Speaker
then eat more raisins. Raisins are also good for fiber. Gross. What makes a prune good, but a raisin gross? It's a grape. Nothing. Prunes are disgusting too. It's a grape. You like grapes, don't you? I do like grapes. Then how do you not like raisins? It's the same thing, just without water. It's just so bitter. It's just without water. That's all it is. No, it's not. It's like, if that's the case, then it's because it's super concentrated grape. Right. Now here's the thing. If you were to give me like, I even gave you an out. We could have skipped this. If you want, you know, I'm perseverating on it now and I have to finish it or I'll never be able to move on.
00:05:10
Speaker
Anyway, uh, hey, so questions guys, you know, I still have a few in the tank for questions I've prepared from moons ago, but recently, um, our buddy Adrian, you guys know him from here and from role players and from Smoza senpai on Twitch from many moons ago. Um, he, uh, said, Hey, I think it would be really cool if you guys went back and did the questions that Adam and Josh did in the original incarnation of the show. So I thought that could be kind of fun. So I but i went back. I finally found where the fuck I saved them. I went back all the way to episode one. Now I might have caught a question or two out. I can't remember because sometimes I delete them afterwards.
00:05:57
Speaker
ah but We're gonna answer some of if not all of the questions from episode one to see if Danny has a different input which I'm sure he will on some of these answers and To see if I even remember what I said the first time and listeners I'm relying on you to let me know did I say the same thing because I don't remember Um, having said that, Danny, do you want to, we're nine minutes in. Do you want to answer some questions from, from, from the internet? are Are you asking me if I want to start the episode? Nine minutes. Do you want to start the show now? Yeah. Okay. I guess I could start the show. And now another thing about raisins before we get started.
00:06:31
Speaker
I'm just kidding. OK, so this first question is from a woman named Lisa Rudler or Rudler. Lisa, we've answered your question before. She studies that mental health as ah she studies mental health and she's a registered nurse. Thank you for your service. Very cool. um So ah she said, I invited my husband's family for Thanksgiving and nobody ate my meal and it was really embarrassing. I later found out that my mother-in-law cooked a large meal and fed everyone before they arrived to my house. Should I say something? What should I do next year? So I do remember this question, but I don't remember exactly what I said. Wow, that is a spicy question too. Yeah, and it's one of my favorites because um
00:07:15
Speaker
You know, there's there's some there's some subtext to it. There's some there's a little bit more context. So I think it's fun to to theorize about it. So. All right. So just to summarize again, Lisa made Thanksgiving dinner. Nobody fucking ate it. Mom in law cooked a large meal for everyone and fed them before they came to her house. Should she say something? What should she do next year? Well, the first thing you should do is go on Reddit and go on just no mill. ah Because it's full of stories like that. I think you'll get a kick out of them. Just no mill, like mother-in-law? Just no MIL. Yep. Gotcha. All stories like that. Oh, this is a Quora question I should add. So yeah, maybe they should go to that. Check that out, Lisa. You'll find like-minded people who have also been screwed over by their mother-in-law. Ooh, boy, oh, boy. Don't say anything.
00:08:09
Speaker
I'm going to let the the little devil out for a bit. Don't say anything. The devil. The devil. I'm going to let the little devil out. um
00:08:20
Speaker
But next year, I would just, I mean, just say you're busy on Thanksgiving or something, so you need to have it earlier. You know, wait tilll wait till your mother-in-law comes out with the date and be like, oh, yeah, sorry, guys. You know, we're busy. So we actually have to do it. the week before or the week after or whatever, you know, so that now your mother-in-law has to feed everybody and have Thanksgiving dinner and host it all for no reason, which if she's doing this just to screw with you, we'll piss her off because now she has to do all this work and she's not getting the benefit. You then get to have your own Thanksgiving whenever you chose to have it and you know,
00:09:08
Speaker
don't let her know when that time is, like that new date, so she can't mess with it, and you guys get to have you know your meal and people eat it because she didn't screw with you and you got one over on her. Yeah? That's what I would do. So you're saying just to kind of take more of a more of a high road and just pre-plan elsewhere, that way they don't overlap, just to prevent that to even happen. I mean, if you want to say I'm taking the high road, I appreciate that. I was. It's more of a high road than like kind of you could potentially steal some thunder, but you're giving people a gap between to recover so they can have another meal. Yeah, that's fair. um I wouldn't say anything because. I've been on that no mill subreddit, right? So i I've read these stories before and even I'm like,
00:10:02
Speaker
It's different when you're in person, right? If somebody came up to me and was like, I cooked all this meal and nobody ate it because my mother-in-law just had ah her party right before ours and people ate at that one, she's trying to screw with me. My first instinct would be to say, or people just ate at her party. You know, like,
00:10:26
Speaker
We don't know what her relationship is like with her husband and the mom-in-law. So like we don't know if the husband would agree with her or a significant other, I should say, would agree with her um or even knows that the mom-in-law has it out for her. Or maybe the mom-in-law really has no ill will here and just had the party first and people ate there and then they were full for her party and it just sucks. Um,
00:10:56
Speaker
So I yeah say anything because you're gonna sound like you're petty even if you're not It it will very easily sound petty um And I feel like it's just kicking the hornets nest for no reason it is a little weird to show up like it's like Hey, do you guys want to come over and play, you know, touch, touch football, you know, this weekend. And then that's the plan is you're coming over to play touch football. And then everybody who's supposed to show up, play touch football shows up and said, you know, we're just so fucking beat because we just came from grandma's house and we played touch football all morning. And it's like, no, why would you do that knowing you're coming to my house to play touch football today?
00:11:43
Speaker
Now you're all worn out and you know you're not in the mood for it anymore. That's what we organize this day for. So like you're coming over for Thanksgiving meal. right I said, I'm cooking the meal. I want you guys all to come over. I'm happy to cook for all of you. I can't wait for you to try this and that or whatever. And then you fill up and then go over there. The point is you came over to enjoy a meal. But you didn't have that because somebody fed you before you came over like it's one thing was like eat before you go on a trip so you don't have to make a lot of stops this is like this is what we designed this day for. So my interpretation that mom-in-law just is like a little maybe you might be proud and was like. Not willing to let go it's like we're like in laws have to decide who's going to what place first like around the holidays and shit like do we go to my mom's house first year mom's house for sure you know how do we split up our holiday time.
00:12:34
Speaker
My interpretation is that mom-in-law is very proud and it's like, I can't let go of the fact that someone else is cooking. So I'm still going to cook, even though I had the day off to not cook. And then we're still going to eat and then go over just to make a polite appearance, essentially, you know? Um, I also want to know, cause the way I'm, it sounds to me. Either this was a very small gathering or mother-in-law had most of the gathering at her place for this earlier party.
00:13:10
Speaker
And it kind of makes me want to take back what I said about no ill intent, but why weren't you invited to the earlier party with everyone else, you know? Like it sounds like, you know, everybody's showing a beat to touch football and they're like, oh yeah, because, you know, mother-in-law just had another party. Why weren't you there? like It's your mother, like pretty close to her, like family wise, right? Because you're your significant other is her kid. Right. So, but, and you're right. There's a, there's a lot that we don't know. We don't know what their relationship is. We don't know if they're kind of a strange, they didn't really give any extra context to this question. Um, you know, so we're only left to like left in variables. So it's hard to say like,
00:13:54
Speaker
You know but even if we even if let's just say that there was no ill intent from mom in law and she just thought it was an innocent thing to do in her mind it was totally fine nothing wrong everybody was still gonna show up and eat you know let's pretend like just nothing no malice of intent was there. um You know, I still think that because somebody still got hurt from this, like, you know, right the intention was, hey, I'm cooking for all of you. And then I, I, so I worked on this over this meal all night, all morning. God, and I mean, I've seen some Thanksgiving meals that can take a couple of days to get right with certain recipes and dethong the Turkey. And a lot of it takes a long time, you know, and like, and I, and I have witnessed that power dynamic of like, my mom,
00:14:39
Speaker
would complain the whole time she cooked, but then would not want anybody else to cook. Right. Even if we're going somewhere else, someone come over. Oh, Mary, please let me cook that for you. Like just know she was too proud to let anybody else cook. Right. But would complain the and entire time. And we'd have Thanksgiving leftovers for like three weeks because mom be like, I there's only five of us. But why made like eight thousand or seven of us? I made eight thousand pounds of food. So we have three months of food to eat or whatever. So like I could see that. But even if that weren't the case,
00:15:14
Speaker
Somebody got hurt, and I do think that Lisa should be allowed to express her feelings, but maybe start with the husband first. Like, hey, did you talk to your mom? Did she know that they weren't supposed to eat when they when they were coming over? You know, like he's where you should start, I think, right? Like, he's your significant other. You live in the same house. Like, that's his mom. Hey. Did your mom say anything before she was coming over? Did you tell her not to fucking eat? That's where you should start, I think. Yeah, I like that. ah Because you're right. um If you're upset about this, you you do deserve to be able to to talk about it. um I like that. Start it at the husband.
00:15:51
Speaker
Yeah, at least your husband, if no one else, like if you can't even, you know, you don't want to start friction between you, your husband and his mom, you know, at least say something to hubby and, you know, try to figure out if he knows anything. But if he's just as pissed as you, I think you guys should both be allowed to say, hey, mom, like. What the hell, man? Yeah. You know, we didn't make this to be leftovers right away. We wanted this to be eaten fresh and then have leftovers, you know, so. um But like you said, also like, hey, you know, just organize it differently next year or maybe just don't cook for her, you know, and then leave her be to be the one that's uninvited like, hey, you know what, you know, invite the people who are hungry and if she wants to come by when she's free, cool. They'll be leftovers in the fridge. You know, go get some if you're hungry.
00:16:35
Speaker
um yeah Have you ever had a situation like that? ah No, I've never had a problem meeting what's in front of me. Good for you. Good for you. But I mean, have you ever had an instance in which like you were you were planning something and then somebody else like tried to like take it out from underneath you in some way?
00:16:56
Speaker
um Not that I could think of. when When we were in high school, my place was kind of the party place. so like
00:17:08
Speaker
I had friends coming up to me asking like, Hey, can we have another party? You know, can we all come over and just like hang out at your place? So like, ah I had kind of the opposite problem, right? Where even if I didn't want to have a party, people would come up to me and be like, let's have another party. i'm like All right. Another party. I know. God, I guess I'll have another party. And say you don't seem like the party animal, it's very odd to me that you would be like, I say party, but it was more hang out, you know, it just like a hang out video games, get a bunch of snacks. Yeah. To get away from our parents that we hate so much. It was like, I don't know, at most. Around. ah so What, like six to 10 people at most, you know, we'd all just kind of hang around and just be as play video games, watch TV, whatever. Gotcha.
00:18:03
Speaker
Yeah, that was my 20s, my early 20s. We didn't party per se, but that was where people came over every weekend and play board games, Dungeons and Dragons, and play rock band until the late hours. Oh, that sounds like so much fun. Yeah, good time. Yeah, I never really had a party phase. I never did parties. Me either. All right, so I feel like we've given at least some sort of input on Lisa's situation. Yes. So are that happened? I hope it worked out for you. yeah Either lopsided some way, you know, have a different event, make it hangs giving everybody just hangs out instead. Just eats a real light Thanksgiving dinner. Maybe like instead of like making a full on turkey, maybe you just get like some.
00:18:45
Speaker
you know, like some turkey bacon and some nachos and like some cranberry sauce, everybody likes that. You know, I'll put cranberry sauce on a slice of bread and just eat that. You know, I think i think the only real answer here is to just poison Mills food. I mean, yeah, maybe make her like a to go dish that's separate and like give that. Oh, no, no, I meant I meant the food she prepares, mill prepares. Oh, oh yeah. you that that and Give everybody the runs after so that they never want to have her food again. Right. That would involve going over there to do it like they're invited. Send undercover hubby.
00:19:20
Speaker
There you go, under cubby, under cubby hubby. Speaking of under cubby, speaking of under cubby hubby, what did you say earlier? The, the, the, they the year of the way, is that what you're saying? Yeah, the year of the way instead of word of the day. Yeah, we're not at the word of the day yet, but Danny had, I wish I was recording. He had one of the most sincere, like dyslexic moments. It was bad. I don't know where that Y came from or where that D went. He was looking up the words of the day. And he says, well, this could be a good year. I'm looking at yards of the way. And I was like, what the fuck? phil What did you say? And I was like, I thought he was just being funny, but then like he literally was just like flabbergasted at what he said, which was year of the way. Yeah. my As it left my mouth, I was like, what the hell was that? I was shocked at year of the way. Yeah. So I'm just looking up year to the ways. for It's almost like.
00:20:16
Speaker
It's almost kind of like, uh, like curds in way or something. How imagining it's like yards in way versus curds in way, but I don't know what that is. Sounds gross. Um, it does. All right. Next question. Would you like another one? I would love another one. Okay. So I recognize this question because the first episode is named for just something Josh said. This is before I started putting vocabulary words, but the question is. American men. Well, I should also say this question is from no stupid questions from tiny pickle Joe Which I feel like we might have gotten a question from tiny pickle Joe before cuz that sounds really familiar um But he said but this person says See kind of pickle this I just never put this together before but tiny pickle Joe is
00:21:11
Speaker
is such a funny name, but this question is asked from a female, which I think is extra funny. Oh, very tiny pickle. Okay. So they say, hello. I, a 19 female, had a conversation with my boyfriend today, 19 male, about hygiene. Somehow during the conversation, the topic of washing your ass in the shower showed up to which he replied that it was weird and that it's not a normal thing for people to do, American men specifically. He believes that it is strange for a straight man to have his hands between his cheeks. I explained to him that wiping is okay, but it is important to wash while showering. He disagrees. So, American men of Reddit, please tell me if you wash your asses in the shower. Nanny, do you wash your ass in the shower? I do wash my ass in the shower. Yes, absolutely.
00:21:57
Speaker
Um, that's where my shit comes from. I'm not leaving that to Fester. ah Um, that's where my sheet comes from. She comes from. Um, I actually recently learned that it's bad to use soap when you're washing your ass. Really? Because there's different oils and stuff in your asshole that you shouldn't like, it's not bad for you, but it can lead to a dry, um, but hole, uh, which could be uncomfortable. OK.
00:22:29
Speaker
um
00:22:32
Speaker
Yeah, but that being said, no, I still watch my asshole. Hi, mom and dad, by the way. You know, I was just thinking this bit. I was going to say, I was just thinking that, as you said, I was like, hmm. Do the Terry and Gabe want to hear about their son washing? I mean, maybe they maybe that it makes them feel good. Like maybe, maybe Gabe's like, that's right, son. I thought you were trying to make sure you make sure you wash in there real good there, son. So that actually reminds me. i've I've been trying to convince Mel to get a bidet for years now.
00:23:10
Speaker
And I won't pretend I made this up, but I heard the greatest argument and I tried it on her today. For a bidet? Like literally today, I tried it on her. A bidet today? OK. Yes. Well, the argument for a bidet. And I just asked her, like, hey, if you were running around in the backyard and you slipped and fell face first in shit, would you wash it off or would you just take a dry piece of paper and wipe it off? And she just looked at me and she's like, I'd wash it, but no, we're not getting a bidet.
00:23:50
Speaker
It's different. would yeah I mean, I've never used the bidet, so I can't really speak to that. But I haven't. do but I've heard they're so good. Yeah, my buddy got one like, you know, you can get like those cheap ones that like kind of mount to your toilet as opposed to getting a full on bidet. And he says that he loves it and he saves money on toilet paper every, you know. Yeah. I mean, there are times where like I swear to God, I swallowed a marker or something. it I use half the frickin roll. can Yeah, like you wipe your ass and there's like a signature on there and you're like, what the fuck? Yeah. So I wipe again and it's still there. And I'm like, where are you coming from? I'm not actively pooping right now. I'm not actively I'm not actively pooping, guys. I'm still going to wash my ass afterwards. Well, that's what I was hoping. Like, could I just do that?
00:24:45
Speaker
Just give it a little squirt, squirt, be done. I guess. One piece of paper, like one roll of ah one watt of toilet paper just to dry it off and you're done. Yeah. I mean, you know maybe get one for yourself. Maybe mount it. I mean, because she doesn't have to use it. You could get one and then you know only have it on when you're using it. That's true. That way you both can you can have your bidet and eat it too or whatever. um You know, so maybe maybe just that maybe one day she'll say, hey, you know what? I mean, we have it. I'm just going to give it a go. And then if you hear her screaming in the bathroom, that means you didn't like it. Maybe the water is too cold or something. I don't know how that works. um You know, but hey maybe what I'll do is I'll forget to turn it off. Then I'll definitely hear the scream.
00:25:38
Speaker
yeah Yeah, that would imagine you're not ready for water to shoot you in the ass. You know, that happen like, you know, whenever I get Poseidon's kiss. Right. I mean, that too. But like, you know, like you're at the middle of the night, you crawl in your in your bathroom, you're like, you know, your eyes are but like all sorts of dilated and you're just sitting down and you're like, I just got to get this done with. So I go back to bed and then just like, phew, Super Soaker, you know, and it's like, that's it. That's it. Game over, man. Like you'd be fucking just straight up like, you know, it's like where people have that fear, the irrational fear of fear of a snake toilet or toilet snake, I should say. God, yeah, I heard about those. Like I would feel like, oh, man, that was just a cold ass snake putting its tongue on my butthole. My balloon knot has been kissed by a venomous snake.
00:26:30
Speaker
Anyway, just something to think about, you know, but hey, you know, just maybe get nightmares about. Yeah, maybe get one for yourself and then see. I would love if ah I think it would be very nice. Yeah, I agree. Get one and I get two. So it's like warm water. Yeah, let's see. How much is a bidet? You can get some bidets for as low as like $45, Danny. yeah right and i Some are even cheaper than that, but I wouldn't trust like the $20 ones. I think you can also get ones that just fit into a normal toilet. like You don't even need to do all that. Some of them just some of them replace your toilet seat, and some of them like live underneath your toilet seat. Yeah.
00:27:13
Speaker
Yeah. So and even a decent high end one is like 100 bucks. But there are some that are really up there to like six hundred dollars. But that's a that's a full on bidet. That's not the little guy. You know, maybe I'll get one no matter what she says. I just get one and then just a marriage works. I'll just go behind her back and get it anyway. Yeah, just don't let her, you know, feel the the the icy kiss of it in the middle of the night, like make sure she knows it's there. I don't know. And but anyway, yeah, I'm sure as you wash your ass is what you're telling me. Do you wash your ass? Yes, but probably not in the same way that you do. Or maybe I don't know. Well, I never read a bell technique. Huh? I never went into technique. I just said I do.
00:27:56
Speaker
Yeah, I mean like I spend probably more time on it than the average guy um Just because like again I hate shitting and I just want to like get that all out of there And so my method is wash hair ah Get it real sudsy and then whatever is left on my hands goes on my underarms and on my ass and on my crotch And I just rub that in real good to just like spread some, some love there. So you use them with the suds from my shampoo that I use in my hair ah to get my underarms and my nether regions.
00:28:33
Speaker
to really get in there and scrub it good. And then I take the shower hose, you know, the the the the head that, you know, what's it, what do they call it? It comes off the wall. Like the detachable head? Yeah, you know, and then I just, you know, just, you know, angle it the right way in all the right places under the arms. I kinda wish we had a detachable head. Yeah, down the front, up the back, hit the grundle on the way. Everything's nice and shiny, I assume. um That's it. Very nice. Yeah. ah Hey, listeners, write in the fun is not work dot com slash contact us. Let us know how you wash your ass. Yep. Cass will love going through those. Yeah. Without context, Cass, just because she doesn't listen to this show. If she does, she doesn't tell me. um And she had a contact. She just gets a fucking bunch of letters. It's like, dear, Cass, I wash my bum.
00:29:29
Speaker
this ah There you go. Tiny Pickle Joe. Yeah, we have we have different techniques. It's not gay if you're washing your own asshole. And even if it were like, I don't know, man, is it really that big of a deal? yeah I'd rather be clean. Yeah. In that case, if he thinks it's if he thinks it's not if because he's like straight men, don't do that. So clearly he's nervous about being a gay man or thinking of himself as gay, but like not to get too graphic. But if you pleasure yourself at all, my guy. Yeah. How is that not gay? Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, we are using that kind of logic. Yeah.
00:30:09
Speaker
You're touching a wiener. So, like, if you're afraid of touching your own butthole because you think straight men don't do that, but you're not afraid of touching your own schlong, like, you need to figure out where your logic is there, bud, because one, I think, is arguably worse. One is cleaning. The other one is actually trying to get dirty. I just got the worst thought. Is it a year out of the way? Oh, my God. No, it might be worse than that. What's that? I just picture somebody called, like, Oh, yeah, you know, I'm not gay. I don't do it, you know, whatever. i'm I'm not gay. Nothing about me is gay. Oh, how do you clean your ass? Well, I just take a dildo, I stick it on the wall, suds it up and then just go. she And that's the best way is really get the deepest clean. Really helps open you up for future BMS. You know what I mean? God, this episode is going to be awful. I'm going to have to warn my parents for this one. They're adults. They'll be fine. It's me. They love me and they never even met me. You're not the problem.
00:31:08
Speaker
I know that. Thank you for saying that. I am not the problem. You hear that, America? You hear that? The world? I am not the problem.
00:31:18
Speaker
Well, you know, we were all worried. It was you. That was secretly the problem. It's me. It's me. All right. I have two more questions left. Do you want me to do both of them? I mean, I know we're about to do word of the day, but do you want to do both? Actually, I want to take some time, so only do one. OK. Let's only do one. You want to talk about beards or one ply toilet paper? Hmm. You know what? Let's just go all in on the shit today. Let's let's hit the one ply toilet paper. All right.
00:31:55
Speaker
The question is from Ruth Calvin and the picture of her is quite lovely. She's with what I assume is her husband. She's wearing a lovely pink cardigan. She looks quite lovely. She's probably like in her fifties and she is a former and well, actually she's a former, former antique dealer. So I think that might've been a typo because they might put former already, but she's a former, former antique dealer, meaning she's an antique dealer. So she started again. Yeah. Right. And her question is very simple. Would one ply toilet paper do the trick?
00:32:27
Speaker
Hasn't for me. It hasn't really? yeah I use a generous supply stuff. Well, it's not great that really it works. It does the trick. The problem is. It's so irritating, it always leaves me. um It almost makes it makes me feel chafed. Yeah, almost like I missed a spot and it's itching. Right. But it's I didn't. It's just like all chafed and and rough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I mean, yeah, well, but you're not going to have a fun time. Yeah, you know, like how if you take a bunny and you just run it alongside like a chain like fence and sometimes the fur kind of gets like stuck in the in the fence as you're walking, you know, that's how I feel sometimes with certain one ply toilet paper when I'm doing my thing. Like I know I'm leaving like glitter on my ass, you know. Yeah. Or like it rips halfway through and you're like, well,
00:33:21
Speaker
Yeah. Hope that comes off on the next light. But because of my turd shopping feat that I had many years ago, I've learned that like if you just wrap it once or twice, like one ply is actually not that bad. You know, just wrap it one one time around. Now you have to apply. Right, exactly. So it'll do the trick. You don't have to use it as a one ply sheet. You can certainly wrap it and then do it. I always fold all my TP in half anyway, just to make like an extra layer. So I'm not wiping my hand with my ass like a, you know, like a Frenchman. So like, did I say wiping my hand with my ass? I just had a year of the way moment there. Wiping my ass with my hand. You also just threw a huge bus on the French people. Not all French people, just like a random French guy.
00:34:09
Speaker
ah you Maybe you are the problem. Is Adam of the problem? this will be the first This will be the first episode that doesn't have our word of the day. yeah it just be the question willll just be the The title just be, who's the problem? Who's the problem? Is Adam a problem? yeah is Or is Danny the problem? right and Who's the problem, gang? Is Danny the problem? You guys aren't going to pick on Danny. No. I've made myself too easy of a target because I can take it too well. So people just aim at me a lot. Now, I mean, I've been there too. You're the first friend group I've ever had that picks on Mel as much as me. So that's been nice. Yeah. Well, you know, we got to spread it around. I appreciate it.
00:34:54
Speaker
Well, hey, so here's the issue. You said you only want to answer three questions. We just answered that one and we still have the word of the day. Yeah. So. But it's OK, because I have a bonus story time for for this episode. All right. I'm going to bury this in the shittiest episode. So there you go. All right. Hit me with the year of the way first. Oh, you want the year to the way first? OK. Yeah, I want the year of the way first. Today's year of the way is fusil. Oh right, you did ask me about that earlier. How do you spell fusil? It's F-O-O-Z-L-E. Just like it sounds, okay. Yep. Fusil. It is a verb. So you do a fusil, yes. You fusil things. You fusil. It's to bungle or to play clumsily. To bungle? To bungle, yeah.
00:35:43
Speaker
So it's kind of like a um a sporting term, right? This is saying like golf. Well, I guess they have cooking in here too, but like you if golf, you'd fusil your swing ah if you messed it up or you fusiled the recipe. So it it basically means to mess up. You know, I've googled saying word of the day before and said, you're out of the way. I see. Yeah, I made it. OK. I made a fusil. I made a fusil. Can you make a fusil? Because that makes it a noun. No. No, I actually just fusiled that. So there you go. You fusiled using the word fusil. Yeah, that was to like doubly make sure inception wise, you know.
00:36:28
Speaker
You understand how Fuzil works by using it wrong. Right. Yeah. Right. Got it. OK. Got that. All right. Fuzil got to come up with something like that. yeah I might I might give you a little. A little stuff right right about now with with food that you could use with Fuzil. OK. Go for it. So. Story time. Story time. First of all, happy birthday, Adam. This is your birthday present. Okay, yeah, thank you. It's a little late, but I'll take it. Thank you. I warned you anyway. So through a complicated series of events, my parents ended up going on a ah large trip to Africa and large trip like a whole bunch of people went.
00:37:18
Speaker
Oh, I didn't you mention that like some time ago that they were on a trip while we were recording or something? Well, the they were going on this trip. So they just got back a couple days ago or or like a week ago or so. And, um you know, I was getting pictures the whole time. They were sending me pictures of lions and and leopards and or not leopards, cheetahs, you know, like different animals that they've seen the whole time, elephants and everything. Very, very cool, very ah jealous that they got to do all of that. It seemed so much fun. But my dad called me up one day and he was like, hey, you know, I just wanted to check in and see how you guys are doing. It's a bit of a longer trip, right? Because it's so far. um And he says, remind me when we get home to tell you the monkey story and how your mother almost knocked over a giraffe.
00:38:13
Speaker
Oh, fun. So I already knew I was in for a good time. So were those both at the same time? there These are both in one story. OK, good. So my parents come home and told me the monkey story with my mother almost knocking over a giraffe. ah So my parents were not shopping while they were in Africa. They're in Africa. Did they go? I they went like all over the place. I'd have to look in the text to see where they went. Mom, write and tell us where you went. I'm far too late. Did you go? Did you go to Tunisia? Oh, look at you. You know Africa stuff. I know a couple. Not that great. And the so they went shopping. My mom said she bought like a scarf or something like that.
00:39:04
Speaker
And she's carrying her bag back to the room at their hotel. And the hotel has like a courtyard with monkeys in the trees and stuff. And there's a giraffe blocking their path. And they were told, if you see a giraffe, don't go up to it. you know They are still dangerous animals. Just give it some room, walk around it. So my parents go off the path to walk around the giraffe. And they noticed all the monkeys in the trees surrounding them and staring at my mother's bag.
00:39:39
Speaker
So they're like, yeah, you know hindsight, we should have just given them the bag, but we didn't. So the monkeys start you know inching closer, trying to grab for the my mom's bag. My dad tells my mom to run, so she does. And she's not looking where she's going and stops just short of running face first into the giraffe. So she almost knocked she almost just barreled right into this giraffe. Oh man, how would that have gone? Running away from the monkeys. So she finally like realizes that she stops, goes around, and then continues around. My dad's right behind her. They're being chased by all these monkeys.
00:40:19
Speaker
And as they get to where their rooms are, a cleaning lady is coming out of one of the rooms. So they go like, hey, can you help us? We're being chased by a bunch of monkeys. And the cleaning lady's like, oh yeah, I got you. And she just hands my dad a broom. And there's One monkey that blocked the stairway that they need to take to get up to their room. So my dad has to take the broom and like push the monkey to the side while my mom runs up the stairs. He runs up behind her. And as they're getting to their room, the monkeys block them off. So now my dad is fighting them off with a broom while my mom runs inside and then he finally runs inside. And they're like, um,
00:41:05
Speaker
They're finally in the room. they They have to go out for dinner, so they have to get changed and everything. So after getting changed, they look out the window, and there's a monkey just sitting right there, staring into the window. And they're like, oh, boy. So they had to get they to call like a service to come and pick them up to clear the monkeys away and get them out of there. They're coming to pick up the monkeys? No, to pick them up, to take them to dinner. Because they're like, we can't leave the room. They're right there. So they just let these animals like in the resort or like in the hotel? Oh yeah. Yeah, the way um the the one hotel, I don't know if it's the same one as this happening at, but the one hotel, the second story um hotel rooms have like these large windows that open and a bucket that you can hang from the ceiling that has feed in it. So the giraffes will come and stick their head into your room and eat the feed.
00:42:03
Speaker
but but be quite an entry That would be quite an interesting sight to like, you know, like we don't see a lot of wild critters. Like we see birds and like squirrels and rabbits and stuff like that. We're like, OK, hey, oh, sometimes you see a deer and you go, oh, wow, there's a deer in my backyard. You know, but I think it'd be really bizarre. Just like, you know, you're walking down like some random city street or something and you're just like, dude, it's like walk around the giraffe, sir. Like, okay, I just let's walk around the giraffe. He's as tall as our building. Just walk around them. Yeah, it was cool. They were telling me how um they did all these safaris and things. And they're like, every time we went out to do something like this,
00:42:48
Speaker
We were escorted by these warriors. I forget what the tribe name was, but she's like, you know, they're this tribe warriors and it was their job to protect us. And they were skilled at killing all of these different wild animals, the lions, the boars, whatever. You know, if something attacks one of us, they were there to protect us. So we had to call them. Like if you wanted to go to the bathroom from the campsite, you had to call them to come and escort you to the bathroom just in case.
00:43:19
Speaker
Interesting, but it was really cool. Well, that's ah that's that's quite ah I hope they're compensated. Well, that's quite a ah that's quite a skill set to have and and quite a big responsibility to have essentially your own secret service. It's like those Sherpas that help people up Mount Everest. Right. You know, I guess quite a that's that's quite a job to have. You know, you fight lions and boars all day, or at least you are prepared to be. Yeah, right. That would be quite that'd be quite a. Quite a job, actually, I'm kind of I'm trying to interested in that. Let's see what. Who are the warriors who protect you from lions and boars in Africa?
00:44:07
Speaker
Let's see. OK, I'm getting all sorts of stuff that isn't that. Senburu warrior. um Is one name I saw pop up a sunbura warrior. ah But one of the stories is like raised to kill lions, this Kenyan warrior now saves them and they were known as a sunbura warrior before they changed to something different. um There's also one called a Masai warrior. Oh, it might have been that. ah Interesting.
00:44:42
Speaker
What is that? Historically, the Messiah historically, the Messiah would use deadly force to protect their herds off and head out and revenge parties to hunt and kill lions. But I don't know if there's the same people that were hired to like fucking, you know, watch you while you're good. You know, but let me. I just sent her a message asking. So we'll see if she answers before we wrap up this episode. Well, there you go. So while we're waiting for that answer, ah you know, hey, let's just kind of go through what we talked about today. Um, we learned what a fusil or how to fusil or that you can fusil things such as fusilling, you're rid of the way or fusilling a perfectly good Thanksgiving dinner party.
00:45:26
Speaker
Yeah, it calms back around. Yeah, you know, you could fusil your ass somehow, fusil washing your ass, I should say. You could do, you know, um and you could maybe fusil using one ply toilet paper if you're not careful and end up just using your own finger to wipe your bum. um So any other question was about a beard, but we can get to that other time maybe. um And I think that's it. I feel like we got a lot done for only 48 minutes. Usually we've gone well over fucking around. So we actually did pretty good today.
00:46:01
Speaker
Yeah, I think so. It was Masai Warriors. Masai Warriors. That's what I thought. Okay, cool. I wasn't sure because I know they're historically known as like lion hunters, but like, I was like, well, just because that's the case, doesn't mean they hired Masai Warriors. It could be anybody. Yeah. It was Masai Warriors. Boy, I wonder how much they get paid to do that. That would be, I would be asking. I don't know, you know, if you're a allowed to talk to them like that, but I'd be like, you don't get paid to do this shit. I have no idea. I don't even know if they really spoke English. Well, I mean, I have no idea. I wasn't there. I would assume so. I'm pretty sure English is like taught language in Africa. There's I don't know all the languages that are spoken. So so many like little. I mean, I'm not saying nobody would speak it. Right. Obviously, whoever your calling has to speak it so that they know what you're asking, but like.
00:46:44
Speaker
I don't know if the actual, well, maybe I don't know. Right. there is fifth There's there's 54 countries in Africa constitutes almost 15% of the world's population as of a 2009 census. So it's quite old. Pick up your senses guys. Um, over 1000, 1000 official languages are spoken across the African continent. oh like And the largest religious group is Islam followed closely by Christianity. How about that? Um, There you go, you all learned a word of the day and you learned some Africa trivia. 54 countries in Africa, we got Morocco, we got Libya, we got Egypt, we got Algeria, we got Sudan, Chad, Niger, Nigeria, Ethiopia, Kenya, tas ah Tanzania, Zimbabwe, Madagascar is kind of floating off to the southeast a little bit, guys, don't forget about that little guy, Somalia.
00:47:37
Speaker
ah Nambia and goalie at the dominican republic of the congo so many more guys you know do it in a rap. I can try i gotta help you rap. I gotta highlight the picture better because it's, it's, hang on. I can do it. Yes, absolutely. I believe in you. We got Algeria. Motherfucking Egypt and there's Libya. There's Chad. ah Sudan and Ethiopia. Kenya. Guess the next one is Kenya and Madagascar.
00:48:13
Speaker
and be yeah There you go. And of course, Ghana is there. Fucking Ghana every time. Mali, Senegal. I've never heard of Mauritania before. M-A-U-R-I-T-A-N-I-A. Interesting. Don't know that one. um Yeah. Cameroon. Central African Republic. That's really hard to read. It's all blurry. Botswana. I remember Yakko from ah when he from the the Animaniacs doing the world things and I never forgot Kiyo and Botswana. And I was like, Oh, Botswana. I'll never forget that. But he sang it so lovely that I was like, I just love. I love that. That name. Animaniacs.
00:48:55
Speaker
Yeah, it's they made new episodes on Hulu a few years back like to kind of pick up on like newer jokes and like newer like political climates and social climates. It's quite good. It was good. Yeah, it was funny because I was like, is it really going to be good? and No, the only thing that was a little jarring at first, but they address it a few episodes later into their very first like new season is like, you notice like Hello Nurse isn't there for them to objectify anymore. So they've kind of like elevated their content to like, we're not just like we don't have a hot girl on screen just so we can hoot at her. She turns out to be like a fucking like executive of some shit later.
00:49:34
Speaker
um I am a lot of like what they call like the problematic characters are characters that they just didn't want in their story anymore. Like they're not really there so a lot of it is just the act. Which I like, you get a lot more of the actual Warner Brothers and sister, which is cool because like in the old Animaniacs, they were there, but they also squeezed in so many other like skits in between that you didn't see them as much. Um, where you get like full on episodes that are mostly them and pinky in the brain, which pinky and the brains episodes are fantastic. Like he learns they're trying to like take over people's minds. Like brain recognizes right away that smartphones are like corrupting people's brains and wants to use them to take over the world. It's so good.
00:50:15
Speaker
I'll have to check it out. It's funny and there is one point before where they they poke a lot of fun at at the orange man and he's just a big guy in the diaper and it's very. much um But they also have like classic bits to they meet like the zoo Scott of Thunder and they do stupid shit with him to classic Warner Brothers and sister nonsense. It's still very funny. and the And the opening theme song, they changed it to kind of address like the changes, but it's still the same tune. It's really funny. I would recommend it. I liked it a lot. well OK. And I'm a totally insane. Pinky and the brainy. And I mean, yes, those are the facts. Don't sue us. um But anyway, so what was the tribe? I already forgot the the Messiah tribe. Messiah. Yes.
00:51:05
Speaker
I don't know if I'm saying that right. I'm just so used to a lot of languages pronouncing both vowels at the end of a word. So my brain keeps thinking like, like Masai versus like, like, like, as opposed to Masai. I could be wrong though. with Two A's, right? So. Right. So I don't know. I could be saying it wrong. If you're of African descent, please let me know. Is it Masai or is it Masai or am I just saying it all wrong? Is it Masai? Masai sounds right. It could be. Let us know if we're Americanizing and fusilling that one. Yeah, please. I don't want to fusil your language. I would like to learn more. like say And I didn't know you had a thousand languages in Africa. That's pretty fucking dope. I've only learned no of Afrikaans. That's really it. So I think that's super rad. Anyway, Danny, that should wrap up the show for now. ah What do you want to say to the good people of that's our Q audience land? I apologize if you need to scrub your brains after this episode.
00:52:02
Speaker
I scrubbed my ass out of this episode. I mean, if you have to do that, then please go do it. You probably smell. um Yeah, just thank you for listening. You know the drill. Dream come true. Thanks to you. um Little rhyme there for you too. And ah
00:52:30
Speaker
I don't know, man. Honestly, ah for some reason, I'm caught with my my pants down this time. Oh, yeah. You're really, you're really fooseling your exit. I'm really fooseling the ending. Well, thank you all for listening. I really appreciate you. ah This is a dream come true for me, and we couldn't do it if it weren't for you listening to it. um I'm just going to kick it to Adam because I don't know. I can't do with this anymore, I guess. Thank you. Yeah. yeah um So, hey, listen, if you want to support the show and you want to support the network, I am trying to build a certain amount of income for it. So that way I can make some new changes to the network. And we are trying to make some new changes to the website coming up again soon.
00:53:10
Speaker
um Things fell through the cracks before but we're looking to get back to it we're gonna have some actual merchandise coming out soon. ah Adrian and I were doing some conceptualizing of it. um It's probably gonna be nothing related to any of our shows it's just stupid fuckery but little support the show and all the other shows in the network if you see them to keep an eye on our red bubble store on our website you gotta find us network dot com just go to the merch page. it'll take you to the store look for those probably within the next couple of weeks we're gonna try to have a couple of base models on there for like some really stupid what we call fake news long term short term shorts shirts. um You'll see what i mean when we get there.
00:53:46
Speaker
um to keep an eye out for that. If you want to support the show directly as well go to Ko-fi.com slash fun installers because that supports the network as well. um So if you just want to be a monthly donor we'd really appreciate it if you're not already or if you are and maybe you know you can make extra donations. We do have a couple of small things you can buy on there um You know we are trying to kind of get some more income to support the network in some new ways we can hire more creators and content editors and stuff like that so if you if you could do it that be great if not just listening and sharing and i'll obviously giving a rating to the show really does help us out some trying to be better about asking for those things.
00:54:27
Speaker
um And finally, if you go to fun and sellers network dot com slash contact us, you know, ah we haven't gotten any letters in a little bit. ah You know, and we kind of miss it. We miss you guys writing into us. So, you know, go ahead and do that. um and finally finally finally on top of that if you just want to see me you like me if you like my voice and the stupid shit that I say um you can find me on instagram at random atom that's r-a-n-d-o-m underscore a-t-o-m like the little tiny thing we're all made of
00:54:58
Speaker
um Go there i post stuff there sometimes not all the time but enough times that it sometimes and that's what matters. um Very nice so yeah thank you i can repeat that again if i wanted to though i don't remember what i said already. um You know but you know pretty soon i'll be posting a video of a sign i saw that i think was german ah that said nice longer on it and i laughed about it for a good five minutes. ah um It was spelled N-E-I-S-W-O-N-G-E-R. And I was like, nice, longer. And I was giggling about it all the way to a job interview. So it kept me company. um So anyway, that's about it. If you want to support the show, we would love that. And please at least review the show. You can go to podchaser.com, go to podchaser.com slash T-O-Q, or that's our queue. Either one should make it pop up. And ah let us know how you like certain episodes. You can review episodes individually, or you can review the show as a whole if you like.
00:55:54
Speaker
um So we'd really like that. And um any other shows that are on the network, you can also find there. And I think that is about it. So um in the meantime, take care of your mind, take care of your heart, and most importantly, for the love of God, for the love of all things holy and sacred as we move further into the end of this year, please take care of each other. And we'll see you next time on What Danny? that That's our cue. Nice job.
00:57:32
Speaker
well does it look good already
00:57:52
Speaker
Does it look good already?