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Grief & Joy in the College Transition for Parents & Teens
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Show Highlights:
- Understanding Grief in Life Transitions: Kendra introduces the concept of grief not just as a response to loss, but as an emotion felt during significant life transitions, specifically focusing on children going to college This is a major change that can bring about complex emotions for both parents and teenagers.
- Kendra's Personal College Experience: Reflects on her own experience of leaving Colombia at 18 to attend college in the U.S., highlighting the different communication methods of the time (calling cards, letters) and how being in a new environment might have made her personal adjustment "easier" than for her family back home, who felt her absence more acutely in familiar surroundings.
- The Coexistence of Joy and Grief: Emphasizes that it's "okay to feel grief and also to be excited for your kids" as they embark on their college journey. The episode explores this "complex" emotional landscape where joy and sadness can exist simultaneously.
- Grief from a Student's Perspective: Discusses that teenagers themselves will also experience grief as they leave for college, particularly after returning home and realizing what they've missed, or when they miss their friends, relationships, and established routines.
- Validating and Honoring Emotions: Stresses the importance of naming these emotions as "grief" to acknowledge their multifaceted nature and the many other feelings (like regret) that can accompany it.
- Open Communication and Support: Encourages honest conversations with your children, letting them know you're excited for them but also miss them, which helps validate their own mixed emotions. Connecting with others who are experiencing similar changes is also vital.
- Invitation for Accompaniment: If you are going throgh a life transition and want someone to walk alongside you as you figure it out. Reach out for a FREE 15 min Discovery call
email: griefgratitudepodcast@gmail.com
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:02
Kendra Rinaldi
Hello, welcome to the podcast, Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray in Between. I'm your host, Kendra Rinaldi, and today I'm doing a solo episode.
Grief in College Transitions for Parents and Teens
00:00:12
Kendra Rinaldi
And I thought that today's conversation would be more for parents that are experiencing grief, and even for the teenagers that are experiencing grief in this major life transition that is going to college.
Kendra's Personal College Transition Story
00:00:33
Kendra Rinaldi
So i i myself have experience going away to college. I came to the U.S. when I was 18 years old and my parents were still living in Colombia and so were my siblings.
00:00:49
Kendra Rinaldi
And so I left home at that age and came to the States. I did not know I was going to stay here for the amount of time that I ended up staying and pursuing my college career, then getting married and staying in this country.
00:01:03
Kendra Rinaldi
and i really did not I really thought I was coming for a year and then I would probably go back and go to the university there, but that's not what happened.
Communication Challenges in the Past
00:01:10
Kendra Rinaldi
So i ah my experience as a teenager going away for college in a time in which the communication was so different back then, right? It was writing letters. I would call my parents probably I think it was probably once a month, maybe. i had a calling card.
00:01:36
Kendra Rinaldi
For those of you that are around my age, you may remember those like MCI i calling cards. and you They were like usually linked, I think, with your phone bill.
00:01:46
Kendra Rinaldi
No, no, actually, no. They weren't because I had and lived with host families at the beginning. So I think think you just had like this account. And so you would put this number and then you'd pay...
00:01:58
Kendra Rinaldi
hey yeah I don't even remember how ah how I'd even charge my MCI card. But anyhow, that's that was so the calling card times. and any And letters. Letters were probably what I received the most and sent the most with my family and friends during that time. And that's how I
Adjusting to Life in a New Country
00:02:18
Kendra Rinaldi
communicated. And being away...
00:02:22
Kendra Rinaldi
ah you know not only from home, but just being in another country and adapting to that, adapting to the different host families that I had because I did move quite a bit because I was in a dance group and we had different host families during that period of time that I was doing that. And then afterwards, then I did go to college.
00:02:40
Kendra Rinaldi
So it it was definitely hard, but at the same time, because I was away, there was no there were no there was nothing really in my...
00:02:52
Kendra Rinaldi
it in my immediate circle that would constantly remind me of my parents, right? Because I was in a place that I had never been with my parents or my siblings before. So there was nothing around there that reminded me of them.
00:03:06
Kendra Rinaldi
ah So it was easier for me at that time to really experience this this change of being away because I, yeah, I don't read, I remember, i remember being ah ah homesick and missing my siblings and missing my parents.
00:03:27
Kendra Rinaldi
But at the same time, i don't, I don't think that there were as many things that would constantly be reminding me of them. Now, on the other hand, for my family, that was a whole other problem. whole other scenario, right? Because I'm the one that's away.
00:03:42
Kendra Rinaldi
They're the ones that were home.
Family's Perspective on Kendra's Absence
00:03:44
Kendra Rinaldi
They were the ones constantly being reminded of my absence anytime they'd probably all get in the car and wait, are we all here? You know, things like that, that were constant reminders so of my absence and sitting at a dinner table.
00:03:59
Kendra Rinaldi
So I'm sure that my absence was probably felt more by them than was for me that because I was the one that was away. ah I'm not saying that this is the case for everyone. this was I'm just saying this was my personal experience. And I don't don't know if we really, truly talked about how much we missed each other or things like that. They were just very excited also for what I was experiencing as well.
00:04:32
Kendra Rinaldi
So they kind of focused mainly on that and not the um the grief of me not being there.
Comparing Past and Present College Transition Experiences
00:04:39
Kendra Rinaldi
So anyhow, that's and that's kind of saying my story here because now as a parent, I have a child that just started college this week and he's actually going he's going to stay home and he's driving to college, which is about 40 minutes.
00:04:55
Kendra Rinaldi
So I am not going through the same experience as a lot of my friends. Some of my friends have kids that are going to school here in the States and they actually, my friends don't live in the States, so they will be having that kind of similar experience of what I had. Their kids will be having similar experience of what I had, that I was here and my parents were away.
00:05:17
Kendra Rinaldi
um And then some friends are... you know, having kids go to just another, so you know, state, regardless, just a lot of changes.
Recognizing Grief and Joy in Life Transitions
00:05:28
Kendra Rinaldi
And something that is so important to acknowledge is really, truly the grief that can be felt in this life transition. And the reason that I want to bring up that word grief is because
00:05:45
Kendra Rinaldi
Even though we are so excited about this life transition for them and they and what they're going to be experiencing and we have these emotions of joy and excitement for them, we can still be feeling sadness and sadness.
00:06:03
Kendra Rinaldi
and grief and And I want to make sure that any parent right now experiencing that and kind of being confused with these emotions and for the kids too, if they're confused with their emotions, especially even after they go home and then they leave again and then they realize like what their family has been doing and up to when they were not there and the things that they're missing out, they will also be experiencing grief.
00:06:32
Kendra Rinaldi
So naming what the emotion is and knowing how complex it is and that it really does have so many different layers to the emotion. And there's so many different emotions that accompany grief that are not, grief is not always by its, it's no, not always. though It's never by itself. There's just so many different other emotions that can be felt alongside grief and that it's
Honoring Emotions During Change
00:06:59
Kendra Rinaldi
okay. Okay.
00:07:00
Kendra Rinaldi
it's okay to feel grief and also to be excited for your kids. It's not a or, it's and. So grief and excitement, grief and joy for what they're going to do um next. So ah just just honestly honor that you you're going through these emotions. Honor your emotions.
00:07:24
Kendra Rinaldi
Honor the emotions of your child.
Guiding Children Through Emotional Transitions
00:07:26
Kendra Rinaldi
If when your child left, they already started to, this this has happened already in some of the conversations I've had, if they started to, two what's this word, um to regret having moved out of state, for example, and they're too far and they want to come home, honor that that emotion is valid, but help them navigate through that and let them know that change always ah can't change can always be hard.
00:07:59
Kendra Rinaldi
and so Sorry, change can be hard and can bring about a lot of these different emotions and that it's normal for them to feel the way that they're feeling. Especially too, if they've left behind, all you know aside from you, they might've left behind ah girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever that is in another state and their own friends, their circle of friends is completely different as well. they've Everybody has spread out. So there's a lot of
Importance of Parent-Child Communication
00:08:26
Kendra Rinaldi
grief.
00:08:26
Kendra Rinaldi
that goes on in this life transition of going to college, both for the kids and for the parents. And I just want you to know that you are seen and you are, your, your emotions are are valid and that it is important for you to talk about these things, you know, with with the emotions that you're having with people around you that may be going through the same thing in this saint and these changes, as well as being honest with your kid. If you validate that you're excited for them, but that you also miss them, then it also validates their emotions as well.
00:09:05
Kendra Rinaldi
So I just thought I'd say that and share that and This is a really short episode about that topic, and I would love to be able to hear back from you and any feedback and
Support and Resources for Transition Challenges
00:09:17
Kendra Rinaldi
thoughts. And if by chance you really are struggling right now with this particular life transition in your life, and you feel that you want accompaniment in this life transition, please reach out. I'd be honored to do a 15-minute discovery call and just find out if walking alongside this path with you is the right fit for you.
00:09:39
Kendra Rinaldi
So, um, yeah, let, let me know, send me an email, griefgratitudepodcast.gmail.com and we can figure out a time to meet up and, and chat via online technology.
00:09:53
Kendra Rinaldi
Sending you all so much love and I can't wait to hear back from you and hear all of your stories of growth and grief as well as gratitude.
00:10:04
Kendra Rinaldi
Much love.