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Episode 3: Body Image
128 Plays5 years ago
Lauren, Megan and Kristen are joined by Lindsay Ronga, Yoga Instructor, TED & NEDA Speaker, Harvard MBA, Eating Disorder Recovery & Wellness Coach. Founder and CEO of Outshining ED (www.outshininged.com).
“When we give food power, we give it moral value.”
“How do you make peace with food and your body to where it doesn’t consume your head space?”
“When we find value in our body, we lose.”
“We don’t have to LOVE our bodies.”
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Transcript
Introduction of the Sisters and Thanksgiving Special
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello, welcome to the girl I slept in my makeup podcast by three sisters who live in three different states who are excited to talk to each other and also to learn and grow alongside of each of you. My name is Megan.
00:00:15
Speaker
I'm Kristen and I'm Lauren. Guys, today is such a special day because not only do we live in three different states, but today we had to take advantage of the fact that we are all three in the same household. I'm Lauren and I am hosting Thanksgiving with all of our family from Texas. So this is such a special time and you probably won't be hearing this episode until a little bit later, but we just had to take advantage of the fact that we're all sitting here together.
00:00:45
Speaker
And the other reason that this is such a really, really, really special episode to us is that we have our first guest coming on today.
Guest Introduction: Lindsay Ranga
00:00:55
Speaker
And if I can just introduce you to her, her name is Lindsay Ranga. She is an eating disorder recovery and wellness coach, yoga instructor, speaker, and has an MBA from Harvard Business School. What? Prior to coaching, Lindsay spent years working. I know. Lindsay spent years working in finance.
00:01:15
Speaker
and as CEO, was a CEO of a Gary Vanyerchuk company in New York. I hope I said his last name right. As Lindsay shares in her TEDx talk, she spent too many years trying to quote, look okay in the form of having a perfect career or the right friends. And she was masterful at acting like she had it all together. Since recovering from the eating disorder, she spends her energy on being okay,
00:01:40
Speaker
which means asking for help, slowing life down, and sometimes letting her kids wear their pajamas to school because who likes to rush first thing in the a.m.? Amen. Her mission is to empower millions to make peace with their bodies and with food through a non-diet approach. She lives in our hometown, Austin, Texas, with her husband and three small children.
00:02:00
Speaker
To learn more about Lindsay, at the end of the episode, she will tell us where to find her. Please welcome, oh my gosh, that bio is amazing. My childhood friend, actually, we've been friends since we were two years old. Lindsay, thank you so much for being here today with
Lindsay's Journey and Recovery from Eating Disorder
00:02:17
Speaker
us.
00:02:17
Speaker
I'm so excited. Honestly, I've got this like vision of my head of the four of us sitting in your childhood living room and like the comfy sofas in your house, like down the street from my house. And I just feel like I want to snuggle up under a blanket with a cup of coffee with y'all. I know. The couches haven't changed. They still look the exact same.
00:02:40
Speaker
Let's do it. We'll just visualize that and we're going to have so much fun this next hour or so. So today we are going to dive in the general topic of body image. And I think there's so much in this topic. Obviously we won't have time to cover it all, but we just thought that Lindsay would be the absolute perfect person for this episode with her experience and knowledge and education. And so let's just dive right in.
00:03:10
Speaker
Lindsay, if you will, share with our guests kind of maybe a little bit of your background and where you are today, what your focus is on today, and then we can go from there.
00:03:21
Speaker
Yeah, so I've had, as you said in my bio, I've had kind of a whirlwind in my career. And I feel really grateful for that journey. But a few years ago, I was trying to figure out what to do with my life. And I think we can all relate to not having it all figured out and kind of reassessing as we get older.
00:03:42
Speaker
But earlier in my life, I battled an eating disorder for seven years. And this was at the time I was attending Harvard Business School. And it was during the time I was CEO of the Gary Vaynerchuk company. And fast forward to having had two babies. And I was trying to make sense of that whole journey of having an eating disorder and having recovered from that.
00:04:09
Speaker
And I'll never forget I was having this conversation with my dad and at the time he had just been diagnosed with cancer. And I was telling him I was just really proud of him for how he was handling it and just how driven he was to get treatment and just to do all the things. And he looked at me and he was like, Lindsay, I am so proud of you for finding freedom from the eating disorder.
00:04:36
Speaker
And that was a really big deal because my family doesn't, like we never really talked about the eating disorder. It was like the big elephant in the room.
Lindsay's Coaching Practice and Impact
00:04:45
Speaker
And even after I recovered, it was just one of those things that was so uncomfortable to talk about because it impacted everyone in our family. And so to hear it from my dad, that was just really meaningful to me. And that sort of planted the seed for me. And I remember going home that night and praying about it. And I was like, God,
00:05:06
Speaker
I don't really know what you want me to do with this, but I just prayed about it. And long story short, like I just felt like God placed it on my heart to do something with it. So I went through a coaching program, training program, and I hired my own coach. Lauren, thanks to you for recommending a coach.
00:05:25
Speaker
And then I went to lots of other programs like Tony Robbins. And I started my own practice called Outshining Ed, where I coach women to find freedom from their eating disorders. And I've been doing that for about four years now. And I finally feel I haven't by any means figured it out yet, but I finally feel like I'm in alignment and I'm doing something that I was meant to do. And it feels really good.
00:05:50
Speaker
That is such an incredible story. I just admire you for so many reasons, but to the beautiful thing always and the hardships I think that we go through is when we're able to get out on the other side of them and not only just get out of it, but then also turn it around and reach out to so many. And I know
00:06:11
Speaker
because I know you personally, I know how many lives that you've touched just by sharing your story and then let alone going, being able to go through the coaching and all of that. I just think it's so, so I admire you so much for that. Thank you.
00:06:27
Speaker
Yeah. So I know that, is Kristin on?
Societal Pressures on Body Image
00:06:31
Speaker
Yes, I'm here. Kristin, do you want to ask Lindsey? I know you had a few questions for her. Yeah. Yeah. And when you said, speaking of helping people's lives, I mean, it definitely inspires me. I don't know if you know this, Lindsey, but I've struggled pretty hard with body image since very early on.
00:06:52
Speaker
Like as early, I think the earliest memory I have is like in even kindergarten. So, which is crazy to me. And I feel like that's more and more common. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong. Is that more and more common these days that you see?
00:07:07
Speaker
Yeah. Kristin, one in four kids have dieted by age seven and 80% of girls age 10 have been on diets. Wow. Sadly, it's really common, but I think at elementary school age is when it starts and the majority of especially girls do have body image challenges. Wow. That is just insane too. I always felt like that was the case, but knowing the actual numbers is just shocking to hear.
00:07:36
Speaker
So yeah, I guess my biggest thing is... So starting in high school, I was one of those that did the fad diets. For example, I remember my sophomore year of high school, I only ate... What's that cereal? The K cereal? That's all I ate for two. Yes. I only ate that for breakfast, lunch, and I don't think I ate dinner for two months.
00:08:01
Speaker
And it was just really odd. I always put these really weird rules on myself. I had to only eat certain things and I just did really weird things throughout starting in high school. And I've gotten to a point where my relationship with food has improved
00:08:20
Speaker
So much, but I still I guess my biggest question for you is like what's the best practices? Like I feel like for instance I have my workout routine down my you know water intake is great But like I still don't have the best routines when it comes to a healthy relationship with food So I guess I'm just wondering like what your advice on that is and what you would say to someone like me who's struggled for a long time so
00:08:48
Speaker
Yeah. Well, first, I just appreciate you sharing that because I think, too, when we were growing up, and especially you, Kristen, at the time you did, we just didn't talk about that kind of stuff. And I think the benefit of children growing up today is there is this open dialogue now, and I'm so appreciative for it. So one, I just appreciate you sharing that.
00:09:10
Speaker
And yeah, second, I think so many people can relate to like what you just shared, which is having these intense like these food rules. And the problem, the challenge with that is that it consumes your headspace and it prevents you from being present. Like it prevents you from living your life and spending your energy and time on things that like really fill you up inside. Yeah.
00:09:36
Speaker
I think it's a big question and I want to really get into it and get granular and get more specific around it. But I think the best way to attack that question is when we give food power, when we give it moral value, and I think we do that when we classify foods like good food versus bad food,
00:09:57
Speaker
So let me flip the script here and ask y'all a question. But can you relate to classifying or labeling food where it's like carrots get an A plus, but cookies and cake get an F?
00:10:11
Speaker
Definitely. Yeah, definitely. So when we do that, we give food moral value. And let me explain it a different way. So like take a knife, right? So like, if we look at a knife and think of it as like a kitchen utensil to like slice bread,
00:10:30
Speaker
right? Or like, great, that's fine. But that same knife, if we think of it as a weapon to murder someone, sorry to go like really dark, right? But if we think of it as a weapon to murder someone, all of a sudden we fear that knife and it has moral value and the knife is bad. And when we fear that knife, all of a sudden that knife has tremendous power, right? So similarly with food. So when we fear the food, like let's just take cookies and cake, for example,
00:11:01
Speaker
we're giving that food tremendous power. There's like this moral value attached to food. And so when we eat the food that has like an F rating, the cake and the cookies, all of a sudden that's where that guilt and that shame comes from. But if food is just food, which it is, if food is just neutral,
00:11:25
Speaker
and has no moral value, then all of a sudden we can eat it and we have no thoughts around it. And we're truly free to eat it. And by the way, we can keep a box of cookies in our house and have no fear that we're going to eat the whole thing. We can truly just have one cookie. And since food has no power, we can have one cookie and walk away and not be scared that we're going to eat the whole box of cookies.
00:11:48
Speaker
Yeah, no, that makes sense. It's like you always feel like you're doing almost like a cheat meal or like we're doing not bad like you're like, Oh, I'm gonna eat this whole bag of Swedish fish like crap or even like, Oh, I worked out extra hard today. So I earned these extra calories, right?
00:12:08
Speaker
I'm so glad you said that around Thanksgiving and holidays in general. I feel like you go to a different workout or you just hear in regular language from friends, it's like, oh, you earn that meal now, right? And the truth is we don't need permission to eat. We don't need to earn our meals, right? We're born with that right. And we would never tell our kids that they have to earn it.
00:12:35
Speaker
or like go take a lap before you can eat breakfast. Can you imagine? Yeah, that's true. Yeah, totally. And so, but that same, like Kristin, going back to your question around these fad diets, which I think we can all relate to, especially like the diet culture is like a multi-billion dollar industry, right? And so like, and I mean, I have contributed like a lot of money to it, right? Especially in those middle school and teenage years. Yes.
00:13:03
Speaker
But what happens again when we restrict or we go on these diets and we say no sugar, no sugar, no sugar. It's like I say, Megan, whatever you do, don't think about a pink elephant. Don't do it. Don't think about a pink elephant. Just picture one.
00:13:19
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. So the same thing when we restrict sugar, our bodies like sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, right? And so when we restrict, we go into the scarcity mode and we want it more. And ultimately, whether it's like one day, 30 days or three years from now, we're going to binge on the sugar. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, that makes so crazy how much sense that makes.
00:13:44
Speaker
I know it is so crazy. So do not give food moral value. That is such a powerful thing. It's so funny cause it's like, it sounds so it's like, Oh yeah, but I've never heard it actually said in that way. So thank you.
00:13:59
Speaker
Yeah, I haven't. And I will say, I can't tell you how many memories and trips, vacations that I haven't been able to enjoy fully because I'm so focused on, oh my gosh, if I eat that, I'm going to feel this. I'm messed up and I'm not going to enjoy myself. So my mind has always been so focused on what I'm putting into my body rather
00:14:23
Speaker
than enjoying my present time. It really takes away from your life in my opinion. I really appreciate everything you just said.
00:14:36
Speaker
Yeah, you nailed it, which is I think the harder part a lot of times, Kristin, is not the eating it or not eating it. It's the mental exhaustion of thinking about it. And that's exactly what I helped coach my clients through, is how do you make peace with food in your body, by the way? We haven't got too much into the body image, but how do you make peace where it doesn't consume your head space? Because I don't think we were created
00:15:04
Speaker
to spend time thinking about those things. Lindsey, so if you could go back to your, let's say mid 20 to late 20 self and talk to yourself about what we've been discussing, but in general about body image, is there maybe like a top two or three things that you would love to be able to go back and tell yourself in regards to this?
00:15:30
Speaker
Yeah, gosh, so many things. Cause this is right around the time the eating disorder started for me. And I think the big one for me, it is related to the body image, but it's to take off the mask. Like I was so focused on wearing this mask of pretending like things were fine and wearing this mask of strength and toughness and sometimes even happy. Like it was too hard for me to be vulnerable.
00:15:59
Speaker
And so what happened when I wore this mask of strength and toughness, it's like I was ignoring what was going on inside. And I felt a bit out of control. And sometimes when you're feeling that way, you need something to control. And for me, that was my body and that was the food. And so I turned to that and a lot of people do this in the form of addiction, right? And you turn to that and you control that. So for me, it would be like,
00:16:25
Speaker
Stop living life for other people and live life for yourself. Whoa, that's big. That's so amazing.
00:16:37
Speaker
Yeah, I'm like taking notes. This is awesome. You know, it's funny because I think I say things even now that I need to hear. I don't know if y'all do that, but like even now I say things that I need to remind myself of because even now I can get caught up into people pleasing or doing things because I think I am supposed to do it since I'm a grown up or a mom or I should be doing it. And it's like, wait, I have to constantly check in with myself.
00:17:03
Speaker
and say like am I doing this for others or am I doing this because it like really does benefit me and my family. That's such a good point. Yeah I feel like almost this podcast in a way is our like accountability partner because we get on here and we just start talking about like the comparison stuff and all the different things and I feel like we end up admitting to ourselves like oh I'm not doing so well in that moment
00:17:30
Speaker
And like fixing it that day, you know, so yeah, totally with you. Basically, when we brought up this topic, I was, you know, I've been following along with your journey on social media and I just think it's so cool what you're doing. And I've always wanted to know more. So more than anything, this is just fun to figure out like what it is about body image and eating disorders and just learning more because I've never personally dealt with
Self-Worth Beyond Body Image
00:17:57
Speaker
like a serious eating disorder or really
00:18:00
Speaker
I don't know, like I haven't struggled with it as much as probably others, but I have, I do care what I look like. And sometimes I'm like, is that bad to like care if I, I don't know if this is going to sound weird, but like, is it bad to like, I almost feel like it's just vain. Like I like to look a certain way or ignorant. Yeah. I don't know the right word, but I guess in your experience, do you think it's like, do you find that it can turn into something negative if you care too much about what you look like?
00:18:31
Speaker
I think anything in excess can take a turn for the worst, but I think caring about what you look like, I think that's a positive. I always come back to this place and I work from home. Right now I'm talking to you. I'm sick, keep in mind, but I'm in sweatpants and a t-shirt and I haven't showered today. I'm just keeping it real.
00:18:54
Speaker
But when I have client calls and I work from home, I know that I perform and I'm at my A-game when I take care of myself and I put on clothes that make me feel good and I put on a little lipstick. And right before we got on this podcast, no joke, I went in front of the mirror and I've got bright red lipstick on right now in sweatpants and a t-shirt because it changes
00:19:20
Speaker
don't like it changes the cadence of my voice, it changes my posture a little bit. So I think there's something too, like caring about what you look like, but caring too much, I think can be like dangerous, right? So when it starts to invade your headspace,
00:19:37
Speaker
Again, like going back to this sort of mental illness of eating disorders and body image. When you care too much, then you're constantly body checking when you're in a conversation or you're worried about what you look like and you can't stay present in the conversation. And that's when it's gone too far.
00:19:57
Speaker
Yeah, okay, that's helpful. And do you have any like tools of like when like almost like to check yourself when you're in moments where you're like, okay, I'm definitely caring too much about what I look like in this moment. Do you just kind of like it's like awareness and then you can get yourself out of it or what do you do?
00:20:16
Speaker
That's such a good question. So I kind of have, and this is by the way, this is not like professional advice. This is sort of like a personal metric for myself. But when I was in the eating disorder days, I would try on like 15 outfits before I would leave the house. And every time I would put one on that little voice, that inner critic, my lesser self, the eating disorder voice would come up and say something negative.
00:20:41
Speaker
Right? Like, oh, you look too fat. You look too ugly. Right? Like something really harsh. And so now, like, again, Thanksgiving, we have this fancy meal. We all dress up and go to the Austin Club downtown. And so I'll probably try on like two to three dresses. And that's about my max. And if I try on more than that, like I stop myself. And I'm like, you know what? One of the first three you tried on, as long as it's comfortable, it'll do. And so for me, that's sort of my gauge.
00:21:11
Speaker
Right. Okay. That's good advice. Yeah. Because I think for the most part I do okay with it. Like I just want to like after having babies, you know, I didn't feel great about my body, but I kind of just gave myself grace for that first year with breastfeeding. And then I really got on like a workout kick and eating healthy and I'm feeling really good. But then I started to ask myself like, is it bad that I care so much? Like, oh, I feel like I'm looking
00:21:38
Speaker
better now. And I'm like, am I like super vain that I care? So this is helpful to just know like, I don't know when to kind of check myself so it's not overboard. Well, and here's the distinction. And I think Lauren, you were alluding to this with like body image challenges. So when we find value in our body, we lose.
00:21:59
Speaker
Gotcha. When we find value in our body, we lose. And I learned this, by the way, and this is when everything changed for me in my recovery, but I learned this in yoga bhakti philosophy. But our bodies are temporary. It's kind of like the way that we have cars, right? The cars are literally to transport humans or groceries or whatever. And we don't find value in the car itself. It's sort of a tool.
00:22:25
Speaker
to get us from place to place. It's similar. Our body is this vehicle for our essence, our soul, our spirit, whatever your beliefs are. The minute you start to find your worth in your body, you're in trouble because our bodies are going to change. From the time we are born, our bodies are going to go through puberty.
00:22:46
Speaker
And like you said, Megan, like you have a baby and then after that baby, you're like, holy crap, what do I do with this body? You know, it's like a shock. But if you don't have your worth in your body, you'll be okay. Yeah. And you can. So powerful, Lindy. I love that. Yeah. No, it's super helpful.
00:23:07
Speaker
Yeah, and I think because I think that's so good because I think sometimes I do get caught up in it, but more than anything, like kind of like what Lauren was saying when she was getting cut out a little bit is like this is, you know, you're not honoring your creator, like, you know, no matter what your beliefs are, whoever your creator is, you're not honoring your creator by being mean to your body or like judging your body.
00:23:31
Speaker
So that was a huge thing. Even like the flip side, like if, I mean, and I'm sure we all know people who have like dedicated their life to working out and have amazing bodies by society's values, right? And I admire those people for their work ethic, but that doesn't make them worthy, right? Like there are tons of assholes that have rock hard bodies, right? So that doesn't make them worthy. Oh my gosh, that's funny.
00:24:01
Speaker
I love it. Kristen, you have a question? Oh, yeah. I did have a question. This might be a silly question. I'm not sure. For so long, I had all these rules. I had all these things I put on myself.
00:24:17
Speaker
And it was really tough, but at a certain age, I think it's when I honestly met my husband. I don't know if it's something switched in my mind where I was just done. I was so over all these limitations and rules I had for myself, especially when it came to food. I kind of did the opposite to where, and I was curious if you've
00:24:38
Speaker
come into this with clients and stuff where it's like I almost was like, I'm sick of not being able to eat where I just eat everything. And it's like, I'm almost the opposite now, but still not in a healthy sense. Does that make sense? What is the unhealthy sense that you suspect?
00:24:58
Speaker
Well, so before for a long time, it was like I'd only, I mean, I did crazy stuff. I mean, for months I only ate carrots and that was it. Like, you know, I just did crazy stuff to my body. And then it was like, I finally, you know, I met my husband and I just, I did a lot of mental work and a lot of, you know, self work as well. And I just came to this point where I was like, I'm done doing this to myself, you know, and
00:25:23
Speaker
But I kind of went to the other extreme to where I just ate and almost like rebelling against myself, if that makes sense. Like, yeah, I just literally was like, I'm going to eat whatever I want, when I want. But it wasn't in a healthy sense either because I was almost binge eating all the time, if that makes sense.
00:25:44
Speaker
Yeah. And I don't know the full story, but here's what I suspect. And it's interesting because I had a similar experience when I met my husband too, just in this sense that I had a really hard time learning to just love myself.
00:26:00
Speaker
Um, and I think when I met my husband and in other relationships also, it was like this validation that, oh, hey, somebody loves me. And for some reason it was like a light switch, like in permission for me to also love myself. It's like, oh, somebody loves me. I am worthy. I am valuable. And so
00:26:20
Speaker
I suspect that's part of it, but also, and I'm not a diagnostician. I don't diagnose people, but it sounds like the carrots and the food rules, it does sound like there's some sort of disordered eating at play. And when that happens and when you're in this restrict mode and starvation mode, your body really does go in panic mode and binging can show up again.
00:26:45
Speaker
five months later, five years later, because it's making up for that time. And so that can absolutely happen. And while it feels like binging, it's actually your body saying, hey, we're scared. We need this. And that will start to peter out. That will absolutely start to taper off, because it's not going to satiate you in the same way five years from now. So a big piece of it is one, learning to trust your body.
00:27:13
Speaker
And then the second piece, like a common reason people turn to binging, for example, is that there's a deeper need that's not being met. So a lot of times people think like, oh, I'm starving for food or the perfect body, when in reality we're starving for connection or love or purpose.
00:27:33
Speaker
And so really addressing like what the needs are underneath is also work that can be done. But again, I don't know your specific situation, but just in general, that's been my experience. Well, and like you said, you know, when I was growing up, no one talked about this stuff, you know, and no, you know, it was like, very quiet. And it was like you said, like a blue elephant in the room, like I, I didn't even realize I had an issue, actually, I was in complete denial, like,
00:28:00
Speaker
To me, only people who were dying had an actual issue. I didn't. And the reason I'm talking about it is because I want people who might be going through what I was or doing what I was doing to realize, oh, wait, I'm like her. Maybe I do have an issue because I was 100% believed I had no issues with food or with anything. So I just think it's important to talk about it.
00:28:28
Speaker
Yeah. Just the awareness in itself is super important. Yeah, and I think there is this shift. I mean, there are so many wonderful shifts happening, and I'm so encouraged by it in general, like what's happening for our world and our society. But there is this glorification of thinness and this glorification of
00:28:49
Speaker
people who can stay on diets and work out. And I think it's so challenging, especially as a child, to grow up in that world. So for example, I've got two daughters and a son, but especially with the two daughters, we don't have healthy foods and unhealthy foods or good foods and bad foods. So the way we talk about foods in our house is
00:29:11
Speaker
We have foods that we eat because it gives our body energy and is important to nourish our bodies. And it's important to also eat foods that like make our soul smile and make us feel happy. And both foods are important. And by the way, like kids notice
00:29:28
Speaker
when you're not eating cake at a birthday party and kids notice like when you're eating a salad and they're eating a burger and so like for me and y'all might have these moments too but like I'll tell you the big trigger for me when I know that thinness was valued in our house and
00:29:47
Speaker
And again, my parents, I love them. They were so well-meaning. And there's no blame on them. But I remember a distinct moment when we were in line renting a car on vacation. And you all know standing in a rental car line is already painful, as it is especially in the 1980s when they didn't have the things in play as they do now. Yes.
00:30:09
Speaker
But we were in line, and there was a guy behind the counter who was in a large body. And I was with my dad, who is a New Yorker and like a very impatient man. Y'all know him. So y'all like, I love him. But yes, I know. I know what you're talking about.
00:30:25
Speaker
And you could see that his anger was starting to rise. He was just almost boiling. And we finally get called. And I was in middle school, probably 11 or 12. And we get called. And I knew my dad would make a comment, because that's always what he did. But I wasn't expecting him to make this comment. And he said, maybe if you lost a little weight, you'd move a little faster. Yeah.
00:30:52
Speaker
And I, in that moment, and again, you don't know the true impact it has, but the fact that that's never left my mind. And we know now that memories that stand out, it's because you connected a really strong emotion to it. So I got to believe that the reason that memory is so strong in my mind is because I felt like there was this visceral reaction to it.
00:31:16
Speaker
Oh my gosh, that gives me chills Lindsay because I you saying that makes me I can go directly to my memory where I have the same not the same story obviously, but the same thing But is it what's the memory?
00:31:31
Speaker
You wanted to hear it. I'm wondering if every girl has this. So mine is, I don't remember my age, but my sister was Megan, y'all know Megan, was standing in the living room and you know, y'all, we all go through this. She had a, you know, she was, how do I say this?
00:31:53
Speaker
She was wearing a really tight dress. And I remember a family member, she walked out of the room and one of our family members said, you know, she really shouldn't be wearing that. And I remember thinking to myself, I don't want anyone to ever say that about me. It just did something to me and I'll never forget it. So you telling that literally like gave me chills because it took me right back to that moment. Yeah. Megan, do you remember that?
00:32:23
Speaker
What's funny is I remember that moment too, but I like weirdly thought of it differently and was like, F you, I'm going to wear whatever I want. I love this. Here's what's really interesting. And Kristen, again, like, because I think you and I are real similar in this, Kristen.
00:32:41
Speaker
So there is a genetic factor at play here for disordered eating like they've they've identified a gene but like a lot of autoimmune things like there are genes and what happens is there's an environmental trigger that sort of turns it on and That may have been right like I kind of feel like the rental car thing was the trigger that turned mine on and my eating disorder didn't come into play till much later but like for Megan I
00:33:06
Speaker
It never turned it on or off for you, right, Megan? I think we've all struggled with body image to some extent, but it never got to obsessive for you. Yeah. No, luckily for me, it was more like, I don't know that moment because it's funny because I do remember it. So maybe it did affect me a little bit, but a part of me was just like, you know what? No. I'm good. It'll be fine. I was like, I'll just stop eating as much candy as I have lately. I did think that, but. I love that.
00:33:35
Speaker
But I wasn't as like deeply affected, thankfully, but I love that told me that before about that story. And I was like, Oh, that makes me sad because you've always looked so amazing. I love that so much. Yeah, there's this weird, like, this misconception that to love ourselves, like talking about self love, right? Because everyone feel like there's this kind of like call to like, love yourself. And that's not to be confused with loving your body.
00:34:03
Speaker
because again, we wanted to detach from our body because I don't love, I don't know about y'all, but I don't love every roll or mark or stretch mark or the way my stomach domes when I'm holding a plank after bathing.
Journey to Self-Acceptance and Loving Oneself
00:34:18
Speaker
I do not love that, especially because I'm staring at my tummy when I'm doing plank and I'm just like, man, why? Why does that have to do that? Literally, I do that every time in Pilates. I'm like, oh, there it is. There it is. Hello. It's back.
00:34:37
Speaker
But I appreciate what my body can do and I love what my body can do and I love myself like I love who I am not all the time like there are moments in parenting and as a wife and like I don't love who I am but for the most part
00:34:51
Speaker
I love myself. But we don't have to love our bodies. I think there's this misconception around that, that we have to love every part of ourselves and love our thighs and love everything. And it's kind of like I start with self-acceptance and then move to appreciating the fact that your body can do Pilates and can do the plank.
00:35:11
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, really shifting your state of mind. Yeah. Yeah. And this whole podcast is really about self love and like loving yourself a little bit more. So I feel like this is just right on in it. I don't know. Yeah. Giving yourself grace perspective, you know,
00:35:27
Speaker
Yeah. And too, Lindsay, just so you know, I'm in a place like I'm actually the heaviest I've ever been in my life and I've never felt more self-acceptance from myself. Like I really do love myself more than I ever have. And I just love that you're in a place where I feel like you're in a similar place as me. So that makes me super happy.
00:35:50
Speaker
I love that, Kristin. I just got chills hearing you through that. And I think if there's one thing I could wish for people hearing this, for Jill and Rick listening. Yeah, I just gave mom and dad. But it is that they can come to accept and love themselves. Absolutely. And regardless of what they look like,
00:36:12
Speaker
Yeah. But I will say, I do want to mention, and I don't know if you would concur with this or not, but like many other things, it's not something that just went away, I'm cured. I really do feel like I make a daily decision and choice to be better or to know more, if that makes sense.
00:36:35
Speaker
Yeah, I mean I think personal growth as you said like it's an ongoing journey. I will say I do have the belief because it's true for me and it's something that I profess like in my work with clients that food freedom really exists and that that is not
00:36:52
Speaker
That is not a lifelong journey where you're constantly kind of battling food and it's getting better and better. That there is a real transition between like what we talked about earlier with fearing food and food having the power and then transitioning to like really making peace with food and you having the power. I do believe that, but I think it is a journey to get there.
00:37:17
Speaker
Okay, so do you think in that sense, this is maybe going off a little bit, but so when it comes to because in eating disorder is just like any other addiction. Is that a true statement?
00:37:32
Speaker
No. So I guess the quick and simple way to differentiate is there's substance addiction like alcohol and drugs and then process addiction, which is an eating disorder, gambling, sex, shopping. So you're addicted to the process of binging, the process of restricting.
00:37:55
Speaker
And so you're not addicted to the food, you're not addicted to the sex, you're not addicted to the shopping, which is why you can't just like remove the food, like you can remove the drugs from the equation. Okay, so then that actually makes sense. That kind of clarifies what your point before about how it doesn't have to be a lifetime.
00:38:14
Speaker
Right. Like recovery in AA, you're sort of like, it's a daily choice where it's like, today I will not drink alcohol. You're exactly right. And I think, yeah, the difference with food is you have to learn to make peace with food because you're- And I more meant the daily choice of choosing to love myself and-
00:38:35
Speaker
on a daily basis because you know some days i'm like i feel like crap about myself you know and it's like snow like i'm choosing to i know i've done that in the past but i'm choosing different today so i agree like i'm where you are right now christian like i but you know what like i kind of believe that
00:38:55
Speaker
It exists. I think of Lizzo, for example. I think of people, I think it exists where people love the heck out of themselves every damn day when they wake up. I think they may have low motivation some days, and I'm not there by any means. I don't love myself every single day, but I want to believe it exists. I'll say it like that.
00:39:20
Speaker
Yeah. Um, Lindsay, this is Lauren.
Tools for Practicing Self-Love and Gratitude
00:39:24
Speaker
And I think, I don't know our, we were having some audio issues earlier, but I just, I wanted to share. So, um, just kind of about tools, like some tactical tools maybe to help us.
00:39:38
Speaker
and our listeners, you know, choose each day to the just the self love piece of it. But when we were young, and I think we were in this together, but we were taught, I think it was in fifth grade, and we were in this group, and we were taught that whenever we
00:39:58
Speaker
you know judge ourselves, you know including our bodies or critique what we look like or You know just that negative self-talk that it literally hurts the feelings of our creator and you know for me that that's God but for You know if even if you don't believe in God whoever your creator is whether it's mom and dad or whatever that it
00:40:23
Speaker
that it literally hurts the creator and criticizes them. And so from a young age, I've always in today being 38, like that has stuck with me. And to this day, if I'm looking in the mirror and I'm like, Oh, you know, and I have a quick thought, like I don't like what I see or whatever, I immediately am able to kind of switch, switch that brain off and say, Oh my gosh, like I would never want to hurt.
00:40:49
Speaker
the creator who made me who gave me this breath that I'm breathing today. And it immediately kind of shifts my mindset into into gratitude for all the things that I do love about myself. And so and I'm so grateful that I was taught that at such a young age and that I believed it. And I and I chose to believe it for all these years. But do you have any other kind of like daily tactical tools that might be helpful for us to kind of implement in our daily life?
00:41:20
Speaker
I think first of all, I missed that class and I wish I would have like, I don't remember learning that, but wait. Dude, okay, hold on. Let's just talk about this for a second for you. And it was the Bible study that our group leader's name was Yvonne. I remember Yvonne. That was middle school. I just don't, I don't remember that, but I remember the Bible study. Like I remember that. That was so impactful in my life. Yeah, it was from Yvonne. Yeah. And I remember being like, oh my gosh, I would never want to hurt God's feelings.
00:41:50
Speaker
Oh, that's so powerful. And I hadn't heard that before. Literally, this is the first time that I've ever heard that. And so I'm so appreciative that you just said that because that gives me a new tool in my toolbox for clients. But I love that. And even if it's mom and dad, it's like, hello. You think mom and dad? No, they think you're perfect. And so should you. Yes.
00:42:14
Speaker
So I'm a big fan of like playing offense rather than defense and like kind of the preventative mindset. And so I'm all about like that exactly what y'all are saying is that gratitude mindset. And so with my clients, instead of trying to stop
00:42:32
Speaker
negative behaviors, the work that's much more powerful is introducing positive behaviors. That's way more powerful than trying to undo other things. And so once you introduce new positive rituals and those start to stick, there's not as much room in your head for the things that aren't serving you anymore. So I can tell you things I do with my two daughters and things that I do myself, which is a gratitude practice.
00:43:00
Speaker
So every morning when I wake up, whether I'm feeling like it or not, I write down 10 things I'm grateful for. They're small things. And by the way, I like it because it's low commitment and it doesn't feel hard. So even on days I'm thick.
00:43:16
Speaker
I can do it. Yeah. And then with my girls, I just make them repeat after me because they're not going to write and they're probably not going to do it on their own. So I'll just say things like, I love myself. I'm brave. I'm kind. Things that aren't focused on the body because again, I want to kind of separate the body from them. Like I want them to find their worth and who they are, not what they look like.
00:43:42
Speaker
That's awesome. Yeah. So it's funny, this is kind of a perfect segue into, um, closing up this episode, but this has all been such great, great stuff.
Encouragement for Self-Acceptance
00:43:53
Speaker
And I mean, it's been beneficial for us and I, and I hope that somebody out there it's touched as well. But, um, so something that we just, as you know, we're just starting this podcast and we started it with episode two, but we want to implement at the end of each episode, just a challenge for ourselves.
00:44:12
Speaker
And if any listeners want to join in with us, that's amazing. But we thought it might be fun for you to kind of come up with, to assign us our challenge for the week. And just to give you an example, last week we just challenged, we started easy. And like you said, just choosing something that's doable, but impactful, I think, too. And last week we
00:44:38
Speaker
chose one person every day, and it could be somebody that we know or a stranger, and to give a compliment at least once a day. And we are going to keep each other accountable, Megan, Kristen, and I, and also regroup at the end of the week. So Lindsay, not to put you on the spot, but I know that you have so many grateful tools, actually just what you just offered, but let's come up with something else.
00:45:04
Speaker
What's our challenge for the week? Give us our challenge for this next week. I love that. We would love for you to join us. I love that. I hope the compliments you're giving other people are not on their looks, because that's a hard one when it comes down to it, to compliment on something other than appearance. That's an additional challenge on top of the challenge. Yeah, that's actually really good.
00:45:29
Speaker
But one challenge I think that somewhat related to what we talked about today is around body image stuff. And it is around getting rid of clothes that are too small for you or that in any way like constrict or too tight or make you feel like insecure when you're wearing them.
00:45:51
Speaker
I know that I can think, and I'm going to do this with you because I encourage my clients to do it, but I need to hold myself accountable. And I can think of a pair of jeans that I have that I wore before my last baby was born. And I'm holding on to them because I keep thinking I'm going to fit back into them. Oh, you just called me out, didn't you?
00:46:13
Speaker
The truth is when you keep things around like that, it serves as a reminder, as a memento, that you're not good enough. It's like the jeans are talking like, Hey, Lindsay, remember me? You can't fit into me like every time you see them. And so we don't need that in our life, right? Like we don't need clothes in our life that serve as a reminder. We want things that are comfortable, that make us feel like our best selves to Megan's question, right? Like we want to feel confident in what we put on.
00:46:40
Speaker
and feel like we can show up in the best version of ourselves. So any, think of an item right now while you're listening to this or while we're talking, think of that item in your closet that you know every time you try it on, that's when you're like, uh, and you give yourself that negative self-talk. Yes. No matter how much the item cost, right? Yes. And you love it and you wish it would fit because it's awesome. I want y'all to get that and go donate it.
Conclusion and Gratitude
00:47:08
Speaker
Oh my gosh, I love it. I have three items in my guest bedroom closet right now. I'm going to go pull them out, show them to Megan and Kristen, and they're going in the donation pile, which I also have in another closet. So perfect. Awesome.
00:47:28
Speaker
Well, Lindsey, we just thank you so much for taking the time. We know that you're under the weather. The holidays is a crazy time. And we are so, so appreciative. And we have learned so much from you. And we hope that our listeners have just taken even just one thing from this. There's just so much good stuff. And we love you so much. And like you said at the beginning of the episode, I literally just feel like we were sitting on mom and dad's couch back in the day.
00:47:57
Speaker
sipping on our drinks and just having a good time. And I can't wait to see you soon, so. Yeah, you guys, I'm so honored. I'm so honored. And y'all are so good at this. And I can't wait to share this with my group as well. And I can't wait to see where this goes. I'm excited for y'all.
00:48:15
Speaker
Thank you. Yeah, we'll definitely be having you back. Yes. You have too much knowledge to do in one episode. I know. We'll have to have an episode too, and you'll be a regular guest for sure. Yeah, we will. A sequel. All right. Thanks, y'all. Happy Thanksgiving. Thanks, Lindsay. Thanks, listeners. Have a great week. See you next week. Bye. See you next week. Go out there and love yourself, OK, guys? Yes. Bye. Bye. Bye.