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Spider in the Attic | B-Movie Bash! | #JY S3E11
126 Plays1 year ago
"A deadly nest of spiders lurk in the attic - And the nest is about to be awoken by a news reporter and her colleagues."
This week's movie was rated a whopping 2.8 starts on IMDB, and it definitely deserved it. From terrible CG spiders and awful acting to a "cliff-hanger" ending with no sequel in sight, this movie was just disappointing. We had a lot of fun making fun of it though, so we hope you come hang out with us and enjoy the ride <3
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Transcript
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00:00:52
Speaker
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Podcast Hosts Introduction
00:01:25
Speaker
What's up, everyone? Hello. My name is Shannon. I'm having a mental breakdown on Melissa. Sad but true. Shannon just sat here for 30 minutes listening to my day. That's what I do. Yeah, it's true. She's so good at that. You ever need a listener? Ask me first, but I'm usually fine. She's normally pretty good at it, so. Welcome back. Welcome back. To another episode of fucking Nonsense and Mayhem. Yeah, which is also known as hashtag judging you. Yeah, that's what we do.
00:01:57
Speaker
Yeah, it's probably gonna be a little bit of a shit show today. Yeah, cuz I feel like both of our brains are like everywhere Yeah, I was maybe a little mean when I was taking my notes Okay, because guess what mine was another 40 minutes of
00:02:15
Speaker
Mine was 40 minutes of what? Yeah. There were a few important things that happened, but otherwise I was like, this is the whole fucking conversation and this is the whole fucking conversation. You had conversations.
Humorous Exchange & Jokes
00:02:28
Speaker
I had 20 to 30 seconds of empty space or just silence.
00:02:34
Speaker
Yeah, we're gonna be real fun. My notes are very short from that actually. I honestly was actually like skipping 10 seconds at a time sometimes and it was still them like walking and stuff. So like, oh boy. Well, this week we split a movie. Yes we did. So should we split a joke? Um, yeah, let me find a joke. Just googling jokes. Just googling. Googling yum jokes. Okay. Okay, that's a good one. Go ahead.
00:03:03
Speaker
Oh, you want me to go first? Oh yeah, you go first. Oh, okay. What do you call a fish without an eye? Algebra's. It's wheezed directly into the mic. Algebra's. Wait, what is yours? What do you call two math-loving guys?
00:03:31
Speaker
Remember that time we stayed up to like 4 a.m. reading the third graders jokes? Oh yeah. My favorite one of all time. I don't know if I've done this one before but we're gonna do it again. What do you call a snail without its shell?
00:03:46
Speaker
Dent. Dent. Dent. And I fucking died for like 20 minutes. It was funny. It was really funny at 3am. Yeah, I was on the floor sobbing because there's other ones like, um, what do you call a tiger in a lab coat? Tiger scientist. A scientist tiger. Yeah. Um, what do you call a t-rex without his arms?
00:04:08
Speaker
said shut up oh yeah i forgot about that just shut up anyway so
Movie Discussion: 'Spider in the Attic'
00:04:18
Speaker
let me pull up my notes we're gonna be doing another and this one i mean i can't really speak because i have only seen half of it
00:04:37
Speaker
Nope. Terrible. Yeah. Okay. All right. Okay. Okay. Okay. So. I don't know. This movie is called Spider in the Attic and it was made in 2021. It has a 2.8. Yeah. That seems real bad. Yeah. I think it's warranted personally. Okay. So. I guess we'll find out. Yeah. We'll get there.
00:05:02
Speaker
So the synopsis of this one is a deadly nest of spiders lurks in the attic, and the nest is about to be awoken by a news reporter and her colleagues. Is that what they were? Yes. Okay. I was like, who the fuck are these people? It's Beryl. And Wendy. And Wendy, yeah. We just have a whole cast of people from Humpty Dumpty, because I think the boss was also the doctor?
00:05:25
Speaker
but I'm not 100% sure actually. She wasn't accredited. Shauna? I don't know. I think she was in the movie for like 30 seconds for me. So yeah, like, yeah. I also called her Susan.
00:05:41
Speaker
because I barely got her name and I was like, yeah, Shauna, Susan. Can we talk for a minute about the fucking accents in this movie? What were they? I don't know. Like at first I was like, are they Irish or like Scottish? But no, it's just like really weird British. Really weird British. The daughters.
00:05:57
Speaker
Yeah, I was like, like, were you raised in the same household? Because no, you weren't. No. No, you were not. Neither of them were raised in the same house as their mom. No. I was like, why are you all speaking differently? I have no idea. Okay. Like the blonde daughter, I straight up was like, she's Irish. Like, she's... Yeah. Yeah. The... Britishy, not British. Irishy, not Irish. Like, yeah. Yeah. And then the dark haired daughter, Belle, her accent was just... I don't know, like, instead of saying Lucy, she would say, like, Lucy.
00:06:27
Speaker
I heard Luce multiple times. Luce. It was just weird. Also, anytime she said Danny, I heard Daddy. Like, Daddy. I was like.
00:06:38
Speaker
Okay, so this was done by ITN Productions which is the same as the Humpty Dumpty movie. And that's how I found this was because I was looking at Wendy the actress and I wanted to see what other things she'd been in and she had been in 19 things since 2019. Yeah.
00:06:57
Speaker
yeah yeah and i was like what the fuck is this one so i clicked on that one and i was like boom it happened to be on tubie so yeah great so anyway um the opening scene is we see an older gentleman that i later later found out was mr seizerman okay
Character Introductions & Radio Show Plot
00:07:15
Speaker
The owner of the house. Oh, okay. Yeah, that guy. Okay. And he's sitting in a chair next to a fire and it's like the room is dark and there is a thunderstorm happening outside. So there's like lightning flashing and stuff. The lightning that only comes from one direction on the ground. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That lightning.
00:07:33
Speaker
And he is clearly distraught. He's like rubbing his forehead. He's very frustrated. And he holds up a letter that we focus on for way too damn long. But we see that it's informing him that his employment has been terminated at the Imperial Research Organization. And he was terminated for violating national regulations for biomedical research, ignoring company research objects, and gross misconduct.
00:07:59
Speaker
so throws the letter down onto his desk and he calls them all idiots and says why discard credible science based on how ethical the research was well that was how the nazis felt so he's continuing nazi research so i learned that okay okay i was like well yeah i learned that yes but
00:08:17
Speaker
But straight up, yeah, that's how the Nazis felt, bro. But after that we see some of his research laid out on the desk and there's like a picture of the Nazis with a swastika behind them and there's like a picture of a dead baby and brain scans and just like all kinds of random shit. I just love that he's, you know, probably gonna frame all that stuff.
00:08:40
Speaker
And I think some of the pictures were of spider bites, but I'm not 100% sure if that's what they were supposed to be, but just based on the context of spiders in the attic. Yeah. Yeah. Spider. Spider. Singular. Yeah. Not plural. Yeah. Despite the plural of spiders, the bevy of spiders, the cornucopia of spiders.
00:09:05
Speaker
yes if you know what we're avoiding then you're a true fan okay but no word so then we see him sitting at a table and there's all kinds of like vials and like a beaker that's filled with like green or blue liquid or something and just like experimenty shit okay and he's holding a magnifying glass and he's looking at a syringe
00:09:27
Speaker
and he says, I've done it finally. And then he turns on his little tape recorder and he says that on day 383 he finally has a success and by correcting one of the genes the organism has remained stable. And then we hear some thudding and he kind of looks up and he says the subject is breathing, moving and aware of its surroundings and it's showing all signs of immortality. How do you know that? Hyperaggressiveness and adaptive growth.
00:09:54
Speaker
And as he's saying this, we can hear like it growling and hissing, but we haven't seen it yet. The hissing. Yeah. This is like constant. Yeah.
00:10:09
Speaker
Yeah, but he gets up and he goes over to this glass box that has a spider in it and it's a pretty big spider. It's like what, the size of a soccer ball maybe? I don't know. And it's weird. It has like the face of a bat. I feel like it's got a weird face. Is it like red? No. No.
00:10:30
Speaker
I don't think I'm wrong. And its body is almost like a scorpion. It's like armored. It has a curly tail in the end. It's weird. And the CG is terrible. The thing that it looks like is pretty good. Way better than anything I could make in CG. Sure. The placement in the movie to make it more... The meshing? Yeah. Of movie and spider?
00:10:59
Speaker
yeah it's terrible it's horrible i've seen i've seen people on youtube do better jobs like just yeah yeah yeah 100 it was bad i actually have a picture that i was going to show you and i'll get to it in just a second um because we see him later laying in bed and he's asleep but he's he's in his pajamas and he's laying on top of his blankets just like
00:11:21
Speaker
Freakin corpse. Yeah, but I think he's asleep at this point. I don't think he's dead. No, he is asleep I know that for sure and One of the spiders creeps its way into his bedroom. Mm-hmm, but it's not the spider in the box Okay, and it's hissing the whole time because that's what it does. Yeah, I just thank you Yes, and it hops up onto the bed and it crawls up onto his chest
00:11:42
Speaker
I'm sorry, the thing that the size that they are, the second it hopped up on the bed, I would be like, the fuck is that? It's huge. Reese's jumps up on my bed. My dog Reese's, it's 14 pounds. There's no way these things are similar weight. I agree. I agree. And Reese's will jump up on my bed in the middle of the night and sometimes I'll be like,
00:12:02
Speaker
He says, like, don't, like, I know it's my dog. I don't kick him, cause I know it's my dog. But like, if something, if I had Reese's laying right next to me and something jumped up on my bed, I'd be kicking it. I'd be hunted across the room. Yeah, it would be dead. Like I just, anyway, yep. Yeah, but I saw this thing on his chest, okay? And I literally just sat there going, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, because it was that bad.
00:12:30
Speaker
That's what it looked like. Yeah. Which I mean, you've seen, you know, you were in the movie too, but it's just. Like, because like, look, it's supposed to be on his full chest. Those little leggies, it's like he, it's like that thing is like, on the side of him, like, you know.
00:12:49
Speaker
Yeah, I do. I just do know. Okay. Um, okay. Let me go back to my notes. But yeah, I was just like, what the fuck? Do they ever specify? Is that, is that the only one? No. Okay. Okay. Thank you. No. Cause I wanted to clarify that. Yeah, no, it's not.
00:13:06
Speaker
Cause you said that they were showing signs of immortality, but like it's okay. Anyway. So the spider attacks him and we don't see that. We're just like outside and we see, we hear him screaming from outside the house and the light in the Attakey area is like flashing or guys, wherever his bedroom is, which I upstairs. Yeah. I don't know. Do we think it was the same house? I know it was the same house. Okay. Yeah. It's the exact same house.
00:13:33
Speaker
I wonder if it belongs to someone then. Because if they rented that on Airbnb like I thought they had.
00:13:42
Speaker
They put a whole lot of fucking spider webs up in this place. They sure did. So I hope someone owns it. Yeah. Yeah. Cause that was a lot of spider webs in that one room in particular. So like, yeah. Oh yeah. So it attacks him and the lights flicker on and off and we hear him screaming and then all of a sudden it's just like spider in the attic across the screen all huge.
00:14:05
Speaker
And now we meet Linda. Linda, who is Wendy from Humpty Dumpty. Which the whole time I was watching her, I was like, she was better as Wendy. But she's also just not great. Yeah, not great, but not a bad actress. Not horrible. But I think I liked her a little better as just, I'm crazy and I don't know what's going on. I think she did better as Wendy personally, but I didn't get to see her doing a whole ton in the second half. So maybe I just didn't get to see her acting as much. Okay, that makes sense.
00:14:33
Speaker
Um, cause she was there, but like other people were doing more things than she was doing. So like, yeah, we'll get to it. So yeah. So she is sitting at a table and she's kind of like muttering to herself. And at first it seemed like she was sitting in like an interview, like prepping herself for the interviewer to come in. But then I learned that it was her boss, Shauna.
00:14:51
Speaker
and Shauna comes in and asks how Linda's doing and Linda just goes off about how she's she's not worried one bit and she's been looking into new exciting stories and she's finding ways to switch everything up and she just like dives into like please don't fire me mode and Shauna tells her that the figures haven't been great recently and as a business they can't keep moving forward with this if the figures are going to look like this
00:15:17
Speaker
and Linda blames her time slot because she is now a morning show and no one listens to the morning show. She used to have higher ratings when she was in a more prime slot and Shona agrees that her ratings did used to be better but now there are other shows that have even better ratings than she does even when she was in the prime slot and they need to stay current and they need to adapt and Linda says that she's not going to sell herself out and that her show is supposed to be about true unsolved crime and she wants it to be a serious radio show.
00:15:46
Speaker
and she doesn't want it to be these funny stupid shows that people are doing nowadays when they talk about true crime.
00:15:57
Speaker
And Shana tells her that something has to change and if things don't improve, she can't protect Linda. And Linda asks for a few days to figure it all out and she'll come up with something great. So back at home, Linda's sitting in the kitchen in the middle of the night and she's drinking wine and she's alone and she's sad. And in walks one of her daughters, Belle, who was very pregnant. And the belly was very awful. Very fake. Very terrible. I think I saw it shift a couple of times. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah, because it just... It was bad.
00:16:25
Speaker
and she comes down and she's like mom what are you doing awake and she's like oh i'm fine don't worry about me what are you doing awake and belle says that she was just getting some of her most recent craving cherry tomatoes and milk
00:16:40
Speaker
I'll never be pregnant. She didn't like it together. Okay. We just drank milk and ate cherry tomatoes. But it's together in your stomach. Yeah. I'm gonna make myself throw up. Okay. So Belle, why does she again have two daughters? That's one is blonde and one's a brunette. Oh, yeah. Is the husband in the picture?
00:16:57
Speaker
No. Does she bury him in the backyard too? Maybe. We'll find out. Humpty came and took him away. But Belle asks if Linda's show is going to be coming on soon and Linda says that she isn't going to be on the radio tonight because of her ratings and she has the night off because they're replacing her essentially. And she says that all the true crime shows nowadays are just making light of the situation and making it funny when it should be a serious classy subject and that she's worked so hard to lose everything now.
00:17:25
Speaker
and Belle tells her that she should find a true crime that hasn't been looked into before and reinvent the show and she says that Lucy, her sister, is coming home soon or tomorrow and she herself is ready to pop so she's not going anywhere and they both could help her sort this out.
00:17:41
Speaker
and she like after that they just kind of said good night to each other and whatever and Belle goes to walk away and she had her cherry tomatoes sitting on the table and she grabbed them they were like in a little baggie this is a stupid this doesn't matter at all but she like snatched up the bag and you could tell that in like post-production they did that like add extra sound effects thing because it was the loudest crinkling plastic I've ever heard because like they were just talking and then it was like
00:18:11
Speaker
She walked away with her tomatoes. Anyway, it's just poor
Family Dynamics & Life Choices
00:18:15
Speaker
quality. Uh-huh. Okay, so next morning. Sorry, I feel like I'm racing through this. No, you're fine. Stupid shit. Yeah.
00:18:21
Speaker
The next morning, Lucy comes in, she comes home, and she's wearing a military outfit, so apparently she was out on patrol or something. Oh, so she's military? She's military. It's even worse, okay. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Well, not that the military is worse, I thought she was a police officer. Oh. And... In context of the movie, yeah. Yeah, and I just... We'll talk about it. I have a few things to talk about also. Oh, yeah. So, like... Because I love our troops, but...
00:18:49
Speaker
Not the red coats. Anyway, I'm just kidding. Just kidding. They're not red coats anymore. So she's wearing like full camo, but then she also has her hair in like a loose braid and she has like six piercings in each ear. So I was like, are you just back from, from wherever? Because that doesn't make sense. Yeah, why would you still wear your uniform and then have your hair like that? Exactly. Like one or the other. Yeah.
00:19:15
Speaker
And she was like just wearing her jacket that would be like different, because then she'd just be like, oh yeah, just some of my normal clothes and my jacket. Or like had her like, her me backpack or something. Yeah, everybody would know that. Yeah. Like. But yeah, she was in full camo gear. Or for them to come up and be like, oh, look who it is. Cadet so and so had her to go, no, it's Sargent now. Or like, you know, anything else. Like. We should write a movie. Yeah, we should. I know. Because we're going to have to at some point. We're going to have to. We've said it too many times.
00:19:44
Speaker
And again, I still think it should be my werewolf one I was telling you about, or my zombie one. Yeah, so we have many options. We have many options. Yes. So my Christmas werewolf one. The Silent Night Howling Night. Howling Night was so good! Don't take my movie! Someone already has it, I'm sure.
00:20:03
Speaker
I should Google that later. Um, but yeah, like it's just, it's so easy to show little things like that in a movie. And for you to very much go, yeah, they're in the military. We're just taking out our piercings and put her in a bun. Yeah. Why, why? Right? She literally can come home and be like, Oh, I need to get out of this uniform and then have her change. Yeah. And she can be with the piercings and the braids. Yeah. Like it's just, cause they don't care how many piercings you have as long as you're not showing them. Yeah. Like,
00:20:30
Speaker
They don't want him to get caught on shit and have your ear ripped off. There was this hilarious girl on TikTok who was talking about her sugar daddy, goes through the whole thing, all the requirements he has for her and how he likes her hair done and everything and how he told her he wanted to move to a certain place and she did because he was paying her and all this stuff, right?
00:20:50
Speaker
and she goes okay let me show you what his favorite outfit is and she's standing there like as she's getting ready she's putting her hair up and that's you know the slick bun and stuff and she's doing a little bit of makeup that they're allowed to do and stuff and then she's standing there in full military gear and she's like peace and i thought that was so funny because like yeah and everyone was like not the uncle sam and like it but it was so funny you know like she did such a good job oh
00:21:15
Speaker
Oh, I get it. Because she's in the military. Yeah, it's real. So Uncle Sam is her sugar daddy. Yeah, she's legit in the military. I thought you just meant this guy had a weird kink. No, she's legit in the military. And she was being funny, being like, yeah, Uncle Sam's my sugar daddy. OK, I get it. I'm a little slow.
00:21:31
Speaker
so she comes in and she hugs her mother and Lucy sits down at the kitchen table and she sees Linda's wine glass from the night before and she was like you're drinking already mom like what what's going on and she was like oh there's three people in the movie
00:21:47
Speaker
with L names. Linda, Lucy, Lorena, Lorena, Lorena. Why did they do that? Burl, for all I fucking care. Name her something different, well then that would be a bell, there's a bell. Anyway, like, barlin' bell. Katie, like, something else. There are other, Martha, Susan. There are literally 25 other, like, 20.
00:22:10
Speaker
23 other letters of the alphabet. Yes, that they could have used. I thought you were going to say L and D. 25 other names in England. Yeah, sometimes other letters. I know. It's like, anyway, go ahead. Anyway, Lucy says that it's wine from the night before and Lucy is like, or did I say Lucy? Linda. Linda says it's the wine from the night before. Which, why do you have it out then?
00:22:34
Speaker
I think she just left it and went to bed. Okay, that's fine then. And Lucy is just like, okay, but like what's actually wrong? But Linda just kind of shrugs it off and she's like, I don't want to go into it right now, but why don't you tell me about you? And Lucy's like, well, it was okay, but I just, I don't know if I want to go back. I'm just taking a break for now. You don't know if you want to go back to the military? Yeah. You're there for a minimum of four years, babe. I don't know what it's like in England or whatnot, but four years minimum normally. Yeah.
00:23:03
Speaker
Just turn into a goat. No, no, no, no. That was Jolly. Okay. Should we have a day where we just talk about all of our traumatizing stories? Have we not already done that? I don't know. Have we talked about Jolly before? I think we have. Jolly? Yeah. I don't know if we've talked about that. Let us know if we've talked about the goat. Yeah. Someone message me and tell me. Yeah, Barkley, get on that. Yeah.
00:23:30
Speaker
Or Wendy. Wendy, you listen to these too. True. Maddie? Maddie? What are you? Someone messaged us. Not Shaleen's, because it's not Shaleen's. Calling you out. Just kidding. Call out. Pretty sure she doesn't listen to them. She never comments if she does, so yeah. Okay, so yeah, she's not sure if she wants to go back right now. And then Belle comes in and hugs Lucy and Lucy comments on the sides of her baby belly.
00:23:54
Speaker
She's like, oh, you're about to pop. And she's like, oh, yeah, thanks. Good to see you too. And Lucy asks what Belle is having. And Belle kind of gets like a little like sly smile on her face. And Linda's like, it's supposed to be a surprise. And Belle was like, well, I found out on accident. And she announces that they're having a girl and they all kind of get excited and have each other and squeal.
00:24:17
Speaker
so later lucy is unpacking upstairs and she asks bell what's up with mom she's like is it about dad and
Seizerman's House Investigation
00:24:25
Speaker
bell's like no we don't hear from him anymore because he's buried in the backyard probably next to the other dad on top of the other
00:24:33
Speaker
And Belle says that it's mom's work and that she was given the morning slot and that her show was on its last legs and that she needs to come up with something big to make a comeback. And so Lucy says that they should try to actually solve one of her unsolved mysteries and that they can both help her come up with ideas for cases.
00:24:51
Speaker
Lucy then asks Belle how things are with her baby daddy and she's like, I'm surprised he hasn't moved in here yet. And Belle's like, well, I've asked him, trust me, but he keeps coming up with excuses. And then she says, his mom doesn't think he's ready to move out and he isn't financially able to anyway.
00:25:06
Speaker
And you're having a baby with him. Yeah. And this Belle is in what, her 20, mid 20s, late 20s, at least if not like 30s. Yeah. Like she's very much older looking. Yeah. Let's see how old she is. And she's having a baby with this guy who still lives with his parents. Oh yeah. I don't know what the housing crisis is like in England, but come on. If it'll tell me. Nope. Oh, thanks. Just says that she's known for a couple of other movies. Dinosaur Hotel. Oh no. That's our next one.
00:25:45
Speaker
I'm excited for that one. I got goosebumps. Okay. So Lucy jokes that he should have thought of that before he got her pregnant and Belle's like, nope, I agree with you. You're totally right. And she's like, I don't know. I'm not sure why he agreed to do this when he isn't all that committed to me anyway. Okay. Yeah.
00:26:03
Speaker
So later at dinner, Linda tells Lucy that she's been looking into some cases, but she hasn't found anything shocking yet. And Lucy says she's been doing some of her own research and that she has some slightly sensitive military knowledge, which you are not supposed to divulge, but okay. You're not even supposed to say anything. You're supposed to be like, hmm.
00:26:22
Speaker
Yeah, but she says that she heard some rumors and stories from her training about a researcher who was taking his experiments to the extreme and he was dismissed for ignoring biomedical regulations and for taking his experiments to the extreme.
00:26:37
Speaker
Again? You just said that. You just said that. You couldn't think of another way to say that? Right. Nope. Okay. Okay. And he was trying to further old Nazi research to create genetically engineered animals. Well, if it makes you feel any better, later on I hear him saying things like, oh, in my research, I discovered research that the Nazis were researching, like. They just need a thesaurus, I guess. I just, it made me so mad. I was like, what are we talking about? Sorry.
00:27:07
Speaker
Oh, you're good. Linda doesn't look too convinced about this idea, but Lucy tells her that this interview could really get her back on the map. And Linda says that she could talk to Shauna about investing in some on-site interviews. And Lucy says that they could spin this as an opportunity for a research grant, and that if he thinks they are going to publicize this to the masses, maybe he'll show them all the weird shit he's been doing. OK. And then Lucy says that she and Bella, oh my gosh, Belle. Belle.
00:27:34
Speaker
she and Belle can come along as well. Dani calls her Bella at some point and it's stuck in my brain. So then we see Linda who is meeting with Shauna and she's told her about her idea and Shauna is like, so you want me to fund a trip for you to the middle of Kent? And Linda's like, well when you put it that way it does kind of sound like a spa weekend getaway. Apparently Kent is nice, I don't know. But there's also like a sauna in this one?
00:28:01
Speaker
Like a jacuzzi. Yeah. Yeah. Where was that in? I was thinking maybe it was like the pool house. Yeah, but it's not. Oh, maybe it's next to the pool house. I don't know. Maybe.
00:28:13
Speaker
But to me, it seemed like she was going into a shed and then she walks in and it's all tiled and I was like, are we in a bathroom? And it's not until later on in the movie that they were like, the sauna. And I was like, oh. Because there was a hot tub in there. I was like, oh, what is this? Like, so anyway. But Linda says that this could be a really great opportunity for her. And Shawn is like, well, it sounds like you're just trying to get you and your daughter a luxury weekend away, but whatever.
00:28:35
Speaker
And Linda's like, no, this could really change things and it'll bring my, I'll bring my listeners along with me and I'll be recording and they'll like have live interviews to listen to because she'll be doing it all on site. And Shauna says that money like this usually goes into shows that are already successful, not ones that are currently failing. Thank you. And she doesn't know if she can get the execs to agree. And as Linda is trying to talk up her side of things, in walks Beryl, who is Lorena.
00:29:05
Speaker
yes and she apologizes for being late and she said sound a cup of coffee for shauna and she's like what are we talking about and um shauna explains the idea as linda wanting to go to kent to talk to some loony who experiments on animals and linda's like no it's more than that like i want it to be more controversial i want to like bring more to my show and this could be the start of a whole new series
00:29:29
Speaker
And Lorena's like, you know what, this actually might not be that bad of an idea. She was so much nicer in this one. She was. Like, I was like, Lorena, like, just Team Lorena, like, yeah. I hated Beryl. Right. But we'll take Lorena. We'll take Lorena. Yeah. But yeah, Lorena's like, maybe this wouldn't be such a bad idea, especially if you can get one of his interviews on tape. And Shana reluctantly agrees. And she's like, but there will be some restrictions.
00:29:52
Speaker
i am coming with you because i need to be there on site and the minute i see if anything is like bullshit then i'm canceling it essentially okay and she says that lorina will be on site too because we need her for her expertise whatever that means i don't know if she's some research journalist or expertise is is that horror movie lingo for death fodder
00:30:15
Speaker
That was literally when I saw how many people were going. I was like, well, it's a lot of people that are going to die. That's interesting. That's how they always have to do it. Yeah. Yeah. So later, Linda and Lucy are packing up the car when out walks Belle with Danny and she says that he's coming too.
00:30:32
Speaker
And Linda's kind of like, okay. And so she takes Belle aside and she's like, why is he coming? And Belle's like, well, he's super tech savvy and I could have a baby anytime now. So like, I kind of need him there. And Linda is like, okay, fine. And then she kind of like says to Danny that he better make himself useful.
00:30:52
Speaker
I mean, he is kind of a loser guy that got her daughter pregnant. So I understand a little bit of hostility, but like if you're trying to get him to like take care of your daughter, maybe be a little bit nicer.
00:31:07
Speaker
I'm just, I have to say though, it's not a flex, ladies, to sleep with losers and then be like, I'm the best single mom of all time and my baby daddy's such a, such a loser. It's not a flex. Not a flex. That just shows you a bad taste. Yeah. So. Shows you made a poor decision.
00:31:24
Speaker
Anyway, sorry. You're okay. So after she tells him that he needs to make himself useful, he walks inside and Linda gets in the car. And so Lucy walks up to Belle and asks what's going on and why he's coming. And Belle says that they had another big argument and she didn't want to just leave in the middle of it. And Lucy's kind of like, really, really? And she was like, I would have been texting him the whole time anyway. Like, either he comes or I'm absentminded, basically.
00:31:50
Speaker
And Lucy's like, okay, well, don't let him become a distraction. We're here for mom. And she was like, understood. Yep. Commander Lucy. Sorry. Like, exactly.
00:32:01
Speaker
So all of them, all three cars of them pull up to the doctor's house. And that's when I said quite a lot of people for the death lineup. And it's 100% the same house from Humpty Dumpty. And I was also like, you're just going to show up at his house? Why? Right? Like you didn't call ahead? No.
00:32:20
Speaker
But I found out that they actually did all ahead. We just didn't see that. But Linda goes up to the door. They called the head? He didn't answer? He didn't answer. OK. Yes. I was like, he did. He did? Yeah. The spider? The spider. Come right over. I have it interviewed.
00:33:01
Speaker
Shana does the best voices, guys!
00:33:08
Speaker
You know, the spider probably would do the Harry Knuckles voice, actually. Shh, shh, shh, shh. That was like Gollum. Never mind, we gotta stop. Sorry. I'm good.
00:33:34
Speaker
Make up my mascara, run, oh my gosh, okay. Okay. Time to get there. It's a spider set up interview. Come on in.
00:34:10
Speaker
Tea? Crop it! There you go!
00:34:23
Speaker
Sorry, what?
00:34:29
Speaker
oh my gosh i'm in a lot of pain okay now give me a backache okay we've been laughing for like five minutes
00:34:51
Speaker
Oh my gosh, okay. Stop it! I can't get over the door! There's a little like two-foot tall spider with an apron that's like... I can't believe it's just... I just like get up to show up and then knock on the door and no one answers it. No spiders. No spiders. Oh damn, we need to write a hot up.
00:35:16
Speaker
I was gonna say a comedy horror and it was gonna come out homedy. Homedy should be called. Homedy. Homedy. Homedy.
00:35:36
Speaker
Okay, so Linda knocks on the door and there's no answer and so she then says to Lucy that they should have known when they called earlier and he didn't answer that that was a sign.
00:35:49
Speaker
And then Linda and Lucy walk around the side of the house and they're just kind of like looking around and stuff. And Linda hears like a noise behind her or on the side, just like around. And she's like, Mrs. Azerman? And she just stands there for a minute, but obviously no one responds.
00:36:07
Speaker
and then she sees Lucy who has opened a window and is unlocking one of the doors the back door okay yeah and Linda's like Lucy and she's like oh don't worry it's fine it's a little trick I learned in the military no one will ever know we broke in who's who's climbing through windows and opening doors in the military yeah if you need to use out the Brett's are learning in the military because uh
00:36:32
Speaker
Is she a spy? Right. Cuz uh... I don't know. But they teach fucking firefighters and shit. Well, they're just bashing down doors. Yeah, they don't need to unlock it. It doesn't matter. But yeah, Lucy's like, we can just say that he left his back door open. It's not a big deal. And Linda's like, if we get caught, that's illegal. And Lucy's like, lots of things are illegal. But him leaving his back door open and someone just wandering by isn't. I was like,
00:36:58
Speaker
Going inside is trespassing. Whether it's open or not, you can't just be like, going is open. Unless I am seeing blood splattered across the ground, I'm not going and taking one's house. I should not be going inside. There's no reason. So Lucy, your military knowledge is garbage. So they go inside and they take a peek around the kitchen because that's where the back door leads and they see that there's a bowl with a half-eaten meal sitting at the table.
00:37:24
Speaker
Which doesn't make a lot of sense because he went to bed. Yeah, so he just like left his dinner out I guess I guess I have left like cereal bowls with some milk in it still but like But like I don't see why that's like import I mean, I guess for them it looks suspicious, but it doesn't make any sense with what we've seen so far And is it like fresh looking food or is it like rotten? It's not rotten. It looks like he might have died like Recently, okay. Yeah, like yesterday. Maybe okay. Yeah, there's no way Anyway, sorry. Yeah
00:37:54
Speaker
So yes, they see the food on the floor, I mean on the table. And they go to the front door and they let everyone else in saying that the back door was open and no one's inside. You don't know that, you've only been in the kitchen. Right? And the front door. And the front door. There's three stories, Steve's damn house. But okay. But Linda pulls out her recorder, which was a really weird recorder. I don't know if you ever saw it, but it's just weird. It's like bulky and weird.
00:38:20
Speaker
Um, but she says that they've arrived and the back door was open. Is it the kind that you can put cassette tapes into as well? I don't know. Okay. Because they have some that you like that used to be like that because it would like record the cassette tapes and you'd pop them out and you could listen to them again. Maybe. So. I don't know. This is 2001, bitches. This is 2021. Oh my gosh, I did that again! Where is your brain? Back in the early 2005.
00:38:50
Speaker
Yeah, she says that back door was open and no one was home and that there's half-eaten food in the kitchen and they're going to continue to explore the home. So she heads upstairs. And at this point I was just waiting for Humpty Dumpty to be like an Easter egg somewhere. He should have been, just a doll in the side, but I mean he's so big, like how would you hide him? That's true. They could use the fucking four-foot stupid one, put him somewhere.
00:39:14
Speaker
shove him in a corner right he literally could have just been like on a shelf somewhere and so like just yeah just in the attic like yeah well yeah i was waiting yeah he should have been i know but yes which came out first actually i think they both came out in 2021 so they must have been filmed around the same time probably only took three days to film each one probably so she heads upstairs and she's creeping around and she's startled by shana who says that they need to talk about all of this
00:39:42
Speaker
Because she like lets them in the house and she's like, what are we doing? Like we need to stop and talk about whatever the hell situation is going on and Linda's like I think we should change our story and Say that makes a lot more sense as to what was going on in my part of the movie. Oh, yeah
00:39:57
Speaker
Yeah, she's like, fuck paying him a couple hundred quid for an interview. We could say that we were driving by, my pregnant daughter needed to use the bathroom and we saw the house and we knocked on the door and it was open so we went in. Which, who does that? Yeah. Still trespassing. Still trespassing. And then she's like, I need to start taking risks and be like a real reporter. And while she's talking, we're shown multiple spiders crawling around one of the bedrooms in the home.
00:40:23
Speaker
multiple spiders multiple and like they're they're like little guys they're like normal spider guys they're like like like various like a tennis ball spider guys like just all stages of life spiders they're all just these big ass spiders shauna agrees
00:40:38
Speaker
she's like okay fine but you need to be careful about this and she's like what if he just comes home and calls the police on us and lynda pulls out her recorder and says welcome to lynda's dealing with the taboo which is how they say taboo taboo dealing with the taboo is what her new series is called it's a dumb name i agree yeah and she says i'm coming to you live and undercover from mr zaizerman's home
00:41:05
Speaker
Which who? Yeah. No, you're not. Yeah. You're undercover as my daughter had to pee? I guess. Like this. But you've told no one that yet. Yeah. So, is that considered undercover? Does that just mean I have a cover story? Right. Anyway, downstairs. Weird. That came out of my mouth weird. Downstairs, Belle and Danny are in the kitchen and they're arguing but she tells him to stop, or no, he tells her to stop putting up. What? Is that what you're laughing at?
00:41:41
Speaker
stop thinking about it you're gonna be laughing the whole time i'm excited to listen back to this it was so funny sorry did you hear anything i just said she no no
00:42:11
Speaker
Oh no. I'm sorry. I'm good. I'm good. Okay, that tape is... It's not funny. Okay.
00:42:38
Speaker
So she goes downstairs? No. We go downstairs. We go downstairs. Downstairs, Belle and Danny are in the kitchen and he tells her to stop putting off the conversation. And she says that she doesn't want to talk about it right now, or they will talk about it, but she's here for her mom right now.
00:42:53
Speaker
And he's like, well, we need to figure all of this out before it comes, the baby. And she corrects him that it is a she. And he's like, I thought we were going to wait to find out the sex of the baby. And she's like, you should be happy about it. And he's like, you shouldn't be making these decisions without me, is what I'm upset about. Agreed. Yeah. And he's like, when did you find out? And she's like, don't be angry that it's not a boy.
00:43:21
Speaker
it's not and he's like i'm not angry that it's not a boy i'm angry that you're making these decisions without me and i have no control in this situation okay well now i'm kind of on danny's side yep so maybe he doesn't want to keep living in his parents house right and toward the end of the conversation lucy oh she wasn't listening the whole time she walks up and overhears the end of it
00:43:39
Speaker
and so she just like walks in and is like guys can we just like leave the argument for now like or at least go out of earshot of mom and her boss that's here and danny goes outside for some air at that point and then upstairs lorina sees mr zeizerman's like nazi and experiment pictures and stuff and then we see shauna who's looking around one of the rooms and it's the one with spider webs everywhere
00:44:04
Speaker
Everywhere. Everywhere. Yeah. And honestly, pretty good Halloween webs. True. Cause they're definitely like the cobwebs you buy at a store. Yeah. Pretty dang good. Yeah, they took time to peel all of it apart. Yeah. To be the tiny thin fibers. Genuinely pretty good. Yeah, I agree. I mean, I think it was a little too stringy, just like, cause it was like strands of it. Oh yeah. It should have been more of like a, like, cause spiders, they do more of a sheet. Yeah. But you know, so, but.
00:44:32
Speaker
Pretty dang good looking. Still good. It's still good looking. If they came and were like, hey, pay us $200 and I'll do the front of your house. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Mm-hmm. There you go. Pay me $200, I'll do the front of your house. Right? I know, right? I'm actually pretty good at my spot. Oh, OK. Fine. But if you want to come over and help me do spider webs, I'd appreciate it. So.
00:44:50
Speaker
Oh yeah, so it just shows Shawna super quick who's in the room of spider webs and then back to Linda who is going through one of the bedrooms where we saw the spiders crawling earlier, which isn't the same bedroom. It's a different bedroom. Okay. And she hears some cluttering, clattering sounds from upstairs and then clattering sounds from the room that she's in. Okay. And she's like, what the fuck? And then, um, we go back to the study. We're like,
00:45:16
Speaker
Sound? Okay. Okay. Yeah. Anyway. And then we go back to the study where Lorena is and she sees something that's covered with a sheet which is the spider box and she starts peeking under it but we don't see what it is. And then Linda hears more clattering noises and she goes to look under the bed that's in there and as she's looking I was like waiting for the jump scare and something gets tossed across the screen. It's like super fast and we don't see what it is. But then it shows that it was a book
00:45:45
Speaker
So spiders throw in books now. Spiders throw in books. Spiders throw in books. They just landed under the bed. They want you to know something? The spider in the apron is just like, I can't really see. He was like, here's the knowledge that you seek. I don't know. I don't know. Is there a book? No. No. Shut up. No. I don't know anything about a book. Shut your mouth. No, I don't know anything.
00:46:11
Speaker
what oh my god okay did she pick up the book was she like no is this okay no because when she stands back up there's a spider on the bed oh she's like oh fuck so um she leaves because it's like hissing and rearing its legs up at her yeah so she books it out of there she books it and we see shauna in the room covered in webs again and she says i think i found him
00:46:41
Speaker
And we see Mr. Zizerman who is laying on the bed and his face is totally mutilated. And I think they say that it burns later on. It just is gone, right? And then he's also pretty much covered in webs also. At least that's how it looked. Yeah, he just looked like this mummified thing on the bed to me.
00:47:03
Speaker
So now they're all in the room where like the vials and experimenty shit was with the spider. And they're all looking at the spider in the glass box. And Lorena asks if they think that one of the spiders got out and that's what killed him. And Shawn is like, do you think there's any more of them loose in the house? And Linda responds, spiders are more afraid of us than we are of them.
00:47:26
Speaker
Bitch, you saw one loose in the house and you ran away from it. Right? So what? You ain't. That spider ain't afraid of nothing. No, you were very much afraid of it. Oh yeah. But okay. Right? And she says, as long as we don't piss them off, we should be fine to continue. Babe. That thing was the size of a cat. Yeah. Like, are you kidding me? Yeah. Like a fat ass cat. No, even bigger. Even bigger.
00:47:52
Speaker
They're pretty big. Yeah, I said, babe, you saw one. What do you mean? So, but yeah, Shawna's like, I'm not going to stay any longer than I have to. So, no. And Linda's like, this is exactly what we were hoping to find. A dead body? And spiders? And spiders? Killer spiders? Killer spiders? Killer spiders? Are you sure? Set up interviews?
Spider Attacks & Group Decisions
00:48:18
Speaker
Do you have crumpets?
00:48:31
Speaker
But Linda's like, this could be the discovery of a lifetime. And Linda's like, give me one night to be here and figure this all out. You can get a hotel if you want to and just check in once in a while. But I just like don't pull the plug yet. I really, I need this.
00:48:48
Speaker
and Shauna is like well this is also illegal and Linda is like well so was breaking and entering but we already did that too so adding crimes on top of crimes does not make it better no like he doesn't like make these ones go away again I've said it multiple times if you're trying to get away with something do not commit another crime you got someone in your trunk you don't speed nope make sure all your brake lights are working yeah
00:49:12
Speaker
Dates, you know, your tags are up to date. Mm-hmm. The little light over your license plate, that better work. Better fucking be. Because you're getting pulled over. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Or if you got someone in your trunk, you better be dead or unconscious if you get pulled over. True. Give them no reason. No reason to search. I'm not condoning murder or kidnapping, but you know. But if it happens to happen, who's saying? Who's saying? Don't blame me.
00:49:40
Speaker
But yeah, Linda's like, we already did illegal things and we need to uncover what happened here. And then Shawn is like, well, how are we going to explain this to the officials when we come public with this story? And Linda's like, we can just say we came for an interview and we found the back door open. And while they're having this conversation, there are spiders of all sizes crawling over the dead body and on the bed and all over the room. Funny how we only see them then.
00:50:04
Speaker
Oh, we do? Oh, I mean like only in those scenes like I just you know like it's we'll get there Yeah, and then Shauna asks Lorena to find something legal about this that will protect them in case it goes to shit and she agrees to do that Maybe she knows a lot of loopholes Okay, I don't know. I mean I would assume that you know reporters need a pretty good lawyer. Yeah, so true Yeah, she could just be there on call legal person
00:50:32
Speaker
I want to be a lawyer on retainer. Right. So yes downstairs Danny and Belle are arguing again and this is the time it's right in front of Lucy and Belle says that she isn't leaving and that she's here for her mom and she's perfectly safe.
00:50:47
Speaker
Okay. And Dani says that she's always so forceful and she gets whatever she wants, doesn't she? And he's like, what about when the baby comes? Is it your way or the highway? And she's like, why can't you just be supportive? Why do you have to turn everything into an argument? And he says, it's what I do. That's all I've ever done. I didn't even want this baby. Yeah. And so they both just like are awkward. And she's like, is that true? And he's like, you know how hard this was for me. I wanted to go back to school and get my master's, but instead I got a job to support your decision.
00:51:17
Speaker
It takes two. Two Sango buddy boy. Yeah. And she tells him that they both decided to have this baby and he responds, when did I ever say I wanted this? I was like, this is really sad. And so Belle says that they need to rethink. You don't want kids. You don't have sex. It's true. Best way to not is to not.
00:51:39
Speaker
But yeah, Belle's like, well, maybe we need to rethink our relationship and rethink what's going to happen when the baby arrives. And Danny agrees and says that he's leaving and that she can ride home with her mom and sister because him being here isn't going to help anyone. And then I said, so is he getting out alive or is he going to be the first to die? And he walks out and Lucy goes over and hugs Belle, who starts crying.
00:52:01
Speaker
Linda and Lorena start, or Lorena, walk into the bedroom where the body is and they start like gagging and covering their mouths because of the smell of the rotting corpse. And Linda tells- Which, okay, then the food should have been rotting as well. I guess, but I think it starts smelling after not very long, doesn't it? You really gonna look up how long does it take dead body to start smelling? Yeah.
00:52:30
Speaker
okay 24 to 48 hours okay and intensifies in four to 10 days okay yeah but lynda tells lorina not to touch anything and that she doesn't want to disturb anything
00:52:42
Speaker
Then we see Danny walking out to the cars when he hears a light clattering sound. And he looks over and sees the Jacuzzi house. And there's a sign on the door that says, peaks man are Jacuzzi, which is apparently what this place is called. And there's like a normal sign that says like, don't enter the hot tub by yourself. Don't bring in glassware. Don't blah, blah, blah. But then above that is a sign that says, virus control zone.
00:53:09
Speaker
with like a triangle cautionary like this is a germ sign on it and he goes inside so he goes inside of course he does yeah and then he goes back to linda who is looking at mr zeizerman's face that's like completely mutilated and burnt and whatever and she says that based on the cobwebs it looks like the spider has been here for a whole week so then he's been dead for a week yes i don't know i don't know because there wasn't spider webs before he was laying there yeah
00:53:38
Speaker
It's not the point. It's not the point of food rotting, but it's the principle of the matter. Yes. Because a good movie would have had rotting food. I mean, it was just like soup in a bowl. So I couldn't really tell. I guess. Okay. Okay. But Larina asks if she thinks, if Linda thinks the spider was planning on eating him. I was straight up about to say like, wait, why aren't there like flies?
00:54:02
Speaker
It's a house full of spiders. It's not gonna be any flaps. Anyway, okay. All those spider webs? Yeah. You're good. But Linda's like, yeah, he was probably gonna be a snack for the next coming weeks. And I was like, and you're still in the house? Yeah. Why are you still in the house? Why are you still doing that? But they hear some more clattering coming from upstairs.
00:54:22
Speaker
We're down in the hot tub house thingy. Dani is looking around and sees what I think are supposed to be egg sacs hanging from the ceiling, but it legitimately looks like they took spider web and hung it down and took a styrofoam ball and placed it in the spider web. They didn't cover it. It didn't look like it. It just looked like a styrofoam ball. Okay. Straight up.
00:54:49
Speaker
And he keeps touching them. Like there's some on the wall and he like touches them and there's one hanging and he like touches it. I'm like, why? It's in a web. Yeah. Why wouldn't you think that was gross? Yeah. I would automatically be like, man, this house would be the best thing. I would back the fuck out of there. Oh yeah. Honestly, if I saw the fucking sign, I wouldn't have even gotten it. I would have been like, hmm. Virus controls. Right. The fuck?
00:55:12
Speaker
But he keeps touching them. And I said, stop it. And then one of the spiders drops down on a web behind him and he turns around. And I think it sprays webbing onto his face. Is it like weird liquidy stuff? Maybe. That's what I thought burned the professor. Okay. So. I never see the aftermath. Oh, okay. Yeah.
00:55:34
Speaker
So it sprays shit. Okay. And then we see Linda and Lorena who start to go upstairs and Lorena asks, surely there can't be anything else in this house, right? I don't want to go up there. And Linda says that she'll go up and she'll take pictures of whatever she finds. Your turn. Oh, my turn. Okay. All right.
00:55:50
Speaker
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Speaker
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Speaker
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00:57:10
Speaker
So the two head upstairs for 39 seconds. I'm sorry. I timed it. 39 for alligators? 39 for alligators. So I pulled out my phone. I hit play at when they started going up the stairs. Uh-huh. Because Lorena says fuck it and goes up with her, OK? And until they get into a room and start talking again, 39 seconds. Of them just like slowly walking up the stairs and down the hall? Mm-hmm. And it's pitch black at this point. Oh, god.
00:57:39
Speaker
And I said two other girls, which I now know are Lucy and Belle, are drinking tea and worried about being here. And Belle is like, you could lose your job, Lucy. And Lucy is like, I'm not really worried about it. And she's like, see, because I come home to nothing. Like you, you're already starting your family and I've got nothing.
00:58:04
Speaker
Not like you don't have your mother and your sister who clearly are very happy to have you here. It's not like they're like, what are you doing here, Lucy? They're very much just like, oh, hi, Lucy. Tell me about the military. How are things? You have a family. You have a family. You may not have a dude that got you pregnant and is dead in a bath house now. But thank God. Yeah.
00:58:25
Speaker
good for you anyway so they're just like i've got nothing and and um and she's so jealous of belle and belle's like oh you've got nothing to be jealous about um
00:58:36
Speaker
Oh, they just keep going on. Like I just, it just went on for so long. I just were, you know, about being pregnant. And while they keep talking, they keep showing glimpses of the spiders crawling through the house. And here I was thinking that this was the spiders now starting to move from upstairs down and soon they're gonna be swarmed and they're gonna be like, oh my gosh, the spiders everywhere. No.
00:58:55
Speaker
So, back upstairs is what I thought. Anyway, the two are in the dark, turning on a flashlight, and Linda's going off about how this spider they saw earlier might have just been a baby. And Lorena keeps telling her not to talk like that. But that's creepy, you know? And they keep exploring when Lorena just like looks down in a box and pulls out a gun and is just waving it around. And Linda's like, give me that! And like puts it in her bag, right? And she's like, where'd you find that? She's like, you're right here. Anyway, they keep looking.
00:59:25
Speaker
And they find a box with some audio cassette tapes and they take the box downstairs and they meet up with everybody else. I don't know where Shauna was at any point in this. She might have gone to a hotel. No, she was still there. Oh. I don't know where she was during all of that. Anyway, that was not the point.
00:59:42
Speaker
They plug in the audio tapes and they hear a doctor talking and he's, uh, that he's been exploring for genetic disease prevention and stuff. And during his research, he's discovered other research from World War II where the Nazis research, um, with Nazi Germany and they kept pushing their research. He's just, and he's discovered that what they were trying to achieve, but he has to investigate it further.
01:00:04
Speaker
Thank you for using a different word. Well, this is happening. There's, again, spiders just crawling around the house and stuff. And so, Belle is randomly in the bathroom now. Like, she doesn't for a second say, I'll be right back. She's just in the bathroom, just like
01:00:19
Speaker
And she sees what she thinks is movement outside, so she thinks it's Dani. So she goes outside looking for him, okay? I'm gonna continue on with this. No, I'm gonna continue on with the tapes. And then we'll go back to Dani. Oh, well, real quick. So she goes outside and it's really windy and rainy all of a sudden. Just...
01:00:40
Speaker
Like it's pitch black outside, it's raining, there's lightning flashing from down below. They did a pretty good job with the wind. Like I was genuinely like, yeah, that's windy. It was not stormy when Dani went out to the bath house. Oh yeah, it was stormy. She goes out there and stuff. Anyway, so she's doing that. Inside, the others continue the tape and the Nazis believe they found extraterrestrials. They harvested and replicated the DNA, trying to recreate what the DNA was. Giant spider invasion. I guess, yes.
01:01:09
Speaker
and they tried to recreate the creatures by using artificial wombs. Linda thinks that these things might be bigger than they ever imagined. And I was like, what are we imagining? Like, cause I was over here expecting them to be like, no, this scientist, how could he? Because I'm coming to, cause I didn't know she was an investigator. I thought she was coming to like shut him down for what it was he was doing. Like I just, you know, cause they,
01:01:35
Speaker
So um the audio continues that by selecting animals that's DNA was closest to the creatures they hoped to discover what creature could be born. He took some of the DNA because the company he was working for wanted to stop looking into it but he just couldn't let this go to waste. He implanted it into some host, he just says host,
01:01:55
Speaker
Okay. And after 30 days, it's still growing, but it killed the host from the inside. But since it's like a parasite, it's feeding on the host. The next tape, and they just keep putting in tape after tape, right? Of course. And the next tape, the creature is alive! It's contained in under closed watch, and it's growing rapidly. Next tape, it's still growing and very hungry. It keeps trying to escape its container, and it keeps growing more legs and stuff, right? And at this point, Shauna says they got what they came for, and they need to leave.
01:02:23
Speaker
And Lorena says that this would be a waste to let this slip by. Like, no, we just need to wait this out till morning. I was like, what for? What for? Take what you found and leave. And leave. Report a dead body. Right? And leave. And leave. So Shauna says they'll all get arrested and the authorities wouldn't want anyone exposing this until they know what's going on anyway. So they're not even going to be able to talk about it. True.
01:02:49
Speaker
So like, which I'm like, yeah, if you guys go to the cops, because you're gonna have to, to be like, there's fucking spiders in there. Who are you gonna tell the cops? Like, I just, you know? And yeah, and the cops are gonna be like, yeah, we're gonna call the men in black really quick, and you're gonna get fucking men in black. Like, just, yeah, like, you're gonna get thingy. Like, yeah.
01:03:15
Speaker
And she decides to leave, right? So Belle keeps looking around for Danny and she hears banging coming from somewhere outside and she finds Danny and I said in some dot dot dot bathroom and then I put in parentheses turns out it's a sauna and he's covered in webs and totally dead and she's like Danny, Danny, Danny and he's obviously just like
01:03:40
Speaker
dead and stuff and so she just kind of keeps trying to clean the webs off of him but realizes that in her touching him he's not responding. So she gets quite upset, falls back just sobbing. It's so fucking dark, I can barely see what's happening, right? But she's sitting on the ground and crying and holding her belly while we see one of the big ass spiders crawl up over the ceiling and it just starts hissing at her. So she turns her phone flashlight off that she had on and she crawls
01:04:08
Speaker
backwards into the hot tub area. Accidentally turns on the hot tub. Turns off the hot tub so the spider doesn't hear. I don't know why they had to film that scene. Cause like, it's not like the spider was just like, like.
01:04:23
Speaker
You just hear it and you don't see anything. So it's not like she's like, and you can see it past the wall. Like a normal movie would do, like a good movie would do. Like an active threat. Yeah, where her just being like, oh shit. And then her head bumping the hot tub and be like, no, no, no. And turning it off really quick. Like, no, none of that. Okay.
01:04:44
Speaker
Okay, so anyway, she's hiding and she feels her water break. No, I was, yeah. Yeah, and she's pleading for this not to happen right now, and we see a bunch, like, of baby spiders running along the wall. It didn't matter. Just egg sacs. I get, I was, I was wondering if they were trying to elude, like, yeah, like baby. That's what I thought it was trying to, like, compare it to, but
01:05:07
Speaker
So Susan gets out to her little yellow bug. Sharon, I mean Shauna. Shauna. I wrote Susan, sorry. Shauna gets out to her little yellow bug, but it won't start. She's just sitting there and just like not starting. Hmm. Hmm. So she opens the trunk or like, I mean, where the, where the engine, it was just in the trunk of those ones. Anyway, so she opens it.
01:05:29
Speaker
And on top of the engine, sorry, my dogs are ready for us to be done. I'm getting pretty close. On top of the, so she opens the hood of a fairly flat, there's the like engine hood. Yeah. Okay. Not a lot of space. Maybe a few inches. Opens the hood and there's just one of these 14 pound looking spiders. Yeah. Just
01:05:56
Speaker
And she's like, ah, right? And the others come running outside, well, because they hear Susan scream, right? Shauna, they hear Shauna scream. And it sprays, it's like, sadder and stuff. So then she falls down and she's screaming and stuff. And the others come outside and they stand on the doorstep as they see the spider. And Shauna's on the ground. She looks at them and they, ah, ah, cling to each other. And she looks back at the spider and the spider.
01:06:25
Speaker
and then of course jumps at her. Well, she looks back at them again and then she looks back at the spider and then the spider jumps at her. She's literally like, she doesn't run. She doesn't do anything. Like nothing. Crawl backwards. Crawl backwards, like nothing. Like had the spider like stung her or something and her just being like, no, like on the ground in so much agonizing pain. Sure. Like, sure. It spit brown something at her and just,
01:06:53
Speaker
She sits there. Sorry. Yes, time question. Did Danny's face get melted? I didn't really see much of his face. It was just like all dark. It was very- Webby. Webby and- Pitch block. Pitch block. It was just like, I don't know. So anyway. And then I said, so of course the spider jumps at her. The other group does nothing. Shauna does nothing. Spider keeps hissing. The other scream and run back inside while the spider eats Shauna's face. Cool. The other's rushed inside and says that that's the biggest spider they've ever seen.
01:07:23
Speaker
It's the same exact size as all of the other spiders they're seeing. And that it's even bigger than the last one. And the mother must be even bigger. And that the doctor was meddling with a spider and alien DNA. And Linda's just like, oh, I can't even believe I'm saying this and stuff. And I was just like, ugh. She grabs the gun they found upstairs and realizes that Belle is missing and they have no self-service out here. Because, and Lorena is like, she's like, oh, it must be the storm.
01:07:54
Speaker
What? I have no idea. Had they, at the beginning of the movie, been like, gosh, there's no service out in the middle of nowhere. It's not that hard. Literally, just like if Belle had been like, oh, dang it. Like, I can't even, nothing. Lucy. I couldn't have texted Danny if I wanted to. I know, right? Like, or Lucy coming out and be like, oh, I hope I don't get a call from the military or something. Like, just anything. Anything. Anything.
01:08:18
Speaker
They're like, gee, well. The storm is knocking out the cell towers. The cell towers. Okay.
Rescue Mission & Tense Encounters
01:08:24
Speaker
Right? I just. Okay. So, so they can't call the police and stuff, right? Linda and Lucy go looking for Belle and they split up and Lucy hears spiders hissing and she like lances out a window and she somehow sees that Belle is in the sauna outside in a different building.
01:08:43
Speaker
But she sees her out there, so she does, she knows that. Well, Linda goes back into the grody room and the door slams open and Linda just spins and fires, just pow! Right? And luckily misses her fucking daughter. Good. And Lucy is like, give me that gun. And so she's like, no, you can't honey. She's like, I have been trained to use one of these. Give me that fucking gun. Okay. So she takes it from her. Okay.
01:09:07
Speaker
and tells her that she found Belle, she knows she's down in the sauna and stuff and I'm gonna go get her and they go to leave, right? And they run into Lorena who's just like, I can't get a cell server, we need to check the phones in the house and see if we can get a LAN signal and stuff, right? So Lucy orders them to stay inside, try to get a call out and she's gonna go out, she's been trained to do this, she's gonna go find Belle.
01:09:33
Speaker
That's another 30 seconds of her just walking outside, okay? And she gets to the sauna while the others are trying every phone in the house only to realize that it's gotten out. The one in the box? I'm guessing, because I never see what's in the box. It's just a regular, like regular sized, not regular sized spider, a regular cat dog spider.
01:09:54
Speaker
gone okay okay they call him he a couple of times but wait i'm just like whatever he's a spider and but i'm just like listen listen listen what does it matter if that one got out there's like two others around the house so you've at least at least there's like probably a dozen yeah yeah but like whatever so so many babies in the bath house right
01:10:13
Speaker
I don't know. So Lucy sees dead Danny. She finds Belle in labor and she does her doing her best to stay silent because there's just this one spider that's just on the ceiling. Why do they think sound is good? I would assume it could see me in the dark. Right? In the dark? It's a spider. Yeah, for sure. Anyway, so she gets Belle up and she's like, we have to get out of here. But it's really weird because they get up and she's like, okay, okay, I got you. Okay, shh, shh, shh, shh. Okay, ready? One, two, three. And then they run out the door.
01:10:43
Speaker
just go. Right? It's not like they were waiting for it to like go past them or something. Like, it's on the ceiling and just anyway. It sees you. It already sees you. And I'm pretty sure that anyway, it's stupid. Okay. So they get inside and they see her coming in and she's just like, Oh, in pain. And Linda without missing a beat throws everything off the kitchen table, just raw, like, and it's like, get up on the table and stuff. And I'm like,
01:11:11
Speaker
You have rooms in this house. Like, there's couches. There's beds. There's, yeah. Like, right, I mean, the funniest thing is that most of the house doesn't have any lights on. They put a fire in the fire, the kitchen fireplace, okay? They put a fire in there. Upstairs, the spider room with the dead guy, the two lamps are on.
01:11:31
Speaker
just permanently they're just always on okay but they can't flicker even he died but they can't turn on any other light in the house the storm i guess but like but his lights are permanently on like every time they go in there it's perfectly lit
01:11:45
Speaker
So I don't know. So Lucy tells Linda that Danny is dead and she thinks that's why her sister's going into labor and Linda says that they need to protect Belle and Lucy says she's gonna go find that spider and gonna kill it. Like the entire building is already completely overrun at this time is what I said. Lucy steps out and actually shows proper gun safety.
01:12:04
Speaker
because you're like you're supposed to like when you're holding a gun you're supposed to like like this and your fingers not supposed to be on the trigger it's supposed to be next to the trigger guard and then you that's when you like when you're firing is where I put it in right because you could accidentally switch I mean those triggers are hard to pull but like yeah yeah so she does that right so good job for her so she sees movement upstairs and she's like there you are you son of a bitch and she again
01:12:32
Speaker
takes like 20 seconds to go up there. And she walks back into the spider room and she wanders around.
01:12:41
Speaker
for like 20 more seconds, right? And I said, these are my exact word, into the same exact room she was in earlier, all capitalized. Anyway, she wanders around for way too fucking long and wanders and wanders, fucking underwebs, like come on already. Suddenly the spider crawls up on the wall and hisses. So she fires twice and misses. I was like, I know you're scared and British, but come on, aren't you an officer?
01:13:11
Speaker
because they like do not like guns there you know like that's very like so I'm over here like okay yeah if they were like super like she's never held a gun before I would have been like sure sure but you're in the military I thought she was a police officer like I just
01:13:25
Speaker
Okay. So she looks under the bed and of course the spider leaps out at her and she fires twice and kills it. That's good. I guess. I don't know. We don't see it die. But they're immortal. Right? So then Belle is screaming while Irina and Linda say that that thing is outside because they're like, we have to get her to a hospital. Like she can't give birth here. Yeah.
Plan to Destroy Spiders
01:13:44
Speaker
Like hundreds of women haven't done it their entire lives for centuries, but whatever is fine. I mean, I wouldn't want to. No, no, no.
01:13:50
Speaker
Um, drug me up. And so they're talking about how that thing is outside and Lorena says that they have to kill it or trap it. And Linda's a man, so know how they're gonna trap it. And Lorena says that the alien spiders seem to act more like normal spiders and they like quiet, damp places.
01:14:07
Speaker
okay how do you know that right um so they're going to lure it into a quiet damp place and then set it on fire and i said cool cool cool cool cool plan um how are we going to lure it into a place it already probably has the run of yeah like at this point in time that's its lair your
01:14:29
Speaker
the food and i'm gonna come get you like i'm not going back i'm just hanging out right and i don't know what they're luring it for because they keep talking about how they're gonna lure it inside and i'm like
01:14:41
Speaker
And they keep acting like there's just the one spider. So if it's the one spider, it's not. There's not. There's no way it could be. 100%, there's not. How could it have been in the box and upstairs and outside? And there was one in the box when Professor Dude died. Yeah, like it just- So we know that it's more than- There's at least the two. Yeah. So I don't know. And we saw like six of them crawling over his body and there was one in the bedroom and then there was a bunch in the bath house and- I have no idea. One in the car. Right.
01:15:10
Speaker
So yeah they hear gunshots and Lorena runs off to find Lucy running into her upstairs and they're they're happy they killed the little guy and I said like they're assuming there's only the one spider around and they um I said I said right here I was like I just go outside and set the whole building on fire and then I said they just said that they should do it they were like let's just set the whole building on fire right so they decided to go to the attic and get the gasoline that Lorena said she saw upstairs
01:15:37
Speaker
Who's keeping gasoline in their attic? Okay. Are you keeping gasoline in your attic? No. Clearly you're not doing what the Brits do. I guess. Let me go get the gasoline from the attic. From the attic? Oh, I'm sorry. Damn, my car is out of gas. Let me run up to the attic.
01:15:53
Speaker
I mean, maybe they don't have a garage. So where else would you put it? Well, they clearly have a sauna and a bath house around this property. You're telling me you don't have a garage. Anyway, so Belle is still like in labor when Linda leaves her alone to go look for some blankets. Okay. She does have a towel laid over her. I don't have no idea, but she's got a towel laid over her.
01:16:13
Speaker
And then she hears a spider hissing and is making its way in a room so she hides. Upstairs they find gasoline and repeat the same plan. Downstairs again, Belle is not doing great. When a spider makes its way into the room, jumping onto the table, okay, and Belle sees it and for the most agonizing moment is like
01:16:38
Speaker
Like pushing yourself up to get, and I'm just like, listen, honey, listen, honey, listen, honey, I've never been through labor. If a man eating spider was up on that table,
01:16:50
Speaker
You'd be pushing through some contractions. But she's, okay, but graciously the spider allows her to continue to agonizingly push herself up. And it just keeps, they just like to hiss? Like it's not even like, like, no, it's just chilling. It's just chilling on the table. It's just like, what's that?
01:17:10
Speaker
What do we do? You're having babies. We're both having babies. Yeah. And it's like so long. Like that whole scene was another 20 seconds long of just them like flashing back and forth to the spider and stuff. Like Linda peeks out from her hiding place and sees that the spider is gone. So she hurries back to Belle who is now hiding under the kitchen table while the spider just wanders around on the table. Like where'd she go? Where did she go? Like it just.
01:17:33
Speaker
the floor and then the spider rushes off the table and runs away and Linda goes to Belle and gets her up off the floor and upstairs Lucy hears another spider hissing and they both freeze but Lucy fires and kills it I guess and so Lucy then heads downstairs when she hears another fucking spider and tries to hide from it
01:17:50
Speaker
And again, this takes way too fucking long. Anyway, the spider turns and leaves instead. And upstairs, Lorena is randomly cornered by another spider. And she tries to hide in the attic, but it comes for her. And it just always dies in the attic, I guess. Because she died in the attic in Humpty Dumpty, so. And then Lucy gets up to see her actively being killed by the spider. And so she takes one of the gas cans, unscrews the lid, and throws nothing.
01:18:19
Speaker
Just throws in nothing. There's no liquid coming out. There's no liquid sound even. Just as like, it's just the plastic of her like holding it and shaking it.
01:18:28
Speaker
but she's like okay I poured the gasoline. Do you know how quickly gasoline will actually evaporate? Yeah. So she runs downstairs, she runs into um Linda and she tells them that Lorraine is dead and stuff and we have to go and we're setting the house on fire and we need to get Belle out of here and stuff so get outside and they're like okay so they leave. Lucy grabs another gas can and again throws nothing across the roof like they couldn't even throw water right?
01:18:52
Speaker
like watering gasoline look almost exactly the same in the movie you're not gonna be able to tell like one drop of yellow food coloring yeah right like your speech and like but i'm like okay i guess whoever's house it is they don't want like water all over the floor okay then clean it up immediately after the scene yeah
01:19:07
Speaker
Cut. Scrub. Done. Whatever. It's fine. It's fine. So then she lights a match and rushes to the other room and she grabs the box of evidence with the tapes and everything. She grabs that and the tape player and stuff. And then she runs outside as Linda is trying to get Belle into the car and Belle just keeps standing there, which I'm sure she's probably like, don't fucking touch me. But like,
01:19:31
Speaker
I'd be in that car, I'm sorry, I'm not having my baby around these people, around these spiders, not these people. Around these people. But like, yeah, so, so she comes out and she shows Linda the box and she's like, honey, and Lucy goes, now you can get your show up and running. That's what we're worried about right now, okay? And as they're talking to each other, they hear, cuh, cuh.
01:19:52
Speaker
Curp, curp behind them. And they turn around and they see this giant ass red spider that's bigger than the house. Where has it been? I have no idea. In the woods. The woods? The woods. And just like, and Linda, or Lucy goes, you're what he was experimenting on. And they run into the car as the spider roars at them. The end.
01:20:21
Speaker
I'm sorry. What? Yeah. That's it? That's the end. That's not the end. That's the end. We are now controlled by a spider overlord that is apparently immortal and will continue to grow because they did say, I didn't mention it in the tapes because I didn't think it was important, but they mentioned in the tapes that like every time they put it in a new container, it grows. It's like a fucking goldfish. Yeah, like a goldfish. So like, yeah. So now it can grow exponentially. Exponentially.
01:20:52
Speaker
cool cool mm-hmm and is apparently smart enough to escape so but here's my question he's over there just like hmm this little spider duty dude Hickey in a box what about your other dude Hickey in a box yeah like
01:21:11
Speaker
okay and this one didn't look like the others this one looked like a big fucking like black widow with a huge round abdomen and everything like it did not look the same no that makes zero sense zero sense okay that's my story
01:21:26
Speaker
How dare you pick this movie? I told you it was at 2.8. Wow. My part wasn't that bad. Yeah, no, yours is like... Mine was all informative and like 1% spider. Yep. Mine was like 4% spider, I swear. Like just, you know. Except for the end, that was 100% spider. Yeah, look, I just... There's not a sequel. There can't be a sequel. I don't think there's a sequel. What would they even do? Right?
01:21:51
Speaker
freaking itn productions you and uncorked can go fuck the fuck off for real but also thank you for the content yeah okay okay so where does this fall in comparison to Humpty to
01:22:09
Speaker
Like, better, right? Better. It's better. It's better. Like, the filming was better. The set was better. There wasn't any CG in Humpty 2, so we can't really tell. But the CG in this was terrible. Terrible. Well, like, the spiders themselves, I still think they looked pretty well done. Yes, but the meshing of the movie. Yeah, in relation to the movie, it was garbage. Terrible.
01:22:34
Speaker
It was like someone put a sticker on the screen. That's what that looked like. Really? Yeah. And I just played the movie in the background and put a sticker. There's a spider. I guess a 2.8 is fair. I think the acting in Humpty One was a little better than this one. Yeah. But I like seeing Lorena be nice in this one. Yes, I do too. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think the acting was bad. No. I don't think it was great. Lucy was the worst, actually, I think. Really?
01:23:04
Speaker
Maybe Shauna, but like I again, I barely saw her in it. So like yeah, so and I didn't ever see Danny Yeah, he was fine. He's a handsome guy. Yeah so Okay Okay Well, I'm really scared for the 1.9 rating movie that you want to do next because that sounds terrible He is handsome. He's a handsome guy. He is handsome. He also kind of looks like he could be gay though.
01:23:32
Speaker
I can see that. Like he was wearing like a little, like a tight sweater with like, looks like he was about to go play tennis kind of thing. Go into a country club. He's the one called the curse of Bloody Mary. It's a 2.6. Oh, you do love Bloody Mary. Hey, um, fucking, what's her face from Humpty Two is in it. Oh, is that Sarah? Yeah. I don't know who most of them are. They're just all sharing movies all the time, always.
01:24:01
Speaker
Anyway, I got nothing. I hope you enjoyed us laughing for 23 minutes. Because that was fun. Because we're so funny. We are pretty funny. If you didn't laugh, then we'll call.
Closing Remarks & Listener Engagement
01:24:13
Speaker
I'm sorry. A spider answering the phone. That's so funny. Anyway, okay. Have a great time. Have a great time. We love you. Bye. Love you. Bye.
01:24:25
Speaker
Thank you guys so much for listening to this week's episode. Let us know what you think by leaving a comment or sending us an email at bmoviebashpodcast.com. You can listen to our episodes on all your favorite podcast platforms, including Spotify, Stitcher, Google, Apple, Amazon Music, and Audible, or you can find the video versions on our YouTube channel. If you want to support the podcast, you can find our coffee link on our anchor page. Make sure to like, subscribe, and tell your friends!