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Trans Rights Activist and Porn Legend Heaux Tales with Victoria Von Blaque
45 Plays5 months ago
SUMMARY
Welcome to another episode of Dirty Money with Bevin and Mike. In this episode, we're thrilled to have Victoria Von Blaque, a trans rights activist and renowned figure in the sex work industry. Victoria, now a consultant, brings decades of experience in LGBTQIA+ advocacy, social work, and sex work.
Join us as Victoria shares her incredible journey, from navigating the early days of her career to becoming a prominent voice for trans rights and equity. She offers candid insights into the challenges and triumphs of her life, along with lessons on consent, resilience, and living unapologetically. This episode is packed with hilarious stories, fun turns, and inspiring messages that you won't want to miss.
TOPICS
[2:15] Victoria’s Many Names
[13:45] Victoria’s Timeline
[23:55] The Business of Shame
[31:10] Unapologetic Life
[39:15] Quick Sexy Tips
[45:40] Victoria’s Dream World
[53:05] Final Thots
RESOURCES & LINKS
Connect with Victoria Von Blaque
Instagram: @bbwfemmefatale
OnlyFans: @bbwfemmefatale
Other Resources Mentioned:
CONTACT INFO
Bevin Morgan:
Instagram: @bevinmorgan & @temple_eanna
Website: www.templeeanna.com & BevinMorgan.com
Mike Poulin:
Instagram: @mjpou56
Dirty Money Podcast:
Instagram: @dirtymoney_podcast
Recommended
Transcript
Welcome & Introduction
00:00:10
Speaker
Welcome to Dirty Money with Bevin. And Mike. A space to talk about financial topics for folks who don't fit into traditional financial spaces. We believe money is a tool for everyone. Our mission is to provide a literal microphone and platform for queer, BIPOC, polyamorous, and sex-positive individuals. No topic is off the table here. That being said, one tiny little housekeeping note. For those listening who may have others with sensitive ears, the listener discretion is advised because we do not censor ourselves. That's right. You've been warned, but enough from us. Let's get this episode started.
Meet Victoria Von Black
00:00:54
Speaker
Welcome back to Dirty Money with Bevin and Mike. I am Bevin, and also today we have my good friend Mike. Hello, Mike. Hey, it's coming. Hello. You did it right this time. What did I say last time? Oh, the last time you hosted, you're like, I'm Mike. Wait. Wait. That doesn't feel correct. Well, in addition to Bevan and Mike, we also have the beautiful and I'm like dynamic, powerful,
00:01:26
Speaker
um and legendary, the legendary Victoria Von Black. Hello, Victoria. Well, hello there, Hushpuffy. Bitch, where did that come from? Okay, wait a minute. We've been talking this whole time and now I get the after midnight voice. Yum. Okay. It's one of those things that the voice, you know, I was telling my girlfriend, I was like, you know, the voice changes. It depends on where I'm at. It just, she'll go in and out. Like, I think at first it was a survival tactic. And now I'm just like, you know, she does what she wants to do. Okay. Wherever it just happens. Well, I love that. And I listen, the after midnight voice is giving. So will you please tell the people who you are, um what you've been up to, what your life is all about? Give us a T.
00:02:16
Speaker
All right. Well, as I said, my name's Victoria Von Black. I've gone through many names. I've been a sex worker for 20 years. Most notably, probably a Sasha Fox. The original Sasha Fox. Okay. Let them know. And the original Siren Deville. um you know there's a lot of controversy behind that i've been on people's ass and i'm just like you know what i refuse but um since i have taken like a i don't wanna say backseat or a hiatus from like doing
00:02:49
Speaker
sex work main, like full time. I'm just like, I'm pretty much as a consultant. I do consulting for a company called Trans Equity Consulting um that was started by Cecilia Gentilli. And we, I personally, most of my contracts had to do with sex work, LGBTQIA plus trainings, um social work, and like work with the CDC. how did How did you get into that?
Navigating Sex Work & Unexpected Allies
00:03:21
Speaker
um I was working. It gives story time. So when I got out of, I had a, it gets trigger warning. I was sexually assaulted. So I got out of sex work temporarily.
00:03:36
Speaker
um especially since I never really did a lot of in-person work. So it was like, damn, the one time I really did like in-person work, this is what happens, I'm good. So like I had a client um who would come and all he did was smoke crack. He would smoke crack at my house and we play video games and talk. And he was like, you know, I'm sorry that this happened to you. Maybe you might want to change fields now, whatever the case may be. So he was like, well, let's get, you know, let's see what you have on your resume and everything like that. Let's get you together. And then he got me basically like finesse my resume and everything like, you know, because transferable skills and.
00:04:17
Speaker
but nested into me getting a social work job. And I was there five years before having a situation that I had to step away from that job. And then an old school friend of mine, Cecilia Gentile, did work for that company, came across my file and was like, you are like a great employee. Like, I don't know what happened here, but like we, I would like to hire you. And so I was like, okay girl, like let's do it. And so then she became, you know, more than just my sister, she became my mentor. And and I've been doing consulting work full time for the last six years, I want to say. That's amazing. Hello. That's a great story.
00:05:04
Speaker
And I need to um circle back to something really quickly. So the client who smoked crack is who judged up your resume. So he, he defied every logic that I any thought, any kind of theories I ever had of crackheads was blown out the water. Listen. Because you know- Don't judge a book by its cover. We are breaking barriers, yes. Basically, and like, cause every time you ever see or hear about a crackhead, you think of someone like, you know,
00:05:43
Speaker
Like Dave Chappelle, yeah, like. Yeah, I think that's the first thing I can ever say. Ashley Larry, yeah, yeah, yeah. So like, that's whatever I thought of. And then, you know, it's one of those things like, you know, stigma, people are people and people do what they do for various reasons. And, you know, not everyone wears their drugs or let their drugs wear them per se. And this person was a former model, tall, very muscular, beautiful black man who was very conscious of his hygiene and his body. Like he would ride his bike everywhere. Like homie was ripped.
00:06:35
Speaker
And like when he told me this, he was after me for years. And I was just like, oh no, this is a cop. Because like he would call me when I had like my advertisement and be like, hey, I would love to see you. I think you're beautiful. um I just want to make sure, can are you able to get crack? And I was like, so I just answered the phone. And I was like, not today, copper! like You're not gonna catch me. Right back to tape, baby. So like, and I thought he was like, full of shit. Because I was like, who the fuck calls people and asks them, are you able to cop crack? Yeah, no, that's, that's, and it's like on the phone. Track heads too.
00:07:19
Speaker
what's yeah yeah There you go. We have our answer, folks. Right. Thank you. Valet. Valet, good point. So, like, one day, I think he had called me when I was, like, high and high off of weed. No judgment, but I'm going to clarify. oh And, I um was just, like, bored. I think I had pulled clients already. And, like, I was just like, cool. like And he was like, I've got your donation. That's not a problem. And I was just like, well, I can't cop no crack sweetness. um I don't know what you're giving, but like this feels a little interesting. So I needed to pay deposit. He sent a deposit. I said, well, I know i never heard of it in New York, because I know in different states, different laws, and different things, because I've heard some bullshit about say ah the West Coast.
00:08:13
Speaker
like people pulling up ah the girls, fucking them, and then coming back 10 minutes later and then arresting them. Like, shit is wild. But in New York, as far as I know of, they can't put any money down. They can't keep any of that shit. So I was like, give me a deposit. He said, give me a deposit. I said, well, come on through, baby. My mom. Welcome. Right. And he was this fine ass man. And like, one of those men that made me like have to like, and I learned to stop asking this question, but he was one of those men that was like, bitch, why are you paying? Because you could, you could just talk to a hoe. And a hoe would be like, are the the red C's for you probably. Like, like this is a this is a thing.
00:09:00
Speaker
Like, but he came pink. There you go. Whoo! I never seen someone smoke crack, but on top of smoking crack, blow the crack into a fucking fabric softener sheet to diffuse the smell of it. Polite. MacGyver. But I mean, you know, but yeah but also just like thoughtful. OK. Right. Well, also, yeah I'm not going to lie, he did have the right to be paranoid. My next door neighbor is where the cops. I mean, you have the right speed paranoid. Like, what is, I feel, that was a strange setup. My bedroom window was facing the precinct's um driveway. I mean, I guess hide and play in plain sight, as they say. I mean, Valentino, because darling, it was just, it was, it was crazy. Mike is actively dying right now.
00:10:01
Speaker
good man We had a lot of Victorianisms. All right. That's what's up. OK. Oh, you're great. He was my client faithfully for many, many moons. But I had to let him go because he had some real fascinating opinions. Like, yeah. Like, not as bad as some of the other things that I've heard in the world. Like, it wasn't like we never really got into politics like that, but like, He worked in, he was upper management. Like he had a office with a gym and a shower in it and everything like that. Like he was one of them dudes. But like, always talking about like, you know, pay your employees, make sure you tip. Like a minimum tip should be a minimum of 20%. Like all this other stuff. So then one day, because I'm a troll, I said, you know, I love that you love service workers and that you believe in tip. He's like, yeah, tipping is everything. So I was like, so,
00:11:03
Speaker
We've been seeing each other a few years. You've never tipped me. Oh, you know, that's different because, you know, but no, no, no, no, no, please. Continue. What's different about it? And like, so he was like, you know, these are tenders and like, these are people who make a minimum. I was like, Do I not depend on the money that you bring? Am I not performing a service? Granted, this is someone who's one of the easiest clients. I'm not gonna lie. like it i had That's the point where I trusted him. I was working overnights at the drop-in center, and then I'd come home at like nine in the morning, he'd meet me at the door, bring me breakfast, and then I'd fall asleep on his head like on his chest while he smoked crack. First of all, who falls asleep on a nigga's chest while he's smoking crack? That right there is is enough right there, but like,
00:11:53
Speaker
I was comfortable. I got comfortable. And like, I would see him like minimum of three times a week. So like- Wait, so, okay. So actually I have a legit question because like, to your point, it sounds like y'all had a friendship. You had, um as you said, you were comfortable. He was paying you, presumably every time. Oh, absolutely. Okay. And, and you know, and like, and doing like cute little things for you, like bring you food and like, so. why Why antagonize this man? Hi, have we met? My name is Victoria from Black in the Troll. I need you to make this make sense. Because to me, if you tell me I only wear white, and then you come in here with black on,
00:12:43
Speaker
I'm gonna bring up receipts. Hi, at this date, at this time, upon this land on this year of our Lord, you said you only wear white. So why are you in black today? There was no, like, you know, there was no fucking bylaws here about what could happen if and or. you said This is what you said. Right, okay. If you're sitting here telling me that you value service workers, and you pay them well and tip well. Where's my ducats? Tip me. Okay. All right. I can hear that. Well, so, um, you know, you mentioned that you have, you've done a lot, you've done a lot of different things. And right now you're predominantly doing consultants, consulting work. But, um, as we talked about before the show started, you are a veteran at this point.
00:13:35
Speaker
in the industry. So will you kind of like take us back? What is the timeline? What were things like in
Challenges & Triumphs in the Industry
00:13:43
Speaker
days of yore? What have you seen change? Like give us the story. What's the what's the landscape? um I am 41. I've been doing sex work over 20 years. Skin is taught. It's eating all of the unwashed soles. Keeps the skin bright and tight. Um, it was very interesting. When I started, there were no, there were no, um, I'm not gonna say there weren't any, they weren't visible because I'm not going to take away from anyone's work. There were no visible.
00:14:20
Speaker
big trans women or femmes doing the work. In the early 2000s, I would say I started 2000, I graduated high school, 2020, 2001. Yeah, 2001. And I met my girlfriend in like 2002, 2003 type teens. So like around then, so like I said, about 20 years now. And so back then there was a very different look. And every era of trans women or trans femmes go through their look. And back then it was all about being skinny and as white as possible. And if you weren't white,
00:15:10
Speaker
then like as far to the right as ah the left as possible. like If you were a Latina, then you were like indigenous, new to the country type, like I need to play on this stereotype. Same thing for Black girls. If you were a Black girl, you were a hood girl. right okay that's how That was my perspective of the game, at least. So here I come, back, Black, middle class, upper middle class family. Coming into this wonderful world, there was no place for me. Like...
00:15:54
Speaker
I remember going into, I was connected to someone named Tony V at the time, who used to work for Gooby, or whatever the fuck the company's called, Google, go whatever. It's like one of the larger trans companies um for trans porn. Ruby, Ruby, or something like that. Some shit like that, you get the goddamn point. Google girl. calm Fucking. We'll get it in the show notes. We'll figure it out. We'll find it. We can't go who the fuck it is. what like He was like a notorious chaser. And like, he was like, you know, I'd fuck you, but no one else wants to see that. Like, you know, it's it's one of those things where it's like, you're not marketable. Like, and so I was like, oh, oh. So I met another porn star. Well, I wasn't a porn star at that time, but I met someone who did porn.
00:16:51
Speaker
back in Long Island and he was like, you know what's amazing about you? He was like, you're pretty and you're big, which now that I look back on it, ouch, bitch, like, ah fuck that statement means, but okay, thank you. It was early 2000s, right? early 2000s. We had a lot of we had a we were less we were still growing. We were Yeah, yes, we were, you know, like that. That's very on brand for that that time. frame Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Those were a compliments I always received. Right. well You're so well spoken. Dot, dot, dot. Stay right. Exactly. You're so pretty for a fat bitch.
00:17:31
Speaker
right I'm like, wow, you don't look like a man. Like, I got all these great comments that like, you know, build my self-esteem so well. Like, this is the world I lived in. So like, he was just like, you know what you should do? He was like, just make your own lane. And I was like, like i have acor and I can do this.
00:18:02
Speaker
We're gonna go to task, yeah! Taking notes, like, things to do after this back shot. Okay, great. So, I did. And like, me and my girlfriend, Isabella Del Rio, like, we were smoking and drinking because that's what we did back then. We were young, dumb, and filled with someone's sums come. And like, I would come from Long Island to her condo in Queens. I'd get there around like 7 p.m. after the college and then like get all dolled up. And we would have boys for like 12 hours straight, basically. Just like, just fucking, just fucking, fucking, fucking. We were weekend warriors at this point. So it was like, you know, this is what we did in our part time. Like the stamina of youth.
00:18:57
Speaker
And my God, I can't even do like 12 o'clock comes nowadays. And I'm like, Oh, girl, like it's time to watch a dick, like a wolf dick show or whatever like that and pass the fuck out. Like, we're done. But like, yeah, we so we were just drunk when it was just like chillin just like just hanging out. And back then I was Denise Diamonds. because she had a, she had basically a brothel of trans girls and all the girls had, one of their names was like a legendary porn star. And so I forgot who mines was, it was Denise something, but like that was where that came from. I didn't work for her, but she gave me my hooker name. Until one day we were just like drunk and high and we were just chilling. I was just like, in my own world, I'm just like Sasha, Sasha, Sasha Fox. And that's where I came up with Sasha Fox.
00:19:47
Speaker
just vibing, drunk as fuck. And just so then I became Sasha Fox. And so I started marketing myself a porn as Sasha Fox. And so we worked on, I started first on phone sex, phone sex and webcam shows on a website called Night Flirt. Okay, which is still around. Oh, it's still around. We were like the first. We were like, there was only like three of five different trans girls on that app. And only about three of us who are really actually who we say we were. It was her, me, and Barbie Swallows in cannna and and in Canada.
00:20:24
Speaker
And then there were like two, two cis women using like one ad, like one picture ads of some Asian girl. And it was just like, you know, cute. I'm not gonna knock you, get your hustle, get your duckets, girl. And so that's how I started in the game. And then more and more people were like, oh, Can we see you in person? Like I don't do person. I can't do person. And then so I started my transition to go to full time. I left New York and moved to Madison, Alabama because only I thought it was a smart decision to go from an open-minded place like New York to the heart of the Bible Belt to start transitioning. So hang on a second. I do need to just pause here.
00:21:09
Speaker
there I'm all over the place. I apologize. No, no, no, but I'm just like, What took you, how did you end up in, you said Alabama, Madison, Alabama? I started my transition and I was like, in my head, I don't want anyone to see me going through that, what I'm going through who knows me because I don't want anyone to A, misgender me and B, like embarrass me if I'm in the street or something like that and someone be like, debt name. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I was like, leave one person, come back another one. So you're like, I'm going to go like to a bat cave. Nobody knows me. Like they will never find me. They won't even look for me over here.
00:21:50
Speaker
Okay. Interesting. Okay. Yeah. That was my, that was my justification of why I did it. And so I was just doing porn. I was just doing porn online and just like, because I was just like, also who the fuck is meeting up with some hillbilly? I'm not. Like that's just, it's just not happening. I'm not doing it. um So I was just working on porn and doing porn and doing porn. And then it started to build some momentum. And so I know you said before, you was like, who pays your, where's your money coming from? My money came from, in the early 2000s, came from shame. Shame was my biggest employer.
Turning Shame Into Profit
00:22:30
Speaker
Other people's shame. Other people's shame. Because like that old white man, Tony V said,
00:22:39
Speaker
I'd fuck you, but no one else wants to see that. So I had the people who were attracted to Big Black, but because it was not socially ah appropriate or okay for people to be turned on by Big Black, they would pay me to have their fantasy and then go back to their lily lily, you know, lily white, perfect, skinny, blonde hair, blue eyed Stanford wife. So like, I know the work I do now is like to break stigma and she's like, but stigma has paid bills.
00:23:21
Speaker
And you're like, let's get it. So, it so I actually they just, there's a little short series on Netflix about Ashley Madison. I just watched that and it is
00:23:37
Speaker
There's so much in that. um If you haven't watched it, I i would. Because ah the the first thing that reminded me of it is you said that there were people, there were women on the ah website that weren't who they are. As a majority of the women on Ashley Madison were actually employees ah using fake profiles. um And, but yeah, it's this whole like, you know, it's like leading into the things that people don't want to talk about, right? Or, you know, and they or they feel that they they can't talk about it. So they they will spend money, good money to get that fill. And also know that
00:24:22
Speaker
that's the over there. I don't need to, yeah. So it's like, I guess you're spending money for like the privacy and compartmentalization. Yes. And that's what I always tell people. Because people are like, oh, I don't pay for pussy. You're right. Because I ain't got no pussy over here. But what you're going to pay for is an experience.
The Safe Space of Sex Work
00:24:42
Speaker
What you're paying for is discretion. What you're paying for is judgment free. What you're paying for is to drop your load and forget that you even had this time with me.
00:24:57
Speaker
That's what you're paying for because you're too pussy to tell this to someone you're dating. You're too pussy to actually be vulnerable with your wife. You're too pussy to actually go through therapy. So it's a lot easier for you to manifest all your fantasies and use me as a catalyst to get the nuts out of your body and release those demons upon the world. You're welcome. Okay. Well, as all folks used to say, and
00:25:28
Speaker
um One of my favorite quotes is, you will always be fond of me because I had the courage to commit all the sins you couldn't. Ooh, interesting. the It's so funny. So um but not in the same vein, but actually very similar. When I was active duty military and serving openly as a married bisexual man, the questions the oh what wait you who how does that work but you know like all the like the like you can just see it start the the you know the cramps uh-huh yeah when you see those if you have an iphone you see those dots come back again and an interesting
Living Authentically & Challenging Norms
00:26:21
Speaker
It's just like, it was always the, I think as queer people, I think that part of us being unapologetically who we are, ah and it questions, right? It questions what people have been told is it okay or what they should be doing or, and so, Yeah, i you know, so not the same vein, obviously, but very similar where I was getting questions about like, wait, you get the same health insurance as us? Wait, how does that work? Wait, you're married to a dude, but you'd like women like that you can do that. Like like questions like that. What do you what do you what do you? You okay over there?
00:27:10
Speaker
I, as I said, I'm a troll, so I live for questions like that because the question is, and I tell people about this, oh my God, someone's son is in my throat. I have a sample from last night, I apologize. I gotta return that to him. um But like, I tell people like, in my trainings that if you ever get cursed out by someone, It's not because solely of what you said, you were the straw that broke the camel's back because probably they have received something like this numerous times from other people. And you just happened to either be the safe one that they felt comfortable to unleash on or just a person that they were like, you know what, enough.
00:27:58
Speaker
Then again, the two are not mutually exclusive. So... and Yeah. And is this I think the safe spaces is an important part. um And also the... the I, with our coaching, um I know Bevin probably gets this a lot because money has a lot of emotions. A lot of times I have to remind myself, you know, like I'm a little bit of a, I'm a safe space and I've also become a mirror, right? They are, because I'm asking them those questions that the things that they're saying to me is actually what they want to say to themselves.
00:28:33
Speaker
here I love, I mean, depending on what the question is or the statement, I could be very nice about it. actually and nice And I mean
Educating on Respect & Dignity
00:28:43
Speaker
nice. And I don't mean kind. I mean, like, oh, baby. I feel this baby. Yeah. me But like, it's one of those things, like, depending on the, like, the statement, I just can't. Like, I did a conference and someone was like, oh my God, going back to the microaggressions, like, oh my God, you have such a beautiful name. Where'd you get it from?
00:29:05
Speaker
I'm quick with it. You cannot ask me questions like that because I'm going to say the first net comes to my mind. And the first net comes to my mind is not something appropriate, most likely. So I looked at her white ass and said, probably one of your ancestors. And then I grabbed my bag and I proceeded to pump. Now you sit with that and you process that. And so now you're having to deal with some things and ask yourself some questions. Because why would you ask someone a question like that? Where'd you get the thing from? It's a weird thing. It's a weird thing. It's a weird thing. It's a weird thing. It's a weird thing. It's a weird thing. It's a weird thing. It's a weird thing. It's a weird thing. It's a weird thing. It's a weird thing. It's a weird Which one? thing. It's a weird thing. I mean, I've watched season one and season two. I haven't seen them three yet. I think it's in the first season when they're at the restaurant and the white lady comes over, the white lady comes over and is like, you're not fooling me. And she just said, gosh. She's like taking out the earrings. I'm going to write some name on that show.
00:30:01
Speaker
I know her name, so that's what I was like. She's like mother, like mother, mother, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And just like puts her in her place. Give me some room, ladies. Love that part. Have a sip.
00:30:20
Speaker
with your pallet. Let her have it. It's so little, like, girls. Who kind of raised me. Like, I knew Tyra from me growing up in Long Island. Like, I would come to the city and go see her when she was working the clubs. And, like, Tyra Allure also Dominique, her thing, her government's Dominique. But, like, I remember her from her ballroom days and, like, her hostess days and stuff like that. Sweet woman. Sweet, sweet, sweet woman. But like, that's the girls that I, you know, that taught me. Makes sense. But like, I'm gonna get in that ass. Sandpaper condom, no lube. And you're going to thank me for the behavior that you wrought upon yourself.
00:31:04
Speaker
I needed that adjustment. Well, so you mentioned, so we've got we've gone back in time now, let's come back to the present. So you did consulting work now. um Will you tell us just a little bit about like, what is that work? Like what what are you what are you doing in this space? I am, I hope I am because I can't control what you receive, only what I present. and hopefully you're absorbing it and manifest and putting it into your own life. But like, I help people realize that you don't have to be an asshole. You don't have to be an asshole. We all have one, but some are smell more than others. fifty I just made a ah ah Twitter post the other day um and the the caption was,
00:31:59
Speaker
ah Show your ass. Don't be an ass. Valet. Valet. That part, too. Because, like, I'm all for a good mooning. I enjoy it. Okay. I mean, I'm a bit pretty much a bottom. But, like, I still enjoy the visual aid of it, like... Right. Yes. Okay. But, like, yeah, just don't be the whole. yeah like Okay, but likes but like in practical terms, like what does that would would does that mean? What do you do? That means I help normalize the experiences of trans. ah Basically, most communities that are historically neglected
00:32:46
Speaker
or, ah you know, normally disenfranchised. So normalizing why you should treat trans people or anyone from like the alphabet mafia like people. why you should like not harass. Be a fucking good person, right? Like just, you know. Why are you coming down on sex workers the way you are harassing sex workers? It's just two adults like entertaining each other. Like it's a job like anyone else. Like why are you harping on sex workers? You should be harping on the bitches. Like, cause I don't have a horror shame, but I do slut shame. Who? I slut shame because why are you giving it away to anybody? Oh. oh
00:33:28
Speaker
um They don't deserve. Because you're over here reading me for sucking dick for a minimum of 350, but you're out there getting butt fucked for a cheeseburger because someone broke a fucking drink at the club. Who's really worse?
00:33:51
Speaker
I don't know if I have anything to say to that. um This is the first. um It is Friday, June 7th, 2024. Bevan is speechless. So congratulations. I'm just saying, there have been many PSAs given on the show, which I appreciate. But I think that was the first one that I was like, oh shit, is she talking to me? Oh. If the shoe fits, bitch. If the shoe fits. At least would it be a libertine?
00:34:25
Speaker
Like, I mean, red bottoms, um, you know, I try like, but it's always, it's always, yeah. Um, I just had this conversation with someone. There's a difference between baggage and luggage. Okay. Baggage. Everyone has luggage, right? Cause we all need to travel. We all have shit with us, but we want to have, you want to have like good, solid luggage. Like you're going to have it with you because wherever you go, you need stuff, right? What we don't want is baggage, right? Baggage is just extra. And that's the stuff that you don't want to, because someone was like, someone made a comment to me about how they're like, oh, I have luggage. I was like, don't you need baggage? And they're like, yeah, I was like, well, hold on. But we need luggage to go places. And and luggage, you know, you want that, the like really nice
00:35:16
Speaker
everything Yeah, the the i don't and I don't know any brands, but whatever brand doesn't break when you, you know, check it. um But yeah, I just, you know, but yeah, same thing. It's like if the shoe fits, make sure it's, you know, designer. I got it. Okay. Yeah. So you're like, we have to, we have to bring our experiences with us, but we want them to travel well. If you bring garbage bags, baby, like you need to let those
Thoughts on Monogamy & Ownership
00:35:40
Speaker
go. ah Yes, um okay exactly. Gotcha. I learned a statement close to that from one of my little brothers, Tremaine. He's a fitness, a trade daddy fitness. Go get him. But he said to me, as someone who suffers from ideation, he was like, let me tell you something. There's a difference between thinking and,
00:36:07
Speaker
oh my God, I just forgot that fast. But basically, there was a there's a difference between having thoughts and then entertaining them, because you can't control your thoughts. Correct. Correct. When you're actually ruminating on something and you're actively like engaging with it, that's a different story. Right. Absolutely. Yeah. Well, and that's what meditation is for. like Literally, it's to teach you how to accept the fact that you're always going to have thoughts and you're always going to have feelings
00:36:38
Speaker
and that those thoughts and feelings do not have to rule your actions. So it's like allow them to exist and acknowledge them and be an embodied human being and then choose as your higher self, your next your next step. I'm trying to do it on that level. Every time I try to meditate, I fall asleep. But then when I try to fall asleep by meditating, it don't happen. So there is, and Bevan, I can't remember if you did this, but we at our last job, we had someone who did a guided meditation and that to me was transformative because I felt the same way about, I'm like, I'm just going to fall asleep if I do meditation. But
00:37:20
Speaker
that when someone is like kind of like guiding you through what you're supposed to be doing with your body or like like how you're supposed to be breathing or like hey if a thought comes like it's okay or hey, if you've now like your mind is now elsewhere, hey, bring it back. Like it was very helpful and very, um, I had a very positive experience with that rather than just like, I'm going to meditate because yeah, I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing. Um, but guided meditation to me was very helpful, which potentially if you have not looked into it,
00:38:00
Speaker
I may have to look into that because what you just described to me in my head and where I went to was like a successful top. Like, I need you to tell me to breathe, how to breathe, how to guide this body. Yes. Make sure I'm opened up properly. Yeah. That's what I heard. Because every time I, whenever I've had queer sex, it's very much giving that. And it's just like, they, you know, better than most of this other bullshit that these cis hetero men think that they're out here doing. I feel bad for anyone who's attracted solely to cis hetero.
00:38:38
Speaker
Well, that's, you know, that the the the joke of like people are like, you know, you know, um being gay isn't a choice. Just ask any, ah you know, heterosexual woman like that' we didn't have to be attracted to men. We wouldn't be right. Like, listen, I just I'm resolved to the state of being what can I say? but and I will say that I love what you said, Victoria, because I feel like That is, we and we always come back to this, like this is why like you know BDSM dynamics are so great, like power dynamics are so great. like When you're doing them correctly, there's so much communication involved and there's just so much trust that has to be involved that it does come with this whole idea of like let me guide you, let me give you this experience, you know I'm going to take you somewhere as opposed to just like
00:39:36
Speaker
Smash, brush, brush, brush, whatever, you know. And so that's beautiful. And that's why I just refuse to deal with anyone who states they're a Dom. Like, don't tell me, show me. Because most of the people who claim to be Dom's, basically what I hear is, I don't believe in orally satisfying you. I just want to come in there and try and wreck your walls as fast and as hard as possible. And I don't believe in aftercare. Stop. Yeah. That is what I hear. And from the experiences that I've had with, unfortunately, cis-hetero men being like, oh, I'm a top. You're going to just get in here, and I'm going to fucking fuck your face, and I'm going to jizz all over you. Ew. No. No. Because i will I will literally try to rip someone's nuts like jizz on my face, and I'm trying to fucking kill you. Ooh. OK. Because that to me is just definition of disrespect. Unless I ask for it, it's like you were trying to disrespect me.
00:40:32
Speaker
Right. And let me show you how I feel about that. Right. It's also, you can literally just be like, where do you want it? Right. Exactly. Well, because I think, I think Mike. It's not that hard of a question to ask. Yeah. Like. Well, it's like Mike, I think. You know, it's coming. So like. Like, where's it going to go? Where's it going to go? Yeah. Where do you want it? Where do you want it? I think you, I think you said this in our last episode, maybe it's like consent is continual. Like you, you keep, that you keep doing it. Continuous. Yeah. yeah Absolutely. Yep. And that's what I'm just, is I'm the definition of my fifth power bottom. So that's the cis hetero monogamous, uh, uh, camp doesn't understand. I feel like people, they, I feel like they don't truly understand consent. I feel like they're like, once we're married, once we're
00:41:29
Speaker
once you're mine, right, if we're going down that route, right, it's like, it doesn't matter what you're thinking or how comfortable you are, like, we're together and like, no, like, that people and I feel like the the culture, the like mainstream culture, people lose their autonomy, they lose their consent. And that then also lets them but or like erodes their pleasure, I feel like. Like, you lose those things and then you it's not pleasure anymore. It's just meh.
00:42:06
Speaker
I mean, let's be honest, like that that is the patriarchy in a whole, hello, up and forth. You were literally property. you When you got married, you were property of your husband. If you were religious, at least for Christianity and like Pentecostal back to someone else, like I don't remember all of them, but I know that like your man could beat the shit out of you. As long as he didn't cheat on you, you could not divorce him. So like you literally, up until I think the 60s, you were property of this person. And which is why monogamy in my head is so fucked up because monogamy was literally birthed out of a place of survival. Back in the day, the troglodytes coupled up so that way they had a better chance at survival.
00:43:02
Speaker
And it's now just a ah product of capitalism. It really is. The smaller, the smaller the nucleus, the more things that can be sold and bought and you know, so yeah, it's, we, I get, we get, on somehow, every episode, it gets back to, this is, this is the show. Fuck the patriarchy, fuck capitalism. part of sex work If I'm being honest, like yeah I had a supervisor once who said something to me as the emo, like alt, goth person that I am. And I was like, I stand for a villain, but specifically a female villain. And he was like, of course you do. He was like, what is better is there like than a bad bitch that is in amazing fashion, looks amazing, and just wants to tear down the patriarchy? What else is a villain?
Reinterpreting Villainy & Self-Defense
00:43:55
Speaker
What else is a villain?
00:43:58
Speaker
Well, a perceived villain. A lot of times the villains aren't even villains, right? Exactly. That's why I keep a six inch stiletto on Bitches Next when they talk about Medusa. Like, that bitch wasn't a villain. If you want to break it down, yo Lily White ass decided to run up in this woman's house. You ran to her house. And today's the site that's called breaking and entering. Depending on what state you live in, you have the right to bear off and defend your home. That bitch decided to look at you. And they decided to say, well, fuck it, bitch. You want to come up in my house? Well, why don't you You wanted to be here so bad, now you can be here forever.
00:44:44
Speaker
yeah he was not and that's an i I've been loving this trend with with Disney movies with like the kind of the villain backstory like Cruella. I mean well also I just love Emma Stone but like um but yeah Cruella is one of my favorites um Maleficent yeah um I'm like I need more of these I need more good what what And people won't really get into it. like I had to tell someone. I was like, you know her getting her weans clipped was just a metaphor for her being sexually assaulted. And they were like, what? Like, bitch, look at what was given. She was hanging out with someone. She was drugged.
00:45:34
Speaker
And she woke up in blood. I don't know if it's because I am hypervigilant. I don't know if it's because I have trauma. I don't know what it could be, but I was like, I saw it. Like, I didn't mean it to be mansplained to me. I saw it.
00:45:53
Speaker
um No one wonders why this bitch walked up in this motherfucker's house wearing a sickening leather turban and the only outfit and was like, I wasn't invited. like she shit She has something to say. And and she still gave a gift. She still gave a gift. She gave you a gift. it was
Future Vision for the Sex Work Industry
00:46:20
Speaker
legit. It was like not what you wanted, but what you needed type of thing. It's like you needed this lesson. Yeah. Yeah. You go learn to gain. Right. You're right.
00:46:29
Speaker
Now listen, because we're getting, we've been talking for a little minute. I knew this would be a fun one. But I really want to ask you this question, Victoria, before we end things. So as we know, you've been in the game for a minute, and now you're in a position where you get to advocate for and spend a lot of time in like the sex work community and you're seeing folks doing different things and new things. So when you look at the space that we're in, the sex work space, what do you want to see? Like what is your ideal future vision?
00:47:06
Speaker
for the world and for the world of sex work. I wanted to literally be, and it gives, I also understand what what I'm asking for would potentially affect people's pockets. I want a world where it's less taboo. Like it's the world's oldest profession. I don't understand why it's being so heavily regulated Shame.
00:47:39
Speaker
You're right. But that's why I'm like, it's like, so sir, cause I, and I've had to tell people this, of course, and it hurts their feelings. Like most of the people who have a problem with sex work is because they can't afford a sex worker because most people who do, who see sex workers are more affluent shoe people. Like literally studies have shown people who usually see sex workers predominantly are college graduates, people who have better jobs, married, and just, you know, just need something to do.
00:48:13
Speaker
It's the people who can't afford my rate, who want to complain about me being a whore and everything. Yes, I'm a whore. I would rather be a whore than fuck you for free. You're right. i think I think that it's part that, and I feel like it's also probably their self-image of themselves, right? Because it's like, You know, I'm going to go down this road because I feel like whether they can afford it or not, the people that do have an issue with it either are upset that they can't do it themselves they can't or they don't, they don't work. Yeah. Or they can't, they don't love them. Like they, they don't, they would never feel like they feel a lot of self-conscious feelings about the fact that
00:49:01
Speaker
other people are doing it and they aren't. well So i that ah just so what i what I'm hearing you say, Mike, is that when somebody who is self-conscious or has their own personal shame and they see somebody living outside and from a place of freedom, they get jealous, essentially, and angry, which makes them want to shut the other person down. Yes. I mean, I always find it fascinating because it usually it's the ones who have a problem with whores or sluts themselves, or was a slut. So when you just didn't think you were good enough to get paid for it? and I'm sorry, black the talent, the ability to skill level.
Perception, Privilege, & Skill in Sex Work
00:49:49
Speaker
If you can't give a gluck-gluck 3,000 while jerking someone off with your tongue and cuffing the balls and making sure that you take your ah your bottom lip and cuff the balls and jump them in your mouth at the same time. Make sure you get the tonsils vibrating around the head of the dick. And if you're good for good measure, you wink at him with his toes curled. That sounds challenging. um I'm working on the visual. I'm like, how do it? Bevan needs a demonstration, I think. um but again That's a different show. I'm like, do I have something right here? that's a day we We're going to have to save that for the next episode. But I do. So just before, um so but what you want to see is a world where there's less stigma, less regulation, and right and more
00:50:41
Speaker
yeah okay Because this is like, it's one of those things where like I had a a a a training in New Orleans and someone was like, this this woman, um she was like, how come I've never heard of but of any of this stuff? I was like, because you're privileged, simply. Because you don't have to see us. You don't have to know we exist. So you get to keep living in your little box that's highly fragrant and decorated. and ignoring the fact that the plight of those around you, like, and I bring that to some people who's like, you know, I don't see color. You're right, because that's a privilege that you have. you know But if you ask most black people who are black or brown people who walk into a room, I guarantee you, if you gave them a quiz, five minutes with them being in that room, I've asked them who's white in the room and what might they be wearing?
00:51:36
Speaker
they can answer that question. Because it's a safety concern for us. We have to know what everyone is. Right. Yeah. You know what, too, though? and like in that same so if you If you ask a black or brown person who just walked into a room, I guarantee you, I can see you seeing color. You said you don't see color. Really? No, I see you seeing color. like Don't worry. I see you. I'm sure that security guard at the can was like, I don't see color as she ushered every person that was not white. Hurry up, get off my stage. Get off these stairs. Get off these stairs. Because they're mine. I own them. Well, i I think as as a
00:52:18
Speaker
a queer person, I have a similar kind of like, when I'm in new spaces, yeah you know, I know I do have, I do, I understand I do have some privilege. But at the same time, like, if I'm wearing something that's a little like, and since right, like, I'm walking down U Street and in DC, and I know people are looking at me, and I'm making sure that I'm like, hey, like, You know, is this person going to come up from behind me and like try to bash me because ah what I'm wearing like, you know, it's like, I see you seeing me. yeah up Yeah. Yeah. Um, I can relate. I can't, I don't know what it's like, right but I can definitely, um, have similar. i mean since Yeah. Okay. Well, so, um,
Healthcare & Autonomy for Sex Workers
00:53:10
Speaker
last thing cause I just, I'm,
00:53:11
Speaker
I love to create a future vision. This is this is my jam. So um in this world where we have rights and we are free to actually you know There's less stigma and all this stuff. like What does that look like? Because you know we we have the sex workers union and we have the work that you do. um But i like what does that new world actually look like, do you think? It looks like people minding their fucking business. It looks like people actually having healthcare.
00:53:44
Speaker
Um, without stigma, like where, you like work I do with the coin clinic, like it's a free sex worker clinic in New York. And you can go in there once a week or every other day, if you want an STI panel, they're not going to ask you, why are you asking for STI panel? You just got one. yeah They're not going to ask you questions. They're going to give you what you ask for, because we understand that the best, the person who knows you best is you. You are the expert on you. And we respect autonomy. Like, that's what it looks like. It looks like people understanding that if you ask someone, hey, do you want to be on PrEP or Doxypep? And they say, no, you drop it. You don't keep pushing your agenda on people. We don't ask a unnecessary questions. Ask what is related. We stop saying MSM and we say MSX.
00:54:43
Speaker
So in medical terms, in a lot of communities, it's like anyone who is a mad, having sex with someone other than a cis woman is considered underneath a lot of medical charts and in the medical profession, MSM, which stands for men having sex with men. Yep. And so even trans women are underneath the MSM category, which is very fascinating because it's like, oh, we're here for community. No, you're not because you're still misgendering me every time you write that in my job. Yeah. But yes, you know, hey, you're an ally. This is your month. You've got a flag in your window. You're doing amazing. So I mean, it's like so what I'm hearing you say is like this is a world where people are recognized for their individual humanity.
00:55:31
Speaker
and given the respect of understanding who they are as an individual, as opposed to being treated as children or ignorant of themselves or ignorant of their own needs. Equity is a beautiful thing. Equity is a beautiful thing. It is. Okay. Well, so on that- Oh, I was just going to say equity is a beautiful thing, but so many people don't know what it actually means. True. Yeah. And so nobody means that they not want to. I probably, so and he I think it's a little bit of both. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because I do, I think, you know, because when they don't know what it means, but then also to your point before.
00:56:16
Speaker
they have the privilege to not need to go do any additional follow-up or study. Because it's like, ah I don't know what that means. And it just doesn't come up enough in my life for me to make that a priority. Right? Yeah. So yeah. Well, listen,
Final Thoughts & Farewell
00:56:31
Speaker
um we have Run the gamut. We've talked about all of the things. And we had a really good PSA in the middle of the show. So I feel like we've done our job for the day. um But before we go, Victoria, please tell the people, where can they find you? What do you want them to know about you as you exit for the day? All all of that stuff.
00:56:55
Speaker
Um, I can be found pretty much anywhere underneath the name BBW Femme Fatale. That is, I didn't put my website back up because stuff. But like, that is pretty much just name of my company, that's name of all my handles, even on gaming apps, because I'm a gamer and we love that. um Yeah, that's who I am. And i I feel like treat people with the same respect you want to be treated. And if you're a masochist, treat people in a way that you would hope that they would treat someone you loved. OK.
00:57:29
Speaker
Yes, I like that. Yeah, I think that disclaimer out there, because some people are like, treat my shit! And you're like, OK, well, not that. Respectfully. Right. Right. With consent. Right? With consent, yeah. Yes. And so when people come to find you at BBW Femme Fatale in all of the places, what action would you like for them to take? What is your CTA right now? hu um Please don't come empty-handed. Bring a gift. Always bring a gift. I mean, Emily Post always said, you never go to anyone's house, empty handed. You never approach anyone, like, hasn't coothed about you, you savage. Even if you get invited to a party and they tell you don't bring anything, you still bring something. You bring something. And it's like the whole intention. That part, yes.
00:58:26
Speaker
I was just about to say that. People fucking bring something. like I brought a bottle of wine. Oh, we didn't open it. I'm going to take it home. It's like, no, that was a gift. You leave it. I love that. You used my electricity. You used my water. I provided you with an experience. Stop it. What kind of party is this? Fun one. No judgment. You set up fun one. There we go. I love it. All right. Well, this is beautiful. So everybody, thank you so much for spending time with us. This was an amazing episode. If you would like to hear from Victoria again, please let us know on Instagram. And if you have any questions or follow up information, check us out on Dirty Money underscore podcast on Instagram.
00:59:11
Speaker
Leave us a comment, tell your friends to follow us, et cetera. And when you go find- Slide into our DMs. Slide into our DMs, we will- Slide into y'all at this. All about it. And when you go look for- You'll be like, not mine. Don't, don't. We'll slide into my DMs unless they're paid. have And so when you go find BBW Femme Fatale, bring gifts, okay? That is the moral of the story. We love you all. We don't have to be extra expensive. Just don't come empty-handed. Yeah, something nice, yeah you know, like keep it classy. Have an Amazon wish list. Make use of it. There we go. See? There's a registry. You don't have to guess. But with that said, we love y'all. We'll see you next time. Bye. Bye.
01:00:07
Speaker
If you've enjoyed today's episode, please don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That's the easiest way to support our show. We hope you took away a new nugget of information or perspective today, and we're grateful you took the time to listen to us. Until next time, bye. Bye.