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Welcome Back: We're Doing It Again! Did Ya Miss Us?
52 Plays11 months ago
SUMMARY
Welcome to the first episode of Season 2 of Dirty Money with Bevin and Mike! Join them as they kick off the new year, reflecting on holidays and setting intentions for 2024. They recap meaningful holiday moments and share personal intentions for the year ahead. Get ready for Season 2, featuring raw, honest money conversations with incredible guests and stories you won't want to miss.
TOPICS
[3:25] Catching up with Bevin & Mike
[16:20] Recapping the Holidays & Spending Totals
[34:55] Mike’s 2024 Intentions
[49:15] Bevin’s 2024 Intentions
[54:35] What to expect from Season 2 of Dirty Money with Bevin and Mike
RESOURCES & LINKS
CONTACT INFO
Bevin Morgan:
Instagram: @bevinmorgan & @temple_eanna
Website: www.templeeanna.com & BevinMorgan.com
Mike Poulin:
Instagram: @mjpou56
Dirty Money Podcast:
Instagram: @dirtymoney_podcast
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Mission
00:00:10
Speaker
Welcome to Dirty Money with Bevin. And Mike. A space to talk about financial topics for folks who don't fit into traditional financial spaces. We believe money is a tool for everyone. Our mission is to provide a literal microphone and platform for queer, BIPOC, polyamorous, and sex-positive individuals. No topic is off the table here.
00:00:31
Speaker
That being said, one tiny little housekeeping note. For those listening who may have others with sensitive ears, the listener discretion is advised because we do not censor ourselves. That's right. You've been warned, but enough from us. Let's get this episode started.
Season Two Launch and Reflections
00:00:55
Speaker
Welcome back to Dirty Money. Happy 2024. This is our start of our second season, and I'm so excited. As most of you know, or if you don't know, I am Mike, one of the co-hosts, and with me today, keeping it in the family because that's just what we do on these intro.
00:01:20
Speaker
Seasons is our intro of the season is my co-host Bevin. Hello. I'm so excited to be back. This is this is good. This is fun. It's a new year, new season. Let's do it. Yes. But as I always say, my saying is new year, same me. So absolutely.
00:01:43
Speaker
Same new things to manifest is what I'm talking about. So what do you want to talk about today? The world is our oyster. We can do whatever we want. Because it's our show. It's our show. Absolutely. So I think that we should talk about what we did over the holidays and how much money we spent because this is a money show.
Holiday Spending and Financial Reflections
00:02:09
Speaker
what we're planning to do for the new year. And then of course we're going to have to tease a little bit of what's coming up in this new season because we've already had some dope ass interviews. So let's get into it. We were very busy on the off season. We really were. I do have to, I did drop the ball. I'm going to say it right now. So many of our listeners were wondering, still have not made the YouTube yet. So
00:02:41
Speaker
I said I was going to have it ready for January. Here we are. It's not done. It happens. Giving myself grace and we'll figure it out. It's all good. Absolutely. Well, and that's the thing too. I read an article this morning that said the main demographic group that watches YouTube is 13 to 17 year olds. So I feel like we have plenty of time. Those aren't our audience. So we're fine. We're fine. The teenagers can wait.
00:03:10
Speaker
True, true, true, true. That makes me feel better. Okay, good. Excellent. Well, Mike, you are in new digs this new year. What's been going on with you over the off season? All the things.
Personal Health and Fitness Journeys
00:03:25
Speaker
I am recording from my new little workstation, Alcove, in the same house that I've been in. Just shifting my space.
00:03:38
Speaker
We'll dive more into that later. But yeah, this is the bedroom. So if you're watching video, this is, yes, this is the, now where multiple magics happen, so. Oh, fancy. I love it. Nah, what about you? How have you been? I've been good. I have been really taking a lot of time to rest and
00:04:05
Speaker
assess. This is the first time in a while that I've really like taken a review of my year and looked to see what I've been doing and where I'm going. I think most of the listeners know that I own a business called Ayana, which is a financial coaching business. This has been my first year as a full-time self-employed person. I have earned
00:04:30
Speaker
around $3,000 in this business so far. So I definitely have a ways to go. But I really spent the holiday figuring out what my next steps will be, what I really wanted to offer to my clients. And it's been good. Like I feel like I've gotten some clear insights and next steps. So I'm excited about that. Yeah, super important as a business owner.
00:04:55
Speaker
you know, to actually assess. A lot of people don't, so good on you for that. And it takes time, right? Things take time.
00:05:07
Speaker
So yeah, the other thing that I want our listeners to know, because I feel like you wouldn't bring it up yourself, but I have been following your fitness journey and that's been going well. The updates on Instagram, I love them. So that's exciting. Great job on that as well. Thank you. Yeah, I've actually been exercising consistently for months and months, which
00:05:37
Speaker
Yeah. So the first day that I went back to the gym, I made this big Instagram story post that was basically like, listen, y'all, I am not good at being consistent in the gym. So if you don't see me post for like five days in a row, a gym picture,
00:05:53
Speaker
call me out and people have really been like on my ass. Mike is definitely, you are a accountability partner. Absolutely. So it's, it's been going well. And today I actually, there's a local company here that does like meal preps and they cost almost the same amount as the meal kit that I was doing before where you actually have to like cook the food, these people. So yeah. So I'm just like, you know what?
00:06:23
Speaker
I'm gonna use them. They're like specifically calorie conscious. And they had me do like a body scan thing this morning. And I'm not gonna tell you what my fat percentage is, but I've got, I've got some work to do. But at least I know where I'm starting. So I'm really excited about that. Yeah, I think those that follow me on social media have been
00:06:51
Speaker
aware of my fitness journey as well. The gym is really important to me. Over this last year, I've done a lot of work on not necessarily like I've done a lot of work internally when it comes to fitness and how I
00:07:14
Speaker
view my body, talk to myself internally. Really just, that has just been such a game changer for me in terms of
00:07:24
Speaker
kind of ignoring diet culture, ignoring toxic things on social media, you know, even just simple things like people saying, Oh God, I get my beach body ready. And it's like, your body is ready for the beach. Just, I'm going to just start you like, let's just start talking to ourselves more timely. And on top of that, I've just been focusing on
00:07:49
Speaker
viewing food as fuel to fuel my workouts. I have been going to the gym a little bit more in terms of time. I've been doing a little bit more strenuous programming than I have in the past, but I'm now at a point in my life where I used to have a lot of disordered eating habits. I never was diagnosed with any sort of eating disorder, but
00:08:15
Speaker
getting really anxious about what I put in my body, feeling guilty about what I put in my body, constantly obsessing over the scale, hating the way I looked. Even when I look at pictures from when I was my thinnest back in 2017 when I was active duty, I look back on that and I look unhealthy because I know that I was still anxious. I still felt overweight. I still like, I did not feel good even though
00:08:43
Speaker
People see those pictures and they're like, you look incredible. And I'm like, I was not healthy. I looked healthy. And so I think that's really important. I didn't think we were going to go down this path, but here we are right now. So, you know, as, as people is, I think it's an important topic because I think a lot of people use the new year as to kind of reassess health goals and things
Self-Compassion and Consumer Habits
00:09:05
Speaker
like that. You get your gym membership. The biggest thing that I try to tell people is give yourself grace. Stop.
00:09:13
Speaker
stop internally like bullying yourself and really start working on loving where you're at but that doesn't mean you can't have goals right that doesn't mean that you can't work on okay I this is where I'm at this is how I feel like
00:09:34
Speaker
feel the feels and then be like this is where I want to go, but know that like it's going to take time and I think that that for me over this year was kind of my biggest shift in terms of. As I've been working out pretty consistently.
00:09:49
Speaker
for the last eight or nine years, but this has been the first time that throughout the holidays, I didn't care what I ate. I didn't care. I wasn't being like, oh, I gotta go to the gym because I have to punish myself because of all the food that I ate. I have to burn off this food. No, don't talk that way. It's so easy to do because that's how,
00:10:15
Speaker
The diet industry is there to make money. It's there to make you feel bad about yourself. So you have to, it's the same kind of, it's all interconnected, right? With the way we talk about just consumerism in general, like people and everything makes you feel a certain way for you to spend money. And we work with our clients to help them understand what's important to them and their values so that they don't spend on things they don't need.
00:10:43
Speaker
Conversely, if you start talking to yourself more intentionally about how you feel, how you view yourself, you're gonna be less inclined to try to buy those diet pills or do this crazy weight loss thing or this or that. And just, I've been focusing on making sure I get enough protein, drinking enough water, trying to get enough sleep, and make sure that I move my body.
00:11:11
Speaker
I so was not trying to like lose weight but like I took a picture from December 31st of 2022 and I took a picture from it was like December it was last week it wasn't it wasn't on the 31st but basically it was wild to me I think you've seen the photo
00:11:36
Speaker
I didn't do, I look at those two photos, that difference, there's a 20 pound difference between those two photos and I don't feel like I didn't do anything drastic this year. I didn't, I wasn't on, you know, crazy yo-yo diets or like
00:11:50
Speaker
I've just been trying to be consistent and make small healthy changes. And I also, what's really amazing for me personally is looking back at that photo from 2022 and feeling like I felt good in that photo. And I look back at that photo and I feel good about how I looked in that photo. And that is the first time in my life that I've ever looked back at a like
00:12:15
Speaker
before photo and not felt like disgusted or like, you know, and like I was not where I wanted to be necessarily, but I was also, I felt really pretty comfortable about where I was. And so that for me, I think has been the biggest change with kind of like my fitness journey this year is being my internal, how I view myself, how I talk to myself. And I really think that if more people did that,
00:12:43
Speaker
you would just be healthier. So yeah. I love that perspective and I appreciate you for sharing because just like with our financial journeys I know our health journeys are so personal and sometimes they can be emotional and vulnerable. Also one thing that you made me think of is really like taking that whole time horizon into account. So that idea that
00:13:11
Speaker
You know, you're looking back at a picture and people were saying, oh my gosh, like look at how you look back then. And you knowing that your internal state was not happy about the way you looked.
00:13:22
Speaker
I feel like that happens to so many of us. We're like, and I know I've had this conversation with a lot of my girlfriends where it's like, I'm looking at these pictures from college when I was, you know, the thinnest I've ever been in my life and remembering feeling like I was so fat or like, oh my God, how did these clothes fit? Whatever. Also, this is a weird aside, but I've just finished watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer for the first time, like the series.
00:13:49
Speaker
That was my New Year's Eve, actually. I finished watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer because I'm very cool. And the women on that show are like co-hangers. They are so thin. Like, real thin. I'm like, no wonder we all had problems with our self-image in the 2000s. These people are friggin' skeletons, so... Yeah.
00:14:14
Speaker
that rant is done but um the other part of the time horizon that i've really been paying a lot of attention to lately is this idea of like how do i want to be living my life when i'm 90 so that's my whole thing like yes as i said i do like my fat percentage is just it's higher than it needs to be for my health and things like this and i really like
00:14:40
Speaker
I refuse to feel a type of way about the food that I put in my body. I am trying to, you know, pay attention to how much sugar I'm eating and making sure that I'm getting protein and water and stuff like that. But my dad cooked a bunch of like black eyed peas and my mom made cornbread and all this stuff for the new year and I was eating this shit out.
Creative Holiday Gifting Ideas
00:15:01
Speaker
I'm like delicious, enjoyed it. And you know, those were like protein rich, great, like culturally appropriate foods. Love it. But anyways,
00:15:09
Speaker
Um, but yes, like I want to be a 90 year old who can hang out, walk around, dance and have sex. And so I'm like, what do I need to do to make sure that that's, that's my like entire thought process right now. And a lot of that is lifting weights and, um, just being like as healthy.
00:15:34
Speaker
physically as I can be now so that over time I can continue to build on top of that, so health. Yeah, exactly. Okay, so that was a tangent that I think was super important that was not on our original topic list, but that happens. So if you are an avid listener of our show, well, you all should be if you're listening to this,
00:16:03
Speaker
If you're not, stop here and go listen to the end of season one if you haven't. So we're gonna kind of tap back into, we're gonna circle back because it's the season of circling back. Oh, I saw that meme today. Oh god, everyone's circling back today. No!
00:16:27
Speaker
office memes funny but no the kind of what we did for the holidays how much we spent um and kind of where we're at in terms of of trajectory for the new year so
00:16:44
Speaker
Do you want to go first? Sure. Let's jump right into it. So as I mentioned earlier, I have earned essentially no money over the past several months. And I'm curious because this is, this is my first year as a full time, like self-employed person. So when I'm doing my taxes, I'm like, does this mean that I get all of the money back? Like, how does this work? I would like to get it all back. We'll see. But
00:17:11
Speaker
With that being said, I knew I just wasn't going to be able to spend a lot of money on Christmas gifts this year. So I fortunately have a family that is very understanding and friends who are like, we're grownups, we don't need presents. But what I did was I went to Target and I had like a little spending spree in their, you know, like $5 section. So basically I bought a lot of little like prizes.
00:17:38
Speaker
And then yesterday for New Year's Day, my family got together for our Christmas because my brother was in, he was out of state with his wife and kids. So we all got together yesterday to do that fun stuff. And so we just played games. And then everybody who won a game got a little prize that I bought at Target. So I spent like 150 bucks for us to just have like a fun experience together. And for me, that was great. Cause I'm all about like making the memories. Yes. Yeah.
00:18:09
Speaker
I have a, we did something similar. We did a game night, but my dad got a bunch of like $1 scratch tickets as the prizes. So then you can spend less money and get more of them. But maybe you end up with 20 grand or something, like anything's possible. Exactly, exactly. You know, you never know. So yeah, gamble responsibly, asterisk.
00:18:38
Speaker
No, but I think that that is super important. I spent a week with my family, which was really nice, and then had to plan when I was going to see my other partner because obviously I was out of town.
00:19:01
Speaker
So that was a new experience with scheduling, but it all worked out. And then, so looking back, I bought gifts for seven people in total, and I spent $509. So that being said, I'm gonna do a quick little math here, that's only $73-ish per person, which I think
00:19:31
Speaker
All things considered, I think that's pretty good. Some of that included thrifted gifts. So upcycled gifts. So yeah, it was a good, I feel pretty comfortable about how much I spent and what I spent it on. So I didn't, and now I kind of have that idea. This is, I think it was the first year that I really kind of looked back on how much I spent. I'm sure in previous years I've spent a lot more.
00:20:02
Speaker
And then, yeah, a lot of it was just spending time with family. You know, we didn't do a whole lot of gifts. We just spent time together. And like I said, we played some games, some card games and stuff like that. So had some meals. My mom made this incredible prime rib. That sounds so good. It was so good. Well, that's the thing, right? Especially as we get older.
00:20:29
Speaker
That's all you really want to do is hang out together. Even like my niece and my nephew are 12 and 14. And I felt a little bit bad because I didn't buy them individual gifts and they're kids and you kind of feel like, you know, you want to get something for the kids. But they walked into the house with like new iPads and they have cool stuff.
00:20:50
Speaker
Like I wasn't gonna top any of that, but what I did was create like a fun day for everybody, you know? Yeah, I think that's super important. I understand the want, the idea of like, oh, I want to get the kids something. But I remember as a kid getting these like gifts from family members that like, I didn't care for or like, or, you know, it was just like, so like, for instance, my nephew is,
00:21:18
Speaker
three almost three he'll be three march and so like obviously i you know it's like i texted my sister-in-law because i'm not going to text my brother what what do you need for him like what
00:21:34
Speaker
I don't want to just get stuff that's just gonna be stuff. Like, and I was like, do you guys think practical things, impractical? And she's like, right now, impractical would be great. She sent me a, they have a little Amazon wish list together. So like, as family members buy stuff, people don't get, you know, multiple things. I was like, that's great. And I picked one of those. It was the, he's actually, he's already potty training. He's not even three. He's already potty training, wild.
00:22:04
Speaker
crying out so fast and so they um his big thing right now is Bluey loves Bluey so I got this four pack of the family plush plushies and out of all the gifts when he opened his gifts whose was the one he was most obsessed with mine so I won
00:22:31
Speaker
So, you know, it was just, it's one of those things. It's like, yeah, I want to get family member stuff. And then my other nephew, I recycled. He's really into Calvin and Hobbes. He's a little bit older. And I was cleaning out our basement and I had at one point printed out a four thing of Calvin and Hobbes and different in four different little frames. And I was like, Oh my God. I think I texted my sister-in-law, I was like, Hey,
00:23:02
Speaker
Do you think he'd love this? She goes, Oh my God, yes. So like, that was his gift. I just had something in the basement that like, I wasn't using anymore. And it was an interest of him and it's, you know, up and up, hanging up in his bedroom now. And, and he loves it. It was also music related. So it was nice too. Cause it's like,
00:23:22
Speaker
Yeah. So, you know, it's just one of those things. It's like you can get creative with gifts without, you know, breaking the bank as we have both shared. Well, one other thing. I didn't do this this year, but I feel like it's so genius. I saw this on the internet. Somebody suggested just buy your own gift.
00:23:42
Speaker
wrap it and then open it up in front of whoever it is that you spend the holidays with. And they can be like, oh, that's a cool thing. And you can be like, I know, let me tell you all about this thing that I'm interested in. And like, you all learn something about each other. You all get what you want. You spend however much you want on your own thing. But like, let's just rethink gift given culture. Because honestly, like,
00:24:06
Speaker
So you know what's funny about that? My parents buy their own gifts and then give them to each other to rap. They're like, do some work, but I bought this from me.
00:24:20
Speaker
Because for a long time, my mom would like get stuff for my dad and it would be the wrong size or the wrong color, the wrong type. And she just got frustrated with him returning everything. And she was like, you know what? Let's just both get our own gifts and then, but you wrap them and then
00:24:41
Speaker
We'll do that. And then nothing has to get returned. We get exactly what we want. And we still wrap, we still did something for each other because we both wrapped the gifts. But yeah, that's my, that's what my parents do. Oh, I kind of love that. And also I feel like you still get the dopamine hit of like, I bought this on December 1st and now it's December 25th and I'm opening it and I know what it's going to be.
00:25:05
Speaker
You know like it's it's still there well even sometimes too like my dad will put things in like boxes and stuff to try to like Cuz like yeah because some of the gifts that my mom bought for herself were like, you know four months ago And so sometimes she forgets, you know, it's like and if you put it in a different box or something It's like I don't know what this is actually. Let me open it. Oh, yeah So that yeah, there still is that element of like surprise
00:25:33
Speaker
really quick. So I actually have a fun, a very fun Christmas opening gift story that happened this year. So at my in-laws, they do a secret Santa. And so there are seven kids, five of them have spouses or partners.
00:26:01
Speaker
So between, you know, so there's 12 of us and we do a Secret Santa. And so we all got one person, it was a $25 cap. Most everyone had, we use Elfster, so very similar to Amazon Wishlist. But so you can put things that you want, you can, you know, blah, blah, blah, colors, sizes, all that stuff.
00:26:29
Speaker
And I was on the way to, there's a little bit of snafu with the person that I thought was that I had, I thought was going to be there based off a text message in the group chat, but they were still actually in Texas. And so I should have sent the gift to them instead of bringing it. And I was just like, I kind of complained.
00:26:51
Speaker
to Dan and I was like, can we just, I was like, can we shift to like a white elephant or a Yankee swap? Because like this whole like figuring out something that this exact person wants, like you don't all live together anymore. You're all kind of becoming your own adults. Like there needs to be, I understand what's the word I'm looking for, a tradition and like the things that you did as a family, but you can still do it in a way that's a little more kind of inclusive
00:27:21
Speaker
And then, so he got a little miffed about that. And then I was like, I was like, okay, well, what if, what if, what if you mixed secret Santa and white elephant? So you got someone like that, you do the names, you pick the names, you get a gift specifically for them, but you put it under the tree with no name on it. And then, so everyone's still, so then there are specific gifts for specific people.
00:27:51
Speaker
but you don't know who it is, who it was supposed to be for. And so, because one of the things that they love doing is trying to figure out who is the person and the why behind the gift and this and that and blah, blah, blah.
00:28:03
Speaker
And I was like, but the fun thing about the white elephant is that you can, the, every time a gift gets opened, if someone wants that gift or one of the gifts that's already been opened, they can take it on their turn. So certain gifts, it's really funny sometimes get like, you know, just pass around and it brings another level. I think of fun and memories that the secret Santa doesn't, but after everyone's gone.
00:28:30
Speaker
they can then still do the whole like go around the room and see like okay who thinks this gift was for who and who got it type of thing and oh did you end up with the gift you were supposed to end up with so it's like and then he was like oh that actually seems really cool so we were we talking about that and so i was a little annoyed kind of going into
00:28:54
Speaker
the event because my gift was, I should have sent it and I don't like not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. And so I go first and I opened my gift and I just, it was a two-part, it was a two-part gift. The first thing I opened was this little thing of like, it just said over wraps. And I'm like, I'm thinking,
00:29:22
Speaker
It's like for some type of, I was like, for golf clubs, I do play golf. I golf with my in-laws, my husband, his sibling, my brother-in-laws. But I'm like, this doesn't look like a golf handle wrap. So I'm like, okay, well, let me open it. I'm like, you know, trying to act like excited, but in my mind, I'm like, what the fuck is this, right? And so I open up the second thing and it's for,
00:29:50
Speaker
balls like four plastic to me they look like wiffle balls had no idea that it was pickleball because there was nothing there was nothing on it there is nothing on it other than like where my hand was holding the thing so i'm like trying to act excited i'm trying to be like and then i was like oh pickleball i've never played pickleball in my life and
00:30:19
Speaker
I was just like, so Secret Santa is supposed to be a gift for the person for something that they either want or have an interest in. And I was just so confused. I was like, did one of my civilian laws get kickball and pickleball mixed up? Because my husband and I play on a Stonewall sports league here in DC. We really enjoy it. And I'm like, did they just like,
00:30:47
Speaker
was this a mistake? Like, I don't understand this gift. This doesn't make any sense to me. And but I was trying to just be, you know, because you're in front of everyone, you're opening this gift in front of everyone. And one of those people bought me that gift, but they can't tell me yet who they are, because it's a whole part of the process. We have to guess. So everyone does their thing. And I'm just, I'm just like, I'm beside myself the whole time. I'm like,
00:31:13
Speaker
Who the, what is, why? So I finally get through his, and because I went first, I got to guess last. So I was like, thank God, because I was like, I want to kind of see where everyone else is at in terms of who they think got their gift, and the person that I, I, so it's, and I'm so glad that this happened, and it's fine that I'm saying this, because I don't think she'll ever listen to this podcast, but if she does, oh well.
00:31:43
Speaker
So the person that I thought it was, I was like, it has to be the youngest girlfriend because I don't really know her. Like I have not, I have spent a little bit of time, they've been dating for a few years. I spent a little bit of time with them, but like we don't follow each other on social media. They don't, I mean, we've had a few conversations here and there, but I'm like, it has to be her because she doesn't know me. Like anyone else I think would have gotten me something else.
00:32:11
Speaker
Um, and, but when we got to, cause they also, they ask you to do who and why, why do you think this person got this for you? So obviously I wasn't going to say that the right, but in my head, that's what I wanted to say. And thank God she didn't get picked for anyone else. And so I was like, okay, so a process of elimination, the only person that hasn't been picked yet is so-and-so. So that's who I'm going with. And sure enough, it was her.
00:32:36
Speaker
And she, she was so embarrassed. It was so funny. She was just like, oh, I thought I almost got you a racket, but I wasn't sure if you had one yet. And like, it's just like, I guess all the kids are doing it. I guess pickleball is really popular. And then pickleball was for the like 60 plus? No, it's apparently having a resurgence. And it's what the kids are doing these days, I guess.
00:33:04
Speaker
So she was like, he's with it. He wants to play pickleball. Yeah. So that's my fun. The Christmas embarrassing. Like, I just didn't know what to do. Right. I'm just like, I. So are we going to learn how to play pickleball or is somebody else getting this gift?
00:33:22
Speaker
Um, so I think the, the balls are hard enough plastic that I think they're just going to end up as toys for Ruby. And I don't know what to do with the grip tape. Hopefully one of my friends plays pickleball and I can just gift it to them.
Gift Exchange Mishaps and Humor
00:33:40
Speaker
I mean, honestly, even if you were like,
00:33:42
Speaker
huge into pickleball I feel like grip tape is a strange gift I'm sorry I'm just not well it's like I think from my understanding it's something that you change out pretty regularly type of thing so it's like it was like she thought I had she thought I played and had like so it's like accessories to go with you know like things that you would need
00:34:04
Speaker
Well, she tried. She did her best. She did. She did. And also, if you had the white elephant element, somebody could have just taken that from you and you could have taken anything. Well, and because I went first, I would have been able, at the end of the white elephant, I would have been able to pick a gift from any of the open gifts. So someone else definitely would have had the pickleball accessories, not me.
00:34:31
Speaker
That was like the worst prices right package of all time. It's almost like a zonk on Let's Make a Deal. It really is. That's what it felt like. I picked the wrong door, Wayne. I picked the wrong door. Oh, well. There's always next Christmas. Well, that's fine.
00:34:55
Speaker
What are you looking forward to in the new year?
Personal Life Transitions and Growth
00:34:57
Speaker
We've got, we're here in 2024, January 2nd. What's coming up for you? Yeah. Oh, there's a lot. How much time we got? Like 30 minutes. Great. Yeah, I think, you know, this, my personal life has had a lot of changes over the last few months. I,
00:35:24
Speaker
This might need to be a whole episode in and of itself, but basically the too long didn't read version is my husband and I are amicably separating after six years, just over six years of marriage. And so part of that comes with figuring out, so we had combined finances,
00:35:48
Speaker
uh, you know, we have a, we have a house that we're both on the mortgage and deed and all that. So we're slowly, the nice thing is that there was no traumatic event. There was no, neither of us feel unsafe. We plan currently planning on staying friends and being in each other's lives, just not living together or sharing money. So what does that look like?
00:36:12
Speaker
So that's what I've been doing over the last few weeks on top of everything else is figuring out, you know, and another thing too is I, you know, over the last basically seven years since we've been dating, I've been, or together, I have been, I have taken care of everything. That's just, and so part of this process is not only making sure
00:36:39
Speaker
At the end of the day, we both still love each other. We just want different things. And so we both want to make sure that we're both set up for success in this next chapter. So 2024 is going to be a lot of new experiences, new, you know, we've already been able to separate our finances, owning car insurances, figuring out
00:37:09
Speaker
what we're doing with the house or a few different options and things like that. But the other nice thing is we don't have to rush into anything. So I really wanna make sure that he feels comfortable managing his money, knows what he needs to do. This year we're gonna file married but separate because we're still legally married.
00:37:35
Speaker
And we are planning on doing a legal separation for now, um, not a full on divorce. So that way he can stay as a dependent, um, for my military benefits and things like that. Um, because he does work in the service industry and he needs health insurance. So yeah, I, you know, there's a lot, there's a lot going on. A lot of feelings. I think that, you know, there's no playbook, there's no rule book on how to do this.
00:38:04
Speaker
And we're just gonna, I think the biggest thing is we're just going to communicate as best we can and, um, ensure that we're both voicing our opinions and also coming out with each coming to the conversation kind of with compassion and empathy for each other. Because yeah, it's not, there hasn't been any sort of anger or resentment or anything like that. It's just.
00:38:32
Speaker
Yeah, things change. So here we are. That's a lot. It is. And I love that you two have been able to navigate it together. I think that's the part that a lot of people miss out on when relationships in their lives change in a significant way. And I know you and I have talked about this previously, but there is something to be said for
00:39:00
Speaker
being able to take kind of a more holistic view of relationships and understand that they don't necessarily have to end, sometimes they just change. But then when there's like logistics involved, it's like, okay, shoot, now to go to the freaking bank and like sign this paperwork and do these things and blah, blah, blah. So that's interesting. Yeah, I think one of the biggest things, kind of one of the realizations is that has kind of,
00:39:30
Speaker
was kind of the catalyst of everything was us both reading the book, Polly's Secure. So if you haven't read it, highly suggest it because there were some things that I really, for me, it was affirming in terms of like, yes, this is who I am. This is what I need to be thinking about. It also gave me a fundamental shift on how I view relationships.
00:39:58
Speaker
So I being over the last few years, we've been open exploring polyamory and I've always kind of viewed my husband as my primary partner. And then I've also used the term like nesting partner. Cause obviously we were sharing finances. We have a house together. We have a dog together. Like there are just things that like, you know, and that comes with certain things that are the term couple privilege.
00:40:26
Speaker
which can also then, even if you're not trying to have a hierarchical relationship, polyamorous relationship with multiple partners, there's an inherent kind of hierarchy with that because it's like, oh, well, you live with them. While yes, you're gonna make time for your other partners, like at the end of the day,
00:40:51
Speaker
you guys are still sleeping in the same bed and like this and that. So there can create other things outside of that. And I think that I really personally would like to move away from having any sort of kind of hierarchy within my relationships.
00:41:12
Speaker
And part of that was by reading this book, one of the things that I'm moving towards is my primary partner is my relationship with myself and what that means and making sure that I'm taking care of, that I'm doing
00:41:34
Speaker
being honest with myself and making sure that anytime I enter into any sort of relationship moving forward, that it is kind of augmenting and boosting my relationship with myself. And I think that that realization was part of the like, well,
00:41:59
Speaker
the way things are right now that I can't fully do that. I can't. And then conversely, when Dan read it, he was like, I don't feel these things. Like I don't feel these aren't benefits to me. These aren't things that I enjoy from practicing this type of relationship. And, you know, having those tough conversations with his therapist who,
00:42:29
Speaker
is polyamorous where she went well maybe you're not polyamorous and it was just kind of like a you know for him because it's like well then what does that mean so you know that was kind of the driver of like it's like you know there were things that we needed to work on but it also was like well there's some things that
00:42:58
Speaker
he wants that I don't want and things that I want that he doesn't want. And it's like, well, so what does that mean? And that was really kind of, you know, the conversations were raw. They were honest. They were difficult, but not, they weren't, you know, they weren't from a place of, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just a place of honesty and love for each other and emotional.
00:43:26
Speaker
But like I said, I think that I'd rather someone not be in a marriage and be unhappy just because, oh, well, I married them. So it's like, well, you're not listening to yourself. So yeah, I think that that's really important and just making sure that
00:43:52
Speaker
So yeah, 2024 is going to be a lot of new understandings and beginnings. And I will say a shout out to my other partner and my metamour because they have been absolutely incredible through this entire process. So that's one of the perks I will say of polyamory is when you do experience a breakup.
00:44:17
Speaker
it doesn't necessarily, you know, you're not 100% alone, which is comforting. So. I can only imagine that's not an experience that I've had yet. And I really am happy for you. I feel like that is some high level adulting that is like relationship advanced, you know, 400 level of relationshiping and
00:44:45
Speaker
I know it's not easy. You know, I know those are hard conversations to have. And I'm glad that you are here to give an example of the fact that those types of endings and new beginnings and those types of relationships are available. They're out there and nobody has to, has to be, I don't personally believe that anybody has to be in a relationship that doesn't feel true to who they are as a person. That's a good point.
00:45:14
Speaker
Yeah, and the book really dives into the difference between a secure relationship versus an insecure relationship. And I think that a lot of times people will, and one of the things that she talks about about an insecure relationship is that the people in the relationship are relying on the framework of the relationship to keep them secure. So things like
00:45:44
Speaker
living together, you know, cohabitating, having children, you know, sharing finances. And you do these things or get married because you think that that's going to save the relationship. And you you lean on those those pillars to continue the relationship to keep going. But you're not actually emotionally
00:46:11
Speaker
secure with that person. You're not building true intimacy and connection with that person because you're relying on the, what we as a society have kind of, well, if all these things are here, that means our relationship's good. Right. And so when I read that chapter, or when I will say the author read it to me because I liked audio books,
00:46:37
Speaker
I just started kind of bawling because I was like, that was a realization for me of like, hey, we were.
00:46:44
Speaker
I think in some aspects, relying a little too much on our structure of our relationship, rather than kind of diving into rebuilding our intimacy after we had a rupture with a partner a few years ago. So it was one of those things of like, okay, well, I'm kind of seeing what's actually happening. And I need you to read this book so that we both have the vocabulary to talk about it, to see what we want to do next. So. Yeah, that's huge. That's a big deal.
00:47:14
Speaker
you know it's interesting too because I'm just thinking about this idea of this like scaffolding that a lot of us put up and say well it doesn't really matter how you feel because we already did the marriage thing so who cares like why work in this relationship we're married you can't go anywhere so meh you know yeah I feel like it's kind of an easy out for too many of us and I think that's why I
00:47:44
Speaker
I think that's why I got divorced. I was just kind of like, well, I don't know how to have this conversation inside of the structure of our marriage. And I know something's wrong. And the only thing that I really understand is that, well, I have to end this thing in order to explore another thing. And here I sit as a divorced lady. I feel like if I had had a relationship 400 level conversation with my husband,
00:48:13
Speaker
we probably still would have ended up in the same place. And that's right. Yeah. Right. But still at least we would have had. Yeah. Well, and you know, who knows how, how it would have rolled out. Right. And you know, I don't know. So like knowing what I know now, I feel like I would still be sitting here as a divorced lady, but again, like that's, that's, I'm okay with that. But you know, yeah. Yeah. So.
00:48:41
Speaker
Lots of changes. 2024. New experiences. I'm excited to only have to worry about my finances. Taking some of my own medicine as a coach. Really trying to work on that weekly spend. Because the less I spend, the more I can travel.
00:49:11
Speaker
Here we go. I love it. I love it. So what about you? 2024. 2024. Let's go. So I am all about building my business in 2024.
Bevin's Business Growth Plans
00:49:23
Speaker
I'm currently in a deeply partnered relationship with the Squishmallow. I don't know if you know what that is. No. It's like just a big soft squishy pillow thing. Okay. A friend of mine,
00:49:38
Speaker
like 12 year old daughter had one and I was like, this is so soft. And so now it's me and my squish mellow and my laptop. That's, that's the triad that I'm in right now. Okay. But it's really, I mean, same thing, like taking my own medicine as a financial coach. So I just did this four part series on my Instagram.
00:50:04
Speaker
for Ayana, which is basically like, watch this money coach get her shit together. And I literally like I've laid out my finances like
00:50:16
Speaker
This is how much money I have. This is how much credit card debt I have right now. This is how I'm going to navigate those numbers. And, you know, as you know, sometimes the answer is just like, make more money. Like the plan gets really simple when you don't really have a lot of cash to work with. So that's where I am right now. I've actually, I've applied for this customer service job for OnlyFans models where I will like,
00:50:46
Speaker
put their imagery up for them and like make sure that they're achieving their goals. So, you know, it's like, yes, I will a million percent be doing speaking, going to conferences, getting clients for my business. And we're going to do some hustles to keep this thing rolling because that's what it's going to take. And I'm, I'm okay with that. Like I really feel like to this, I turned 40 in 2023.
00:51:16
Speaker
I'll be 41 in a couple of months. And I feel like this is the year where I've been like, it doesn't have, like my ego has kind of gone to the side a little bit. It's like, it doesn't have to show up a certain type of way. It doesn't have to look any type of way.
00:51:31
Speaker
I just have to keep moving forward because this is the thing that my heart keeps telling me that it wants to do. So I'm going to do what it takes to make it work. And the cool thing is I've found ways to stay within the world that I want to be in. So working with sex workers, working with entrepreneurs and freelancers, I'm going to make the money happen. And then we're just going to keep growing this business. That's what 2024 is all about.
00:51:56
Speaker
And you can start building those connections with those people that come to Onlyfams to then bolster your own business. It's not the same. It's a very different, it's not, there's no non-compete because you're not, it's not a service that Onlyfams offers. Exactly. Right. And it's one of those things where the models that I'm working with should be, like the whole point is that they should be making
00:52:23
Speaker
a pretty large consistent income with my help. And so, and this has always been my goal. It's like for somebody who's making five, six, $12,000 a month on content, well now what do you want to do with that money? Let's talk about it. So I am very excited to meet these folks to really see the like inner workings of the content model and like
00:52:48
Speaker
Because honestly, some of the numbers that I've seen, I think I've mentioned this on the show before, is that the average OnlyFans model makes like $30,000 a year. So, you hear these stories of people making $100,000 a month, but the reality I think is a lot more
00:53:08
Speaker
Yeah, I think I think it was like $900 a month or something I thought was the something something was posted somewhere and we had talked about in one of the episodes 900 a month is like Sticking in my brain for some reason. So yeah, yeah, basically like it's not nearly as like grandiose or Glamorous as one might think
00:53:32
Speaker
Well, and it's hard work. You have to be consistent. Show up every day, which is why this, this service that I'm applying for even exists because, you know, people are like, yeah, I've got these pictures, but I've got this life and, you know, I want to post every single freaking day. So we'll see how that goes. And, um,
00:53:55
Speaker
Other than that, it's funny because in 2023 I was somewhere other than my home pretty much every month of the year. This year I would like to sit down and just do my business, but already I'm planning to be in Puerto Rico in January. I might be going to Miami in February and my birthday is in March. So, you know, we'll see what happens. But I'm just, I'm just out here living and talking about sex money.
00:54:26
Speaker
Love it. Love it.
Upcoming Season and Podcast Vision
00:54:31
Speaker
Well, I think it's important that we now do touch base on what our listeners can be ready for in terms of our content for the season. Because as you mentioned, we've already got
00:54:53
Speaker
A bunch of episodes, more than half of the season already recorded, ready to go. So super excited. We have some incredible guests. I'm looking at the list right now. We get a little more dirty. We get a little more nitty gritty. We're gonna have some queer talent performers. Like I'm just...
00:55:22
Speaker
I'm so, so excited for this season. Wait, so should we say the names of some of the people who are coming or do we need to keep it as a surprise? I want to keep it as a surprise. Okay, that's fair. That's fine. I will say though, one of the episodes that I'm very excited about is a lot more like,
00:55:40
Speaker
behind the scenes and like the real scoop of, you know, performing in the spicy performance world. So I feel like we didn't really have a lot of that in season one. And so I'm excited to get some like real stories from the big top.
00:55:59
Speaker
They're not a perfect performer. Yeah, super, super excited for everything that we've recorded thus far and also the people that we're trying to get on for the remainder of the season. So yeah, really just so, so, so, so, so excited. It's going to be good. It's going to be really good. And for anybody who's listening right now, if you are or know someone who would be a really great
00:56:28
Speaker
person to speak to on the podcast, hit us up. Let us know. Find us on Instagram. You can, um, I don't know if you have an email address. You can find us on Instagram and send us a direct message and we will absolutely get back to you because we want to talk to you and we want to talk to your friends. We want to talk to your heroes and heroines.
00:56:51
Speaker
Anybody that you wanna hear from, we will do our best to get them on this show. So you just let us know. But yeah, I mean, already we've got a dope ass lineup. I am super stoked. And I feel like this year, you and I might have not talked about this, but I'm just gonna say it out loud. I feel like this year we're gonna do a little bit more to get the word out because these conversations have been too good to just share amongst ourselves. We need to let more people hear
00:57:20
Speaker
these stories. So marketing is coming. Prepare yourself. Yes. Yeah. I think one of the, one thing that I really pride our, our work in is that we keep the, when it's not just the two of us, just blabbing, we really use this platform to just showcase
00:57:49
Speaker
queer, BIPOC, polyamorous, sex worker, individual stories, and their journeys. And it's a platform that has been the intent from the get-go. I know one of the episodes we got a little...
00:58:04
Speaker
You'll hear it later on this season. We got a little preachy about buying a house, but outside of that, this isn't like us just like chatting at these people. It's really a chance for them to have control of the microphone and talk about what they want to talk about. And that has just been just an incredible experience to be a part of and something that I just enjoy doing. And really, I think that I pride ourselves in the way that we've done that.
00:58:33
Speaker
not to be like not humble, but like I think that it's really important and that what we're doing is really important. And so yeah, I'm just really excited to get more people on the show. I know people get anxious about talking about money, but like so many, everyone has money stories. Everyone has things that they need to talk about and their stories are important. And it's important that we, it's a place for everyone.
00:59:03
Speaker
to be able to do that. So I agree with that a million percent. And even though I will probably ask you how much money you make, because that's just how I am. I cannot help myself. If you know the great thing I think about this show is that to your exact point, people bring
00:59:24
Speaker
money is just embedded in our lives. And so the conversations that we've had include money without being like, and then my 401k and my rough IRA, you know, it's like, these are interesting, just life stories that happens to include some financial tidbits. So yeah, like, there's no shame here. No. And sometimes some bondage. And sometimes bondage, you know, I mean, as one does. So
00:59:50
Speaker
Yeah, muddy stuff. I'm here for it. I want more people to come talk to us. We won't make it weird, I promise. Unless you want it to be weird, and then we'll get weird right with you. What are you talking about? We are always weird. What is normal? There is no normal. There's no such thing. There's no such thing.
01:00:20
Speaker
If you've enjoyed today's episode, please don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That's the easiest way to support our show. We hope you took away a new nugget of information or perspective today, and we're grateful you took the time to listen to us. Until next time, bye. Bye.