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GoGo Dancer Backstage Pass: Making a Living in Nightlife with Big Apple Jaxx
30 Plays6 months ago
SUMMARY
Welcome to another episode of Dirty Money with Bevin and Mike! Join us as we dive into the world of nightlife with our special guest, Big Apple Jaxx. Jaxx takes us behind the scenes of his journey as a Gogo dancer in NYC and beyond. From unexpected mishaps to serious tips on navigating the industry, this episode is full of insights and stories that will have you laughing and learning in the same breath.
TOPICS
[2:03] All about Jax & Falling into GoGo Dancing
[13:15] From Hobby to Solid Side Hustle
[23:38] The Business and Chasing Tips
[31:55] Boundaries and Consent
[42:10] Future Plans for Jaxx
[50:45] Exploring New Avenues: Financial Domination
RESOURCES & LINKS
Connect with Big Apple Jaxx
Instagram: @bigapplejaxx
LinkTree: @jaxxchillmonger
CONTACT INFO
Bevin Morgan:
Instagram: @bevinmorgan & @temple_eanna
Website: www.templeeanna.com & BevinMorgan.com
Mike Poulin:
Instagram: @mjpou56
Dirty Money Podcast:
Instagram: @dirtymoney_podcast
Recommended
Transcript
00:00:10
Speaker
Welcome to Dirty Money with Bevin. And Mike. A space to talk about financial topics for folks who don't fit into traditional financial spaces. We believe money is a tool for everyone. Our mission is to provide a literal microphone and platform for queer, BIPOC, polyamorous, and sex-positive individuals. No topic is off the table here. That being said, one tiny little housekeeping note. For those listening who may have others with sensitive ears, the listener discretion is advised because we do not censor ourselves. That's right. You've been warned, but enough from us. Let's get this episode started.
00:00:54
Speaker
Welcome back to Dirty Money with Bevin and Mike. Hey Bevin. Hey Mike. How are you? Oh, good. How are you doing? and I'm doing it all right. I feel like we haven't recorded an episode in a minute because we did so many of our episodes for this season, like ga bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. So it feels like we haven't seen each other in a while. So it's good to see you, even though it's virtually. ah And today, we we have back on the podcast, even though it's actually his first episode. First episode, second conversation, totally full. Disclaimer, we had some really bad um technical difficulties in season two. Zencaster has figured their shit out, finally. um And we were finally able to get Jax back on. Welcome.
00:01:48
Speaker
Hello again, and to the listeners, I guess hello up for the first time. ah um So Jax, tell our listeners who you are, where you where you're from, um and yeah, we'll just ah let's dive right in. Sure. So I am Big Apple Jax. I am a go-go dancer in New York City, although I do refer to myself as an international go-go dancer now because I have gogo dance in another country no o
00:02:20
Speaker
internationally tolerated go-go dancer. Wow. just right aways fire It was just a jinx monsoon reference. Okay. The winner of all winners. I'm referencing winner of all winners to you. I think that's a compliment. I'm going to that slide. Um, actually, no, that was actually, that was a really, really fun thing that just kind of fell in my lap. Uh, I went to Mexico for this event called beef dip. Um, which is a big, big bear party that happens out in, in PV. And, uh, I was at the pool party where a lot of the major events happen, or when the events happen, cause it's not going to switch to a different topic. Cause I know exactly what you're going to talk about.
00:03:08
Speaker
We do not need to talk about Poopgate right now. Bevin's so confused. All right, well, we're here now, so we're gonna talk about it. You put it into the atmosphere. like Now we need to know. This year, ah during Beef Dip, so a lot of the a lot of the parties, it used to be hosted by Mantamar. There's like the hope there's a hotel, there's a there's a pool where a lot of big parties happen. At some point during the week, someone decided to poop in the pool. And it was the poop seen and heard around the world. on The beeps! The beeps! I'm getting text messages from friends all over the United States. Like, oh my God, are you at the pool where it happened?
00:04:04
Speaker
Mind you, I was at a pool party. I was not at that pool party. Good for you. The pool where I happened. Now there's speculation that the poopinging occurred actually outside of the pool and then was brought to the pool. No. So so but it was like premeditated. There was a Tupperware container involved, perhaps. Like there's a lot. Actually, yes.
00:04:34
Speaker
That's intense. For what reason was this, was this a hate crime? So here's a little bit of tea on that. So, uh, Mansmar used to host this big bear event and then, uh, they split off from the original original organizers of the event and decided to host their own bear event. So there's a speculation that this was a turf war.
00:05:04
Speaker
but a turd war, if you will.
00:05:11
Speaker
ah let's This episode took just an immediate left. Anyway, okay, so let's circle back now that we've we've gotten poop gate out of the way. um Trust, this won't be a full podcast about shit. um Well, it might be, but not that kind of shit. um
00:05:34
Speaker
So go, go dancer, New York city. Why don't we even start talking about poop gate? Oh, okay. So you were in Mexico at the event where it happened. So I was at this pool party. And one of the promoters that I had been trying to contact about dancing for back in New York City happened to be there. And I had just actually danced a gig for him like maybe a week prior. um And so he sees me at the pool and comes up to me and another go-go dancer that I was hanging out with and says, hey, are you guys actually available to dance for a party? I got my vacation, but like, what's the deal?
00:06:17
Speaker
I also specifically, I think I remember you texting me. You're like, I'm going on vacation. I am not going to work. I am not doing it like, this is my time to just relax if I'm not mistaken. So here's the thing. I'm a Capricorn and we're going to leave it at that. You're like, if the boxes are checking, I am checking the boxes. Okay. Well, and I think you were just a little, um, I think you were saying that because I think you felt a little kind of like stiff. Like going into it. I feel like you thought you would get, you would book something before you went. And so because you didn't, I feel like you were like, I'm just going to enjoy my time. I'm not going to dance. Yes. Very good energy.
00:07:02
Speaker
yeah So he finds me, he sees me, he's like, hey, do you want to dance at this thing? And I'm like, all right, like how much does it pay? Am I getting free entry to stuff? What's the tea? And then he tells me that the party's happening in like literally minutes. And so I'm just go-go dancing in my speedo. And if you go to Mexico, if you go to Man Tamar, there's like a TV that plays like you know, like reels of parties that they have. And I'm on one of the reels just dancing in a pair of sandals and my speedo for this event. And you know what? Worth it. That was also a question because um we are a Money Podcast. And so, like, who you don't have to give exact numbers unless you want to. But like, what was the economics on this? Like, clearly it checked the boxes. So tell me more. Trash.
00:07:55
Speaker
um It was not was not ah worth it in terms of money because it was just like, oh, you know, I can pay you. you know, triple digits, but also you get free access to the pool throughout the week ah for any of the parties that they're hosting and you get free food and all this other stuff. So I was like, you know what, fine, that's cool. Otherwise I would have to buy like a wristband to be able to get into the pool every day and all this stuff. So I was like, you know what, that's worth it. That's cool. And I didn't even have to dance for very long. I think I only had to dance for like an hour. So I was like, all right, sure, fine. And now I'm like,
00:08:39
Speaker
A friend of mine was just in Mexico. He was like, oh my god, I saw you on a TV screen at Man Tomorrow. I was like, hey, yeah, let's keep that going. Let's keep that energy up. But while I was also there, I ended up dancing in a go-go dancing competition that I got second place in. So that was also nice.
00:08:56
Speaker
um it's funny It's funny that you bring up that it just kind of like fell into your lap. I feel like, uh, my experiences with dancing have also been very much just like, Hey, we know you dance and we have this thing or someone canceled or like, Hey, we really need, uh, it's all of my more like bigger profile gigs have always been last minute, like, and it just says a lot about the,
00:09:34
Speaker
industry. Yeah, that's a good word. um i I just remember ah kind of just trying to break into. There's not a big scene here in DC as you and I have discussed where we're working on it, but ah initially the place where I was initially hired, I was hired as like basically a backup because they had so many people sign up to dance. And the place was also new. um They hadn't had dancers before. um So the pay wasn't great. But I was like, it's an experience. um And every week, they had a drag queen in charge of hiring or like scheduling that the boys. So you can already see where this is going.
00:10:28
Speaker
ah Harry, you said that. She won't disagree. Um, they have more important things to worry about. Okay. Then hiring dancers. why sir Why is the bar manager not doing it? Right. Exactly. So anyway, like I said, the whole situation, not the most a ideal. Um, every week after I got put on like call, my friend who is the drag queen was calling, like basically texting or calling me every weekend.
00:11:01
Speaker
Like, hey, I had someone drop out or someone canceled or whatever, can you dance? And it was like, I either already had plans or like I was out of town. I'm like, I need a little bit more um notice for that. And then um I was at one of her drag shows one week and it was like after the show and we were just kicking and I was like, hey, so like, has anyone called out yet? for For this weekend and she was like, oh actually I've been so fucking busy. I haven't even booked anyone So if you can find another boy to dance, it's all yours. Here's the details blah blah blah blah blah So I made it happen. I got another got another dancer. We danced. It was a great time um But they the setup is not good. They have the boys come on after the drag show They're on a stage
00:11:55
Speaker
not where everyone is dancing. So like, it's just this whole situation was like, I'm glad I'm getting this experience and like kind of like, I can try out some moves and no one's really here. And I made some tips, but like the last one I did was the last time they ever had boys. And I think I got outside of the base rate. I think I maybe got $15 in tips. Like, cause there was nobody there cause they didn't advertise. They didn't, they weren't like, Hey, stick around. You know, um, everyone had just used all their dollar bills on the drag show because there was no, like, and so there.
00:12:38
Speaker
They're just things, right? And so they figured it out that that that's just not their vibe. um jack My normal gig now is is pretty, pretty good. um And we're building kind of that culture. But yeah, it's, it's just my, the ah kind of same thing. I was a tip boy for a drag brunch. And that was just a someone calling me and saying, Hey, we had an opening. Are you free? Yes, I would love to do this. And it was a great time, you know, so this is such a universal experience. It is insane to me. So first, like, you I have so many things I want to touch on in here. So first, the entire way that I started go go dancing, I fell into it.
00:13:22
Speaker
Right. So, uh, I did this one gig on a boat cruise. Um, I can't even remember how I got booked for that, but I did this one gig on a boat cruise and then like months went by. It was like June to February before I had did anything again. Cause I didn't really consider myself a go-go dancer. I was like, Oh, I just want to do this cute little thing. Also boat cruises never doing that again. ah So there's like a couple of cruises that happen around New York city and it's like a couple of hours. There's like, they do the Staten Island loop and then there's another loop that they do. And doing a boat cruise gig or even like a private party gig can be challenging because you have a set ah like audience. There's not people coming and going. It's just the people that are on the boat are the people that are on the boat.
00:14:14
Speaker
And if they've tipped you one or two times, unless you were doing flips and tricks and all kinds of splits and dips, they're going to tip you one or two times and then they're out. Or, or you are very much their type. Well, yes. So like after, after the boat cruise. yeah And like I said, months later, now we're going into the beginning of the next year. And someone's like, oh, you like go-go dance at that thing. Would you want to go-go dance for this event that I'm hosting? And it was like this really like off the wall. It wasn't for a bar. It wasn't for necessarily like a queer party. It was literally a Super Bowl party that was being watched at a bar. but the
00:14:56
Speaker
it was being hosted by this queer gentleman. And he was like, will you go go dance as one of the acts in between, like as we are essentially waiting for Rihanna to go on. So I was like, sure, cool. Do you need any other dancers? So I very specifically pulled in a dancer that I saw working a lot. So now there's videos and pictures of me dancing with him. And then i go to this and enough I go to another event at a bar and the promoter of that event is like, hey, I saw you dancing with so-and-so, would you want to dance at this thing that we're hosting? And then it just snowballs from there. That's why like in the very beginning when I first started dancing, I made sure that I got a lot of pictures, I got a lot of videos and put reels together so people could see what I'm doing or see who I'm dancing with and it just kind of spreads.
00:15:50
Speaker
Now it's to the point where like I can do, I dance at parties, but I also have two different bar residencies as well. So like any given month, I know that I have at least six gigs. Cause there's two parties that always hired me and then I'll do two gigs at one bar and then two gigs at another bar. Cause they typically only have dancers on a Friday, Saturday. Right. Now when it comes down to just like the pure disorganization of where they put dancers and how they manage dancers. It is ridiculous. Some bars are good and they're like, where would you prefer to dance? And so I used to not like dancing on the bar. I used to like just, I would prefer just like put me on a little elevated box somewhere near the dance floor or something like that. I much prefer dancing on the bar now because I know that there's always going to be people at the bar.
00:16:45
Speaker
Yes. No matter what the situation is, there's going to be people at the bar. Yeah. Now, the very first bar that I started dancing at doesn't exist anymore. So I can feel comfortable saying it by name. It was a bar called Frankie's. The bar is in front of me. I'm dancing behind everyone that is paying zero attention to me. Right. They have you next to the DJ booth. No one sees me there. There's no light on me. I'm like, first of all, I'm already a black dude dancing in a dark bar. Like, help me, help me. And so like, I think that like, we need to like, organize and just be like, Hey, we're the global dancers, here are the needs that we have as dancers at your event. That's why I'm always like, anytime, before I even take a gig and someone's like, what is your rate? I will say I have a couple of questions to ask you first, and that will determine what my read is
00:17:45
Speaker
Right. How many other dancers are there? Where are we dancing? How long are the sets? How long do you need me actually in the building? You know, like all of these things, if they're asking me my rate, as opposed to telling me how much I'm going to get paid, all of these things are going to determine it. If I feel like um' it's going to be a low tip night based off of what you just told me, you best believe my rate is going to be higher. Right. Like that just makes sense. that's Otherwise, I'm i'm wasting my time. Yeah. Yeah. You know, that's so interesting to me. And I feel like there is a business opportunity here. Um, perhaps there's a partnership that can form. I don't know. I'm just putting this into the ether, but, um, I am seeing a go-go dancing, uh, consultancy slash management company. Let's make it happen for the people.
00:18:37
Speaker
I'm not mad at this idea. of I mean, it's almost like talent talent agency, right? Exactly. You contact the the booking agency, and someone else handles all the specifics for you. um But also, you go to the bars and tell them what they need to do for your guys yeah in order to for everybody to have a great experience. It's a yeah it's a win-win. Yeah. that's like you know um I there's a core group of us at the bar that I frequently dance at. um And they are, um we have a whole Google
00:19:18
Speaker
doc spreadsheet of um best practices um ah for when we rotate boys in and it's their first shift. It has like things you should know, you know, at the bar, like these are the things you need to do. These are your responsibilities. Like, and then we have like the whole month schedule of like, when who's dancing what night and blah, blah, blah. And like, if you can't work it, you got to get coverage and all this other stuff. um So we're really trying to like, make it a thing, um which I know is probably not the case in a lot of places. But um we've now now that we're consistently showing up, consistently selling, um because we also sell shots. So a majority of majority of my money from those nights are from selling. um And
00:20:10
Speaker
I'm not, I don't enjoy sales a whole lot, but when I don't have to sell, I literally stand there in like almost nothing and just people just come up to me and then, you know, it's alcohol, they want alcohol. So like, it's easy. It tells itself. Right. The only reason they're coming up to you, not because you're naked. Well, i mean you know they see me. They see that I have alcohol. They're like, oh, cute boy with alcohol. Let me go see. like What is it? you know um And so it you know it's it's one of those things where it's like it's not really selling. like i There are, I know that there are some boys that like are like going into like groups of people. I mean, hey, how's everyone doing? Who wants shots? like I'm selling shots. I let them come to me. like I'm very much a passive. like
00:20:59
Speaker
i'm gonna I'm just gonna keep walking. The space is also very conducive. There's ah like four different, um actually like five different areas. um and so And there's two sets of four sets of stairs. So it's like, I can do these giant loops and just keep walking around. And it's so like, people will see me um or I can just park in one spot. And as people are walking by, you know they get excited, that sort of stuff. um But to your point about a placement, Yeah, that is that is the biggest thing. Our space, we have a cage, which is great. It's cute. It's fun to be in. But it's not lit very well. It is where it is. ah The bar staff usually puts a trash can in front of it. So like,
00:21:52
Speaker
i'm very I'm very high up from the dance floor. So it's not, um they've made some improvements. They've cut some of the bars so like we can like interact a little bit more. um But it the dance floor gets so packed that I'm not easily accessible to tip. So I know that people do people do make their way and they tip us, but And i someone even found my Venmo while I was dancing, because I got the notification like on my phone, on my watch. As I was dancing, I was like, $20 tip, thank you.
00:22:31
Speaker
um ah But it really, um were we're working on getting a box near the bar because people are always, they're waiting for drinks. they're They're not staying there for very long. It's close to the dance floor, but not on the dance floor. um And the bar sta the the manager's working with us and we're gonna get that going. so But it's just taken a lot of ah poking, prodding, advocating for ourselves.
00:23:02
Speaker
i work and But like I said, i the the the bar that I work at, I will name them because I love them, is Kiki. Shout out to them. they are It's a great space. it's it Even before I started dancing there, it it's one of my favorite spaces in DC. since it's opening a few years ago. So um it's just, it really, we're just trying to build that culture and they they are working with us. It's just, you know, change just takes time. So it does. And good for you for like helping to build this new community there. I think that that's awesome. I do want to circle back to just like the conversation around receiving a Venmo tip. I think that it's so important that especially if you are working a gig,
00:23:49
Speaker
that doesn't include like drag performers. People don't carry cash like that. if There's just so like that also plays into like they do are they advertising that there's go-go dancers tonight or something like that because then people just show up and they're just using their card for everything or even like Apple paying everything and you're just on the bar just like begging for $2, you know what I mean? so I love working gigs where there's where there's a drag before what's happening because I know that people will have cash on them and
00:24:22
Speaker
And like they of course are advertising the drag performer that's going to be there. and They're not really advertising the go-go dancers. But if it's a bar that has displays and they have go-go dancers there that night, they absolutely should allow the go-go dancers to create like a little Like a little poster or splash page that just has their demo their cash app a little QR code to scan or something like that so people can pay them that way and then the placement of the dancer in terms of like you being up in the cage and like people not being able to reach you won't even matter you know yeah and that's actually
00:24:58
Speaker
I have created a tip pages for all of the boys at Kiki because it just, yeah, they have display, they have TVs on the on the dance floor. That's another thing we've been advocating ah before they were like, oh, well, you know, it's too dark when the dance floor is going um for people to be like the brightness of the TV, blah, blah, blah. But I think if there's one TV that's above basically kind of give you a lay of the land there's like the um when looking at the dance floor the dj booth is in the far left uh corner along the back is an elevated dance floor that wraps around the right side and in the middle of the dance floor on the far right is the cage and then in
00:25:53
Speaker
the stairwell goes under the cage. So the basically so like i as people are walking down, I will interact with them like in the thing and people are like having a good time. But there's a TV in the stairwell right next to the cage that I'm like, that's where my QR code needs to be. because it's accessible to most of the dance floor and even outside the dance floor that they can be able to to scan the code. So yeah, that's that's that's our next our next mission. That's the way to do it. Yeah, we're definitely given the cheat codes to go-go dancers of the world right now. and That's good. That's what we're here for. That's what we're here for, exactly. Well, and so Jax, one question that I have, especially with all this conversation around
00:26:42
Speaker
how hard it is to get the cash sometimes and how hard it is to get this the QR code representation. um How long have you been doing this and is this your primary form of income? So I have been go-go dancing for at this point about a year and a half. Um, that first year was a lot of just trying to figure out how to get gigs, where to get gigs and also figure out, uh, how to get tips. Um, what things am I willing to do? What things am I not willing to do? Uh, who am I willing to work with and not work with what things to look out for? Right. So like, there was a lot of, uh, discovery in that first year.
00:27:29
Speaker
where i learned the placement of where i'm dancing ask about the placement of where I'm dancing right where I learned all right how long is each how long am I actually dancing for versus how long do you actually need me in the building right these are all important things to know am i being paid in cash Am I being paid at the end of the night? Am I being paid a direct deposit later on? Am I putting this on my taxes? right like These are things to know because yeah every bar kind of does it and every party kind of does it different. And it all depends on like, are you working with a promoter? Are you getting paid directly from the bar? If I'm working with a bar, they usually have a set amount that they're paying me and it's usually direct deposit or a check.
00:28:14
Speaker
Right. If it's a promoter, sometimes it works a little different. Sometimes they're Venmoing me. And if I've worked like six gigs for them, now I have to fill out like a tax form for that. um So just like understanding the questions to ask. This is not my primary form of income. this like Because I just kind of fell into it, I was like, oh, this is a ah fun little thing I'll do here and there. But then it fully turned into a second job very quickly. It went from, again, Capricorn, it went from
00:28:52
Speaker
Oh, I'll just do like a gig once every two months or so to, oh, okay. And I'll do like two gigs every couple of months. And now I have six gigs this month and eight gigs that month. And now it's just, I am actively week over week making sure that I'm booked and I don't need to do that. I'm doing it beep purely for fun. But for whatever reason, I still treat it like it's a very serious like job. right So like I'm making sure that I'm networking with other dancers and networking with other performers.
00:29:27
Speaker
networking with the bar owners and the bar staff, networking with the, you know, the anytime I see a flyer for a party that's going on, I'll see who's hosting it, or I'll see who's the promoter for it and reach out to them on Instagram and be like, hey, if you ever need another dancer, here's what I do. why I send them a quick reel. And that has gotten me so many gigs. It's gotten me like gigs that are not just go-go dancing bass. Like it's gotten me drink and draw gigs where I'm the model for the drink and draw. It's gotten me partnerships with clothing brands where I'll model their clothing for them. i Shout out to Jim's World. I do that a lot. So it's just like... Go ahead. Quick side note about the paint and sip, drink and draw. There was one that was hosted last night here in DC and they had a model for the first time and my friend is the drag queen who
00:30:18
Speaker
and she's just doing everything all over the city um and ah her story today I just they it the night progressed to the participants painting the model like painting the model rather from like painting the model to painting on the model. I don't think you're supposed to do that.
00:30:41
Speaker
He seemed to be having a good time. and He might, he, I don't know the whole story. Maybe he was like, maybe he invited everyone to do it. I don't know, but it was cute. It was a cute little story. Uh, she's like, and she's like, Peyton Sip has taken a, taken an interesting turn tonight. I hope they paid that model more for that day because like, how, sir ma'am and, or but how are you getting home? that ah true Right. Like. I have questions. It's like, is there a shower here? All of those things, yeah. Right? Like, if you're at a bar, because like, the drinking jar that I did, that's just at a bar. Yeah. And so it's like, there's a shower here. It was a roof. It was a rooftop? Lord have mercy. Just out at the open and the cold. OK, let me see. Oh, was it was so hot last night here. Oh, that's even worse. Right. Sweaty and painted. Like, come on. Doing too much. Holding a post for 20 minutes? Oh, no, mama.
00:31:39
Speaker
But okay, so let's let's let's pivot this a little bit then and talk about things that I do not accept as a go-go dancer, as we mentioned. So you started to talk about like people you know painting on the model, right? And so that just makes me think about like when I'm go-go dancing, and someone comes up to me and there are unwanted touches happening. I i have a story about that. but I have so many. Okay, actually, I'll give you I'll give you one of my most recent ones just from a gig that I had last Saturday. Okay, so let's this is going to be a ah public service announcement to all straight and lesbian women that show up in gay bars and interact with the go go dancers. ah Just because you're a woman does not give you the right to touch my body.
00:32:37
Speaker
That is how that goes. I understand that you're having a good time and you feel like it is not a sexual touching nature. That does not change the fact that you are touching me without my permission. Right. So last Saturday, I'm dancing at the bar at one of the the places that I have a residency at. And i I finished one of my sets. I get down. I'm going to go grab a drink. I like to like interact with the crowd, right? Because like, that's really how you make your tips. Some people just like to stand back and just like, Oh, I'm sexy. And you you know, if there's someone who thinks you're really hot, you'll get some tips from that. But interacting with the crowd is the way
00:33:13
Speaker
How was your night going? Oh, I love that top. That's really cute. If it's someone that I find very attractive, I'm going to flirt with them too. um But that's how you get your tips. And so I see like this crowd and I go up and I'm just like chatting with them, having a good time. And then it's very clear that there's a, it was like these two gay men and there's three female friends. And then she just starts in on me. She starts grabbing my chest. I'm in a jock strap. She starts grabbing my ass. And she says, it's okay. I know you're not straight. I'm a straight woman, so this is okay. None of the words you just said were correct.
00:33:57
Speaker
Not a single one of them. Also, you being a string woman, if anything, that makes it worse. Why would you do that? What's so wild to me, though, is the the fact that she said that out loud, to me, tells me something in her brain was like, I need to justify this because I actually know it's wrong. like she She knew she should should not have been doing that. One thousand, per se. And she just, and so when I stop her and I say, well, that's actually not how that works. She was like, oh, it's fine. It's fine. How do you even tell me that it's fine? I feel like it's hovering on internalized misogyny.
00:34:34
Speaker
noh
00:34:37
Speaker
Somehow, you know, I'm always able to bring this all the way back to the patriarchy every episode. ah i I just, you know, it's wild. I haven't had any, um you know, every go-go dancer's level of of consent and touch is different. yeah I definitely don't mind, like, A lot of times people will make eye contact with me before touching me. They may not, they, a lot of times they're so drunk that words are difficult. I get it. um I feel like, and I'm, so I'm recently sober. So like when now I'm out working and dancing, I am 100% like coherent and know what's going on. And so I'm very aware that the people that I'm around
00:35:29
Speaker
are not. um And so a lot of times, they'll like come up to me, I'll start talking, they'll kind of like look at me, I will usually say it's okay to touch if I can tell that they want to, they just aren't able to communicate, especially if they've already tipped me, right? Like, i That's you know a big thing. my actual I found that most people that i've that have been patrons of the places that I work are very respectful of of of the boys. My one um incident was actually with someone that I know personally. um I hadn't seen them in months, and they were when I finally saw them, they were, I'm telling you, blackout drunk.
00:36:16
Speaker
And I was wearing um my cute little singlet that um is very easily accessible to the front. And he came up to me, he gave me a hug and I turned to go talk to his friend who wanted to buy a shop for me. And he literally just put his hand down my pants and like grabbed me. And in the moment, couldn't really do anything, because I knew he was like like like plastered.
00:36:51
Speaker
I just like i just like ah just like pulled his hand out gently, just kind of like put it back in his own space. And he didn't continue to initiate, so that was good. um But then like a few days later, I was like, I need to tell him that that wasn't OK. Because I was like, I'm still feeling weird about this. um And we had a good conversation about it. He was very apologetic. um And, you know, I think that The times that I've known he's been blackout drunk have been not so good for him. So I feel like he might need to address his relationship with alcohol.
00:37:33
Speaker
ah um But, you know, so far that's only been i thankfully has been my only like, like, I'm uncomfortable. And it's from someone that I know pretty well. And that was also made it challenging to then have that conversation. But I'm glad that I did. But I mean, like, this, that's, that's certainly a situation that occurs for me a lot, just in terms of not, you know, having friends, like personal friends, that'll do it. But there are a lot of patrons that will, you know, like they'll go to put a dollar or two in my jock, like in the waste of my jock, and then they'll like try to sneak a grab.
00:38:14
Speaker
Sometimes if someone, if someone wants it, typically they're like, they'll ask to touch my ass, which is perfectly fine with me. Just ask at first. Don't just start reaching up to grab stuff or like yeah if I'm dancing and my back is to you because I'm giving you the opportunity to see my ass because I know that it's nice. yeah If you then go up and just like grab it, that's not okay. Still ask if it's okay. And like, usually if someone wants to like press my leg or something like that, as they're handing me a tip, I'm perfectly fine with that. But I had a situation again, at this last gig that I did, where an individual gave me like $7. And periodically throughout the rest of the night, he would come up to me and grab me.
00:39:03
Speaker
And I said, politely, I don't mind if you touch, but ask permission first. And he said, I tipped you before. Baby, that doesn't give you just that doesn't give you her ah be all throughout the night, just because you tipped me $7. You didn't just buy me for the night. like that's not No, consent is ongoing. He got actually upset about the fact that I said something to him. And I'm like, baby, if you want your $7 back, you can have your $7 back. it just It's not that deep to me, but like you need to ask permission before you touch somebody, especially if you're going to continue to touch them every time you walk by them. like you need to like You don't know me like that. right you don't Or if you want it if you wanted to touch me that many times, maybe me you shouldn't have given me $7 all at once.
00:40:00
Speaker
Like, spread those dollars out. Like, there's an easy solution right there. Baby, you want to hand me a little bit more than $7. Exactly. Right. Like, and you bring up a good point, though, because in, you know, the the whole point, right, of go-going and, well, not the whole point, but For me the point of being a go go is to help people have a good time, right, like that is our purpose of being in the club and the and, you know, getting the party started and just making sure people are having a good time connecting with people.
00:40:36
Speaker
But a portion of it is the sexual nature of it in the fact that we are wearing very minimal clothing, typically. um Some bars, you're completely naked. um And to those before, I haven't done them, but been there before. um
00:40:55
Speaker
Because you're a good Christian lady. um With her pearls. He is wearing felt exactly. I know. But that was... But all that to say, you know, it's like, it there's, ah you you i I think there it comes, there's kind of like a, obviously I have more, um I'm okay with you touching more the more money you give me because that is part of it, right? Like I am here, I am selling my body in a way. So if you would like to touch me and and have a good time, then please reciprocate with money.
00:41:39
Speaker
I will say I'm gonna push back on that a little bit though. So it's like, at ah any strip club, just because you tip doesn't mean you can touch. And like, just like Jax was saying earlier, regardless of what you do within the sex work realm, you still have agency to say these are my limits and these are not. So like, if you if you're into touching Mike, or like, if that's okay with you bet if Jax isn't That's cool too. you like Everybody has to have boundaries. Absolutely. for For example, the example that I would give, I guess what I'm trying to to, my level of consent varies on the amount of money the person is willing to give me at that present moment in time. I mean, same. Right. That's all I'm trying to say. It's like the person that tips me a dollar versus the person that is showing me a 20, I literally have told people when they've come up with a 20, I'm like, you can put that wherever you want. like I am like go ahead like you are giving me $20 like thank you like that means a lot please enjoy your touch it doesn't mean you get to touch me all night and it doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want with me but please put that wherever you want where like
00:42:55
Speaker
someone with a dollar i'm just gonna be like i'll be like here put it right here in this the jock strap just right here that's it thank you thank you so much yeah would be careful though i'd be careful about that put it wherever you want because i have gotten money put in places that it's very uncomfortable um i have had more than one person try to shove a dollar bill in my hole so but Luckily, I will say i will say that the time that that typically happens, I'm wearing things that are covering whole. So there's it's really just an invitation for them to put it in the front, really. let's go It's usually what the case is. um But that's all I was trying to get at. is like with It's like there's like a level of comfortability
00:43:44
Speaker
based off how much money you're going to give me or you're or you're presenting, you're presenting to me. Like this, that's where I, that's what I'm trying to say in terms of, of like, I'm okay with certain touch because yeah, you're, you're giving me 20 bucks. Like that's not, I mean, in this economy, $20, you know, like, yeah your price, baby, you can, 20 bucks. Oh, 40 bucks. Oh, okay. Again, like it's, it's everybody's personal preference. And the PSA that I would like to make to our audience right now is you still have to ask or at least hear that verbal km consent.
00:44:25
Speaker
Correct. Yeah. Across the board. Well, and I think that that's another important just aspect of that PSA is I feel like a lot of times the thing that I've learned now dancing is that we have a as dancers, we have a lot of power. I think a lot of people I have found that a lot of people are nervous or shy. or yeah It's really hard sometimes when you see someone being so confident, so sexual that you you find them attractive and maybe you're dealing with whatever your own you know things. It's really hard to ask.
00:45:04
Speaker
So that's that's the like what you brought up, Bevin. It's like, yeah, wait until the dancer says you know it's okay to touch, or would you like to touch? or what you know how you know like Wait until that there's some sort of communication, whether you have the guts to ask yourself, or wait for the dancer to to to give you the okay, but still wait for that consent, whether it's ah you initiating or the the the dancer for sure. Also, that's also one another reason it's really good to sort of go into the crowd and like let the people in the crowd know that you're friendly and nice and you know, what whatever the situation is, because you are going to find those people that did want to give you a tip or did want to like, you know, engage with you and you are showing them that it's okay to lower down that wall because here I'm here to have a good time to make them, you know, yeah, produce an environment where you can have a good time too. And that like, that means so much to people.
00:46:01
Speaker
So, well, so I want to know, um, cause we've been, we've been talking for a little minute. And so where, where are you taking this? Like what, what does the world of Jax look like? What comes next? Like what, what are we doing? Well, DC gigs. um Honestly, I need to get on it. I need to come. back I know. I know. So that is that is actually part of the plan is I would like to go-go dance in as many places as I can. I was going to start off by saying in as many states as I can, but now that she's already an international go-go dancer, she's going to go where the party is. And the Monday. Yes.
00:46:49
Speaker
ah so have i have had an opportunity to dance in a couple of different states so far outside of New York and it's ah it's always a really fun situation because it's like um usually the people that are hiring you if you are coming from out of state they will put you up in a hotel or something like that sometimes they'll offer a paid pay for your plane ticket or however you're you're getting there sometimes not all the time So like you feel really taken care of when that stuff happens and then you get to go and just like party while you're there It's a really fun time As far as like what I want to do with it. I do want to continue to grow, you know, the the Big Apple Jacks brand In terms of like yes, I want to continue dancing I do want to also start helping other people with their dancing if that's something that they're looking to do um I want to get into doing more things like photo shoots and like
00:47:41
Speaker
I have like this this guy that I dance with. His name is Devin. A lot of people give him like a lot of... like He takes his go-go dancing so seriously. and i I think this might actually be his primary form of income. and so like Watching his work ethic of making sure he's talking with all the promoters in different places and making sure he has new photos shoots booked every week and so yeah has content going out and making sure he stays on a really consistent posting schedule. you know Even if it's not necessarily just go-go dancing, but making sure he stays relevant in certain scenes, it's inspiring to watch. And I would like to do something similar. And if it gets to the point where that starts making me more and money than my primary job does, I mean, I'm not going to quit because health insurance. But but like I will start to put more focus on it because like I'm good at it and I enjoy doing it.
00:48:32
Speaker
And if it allows me to travel, potentially internationally, why would I not want to do that? You know what I mean? That's like, people, when I talk to people about it, they're like, oh, I could never. I'm like, I would be out anyway. Like, why? I was like, now I get to be out, be social. I also get to feel good about myself and also I get to dance, all things that I love so like and make money. so like And even on the nights that I haven't made money, they've still been great nights. I mean, you know, I literally text you after every gig at two or three in the morning. It's so cute.
00:49:21
Speaker
Um, uh, but yeah, it's just like, it's, it, it has opened for me. It's opened so many doors and it's just like, I'm just going to keep opening these doors. I'm going to see what's by them. If I don't like it, I can close it. but As I continue going through it, it like it will, I'm sure it will transform. like I know some go-go dancers that are in their like upper 40s, 50s, that like they they you know went through the nightlife scene for years and people recognized them. And now they just get paid a whole lot of money to do like one or two gigs here and there. I would love to do that, but I would like to grow it as like, okay,
00:50:01
Speaker
I've been a party promoter before. I'm a dancer now. I would like to work the space of nightlife in general and go from being a dancer to hosting my own parties where I'm hiring the dancers and maybe have like a roster of dancers that I'm picking from and, you know, being able to offer those same opportunities that I'm hoping to get myself as I go out, you know, being a dancer. That's really cool. Well, so with that said, there is a rumor going around. that you also have an additional stream of income. um I don't know if we're on the same page or not, or if you want to talk about this. Well, well, well. Here we go. Who's that at? Who's that at? OK.
00:50:51
Speaker
are we Are we talking, are we discussing Fendam? We are, the floor is yours. Which wit I would like to say, I feel like shout out to, oh my gosh. Was it Dallas? Yeah, Dallas Playhouse. Yeah. Yes. Dallas, yeah. Cause if I'm not mistaken, it was her episode you might've listened to first of all. Yes, I did watch that episode, and I did learn some things from that episode that it completely figured some things out as I walked through this new life of mine. Yeah. Tell us, tell us.
00:51:30
Speaker
So yes, I do have a separate stream of income through being a Fendom. I am still learning the ropes to this though. There's so much that goes into it. There's so many different types of Fendoming. Some people ah do it as like, it feels like really a job for them. Whereas other people, it is only a sexual experience. Right. And so like, when I stepped into it, it was very much so I'm a Dom naturally, like that is, that is what I get into. um So like, there's that shows up in a bunch of different ways. And so I was hooking up with this guy who was very naturally submissive.
00:52:18
Speaker
And so we hook up, I then go to a go-go gig. He shows up after go-go gig and it's like the end of the night and we're both just standing there. He's like, want to come back to my hotel? And I'm like, yes, I do. And so he sort of introduces me to my first sort of taste of being a Fendom, where he's like, he explains to me that his submissive side has taken him down this path of you know, being into the idea of servicing his Dom by giving them money. But he also gets off on it. Like, he gets off on the actual act of giving money to someone. And so, we're fooling around, and he just says, grab my phone. I'm thinking, okay, he wants to record something, kinky, cool, this is great, maybe he has the only fans I don't know about, whatever. He says, open up my Venmo.
00:53:11
Speaker
and said, okay, how does this work? And he says, send yourself whenever you're comfortable with. So I've sent myself $200. I hand him the phone, he sees the amount and he immediately gets off. And I was just like, oh. Work. But then I learned something about myself. You're like, I'm hard as a rock now. And I'm like, oh. I did not realize I enjoyed this form of service as a Dom. So there's more to be uncovered here. I think maybe give me some time with it. And I think bring me back for another episode and we'll focus just on that. Hey, I love it. Season four. Right. Yeah. Get ready audience. Like we're bringing it back. So here's, here's the thing that I love about it. I just want to self-discovery.
00:54:11
Speaker
new streams of income. And here's the thing I think people don't understand. Pleasure, like real pleasure on both sides is not about, oh, you're getting money for nothing, taking advantage of somebody. No, this is a kink and you're exploring it and you're accepting it and you're enjoying it. Fuck yeah, absolutely. And there's a lot of people that don't understand that and the people that don't understand that and like, None of their business. And they will come at you sideways, like, oh, you're extorting people all year. I'm just like, okay. This man told me to get his phone. He said.
00:54:51
Speaker
I love it. I love it. I love it. That's what's up. Okay. Well, so I'm sorry, Mike, you're, you're leaving this. You're fine. Um, the, it's, it's funny you talk about this awakening. I had, um, a really quick story about one of, like one of my best friends. Um, we initially way back when became friends on Tumblr, like back when tumblr was tumblr 45 years later ago, ah late, late 2012, early 13. We've been friends. We connected instantly because um he was a veteran. um We became really good friends. um He actually made our wedding cake.
00:55:37
Speaker
Oh, he's had he's had a multiple of ah businesses. um He's actually the one that just did all my photos. um And recently, I got him to come out to Rough House, which is once it's a once. Once a month, basically, sex party at one of the bars that I dance at, and it's like lights out. closed check. What happens on the dance floor happens on the dance floor. And he came out. He had a great fucking time. And the next day he texted me he was like,
00:56:17
Speaker
I had a reawakening because I went to Rough House. He's like, I just bought some leather. I just bought my first pup mask. I just, all this other stuff. He's like, I just, he goes, thank you for taking me out because he goes being there, being in this space, being around these people, being around the community, being being in such a sex positive space, just, He goes, all the things just kind of flooded back. And i just and so he since then, baby, she's been hitting the ground running with like the pup stuff in the community. And he's just like, the Twitter and all, it's just all happening. ah Just got a bunch of piercings done. um She is just, has just blossomed. And right
00:57:09
Speaker
not So not not to start a whole nother conversation though, but I feel like this is what we call sub frenzy um I'm very excited for your friend and I'm glad that they found what they were looking for and also Maybe let's like take a pause and a breather journal a little bit, you know but I've been weeping I very much that I've been like, you know How we doing? How we doing mentally? Yeah. So yes. I'm like, this is all very exciting. I am loving this journey for you. But I also want to make sure that we're doing this in ways that are healthy and sustainable. And that. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. So we we are we are looking out for ah their well-being. But yeah, they're having a a great, great old time. So I do understand the whole like awakening like, oh,
00:58:04
Speaker
This is it. This is what I've been looking for. I never knew, but I knew. But you knew, right? like On the inside, you knew. It was always there. It was always there. It just needed an opportunity to come on out. And here we are. I love it. That's beautiful. there a very I feel like that was a very dominant thing for that sub to do, though. like get Get my phone.
00:58:33
Speaker
So that's ah that is a a really, really lovely dynamic. Listen, in any DOM sub scenario, you need to understand that there's always an exchange of power happening. The sub has much more power than like it seems on the surface. like This is why consent is a thing, right? Especially for someone like me that's in the CNC. I don't know if you know what that is, but Consensual non-consent. Yeah, that's a whole lot. Yes Well, right so like at the end of the day the sub in that situation has a ton of power so I just He can he can come out if he needs to come out as long as I'm doing what I want He's getting what he's want what he wants anyways Okay, I think
00:59:28
Speaker
Because I feel like we could just talk for hours. So um ah kind of just to wrap this all up, um ah well, one, obviously, thank you for sharing your story today. And I'm really excited about it actually being aired this time. um I hope I didn't just fucking jinx that, but it's fine. um ah ah As we wrap up, is there anything um ah that you want to leave our listeners with? Any any tidbits of wisdom? um And then also, where can they find you? I'll start with where you can find me. You can find me on Instagram at Big Apple Jacks. That's J-A-X-X, Big Apple Jacks. Get it, because I'm from New York.
01:00:18
Speaker
Yeah. We got it. Thank you so much. Thank you. um when When will this air is a question? i um It's going to be during Pride Month. Perfect. That's all I need to know. Hi, tip your dancers during Pride Month, please. Tip your dancers, tip your nightlife performers, tip your drag queens, tip your bar staff. ah We are all going to be very busy and exhausted trying to help create an amazing Experience for you this pride month. So just bless us back by hitting those tip buckets, please And the last thing that I will add is if you're looking to become a go-go dancer Look at posters look at who's promoting look at who were the host and just start talking to somebody that you see listed And if you are going to an event that says that it has go-go dancers But maybe it doesn't have things like drag queens, please bring money to tip them
01:01:13
Speaker
yeah And be on the lookout for Big Apple Jack's soon-to-come consultancy firm slash talent agency um We're just putting that into the universe just manifestation I think it has to be ah ah it What what is it? It's like we'll do we'll do ah Make it like a law firm ah Jackson, Jason and Sons. I love it. That's good. That's good. I mean, it's one of those corny, really like awful posters with like a really bad tagline about getting paid, you know. That'd be great. On all the buses in New York City.
01:01:58
Speaker
ah Thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate you and your time. Thanks for having me. Happy to come back another time. And until next time, bye. Yay.
01:02:28
Speaker
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