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How to Succeed in the Business of Pleasure with Marla Renee Stewart
28 Plays6 months ago
SUMMARY
Welcome to another episode of Dirty Money with Bevin and Mike. Today, we're thrilled to welcome Marla Renee Stewart, a certified sexologist and strategist renowned for her contributions to sexual liberation and education. As the owner of Velvet Lips and the founder of the Sex Down South Conference, Marla brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to our conversation today.
Marla is an award-winning sexologist and a dedicated educator currently pursuing her PhD in Clinical Sexology. Her work spans somatic bodywork, sex education, and therapeutic techniques, creating a comprehensive approach to help individuals and couples embrace their sexuality fully. Marla is passionate about leading people away from shame and stigma, believing that embracing our sexual selves can profoundly influence the rest of our lives.
In this episode, we chat about Marla's new program, "Be Sexcessful," designed to guide sex industry professionals in growing their businesses. We also explore the various areas of Marla's work, her journey to success, and her strategies to maintain strong connections and community. Marla shares her thoughts on the benefits of being an entrepreneur and the importance of love and pleasure in our lives.
TOPICS
[1:30] Marla’s New Program: Be Sexcessful
[5:45] How Marla’s Business Grew
[12:55] The Different Facets of Marla’s Work
[18:19] Business Strategy
[25:02] The Benefits of being an Entrepreneur
[29:55] Maintaining Strong Connections & Community
[36:55] What’s Next for Marla & Final Thoughts
RESOURCES & LINKS
Connect with Marla Renee Stewart
Instagram: @1marlastewart
YouTube: Marla Renee Stewart - YouTube
Website: https://www.marlareneestewart.com/
Other Resources Mentioned:
CONTACT INFO
Bevin Morgan:
Instagram: @bevinmorgan & @temple_eanna
Website: www.templeeanna.com & BevinMorgan.com
Mike Poulin:
Instagram: @mjpou56
Dirty Money Podcast:
Instagram: @dirtymoney_podcast
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Dirty Money Podcast
00:00:10
Speaker
Welcome to Dirty Money with Bevin. And Mike. A space to talk about financial topics for folks who don't fit into traditional financial spaces. We believe money is a tool for everyone. Our mission is to provide a literal microphone and platform for queer, BIPOC, polyamorous, and sex-positive individuals. No topic is off the table here.
00:00:31
Speaker
That being said, one tiny little housekeeping note. For those listening who may have others with sensitive ears, the listener discretion is advised because we do not censor ourselves. That's right. You've been warned, but enough from us. Let's get this episode started.
Introducing Marla Renee Stewart
00:00:53
Speaker
Welcome back to Dirty Money with Bevin and Mike. My name is Bevin.
00:00:59
Speaker
And with me as always is. Hello, it's me, Mike. Yay. Hi, Mike. And today I am super excited because we have in my, like, I don't know, I, I, Marla, I feel like you were kind of my introduction to the sex positive world. I literally stalked you when I first met you and I was just like, Oh my God, I have to know her. So.
00:01:24
Speaker
Very excited to have Marla Renee Stewart on the show today. And will you please just tell the people who you are, what you're about, and why they should also be excited about you?
Marla's Career and Passion
00:01:33
Speaker
Oh, gosh. Sure. Well, hey, y'all. It's lovely to be here. I'm happy to be here with you, Kevin and Mike. I am Marla Renee Stewart. I am a certified sexologist, an award-winning certified sexologist, sexual strategist.
00:01:54
Speaker
run my own sex education company to help individuals and folks in relationships with their sex lives. That company is called Velvet Lips. I am also one of the co-founders of the Sex Down South Conference that happens in Atlanta every year. We're in our 10th year this year.
00:02:14
Speaker
And I also, gosh, I do so many things. I teach at Clayton State University. I teach one to two classes a semester. I'm currently getting my PhD in clinical sexology, which is great. And I also run a series, a racing kink series that we've been doing since 2020, Luna Matatus and I. That has also been award-winning.
00:02:41
Speaker
So I've just been doing a lot of, I do a lot of things around sex, sexuality, and helping folks around sexual liberation. Like that is ultimately my passion is to help people with their, you know, lead people on the, on the, on the good path of, you know, sexual liberation away from shame or away from stigma. And, you know, cause I just feel like when we have
00:03:07
Speaker
really, when we embrace our whole selves, our whole sexual selves, we can, that can really influence the rest of our lives. So I feel really passionately about that. I love everything. One of the things you just said, do you, do you want to talk about successful?
Entrepreneurship in Sex Education
00:03:26
Speaker
Oh yeah. Oh my gosh. Yes. And then I just, I know, right? You're like, wait a minute. Yeah. I have like 80 billion things.
00:03:35
Speaker
Yeah, so I just recently launched a new program for sex-based and erotic-based entrepreneurs called a successful, be successful business program. And it basically goes step by step on how to help folks get to six figures in their business. And so this is mainly for beginning folks, but for folks who have been in this industry for a while too, this can also be helpful for them.
00:04:02
Speaker
Um, but ultimately it's for folks who are getting started in this industry and who want to figure out how to get there because I know for me and my own personal journey, like it's taken me, you know, it took me, you know, I dunno.
00:04:17
Speaker
12 years to get to that mark. And so I'm basically teaching people sort of step by step on how to do that, giving them all the tools that I've learned and just being like, here, work it out. So that is ultimately, yes, do it, hear the tools, do it, please. Cause I, you know, I get a lot of, I'm busy, you know, I get a lot of people referring to me and it's just like, I need other people who are doing something similar or who want to get into this industry or
00:04:48
Speaker
You know, cause I just get a lot of people who are like, Marla, I want to do what you do. And I'm like, great. Now what? And I used to send them to other people and now I'm just like, y'all here it is. So I just built the program and just, I'm like, there you go. Please have it. Have these steps.
00:05:06
Speaker
That's very cool.
Financial Insights in Sex Work
00:05:07
Speaker
And I want to dig into that a little bit because you mentioned that the I guess like kind of the promise of the program is step by step, eventually we're going to get you to six figures. And I feel like that amount is so important because in the research that I've done, folks
00:05:24
Speaker
And I don't know exactly like how broad this definition is, but like folks in the sex positive, you know, sex work industry are making on average between like 30 and $50,000 a year, regardless of whether they're doing content or like dancing or doing like sex education. So what has your experience been just being in the industry for so many years around like the money of it, you know, the finances?
00:05:49
Speaker
Yeah, so my experience, you know, I went from, I shared my story in that the professionals guide to, oh my God, what is it called again? Sexuality consultation. But in my foreword, I talked about how
00:06:08
Speaker
You know, I came into this business and then I was doing workshops and seeing clients and then it was just like all of a sudden I wasn't getting anyone. Right. And my life was kind of like, what am I doing?
00:06:23
Speaker
And I ended up getting a, um, uh, the university job and it was a full time lecture position. And during that time, it was the most money that I had seen at 48 K I was, uh, it was salaried, right. It was a government job. So, you know, you only get paid once a month. So, you know, you got to make that stretch for however long. Right. And, um, but it was the most money I'd seen. And I was like, Oh my gosh. Okay. Am I, what's going on here?
00:06:50
Speaker
And what I realized is that, okay, this is great, but also my business was just kind of not doing much. You know, I wasn't making much because I was solely focused, you know, 40 hours on this university gig.
00:07:06
Speaker
Um, but after that gig, they asked me to come back another year and I said, yes. And I was just like, but that still is putting my business behind during this time. Finally, I kind of started to, I ended up getting on a Netflix show and that helped to increase my visibility during this time. I also, you know, was doing sex down, just began sex down South. So things are just sort of kind of picking up for me in the sense of.
00:07:36
Speaker
my popularity. And from there, that's when I was finally able to be like, okay, I'm not gonna do full time. Let me I'll teach because I like I like access. I'm a you know, academic at heart, but I do like access to journal articles. So that's why I still continue to keep teaching.
Impact of the Pandemic on Business
00:07:55
Speaker
But
00:07:57
Speaker
As far as the money portion, I realized, oh my God, when I started working for myself and investing in myself and putting the work in for myself, my money, it was just, you know, it started to come up and up and up and I was just like, okay, this is interesting.
00:08:15
Speaker
It was during the pandemic that I, you know, reached six figures and this was kind of like, wow, this is kind of like, okay. I had put all the pieces in place to be successful in the pandemic ahead of time. Right. So I was already taking Skype calls before zoom, you know, there was Skype y'all. I don't know if you will remember, but you know, I was taking video calls from people all around the world.
00:08:43
Speaker
I was had all of these things had already set up. So by the time the pandemic rolled around, I was equipped. And so when people people came in panicking with their sex lives, you know, during the pandemic, so I was very, very busy. And yeah, it's funny, you should mention that because I also feel like the well,
00:09:06
Speaker
It sounds like your work kind of toes the line of, of, you know, like seeing a sex therapist or a therapist in general. During the pandemic, it was so hard to get a therapist.
00:09:19
Speaker
everyone and their mother was taking therapy. So I'm sure that any of these industries that like toe the line or like really close to, you know, the people that, right. Like, hey, let's talk about this. Hey, let's talk about this subject. And yeah, I mean, you know, I feel like a lot of couples or partners really kind of had to sit with their
00:09:47
Speaker
their sex lives together. There was no distractions of going to work or bringing the kids to this thing or that thing. And so I'm sure, yeah, just.
00:09:59
Speaker
open the can for you, I'm sure. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.
Marla's Approach to Sex Education
00:10:05
Speaker
And it was it was fantastic. So what I do when I call myself a sexual strategist is I use, you know, sex therapeutic techniques. I also use somatic bodywork techniques, as well as comprehensive sex ed. So I do sort of a triangulation of all of these different things within my program to help individuals and folks in relationships. You know, I'm sorry. Good.
00:10:29
Speaker
I was just saying, I've, I've heard from some folks who are interested in getting into like sex therapy or, you know, couples coaching counseling. And that's like the argument that I hear is like, do I actually want to become a therapist? Because I would really love to be able to keep using somatic practices in my work because it's like, when you're talking about sex, sometimes you have to like touch somebody, you know, like demonstrate or whatever. So it's, it's interesting to me that that's part of your practice.
00:10:57
Speaker
Oh yeah, absolutely. Cause I mean, that's, that's always been a part of my practice. Um, because I just believe in the power of touch and the healing, the healing power really of touch. And we see that right from the pandemic. We've, we've seen it from, you know, all of those gaps of people who are touch deprived. I mean, I, you know, I knew touch or I, I feel like most of us probably know that touch is important if we're in this industry and we know that touch is very, very important.
00:11:25
Speaker
So yeah, I had to make sure that was a part of my program because I don't know. I feel like you can't learn sexual skills without learning touch. You know what I mean? I have to be like, touch your partner here, put your hand here, you know, put your mouth here. This is what you do. You know, like.
00:11:44
Speaker
So without those sort of step-by-step things, that's the, you know, we're not going to get far. You know, even as a sex therapist, they just don't have, unfortunately, they just don't have the capacity, but they are unable to. They're restricted from, you know, doing any kind of like sexual touch or intimate touch. I think they may hug clients.
00:12:09
Speaker
But they're always scared, you know, that they're going to get their license taken away or have some sort of issue. And I just don't want to be put in that position. Yeah, yeah. You know, I mean, and it's on the one hand, I get it in this, especially in this country, we're very litigious here. And I honestly feel like in the United States, we have a hard time understanding how to create those boundaries between
00:12:39
Speaker
just like intimacy in general, like platonic intimacy and like pervenous, I guess. It's like, where's the line? But I think one thing that's interesting, and you and I, Marla, have had this conversation before, is like on the continuum of, you know, sex positive work, like how do you categorize
Identity and Skills in Sex Work
00:13:00
Speaker
yourself? You know, it's like, do you use the phrase sex worker? Like, what do you say to that?
00:13:06
Speaker
Yeah, I think it depends on the context and where I'm at and how I'm doing, what I'm doing, right? So typically in an academic audience, I'm probably going to say I'm a sex researcher because I do, I get contracted out for sex research by different universities. So I could say I'm a sex researcher. I'm also a sex educator. So, you know, I always teach for sex shops. I've taught my own workshops.
00:13:33
Speaker
I'm also a, you know, the kind of general blanket would probably also be a sex coach.
00:13:40
Speaker
So someone who can help you with your sex life sort of in general. I do, if I'm doing any kind of like pro-dom, kink, work, body work stuff, I definitely identify as a sex worker in that aspect. If I'm using my body to connect with another person's body, yeah, I would say absolutely, I would consider myself a sex worker. For someone who is doing somatic body work, there's,
00:14:10
Speaker
Don't know kind of for me. It seems unreasonable not to see yourself as a sex worker So I am exchanging you know My services that my touching services for money and period So and I'm asking a lot of questions I'm curious So when it comes to your business
00:14:37
Speaker
itself, like you mentioned, you do fall into a lot of different categories. And I feel like for whatever reason, a lot of folks in the sex workspace do that. It's like, you know, I do tantric massage, but I also like host workshops, I do this, I do that. So a couple of questions in there. One is like, how does that actually affect your business and your bottom line?
00:15:01
Speaker
Is that what you want to be doing or is there something that you kind of have started to focus on or want to start focusing on? And then how did you get into this space where it's like, I do all of the things like, come find me.
00:15:16
Speaker
Yeah, so I think one of the ways that I kind of came started doing more kinds of things is because I honed in perfect imperfected one thing, right? And that one thing before was sex research. So when I was in school, I was doing sex research, so I was hired to do sex research. So that was kind of my starting point. So I was good at it, did evaluations, got hired, you know, and
00:15:43
Speaker
from there, you know, people might still have my contact information. So even throughout the years, when I'm just like, you know, I'm doing education now or whatever, people are like, well, can you do work on this sex research project, you know, and I'm not the one to turn any money down. So, you know, like, I'm like, yeah, you know, I will work on your project or whatever, right, as long as I have the capacity.
00:16:07
Speaker
So I think over the years, it's sort of once it's just sort of been stacked, right? So I began there from there, you know, did education from education to coaching, coaching to, you know, whatever, right? Like the bodywork piece has always been a part of the coaching. So that really came after sort of the research education piece. So I think it's just sort of like,
00:16:36
Speaker
You know, it's sort of like you get good at a skill, right? You're like, all right, what's next? What's that next skill? All right, let me go ahead and do that thing. So for me, as far as affecting my business, it, those things have left pathways and people remember, Oh, Marla does this thing. And so they'll call me up and be like, Oh, can you do this? Or can you do that? Or, um, so that,
00:17:04
Speaker
So I don't know if it helps my business, absolutely, but I definitely think as a business, if you're just starting off to focus, to hone in kind of on one thing and from there, you know, do your expansion or whatever's next, right? So for me, I'm like, okay, I ran a sex conference, I'm doing this and all right, these things are in place and now let's do some sex based erotic based business coaching. All right, let's go there.
00:17:32
Speaker
And sometimes the people who who is your audience that shifts. Right. So all the people.
Pricing Strategies in Sex Work
00:17:42
Speaker
So as I was doing my velvet lip stuff, I realized, OK, I have a lot of people who are following me who are educators, therapists, sex coaches who want to do what I'm doing. Clearly, they're copying me or, you know, I have colleagues that people people be copying. Right. But
00:18:01
Speaker
You know, they they're like, I want to do what you're doing. And like, great. So now I realize, OK, I just need to turn this into another aspect of my business. I have a question about all this type of work. The different kind of like, you know, as I'm a.
00:18:24
Speaker
Small business coach. So, you know, it's like my mind is like, okay, well, how do you price these things? What's your, what's your strategy when it comes to coaching versus whatever other options you offer in terms of your, your products? How do you, how do you, or what have you found has worked for you in this journey?
00:18:56
Speaker
Hmm. That's a great question because like as a sex educator, there's a typical standard of, uh, so like I belong to this group, we call ourselves the sex educators union number 69. And in this union, right? We have like documents that say like, Hey, you know,
00:19:16
Speaker
I'm charged this much for a workshop. This is typical of when you go when you teach at a sex shop or this is typical when you maybe see a client. There's different ranges and I feel like when you're beginning
00:19:31
Speaker
you know, of course, your price point, you know, probably would need to be lower, because you need to have the experience. And once you get the experience and everything under your belt, you built a program or you see what what your people need, then you're I feel like you're able to up your price. I remember
00:19:53
Speaker
And Bevan, you might remember this or not, but there was a woman in one of our groups and I remember she was a sex therapist and she was trying to charge like $25,000 for like a VIP day. And now maybe I'm being petty. I don't know. We love it.
00:20:23
Speaker
But I was like, and maybe it's my ego. So I'm going to say that too. Like, but I was just like, I wouldn't even charge $25,000 for a VIP day. Nobody knows who you are. What makes you think you can charge $25,000 for a VIP day? So I was just kind of like, sometimes I think people are like in
00:20:47
Speaker
I don't know, I don't want to say like disillusionment, but it's sort of like they just don't know how to price their things. And they think if they price it really high that people are going to think, Oh, you're, you're, you must be the best. Well, so that, yeah, I mean, so that comes into whole, you know, the market research, right? You're like pricing point. But if you don't know,
00:21:10
Speaker
with this industry is so niche. I feel like it's hard for someone potentially to do that proper research if they don't know the right people to talk to. Whereas, as you just said, you guys have a document that lists for the different types of things that you guys do, the collective of you, what you all charge. But if someone's
00:21:38
Speaker
They don't know about that union 69. And I don't know what kind of advertising you all do in terms of your services outside of your internal documents. It might be really hard for them to know, unless if they've been through one of your workshops or been a client or something like that, they may just have no idea.
00:22:03
Speaker
So there might be just some barriers. Yeah, but that's also a part of it, right? So if you have no idea to put a price point at 25K for an audience that you don't have access to for the 25K, I feel like there's a gap, right? There's a gap. But as far as beginning people, when you see
00:22:32
Speaker
Who's charging for what? You see, how long have they been in this industry? What are they charging? What are they charging for? How can they charge that much? You know, I think there's various aspects that need to be put into consideration. You know, it's interesting though, because I feel like
00:22:53
Speaker
the $25,000 price point, it's one of those things that seems to come out of this new ish like online idea of like, charge your worth, like charge for your value, which I do feel like is very important. But you know, Marla, you and I met in a specific program where it's very much like, you should be charging more if you whatever you're charging right now, double your prices.
00:23:16
Speaker
if you just double them, quadruple them, you know, and it's like on the one hand, yes, for the most part, especially women, and especially women of color, and especially, especially black women.
00:23:28
Speaker
chances are you are undercharging. So it's like that message makes sense in a lot of ways, but you're absolutely right, Marla. It's like if you started yesterday and you've had zero clients, like 25K is probably not the price. But again, to your point, Mike, it's kind of hard to know if like, especially if you just haven't done the research at all to know. So you're right.
00:23:55
Speaker
Yeah. If I Google your name and there's only a half a page of results, I'm not giving you 25K. I mean, there's always, I mean, I feel like there might be.
00:24:11
Speaker
one buyer that's into that. I don't know. I said I might be being petty. I'm being a, you know, maybe they're just for clients. That's it. Yeah.
00:24:31
Speaker
Talk about that soft life. I work four days a week, four days a year. Perfect. Yeah. Yeah. The rest of the research. Yeah. Hey, I, yeah, I don't want to, I'm trying not, I'm not, I was slightly also being petty with that, but. Yeah. Well, so.
00:25:00
Speaker
As I kind of alluded to this earlier, but like, so you've got successful going on. I know that's your kind of newest jam and, um, you and I are working on a project. So like, obviously you just have a ton of your plate. Is there a direction that you're wanting to focus or is this just like how you live your life and you love it? Yeah, I think this is just how I live my life. I get approached a lot around collaborations.
00:25:27
Speaker
So I am never short of collaborations or random ideas, right? During the pandemic, I woke up one morning and I was like, dick fest! And I was like, boom, let's do it. My mind is so like, it runs. And so whatever new idea pops up from whatever inspired me that I'm going to run with.
00:25:53
Speaker
That's what I really enjoy about being an entrepreneur. One, I make my own hours on vacation. I don't want to work when I don't want to work. But also, I'm able to put these fun, kooky ideas into however I want and see what pans out, right?
00:26:13
Speaker
that's awesome also i'm i'm saying it now that that clip is going to be for social media about distance sorry that's that's going to be the one going on on instagram so calling it i already i already wrote down the i already noted the timestamp so
00:26:36
Speaker
Perfect, perfect. Well, so you mentioned that like a lot of the stuff that you do comes from collaborations, folks reaching out, obviously, you know, you're well known to people like, oh shit, like Marla is the one, like let's talk to her.
Community and Relationships
00:26:50
Speaker
So like, what is your relationship with community? Because it sounds like it's deeply important to your work. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Well, you know, I belong to many different communities. And I think that's one of the
00:27:04
Speaker
best things about, I guess, how I move in the world. You know, I had a birthday party once and I have birthday parties. Just one time. I know. Just this one time. I had a carnival birthday party one time.
00:27:19
Speaker
And at my carnival, I had all sorts of different people. And I remember people just coming up to me and being like, you have a very eclectic group of friends, right? Like I had a mobile spank booth. I had people who were body workers. We did like some touching stuff. I had kids there who were doing, you know, cherry pie eating contests. I had
00:27:41
Speaker
Mexican rock band I had you know flame a flame dance fire dancers I had like all sorts of different fun stuff and people were just like I had the best time I had like 30 people who crashed at my house that night but it was just like 200 people showed up at my house and you know it was just like I
00:28:03
Speaker
wow, you have just so many different kinds of people here and everybody had fun. And so I think because of that part of myself and how I move in the world, I'm able to connect to different kinds of communities. And within those different kinds of communities, I'm able to, I guess, sort of navigate, you know, how I do work, right?
00:28:29
Speaker
I recently just had a meeting with someone who was just like, Marla, I love what you're doing. Like you are like doing stuff for like black sexual liberation, but you like move in these white communities like easily. And you move, you like, you move, you know, you just kind of are all in these different communities. And I was like, Oh my gosh, I do. I do. I, like, it's something I never realized because that's how I've been my whole entire life. You know what I mean?
00:28:54
Speaker
And so with interacting with different kinds of communities, I'm able to make those connections and able to pose ideas from different collaborations that I had. Right. So, um, even for like, yeah, just my past, like I've done stuff on like HIV research and whatnot. And I'm like, Oh my gosh.
00:29:14
Speaker
I'm going to, I'm working on a pleasure guide for this, you know, work group. So it's just like for, for folks who, you know, I'm calling it something I'm working on the title, but I think I love this title, but, um, it's sort of like just different ideas that pop up from all the different communities that I work with and interact with. I love that. Well, so, and it's like, I happen to know that you were pretty extroverted and I found that out when you told me how you met your wife and I was like, okay, I don't,
00:29:43
Speaker
I didn't know that people just talk to people anymore, like, cool, cool, cool, cool, proud of you for that. But so like with the fact that you have such like various communities, and it sounds like over like a breath of life and experience, like how do you maintain those connections? Because I feel like, right, like community is so deep and it's juicy. And I feel like the world hopefully is waking up to this idea that we have to have each other. So like, how do you do that?
00:30:13
Speaker
You know, that's a really great question. I, you know, I interact with different people when I, so I, you know, a lot, lots of Marco polos, you know, that app Marco polos. And basically kind of like you record messages and send them to people and people record messages and then back to you as a video. So you can just like check it on your own time kind of thing.
00:30:41
Speaker
So it's like great for busy people. So I keep in contact with a lot of people via Marco Polo. I text people when I'm thinking about them. And I sometimes I just text something simple, small, like, I love you. I'm thankful for you. Or like, I want to see you or whatever. I do community events. So because I'm able to make the money that I'm making, sometimes I do lots of free events.
00:31:12
Speaker
That I can connect to community with and you know be a part of the community about to do I think some panel for like southern fried queer pride In Atlanta, so like sometimes I just do community events just to hang out and be with community most people know that I'm an in-person person and So, you know, they don't they don't get mad at me too much for now being on social media as much as I maybe should be I don't know but
00:31:41
Speaker
I feel like the people who love me and know me know that, you know, they just need to send me a Marco Polo or say hi or give me a phone call, you know? Um, but yeah, I think I curate community events too. Like I do events because I want to connect to community and being in person is my jam. And I feel like you're, you're going to be able to experience me wholly in person as opposed to
00:32:10
Speaker
via some app or yeah and even virtual is not that bad as you see I'm very animated but you know it's just kind of uh it's it's it's I'm also touchy feely person too you know what I mean and um and I think there's something to be said around you know being in person and and getting in some another person's energy
00:32:32
Speaker
So I feel like what I'm hearing you say is show up, leave your house. And if you already have community that just folks that you love, don't be afraid to tell them that you love them. Yeah. You know, in this 2024 day and age, you can just send somebody a random text and it doesn't. It doesn't. It really doesn't. And it's really interesting too, because someone, I don't know if it was a complaint
00:32:57
Speaker
It was some somebody said, Marla, you tell everybody you love them. And I was like, because I do. And also, like, why are you trying to regulate on the love that I got? I don't know how much love you got. Maybe you just got a little bit and you can only give it out in little bitty pieces. I don't know. But I got a lot and I can give it and I can say it. So it's not it's.
00:33:23
Speaker
It doesn't run out. I don't understand. Right. It's not pizza. Just keep pouring. Right. Right. So I was just like, if I got here, clearly you're not part of my community. Right. Yeah.
00:33:43
Speaker
Well, it's funny you should bring that up because I actually I've had to I've kind of had that conversation with one of my partners where it was like I need to preface me saying this to you so you understand how I view the word because I feel like that word has so many different meanings for so many different people.
00:34:07
Speaker
whether it's the way that you were brought up, whether it's the way you move in relationships, whether there's societal, whatever, you know, the whole like, I love you.
00:34:17
Speaker
It can mean so many different things to so many different people. And it was one of those conversations that I had to be like, hey, look, I just like to let friends, family, people I'm seeing, I like to use the word love. I use it endlessly with no intention of you having to say it back to me. That's not why I say it.
00:34:46
Speaker
and just really having that conversation before I actually said it, to let them know that, one, there was no pressure to say it back. But it just, at the moment, that's how I was feeling. I felt very supported, felt very seen, and I wanted to let them know that that's what I was feeling, but I also know that that word has so much
00:35:13
Speaker
has so many varying degrees of weight for people, I think. But yeah, it's like I try not to, and it kind of stems back from me. I think I've talked about this story before in the podcast, but I'm gonna say it anyway. On my 22nd birthday, I was getting ready to go out and my grandmother called me.
00:35:41
Speaker
And she was 70 at the time, so not super old. And I just kind of like rushed her off the phone because I'm like, I wanted to, I was getting ready about to pregame with some friends and she just kind of called it an opportune time. And I didn't even, I think, you know, I think she said, you know, have fun. I love you. I was like, I just replied. I was like, yeah. Like I didn't say I love you back. And then three days later, she died.
00:36:10
Speaker
And that was all I remember. It was like, I didn't even tell her that I loved her, even though I do. And so since that moment, that was 13 years ago at this point. It's like, I don't ever want to put myself in that situation again, where I don't tell the people that matter to me that I love that I love them. Yeah.
00:36:40
Speaker
Yeah, that's such a great story. And I feel the same exact way.
Living with Love and Pleasure
00:36:48
Speaker
And I feel like if there's any literature that anybody needs to read, it's the literature that people are writing on their deathbeds.
00:36:58
Speaker
And once you read those stories, you'll come to realize like, oof, life is way too short to be regulating on how much love you do and how many times you want to say, I love you or whatever. You know what I mean? And that's a beautiful story to really illustrate that point. Thank you for sharing. Man, that is powerful.
00:37:23
Speaker
And I feel like it just speaks to what you do in this work, Marla, and why Mike and I are trying to share these stories because, unfortunately, in this country and in the world, there is so much shame around love and pleasure and all the things attached to it.
00:37:45
Speaker
And honestly, like if I had to sit and think about it, I think it's because love and pleasure are so powerful. And if you live your life from both of those places, like you were too free to give a fuck. Like you can't be somebody system, right? Okay. Exactly. Period. Say that somewhere too free to give a fuck.
00:38:26
Speaker
Are we really about to tie this conversation back to the things we always tie it back to? Of course. Yes. Bring us home, Mike. Bring us home.
00:38:37
Speaker
Well, you just, I mean, the whole idea of what you were just talking about and not giving a fuck about systems, right? Are the very systems that continuously are in play, especially in our country, but globally, meaning capitalism, the patriarchy, white supremacy, you know, just all the systems that are making
00:39:07
Speaker
that are making the vibe incorrect. As the kids would say, I think. The vibe's off. But yeah, so we, I mean, we constantly talk about how, whether it be living outside of the
00:39:30
Speaker
straight monogamous box. And, you know, that in and of itself is like a defiance of most of the systems in this country. But yeah, the more that you are kind of in tune to what you want to do, I feel like the less you give a fuck about what you're supposed to do. So it all kind of always comes back to that.
00:39:59
Speaker
Yeah, always. Always. Well, so we are I don't we've talked about some cool stuff but I just I want to make sure Marla that we are like digging into your brain as much as we can in our short period of time. So
00:40:16
Speaker
before we sign off, will you please let us know what is on your horizon? Like clearly it's a lot, but what are you most excited about? It's a big horizon. It's a beautiful, big horizon. But so like, what are you most excited about? And then is there anything that you haven't birthed into the world that's like currently germinating inside of your psyche? Ooh.
00:40:42
Speaker
Yes. Okay.
Future Aspirations
00:40:45
Speaker
Wait. First part was, the first part of the question was, what am I doing in the world? Yeah. Like what's coming next? What's next? Oh, what's coming next? I, you know, honestly, I think what's coming next is generally, so I'm, I'm currently working on, you know,
00:41:05
Speaker
getting the successful program, you know, up and running and doing that. I'm also working on a program for people who want to improve their sex lives. So I'm calling them Marla's Erotic Engineers or the ME program. So it's designed for people, so, you know, singles, folks who are in relationships, and then folks who are in long term relationships. So those three sections. So I'm currently working on that. And
00:41:36
Speaker
One of my fantasies is to be in a major motion picture movie. That is one of my biggest dreams and fantasies since I was a child. I used to act in many plays and I did a couple films that premiered in San Francisco.
00:41:57
Speaker
I kind of want to get back into acting again. And so I don't know if I want to get back into acting again, I kind of just want to be in a movie. Let's let's let's let's hold on, you know, because memory, you know, stepping in a perimenopause, like one toe at a time right now.
00:42:16
Speaker
I like the memory and all that great. So would this be would this be movie? Are we wanting leave role? Are we typecasting to be like the sex therapist that you know, they they I don't care. No, I don't care. I would like at least one line in a major where your name is saying I had a line and be like I said this line and then like that is like a
00:42:44
Speaker
a goal for me, so I'm just going to keep speaking that out into existence and whatnot. How do you feel about being in a Tyler Perry movie? Would that be okay? There's no wrong answer. That's a charged question for me. Because Atlanta, like Tyler Perry Studios, you know, so I'm just no wrong answer.
00:43:10
Speaker
I'm just saying like it could be an easy entree. I don't know. I wouldn't be opposed. Okay. I wouldn't be opposed. I mean, I guess beggars can be choosers, right? So you can, you can, you can create whatever life you want, Marla. If it's a note of Tyler, you can be like, I, I, you know, congratulations on your success, but no, your word.
00:43:38
Speaker
I mean, I would do it for Tyler Perry, you know, I would do it for Tyler Perry. I mean, you know, he has close friends with Oprah. So maybe I can get in, you know, maybe I can use my charisma to be like, Hey, hey, hey, let me talk to your girl Oprah. You know, let's see if that works out. You know what I mean? So you heard it here first, folks. Major motion picture on the big screen. Is it doesn't need to be on the big screen, not as straight to Netflix or whatever.
00:44:07
Speaker
Okay, Paso, did we lose you? I think we lost Marla. Okay, there's no sound. You did. Okay, I didn't hear what you said, I'm sorry. Okay, so I said, the goal, so major motion film, does it need to be on the big screen? Or can it be like straight to Netflix? What are we doing? Yes, I would love to be on the big screen. It could be straight to Netflix. That's fine too. I just want a movie. I just want to be in a movie where people go, Marla, you know,
00:44:37
Speaker
Right now, you know, they see me on TV, a little of the clips and people see me. I'm like, I want to be in a film where like, the way your camera just zoomed in on you when you said you're on TV was really strange. It was kind of perfect. It was kind of perfect. I loved it. Yeah. Well, that being said, we do need to we do need to wrap things up.
00:45:03
Speaker
But we really appreciated you being here today, Marla. It was great getting to know your journey and your story. I'm so excited to see what comes next. Before we sign off, any last parting words of wisdom for our listeners? Yes, absolutely. Make sure you try everything at least three times.
00:45:26
Speaker
Don't give up on the first or second try, try everything at least three times. And then on the third time, if it ain't your jam, it ain't your jam. Come back to it 10 years later and then see if it's your jam again. So that's what I say. I love that. And then last, last, last thing, where's like the number one place that people can find you? MarlaReneeStewart.com.
00:45:48
Speaker
Great. All right. Go to the website. We'll put in the show notes. Marla, thank you so much for coming. This was amazing. You know that I love you. I love you. And, um, and so until next time, everybody, this has been us on dirty money. We love you. Thank you for being here and we'll talk to you soon. Bye.
00:46:24
Speaker
If you've enjoyed today's episode, please don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That's the easiest way to support our show. We hope you took away a new nugget of information or perspective today, and we're grateful you took the time to listen to us. Until next time, bye. Bye.