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Season Two Finale: Wrap it UP! (Bevin’s Love Life, that is)
57 Plays8 months ago
SUMMARY
Welcome to the season 2 finale of Dirty Money with Bevin and Mike! In this episode, we catch up with Bevin and Mike and take a journey through the highlights of this season, from Bevin's recovery after a recent ankle injury to Mike's ventures into content creation and what it means to actually ‘do the work.’ Get ready for a fun chat filled with laughter, wisdom, and unexpected tangents as we look ahead to the exciting plans for season three.
TOPICS
[0:55] Catching up with Bevin
[6:22] Relationships and Self-Work
[17:25] Understanding Self-Work
[33:55] Starting the Self-Work Process
[43:15] Overcoming Fears and Self-Belief
[56:05] Mike's Life Update
[1:06:50] Final Thoughts
RESOURCES & LINKS
Other Resources Mentioned:
CONTACT INFO
Bevin Morgan:
Instagram: @bevinmorgan & @temple_eanna
Website: www.templeeanna.com & BevinMorgan.com
Mike Poulin:
Instagram: @mjpou56
Dirty Money Podcast:
Instagram: @dirtymoney_podcast
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Content Warning
00:00:10
Speaker
Welcome to Dirty Money with Bevin. And Mike. A space to talk about financial topics for folks who don't fit into traditional financial spaces. We believe money is a tool for everyone. Our mission is to provide a literal microphone and platform for queer, BIPOC, polyamorous, and sex-positive individuals. No topic is off the table here.
00:00:31
Speaker
That being said, one tiny little housekeeping note. For those listening who may have others with sensitive ears, the listener discretion is advised because we do not censor ourselves. That's right. You've been warned, but enough from us. Let's get this episode started. Oh, I forgot who's starting this. I mean, we have started.
Season 2 Recap: Personal Reflections
00:01:03
Speaker
Well, I guess welcome back, everybody. This is Dirty Money with Bevin. Hello. And Mike, me. Today is our season recap of season two, which is wild. I'm also keeping all of that beginning, by the way. I'm not editing that out. Bevin, how are you? What's going on? I'm doing my best.
00:01:33
Speaker
I am almost recovered from breaking my ankle in January. I know. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like that kind of coincides with the beginning of season two. So it was perfect. It was just like the whole season of ankleage. And it's funny because I think the, actually I think of the season opener, you're like, you've been going to the gym. I was like, I know I'm so excited. I've been so consistent. And then literally like broke my ankle the next day.
00:02:05
Speaker
But you're on the road to recovery. Things are going well. We're walking full weight on it. So that's... Yes. And I actually am back at the gym, which is great because that's the thing that's been giving me kind of like mental clarity lately.
00:02:29
Speaker
It's interesting cause I'm, I'm such a bad like routine person, but being consistent with the gym has been like magic for me. And I know people say that and they're like, oh, you know, it's like, go exercise is great for your mental health. But it turns out it's true.
00:02:51
Speaker
Yeah, you know, that is it's you don't necessarily have to be a routine girly to get the effects of the positive effects of of moving your body. Right. I think we're at the end of the day, whether you consistently go to the gym or you
00:03:12
Speaker
take your dog for a walk or you play with your children or you just move your body every day. If you just try to, like the core level, right? If you just try to move your body every day, that's what we're designed to do. It makes you feel good. It makes you feel good. Yeah. It's like, I remember this from prehistoric times. This is who I am as a human being. So that's, that's been good.
00:03:41
Speaker
But the other updates, you and I were talking about this before the show. My one year business anniversary is coming up on April 4th and it has been a time of reflection for me because I was looking at my like bank statement earlier today. I have made $6,000 in gross revenue in this business over the course of one entire year, which on the one hand,
00:04:10
Speaker
is better than some folks do in their first year of business. And on the other hand, those numbers will not continue to sustain me in my livelihood for very long. So that's been a lot to think about and contend with. And then like the last thing, you know, the dirty and the dirty money. I just broke up like yesterday over the course of like yesterday and this morning with
00:04:38
Speaker
Somebody who I was really like hoping the best for, I like, it seemed like a good fit. And I really thought that we were going to like make something happen. And then it turns out that he like can't handle an honest conversation or like adult difficult conversation. Emotionally mature conversation. No. Yeah. Like emotion, mature conversation.
00:05:06
Speaker
And then in addition to that, has the audacity to have all sorts of like weird things happening in his like relationship stuff, which honestly I'm fine with, but because we can't actually talk about it like grownups, it's just like, oh, so you're lying to me and like hiding. Well, I, I, um,
00:05:38
Speaker
happy that you, I'm not happy that you broke up. I'm happy that you're able to kind of put like feelings on those and understand that those are kind of, those are important things to have in a successful relationship.
00:06:00
Speaker
And now you just have data points, data points. Yeah. Here's the thing that like, like, let's talk about this because I feel like, you know, dirty money relationships, we can get into this.
Navigating Relationships and Self-Discovery
00:06:17
Speaker
It is, I, so, you know, when you go online, there's all this battle of the sexes conversation that's happening.
00:06:24
Speaker
And you know, everybody's not everybody, but a lot of people are talking about like attachment theory and how people are like, don't match up and need to learn how to communicate all this kind of stuff. But my thing is like, I am a 41 year old woman. This was a 41 year old man. I feel like the maturity should be there. And so if I can't expect, I know, I know. I'm like, if I can't expect like, even to be able to like,
00:06:55
Speaker
Honestly talk to somebody like what hope is there for relationships like what hope is there? Well, I think that so one of the things that I have learned through dating dating And now dating is being Identifying as polyamorous
00:07:20
Speaker
And as someone who is also going through a huge life change with recently separating, but not yet divorcing, those dating is just hard.
00:07:34
Speaker
I think that the more you learn about yourself and the more secure you are in yourself, and the things that you learn that are important to you. It just makes it that exponentially harder. Sorry, there's a net, and I got it. We're good. It was flying right in front of my face.
00:07:58
Speaker
It just, the more, it's like a graph, right? Where it's like, the more you learn about yourself and that gets higher, it's like the harder, so many people don't put in the work. Yeah. Yeah. I think people are, are
00:08:17
Speaker
As I think that so many people, regardless if you're monogamous or not, you can learn so much from what's happening in the polyhemeris circle in terms of like learning about yourself. I think personally, I've been on this journey of like,
00:08:36
Speaker
My primary partner I'm working towards is me, not any of my other partners. I need to feel secure in who I am, truly secure, not just saying I am, but having those hard conversations with myself. If I can have those hard conversations and honesty with myself and also talk to myself in a way that I would like to be talked to,
00:09:02
Speaker
that opens me up to build those connections with other people. The issue with that is not everyone's on that same journey. So it's like, you're available to have these conversations with other people, but then you meet them and you're like, oh, you haven't done any of these things.
00:09:21
Speaker
Right, and so I think that that's an important step. And that also helps you through your journey of dating, the more secure you are, the quicker you are to be able to be like, is this someone that is worth my time and energy? Or, you know, thank you next, right? Like, let's love to getting to know you, not what I'm looking for, move on, right?
00:09:49
Speaker
And I think that is the challenge that I, and perhaps I will have, is that I want almost everyone I meet to be the one, honestly. And it's funny because I- You need to be the one. But this is, okay, fine. Fine. If I must. Okay, so if I'm the one,
00:10:16
Speaker
What does that make all of the people who I could potentially be dating or in relationship with? They continue to enhance and bolster your relationship with yourself. As is what you bring to them should bolster and grow them as a human.
00:10:43
Speaker
And that is, you know, my partner and I just recently had a pretty in-depth kind of like touch base about our relationship. We've been dating now for eight months and there are
00:11:02
Speaker
You know, there's just a lot of moving parts in both of our lives. They are married as well. They have a lot of other connections. Their job, both of our jobs, multiple spread us a little thin in terms of creating space to spend time together. So we had a conversation
00:11:30
Speaker
to discuss like, what do we, what has gone well in our relationship? What are things that we both enjoy about the relationship? What are things that we might need more support on or talk about? And then how do we see, envision our relationship moving forward?
00:12:01
Speaker
And that was a two hour conversation. It was mostly, I would say 90% extremely positive. There were the thing that we kind of like, and what's wild to me is that
00:12:21
Speaker
never not once did I feel attacked, did I feel like him versus me. It was very much like, hey, let's talk about us and let's keep an open mind and open heart. And it was such a good kind of like touch base.
00:12:45
Speaker
that really kind of solidified kind of feelings and things that we were both kind of feeling, but we hadn't had the time to really talk about. And it really kind of helped us. I don't think we were ever not on the same page. We were just
00:13:04
Speaker
we were so busy with everything else that we weren't able to kind of like confirm with each other that's where we were. We were both reading the same book but different copies of the book, right? Like we were both there but we're both like looking at each other like where are they in the book, right? And so, but it's not also lost on me that
00:13:34
Speaker
It's both people need to be emotionally available to have that kind of conversation and to feel that safe. So it is not lost on me on how fortunate I am to have someone that, and the other thing that,
00:14:01
Speaker
really kind of hit home that he said in everything that he was talking about he's like I'm not trying to change you as a person in like some of the things that we were kind of talking about of like what are things that you know we might need more support or or not necessarily boundaries but like things that
00:14:20
Speaker
give pause or things that don't feel good. Like we still need to talk about those is he was like, I want to, I want us to grow together. I want us to work on these things, not a you versus me, but like, Hey, let's try to grow and not change each other, but like grow together. Like you need to do this and you need to do that, but like, Hey, let's try to do this. And yeah, just,
00:14:51
Speaker
35 years old, first partner to have that kind of conversation with. And like I said, it takes a lot. It is to have that kind of depth, vulnerability, and honesty. So many people are afraid of that.
00:15:14
Speaker
I think like honestly, like that annoys the shit out of me though. Like I'm going to be perfectly honest because it's like, that's what it means to be a human being. So I'm like, you can't just fucking say how you feel. Then like, what are you doing? Like, when did you stop growing as a person? Cause it's like, if you're seven or eight or 15 or 16 years old, I can understand being like, Ooh, what are people gonna think about me?
00:15:44
Speaker
I'm sorry, at the big ass age of 30, 40 and above, if you can't just say, this is how I feel, what the fuck are you doing? I think people are scared.
00:15:57
Speaker
I think people are, and once again, it comes back to if you're not having those conversations with yourself, if you're distracting yourself from other parts of yourself, if you aren't even letting yourself in on who you are,
00:16:14
Speaker
You can't let anyone else in because that door is locked, sealed, glued shut. You can't even get in there yourself. So that's where it all comes back to the like, if you're not working on your relationship with yourself, I truly believe that you are not going to have
00:16:34
Speaker
like secure, deep connections. You might have good connections. I'm not saying that like you're going to be a failure, but I think that in order to have that level, you have to go there first with yourself. So wait, well, so here's the thing though. I feel like there are so many people who talk about like doing the work and like getting real with yourself. Like we're using these kind of euphemistic phrases.
00:17:03
Speaker
And here's the reason why I know they're euphemistic when I was married and I was having the same conversations with my at the time 40 something year old husband I was like, you know, I feel like it's just it's really time for you to start doing the work and he was like What the fuck does that mean? So like for the people listening who are like, what does that mean? Like what does it mean? What does it mean?
Authenticity and Personal Growth
00:17:26
Speaker
Yeah
00:17:28
Speaker
You know, well, first of all, I'm going to preface this with, I am not a therapist. It's coming. Give me a few years, but what I have learned in my journey is the, when you actually sit with yourself and
00:17:53
Speaker
like listen to all the voices in your head. The things that, so for me, I think a big part of it in finding out who I was was letting go of certain things that society told me I needed to do. The biggest one being monogamy.
00:18:20
Speaker
Right. I think that that is probably been the biggest shift in letting go, letting go of expectations and listening to what my body, my mind is saying and reframing it from a, Oh, well, I've been told that that's bad. I think this also comes with being queer. Right. I think that those that actually who are
00:18:47
Speaker
like saying fuck the norm, right? You're already starting that path of like truly listening to yourself. And that's what I'm talking about when it comes to who are you rather than who are you trying to be? Who are...
00:19:07
Speaker
Are you you because you wanna be you? Or is the current version of yourself because society, because your mom, because your dad, because your siblings, because your friends, because your whatever is telling you that's who you need to be. That is the sitting with yourself, listening to all the voices. And that's where the whole like, so understanding your values.
00:19:34
Speaker
Right? So what is important to you? How do you spend your time when you don't have responsibilities or expectations? Listen to those. Lean into those. Right? Oh, I like to spend my time researching X, Y, and Z. Okay. Well, why haven't you like
00:20:00
Speaker
pursued that or why is that just something you do on your off time, but what you do for a living is completely different, right? All those aspects of your life, right? You and I both do this with our clients, with coaching, right? When it comes to money, the spending. Where do you spend your time, your money? Those tell you what your values are.
00:20:26
Speaker
then sitting and identifying what those values are and then being okay with those are your values because they may not align with what you've been told is correct. So the work is truly letting go of societal expectations in all aspects of your life.
00:20:52
Speaker
personal, financial, career, relational, every aspect, like truly taking the time to uncover every leaf of like, okay, this is what society says I need to do. How does that actually make me feel? Can I look back at what I've been doing? Have I been making mistakes? Have I been going against that grain? Why?
00:21:20
Speaker
And people are sometimes too afraid to ask themselves that question. And that I think, that's how you start doing the work. That's how you start being honest with yourself in terms of what am I doing? How do I actually feel about that? And if I just, and that's scary, right? That thinking of going against the grain, especially if you've never done it before,
00:21:50
Speaker
is super scary because I think we've talked about this in past episodes. A lot of times we just want community. We want to fit in. And so a lot of times what we do, even if it doesn't fit us, it is going against our own vibration of who we are and what we think is important. We've been so conditioned to that survival is to fit in, right? Well, and I feel like I reject that idea
00:22:19
Speaker
of that fear so much because like I've always been weird. So like, from the first time that I was in like a social setting outside of, you know, just my family home, you know, in kindergarten, people were like, why are you the way that you are? And I'm like, I don't, right? Like, I don't know what you even mean by that. So yeah, so like, I'm very okay, just being like, well, I'm always going to be weird. So I may as well just always be
00:22:46
Speaker
Well, and so you're at, in a way, you're at an advantage compared to people that didn't have that experience growing up, right? And so you have a leg up on being authentic. Yeah.
00:23:06
Speaker
I think that it truly comes down to, and I'm still very much figuring out who I am. I want to be very clear about that. I am continuing to figure out what's important to me. How can I make that a reality? And how do I envision my life and the things that I want out of it? And I think that that kind of baseline also scares the crap out of people.
00:23:35
Speaker
You know, that, that what they want, what they actually want out of life may be completely different from how they've been living their life for the last 30, 40 years. And so sometimes. So, so real quick, here's my thing. Cause like, I, I get it that folks may just be like, Oh, I've been doing all this. And now it turns out I actually want to do this. Ah, like I have to change. Ooh, that's scary.
00:24:03
Speaker
And here's my thing. So like bringing it back to money, the challenge that I have is that apparently the things that I truly love to do, like my baseline don't make any money because when I'm doing things that make me happy, the money isn't coming in. So it's like, that's the thing for me. It's just coming back to the site that we can be as authentic as we want to. But if that authenticity doesn't come with a paycheck,
00:24:30
Speaker
we have to shift ourselves somehow because of this society that we live in. Nobody's gonna be your patron for your authenticity. Yes. This is why I hate capitalism. And this is actually a conversation I had with one of my small business clients this week, where she has been struggling to fit in
00:25:00
Speaker
She has been having this business for the last 14 years and she has been struggling to, while she has done incredible things, it is not sustainable to create that stability. And so it's like that kind of conversation of this work is important, but at what cost, right? And so,
00:25:25
Speaker
I was like, we need to pivot potentially. We need to figure out how to play the system, right? How do we honor your values?
00:25:37
Speaker
and focus on, cause she also has like a side hustle of very creative things, including like crocheting and knitting. And she, it brings her so much joy. And so I'm like, okay, so how can we, she has a lot of personal issues with the space that she has been in trying to fit in. And I'm like, okay, well, it's okay.
00:26:01
Speaker
even after 14 years to realize, hey, I've done great work. I've done incredible things, but it is now time for me to shift my focus. And I'm going to focus on getting some sort of, you know, as shitty as this sounds, we need to find some nine to five job that she can help foster the things that are important to her, which is create the creative side, the creating,
00:26:27
Speaker
art, instructing, she's done like online courses to how to crochet, she loves that stuff. But we know after doing market research, it's not sustainable. So we have to create, we have to live within the system that we are in, unfortunately. So how do we do that? How do we pivot, right? And so that's been the focus of our goal, our coaching sessions is figuring out, you know,
00:26:55
Speaker
She's created content for these nonprofits and things like that. And it's like, okay, well, let's look at jobs like that can, can do that kind of work, but make you more money that we can really create that feeling of stability and baseline. So that gives you the time, energy, and freedom to do these other things that really fill your cup. Right.
00:27:22
Speaker
And so finding that balance, it's like a shitty conversation, but it's the reality of the system that we're in. And so that has been my focus with my clients that are struggling with building a small business that might not
00:27:37
Speaker
it's important work.
Balancing Passion and Financial Stability
00:27:39
Speaker
And, you know, but at the end of the day, we need to we unfortunately live in a society that, you know, there's just it's expensive to live, you know, and so can we find something that gives her the benefits for her and her partner, the stability to
00:28:00
Speaker
you know, they really wanna own a home and they just haven't been able to because contracting job after contracting job after contracting job.
00:28:08
Speaker
Great, you've done incredible things, but you deserve to make more money. So like, let's figure that out. What does that look like? What are things that we can, the soft skills that you've learned from this 14 years of being self-employed and roughing it and making it work to let's get past that. And sometimes that is being like, okay, well, for now I need that stability that comes with, you know,
00:28:39
Speaker
DC, she has the opportunity also to get a government job. The reality is those government jobs are very cushy, right? Is that so like she has the opportunity to really like, okay, this is going to be, you know, I'm going to get this.
00:28:54
Speaker
whatever nine to five that I just go to work, I do my work, I get a paycheck. It then allows me the weekends, it allows me evenings to focus on and create because that's what's, that's what the fields are called. So I hear that. I know. Well, and I mean, and like my resistance honestly is more than just
00:29:22
Speaker
You know, cause there is like a heart piece to just like wanting to create your own thing, wanting to own your own business. And I think there is something that happens where you're kind of like, well, again, this is the system that I live in. Like how can I actually get the money today that I need to pay my rent tomorrow? But the other thing that came up for me when you were saying that is you were talking about having the time and energy to do your creative thing because you now have this nine to five that's creating stability for you.
00:29:52
Speaker
Eight hours a day is your whole day. Um, like having time and energy after a work day, even if you're only putting in eight hours, cause you know, we're American. So we're like eight hours. That's nothing. No, it's a, it's a long time. So it's just, you know, again, it's like, I push back on that idea because, and again, before we started having the podcast conversation, you and I were talking about workplaces and unfortunately,
00:30:22
Speaker
I have yet to find a workplace that truly honors their employees, respects their time, and wants them to have any type of life outside of work. They do not give a shit about your life. Work-life balance, that's marketing.
00:30:42
Speaker
Well, I do want to, I do want to point out in this specific situation, my client is working like crazy hours with these, with the, yeah, with the current trajectory. And so that's what I'm saying is she is spreading herself very thin, trying to do both those things, but the, to make money, like she's hustling, right? Where if we get a nine to five, she can go to work.
00:31:06
Speaker
focus on work and know that, you know, every first and 15th, there's the paycheck and she can plan for it. And she does it because like right now she has everything everywhere. And so for her, a nine to five would give her that kind of like clarity and space of like, it's five o'clock. I'm clocking out. I'm getting on the Metro. And now she can sit on the Metro and do like work on her iPad, like Canva, do whatever she wants.
00:31:33
Speaker
it can, she can shift kind of like, cause she's already working much more than nine to five. You know what I mean? And so, so yes, you bring a valid point, but for her specific situation, that is where when I'm listening to what she's saying and how well she's feeling, I'm like, Hey, like it sounds like we just need stability. And so stability is going to come from something like,
00:31:59
Speaker
A salaried job that you like finding out those, yes, work might be demanding when you're at work, but like finding a job that like, when it's time to clock out, it's time to clock out. Right. And that way it gives her that space and that, because I think she really needs, especially as being a business over the last 15, 14 years.
00:32:21
Speaker
you don't get that, as you know, you don't get that separation. And so if she can have a stable job that she can walk away from every day, regardless of how taxing it is, it gives her that time and ability to create. When she has, whether it's on the weekends, whether it's once a month, whether it's whatever her finding that new normal of like,
00:32:49
Speaker
Yes, I'm putting in eight hours a day, but that means that all my bills are paid. I can start saving and I can even put some money towards creating these workshops, putting some money towards and not worrying about that these things are going to make her money. Right. Right. Immediately. Yeah. Well, and that's the thing that I do love about coaching is that, you know, one on one coaching is that it does take all of those things into account. Right. Right now we're having
00:33:18
Speaker
A like partially hypothetical conversation about the challenges of work in, you know, the economy of the United States. But of course, you know, with you having this specific example, being able to coach a person in their actual life, you can say for some people, you know, this kind of thing would be exhausting and draining for you. It's going to be great. Like let's figure it out. So.
00:33:46
Speaker
you know, just a little plug for like how great financial coaching is. It's true. But it is. Right. It's like, yeah, we all need somebody. And, and this is just like the rope, like all of a thing. I feel like we all need somebody who is willing to like, truly see us.
00:34:06
Speaker
hear us, listen, understand, like provide a platform, hold space. And again, like coming back to where we started, where are those people? And I think part of it's like as a coach, I'm like, if you can't show up for me the way I, because I'm going to hold some freaking space, you know? So it's like when there's no reciprocity there, it's just like,
00:34:35
Speaker
What are we even doing here? Yeah, it's, you know, coaching I think is, it's been quite the journey. I know you and I have had very different paths through this, but at the same time have experienced a lot of the same things.
00:35:03
Speaker
but just coming from very different backgrounds. And it's something that I, I've already kind of talked to you about it.
Exploring Self-Examination and Growth
00:35:14
Speaker
I have to refrain from talking any more about it on the platform, but that's okay. Someday, someday there'll be a book about my journey. But all that to say, I think that,
00:35:32
Speaker
you know, figuring out, going back to the figuring out who you are, right? To tie this all back in, right? And your original question of like, well, what does the work look like? I think we've touched on a few different aspects of what that work could look like. And I think that it is very difficult. I think that the first, if there's anyone listening here that is like, okay, this is great, but I don't know where to start.
00:36:03
Speaker
I would just pick a pillar of yourself and just start examining it, whether it's social, whether it's romantic, whether it's career, whether it's fitness, health,
00:36:27
Speaker
Just pick one. Pick one pillar of your whole being, right? Pick one aspect of you and start diving into it. Asking yourself really hard questions. Does this serve me? Does this feel good when I do this?
00:36:52
Speaker
you know, I recently have decided to stop drinking alcohol because once again, this whole like figuring out who I am, I, one, I didn't drink a lot to begin with. Two, I really only did it in social settings and I didn't like, one, it's expensive. Two, two, I,
00:37:21
Speaker
It, I didn't like, especially if I had to go to, if I went, if I drank during the week and, you know, trying to keep my gym schedule and my fitness goals, it isn't, it's counteractive to what I'm trying to do and where I'm trying to get to. And so it got to the point where, and I also not want to get hangovers.
00:37:45
Speaker
but I still didn't like the way it made me feel. I was still at a diminished capacity regardless if it was a hangover or not because reality is you're putting a toxin in your body. And I'm not trying to shame people for drinking alcohol. It's just I'm at a point where the challenges and the downsides completely outweighed any sort of positives that came from it.
00:38:13
Speaker
And I'm at the point now, you know, I've kind of been on, on and off. I've done it before. Like when I had very specific gym goals, you know, I'd go like 10 to 14 weeks of being completely dry. And so like, I've done it before. And, but I think that it's just one of those things that I don't.
00:38:34
Speaker
I don't need. And so there's, there's things that you can do like that, right? Simple things of like, how am I spending my time? What do I do when I spend my time? How is it making me feel? Those are good starting points to really start quote unquote, doing the work. So that was a great example.
00:39:00
Speaker
And I think you're absolutely right. And a word that a lot of people in the doing the workspace like to use is get curious, you know, like get curious about yourself. And, you know, curious about how you grew up, who your friends are, what kinds of messages you've received, all that kind of stuff. And to the point that you made, get honest with yourself about if you actually agree with the things that have been passed down to you. And maybe you do.
00:39:30
Speaker
But some of the things you might be like, oh, you know what? This actually is not me at all. And that's okay. That is okay. Yeah. It's also really important to note that through this process, there will be, it's not all like rainbows and cupcakes and like doing the work, there's going to be grieving. Oh, for sure.
00:39:56
Speaker
As you know, our conversation this season with Christina, right, is part of it is holding space for all of it. And I think that's so true. The good, the bad, the ugly, and that's where sitting with the ugly, but also I'm asking, getting curious of why do you feel, why is that ugly to you?
00:40:23
Speaker
That's another, if I can give another example of that, I think through my journey of sexuality, but also sex in general, exploring kink has been so eye-opening. I remember 2015, I came across a YouTube video of like, it was a file for
00:40:53
Speaker
like sexual hypnosis for like to become more submissive. And it really piqued my interest, but I felt so fucking dirty watching it. And like to the point where I was like appalled with myself and I like stopped watching the video and like blah, blah, blah. But over the course of learning who I am and what I've been doing and really kind of leaning into
00:41:22
Speaker
understanding kink and the exploring that and being open to explore that and finding what I find interesting or letting go of those like and I just feel like that's part of the work right is like
00:41:42
Speaker
I was, when you both simultaneously, I'm curious about something, but then you also have like a conflicting feeling of like, oh, that's wrong, or that's icky, or I don't know how to explain it otherwise, but it's like when you, when you, when you find those reactions to something. Right. But you also are super into, like you maybe initially are like,
00:42:07
Speaker
Oh, this, this is cool. But then you like that little thing inside your mind is like, no, no, no, no, no. Lean into that. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Cause that's, cause I feel like that's when your like inner safeguard is like throwing something up, like, Ooh, that's going to take you outside of the safe comfort zone. And that's where you have to be like, okay, that's where growth is going to happen.
00:42:35
Speaker
Like the only reason that your brain is throwing up this warning signs is because it's like, Oh no, you're going to have to go outside of the box that we've been living inside it. Get bigger. That I, that I've been told I need to live in. Right. Yeah, exactly. So, and again, it's like, you might get curious and go look at it and be like, actually, that's not me. I'll come back. But then again, you might learn, Oh, there is more to me than I thought.
00:43:02
Speaker
Yeah, right. And this ties all into everything else that's happening, I think, in the world, whether it be any type of phobia, rhetoric, whether it's queer, trans, violence against women. I think that all of it is tied into this, once again, the fear, the not safety, the things that I've been told we've been conditioned.
00:43:28
Speaker
And so I think that as we do the work as a society individually and as people start doing more things internally and getting curious about themselves and being authentic, the more we are authentic and allow other people to be authentic. I think that the world will just get better.
00:43:52
Speaker
But through that growth, once again, it's not going to be pretty. And especially as you're seeing, as you're authentically being yourself while dating, you're going to get met with projection. You're going to get met with resistance. You're going to get met with feelings that
00:44:16
Speaker
and reactions that your question, make you question who you are, what you're doing. And I think that's important to understand too. Yeah, you're right. You're right. And may I say, so one of the things that is coming up for me in that boat is the age
Dating and Self-Prioritization
00:44:38
Speaker
thing. So it's like, again, I'm 41 years old. I am officially middle age.
00:44:45
Speaker
And I am like single, single. Like not even like single with friends, whatever. Like I'm single. And you know, it's like there are all the statistics that people have to throw up about like unmarried black women and how hard it is for us to find partnership and all this kind of stuff. And I kind of reject most of that. And I live in Atlanta, which has been touted over and over again as like one of the worst cities for dating.
00:45:15
Speaker
And, you know, I've been married and I've been in love, like real deep, true love. And so like, I've got all of these things coming up for me where I'm like, well, did I have my shot? You know, like, is, is it over for me? Is every option from now on going to be some man child who hasn't figured out how to like, you know, deal with mindset?
00:45:43
Speaker
because all the rest of them are married or taken or, you know, whatever. You consider yourself queer, right? I do, I do. So you don't have to limit yourself to men. It's true. As a reminder. But I'm sure that there are other things with that. If you don't want to open that can of worms, got you. That's a whole other episode.
00:46:11
Speaker
I'm just saying you don't have to limit yourself to man-child, man-children. Listen, here's the thing. I saw a phrase on Instagram or TikTok recently. Somebody wrote, by panic. And I was like, I know exactly what that is. Yeah, we both do. Yeah. I think that valid
00:46:33
Speaker
valid feelings. I think that the, as you continue to focus on your relationship with you, and you making sure you come first, that kind of like, energy is going to really kind of be one on man child deterrent.
00:47:02
Speaker
which disclaimer will make dating even harder, you know, understanding that that's kind of the road, but that doesn't mean that you haven't hit, like you've missed your shot. I think that that's important to, it's okay to feel that way, but it's also important to note that that's not
00:47:27
Speaker
No, feelings aren't truth. Right. Right. Like, so, yeah. And it's, and it's use it once again, if we think about it as data points, right. And focus on, okay, well, how can I take the journey that I've been on to, and where am I at with my relationship with myself?
00:47:53
Speaker
And how can I be so secure in my relationship with myself that as I continue to, or continue to work on being secure with myself, because you don't have to have everything figured out. How can I, then what do I bring to potential partners? And how, what am I looking for in potential partners?
00:48:23
Speaker
And how, what am I looking for in terms of, of, of uplifting what I already have? Right. And I think if you focus your energy on those thoughts and those ideas, what the hit the hit or miss, you know, it's like,
00:48:54
Speaker
Hey, I went on this date. You know, I'm looking for internally, you know, these aren't things that you're like, I'm looking for X, Y, and Z. You know, you're not going to have that conversation with somebody, but it really helps you kind of fine tune the dating and how much energy you put into a potential partnership. Yeah. And so, you know, like I said, I have the most success that I have found is
00:49:21
Speaker
and especially Polly dating is dating someone who is also Polly, who has quote unquote done the work, which is hard to find. And it's important to acknowledge that it's the like, but once again, also dating yourself and your relationship with yourself and making sure that you're taking care of yourself.
00:49:49
Speaker
And once again, that I'm still working on that for that to be my, my primary partner. The goal is the primary partner is to be my, is myself. And then any other relationship that I enter, decide to enter into with somebody else is going to boost or support or enhance what I already have. So this is the last thing I'm going to say.
00:50:16
Speaker
My bestie gave me an exercise that I think is really kind of cool that I would love to share with our audience and we'll see what happens because I haven't even started this yet.
00:50:28
Speaker
But she advised me to write a fiction, to basically write a novel of the ideal life that I'm creating for myself, whether that includes partnership or not. And she was like, I truly believe, because I do enjoy writing, I enjoy writing fiction. And so she was like, I truly believe that as you start to write and kind of create
00:50:50
Speaker
essentially like manifest this like ideal life for yourself through the written word that one, learn what you actually want to like start to really just kind of wrap it around yourself and then kind of figure out what it's going to take for you to make it real. And I was like, that's, that's dope. And she was like, four, I know how you are is going to be freaky as hell. People will probably want to buy it. And I was like, done.
00:51:20
Speaker
Well, it's funny. Yes, I think that that is a great exercise. I actually just saw an Instagram reel because I'm a millennial. So I watch Instagram and not TikTok. I saw a reel where I can't remember who it was, but she was some professional talking about how like talking to yourself in a way of
00:51:48
Speaker
And treating yourself on how you want to be seen isn't faking it until you're making it. It's allowing your brain to see yourself that way. Wait, so what does that mean? So I think she was specifically talking about a certain skill, or you want to do something, or you want to be seen as
00:52:16
Speaker
Oh gosh, I wish I could find the real because it was, it's very similar to this. Like if you write it down, kind of manifesting, but it's the whole, like the whole concept of like fake it to make it, isn't actually faking it. It's, it's allowing what it's doing by starting that conversation internally is allowing yourself to feel that way is giving yourself permission to do those things. And the more you tell yourself, you can do it.
00:52:46
Speaker
or you can you're like giving yourself permission and you eventually will make it because you are you're allowing it's like almost like i guess the way best way is like gaslighting yourself i think we've talked about this before it's like but it but she framed it in a way of like your you're giving by telling yourself
00:53:12
Speaker
isn't, it's not like believing like that first step of like believing in yourself and telling yourself you can do something. Whether you have necessarily the credentials or the capabilities at that point or the training, but it's, it's then giving yourself kind of permission and space mentally.
00:53:36
Speaker
to then act on. So I think it's very similar to writing it out. Because if you're saying what you want to do, it's kind of the same thing and envisioning that. But yeah, it was a very interesting reel. I'm sorry. I can't remember it better.
00:54:00
Speaker
But it's the whole concept of like fake it till you make it isn't actually faking it. What it's doing is that concept is allowing you to create that space to do it. And I will say, I know it's different for everybody. And for some folks, like making a vision board is great because they can actually see it or having, you know, a one
00:54:22
Speaker
million dollar bill and their wallets like really helps. But for me, and I just, you know, and for hopefully, you know, maybe some other folks, writing and reading is so important, because if you think about it, writing truly is a spell, right? So it's like, it's like you're doing with your hands, it's physical. It's these like symbols that are going onto a piece of paper that literally don't have meaning, but we have assigned the meaning.
00:54:51
Speaker
And then we put them all together. It creates this vision that you can literally see inside of your brain. It's invisible to everybody except for you. It's like all of that to me truly does feel like magic. And I think it's because I grew up with this scholastic book fair. And so like really is. Like I can be whisked to a world of like fantasy. And unfortunately I think some folks honestly don't have that experience but for the ones who do,
00:55:20
Speaker
I feel like writing, like literally creating story is a spell, like it's magic. For sure, for sure. We've just spent like an hour talking about your life.
00:55:35
Speaker
This is supposed to be our season recap, but in fact, it's actually just been a therapy session for Bevin.
Season Highlights and Personal Insights
00:55:42
Speaker
So I do want to pivot a little bit. We're going to go over, but it's fine. I know our listeners will either just stop listening to us or they'll listen to the whole thing. So if you're still listening, we love you. Since a little life update for me, for those that care,
00:56:04
Speaker
been diving head first into content creating, go-go dancing. Since the season started, this podcast has been such a source of empowerment is the word I'm going to use.
00:56:31
Speaker
I have started an OnlyFans, a Twitter, an Instagram with my stage name, really kind of marketing myself in a way that through my separation, I have been able to kind of regain who I am. For all intents and purposes, I'm gonna say ex-husband.
00:57:02
Speaker
I love him. I loved the years we had together. But I think that I wasn't to be respectful of his boundaries. I felt like I wasn't able to truly be who I wanted to be. And the things that I found fun and enjoyment. I had to kind of like diminish myself.
00:57:28
Speaker
as I'm finding out. And that's not supposed to be like a negative. I don't regret the decisions that I made. It's just at this point in time in my life, I now have the freedom and ability to kind of explore some of these things that I wish I had been able to do much sooner. But I made the decisions that I made previously. So here we are.
00:57:54
Speaker
In the month I started, just in full transparency, I, hold on, let me pull out my phone. I'm going to look up my, so I started, it's currently March 20th and I started OnlyFans probably about five weeks ago. Most of the stuff that I have created or uploaded was already on my phone.
00:58:23
Speaker
These were videos, pictures, things that I had put on. I have made, as of the recording today, lifetime, I'm looking at the lifetime, I have made $160 for five weeks. So, you know, apparently I'm top 30% of all content creators, whatever the fuck that means.
00:58:53
Speaker
Wait, this is a little hard, but this $160, these are subscribers, right? So like, would they keep paying you every month? Some are still on, some have turned off, really neat, you can see that. Some have paid for six months upfront, so they're in it for the long haul, which is a great boost of confidence.
00:59:19
Speaker
And yeah, it's just been, it's been really, it's been really fun to kind of like engage with people in a way. I've always, I also like personally will not use, I will not show full nudity on free sites.
00:59:35
Speaker
just for my own privacy. But if you're willing to pay money, you can see the whole fantasy. But that's just a personal kind of like boundary and belief. I don't judge people who do it for, you know, post teasers on Twitter or, you know, for men dick pics on Twitter, because those exist and I just won't do it. That's at this point in my journey,
01:00:02
Speaker
the not safe, the completely not safe for work content you have to pay for because I want to make sure that you are 18. I want to make sure that that I also I know my work, right? You know, like I'm not certain things I'm not going to put out there for free. Go-going has been quite
01:00:25
Speaker
I have probably made, since January, I've definitely made over $500 go-going. And that's been a mix of different venues, some better than others, and also one of those venues, a shop boy. And so that, you walk around, you sell shots, you get everyone drunk.
01:00:52
Speaker
And it's been, that has been quite the journey. I've really been enjoying that. Just helping people have a good time. Like that's the point. And so been really digging into that, been building that on a, on a, um, coach coaching side of things. I know Bevan, you are currently enrolled in trauma of money.
01:01:20
Speaker
which is a really exciting, incredible resource that we will be touching on later the next season for teasers. It's something that I also will be doing hopefully in the fall of this year. And then, yeah, just been, this season has been quite the whirlwind. We have had some incredible guests.
01:01:46
Speaker
I haven't literally been here trying to like remember who all we talked to this season. Yeah. I think that it's so funny because you and I both like, it's like after every, I'm calling it the post interview high. It's the best show we've done every time. Yeah, literally. So like we've had,
01:02:11
Speaker
We've had Sir Dion, we've had Divine, we've had Eli, the Naked Trumpeter, we had our show note fairy, Kristin, we've had a drag queen, Harriet Tugsman, we had Luna, Sophia Miranda, we had Tucker, we had Dr. Lisa, we had Christina, and most recently we had Jeff of Home on Money. And it's just like the myriad of journeys and stories and perspectives
01:02:41
Speaker
You know, Wild 2, that's so many people, and so I completely forgot that Sir Dion was this season. I was like, poorly that was season one. Oh my gosh. We recorded his pretty early, so that's probably why it feels that way. And we also with Wild, we already have almost a full cast for season three.
01:03:11
Speaker
We have people, we've already recorded some as of right now. We have some ready to go for the next few weeks. And it's just really exciting. Well, you know, what that tells me though, is that this world and this topic is so rich and there are so many
01:03:30
Speaker
just incredible people with fantastic stories who have done the thing that we've been talking about this whole episode, which is like break outside of the box, what society tells them they're supposed to do and should be, and have said, no, you know what, this is gonna be me living my life authentically. And this is the thing that I say to my parents and like folks who are like, ooh, I can't believe that you're a part of that world. I'm like, you know what, every single person who I've met who was
01:03:58
Speaker
in sex work adjacent to sex work, you know, doing off the beaten path type things are the most incredible people because there are folks who have examined themselves and they have said to themselves, I am going to live my authentic truth. And I think in order to do that, you have to kind of like get rid of some ego and some bullshit that makes you a jerk and you have to be cool. Like it just, you have to, that's it.
01:04:28
Speaker
Well, and you know, I think it's super important too is like typically you, when you break off from, if you're building a community, no one wants to be a part of a community if you're a fucking asshole. Right? I think that like, it's just like where, you know, I think the assholes can just live with, you know,
01:04:57
Speaker
the bigger the society or the bigger the community, the more room there is to be an asshole. And so I think that that just is kind of par for the course when you are either completely building something on your own or you're joining something that is so niche or so small.
Community Connection and Future Plans
01:05:18
Speaker
You know, the
01:05:22
Speaker
the world that I'm currently professionally trying to break into with financial therapy, it's so new and it's so emerging and the group is so small. So making those connections, meeting the people that are currently kind of like in the trenches, you just have to be like, there's a level of understanding that you just need to, you can't
01:05:49
Speaker
You can't burn bridges when there's only so many bridges, right? So I feel like a lot of times it's like necessity to just be empathetic and open and
01:06:08
Speaker
and caring because, or maybe it's just because those, the more caring you are, like you gravitate. You know, I don't know what the science is behind it, but I just know that it's like the smaller, the community, the less room there is for, for that kind of negativity or that kind of like, I don't even say it's negativity. It's probably, I mean, just like the, the, like, yeah, the assholeness, like you can't be a jerk.
01:06:35
Speaker
and expect people that want to be around you. Right. Exactly. Which means not to take us down like a whole long path as we've been talking for a long time, but I do just want to say, I think that's such a great point because it feels like we're in a time period where people are starting to come back to community as an important way to get your needs met, you know, have your emotional
01:07:02
Speaker
self-taking care of all this kind of stuff. People are really starting to understand that community is who we are as human beings. It's so important. It's all of these things. And I think we're starting to understand that we do need our small communities in order to have exactly what you said, which is the connection and the caring and the true understanding of who is inside of the bubble.
01:07:27
Speaker
so that you want to take care of them and they want to take care of you. Because when you're looking at the United States as a community and you're talking about multiple, multiple, multiple millions of people, well, that's how you end up with politicians who call other people not human. You know, like you can have an asshole at that level when everybody's just kind of a number bouncing off of each other.
01:07:57
Speaker
Yeah, that's a whole nother episode. Yeah, I think to quickly pivot again, just to make sure we're being mindful of time. Uh, Bevin, what are you excited about as we wrap up season two and roll into season three?
01:08:19
Speaker
That starts in May. It starts in May. You know what I'm excited about and I hope I'm not stealing yours, but you and I will be in the same city for the first time ever doing this podcast together in April. Well, not the first time ever. We've been in New York together, but first time for the podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:08:41
Speaker
Yeah, so I'm really excited about that. I honestly kind of know what to expect, but don't really know what to expect from the event that we're going to be at. So I'm just really curious to see how that shakes up. We'll see what happens. It'll be interesting. It's going to be a journey. Our intent, I believe, is to at least record our season opener there.
01:09:10
Speaker
We'll see if it works. I am a little, I am cautiously optimistic myself, but I'm just glad we have plenty of time in case if things don't shake out that we can still record our season opener before you need to. I feel like worst case scenario, we can for sure get something recorded to like play out into the universe.
01:09:37
Speaker
best case scenario, we not only record our season opener, but we also finally get a conversation with Sir Marvelous, who is professional Dom, who I have had a session with and have been wanting to talk to you about like his business and the experience that he provides for people. He's just so incredibly busy, like it's almost impossible to nail him down. I feel like this
01:10:04
Speaker
could be it yes oh that reminds me one thing that i forgot to mention is since the start of our season i have been tied up and it was a great experience and my friend is an incredibly talented rope Dom just go with that rigger yes thank you that's the word um the knots beautiful
01:10:32
Speaker
I am also literally in like four hours and going to a rope masterclass at one of the local bars by, I want to give them a shout out because they're a local, a DC local. Let me, was it, I want to make sure I get this information right. So the, the leather mouse on Instagram.
01:11:02
Speaker
This is a, I'm going to a free rope workshop and Skillshare class where I have to bring a yoga mat. Ooh, okay. So there will be some movements. It's a somatic interactive experience. Well, I think it's a, so that we can lay on the bar floor if we're getting tied up. Who knows? I will be able to report back later. Um, but they also are selling rope, so I might purchase
01:11:33
Speaker
But yeah, as much as I enjoy getting tied up, I think it would be really neat to learn how to as well. So that's been, and who knows, maybe I'm gonna try and, I'm gonna make some connections hopefully tonight. They're from the House of Sonique. I'm excited. They look like a Black queer individual. I don't know much about them yet, but I'm excited to learn more.
01:12:02
Speaker
They call themselves a leather mouse slash Dom, a homo photographer, go-go dancer muse, ethical hoe, rope worker, kinkster producer, radical fairy. All right. So we might need to get them on the podcast. Yeah, makes a connection. That sounds fun. I'm going to try. I'm going to try.
01:12:28
Speaker
But I'm most excited for, I mean, I am just, it's wild to me that we're on season three or about to be on season three. This has been such a, I wouldn't even call it a labor. It's just been fun. There have been challenges and I'm okay with that.
01:12:55
Speaker
We had some technical difficulties this season. It is fine. It has been, there's been stress involved, but that is life. The positives have completely outweighed any negatives when it comes to the podcast. The thing that continues to feel good is when people do listen to the podcast and they say it's
01:13:24
Speaker
the mission of our podcast is being seen. And that just feels so good. The constant, it's like, they're like, you don't, it's not advice. You're not like lecturing. It's just, you're giving a platform for these people to tell their story. And I'm like, yes. Yes. And as hopefully we will find out in season three,
01:13:52
Speaker
Some of our episodes have inspired other listeners to start down different journeys. And that is so cool. I love that. So neat. I love that. I think you're exactly right. It's not lecturing and dogmatic. And I think there's a lot that people can learn from all of the people that have been on this show. So I have freak them up ever. Yes.
01:14:20
Speaker
Yeah, I just, I really, this is always the highlight of my week when we record, as I've told you. Yeah, the post-interview high, always feel really good after every single episode, regardless if there's technical difficulties or not. And yeah, I'm just excited to continue to grow this community.
01:14:44
Speaker
I do want to say I want to put it out in the universe. We are looking for some sort of social media manager assistance. This is my plea. We don't have a big budget, if anything, at all. At least not yet. But I think that's what the social media assistance is for. Exactly.
01:15:13
Speaker
Right. I do, you know, realistically, this isn't about making money. This is about getting the story out there. And I think part of that, I'm willing to put some money of my own towards having someone help us with that, because I think it's just that is where, if I look at our podcast, where it's currently grown and how it's grown, I think that that's where an opportunity for us to really kind of
01:15:43
Speaker
capitalize and get better at and neither you or I have the bandwidth for that. That's just the reality of the situation. Unfortunately, as I am learning, neither do I have the skill because if I did, I would have made more than $6,000 in my business this year. You know, business hours didn't work. Yeah. Well, I think this is, I think we've, I think we've recapped
01:16:15
Speaker
with mostly diving into your life. But we touched on, I think we touched on everything that we needed to touch on. I think so. And I do feel like we, using my life as a, an example and a proxy to work with, I think we talked about some cool stuff, so. Oh, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A couple of complexity.
01:16:39
Speaker
If you guys enjoyed this podcast, we've been Bevan and Mike. If you haven't enjoyed this podcast, we're Dave Ramsey and you can leave your reviews accordingly. But no, in all seriousness, thank you guys so much for listening, whether you,
01:17:04
Speaker
have just found our podcast or you have been listening to us since the beginning. It really means a lot. I think we've now been in over 12 countries, which is wild when I look at the stats. And we've been over 2,000 plays, I think, which is really cool. I haven't looked in a minute.
01:17:26
Speaker
But yeah, really just appreciate any and all feedback. If there's someone that you think we need to have on this podcast, that we need to share their story, the DMs are always open. Please slide into them. We love it. Or if you want to help us out social media-wise, we would love to hear from you. Cool. Anything else, Bevin? I think we have done all that we can. We did it all.
01:17:57
Speaker
We did. So, well, it's been fun. It's been real. And it's been real fun. So, I guess we will, we will see you all in May. In May. Happy season three, everybody. We'll see you soon. Yes. Bye. Yay.
01:18:32
Speaker
If you've enjoyed today's episode, please don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That's the easiest way to support our show. We hope you took away a new nugget of information or perspective today, and we're grateful you took the time to listen to us. Until next time, bye. Bye.