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Embracing Discomfort: your gateway to success
135 Plays1 year ago
This episode comes off the back of my biggest speaking event to date. Tune in as I dissect my thoughts & emotions that led up to it and share with you the big lessons for you to ACE any challenging, uncomfortable moment.
We chat:
- Navigating pre-speaking event jitters & inner toxic dragons
- How your brain changes when you step out of your comfort zone
- The key to achieving BIG things in your life & business
- Practical tips on embracing the discomfort in your life
- Not letting your ego win
- How to ground in the moment & focus on the here and now
- The importance of finding allies to unlock your next level of success
Recommended
Transcript
Embracing Discomfort for Success
00:00:00
Speaker
If we want big results, we have to be willing to do hard things. There's no way around it. At the time of this recording, I'm only 48 hours removed from the biggest speaking engagement of my career to date. To be honest, I am still riding the high and soaking it all in because, yes,
00:00:22
Speaker
Everything feels different. 48 hours ago, I poured my heart and soul out to an audience of, I don't know, 200 people, and I proved to myself that I'm worthy, that I'm capable, and even more that I belong. It's a big freaking deal. And I cannot wait to dissect every moment that led up to it and the lessons I invite us to take into our future.
00:00:52
Speaker
But here's the deal.
Introduction to This or More Podcast
00:00:54
Speaker
The biggest thing I learned and I recognized as I was getting ready to walk out on stage is that embracing our discomfort is our gateway to success. Embracing our discomfort is our gateway to success.
00:01:11
Speaker
Welcome to This or More, a wild entrepreneurial podcast adventure for bold and brave creatives like you. I'm Tiffany Napper, your host, holistic business coach, corporate music industry dropout, a seasoned five-time multi-six figure entrepreneur, yoga instructor, and your go-to gal for heart-to-heart coffee chats.
00:01:31
Speaker
On this show, we're not just here to share stories. We're here to ignite a fire within you and make you realize that the reality you envision is just the tip of the iceberg. You're wildly capable of achieving that reality and so much more. So my friends, grab your cup of inspiration, settle in, and let's dive into another inspiring episode of This or More.
First Presentation Experience
00:01:54
Speaker
Let's go back in time for a minute, about 15 or so years ago. Picture this, I'm in Anaheim, California. I'm in a hotel conference room. And I had been putting together a proposal for my department that my boss was going to present and share with the higher ups and the C-suite executives. And about an hour before go time, he tapped me in. He said, you give the presentation.
00:02:21
Speaker
Now, at the time, not only was I going to be one of the only women in the room, I was definitely going to be the youngest person in the room, and I was definitely not mentally prepared to get up there and give the presentation, but I also don't back out from an opportunity. I rarely ever said no when my supervisor asked me to do something, and so I made my way up to the podium and I took the mic.
00:02:49
Speaker
I'll never forget. It's like this freeze frame moment in time. I'm sure you've been there. I remember looking down at the ground. I remember my hands were shaking. I remember my heartbeat felt like it was racing so fast. I could barely catch my breath. I was so nervous that all anyone would notice was my lack of breath and my nerves.
00:03:13
Speaker
I eventually settled in a little bit and I made it through the entire presentation and no one ever mentioned anything to my recollection. I don't remember anyone being like, oh, great job. Or I don't remember anyone being like, here's how you could have done that better. Nothing really came of it. I did the job and we moved on.
Growth Through Presentations
00:03:30
Speaker
But I remember thinking to myself in that moment, I don't ever want to feel like that again. I don't want to be that nervous to speak to an audience or a room. I don't want to be nervous when a mic hits my hand.
00:03:44
Speaker
And so years would go by in which every time I had a mic in my hand, I would start to, I would feel that little zing and I would start to breathe. And I would notice that every time I held a mic, the zing got a little less zingy and I felt a little less intimidated by it. In fact, at one point I remember getting a mic and just holding it, just pretending so that I could just get rid of this notion that the mic was intimidating, right?
00:04:14
Speaker
So a few days ago, after giving a much bigger presentation on a much bigger stage to a much bigger audience, I was overwhelmed by the positive response. This time, people were texting me and messaging me and coming up to me and hugging me and telling me that what I said was the thing they needed to hear. And other speakers were coming up to me and applauding me and saying, hey, let's do stuff together. Hey, I've got an event coming up. Do you want to be a part of it?
00:04:43
Speaker
Several people asked me, what did you do to become such a great speaker? You're so polished. You're so poised. You don't say, um, you look so comfortable up there. You look like you were having a good time. Oh my God. It's cracking me up because here's what they didn't know.
00:05:00
Speaker
Minutes before I was supposed to walk out on stage 48 hours ago, I looked over at Adam, the stage manager, and I literally mouthed to him, what the F am I doing? And he smiled, and he handed me the mic, and he handed me the clicker.
00:05:23
Speaker
and gave me the little notion that it was time to go out on stage. There was no turning back. There was no going back. So I share that with you because I want you to know that even though 48 hours ago feels like a level, a new level unlocked, I was terrified. Literally so terrified. I thought I could puke. So nervous.
00:05:50
Speaker
Considered what it would be like to back out but you know I knew that the repercussions of backing out would be worse than just getting out there and doing the thing so Decided that wasn't the solution, but I was so nervous. I was also Incredibly grateful so right before I took the stage Before I mouthed that that line to Adam I turned so that I was kind of facing this like little dark corner in between a curtain and a wall and
00:06:21
Speaker
And I closed my eyes and in my mind, I said to myself, thank you. Thank you for this moment. Thank you for this opportunity. And then I imagined the positive reactions as if it was all behind me. It was already done. I nailed it. And I smiled and I turned to listen for my name and walk out onto that stage.
00:06:44
Speaker
After that, I think I blacked out. I honestly don't remember much else. I remember having the time of my life. I remember making eye contact with a few people in the room. I remember feeling like I was born to be up there. I don't remember feeling nervous at all. I don't remember fumbling over my words at all. I don't remember feeling lost ever.
00:07:07
Speaker
I remember feeling like I belonged up there.
Science Behind Discomfort and Growth
00:07:11
Speaker
I actually was having fun. And once I was in motion and speaking from the heart, my toxic dragons, the thing that was trying to make me feel like an imposter, my toxic dragons were forced to take a backseat and I was able to truly shine.
00:07:30
Speaker
But none of this would have been possible if I had not embraced my discomfort in life and in business. It's often said that your comfort zone is where your dreams go to die. And that has never felt so true.
00:07:48
Speaker
But if you're like, why is it so important to sit in our discomfort, to face our fears and challenges head on, it turns out there's a scientific reason behind it. So our brains and our bodies are wired to prefer the safe and the familiar. Stepping out of our comfort zones triggers that fight or flight response that I'm sure you've heard all about within our sympathetic nervous system. It's a very natural response to stress and perceived danger, but it's also the gateway to growth and personal development.
00:08:17
Speaker
So, fight or flight, the term fight or flight response, was coined by an American psychologist Walter Bradford Cannon in the early 20th century, and it describes the body's automatic physiological reaction to a perceived threat.
00:08:32
Speaker
And when we step out of our comfort zones, the sympathetic nervous system prepares us to either confront the challenge or flee from it, which explains why just a few minutes before I was set to take the stage, I literally went through in my brain, like, what would be the repercussions of me backing out of this? I remember looking, I also had a videographer with me, and I remember looking at Sawyer and being like, is it too late to back out? And he started laughing, and at that moment he was like, we need a hype song.
00:09:00
Speaker
So I said, OK, yes, we do. Taylor Swift, the man. I need to hear Taylor Swift, the man. He put his phone down. He played the music and I just let myself kind of get lost in it and realize it was OK. I needed to kind of calm my nervous system down. I needed a distraction, if you will. And it was oh, it was it was really good. It really worked.
00:09:20
Speaker
So the other thing that happens when we step out of our comfort zone is we trigger that fight or flight response, but we also promote neuroplasticity. And neuroplasticity is the brain's ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections. Stick with me here. It's scientific, but it's pure gold. By engaging in these new and challenging experiences, you're actually encouraging the brain to adapt and grow.
00:09:46
Speaker
Which ultimately, as you can imagine, leads to personal development and increased resilience. Who doesn't want to be more resilient? I know I do. And then, last but not least, psychologists so often refer to the process of deliberately stepping out of one's comfort zone as optimal anxiety.
00:10:06
Speaker
Keyword optimal here, right? This means finding the right level of discomfort where stress levels are manageable, but still challenging enough to encourage growth. It's a delicate balance that when achieved can lead to significant personal and professional development, which is probably why as soon as this moment was over for me, I literally feel like the next level was unlocked.
00:10:31
Speaker
Now, to be clear, I am not saying we should be in our discomfort or stretch out of our comfort zone all of the time. That doesn't seem healthy, right? Optimal anxiety. I think it's crucial that we embrace our discomfort every now and again if you really want to achieve big things. And if you're listening right now, my guess is that's you. You want to achieve big things.
00:10:57
Speaker
After my nerve-wracking experience on that stage, 48-ish hours ago, something really incredible happened. I realized that I could not only survive, but thrive outside of my comfort zone. And here are just a few of the results. I connected with people I never thought I'd meet. I shook the hand of Tim Story.
00:11:19
Speaker
BFF to Oprah, you know, 2.1 as of this recording million Instagram followers travels the world. I mean, he is like the life coach to the stars and he's incredibly inspiring his story. If you've never heard, look him up. And even, you know, all of the other coaches that were on that stage with me that do this all the time for a living to be able to be in the room with them.
00:11:43
Speaker
Oh, it was just, it was a dream come true moment. So I connected with people I never thought I would meet. And I'm having doors being opened to me to opportunities, like swung wide open my inbox for the last
Overcoming Discomfort with Practice
00:11:56
Speaker
48 hours. I've literally just been responding to people, connecting with people, booking appointments with people. A few podcast interviews have already been lined up. A few speaking invites have already been extended. A few coffee dates are already on the books.
00:12:09
Speaker
I mean, my mind is blown in the best possible way. Humblebrag, I do feel like I earned every moment of this, which is why I'm sitting here encouraging you to embrace your discomfort.
00:12:26
Speaker
There are a handful of moments in my entrepreneurial career that I can point to and say, that was a turning point. And Friday was one of those for me. If this was a game of Super Mario Brothers, I truly feel like I just unlocked the next level. There is no going back from here, as we love to say this or more. Bigger stages, bigger audiences.
00:12:49
Speaker
more, more, more. Now that I've stepped onto a stage of that size with an audience of that nature and other speakers of that magnitude, I'm ready to do it all over again tomorrow and the next day and the next. It no longer feels scary. That's the power of embracing your discomfort.
00:13:10
Speaker
I feel like Hermione after her battle with Lord Voldemort or Taylor Swift after she released 1989 improved to everyone that yes, she could be something other than a country music star. I really felt like I went in the underdog and that was okay with me. I was like underestimate me all day long. I am ready for Showtime. Because here's another thing I know.
00:13:33
Speaker
The only thing you need to achieve big things is to be hungrier than you are afraid. That's it. I wanted to be the big surprise on Friday. I wanted to walk away feeling like no matter what, I gave it 110%. So.
00:13:53
Speaker
I practiced daily. I recorded myself on Zoom. I practiced live for my mom. I practiced when I did not want to practice anymore. I practiced when I was sitting in the chair getting my hair done. I practiced when I was driving down the street. When you sign up for your moment of discomfort, don't stop there. You've got to be hungry for the win if you want to turn that moment of discomfort into your next level of success.
00:14:21
Speaker
You have to prepare. You have to practice. You are going to hit a wall. Keep going. You are going to want to quit. Don't. Do what it takes to turn this moment into your biggest win yet. That's how we truly unlock your next level.
00:14:40
Speaker
So let's chat about some practical tips that are gonna help you. So let's say you're like, okay Tiff, I'm ready, I'm going to embrace some discomfort, but what do I do? How do I make it through? Because that feels really scary. Fair, fair point. Here are some practical tips, some things that I did and I highly encourage you to do as well. Number one, start small. So start by setting a small goal that just takes you slightly out of your comfort zone.
00:15:09
Speaker
and then work your way up. So for the last year or so, I've been saying yes to more speaking gigs. I have been stepping on small stages, medium-side stages, preparing for this moment, okay? So set some smaller goals that feel challenging but attainable, and as you achieve them one by one, you're building up your confidence so that by the time you're ready for that big moment,
00:15:36
Speaker
It doesn't feel quite so scary. Number two, seek support. Oh my gosh, I can't reiterate this enough. Seek support. Share your goals with a trusted friend, a mentor, or a coach, somebody who can provide guidance and support and hold you accountable. Not only before you step into the discomfort, but even as you're in that discomfort. Days before my speaking engagement and the day of my speaking engagement, I was really vulnerable.
00:16:07
Speaker
I told my clients, I told my friends, I even told my videographer who was with me backstage that day that I was nervous. I was like, look, I don't normally get nervous, but this, this has me feeling a certain kind of way and I'm nervous. And sure, there was a part of me that was like, maybe I shouldn't say that. Like I don't want, I don't want that.
00:16:29
Speaker
The person who's putting this event on to know I'm nervous or I don't want my clients to know I'm nervous. There was a part of me that thought that like the ego part that came up. I was like, no, Tiffany, put on a bold front. But I also knew that was not going to do me any good. I knew that by just being vulnerable and honest and letting the people close to me know what I was feeling.
00:16:49
Speaker
that their support and their encouragement was going to be a powerful tool that would help me put my best foot forward. And oh, oh my God. Oh my God. I'm so glad I did that. I'm so glad I didn't let my ego in.
00:17:05
Speaker
because I do truly believe that their text messages that morning of telling me take up space, Tiffany, you got this, Tiffany, this or more Tiffany. I was like, here we go. I'm a role model for these people right now. This is my moment to prove to them we can do hard things.
00:17:23
Speaker
And that mentality, knowing that this wasn't just for me, this wasn't just for me to prove to myself what I could do, this was to prove to us that we can do hard things. I know for without a shadow of a doubt that helped me step out on that stage with the confidence and the energy that I did. So find support, find accountability. Tip number three, practice your breathing. I can't stress this one enough.
00:17:52
Speaker
When your heart starts to race, when you feel like you're going to puke, take deep breaths. Take a big breath in and a big breath out. I did this a lot when I was backstage. Just slow down your breathing.
00:18:11
Speaker
Try to match your inhales to your exhales. It's so simple and yet so powerful. Another tip I have when you're feeling really uncomfortable, really uneasy, is to be where your feet are. And I say that to myself. I'll say, Tiffany, be where your feet are. Tiffany, be where your feet are. It's this grounding practice that goes, okay, I've got two feet on the ground.
00:18:32
Speaker
I'm right here, I'm right now, I'm present. This is a beautiful moment. I'm so grateful for this moment. I'm gonna breathe in, I'm gonna breathe out. I just wanna be where my feet are. So that's another one that can help you feel really calm and focused so that you're not so worried about what's going to happen a minute, three minutes, five minutes from then, you can just be focused on the here and the now. This is gonna reduce the impact of that fight or flight response in your sympathetic nervous system.
00:19:00
Speaker
If you notice a lot of nerves, here's another thing I'm a big fan of, shake it off. So shake your body, literally. Like maybe you've seen someone right before they go out of stage kind of like bounce up and down a little bit on their toes. For me, what I did backstage is I was literally like shaking it, like, you know, shake it like a Polaroid picture. I was shaking my hands, my wrists.
00:19:24
Speaker
just to shake that nervous energy out of my system so that I could feel calm and you know a little bit more euphoric a little bit more huh I'm here now I'm in my body right so if you need to shake it off literally shake it off so that your voice can be really calm and in control when whatever this thing is that you're going to do happens in this instance it was when I hit the stage right
00:19:52
Speaker
And then number four, remember that it's temporary. It is going to feel like it's going to last forever. It won't. The feelings will ease up eventually. And it is only when you push through the discomfort that you get to reap the rewards.
00:20:07
Speaker
So I would say for probably like the two days-ish before I went out on that stage, I felt a little uneasy, but it was really just more like the two hours before I went on stage that I was really feeling the nerves.
Visualization Techniques for Confidence
00:20:21
Speaker
And I took myself backstage about an hour-ish before it was time to go so that I could just kind of try to tune out the noise, be focused, go over my lines and prepare myself mentally.
00:20:37
Speaker
So remember, you'll never regret the hard work once it's done. Trust me on this one. Not for a single moment do I regret reading over my presentation one more time. I remember looking at, again, Sawyer, my videographer, and saying to him, we were in the green room, but there were other people kind of walking around in the green room. And every now and again, someone would want to talk to you. So I was like, I've just got to go get my head right.
00:21:01
Speaker
So I remember looking at Sorghum and being like, I'll be back in 10 minutes. And I just found a quiet corner where no one could find me. And I went through everything in my mind one last time. Not for a single minute do I regret that. And you won't either. So do the work so that you can feel really confident when the moment comes. And then my tip number five for you is just to create a mental image of your success.
00:21:26
Speaker
So go ahead and project yourself into the future and imagine how you feel and even the response after it's all said and done. This visualization can really help reduce your anxiety, increase your confidence when facing these challenges. So that's what I did right before I went on stage, right? I turned to the curtain and I imagined
00:21:46
Speaker
The feeling, once it was said and done, and the positive response, the people coming up to me and giving me such positive reassurance, I just went ahead and imagined that feeling. I felt it in my body. I literally let a smile come onto my face, and then I stepped out onto that stage.
00:22:03
Speaker
So those are my five tips that are going to get you through those uncomfortable moments.
Taking Bold Steps for Growth
00:22:09
Speaker
But trust me when I say this, embrace your discomfort and then watch how invincible you begin to feel. So if you feel stuck, like you keep pushing and working and trying, and you're not seeing any real progress, I want you to ask yourself, when was the last time I felt nervous? Truly nervous.
00:22:33
Speaker
When was the last time I felt uncomfortable? When was the last time I felt like I can't catch my breath or I might throw up? And if the answer is far too long, then you may be working really, really hard, but you're not putting yourself in scenarios where your dreams can come true. You're not pushing yourself into areas of growth.
00:22:59
Speaker
I need you to do something scary. Make a really big ask tomorrow. Introduce yourself to someone who is five, 10 steps ahead of you. Submit an application for something you really want and you don't think you're quite ready for just yet. Try it anyway. Ask to speak at an event. If speaking is high on your wish list, if you want to collaborate with someone, ask that person that you've always wanted to collaborate with. And again, if you need to start small, start small and then get bigger, but do not.
Finding Allies for Success
00:23:29
Speaker
Do not sit in that comfort zone and expect your dreams to come true Do not sit in that comfort zone and expect your next level to be unlocked so start small if you need to but then get bigger and Eventually, you're gonna need to do something that feels so scary. You might puke Trust me embrace your discomfort
00:23:56
Speaker
It is the key to your success. I hope you've been inspired to step out of your comfort zone and embrace discomfort as a catalyst for success. Remember your dreams are waiting for you on the other side of fear. And if you're ready to unlock your next level of success, you're going to want to have an ally. It's nearly impossible.
00:24:19
Speaker
to push yourself beyond your limits without support. Remember, we're hardwired as humans to create safety. It's called the law of least effort. Look it up. And it ensures that you never reach your dreams. It ensures that you never take up more space. It ensures that you never unlock that next level of success.
00:24:40
Speaker
It presents to you wasted years and missed opportunities, and I know that's not what you want for your life. So don't be so focused on the cost of doing something that you completely ignore the cost of doing nothing.
00:24:54
Speaker
Find an ally. Find an accountability partner. I'm revealing a handful of fun and really transformative ways to work with me one-on-one in 2024. I would love nothing more than to be your ally if you're ready to unlock your next level of success. Hop on the waitlist in the show notes below so you don't miss out and you get first dibs.
00:25:16
Speaker
Thank you so, so much for listening. If you enjoyed today's discussion, if something resonated with you, please hit that follow button. It means everything to
Invitation to Engage with the Podcast
00:25:25
Speaker
me. And then share it with a fellow entrepreneur who may need that extra push to chase her dreams. Until next time, know that whatever level of success and happiness you're experiencing today, this or more is in your future. I'll see you soon.