Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
24. Love Ain't Just A Four Letter Word
20 Plays18 days ago
What does it mean to you to show love to those around you? We dove deep into this question, reflecting on some of our past relationships and having important realizations. Today’s episode was as much a therapy session as it was a girl-talk session, and it’s the whole reason we do this podcast. We hope you find value of your own in considering the ways in which love shows up in your life, and how you can perpetuate it and watch it grow around you. <3
Where to donate for LA wildfire disaster relief:
Los Angeles Homeless Services Authority: https://www.lahsa.org/news?article=1014-resources-to-support-those-during-the-l-a-fires
We're grateful you're here! If you like what you’re hearing, you can follow us on Instagram: @soulpodthepodcast. You can also email us directly at soulpodthepodcast@gmail.com.
Molly does tarot readings online and locally in Massachusetts: https://www.thehighpriestesscoaching.com/
Christina sells delicious microgreens in the greater Detroit area: https://www.christinasgreens.com/
Hosts: Christina Bell & Molly Wilde
Music: The Confrontation, by Jonathan Boyle, licensed from Premium Beats by Shutterstock
Editing: Molly Wilde
Disclaimer: The purpose of this podcast is for entertainment and enjoyment. We are not professionals in any regard. We do not have professional knowledge, training, or education in physical health, mental health, or spiritual matters. Any suggestions or recommendations made during our episodes should be independently researched by the listener before considering implementation, or better yet, listeners should ignore everything we say. We cannot be held responsible or liable for anything we say, or any actions taken by any persons as a result of listening to our podcast episodes. Stay safe, stay informed, stay smart.
Recommended
Transcript
The Essence of Love in Life
00:00:25
Speaker
I love that. I love that you just wrote it in there like, like that's all. Love is the reason for existence? Yeah, like you wrote nothing else, just that. Yeah. Yeah, because that's the, that's the, that is literally the meaning of life. You want to talk about that one or do you want to talk about? Let's do it. Okay. Let's talk about love. Love is the reason for existence.
00:00:54
Speaker
AKA is the meaning of my life. All right. So, so yeah, everything I've run across in reading, in studying, in watching videos, you know, podcasts, everything. um Talks about literally learning to love, having love, giving love.
00:01:21
Speaker
all of those things regarding love is literally literally the reason that we are here. um yeah It's like on multiple levels. I don't really know how to say that another way. but like If you want to look at, you know, the Christian belief system and like, you know, Jesus taught love one another or any of that on the religious side of things, or you can look at it in terms of like human beings leveling up, supposedly the only way that we're going to level up as a society, as a world, a as a human, you know, race is to love and like,
00:02:02
Speaker
I think that includes loving ourselves, but mostly I think more so really truly having love for everybody around us and like remembering that we are basically all one.
Shared Consciousness and Compassion
00:02:16
Speaker
you know like I remember telling you that on Ahara's when I had that experience or that thought when Joe had was teaching his class, the duality.
00:02:29
Speaker
Non-duality. The non-duality. Sorry, Joe, if you ever hear this. yeah um It's funny because every time somebody, you know, he would, he was asking people, is there anything that ever existed that, um
00:02:49
Speaker
anything that you've ever thought of that hasn't existed or something like that? It was like really interesting how he worded it. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Yeah. And that basically it was like, no, because if you can think of it, then it's existed. and Even if it in your mind. Yeah. Like whether it's you're experiencing it in the physical world or in your mind or in your emotions, like it it exists. So when we were in the middle of that class, I kept thinking bigger and bigger and bigger outside of myself. Like, no, there's nothing that
00:03:24
Speaker
I can think of that's never existed because thinking it makes it exist, and even in thought form, you know? So anyhow, the realization hit me during that class, ah slightly unrelated to what I was just talking about, but like, we are, we are each other. Like every one of us, we're the same. We are shared, we are a shared consciousness. And like, if you think of other people in that way, I think it's easier to love.
00:03:52
Speaker
them. Because even though they look different and have different experiences, their essence, their soul is still the same as our own. And we need to remember that and like, treat everybody equally because they're literally us. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, or not even not even just I wouldn't, I would say, I mean, treating people equally, I feel like is like, not quite the right phrase because like equality is so like fraught and and difficult to measure but like personally what comes to mind for me is like treating everybody with compassion. Yeah and yeah dignity and respect and yeah absolutely and like you know in addition to like people who look different than us or speak differently than us or you know grew up
00:04:51
Speaker
differently than us.
Unity and Magical Love
00:04:52
Speaker
Like, in addition to them, like the people who have wronged us, and the people for whom we might have like, really challenging emotions about, like, even those people are one with us. We are each other. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So like, unity is is major in that regard.
00:05:20
Speaker
And also something that I said that was like not necessarily flippant but like I said it and then I forgot I said it but like when I did the interview on um your average witch and I can't remember what the question was but I remember that I made the statement of love is the source of all magic And I have been reminded a couple of times recently that I said that. And I, you know, I believe it. It's not like I said it, like I didn't mean it, but like, you know, it's just not often that you get that deep into the subject matter. yeah and And so to be reminded that I said something like that and that it really resonated with people, like Kim had even said, like, that was a new answer.
Decision-Making with Love
00:06:13
Speaker
for her and she's been doing that podcast for years. yeah And I was like, no fucking way, but yeah. And it amazes me because like, I can't figure out a way to argue against it. right i can't i there it It's so simple and so true.
00:06:34
Speaker
ah hu And like, it's why, you know, it is, it's the compass that I use to to base my morality and my ideals off of is love and care for the people are around me, and the people in the world, the people in my community.
00:06:56
Speaker
I choose to support the decisions, the propositions, the ideas that will benefit the majority of the people. Like the people, not like the government or corporations or, you know, billionaires, but like the common lay person, you know? So you're saying like um all decisions personal or collective should be based on the collective in general. Like, I mean, like in terms of the discourse that people disagree upon or about so much these days that are mostly, you know, politicized, but like those kinds of decisions, decisions made that affect the collective need to be made in the best interest of the collective.
00:07:51
Speaker
Right. And that kind of thinking that leads to those correct decisions um can only come from a ah thought process and a starting point of love for the fellow man.
Personal Choices and Meditation
00:08:05
Speaker
Right. Yes. Yeah. and and And truly, they can only start happening when we all make better choices and decisions for ourselves first. Like, you know what I mean? Because yeah, when you're doing the right thing for yourself, then it eventually trickles out. And like,
00:08:21
Speaker
helps everybody around you, you know? Exactly. I mean, like, if you think about the, you know, got the thing that's coming to mind right now is, when you have talked about, you talked, I mean, you only mentioned it briefly, and I know we said we were going to probably eventually like go back to talking about it more in depth, but transcendental meditation, where you talked about, like,
00:08:46
Speaker
that continuous practice has literally raised the vibration of a community. Like I believe that love and the magic that comes from it also has that effect. Yeah. Yeah, I've gotten another book about that. So yeah, I'm gonna be um doing a lot more reading up and studying so that I'm better able to explain things and like really want to understand whether or not I need to be considered a guru or get like certified by the TM organization um in order to be able to talk about or teach it to other people but like whatever I can do to be able to to like spread that information and knowledge to people I want to do it because I think
00:09:39
Speaker
the more people who understand it and learn it, like the better our society is going to, you know, get in general. But yeah, we definitely need to be leveling up as a, as a race.
Linking Love to Happiness
00:09:52
Speaker
And I don't mean like the human race. I mean, I don't, I don't mean like the colors of people. I mean, yeah you mean the social construct that's not real. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As a human population. Yeah.
00:10:08
Speaker
yeah the global community yeah it's also worth noting that like when you operate based out of like a place of love you're just happier such a good point yeah like that's yeah i mean being happy in spreading spreading love and happiness obviously is like kind of goes hand in hand you know yeah i am fully pulling a memory from like so again, what, 12, 13 years ago, that I read somewhere, where somebody asked the Dalai Lama, I believe, what the meaning of life is. And the the answer he gave was so simple, because all all he said was to be happy. And love is like the purest and and most, it's the it's the only way.
00:11:06
Speaker
to get to a state of happiness and and to exist perpetually in a state of happiness. yeah so so it If we want to be like the Dalai Lama, we need to love each other. Now, this is like I think it's funny to me because it's like listening to the words we're speaking right now. I'm like, we are we are the hippiest of hippies today.
00:11:33
Speaker
um
00:11:37
Speaker
But ah but I feel it and I and I mean it with my entire heart and body and soul. When I say like, love is truly the reason that we exist. Absolutely.
00:11:57
Speaker
I did not take notes, so we are meandering in this topic, but I love it. How can we show each other love in everyday life? And I mean, people you know, people you don't know, strangers on the street, anything. Well, I think it starts with like,
Expressing Love Through Actions
00:12:18
Speaker
the just the small daily choices. Like we're not talking you know, big grand gestures or show, like show, not showings. What's the word? Like a big showcase of like, look how much I love you. I did all these things. It's like, exactly. It's, it's the small things. It's the consistency. It's the being there for the people around you, the people who, you know, who care about you, uh, who you turn, you know, reciprocate and care about in return.
00:12:53
Speaker
Like, if you want to get really nitty gritty, pay better attention to the people that you care about. Yep. And like, find a way to meet their needs without being told how to do it. See what's important to them. Listen to them when they want to talk to you about stuff. Yeah. Do not in any regard, make it look like you are being put out by just having to like, be around them or listen to them.
00:13:20
Speaker
Like, yeah even if you're in a bad mood, like, fucking get over yourself. Yeah, bad moods are, I'd say, like, too I can't give a percentage, but like way too much of a proportion of like, the reason why ah people end up in disagreements or in like bad feelings towards each other is just because one person was like,
00:13:49
Speaker
feeling off and didn't didn't respond or treat somebody else the way that they should have and like god i hate to say that i'm like literally thinking back to my relationship for these examples the relationship that i was in forever ago that i was in forever because it was so long but like
00:14:13
Speaker
I think about the way that he treated me so way more often than not. And I just know like, I never, like, not only did he never once tell me that he loved me, but I never felt less cared about with any anyone in my life, simply because of the way he would respond to my trying to engage with him and try to like, interact and share and you know just have a regular relationship, like a perfectly normal relationship, and he made me feel so unloved.
Self-Worth in Relationships
00:14:50
Speaker
ah huh And that experience... I want to just put this out there right now, but that that just kills me for you, that you had to deal with that and experience that. And I know you've been through similar stuff, and it kills me too.
00:15:07
Speaker
it fucking kills me. But like, you don't know until you know, like, I never in a million years would I allow somebody to treat me the way I was, I've been treated. Now that I've learned, right like, yeah i thought I was literally thinking about it the other day was like, Oh my God, like, if people behaved this way, the way that I, you know, I'm remembering being treated,
00:15:38
Speaker
Like, now, whether they're, you know, a relationship or just a friend or whatever, like, I would very literally be like, okay, I'm stepping away, you're gonna think about what you're saying. And you can talk to me when you've had a chance to like, fucking get your head on straight. Yeah. Because that's completely unacceptable. Mm hmm.
00:16:02
Speaker
And I can't, it's, I don't know. I could say a million times over until I'm blue in the face how much I can't believe that I ever tolerated that behavior. But like, I'm just grateful that I know better now. Yeah. And like, a i I just was going to say a big, you know, love killer, if you will, something that I've experienced. So I don't know if you get this about me, Molly, or if anyone, you know, that listens ever knew this about me or knows this about me, but like, I can be pretty happy, go lucky and giddy and like, just generally speaking, cheerful and like,
00:16:39
Speaker
I would be in that kind of mood and come to speak to somebody in particular. And as soon as my shadow darkened their doorway, like literally there I'd hear an audible sigh and get an eye roll. Yeah.
00:16:57
Speaker
that I was there and like talk about how to kill somebody's like spirit. You know what I'm saying? So even if you're annoyed, like even if you're like busy, if you're not in the mood, if whatever, you don't have to do those like yeah nonverbal body cues that like completely like a dagger through their heart. You know what I'm saying? Like yeah figure out how to respond to people in a way that isn't automatically like annoyance or impatience or whatever it is and try to have some decorum with your behavior and like, you know, recepive be so be receptive or at least appear receptive
00:17:43
Speaker
Yeah, even if you're bare minimum. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a bare minimum. Like literally, bare minimum, like stamp those reactions down, just so that you don't immediately like shatter the person that you're supposed to be caring about.
00:17:59
Speaker
right And then like on a grander scale or like a longer term goal, like literally get the fuck over yourself. like Get the fuck over yourself to be able to feed into the happiness of the person who you love.
00:18:16
Speaker
Yeah, because in the grand scheme, you'll be happier in the long run and also like in the moment to like, it's amazing how quickly you can forget about a bad day or a bad mood. If you just let somebody like be happy with you and around you. Yeah, like, holy fucking shit. It's so easy. It is so much easier to let that happen than to like, you know, dig your heels in about being a miserable bastard. Mm hmm.
00:18:45
Speaker
Truly. And this has become a bit of a bitch sesh. Yeah. And I'm not trying to do that. What I'm trying to do is give it examples of like, this is how you should not be. No, I know. the around people I mean, that's what I'm, that's what I am too. Cause I started out with like thinking, it literally I'm thinking of my own ex, but like, and I know you've got like exes that like, that's who you were referring to as exes that, yeah you know, you've been with pre like former partners and the people that like you've lived with or been with long term who just... yeah I can't imagine... I'm amazed that you continue to have a cheerful disposition with all that you've been put through. wow And I don't mean that in a bad way. and I mean that in a very good way. Yeah, I know. That's that's where compartmentalization kind of helps.
00:19:41
Speaker
like yeah I know who I can be myself around and like guard and be guarded and other people to be guarded around and whatever. So yeah it's a self-preservation thing. you know Yeah. I mean, i I understand that if anybody does. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I'm not the same person that I was with that person. I'm a different person. and like It's like, what I can say without it knowing like, no, it's okay. It's okay. You know, anybody who's listening who knows you can just sort of make up their own minds about who you're talking about. Because regardless, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter who you're talking about. Because ultimately, like, it's a universal experience for so many women, especially, you know, where we're the ones that bear the brunt of this, because men just feel like they can get away with being absolute douchebags. Yep.
00:20:38
Speaker
man And still get, you know, everything that they've signed up for in a relationship. Yeah. There was that conversation recently about, and we I think we even touched on this in the last episode, um the prefrontal cortex thing. Right. Making a lot longer to develop in men or people. Yeah. Yeah. But you even the men that I've known that have been past that point in life. Yeah. You know? like they're just like determined to be as miserable as possible and take everybody else down with them. Yeah, but I was gonna say like the whole empathy thing that like men literally like it's so underdeveloped even till grown men, they're in their 30s or something. I don't know. Except for except for does it even really develop in a lot of men then you know, I don't think I don't think so. I don't I think that it has to be socialized into them and it's not we don't live in a society
00:21:32
Speaker
that teaches boys to grow up with compassion and with empathy and with kindness. like That is what is attractive about men. If there is ever a man out there who exudes those qualities, they are the reason women are attracted to them. yeah like That's the reason. It is not anything to do with appearance. It's not anything to do with money or social status or possessions or security or whatever.
00:22:01
Speaker
it has everything to do with their disposition, the way that they treat people, especially their own partners and their family. And like, basically, incels are wrong. And what was that last part? Basically, incels are wrong. But we need this. I don't know what you're saying. You don't know what an incel is? Basically,
00:22:24
Speaker
incels? You don't know what an incel is? I don't know. Ooh, chronically offline Christina strikes again. Okay. Incel is a internet term for that douchey men gave themselves called like shortened for involuntary celibate.
00:22:46
Speaker
Oh. I know. That face you just made is exactly how everybody feels about that.
00:22:56
Speaker
Yeah, no, I did not know that. But you know, but you know the type. Uh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The people, the men who will blame absolutely everything they can, except for themselves, for why they can't get into a relationship. Really pathetic. Truly. But that's what it means, like, incels.
00:23:17
Speaker
are wrong because it's not the six-pack abs that women are attracted to. It's the kindness. It's the empathy. It's the like meeting your partner's needs without question, without complaint. Even just being present and like noticing. Yeah. And like the thing is, it's so not that much to ask because I know that like I give that just as as a so like second nature. For people who, and and I've unfortunately had to condition myself to be way more judicious with who I give that treatment to and who deserves it. But like when when I feel that energy and that like reciprocation coming from someone, it is it is unquestioning. I will give them everything I have in terms of love,
00:24:15
Speaker
compassion, good treatment, kindness, empathy, and meeting people's needs. Yeah. Not too much to ask for. Right. And I think that when you come into contact with people who are not that way, who are not willing to like, love and respect and even just pay attention to other people's needs or any of that people who are putting out bad vibes in general. like Yeah, we need to like internally try to send them the love and the good vibes that they don't have. True, but also also don't pour from an empty cup. Right.
00:24:57
Speaker
you know And there are potentially people who are more deserving of your attention in that regard. And you know I think one of the difficult things that I've had to learn in life is to not operate based on like the potential that I can see in a person, like with my ex, where you know I got the absolute best foot that he could put forward in the first year of our relationship.
00:25:26
Speaker
and then everything went downhill from there, but because I had seen what he was capable of, I knew that there had to be some way to get back to that, except for that's not how relationships with men work. Right. Unfortunately. And i I do feel a little bad that we're generalizing so much. I know very, very good men, as well as really terrible men. And so I do want to say, like, to all the good men in my life, thank you.
00:25:56
Speaker
Yeah. And understand how rare you are. And understand that when women talk like this, they're not talking about you. Right. And i think they would you know, if you're questioning, if you're questioning whether you're one of those men, you're not.
00:26:12
Speaker
Well, it could be either way. If you're questioning whether it could be you, then it could be you. yeah I mean, if you're questioning whether you're one of the good ones. if if you don't if you If you don't feel certain about that, no, you don't fall into that category. But it's OK, because people can grow. And I am always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt and the room to grow. But I don't always have to make it a part of my own.
00:26:42
Speaker
life like i don't have to be involved if i if i really can't be and you know that's part of the decision making that i've that i've done with regards to my ex where it's like he clearly has a lot of growing to do and i can't be a part of it yeah i am fully in support of him but i cannot participate i can't even be involved i can't listen to the constant negativity anymore for sure so But so regardless of our actual personal relationships and people we know, when we're just out and about and doing things, you know, trying to be extra courteous or friendly to people around you and in the public.
00:27:32
Speaker
You know, yeah you might be the only person that smiled at them that day, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, it can be really challenging to think of it that way. Like, oh, I got to be friendly. And then it feels like you're putting on a, you know, a show practically. But like, the way that I operate, or that I try to, is coming from a place of trying to be as understanding as possible. And like, that can translate as like, being friendly, being courteous.
00:27:57
Speaker
You know, especially, and I know that like the majority of the people that we come into contact with out in the wild who are strangers are usually like customer service type people, you know, whether in person or on the phone or whatever, but like having worked those jobs.
00:28:12
Speaker
Like I can say without a shadow of a doubt, the people who are kind and understanding and patient are the ones who make a customer service person's day because it is so easily ruined by one bad person in one bad mood. Yeah.
Kindness in Customer Service
00:28:30
Speaker
Yeah. Like waitresses or raiders in a restaurant. Yeah. Or just people on the phone who are trying to help you and like, you know. Yeah. Yeah. yeah they They'll be like, oh my gosh, I'm really sorry, my computer's really slow, you know, bear with me. And I'm just like, no, babe, you know, yeah it's all good. Absolutely. Don't worry. Yeah. Or if they apologize for how long I've had to be on hold. Like I truly, I don't think I have ever complained to anyone about how long I had to wait on hold.
00:29:02
Speaker
right because it's not their fault what does it matter like i can still do stuff while i'm on hold you know yeah well like it's not like it's wasting my time i'm not tied to a pay phone for three hours you know constantly having to feed at quarters can you god what a nightmare oh But um I mean, like, you know, out shopping and stuff, like, yeah, I see people drop something and like, and if it's somebody that's older than me, I'm like, automatically gonna bend over and pick it up for them unless they get to it before I can. You know what I mean? That kind of stuff, just being nice, being considerate, trying to be friendly in any way, like and not, you you know, and I don't mean forcing it and being like fake, but like,
00:29:48
Speaker
Yeah, like you like look within yourself and find that wellspring that we all have, no matter who you are, we all have it. It's there, even if you've like completely ignored it for years and years. like Look into that and draw from that, and that's the place that you need to come from when you interact with people. And you know if you want to be operating from a space of love.
00:30:16
Speaker
like it is It feels oversimplified by saying that, but at the same time, like it really is that simple. yeah I mean, God, everybody's life would be just so much easier. you know and And I think, too, God, it keeps coming up. We can't not talk about self-love. Yeah, true. Self-love and self-respect, because like if there is any reason now in my life where I will go off on someone, quote unquote, because like, have I ever really ever like yelled at a stranger? No. um If there's any reason why I will go off on someone, it's because I am protecting my own, my needs. I'm standing up for myself. And that's something I never used to be able to do. Good point. I used to be like the world's biggest doormat. Oh my god, yeah, me too. Broken doormat.
00:31:15
Speaker
and hated it. I'm just sitting here nodding my head. Yeah, you really are. And I'm not and I'm not agreeing with you about you. or I'm agreeing. Because I was also the exact same. Yeah, it's such a common experience to have lived through. And so, if I ever get heated with someone, it's because I am not tolerating disrespect. And that is an act of self respect.
00:31:37
Speaker
yeah Look at you, your chicken bob, your chicken bobbing head. You're so cute. I'm about ready to to start doing the Matthew McConaughey. What is the thing he does when he's like... I can't remember what else he says or does, but it's like, that's the thing he starts to do. I can't remember either, but I know it. I love Wolf of Wall Street. God damn. What a great movie.
00:32:05
Speaker
um
00:32:08
Speaker
Oh man. Preach. Preach Molly. Self love is so fucking challenging still. And I say that because it's never not been, but also like, that's another universal experience, I feel.
Loving Yourself First
00:32:26
Speaker
Yeah. But it's just like they say about relationships, you have to really like, really like know yourself and love yourself before you can really love somebody else.
00:32:37
Speaker
Yeah. And have a good relationship with somebody else. Like you got to know yourself and honor yourself first. Truly. Yeah. That phrase used to give me so much despair because I used to feel like it was never going to be possible. And I was like, well, guess I better settle for being alone all my life because I'm never going to be able to love myself.
00:32:58
Speaker
Yeah. And that's the funny thing because for me, it was like, well, I've always kind of like liked who I was, but I probably didn't have enough self-respect or I definitely did not know myself. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Those were things that you have to learn as you grow up a bit. And like for me, it took extra long because I was never allowed to just learn who I was. I was always having to focus on other people around me.
00:33:27
Speaker
Right. Taking care of everybody else all the time, even as I was young and growing up. And even, even in recent years, you have had a hard time like disassociating like that impulse from like what you actually need to be doing, you know.
00:33:44
Speaker
And like, I remember when we recorded our identity episode, and you were like, I've never really felt a need for it. But it's like, you haven't had a chance to breathe to to feel a need for it. You know, you're constantly, you're still constantly only ever thinking about anybody else. And admittedly, that's a hard thing to not do when you're a mom.
00:34:03
Speaker
But like it's still something that's critical. you know it's like i I'm in the same boat. I'm only just in the last you know a couple years coming to understand who I actually am. right And it's like it's almost an extension of that phrase where it's like, you can't love anyone else till you love yourself, but you can't love yourself until you know yourself.
00:34:27
Speaker
yeah and so I'm getting to know myself and I like who I am. And I've always i've always been okay with my personality when I have like caught the glimpses of it that I used to be able to catch because I felt like I was so guarded and so I kept myself so under wraps my entire growing up. But any glimpse that I caught or any glimpse that I could give somebody else, like the best people found me and they were attracted to it.
00:34:56
Speaker
And like, you know, whether as a friend or as a, you know, romantic interest doesn't matter. Like they were drawn in by what they could see, but I couldn't allow myself to be who I was in full. Like ever until the last, you know, I'm going to even just go ahead and say like the last five years, so because even throughout my relationship, I didn't feel like I had ah ability the ability to explore who I was or express who I was. Yeah.
00:35:26
Speaker
yeah because any any sort of self-expression was just sort of met with like disinterest by the partner that I was with. um and so like Ending that relationship almost five years ago now, which is crazy, and then meeting new people and going back to therapy,
00:35:48
Speaker
and so working on every little thing that I have avoided working on because I was in therapy for years before and wouldn't touch certain subjects. Couldn't. Couldn't even fathom how to begin. Yeah. Now I'm like, nope, it's time. And I'm digging through the muck of it all. And it's messy work. But but now I won't tolerate disrespect. Yeah.
00:36:20
Speaker
And now I have the confidence to do what I need to get done or or make people you know do what I need them to do. you know or like i will I will never ever again be a doormat. right And I think that I'm at a place finally where I don't even need to be afraid that I might regress back into that.
00:36:46
Speaker
right Yeah. And then, I mean, like what I was get trying to get at for myself earlier was, you know, saying like I liked myself and I did, I liked who I was and I thought that I was likable, but I didn't know myself enough to be able to honor and respect my own needs. Yeah. And so I didn't, you know, even though I felt like I should have been able to find a good relationship with somebody else because like, you know, they say you've got to like yourself or love yourself before you can love someone else. Okay, fine. But you don't really know what that means until you really know yourself really well. yeah And yeah, so it's like, that's where I think I've been growing the most in the past nine, 10 years, literally, probably since my son's been born and since you've been back in my life, you know? Because even though I've taken care of a lot of people,
00:37:43
Speaker
throughout my life, having a child is totally different. And like, you have to try and be the best version of yourself for them. So it takes a lot of digging down deep to like figure yourself out and know what kind of things, who do you want to be for this person that you're trying to teach, you know, to become their own person. And like, you've got to show up for them in certain ways. And yeah, it really pulls things out of you that you didn't know existed, you know.
00:38:12
Speaker
But definitely my instincts to protect have gotten stronger. And those things were like you know stuff that I didn't have for myself when I was growing up. So I didn't realize that I needed to do it for myself as I was growing up. yeah like Protecting myself in some ways, yes, but like not associating with the wrong people.
00:38:38
Speaker
you know like protecting myself from bad treatment. It was like, I didn't realize that I could do that for myself. And then it's like, now I'm trying to protect somebody else from bad treatment. And then it's it's like, okay, now I get what it's about. I understand it, you know? And so that's a part of self-love and self-respect and all that. It's like really truly learning your own needs and boundaries and and honoring them. and all of that stuff. So other people will then treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Exactly. You have to lead by example in that regard. And when you do all those things, then it's easier for you to do it for other people, like to love and honor and respect other people. Yeah. So yeah, that's stuff that I literally didn't understand until very recently. Yeah.
00:39:35
Speaker
And to me very recently is 10 years. I think you've even said that before. 10 years feels like, like two years or something to other people, like younger yeah people and stuff. It's crazy. It's wild to think about the fact that like, it has been 10 years for me since I had that experience that sort of broke me and turned me into who I am.
00:40:03
Speaker
It was, it was the first metamorphosis as it were into Molly wild. That was 10 years ago, a couple of days before new years, basically. Refresh me. I don't want to get too much too into too much detail. Um, you don't have to just, what was it that what happened 10 years ago? Like I was so broken after that, that I did not feel real.
00:40:32
Speaker
anymore. And I came into 2015 realizing that she shouldn't have done what she did, but I wasn't who I wanted to be before that. I didn't want to be the depressed girl who drank all the time and who had to keep secrets and who like just was miserable no matter what I did.
00:40:58
Speaker
like i I both realized that I needed to have like a healthier lifestyle and that mostly meant, you know, stopping drinking. So I never really have, I never have really drank much since then with a rare couple of exceptions. And, but also like just a mentality. Like that was, even though I had been going to therapy, like That was still a point at which I realized like my mental health is a mess and it's not just because I was ripped apart just now.
Identity and Self-Discovery
00:41:36
Speaker
Like I'm a disaster. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I'm doing. And feeling like I didn't exist as a person was my tower moment to pick up the pieces and decide who I was going to be and embody that person.
00:41:55
Speaker
and that's when I chose a new name. And it is as much who I am now as my legal name has ever been. But yeah, like that was 10 years ago. I'm pretty sure you told me that story before, but I didn't really remember that. That's why it was like refresh me because I know that I have because I know I was visiting you on the anniversary of it happening.
00:42:20
Speaker
Like I was. Oh yeah. The one year anniversary. yeah The day after or the day before the anniversary of when it happened. And I was grateful to, you know, have that timing. Cause anniversaries are really, like really challenging for me. No matter what, no matter whether it has any significance to anybody else. If I have a negative association with the date, the anniversary of that date is going to mentally like fuck with me.
00:42:50
Speaker
ah So I do remember that very specifically and I know that I told you, I can't remember if I told you then or if I told you after the fact, but I know that I talked to you about it. Yeah. Yeah. Like I said, it sounded familiar, but it's been, it's probably been a while since I've heard that yeah story. I mean, I don't remember to talk about it it, you know? Right. No. And I don't blame you. Yeah.
00:43:14
Speaker
But, you know, I do need to acknowledge to myself, at least, and if not to you and to the world, how grateful I am to have been in that place so that I can, you know, grow from it. So that I could grow from it. Because I did. Yep. To be able to look back, or or if if I could whisper something into the ear of 22 year old me.
00:43:43
Speaker
laying in bed feeling like a shattered shell of a person. It might have given me more hope. Because I had i was still in so much darkness, like not just depression, but like I just had no idea what could possibly be ahead for me in life at that point. It might have given me more hope and maybe spurred my momentum a little faster.
00:44:09
Speaker
you know, to know that like, God, I was thinking about it this weekend, like, I get to live a kind of fucking cool life where like, I have a friend who will build a pantry for me. ha And while he's working on that, I'm in here editing a podcast episode. But like, this is my life now. Like,
00:44:33
Speaker
What the fuck? yeah Also, fuck ah yeah. It's unexpected, but it's fucking great. And, you know, whether I was fully conscious of it or not, those choices to pick up the pieces and and cultivate and curate my identity to be in line with both what I wanted and what I knew I was, was an act of self-love.
00:45:04
Speaker
Oh, I got to acknowledge that. Oh, that's hitting me. Yeah. Self-love, I have constantly said is such a challenge, but like, I'm still doing it anyway. ha Any attempts that you make at fixing, you know, yourself, like, I don't mean fixing, but like, improving yourself, helping yourself.
00:45:30
Speaker
taking care of yourself in any way. yeah always care oh my god All of those things are self-love. And so because the fact that you know you're actively trying to do better and be better and improve yourself and create the life you want and all of those things, are those are all proof that you do love yourself.
00:45:51
Speaker
you know yeah I'm getting chills.
00:45:57
Speaker
I'm feeling a brain-fold wrinkle forming. As long as you don't end up with a headache, we're good.
00:46:12
Speaker
It's true. God, it's so true. We have a long road ahead of us, Ma.
00:46:20
Speaker
But I have you and you have me. We've got our coven. We've got our friends, our geographically local friends that care about us and love us and are supporting us. Yeah. We're not alone. No. This is why we're doing this. This feeling right here. Yeah. I think this the topic has turned out Even though it was pretty on the fly, it has turned out to be pretty fucking good. Yeah. You know, I'm glad that we did it this way. I had the feeling, you know, that we should just sort of jump on and talk about whatever and the right, the right things would come to us. Right. And and that's the thing. It's like, even though I don't have a description in in my notes about, you know, my topic ideas, it's like,
00:47:21
Speaker
basically recording the conversation where I'm explaining to you why I want to talk about this or, you know, yeah that's part of it. That's kind of part of the whole like, for sure, conversation. And yeah, even though it's unscripted and whatever, undirected or so our show is unscripted. like Yeah, we have no yeah like it's and i i you know, not to discredit when we do speak on like things that we've prepared and taken notes and things, because that all is coming from the heart just as much. But like yeah, like I feel you. I get it. I understand. And I'm glad that we did it this way. And I feel like my hope is that we'll be able to keep doing it this way. There's going to be ones that I'm going to want to have a little bit of- Oh, for sure. Preparation.
00:48:20
Speaker
operation But yeah, the whole thing about, you know, love is literally the reason for existence. We need to lean into that, keep it in the forefront of our minds, I think more, because I think it helps when we have the objective always in mind, you know what I'm saying? Like, this is the objective. The objective is yeah to better ourselves through loving more deeply, more fully. Yeah. And it helps to raise the entire vibration of the whole planet. Yeah. So we need more of it. A lot more. And if we're operating on, you know, our belief in the law of attraction, the that behavior and that, you know, motive modus operandi,
00:49:09
Speaker
is only going to help us notice more instances of love and more positivity, but also in that way, draw more to us. And we'll find ourselves feeling infinitely abundant. Yeah, very well said. The other day when I posted in the morning, I said, I hope something good happens to you today.
00:49:37
Speaker
I saw that on Facebook earlier, just a couple hours before we started to record. Yeah. um I posted that because on my commute into the office, I guess it was only yesterday, I was briefly behind a car that had a bumper sticker that said that. That said of that? Yeah. Oh, wow. And I was like, Oh my God. Thank you.
00:50:03
Speaker
And then they were gone. But my whole day, i was it was just such a lift. And I was like, you know what? Paying it forward. I'm paying it forward. And that's why I posted it on Facebook.
00:50:15
Speaker
that's awesome And even if people don't know why I posted it, I feel like it did its job. yeah So to you, the listener, I hope something good happens to you today.
00:50:33
Speaker
I hope that something makes you smile and laugh. And I hope that in turn you ah it become the reason why somebody else smiles. Yeah. We do hope that you have a beautiful day, friends. We love you guys. We're very grateful for you. Infinitely grateful for you. You know, it's for more reasons than one.
00:51:00
Speaker
Obviously. yeah Like, we get to have these kind of conversations with each other and learn about ourselves a little bit more. It's true. We get to get to collectively form a wrinkle in the brain.
00:51:18
Speaker
And we're glad you're along for the ride. o Well, my brain just went blank.
00:51:31
Speaker
You funny lady. Yep, that's me i haven't seen you no Everybody thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. Thank you for supporting us you can find our socials in our description and We can't wait to hear from you. We love to hear from you whether on Instagram or in via email and We will be back again next week. Yay Bye friends. Thanks for joining us. Have a good day. Gotta wish you all, yep, all the love and good vibes and vibe raising energy for the new year. And lock your back door. Lock your back door. Don't forget, they're making weird
00:52:52
Speaker
No, I know, but I just heard Big B and was like, hey. You're such a teen. You're such a teen. I'm such a slut is what I am. but Whatever.