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41. The Art of Starting Over
9 Plays5 days ago
Autonomy is a terrifying thing, and yet it’s our most valuable asset in life. This week we reflected on the various phases of our lives when we taught ourselves to barrel roll into life's curveballs as they came at us. What we’ve learned is that there is beauty to be found, and boundless knowledge to be gained about yourself and about the world, in exploring the art of starting over.
We're so grateful you're here! If you like what you’re hearing, you can find more exclusive content on Patreon: www.patreon.com/soulpodthepodcast. We can’t wait to see you over there!
You can also follow us on Instagram: @soulpodthepodcast, or email us directly at soulpodthepodcast@gmail.com.
Molly does tarot readings online and locally in Massachusetts: https://www.thehighpriestesscoaching.com/
Christina sells delicious microgreens in the greater Detroit area: https://www.christinasgreens.com/
Hosts: Christina Bell & Molly Wilde
Music: The Confrontation, by Jonathan Boyle, licensed from Premium Beats by Shutterstock
Editing: Molly Wilde
Disclaimer: The purpose of this podcast is for entertainment and enjoyment. We are not professionals in any regard. We do not have professional knowledge, training, or education in physical health, mental health, or spiritual matters. Any suggestions or recommendations made during our episodes should be independently researched by the listener before considering implementation, or better yet, listeners should ignore everything we say. We cannot be held responsible or liable for anything we say, or any actions taken by any persons as a result of listening to our podcast episodes. Stay safe, stay informed, stay smart.
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Transcript
Burnout and Managing Fatigue
00:00:25
Speaker
Good evening. Good evening. Oh my god, I am delirious today. you said you were tired. I was drooping well into the afternoon.
00:00:38
Speaker
i ended up, when finished work, um logged off and literally crawled into bed and like fell asleep. Lucky. didn't, it's like the problem is it doesn't feel good to do that.
00:00:54
Speaker
It would feel good to me if I could do that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It don't feel good. It doesn't feel good because I'm like, man, where, what am I, like, what but what do i what do I do? How do I live?
00:01:09
Speaker
You know? When I can't even make it through, like, a work day without, like, drooping like that and then need to fall asleep as soon as I'm done. and I'm like, this is not what I want to be doing with my time.
00:01:22
Speaker
Think about how awful it is when you're drooping like that and have no control over it and still have to try to drive a bus. Yeah, i know. i hear here know We are not doing Oppression Olympics today. And I'm not not and i'm not admitting to any crimes. Motherfucker.
00:01:42
Speaker
We're not all i'm saying trying to say, woe is me, I have it worse. like back in the day This is not how I want to spend my time. I understand that. I'm just saying, back in the day, dude, when I was all alone and didn't have anybody around here to answer to,
00:01:56
Speaker
If I got sleepy and felt like crawling in bed and going to take a nap, I could do it. And now I cannot do that. well And it really sucks. that's That was a choice that you made.
Perception vs. Reality and Mental Health
00:02:10
Speaker
so all I'm saying is you're lucky.
00:02:14
Speaker
You're lucky. The grass is always greener no matter what side you're on, right? Yeah, I guess so. And it's not necessarily that I'm even saying like your grass is greener than mine. Even. It's just that My grass is not what I want it to be.
00:02:30
Speaker
it just isn't. I don't want and want to be that tired. yeah And i know i if I know it's the weather. Oh yeah, and I bet you that had a lot to do with me today too because it was rainy. For Yeah, like but even still. I'm just like, ugh.
00:02:48
Speaker
Anyway. yeah We're here anyway. We're doing it anyway. We're keeping it up so so how you feeling besides that like fine good generally
Exploring Creativity and Energy Blockages
00:03:07
Speaker
mentally sweet um had a little bit of like you know mental anguish earlier but that was mostly pertaining to oh my god where's my energy i hate this um but you know otherwise like
00:03:23
Speaker
pretty even keeled and if you want to hear more about why you should go check out our patreon where we just released a bonus episode where i went way in depth about that um so it's good shit man yeah and i have a question that you you may want to answer this later or if you give me a quick answer you you may or may not want to leave it in the episode i don't know but i just wondered if you felt like the reiki that you got yesterday helped you Yeah, it was it was a little bit like a
00:03:59
Speaker
i think it felt more like ah like an overarching... i don't know. it There was a focus to it. There was an intention to it. But I think the effect that it had was more of like a bigger picture kind of effect.
00:04:14
Speaker
But I will say, like this is the nice thing with... ah you know I've had two Reiki sessions now within the last two weeks. And... In both cases, they've come back saying, like, your chakras are, like, pretty fucking healthy.
00:04:29
Speaker
Wow. Like, you're, herere like, okay. You don't really need much, like, adjustment or, like, you know, i don't know. There was the one thing that she mentioned yesterday was that she had to keep going back and, like, clearing blockages in my solar plexus.
00:04:49
Speaker
Huh. um because like she would clear it, it would open up, and then it would shut back down. Like a little muscle, clam. Just like, nope.
00:05:02
Speaker
And she had to keep going back in and be like, nope, we're staying open.
00:05:09
Speaker
And she knows, like, because she's, the this person, this friend of ours, is doing the artist's way along with me. Okay. And and she knows and she identified it correctly. And I was like, you're on the nuggets there that this was directly related to like my creativity where i keep my creativity locked up so tight and it's like totally blocked, which is the reason I'm doing the artist's way.
00:05:39
Speaker
But like, you know, she, she identified that she was like, this is closed up. Like, let's open it up. wow And then it's just like, it's like muscle memory as what I like described. as was like,
00:05:50
Speaker
Because I've kept it shut down for so long. Right. Like, it doesn't know how to stay open and feel safe. And so it makes sense. But, yeah. But otherwise, like, I'm, like, glad to know that I'm not all fucking out of whack.
00:06:06
Speaker
You know? Sounds like your solar plexus chakra has a sphincter. Why? Why do you do this to me? you. God. I hate you.
00:06:17
Speaker
god I thought it was cute how you described it like a clam, but the way you were like, it opens and closes. I just was imagining like this. Why?
00:06:31
Speaker
You're disgusting. Sink their solar plexus. yeah No. No. i hate that, and I hate i hate you for suggesting ah
Starting Over and Personal Growth
00:06:43
Speaker
it. Why toilet humor? I don't understand. Oh my goodness. don't get it.
00:06:47
Speaker
i don't get it. I just, I don't. It's the Virgo in me. Get the fuck over it.
00:06:55
Speaker
Anyway, Christina, what the fuck are we talking about today? ah Starting over. you want to you want to expand on that? That was your idea. Because starting over could mean, hey, we're starting this episode over. Starting over in life?
00:07:12
Speaker
Starting over in... life starting over in
00:07:20
Speaker
let's get philosophical and stuff uh starting over in like attitudes friendships yeah like like the big patterns like the big facets of life like it could apply to any of them yeah for sure um this is one one of the ones that i added to our idealist and then like didn't put any notes on
00:07:54
Speaker
um and part of the reason why i did that or why i do it in general like why i put anything on there and then don't add notes is because i'm probably going to be drawing on personal experience yeah to talk about it um And like, it's weird too, because I feel like I have to keep reminding myself as we always keep reminding you, listener, we're not experts at anything that we talk about.
00:08:24
Speaker
And so I am not here to say here's how you start over. And I'm an expert who's telling you how to do it. Follow my formula. No. For 2099 a month.
00:08:35
Speaker
yeah Fuck that. No. Absolutely the fuck not. But I've done it successfully a couple times. And like you know the but like thing that keeps getting me in my own way of making permanent change or making like lasting change is mental illness.
00:08:58
Speaker
And that is a separate thing. we We talk about mental illness all the time. But I have made dramatic changes on a dime because it was the right time.
00:09:12
Speaker
And I was in the right like malleability of mentality um to be able to do that. and I have told people in the past, especially people that I'm doing tarot readings for and that I'm that I specifically have pulled the tower for.
00:09:32
Speaker
like if you ever have the opportunity to start over. to like completely refresh and rebrand yourself. Fucking take it, man. It is the most freeing, exhilarating feeling just be like, nope, I am a new person. i am not doing that. I am doing something different.
00:09:53
Speaker
Here's what I am all about now. And it's not a superficial, I'm all about, you know, ah new diet or I'm all about this new obsession. It's about like, here's what are my priorities in my daily life now.
00:10:09
Speaker
Here's what I care about and here's what I'm going to do about it. And it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about it.
00:10:20
Speaker
Sweet. And we're not often afforded that and opportunity life. That's true. um It's incredible how much other people's expectations of us continuing to stay the same, like sort of force us to continue to stay the same.
00:10:39
Speaker
Yeah. Without them even saying so. But just like the fact that they know you to be or behave a certain way. and then you change anything about that. And there's like so just such like a weird reaction that a lot of people can have when they realize that you're making changes and it like feels maybe like a threat to them, to their own sense of security and like sense of self.
00:11:08
Speaker
which like holy shit that anybody would like give you that much power over themselves like yeah crazy but like you know that's a whole different story um yeah i mean people get so used to things being a certain way and they aren't used to things changing ever so that when they see somebody that they know well or have known for a long time start changing it's just like it's like a kind of a shock to their system and yeah some people may not know how to handle that yeah i will say like the process of starting over eraron like rebranding yourself is a really great way to like filter out who's your real friends yeah who are who are true true people in your life who actually care about your well-being want to
00:11:58
Speaker
what's best for you and know that you know what's best for you. Right. Because the people who are your true friends are going to see the changes that you're making and be like, holy shit, good for you. Keep going.
00:12:13
Speaker
You know, the people who are not your true friends are the people who are going to be you know, who who are going to start behaving or ah reacting as, as though they're being threatened.
00:12:25
Speaker
Right. Yeah. It's a very, we've referenced not too long ago, the concept of like crabs in a bucket. Yeah. I can't even remember if it was on Patreon if it was on one of our ah public episodes, but like crabs in a bucket is like exactly the ah analogy to use in this situation too.
00:12:45
Speaker
Yeah. Yep. So I'm going to ask you, Christina, have you ever had a moment or a phase or a time in your life when you were like, ready to rebrand and start over and like just operate differently?
00:13:02
Speaker
and what did you do? What did you change? If so, and if you haven't, what would you change if you had the opportunity to just, if you, if you came upon that mentality suddenly or that opportunity to like have a big life shift, like what would you decide would be your like,
00:13:26
Speaker
biggest, you know, top priorities of your new lease on life. I can definitely pinpoint one of the first times I remember um
00:13:40
Speaker
kind of starting over, if you will, or making a big change was when I went to freshman year at high school. So i don't know. And it wasn't even like conscious.
00:13:52
Speaker
It was not a conscious thing. i just felt a shift. Maybe it was puberty. You know, I have no freaking idea. But like i was like 13, almost 14 when I started freshman year. And I just remember my freshman year was a lot of fun. And like I school.
00:14:15
Speaker
I in my elementary like prior to that well like i actually was in a middle school for a couple of years but you know i had some bullying issues like in say fifth grade or something um it was only a couple of instances but like uh it scared me like i was afraid of these people and i did not know what to do and um And then middle school was a whole different group of people because I moved districts, like moved cities.
00:14:55
Speaker
Yeah. um And then and don't know what it was, but like it was almost like, you know, the proverbial blossoming or whatever. Yeah. You know, and like my. Sort of like becoming more of like ah like a whole person.
00:15:11
Speaker
Yeah, like I guess my personality like blossomed a little bit. yeah i don't know. It's kind of a goofy phrase, but whatever. i don't think so. I think that's think that makes perfect sense.
00:15:23
Speaker
So i I became more outgoing and I was like friendlier and like. I don't know, more just more outgoing. and And I liked to correct jokes and make people laugh and stuff like that. And like maybe that stemmed from having a home life that was not like great or ideal.
00:15:42
Speaker
But I had fun at school. Like I enjoyed, you know, being social, if you will, in school. don't know. mean, I'm trying to think of like when when when the next time.
00:15:56
Speaker
in my life might've been, but I guess when, you know, I first started working full time where I work now and I, was able to like afford my house, like buy a house, you know, i was 23, but I had a lot of, you know, stupid family BS still happening into my twenties and stuff. And like, I didn't live at home the entire time, but I like the last place I lived before I moved into this house was the condominium that my grandmother had bought for me to live in.
00:16:31
Speaker
And I kind of like lived under her rule. And even though she didn't live there with me, she felt like she could show up whenever she wanted to unannounced and stuff like that.
00:16:42
Speaker
Right. And tell me how to live my life and things, you know, like I had to follow her rules and stuff, which, you know, I wasn't doing anything crazy, but she was like super controlling. Right.
00:16:53
Speaker
Yeah. And um the guy I was dating at the time, like if I 23, he was like 36. Right. he was like thirtys six So he was significantly older than me. ah And at one point, because he saw, you know, like the dynamic with my grandmother.
00:17:14
Speaker
And at one point he was just like, are you going to let her tell you how to live for the rest of your life? Like, are you going to let her control you for the rest of your life? And I just thought, yeah.
00:17:25
Speaker
wow you know like i mean it wouldn't be for the rest of my life obviously because she wouldn't be alive that long but right but she could easily live into my 40s and stuff is like where my brain went you know right and that's exactly what she did yeah yeah exactly yeah so when he said that it was kind of like a wake-up call even though he turned out to be a total jerk and shit it was you know it was like an outside perspective yeah enough that you said that to me to make me kind of go like huh right and so I at that point had kind of started making up my mind that I wanted to see if I could qualify for a mortgage and and all that and buy my own house and I did and like
00:18:12
Speaker
I got away from my family, essentially. Like, I didn't live under my grandmother's rule, and I didn't have to answer my mom and answer to my mom and dad and, like, that kind of stuff. so starting here in this house was like starting over.
Independence and Life Transitions
00:18:29
Speaker
yeah And had to learn a whole new skill set, you know, like how to take care of a house on my own, how to pay bills and manage, you know, household stuff. So that was all.
00:18:42
Speaker
new but like the sense of independence definitely brings a new perspective and changes you know like it's it's it's like making a fresh start you know it's like yeah yeah starting over so to speak yeah and i would say like that phase when you were 23 more so of that like starting over process phenomenons or phenomenon than when you were in high school because I think it was a lot more intentional because when you were in high school you still had like no control over your life right and it wasn't intentional like I said it was just like it was just sort of happened yeah like I just it was a change in my attitude or I don't know what it was but it wasn't like i purposely was setting out to do that it just happened it was like weird when I look back on that time in my life I just thought how how did I do that like how did I have the the balls to
00:19:39
Speaker
be outgoing and friendly and social and all that crap you know like i don't know if it was an insecurity thing like i i didn't think people liked me so i was trying to make them like me i mean i don't know but right right yeah i i get that though and like you know that's when you're that young it's simply just like layers of your personality making themselves known yeah yeah for sure Yeah, and like it's much more like when you're an adult and you're more yourself inherently already and able to start to make like self-aware conscious changes that you get like that fresh like, oh, like I can i do whatever the fuck I want, really. Yeah. like
00:20:29
Speaker
there Like it's it's the concept of agency, i think. Yeah, and you know what? i mean, come to think of it, I had a taste of that when I first went to college because I moved of my mom and dad's house.
00:20:43
Speaker
Oh, that's like a quintessential time. Yeah, for sure. Like, that was the first time I ever really experienced independence. And I remember having bags of, like...
00:20:55
Speaker
chocolate covered peanuts and chocolate covered raisins and my favorite spinach dip from meyers and for meyer meyer thrifty acres if you're from michigan you know you know um but like having those things in my dorm room and feeling like this is what i'm gonna eat for dinner and nobody can tell me no yes i'm gonna eat whatever i fucking go want load up on chocolate covered reasons and peanuts and fucking spinach dip dude oh my god spinach chips are so good right now oh god no but i get that like i i feel like i had a lot my transition from high school to college was like a lot softer of a transition yeah um because i was like college at byu is like college light
00:21:45
Speaker
Yeah. You don't get the experience. It's like church social. Yeah. You don't get the full like experience of um being a whole ass adult with agency because literally BYU just gives you no agency at all.
00:22:01
Speaker
Exactly. I still like did what I wanted, but that's because nobody was really keeping tabs on me. But like people generally keep tabs on people and there is like a you know snitching system that that's That's just so crappy and I'm glad that I didn't have to go there. fucked.
00:22:20
Speaker
There's like reason. I was like, hey, there's no chance I'm going to last at this place. Like i only lasted two years. And at that point I was like already leaving the church like mentally and emotionally anyway. But like, yeah, I like.
00:22:33
Speaker
I knew and because I was like, I can't, i you know, I was, I applied for the music program at BYU. was rejected. And I was like, if I can't start the music school, like degree for at least another year, because it wasn't like a per semester at like application kind of thing. Like it was once a year that had chance to apply.
00:22:57
Speaker
um And the year that I applied, they only accepted seven people. And it's an enormous school. It's huge. It's insane. i know. and know.
00:23:08
Speaker
How do you have a whole music program with seven people in it? It's not a whole music program. It's seven people accepted into that year into that specific program. That's crazy. I can't even remember, like, the name of it. But it was, like, not the classical music program. Hmm.
00:23:27
Speaker
It was it was like effectively the equivalent of what I did end up studying, but it was obviously not going to be as nearly good of an education as what I ended up getting. And that's the thing. like you know that That all happened for a reason because literally a year later, I was accepted to Berklee College of Music and fuck u by you, BYU. Yeah.
00:23:45
Speaker
yeah Right? Big fat middle finger. They wanted me so bad at Berkeley. And I did so well there.
00:23:56
Speaker
and like and BYU can fucking suck it. um Yeah, and did you see the memories pop up for me today on my phone? I did! At my graduation weekend! It was nine years ago this week!
00:24:10
Speaker
Fucking crazy. yeah Oh my god. yeah Yeah. But anyway. I think actual graduation ceremony was nine years ago tomorrow. Yeah, it was the seventh.
00:24:22
Speaker
Yeah. That's right. I do remember that. Crazy dude. Anyway. But yeah. Anyway, like, yeah, like my transition from like regular home life as a teenager to college life at BYU.
00:24:36
Speaker
Like I said, super soft transition, both like in terms of what may actually my actually, actual life looks like, aside from, you know, moving. to Utah and like living in a dorm, um, as well as like internally.
00:24:51
Speaker
Cause like at home i was in the mental state of like, holy shit, I can't wait to get to college. Like I can't wait to get out of here and just like be alone, you know, like not have to deal with like the people that I've always dealt with my whole life. Yeah. um and so I was like very ready for it. And then when I got to college, I was,
00:25:13
Speaker
immediately like enfolded into this incredible friend group that like literally was the reason that I made it two years. If I didn't have the friend group in the first year, I wouldn't have lasted past my freshman year. I'm quite sure. Wow.
00:25:29
Speaker
Yeah. Like they're the reason that I lasted because like I was so, I didn't have time to like get lost in, you know, misery and mental illness. Yeah.
00:25:42
Speaker
I was too busy being surrounded by people who were wonderful. That's awesome. Yeah. I'm like, I, we were, and we were such a fucking clique, dude. Oh my God. It's like, I've never been a part of a clique. I've never been like in a popular crowd at all, but like, it was like a group of 10 to 12 of us.
00:26:02
Speaker
And we would have what we call family dinner in the dining hall every night. And we would commandeer like a big section of tables And all just like have dinner together. That's so cool. Every single fucking night.
00:26:16
Speaker
who And we just had the best time. And like, that's, it's, you know, like, that was
Leaving BYU and Gaining Autonomy
00:26:25
Speaker
like a distraction. But it also sort of because of the nature of who these people were, like, I was allowed to be more myself than I'd ever been before.
00:26:35
Speaker
and so I again, it was like a gentle transition, because I was still like, trying to figure out who the fuck I was anyway right but like I could be authentic and not be met with like hostility because of who I was friends with these people who I'm still friends with the vast majority of them like now even if we don't talk very regularly like hello I hope you're listening what's up I remember it. I remember it all so well.
00:27:07
Speaker
Not just because I took like 700 photos every single time we hung out, you know? Oh man, that was the era of the digital digital camera.
00:27:18
Speaker
Boy, did I abuse that thing. Then obviously like sophomore year changed dramatically. um i was still, you know, I still had ah good portion of the, you know, friends that I was close with, but like it just, everything changed.
00:27:33
Speaker
And, you know, I started to realize, like, oh, I don't want to be here. and I don't want to, like, be a Mormon. Yeah. And you can't leave the church when you're at BYU without being kicked out of the school.
00:27:47
Speaker
Yeah. So I was like, you know what? I'm going to figure out a way to get out of here on my own terms. And then I'm going to officially leave the church. And it worked. i I managed. But the, like,
00:28:00
Speaker
but the like That year, like after dropping out of BYU was like transformative for me. Not the least of which reason being because a i left the church and B, i was accepted to Berkeley.
00:28:17
Speaker
um But like, I also just underwent a lot of like internal change and a lot of like, just embracing my own power and autonomy.
00:28:32
Speaker
um being a 20 year old, living at home, being the oldest child, living back at home after two years of college. Like it's, it's hard to walk that line. It's really fucking hard.
00:28:46
Speaker
um And I had a lot of anxiety to deal with, but like, was not always totally unfounded, but like, it certainly is excessive or was excessive. um And, you know, learning to dig through that anxiety to come out the other side and be like, you know what, like you still can do what you want to and what you need to.
00:29:12
Speaker
Like, this is not the end of everything. Right. now And it was the month, like really the two weeks leading up to moving to Boston where like, I was just like,
00:29:27
Speaker
All right. I recognize that move for what it was, which was that opportunity to start over, you know, in in a much different way than BYU ever could have been.
00:29:40
Speaker
For sure. Because I was not only going to art school, but I was going a major city, major U.S. city. Yeah. Where I knew nobody.
00:29:55
Speaker
And I have never been so happy to move to a place and not know a single soul. Like um I've never done that like ever other at any other time in my life.
00:30:08
Speaker
That's the only time I've ever done that. And I was so excited to do it. I was just yes, nobody, nobody gets to have preconceived notions about how I should be living my life. Yeah. I get to be exactly who I want to be And that's also the first time that I dyed my hair black.
00:30:26
Speaker
and that is symbolic in and of itself because i had really not been allowed to dye my hair uh ever in my life and uh only did so when I was in college and even then it was like from dark brown to like ah like nice dark burgundy and did the same color for a long time too burgundy yeah I remember i remember that actually Like I remember if it wasn't, you know, if it was before I knew you, I remember that like you did keep going back to it even after we.
00:31:02
Speaker
Yeah. It was usually like a black cherry type deal. right Right. Or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I was like, you know, black was always off the table.
00:31:13
Speaker
Yeah. You know, it was always looked like anything goth. And I swear to God, I know I've like bitched and moaned about this before, but anything goth was always the most attractive thing to me. in terms of style since I was very young, like 12 or 13.
00:31:28
Speaker
And it was always completely off limits. Right. And to finally be like, you know what? I can do what I want and I'm going to dye my hair black. Was like the best feeling. i dyed my hair black and I moved to Boston and i resolved. There was two things actually, two and a half.
00:31:49
Speaker
I can't remember if I've talked about this before. I hope that I am not repeating myself. Two things that I actively resolved to do differently when I moved to Boston.
00:32:02
Speaker
One thing that ended up happening that I didn't actively resolve, but it was ah huge part of me like feeling like a different person. So I told myself when I moved to Boston and started at school, started started at Berkeley, that I was going to make myself dinner every night and that I was going to do my makeup, full face makeup every day, even if I wasn't going to class.
00:32:31
Speaker
Yeah. I do remember that from like when you first told me about that. Yeah. It was like a significant thing for me. i had gotten into makeup over that last year, like that gap year between the two schools.
00:32:46
Speaker
Um, I had gotten more into makeup, doing it more often, but like, wasn't doing it consistently. It was just more like when I felt like it. um, i But like, I felt resolved to to make sure that i did it every day.
00:33:04
Speaker
yeah Because I liked the way I felt. And I liked to cook, even though at that time i was a much more amateur cook. But I enjoyed it and I did a good job of it. And I was like, this is definitely like something I want to do for myself.
00:33:19
Speaker
And so I like fell into a routine. And the morning routine... for me was to, well, also, and it it it coincides with being given what was such a wonderful, cherished gift that I had for years, about three weeks into living in Boston.
00:33:39
Speaker
My, you know, childhood best friend and soul pod member, Stephanie, hauled with her to visit me a giant coffee machine. Ooh,
00:33:52
Speaker
like an automatic coffee machine that you could program to start in the morning on its own. Fancy as fuck. And it was like, it was paramount in my like new identity, like who I was.
00:34:08
Speaker
I liked coffee. Like I had been having coffee that last year, you know, after dropping out of BYU. But this was the first time that I was like given a method to like make it for myself rather than having to like stop at Starbucks, you know?
Culinary Adventures in Boston
00:34:23
Speaker
there's this beautiful coffee machine it was like 60 it was incredible um lasted forever it was great well forever meaning like five or six years which is a long time for a coffee machine frankly um but i would set my i would program my coffee machine to start making coffee at 6 a.m every day and i would wake up and i would get in the shower and the coffee would start to brew and i'd get out of the shower naked ass fucking walking around my studio apartment in boston but pour my coffee pick out my clothes for the day which i also like really enjoyed i can't like i didn't take selfies uh of like outfits and stuff that was this was before like hashtag ootd
00:35:11
Speaker
on Instagram. What the hell was that? Outfit of the day. oh tv okay. Instagram was a thing, but like really hashtags were like barely becoming a thing at the time.
00:35:24
Speaker
Yeah. Um, so like I was not like, I occasionally would take photos, but it was just, I don't, I don't have a whole lot. mean, I just remember like really liking whatever I was wearing every day.
00:35:37
Speaker
like I didn't just throw clothes on to function and get by, you know? Right. And i would put on my clothes and I would sit down at my little makeup station that I made for myself on the top of this little like short little bookshelf.
00:35:52
Speaker
Like I have a similar one right next to me here, the cube bookshelf. and I would do my full face of makeup with my coffee. And the one thing that I didn't intentionally out loud state that was, you know, going to be a thing for me, but that became a thing.
00:36:12
Speaker
Was that I started to do like voice memo journaling. Oh, nice. And I did it while I was doing my makeup. I would just turn on a voice memo and just start to talk.
00:36:24
Speaker
Huh. And just talk and talk and talk. Like just about whatever I needed to say or whatever was coming up in my mind. And like, it's, I mean, it's kind of like therapy. I was also in therapy and it was like also helping me a lot, but like,
00:36:41
Speaker
to just like talk and not even need to go back and re-listen to it but just to like be able to get your thoughts out yeah and i did that while doing my full face of makeup and then i'd get my backpack together and i'd get on the train and go to school for like usually 9 a.m classes i like that method that's a pretty cool you know oh yeah it's wonderful routine or whatever you want to call it ritual even it's something that like i still i like the physical action of writing out journaling.
00:37:13
Speaker
But like, whenever I don't feel like I have like the bandwidth to try to like physically write stuff out, but I feel like I need to like get stuff out of my brain. i still fall back on that method, but not, you know, every single day.
00:37:28
Speaker
Yeah. and then I would come home in the evenings and I would make myself dinner, even if it meant because I, I, you know, I wasn't perfect at it, but like, even if it meant like just throwing like frozen, pizzas in the in the toaster oven or whatever.
00:37:42
Speaker
and would get those like rectangular shaped ones. I can't even remember the brand, but like yeah even even just those. I made a lot of good meals. I made a lot of chicken and pasta, frankly.
00:37:58
Speaker
but I also had like a small crock pot that I still own, actually. It still works. I would and i would make a lot of meals in my crock pot um where i would like prep them in the morning and then come home you know seven hours later yeah dude be ready to go and that's actually freshman year of uh of berkeley was when i first made before oh my god oh my god that's molly's signature fucking that is that is where primo primo a plus fucking
00:38:34
Speaker
meal or die for oh my god like that's where that journey started ah was freshman year ah berkeley and it's funny because i remembered like the movie julie and julia had like left such a massive impression on me when i was a senior in high school yeah and that like the pinnacle of that movie is her challenges and trying to correctly successfully make the bourguignon a la julia child which like admittedly i don't know if i followed julia child's recipe or not when i did it but like i know that i immediately pegged that as like the ultimate if i can cook bof bourguignon i can cook whatever i want a and so i was just like i am going to nail bof bourguignon and i'm going to master it
00:39:24
Speaker
and it's gonna be my signature it's gonna be like my big like this is my big dick energy yeah this is my like trick to be like hey i can make a fucking beast of a boeuf bourguignon and like not many people can can have that claim so but like i embraced that and like that's where my love of cooking really started was like in the month leading up to moving to boston and then like living in in boston like provide having to like you know provide my meals for myself Yeah.
00:39:55
Speaker
That didn't mean, you know, getting takeout every time, like every night. I think I just decided what I want for Mother's Day. From me? Yeah.
00:40:06
Speaker
Do you want befugging? No, i wanted to I want you to take a nice piece of paper or an index card, like, you know, like like an old recipe card situation and write that whole thing out by hand for me.
00:40:21
Speaker
For hand, by hand, okay. By hand, in your hand and your handwriting. Okay. The whole recipe. i don't know if I can fit it on a recipe card. Well, it could be a couple of them put together and stapled or something. I'll figure something out. Or just like know one long big piece of paper or whatever, but like okay that, and just put it in a, in a card or envelope or something and send it to me. Yeah. Okay. Okay.
00:40:44
Speaker
okay yeah Because you've you've given me the recipe umpteen times, but like in my phone, I have no idea where I've saved it or how to yeah can get back to it. So yeah I would like to have it in your handwriting where I can put it somewhere, you know, like stick it in, ah stick it in another recipe book of mine or something. I don't know. Okay.
00:41:05
Speaker
All right. Cause I do want to make it. I still want to make that because it's so bad damn good. Oh my God. Now I want it too. God, I want spinach chip and I want both bougainer. um fuck oh it is time intensive it's labor intensive it's you know when you have chronic illness it's hard to do anything yeah as we have repeatedly said on this podcast but god if there is anything that is worth the fucking effort it is the fucking hell yeah dude
00:41:41
Speaker
yep o But yeah, that like phase of my life, it did not like, I mean, Berkeley was like a ah big old journey of ups and downs, you know, but like that first semester, having the opportunity where I was moving to a new place and starting a new phase of life at a new school and like right, you know, in line with my leaving the church.
00:42:14
Speaker
really just gave me, it was a perfect storm of circumstances to be able to be like, like, I'm doing, I'm just going to
Diverse Friendships and Spiritual Exploration
00:42:22
Speaker
do it. I'm going to do what the fuck I want. I'm going show up. And it's, and it's weirdly enough, like also in this, I don't know how to get into this.
00:42:30
Speaker
I don't think that there's really anything to really say except for like, it's how I ended up in a very strange friendship with like a super, super conservative, like Christian guy.
00:42:42
Speaker
Like who was not even a member, like a, like a student at my school, but he was at the Beloco burrito place that was like basically on campus.
00:42:54
Speaker
um You know, right next to where my classes were. And i can't remember. it was the book that he had in front of him on the table that I saw. and I was like, Hmm.
00:43:11
Speaker
this could be an interesting person to talk to. What was the book? I can't remember, but it's something that gave me the impression he was an atheist. And then I sat down to like, I literally, well, I i think it was also like no free, like open tables.
00:43:28
Speaker
And so I was like, can I sit with you? Your book looks interesting. And like, I never fucking do that. Yo, yeah never fucking do that. And I sat down I,
00:43:40
Speaker
We started a conversation and then, you know, through this conversation that like, you know, it became clear he was not an atheist and he was very religious.
00:43:51
Speaker
But can I ask you who this was? It's not somebody I've ever told you about. OK. Yeah, i like it was an interesting like I think he eventually.
00:44:03
Speaker
he might have thought that he could like work on something. getting me to believe in God again or something. And then at some point he like gave up, like he didn't, I don't know. It was like less than a year after met, but like, you know, we, we met up for like coffee occasionally just to like sit and talk. And like, you know, i was able to express to him, like my experience leaving the church and just sort of being like, Hey, like if nothing else, this is the reason why I'm not interested in organized religion. And so like,
00:44:32
Speaker
and so like you you know it's fine that you are but like you're not gonna convince me um so that was a strictly platonic friendship which is strictly he was cute but like it was never never going to go anywhere i gotcha um but it was like it was such an interesting thing too because i was like man this it was like the makings of like ah weird hallmark movie because he was like he was cute and he rode a motorcycle nice um and i was just like oh like i was i was into that but at the same time i was like i'm gonna tread cautiously here yeah do and it was fine you know he said he was always no matter what he was always like a fully respectful person do you know what his religion was super christian like i don't even know what sex just like very christian
00:45:29
Speaker
um but he'd come from like a flyover state to Boston and was sort of behaving as though or operating as though he was like here to sort of like change the world or something. Oh God.
00:45:42
Speaker
And I was like, you know what? Like this is a journey that you're on and it's interesting, but you know, we're on different journeys here, but it was just, it was cool because at the same time, like I didn't come away from that, like fully regretting it.
00:45:57
Speaker
Yeah. Knowing him. And also like it was still something that was way outside my usual comfort zone. And so i like, it was like a manifestation of me feeling like I succeeded starting over and being a new person, like who I wanted to be. Yeah. Yeah. yeah Totally. Yeah. And like, you know, to that end like it's just got me thinking about like, what are the ways in which like,
00:46:26
Speaker
I feel like I am just operating with the status quo because things have been the way they are for so long. When I need that reminder that I have like complete and total agency and autonomy over how I live my life, you know?
00:46:45
Speaker
Yeah. And like, do I need, i'm i'm not, it's not logical or, um, practical to try to like move and have like a whole so like starting over fresh phase of my life at this point but i am also realizing i don't necessarily like need to have all of that in order to make changes and and effectively start over right so i'm just having that thought process within myself of like what can i change that i have just felt like is not possible to
00:47:22
Speaker
But I'm wrong about that. who You know? Yeah. I think also, you know, being on this similar type of spiritual...
00:47:36
Speaker
journey as you that was almost like another opportunity for me to reinvent myself because there was also a no no more expectation of me having to go to church every Sunday like now that's that's a little misleading when say that but like I kind of never went like super regularly my entire adult life like i i had a stint in my early 20s where i was going consistently but like for a while there it was like you know then i kind of was like maybe i'll go maybe i won't and then when i started to kind of try to have like actual
00:48:22
Speaker
really like dating, up dating life, you know, relationships or whatever. And they weren't with Mormons. but Then it was just kind of like me that started falling by the wayside. And then, you know, but I still like in the back of my head still believed, you know, in the church and stuff like that. So, um but when, when it came to, okay then I was like with John and then it was like,
00:48:47
Speaker
you know, in the back of my mind, I still kind of wanted him to come to church with me, but I wasn't going pressure him and that kind of stuff. But then when this whole like eye opening awakening thing happened to me, I, it was, it was, you know, and i know I told you this before that it was like, it was a little bit of a process for me to decide to let go of my beliefs and,
00:49:15
Speaker
but I was open to like learning new beliefs. Right. Right. I was like, I still held on to like old religious beliefs, but I was like giving myself permission to explore this new thing. And then, um, you know, I was open-minded enough to learn about, you know, all the reasons why,
00:49:37
Speaker
you and other people like didn't believe in the church at all anymore. And, and it was like, yeah, that makes all that stuff make sense to me, you know? So just having the open-mindedness and whatever to or like just allowing myself to change directions in in my belief system and then i started having to do deconstruct but but but deconstruct a lot of things um and i'm probably still deconstructing some stuff but like for the most part i think i've let go of a lot of old mindsets and and belief systems and things like that so
00:50:19
Speaker
it's It's cool because i i think, I don't i don't know how well how to qualify what I'm saying, but like I do believe that witchcraft is becoming way more, not just not socially acceptable necessarily, but like more common.
Embracing Witchcraft and Spiritual Identity
00:50:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:36
Speaker
And... and I almost feel more empowered and emboldened to be able to say it out loud. Like, cause I, I was out to dinner with ah my friend last Friday and I was talking to her about this possible, you know, upcoming gathering that we're trying to plan for June.
00:50:57
Speaker
Right. And talking about my son and whether or not I might have to bring him or whatever. And she was just like, oh she's like is that appropriate or whatever and i was like yeah absolutely like in terms of what he would be seeing or what he would be experiencing or, you know, exposed to like a social group of witches.
00:51:20
Speaker
Yeah. um Yeah. Like, or whatever rituals we may be planning or whatever. It's like, yeah, because everything that we do is very benign. Like it's not, it's not like, you know, animal worship or animal, sorry, animal sacrifice or anything crazy, stupid like that. You know, we're not going to be,
00:51:40
Speaker
we probably will not be getting naked and running around under the phone. Honestly, though, I wouldn't be opposed. I wouldn't be either, but I'm just saying it's not necessarily something that we would definitely be, you know, planning to do.
00:51:54
Speaker
um Or that everybody would be all planning to do. But, you know, if it happens, it happens. But it would only happen if he was not around to see that. And I think i think that's partly why, like...
00:52:07
Speaker
you know we've partly why we've settled on the like let's try no children kids there yeah you know just giving us a little more freedom to just yeah we ourselves definitely so and but but my i think her thing was just like worried about him being exposed to like what we're doing and i was like dude yeah it's fine like we're not gonna do anything weird there that's not that's not what witchcraft is yeah So like, I think that I, when I was talking to her, I used the word witchcraft or group of witches or something like that out loud a restaurant. And I was not afraid of saying it.
00:52:46
Speaker
Yeah. I did not give a shit who was around to hear me say that. So that was kind of fun, you know? Yeah. So it's like a whole nother you know, phase of my life now where I'm just like,
00:52:59
Speaker
feel more free to be who I want to be and not fear judgment. Yeah. you know Like who you are like inherently. It's like, I, I continue to maintain the stance that you have always been witch.
00:53:14
Speaker
Yes. And I agree. yeah i have never really said no that I've not been a witch. No, I know. i just like, I maintain it just because it's like,
00:53:27
Speaker
It feels true for anybody who starts to practice it because they've always felt called to it. Like, hey, you always felt called to it because you've always been a witch. It's not a it's not a becoming. It's a releasing or freeing.
00:53:41
Speaker
it It literally was an awakening an awake yeah because yeah it was like me going, oh this feels natural. oh It feels like stuff I used to do back when I was 19 in college and just didn't have a name for it.
00:53:55
Speaker
Right, exactly. And like, you know, for me, it was like any my whole exposure and experience to religion had always been so stuffy and uptight.
00:54:08
Speaker
And like, just very rigid and black and white. And it never resonated with me. And I know we took this, like on our very first episode, we talked about this. Yeah. you know Like it just never it was like, this is not this is not right.
00:54:27
Speaker
This is not how it's supposed to be. Right. And like, there has not been anything so natural and comfortable as discovering the like beliefs that I now hold. And I'm like, you know, carrying with me and strengthening on my own terms and in my own way and not needing to talk about it to a group of people every Sunday.
00:54:54
Speaker
yeah And like, like profess it and testify to prove that I believe like that fucking shit. That's a form of brainwashing. Let's just call it what it is. It is.
00:55:08
Speaker
It literally is. And like, there has not been like, I and know that I have probably told you this, Christina, and I can't remember if I like, I've talked about it already on the podcast, but I i do recall like the fact that I have never experienced Like I knew the whole time I was growing up that I never once felt the spirit.
00:55:31
Speaker
I felt emotions, but I knew they were just emotions. Even if I like, even even really young, like I just knew. i was like, these are just emotions and this is not like an outside influence.
00:55:46
Speaker
hu The first time i ever felt something that I knew came from outside of myself was when I was like, neck deep in atheism.
00:55:58
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, that was the thing that really showed me like, Hey, I am always open to having my mind changed, but it has to be on my terms and it has to be based on my own experiences and not because someone's telling me that I have to think or believe a certain way or that I even have to explore a certain thing.
00:56:23
Speaker
Like, I'm not going to just because someone tells me to, I will only do so if it calls to me. And like, that is how I have operated with spirituality ever since.
00:56:36
Speaker
Yeah. That's the way it should be. That's the way it should be. Yeah. And it was like, you know, that I guess was also a pretty major, um, like starting fresh, starting over for myself as well. But it was like,
00:56:54
Speaker
way more gradual of a transition, you know, and way less like me making choices about changing things. Just very much like me being open to new understanding and new ideas and letting the changes happen.
00:57:16
Speaker
So yeah, that's a good point. I'm glad you brought that up. Yeah. Yeah. Earlier when you mentioned this topic before we started recording, i I was trying to think of ideas about things in my life or examples to give.
00:57:34
Speaker
And one thing that kind of popped in my head was at some point in my life, I realized that I experienced a lot of change in my life on a consistent basis.
00:57:46
Speaker
And like, I got used to dealing with change a lot. and where it was just part of like my identity in a way so and i don't mean that i was changing my personality or whatever but just like changes in my life were just constantly happening you know yeah like outside of your control yeah yeah and that i would have to basically learn how to deal with it and accept change or i would perish I don't know how else to put that, but like yeah literally perish you have to, you have to like learn to roll with the punches and, you know, adapt and whatever.
00:58:28
Speaker
And so in a way i kind of felt like if things weren't constantly changing in my life, that something was wrong i don't know it was like i just got used to it being just a thing it's like you know something's always happening that i have to deal with and like you know that's just how that's just how my life is and like yeah it that isn't necessarily me reinventing myself or starting over again or whatever but
00:59:02
Speaker
the mindset has to be there that you're able to because yeah to be adaptable at all. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that's how my life has been so much that it's like, I've had to just adapt and change with everything that's going on around me and deal with it. And yeah so when, when those times come up where you literally have the chance to change you know reinvent yourself and change who you are or start fresh in some way that that can be a really welcome thing because you're already so used to dealing with change anyways yeah but to be able to take it used to it like it's important to understand that like just because changes have to be made doesn't mean that like oh my god the whole world is like ending
00:59:52
Speaker
well There are a lot of people who are so terrified of change. Exactly. yeah like Especially like intentional change that they implement on their own. Right. now Yeah.
01:00:04
Speaker
Let alone change outside their control. but here and to me, it was like I always felt kind of grateful that I had that experience in my life where I could adapt to change easily and not be yeah destroyed by something. Like one thing changing in my life, you know? Yeah.
01:00:21
Speaker
Yeah. I think I always, like, I can't necessarily, maybe if I spent time and, like, evaluated the stages of my life, like, I might be able to sort of identify patterns of things that changed. But earlier i didn't I didn't love change when it was outside of my control.
01:00:40
Speaker
Right. And I wouldn't say i ever loved it, but, like like, I was so used to it that it just was a thing that I was so used to dealing with. I don't feel like I ever really had the opportunity to get used to it.
01:00:52
Speaker
either that's that's i think what i mean is like i didn't have the chance to be like all right like this is a skill now that i have is adaptability like it was mostly just like when things changed i would just sort of cope and like feel feel shitty but like not really be able to talk about it but then that was like everything about my life i wasn't able to talk about how i really felt about anything right and so you know it was just a whole like I just sort of like tucked it all down, like buried it down deep and was just sort of surviving until I had like actual autonomy and agency and like was able to make changes intentionally on my own.
01:01:40
Speaker
And once I realized like I could do that, like ah like i was fine. you know, it made it a lot easier. Like once I had like some semblance of control over my own life. For sure. That makes perfect sense.
01:01:55
Speaker
But that's just, you know, coming from like a abused place
Personal Strength and Brave Decisions
01:02:01
Speaker
in life. Like right when you're, when you grow up feeling like you have no autonomy, you have no safety, the adults in your life, you can't trust.
01:02:10
Speaker
And, you know, you can't even trust like the emotions or you can't, you can't, safely express any emotions that you're having about the things that you feel that are disagreeable to the people who control your life.
01:02:25
Speaker
Like you just sort of, I mean, everybody within that kind of a circumstance probably ends up, you know, like a, like different than, not everybody is like me. Like I know that, but like you come out of that, or at least I came out of that being like, I need to,
01:02:45
Speaker
I need to be able to control what I can. And that does mean for me making my own changes deliberately and my own choices deliberately and asserting my autonomy in the face of all those adults and, you know, communities that were not safe and trustworthy as I grew up.
01:03:12
Speaker
Right. And having to learn to be brave enough to do that because holy shit it's really fucking scary to stand up and be like no I'm going to make this choice because it does not matter it does not impact you it's only for me yeah and i get to choose and you can't tell me no it's like really scary but once you learn to do that
01:03:46
Speaker
then the next phase of your life begins. That's when the second half of your life begins. Like, and I love that whole joke about like, man, once you learn this or discover that or blah, blah, blah, like the second half of your life begins. Like, yes, that, that though, i think is absolutely ah truth.
01:04:10
Speaker
It's like, once you discover your own autonomy and you discover the strength within yourself, to assert the changes you want to make and to to assert just the person that you want to be in the face of people who have always and would always reject you the yeah the next the the the second half of your life begins it like it changes everything i don't think i ever heard that before actually it's like a meme yeah and i haven't seen that or heard that that i can recall
01:04:43
Speaker
Because you're chronically offline. That's all. he And I'm happy that way. That's fine. happy that way I'm here to be online for the two of us. oh But yeah.
01:05:00
Speaker
But it's true. And I'm here to testify about it. I just had a memory of one of our early episodes talking about identity and like, yeah, not really knowing what to talk about in that episode and stuff. But it's funny because I think a lot of the things that I talked about here could have easily been, you know, discussed in that episode.
01:05:23
Speaker
I know. I think that you did discuss some of that. i yeah i think i remember talking about my 14 year old self in high school right yeah you know do remember you know i thought i had brought that up at some other point but i think that was what yeah that is yeah for sure um yeah no that was like that was definitely I mean, that was one an episode that I know we said like we would want to come back and revisit that topic at some point.
01:05:51
Speaker
Yeah. And like this is maybe like a gentle revisitation of it, but in like a different maybe looking at it from like a different angle where it's like you get to, you know, this is the angle at which, you know, you're looking at.
01:06:06
Speaker
the choices that you're making to make changes. um Whereas like identity is much more of like a the labels that you
01:06:17
Speaker
adopt for
Evolving Interests and Sports Culture
01:06:18
Speaker
yourself. Yeah. that um sort of
01:06:25
Speaker
shape what your life looks like and who you you choose to be. um i'm about to become a baseball mom. Oh, that's true. Isn't that funny?
01:06:38
Speaker
Honestly, frankly, i think baseball moms are cooler than soccer moms. So... I am going to just, that's my like unpopular opinion probably of the day, but I do believe it. Baseball moms are cooler than soccer moms. I'd like to be a hockey mom to be honest, but. Well, that's because hockey is the only sport that you've ever really cared about. Yeah.
01:07:04
Speaker
I mean, I kind of care about, baseball I mean I followed like you know the Detroit Tigers and other Detroit teams like I've never been a football fan but like I've been into baseball and I've been into hockey and a little bit into basketball but like ah for sure hockey was my number one pick when I discovered it like at you know 20-ish years old um I can't fathom what it's like to care
01:07:36
Speaker
in any capacity about any sport. I don't know. I don't understand it. And I live in New England where they are like rabid about their sports. Like fucking crazy. And I'm over here just like I could not feel more neutral if I tried. You know? I know. And like I never expected that to happen. I just remember turning the TV on and flipping through channels and like there was a Red Wings game on one day and I was like huh and i never paid attention to hockey at all but like it caught my attention what was happening on the screen was interesting and grabbed my attention and so i sat with it and watched and i got into it i was just like this is fucking cool man hockey players are badass they're tough
01:08:25
Speaker
that's not wrong like it's pretty true they're tough they're pretty freaking hot most of them that's what was gonna say baseball players though too for sure that's the well it's the baseball pants let's be real yeah dude um like honestly the extent of my interest in sports is the attractiveness of athletes hu like that's it it's just like who's hot Like that's all I care about. when you, when you see some dudes flying on skates and like knocking each other into the boards, it's pretty wild. It's a lot of fun. This is the funny thing is like, I don't care about sports and I don't care about hockey. Like I don't know anything about hockey. and I don't care about hockey, but like, I haven't watched it. I need to like get back onto Hulu to be able to watch it. But I've heard about, and I've seen clips of the show Shorzy
01:09:21
Speaker
which is a spinoff of letter kenny okay and it's about a guy who's like a hot a canadian hockey guy and he is just so fucking like he simps so hard for this woman and he's so crazy into her and like he just like you know it's the same like kind of just constant um like not stream of conscious but like just like the the constant monologuing style of Lettercanny.
01:09:54
Speaker
Okay. From like one guy who's just so into this woman. Okay. I don't know if that's the whole story, but like he's a hockey player and he's like hot. And yeah. So like, I can get into that, but that's mostly like the attractiveness is a, his physical appearance. He's hot.
01:10:14
Speaker
And B like the fact that he's so fucking like, head over heels for this this woman is like really attractive like when a guy is so into a girl that's like a really attractive thing that's like that's that's an appealing thing to watch for sure so um just so you should watch shorzy because i know you enjoyed letter kenny i only watched like a handful of episodes of letter kenny but So is it, is that on Hulu too?
01:10:44
Speaker
Yeah, it's on Hulu. Okay. So I'll have to go back and try to find that and finish that. And then I'll go to shore z or whatever you just called it. Yeah. You may not need to finish letter Kenny to like be able to watch shore Okay. I think it's like a spinoff, but it's about like ah character who like doesn't show up all the time in letter Kenny, letter Kenny.
01:11:04
Speaker
Okay. um I don't know for sure. Okay. um I know I watched more letter Kenny than you did, but like, I was also like multiple years ago and I don't remember a lot about it.
01:11:17
Speaker
But it was you know mostly just entertaining in the background rather than like paying close attention. Okay. um But Shorzy I would pay closer attention to. I will when I have to make a blue.
01:11:31
Speaker
um It sounds good. Yeah. Well, if you like hockey, then I think you'd be into it. So I think you'd look at this guy like You probably would recognize him if you've seen Letterkenny.
01:11:44
Speaker
Yeah. And you'd probably but like reckon look at him and be like, oh yeah, he's hot. o
Reflecting on Podcast Milestones
01:11:53
Speaker
Cool. Yeah.
01:11:55
Speaker
Anyway.
01:11:59
Speaker
oh a good one. I good. Yay, baby! We did it. Another one in the books.
01:12:12
Speaker
41 number 41 episode 41 hell yeah we are inching ever closer to 50 50 big holy shit nine more get it should we do something special for 50 we don't have to plan it right now but like I think we should try to brainstorm something yeah Something fun and special for 50.
01:12:43
Speaker
Okay, let's do it.
01:12:47
Speaker
And on that note, my fan just turned off. I don't know if you can tell the difference now that the air is not rushing in the background. No, not really. But I want to turn it back on and go to bed.
01:13:02
Speaker
Maybe we should throw this out to the listeners if anybody's like paying attention. Okay.
01:13:09
Speaker
give us some ideas what do you want to see us do for 50 if you uh if you want to throw us an idea or if you want to ask us some questions that we can talk about yeah give us a topic idea or give us any idea that you have that you think would be fun for something to do on the episode or something like that yeah should we get totally fucking stoned him I cannot do that.
01:13:38
Speaker
No, I don' know. Me neither. I I'll probably feel like crap the next day. But yeah. No, we should do something. We'll figure something out. we should Maybe we could like have a toast with margaritas or something.
01:13:55
Speaker
Oh, I was thinking a toast. virtual toast. Huh? I was thinking let's have toast. No. Let's just make toast and it. Let's have a toast. Let's have a muffin episode. Let's eat a toast. ASMR toast crunchies.
01:14:11
Speaker
Oh my god. Only if I can have Nutella on mine. Sure. I'll have avocado toast because I'm a millennial.
01:14:21
Speaker
Nutella. Nutella. Nutella. I do love Nutella. It is the bomb. I'm going to that to my grocery list. All right.
01:14:34
Speaker
Fun times. Woo. Thank you so much for listening, you guys. 41 episodes. Holy shit. We are rolling up 50.
01:14:46
Speaker
What the fuck? Write in and give us your thoughts. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Send us an email. Comment on our Instagrams. any of them it doesn't matter at this point i'm i want to post more regularly but you know i can't commit to it uh but you comment on anything and say anything you want it does not have to be related to the subject of the post or even better join us over on patreon and comment on our posts over there because you we do have that comment feature over on patreon
01:15:20
Speaker
I think you can comment. we We told this. We talked about this. You can comment on our Spotify. If you're listening on Spotify, you can make you can leave comments on our episodes. Do that. We know how to find them now, so we're going be able to see them.
01:15:35
Speaker
Feel free to write us at soulpodpodcast at gmail.com. Fuck yes. Do you want to rattle off our Instagram for them?
01:15:48
Speaker
At soulpodpodcast. at And bonus round. What's our ah Patreon um URL? Patreon.com slash SoulPod the podcast.
01:16:01
Speaker
Fuck yes. Oh my god. I'm probably remembering all of these now. Because it's so easy. Yeah, SoulPod the podcast. And I did that on purpose.
01:16:12
Speaker
yeah But it is like all the links are below you can find them there and we can't wait to hear from you.
01:16:24
Speaker
we love you guys we're so grateful thanks molly it was a good episode we love you was a good episode as we always say what i'm sorry i cut you off oh as we always say we're so grateful always sure always and forever maybe i should sing a little ditty
01:16:49
Speaker
I think we're too tired. There's a song that starts that. It's like an old R&B song. Oh, I was thinking of the song by Colts. Oh, I don't know. Always Forever. oh no. There's like an old R&B song where he starts singing always and forever. Like those are the three first words.
01:17:07
Speaker
um I couldn't remember the words enough to be able to do it right now. So I won't. That's okay. I want to go to sleep.
01:17:18
Speaker
So everybody have a good night or day. Thanks for joining us. Or or dawn or twilight or noon or midnight.
01:17:31
Speaker
I'm going to sleep, so.
01:17:34
Speaker
Love ya. Lock your back doors. ah
01:17:39
Speaker
I'll lock my back doors because I don't want no creepy mollies creeping in on me.
01:17:51
Speaker
Peace.