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29. Empathy, Selfishness, and Everything In Between, With Alyssa of Blyssfull Magick
19 Plays1 month ago
This week’s episode was a real joy to record, as we were joined by Alyssa of Blyssfull Magick to discuss the many facets of empathy and the ways it’s showing up (or isn’t showing up) in our world today. The conversation went in so many different directions and it was as deep as it was light and fun. We hope you enjoy it as much as we did, and we can’t wait to have Alyssa back again in the future! (Love you, boo!)
Follow Alyssa on Instagram! @blyssfull_magick
Check out her services and offerings on her website: www.blyssfullmagick.com
You can also listen to her podcast, Blyssed Out Podcast, on Spotify, Apple, and Amazon. <3
We're so grateful you're here! If you like what you’re hearing, you can find more exclusive content on Patreon: www.patreon.com/soulpodthepodcast. We can’t wait to see you over there!
You can also follow us on Instagram: @soulpodthepodcast, or email us directly at soulpodthepodcast@gmail.com.
Molly does tarot readings online and locally in Massachusetts: https://www.thehighpriestesscoaching.com/
Christina sells delicious microgreens in the greater Detroit area: https://www.christinasgreens.com/
Hosts: Christina Bell & Molly Wilde
Music: The Confrontation, by Jonathan Boyle, licensed from Premium Beats by Shutterstock
Editing: Molly Wilde
Disclaimer: The purpose of this podcast is for entertainment and enjoyment. We are not professionals in any regard. We do not have professional knowledge, training, or education in physical health, mental health, or spiritual matters. Any suggestions or recommendations made during our episodes should be independently researched by the listener before considering implementation, or better yet, listeners should ignore everything we say. We cannot be held responsible or liable for anything we say, or any actions taken by any persons as a result of listening to our podcast episodes. Stay safe, stay informed, stay smart.
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Transcript
Alyssa's Sobriety and Podcasting Banter
00:00:21
Speaker
Oh my god. Listen, I'm on goth standard time, always. sober kaf girl Oh god. Okay, so Christina, it is established. I am quite high. So. Oh, yay. How this goes how are you, Alyssa? Are you? Are you? Are you flying? Are are you? ah Yeah, I mean, I'm, I'm Yeah, I'm high. And a sober, so this is going to be very interesting. You can be the designated driver today. Welcome in. The designated podcast host.
00:01:11
Speaker
There you go. Yeah.
Gaming Nostalgia and Childhood Reflections
00:01:13
Speaker
This is a doorway right here and you'll see him walking through that doorway. I just, but I gave him a fair warning. I was like, please only come get me if it's really important, if it's urgent, if it's like, you know, yeah. Did you tell him that Roblox is not urgent? No, I just said only if it's super important.
00:01:35
Speaker
Hopefully he figures out what that means. For some Roblox. Roblox. Mom, I need $5 in Robux. Yeah. Ridiculous, dude. You can't talk me out. Just wait, Miss Alyssa. Yeah, just wait. I'll be there shortly. They kill me. I'm like, dude, honestly, though, it's not any different from when we were growing up. We wanted money for different video games, you know?
00:02:04
Speaker
yeah Yeah. True, I guess. Yeah, that's true. I guess I didn't really play many video games when I was a kid. I didn't at all. really Because I'm old. I played computer games, like World War II. Like things like that. Nerd and out over here. I played Tetris on the school computer in my word processing class in high school.
00:02:28
Speaker
I didn't ever didn't have a computer at home. I never had a console to play games, video games on at all. So I had nothing. I played the like little kid games on computers, like, uh, uh, well, kid picks wasn't a game. It was like art thing, but like I, I did like the kid picks, um, thing. And I did like these little, I don't know, um, random ones. Like, uh, there was one that was like featured a robot, like as the main character. And it was like a little educational science thing. Oh, cute. I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah. Like math and stuff. Yeah. And it was like in this cool, like weird mansion thing. I don't know. Yeah, I feel like I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah, like that. We're going to be back to the 90s. Oh my God, the 90s. Oh. Alyssa! How old are you, Alyssa?
Astrological Signs and Personalities
00:03:23
Speaker
I'm 28. I'll be 29.
00:03:25
Speaker
Okay, so y'all are like, ca oh, okay. So we are four years apart. So four years prior years yeah, cause we're both Virgos. Yeah. Yeah. So we're, we're pretty close to on the nuggets. Um, September, or August, Virgo, August 30th. What the fuck? How did I get my own birthday round?
00:03:49
Speaker
You be high. You be so high. Oh my yeah What talking about today? Wait, did we introduce who Alyssa is and why she's on our podcast today? Oh yeah. Okay. Oh my God. Okay.
Alyssa's Introduction and Intuitive Healing
00:04:12
Speaker
Who is Miss Alyssa? Who is Miss Alyssa? Yes, please. Okay.
00:04:18
Speaker
Okay, so my name is Alyssa Barlow. I am besties with both k Christina and Maui. That's through the Anahatas group. I won't be at Anahatas this year, but I will be there next year and I can't wait to give you both a squeeze. I will be giving you both a squeeze before then. Yay! Hell yeah. oh But ah me personally, I run my own full-time business. I am an intuitive healer. It's like medium, tarot reader, freaky master teacher, all the things.
00:04:46
Speaker
um If you want, you can find me on Instagram. um That's like my primary, where I usually connect with others. And it's spelled Blissful Magic, but it's spelled a little bit weird. So it's spelled B-O-Y-S-S-F-U-L-L, underscore, magic, M-A-G-I-C-K. So you can find me there, also on Facebook. Talk about it, but, you know, I gotta make a living, so. Yeah, man. We'll link that in the description.
Podcasting Challenges and Evolution
00:05:18
Speaker
Yeah. Um, I basically have been reading for people and doing this for like six or seven years now. So amazing it's like my passion. I love it. I don't, I mean, I'm a stay at home mom and then I i run my own business. So that's just a little bit about me, but personally.
00:05:37
Speaker
Christina and Molly, like I said, are my really dear friends. So I'm honored to be on the podcast. Thank you for having me on. I'm so excited. Uh, this is our first, like we said, like our first like over a call guest. I also want to apologize for the sound quality go no because I should have a microphone, but I don't. So.
00:06:01
Speaker
Please try to hang in there, guys. Promise it's still going to be a good up episode. Yes. Oh, it will. Don't worry. It's no worries. Yeah. And next time, because we will certainly have you back ah sometime in the future, ah maybe you'll get your microphone set up by then. I'll definitely have it set up by then. I've learned my lesson than at this point.
00:06:20
Speaker
Yeah, it's all good. We're chill. We're super chill. We're super like not professional here, so we don't care. My pockets was the same way, which is probably why I haven't been set up yet.
00:06:33
Speaker
It's all right. We'll get there eventually. Yeah. Hey, it's fun to listen like the same way that Christina commented this when she and I first started to list to listen to which bitch amateur hour. um And you listen from the very beginning all the way through and you just hear the way that it morphs.
00:06:52
Speaker
It's good. Even like ah the theme song and and stuff like that, the transitions. It's so good. I'm like, you go guys. yeah And even then sometimes they still have their little, you know, microphone flubs, like, you know, sound quality flubs or whatever. It still happens. We can't control technology all the time. No, no. Definitely can.
00:07:18
Speaker
We've definitely been learning that as we've been producing this, this show. So, um, but it's fun. I really enjoy it. I actually really love the editing process. I love it too. It's just so tedious, you know. yeah I'm grateful that Molly takes care of all that and I don't have to, but I feel like bad because, I mean, I love to do this, but it's hard for me because of how busy I get and like things get kind of... but Time cannot always be in my control and so sometimes like today I was like 10 minutes late. It's just, it happens sometimes.
00:07:58
Speaker
So I'm sorry, Molly, and thank you for your patience. It's okay. It's literally my degree, so. No, I mean, thank you for your patience with me and the time situations. Oh, today? Yeah, no. No, all the time. Oh. Sometimes I have to say, no, we got to do this, like, to you know, Thursday instead, or, you know, whatever. But yeah, no, it's good. It's all good. yeah Yeah, it's just fun to be able to do it at all. So, yeah. Yeah, true. ah That's why I do my podcast, just for fun.
00:08:27
Speaker
Exactly. And it's also nice to like, you know, have other people
Unscripted Podcasting and Authentic Conversations
00:08:31
Speaker
hear other people's perspectives on things. Yeah. I mean, that's basically why most people listen to podcasts, right? It's like education purposes or like, you know, you're just listening at like Charlie and Macy. Yes, we listen to it for educational purposes, but it's also just a fun chill time.
00:08:46
Speaker
So they could literally talk about shit on the sick and I'd be there, you know? So good. I love them. Oh, I completely agree though. And that's like literally, you know, we, k Christina and I, I mean, we always wanted to have our podcast be just like our phone calls are, but like, you know, it, you know, listening to Charlie and Macy realized like, Oh,
00:09:14
Speaker
Like this is a whole vibe for like a certain, you know, not genre, but like, that you know, there's a certain streak of like different types of podcast shows that like have this very chill, just like we're two buddies, like two besties, um, hanging out, having a conversation, um, yeah and not like, you know, scripted or, or even like prompted in any way.
00:09:38
Speaker
um yeah yeah and like that just i don't know it made it easier to like pull the trigger on it i think was like having the knowledge that like podcasts can be really successful without having that much structure yeah something that i should learn to flow with more often is less structure just in general all but like also in my podcast you know like just Honestly, I'm just gonna go ahead and say my whole life like sure. Yeah, it's always about like control and structure like and it's like well sometimes it's it's better to just like like I had like flow and I'll have this like
00:10:23
Speaker
What's the word I'm looking for, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no. Strangent. Like, yeah. Strangent, yes. Yeah. That's a perfect word. Yeah. Yeah. There's things that sort of like mentally restrain you. Yeah. that's I probably know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Thank you for picking up what I'm putting down. ah Yeah. I think it's the Virgo in us, girl. It is for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Especially me being like double Virgo is and Yeah. It's a ride. yeah For those listening who are not aware, Alyssa and I share the same sun sign and moon sign. We're both Virgo Sun, Leo moons. But she is Virgo rising. I am an Aries rising. And Aries rising, let me tell you, really mean gets into major conflict with my Virgo Sun.
00:11:17
Speaker
Oh, I bet. that It's lee of hard you not always fun up in this bitch. That, that bitch is an anomaly right there. No, I'm just kidding. I gotta to tease you a little bit. oh you
00:11:38
Speaker
oh And me, I'm just an airhead. ha ha ha I would call my vibe organized chaos, probably. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. Did you know like she's she's earth, fire, fire, and I'm air, water, water. For our victory, yeah. Isn't that interesting? Wow. That is interesting. Yeah. I'm Libra, Pisces moon, Cancer Rising. so i'm air, water, water. We is the opposites and shits. Like for all the ways that we're so similar, like we're also polar opposites. Yeah. The way we think. I also like to think of it as like you guys balance each other out. Good point.
Zodiac Stereotypes and Personal Style
00:12:27
Speaker
Especially with the Libra. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
00:12:31
Speaker
Well, it is the scales. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. I found Libra, like a lot of my Libra friends, Christy and I know this is true about you, but like, like to find balance in like karmic cycles, like regarding the world and like justice, almost like the justice tarot card. That's what it feels like. Like all of my Libra friends are like activists. And I love that. I love fucking love Libra's. I just think that they're,
00:13:00
Speaker
I'm just going to get on the tangent about leavers probably because I have a leaver's stallion. But I love leavers. I just think that they're some of the best people I've ever met are leavers. That's a compliment. Thank you. It's true. I mean, most people are like I feel like most people have their beefs with all signs, right? Like, but especially us burgers, we get this shit, bro. We get this shit end of the stick. People don't like burgers. I'm like, is it because we're cutthroat? Is that what it is? Like, you not like us? I don't get it. I don't know. I love that.
00:13:45
Speaker
who Oh, god. And also, I was gonna say, I've never seen a poorly dressed Libra. And that's one thing that I deeply appreciate about that. Dude, I dress like shit. Are you kidding me? But you're the hottest fucking Got Satan mama.
00:14:02
Speaker
thats oh my god there's the one Look, I literally wear t-shirts and jeans all the time. Like I wear t-shirts and jeans all the time. It's all about ease with me and comfort because I can't fucking take it if I'm not comfortable. But when you get dressed up, you look damn good.
00:14:23
Speaker
Well, I can't really deny that. Thank you. No, you can't and you shouldn't. My God. Self-love up in this image. Dude, do you have a picture, Molly, of us ah for the witch's ball to show Alyssa? Well, it's on our Instagram. I've seen it. She's seen it. She was Wednesday and I was more Tisha.
00:14:51
Speaker
i remember it was like one on one of your episodes you guys said let's go look at our instagram post whatever so i like of course of course curious me when i looked on your instagram and i was like oh my god that's so cute that was when i first saw that picture and i knew exactly what picture you were referencing as soon as you said that awesome so adorable yes oh my god that was such a fun time but yeah i wasn't that nice when you like first met Um, that was three, four years, almost four years after, or it was, well, yeah, almost exactly four
Friendship Memories and Shared Experiences
00:15:30
Speaker
years. Yeah. Yeah. One month shy of that bear, like, like two weeks shy of the anniversary. It was, um, cause it was mid, mid November of, um, 2015 is when we first reconnected.
00:15:49
Speaker
And then that Halloween event was October of 2019. So. Gotcha. Okay. Cool. Y'all. Yeah. And we'd seen each other, we had like, at least once each year. Yeah. During like, and ah the whole whole time we've known each other, we have seen each other at least once each year.
00:16:11
Speaker
Like I flew up there or she's flown out here or sometimes both. Or we meet in the middle at Anajadas. Yeah, we did that twice. so You know, that's what's so funny. Like we're in the 24 group, but but her and I were also at the 23, but like we just didn't know about the Marco thing. And I didn't know, like I knew Marco existed, but I didn't know that anybody could just like join it, you know, or ask to join it um until Kim interviewed me and told me that I should just like go into the Anahana plus Waba group and put like literally just a post in the group being like, can somebody add me to the Marco 23 group? I never did. But um, but like, apparently that was it. You know, that was that easy say ah to do. And I just didn't realize, I guess, I would be overwhelmed. I couldn't do it. Here's the thing. Yeah. If you were in the 23 group,
00:17:03
Speaker
who knows if you would have been as active in the 24 group, but who knows if we would have like met, i right or we would have met at some point, I'm sure, but you know what I mean. yeah I thought everything happened for me.
Empathy vs. Sympathy in a Global Context
00:17:17
Speaker
It's true, it's true. i I believe it. God, it's wild. Yeah, so this is, you've heard us in this podcast reference, but you the listener, sorry. I've heard us reference the Marco group chats that we've been a part of. That is like ah really effectively where we've met Alyssa, um because we were all at Anahatas, but we didn't actually like
00:17:41
Speaker
get to meet really um i like i can't even remember if i like saw you i have no idea and i'm really i imagine the amount of times we probably like walked by each other yeah i had no idea that we were gonna be future besties how crazy is that oh man do we even have a topic today we
00:18:04
Speaker
Do we even have a theme or are we just fucking off? the time Honestly, this is fun. hey This is so fun, but also fun like this, like, I don't know. but What we had decided upon was empathy and it felt super, super potent with regards to everything that's going on in the world right now. And like.
00:18:30
Speaker
i I don't know, I'm feeling so pulled to be able to have a conversation with you guys about it. You know, like absolutely let's keep vamping, but like, I feel like it's a good, I feel like it's something we need to talk about. For sure. The one thing, and the reason why I kind of wanted to talk about empathy was because I think a lot lately, especially, there's a lot of disconnect between sympathy and empathy. Yeah.
00:18:59
Speaker
I feel like in in the main, so the main piece of empathy is obviously being able to put yourself in another shoes. But I also feel like empathy comes from a place of like heart centered, like a heart centered place. Whereas sympathy, I feel like is coming from a place of like ego, which just disclaimer, I feel like you're not always necessarily that. The ego can be really good for you if it's harnessed correctly.
00:19:27
Speaker
But I feel like when you have sympathy for somebody as opposed to having empathy for somebody, especially in, in the world that we're in right now, it can, it can disconnect you from other people and it's, you can't put yourself in that person's shoes. You can't understand, even though being that we as white people have a lot of privilege, I feel like even like with my husband, sometimes I have to humble him because he doesn't realize just how much privilege he has as a straight white
Privilege, Empathy, and Social Issues
00:19:57
Speaker
male.
00:19:57
Speaker
yeah And I have to be like, okay, but like, take a step back. And how would you feel if you were in this person's shoes? And I just feel like it's a constant theme that just keeps coming up. And like, it's showing who is truly empathetic, and who isn't. And obviously, the people in power have no empathy right now. And that's why I feel like it's so important that we that we talk on this. Yeah, absolutely. You're completely right. Oh, my God.
00:20:29
Speaker
yeah So let's talk about the differences. Like let's get into the nitty gritty about the differences between sympathy and empathy. Yeah. So for me personally, I feel like it shows up a lot. And like I said, like when you're coming from a place of ego, when you're coming from, uh, like rather than a heart center place, it's more of like a head centered space that you're coming from. And you're not able to fully.
00:21:00
Speaker
I guess you're not able to fully detach from your own feelings to then put somebody else's feelings into perspective, if that makes sense. Like that's how I feel like sympathy comes up for me in my personal life, like me personally, myself, you know? Like if I feel like, if I tell myself in my head now, I feel really bad for this person, that to me is kind of shitty because I'm not fully, I'm feeling badly for them.
00:21:28
Speaker
Instead of like putting myself in their position, I'm like, wow, that's so fucking shitty. Like I can understand that shitty and I have empathy for that. But I oftentimes am like, I wish there was something in that I could do like almost like a martyr type of mission. Like I want to help this person so much, but to a fault. And I feel like there's a, you know, like you can be a little bit too empathetic.
00:21:52
Speaker
But then you could also be a little bit too sympathetic. So finding that balance has been really hard for me lately too. I don't know about you guys, but especially with the world and everything that's been happening. And with empathy, it's more or less that looking at the collective, I feel like, you know, like us as a collective, you know, how we're all moving through things collectively and it's kind of detaching from our own feelings and being able to be like, oh, okay, like this is how somebody else might be moving through something.
00:22:21
Speaker
Um, maybe I would react differently, but that's, you know, that's me. That's not them. Everybody has their own path and their own story, their own way of processing. So. Yeah. Yeah. I always feel like sympathy is like, it's almost like an insult in a way. Cause like, it's almost like another way of verbalizing that or saying it out loud is almost like a little bit different, but almost like what you said and saying yours, you feel sorry for somebody.
00:22:51
Speaker
Um, and that to me, it is more insulting in a way because I look at my friendship with my friend, Julie, the one that I was just in a car accident with, right? but She has cerebral palsy. She walks, well, she used to walk with crutches when when we were younger, but then she kind of slowly transitioned into a scooter and then a wheelchair. When we go out.
00:23:16
Speaker
there are I can't tell you how many people stare at her and then they like will look at her or say or say something to her like oh I'm so sorry for your you know for your condition or whatever or like where they'll be like what happened and it's like She was fucking born like that, you asshole. Like, you know what I'm saying? She didn't have a car accident. Like, that's not what put her in a wheelchair, you know what I'm saying? We did have a car accident, but that was just two weeks ago. But like, literally- Her eye roll. Yeah, it's really gross. And they're always older people. It's always like, you know- They don't have a clue.
00:23:53
Speaker
like what boomer type age people, right? That are always like, oh, I'm so sorry, you know, that happened to you or like what happened to you or you know, that kind of stuff. And really because you can't say something shitty back to them, you just have to kind of be like, oh, thank you or oh, it's okay or you know, whatever. But like some one time this person was like,
00:24:18
Speaker
I don't know if they were looking at me and asking me or whatever it was, but they, whatever they were saying, I looked right at it at them and I was like, she was born like that. It's okay. You know, like back off, you know, you're just being, and ah you sound like an asshole is what it is, but she's used to that shit. Yeah. You bring up, brings up a really good point actually that I hadn't even thought of considering the topic, i but My brother, I think I've told you guys is nonverbal
Personal Stories of Autism and Disabilities
00:24:47
Speaker
autistic. So I forgot. Yeah. You did mention that, but I forgot. Yeah. Yeah. When I was a kid, um, he got diagnosed when he was two. So very early on. So when I was a kid, we would go to the grocery store and he would be really, really overstimulating for him and he would physically you run away. And as a, as a big sister, I was the oldest sister. I would crawl with my mom and be like, come on.
00:25:11
Speaker
what are we gonna do and like panic and she would be panicking obviously and she'd be like you stay here with the shopping cart I'm gonna go get your brother and the amount of people that would stare at us and laugh meanwhile me and my mom are hysterical we're like trying to control this kid and he's five years old has no idea what he's doing he's just having a fucking blast running in a grocery store but meanwhile we're panicking um but yeah people are so quick to judge instead of like thinking about what another person might be going through or I don't know, just looking at a situation and being able to be like, wow, I could totally understand how that might feel instead of being like, wow, that's shitty. Sorry. You know what I mean? Like, and I feel like so often that's just like society's way of like responding to things with like sympathy and sentiment.
00:26:06
Speaker
yeah Yeah. And Alyssa, I don't think that I ever told you um that I had a younger brother who was severely mentally impaired. And so like they apparently at some point he did have some minor like um autism diagnosis, but mostly he was just severely mentally impaired. And they changed the categorization of those kids at some point.
00:26:36
Speaker
ah maybe 10 or 15 years ago, they called them SCI now. So it's like severely cognitively impaired. But my brother was four and a half years younger than me. And he was verbal, but not in a way that we could understand him. So he had Josh language, if that makes any sense. His name is Josh. And he spoke a lot, but it it was like baby blabber. You know what I mean?
00:27:07
Speaker
Didn't really make any sense. Did he repeat things a lot? Uh, his own, repeating his own words, not really. I mean, somewhat, but it was like, it was like in a way that he thought maybe you couldn't understand him. So he said it again kind of thing, but it wasn't like a repetition, like an autistic repetition thing. Um, but you would just have to like, oh, okay, Josh, you know, like, you know, just go along with it and act like you knew what he was talking about. Cause you never really did.
00:27:37
Speaker
um But he was very happy. He was very bubbly and happy. He liked everybody. He wasn't shy. um anne Anyway, there i mean it wasn't always like that. He had his temper tantrum moments and things, but um he passed away in 2020. It wasn't COVID, but like We don't know exactly, um but he lived in a group home and one of the staff members found him passed already on the bedroom floor. So that was sad. But, time so now I am a only child. So it's kind of weird, but... sorry please Your brother is still around, I hope. He's still around. He's 24 years old. he's
00:28:28
Speaker
He annoys my mom every day because all he talks about is food, because that's like the only thing that he can talk about. My mom's like, Jonathan, okay, I get it. I was like, you prayed for him to talk. I'm like, is he stopping? So, um yeah, he mostly just like repeats things. But he's nonverbal because you can't have an actual conversation with him. That's why we say he's nonverbal. he i um Somebody explained this on TikTok one time.
00:28:56
Speaker
and she had a dis ah disabled son who was also nonverbal, like my brother, or what would be considered nonverbal. And she put as the captions for his talking, um valid words that could not be translated. And I think about that so often and I'm like, okay, I get what you're saying. I just can't translate it for you. if You know what I mean? So it's like that. you But yeah, he's a special he's a special kid. I love him very much. So do you have any other siblings?
00:29:25
Speaker
Yeah, I have all brothers. I have Joey, John, and Jayden, three brothers, and then I'm the oldest sister. So, yeah. Cool. Yeah, I think... Yeah, my youngest brother's 12. Crazy. I think having, you know, special needs people in our lives um teaches us a lot of empathy. I really do. I think you grow up like understanding things from other perspectives a lot more.
00:29:54
Speaker
um But it also does show you what the difference between sympathy and empathy is, you know, because you see like the sorry look on other people's faces, the people who feel sorry for them. And like, you know what? what And I drive the school bus for special needs kids too. So, um and I've only driven special needs kids for 28 years.
00:30:19
Speaker
So I've done routes that were all autistic kids, um, of all different, of the whole spectrum of autism, like very, very severe where they're violent and stuff. Um, yeah all kinds. So there was one point, and I'm trying to remember if it was somebody I worked with, I think it might've been like a new employee or something that people, somebody who was not familiar with like special needs at all.
00:30:47
Speaker
It's like, why did you come to work here if you don't know, that like if you don't understand this? You know what I mean? Because some people can't handle it. But like, I remember somebody saying like, oh, this just breaks my heart. I feel so bad for these kids. And I had to like correct them. And I was just like, you know what? This is all they know. They don't know any different. So don't feel sorry for them because they have a good life. They got a family that takes good care of them. They have everything they need.
00:31:14
Speaker
you know I mean, not ah not every single kid, obviously, but it's just like you have to put this perspective to them. Like, look, they don't know any different. So how can you feel sorry? you know If this is all you've ever known your whole life, why is that a bad thing? Like, you you know you're in this place of like, You got people all around you who take care of you all the time and they're happy. Look it, they're smiling. What's the problem? You know what I mean? yeah So it's like, you got to wake people up sometimes and be like, they're fine. they're Don't feel sorry for them. They're fine. Feel sorry for a kid who is, you know, is in a really bad home that's getting abused or not taking care of properly, right? Feel sorry for that and try to do something to help. But like, don't feel sorry for these kids that don't know any better. They have a great life.
00:32:01
Speaker
You know, anyway, so for that's my two cents and I'll get off my soapbox now.
00:32:09
Speaker
But I have a lot, so much, you know, tons of experience with this shit. My brother was 40 when he passed away, you know? So it's been many, many years and I've seen it all. And my best friend is like, I've been granted, she lived in Florida for 20 years. But when we were teenagers, like I took her out everywhere, like everywhere she needed to go, I took her to doctor's appointments or we went out to the mall or we did whatever.
00:32:35
Speaker
And like you see people staring and shit. Dude, when she used to walk on her crutches, she hit a wet spot on the floor and when her crutches flew out in front of her and smacked right on her face. Oh yeah, happened a couple of times. And like people just start freaking out around her like, oh, you know. And I'm like, it's okay, it's okay. And like Julie will make comments about this like even to this day. like when stuff like that would happen, I would take the attention off of her. And I'd be like, it's fine, don't worry. And I'm like, just go get a chair, bring it over to her. so She gets on the chair and she pulls herself up. like It's fine. So it was like, she always kind of appreciated that I kind of took the attention off of her when that shit happened. But anyway, just being around her all those years and my brother, it's like, you really get a sense of
00:33:28
Speaker
You know, you watch people. i I watch people. I just observe them. And when you see them, you know, these special needs people around the general public and you're watching these people's faces and you're just like, oh my God, she's just like you, asshole. You know what I mean? She's just like any one of us. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm.
00:33:54
Speaker
in this case here molly's Molly's bestie also has CP. And that was one of the weird things we found out. Yeah, she her bestie and my bestie both have CP. And I was just- That is so great though. I know, weird, huh? And their birthdays are one day apart. Shut up, what? Oh my God.
00:34:14
Speaker
Yeah. You guys have so many spaces. Wait, what is her birthday? oh June 10th. Yeah, you're right. yeah No, I told you this before. I know, I forgot. Yeah, my my best is June 9th. Yeah, that's crazy.
00:34:30
Speaker
That's very cool. Yeah. i like And I just realized last year that her birth date, the days are 6-9. Ha, ha, ha.
00:34:40
Speaker
I just realized it last year and I went, Julie, how in the fuck did I go all these years without realizing your birth date is 6-9? She had been born in 1969. That would have been funny.
00:34:54
Speaker
Oh man, it's been i I was just thinking about how I'm gonna be so grateful to edit this because I won't be like Losing my mind listening to my own stupid voice yeah christtina been just like tagged it up god But I actually was thinking about it because like Alyssa I think it was you that made the point about how it was you know, um sympathy is a lot more about the head and empathy is more about the heart and it got me thinking about like how
00:35:31
Speaker
Yeah, some of these really like, like intellectually based its and like it's from like a cognitive or or like a logical place. Whereas like, empathy is I, you know, my first thought was to say empathy is from an emotional place. But then I was like, m it's like it is but even more so it's from an energetic place because like empathy, like is literally like a vibration that like it puts you in this vibrational space with the person who you know is it experiencing something challenging. And I think that's probably the like point of empathy, like ah from an evolutionary standpoint, because all emotions have purposes. And so like empathy brings us into like a so like the same or similar vibration as the person who needs support.
Energetic Vibration of Empathy
00:36:24
Speaker
and like helps us to be able to help them without even needing to say anything really because you can feel that fucking energy when somebody is like holding that for you and with you like you can feel it you know i like that you said it's more of like energy because you're so right it is a vibrational thing for sure and i feel like like you said like you can feel when somebody's a safe space to be around i love that you said that because it's so fucking true and i never I guess I never thought of it in that way, but you're right. I literally never thought of it that way either, and I'm going to thank the weed.
00:37:00
Speaker
and
00:37:03
Speaker
Stand here and accept my Oscar and give thanks to the weed. Thank you. like yeah i I just was thinking as you were talking about that, that like, you know, as we have established, sympathy is like saying you feel sorry for somebody. and And in a way that is almost like emotional because you're not really thinking logically when you say these things. You know what I mean? yeah But like, empathy takes thought, I think, takes more thought because you have to like put yourself in their place and and try to like
00:37:42
Speaker
Um, imagine what it would be like in their shoes, if you will. And like, but also that a good point the best way to, in my opinion, to show empathy is to treat somebody like a normal person. Like, you know what I mean? Just treat them like a normal person. Like no, but like they're no different than you, especially when you, when you're talking about special needs, you know? Yeah. I think, um, a lot of people don't.
00:38:10
Speaker
Just to bring it back to my brother again, because again, that's like the one main thing that has taught me a lot of empathy. um When people realize that he can't have like an intellectual back and forth conversation, they'd all try to conversate with him. Now me, I'm different in that way, because I know that he enjoys being spoken to, and he deserves to be spoken to. So like when I see him, I'll be like, hi, John, and hold his your feet. Hi, John. But at least like,
00:38:38
Speaker
He knows that I'm saying hi to him. I'm like, you know what I mean? And then I'll ask him how his day was and he'll either tell me it was good or he'll tell me what he ate for the day. I'm like, okay, perfect. but So it's like he, I don't know. I think that he sees, and that's why he feels safe with me. He sees that I am, you know, able to put aside his differences and see him for who he is and meet him there, you know? Exactly. well Yeah. Yeah.
00:39:08
Speaker
But so like Molly, that's why I think you were you were way more spot on when you talked about it being an energetic thing. Because like it it does, I mean, you like anybody could look at it both ways and see points of like why it could be or couldn't be, you know, emotional or or intellectual like, you know, responses. but Um, I just started thinking about it and I'm just like, I don't know, because I feel like, yeah, sympathy is like, you know, ah somebody feels like a little tug at their heart, like, Oh, you know, I feel so sorry for that person or whatever. But like, empathy takes energy to.
00:39:51
Speaker
think through logically. like I don't know if that makes sense, but it it takes you using your energy to put yourself in their shoes. It's not like an automatic arrival point, I think, for a default. I think some people arrive at it easier than others, but like it's definitely like you have to um go through a thought process to get there in the same way that like for any way like for some reason I'm somehow about to tie this back to manifestation but like the way that manifestation is putting yourself in the same vibration of the thing that you're trying to manifest you have to think yourself into that vibration
00:40:32
Speaker
um yeah you know and And so like in that same way, you have to think yourself into the like meeting the vibration of the person who needs support. yeah cool it' like conscience yeah Absolutely, it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah Intention, like because emotions don't have intention behind them. Emotions happen as an actual response. And then when you are empathizing, you are going there on purpose. So you are so right. Thank you. You got it. Yeah, you got exactly what I was, what I was getting at. Yes, absolutely. Yes. So like the energy is two ways of looking at it. Like, yeah, it, you, it's, it's,
00:41:15
Speaker
It's an energetic vibrational thing, but it's also an energy thing in terms of it takes your actual energy and work, mental work, putting into that to get to that place and know how to behave appropriately. like Be nice. Treat them like they're no different than you. you know But like that goes with everything, like not just our special needs people. like We're talking about people of all ethnicities.
00:41:42
Speaker
like They are no different than us, right? We shouldn't treat them differently than us. Any of, any people that are like different looking and yeah in any way. So like that's, I know I probably said that in a totally fucked up Gen Z way, but.
00:42:00
Speaker
I mean, Jen Exway, sorry. and I'm not even high. What the hell? No, I'm just sorry. ah Like, I'm just saying, like, you know, all of this learning, what it means to have white privilege is, it's a new concept for me, literally in the last couple of years, you know, I didn't understand. I did not until I, you know, everything that's been going on in recent years and obviously TikTok and every you know all the different so ah social media platforms that you know you get to hear so many different perspectives on stuff.
White Privilege and Supporting Marginalized Communities
00:42:40
Speaker
I started to wake up about it. So I'm sorry if my terminology is a little antiquated, but like I'm still trying to catch up. But like any person who's different than us in any way doesn't deserve to be treated differently.
00:42:57
Speaker
you know it's like Empathy dude, put yourself in their shoes and and just be cool. Be nice to them. Offer your support, offer whatever, you know, but, ah or don't because like, that's a white privilege way of looking at it, right?
00:43:15
Speaker
If you're like automatically saying like, I want to help you, you know, it's like, I understand now that that's not even always cool either. That's what's so confusing. You're a complex, yeah no I get you, I do. i That's a new pants up for me. but any time You don't want your privilege to like get in the way of like, Oh, let me help you because I have all the resources and all of the, you know what I mean? All of the things for you.
00:43:43
Speaker
Because I am white and I can do that. You know what I mean? Like yeah you're go to get it that it's walking a top line, you're makingr aware of it. Yeah, I am now. You have enough empathy. empathy right Like, oh, this is actually wrong. This is something that I can probably change and shift. There's no reason why they wouldn't be smart enough to figure that stuff out for themselves. And like, why do I need to offer it up? Like they couldn't figure it out for themselves. Like that's just ridiculous, you know? Right. Yeah. Yeah.
00:44:12
Speaker
Then again, if you see somebody's situation and you know for sure that they don't have a resource that you could present to them as a resource, like, hey, have you ever heard of blah, blah, blah? Or if you know them well enough to be able to talk to them. That's what I mean, yeah. Yeah, like exactly. Yeah, like just, because it's like, it's another one of those things too where I feel like the situations where like white savior complexes come into play is when people, like in situations where the white person doesn't even know the person of color that well.
00:44:41
Speaker
right if at all right yeah and it's like yeah homie like don't just roll in here thinking you can give everybody everything like that's not how any social situation works but also especially like a situation like this you know like so i don't know it then that for me i have a hard time comprehending just because it's a as a blanket rule i'm like if you don't know someone don't get up in their business.
00:45:13
Speaker
great Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. The idea of, it almost feels like a, like I know better than you. It feels, that's how it, I mean, it's almost like an energetic thing. Like it feels like, I dunno, it just doesn't feel right, you know? But then at the same time, like you, you want to help and you want to be able to stand up for what's right.
00:45:38
Speaker
But I've learned that the way that you do that is by educating yourself, by sharing that education with others. And if people need your help, they will ask you. And yeah, and I think that this part in our lives, like this portion of us as white females, I feel like we, you know, it's our time to rise into our power again.
00:46:05
Speaker
And it's our time to shine a light on the minorities who haven't had this power for so long and to give them the spotlight that they so deserve and need right now. yeah um And it's not even necessarily in the way of like a grand stage spotlight, but in the ways of like shedding light on topics that may be hard to have or conversations that may be hard to have.
00:46:32
Speaker
Or like Christina was saying, you know like she's not perfect in all of her terminology, but she's learning. And it's but I think it's about that education piece and about never feeling like you you have to stop in learning when it comes to other people and their history and and the way that things have unfolded for them. And that's where empathy ties right back into this episode. It's like that's empathetic in and of itself, educating yourself on somebody else's history, how that might affect them today,
00:47:02
Speaker
because generational trauma is ah is obviously a thing. yeah um So it's like, you know, just I think little things like that are helpful in what we're moving through right now. Absolutely. Yeah.
00:47:17
Speaker
you know like i was thinking or k christina earlier on like um in an unrelated comment you brought up social media and it made me realize the ways in which social media is um furthering the cause of empathy i feel in like the way that it I don't know for an example like a small town trope of like a person who has only ever lived in their small town and then they like go to college and then they suddenly meet all these people of like all walks of life.
00:47:50
Speaker
you know, people with all these different backgrounds and like life experiences, starting to be able to develop, you know, more of a sense of empathy, I think, because I think that empathy does start to develop before that probably, or or hopefully it does. But like, you know, when you, the it's correlated to like meeting people who have different life experiences and backgrounds than you.
00:48:13
Speaker
And so being able to be on apps like TikTok or, you know, um Reddit or wherever else where you're like interacting with people from everywhere. who What was that? That was my cat.
Social Media's Role in Fostering Empathy
00:48:30
Speaker
Oh my god.
00:48:34
Speaker
yeah It sounded like a person. No, he just yelled at me all the fucking time. I tried to mute, I literally saw his mouth open and I tried to mute myself and I was like, oh no. That's crazy. Wow. This episode is everywhere to have this and I fucking love it. So fucking fun.
00:49:00
Speaker
You just called it a hot mess. Hot mess express. I love it. That's great. Oh, my God. All aboard. You too. You love it. Oh, my face hurts, you guys. This is so good.
00:49:17
Speaker
ah I know. My cheeks hurt. I love hanging out with you guys. You're so fun. Me too. We're gonna need to do this more, that's for fucking sure. Anyway, yeah, like, um getting to just be online and experience all these different life stories and backgrounds and like, really, it starts to open up your eyes. Like, the number, okay, this is, like, I feel like every single, we've already gone a little political, but every single episode lately feels like it goes political.
00:49:53
Speaker
Um, but like the number of people on TikTok who I have seen that have like expressed how when they got on TikTok four years ago, they were like a right wing conservative.
00:50:05
Speaker
And then they started to take in all these experiences from all these people from all over the world. And they immediately, or not immediately, but like over time, they started to like shift their political views because they were understanding the ways in which and which things can impact people who don't have the same like privileges and life experiences as they do. And like that literally is them developing empathy and just slowly pushing them to the left, which is crazy. How incredible, like how beautiful is it that an app can bring people together so much so that you can feel empathy for somebody through an app. You know, one of the first times I feel like I knew I was an empathetic person, you know on YouTube when YouTube first came out and you would see those videos of like soldiers coming home. Oh my god.
00:51:03
Speaker
dude i can't watch one of them because any i watch any fucking video of a soldier coming home a dog is creating a dog it's creating their human their son whatever i lose it every single time i'm like okay that's probably one of the first times i knew i was an empathetic person and even then i don't think i i was too young to understand what empathy empathy was right but it's like that innate feeling of being able to connect and be like I would feel that same way. you know like I can totally get that. so I love that TikTok is an app that just brings us further into connection despite what others might think. I had this train of thought earlier too um when I was thinking about this topic you know before we were even recording. I was thinking about how there's
00:51:56
Speaker
a debate, if you will, about whether empathy is like an automatic thing that people have in them or can it be taught and learned.
Teaching Empathy to Children and Balancing Self-Care
00:52:09
Speaker
And I think i think it has to be taught and learned because I think most people naturally are very selfish.
00:52:18
Speaker
And if you let them continue to behave in a selfish way, that's like you know early stages of childhood development, children are selfish because they don't know any better. They don't even realize other people think differently than they do and or that they feel differently than they do. like We've had a lot of that issue with teaching him, my kid. And it's like you have to really drive the point home.
00:52:43
Speaker
Look, if I said that to you, how would that make you feel? So you shouldn't say that to that person because you're hurting their feelings, you know? And like, think about how your words affect people. I mean, you have to teach kids this stuff. And if you're not, you know,
00:53:00
Speaker
I'm sorry, it sounds judgmental or whatever, but if you're not being a good parent, your kid's going to turn out to be an asshole. He's going to be one of these bullies. you know and like I really believe empathy needs to be taught and people need to do a better job of teaching their children.
00:53:17
Speaker
you know i You actually just brought something to the surface for me too. And it's weird because like i'm the one I'm the one person in this call who is not a parent. um and So I have no real reason to have like learned this except for the fact of TikTok showing me things and teaching me things. And it's actually still really helpful for me because you know I've been on this journey of healing my inner child.
00:53:43
Speaker
And so like, this is one of the things that ties into that I feel, but in the same vein of children needing to be taught empathy and ah having like a default setting of being selfish made me think like, yes, they're self-centered, but I think that the reason that they are naturally is because they they can't meet their own needs and they have to get people to help them.
00:54:11
Speaker
Yeah, like that that is literally like the state of being a child. And that's very much like where that comes from. And yes, you do have to teach them to shift out of that mindset.
00:54:24
Speaker
when it's not about them. Yeah. It's a developmental stage and like, you know, at one, at some point when you know that they should start learning or like start understanding that concept, you have to start introducing it to them and being like, you know, yeah not everybody thinks the same way you think and not everybody feels the same way you feel. And they're not experiencing all the same things or even in the same way that you are. Like, you know, that kind of stuff, you have to teach the stuff.
00:54:51
Speaker
yeah And in like an unrelated note and sorry oh nothing and like an unrelatedated note, like on the note of like selfishness, we're also kind of on like an opposite swing of the pendulum, we're taught or conditioned to feel like you know, trying to take care of ourselves equates to selfishness when it's like, okay, no, are we selfish? Or are we just meeting our own needs? And like, in that same vein, like, it's like, is that kid selfish? Or just does he just need his needs met right now? Right? um Yeah, I like that a lot. Yeah. And so it's like, true. Yeah. There's like,
00:55:34
Speaker
the empathy and selfishness don't have to exist on like opposite ends of the spectrum. They can definitely coexist. And I think that like, this is me sort of tying them together. But yeah, yeah. Whoops, I'm having inner child epiphanies.
00:55:58
Speaker
Molly, do you remember something I think I sent to you in Instagram or something like that? um I don't remember if it was something that my friend Heidi had brought to my attention somehow. I think she may have, but she's kind of less apt to label people as narcissists. Right. You have to tell them that, but I am trying to think of what you might have said. Yeah. And I wish I could quote this thing, but I'll have to try and paint a picture of what it kind of said. But it was basically like,
00:56:31
Speaker
There are people who are narcissists and there are people who literally just have such a wounded inner child and they never had any of their needs met and they never healed it themselves. So they never grew out of that stage. So it's like they're almost the same thing, but they're not. It's like she was trying to... Yeah. I don't know if she was trying to say that was my mother, but when she said it, it kind of made sense because there are moments when I feel like my mom has, I don't want to say full blown empathy. She can act like she does, but I don't know if she really truly feels it. She's good at acting, right? And it's hard to distinguish when she's really sincere.
00:57:16
Speaker
But I think that she has been kind of empathetic to me. I don't want to say sympathetic, but like a little bit empathetic to me in the situation that I'm currently in and trying to be there for me.
00:57:29
Speaker
she um She's been showing empathy or caring. concern, you know that kind of stuff. And I don't feel like it's total bull crap because she's been through it too. i i just kind of It made me think. It just made me pause and think about that. like She is a narcissist to a point, but I do believe that it all spurs back from like having a really shitty, weird childhood. Something bad happened to her when she was a kid that I don't know about.
00:58:01
Speaker
And I don't think I want to know, to be honest. I don't, because that just will open up a whole ball of worms. And I don't think that any of us have the energy to deal with it. like Because my mom isn't such denial in about her own feelings about things. She lives dayto day to day, starting like a new slate every day, clean slate every day. you know like You could have offended her yesterday, and today she's going to act like it never happened.
00:58:29
Speaker
you know, or pi you could have pissed her off in some way or she could have pissed you off and then she's going to act like it never happened the next day. You know what I mean? It's like every day she wakes up with a blank slate and that's so weird. So it's like, it would be really hard to get her to a point of healing because she can't delve into her own emotional yeah world, you know, yeah so I don't know if I ever want to know and I don't want to like get her to open up about that stuff because I think it it's just too much at this point. You know, it's fucked up to think that way, but it's true. It might do more harm than good. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. I think each person in immediatelyly has like the ability to be empathetic, but I really do believe that it is environmental, you know.
00:59:21
Speaker
It is about how we're raised. It is about our foundational core years as a kid and how our parents show up for us, how our parents show empathy in front of us to other people. you know I think you're right. I think it does have i think is something that's more so taught while it is like something in us, it's like any other emotion. you know and well not necessarily the same as emotions, but almost in the same way that we process emotions, right? So I don't know. I just, I liked, I liked what you said about that. That really got me. Yeah. And Lissa, what you just said too, actually made me think of the ever ongoing internet debate of like,
01:00:05
Speaker
the people out there who use Empath like it's a label of being like, I'm an empath. But it's like, you know, bed not like a question I'm actually asking, but like, okay, how do you differentiate between somebody who knows how to exhibit empathy or experience empathy?
01:00:30
Speaker
versus somebody who is an empath. And they made me realize like maybe there is something to people being quote unquote empaths for the fact that like, you know, I don't know, I was thinking about it when you said something about watching your parents exhibit empathy or or demonstrate it.
01:00:55
Speaker
And it's like that to me, like thinking back, like that's something that I energetically picked up on. Like I didn't have to be told this is empathy. This is a good thing. This is helpful. This is good for society, good for community to do this. I just inherently knew like this is a necessary part of the human experience. And like, I feel like people who maybe had that experience of like intuitively tuning into and understanding empathy and its function without being like taught about it are the people who maybe would call themselves an empath while also you know while it is still uh something that can be taught to anybody um yeah regardless oh i hear the baby again um he
01:01:52
Speaker
Not he, oh my god, we're not talking about my cat.
01:01:57
Speaker
When it comes to empaths and people calling themselves empaths, it gives me the ick. The reason why, yeah, and the reason why is because I'm like, one, we all have the ability to be empathetic, right? And two, again, how do you determine who's an empath and who's not? Is it like based on the but
01:02:22
Speaker
were getting the party today i know let's go Like it's ah hard for me to differentiate um Like you said like who would be an empath in the world and who wouldn't be like I think that if you display any kind of empathy You are an empathetic person, right?
01:02:42
Speaker
And that's just it. You know, we don't need labels on everything. Yeah. And I feel like people do this to hype up their own ego and make themselves feel better about themselves. And maybe that's a hot take. But I was just gonna say, like, it's come to a place and this is I'm gonna like, put some extra icing on your hot take here. ah this like I think that if we have come to a place like in society or having like,
01:03:11
Speaker
you know, internet culture being what it is, where you can see somebody who describes themselves on the internet as an empath and immediately sort of have a little bit of a red flag for that person. Just being like, I feel like maybe they don't fully understand what it is that they're claiming. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. oh o Good topic tonight, guys. Jesus, this is great. Super juicy. So juicy. Oh, I love it. Oh my God, I'm stoked.
01:03:41
Speaker
I had so much fun with you guys. I'm so glad that you could come and join us. And I'm so excited for you guys. Me too. It won't be the last time. No, no. I was just going to say that I will be do this again because this was fun. Yeah. Yeah. This was really fun. It's cool to change it up. Um, cause like I said, usually like you guys are, you know, podcasts, co-hosts together. And then I have my own podcast and like, I'll have, you know, people on sometimes, but I think it's really cool and just relax.
01:04:10
Speaker
for us to just chill and talk about a specific topic, or maybe not, and just see what comes up. Like, whatever, I would love to do this more for you guys. I'll see you shortly. Absolutely. I'm going to set up my microphone this week. That's going to be this week's task, is to set up my microphone. Yes. Y'all are going to have to keep me accountable on the painting accountability. Do you have a laptop, Alyssa?
01:04:36
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. My laptop that I have now is Rob's old work laptop. Dude, what is going on? What is going on? Come give me the balloon.
01:04:51
Speaker
Oh my god is it your hand gestures that are triggering those things? I think so because it was there was the like two thumbs up. I'm a Philly Italian girl and naturally I talk with my hands so. Yeah and now it's not doing it. Oh there it is. What is it? It didn't have mine. I'm jealous. Dude. I'm jealous.
01:05:14
Speaker
dude It does it on my Google meet too. Like imagine I'm giving somebody a racy spectrum, right? And I'm talking with my hands and I'm like, and all of a sudden, balloons, fireworks. I'm like, Oh my God, embarrassing. It's cute. foods Love it. Oh, this has been so fun. So so fun. Yeah, literally just felt like a hangout session. That's exactly what we wanted. Yeah. Hell yeah. Same.
01:05:44
Speaker
Um, i so, um, super chill vibes. We're just, we're just a bunch of chill guys, you know, but but we're just little chill guys. yeah Oh my God. Yay. me Well, yeah, it's getting late. You guys, um, we got it. Yeah.