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You’re Thinking About Transitioning All Wrong!
28 Plays6 days ago
What does it mean to transition - and do all trans people medically transition?
When people hear the word “transitioning,” most immediately think of surgery, hormones, or medical care.
But that’s only one part of the picture.
In this episode of Gender in Focus, we look at what transitioning actually means for trans and non-binary people - and why the way it’s commonly understood doesn’t quite reflect everyone's reality and needs.
We focus on one of three types of transition, namely social transition, including changes to name, pronouns, appearance, and how someone moves through the world — and why these shifts are often dismissed as “less real” or “less serious.”
Along the way, we also unpack that:
* Transitioning isn’t about “becoming” someone or something new
* The difference between social, medical, and legal transition
* Why not all trans people medically transition — and why that doesn’t make their identity any less valid
* How social transition can be a process of exploration, alignment, and self-understanding
* Why people may express their gender differently depending on context, safety, and environment
* What support can actually look like in workplaces
We also look at how everyday experiences — like changing one's name, trying a new style, or entering a new phase of life — can make social transition easier to understand.
If you’ve ever searched:
* What does it mean to transition?
* Do all trans people medically transition?
* What is social transition?
* Why do trans people change their name or pronouns?
This episode offers a clear, grounded way to understand the answers — without assumptions.
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🎙️ Gender in Focus is a podcast by TransFocus exploring the systems, structures, and everyday realities shaping trans and non-binary experiences.
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Transcript
Introduction to Social Transition
00:00:05
Speaker
Hello, it's Elle. Welcome to another episode of Gender in Focus. Today we're talking about what it means for trans and non-binary people to socially transition. When people hear the word transition, there is often a very specific image that comes to mind, ah usually focused on the more like medical side of things. And the concept of transition is actually way broader than that. um And definitely doesn't look the same for everybody. So today we're zooming in on what it means to socially transition. And as always, I'm so lucky to be joined by Kai. Hello. Hello. How are you doing?
00:00:42
Speaker
i so I'm very thirsty. i didn't drink enough today. And now I'm talking about I'm immediately like, yeah, fortunately i have. You've got the drink of the century. Bertha. Two liters of water hydration.
00:00:59
Speaker
If you're not watching, if you're listening instead, I have a huge, huge, huge um metal bottle of water. Oh, it's metal. I didn't know that. She's metal. She's heavy. She's a big lady.
00:01:12
Speaker
Yeah. Dang. Love her. I ah feel like she would crowd surf at a metal concert. absolutely she would and but and she'd start a fight as well I feel she'd get into the she'd you know what i mean like she'd immediately start a fight so love her she's the third person in our episode today but i'm doing very well welcome birth big Bertha thank you how are you doing I'm doing well yeah as you can see it is a glorious sunshine outside so yeah I'm i'm here I'm ready for spring let's go
00:01:45
Speaker
Oh, amazing.
Types of Transition Explained
00:01:46
Speaker
Most people have heard about transitioning. A lot of the time people are leaping immediately to the medical side of things and we sort of think that that's what, that's what transitioning is. But there are multiple different types of transition, three main ways that people transition usually. um Today we're talking about what it means to socially transition. But before we go into that, could you explain the other two aspects of transition?
00:02:13
Speaker
That's very important. Absolutely happy to oblige. So as you mentioned, social transition, we're going to talk about that, get into the weeds. But for the other two, just briefly touch on them is medical transition and also legal transition.
00:02:30
Speaker
I think most people are familiar with medical transition or what more commonly ah used term is gender affirming care. So anything related to procedures, surgeries, hormone replacement therapies, a vocal therapy,
00:02:47
Speaker
surgeries. There's just very long list of different options available to folks. So that's gender-affirming care or medical transition. And then there's also legal transition, which is related to one's government-issued IDs or you know formal identification.
00:03:05
Speaker
And usually there's first name or gender marker that people and or gender markers that people are updating and driver's license, health care cards, passports.
00:03:17
Speaker
The list is long. And so to give you a sense of what that could entail. And so that's legal transition. Right. And then with those two, and then in comparison, we have the third one, which is what we're talking about, social transition. And so would you be able to explain that and the some kind of different elements that come within that?
Navigating Social Transition
00:03:39
Speaker
yeah Yeah, absolutely. So this is related to a whole bunch of things to one's person in terms of how one expresses oneself and or um kind of shows one's gender to the world. When I think about gender identity, that's the internal felt sense of one's gender. When we're talking about social transition, it's generally related to the things that are external to somebody or related to somebody's gender expression. So some examples of that are hair lengths is a very big one, you know, short hair, long hair.
00:04:18
Speaker
Somehow we've gendered that in our society. i ask questions about that, but there you have it. There's different types of clothing that people choose to change about themselves. um You know, maybe they wear dresses now or enjoy floral prints or, you know, whatever the case may be. There's different types.
00:04:41
Speaker
kind of ways that society has gendered clothing. Again, why? we could ask. But people can feel more comfortable in a different type or style of attire.
00:04:55
Speaker
um There's also things like changing one's first name. This is within a social context, not a legal one. This is sometimes separate from the legal. People may not change their name legally, but they will change it socially. Right. So within their friendship circle, their family, at work, you know, where they volunteer, they may update their first name.
00:05:21
Speaker
And again, that's related to the fact that we have attributed gender to names mostly. you think about the name Scott Lundgren. You know, we have a particular assumption about what gender that person is.
00:05:36
Speaker
And the last one is updating pronouns as well. So for some, that might be an important thing, not for everyone, but certainly for a lot.
00:05:48
Speaker
And, you know, could be somebody who used to use she, her pronouns and updates to they, them. So things like that. Right. That makes sense. So when it comes to that that kind of um those different changes that come with social transition, someone might be doing aspects of that in one environment and then maybe not extending that into other environments. And so I was wondering about that, um whether you could talk about that kind of sort of fluctuation, I guess, in in the way that people are expressing themselves and and their gender.
Exploring the Nature of Social Transition
00:06:21
Speaker
Yeah, especially at this time and place and juncture, we're at a pretty heightened and in some in many cases dangerous political environment to where not everybody feels safe to fully express themselves in the way that is authentic to them.
00:06:41
Speaker
And so people may choose to show more of themselves in an expression sort of way or even their name or pronouns in some settings but not others.
00:06:53
Speaker
And right this can translate to workplaces. I was just watching something on TikTok and there was somebody saying who's non-binary, uses they, them pronouns, does not bring it up at work.
00:07:06
Speaker
It's just not worth the hassle. Right. And so that's a choice, an active choice that somebody has made, usually based on safety, convenience, efficiency, exhaustion, you know. Right. Yeah. whole number of things. So people are making or sometimes they'll tell their friend group, but not their family. Right.
00:07:28
Speaker
So there's all these places and spaces where people are making very calculated decisions based on a whole variety of reasons, um all of them valid because it's really complex terrain to navigate these days.
00:07:44
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. think for a lot of cis folks, there is this idea that trans and non-binary people are confused or you know they don't know they're not sure about what they're doing and then when it comes to this like social transition trans people are sure of who they are non-binary people are sure of who they are but there are certain aspects that they maybe haven't quite figured out yet and that's what kind of social transition can offer is this space to just try things out and um I was wondering if you could talk about that and how it can be mis ah it it can be misunderstood as not being sure about who they are, but it's it's just figuring out and trying different things on instead.
00:08:24
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, a lot of social transition is non-permanent, right? So it offers this unique opportunity to figure out if it's something that fits somebody, right?
00:08:41
Speaker
Sometimes we have certain notions in our head, but it's not until you translate them into reality that and interact with other people and you know a whole bunch of things that it it comes to life in a way that you can further assess of the authenticity of it.
00:08:59
Speaker
And so getting a different hairstyle, putting on different clothes, trying out ah another first name or a set of pronouns that are different from the one one received at birth.
00:09:11
Speaker
All of that is really valuable um to clarifying. And sometimes it fits, other times it doesn't. And all of that is really important information gathering because it's non-permanent. and Right. then Yeah.
00:09:26
Speaker
it gives you more direction beyond that if there are other options that are worth or necessary to pursue. And so, but, but in the exploration, sometimes that um kind of social transition gets discounted in some odd way that I don't understand really. Because it's really important, um whether it's in an exploratory phase or something kind of more set in place because it was deemed great. Right. You you know right away, really. I mean, some people maybe it takes a little more time, but...
00:10:06
Speaker
In my experience as an example, um as soon as I, you know, wore different types of clothing and, you know, put on a binder as an example that flattened my chest, like all of these things instantly connected in a way that is very palpable, very strong, like undeniable, right? And so...
00:10:26
Speaker
That's where that kind of information gathering is super important, but should not be used as a way to be like dismiss a social transition as anything less important because of that.
00:10:40
Speaker
Right. And I think there is that kind of misunderstanding that for a lot of trans and non-binary people, this is something that they've kept to themselves and haven't been able to express it externally. So this is the first time they've ever heard that these new pronouns. And so they can't know if it feels good until it's reflected externally.
Challenging Validity Perceptions
00:10:58
Speaker
They they need to try it on. They need to feel it out first. So it's not...
00:11:03
Speaker
it's not less valid if somebody changes their mind on what they asked for like originally it's more just about an expansion of or like figuring out what feels affirming or what aligns with them which they couldn't have known until they expressed that so no no or tried something new Yeah, I mean, there's there's things that you know internally, but the outward portion is a bit of a question mark until it's realized. And I think you're right that people can misunderstand the updates. Yeah. If there are more than just one update, people are like, what the heck is happening? right That's so unfair because basically somebody explored, determined it wasn't for them, and then pivoted to something else. And it's like, that's really important information.
00:11:54
Speaker
We don't want to live authentic inauthentically or tell other people inauthentic information or display it. like So I feel like people being honest is um used against them.
00:12:07
Speaker
oh Yeah, for sure. And then for some, but like you just mentioned then about how social transition is kind of seen as less, where I can't remember the phrase that you literally just used, but you kind of described it as less important or it's seen as less serious almost, especially because it isn't as permanent. And there is that, it it kind of goes on a bit further where it's seen as though social transition is kind of like the light version of transition and the real transition And I'm using heavy ah air quotes there. Real transition is ah medical transition. And that's kind of what transition really means. And that's one, obviously completely inaccurate and two, ah not possible or even wanted for many trans and non-binary people. And so i was wondering if you could go into that.
00:12:55
Speaker
Yeah, it's totally unfair. It's really awful. It happens a lot. And I would also say that it happens within the community as well, within trans and non-binary communities where social is kind of discounted or dismissed or not considered as real as ah medical transition. And there's so many variables, as you were mentioning, to medical transition that A lot of people, okay, I don't know if a lot, but it varies depending on what you're talking about. But it's not everybody who is going for and k needing medical transition. And yet their transition is just as real, just as valid, and can be taken care of with what they need. And that they've gone through the effort to specify that and then communicate that with the people around them like,
00:13:50
Speaker
it it It baffles the mind that people can um discount in that way when there's so many options available and what people choose for themselves is right for them.
Aligning Expression with Identity
00:14:02
Speaker
And sometimes maybe need to be updated um as things evolve, right? I mean, we're not static beings, even though we try to pretend we are. i don't know. It's it's really interesting.
00:14:15
Speaker
It's so true. Social is just a set of options, as is medical, and one is not more real than the other. What I think might be at play, of course, I don't have any data to support this or whatnot, but just I'm thinking that because medical transition has components that are non-reversible, people feel that that quote-unquote decision is more solid because you're kind of like,
00:14:45
Speaker
you know, this is it. Even though it isn't, right? You can reverse surgeries. You can stop taking hormones. It's not actually the case, but people feel it's more solid and then feel like they can rely on it more.
00:15:00
Speaker
But I think if we were able to shift as a society and just be open to things as they arise, I think we would, you know, have a much easier time of it, both the individuals who are experiencing that, but then also society kind of updating things.
00:15:17
Speaker
um It's not... that big of a stretch to update a name, update how somebody looks, right? Like it's just, especially if they're going to be better off for it. I don't know. Right. So that's where we're in land. I don't know. What are your thoughts on that?
00:15:38
Speaker
No, I agree. think it's just, it's this idea that um a lot of the time people struggle with the idea that I am non-binary in the first place. And then talking about what I would like to, um I don't know, i'm I'm looking to get top surgery or a breast reduction in relation to my gender identity. And suddenly that is understood as, oh, I can see now that you're really non-binary because. Oh, what? Yeah. That's messed up.
00:16:08
Speaker
it's like oh okay like because you're you're willing to take certain steps in order to affirm your gender and it's like oh no I was non-binary before that and I would have been non-binary without that and it's it's a really odd thing and so it comes up yeah it's a it's a really strange thing where you need to take more serious permanent steps serious again in quotes um in order to be validated as like real. Yeah. To be afforded affirmation from others or society. I'm like, what? That's um kind of backwards to the way that most trans and non-binary folks approach it.
00:16:51
Speaker
You're the gender you say you are. Period. Done. Dang. That's wild that people, but it it gives you the where their frame of reference is. It's the body. Mm-hmm.
00:17:05
Speaker
And if things aren't kind of done to the body, then is it real? Yeah. oh So strange. And so much pressure on trans and non-binary people to like, I like, I'm sure that there are plenty of people who really feel pressure to do, like to make changes that they don't feel comfortable with in order to be validated or affirmed in in that way. um Hopefully they don't do that, but you can understand the sense of pressure make changes.
00:17:33
Speaker
to do things that are expected in the same way that we also feel pressure to do things that are expected, um as in to not come out as trans or non-binary in the first place, we're sort of performing in this way. And then when you do come out, there is this expectation of performance in another way. And it's like, can you just let people live?
Parallels with Cisgender Experiences
00:17:50
Speaker
Can you just let them be?
00:17:51
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like into the oil f from the frying pan into the pot or whatever the expression is. It's still hot as hell. Right. and a lot of a lot of trans and non-binary people really struggle with this concept of transitioning um in the first place because it does give that impression of a big change being needed. um And I don't know, like a big ah big sort of change in self almost. But yeah.
00:18:21
Speaker
it's it's not that it doesn't necessarily like socially transitioning, transitioning does, you are changing something, but it's almost like the concept of transition or the word transition centers people's perception of that change rather than the experience of trans and non-binary people who are simply just experiencing alignment with themselves. And I was wondering if you could talk about that, like why the word transition is is quite, a sorry. for know's You're hitting it on the mark here. Land in the plane.
00:18:54
Speaker
ah it's so true. it It really does speak to the orientation of folks, right? A lot of cis folks just are really struggle and are thinking that people are changing their gender. Like when I first came out, a bunch of family and friends are like, oh, you're, you're,
00:19:16
Speaker
you're wanting to take on the identity of a man. and I was like, no, sorry. i am that already. and right um And now I am going to be able to express it better.
00:19:32
Speaker
People show it ah to myself, right? There is some like showing it to myself. And of course, there's the added benefit of people being able to see it more directly in the way that society understands it, right? Right.
00:19:47
Speaker
So it's not like transition and of itself, whether it's social, medical, or legal, is about being able to align oneself. One is what is one is, and now things are gonna match up better um in one's own understanding, not necessarily by society's standards. Some of it may, others it may not, right? And I think that's where people really struggle when there's not that societal alignment or
00:20:17
Speaker
um your one is not needing all of the things. you know So right it just... Like as in people aren't needing, like let's say for example, gender affirming hair, they're just, let's say they're changing their name and pronouns, but they're not taking on other aspects that you would expect. Is that what you're getting at?
00:20:36
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So it just doesn't align in the ways that people would expect. And that's because of the orientation. People often are, especially cisgender folks are thinking about how does one perform this thing rather than being oneself.
00:20:55
Speaker
That's the the main focus of trans and non-binary folks is how do I be myself? And what do what things do I need to do? or change or update to make that reflected to myself and others.
00:21:09
Speaker
And so it's a just totally different way of looking at it. And I think right we cross, but we talk across this each other because of it. Yeah, there's no meeting in the middle somewhere. It's tough.
00:21:22
Speaker
I want to talk about how this is social transition is not just a trans people thing. This isn't just trans people and non-binary people that do this. We might not call it socially transitioning when we're talking about cis people, but that is essentially what's going on. and people change their first names all the time for various different reasons. And even changing your last name when, you know, for example, when people get married is one reason, a very common reason that people change their last name. That is for a lot of people very exciting, very affirming. It's a real sort of moment for them to mark the next stage of their life, whatever that looks
Broadening the Understanding of Social Transition
00:22:00
Speaker
like for them. um
00:22:02
Speaker
is Is it all that different to socially transitioning for trans and non-binary people? I mean, I don't think so. I i like the analogy or for us to think about it broader than just ah a trans thing or a trans or non-binary thing.
00:22:22
Speaker
Because we maybe haven't mapped it together for people to understand. One, it's really important, these types of steps. Yeah. Two, takes a little work. Maybe that work could be a little easier. Like it's way easier to change your last name because things are set up to make that possible, you know? It's a little more hard, like it's a little harder, maybe even a lot harder for trans and non-binary folks to change. But I would say that there is a social transition when somebody, a cisgender person, changes their name.
00:22:56
Speaker
When it's through marriage, you are combining yourself with another person and you're creating ah a pathway together, right? And that's marked and celebrated and supported and um all these great things, which it should. And it is an exciting moment. um Now, not every woman is excited by taking the last name or person. know, do you have to do it? No, no.
00:23:25
Speaker
But for those who do, like, that it's wonderful that it's wonderful, right? um And there are also folks who changed their first name. And there's a variety of different reasons why cisgender people do different names.
00:23:42
Speaker
ah You know, let's talk about the cultural ones first. I know in in indigenous um nations and communities, They're marking different milestones with different names that you take on that have deep meaning and resonance and are based on that person's personality and their gifts and their skills and what the family hopes they will become. You know, there's so much there and their spiritual connection to ancestors, et cetera, et cetera.
00:24:09
Speaker
There are you know other cultures around the world that do similar things. It's kind of tied to rites of passage. And there's also folks who maybe not related to culture, but through family, if somebody dies,
00:24:26
Speaker
and they were really close to that person, they may take on that person's name, right? As a like a way to honor, right? So there's just like all these different ways that people are updating their first names, whether it's only socially and or perhaps even legally.
00:24:42
Speaker
um And somehow that's accepted, but for some people, trans and non-binary names are not. is very confusing.
00:24:53
Speaker
I don't understand that. I agree. Yeah. but And like, it's almost, it's sort of a similar process. Like i remember when my sister got married and she had obviously my last name and then after getting married had changed her last name and everybody kept slipping up and saying the old name and then being like oh, sorry, i meant this name. And it was just sort of until people got used to it and now people are used to it and they wouldn't even consider calling her by her old last name. And it's it's just things like that. There are so many parallels. And that yeah, it's the only difference is that it's socially accepted, that it's understood and socially accepted. But yeah aside from that, it's really not that different.
00:25:29
Speaker
And that could extend to so many things like, I don't know, using a nickname. That's a not to not to suggest that um trans and non-binary names are nicknames, but it's a similar kind of concept for, let's say for example, a cis person wants to go by a different, a sort of a nickname with their friends. Why is that not a social transition?
00:25:48
Speaker
Like it is, that's all that is, no? Yeah, people are updating things and adjusting things. And it could be for, you know, joyful reasons. It could be for sad reasons. Like, it's just, I wish we were factored into a broader dynamic and, ah you know, variability that is there. It exists. And we're just one aspect of a much larger expression of that.
Workplace Support for Social Transition
00:26:18
Speaker
Mm-hmm. So when sort of to close up here, I wanted to ask about what this looks like in a workplace setting. And if workplaces are wanting to be supportive of people who are socially transitioning and understanding that flexibility within that too, how can workplaces sort of set themselves up for success to make sure that they can support trans and non-binary people?
00:26:44
Speaker
Yeah. Absolutely. I mean, the system side is really important, especially for names and or pronouns. And we have a lot of episodes on that, so I won't spend a lot of time there.
00:26:55
Speaker
But to allow somebody to have two first names is critical. And to action the chosen name, not the legal name, because that is different for folks and makes a market difference.
00:27:09
Speaker
to being respected and accepted within the workplace. So there's that piece of the puzzle. The other side is the expression part. And most people kind of overlook it until they're faced with it because it is so visible.
00:27:26
Speaker
And we in society make tremendous amount of assumptions based on how somebody looks, what their pronouns are, what we expect their name to be or not to be.
00:27:39
Speaker
what kind of clothing they should wear. So there's a lot of expectations in the workplace. In fact, the more formal a workplace, the the greater the expectations. So it's looking at your workplace culture to understand where along the continuum that they lie and how to support somebody if, for example, they start to change their expression in ways where people are starting to wonder, question, stare, all of those things that come along. Right.
00:28:08
Speaker
not to make assumptions about what that means. It could be a cisgender person who wants to express themselves in this way, and that's perfectly valid, wonderful, should be supported. um And then there could be an instance in which that then is something deeper,
00:28:27
Speaker
that is related to gender identity that either people share at some point or never, right? Like, so just want to have that ability for people to express themselves. And if somebody starts to do that, it's really important to be explicit in that um support, especially if people are pushing back on that person. Or it doesn't even have to be problematic. It's just even questions that about why somebody is doing that are invasive and can then have people second guess the expression or difference in appearance. So those are some of the dynamics and elements that need to be put in place. I would say even before somebody shows up with a different expression, right?
00:29:15
Speaker
Having conversations with team members about you know, appearances and they don't have to match gender identity. And and if you have a customer safe facing staff, that is really good practice for this type of unpacking that can then also benefit employees.
00:29:36
Speaker
Well, thank you so much, Kai. um Is there anything else that you wanted to add? I don't know if we've missed anything. No. I think we covered a lot of good ground here today, talking about social transition and all the the various ah dimensions of it and challenges, whether in and outside of the workplace. But hopefully it helps kind of shed some light and what we can do to make things better. Cool.
00:29:59
Speaker
Thank you so much. And see you next week. Okay, bye.