Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
51. Music As A Conduit
18 Plays10 days ago
Music is dramatically important to both of us, so this week we had a little fun sending each other micro-playlists to listen to which resulted in vulnerable and profound discussions. Which, as you know, are our favorite. <3
Please note as a content warning that this episode contains discussions of death and grief.
Referenced in this episode:
- Pick Me Up I’m Scared Podcast Ep. 58, “The War On Drugs Is A War On Us” (10/10/2022)
- “We’re Not Here To Entertain: Punk Rock, Ronald Reagan, and The Real Culture War of 1980’s America,” by Kevin Mattson
We're so grateful you're here! If you like what you’re hearing, you can find more exclusive content on Patreon: www.patreon.com/soulpodthepodcast - especially if you want that freeeee exclusive bumper sticker hehehe. We can’t wait to see you over there!
You can also follow us on Instagram: @soulpodthepodcast, or email us directly at soulpodthepodcast@gmail.com.
Molly does tarot readings online and locally in Massachusetts: https://www.thehighpriestesscoaching.com/
Christina sells delicious microgreens in the greater Detroit area: https://www.christinasgreens.com/
Hosts: Christina Bell & Molly Wilde
Music: The Confrontation, by Jonathan Boyle, licensed from Premium Beats by Shutterstock
Editing: Molly Wilde
Disclaimer: The purpose of this podcast is for entertainment and enjoyment. We are not professionals in any regard. We do not have professional knowledge, training, or education in physical health, mental health, or spiritual matters. Any suggestions or recommendations made during our episodes should be independently researched by the listener before considering implementation, or better yet, listeners should ignore everything we say. We cannot be held responsible or liable for anything we say, or any actions taken by any persons as a result of listening to our podcast episodes. Stay safe, stay informed, stay smart.
Recommended
Transcript
Feeling Tired and Work Schedules
00:00:24
Speaker
What is up? Oh, everything and nothing all at once. ah Such is life. C'est la vie. My god We are having one of them days where we're both fucking tired.
00:00:45
Speaker
Do you got to work tomorrow? i do have to work tomorrow. i have to work in the office tomorrow. Oh, yeah But I don't have to work on Monday. and took that day off.
00:00:56
Speaker
So, yeah, this this episode might be a smidge shorter than normal. Just a teensy, teeny, maybe. We'll see. We'll see. um You know, at the very least, it might just be on the shorter end.
00:01:12
Speaker
But, you know, we give a whole lot of more than one hour long episodes to compensate for it. For sure. Yeah. but Even if it is short, it will pack a powerful punch, I think.
Anticipation for Music Episode
00:01:27
Speaker
Cool. Because this has been, for us, long-anticipated episode to record, because going talk about music today. Yeah, dude.
00:01:44
Speaker
We both have... probably not even really fully adequately expressed how much music matters to both of us. Like we've, we've talked about it, but like, I'm not sure if it's possible to express.
00:01:57
Speaker
Right. To be honest. um So, you know, like this is one that like, we wanted to make sure that we were like adequately prepared to talk about music.
00:02:13
Speaker
And I wanted to also make sure that we do it in a way that's not just like, yeah like word vomit. Yeah. Like chaos, the way that our like episode where you talked about movies or books was a little bit that way.
00:02:28
Speaker
um i wanted a little bit of structure. and so i brainstormed.
Crafting and Sharing Playlists
00:02:36
Speaker
A little bit of a, not quite game, but just like a agenda. What the fuck word am I trying to think of for how we're going to do this?
00:02:45
Speaker
Like just structure, just structure. we're We're doing this in a structured way because we're going to come back to music. We're going to talk about music many, many times, I'm sure. Yeah. um And so we're not trying to cover all of every, the gra it's not possible to cover the grand scope of like everything that we both love. ah Yeah, exactly.
00:03:05
Speaker
and Even 10 episodes would not be enough. For sure. So we are, we are breaking it into bite size pieces. and also sort of like giving it like we've shared a whole lot of music with each other over the years but i think this is a nice way to sort of package like a here's a chunk of songs and this is like what they mean to me in a way that's maybe a little gay like a game yeah i mean or i don't know this word just popped into my head but like a theme it's like yeah is that a bit of a yeah yeah going today right right um
00:03:45
Speaker
And like, this is like how I anticipate potentially doing maybe not every future music episode, but some of them where we both effectively, here's what we've done for all those who like are not following our very tired non-explanation. little convoluted. A little like who words. um Here's basically what we've done.
00:04:14
Speaker
We, a few days ago, sent each other short like, micro playlists songs that have a particular theme together for us, but we're not telling each other what that is until we've talked about it.
00:04:33
Speaker
ah um And so we'll go, like, one after the other. are going say what we sent. say what songs we s sent And the artists and the other who listened is going to give their impressions of what they heard and potentially give a guess or two at what the theme might be.
00:05:00
Speaker
um And then we'll do a theme reveal at the end. Makes sense to me. yeah Yeah. It's like, we'll see how it plays out. um But I figured like, cause I, I make playlists like crazy they're playlists that don't always make a ton of sense to anybody else. Who's just like looking at them. Yeah.
00:05:24
Speaker
You know? And so I was like, this is kind of a fun thing to do. Cause like I have, you know, i that that's the kind of relationship that I have to music. So was like, let's just, let's try it. Let's see how it goes. Right.
00:05:38
Speaker
So. Yeah. Y'all. I don't remember if you said or who you said is going first. yeah You can go first to describe or talk about or list off first the songs that you sent me.
00:05:53
Speaker
Okay. And their artists respectively. Respectively. Do I have to talk about the order in which I sent them to you? It doesn't make a difference. Like, if the order mattered, then you can you can list them in that order. But you're not going to talk about them yet. I'm going to, like, give my impressions first. Yeah.
00:06:12
Speaker
But I do want you a list off the song so everybody knows what we're talking about. Did you listen to them in the order that I sent them? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Because I kind of ah kind of sent them in a specific order for not really a super duper reason, but like sort of.
00:06:29
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. But where are they? Way back on Monday. you know. I'm there. But like I'm i'm at the ones with that you sent me, but I can't see them. Oh, they're there.
00:06:41
Speaker
Yeah. They didn't have any um like thumbnails or whatever. Yeah. That's just strange, but whatever. I don't understand technology. Right. Okay. Okay.
Nostalgia and 80s Music
00:06:51
Speaker
Sorry. All right. So the first song. Yeah. That I sent Molly is the romantics talking in your sleep. and that's the one that when stranger things season two episode one was going i think it was episode one this was one of the first songs in the beginning of the episode okay i knew i'd heard it before had heard it before for sure um so so don't know if that's where i heard it but let me just say one thing whoever's listening okay to us to this episode
00:07:30
Speaker
I would like implore you to please look these songs up and listen to them because then you will really get an idea of what we're talking about when we go into the whole shebang about, you know, right what these songs are for us.
00:07:45
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. ah The second song is Brian Adams run to you. third the news. but song is huey lewis in the news Heart and soul. That's one I had heard also before.
00:08:05
Speaker
Yeah. The fourth is foreigner. i want to know what love is. and I definitely have heard that one. That's a famous one. Yeah.
00:08:18
Speaker
And then the fifth one was also foreigner waiting for a girl like you. Okay. moving Okay. So does does that help you at all? Remember like refreshing your brain a little bit about what the song sounded like and the impressions you had of them? Yeah.
00:08:36
Speaker
Well, actually, so I listened to them this afternoon. Okay. So it's not that ah far in my memory. Okay. But regardless, like I still like, you told me to watch the videos. I watched the videos and i found, it i can't say it was surprising, but like,
00:08:57
Speaker
it was just like, of course, all of them had that very 80s, like, you know, Vaseline haze over and like, that's hilarious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they were all like, and I don't know, like, they were all set at like night.
00:09:20
Speaker
And like, I don't know if I've ever actually I was thinking about I was like, I'm not sure I've ever seen an 80s music video that was set during the day. ha um i will find something very like ah dream like, like, um you know, but with this like undercurrent of um um tension that like, i again, i feel like was just very thematic of most 80s, like popular music.
00:09:52
Speaker
It was just like it all had this vibe of like, you know, soulful, but like a little like crazy. I don't know. don't know if that makes sense.
00:10:04
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. A little like, oh, you might go insane. and you're It's just under the surface.
00:10:14
Speaker
Yeah. It's like, and I don't, it's also tough too, because like I wasn't alive during the 80s. So Like I didn't exist at any portion, even if I had like, you know, for a year or two, like I wouldn't have any memory of it. Right. Like, and yet like listening to these songs, watching music videos and like sort of immersing myself in the like vibe of them really gave me the sense of nostalgia that also gave me the sense of like dread.
00:10:50
Speaker
and it was just sort of like and I don't know how much of that is all the shit that's happened since the 80s and it's like oh like this is the golden age and everything's gonna get worse from here ah that's very interesting hashtag fuck Ronald Reagan oh god but for real I don't know so but I get the same you know sort of energy or vibe from like Movies that were set in the 80s. Or movies from the 80s.
00:11:23
Speaker
Specifically. I get the same vibe from Stranger Things. Like you know. It's the nostalgia laced with. Holy shit. Everything goes downhill. After this. Not just like in the storyline. But in like.
00:11:38
Speaker
In like the world. Yeah. no It's like this is the last time that people. Like. Probably had like. Unabashed hope.
00:11:50
Speaker
yeah which is weird that's very interesting assign or ascribe to this but yeah that's the vibe that was the the impressions okay yeah i mean some of that definitely resonates with where i was sort of you know i don't want to say headed but like you know, the ideas that I had, you know, had.
00:12:15
Speaker
I remember, and i and I will, this is a little bit of a, what do you say, a spoiler? Sidebar. Sidebar? spoilers Spoiler sort of thing. I'm not sure. ah um Yeah. I'm going to say that when we first talked about these, well, okay, we had a of conversation. When we first talked about this idea. Yes, a few months back.
00:12:35
Speaker
And I was describing these songs to how they made feel. you did say that like You did say the theme that you had in mind or is that you gave like some allusion to it. yeah um I don't remember specifically what you said, though. Right. yeah So when I was saying those things then, you know my friend Julie was there and heard you know the conversation. And the way that I was describing them at that time was basically perfect.
00:13:06
Speaker
And okay I literally do not think I could even possibly get close to how I described them that first time. it just, it came out so perfect. And you guys were both like, oh, wow. You know, save it, save it for the, save it for the episode. And like, you know, I was, and then we waited too long. Yeah. Okay. Sure. yeah,
00:13:28
Speaker
but so Should I dive in now then? Dive in Okay. Absolutely dive in. So you gotta to know, first of all, those songs were all basically early 80s.
00:13:39
Speaker
And yeah like I'm saying 82-ish, 83-ish, maybe some 84. But I was super young. I was yeah less than 10. was probably 6 or 7 or 8 when some of those songs came out.
00:13:53
Speaker
Right. Right. And so, you know, you're very impressionable those ages, right? so yeah. um I was having really weird nightmares around that time in my life. One of them was like a recurring nightmare.
00:14:08
Speaker
And one or two of these songs remind me of emotions relating to those nightmares or bad dreams, you know, like that I was having as a child.
00:14:23
Speaker
they The songs themselves may have even been in the dreams. I don't know. But like, yeah they have like a dark undercurrent. Even though i mean, like, two of them are ballads that are beautiful.
00:14:36
Speaker
Right. and I love them. i so i still like... The two Foreigner songs, essentially, are the two that are, like, beautiful. And I love them.
00:14:48
Speaker
But they definitely have this darkness to them and that is really strange. Because it's like, they're not meant to be dark songs. But the music itself is a little...
00:15:02
Speaker
off i mean there's little just a little something to it that's just kind of like gives you a little bit of a sense of dread like you said like a little yeah you know like a little creepiness almost right yeah and the music videos do not help right right that's why it was like watch the videos yeah because it helps evoke that feeling that i was like yeah trying to get just like it really really feeds into the like This is a dark time. Yeah.
00:15:28
Speaker
But it wasn't. It wasn't. like Right. That's what I mean. really The 80s were like a lot of fun. a lot of, you know, I mean, depending on how old you were at the time and what you were experiencing in your life at the time, if you were alive.
00:15:46
Speaker
Yeah. Some people have, you know, these experiences or memories of the 80s where it's like everyone was on cocaine or whatever. right you know but like i didn't have that i was a kid i was like experiencing life and new things and you know learning yeah and growing yeah you know i think that's like honestly as we say like so many times on this podcast two things can be true at the same time yeah i mean a million different things were true at the same time right depending on where in the country you lived how old you were you know whatever yeah um Yeah, I think that like there's like this feeling of the 80s and even you know the 90s, like we dove into a couple episodes ago. like there' It's just full of so much nostalgia.
00:16:34
Speaker
But like you know for for us younger generations, but the people in power are in the eight s had really really like devious motives ah Like it was, that was the time where trickle down economics yeah became a thing.
00:16:57
Speaker
Yeah. And, you know, obviously at the time I didn't know any of that. And like, no, exactly. So it's like this like complete ignorant, like, but, you know, naturally ignorant yeah because you were a child, but like this ignorance to all this that's happening, that's being put in place, that's going to impact all of us for yeah decades and decades to come.
00:17:19
Speaker
Yeah. Like, that shit's fucking you know Yeah, I still... Because I i haven't been... super immersed in politics until the last, say, eight years or so.
00:17:33
Speaker
ah um No, 12. I don't even know, like, how many years went by now. but but Eight, nine, ten years. um I really started getting, you know, interested in learning and understanding things better. but um yeah So i I hear things about Reagan, and I kind of understand how things that he did at that time and impact how things are nowadays and stuff. And I do understand that there's, like, a pretty...
00:17:58
Speaker
huge effect from that but yeah like economics culture like every like i there's there's a book i don't remember the name of it i would have to dig through my amazon like saved wish list to find it but like there's a book about like the era of reagan and like the impact that it had on like punk rock culture at the time and like there's another um the the podcast called pick me up i'm scared and Where they do really long deep dives into like really interesting shit that's like political, historical, yeah sociological.
00:18:37
Speaker
And there was an episode they did about the war on drugs. Yep. That was, you know, effectively, if not started by Reagan, like nancy infamous, made infamous by... Oh, Nancy. Okay. Yeah. Right. She started the D.A.R.E. program, Yeah.
00:18:55
Speaker
Yeah. Right. Okay. Yeah. So like this episode, which again, I can't remember the title of, but like it was in like 2022 that it was released, goes really deep into like the actual motives behind the war on drugs. Yeah.
00:19:13
Speaker
And like the kinds of things that it was doing to like American culture and society and and communities. And yeah like there was just so much insidiousness going on at a high level that was also completely veiled that people weren't aware of like the truth of any of it.
00:19:37
Speaker
Yeah. And I grew up with that whole like dare, you know, right there to say no to drugs and like the MADD mothers against drunk drunk driving and all those things were like created around that time, I think. But like, yeah. And then they'd have like those commercials where there's a frying pan and they'd show you an egg and they're like this is your brain and then they crack the egg into the frying pan and it's frying and they say this is your brain on drugs did you ever see that no do you know what I'm talking about you know I know what you're talking about I never saw it like if this is the interesting thing I really think there was so much that I missed I just did not watch television yeah as a child well i mean like I just often did not by the time you grew up it might have been but like even when even in the 90s when I was really young like
00:20:30
Speaker
A, I could have been too young to remember and B, I really, I wasn't watching TV. I just wondered if it was something you had ever seen in, you know, pop culture-y things ever since. I've heard the phrase like, this is your brain.
00:20:44
Speaker
This is your brain on drugs. I've heard that yeah so many times, yeah but like not seeing the actual commercials. It was very short and simple. Yeah. Well, yeah, that's very literally the point. It's,
00:20:57
Speaker
commercials it's a campaign it's like propaganda like you know and like sure i'm not saying oh it's fine to do drugs but like fucking propaganda you guys oh it was so rampant in the 80s oh my god yeah anyway so anyhow yeah yes yeah there were there were songs there that reminded me or God, i don't know i don't know if I'm saying
Dark Themes in Songs
00:21:25
Speaker
this the right way. like I wish I could remember what I said to you guys back then that day. It does like evoke that feeling yeah of like being trapped in like a fever dream or a nightmare. Talking in your sleep and your sleep is special like the weird music behind it is like it's it's like almost intended to induce anxiety or something. It's weird. And then like
00:21:52
Speaker
Yeah. Like, oh I wish I could just like spew the emotion and feelings that I have when I hear them and how it takes me back to that age and remembering those weird, like scary dreams that I had or the one particular and like how they are almost like one in the same with yeah my feelings.
00:22:16
Speaker
age experience uh nightmare and all the weird you know the weird stuff that you're experiencing for the first time as a kid like that and you're like just such a strange evoke evoking evocation yeah yeah yeah emotions and feelings that are just hard to describe and right and actually like that's that's what i mean about like the importance of music like to us into the world at large but like The way that like it will.
00:22:49
Speaker
It will convey the feeling. It will convey the message without the need for words. Just by being what it is and doing what it does. Yeah. That's what music fucking does.
00:23:00
Speaker
So talking. That's why we say listen. Go listen. yeah go listen And I want to sit in that feeling. Yeah, those two specifically. And actually, I gotta say, the Bryan Adams run to you also. I don't know what it is about those three songs specifically that really made me feel like...
00:23:19
Speaker
like I was right back in that nightmare as a It's really weird. So yeah I still like, i like the music. I'm not saying that it scares me or bothers me or has bad, you know, memories attached at all.
00:23:35
Speaker
It just brings the strange nostalgia of these dreams I had and you know, whatever. And then the Huey Lewis one, heart and soul is like, yeah, It's like ah dark nightclub and then there's like, you know, vampire elements going on. Yeah. like that And like, you know, and you get this this feeling of like this girl in the club is in danger and he's like kind of coming to kind of rescue her in a um But it's also like you feel like he's also not exactly on the up and up.
00:24:09
Speaker
There's something right off about him too. You know what i mean? yeah And it's like, yeah you got to watch out because, you know, he's trying to be this knight in shining armor, but he's, you know, probably like a wolf in sheep's clothing, you know?
00:24:22
Speaker
He's going to attack and bite her neck later on or some crap, you know? But yeah, that's good that's the feeling you get in that and that video to me. oh yeah. oh yeah And then the foreigner, the other one, um Waiting for a Girl Like You,
00:24:37
Speaker
is It's a very pretty song and it's a nice ballad. But if you listen to it, it's got that weird, slightly off sounding like undercurrent.
00:24:52
Speaker
It's kind of just, it's just strange. And I, I don't understand why. they were writing music like that that is just weird because there was so much more way upbeat more fun happy blah blah kind of music going on so like when you've got these songs that are intended to be like a love song why are you making them sound dark and kind of creepy it's just like right really strange but Yeah, those were super influential for me as as a young kid in the 80s. And might have had something to do with shaping my little dark side. Yeah!
00:25:37
Speaker
yeah My little creepy goth in the making. Or on the flip side, they like latched onto or the the sound of them, like what you heard in them.
00:25:53
Speaker
resonated with what already existed in you i don't know dude because I was too young to have that kind of no I am and meet no like I i it it's like it's so it's so nuanced it is but like it's not that it's like all sexual or creepy or dark but like I i mean i truly believe you and I have like it's it's like innate in us this like proclivity for darkness mm-hmm like it's it's within us it's not just like oh we like it it appeals to us it's like no there' there's something that like connects to us there's a reason that we have had the interests that we've had the similar interests that we've had um and
00:26:40
Speaker
like through the years and that it stayed that way like we can't just like you know, focus on the popular shit that everybody else likes, the like everybody on the straight narrow or whatever, ah you know, like we're, we're on the fringe in our DNA. Yeah.
00:26:58
Speaker
And like that, I think is part of why. And like, when you talk about this, like strange, feeling the straight this like creepy darkness this strange nostalgia that you feel i know what you're talking about i've felt it too and to be honest it feels delightful it feels amazing it's scary and it's thrilling it's and
00:27:29
Speaker
it like a little detached from reality. Yeah. It's, there's like a little bit of an escapism there. Yeah. yeah yeah Yeah. Yeah. yeah And like, so I'd like, there are other songs and maybe someday I'll make a mini playlist of songs that do that for me. yeah.
00:27:47
Speaker
yeah i I mean, i could probably radio head nude. I don't know if I know that one. You might not know it just by the name, but if you heard it, you probably recognize it.
00:28:01
Speaker
um it's a good one but like anything off that album anyway too um in rainbows but um yeah like that kind of thing i don't know ah it's in our dna i really feel no i really feel Oh my gosh.
00:28:21
Speaker
That's so exciting. This is so fun. and Hey, we got 30 minutes in. yeah yeah Get another 30 out of this. We'll see. ah We'll see.
00:28:34
Speaker
Gosh. Okay. So is it my turn? It's your turn. It's my turn. Okay. I have a list because I wrote it. I was just like, when I was thinking, i was like, I know it. The theme is I just got to pick the
Personal Stories and Music
00:28:47
Speaker
songs. And so I went and put it in a list and then I found the links to send to you. So the songs that I sent to you are How to Save a Life by The Fray, Untitled One by Keen, Hello by Evanescence, and the Luckiest by Ben Folds.
00:29:10
Speaker
her
00:29:12
Speaker
I was curious... if you had known any of them before. Yeah, definitely The Fray. i know that song. Yeah, that one was really popular. Yeah. um
00:29:27
Speaker
I know Keen, but I didn't know that song. Yeah. And I know Evanescence and I know Ben Folds 5, but I didn't know those songs either. I don't think. Maybe the Evanescence one I might have heard, but I don't remember for sure.
00:29:41
Speaker
Yeah. did not know the keen song and did not know the benfold song um so i was trying to give them a good honest listen and i didn't really get to catch a lot of lyrics in the benfolds song um i did get a few here and there but like i was trying to think of a theme between the four And the first impression I had, which when I first started listening to them a couple nights ago, like the first two or three that I listened to, um I was feeling like there was a heavy piano thing going between them all.
00:30:24
Speaker
um Obviously, we know Ben Folds a, you know, big piano dude. Yeah. But I don't I think there might have been one of them that didn't really have much piano, but I could be wrong.
00:30:36
Speaker
ah They all they all do. One of them's electric. Keene is famous for their 70s electric piano. Yeah. OK. Yeah.
00:30:46
Speaker
Um, so I felt like there was a piano thing going between the four. ah wondered if that had anything to do with influencing you to learn piano at all. Like, I don't know how old, no, you were doing piano much before those songs came out. right Yeah.
00:31:05
Speaker
Um, the, I mean like piano, it's interesting that you point that out because like that was unintentional. Okay. But like, that is one of the things that like,
00:31:17
Speaker
really you know factors into how much a song matters to me um is instrumentation and piano is way high up there so good good uh thinking on that but continue sorry okay so okay i i don't i don't know if i got to hear or or remember the lyrics of the keen song much but i feel like there's there was some kind of thing, you know, the connection between like how to save a life.
00:31:50
Speaker
Uh, in Evanescence, I remember something about whether or not something was dead or o was it your mind speaking to you or something like that. That's one of the lyrics, one of the parts of the lyrics that kind of stuck to me.
00:32:07
Speaker
um Like a person I mean not just something But like a person that was dead or not And then The Ben Foulds had a part In there that was talking about a 90 year old dude that died right So I'm like hmm There's something that has to do with like life or death Going on between at least three of these songs What What I cannot believe how not conscious that was.
00:32:39
Speaker
Okay. So I'm wrong. that that one no you're not. No, I mean, that's not what the point of your picking those songs was, though. Continue speaking. i and then i And then I will explain. No, I i feel like that was pretty much it. Those are the only things I could think of in terms of a theme between and yeah between the the songs. But the keen one, I can't i can't really yeah specifically point out at something that made it made me think of uh how it was similar to the others or not yeah the keen one i will say i've never really like fully known the lyrics to that one interestingly i could have picked maybe be any of the songs off of that album and it would have fit the vibe i think i like but this one i like that keen i didn't um i didn't know it before but i really like it
00:33:32
Speaker
It's good. They're all good. I love Keen. This was, for people who are not familiar, this is Keen's album, Hopes and Fears. I'm pretty sure it's their first album.
00:33:44
Speaker
And it had an enormous impact on me in my freshman year of high school. Enormous. This one I picked because it's the one that like, it's not anywhere near the top of like my favorites on that album, but it's the one that like pops into my head all the time. hu It like just for reasons I was like, this isn't, why is this the one that pops up and stay stuck?
00:34:09
Speaker
You know, when it's not even close to my favorite of all the songs on that album. So do you think you have an answer that? I don't right now, no but I will say, so all of your observations are very Keen. No pun intended. All of your observations are... Honestly, it actually freaked me out a little bit how close you got ah right there. okay
00:34:41
Speaker
Because this micro playlist is full of songs that take me back straight directly to the week that my dad died.
00:34:52
Speaker
oh Aw. Death. I'm sorry. The thing is, i really truly was not aware or was not like fully conscious of the theme of death between these songs.
00:35:07
Speaker
And the only one that doesn't really have a death-like association is Untitled One by Keen. um It's got a dark association, but it's not directly related to death, as far as I know.
00:35:21
Speaker
This is Molly from the Future, just dropping in to say that after listening to the song again and doing a closer analysis of the lyrics. That song by Keen is absolutely about death, at least metaphorically. Yeah. So those were those were four songs that you listened to a lot that week, you are you saying?
00:35:45
Speaker
The week that he passed? I have like key memories to that week or that month of my life. um I listened to them and I got into these bands and these albums, these songs, like throughout the entirety of my freshman year, you know, at one point or another, but like these four like pinpoint straight into like those memories, particularly the luckiest,
00:36:16
Speaker
my so my dad died february 17th of 2007 that february we got a strangely large amount of snow for virginia and ice we had snow and it like froze over ah in like the week and a half to two weeks leading up to his death and there was all of this cold frozen weather And that feeling, that knowledge, that anticipation that he's going to die.
00:36:54
Speaker
Like I had, I think I became aware of the fact that he was not going to survive as early as like September 2006. So like the first month of my freshman year of high school.
00:37:08
Speaker
But like he wasn't like um on the, on the decline with a capital D yet at that time. It was post holidays where things really went that direction. And in February, there was just this heaviness, this really dense feeling over everyone.
00:37:31
Speaker
Like I, you know, there is something to be said about me, you know, being in the black sheep of the family, being more sensitive to and,
00:37:44
Speaker
as witch, as an artist, um when like nobody else in my family has those kinds of proclivities. Yeah. But everybody felt it.
00:37:56
Speaker
We could all tell. And there was like school was canceled a lot because of the snow and the ice. And there was a lot of time to sit and wait.
00:38:08
Speaker
And it was a Friday I actually think it was the day before because he died on a Saturday morning. um So it was the day before. It was Friday.
00:38:20
Speaker
school was canceled. And I had my iPod and my headphones. And I had put on like my sweatshirt and like a coat.
00:38:33
Speaker
And I walked through the neighborhood. I walked really far. um had this private school that was like in like the next neighborhood over or like two neighborhoods over that I didn't have to get onto you know, walk along the major road to get to And so like I walked all the way there and I sat on the swing set and the entire time that I was on this walk and sitting on the swing set and even walking home, I had the luckiest playing on loop over and over.
00:39:09
Speaker
that song, is directly tied to that memory. And then Hello by Evanescence.
00:39:18
Speaker
Really, again, the whole album too, but like that song I heard and in this place where I was in, in life and in my emotions, like hearing the lyrics, hearing the emotion conveyed by Amy Lee, I was just like, this is singing, like this this is expressing everything I feel right now.
00:39:46
Speaker
I feel alive, but not. And i mean, there's nothing more to say about that. Like, it's just like this, if there is again, what music does is it convey it conveys things that it's not possible to convey in words.
00:40:05
Speaker
Yeah. and hello does that. How to Save a Life does that in a slightly more uptempo way. um Because it's like, you know, it's in as far as I know, it's in a major key. Like sometimes it's hard to tell. Sometimes it, you know, straddles the line a little bit, but it's in a major key. It's a slightly more upbeat song. It was very popular. It was well-received commercially, but it has this feeling of like, something's not right now.
00:40:38
Speaker
Like someone's, someone's struggling. like there's there's a little bit of a emergency like acute crisis right now and like you know same really with untitled one it's such a weird title um but it's that you listen to that song it's got that like persistent not melody but like the little hook that keeps getting played over and over again on that electric keyboard
00:41:11
Speaker
um through the whole song and it sort of, yeah, it's, it's like stays consistent even when the song modulates a little bit and it creates a little bit of dissonance, but it has a similar, like it gives a similar thing to what you were describing the songs you send of like this, like unsettling presence. but it's very driving. It's it, it like the, the percussiveness or the percussion like really pushes the song forward it makes you feel like, ah we're going somewhere. Like, this is a journey.
00:41:47
Speaker
And yet, like, when you really sit in the feeling of it, you're like, where are we going? Is everything okay? I don't really know. you know but You know? oh Yeah.
00:42:01
Speaker
I think I can understand what saying. I'm going to have to listen to it again with that in mind. And I'm sure I will understand what you mean when you say that. Yeah. But it's like... You know, even if the song isn't directly about death, you know, it still has this feeling of disconnectedness and something is not right here.
00:42:28
Speaker
Wow.
00:42:31
Speaker
Wow. Well, I really appreciate that you felt safe enough in your vulnerability with sharing those songs relating to that time of your life.
00:42:44
Speaker
Thank you. yeah i i think that because it's music, it makes it easier. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I know that that's not something you talk about much and I just was watching you and I'm thinking, I don't know if this is hard for you or not, but it felt like there was moments there where you were kind of like, Hmm.
Expressing Emotions through Podcast
00:43:05
Speaker
Teetering. And I'm like, it's been a long time. Yeah. And I've, I've lived with this for more than half my life now. Right. You know? Yeah. um And I've done a lot of work to process those memories and those emotions and,
00:43:22
Speaker
um like it's still hard but know it it almost feels liberating to be able to like share this music that like sometimes it's a little hard to listen to this these songs for that reason for these reasons but they're still incredible songs and like holy shit like I love to share music I love to show people like the songs that matter to me and express why they do matter like why they like embedded themselves so deep into my psyche yeah you know formed the little brain folds um like it as much as it's like you know not nobody's really asking for this it really does feel like i'm like trying to open
00:44:20
Speaker
a little bit of a window into the parts of me that are inexpressible. Yeah. The parts of you that you have not been fully open to sharing.
00:44:33
Speaker
Yeah. Well, the parts of me that I don't feel like people don't really know. Not not a lot of people really want to hear.
00:44:40
Speaker
Well, I don't know if that's true. Well, I know that it's true of you that you want to hear, but and And that's part of why it makes it easier to share to you, even though the listeners are hearing.
00:44:55
Speaker
and but there is a difference there where it's just like hey you guys are not in front of me right now yeah so drink so if i was sitting in a in a room with all of you you know staring at me i'd probably be like yeah but i can share it with you christina i can share it with you and i think that there's
00:45:21
Speaker
I mean, this is, again, a little bit of why we wanted to do a podcast in the first place is to find a way to express the things that are really hard to talk about. And because we have both been through a lot of it.
00:45:47
Speaker
Yeah. And so many others have as well. And if there's anything that I know that can help, it's hearing others' experiences that are similar to your own and being able to see yourself in another person's story and maybe feel a little less lonely yeah in that.
00:46:17
Speaker
And so if there is any way that us sharing these kinds of things can connect with people that way, um want to do it.
00:46:32
Speaker
um There were definitely a couple more songs I could have added to that. But one of them I want to add now because I just, I really shouldn't have left it out. I know you wanted to do like a shorter list, but The song by Billy Idol called um Eyes Without a Face.
00:46:55
Speaker
Oh, creepy. Oh, you do not know that song? No, I mean, not by the title. Not by the title. I've probably heard it because if it's like a famous song, I've probably heard It's pretty famous. Yeah.
00:47:07
Speaker
So maybe I have, but yeah. yeah um So add it to the list. Hey, people, listeners listening. Yeah. Go listen to that one too. I'll listen to it later it's when we're not recording. So good. It's so good. Okay.
00:47:23
Speaker
But it has that creepy undertone going on as well. It's so good though. And Billy Idol's hot.
00:47:33
Speaker
He's just hot. Again, I can't picture him. Oh, wow. Holy crap. I thought for sure you'd be like, I know exactly who that is and he's awesome. No. I've heard the name.
00:47:44
Speaker
oh so Anyway. Molly. um What? You look him up and you listen to Rebel Yell. That was like his number one big single.
00:47:56
Speaker
Okay. And then White Wedding. Okay. Okay. and along with eyes without a face. Those are the three big hits. I might need you to message those to me later. my god. Okay.
00:48:10
Speaker
and Okay. He's the English rocker. Okay. Like rocker, like, you know. Okay. But he's so hot. He had this short, bleached, blonde, spiky hair, and he was just hot.
00:48:27
Speaker
Holy crap! Okay! Even when he got older, he was still dang good looking. But hey. Is he dead now? No. Okay, you keep saying was, so.
00:48:38
Speaker
Oh, well, I don't know. I don't know. Because I just haven seen him at all i haven't seen him lately, so I have no idea. That's what I'm saying. Like, even as he got older, and don't know about now.
Music and Childhood Memories
00:48:48
Speaker
I'm just saying, like...
00:48:50
Speaker
10 years ago or something when I saw him the last time, you know, like he still looks good. he but he had a motorcycle accident at some point in his like later, like middle-aged, maybe fifties.
00:49:06
Speaker
okay Age range or something. And it like left him a little scarred. Okay. His face changed a bit. But okay he still he still looked good for the most part. okay
00:49:24
Speaker
Okay. and So I have a question. Yeah, what? um Because we did get briefly interrupted. Yeah. Was there anything that you were going to say after what I was saying before the interruption?
00:49:39
Speaker
um I don't think there was anything specific that I was going to say. i just I just recognize the vulnerability um that it took to to talk about that.
00:49:50
Speaker
And appreciate I appreciate it. You're welcome. um Yeah. I just, like, I really, really do want to emphasize that like the fact that, like, this is the reason why we're doing this.
00:50:08
Speaker
Is to find ways to put words to those things. Yeah. As well as, you know, find avenues wherein the vulnerability is palatable.
00:50:22
Speaker
Yep. That makes sense. Yeah. Are you okay? Yeah. I just had like a song lyric pocket pop into my head. Hmm. In the darkness, I will meet my creators and they will all agree that I am a suffocator. Hmm.
00:50:39
Speaker
It's interesting. um I can't remember the name of the artist. One second. Let me see um Oh, so the song is called Smother and the artist is called Daughter.
00:50:55
Speaker
ah do not know that one. Not from the era of my freshman year of high school and when my father died, but another really good song.
00:51:06
Speaker
Yeah. And that, actually, I kind of want to get those words tattooed. Not the whole line, but in the darkness I will meet my creator.
00:51:17
Speaker
Or my creators. I need to look at the actual lyrics again. That's interesting, yeah. I like it. Yeah, that's beautiful it's beautiful song.
00:51:28
Speaker
Yeah. Well, this was a dark episode. little bit not terrible not terrible not the worst but definitely dark um but it's good and i like it yeah and we hope you did too and and here's the thing dude like i want to what people's experiences are with any of the songs that we talked about today yes yes i really do if you're old enough like me to like know those songs when you were a child as well or if they were influential in your life at all even if you're not as old yeah like if your parents listened to them growing up and yeah stuff yeah yep i want to hear it i want to know all about it
00:52:21
Speaker
I missed a lot of the 80s music is because my dad listened to like 70s music. And then my mom listened to you whatever my dad listened to. ah And it's kind of just like whatever's on the radio and then like didn't actually pay attention And, like, my dad would do the whole, like, he would, he would like, quiz her and be like, who's this artist?
00:52:47
Speaker
yeah Oh, my God. She probably that. she'd be like, I don't know. Yeah, she probably big hated that. She hated it. Yeah. Because she could never, ever guess. And, like, that's the kind of thing that, like, I don't know. I don't want to make this sound really shitty. But, like, she doesn't care about music like that. Right.
00:53:07
Speaker
She just hears a song and she's like, oh, that's a nice song. Mm-hmm. And she doesn't know who the artist is. She doesn't try to look it up later. Like, yeah, I don't vibe with people like that very well.
00:53:21
Speaker
Me neither. Me neither. Yeah. ah Yeah. It's like, cause it's like, cause she'll take songs like what we've described today and then like not understand any of the nuance or the gray area.
00:53:38
Speaker
and just sort of be like oh that's a happy song that's a sad song like if it's a sad song it's a bad song we don't listen to those um my god we want to only listen to things that make us happy toxic positivity whatever anyway i feel like i have then one of those people that somebody tried to quiz me about who is this who's this who's this and i'd be like i have no idea because we like different eras like i didn't listen to the same music you listened to i listened to different music and like i know music that i know you know yeah i think yeah so
00:54:19
Speaker
I kind of feel like I know the person who your dad was in terms of like, who's this artist who sings this song? bla bye like I shut the fuck up.
00:54:30
Speaker
I don't care. But I am not like your, your mother in the way of like not caring at all about music. Right. like Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no.
00:54:41
Speaker
Just different tastes, you know, different, different tastes or different eras or whatever. Yeah. yeah And it's like, sure, i i can be both people. If I don't care about the artist or the genre or whatever, I'll be like, sorry, I don't know.
00:54:56
Speaker
Or I do know and I don't like them, so stop, but turn off the radio. yeah You know? yeah um But I have also been, I've never been the person that's been like, tell me who this is. like pop quiz.
00:55:12
Speaker
Never been that kind of person. But I always have that information filed away. In my head. Yeah. yeah I've always been the kind of person who can hear the first couple seconds of a song and immediately know what it is. Right.
00:55:29
Speaker
Most of the time for me as well, like when it's music that I listened to quite a lot in my in my life, I would definitely be able to identify certain songs like that. Yeah. yeah I have actually two memories associated with that concept because while one of them is from fucking primary oh god church.
00:55:50
Speaker
But it was like in a way that was like it flagged people's attention that I was potentially a musical prodigy, which I did not understand. I was like, why is this impressive? It's just easy. um They were doing this little like game or whatever, where like the piano, that the person playing the piano in primary,
00:56:17
Speaker
would play the beginning of a particular primary song and we like you know people had to kids had to guess what the song was and she played the first three notes of that primary song called a child's prayer i don't know if you know it or remember it i don't know i would have to hear it to know because i probably didn't know a lot of song titles It was my favorite primary song because it's a good song, but by songwriting standards.
00:56:54
Speaker
Anyway, the first three notes are like, da da da, like three notes in a row. And um that's all she played. And I immediately was just like, you know shot my hand straight up in the air. Yeah. um And guessed it right.
00:57:15
Speaker
And everyone was like, this child is very talented. And I was like, why This is my favorite song. What are you talking about? man I think I was like five.
00:57:29
Speaker
um my gosh. Oh my God. and then I had another memory associated with that kind of thing. Very different time of my life way in the future.
00:57:41
Speaker
think I was in college at Berkeley. at the time but i was home on a break and the family decided we're gonna play a game and the game was you put headphones in and play like skip to a song that you can like start to sing and everybody has to try to guess what song it is that you're like singing um Or i don't know if it was you could only sing the lyrics or if you could like sing the like, you know, guitar or whatever that was in the beginning of it or whatever. um
00:58:17
Speaker
But like, I don't know. I don't remember much about like if I was able to guess a whole lot of them that other people were doing.
00:58:27
Speaker
But I do remember that the song that I chose when it was my turn was Beyonce. The song it? flex song was it The one about like kicking her boyfriend out ah where at the beginning where she's like to the left, to the left, everything you own in a box to the left.
00:58:49
Speaker
I don't know. um I didn't know that. i didn't. I know. recognize the song when he's singing it, but I didn't know that that was what it was about at all. Yeah, and so, like, when I sang the first, to the left, to the left, everybody got, it felt like everybody got up and was, like, jumping around, like, around me, being like, I know the song!
00:59:12
Speaker
What's the name of the song? Ah! What's the name of the song? And I was just like, ah! That's funny. Oh my god. That's a funny memory, i like it.
00:59:23
Speaker
Yeah, it was cute. Anyway, really. Completely, you know, related, but still Music is important, you guys. You know what song i really liked when I was in primary? What?
00:59:40
Speaker
Love at Home. That's a good one. really liked it. There was a couple. There's probably another one. i I just can't think of it right now. But I remember that one was one of the ones I really liked. Mm hmm.
00:59:52
Speaker
I think that I liked A Child's Prayer because it really had this soaring melody. Can you find that song on YouTube and send it to me, possibly? ah bet you could find it being sung or played by somebody in the you know what i mean in a church setting at some point.
01:00:09
Speaker
Recording it. Maybe they recorded it at home, even. I have no idea how this version is going to sound, but I will send this to you now.
01:00:19
Speaker
Okay. Oh, but it is an LDS version of it because I didn't even see the description, but it says an LDS. I think that it has to be an LDS version because I think it's an LDS like child's hymn.
01:00:33
Speaker
I think it was, it doesn't exist in other churches. Anyway. Yeah. We gotta wrap it up. Yeah.
Encouraging Listener Engagement
01:00:42
Speaker
I'm tired. I'm sorry. It's okay. i I didn't sleep well. I didn't have melatonin last night.
01:00:49
Speaker
um I ran out of it. so And I still don't have any. So I am going to need to get some yeah probably tomorrow. But hopefully I'm tired enough that it won't matter.
01:01:05
Speaker
Yep. I gotta get my kiddo in the bed and yeah Get yourself in the bed. Yeah. Go sleeps. Indeed. but yeah, we really hope that this was an enjoyable episode to listen to.
01:01:20
Speaker
Yeah. Um, we do really want to hear from you. If you have memories associated with any of the songs that we referenced, even the fucking children's Mormon hymns, um, tell us your stories and, uh, send us an email.
01:01:36
Speaker
Yeah, dude. Or an Instagram comment or message or a Patreon message. Go hop on that Patreon. Um,
01:01:49
Speaker
Get that fucking sticker. Yay! Got some Got some left. We do. Can't wait to give them away. here Yep. Any tier, you guys.
01:02:01
Speaker
Any tier. And we got the community chat, which is not quite yet popping off, which is okay. um But it did take me a while to figure out how to work, like how to get that started.
01:02:11
Speaker
But it it not it exists now, you guys. So the lowest tier yeah includes the community chat. So that is another place where we can be reached. Yeah. Maybe you and me should hop on there and get something started. i thought Well, that's why I tried to get you to click the link.
01:02:29
Speaker
Ah, I forgot. I keep forgetting. Click the fucking link. Okay. I'll try and remember that this weekend at some point. Good. Okay.
01:02:40
Speaker
Anyway, we got to go. we love you guys. We're so grateful. Have a great day. Love your pickles. Bye. Bye.