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What's bringing you joy this week? (with special guest Andrew Wade)
138 Plays1 year ago
In this very special episode of "Friendless," host James Avramenko interviews actor, writer, and producer Andrew Wade.
Their wide-ranging conversation delves into the challenges of maintaining online presence, the importance of intentional friendship, the impact of societal influences on mental health, and the nuances of seeking and providing support.
Andrew shares insights into building community and navigating the intricacies of personal and cultural connections, while James adds his perspective on therapy and the dynamics of auditioning in the theatre industry.
The episode closes with a reflection on kindness, empathy, and the impact of cultural and community influences on individuals' well-being. Join them for a thought-provoking and heartfelt discussion on the complexities of human connection and societal expectations.
Fun and Safety sweet peas!
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Transcript
Introduction and Opening Conversations
00:00:08
Speaker
Hey there, sweet peas. Welcome back to Friendless. I'm your host, James. I'm from Enko, back once again with a brand new episode. This week I am joined by actor, writer, producer, extraordinaire, Andrew Wade. We discussed the intentionality of building friendships and community, what it truly means to put your air mask on first, and stronger options to start a conversation other than how are you doing? All this and so much more. It was an absolute pleasure catching up with Andrew and I think you're going to love this one. So buckle up.
00:00:38
Speaker
Lean back, get comfy, set your volume at a reasonable level, and enjoy my interview with Andrew Wade, here on Friendless.
00:01:03
Speaker
and I was like yeah but I'm doing like I'm not like I'm not trying to bring on influences right I'm trying to like just have a chat and and I don't know is there have you ever thought of like a better way to open a conversation then how's it going because that's such like a just simple one you know
00:01:21
Speaker
Yeah. Well, so I am definitely the person growing up where I would take questions literally, which is a sign that I'm somewhere on some neurodivergent spectrums. But yes, I was known as the guy who would actually answer your questions if you ask them, even if it was phatic communication, which is to say like words that don't mean anything. They're just a pleasantry.
00:01:45
Speaker
And so I had to learn, don't do that, or I had to have like one of my employers once take me aside and say like, don't tell your boss that you're tired today, even if you are. I like to, if it's actually to open a conversation and not just a pleasantry, ask if there's anything that has given them joy in the last week.
00:02:13
Speaker
So something that they're happy about. I love that.
00:02:16
Speaker
Yeah, kind of breaks a tendency maybe to like dive into complaining, griping, et cetera. And just like approach conversations starting from a positive, like there, here's something I'm super excited about. Yeah. Well, and it's so interesting to you that it's like, I know for me and it, and it strikes me that, that this is more common than not is that when you're asked how you are, you like, I know for me, I immediately do the like mental equation of like,
00:02:45
Speaker
well actually nothing's okay and i'm just like always in pain and like miserable and depressed but how safe is it for me to express that so i i have to flip to oh good you know and it's like and it's it's it's amazing that like a question as innocuous and as benign as like how are you is almost always impulsively answered with bad you know uh-huh uh-huh yeah i i had i usually had twitter
00:03:14
Speaker
I'm okay, or I'm doing fine, right? It's that mid-range, so if they're fine with it, then fine. They're fine with it. They're like, okay, cool. I was just asking. I don't actually care what the answer is. I'm just establishing that we know each other. Whereas if they want to know more, they can be like, oh, just fine. And I can either go positive or negative from there.
00:03:38
Speaker
Yeah. Oh my
Humorous Anecdotes and Theater Insights
00:03:40
Speaker
God. The fact that it's like a verbal handshake, you know, that's such a funny, funny framing for it. Um, well, I have my opener, but I want to, I want to try it first. You know what, Andrew, before we get into an introduction, I want to ask what is one thing that has brought you joy this week? Um, a lovely friend of mine in Toronto who I have not actually seen in person in like, I don't know, at least half a decade, maybe
00:04:08
Speaker
more than that, maybe a decade. Anyway, knows that I occasionally do mascot work. And so CBC was looking for someone to do mascot work for them here in Vancouver for TikTok videos. And so last week, I got to be in a giant Larry the logo costume and take sunglasses off of the face of Jason Priestley. What? Oh, my God. TikTok.
00:04:38
Speaker
And like the whole time, my brain is just going, don't break the priceless wing vase, don't break the priceless wing vase. So yeah, when something just random and fantastical like that shows up, that's solely because I've been able to stay connected with people in some way, shape or form, like that's, yeah, magical.
00:05:01
Speaker
Absolutely. I love the name Larry, the logo, like how like what a what a what a like boardroom name is the boardroom name. Yeah. I mean, he's from the 70s or something, but the actual character, like they're going for a very like gritty style format here. Why do I feel like this is like Recyclon or whatever? Yeah, like a backstory and everything.
00:05:29
Speaker
So not for the podcast, but if you're watching on video here, I'll just showcase Larry the logo. It's the CBC logo with a winking face. Just kind of stretched across his name like George Costanza. That is the bed. That to me is like like an Ian Malcolm, like a like what's a Jeff Goldblum sultry lean back, you know, you know, he said there.
00:05:55
Speaker
I suddenly hear my voice, you know, you know, like the most Canadian voice, right? You know, you didn't stop to ask yourselves if you're short. You just asked if you're like, you know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. My brain's making very ADHD connections. Um, as you wait, I was, I was trying, my normal entry to the interview is, um, a very blunt question of, um, before we get there, we haven't said something that's brought you joy this week.
00:06:25
Speaker
Oh, oh, I, uh, oh, well, okay. I was going to say that's a struggle, but I actually, I can think of one. Um, my work hours changed as of this Monday. Um, so I've been working for a company that is based in Ontario since, uh, April. And, uh, because of that, I've been working Ontario hours. So I have been working 6AM to 2PM Monday to Friday, uh, for six months. And, um,
00:06:50
Speaker
it has done a incalculable toll on so many elements of my life. But as of this Monday, that has changed to be a much more manageable eight to four for me. So yeah, so I'm feeling very good about that. I get to I get to sleep. I get to I get to
00:07:10
Speaker
be up a little bit later, you know, I get to be a real big boy and stay up till 11 o'clock, you know. I have one of my like, dear lifelong friends works in radio. And yeah, for the longest time, he's been working yet like the morning traffic reports and I get Yeah, he's just like, cool. If you want to socialize with me, I've got a couple hours in the afternoon here.
00:07:30
Speaker
Literally. Literally. Yeah. I'll see people for like an hour at like about three, you know, and then and then it'll be like, cool. We might hang out on the weekend. I might just have to hibernate because I'll be exhausted. But, you know, we'll see. Yeah, it's it's brutal, but it's changing. And and the work makes it worth it. You know, so I love the job. Right.
00:07:52
Speaker
But, um, wonderful. Yeah. Um, so, you know, for, for, for listeners who may not be familiar with you, if they're just, you know, if they're just subscribers to the feed or if they just haven't, haven't crossed paths with you, um, I always love to put a very blunt question to the guest of, um, who the hell are you? Yeah. Um, my name is Andrew Wade. I am a theater artist, which is my,
00:08:16
Speaker
way of saying I try to get people to pay me to do anything relating to theater. So sometimes I write things or act in things or stage manage more recently. And sometimes that's theater adjacent work like being a mascot for TikTok videos. And I otherwise my main source of my meager income is I'm executive director for the Richmond Arts Coalition.
00:08:45
Speaker
which is a small arts nonprofit that we are an advocacy group basically. So I apply for grants to pay local artists to do things and talk to politicians to try to get them to give money to the arts.
00:08:59
Speaker
amazing holy shit um it's one of those like oh god those funny little like advocate positions are like uh in my experience they're so fun in theory and then like crashing in an execution so i really do tip my hat to you you know but because you are very needed but also like also i'm so sorry you know
00:09:22
Speaker
I mean, my life in the theater world and auditioning and all that has I feel like helped me to be able to have conversations with people and get a lot of friendly no's. Yes, yes. You know, it's funny, I was just talking the other day about the sort of like the the politics of the audition room and the sort of like the really weird undercurrents of like
00:09:48
Speaker
When you're in the, when you're waiting to go into your audition and the sort of like the dynamics that happen with everybody who's sitting around and like trying to be friendly, but also are all in direct competition with each other for the same job. You know, I'm wondering if you would like, what's, what's your, do you have any, like any sort of experiences that spring to mind when you think of that or anything like
Building Connections and Friendships
00:10:09
Speaker
that? Yeah. I mean.
00:10:11
Speaker
I feel like I fill my life with too much stuff, which is helpful because if I do get into an audition room or something and someone else gets the part, I'm like, cool, that means I have more room for the other things that are on my shelf, on my checklist. Maybe I could read a part of a book someday. So I think that helps. Also, yeah, I mean, if it's a show that I'm genuinely like,
00:10:40
Speaker
you know, excited for, invested in, like, you know, I am excited if they find someone better than me and that can make great art together. Like, I mean, I'm okay with that. So, yes, I don't really get too much of the jealousy side of that. Although,
00:10:59
Speaker
I'll say with a slight exception for like technical skills where I'm just like, if I'm in there and someone else is just like, I don't know. They want someone who maybe can play an instrument and they're just like, you know, the most stellar ukulele player you've ever heard. And I'm like, but even then that's not so much jealousy. That's more just like regret being like, Hey, Andrew, why didn't you learn the thing? Why didn't you figure out how to like keep staring in one direction as you're spinning?
00:11:27
Speaker
Yes. I have that conversation with myself all the time. And I used to really fall back on that one when consoling people about certain elements of that stuff would be this idea of someone getting a part isn't actually a loss for you because you didn't put in that work. You put in the work somewhere else. And that doesn't make you a failure. It doesn't make you lacking in something. It's just that, like you say, you focus somewhere else.
00:11:56
Speaker
that'll mean when the opportunity does come up, you'll have a leg up in that regard, you know? And so just keep shooting for that, you know? Yeah. And there are a couple of times in my life where I've been told, like, I love being told, like, why I didn't get a part, because it's so rare. But like, once it was... Sounds so masochistic, but please, come on. Yeah.
00:12:18
Speaker
Well, the couple of times I like hold on to her one time, it was literally I did not get the part because I was too short. They needed someone taller in order to fit the role and for who they had already cast. I was like, cool. All right. Well, I mean, on the one hand, if you knew that part was cast, you shouldn't have brought me into the audition room.
00:12:38
Speaker
But on the other hand, like, that's entirely out of my control. Or another time I was auditioning for one of like a pair of comedy characters and they could either make them both quite young or both or both quite old. And like, and they went with the quite old pair. And I'm like, cool, again, nothing I have control over. So.
00:12:54
Speaker
Well, and it's and it's amazing how often that's what it comes down to, you know, I think that there's an impulse. I know when I was auditioning, I always had this impulse of like, oh, it's because I'm a piece of shit and it's because I stuck at this and I did the worst audition ever. And every time I'm going in there, I'm getting worse and yada, yada, yada. Right.
00:13:11
Speaker
And then you get behind, you get behind the audition table and you get on the other side and you realize that it's like so much of casting is like, well, we already have this person and they have brown hair. So we have to do it. We have to, you know, and it's like, no, no, no, we can't just dye their hair. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We have. It's like that, that saves us, you know, that's, that's an hour's work and $20 of the budget. You know, we have to go with the person who already has brown hair. Yeah. Like, I mean, I'm slightly.
00:13:38
Speaker
slightly hurt that I can't apply for to try to like be a character on a Disney cruise because they only accept men I think five three and under or like five eleven or an up or something. Oh, that's what they have costumes for. Right. But on the other hand, I'm like, All right, cool. Well, I'm glad that you put that up front. So now I don't have to care.
00:13:59
Speaker
It's just completely arbitrary, right? I want to come back to something you said earlier that I'm really interested in. And this is something that I've been really focusing a lot in lately on my own personal work and my own personal development. And it's something you said about maintaining long-term connections. And obviously, we're going to get to the deeper friendship questions and stuff like that. But I'm really curious about your practice and your experience and how you frame
00:14:26
Speaker
maintaining not only connections in person and in, you know, in your life, but also these like more strained, you know, whether they're long-term, long distance, you know, those kinds of connections like that. Yeah. I do a few things. I mean, I'll start by saying, uh, you know, the theory of like relationship degradation.
00:14:51
Speaker
I mean, I know that because I'm ADHD, it doesn't happen, but. Yeah, so also also ADHD here. Yes. So I find I kind of have like the two switches. There's the like, well, yes, I continue to absolutely like, you know, how I feel about this person hasn't changed just because time has elapsed. Or there's the alternate of also just memory wise, if I've completely forgotten someone because we had a really nice conversation once, but it hasn't like
00:15:18
Speaker
And, you know, the flashcards haven't been put up in front of my face often enough. Yes. Then it's either like, yeah, I've maintained my exactly how I feel about you or I've forgotten you entirely. So with that in mind, yeah, I.
00:15:34
Speaker
like to try to put myself in front of people somewhat. So like on like my Facebook feed, like I was doing a just a daily personal practice of gratitude, just like great stuff today. What was some great things today? Mostly that was that I could try to keep those things in my head in like the last like half hour or so before I was going to sleep.
00:15:54
Speaker
because I would find I would wake up happier if I was thinking about those things instead of dwelling on the 3 a.m. glums, the anxiety causing things that like to creep in there. The devil's power. Yeah, so I just started putting those on Facebook. And then as a result, people have been more aware of what I've been up to in the world as well. So that's been one way to get myself in front of people. And then otherwise, I do have probably for about a dozen people now.
00:16:20
Speaker
In my calendar, I have repeating like message X person that I want to keep in touch with because I'm like some people do have relationship degradation. Also, if something's not in front of me, I will forget it's an option, including friends. So I've got some people who's like once a month or once every like 45 days, once every 60 days, just like a little reminder of like, hey, you should message that friend of yours.
00:16:47
Speaker
Love that. And have you set that up with like, uh, with like a calendar or an app or like, how do you do that? Just Google calendar. Yeah. Just Google calendar. There's just a to do task that repeat that or a calendar item. Yeah. That shows up. So it's like repeat every 45 days.
00:17:03
Speaker
Yeah, I love that. I had just recently discovered an app that's really similar to that that I'm forgetting the name of now. I'm just frantically, oh, it's called, I don't know if it's Fabric or Fabric, Fabric with a Q. And it's like a friendship building app of like, you make these circles and it's like people that contact once a week, people once a month, people once, you know. And I, of course, forgot to use it. You know, I got it all set up and then
00:17:33
Speaker
Notifications on my phone always stress me out, so I turn off notifications and then I forget to check. Anyway, it doesn't, you know. But I like your pattern a lot. I think I might try emulating that. Sounds really helpful.
00:17:48
Speaker
It, it really is. And then also if I've found out like, just like deleted the leaving like, no, I actually don't want to message that person like a few times in a row and be like, all right, maybe I don't actually want to keep interacting with this person. And that's okay. Which is also something that I have a hard time figuring out.
00:18:04
Speaker
getting people out of your life, even if it especially, I think it's like, it's for me, it's so strange is that it's like, I find the people that I'm most like anxiously attached to you are actually probably the hardest to get out of the people who I'm like, no, I genuinely need you not in my life, but I'm like, for some reason not able to. But then the other really hard one is the people who I'm just sort of like,
00:18:28
Speaker
okay you know like it's just sort of like the peter out you know like yeah um how have you landed with that stuff recently is that has that been a common thing for you or i mean i find i take the petering out hard because again the whole lack of relationship degradation type thing typically so i'm just like oh i take this personally like oh no we just don't have
00:18:52
Speaker
Okay. Oh, what have I done? Have I done something wrong? Did I say something incorrectly? Cause I can do that. Was I? And then, yeah, that's not a good place to be in. Nope. But yeah.
00:19:07
Speaker
So yeah, so I'm still working on that one.
Emotional Awareness and Therapy Benefits
00:19:12
Speaker
I mean, for a lot, you can kind of see in the background there, I've got an old like, it's a drawing I've made in elementary school of like Andrew the Knight. And it's just like, I mean, it's a Knight, but I feel like in D&D terms, I'm cleric class, by which I mean like, I feel like I can still be like helpful to someone in their life that I'm like, well, we have to keep interacting with them. So, you know, how can I assist?
00:19:38
Speaker
you know so okay this is something that you know you're you're that just sparks my brain so big it's something I've been dealing with like directly in my life recently and and I'd love to hear your experience with you know if there's something similar for you is this idea that it's like when you see someone in your life you care about and they're having a hard time with something but you
00:20:03
Speaker
The only way you can actually help, when I say you, I'm actually saying me, just so you know, this is how my brain unpacks. The only way I can actually help is by...
00:20:13
Speaker
actually disengaging and by not actually being around and by giving space and by essentially disappearing. But my like anxious attachment and my like savior complex and all the other things that come into play are like, but I can see what's wrong and I want to help. And then that in turns just like makes things worse, you know? And I'm wondering in your experience, how have you, like, does that ring true to you? And then also like, what have you done to sort of like shift that within yourself?
00:20:44
Speaker
Mm-Hmm
00:20:46
Speaker
Yeah, so when I was at UVic, so yeah, same time you were for some of it, I was involved in the peer helping, which is like basically volunteer, very simple counseling. And I also like to put a pin, I want to talk to you about counseling stuff. But yeah, so one of the things just learning there was like when you're listening to people, you know, when people have issues,
00:21:15
Speaker
you know, there are different modes that people can be in and different modes of helping. So, you know, the problem solving mode, which is the one I, of course, jump to, like, basically, if they want problems, if they're in a mode for to solve problems, great, you can help them out. But the other mode is, you know, the mode of listening, where they just need to be like processing what they're what they're feeling, what they're going through, but not taking any actions. That's a separate thing. You want to try to figure out which of the two for helping. And then also, there's the
00:21:45
Speaker
Someone knows what they need to do. Decision has been made to do a thing, but that space of before actually making the decision is also very necessary for a lot of tasks, a lot of people, a lot of times in your life. And yeah, I find if it's in that kind of space, then if I can
00:22:08
Speaker
see that, then that's helpful for me being like, all right, there's nothing I can do to help at this moment because you're, you know, it's not a, you need me to listen to you, not a, you need me to help brainstorm solutions with you. Uh, you need to just be like sitting in where you are. Yeah. Um, so it's just one of those situations. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I mean, you know, and I'm usually in that space for something rather in my life at any given time. Uh, it's frustrating, but it's real. Yeah. Uh, yeah.
00:22:38
Speaker
And there are other times, yeah, I mean, if the best way to help someone is to not be engaging with them, like that's me. Oh, just being cognizant of that and deleting the recurring calendar item to go and message them.
00:23:00
Speaker
I also find that it's like, it's this cross for me between like, essentially FOMO, like the desire to be aware of things, but then also that leading to impulsivity, you know, because it's like, you know, phones make contact so easy, you know, and social media makes contact so easy. So it's like, it's so hard to get the distance that I need when I don't wanna disconnect, you know, forever, but I,
00:23:33
Speaker
And I struggle with the, you know, because I, you know, I'm autistic and ADHD and those two things while they're like very common co-morbidities are also in, in the way they show up are basically in direct opposition. So it's like, I need routine, but I crave impulse, you know? And, and because of that, it's like, I need to see to feel calm, but if I see that I'm going to be, uh, escalated, you know, and, and, and.
00:23:51
Speaker
really need to right now, you know.
00:24:01
Speaker
And it's finding ways to tolerate that balance without just becoming this fucking gremlin, which is what I've been for the vast majority of my life. You know, I'm only, I'm only really having these realizations about myself in the last like two years, maybe, you know? And so it's like, I look back and I'm like, Oh Jesus Christ. I think about someone like you and I'm like, Oh, you knew me when I was just like out there self medicating, unfucked diagnosed with anything, just a fucking goon, you know?
00:24:31
Speaker
And I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for anything and everything, you know? I was not an ideal human being back then either. I mean, still I'm not, which would be an improvement. Super favorite. You said something real quick that you said you wanted to pin something about counseling. I'd love to hear what that was about.
00:24:51
Speaker
Yeah, so I mean, though I did that stuff, you know, a decade, more than a decade ago now. I just recently this year, ended up doing about a half dozen counseling sessions. Part of that was I was
00:25:08
Speaker
I mean, I do my own shows in French festivals. I've been like 27 French festivals in the last decade in different cities. And anyway, so one of them was going to Toronto to go and do a two hander with someone who knew the show very well and was like, hey, we should do this show together. But it was also my ex girlfriend. And it was a show where my character gets abandoned by her character every show.
00:25:31
Speaker
So I was like, maybe I should do some counseling before and after, just in case. Anyway, long way of saying so, I did like a half dozen sessions over the last half year. And how do I find like super helpful to like be talking through things, especially things I don't feel comfortable talking about with other people, you know, in a safe place, all of that.
00:25:53
Speaker
But also I found if I had like two counseling sessions too close to each other, I'd get frustrated because it'd be like, nothing's changed. I'm still stuck in the same spot I was last time I was here. And if you're someone who has more, from listening to friendless, more regularly we can go into counseling for longer and so forth. Yeah, like what do you do with that feeling of like, am I, yeah.
00:26:21
Speaker
the lack of progress feeling if you in the room like that. I'm so familiar with it and actually you know what you vocalizing that kind of clicked a few things into my brain sometimes I don't like sometimes I don't realize something I'm doing something until it's pointed out in someone else or pointed out to me you know um um
00:26:46
Speaker
You know, the way you said it was much more gently gentle than the way sometimes it's explained to me, which is fine. But but I at times am going to therapy for like not for progress, but literally for like expulsion, you know, like like last year I ramped up my therapy because I was like, I need
00:27:11
Speaker
uh an anchor you know i need someone who i know i can go to once a week to basically exercise the demons of what's going on in my life you know um because i was in massive massive panic trauma mode you know um just processing everything that happened to me um you know um now at other times though like right now um
00:27:36
Speaker
If my therapy sessions are too close together, I absolutely have that same reaction where I'm like, I, the second session is less productive because I'm like, well, I didn't fucking do any of this. So what the fuck, you know, but, but, so I have this magic. Roughly I'll go depending on where I'm at. I'll go between every two and three weeks. Um.
00:27:58
Speaker
Because that gives me space to forget what the last session talked about And then I get to see what stuff sticks naturally versus what stuff I want to continue to address and I think because You know, I'm really lucky I I have a therapist who I've been with for I think over three years now the same guy and so I have a really deep trust with him and I have like a level of intimacy with him that I
00:28:29
Speaker
is very hard to find. It's something I'm trying to find in other connections. I'm trying to find in friendships and all those things. And it just takes time. And so I think, for me, therapy is less about progress in general. It's less about the week to week. It's more about the year to year. And even then, it's not even about that. I've talked about it on the show recently about,
00:28:59
Speaker
therapy isn't to fix you because you're not broken. You know, like there's nothing there's nothing broken about a neurodivergent brain. There's nothing broken about a traumatized brain. There's nothing broken about brains. There's there's just stuff that we routinely do that we notice.
00:29:18
Speaker
doesn't help us out as much as we'd like it to you know and and so for me it's not about progress so much as like taking the energy and the thoughts and the behaviors that are already there and channeling them you know in a more helpful way for me day to day you know um so like taking angry James and instead of letting him be angry at James
00:29:39
Speaker
take Angry James and let him protect me and be like, fuck no, you don't get to fuck with my mood today because I'm happy all fucking day no matter what or whatever it's gonna be. So to me, it's less about looking at progress and more just trying stuff that works and then if it sticks great and if it doesn't stick, sort of figuring out why it didn't stick and then seeing if it was even worth sticking.
00:30:08
Speaker
Because a lot of the tips are about just think different. And it's like, well, I'm autistic. That's not going to happen. It's just not going to happen. How many fucking times have I bought a day planner because it's on sale, or it's pretty, or whatever the fuck. And I use it for two days, and then it gets thrown out. It's just never going to happen. That doesn't mean I haven't made progress. It doesn't mean I haven't fucking changed somewhere else.
00:30:38
Speaker
I'm never going to use a fucking bullet journal, you know? Yeah, I tried one. Tried. I tried. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I hear you. RIP, you know? Yeah. And like what works this year might not work next year, especially if you're, you know, the ADHD brain where novelty is helpful.
00:30:59
Speaker
Exactly. Yeah, I definitely, any kind of like productivity plan type thing I have, I'm always like, I got to cycle through to something slightly different every once in a while. Yeah. But I like hearing that idea of sometimes therapy could be like problem solving or like, you know, trying to, that kind of growth.
00:31:21
Speaker
And sometimes it's just, how can you take how you are that week and focus it in a different way? You know, so you're not changing who you are. You're just adjusting your, I guess, mindfulness around it. Yeah. So much of the like, it was really interesting, actually, especially like I'm so.
00:31:40
Speaker
happy to have been able to work with this the same guy as long as I have because we're now at this stage where I get to see like stuff he was sort of testing out with me at the start that I was clearly not ready for and now we're coming back to it and I'm like wait you had me do this in our like third session he was like yeah I shouldn't have you know
00:32:02
Speaker
But like, but just like, you know, not because it was like that or anything, but because it was just like it was too much, you know? And, you know, he had me doing things like personifying emotions and getting these different versions of myself to talk to each other and thank each other, you know? Sad James thanking Angry James,
Community, Culture, and Social Dynamics
00:32:19
Speaker
Angry James thanking, you know, Lazy James, whatever, you know?
00:32:23
Speaker
And recognizing that every one of those roles played a really key protective measure for me. Recognizing that there's no such thing as a good or a bad emotion. There's just how we enact those emotions. Anger is really good. It's really protective. It also can lead to violence on other people, which is not good. And so it's not the emotion that's bad. It's the actions that come out of it.
00:32:54
Speaker
You know, now we're back on this stuff where we're really, we're, we're shifting the roles of, of, you know, I keep on focusing on anger, James, because he's, he's, uh, he's been very loud, especially recently. So, you know, I'm just trying to make sure he knows he's seen, he's heard it's okay.
00:33:09
Speaker
he is thanked but he can also take a coffee break you know yeah i used to describe myself as someone who like i was angry as a kid and like through like high school and such i like changed and just like lost my anger to a certain amount but also
00:33:24
Speaker
Yeah, like I can, it's just less likely I think it gets challenged channeled into other emotions all the time. But it does also mean I very much a frog and boiling water type person. I mean, like the frog in the pot room just like this is fine, no matter where I am. It's not
00:33:42
Speaker
And I'm just like, but normally, yeah, like I can live in like, this is fine for far too long. Whereas, you know, I, it has caused me to feel I need to like reach out to other people and make sure I stay connected with other people who have strong senses of injustice. And like, you know, of, you know, these things have to change. You know, just as a balancing force.
00:34:07
Speaker
yeah yeah yeah so yeah yeah yeah well in the world the role of anger in my life has been protective for so long you know and and um and i i want to
00:34:22
Speaker
Channel that impulse into good, you know, I don't enough for righteousness. I don't believe in righteous causes I don't think anybody could be righteous, you know, but but but for good, you know, but but we're but I mean God I'm spitting myself out on this because it's like I mean good is like I mean for myself because I can only do good for myself That's the only person I can do good for you know, and I think
00:34:45
Speaker
I think one of the things that fucks us up about like something like social media is that it like it ramps us up and it ratchets up our emotions and then it also makes us like impotent and powerless you know because we're just all we're doing is sitting on our couch fucking scrolling a little piece of glass that's it we're not actually interacting with anything but we're suddenly so fucking dysregulated about all the craziness of the world you know and then we just like put it back in our pocket and
00:35:23
Speaker
Yeah, there's a lefty podcast, Sandy and Nora. And again, being the frog in boiling water, I'm not like always 100% with them, but they do like a lot of the time I am and I appreciate them just being like trying to pull my own Overton window more over, et cetera. But yeah, they talk about frequently just how they're, I mean, they're social activists and trying to get
00:35:40
Speaker
Go get a sandwich. I don't I don't know. I don't know what the fuck people do
00:35:52
Speaker
activism happening and people engaged requires humans in the same room engaging with each other. And yeah, it's kind of, it's so easy to, I mean, not even like satisfyingly, but like placate yourself if you are trying to like change the world by
00:36:13
Speaker
you know, a few little posts on social media and then get distracted by something else. Whereas real change requires, you know, movements require more than that. They require more physical engagement. As far as I'm concerned, and this is a deep oversimplification and a little too pithy even for my taste, but like,
00:36:35
Speaker
Nothing will change in our society so long as smartphones exist. It just can't because we'll always get distracted. There's no such thing as free speech if the same platform you're being free to speak on is being run by the people who are actively
00:36:54
Speaker
stamping down those movements, you know, like that's not your platform. You know, look at what happened to Twitter. That wasn't the people's voice. You know, Instagram is not your platform. It's someone else's and they just allow you on it for a bit, you know. Yeah. My very slight pushback on that would be
00:37:14
Speaker
where it's so easy to get distracted by our phones, et cetera. I'm like, again, as both of us being clinically diagnosed with ADHD, yes. As long as ADHD people have their phones with them, it'll be very difficult for ADHD people to follow through on change. But I firmly believe the neurodiversity of people, there are people out there who will not be so distracted by their phones that they can't follow through.
00:37:41
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. That's just my thinly veiled threat. If I get me 15 milligrams of Adderall and take my phone away and watch out world, you know. Yes.
00:38:01
Speaker
So I wanna shift into sort of one of the more core questions. We've touched on it a few times already and talking about maintaining connections and these kinds of things. And as you know from the show, so much of this centers around my internal dialogue and my internal monologue. And, you know, Angry James plays a part in this conversation of like, have I been a good friend? What is a friend? How do I show up as a friend? Why don't I have friends? I'm sounding like that fucking,
00:38:32
Speaker
What is a friend? Can I have a friend? But at the core of it is the question of what it is to be a friend. And I'm really curious for you, what does that mean to be a friend?
00:38:45
Speaker
All right. Well, first I have a somewhat ridiculous legalistic answer for you, which is as someone like, again, who like needed definitions for words. Like I'm the kind of person where I'm like, I included this in the one personal storytelling show I've done a fringes before. Like I in church as a kid would refuse to sing certain words if I know it, didn't know what they went. Cause otherwise I could be like lying to God. Uh,
00:39:11
Speaker
about the word love. So anyway, so I like, I encountered this question like, yeah, so how do I know if someone's my friend or not? And my definition growing up, and still kind of to this day, is a friend is someone for whom we have intentionally met up for the purpose of seeing each other.
00:39:36
Speaker
It's like such a specific, like, objective thing. Like, yes, it wasn't that we both happened to be at the same parties. You know, it wasn't that, you know, we both happened to be on the same, like, you know, team playing a sport or something. It's like, no, no, we intentionally were like, hey, do you want to meet up and chat and we'll go do a thing or something? I'm like, cool. Then you are no longer my friendly acquaintance. You are now my friend.
00:39:58
Speaker
And having that definition in my brain is partly what made it hard to like lose friends, but like, but, but we met the definition. Yeah. But I chose you. Yeah. I don't understand. So it's a very silly definition, but also, I mean, I love it. I mean, I was going to say maybe it's the neurodivergence in me, but I hear that and I'm like, yeah, spot on. That's perfect. Yeah. Yeah. But more specifically, I think it does involve
00:40:29
Speaker
Folks who wish to support each other on an individual basis as opposed to a communal basis.
00:40:41
Speaker
And for you, what does it look like for someone to support you, I guess, is, you know, I mean, you know, we can talk about supporting others, but it's like I'm almost realizing I've been asking the question wrong for a long time of like, what does support look like for you? That is a very good question. I feel like I orient my so much of what I do around like
00:41:08
Speaker
not wanting to be a bother to other people or not wanting, you know, like being like, uh, so much like being very, just very mindful of other people in that way that I don't ask for support as much. This is probably why most of those 27 fringe shows have been solo produced, performed everything. Uh, not to be a bother or anything, but, you know, no, no.
00:41:30
Speaker
And my main job with the Arts Coalition is mostly me, occasionally other people for specific projects, and then my nine volunteer bosses. So in a way, it's like I'm running a solo business. So there's elements of how do I have folks support me?
00:41:52
Speaker
they can get me to like go to bed after my ability to make choices has ended for the day. That would be nice. Also, I mean, you know, I have a lovely like flatmate who likes to cook. So like specifically like, Hey, Andrew, you haven't eaten today, have some food. Yes. Yes, super helpful. So I guess like, helping me feel like
00:42:15
Speaker
the physical needs that I just put off, I guess, or don't pay enough attention to is a wonderful way. Being a sounding board, being someone that I can help, because you know, that helps fill my self worth if I'm helping them. So yeah, being able to support other people, I guess help support me in my own state mental state. I love that.
00:42:41
Speaker
Oh man, I just like, yeah, no, I'm loving that. I'm trying to kind of like just take it in because it's like, it's just really sweet, you know? And it's very, I think I heard, you know, hearing you talk about like not wanting to be a bother. I just like, it's interesting hearing it said aloud from someone else because it's like, your needs aren't to bother, you know? And yet at the same time too, it resonates with me because I'm so familiar with that impulse too, you know?
00:43:12
Speaker
Yeah, like a simple example of that that's come to mind recently is So yeah, so I've been dating there they they're very aware of when people like sidewalk chicken
00:43:26
Speaker
Because, you know, they're them being someone who is not like, you know, powerful white cis male, you know, I own the sidewalk, etc. Like, you know, it bothers them like they notice that like other people aren't getting out of their way type thing. Whereas I just automatically I'm like, well, I have to I'm going to get out of the way before they even know that I'm there. Like I'm happy to walk on this grass here so that I'm not because
00:43:54
Speaker
if we get too close and then we and then I move then like they're like you know they've had that moment of like oh no um right and I've already bothered them at that point and I'm happy to just wait to step onto the grass there so I'm eager and you know I like the game of like weaving in or in out like you know liquid form through people like you know I will make way for all you this is fun for me this is great no one's bothered
00:44:17
Speaker
Also, my alternate version is me being lost in a podcast and not noticing anyone, in which case I'm the a-hole who's just walked straight through the sidewalk. Sure, sure. And I'm like, so I feel like I got to balance it out a little bit. But yeah, but they compare that to the person I'm dating where they're like, yeah, they have that sense of justice, of like, no, no. Other people need to know that they should get out of the way.
00:44:52
Speaker
So here's something that came out of my the last time I was at counseling. Do you believe that do it? And it's about definitions. So we're definitions. Do you believe that doing something for yourself is selfish? No, not even a little bit. You know, there's a really common I don't even have to think about that one because because because.
00:45:13
Speaker
It's such a core of my therapy There's a really common image of like you put your air mask on first when the plane is crashing You don't put on someone else's, you know and to me Putting on the air mask is more than just oh, I'm in a life-threatening situation. It's like
00:45:35
Speaker
you're alive on planet Earth. You're always in a life-threatening situation. Oxygen is technically poison.
00:45:50
Speaker
in a type of danger. Like planet Earth is plummeting through the vacuum of space so fast that it pushes us onto the planet, which we then call gravity. It's like we're always in danger. So I'm not saying always be worried about it. I'm just saying there's sort of no moment in your life where you're not in a falling airplane.
00:46:19
Speaker
Yeah. There's just times where you're allowed to forget that. But but but because of that, like.
00:46:27
Speaker
As long as it's not like a malicious choice of like, well, I want the cookie, so I'm taking it and that way you don't have any cookies, you know, like that's being a dickhead. But if it's like, I see you're in pain, but I'm exhausted and I cannot hold this with you, that's not a selfish act, you know, like I think it feels painful. I know it's felt painful for me in the past because
00:46:52
Speaker
of bad boundaries on my part, of overgiving and then exhausting myself and then actually becoming resentful of that person. So obviously it's actually an act of kindness to remove myself because inevitably it'll create bad feelings later if I don't. So yeah, I think it's inherently generous to be, not self-serving, but to be self-focused.
00:47:22
Speaker
Yeah. Intellectually, I understand the whole idea of an act of kindness. If it's an act of kindness to yourself, that's still an act of kindness. Exactly. Right? Where I'm like, a greater act of kindness to myself, or it could be a lesser act of kindness for someone else.
00:47:38
Speaker
you know the whole like I don't have like the the ability to like to assist you much right now but I'm gonna try anyway uh I'm like my brain has a little hard time like grokking that because again frog and boiling water I'm like well I'll be fine you know but I can't guarantee other person will because I can't be inside their brain yeah so therefore I have to try too hard yep well and at the same time too at the same time too is that like
00:48:05
Speaker
the moment that boiling water is too much, you're already in it. And so now both of you are fucked, you know? So it's like, it's better for you to not put them in that boiling water with you, you know? Because then you're already in. And so like, you know, it's better, like, I used to have a boss who used to always say, never make a plan you might cancel, you know? So, cause she would always say like,
00:48:32
Speaker
If you're gonna do it, do it. Be true to your word. But if you think you won't, then don't, you know? Like, it's always better to just not agree to something that you might cancel later than to like, be wishy-washy, you know? And I think that that's a part of the same thinking of like,
00:48:49
Speaker
if you think you might not be able to hold all of it, don't hold any of it. Especially when it comes to people's mental health and when it comes to their vulnerability and their well-being, if you are taking on even a part of that,
00:49:04
Speaker
And then have to drop it. That's going to be some form of trauma, you know, like not not super, not meaning to be so escalated in that. But it's like, I mean, it could be, you know. And so, like, you have to be so fucking careful if you're going to take on other people's emotions and other people's well-being.
00:49:25
Speaker
And I think, I know I've been careless and I think a lot of people are careless. And I don't mean to be calling you this because I do this all the time, but I do think that that is careless to know that you might not be okay, but to still like stiff upper lip it and grit through it. You know what I mean? Yeah, I got those at least 500 years of English people in my background telling me to stiff upper lip, yeah.
00:49:53
Speaker
Exactly. Exactly. And what did the British Empire lead to? Imperialism. You know, it's why we still got now we have fucking King Charles on our money someday. I don't know. I don't think he's been updated yet, but he's going to be like, you know, like that guy. You know.
00:50:14
Speaker
Yeah, I. That's why it gets you. Yeah. I post that because we were talking about counseling. I was like, that was like one thing. Yeah. I'm like that I'm working there because I had that question posed to me. It's doing something for yourself. Do you believe doing something for yourself is selfish? My immediate instinctive answer was yes. And then my pause. Think about it for a moment. Answer was yes. So I love it. I love it. You know, building out from the question of the friendship and this I think really actually ties into this question, too. You know,
00:50:44
Speaker
you
00:50:45
Speaker
In this new season, I've introduced this new concept, talking about community and what community means. And we've been a part of the theater community. I'm reintegrating myself into the queer community after years of essentially reclositing myself. And you hear a term like community thrown around a lot. And I've become almost deaf to it in a certain way.
00:51:17
Speaker
And I'm really trying to figure out what it's another word like friend that like I'm trying to figure out like, am I a good community member? Do I show up in community? Like what, what does that even mean? And, and I think to start is to ask what that, what that word is. And so to you, what does it mean to be in community?
00:51:37
Speaker
Mm-hmm. I specifically the phrase being in community with people to me resonates a lot with again growing up going to church and such and you know, so I'm not Religious now like I don't believe in the fundamental mythology mythology and such but I also have a hard time like
Roles of Community and Culture in Support Systems
00:52:02
Speaker
completely railing against the concept of religion. It's partly because of that community aspect where I recognize that for a lot of people. For the most part, people do things because they get something. There's some sort of benefit they're finding, whether it's wholly beneficial, wholly helpful, can be debated.
00:52:25
Speaker
Being in community with people there means that there are people who you may not know at all. You may be introducing yourself for the first time. You may just vaguely see them. They live somewhere near you. But because you're in community with them, you feel like you can sit down with a coffee after a sermon and have a deep, meaningful conversation with them about
00:52:48
Speaker
issues that require a kind of intimacy that you wouldn't have with just like random person on the street because you're together in community with them. You know, you're automatically part of the us if there's an us and them. And I think a lot of people in the world don't have that otherwise. And that leads to a lot of people who need therapy.
00:53:22
Speaker
So I guess that's one definition of being in community. Yeah, I've been trying to ponder like difference between like a community versus a culture.
00:53:33
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, because like a culture has like, you know, kind of like norms and boundaries and such that are generally agreed upon by people there.
00:53:48
Speaker
Like if you go to like an arts conference or something, there will be a culture there that allows for certain things and whatnot and certain perspectives. And if like you're a raging racist, you're not accepted in that culture, that kind of thing. But that's slightly different from it's also a community. It's a community of people where because you have.
00:54:09
Speaker
though enough in common and such, you feel like you can sit down and have a deep, meaningful conversation with people there about not about everything maybe, but about some things. And there's an expectation of support, I guess, that doesn't exist for people who are not of the same community. I love that.
00:54:30
Speaker
I can't even elaborate on that. That's just perfect. You fucking nailed it. You nailed it, Andrew. Question answered. Question answered. I never have to ask that question again.
00:54:42
Speaker
I'm the person who likes to find definitions for things. Love it. How do you find yourself building community? I've been posing this question recently of like, how do you make friends? Because I'm 36 and I have no friends. But it's more about, I think it's deeper than that of like, yeah, how do you make friends? How do you build a community? And how do you find yourself showing up in community?
00:55:11
Speaker
I think there are healthy and unhealthy ways to do it. People build communities through politics in ways nice and mean. It's totally possible to build a community based on othering other people. Like, hey, look, we're the S.
00:55:34
Speaker
Because look at those others over there. You're not one of those others. Therefore, you're one of us. Now we're a community. So that is one way to do it. I don't recommend it. Otherwise, yeah, I mean, just bringing people together to work, collaborate together on things, I feel like helps create community. You know, I mean, it's
00:56:03
Speaker
harder to establish community if it's a speed dating scenario type thing where you're just like, here's two here, two people talk.
00:56:13
Speaker
Great. But if you can figure out that, hey, you say your culture matches in terms of norms, et cetera, through creating a theater show, through playing a ball hockey game, whatever, through going to a pro wrestling show, then that helps.
00:56:37
Speaker
That said, yeah, I mean, building communities larger than just like one-on-one conversations is something that I'm still working more on, and I guess part of that is because of just, yeah, how my brain works. Well, I'll put that to you. What do you feel is the difference between community and culture?
00:57:09
Speaker
I think that culture isn't safe. I think that's where it goes for me in my brain is that culture, also like culture isn't people. Community is people and culture is things that people do.
00:57:28
Speaker
Um, like, like culture is art, but art isn't people, you know, it's just something people do. I think that's, I don't have a clear definition in my brain or clear delineation, but I guess in a sort of a boiled down way, it's that like.
00:57:45
Speaker
community is people and culture is like things whether that's ideas or objects or or you know even behaviors um because i don't necessarily see like people as behavior people are people and then people do things and they're sort of different you know it sort of stems from that idea of like you're not your thoughts you know like like there's who you are and then there's what you think and those are
00:58:14
Speaker
And so, so when it comes down to like culture, culture to me, yeah, is like artifacts. And sometimes an artifact is a thought that gets repeated. And sometimes an artifact is, you know, a water bottle, you know, or a fucking statue or whatever the fuck it is, you know, whereas community is like essentially a chosen group of likely friends, you know, friends could be a tenuous word, but like,
00:58:43
Speaker
It's a community of people who are choosing to be together, whereas culture is what happens when a bunch of people get together and do stuff. And it feels less safe. To me, community evokes a word of a sentiment of safety, and culture doesn't necessarily evoke safety for me.
00:58:59
Speaker
All right, follow up. Sorry, just tying on time. Yeah. Do you feel either your definition, your feeling for community or culture have an element of morality, even like, you know, a non-religious morality associated with them? Like, do you feel, you know,
00:59:20
Speaker
Uh, either one, yeah, you can have, sorry, however that response to you. Yeah, I know. It's an interesting framing. I really like it. It's, it's tough to say. I think I try personally, I do try to dismantle moralistic thinking in my process. I understand why people do it and I don't discourage others from doing it, but I don't personally
00:59:50
Speaker
find it very helpful for me, which some people might find immoral. But I try as best I can to frame stuff out of a morality spectrum. To me, I'll give you an example.
01:00:14
Speaker
There's like what's called like ethical non-monogamy. And then there's the term that Jessica Fern, former guest of the show, she wrote a book called Polysecure and she calls it consensual non-monogamy. And that to me is a really, really beautiful nuance where it's like ethics.
01:00:31
Speaker
just like moralities or morals are are subjective you know like it's like and they change and so they're actually very unsafe you know morals are really unsafe some of the worst fucking things ever done to humanity were argued because of morals you know it was moral to to do whatever fucking atrocity you want to list you know um whereas like consent
01:00:59
Speaker
It's not that it's more black and white because consent is still is still in in certain, you know, arguments tricky, but but it's more about
01:01:13
Speaker
giving agency to the thought, right? Like, consent is about agency within that. Whereas morals and ethics are actually kind of about removing agency and being like, well, I was told it was moral so I could do it, just following orders. And so I guess if I was to double this back, this is the thought processing about these terms, I think
01:01:41
Speaker
I don't think I instinctively impulsively put those terms, but I think if I had to look at them from that light, I think I would look at community. To me, that word evokes feelings of safety, which evoke what you could call good morals. And culture kind of evokes bad morals. It kind of evokes danger. So I guess that would be the lens. Do you need to apologize? Was that your phone?
01:02:09
Speaker
No, that was a car outside. But yeah, no, no, I mean, even your specific example of ethical non-monogamy is a term versus consensual non-monogamy is a term. Yeah, I think of that and I think of community as being a place that has a lot more consent involved in terms of
01:02:29
Speaker
Yeah, people consensually agreeing to be together and not required, whereas you can have a non-consensual culture. Exactly. A culture where consent is not well considered. Bingo, right? Yeah, it's called, you know, most societies that have ever existed, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:02:52
Speaker
It's why they have a counter culture, you know, not always non consent in like the same places in the culture, but in different places. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Right. You know, and also realizing that it's like, you know, to me, like culture.
01:03:07
Speaker
You know, I once framed it in my brain as like culture is renewing and changing every time someone is born because culture isn't inherent. It's learned. You know, it's not it's not it's not an inherent truth. You know, pink isn't always for girls. It hasn't always been for girls. That's a cultural choice. You know, and and even when pink was for boys in the fucking eighteen hundreds, that was still a cultural choice. Pink is for no one. Pink is just fucking innocuous color on a spectrum. You know, like it's a nothing.
01:03:35
Speaker
you know there's no morals to pink there's no culture to pink we just we place meaning onto things that inherently have no meaning um so yeah so i spun myself away from whatever point yeah yeah we have associations with different things and we can choose to yeah to stick with the cultural associations or to ignore them and i think that's that's
01:03:56
Speaker
Totally valid. I love purple partly because it's considered the color of magic, but like, not Terry Pratchett's color of magic, but you know, yeah, in general, the color of magic. Yeah, and I'm like, cool, that is a cultural association I like with that color. But yeah, I mean, I fully acknowledge like growing up, yes, like as a, you know,
01:04:17
Speaker
You know sis white boy, I would not wear pink, you know much pink because it was just like awesome. That's not a color that's a color that would cause other people to Find discomfort around me if I was wearing too much of like, you know certain types of clothing Because you were in a culture not a community
01:04:34
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I love a good wearing a good swish like like swishy pants and such. Yes. Do I want the like cultural like attention of like walking around in a long skirt every day? Not really. Exactly. Well, and that's what I mean, too. But like totems, right? Culture is just built by totems. It's built by associations. You know, it's the whole it's the whole you know, it's the whole debate about pronouns. It's why these fucking mouthbreathers can't accept pronouns because to them
01:05:04
Speaker
a word means this and they're not they're not willing to accept that it could, you know, mean that same thing for someone else, you know. Yeah, yeah. It's it's got to be we've got to make more descriptive grammarians instead of prescriptive grammarians. Words can change. Yeah. God, or we could just start we could just go back to grunting. I honestly think we need to just go back to just sounding, just eliminate words altogether. As a writer, I fucking hate words, you know.
01:05:33
Speaker
Oh, but there's so much you can read into a grunt, and so often it's misconstrued. Well, I mean, yeah, that's just called a word, you know? Yeah, that's true. That's true. All words are grunts. Listen, Andrew, before we wrap up, I do just have the one last action question.
Closing Thoughts on Community and Engagement
01:05:54
Speaker
This has been so much fucking fun. It's so nice to reconnect with you. It's so nice to chat with you. And like, yeah, I was admittedly I was worried. You know, we haven't spoken in almost 20 years, you know, like briefly spoken to Saskatoon Fringe Festival year once. Oh, my God. I mean, briefly, maybe. And even then I was so fucking dysregulated for four years straight there that like I apologize for not even remembering that. That sucks. It was it was also a brief interaction. So, yeah, I know.
01:06:24
Speaker
But it's like, it's like, yeah, it's like, it's been so long and I was just like, yeah, I was worried and, and I didn't need to be because you are amazing. You're charming and you're engaging and you're so funny. And I just, I, I am insightful. And I just like, thank you so much for coming out and chatting with me. This has been such a pleasure.
01:06:44
Speaker
Thank you for talking through my therapy questions. I'm excited to see you, Paul Heyman. I appreciate that.
01:06:57
Speaker
I really value people who are willing to talk about this stuff openly because it's not easy. So thank you for that. The very last question. I always like to leave listeners on a little actionable step. And I'm curious if you have one thing that they could try doing to be a better friend this week to either to themselves or their community around them.
01:07:23
Speaker
Yeah, well, aside from the don't make some calendar items for people that have relationship degradation and stuff, or if you forget to interact with humans and it's helpful for you, make sure to do that. Otherwise, approach your friends with curiosity.
01:07:45
Speaker
with a desire to know more about what's going on in their lives because everyone can use a friend who is excited to find out what's going on and support in that way. I love it. I love it. You heard it here first. Don't be a dick. Andrew, is there anywhere you would like listeners to find you? Do you want to stay mysterious or do you want followers or what would you like?
01:08:15
Speaker
Uh, no, I mean, you can find me and I have 2000 people attached to my Facebook because I want people to know what I'm doing. And, uh, yeah. And if I'm not on my ADHD meds, I will accidentally spend hours on social medias. Uh, so Andrew Wade, it's like the, like slash Andrew D.E. Wade or Instagram is also Andrew D.E. Wade. D.E. are my middle initials. Uh, also makes me sound French. Uh, and.
01:08:45
Speaker
I've got a TikTok that I update like once a month. I forget what that one is. You can search around. I've also entered Wade.ca, which is a website that I sorely need to update because I can't decide if it's supposed to be a blog or an actor's resume or a stage management thing or what.
01:09:03
Speaker
Tell me about it. I hate, I never know what to do with any of these things. The struggle is real. The CBC people who hired me for the mascot gig apparently did look at my website before contacting me. So apparently it was good enough for that. Hey, there you go. If it's good enough for the CBC, it's good enough for me. All right. Well, thank you so much for chatting. This has been delightful. This has been the best. Thank you. Thank you so much.
01:09:35
Speaker
you
01:09:44
Speaker
And that's it. Thank you one more time to Andrew for coming on the show. It was such a pleasure catching up with him and I wish him just all the best. We're trying to catch a wrestling show here in the future. So maybe we'll do an update when we get to that. If you like the show, please be sure to leave a five star review anywhere you listened. It helps me out so much and it's completely free for you. Speaking of free things, why not sign up for the weekly friendless sub stack?
01:10:10
Speaker
You're gonna get a loaded update every week filled with a little essay from me, along with a curated playlist for the month, as well as recommendations for books, movies, music, YouTube links, pens, stuffed animals, all kinds of fun stuff. Anything that's kind of distracted me in the week, I share with you. It's a ton of fun. It's always free. You can sign up for that in the show notes.
01:10:35
Speaker
And lastly, if you haven't followed yet, please be sure to follow along with, hey, sorry, I missed you, my year long novel in verse that I am sharing every day on Instagram. It's been an absolute pleasure sharing and the reception has been just so kind and so supportive. And yeah, I can't wait to share more. So check that out. Again, all the links, including all my other social medias at FriendlessPod, all that is in the show notes. So please be sure to follow along.
01:11:02
Speaker
But that's it for me, so let's wrap this up here. Thank you so much for listening, and I hope to catch you back here next week, but I'm not gonna worry about that right now, and neither should you, because that is then, and this is now. So for now, all I'll say is I love you, and I wish you well. Fun and safety, sweeties.
01:11:22
Speaker
. .
01:11:51
Speaker
you