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00:00:01
Imposter Syndrome Is Sus
3 Plays30 minutes ago
We all deal with imposter syndrome, but how do we deal with it?
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Transcript
Introduction to TOQ and New Segment Idea
00:00:00
Speaker
Of course I have a question prepared. Who do you think I am? Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and everybody up, down, all around, inside and outside the gender binary. Thank you. I did really well today. That was good.
00:00:13
Speaker
ah Welcome to TOQ, where we answer questions that the internet or other people like to ask, as if anybody cares what we think. My name is Danny Guarantee, and this is my buddy, Adam. Uh-uh, you.
00:00:26
Speaker
Uh-uh, yeah, indeed. All right. ah So you were saying just before we started that you had some idea for a segment. Do you want to do the question first or do you want to just jump right into this new segment?
00:00:38
Speaker
Well, I want to ask you about the segment now and then you could give me the question.
Listener Engagement and Submissions
00:00:42
Speaker
Oh, OK. You all get a little behind the scenes. Yeah. So I thought it would be interesting if we started taking turns asking each other questions as part of the show.
00:00:54
Speaker
Right. Like, you know, just like doesn't have to be anything super philosophical, but it could be, you know, like we talk a lot, but we don't. There's still things we don't know about each other and there's still things that we maybe don't think to ask one another.
00:01:08
Speaker
So I thought maybe while we're doing the show today, if you can think of something that either you'd like my opinion on or that you just want to hear me talk about. You know, like, well, what's a question? Like, if I could ask Adam anything, it's an ask, it's an ask us anything, but within just the two of us.
00:01:25
Speaker
Right, right, right. Ask me anything, but just you. god It's ask we anything. And I can ask you anything if you're up for it. I don't want to volunteer that for you. And the rest of you, you can all ask
Healthy Masculinity and Personal Stories
00:01:35
Speaker
us stuff too. You just got to do it at funinstallersnetwork.biz.
00:01:39
Speaker
That's true. You can ask us you can have any funny anything. If you don't want us to talk about something specific and you want to ask about us specifically, go for it. But I thought it's just also maybe there could be a way to inspire some questions in the future.
00:01:51
Speaker
If there's something that you think the other person might be very knowledgeable about, maybe you want to learn something, maybe not about them, but about something they know about. I thought maybe this could be an opportunity because the impetus for this I was thinking about, Danny, was I was recalling a few weeks ago and we recorded, I guess it's probably a month or so ago by now.
00:02:09
Speaker
you know, the whole food bank incident and like how like a couple episodes later you and I were talking and we demonstrated what I think very healthy masculinity where we both apologized that we loved each other and and moved on with the rest of the episode. Right. Right. um And I thought people don't hear just like genuine sharing like that too much. And I think we can continue to do stuff like that by just being like, hey, I was curious about this thing about you, as opposed to just making it centered around the question.
00:02:34
Speaker
We can still make a BTOQ because those are literally our cues. Oh, yeah. and Well, now it actually is our cues. Right. It's our cues. So that that's the whole show. But maybe that can be something we could try to fit in once. Have we been doing this show wrong the whole time?
00:02:52
Speaker
No, because the cue is like it's a play on that other word cue, which is kind of hard to spell because it's like one cue and like four vowels or five. Yeah. you you you you you you you you you eat i think you you you you you e you e I think it's I think it's like or something. Q-U-E. I still don't remember how to spell it. No, that's it. That's it.
00:03:10
Speaker
Although I don't know if that was the right Q because that is to like Q in something where your Q to do something is actually spelled with
Addressing Imposter Syndrome
00:03:17
Speaker
a C. Isn't that, isn't just Q-U-E also something?
00:03:21
Speaker
It just means it takes one place in a Q or a range in a Q or like something that's in like a line of some sort. I thought that was the U-U-E. That's what U-E-U-E is, yes. Right. Isn't Q-U-E one? Just one U-E? U-E is the one that we're actually making a pun on, which is like, that's their actual cue to do something.
00:03:40
Speaker
Okay. But, when people submit questions, their questions are in a cue for us to answer. For us to answer, yeah. So it's our cue to look at the cue... To answer the cues. And answer some cues. Exactly. See how fucking multifaceted this Our name could have been the Answer Mancers, just so you know. We almost did that.
00:03:58
Speaker
but We almost chose... that We almost renamed this Answer Mancers. thought this really confusing thing would work better.
00:04:06
Speaker
Anyway, just something to think about. If you want to ask me a question later, you can. This works out perfect, because the question I have for today ah it is a personal one to our lives, our real lives. interesting.
00:04:18
Speaker
And... I was going to ask for like what your opinion on something is. So this actually works out perfect. Look at that. I'm like fucking soothsayer. Seriously. So, Mr. Adam.
00:04:31
Speaker
Yes. ah Mbeluga has a bunch of friends. And one of them... does? I know. ah so Surprising, I know. Wow. And one of them ah is writing a book.
00:04:46
Speaker
Okay. And they... started having really bad imposter syndrome and started kind of like losing that spark and not feeling like they deserve to be where they're at in life.
00:04:58
Speaker
Gotcha. And Mbeluga was telling me that she was very surprised to hear that all of the person's close friends in real life were telling them that they should drop writing, that I guess it's not for them write.
00:05:16
Speaker
right ah But like that they should just not try and be a writer. ah So Mbeluga asked what my opinion was. But before I give mine, i want to hear what you would say. What would you say to their friend?
00:05:31
Speaker
Or what do you think they should do if they're starting to feel imposter syndrome? Do you think they should stop writing? I'm trying to be better about asking more questions, but I can't do that right now because that person isn't here.
00:05:44
Speaker
show. I answer whatever I can. Ask ask them to come on the show and talk about that, I think was what we should do is say, hey, do you want to come on to you and talk about imposter syndrome? Because everybody experiences that in some place. I mean, I could try it.
00:05:59
Speaker
I think we should say, hey, do you want to come on the show and like shoot the shit on what? like what you're experiencing and like why you feel that way and what your experience was with your friends telling you these things. Cause I have a lot of questions, but if I'm just going to go with just a straight blanket answer, like there, I'll say this, there are situations where maybe like now isn't the time to do the thing.
00:06:19
Speaker
Right. But that doesn't mean that you should just stop doing it because it's because you're feeling a certain way. like i mean, stop doing it forever. Right. But there is nothing wrong with like it's not throwing in the towel. If you say I'm going to hang this up for a little bit just so I can like refuckulate my brain, you know, like, ah yes, sometimes old refuckulating. Yes. Because sometimes what happens and this is just my experience.
00:06:42
Speaker
ah experience is for me. I can't I've seen it with other people, but I can only speak at 100% completeness for how I've experienced it, which is sometimes like what happens is like you spend so much time living in that world that when you're not doing your regular work that keeps you afloat,
00:07:00
Speaker
And you're not doing your regular family stuff that like you know you got to do and your connections. That's the only other world that you live in is whatever this project is or whatever this invention is or whatever this goal is that you have.
00:07:12
Speaker
And like you become so enamored with it and so enraptured with it that when you hit that block, like that's a really heavy weight to carry because that's the only other reality you're living in.
00:07:24
Speaker
is like this thing. Right. And so sometimes it's okay to like check out of that reality for a little while and like come back to it when like you're just, it's like writer's block. Like since she, they they are a writer, right?
00:07:37
Speaker
Sometimes the best thing to do with writer's block is to just go do
Finding Balance and Combating Burnout
00:07:40
Speaker
something else. Cause you'll be inspired by other things. You'll feel re-energized by doing other things that aren't this thing that it's now feeling like work.
00:07:49
Speaker
Right. So right for me, that's what happened was I like, I poured my heart into like, uh, I have been, let me just say this. I have been quote unquote writing a kid's book for like 15 fucking years.
00:08:04
Speaker
Like, and I'm not any close to the finishing it because I just started it and then I just do like one page and then I quit for a few months. It's a kid's book. It's only like 10 pages. Yeah. But I want to make like a poem collection, like shell silver steam had seen, had like, you know, a light in the attic or where the sidewalk ends.
00:08:20
Speaker
I've always wanted to do that. Grab. No. And I have like d spot wrong one E poems written, but I need way more to have an actual collection. But but anyway, but also the other thing was the YouTube channel. Like I poured so much of myself into this thing.
00:08:36
Speaker
Like I paid for classes. I paid for some YouTubers fucking course for SEO and stuff and took all those things. Sean Candle was his name. And like I took those classes and I tried to learn SEO and like I threw everything I could at that shit thinking like, oh, I have the right formula and I know how to do long form keywords and all this stuff just to see that like nothing was catching.
00:08:58
Speaker
And that's when the imposter syndrome hit. I was like, this is really hard. I'm not doing it right. Maybe just my material isn't good. And Ultimately, what it's what led me to do what I do on role players now because role players was the same thing. I got back on it in 2020. I was like, oh, I'm going to go hard in this and I'm going to connect with all these people and I'm going to grow really big and do all these live streams and blah, blah, blah, blah. blah And like it caught some friction or traction, but not enough for me to feel like it was worth it.
00:09:27
Speaker
But now it's just like the fun thing that I do and it's taken a lot of weight off. And like I found that like it started to grow more organically when I stopped trying to fucking throw all of myself at it all the time. So I don't care what those like hustlers say. Sometimes you just have to like put a little bit of yourself at a time and then like go power up for a little while and then come back to it and do it again.
00:09:47
Speaker
It's not that you're an imposter. It's not that you can't do it or that you shouldn't do it. It's that like maybe you're putting too much u so yourself into it at once for X amount of time when you should like pare it down a little bit until you can recharge.
00:10:00
Speaker
The same feeling that introverts feel when they want to go sit at home after social interaction and power up. like you tax a very similar part of your brain when you're just constantly going into creative mode and writing mode. Like you have to give that part of your brain a break to recharge.
00:10:13
Speaker
Like you just have to. So that's my opinion, Danny. I know it's a long winded way of saying it, but that was my experience. oh I like it. That was good. Like, it's not that you shouldn't, but there is nothing wrong with taking a break from it. And like, just,
00:10:25
Speaker
especially as a writer, you will find more inspiration and motivation and and support when you just go back to your regular life for a little bit and like maybe just write a little bit of time. Maybe just write keep your idea notebook always handy so you can just write some stuff down so you still feel like you're inspired by something as opposed to just like, oh, I got to go write.
00:10:44
Speaker
You're just writing shit on a notebook right now. Names, words, maybe a fun city name, a character name, ah maybe a concept or maybe a world name.
00:10:54
Speaker
Just like real simple shit that you can or just like a series of words you heard that were interesting. that you just write down in that, that word you or just a vocabulary word that you learn that you want to slip in there somewhere. Like whatever that is, just let that be something that can like help so sustain you, but in a gentler way. And you never know when you go back and reread that book, you go, huh, I forgot I even wrote that down. That's cool. where do what What was I thinking then?
00:11:17
Speaker
Right? So that's my advice is like, imposter syndrome is going to be there whether you like it or not. So just like, the best thing you can do is like recognize that not that you're an imposter. It's just, you're overworking yourself and like, you need to take a break.
00:11:32
Speaker
That's why you feel that way because you hit, you, you had a lot of motivation, you had a lot of progress and now you've plateaued or at least you feel like you have. And now you feel like you fucked it. It's the same thing. Weight, weightlifters experience and bodybuilders experience and athletes experience in general.
00:11:46
Speaker
At some point you hit a fucking plateau and you need to find and a new way to work your body. You have to find a new way to work your brain. That's all. Yeah, I'm really glad I asked what you thought before I said mine, because I disagree in every way. I think they should absolutely. No, I'm joking. I thought you were like, fuck this, torch it, set it on fire.
00:12:06
Speaker
No, no, no. Viking funeral. Beluga and I basically agreed on the exact same thing. We we both said like, um you know, she actually told this person, but I also agreed that just take a break, you know, kind of let that weight come off your shoulders a little bit.
00:12:25
Speaker
I suggested that once um once you feel like writing again in general, start with little BS things, you know, like you were saying, just write whatever.
00:12:37
Speaker
ah Don't publish it. Don't give it to anybody. This is just for you to to ease you back in and help you find why you fell in love with writing in the first place, because I think that's the underlying issue is youre you're burnt out and you lost sight of the love.
00:12:55
Speaker
And that's not your fault. That happens, you know, when you start to do something seriously, it gets very easy to lose sight of why you started in the first place. And it gets replaced by expectations and commitments. And I can totally understand where they're coming from with the whole imposter syndrome.
00:13:14
Speaker
ah Because I am currently going through the same thing with voice acting, you know? um it's always just been fun game night things that me and you do with a bunch of other people and I'll voice some silly characters or whatever. But ah me and you, we're both working on actual audio books now. And um this is a big step for me. This is my first real project.
00:13:39
Speaker
um And not to toot a horn or anything, but I know I'm good at voice acting. It's what I do. It's what I want to do. But even with that, I'm like, do I deserve to like actually do this for a living? Am I that good at it? But I just got to remind myself that you know you think so.
00:14:03
Speaker
Our friend Kimmy thinks so. And most importantly, the authors that I am doing this for think so. And as long as they all think so, that's what's important.
00:14:14
Speaker
ah I generally don't care what other people think about me too much, but In this instance, I'm going to use that to prop myself up. If they think I'm good enough, then I'm good enough for them.
00:14:27
Speaker
That's it, But yeah, it's rough. like You just got to take a step back. ah Get back into it slowly. Remember why you did and why you love it. Mbeluga also gave a great suggestion of, and you even touched on this one too, ah do other things that fulfill you that maybe you put on the back burner when you started developing this career based around writing.
00:14:53
Speaker
Do the other things that used to fulfill you. Find some love somewhere else in your life to give yourself a break from all of the writing stuff. and And just come back slowly as as you start to miss it.
00:15:05
Speaker
And I think you'll find it's a lot easier to keep going after that. Oh yeah, for sure. And yeah, it might feel like a cop out answer, but that's like what you do. That's what you have to do. Yeah. I mean, usually these cliche answers, they're cliche for a reason.
00:15:21
Speaker
Right. And like, if I can use the weightlifter analogy one more time, like you can only lift like so many days a week with this, like using the same muscles, the same muscle group.
00:15:32
Speaker
Like you can't do fucking like bench press for 20 minutes every single day. Like you just can't, you're going to wreck yourself. as You're going to, Hurt yourself more than help yourself because your, your mind needs to heal the same way your muscles need to heal.
00:15:46
Speaker
Now, what if I took out my leg muscles and put in other, what if I took out my leg muscles and put in other leg muscles? Like if you could replace them, then sure. Then you're working on new muscles. and Then I'm working on different muscles, right? Right. But you still need to make sure that you know what their capacity is. Cause you can't go in the same level unless you're working them all out to say at the same frequency, like say every day, you know?
00:16:09
Speaker
Because like you might be able to lift 100 pounds with your first set of muscles, but maybe it's only 40 with your second set. So you have to make sure that you got... This is why I can't get into weightlifting. I just... It's too too hard. i keep running out of muscles.
00:16:25
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Well, you know... um I'm too good. i run out of muscles. Yeah, you got too many cadavers that you're pulling from. Yeah. yeah Now you're all out. yeah I keep running out. It's crazy. And, you know, if they get too old and beat up, it's like they don't even work.
00:16:38
Speaker
I hear you, playa. Yeah. um Yeah. um So is does that does that answer the question, unless we get this person in the... I think it does, but I do think I'm going to ask them if they want to maybe jump in sometime.
00:16:53
Speaker
You should, or just ask them if they want to get on a call. We can just talk it out. Yeah. um I've been told I'm a pretty good cheerleader and a good hype man, so, you know. Bring them in. We'll make them feel good.
00:17:05
Speaker
Yeah. ah I have it on good authority that I'm a good hype man.
00:17:11
Speaker
So, yeah yeah. See, there go. Nice, easy one tonight. But it was a more personal one I thought we'd rather do than just like some random Reddit question. No, I mean, it's applicable because it's something that everybody has experience with in some way, I'm sure, whether it's feeling like an imposter in a social situation. Like I don't belong here. Or the, or maybe somebody introduced you to someone and like, that's their friend. That's not my friends. Like there's ways that it can be applied on a regular basis or like you get a promotion because somebody quit. and then you're like, Oh, I only got the promotion because someone quit.
00:17:44
Speaker
And
Maintaining Friendships with Introverts
00:17:45
Speaker
it's like, well, there may be truth to that, but you're in it now. And like, you can show yours that you can do this. Like you, you know, like just, yes, just because you got the job because someone else quit. That doesn't mean that you aren't,
00:17:57
Speaker
means you're not worthy of it it just means that it wasn't open until now and you're the best person for it right exactly exactly so which is a good thing there's something like it can be applied across a lot of parameters so there's it was a good question to pick because i think it's something we all experience in some way shape or form even if we don't know it for sure as imposter syndrome when we're experiencing it yeah think i i like that question umbeluga gave her consent to ask it uh we didn't ask the friend but Don't worry. I didn't. We also didn't say who the friend was. So, you know, whatever.
00:18:31
Speaker
It might not be you. It might be. But if they want to come in on the show or maybe just send this episode to them and they can hear the official invite. Right. OK, here it is. Oh, there you go. Yeah. OK. Hey, ah listen, hear that person.
00:18:45
Speaker
You, the one that we're talking you writing friend. You're the writing friend of a friend of our friend and of a spouse. um If you would like to, we would love to discuss this further, be it on the show or off the show or both.
00:18:59
Speaker
So if you would like to do that, please reach out to us through our mutual connections. Or if you really want to give Danny an erection, go ahead and go on to fundumsellersnetwork.biz and just send us a contact through there and say, hey, I'm that person.
00:19:13
Speaker
And trust me, I'll know if it's use you. So don't get all pranky, Mr. Pranksters out there. i can only get so erect. Yeah, Danny can only get so hard. it's so It hurts so bad sometimes. Also, having said that, if anybody has more questions like that, sometimes you don't have to ask ah What do I do in this situation? You know, you can ask us more kind of abstract questions like that as well. So we're here to help as much as we are to try and hopefully entertain. So please feel free to submit fifteen question of that nature.
00:19:42
Speaker
Huh? 15 second warning. Well, now I don't care. I'm not going for 20 today. Oh, we were doing so well. We could have ended it. We honestly could have. Look, this is actually like a good, serious topic. You know, we're telling people.
00:19:56
Speaker
and We're helping people. It's fine. Oh, we lost. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. But I think that covers my question to you.
00:20:07
Speaker
so in terms of your new proposal. Yeah. Ask Adam anything. Ask me. It's called AAA. ah That's good. I did ask you something. I'm good. Now. was a free. asked for your advice.
00:20:23
Speaker
it was a free apiload for your advice Um, okay. It's a bit of a cop out, but I'll give it to you. It's a very big cop out, but it's one I'm sticking with. Okay. Well, ah let me ask you this then. Um, if let's just say I'm kind of just piecing this together as I go, but I have a concept. I just have to put it, build a sentence around it.
00:20:44
Speaker
Um, you know what i'm talking about? We're like, you know, like the intention of the question, but you don't know how to put it into words yet. Yeah. Yeah. So, It revolves around like how you see certain relationships. So like my question for you is, like are you somebody who sees a friendship as... like I don't know, because I've been struggling with this, because I feel like I see it differently than a lot of people. So I'm struggling to put this into the right kind of words. But like how do you...
00:21:22
Speaker
Well, let's just use me and you since we're here. Right. Okay. So how do you see a friendship like the one that you and I have? Like if I lived closer, for instance, right. And we were able to like the way you do some of the other folks that I met at the party.
00:21:37
Speaker
um Just know that I would want to hang out way more. That's just how I by the way, you should have been there. I wasn't. I wouldn't just be showing up at your house, although I might if I'm driving past, but.
00:21:48
Speaker
But I wouldn't just show up there and say, hey, it's social time. Let's fucking go. But I might stop by and say, hey, I thought of you. Here's a Snickers or something ah like um which I do for people that I live near all the time. um So but like for you, like like how do you see a friendship like the one that you and I have that like if we were in a more like mutual vicinity or like within like a 30 minute drive, let's say.
00:22:09
Speaker
like What does showing friendship mean to you? That would be like, like, I guess what I'm asking is how do you build a dynamic with your friends that like is. That lets them know, like, hey, they know I care about them. I know they care about me, right? Like and in a way that like and and interactions that are comfortable for you, that doesn't burn you out in those friendships.
00:22:32
Speaker
And I asked that because I'm trying to find like the right way to. approach people where I think they are, but without assuming completely where they are while still trying to get the things that I want and need from my relationships.
00:22:47
Speaker
But since I'm not an introverted person and I see relationships a little differently and humanity a lot differently than a lot of people, I'm curious as somebody who I feel I'm a lot closer to than a lot of people that I've met through the interwebs and that I've been online and and and and across state, like you might give me a much more honest answer.
00:23:04
Speaker
So, Well, I what is already know the number one thing ah is planning ahead. Okay, so not just me, but pretty much all of my friends, because again, like you said, we're all have introverted tendencies, right?
00:23:24
Speaker
ah So for us...
00:23:27
Speaker
planning is a big thing, right? Like none of us ever dropped by the other's house unexpectedly. None of us call up and say, Hey, do you want to come over today or anything like that?
00:23:38
Speaker
We, yeah, you know, the stuff you're thinking of, uh, we do see each other, but we always say like, Hey, you know, you want to have a game night next week, or you want to play D and D maybe like two weeks from now on a Saturday. Are you free?
00:23:55
Speaker
You know, it it gives the other person time. uh to mentally prepare themselves for it and not in a bad way but in a i know this is going to take my social energy away so like tomorrow we're going to the mall and seeing a whole bunch of people this was i'm driving five hours to do it are you so of definitely going now Yeah, just i already bought road snacks.
00:24:22
Speaker
That way I knew I had to go. was like, oh man, if Adam doesn't go, it's going to be so awkward with a bunch of introverts together without the extrovert to get us to talk to each other. um But like we're going to this mall tomorrow. I'm going to be around a whole bunch of people who I've met online, but not in real life.
00:24:40
Speaker
And Adam and Kimmy. And I'm fine with that. I don't mind doing that. But I need... To know ahead of time, like I'm mentally prepared to do that tomorrow.
00:24:52
Speaker
We did all of our food shopping and everything today so that we know when we get home from this mall trip, we can just veg out at home and have no responsibilities. Then we have a birthday party on Sunday that we have to go to.
00:25:06
Speaker
Um, So we have to deal with that. But again, it's okay because I know it's coming. I'm ready for it. And again, we did everything and we have off on Monday for ah the holiday. So we have Monday to just veg. We've done everything today.
00:25:25
Speaker
um So that's the big one is I don't mind seeing my friends. I don't mind going to visit them or them coming here. But we all... appreciate heads up beforehand at least a couple days to kind of get ourselves ready prepare the day for ah around that um we also don't just meet up for no reason um as much as I love my friends ah we do it for game nights we had a poker night one time which I would love to do again ah board game nights D&D nights but the main one is video games you know ah we play Helldivers together
00:26:01
Speaker
ah Repo, all those silly group games, Peak. um And we did that... I don't know. I probably see them once every couple days now. We did it almost every day for a while.
00:26:16
Speaker
um So I would say that those are the big ones. It's... understand It's...
00:26:25
Speaker
It's understanding ah that I don't like having plans sprung on me. I think is the big one. Now, how do I get someone like you to meet me in the middle for the way that I like to have friendships? Because I find that for me, a lot of times I am catering very much to that. And I think people see extraversion is kind of like an invincibility button that just like they're fine until we get to this plan where like sometimes i do just find that like I just need to see somebody right now like I'm feeling down I'm feeling depressed or like I'm just feeling really unmotivated and I just really like want to know like I really wish I could just go see them right now but like I know they're always tired and they don't want to fucking do anything after work
00:27:14
Speaker
to charge you? I mean, sometimes it kind of depends on what's going on. Like, you know, like I usually settle for like a video game virtual thing because that's what most people are comfortable with in the modern world. Right. That's what I was going to say. like could you do that I had to adapt really heavily over the pandemic. Like there's a part of me still feels like I'm recovering from that because like I had to try really hard to like everybody else was kind of suffering and in their own ways and differently. But if we just take the social aspect into it into account,
00:27:43
Speaker
People were struggling like, oh, I can't go to my friends. I can't go to the store. I can't do whatever. And it was just like they were mad that they were being restricted. I'm just like, i live alone. I can't see anybody. Like i like as somebody who just being in the room with people is like sometimes just like, I don't know.
00:28:00
Speaker
It's hard to explain, but you just kind of feel that from people and knowing that I could get a hug from somebody or like just, you know, i don't know. Even a fucking high five is like at least something. Well, and I should say.
00:28:11
Speaker
The whole like don't spring plans on me thing. Obviously, that is under normal circumstances, right? I've had people call me up and say, hey, man, can I come over? Like, I really need to talk to you about something or like this bad thing just happened. I need somebody.
00:28:26
Speaker
That's different. um Absolutely. I will put my life on hold. You can come over. Well, what if it's just like, hey, man, my battery is like depleted and I still got like four more days to weekend.
00:28:38
Speaker
like For you, I think the best thing to do... Would you be able to settle for like a one day a week? like Yeah, I wouldn't be there every day. yeah but like, could you settle with one of your friends? Be like, hey, man, can we do like an in-person game night one day a week?
00:28:58
Speaker
Sure, I'm fine with like one day every like week and a half or two. Because then it's understood planned, right? Like if it's it like TOQ, I was late today. i know, I'm sorry. ah But like...
00:29:11
Speaker
It doesn't bother me that we do this nearly as much as it would like sprung on me because I know, hey, Friday, eight o'clock, this is what I'm doing. I'm mentally prepared for it. Right. Usually ah um if I remember it's a Friday, like I'm like that one time.
00:29:27
Speaker
But right. I think that would be a good one for you. Be like, hey, man, you know, I like this board game. You like this board game. I have like a bunch of other board games. Honestly, I could play board games all day, every day. If you came to me and said, I want to do a weekly board game night, I'm there.
00:29:44
Speaker
I'm so totally there. I love board games. I need to find a way to schedule out with the different introverts in my life. Something like that. They can count on semi-regularly. Or rotate so that it's not too much on each individual introvert, right? So like,
00:30:00
Speaker
Hey man, can I meet with you every other week? And then go to another friend and say, Hey man, can I meet with you? no. no Yeah. That's what I'm saying. like, kind of like offset them and everything. Yeah, because like that's tough sometimes because like, I don't know, i'm real I'm also super old fashioned that way where like the small town I grew up in, sometimes you just showed up at someone's house and you're like, hey, you want to come out? and They either say yes or no. And either if they come out, then we hang and they say no and you go somewhere else.
00:30:23
Speaker
Yeah, my parents ah live in a town like that now where like I'll be over their place visiting and people will just knock on the door or see them in the backyard and come over. And I'm like, never, no.
00:30:34
Speaker
Yeah, i I think that's fucking awesome. I wish I had more people that just like knocked him were like, hey, we're in the neighborhood. Want to say hi? I'm like, oh, shit. Hell yeah. Yeah, no, don't ever do that to me.
00:30:45
Speaker
I love it. If I live near you, I absolutely would. Like I would not answer the door. I wouldn't drive over there like just to torture you. But if I were driving, i was like, oh, shit, Danny lives nearby here. I should swing by and say hi real quick.
00:30:57
Speaker
Like maybe I'll drop him like a dead billionaire off or something. If you were stopping by for five minutes just to say hi. No, I wouldn't be like, hey, let's do a movie night like randomly. But like be like, hey, man, some people are, you know, if you said like, hey, come in, you want to hang a while then? Yeah. But like I wouldn't just say, hey, I'm here and like walk in and just like grab some snacks and sit on the couch and turn
Cultural Differences in Social Interactions
00:31:17
Speaker
on. If like, you we've had people that just stopped by and and been like, hey, man, I was just in the area. Just wanted to say hi.
00:31:24
Speaker
Right. Now I've had minutes. That's fine. But I've also had people come over and like they stay for an hour and a half and talk. And I'm like, within 20 minutes, i'm like, dude.
00:31:36
Speaker
Well, it's also, you know, yeah it you also had to have to just draw that line and say, all right, well, hey, leave. Yeah, unfortunately, that's hard to do with my mother-in-law.
00:31:47
Speaker
Yeah, well, you know, you still got to tell her like, hey, if you drop by. Boom, called out. You know, like, hey, you know Well, they don't listen to the show. Your parents. No, they're safe. Right. OK, OK, good. All right. Yeah, I've already forgotten. You know, don't tell me their names. I forgot. i don't want to say it online. OK, that's fine.
00:32:06
Speaker
It's meh and meh. Man, you got it. You nailed it. Remember when I gaslit your father-in-law to make him think he knew me already? yeah
00:32:16
Speaker
I actually keep reminding him of that. So, well, we always, you know, try and and screw with each other. And ah he's good. He's he's he's a hard person to get. So any opportunity I can to get one over on him, I will take and I will run with. So that that was perfect.
00:32:36
Speaker
That was juicy. He was off for those that don't know. Oh, hey, a long time. No, see how you been. Yeah. For those that don't know, Adam met my father in law for the first time at the party and.
00:32:48
Speaker
And Adam came up to me before seeing him and was like, hey, what's your father in law's name again? I said, oh, it's this. He's like, OK, I'm going to go talk to him as if I know him already. ah So we convinced him the entire party that he knew Adam. And he's like, yeah, I just I am so sorry. I don't know where I know you from. I can't think of it. And then finally we told him.
00:33:11
Speaker
Oh, was so good. Yeah, I didn't know. confused i didn't know that you guys mess with each other. I was just like, there's a stranger outside and I want to go talk to him um and tell him I know him already. Yeah, no, we we mess with each other all the time. That was the perfect one to do that. This wasn't like it this wasn't like, oh, hey, you should go fuck my dad in law because this is this. And I was like, oh, hey, that guy doesn't know who I am yet. I'm going to go make I want to go make sure he thinks he knows who I am. I feel bad about it. and I wish I had come up with it.
00:33:38
Speaker
Ah, that's good stuff. See, that's the power of extroversion right there, baby. Yeah. like He never expected me to have an outgoing friend. Most people don't. Can I be honest with you before we wrap up? That's another reason. Like there's two motivating factors beyond just like I want to see my friends. That's making me drive five hours tomorrow to King of Pressure Mall.
00:34:00
Speaker
And one of them is just what you were saying earlier was I was like, I know they'll be OK, but there's going to be people they haven't met yet. that they don't know how to interact with. And it'll probably be easier if I'm there.
00:34:11
Speaker
So I'm going to go to make sure that everybody like, you know, there's a few people who don't know each other and vice versa. And I feel like I can just be a good social lubricant for everyone to see each other in person and to like interact appropriately and feel good.
00:34:25
Speaker
So I was like, I'm going to go just to kind of keep things light if like people don't know what to say. Um, but the other reason that I was going to go, um Oh man, my brain just like flushed out. What was I just talking about? I was going to tell you what the second was. you were going to King of Prussia.
00:34:40
Speaker
Yeah, but you said something else before that. I literally just like my brain flushed it as I was talking. Oh. I hate it when that happens. Oh my God. What was I going to say? was going out there for that. We were talking about knowing my father-in-law and fucking with him. Oh yes. It's because I wanted to demonstrate for those who haven't met me in person yet.
00:34:57
Speaker
Your pirouettes? my Well yes, my my my dance moves. Which I'll probably do without thinking about it. And then the other things which is like you know, I'm still riding like a little bit of like a passive high from your shock at the bookstore.
00:35:13
Speaker
So like, I don't know if these guys have ever seen an extrovert in person before. so I'm gonna go and like show them. play So for those of you who listen, and I know you guys listen, I'm going to also show you guys like all the stories you've heard are true. You're going to see them in person now.
00:35:29
Speaker
and I'll be timing the pirouettes ah when Adam. So before the party, Adam came down the day before. and yeah, um he he slept over because it's like a five and a half hour drive to get to you um and people were asking us at the party they were like man you look kind of tired i was like yeah you know we've been preparing for this party a whole lot and then adam came and visited and he slayed over last night so it's like we were babysitting because he came over and he's like he's like i want to do stuff i want to look let's do mini golf and then let's go off for ice cream
00:36:05
Speaker
but No, you said out for cream. It's like having a kid for a day. I did suggest the ice cream. You suggested ice cream. ah But we through. I said through several times that I'm happy to do whatever it is you want to do, even if it's just hanging out at your house.
00:36:22
Speaker
You guys felt like you had to entertain me taking me other places, which I am very grateful for. You said you wanted to do something, and I was like, you know what? Fine, bet. Let's do it. You said mini golf and everything else beyond that was gravy. And I'm very grateful, but I wasn't very, i just want you guys to know I wasn't demanding anything. i aht Yeah. he He was not demanding anything.
00:36:44
Speaker
um And we had, to understand we had a fantastic time, um but we have a good design we did the entire round of mini golf. And it wasn't until we were walking back to the car that Adam did his first pirouette.
00:36:56
Speaker
I was waiting for it. Oh, I didn't know that you were tracking that. Oh, always. I even said when you did it, i was like, I was waiting for that. I was waiting to see when you would. don't remember. I just do stuff sometimes. oh You jumped off the curb and you did a little pirouette as you landed. Did I? Yes.
00:37:13
Speaker
I don't remember. I know. I always look for an opportunity to do like a baby parkour off of like a curb or some shit. So like that sounds ah like something
Adding Whimsy to Everyday Life
00:37:21
Speaker
I would do. I don't remember doing it, but I'm sure I did.
00:37:24
Speaker
And the worst part is he doesn't like I can't stress this enough, everyone. He was a dance teacher. He's light on his feet. When he when I say like he did a pirouette, I don't mean like he just awkwardly spun around.
00:37:38
Speaker
like He makes it look good. and so That's the worst part. If I were to do it, people would be like, what the hell are you doing? like You look like you just got lost for a second. But when he does it, you're like, oh yeah, he's dancing.
00:37:52
Speaker
like It just looks like dancing. Well, you know, i just look like a fast forwarded, confused old man. I'll say this here. Here's my words of wisdom as we round on this episode. May I may i offer some words of wisdom, please?
00:38:06
Speaker
Or some wow, some W.O.W. Oh, I love World of Warcraft. So. Try if you can. To imbue everything with a sense of whimsy.
00:38:19
Speaker
At least one thing a day. Try to just like, you know, I do it so often now. I don't think about it because it's just my way of like making a boring walk to the car more exciting.
00:38:31
Speaker
The point where my brain goes, this is a normal thing to do. And I don't even think about it. It's like breathing now. But that was something I've practiced. i was very intentional for a very long time to just like,
00:38:42
Speaker
When I would like open up a door, I would pull it as hard as I could. So it swung open as wide as it could. And I would try to do like a, like a pirouette through the door or like, or, uh, I try to, you know, find creative ways to shut my car door, except for with my hands or a same thing. I try to whip my car door door open really fast and then see if I can jump into my car before the door, like ricochets back and shuts on me.
00:39:04
Speaker
Like just little shit like that, that like I would do just to like infuse some sort of like, gamified, like to gamify life essentially in like a very innocent, mostly non-harmful way and like mostly harmless ways to what I was meant to say. Non-harmful is a dumb way to say harmless.
00:39:20
Speaker
um But yeah, ah so that's what I do. And like, it doesn't have to be anything big. you don't have to be doing spins to the door, but just like, I don't know, give yourself some way to just like whimsify your day.
00:39:33
Speaker
Whistle when you walk upstairs, hum that song a little louder than you thought that you would. I don't know, like be okay with like walking in beat to a song if you have your earphones in when you're walking somewhere.
00:39:44
Speaker
Like just let whimsy take hold of you for a little bit at a time and life will feel a lot less daunting and a lot more cheery even You know, of course, you're going be sad days. You're going to have depressed days. You're to have bad days, obviously.
00:39:57
Speaker
But like on the days that feel so mundane, what's wrong with putting a little bit of whimsy in them? Right. Embellish a little. That's what I say. Or embellish a lot. That's fine, too. And if you catch somebody staring, you know why they're staring?
00:40:10
Speaker
Because either they're jealous or they want to come be your friend. If they're making fun, it's only because they wish they had the balls to do what you were doing. So. Embrace the world with whimsy. Try your best to make things just a little less boring than what you do every day.
00:40:23
Speaker
And if it feels stupid, fine. It won't eventually. Like it won't eventually. Yeah. You eventually reach an age where you're like, hey, being goofy is actually just the best. Yeah. And like, why wait until you reach a certain place to do it? Like, just start doing it now. Don't grow up.
00:40:39
Speaker
Grow older. Yeah. Growing old is mandatory if you make it that far. But growing up isn't. So like, you know, whatever. So that's my advice. is like I think that's why I just don't even notice I do it anymore. And dance has just been a nice outlet. No, I mean, i know I do the same thing with voices.
00:40:57
Speaker
I make silly voices. Even if I'm in public, I don't care. Yeah, so just, i know. don't about it. I think that is what the world needs more of is like a more whimsy and more empathy and more vulnerability.
00:41:10
Speaker
And, you know, two or three of those you can hit all at once if you just put a little bit of whimsy in your day anyway. So like you're letting yourself be vulnerable. And if nothing else, if you can't think about how it benefits you, think about how when you do it out in public or if you do it around friends, they'll giggle for a little bit, but that it gives them permission to also do it.
00:41:28
Speaker
And so that way you. You whimsify their world as you whimsify your own. And what the fuck wrong with that? Yeah, so be happy, dammit. Yeah. Danny and your goddamn like, ooh, I'm in a tag when Adam does his spin. Oh, but ah you see you did the pirouette to the right when really a pirouette is supposed to be done to the left.
00:41:49
Speaker
You all know Danny wants to do it. He's just, you know, you heard him say earlier in his own description that if he did it, he would look like he's fast forwarding awkwardly or some shit. You know what?
00:42:00
Speaker
I wouldn't make fun. i would be delighted if Danny did an awkward fast forward. period I would be absolutely ecstatic. You know what? I will do one at the mall with you tomorrow. Just do it. Yeah, man. Remember when we played when we when we played Dance Dance Revolution together? That was yeah fun.
00:42:15
Speaker
That was fun. Yeah. So, you know. Let's let's let's do indoor skydiving tomorrow. I think one of the buildings has that. I've done that before. I'll do it. I have it. I don't know how much it costs. If it's a lot of money, I'm not going to do it. But if it's cheap, i'll go do it real It's a lot of fun. I did it once.
00:42:31
Speaker
Yeah, that'd be fun. But. Anyway, let's round out the episode. We're at 42 minutes now. um Also, I was going to throw in a word of the day, but I just thought one of one, which is embellish, which means to just like, like kind of give something a little bit of extra something, you know, like embellish it with more bells and whistles. Exaggerate a little bit. Embellish. Exaggerate it in like a, you know, a good one way.
00:42:54
Speaker
Yeah. Embellish. yeah b e l l i s h E-M-B-E-L-L-I-S-H. Embellish. And for your challenge today, I want you to go tell somebody that ah just tell them that they're swell.
00:43:06
Speaker
You know, um it swell is a great, simple one, right? Yeah. I love it. I think you're swell. Adam, you're pretty swell guy. I think you're pretty swell. Thanks, man. I think that I think that gee you're you're you're a real smart fella and a swell fella and a swell.
00:43:20
Speaker
Dude, tell everybody you're a swell.
00:43:26
Speaker
That's your challenge. I don't know why that. Hey, bro, you're a swella. i don't know why that. Press the right button in my brain. Yeah, it's good one. I like it. You're a swella.
00:43:37
Speaker
All right, friends and family and all you listeners. We appreciate you more than you'll ever know. um Please, if you have any questions for us, head on over to funinstallersnetwork.biz.
00:43:50
Speaker
If you don't, just thank you for listening. you know Tell other people about us. That's how the show grows. and Leave comments on the channel as well. You can leave comments on Spotify and iTunes and shit. So review it and leave comments on there. It gets us more traction on the on the page.
00:44:04
Speaker
So go to every episode you've listened to so far and please leave a comment on it, even if it's all the same thing. I don't care. Anyway, before I was interrupted- Oh, challenge you to go leave us a note that says we're swellas. Did this man just interrupt my interruption?
00:44:20
Speaker
Huh? Stop interrupting me! What are you- Hello? Interrupting me. What? Hello? I'm sorry, the computer's going through a tunnel, I can't hear you.
00:44:32
Speaker
Oh, yeah. I'm sorry, go ahead. No, no, I don't even want to tell them anymore about how this is my dream and I love them all. ah Yeah, well, maybe just the first part, but you barely know them. Don't tell anybody you love them if you don't know a That's creepy. you I'm just kidding. We love you.
00:44:47
Speaker
Yeah, we love you. All right, we're going to end at 45 minutes exactly. ready? 45. Okay. Three, one. Oh, wait. two why ah