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Say Yes To Respect N' Sh*t
2 Playsin 1 day
What red flags do we recognize in ourselves?
Is Atom the second coming of Jesus or the third coming of Mister Rogers?
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Transcript
Playful Introduction and Wet Socks Discussion
00:00:00
Speaker
no i'm not oh well okay well it's been a hot minute here we go good morning good afternoon and good evening ladies gentlemen i'm a non-binary folks in the universe not unknown this is that's our qrtoq for sure where we take your cues and we fill them up in the bathtub filled with cues right some epsom salts in there as well and then we get a really good soak in there and we sit there for like 15 20 minutes while all of our skin cells flake off and all those delicious cues and they form together and this beautiful concoction of relaxation. And when you stand up naked as the day you were born in the bathtub, you're covered in wonderful, relaxing, soothing,
00:00:40
Speaker
muscle ache relieving A's. And if you don't know what that means it means that we take questions from the internet, and like Reddit or, you know, our own website, funnestellers.network.biz, and we answer them as if anybody really actually cares. Most people just give us questions to make us feel better.
00:00:55
Speaker
um My name is Adam, if I haven't said that already, and I'm joined as always by my buddy, Daniel Guarantee or Danny DeWorm. How are you, Danny? I take baths with my socks on.
00:01:06
Speaker
Nice. That's weird for me because i that's like my that's like ah like my one of my weaknesses is wet socks on. You like that? Oh, yeah. Oh, you hate it. Yeah, it does. It is one of the worst feelings ever.
00:01:18
Speaker
Yeah, i really don't like it. It feels like it just stakes like if it even if like you're walking around in your living room and like there was like a damp spot like that will just ruin my. Oh, OK, that I'm not that bad. Like today i had to shovel snow and i got a little Me too, brother. little in A little in the sock, but i was able to power through.
00:01:41
Speaker
Yeah, not a fan. Anyway, I'm Danny Guarantee. It is nice to see you. My name is Danny DeWorm. You're Danny Guarantee who? Danny Guarantee, brah.
00:01:52
Speaker
Oh, no. My fucking headphones just died like mid-talk. Oh, well, know what?
Headphone Mishap and Personal Quirks
00:01:58
Speaker
While he's busy dealing with that... ah confidence I guess I'll just talk to you guys real quick. It's okay. He can't hear us. So just let him deal with his thing. And, you know, we'll talk about something that he normally can't be here for, which is that I secretly love all of you. You are the best. And we really appreciate you. These are all things that I would never say he were here.
00:02:23
Speaker
Oh, he can hear me. I just have you on my speakers now, so hopefully you can't hear yourself. Man, I haven't like a week and then it goes power off. i was like, you bastard. Yeah.
00:02:35
Speaker
They're just mad. That's what you get. Anyway, sorry. I just like halfway through you said your name. I just couldn't hear you anymore. No, it's fine. So now I'm just coming in through the speakers, you said. Yeah, but like, oh, we're professional.
00:02:48
Speaker
Hey, you know what? It's fine as long as you don't hear yourself. No, it sounds fine to me. It'd be fine. Anyway, you have a question for us, Danny. I also have a question for us, but... i do. So is mine is... Mine's pretty neutral, but can be kind of silly.
00:03:05
Speaker
um i don't know about yours, if yours is a stupid, silly... It's definitely a ah very serious question. I doubt that. Okay. Mr. Adam, what red flags do you recognize in yourself?
00:03:23
Speaker
Red flags. oh Yeah, what are some things about yourself that you know, you're like, oh, I can come off like this? Well, a red flag sounds like it's much more serious. We're like, I don't know. Like, I'm sure I probably have maybe one.
00:03:37
Speaker
But like, i don't know. I don't know what I would, cons but what constitutes a red flag. Like to me, that sounds like very serious where I'd say like, you know, I think people overuse the term where someone say, oh, my red flags is I get Starbucks every day. I'm like, that's not. No, no, no, not like that. But what what is something that would like.
00:03:59
Speaker
Put off people, you know, like for me, I am horrible at initiating conversations over the phone, text, whatever. It doesn't mean I don't want to talk to people. It doesn't mean I don't care.
00:04:12
Speaker
I just live in my own little bubble when I, you know, I take it each day at a time and I just, I'm too busy focusing on my life and keeping my shit together. But I have had people,
00:04:23
Speaker
um i don't want to say accused, but I've had people tell me like, hey, you come across as pretty uncaring because you I always have to start the conversations. And I'm like, I'm sorry, i don't do it on purpose, but I get it I totally understand that that is a red flag in me. It's something that puts off people.
00:04:43
Speaker
um i don't Again, I don't do it on purpose, and it sucks. I've tried to change it, but I just don't even think about it at the time. So that's a quick one for me. What you do that puts people off?
00:04:57
Speaker
Well, yeah, I wouldn't call them red flags, I guess. like and Even what you said, like I don't think like lacking a certain... skill set or wherewithal necessarily like that as a red flag. It's just a like a quirk about you that not everybody will enjoy. but A red flag is usually like a warning sign that people look for, for like, oh, I should reconsider if I want to be connected to this person. Okay, that's fair. um This is definitely one, by the way. But we'll change...
Social Fixations and Misunderstood Humor
00:05:26
Speaker
the question a little bit. So like, what are some personality quirks? Yeah. What are some like yellow flags or orange flags that you recognize in yourself? Um, you know, besides being super pedantic about the question. Well, I'm sure I want to make sure that I understand it correctly, that I'm answering it properly because Something I'm trying to be better at and like better at in life is to, as much as I like to think I'm inquisitive, i still feel like when i when a question piques an interest or triggers me in a certain way, I'm trying not to answer it right away and make an assumption because I've had to have some humble pie before doing that.
00:06:08
Speaker
So I'm trying to just like, well, let me do a few more questions drilled in to make sure that these things aren't already covered. Or someone would go like, oh, I had a bad day at work today. And I'm like, oh, why? Oh, you know, Janet, you know, just said something mean to me. I go, that bitch Janet. And I'll just like start like, and this is why you shouldn't talk to her. And she'll be like, well, actually, no, Janet said that her dog died. You know, i'm like, ah shit that's not good you know i'm saying like it's just like an it's something like that where just like you think you're doing the right thing and responding properly where if you just ask like one more fucking question you could have saved yourself the embarrassment like you know um so that's something i'm working on is to make sure that like i glean more information before like responding to something properly um
00:06:56
Speaker
But, ah you know, I would say something that I was aware of at and hall at a holiday party recently. Is that like i get like this. I hate that it happens and I can it's always after it's over that I realized I've done it.
00:07:11
Speaker
We're like i get fixated on a thing and like i ah i beat jokes to death too much sometimes or at least the ideas. Like, for example, I was at a holiday party recently and I sat with some coworkers I knew and I sat with some coworkers I like i i've I've spoken to, but not like I didn't know well.
00:07:31
Speaker
And then also like. like People could bring their guests and like the one guy brought his significant other and he was like, oh, hey, Adam dances. Did you know that she's also she took lessons at blah, blah, blah, you know, and oh, i learned some swing. And so then but she's like, so she was oh, no, she was learning line dances. And I was like, well, let's get on the floor. The floor is empty. And she's like, nah. So I kept beating into the floor into the their brands like, oh, I'll go out on the floor with you. Let's go. Let's go. I just couldn't let that go. And like, that's all I could think to talk about.
00:08:01
Speaker
Like i didn't ask any other questions. I didn't like say like, Oh, well, how do you guys know each other? Like if this was a quieter environment, that's exactly what I would have done. But I was surrounded by a hundred people in the entire room. There's music playing. I can feel my energy rising and I'm just going real fast. And like, I just,
00:08:20
Speaker
can't fucking stop myself from doing that shit. And I just, I hate that I do it. Cause like, I mean, well, I'm not trying to be abrasive, but I can see like in hindsight, I was like, as things calmed down, I was able to get away and go look at these exhibits. Cause we were at like a museum.
00:08:34
Speaker
And I was like, fuck, I did it again. i did the thing where I was excited. I was around a bunch of people. And then I just started talking a bunch and then I really wanted people to go dance with me. So then I just wouldn't let the dance thing go when I was just trying to be funny And every conversation had to lead back to, and this is why you should come dance with me, even if we're talking about something else. I was like, fuck, like I'm so mad at myself for doing that. Like, I just, ah it's so annoying. Like, why do i why am I annoying? And like, I don't know if anybody else took away that from the conversation, but on the drive home, I was very aware of it. And I was like, fuck.
00:09:09
Speaker
man, I did it again. Like I'm better in smaller, intimate groups. When there's like a party of people, I'm just like fucking there's like, it's almost like when like, there's a cat that I live with that, like, if you pet them like too much, they get like sensory overload they start like rolling around on the ground and shit. Like, like they don't go crazy. Like they're not like, they're not hurt. They just like, don't know what to do with all this like emotion they're receiving. So they just drop on the ground, start rolling a bunch.
00:09:33
Speaker
And um so it's like, I feel like, like that's me. We're like, there's ah such thing as like too much input where like if I have ah like the energy of the room makes me feel like I have to speed up and so that's something I wouldn't call it a red flag by any means but it is something that like I am nervous that I do probably more often than I realize I do and like I'm trying to be better about that and so like I'm embarrassed for myself that I didn't like ask this person's partner.
00:10:03
Speaker
So how long have you known each other? You know, you know, cause I noticed their nameplates, they had two different last names. So I was like, maybe they're not married or maybe she kept her name, but I didn't know how to ask that. But I was just, I could have been like, how do you know each other? Are you guys dating? I've just making assumptions. I didn't do anything like that. I was just like, so you dance. It sounds like you're nervous about dancing in front of people. I can help you with that. And it turned into just this fucking ordeal of me being like, Come on, it'll be good. Like, you know, you already know what you're doing. Show me the line dance. She showed me a video. It was easy to learn. I was like, i'll learn it with you. Can you teach it to me out on the floor? I just, you know, I just couldn't fucking let it go because I saw like an opportunity to push somebody into out of their comfort zone when they weren't asking me to. And I was like, fuck, I did like I could I can hear myself doing it and I couldn't stop myself.
00:10:48
Speaker
You are too helpful. i couldn't let go. and like, sometimes I just need someone to just say, but Hey, let's not do that anymore. you know Down, boy. Down. Right. Here's what I'm gathering. Adam is a dog. I relate so much to excited dogs. Yeah, I could tell. Get him in a room full of energy. He wants to play with everybody. Calm down, boy. down. We're putting you back in the crate. I love that I love people, and I'll never not have that.
00:11:20
Speaker
And like I don't want to get rid of it. But i I do struggle in those environments to like really... temper myself when I'm just so excited that there are so many people around that I could interact with. And this person is like, oh, we might have a thing and kind of in common.
00:11:36
Speaker
Oh, that's what I should just really beat into the ground. Now it's like, ah, like, but in any other concept, if it was like, like we're in a coffee shop or if we were sitting at like a lunch table somewhere and it wasn't music blaring, like it would have been a way different conversation.
00:11:50
Speaker
But like, I just couldn't fucking, it was just that environment made you want to dance. So you, that's all you could think about. That's all I could, think about and knowing that like she was too shy even though her goal is I would love to be comfortable enough to dance in front of people someday I heard there's a problem here's a thing I want to do we have this thing in common you could help and that's all the fuck I could talk about and then she's like well you know if there were more people on the floor I could kind of blend in and I was like roughly how many because I could go get like a posse going and started asking people the table you do you want to come out do you want to come out with us help this girl dance huh that way she can feel confident for Everybody listening, he really is like this. He will absolutely go and get a whole group of people on a dance floor just to make one person feel a little bit better about getting out of their comfort He's done this shit to me. he absolutely will do this. I just like, and like, i I always mean well, but like, I just, I worry that it offends people and i could, I wish I could just stop myself. So that's one for me. I don't know what you call that. maybe over eager in certain environments. But that is one that I just can't. I just I wish I were better about.
00:12:59
Speaker
i think I'm getting better, but just I didn't realize that I would lose myself in that moment like I did. And I'm like, ah, fuck. Now I have to check in with David at work on Monday and make sure I didn't throw his yeah fucking his guest off.
00:13:13
Speaker
Well, here's another one for me while you come up with another one for you. i when i talk to people that are close friends, And family and everything.
00:13:24
Speaker
I grew up in a very sarcastic, quote unquote, mean household. You know, like we all make fun of each other kind of mean. um And because of that, I have. ah I wouldn't even say thick skin. I just I don't even care. It just
Friendship Dynamics and Genuine Connections
00:13:39
Speaker
rolls right off of me. um But that's how I am with my friends and everything. And I have told people multiple times.
00:13:47
Speaker
I like to make fun of people. I will. You know, if I like you, I'll make fun of you. If you don't like that, tell me and I will do my best not to do it. That being said, there are times where I met somebody and it just, you know, we clicked like that.
00:14:06
Speaker
We just became the best of friends immediately. And I just soared into that making fun of people bit without saying my spiel about, you know, oh, i you know, if you don't like it, let me know.
00:14:19
Speaker
And I remember one time a friend of mine and I, we went into a elevator and there were these two girls in the elevator with us. And my friend who was serially single at the time started hitting it off with this one girl.
00:14:38
Speaker
I started talking to the other girl and all four of us were getting along great. We were getting along beautifully. And the friend says something to the girl I'm talking to, and she's not paying any attention. And like five seconds later goes, wait, what? I'm sorry, what?
00:14:55
Speaker
And I, without even thinking, go like, oh, yeah, I've had those moments, too, where the brain just shuts off. What do you mean my brain just shuts off? and And I just freeze. My friend starts giving me the dead eye.
00:15:07
Speaker
ah the two girls are looking at that daggers at me. And then immediately when the door opened, they just walked out. My friend goes, really? oh man. I was like, dude, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to ruin your game.
00:15:21
Speaker
He is happily married now, so he's fine. But it all worked out. ge Yeah. He was not happy with me at that moment. Just cause I was like, yeah, I get that too. You know, your brain just shuts off and you're like, duh.
00:15:33
Speaker
like ah mean That wasn't even that bad, though. It's not that bad, but we literally met them five minutes ago. But that's not but that's not. But you weren't saying like, oh, you're dumb.
00:15:44
Speaker
You're just like sometimes just have a lapse. Everybody does it like I don't see why that was so offensive. I don't know. They got real angry at me. Fucking thin skinned people like just like get over yourselves.
00:15:55
Speaker
and My God, really? Yes. And every once in a while I do make a joke at one of my friends. I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. That was a little far. They luckily all my friends know it's all in good fun. I love all of them to death.
00:16:09
Speaker
I mean, nothing of what I say. Right, Adam. Yes. When you tell all of our listeners that you love them, you mean nothing. That's right. Wait, wait a minute. Wait a minute. um Yeah, I don't think that's that bad. Like, I see what you mean, though, but.
00:16:29
Speaker
I think with people, it's good to let someone know those that that quirk like, hey, if I like you, that means I make fun of you. Or if I make funny, that means I like you. You know, that's pretty classic way to like.
00:16:40
Speaker
hmm. Be vulnerable without being vulnerable. Sometimes just like, hey, I like you. You're stupid. um Yeah, absolutely. I'm like, if you know, if I poke fun at you, it means I like you. If I always tell people if I'm super nice to you only.
00:16:56
Speaker
It means that I'm just being nice. Although you are pretty nice to me. You're not mean to me that much. So I feel like either I'm the exception to the rule or you genuinely don't like me that much. I think you just genuinely don't pay attention when we play video games together.
00:17:10
Speaker
You don't say mean things to me. Like, very rarely do you say anything insulting in my direction. Yeah, I think. Okay. Maybe I'm not as mean as I think I am. yeah Either you're not as mean as you think you are, or you just don't insult me that much. Cause like I, there's nothing that I can think of in recent memory that I can remember you saying other than like,
00:17:33
Speaker
Like, if anything, I feel like you're more empathetic because like I get lost very easily. Like, like, you know, usually you're very patient when I'm trying to like pick things I'm doing in a game because I have a hard time seeing some things.
00:17:45
Speaker
Like, I don't think you've ever been like, hurry the fuck up, idiot. Or like, no, no, I would never be like a little slow or like you. I don't think you've ever. I wouldn't do anything mean spirited like that.
00:17:57
Speaker
But like like, I don't think you've ever I can't think of anything you've ever said that wasn't us. Maybe I'm getting nicer in my old age. Yeah, I don't get nicer because old like young Dan in high school, if we were playing a game together and you kept getting lost, I would absolutely be like, come here, boy, come here, come here, which is fine. Like, which is fine. Like, I'm not right. It's it's a joke, right? It's like a little jab, but it I don't mean it in a mean way.
00:18:26
Speaker
But some people used to take things in mean ways, even though i I never tried to offend. i never want to offend anybody. i have no desire to offend anybody. yeah I don't I don't think maybe I'm just getting even nicer in my old age and like the things I find offensive aren't even offensive anymore.
00:18:44
Speaker
Yeah, I don't I don't I don't. Yeah, I I'm really trying to think of if there's ever a time that you said anything that felt like you were kind of trying to pick on me out of love. I can't really well. All right, fine. i I'll come clean.
00:18:57
Speaker
Adam, what did I just say before about if I'm nice to somebody? That you don't like them.
00:19:04
Speaker
Right. Which is why I said that. Adam, look, there's something I need to tell you, man. Okay. we Yeah. That's why I said that in the beginning. I said, either you're not as mean as you think, or you don't like me.
00:19:23
Speaker
I think you don't have an excuse to think I don't like you. Which is why i don't think you're as mean as you think. Yeah. Because like I genuinely can. I guess I've gotten nicer in my old age.
00:19:35
Speaker
Ew, is that maturity? Gross. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, I can't think of that. I mean, like, I think everybody will tend to give their friends like a little shit. but i Yeah. i do give leave Anything like that. I mean, I'm really mean to Mel Beluga. Well, that you are for sure. I've heard that.
00:19:53
Speaker
um But that's yeah, she dishes it back. Yeah. um Oh, man, I'm getting soft. Ew. There's my red flag. I'm getting soft.
00:20:04
Speaker
Yeah, I like I'm losing my alpha bro energy. Yeah, I think um I had a discussion with some folks because we went out after the holiday party on Friday night and. ah We were having a discussion about.
00:20:20
Speaker
We played this game called. You know, that never have I ever. Right. Which I've never actually played. I didn't know there were rules to it. But like, I guess like you hold up 10 fingers and you put one down every time that like you've done the thing that someone says they haven't done or something.
00:20:35
Speaker
And I was handily winning. Like I had so still sticks, fingers ups and everybody else was was out. And they took that as like. like Oh, Adam's just like a much better person than the rest of us. But a lot of it was just things like they lived a little bit more than I did. Like one of them I said was about like, I've never been to a national park and I want to go do that.
00:20:56
Speaker
um You know, like, but other ones were like, Oh, never have i ever been blackout drunk or never have I ever, I don't know, tried ah a synthetic substance or never have i ever stole something or never, you know, and I started doing like things like that. And I was like,
00:21:10
Speaker
you know, I just didn't do that thing. but So I think it was a combination of like, I haven't done a lot of like sinful things, but also I haven't like done as much adventure as I'd like yet. But like there, everybody took away from this game of like, boy, we all thought that we were like good people, but Adam makes us feel like we need to like level that up. And in one case, I think like, it'd be great that I can inspire you to be better. But in this case, it makes me feel like you're like, oh, I'm a good person, but not good enough. And I'm like, that's not remotely the vibe I want to put out. Dude, why would you make your friends feel like shit? You're such an asshole. That's what I said. I was like, I said, are you good? Like, I feel like you that was me doing the thing.
00:21:45
Speaker
But I feel like that's different. That's not like, I don't know. I don't take that as like, that's, I don't know. I see why you would think that that's like you being mean, but that's, that's just like a quick, like little follow joke thing. That's all I do. I do these little jabs. yeah I've had people say like, I'm mean before, so. No, that's that's people who are too thin skinned. if So if you said, well, why would you do that? And i go, oh, I'm like, get grow the fuck up. Take your goddamn meds. Go take a nap and grow the fuck up. OK, like chill. OK.
00:22:14
Speaker
ah But like, ah yeah. Why was I telling that story? all right I don't know. Well, you you because it was making people feel bad about themselves because it brings you joy. Right. Exactly. I feel good that I'm so good that people feel shitty that they're not as good yeah of a person as me. We were actually talking about this yesterday. Adam is actually the second coming of Jesus.
00:22:34
Speaker
I said that to my friends the other day, like the people I was with, and they were like torn on how to receive that. So Adam has this great bit that he does. ah where he'll do something for somebody and they'll be like, oh, thank God that was there. And he'll be like, don't thank God I did it. Yeah. I did it to the conclusion that ah we're actually thinking the same person. Adam is just Jesus.
00:23:01
Speaker
Well, I guess so. Like, it's just annoying. We're like, I'll save somebody's life in a video game or like, I'll leave something for someone to find later. And i go, oh, thank God I found him. Like, no, no, no. I did that. don't think. No, I did that. God didn't do it. I fucking did it. You know, works nothing but the instrument of God.
00:23:20
Speaker
Right. So like, yeah, i I don't know. I just, it was just very funny because they were just like, I think I told you this, but I didn't say this to, you know, on the show, but I did like that conversation did lead to to a very wonderful, well, I actually got the compliment before that. I'm lying. It wasn't then it came beforehand, which I think now that I'm thinking about it again,
00:23:43
Speaker
I think that must be where it came from, like that comment when we were playing the game. which Because earlier in the day, we were in this museum and we went to the floor that I wanted to visit, which had like a little shrine for Mr. Rogers. He was one of my childhood heroes. I still think about him a lot. um just someone who I very much tried to aspire to be even as ah as a boy.
00:24:04
Speaker
And I lost my way a little bit in my early twenties and I found it again. And I was just like, why was I, would I ever think to stray from being just the person that Mr. Rogers believed that I could be. And so like, I went there and I sat on the floor and I just looked at him for a little bit. And like one of the old black and white versions of his show was playing behind him, this wax figure that he had.
00:24:25
Speaker
And like one of my coworkers, like, came up who I ended up hanging out with later that evening. She and her partner were standing there and she says, you know now that I'm looking at it, you know I feel like you know you you're you're kind of like a modern day Mr. Rogers. and you i And I know I said this to you last night, but I looked at her and I was like, I hope that you're being sincere because I'm going think about this a lot if you're being serious right now.
00:24:45
Speaker
I was like, please don't joke about that because like, Like no one has ever said that to me before. like, it was unprompted. And she goes, well, no, no, no. And she says, you know, you're kind, you think of others, you're always trying to do right by everybody. You explain yourself, you try to make everybody feel safe around you. She's like, you know, if there's anybody that I know in my entire life, like you're probably the closest to how he wanted everybody to be. And I was just like, cool. I'm gonna think about that all night. Thanks. Yeah. Thanks, I'm going to go cry in the back now. And then as I drove home, I was like, you know, I'm kind like a combination of Mr. Rogers, Weird Al Yankovic, and Spider-Man.
00:25:20
Speaker
you know wow You know, like, the sna didn' really see the spid you know, like I'm snarky a little bit like I'm witty. Like, it's the like soup i had one liners, you know, weird out Yankovic. I like the parody things. I like to be funny, but I also like to be sincere, like weird ah or like, i well, also like weird out. He's also very sincere, man, but also like ah ah Fred Rogers.
00:25:42
Speaker
But anyway, so like, I feel like that's like, so the Jesus thing came from that later, but I I'm betting that's probably why she said that later in the night after we
Respect, Loyalty, and Relationship Insights
00:25:53
Speaker
played the game. Cause then she was probably remembering that thought and then just being like, well shit.
00:25:57
Speaker
And I was like, man, that's not the vibe I want to put out. I'm doing it wrong. If you guys are feeling like shit by the end of it, like, ban it maybe you're not the second coming. I was like, maybe you're the third coming. Maybe I'm the third coming of Fred Rogers. Mr. Rogers was the second coming.
00:26:12
Speaker
Yeah, maybe. I don't know. But like, but with Danny, you particular, because I kept saying a lot last night, like, yes, my son, whatever you need. Oh, well, today, today, because it snowed. It was the first real snowfall the year today. And ah at first, the snowblower wasn't starting up.
00:26:30
Speaker
And fucking snowblower. I do i know. um And I put some gas in and I'm messing with the the engine. you know, the settings and everything. And I finally get it to start. I'm kind of playing with the choke. It's a little messed up, but I'm like, oh, thank God that the snow. No, sorry.
00:26:51
Speaker
Thank Adam that the snow is
00:27:00
Speaker
Mel came out to visit me. God dang it. Beluga came out to visit me. She doesn't care. um Beluga came out to visit me when she heard like the engine turning over, but not quite catching.
00:27:12
Speaker
And she's like, oh, no, is the snowblower working? And then it finally starts up and I'm like, yes, it's working. They got them.
00:27:22
Speaker
I don't know why. Like, I shouldn't be that happy about that, but it's just funny.
00:27:30
Speaker
To be clear to the people out there, I joke about like maybe it's it's a half joke if I'm being totally totally honest. like I do like oftentimes where how I'm very sensitive to how people treat each other. I'm very aware of how the world is. And I recently come to a realization that i it sounds a bit ah ah arrogant, but I wish more people could see the world the way that I see it.
00:27:53
Speaker
I wish people could see people the way that I see people. like And like the fact that a lot of people don't, or maybe they're afraid to, is why I started joking about this eventually being like, you know what, maybe I'm Jesus. you know what I feel like I treat people way closer to how Jesus would than most people treat each other. And so it kind of stemmed from that, from other conversations I had with other friends. And then it just kind of kept building on this other stupid thing.
00:28:16
Speaker
So like, no, I don't think I'm Jesus. But... I will lean very hard into that joke. That's fine if you don't think you're Jesus. That's good I don't think I'm Jesus. I do.
00:28:26
Speaker
Good. As long as you believe my son. I absolutely do. I don't have to believe in me. I believe in you, holy dad. um Yeah. What is it? The father, the what is it? The father, the son, the son, holy spirit, and the holy dad. Holy dad.
00:28:43
Speaker
The dad, I'm the son and the Holy Spirit. Yeah. The father, the son and the Holy shit. That's me. um So blasphemy aside, I just want you guys to know, I don't actually think yeah that I'm Jesus Christ, but I do think that I emulate a lot more of what he sought to teach and do than a lot of people who claim to study what he did and then still not do. that's all I'm saying.
00:29:10
Speaker
If the people could see the world through my eyes, I think the world would be a lot kinder place is all I'm saying. Be kind to each other. Just shut up and do it. Just don't be a dick. Don't complain about it. I know it's hard to do things for people and not expect stuff in return. Boo fricking who be nice.
00:29:31
Speaker
It just becomes it becomes be nice it becomes a mentality eventually. Like you just like you just or if nothing else, if you don't want to put more good things out, put less bad things in or I'm sorry, put less bad things out then. Right. Like just don't.
00:29:50
Speaker
fight the world because you're mad at your situation. Right? Like there are people to be mad at, but don't treat everybody the same way. They didn't fucking do it. Right? Like, I hate the phrase like, oh, I like my dog more than I like most people. i was like, you don't know most people.
00:30:07
Speaker
How can you say that? You only know your dog. That's not fair. you know, like there's tons of people that might be just as cool as your dog. If not pretty close. You don't know that because you don't want to give them chance. That's fair.
00:30:20
Speaker
I like my bird more than I like most people. And i am willing to stand by that because ah the baseline of knowing somebody is lower than where my bird is because I love my bird.
00:30:34
Speaker
The baseline. When I just meet a person, I'm and indifferent. Yeah, but you keep that bird in a cage for most of its life. You can't have full on conversation. Absolutely don't. It doesn't even know your name.
00:30:46
Speaker
It does know like my name. it knows his He knows his name. He doesn't know your name. If I walked up to that bird and said, what's that guy's name? He wouldn't go, Daddy Goward, T. He wouldn't.
00:30:57
Speaker
He doesn't even know you. No, but he does sometimes say thank you, baby, which is cute. Right, because he copies what you say when you say to him and or your wife. He's super nice. He's a good boy. um But I'm just saying, you know, just I'm not saying you got to love people the way that I love people. But like, you know, if everybody just stopped holding on to all this negative shit into it, turn into a time bomb, the world would be a lot kinder of a place. That's all saying. Put less bad shit out. I think i think people have one the
00:31:28
Speaker
All right. You know what Here's the tangent time. Two things. One, people have ah forgotten what respect is. And I don't mean that as in, oh, you kids today, they don't show respect to people. above above No, that's not what I mean. I actually mean the opposite.
00:31:46
Speaker
People seem to have gotten into their heads that respect means I have to look at you and go, yes, sir, whatever you say, sir, yes, ma'am, whatever you say, ma'am, I will do whatever you tell me to without question. That is not respect. That's blind loyalty, and that is bad, especially for somebody you don't know.
00:32:05
Speaker
At the same time, people seem to think that you should start at no respect for somebody, and they have to earn a baseline of respect. And both of those are wrong.
00:32:16
Speaker
Respect is just showing the other person. you You give them the benefit of the doubt, right? If they say something that you find kind of an insult, it's your first thought being, oh maybe he didn't realize, you know, I think my nose is a little is is gross looking, right? And he he said something about my nose and now I'm self-conscious.
00:32:41
Speaker
It's giving the benefit of the doubt and being like, he probably didn't know I'm self-conscious of my nose. He probably wasn't saying that to hurt me. But it's also realizing that, you know, respect is just that. It's just giving the benefit a doubt and treating with a little bit of kindness.
00:32:57
Speaker
It's not letting that person walk all over you. It's not, and you don't need to start at zero. You show somebody respect until they prove to you that they don't deserve it.
00:33:09
Speaker
Well, it's a it's a two-way street, which a lot of people forget. They think you have to respect me, but because I think you are beneath me or I think you haven't earned it, I don't have to respect you Yes. A lot of people just kind of walk with a certain stature of just like,
00:33:23
Speaker
i I demand it. you know like If I'm in a relationship, you have to respect me. Or if you just met me, you have to respect me. And it's like, well, you also have to do that. right like The baseline is like an equal level of, hey, like let's show each other some courtesy as opposed to just like,
00:33:40
Speaker
you know I don't care if you know I know you, if I don't, or if you're like the head honcho of a corporation or the fucking president of the United States, I don't have to respect you any more than you respect me.
00:33:53
Speaker
But I will still show you courtesy. I will still show you kindness. And you can, based on our own interactions, can ch show me you know, do you deserve something more or is it just baseline respect of that's a human, they deserve dignity versus like, oh, hey, I'm going to tell everybody about you. Like, I feel like a very strong sense of like admiration for you because that's what people want. That's what they think respect is, is you're afraid of me and you admire me versus like, oh man, just like a stand up person. That's someone who you can blind loyalty, which is not a good thing.
00:34:25
Speaker
Right. you know Nobody should have blind loyalty. Because if somebody wants blind loyalty, they don't deserve it. If somebody wants power like that, they don't deserve it. They're not going to do good things with it.
00:34:37
Speaker
Right. Never blindly be loyal to anyone. Always keep your mind open for anybody. Yeah. Last thing I'll say on that. um Is something I keep noticing is like.
00:34:54
Speaker
If you have to keep saying it, then like you probably don't actually, you probably haven't earned it. Like there's a lot of people who often have to just highlight their own things. They want people to notice or they want people to think about them.
00:35:09
Speaker
And it's like, if you have to keep drawing attention to it, it's not probably, you know, it's probably not something people notice about you. Like, you know, the whole nice guy thing. I'm a nice guy. Nice people don't say they're nice a lot of the time. It's the same thing with the whole manliness alpha male epidemic. Right. Like you don't tell me to convince everybody that you're manly. That's probably the biggest bitch thing I could ever think of doing. Right. Or if you're like, oh, I deserve respect. And again, there are reasons to say that. But most of the time, it's just more of like a authoritative. I'm the man, whatever. Like I deserve. You know, it's like, you know, no, you you deserve respect if you give respect. Like it's a two way street. But a lot of people like it. It's like.
00:35:49
Speaker
oh yeah, I got all this and I'm this and i'm I'm very smart. And it's like, you know, typically, or i'm I'm very nice. I know I'm a nice person. And it's like, I'm not saying that's totally incorrect, but typically those things come from external sources. People say that about you. It's something that people learn about you because there's consistency in the character that you show, whereas you just do a nice thing once and then you get rejected or it doesn't go your way. And then you decide, well, now I'm going to be a dick. That doesn't make you a nice person. That means you tried to do a nice thing with an expectation that didn't meet that, that, that goal. Right.
00:36:26
Speaker
So anyway, all that to say, you know, these things come from like how your character is portrayed through consistency. not there's There's a difference between, Being a nice person and doing a nice thing, just like there is a difference between doing something idiotic and being an idiot.
00:36:45
Speaker
yeah like so I have a few friends who they'll do something, they'll mess up or something. They'll be like, oh, I'm such an idiot. And I'm like, no, because you always do these cool things, but you messed up once. you did You did something idiotic. you know that You just messed up. You did something a little stupid.
00:37:02
Speaker
That doesn't mean you are stupid. It means you slipped up. the same thing with being nice. If you do a nice thing and then you're a dick, you're a dick who tried to do something nice. Right. a nice If you want to be a nice person, the default has to be being nice.
00:37:17
Speaker
Right. That has to be your default. And then, yeah, okay, maybe sometimes you slip up, you say something a little dickish, issued comes off wrong, or maybe you were just feeling a little spicy that day.
00:37:28
Speaker
It happens. You're a nice person who was a dick. For that one moment, you did a dickish thing. Right. And just like owed it say I fucked up. I'm sorry. or right and that's a mistake that's one of the cornerstones of being a nice person is owning up to it and being like, hey, man, I'm really sorry. i i i didn't mean that. You know, i I was feeling spicy and I said something I didn't mean to say.
00:37:52
Speaker
And I'm sorry and actually meaning it. And hey, you know what? I said something earlier I didn't mean to say. I do think I'm Jesus. I just didn't want to sound like too pompous on the podcast. But I do think that.
00:38:04
Speaker
I do think it with all of my heart. I think I might be him. I have respect for you, so I fully believe that and will kiss the ground you walk on. Thank you. Actually, I don't walk on it at all. There's only... i just float nowadays.
00:38:19
Speaker
You know, they say like, oh, there's only one set of footprints because I can't. There's no footprints now. I i forget. i forget what me and Beluga were talking about. This is like two weeks ago. And I was taking on the the thing of like, yes, praise me, praise me, whatever. I think she she gave me like the rare compliment. And I was like, yes, that's right. Shower me in praise. If you want, I was walking over there before. If you want to start kissing over there first.
00:38:44
Speaker
Oh my goodness. I'm sure she took that well. ah Yeah, the the compliment stopped real quick after that. She's like, well, I'm not going to compliment my baby anymore. Fuck that guy. Yeah.
00:38:58
Speaker
right, real quick. ah May I change the subject to something a little bit more ah lofty before we head out? Yes. Yes, please. I looked a question. it says it's I didn't look at the Reddit name. Is this why you were laughing before we started? This is always a bad sign.
00:39:17
Speaker
this this question ah oh real quick before we start my question what red flags do you recognize in yourself uh thank you p back rider uh oh yeah p back p back rider i just yeah thank you for that one okay anyway this question is from rumple ball skin for fuck's sake
00:39:44
Speaker
I didn't read that the first time I read this question. Oh, no. And what what does Rumpelballskin have to say for Hans?
00:39:54
Speaker
That's such a funny name. Jesus. People come up with the greatest fucking words. Oh my God, that's so fucking funny. Rumble Ballskin. All right, well here we go. The question is, what's your what's your funny way of saying going poop that you've never heard from anyone else?
00:40:14
Speaker
It's from Rumble Ballskin. That's such a fitting one. I do have the question, like I do have answers. I have the thread open and there are some delicious ones in here.
00:40:25
Speaker
Like ones I have never heard. my god. i don't think I have any that somebody probably hasn't said in some variation. i have two. One of which is between us, so it surprises me. Is it take a shitty?
00:40:38
Speaker
Take a shitty. Yeah. Because we were playing a game yesterday where you have to poop. Yeah. As part of the game. And i was like, oh, hang on. Before we go on this adventure, I got to take a shitty shitty. Yeah. um And then the other one, I think I told the story on here when had the runs and I told my. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Beautiful wife. You had to go make poop soup.
00:40:58
Speaker
Yeah. Poop soup was a good. I think that made it into the title of that episode. I think I think it did. It was a good one. I'm very proud of poop soup. Yeah. Yeah. Like I use a lot of the classics, like, you know, got to drop the kids off at the pool or, you know.
00:41:16
Speaker
But like, I don't know if I like I got to go. I don't know. don't know. I got like I got a shit on deck or something like that. But like, um i think crap salad was when I said once. perhaps Yeah. it's like But I got a whole crap salad ready. Like it's not even like to take a shit. It's just like I have to poop. So. so Beluga and I, just real quick, we have one bathroom in our house.
00:41:41
Speaker
So, you know, concessions must be made. So we tell each other when we have to poop, like, hey, I have to go. It's going to smell afterwards. ah Do you want to go pee? Like, take a safety pee before?
00:41:55
Speaker
A safety pee. A safety pee so that you don't have to go while it's still smelly. I love the name safety pee. That's great. It's gotten to the point now where and we really just have to look at each other because I'm very, you know, regular when I poo at the same time every day.
00:42:11
Speaker
So what that like, that's crazy. Oh, it's great. Ish. ah So like, i'll I'll be, you know, home, i'll eat breakfast and about an hour later without fail, I'll start to feel it coming on. So I just look at Mel and she's like, all right, she'll just get a big of me.
00:42:28
Speaker
Oh my God. You want to hear some of the ones that these people put in the answers? Yes, please. One of them said, i have a task I cannot delegate. Another one said a quote from don Don Quixote was, he must go and do what a man can do for.
00:42:48
Speaker
Must go and do what no man can do for another. um There was one called Invert the Mud Bucket. Oh, God.
00:43:02
Speaker
One of them says, well, got to go separate the art from the artist.
00:43:11
Speaker
Which is probably my favorite one. I like that one a lot. One of them says, nature's calling and we have a lot to talk about. Oh my God. There's another one. i saw another one that was really good earlier. Oh, that reminds me.
00:43:27
Speaker
So... While you're looking for that, one more quick story because I'm Danny Guarantee and I tell stories. It's what I do. h ah And this is what I mean when I say, like grow older, or don't grow up.
00:43:39
Speaker
You know, you got to keep a certain level of immaturity because it keeps life more fun. So Beluga and I were making cookies and we make these super delicious Andy's candies cookies.
00:43:53
Speaker
And it's basically just like a dog. chocolate brownie cookie with a melted andy's candy on top oh yeah it's so good and what you have to do is you have to make this really thick batter put it in the fridge for a bit and then you sculpt into balls and and put it on a tray to bake well it's just this dark brown hard goo right so i'm squishing it into balls and i just grab a whole big clump of it and i shape it into the shape of a turd
00:44:25
Speaker
this And man, it looked exactly like a poop I would do. Right. And I'm i'm molding it and I'm kind of looking at it. Melo blue guy asked me what I'm doing. I'm like, I think this is about the right size. This is about how I poop.
00:44:40
Speaker
and This is how I know I found true love. She's just like, OK. I think mine look more like those. Yeah.
00:44:52
Speaker
That's awesome. It's great. I was going to say that. I was like, I was expecting you gross. Damn. What the hell? Shut up. But now it's just I think mine looks more like that one over there.
00:45:05
Speaker
That's great. I love that. It was one of those moments where i was like, I'm I won at life. Yeah, I think I think it's ass a very like I do. That is something that's like as a single man, like something that like I mean, I've always appreciated even when I was in a couple, but like.
00:45:25
Speaker
Sometimes you see a couple and you're like, Yeah, like they're they're not just like a couple, they're friends, right? Like that's something that i think is like such an important part of being in a solid relationship is like you're friends. You actually like each other beyond just like the...
00:45:46
Speaker
the romantic expectations like your your friends you you hang out like you like to do shit you have inside jokes you can talk about your shit you know it's like there are things that you like you're just this person likes this person and like it's it's I worked ah as a dance instructor, especially I met a lot of couples come in in and out and um you could see them at different stages.
00:46:09
Speaker
And like, there were some that I was, you know, they're older and it was like cranky around each other all the time and they fight all the time. Or like, they're just there, you know, but then there's other ones that like, they just, they're smiling the whole time. They're laughing at everything. maybe The other one says, i have a bunch of stupid inside jokes and shit.
00:46:24
Speaker
And just like, man, they must just have like such experience. Like, like, I love that these guys seem like they're friends. Like, if I didn't know they were dating, I'd like, they're really good fucking friends. And so like, I love like ah seeing that in a couple is just like, these people actually like each other. Like, you know, they enjoy each other's company beyond just like, oh,
Humorous Euphemisms and Light-hearted Ending
00:46:42
Speaker
you're my wife or my husband, I get to kiss you. Like, just like, hey, I like hanging out with you. You're just you just make me feel good. I like being around you. And like, we're comfortable. It's never boring here.
00:46:52
Speaker
There's always laughing at some point. Yeah, i appreciate I appreciate that a lot when I'm around. I hope everybody can find the kind of the kind of love that we have. like I really do.
00:47:04
Speaker
Yeah. Also, I saw one called Rest My Balls.
00:47:10
Speaker
Thank you. You're getting off topic. but By SpaceCowboy58. He said, rest my balls. Oh, my God. Uh, I'm trying and think of other good ones I've heard. I've heard of, I need to go to the defecation station.
00:47:25
Speaker
Yeah. I've always liked that one. Um, yeah, I gotta go. I like to come up with different ones, but it's usually based on like, if we're watching a show, right. You know, I'll just be like, I'll just pause the show randomly and be like, you know, speaking of having to, i don't know, take a load off.
00:47:48
Speaker
Yep. And then I'll look at Mel and she'll be like, okay. Like watching Big Bang Theory and you're like, hang on, I got to go write some equations. Yeah. I got to go make a new discovery.
00:48:01
Speaker
so um The worst is because like I said, I'm i'm very regular, right? if ah My body, if it's one thing, it is predictable. And on the weekends, I always have to poop when Beluga first wakes up.
00:48:19
Speaker
And, you know, when you first wake up, you always have to pee. Sure. So almost every day, every weekend, while I'm pooping, she'll be like, you pooping in there. I'm like, oh, yes.
00:48:32
Speaker
I will purposely hold that shit in for like an hour. And being like, OK, well, I have to poop. You know, if I I'll just hold it until she wakes up because she's going to wake up soon.
00:48:45
Speaker
So I will hold it for like an hour. She won't come out. OK, she's still asleep. It must be safe. I'll go to poop and without fail. Are you pooping in goddammit woman?
00:49:00
Speaker
Like now I'm um'm building a rocket ship in here. yeah God dang it I'm busy expelling the demons. Yeah, and um I'm busy. um Expecto my Patrona. I'm busy, Harry Potter. It's in there somewhere. I'm busy shaving Hagrid's beard. why. I'm busy doubling my doors.
00:49:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:49:34
Speaker
Anyway. Oh my goodness. um so that's the end of that. I just wanted to end us on a high light note. That is shit. I don't know, man. I think that was a little brown note.
00:49:48
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, probably. Yeah, a little bit. um So anyway, hey, guys, thanks for listening. Thanks for being here. Thanks for being alive. Thanks for doing all the things that you do, unless it's bad stuff, in which case don't do that.
00:50:01
Speaker
But thank you for considering not doing the bad things. Yeah, we appreciate you not doing bad things. Hey, don't do the bad things. Do the good things, what saying? just don't do the bad thing. Do the good thing. Do the good thing. And so, hey. um Uh, we've got, you know, fun installers, never talk, babes. We have a store over there. We have shirts on there that Danny and I created. We have, uh,
00:50:23
Speaker
You know, our questions, if you want to ask us some, um I know Christmas time and I think Hanukkah just started actually tonight as a recording. Oh, sure. Happy Hanukkah. think Hanukkah started at sundown today.
00:50:34
Speaker
So happy holidays to you. Happy Hanukkah to those who celebrate. Yeah, absolutely. This episode will likely come out before Christmas. So also happy Christmas to you. And I don't know when Kwanzaa starts, but happy Kwanzaa. Happy Kwanzaa. Was it happy, merry Christ, mahana Kwanzaa?
00:50:50
Speaker
and I can't remember all of them. But hey, you know what? That's why we say happy holidays. So I hope whatever it is you celebrate. Or if you don't at all, that you have just a lovely day. Just have good life.
00:51:01
Speaker
yeah Whatever you celebrate, whatever you do, just have a good life. Just have a good life. and I wish that for you. Yeah. And ah go ahead, Danny, and take it away before we get out of here. Well, you see, I actually got half of this out while you weren't listening. but no I was listening. I just let you talk.
00:51:17
Speaker
Weirdo. thank you all so much for listening. We really do appreciate it. Uh, we do this for you and for ourselves. You know, we like to just bring a little laughs, little smiles to the world, but we wouldn't be doing this, uh, here if people didn't listen. And we really do appreciate that with, from the bottom of our hearts. So this holiday season, this, whatever season you celebrate, or if you don't celebrate at all, that's fine too.
00:51:42
Speaker
Enjoy yourself, you know, maybe, uh, be a little bit more, um I forgot the word. My mom is right. I need to go to a counseling thing for these.
00:51:55
Speaker
For what? i learn how to speak in a mic. She was saying i should go to um like a voice... Like a studio recording kind of class.
00:52:07
Speaker
Or get a voice coach or something like that. So... we stop talking over each other and I stop saying, um, and tripping over my words. Well, to be fair with the talking over each other thing, a lot of podcasts are recorded with video or in person. And so it's easier to see when that's going to happen. Cause you can see someone's going to talk or their body language shows something where we just do this. It's a black screen in front of us. I can see my name and Danny's name and that's it in a timer.
00:52:38
Speaker
And that's it. So it's more common because there isn't a recognition of social, like facial cues or body language. Right. So give yourself some grace there because it's a lot harder when you're audio only.
00:52:51
Speaker
Oh, well, thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah. ums are different Um, um, um, um, sorry, I'm getting it all out now. Um, um, um, um.
00:53:03
Speaker
But yeah, we we really do appreciate you and have a great holiday season. I really do wish the best for every one of you. And thank you so much for listening. We really do appreciate it. Yeah.
00:53:14
Speaker
And, ah you know, if you have to, we wish you the happiest of shitties. May your shitties be large, not too hard, not too soft.
00:53:26
Speaker
And may they smell of roses. Did you say may they smell of roses? Yes. May they smell of roses. Oh. May... yeah May your shit smell as if you've released your excrement in a beautiful rose garden. May may your shitties be that of a rose garden.
00:53:51
Speaker
May your shit... I got nothing better than that. Okay.