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Savage Worlds - The Phony Express 2.7: Pants Pants Revolution!
90 Plays10 months ago
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Transcript
Introduction and Character Setup
00:00:25
Speaker
uh good morning good afternoon and good evening ladies and gentlemen non-binary folks if universe is known and unknown this is role players and welcome back to the funny express episode seven how do you say seven in german sieben sieben sieben sieben oh sieben fende dine sieben dragon balls right yes exactly yeah um so
00:00:49
Speaker
That's a great song, by the way. It's great. I love it. Yeah. So, hey, this is Funny Express. We've got Rain. We've got Cutter. We've got Maverick played by Cass and the guys. And they do cowboy stuff. And last time, we... Yee-haw. Yee-haw. We did things where...
Rin's Discovery and the Ghost Train
00:01:08
Speaker
Rin went back to town after, oh, first she beat the shit out of Stan because he tried to attack her and then tried to apologize to her. And she was, she went rageful and just destroyed him. And then she eventually made her way back to town and, um, found out that the train blasted through doodad and took all the adults onto the train with it. Uh, and all the kids were left and mutton chop Joe was left and he said, Oh, that's my brother Sloth. He's a real turd.
00:01:37
Speaker
Um, and then, um, she said, Oh, I'm going to go to Punky. Maybe he can figure something out. Um, as she found cutter's body and had Maverick's body slung over a horse. Um, and then back at on the, on the train, what happened on the train? Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, we just talked about it. Maverick found the sex loophole with the boppet guy, um, Mojo, the mongrel. And then he also played with some body parts of a doctor that fixed him up.
00:02:06
Speaker
And then he went into the desire room. And that sounds that sounds gross and saying he played with her boobs. What did I say? Body parts. He played with her test taste and and gave her some German lessons in exchange for a bunch of healing. And then he went into the the desire room where he faced his retirement being ruined by bandits. And he gave those bandits a what for and then
00:02:35
Speaker
got another token for his troubles and then cutter after failing to play bop it went into the blackjack room where he saw bathy was the dealer and sheriff jeff was in there losing terribly and he got shot a bunch of times uh but cutter was on a roll and really fucked up that game um and won himself a token very handily um and then uh yeah i think the only
00:02:58
Speaker
Challenge that you all have left to do on the train is the in the dining car that they gave you your instruction for where you have to do stunts while you kill.
Dining Car Challenges
00:03:08
Speaker
Oh. Eat and contest. The meat contest could have been a meat eating contest. You can make it grow for eating. Yeah, we could do that. Maybe you can convince the guy in the white hat to give him a name. I don't think I gave him a name yet. Anyway, I don't think so. Let's go to the train first cutter and.
00:03:28
Speaker
Maverick, let's just say for sake of brevity, you guys meet back up as you exit the respective cars that you were in from finishing your challenge. You both have, I think, two coins a piece, if I recall. Yeah, man. Two tokens a piece. What do you do? Go for it. Take it away. What a coincidence. We are that kind at the same time. Yeah, it's pretty convenient. We got to get to the last place we got to go to.
00:03:51
Speaker
Uh, I didn't remember, but then I, now I remember dining car, I think. Uh, yes. We've got to do like some six stunts or something. Oh, at least this is the last damn one. I'm ready. You know, I'm the only thing I'm worried about is once we get done with all these, we go meet the feller at the front of the thing. It's always going to be a whole nother mess. We're going to have to get through it. And after that, but let's go do some jumps or whatever this thing's trying to have. Yeah. Let's do like one step at a time. Yeah. Let's go there. Let's go to the dining car. Yes. Go to there.
Creative Combat in the Train
00:04:21
Speaker
You go to the dining car and it is another saloon, similar to the one that you were in, Cutter, with the games and everything spread around. But in this case, just like a big old bar. And there's like an upstairs balcony, you know, like where the where the beds would be. You know, there's a guy playing like a gentle tune on the piano and getting ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And, you know, you see the bartender and a bunch of patrons sitting around.
00:04:49
Speaker
And that's what you see. What do you do? Let's hit up the barkeeper. All right. Do you go over to the barkeeper? I go. You see a familiar face and she says, what can I do for you? Oh, geez. My brain isn't telling me who this is. Please help me. It's Baffy. No, it's not Baffy. Baffy's friend. Baffy's friend.
00:05:18
Speaker
You recognize sucking? Oh, maybe this is a this is pre doodad maverick here. You know, of all his memories. Sucky, we're here to do some stunts or something. You had to do some stunts. I don't know. We're told to come to this car, do some stunts, six stunts. Oh, yes, that's right. If you pay attention behind you, you'll see that there's people ready to kick your ass. I know around my visa. You turn around, there's probably about a dozen dudes that like kind of
00:05:47
Speaker
They got like, they're taking their hats off, they're setting them on a table, and they're cracking their knuckles. One guy's taking off his belt and wrapping it around his knuckles. And they're ready to, they look like they're ready to jump you. All right, Maverick, 11 for you and one for me. Okay, I'm taking off my pants. Oh my goodness, Maverick.
00:06:06
Speaker
Hey, are you trying to implement the sex loop role here of every not this time? You can't you can't take all those men inside you once
00:06:20
Speaker
It's a suicidal. That's what you think, but not this time. Yeah, no, I don't like the answer. I imagine that like anime, the anime slash like old west thing where like they're like the screen narrows over top of his eyes because not this time. You hear his pants on zip? All right. Not this time. Sorry. I see that 100 percent. Yeah.
00:06:50
Speaker
All right, so we're going to do this kind of like I'm still going to draw cards for each team just to see if any jokers come up. But essentially what I'm going to do is play this monster the week style just to make it go quicker. So like I'm just going to have the world react to what you do. So if you beef it, they're going to try to fuck you up. If you don't, then you fuck them up just to kind of keep it moving pretty quickly. OK, so.
00:07:15
Speaker
Uh, well, they actually get to go first. So before you can, so as you're taking down your pants, one of the guys are going to come and jump you. Uh, so one guy's going to come and try to punch you Maverick while your pants are down below your ankles. What do you do? Hey, just give me some time. I'm not ready yet. He stops and goes, Oh, I'm sorry, man. I thought, I thought you was just trying to implement the sex loophole, but I'll wait. Go ahead. Take him off. Go ahead. Okay. All right. Yeah. I like your skivvies by the way. I just got some new ones pressed myself from the missus. Oh really? Yeah.
00:07:45
Speaker
Um, so how do we want to do this? I mean, you know what? If you want to keep your pants on your ankles, I'll pull mine down around my ankles. We can fight like that. Okay. What do you want to take them completely off? I want to take them completely off. All right. Hang on. Let me just take mine off then too. Okay. My belt's already off on account. I had it wrapped around my ankles. Hang on a second. And his pants drop. He steps out of them like a little baby. He's like, all right.
00:08:13
Speaker
Let's do this. All right. He goes, now I'm going to try to hit you. What do you do, Maverick? He tries to hit you. I try to take my pants and go behind him to strangle him with my pants. Oh, you're going to strangle him with your pants? Yes. Dang. You know what? One should make that an agility role to see if you can scoot out the way and get those pants wrapped around him before he can attack you.
00:08:45
Speaker
That's a two. But I have pennies. That's true. I have pennies. And I will use a penny because I'm free of them. OK. Go ahead. Roll a Benjamin. Do it again. Hit that pretty reroll button. That's a T in. All right. So you wrap the pants around his neck. What do you do? Remember, this is a stunt room. I chomp.
00:09:11
Speaker
behind him and like we are like the crotch would be from like the pants as well like his faces and like pull him down like that you want to jump and pull him down to the ground with it with your pants yes and then pull on them so he like can't breathe anymore all right you pull him down to the ground and goes and then as you land to the ground you hear a loud crack and then he just turns into nothingness and just fades into the into the floor that's how I do it and do that
00:09:41
Speaker
This is our cutter. You got a joker, my man. What do you do? Holy. What's that mean? It means you can get a penny. Everybody gets a penny and you can add plus two to any of your roles. You can choose to go second or first and the plus two is as a benefit if you want to take multiple actions because it'll kind of kill like a two action penalty. OK.
00:10:05
Speaker
Um, so I'm a, uh, you guys noticed about me, uh, playing with me all these time. I'm a big medic. No, I'm a big, I'm a big non-metagamer. Metagaming is when you like, you let your knowledge as a player interact with what your character does, right? Right. So I'm a non-metagamer. So Cutter doesn't know what kind of stunts was, I just know there's a guy trying to fight me right now. So I was gonna be like, Hey fellas, I'm just trying to do some stunts around here. What you got? And a guy comes at me and, uh, I, uh, I, I swat his hand away.
00:10:32
Speaker
It's my turn. It's not his turn yet. Yeah, I hear I say and he tried to punch me and I tried to punch you You know, I'm not ready for that feller feller and I I'm gonna I'm gonna shove him into his buddies. I'm gonna jump behind the bar You're gonna shove into his buddies and jump behind the bar. I'm gonna attempt that I Mean, I don't think that's anything that you're just gonna duck behind where sucky is. Yeah, I'm gonna jump over it
00:10:57
Speaker
Hopefully already making that be a stunt, but not knowing I'm doing a stunt. Uh, I mean, I'd say that you don't need to roll to jump behind the bar. That's pretty, I mean, you're in pretty athletic guy. I think that's something you can just do. That's like, that's pretty much just your movement.
00:11:13
Speaker
OK, OK. And so you do a sick roll over the over the bar as like to the guys come back over at me. I'm like, oh, it's two of us coming after him. I mean, guys, I grab I go reach behind me, I grab two bottles of vodka or something and I try to smash murder both our heads. Oh, dang. All right. You know what? And then that would be two attacks, one on each guy. Go ahead and roll a fighting rule.
00:11:38
Speaker
And you can do that penalty free because you have a jumper. I just have a wound. I'm wounded. What am I wounded from? Bop it. Bop it probably. Yeah. Fingers bopping. I'm going to do a Benny on that one. Fellas, Mario, my head's a little shaken there. I'm going to do a Benny. OK, I got an eight on my first hit and second hit, six. That's a hit on both guys.
00:12:02
Speaker
You grab a bottle, you grab two bottles of booze, you crack them up over the guy's head. Would you let me roll spirit for that, since I'm smashing them with some, I don't know if vodka is a spirit or not, but I'm smashing them with alcohol. Sure. Go ahead. I really got a three. It's a four. I don't get that. That doesn't count, right? It's only a first number. You're talking about for your damage. Is that what you're talking about? That is a minus one count towards my damage, too.
00:12:30
Speaker
Yes, it counts already in like the score so it's yeah, I did three on them Well, it doesn't matter as long as it's not well enough
00:12:39
Speaker
You wound them. Oh, they they hold on to their eyes. Oh, God, it burns in my eyeballs. And they're rolling on the ground. Oh, oh, man. I hope no one jumps on us while we're laying on the floor. And it's their turn. And then another guy comes around and Maverick, he wraps his belt around the back of your neck with the back of your neck, the front of your neck towards the back of your pants off.
00:13:08
Speaker
That's how we fight and do that. You wrapped his belt around your neck, Maverick, what do you do? I try to grab the belt and try to fling the guy over me. OK, roll athletics. No, strength, strength rule. That's an eight. That's an eight. That's good enough. You took him over your shoulder, goes out and then he gets back up and goes, that didn't hurt. I'm fine.
00:13:39
Speaker
I'm fine. How do you get me? Yeah, yeah. He another guy comes in, like, does like a cartwheel and then does does a really cool cartwheel. And then as he comes back up, he has his fist ready. He's going to try to cartwheel fish you in the face, Maverick. What do you do? I stand there. And I just read that pen just punch him in the face. Just that pen punch him. Yes.
00:14:06
Speaker
There are scenes in some of the old Batman movies where there's always one guy that's doing a lot of crazy flips and shit and has like nunchucks and does something crazy. And then Batman stands there and just watches them and then just boots him in the chest. And then punches him in the face. Yeah. Like every time he's like, okay, cool shit bro. I love that shit. That's like my favorite.
00:14:25
Speaker
Yes, my favorite bit in the whole movie. OK, roll the just roll a straight fighting role, Maverick, to see if you can just clip him before he clips you. You do it. You know what? I'm going to say that he was doing stunts and the fact that you put on the brakes for that stunt just fucking knock him right out and you hear his nose break and he drops the ground and goes, I was going to be a model.
00:14:46
Speaker
And then he fades into the floor. I stole your standpoints. I'm going to be a model. He broke his nose. All right. Cutter, one of the guys is he's jumping off the top of the of the banister from up top where the where the beds are. And he's jumping down. He's tapping on his elbow like he's going to drop an elbow on you. He goes, yeah. And he jumps down as he yells. Yeah. What do you do?
00:15:16
Speaker
Um, as he comes flying over, I'm going to grab, uh, this, the silver platter that, uh, sucky takes drinks out to people on her, over to bar other, like the, the lady is, or whoever borrow Wednesday carries drinks around the room. Um, I'm going to, I'm going to frisbee it out. Oh, shit. I'm doing, I say I'm, uh, before, uh, before the game, everybody, Adam told us what the stunts were meant to be. It was sort of like Jackie Chan fighting stunts and I'm going more Jackie Chan improvised weaponry fight fighting maneuver stunts. That's great.
00:15:45
Speaker
That's the thing. Fling that. I think it's great. I think some athletics, right? Yeah, I'd say that's probably athletic for sure. Jesus, Louise is why are my role so poopy doopy? Well, you did get another Benjamin from getting from getting the the Joker, if you want to use it. Fucking use. I'm going to hit this guy with a with a platter. Same. Pretty much the same. I fling. I fling the platter somewhere in the room.
00:16:13
Speaker
Yeah, you fling the platter up, but like you you are get too much to the right goes right past him. It goes right past him. And as he comes as he comes down, he's going to slap you with a fighting role.
00:16:27
Speaker
He rolls a critical fail and he just crashes like right beside you. Oh, he fell. This is foolish. This is foolish. Why are we doing this? The disk was just distracting enough that he just falls flat and just breaks his arm. He goes, oh, damn it. I was going to be an arm model. And then he fades into the floor. I'm a cutter cutter. It's your role now. What do you want to do? Yes.
00:16:59
Speaker
I'm going to say there's another guy running in. He's opening the, uh, the little, the little like lifty flap door that like lifts on the table flap, you know, lifts upright vertically, the lifty flat door on the bar. He's like starting to lift it. I want to remember like, no, you don't man. And I'm going to go, I'm going to try and smash it down on his head. Oh shit. Oh damn. That's awesome. Um, fighting, right?
00:17:21
Speaker
Uh, that's a 16 on a wild dice. Yeah. So do I smash his head through it? Like it's a picture frame. Uh, yeah, I'd say that you do that and you don't even have to roll your damage unless you want to just to see what you get. Um, that's going to be very low. So let's not do that. Are you sure? I mean, you do get the extra dice because you roll cause you aced. I'm going to go with strength. I got a zero and a seven. Yeah. You smashed it through his head comes through to go and you see the little bird. It goes around his head.
00:17:51
Speaker
And he goes, I was going to be a birdie. And then he fades into nothing. Let's see who's up next. Wanting to be something else. Yeah, I was going to be a contender. What do you do? There's probably about half a dozen guys left.
00:18:15
Speaker
I run also behind the bar and like do a roll of it. And then I use the pants as a whip and like whip against like the closest guy to me. You're going to try to whip a guy with your pants. Yes. That's it. You're just going to hit him with your pants. Yes. You know, like, let's make it. What's the equivalent to dexterity in this game? But is there. Sure. Let's call an agility roll. Why not?
00:18:46
Speaker
Let's see if you can whip a man with your pants. If anybody can do it, Maverick can. Yeah. You know that he can. Maverick the pants man. Oh, he missed with two. Oh, no. Using a Benjamin. Okay. I can't remember if you're supposed to be young Maverick or old Maverick in this, but.
00:19:05
Speaker
Um, you're middle Maverick. You're in the middle now. Middle Maverick. Uh, a four is still not enough. Even though you did that sick roll and they smacked your pants over the guy catches your pants and he yanks them forward. And you come to the bar a second time and he's going to try to drop a boot on your chest. Um, well, he rolled a 15 to drop a boot on your chest. Uh, yeah, that's gonna, that's gonna, that's gonna hurt.
00:19:34
Speaker
He does 15 damage maverick to you as he drops a boot and goes, yeah, I got you, son of a bitch. Toughness of 11. You have a toughness of 11. That's still four above. So he gets the bonus damage. So that means that you get shaken in one wound, sir. Sheet. Yes.
00:19:57
Speaker
You need to be careful. There's a hole there. Don't tear the hole open again. Oh, I'm going to rip it so good. He starts putting his mouth on the crotch of your pants. I know. You're careful. There's stains on there. Oh, God, I taste the racist cut in that fabric. You see another guy runs upstairs and he grabs the the the disc, the the what you call it, the serving plate.
00:20:24
Speaker
And he goes to chuck it back down at you maverick. What do you do? I? Not never I'm sorry cutter. I lied not you never you're still on the ground No, it wouldn't make sense for him to throw that at you when like there's a guy standing over you cutters who I met I apologize cutter He says he says up top on the balcony He went up on the top and he's trying to throw it back down from where you threw it up to he's trying to throw it down at you
00:20:47
Speaker
I'm going to try and do a quick, slippity slide. I know there's a hole in the, uh, in the, in the little bar flap. I just put with that guy's head there, but it's not big enough for the platter to go through. So I'm going to close it down. I'm going to slide underneath it and try and like, as he's thrown it, I'm going to slide underneath it and let it deflect off there and, uh, get out into the main area. Oh, shit. Why don't we make that also, uh, you know, let's just, let's, uh, yeah, you know, it's probably agility. Let's just, don't think about it too much. Cause all my agility related scores are pretty much the same now. They're all 10. Oh, great.
00:21:17
Speaker
Well, that's an eight. Yeah, you get that get that thing down on time goes to ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, and just like bings off to the other side. You can now react to what's happening. What do you want to do? I want to be this guy or anybody. I want to flip a table. OK, you do that. I love the star fight right now. You're going to fly them to hopefully. Hopefully there's a few guys like on the side of one table that were like trying to chase Maverick around. I'm going to flip a table at him and try and
00:21:49
Speaker
Oh, I see. I see what you're doing. And to keep the Jackie Channess going, I'm going to flip it at him. I'm trying to like push it, push it, keep pushing it on him. Like either knock him down or just like, oh, nice, more stuff. I can see Jackie Chan doing that, too. Yeah. You know what? Let's call that. Let's make that's all I had to say. Damn, this whole time. Shit. Let's call that athletics cutter.
00:22:10
Speaker
to see if you can make that happen. Jesus Louise is wormholes. So poopy doopy again. I'm going to try another Benjamin because I really want to smash these guys on the table this time. There's a 10. Nice. Get fucked. First try. You know what? Roll a D6. You want to roll more D's? Why did they change the layout of the menu over there? I rolled a one. Who would have guessed?
00:22:37
Speaker
So I was going to I was going to say I was saying the rule of D6 to see how many extra guys you get. But so you get to you had one guy you're flipping it out of one other guy was unfortunate enough to also be like within the range of the table that now you're just like running the table like across the room and you slam into a wall and then it just the table gives and the guys just turn into nothing. And as they turn into powdery here, we were going to be dancers. OK. And then they dissipated into nothing.
00:23:06
Speaker
Um, so Maverick, you currently have a guy standing over top of you. He's got his foot on your chest. What do you do? I'm going to bite his leg. Oh shit. Roll for biting. Roll food. Roll survival. You bite him in the leg goes, Oh no, I was going to be an ankle model. Oh,
00:23:34
Speaker
I hope Keely's will be really mad right now. He falls backwards and cracks his head off the barn and dissipates it or nothing. Nice. Maverick, you can still take an action. Were you shaking this whole time? Did you click that you were shaking when he put his foot in your chest earlier? I am technically still shaking. All right, we'll just retroactively let you have that role and roll to unshake now. We'll just say that was out of instinct to say that you did that.
00:24:04
Speaker
I did you succeed. OK, where he fucking you made a deal with the fucking roll 20 people. It's like all the good luck from like Justin so I can have it. Yeah, he's like obviously. Yeah, because like what the fuck? All right, Maverick, you get one more go. Go ahead.
00:24:27
Speaker
Um, I want to like make use of my scavenger edge this time and find like a bunch of cutlery, like folks and knives, like under the like bar. Oh yeah. When cutter, when cutter flung that thing up and smash that guy on it and flung cutlery everywhere. I want to make a couple of those and like throw it like two guys. All right. There's two, well, that'd be two, that'd be two actions. Do you have a throwing for multi-action? Yes.
00:24:56
Speaker
You have multi action for throwing? No, I don't. I mean, like, yes, I want to do it despite like that. OK, go ahead. All right. Double action throwing. Let's call it it unless you have it for shooting. Let's call it shooting. No, athletics. You're throwing something like throwing athletics. Yeah, that's a great fail. And then you hit. So we'll go to the first one. The first one, what do you throw? What kind of color? You throw in a knife, a fork, a fork, you throw in like a fork, a piece of the silverware action that maybe you got instead.
00:25:24
Speaker
You throw a fork and you hit him. You hit him right in the mouth and he got him in the tongue. He goes, I did get to be a dead model. And then he could speak more clearly. I can't hear you. He takes he take as he falls to his knees, he pulls the he pulls the the fork out of his mouth. He goes, I said I was going to be a tongue model and now that's not possible because he stabbed me in the mouth. And then he falls into the floor and disappears.
00:25:52
Speaker
But the other guy, what are you trying to throw at the second guy? A spoon, because that's like most least lethal cutlery. Yeah, yeah, that's a good call. It's the least lethal cutlery silverware you can throw at a guy. I don't know. If you ask Riddick, maybe he would be able. Yeah, he'd come up with something for sure. Yeah, absolutely. He can kill you with a cup.
00:26:16
Speaker
A teacup. A teacup, even. Yeah, you know what? He's going to try to catch it and throw it back at you. And he rolled the three. He missed the complete. He goes, ha ha. Idiot. And he goes, tries to catch it. And then he missed it. And he's like turns back around trying to feel for it on the floor. He's like, damn it. Where the hell would that go? Shit. Shit. Cutter. What do you do? There's probably you just squished you guys. Maverick just took one out with a fork. There's three left.
00:26:44
Speaker
Three left, huh? Would you say that they're underneath the chandelier? You know what? Roll a luck roll. Do we have luck in this game? No. Then let's make a luck roll. Roll.
00:27:02
Speaker
You know what? Let's call it spirit. We'll see if the spirits are in your favor if they're under. Bless me. Oh, yeah. They all. You know what? The one guy, the one guy, there were two that were kind of standing on it already, just kind of like waiting for someone to approach. And then the one guy who goes back to look for the spoons like, damn, did you guys see what a spoon went? I'm going to use it on this guy to try out his eyeballs.
00:27:26
Speaker
And they're like, oh, shit, let me look. And so they're all like down on their hands and knees looking for a spoon right now underneath the chandelier. All right. I'm going to I'm going to pull my pistol out. I want to shoot the chain and knock it down.
00:27:37
Speaker
All right. That would be a shooting. Shooting. I can't believe it. I can't. I thought we'd done something different. Seven. Nice. Yeah, I think because I yelled at Roll 20, it's like listening now. Exactly. No, that's how you put a knock on with. OK. I think please don't be mad at us. Please don't be mad at us. Oh, look at that. The last card draw that I did is another Joker. You all get another Benjamin. Oh, shit.
00:28:01
Speaker
Um, and so the, the chandelier falls atop the guys. No one guy goes, you hear something in your crash, crash, crash, crash. Uh, and it squishes those guys. And you hear, we did not aspire to be much in life. Uh, and then they all fade into the floor and the bar fight is over. And then you hear the guy in the piano goes.
Victory and Rin's Mission
00:28:28
Speaker
Nope, you just got some XPs And then you see that Saki holds up she goes here's your coin boy. Good job. Thanks. Good job Carter and I give him a high five
00:28:45
Speaker
Thanks, man. Good job yourself. I didn't get to see what you were doing, but I might be for the best. Put your pants back on. I want to roll for finding my pants because I kind of got lost in a fight. You have a scavenger feet. You find your pants. Okay.
00:29:08
Speaker
Are they really we don't know roll roll roll spirit to save the spirits bless you with the right pants You pick up the wrong pants you pick up the wrong pants for a second you put them on they don't quite fit around your ass and you're like Oh wait, these aren't my pants and then you find the right pants right next to those pants The other pants don't feel like maverick pants. Oh
00:29:31
Speaker
Yeah, they don't feel like Maverick pants. My junk can't fit in these. No, my junk's too big. My junk's too big. All right, so Saki gives you the coin and you guys have completed the stunt room. So we did complete. You did complete. Let's go back to the like one devil guy so we can like trade in all these like coins. Yeah, let's go tell it all so and so a thing or two about a thing or two. Yeah, you hear like an announcement says,
00:29:58
Speaker
Will the old guy and the short guy, the short, ugly, weird looking guy come to the front of the train, please? I'm going to shoot him in the head, Maverick. Maybe let's try to first get off the train and then like maybe make plans to go against the devil. Yeah. All right. Dip my gun in holy water or something next time I see him. That's a good idea.
00:30:23
Speaker
Yes, I know. Yes, the PA system is off now. You don't need to tell me. I know how to use it. Now I don't really think he's that ugly, but I know it gets to him. He's actually kind of cute.
00:30:35
Speaker
Wait, I can't. I'm not supposed to hold the button right now. That's not like he said that more. Come on. Let's do it. All right. So let's cut to Ryn for a second after that epic fight. What a way to start an episode. Ryn, you. You just talked to Button Shop Joe about the kids going or the kids are still in town, but all the adults went missing.
00:31:01
Speaker
Uh, and all the other stuff we talked about, you said you were thinking about going to talk to Punky to see you can come up with a solution. What do you do? You're still in, uh, you're still in do that. Okay. So I was just leaving mutton chops and, uh, I'm going to say she gets on butternut, um, so that Biden can rest. Um, he's probably hurt.
00:31:27
Speaker
Um, and then taking butternut to Punky's house. Are you, um, are you having any of the horses bring the bodies? Uh, uh, Maverick and Cutter, are you leaving them at, uh, do dad, I left them with mutton chops. I already told him that I was right. I forgot about that. Yeah. You're going to leave the body there. Okay. So he was the only other adult left. I was like, well, uh, here's their bodies. Neat. I'm going to have lady gained all these. Ah, wait.
00:31:57
Speaker
Damn. OK, so you're going to ride off towards Punky's house. Yep. OK, I would say that since we already know that you probably you probably have your ride during their fight and you get up to the big old spooky place up in the middle of the woods eventually unimpeded. And I will say that as you're riding along the road, you do see like
00:32:19
Speaker
You do hear way off in the distance, still the sounds of the train tooting off in the way. Toot toot. Yeah, exactly like that. You guys like my train impression? No, it says boo boo, remember? Oh yeah, it says boo boo. Yeah. Can I try again? Yeah, that's right. Boo boo. Yeah.
00:32:38
Speaker
Uh, what was I going to say? Oh yeah. So yeah, as you were going, you're driving through the woods and like up the paths and stuff like that. You see that like on some of the more main roads that you've encountered, there's a few wagons that are kind of just sitting there. Uh, the horses are attached, but like there are no people riding. Um, or you see a few horses just kind of riding around on the road without any riders next to them. You do see like faint tracks, uh, like a theory of looking tracks that the train was building itself on originally.
00:33:06
Speaker
So, you know, the train has kind of passed somewhat through this way. As you make your way towards Punky's house and then you get there and then you're greeted at the at the bottom of the of the driveway by Google. He says that was perfect timing. So she's going to knock on Punky's door.
00:33:37
Speaker
Who is it? Google, you were supposed to watch the door! It's me, Punky. It's Rin. Sorry, can you let the cat in too? He hasn't figured that part out yet. You still haven't shown him how to hit the button yet? I mean, I've shown him. He's just... I feel like all the information is going to his head. Yeah, cats are assholes.
00:34:01
Speaker
They really are. Yeah, they are. Yeah. OK, I'll let him in. And so she goes in to look for him. He says like, oh, I'm in my study up the stairs. OK, cool. Thanks. I'll see you in a minute. And she's going to like she's going to like take her time just kind of like looking at things that he might have been working on while
00:34:30
Speaker
Uh, she was gone, but then, uh, as soon as, uh, she walks into the study, she's just gonna like dramatically faint onto one of the chairs or couches that he's got in there and be like, I'm hurt. Punky, help me. Oh God, I have to fix you too. I'm still fixing the bird. I'm more of a priority. Punky, you know that. Okay.
00:35:00
Speaker
You know, sometimes I wish I weren't so brilliant. Um, uh, roll a, um, persuasion roll on punkenstein to see if you can lure him to.
00:35:17
Speaker
Fix you right away. Oh, my God. You're old zeros. Zero. Awesome. Adrienne, will you like rub some of your like dice rolls on me? Yeah, I do. I have Benjamin's mother.
00:35:33
Speaker
Yeah, Benjamin's you can roll Benjamin. You know, I never use them to the point that I forget that I even have them. I'm going to use a Benjamin. We'll see. You do have a minus three because you bet your wounds, which is probably why you got zeros. Yeah.
00:35:50
Speaker
But yeah, go ahead and reroll and see if. Oh, my God, I got a two. I mean, technically, you got a five or just as minus three. So you got to do. Yeah. He's he looks over his shoulder. He says, you know what? Um.
00:36:05
Speaker
No. And he just kind of like looks back. You see like he has like all his little robot appendages coming out and they're like working on Ishi, who is like on like his little dais that he's working on. Almost done. Let's see. You know, you would not believe how many voices I've gone through for this bird. Absolutely. I'm sure you got a talkie box on her. Yeah, but.
00:36:32
Speaker
I haven't quite figured out the voice to put on it yet. I've tried dozens and nothing seems to fit her face. Why does she have such a very particular face? Because she's like one of a kind. You know, she's amazing. She's ishy. Is that what they call her? Ishy? What's the name? Well, so is Punky. No, it's pumpkin.
00:36:57
Speaker
What's wrong with you? I need to kind of like scoots over. Who is that part of my French? But who the duty did this to you? Some like weird ghost people on this like ghost train that like popped up outside doodad and they shot at me.
00:37:19
Speaker
And then this jackass fucking like punched me and it tackled me. And then I wrecked my wagon because we were driving while it happened, but don't worry. I got him back. I killed him. It's fine. But yeah, like that's what happened. Right. Hmm. Like, did you say ghost train? I thought I heard a train out there earlier.
00:37:44
Speaker
Yeah, apparently they took all the adults and left all the kids. So I gotta figure that out. I was going to do that.
00:37:57
Speaker
I know, but that's like I know that's why I got to figure that out. Oh, that making me so angry. I was going to do it. I had this whole thing, this doomsday device that was going to capture all the adults and then I would raise all the children as my own and a bunch of little punkies running around doing my bidding. Oh, that makes me so angry. Oh, that makes me so angry. I know that's why you made me. So, you know. Well,
00:38:24
Speaker
I suppose we should do something about that train eventually because it's just ruining everything I want to do. Yeah. And it has my friends on there. So I really need to figure out how to like get my friends back. So like, yeah, we, I need you to like fix me. That's why. All right. Fine. I'll fix you. And then you can pick one thing that I made in my, um, in storage that you can take with you. You can take one, maybe two, if I'm feeling generous.
00:38:51
Speaker
What? What did you? We'll get to that later. But OK. Yeah. Help me. Help me, please. Because I'm really, really hurt. And then he he claps all of his robotic hands together at once and then like a bunch of these like tiny little squirrels that have like little green lights blinking off of their backs come running around and they have like little metal appendages on the ends of their fingers. They just don't like kind of.
00:39:17
Speaker
and just start kind of working on you throughout like the next like 25 minutes. He is like a Cinderella. Hey, how did you how did you know that? How do you know Cindy? I mean, you don't know Cindy. I don't know Cindy. That's crazy. What? No, I don't know what you're talking about. I write books and nothing else.
00:39:38
Speaker
I don't bring the pages to life. And then, yeah, he has that going on. And then he says, oh, and take this with you. The talkie box is still broken, but I'll fix it later. But the bird seems to be in good health. And he holds out like a metal arm and she is standing there. She's got like some kind of metal plating on her chest and some kind of dispersed like across her body. And if you like little wires sticking out of it and such like that,
00:40:06
Speaker
Oh, good job, I knew you could do it. You're so I don't know if she's the same bird anymore, but I mean, at least hey. She's better, Punky, because look at her. She's a fine piece of art. Check that out. Yeah, practically sisters now. Oh, hey, I always wanted a sister. Thanks. Yes, I know. And this is the closest you're going to get a quick freaking asking. Oh,
00:40:34
Speaker
Fine. I will. Fine. I'll stop asking. You're an only child, Punky. Wait, I'm Punky. What'd you say? I'm Ryn. You're weird. I'm Ryn. You're weird. Yes, I'm weird. Professor weird. I knew it all along. That's my name. No, it's Professor Weird Punkins style. Professor Weird Punkins style at your service. I always know about myself. I knew it.
00:41:05
Speaker
I knew you knew it. I knew that. Yes, well, anyway, go get it. Go get your toys and be gone. Go take care of that ghost train. I don't want it around. It's ruining my life. OK, thanks, Punky. And she like kisses the top of his head and then tickles is like underneath his little chin with like one of her little fingers.
00:41:24
Speaker
Yes, yes, yes, quite, quite, quite. Yes, yes, bonus are all around. Yes, we all know this by now about me. This has begun now so I can find my kinky turtle. Where is kinky at? Kinky. I'm sorry, tortoise. He will come out and change my wounds to zero. Yes, you can change your wounds to zero. He fixes up your arm, bolts it on nice and good. Well, he didn't. His little squirrel assistance did. OK. Yep.
00:41:52
Speaker
Um, and, uh, yeah, you're good. And then, you know, where his storage is, he has a bunch of different gizmos in there that, um, that he has. Um, so you can pick one item from there. You can kind of make it up and then we can roll to see how likely it is that he has it, um, that you want to take with you to combat the train and what's upon it. Um,
00:42:19
Speaker
I'm thinking some sort of like. Train stopping. Ghost catcher. A ghost catcher, you say? Yeah, kind of like the Ghostbusters, where she puts out the box and then she has like a cord and then she like stomps on the butt and then it catches the goats.
00:42:45
Speaker
OK, so you see, you see, he has. Let's see, what's another funny creature that he could probably have in there, you know, one of his ravens just land next to you and he goes, hi. Hi, the raven. Hi, Ravey. How are you today? Hi. I'm glad that Punky at least made a nice one. Hi.
00:43:11
Speaker
Hi. Hi. So hi. Hi. Did you have something to tell me? Oh, yes. Right. Hi. Sorry. Sometimes I just get stuck on a word and I just want to keep saying hi. It happens to me too. It's fine, especially if I run out of water in my tank. Yeah. Yeah, same. Except I don't have a tank. I have a bladder and I pee. So anyway, what did you need from Punky's closet?
00:43:43
Speaker
Um, so I was just like looking for something to like catch ghosts or something like a, like a ghost box or something. Do you think he has something like that in here? Oh yeah, probably, but you're going to have to, uh, roll the dice to see if you're allowed to have the good ones or the bad ones. Okay. And then he goes, hi. And then he like spits out a dice, uh, on the table, you know, think, think, think,
00:44:08
Speaker
Okay. Hang on. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Roll these. Um, so you have to roll 2d sixes. Hi. I really hope that you get something really good because hi. Oh, okay. Cool. Hang on. He flaps his wings, flies up to.
00:44:35
Speaker
flies up to like a little keypad that's like up near the roof and near the ceiling goes and then like you see like the door starts to open up and you see kind of like a turnstile esque kind of I don't know how to describe it. It kind of looks like one of those big those big
00:44:54
Speaker
Lobby doors. I was always spinning like in a hotel. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like one of the glass revolving doors. OK. And then like he lands down by the window as it spins. He goes, hi, hi. Every time the window comes flat to him. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. He turns. He turns around on his head almost like an out. Hi. When you say that and then turns his head back on. Hi. And then it stops and you see that there is this kind of
00:45:22
Speaker
This shotgun looking weapon was kind of like a long, dangly, very frizzy looking cord, like not frizzy is the word I'm looking for, but kind of like it looks real sketchy. It's kind of like it's missing some chunks. You see some of the wire underneath the rubber. And you see there's like a little pedal on top of it. It says, hi, this is for you. Hi. Thanks. Hi. Hi. Hi. And then when you pick it up, you see that it's like a shotgun.
00:45:53
Speaker
Uh, and, um, like on the, on the sides of it are kind of like these, like these sticks that have like these rubber looking, um, almost like a, like, like the end of like, uh, like a kid's dart gun, like that little rubber sticky plunger part that like sticks to the wall and shit. Uh, there's like a bunch of those that are kind of tied to it. And then like the little cord comes off and there's like a little pedal. Um, and, uh, the pedal is for.
00:46:23
Speaker
building up pressure in the gun to shoot the thing. That's what you get. Awesome. I love that. All right. So what are you doing? So after, did you say one or two things?
00:46:46
Speaker
Uh, he said one. Do you want more? Hi. Okay. Uh, no, I'm okay. Um, so she's gonna say, uh, well, thank you so much for your help. And she's going to say if, uh, Google's anywhere and she's going to scratch his head as she leaves. And then, um, on my way back to do dad. Um,
00:47:11
Speaker
I fucking love that so much. So on her way back to do dad, she is going to round up the horses. OK. And just kind of check the wagons to make sure that there aren't any like stragglers or children left behind. But she's going to bring the horses back to do dad to make sure they're taken care of.
00:47:40
Speaker
Uh, yeah. Uh, luckily you don't see any, any infants, any children, uh, in, uh, one, one of the wagons that you do find it was sitting along the road. There is a little dog in there. She's going to grab the dog. Yeah. He's a, he's a little, uh, he's a little, um, what, what kind of dog would it be? Uh, German Shepherd.
00:48:01
Speaker
It's another baby German. Wow. Oh my God. Adrian can have a friend. So she's going to grab the dog and the horses and she is going to go back to do that and try to find what's left of matching carpets. I mean, everything in matching carpets is how you left it, except that there's no adults in there.
00:48:28
Speaker
All right. Is there at least a pot of goulash on the stove? Uh, you know what? I'd say that, uh, sheffi's pretty good about, um, actually sheffi's there. Sheffi's there. She's gonna hug Sheffi and be like, I'm so glad you're here. I thought everybody was gone. Oh yes, they are. Just, just me and one chop Joseph over there.
00:48:59
Speaker
Oh, okay. That makes sense. So you happen to be a sibling of Mutt and Chop Joe's, huh? How did you know we were related?
00:49:15
Speaker
Um, it was just a hunch. So, um... You're so smart, Winnie Pooh. You're so smart. Um, so I'm gonna actually need your help then. Um, I need to find a way to get my friends back. Oh, just get on the train and go kick our brother's ass. Oh, I gotta go kick your brother's sloth's ass? Yeah, we're not allowed to, so you gotta have to go do it for us.
00:49:43
Speaker
Is there a way I can not get on the train to do that? Beats me. He never leaves the damn thing. Hmm. I think I have an idea. Okay. So, um, well, I've got a new puppy. Check him out. We need to, what should we name him? Oh, he's so cute. Let's call him Sheffy Jr. Oh, okay. That sounds great to me. Um, Sheffy Jr.
00:50:12
Speaker
All right, go and take him out to Adrian and Zusi and Abby and yep, the other ones and get him acquainted. And then I am going to see if I can go stop this train. Are you going to get on the train or are you trying to stop the train? No, I'm going to stop the train. Oh, how are you going to do that? I have an idea.
00:50:41
Speaker
Well, tell me, don't leave me in the dark. I'm giddy with anticipation. I am going to try to use this gun that that Punky just gave me to stop the train. You're going to, you're going to shoot at the train? Uh-huh. I'm going to see if I can stop it and get my friends off of it so that I don't have to get on it.
00:51:09
Speaker
Interesting. Okay. Would you, would you, would you like a little help? Yeah. You want to come and help me? No, I don't want to go anywhere, but I can give you something that could help you. Oh, that would be great. Thank you. Oh, okay. Very good. All right. Now don't tell anybody I gave this to you because I know getting all sorts of little chubby wubbies and I don't want that. Okay. I won't, I won't tell anybody. I promise.
00:51:39
Speaker
Okay, hang on a second. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and,
00:52:08
Speaker
Golden fiddle. Okay. Yes. And he says, here you go. It's heavy. Thanks. Thanks, chefy. Um, so like, how do, what do I do with this? I don't know. I just thought you might like it. Wonderful. All right. It's a very, it's a very cool gift.
00:52:34
Speaker
Oh, OK. I'll keep it on the hush, hush. Don't worry. I guess I'll figure it out, huh? All right. Good luck. Have fun. Want some goulash for the road? I'm sure, yeah. And within like seconds, he has like several like little bowls with like leather strapped over the tops of the bowls. Don't spell out like a little knapsack. He puts it all in. Here you go, kiddo. Enjoy. Thanks.
00:53:05
Speaker
She's going to take it. She's going to take it and she's going to run out of the brothel and see where possibly the train is at. Oh, it is long gone. You can only hear it very far off in the distance.
Confrontation with Sloth and Train Chaos
00:53:27
Speaker
Traveling. And she see the tracks like they're really old trucks.
00:53:31
Speaker
You don't see the ethereal tracks anymore, but you can kind of see like indentations of where it was before like the tracks ultimately vanished as it's building new tracks and it's heading northward. OK, she's going to follow the tracks. Okey dokey. So while you're doing that, butternut ride and maverick maverino, you guys are back on the the the.
00:53:55
Speaker
The boat, not the boat, the land boat, the train, the ghost boat. You guys are on the ghost train and you finished your tasks. What do you do? You're heading up to the front to see the guy in the white. Yes. OK, you do that. He says, well, I'll be. I didn't know y'all could do that. Good for you. You know, never trust Merrick.
00:54:22
Speaker
I was thinking of like saying a last name, but I like realized I'd already have a last name. You got a last name. That's weird. But you know, should underestimate us. Oh, I thought you said never trust you because I don't. You did say it. Well, it doesn't matter, fellas. Let us see. Let us see the conductor in his dang train. I'm ready to go off in his place. Oh, no, I want to go and do that. Aren't you happy with where you are? No, no, I'm not.
00:54:52
Speaker
Uh, open the door and make it magical hole and whatever you're going to do. Oh, no. Get on the floor and do the dinosaur. Don't listen to my hierarchies. Never. You're delirious. You've been talking to the, you've been talking to the master of this train the whole time. Gasp. Okay. Gasp and demon. So we went off this damn thing.
00:55:22
Speaker
We put the tokens inside of you and then we get off. Oh, yeah, just give me them real quick. I know you'll get what you want. I mean, did I get the last one or I imagine I forgot the last one. I have my two and I throw one for hell with your damn tokens, you damn son of a bitch. What's going on around here?
00:55:41
Speaker
Clatter clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang clang
00:56:11
Speaker
Well, it's just the way it works. I suppose, uh, enough about Maverick's damn skin. What the hell, uh, tell me something here, you son of a bitch. All right. Well, you know, you may have already noticed, uh, that there's a bit of a theme around here and, uh, you know, I'm a big fan of theme, but they call me sloth or, uh, Abaddon depending on where you're from.
00:56:38
Speaker
You know, I answer to both. Nice to meet you. Make your acquaintance. I just need to know that y'all what kind of people y'alls was. If you were the active type or the lazy type. You won't find any more active people in us. Yeah, much to my chagrin. And then like he kind of taps his his long fingernails on the table and all of your coins turned into like these blue glowing like pistol bullets. And they're kind of floating up in the air.
00:57:05
Speaker
He goes, now, which one do y'all, who wants the first one? What, what are you doing with them, feller? Well, they're about to go inside of y'all. Uh, so I'm going to leave it up to y'all to decide who gets what. So I think go inside of us and then we like go back to life.
00:57:25
Speaker
I feel like that is, uh, probably not going to have a maverick if those ghosts, bullets go inside. How about this maverick? How about we play this fool's game here? I'm not going to pick any of them damn there bullet. Neither is maverick. We're just going to sit here and not, uh, do the bullet portion of this. Thank you very much. Oh, come on. That's my favorite part. You're not going to. And I'm like, I'm sitting there like I've scratched my, like my face. I look at my hand, look at my finger and I was like, nope. Come on. That's the best part is people picking.
00:57:55
Speaker
I mean, we have like a couple of bullets, so you could just try it on someone else first. Come on, you can't give up now.
00:58:17
Speaker
I ain't giving up Maverick. I'm just, you know, is a sloth after all, ain't he? I don't want to play his game. By doing like nothing now, you're just doing like the exact thing that he wants. And that's like being sloppy. But he also wants to shoot me with a ghost bullet. And I don't want that neither, Maverick. So I'm going to come to split it down the middle here and I'm done. I'm done playing the game. Do you think we should cut the bullet in the middle and drink the ghost juices from it?
00:58:46
Speaker
Oh my God, Maverick, something seriously is going on with you since you got on this train. Your brain's been like, it's like an egg. I think when they shot you through the chest there, I think it went up into your head a little bit. Dang, something Maverick. You know, it's not the most healthy thing to have happened to someone. Yeah. You lost a lot of goop there and it's fine, but I'm just thinking, uh, hell with it, right, Maverick? I mean, I would kind of prefer to get off the train. I would too, but I want to, I want
00:59:16
Speaker
I mean, all right. Listen, Maverick picking number between one and five. I pick number one. All right. And he taps taps one finger on the table and bam, the bullet goes blasting through Maverick, giving you giving you a wound instantly, Maverick. You try again, it wasn't the right number. Or maybe it was, I don't know.
00:59:46
Speaker
You know, that sounds kind of wack. Like we did all of these things. We should, we deserve a way out of here that doesn't involve like a last game that could kill us. Well, I don't know. Pick another number there, Maverick. If you really want off this train so bad, go ahead and pick another number. Not between one and four.
01:00:16
Speaker
The number 666 ain't an option. So I'm inclined to give you the next closest number. If you were black, I mean, what choice do we really have either status train or like maybe get off. So what is that? All right. Cutter, which is that you ain't going to do nothing. Nope.
01:00:43
Speaker
Oh, at least he talked to me. Oh, oh, thanks for giving me a little bit of attention. I'm starting to bug. Okay, let's go with number four. Oh, really?
01:00:58
Speaker
Is that your final answer? Wait, wait, no, I'd like to see if they're like any different. You would want to a note scroll. If you can see if like, I have to pull it so different. Sure. Yeah, you could do that.
01:01:25
Speaker
I use a penny on that. How many pennies you got? God damn. And we got coup pennies from like the chokers we got. That's true. That's true. You did. Benjamin again. Benjamin. I use another one. He's using another Benjamin.
01:01:54
Speaker
He's like putting his glasses like right up to the fucking bullet is like wait a minute I can't I can't let you take this all on your own hit me with all of them feller two three four five
01:02:05
Speaker
Hey, I counted badly. I counted pretty good there. You hear? I'm so proud of you, dear. Hit me with them, feller. I got a power of love on my side. Hell with you, you son of a bitch. You ain't never going to know nothing. You son of a gun. Shouldn't take all of them. I'm going to take them all, Maverick. I'm a man. Come on, man. It looks like he's taken action. What about you, Maverick?
01:02:32
Speaker
If he's taking all of them, I'm taking all of them. I put my arm around my shoulder. We're both taking all of them together, fellas. We're best friends. Exactly. You can't keep us down, you son of a bitch. So you just want me to split them? You want to split them together? No, you got to put them both off, shoot them right at us all at once. We're going to stand side by side, make them hit us all. I don't give a shit about it. Me and Maverick taking them together.
01:02:58
Speaker
Yes, help me from behind Carter and then we'll take these bullets. I don't know about that. I don't know about that, he says. Oh, well, he says, well, all right, if you insist, is that your final answer? Is that what you want? I'm I'm I'm ready for this. Are you ready? Bring it on, you son of a bitch.
01:03:26
Speaker
Hope y'all know there ain't gonna be no magical fairy tale in and you're all about to get shot. You understand that, right? Maverick's already been shot once here. I've been shot a bunch of times. All right, that's true. And then he just throws the rest of the bullets at you guys. So how are you guys standing? I got my arm around Maverick. Shoulder.
01:03:54
Speaker
All right, I'm going to say one one bullet wounds the both of you. The word your arm is wrapped around Maverick and. Cutter, would you roll a D6, please? Sure.
01:04:10
Speaker
But now I don't think I think I feel like I have so much damage I'm going to take. We're going to take. Oh, no. She's like, I'm just I'm excited for I'm excited for you. Just getting like a higher than a zero at this point. Yeah. I mean, oh, no. Like five wounds. You say wounds, five wounds. Yes. Well, I think not exactly. What's going on? Tell me.
01:04:41
Speaker
You're. You take a shot through the arm and your left. Is it your right arm or your left arm? Left arm. I imagine he was to my left. Your left arm gets blown off of your body cutter. Oh, damn. Oh, that's gruesome. Maverick, you're on his right.
01:05:11
Speaker
I think so. Your right arm gets blown off your body at the shoulder. So you guys just like standing there with like goop pouring out of your arms or your shoulder socket and he still got three bullets floating up and he goes, you're all ready for it again. Also, those are wounds if that wasn't clear. Those are wounds for you.
01:05:37
Speaker
Would you say to go see the lady again to hear my wounds before I go on? Oh, don't worry. You're going to live here forever once we're done. You just getting, you know, cutter, you almost you almost had me. You almost had me, big guy. And then you just had to be a hero, didn't you? Just had to be. Shut the hell up. All right. Another one comes flying at you. He's going to send one at cutter and blast through.
01:06:07
Speaker
blaster your your gut cutter for another wound. I want to keep my liquor means. How many wounds you got cutter? Makes three. Oh, shit. Yes, you're you're on death's door. How many wounds you got, Maverick? I also got free. Oh, shit. How many wounds can you take? Free.
01:06:35
Speaker
And he says, it looks like if I split them up now, you're both, they're all going to go towards death forever. So who wants, do you want them all or do you still want to split them? I would just like to say, you never were clear on the deals. I thought team was supposed to be clear on the deals. It's bullshit. I'm calling, calling malarkey on this. Where's your supervisor? I like whisper to him. Let's try and take the bullet and shoot him.
01:07:07
Speaker
It's going to be a negative three on anything we try to do, man. We should have thought of that a long time ago. It's going to be a negative three on everything we try to do. All right. While you guys mull that over, because it is a pretty big decision that you guys have to make just now, let's cut to Rin for a second. Rin, you are trying to catch up to the train, yes? Uh-huh.
01:07:33
Speaker
And you're finding that no matter how fast this horse can run, you cannot keep up with a fucking phantom train that has no obstacles. What do you do? So she realizes that she's not making any headway. So she's going to turn back and
01:08:01
Speaker
Go to my top, Joe's and please. You're going to go to my top, Joe's and play the fiddle. He's like sitting there is like, why I hate that thing. Get it out of here. And you know what? You're going to turn around and try back the one job to play a fucking golden fiddle.
01:08:29
Speaker
OK, why don't we have this be a. You have a spirit role. Let's have your all for spirit to see if you can play this golden fiddle that probably sounds like ass. I'm going to use a penny. OK, go for it.
01:08:50
Speaker
I got five. Five. You take you hold this heavy ass fucking fiddle up and you use your metal arm and you start. We we we we. And like Mountain Shop Joe just has like the most dead like he always has like a dead pan look on his face, but you see his left eyes like twitching a little bit. He's like, oh, why? Why must you do this? And then you hear all of a sudden, like you feel the ground shake beneath you.
01:09:20
Speaker
And Maverick and Cutter, after you take that extra shot to the body, you feel like the trade just starts to make a quick fucking U-turn. And you guys kind of get tossed against the wall for a second.
01:09:34
Speaker
He goes, oh, damn it, someone found my fiddle. Shit, shit. And he's like, he's like, all right, we're just going to have to conclude business real quick. OK, we just got to complete it real fast. You'll have to decide who's getting shot at what. All right. Just real quick. Come on. Come on. Who's going to take a bullet? It's going to be you. OK. How are you going to make that happen there, big guy? I want to try and snatch the bullet.
01:10:05
Speaker
OK, he's going to try to snatch it, too. So, you know, I go ahead and roll a roll an agility roll to see if you can. It's a one. I have plenty left. OK. Where's your where's your wound penalties, my guy? Are they not on there? I'm running on a wrong sheet. That's OK. Maverick. Technically, you are old Maverick now, but that's OK. You can still keep using young Maverick, Maverick's character sheet.
01:10:36
Speaker
Okay, you're gonna use a Benjamin? That's a six. That is a six. You grab a hold of one of the bullets and he grabs a hold of the other one. And he's like, okay, so you have one of the bullets. Okay, big deal. What are you gonna do with it? I'm going to throw it at him. Is you gonna make him make like hurry up though? That would be good. Yeah, just real quick. Cutters laying on the floor like
01:11:00
Speaker
looking like his eyes like he's a real fucked up. He's like his eyes are wise. Oh, my God, Maverick. Oh, no, Maverick, why you do that? So, Ren, you see you feel the ground shake beneath you. And as you peer out the window, you can see off in the distance, the lights of the train are getting brighter and they're barreling back towards you dead. I knew it.
01:11:26
Speaker
is really really really. She doesn't even harder. Could you fucking quit it? That would. Nope, you're going to help me get my friends back. It hurts. I'm not going to. I know. I know it does. I'm sure it does. Yeah. But you're going to help me get my friends back from your brother.
01:11:52
Speaker
You can see like Mutt and Chop's face. The more you play it, like his face is getting redder. His like his demeanor has not changed, aside from his eye twitching. But his face is getting really fucking red. He's like, could you just take it outside? Just, you know, anywhere, anywhere is good. Anywhere is going to help me. Are you going to help me? Are you going to help me? Are you going to help me? No, no, not. Yes, yes, you are. I'm going to keep playing.
01:12:22
Speaker
Uh, roll another spirit roll. Let's see if you can keep that magic rolling or not. I don't know if there's a performance in this game or not. Thirteen. Thirteen. Like you, like you start to kind of get the hang of the weight and like, now you're kind of like fucking like Lindsey Sterling with a golden fiddle. Just like, like, just like doing all sorts of goofy shit and be like, uh,
01:12:49
Speaker
And like he's like he like turns his chair around and he's like facing the wall and he has his head resting against the wall. He goes. And you see like he's starting to like his he's like he can't help himself at like he's he's bawling his hands into a fist and he's just punching himself with the legs over and over and over again with them like just stop. Yeah, just quit it. Just quit it. OK, just stop. Are you going to help me? No, no, I'm not going to have you.
01:13:19
Speaker
And he's like grunting over in the corner. How about one more to see if you can finish it off? See if you can push him over the edge. Okay. One more spirit roll. Five. That's a five. That'll do it. He's like. And like you see like his whole body is getting red. The back of his neck is getting red. His like the little like where he does have hair is starting to like rise up a little bit off of his head. He's like.
01:13:47
Speaker
And he just like he goes, he just says fine. And he puts up his hand and like the fiddle stops making noise for a second. And he just like stomps his he stomps his foot so hard on the ground that you hear just like outside like a train just fucking do railing and flying off the rails and crashing all over the place and just making whoa.
01:14:11
Speaker
But before that happens, back on the back on the train, before you guys feel the train having a stop and derail. He says, Abaddon's like, all right, y'all got to make a decision. You got to make it quick right now. I'm just going to shoot the both of you, kill you both right now. You'll be stuck on this train forever. I'm like jumping to the side and throwing the bullet at him.
01:14:38
Speaker
I'm going to throw the bullet at him. Throw it. Okay. Okay. So, uh, okay. Roll athletics, I guess. That's a three.
01:14:54
Speaker
Um, you throw the bullet and it just like tinks off the window behind him. It's so anticlimactic like like he picks it up. He throws it eat shit demon and he throws it off the window, rolls onto the floor. He goes, well, that was, um, actually I kind of admire that that was so underwhelming. You know, that's kind of a whole shtick is that, uh, you know, I'm actually kind of glad you best, but also.
01:15:21
Speaker
It's making me a little gleeful because like that's like the weakest thing I've seen you do all day. Could you see that? Yeah, I know, right? And then I never, never die. Oh, see, now that's where you're wrong. You got any last words? Yes.
01:15:47
Speaker
But my last words will take a while. So let me see. My last words will take a while. You better have a seat. You mean what to say or what to think of? So you know. Maverick, are you saying it'll take you a lot to say them or what to think of what they are? Are you filibustering him? I want to like.
01:16:18
Speaker
Make time because I don't want to die. In that case, after you say that, I'm, uh, kind of like, he's like, uh, his eyes are all closed. He's like, uh, then else on the observe, he looks, he's like, looks, it looks at, uh, it's at the sloth. He's like, hang on a second there, feller. You're doing an awful lot of trouble trying to take care of me. That's not very soft for you to be doing all this to try and get Maverick. Right.
01:16:46
Speaker
It has been exhausting if I'm being honest. Oh, man. Why don't... Why... I think you've been going against your own ways there, fellow. You ought to teach yourself a lesson. Let me contemplate that while he does his monologue. I think he was fudging it. You don't have nothing to say. I know Maverick when he's not going to say that to him right there. Roll a persuasion roll against this guy. Seven.
01:17:17
Speaker
Seven maverick maverick. What was part of your filibuster that you were saying? It's just for context. What were you going to say? So I was like going to talk about how like I've like I've gotten like told my whole story about like how I've gotten to do that, like grieving or my dead wife and I like finding Carter and Rin and like the adventure we went through and that we like managed to like
01:17:45
Speaker
get the guy to kill the wife and then like found a new family with them. And, you know, all that kind of stuff. Uh huh. Uh huh. And like as you're continuing on and like cutters kind of whisper and shit to about like working to what you guys Oh, I gotta tell you, I feel like I feel like Mavericks doing a better job at my job than I'm doing right now.
01:18:16
Speaker
You think maybe I'm doing a bad job, Cutter? I think you're overstepping, feller, I think. I ought to be sitting down somewhere in a hole doing nothing. You're so and so. Maybe. Shit.
01:18:39
Speaker
Um, and then derailment, uh, would you all, uh, that are on the train, the two of you, please roll a, uh, let's call it.
Rescue and Train's Demise
01:18:54
Speaker
Oh, a survival role. This for funsies. Um, I'll be KB wild. Woo. Thank goodness. Like in Maverick rolled dog duty. Uh, yeah.
01:19:08
Speaker
Uh, yeah. Uh, Cutter, you managed to, um, prevent yourself from getting banged up too badly. You cover all the right spots, even though you're bleeding or goobing all over the place. Uh, Mavic, you see in the meanwhile, like while you're like trying to hold onto different tables and stuff and rails from like being bounced around, you see Mavic just get bounces around like a goddamn pinball. Can I roll the help out?
01:19:32
Speaker
Uh, sure. You could roll a, uh, what we, what do we have for that? Um, I'm trying to grab them as it comes. Let's call it, you know what? Let's call it, um, a bigger role to see if you can, like, if you can withstand like the hurt and help him out again. That's an eight. I'm going to say that after he bounces probably three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine times, like right as the train is starting to derail, like as finally fall off the rails and crash.
01:19:58
Speaker
You manage to like create like a catch with my legs. I only got one arm. Yeah, you catch him with your leg. Oh, yeah, I forgot you guys are almost. You catch it with your legs and, you know, he falls into a soft pile of coats that were hanging as the train comes to a stop and everything just kind of rolls forward. Um, Ren, you see a train is derailed just outside of the phony express where you and much job Joe are hanging out.
01:20:29
Speaker
What do you do? She goes out to see if she's able to see Cutter or Maverick by chance or there goes. You go out. You don't see anybody right away. You just see the front of the train. There's like some a bunch of goop spilling out the side of it. But you don't see anybody just yet. You just see a fucked up train. OK, she's going to kind of
01:21:00
Speaker
Make sure that there's like. I guess nothing about to explode, and then she goes around to look to see and starts calling out their names. Cutter Maverick, you could hear Ren faintly like through your delirium and your injuries calling out to you.
01:21:25
Speaker
I'm losing. So can she hear them by chance? Yeah, you can. You can hear them faintly. Yeah. You're scratching at the window window. The train is on its side right now, so he's like scratching on one of those. Are you standing up and scratching the one that's above you or are you scratching the one that you're laying? I'm just scratching. It's whatever I'm like.
01:21:55
Speaker
She she grabbed their bodies and like sit them next to the train and try to get their souls back into their bodies Yeah, you could you could do that you could yeah, you could pull it bring their bodies out and lay them there Yeah, since they're still right outside mutton chop Joes
01:22:16
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. It's like I planned it that way, guys. Yeah. It's not something, though. So since we have our bodies outside of trainers, everybody else's body is still laying around doodad or their bodies going completely. Oh, yeah, you don't see any bodies anywhere. Yeah, I think I just have your two bodies. Oh. Do I know my bodies outside? Yeah, I don't know if you would know that, but Ren could tell you that they're out there.
01:22:42
Speaker
Yeah, I'll be like, guys, your bodies are out here. Come out here and get back in them. Oh, yeah, that sounds great. I don't like this body. I don't know how to do that. Open the window. Open the window to the train. I can't from the outside. I don't think. Oh, can she smash the window? Is there a way to smash the window? We've been shot a bunch of times.
01:23:04
Speaker
I mean it's really it's really just like a hole at this point like that's on the top like is the trains laying on its side so like you could probably climb up onto the top of the of the main what do you call the front of the train like past the cow catcher
01:23:18
Speaker
The engine, the floor here or the engine. Yeah. Because they have an engineer. Um, so yeah, she'll climb up on top and I guess she'll use her metal arm to like help pull them out and then, uh, get them to their bodies. As you reach in and you try to pull them out, like, uh, like say you have a hold of Maverick, like as you go to pull them through the window, he slips off your hand and back into the, into the train.
01:23:49
Speaker
Jeez, Maverick, will you stop taking off your pants on trains? Try again. You know, I took off my pants. Your hands are all slippery. You see my shop. Joe is like standing at the doorway. This is the most he's ever moved that you've ever seen his life. And like he's like peering out the window because they can't leave the train, but their bodies can enter. OK, so do that.
01:24:20
Speaker
And I would be able to get them off the train if I put their bodies in there. Yeah, I don't know. And he turns around and walks back to his desk. All right. She chucks both their bodies in the train. A body lands on top of Maverick. You get flattened and then you wake up and you see bullet holes form like in your body, like on your shoulder, on your on your chest. And you're still wounded, heavily wounded. Are we seeing an arm?
01:24:49
Speaker
No, he's not missing an arm because his body wasn't his body didn't have his arm removed. Just his spirit body did. OK. But your arm is still pretty much fucked up. Same thing with you, Cutter. Like you still have your wounds, but your left arm is severely damaged, but it is not off. God, it feels way worse. Oh, shit. Yes, cut it off. Cut it off. Good. Oh, thank you. It hurts for us. Am I real?
01:25:17
Speaker
Yep. I slapped my cheeks. Yeah, I also slapped Carla's cheeks. She's going to reach in and try to get them out now. Yeah, they can come out. Rin, get me to a lady that saved me earlier. She's a real good medic. She's not there, so I might have to take you guys to Punky's to fix you.
01:25:45
Speaker
I mean, if that's what you think is best. Okay. I'd rather die. Well, there was a child at Lulu, so I don't know if you want to get fixed by a child. Take me to like another town, I guess a few towns over.
01:26:07
Speaker
I don't know if you're going to make it that long. I lost the yellow. I lost the yellow. Fucking Stan attacked me and so I wrecked the wagon. So bath is on the bus and Joe. I know everybody is. Um,
01:26:33
Speaker
Let's see here. And she like takes out that ghost gun and she just like shoots the train and sees if she can capture the train into the shotgun.
01:26:46
Speaker
So when you put when you drop the pedal and you pump it up and you put one of the darts in there, it fires out. It fires out a dart and sticks to the gun or sticks to the train. And then it's like a little string attached to it. And there's like a little lever that you can like start reeling it. So like it just starts pulling the train closer to you. And that's what happened so far as you're just pulling it closer and closer to you. And you're strong. I know, right? Check me out. Oh, man. Are you moving the train?
01:27:17
Speaker
I got a present from punkies now. Let's get you guys help. And as you as you continue pulling the train, as it touches the barrel, as you're pulling a massive train towards the barrel of a gun and as it touches the barrel, the train just like starts to crumble apart. And just like it just looks like a bunch of big pile of ash.
01:27:41
Speaker
all over
01:27:58
Speaker
Um, and he like clasp his fist together and he's like, all right, damn it. I'm tired of being nice. I've got to do some on sloth like things, but sometimes you got to do what you got to do to get your life back on. He looks behind him. Track. What? So we have written with the the ghost art gun. We have a wounded cutter. We have a wounded maverick. And then you hear.
01:28:28
Speaker
And you see like, streaking across the sky, you see like lightning bolts crackling behind a golden eagle as she flies. And she lands on top of your shoulder maverick.
01:28:45
Speaker
Um, and sends like a jolt of electricity through you. She goes, pecker pecker. And just like a blast of lightning kind of flashes out from her and she starts kind of nuzzling you against the cheek. Um, and you feel it kind of like little sparks that are like making the, the, the hairs on your chin stand up. Um, and she goes, hi dad. Hi, I'm hurt, but I'm glad to see you.
01:29:14
Speaker
And so we see maverick electrified ishy dart-wielding Wren and Cutter what are you doing? Are you standing up? Are you laying down? What's happening to go around?
01:29:27
Speaker
kind of kind of laying on the ground railing. As you guys stand over him, you see a man clad in white, a demon clad in white with spirits behind him. And it looks like the final battle was about to commence on the next episode of Phony Express.
Promotions and Humorous Discussions
01:29:41
Speaker
Good job, guys. It's all you, Ren. It's all you and Ishi and Ishi. So who do I trust to get our question of the day today? Who wants to do it?
01:29:58
Speaker
Not me. All right. Ryn, Cass, can you go find one while I do our end plugs? Yep. All right. So, hey, thanks, everybody, for hanging out for the Phone Express. As always, please leave review podchaser.com slash role players. And hey, by the way, before I forget, Danny and I revived That's Our Queue, which is another podcast that started some time ago where we answer questions from Reddit. Pretty much what we do at the end of every episode here. But you get a whole hour of it.
01:30:26
Speaker
So go check it out. Danny and I are on there and the early episodes me and my buddy Joshua on there. It's a good time. You should come and hang out. Um, it'd mean a lot to watch this search. That's our, and then the letter Q you'll see it. There's a little light bulb. We're the only one named that it's amazing or awesome. Uh, I think you'd really enjoy it. If you like hearing more of these hypotheticals and philosophicals and just silly questions that we answer. One of which is like, what would happen if you stood in your piss for too long? So find out what we think happens when you do that. Um,
01:30:55
Speaker
And then also we have our Ko-fi. If you want to support us, go to Ko-fi.com slash fun installers. It's a little different to support the network that we do. Am I forgetting anything? Anything else? Our Instagram.
01:31:07
Speaker
Instagram role players podcast on Instagram where cast tells fun stories with like little miniatures of characters that we have. And a lot of really a lot of really cool like backdrops and props that are being utilized. So if you if you like cool little like slide shows, that's a really fun spot to go. And for some updates that we might be having coming down the pipe. So go check that out.
01:31:29
Speaker
And then finally, go to fun and so it's not work.com. If you want to send us some messages on the contact page or if you want to see some of our other network people like the role players guild, their their streams are on there. We have reviews of video games on there. We have fuck what else is on there. Everything's on there. Just go there. It's you can find our store on there. We have a store on there. Go there and buy stuff. Support us.
01:31:53
Speaker
We have merch. We have fucking merch there. So go to that place and find the thing looking rich, not just ugly merch. Yeah, not the ugly merch. We save that for the our European friends. Yes. Now, I'm just kidding. Ireland, I know you support our show. Thanks, guys. Anyway, I think that's it. Also, Justin has maps on drive through RPG on the role players. Our drive through RPG account. So if you want to go buy some.
01:32:20
Speaker
Oh, is it fun? It's always fun. I thought it was road players. I lied. Don't listen to that. It's fun and salaries on drive through RPG where you can find some maps that Justin created. I'm trying to work on more doing more regional instead of just battle maps. Yeah. So if you like battle maps, you know, it's a regional shit. Go follow us on there. Leave some reviews on there. It really means a lot to us. And all the notes will be all the shows will be. Let me tell it one more time, Adam. Take three. All the links will be in the show notes. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Daddy, beaming beam.
01:32:46
Speaker
Um, all right. And then of course, uh, three besties and a guesties, uh, has, uh, like you guys just started like a new season, I think. Right. Recently, um, a new show. Uh, and then goth warts, uh, is, is, is happening. Um, and then it's going to be released in about three weeks. It'll be released in a three weeks. We already have it recorded. It's like South Park meets, uh, Harry Potter, right? Yeah. It's like, uh, South Park goth kids meets Hogwarts.
01:33:16
Speaker
There you go. So check that out. Three besties and a guestie on wherever you get your podcasts. And I think that's about it. So hit us with that last question there, Cass. All right. Here we go. Can I tell by the smell of my husband's gas if he has been cheating? Can you tell? Is there further? Is there further information? Oh, there's a lot. Yeah, there's a lot. Here we go. OK. I know this sounds crazy, but.
01:33:45
Speaker
Hubs usually has his own smell. The family always knows when he has past gas, even if he tries to be funny and blame it on the dog. Lately he's had to work late a few times and each time he's come home and his gas is smelled unlike anything I've ever smelled from him. Kind of like maybe he had Thai food or something. He says he's only been at work, but not anywhere else, but something is definitely different. Do you think he's cheating?
01:34:15
Speaker
He's totally cheating. Depending on what nationality of man comes in his butt, they will have different smell. I mean, I mean, that's that's true. Just depends on.
01:34:28
Speaker
You know, I feel like every cow, every cow's milk has a different smell. I mean, it's like macaroni and cheese. Oh, yeah, especially that white cheddar. You know what I'm saying? Oh, my God.
01:34:55
Speaker
There we go. Fuck. British person comes, smells like nothing and tastes like nothing because they have no flavor to anything. Even though they went all over the world for spices. And that's my thought. The short answer, the short answer is this. He, he.
01:35:13
Speaker
That's not your man. That's a fart machine. Right. I was going to say, I was going to say he's probably not who you think he is. And, you know, you should you should ask your doctors to up your medication in the asylum. I was going to say, if anything, yes, if he may have problems, if you're worried about it, if his parts are going so crazy and there's no parts going around, you're thinking he's cheating. There might be some gastrointestinal problems. Yeah. Talk to a specialist in case he has tummy issues and talk to a psychiatrist in case you have brain issues. OK.
01:36:27
Speaker
You still look good already.