Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Haunted Trailer Park Wars: Awoo - Werewolves of Somewhere
49 Plays7 months ago
Adrian went on vacation and forgot to remind us so uh... here's this
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and New Adventure Kickoff
00:00:59
Speaker
Welcome back to role players. This is a new kind. I'm just kidding, guys. You know, welcome back. Good morning, good afternoon and good evening. As Adam likes to say, this is role players. And today we are doing a little something different again because our good buddy Adrian is out of his country and visiting things and going and doing fun things like improv shows and like
00:01:29
Speaker
concerts and such things. So, you know, we'll, we'll see him back again next time. So out of his country.
00:01:38
Speaker
yeah he's out of his country because i can't say the country because you know like there's so many of them so and he's not in ours so yeah you know so um but we're playing my game that i created on a trailer park wars and i'm so excited to have everybody here and so yeah we're gonna start out with uh um
00:02:06
Speaker
Justin who are you playing and what what is his deal.
Character Introductions
00:02:14
Speaker
I'm playing a fella named milton burry mil for short he's an older fella quite grumpy wears ratty old clothes in the trailer park he lives in a i think it's called an air stream when i was little just metal.
00:02:29
Speaker
you drag around and he's an ex superhero who is down on his luck and doesn't like people mostly, but he's here in this place and maybe he'll do superhero related type things. All right, we'll find out. And Adam, who are you playing and what's your deal?
00:02:49
Speaker
I am playing a gentleman named Chevrolet Chase. He is from out of the country, from a country called Swindlin, from the Norwegian areas. He's a tourist. He likes taking pictures. He thinks that all the monsters outside of his country are
00:03:09
Speaker
very cute because they're not remotely as ferocious as the ones in Swindlin. So he just wants to come and meet them and take some pictures and he's just happy to be here. And he's just like a, you know, he's got his little travel pack on. He drove his, he drove his RV all the way across the ocean to the, I'm assuming the Honda trailer park was written in the Americas, but whatever country we're in, that's where he drove it to. We're not really sure where it's at.
00:03:34
Speaker
Well, he drove his he drove his his RV there. And that's what he lives out of right now is he just got a little spot on the lot of the trailer park town. Right. I feel like it's a town that just kind of like is in its own little like universe. But like you end up driving through a portal that you're not really like planning on like driving through. And then you just end up there and you're like.
00:03:58
Speaker
Whoa, how did I end up here? I feel like I'm out here town. It's I took the wrong portal, damn it. It's a neighboring city, Silent Hill. Yeah. Mm hmm. Uh huh. That's maybe that's where all the monsters keep coming from. Oh, I think Sean just solved it. I'm just kidding. It's not Silent Hill. It's a really fucking loud hill like that. Always play some music at the most inappropriate times of night.
00:04:25
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. And we have our normal residents who normally live in Terror Town, but you get to meet them for the first time here. And if you want to find out who they are, go to our other stuff. We have other Terror Town adventures going on in other places. And so, Kimmi, who are you playing and what is her deal?
00:04:53
Speaker
Oh, so I am Vivian, and Vivian is this very tall, live woman, and she has all these grand stories about everywhere she's been in life, okay? When you see her, you see this woman, the first thing you'll notice is her blonde beehive above her head. It is just huge. Her hairstyle is up, and it's immaculate. It's amazing.
00:05:15
Speaker
always pristine. And then she has on this pressed white business suit and it's very cut and very nice. And she just looks so wonderful in it. She's always sporting a foot long cigarette holder with a cigarette always burning in it. And in the other hand, she has her martini glass, which she gets martinis by neti.
00:05:41
Speaker
when she doesn't have anyone at home in her trailer to do it for her. Of course. And what does her trailer look like? So she has this amazing trailer set up and you know it's just beautiful outside and there's these gorgeous like Greco-Roman columns sprouting from the ground going up to the balcony.
00:06:04
Speaker
And inside she has chandeliers, she has paintings of her. They're all of her but in different poses and everywhere she's been because she's had such a glamorous life and she's just so incredibly talented and amazing. If you look at them really closely they're like
00:06:22
Speaker
her own drawings that she drew herself. You have the different styles, like you have the art deco Vivian that you have, you know, the impressionist Vivian. And it's just all different Vivians in glorious, glamorous ways, mostly with a cigarette and a martini glass. Because she's just wonderful.
00:06:41
Speaker
My favourite is Furry Vivian from Anthrocon. She made herself a... That's the one that's painting sits in the spare bedroom. So everyone can embrace it. AKA Cougar Vivian.
00:07:02
Speaker
Like maybe 200 years ago. But who knows how old Fifine is because she'll tell you stories from all over time and everywhere she's been. I was there at the fall of the Roman Empire. I was there when cinema was made. I was picturing a ferret because of the hotel you mentioned.
00:07:20
Speaker
Well, she kind of does look like a ferret in human form. Or gacy on her. And Sean, who are you playing and what is his deal? Well, I actually have a question for you that first cast. How much continuity should I conclude?
00:07:47
Speaker
All of it. You've been in Terror Town for a very long time. You have been there. You're like, you're the sheriff and, um, but used to still there. Okay. Yeah. I am playing Roscoe. I'm a, I'm a redneck ex-super soldier with, uh, who's not a town sheriff after some calamities. And I, I, uh,
00:08:15
Speaker
I poop in a bucket and I throw down my enemies. Put that on a t-shirt. I have a homemade little tossing shield I made from a trashcan bucket. My trailer park looks kind of like a military style trailer park done by Dale Gribble. He's a good guy. We were on the same message boards.
00:08:43
Speaker
All right. And even though I look I look a little doughboy around the edges, I'm pretty strong and pretty I can shotgun shield pretty so hard you can just I can outspeed a cop car with that shield. Perfect. All right. So you guys have all been living in Tarrantown about
00:09:05
Speaker
a couple months at this point and you guys are all looking around and as you look around the town, you see like, you know, it's all pretty much just one big trailer park town.
Setting the Scene: Terror Town
00:09:19
Speaker
There is a general store and Nettie Grady's diner and you know, there's the school and then there's a farm, you know, that keeps everybody in with all of their,
00:09:33
Speaker
their vegetables and their meat and every such things. So this is pretty much a self-sufficient town. And you'll notice that there is like a weird fog that just kind of constantly hangs around and over the town. It's very thick.
00:09:51
Speaker
And there's always just weird shit like happening beyond this fog. And so we're going to open it up. And you guys are all sitting at Nettie Grady's diner. And this diner, it looks like an old 1940s diner with, you know, like the button seat.
00:10:16
Speaker
Barstool chairs that sit along the bar and then they've got like the booze and everything that sit along the window and You've got Nettie over there. She's got the typical diner outfit on with the tiny little apron and the pencil behind her ear and so Adam what would
00:10:43
Speaker
What would Chevrolet be doing at the diner? What would he be doing? I think he would be marveling at like any sort of any decor that might be different from where he's from. I think he would probably be like.
00:11:01
Speaker
over, you know, I don't know. I imagine a lot of diners have like pictures of like when they opened and all this other stuff like on the fucking walls or some sort of crazy pictures, maybe like a very first werewolf customer or some shit. And then he just like taking pictures like up close with his camera. He's taking pictures of their pictures. I cannot believe it. It took them this long to get the back. Well, if I was born into a werewolf smothered. Oh, my goodness.
00:11:25
Speaker
And where would he be sitting at the diner? Would he be sitting in a booth or would he be sitting at the bar stool? I don't know if he necessarily remembered to pick a seat. He probably just walked in right away and went back there. Maybe he like slung like his, I don't know, like his backpack into a booth somewhere. So just probably just like sitting by the window or something. OK, Justin, what would Mill be doing at the diner?
00:11:50
Speaker
Um, I guess, uh, he's belly up to the little bar at the front with a cup of coffee. Alright. Just a cup of coffee. Yeah, sobering up. Fair enough. Okay. Alright. That frickin Frenchman doesn't quit yelling over there. Oh my god.
00:12:12
Speaker
Well, Wolf, work here. Excuse me. Oh, nails on the chalkboard. I want to pet this little furry bum. Of course, the werewolf works here. He's my clerk. Oh shit, you got to get hair all... But you got to wear a body condom so you don't get hair in the scoop. Of course, we make sure he wears the hair nets every day. Don't you worry about it, sugar. Neat. Alright, cool. Thank you very much for your servicing of me today.
00:12:42
Speaker
Of course, what can I get you, sweetheart? Ah, shit, I forgot that you did the food in here. Um, you know what? I'm going to have, um, whatever that person is having over there. Who are you pointing at, son? The lady with the beehive on her head.
00:13:01
Speaker
Oh, you wanna martini, okay? I can do that for you, only just don't tell anybody, because you know I don't have the liquor license or anything, alright? No, that's okay. If you could just put some apple juice in a fancy martini cup, that would make me feel super cool. You got it, sugar! Yes, I'll take sugar too, thank you.
00:13:25
Speaker
So Nettie, with a little wiggle in her step, she walks over and grabs one of her very many martini glass from her stock because she's always having to replace Vivian's martini glasses. She's always breaking them.
00:13:52
Speaker
and fills it up with orange or apple juice and brings it back to you. There you are, sugar. Go find a seed and I'll come get you breakfast water in just a minute. Super di-duper, dude. Thank you very much. Where do I sit? Anywhere you want. Anywhere's. Okay, he just goes back over to where his bag is.
00:14:15
Speaker
I can't put my bag here. You're in my seat, dude. Oh, wait. Let me get the picture. Hold still. I take a picture of you up against a window. My green backpack in my first haunted trailer park city. Beautiful. All right, Kimmy, what is Vivian doing?
00:14:33
Speaker
So Vivian is sitting in her usual booth, and she's smoking from her cigarette holder. And she finishes her martini, and she waves her hand. Nettie, Nettie, I need another martini, please. This one is empty. Okay, and if you could do that carafe again, that would be wonderful.
00:14:54
Speaker
They used to do the caraffes when I was over in Europe and it was some of my favorite times when I'd get the carafe of martinis. Of course, I always have it ready for you. You know, I always keep the milkshake shaker over here so that you can just refill it yourself because my back hurts and I'm not going to keep coming over every five seconds.
00:15:20
Speaker
Oh, well, maybe you should get more help around here. You know, you have all these young strapping men. They can do that stuff for you. I burp really loud. Yes, yes.
00:15:37
Speaker
Yes, like that, whatever that is, I don't know. Actually, I don't want that one serving my martinis, please. That would just be a travesty. And I don't need whatever that is to get into my wonderful vodka, so thank you for keeping that away. How did they get the sugar so nicely on the edge of the glass like this? It's crazy.
00:16:00
Speaker
Oh, I spin around the store. All right, Nettie, I slide my cup in. That's enough for me. I'm getting out of here. All right. Just as that happens, the whole ground rumbles. Oh, dude, I swear that wasn't to me. Last time I felt the ground rumble like this, it was like in that movie Tremors. But with the ass blasters, you remember those? Hey, guys, remember American Tremors? Nobody.
00:16:29
Speaker
No, I wasn't in that film, so I did not see it. Oh, did I see you in that movie where the dude gets railed on the Space Needle? No, I don't believe I was in that one. I don't know what sort of films you are watching, but mine is pure cinema. It's art. It's art, I tell you. Oh, it's art? It's art. What is art? Is that the place I should visit? Yes. One of my American cities.
00:16:56
Speaker
Yes, I don't know where you are from or how you got here. You are in... I believe there's someone over there at the counter who wants to speak with you. Yes. I'm inclined to look because you seem like an honest person. I will go do this. Yes. Honest Vivian, that's what they call me. Hot. I mean, hot like where I come from, you say hot is like cool. We don't say cool, we say hot.
00:17:27
Speaker
As you guys say that, you're going to see a sheriff's Bronco skeeting up to the diner.
Mystery and Action Unfold
00:17:38
Speaker
because it is coming up real quick and it just slides sideways as Rascal hits the brakes and comes racing into the diner. Is it a Bronco, like a horse or like a Ford Bronco? No, like a Ford Bronco. I thought it was a horse and the roof is ripped off.
00:18:04
Speaker
Yep, the roof is ripped off. It's golden color and it has like the sheriff's symbol on the side, but there's no like words or anything on it anywhere. It doesn't have like any other identifying marker. No brand loyalty.
00:18:20
Speaker
And coming with him is going to be Eusta. She is the town mayor. And she is... So imagine the little designer lady on the Incredibles, but like, like 4'9 and like 250 pounds. She's like, you know,
00:18:48
Speaker
She's very fashionable though she's very just round. She's a brick house yeah she's a brick house. She's my team out there.
00:19:02
Speaker
She looks around and sees Vivian. Oh Vivian, I'm so glad you're here. I'm gonna need you in a big way. Rascal and I were just over at the high school and you're not gonna believe what just happened. There was a huge explosion and oh there's uh oh hi everybody uh there's new people here.
00:19:27
Speaker
um anyways uh there's like monsters coming out of everywhere now and we're not really sure what to do right now oh rascal
00:19:39
Speaker
It was a, it was a, it was, oh my word. It was, they were mystery meat walking around like they had some kind of a agenda, but we couldn't, you know, we tried to hold it off as much as I could, but we needed, we need reinforcements and the bats coming alive. It was all kinds of crazy stuff.
00:20:01
Speaker
Yeah, and we really need your smarts and your fearlessness to help us battle these. Is there anybody else here that is able to help us fight or anything? Because we're going to need as many people as possible. Oh, just leaving. Oh, God.
00:20:32
Speaker
Oh my God. Oh my goodness. I had this wonderful dream where I killed her and it was a wonderful time and I enjoyed every second of it. And then I wake up and she's still here. The most worthless mayor ever. She can't do anything for herself, always pawning it off on everyone else.
00:20:51
Speaker
I don't know. I know you're talking about me, but I know that you're not talking about me right now. I know you're talking about me. Who else would I be speaking about? The elected officials in this town are worthless. You see you see Chevrolet is like outside, like peering into into. Is it Rascal Roscoe? What's your name? Rascal Rascal Rascal like peering into rascals like like shit like with his video camera. He's like.
00:21:20
Speaker
Where the fuck is your roof, dude? Is this a top down? Where'd it go? What in the hell, dude? You got to get some safety bars off of here. Even in Swindlin, we have those. Shit. Oh, is those Doritos, bro? I mean, yeah, I mean, there are kind of Doritos.
00:21:42
Speaker
Oh, dude. I'm gonna grab some other kind of- there's a few more left in the bag. I'll only take one or two or three at maximum, dude. They are refried with cheese and chili in a- no. He like presses his face up against the window. Dude! Dude!
00:22:01
Speaker
Let's go for a ride. I mean, that's what we're here for. We're creating reinforcements. It's the monsters at the high school made out of mystery meat and other things. Neat. Hey, stinky boy, you want to come take a ride in this dude's topless truck? I love topless, bro. It's very hot. I'm getting into my own pickup truck closing the door. I open the door, a bunch of beer cans fall out of it. Dude, you could make some makeshift nunchucks from those, bud.
00:22:30
Speaker
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. If you got extra intestines lying around, bro, I can show you how to make nunchucks with those canes. Ria's goal, isn't that like against the law? You want this sheriff? We're gonna have to make sure he's not driving drunk or anything.
00:22:50
Speaker
I think Rascal, I think Rascal's already heading out, noticing it's Mel. I hope it's okay, Justin, since like you said, your guy is the next superhero and I'm a next super soldier. I feel like we've had history. That's fun. Might at least have heard of each other in the least. Yeah. I think Rascal's cutting over chocolate. Now, now, now, you know, I'm going to have to take you in for all those beer cans, but you know what? Wait. Hey. Hey, I'm not.
00:23:18
Speaker
I'm not drinking and dry they're already drank in okay last night I drove here this morning man look we can really we can really use your help you know I don't like to do that thing no more yeah I know but like you know like this will be like you be like look I'm I'm the sheriff and if anything goes wrong I'll be the one on the line
00:23:44
Speaker
Hmm, we always were government this government that okay. I mean, it could be what it could be. It could be him, you know, this is like the weird shit your, uh, your old sparring partner got into. What if it, what if he's come back, whether he's come, whether the, would you, would you, would you, would you be able to deal with that? Like you didn't show up. Don't tease my cock, Raz. Yeah. We all, we both know he is not going to be anywhere near here.
00:24:11
Speaker
He's he's aware, don't worry about that as well. OK, let's eat some meat. You got to beat. All right, let's beat this meat. Yeah, meat, meat, I mean, you know, technically mystery meat can be made out of that. So, you know, I'm ready. So all of a sudden, I mean, you son of a bitch. I slam my door shut. He's like all of a sudden sober. We do the predator handshake.
00:24:40
Speaker
I'm, like, zooming in on my camera. What a beautiful moment, bros. Between two dudes fighting crime together. Wow. Fuck off. Oh, that's good. But don't look directly down the barrel, OK? It kind of ruins the ambience. Take two. Hug again. I got climbing into your Bronco. And I guess I could get me the fuck away from this French guy. Jeez. I'm swindlish, you mother asshole. I don't know what the fuck that is.
00:25:11
Speaker
I think Rascal runs to his Bronco slides up the trunk and handsprings off the window into driver's seat. Jesus, you still got that kind of shit in you? Oh my god. Bro, I was changing my battery. Why'd you do it again? I'm exhausted just watching you do that shit. It's that walrus DNA they put in me. Oh, I forgot. I forgot you. Old test tube rass. That's what I used to call you. Oh, man.
00:25:42
Speaker
All natural for me. I look at, what's your face? What's your name? Chevrolet. I look at you and your camera. I'm like, all natural right here. I pull on my dirty little white tank top. All natural. I can smell your natural from here, bro. Like Lady Gaga, I was born this way.
00:26:02
Speaker
And then I flex and like his arms is like big round, like, oh, you know, older, older, like used to be muscly man arms. Then I flex and all of a sudden they're like fucking like the rock arms. Oh, God, that's tiring. I'm going to go back to normal now. A cool, cool trick.
00:26:23
Speaker
Meanwhile, Nettie and Vivian and Yusta are still standing in the diner, like, with their hands on their hips watching the boys and their fuckery.
00:26:35
Speaker
Yes, well, Vivian's more worried about getting another martini. She really doesn't care. She doesn't pay attention to anything. Yuster, did you arrange for a limo for me today? Because I can't be arriving in that and she's going to point to the Bronco. Of course I didn't. What do you think I am? You're like a sister or whatever. Get out of here.
00:26:57
Speaker
Well, you know, I don't drive, so how do you expect me to get there if you need my assistance so badly? Well, of course we were going to stay in, you know, in the car, but, you know, like, we got to go. We didn't have time to, like, you know, get the limo service over here. And I'm especially not your executive assistant, whatever you think we have. Oh my gosh, aren't you the mayor?
00:27:23
Speaker
You used to have to serve the people and me being the most important people. You're supposed to be at my beck and call with whatever you wish as a public servant. So, therefore, you need to get it together, or by the time the next election rolls around, you may see yourself out of a mare's ship. Who do you think you are? Chase's wife? Yo, did that hot lady say she has a peephole?
00:27:59
Speaker
where's the paintball last bros
00:28:03
Speaker
Oh my goodness, fine. And Vivian's going to take her now full Martini and her, you know, soon she's going to stroll down and be like, where's the car? What are we riding in? We're going in the Bronco. Let's go. Oh my God. It's going to mess up my hair. This is ridiculous. Deal with it. It's so dirty. It's so dirty in there. When his rascal ever cleaned that thing out, never. Okay. He removed the roof and that thing sits out in all sorts of weather.
00:28:33
Speaker
I probably got some plastic Walmart bags in my backpack if you want to sit on those. I will say that Rascal has replaced the seat with leather chairs and they are immaculate. He may have junk in it, but he keeps those seats nice and pristine. No stains on those seats.
00:28:54
Speaker
Vivian's just going to look down on all of them as she goes and gets into the Bronco like, excuse you, excuse you. Move out of my way. I am a celebrity. I deserve better treatment. You're pushing my seat forward. Oh my goodness. Well, nobody told you to take up all the room. Okay. There might be, you don't want to reach in and find out.
00:29:21
Speaker
I mean, I kinda do, I'm not afraid. Hang on, poke, poke, let me see. I have a five in Fearless. So you have like an empty vodka bottle fall out of her beehive? Damn, that's a big drunk bee. Oh shit. Damn, I carry a backpack to do all that, but what your hair can do? Oh my goodness, bro.
00:29:45
Speaker
She pulls out a cigarette pack and a lighter out of her hair. She replaces the cigarette in her cigarette holder and she lights it and she's just gonna sit there. You know, the left hand has the cigarette holder, the right hand has the martini, and she's just gonna sit there. Just like my mom's purse.
00:30:09
Speaker
He's just gonna look at rascal and go. Okay rascal. I think we've got everyone I think we should get going back there because they don't know how many more they can hold them off All right. All right. Yeah, we'll get ready We're gonna get right wild and he reaches over and you see there see a big red button that says do not hit and if he pulls it out he hits it and the nitro kicks in and
00:30:35
Speaker
like seconds before that like like Chevy is like zooming in with his cameras like I know what's about to happen bros this is called foreshadowing dramatic irony bros we know he's going to hit it
00:30:54
Speaker
Oh my gosh. All right. So as you guys drive through town, you're going to see, well, not really town. It's really just a big trailer park. It's kind of like in a, what do you want to, like a spiral, I guess, in a squared spiral. And the, where Nettie Grettie's diner was like on the very like outskirts
00:31:19
Speaker
And so as you make your way all the way around the farm and you're gonna make a left hand turn and you're gonna, or sorry, a right hand turn. I am not here today. You're gonna make a right hand turn into the school that sits right next to the lake.
Confronting New Threats
00:31:40
Speaker
And as you guys get out of the Bronco, you are going to see weird little things coming out of the fog near the football field. Holy shit. Yeah, this certainly smells like one, bro. I take my tank off. It means not paying attention. She's just sipping her martini, just looking around bored. Donkey.
00:32:09
Speaker
Roscoe's hashing the back of the truck and popping the hood and pulling out his shield. Oh, you still use that old thing? I slap my gut. It's the only shield I need. I'm going to jump over to the football field. Like a Hulk jump, just like a big-ass fucking super jump. This one's new. I don't care. Oh, my God.
00:32:39
Speaker
Oh, so used to looks at Rascal. Oh, my goodness. All right. Now that we finally are back here, we can tell you guys. All right. So there are garden gnomes all over that are like animated and they're like evil looking and they're like they have like teeth that are like sharp and they're just like munching on people's legs and shit in there. It's the weirdest fucking thing.
00:33:06
Speaker
So I need you guys to help me get these fucking things back in wherever they came from. We have to fight cartoon lawn gnomes and the main gnomes. Is that what Rusty's for? Is that Gordon M? Holy shit. Rusty, you're the sheriff. Why don't you go do something about it? Why did you have to come for us? Because there's more than I can deal with. They need it to assemble the assembly.
00:33:34
Speaker
trailer park warriors oh that sounds cool bro yeah team this is ridiculous or the team you're the team of idiots and i being your fearless leader do not want to be here i do not care so like like uh chevy swings his fucking camera around just puts it real closely first he goes tell me how it feels to be the newly elected later out the trailer park warriors
00:33:58
Speaker
You know, it is something glorious and I truly admire the position and I promise to fulfill it to the best of my abilities.
00:34:10
Speaker
And, you know, I just wish they would give me better help because, you know, all of our elected officials are just absolutely ridiculous and nobody can do anything around here. And they have to, you know, ask for assistance all the time. And it's just they're all worthless. And it's just really this whole thing. And, you know, they barely cover my martini tab at Netty's. And, you know, it's just ridiculous the way
00:34:38
Speaker
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. The lens cap was on. Can you do that monologue again, please? Listen here, Chrysler. I'm so sorry. Please, can you, just one more time, let's run it back. No, I'm walking away. I'm walking away now. I'm done with you, sir. I don't know where we found you.
00:35:07
Speaker
As she walks away, she's gonna feel like she's gonna feel like something all of a sudden hit her in the behind on one cheek and then the other cheek. Excuse you, Jeep Wrangler. What are you doing assaulting me like that? She's gonna look right at Chevrolet. He's just gonna put her slingshot behind her back.
00:35:33
Speaker
I got it all on camera, bro. I see everything. You're never going to believe what it was. No, it was you. I was walking away and you decided to cop a field. It's ridiculous. The stuff that I put up with. Well, I mean, if that's on the table, I was going to ask you earlier during your monologue what your favorite position was because you said you liked the position.
00:35:54
Speaker
I like every position. I'm a star. I'm glamorous. I like all the glamorous ones. And that's what's important. All right. You were born that way to love all the positions. Good for you, bro. That is cool. Where I come from, sexy things are cool.
00:36:15
Speaker
Right, right. I'm used to when we find these miscreants that come into this town. They're over on the football field. I was talking about that thing and she's going to point to Chevrolet. Oh, I don't know. He was at the diner when you were there, so where did you find them? You were there before me.
00:36:39
Speaker
I'm always at the diner because I'm waiting for someone to pay for my tab. And, you know, if my fans decide to come and see me, they know where to find me and it'll be there. So I'm always ready for my presence to be admired. Have you guys heard of this only, fans? Yes, it's called terror fans here. Oh, that's cool. That's cool. I'm excited to find a place that specializes in keeping people comfortable. You know, a good fan is hard to find that won't break over the summer, you know?
00:37:09
Speaker
Hey, where's that guy that did the big lip? Is he killing lawn gnomes? I need to capture it on film. Oh, I think he went over there and she's going to point into the fog with the lawn gnomes. Yes, go off in there. Go in there. It's fine. I afraid no fog. Is anyone in that gnomes running off in front of your portraits in an ethical point? No, get back here. That was my favorite one.
00:37:35
Speaker
Let me get a pic of that before you give it back. Oh, and Vivian's gonna start walking and you will give back my portrait. That's my collection. How dare you? You see, just a garden gnome just scurrying away with a portrait, just like, hey. Hey. Does that one say Joan Cougar melon camp on it?
00:38:00
Speaker
I think that doesn't know, mister. Or yes, if you're keeping it to yourself. Hey, that's my Picasso. You get back here. He painted that specifically for me. I knew, I knew a Picasso once. Isn't that the guy who makes the pie? Picasso can pie.
00:38:20
Speaker
I love that dude. Of course, don't you know he lives just over on the corner over there? Oh dude, I fucking knew it. That mother asshole better be keeping me a pie right here when I show up later. Well you better cough first because he gets really busy and you know if you're not there on time then he gives you a pie to someone else. If his phone number has more than two numbers in it, I'm screwed dude, I can't remember it.
00:38:48
Speaker
Of course not, it's only six. Oh, dude, only six numbers? No, just the number six. Oh, that's easy. That's like 50% of the numbers I swear to God to remember. Yeah, it's fine. Don't even worry about it. Oh, I don't worry about anything, bro, except for that my memory sucks ass. As you guys. Where's the superhero dude? I had to see Caitlyn Tiggs over there. I gotta get that film.
00:39:19
Speaker
Did I say that already? Oh my God. You're going to see like a dozen, um, garden gnomes just like coming out of the fog on the football field. And they are, they hold, they're holding little tiny pitchforks and they're about three foot tall. And they, I mean, they all have sharp teeth and they are all like coming at you. What do you do?
00:39:48
Speaker
Get the mill, get them, kill them, fight them, fuck them. I land. Boom. Like 20 minutes ago. They were all like bullshitting over there. Yeah, he like jumped in the field. He lands. Do you land like a superhero landing? No, he does. He sort of does like a, he flies in and lands on both feet, but like staggers forward, like there's like a, just keeps kind of his mind. He's like staggers forward, running.
00:40:16
Speaker
I thought we were fighting me. Is this a geese gardener? What the hell is this? All right, I'm going to start punting. When Milton lands, does it give off any sort of, like,
00:40:32
Speaker
Force or anything like a magical force or like a superhero force? The drunken one obviously, but like it's all natural And hey sober right now, by the way. Oh, he's sober. Okay. All right, just making sure yeah Yeah, no, he just kind of lands big big old, you know, thud probably put some footprints on the ground big heavy ones but otherwise now I probably fart a little as he lands but
00:40:59
Speaker
Okay. Uh, go ahead and roll me your superhero. Okay. I'm going to punch some, no, I'm going to actually, I'm going to go for a field goal. Hopefully here seven. Well, fucking over there. Well, my good role is from earlier. Do you want to, do you want to reroll that or bank it for later? That's seven. Yeah. Roll applies here.
00:41:22
Speaker
Hopefully you don't kill me either. Oh no, that means Cass has to come kill you. You rolled a seven. Oh, yep. It's true. So as you start like just punting gnomes as they're coming at you, you're going to be able to take out, go ahead and roll me just to another 2d6 to see how many take out with your feet.
00:41:47
Speaker
I mean, they're porcelain, so they're easy. Okay, so you actually do quite a bit of them. You take about half of them out as you punt them back into the ether of the fog. What the fuck is this? Hey, Rask! Go! I don't remember that guy's name. Rask!
00:42:12
Speaker
I'm talking like a couple of numbs that are still crawling around. I always call them razz, you guys. I don't like saying people's full names. Sweet, Swedish guy. What the hell is going on? Mayor. Mrs. Mayor. Yeah.
00:42:30
Speaker
I thought, wait, actually, no, yeah. Raz, you said mystery meat. What the hell is this? It's gnomes. I was ready to beat some meat. I guess I run back over. I just kicked a bunch of gnomes back there. As you look around the rest of the football field, you're going to see literally just like
00:42:49
Speaker
puddles of just whatever corpses are left over from like these weird monsters that they, they look like they're kind of like flamingos, but they look like they've been morphed out of something that almost like, um, they went through a portal at the same time as something else and they became something together.
00:43:16
Speaker
and you'll just see like just corpses all over the ground as the gnomes are like you'll see like some gnomes are like gnawing on the corpse bodies and then like the other ones are like coming up over the corpses coming to attack you and rascal or remember what these were why these came about right right
00:43:42
Speaker
when the, um, the monster machine got destroyed. Oh, right. Yeah. It was like, Oh, dang it. No, one of these, uh, there were, there were, there were mystery meat, but then he gestured towards the flamingo of course. It was like someone, someone's got, I think someone got the weird machine going up again, making monsters. And now they're flamingos and gnomes. It's.
00:44:12
Speaker
Hey, I'm gonna put one of these in my yard, okay? I picked one of these corpses up. This one's kind of intact. I throw it in the back of your trunk. I always like to learn flamingos. These guys look like Kevin from Up. What? You guys remember the flamingo monsters?
00:44:30
Speaker
Oh no. So they kind of look like, um, uh, how do I explain this? So if, uh, if like a, it was half flamingo on one half of its side of its body, and then the other side was just kind of like a weird, like, um, what did I say it was? It was like a half a gnome, but I can't remember what it was. Oh my God. Like a lawn gnome or like a, like a gnome person.
00:45:00
Speaker
Like a gnome person. Oh, well, that sounds very lopsided. That sounds like an inefficient to face that they've turned into. I can't remember what's that thing. I think it was half flamingo, half. It was a half flamingo, half other type of monster, but it definitely doesn't look like it's normal. Well.
00:45:21
Speaker
Alright dudes, alright superhero man, do you think I'm going to get a good close up in? I'm going to get very close. My zoom doesn't work so I have to get like literally like up on shit to get a good zoom. Why are you even here? You're gonna get killed dude. I'm done saving people's lives. I'm just here to beat shit up.
00:45:39
Speaker
Oh, these are just little cuties compared to what I'm used to. They'll be fine. I believe, I am believing in all of you to do the things. And I'm just waiting for this pretty lady right here to make one of these dudes suck on her heel. What the fuck? I look at her and I was like, what the fuck was that? What was her name? Vivian, was it? Make him suck your heel.
00:46:07
Speaker
No, they pay for that. I don't do that for free. And I want to get that painting back. So you, Mr. Chevrolet Wrangler, whatever your name is, go get my painting back, please. Oh, you know, I can't be in the I can't make a documentary and also have my face in the documentary. So someone else is going to have to go get it and I'll just follow real close like
00:46:41
Speaker
When that painting falls, I need you to get it for me. How many of these things are surrounding Vivian? There's at least four of them surrounding her at the moment, and then there are another 12 coming out of the fog. Fine. So she is going to take a sip of her martini, and she's going to hold her cigarette holder in front of her mouth, and she is just going to blow a stream of fire all around to take out the four.
00:46:54
Speaker
Yeah, don't you know?
00:47:11
Speaker
Okay. Roll 2d6 plus super or fearless. 16. Oh. You got the plus six? How the fuck you do that, bro? Holy shit. Because Vivian is wonderful. Vivian is a veteran. Vivian has very specific skills. She has skills. There's certain things her skills are in.
00:47:34
Speaker
Mm-hmm. I cannot believe I'm just, she's part dragon. Did y'all see this? So roll 2d6 and then after that roll a d20 to see how many of these you take out. A 4 and a 10.
00:47:54
Speaker
Oh my goodness. Okay, so you get the four that are in front of you or surrounding you and then you get another six that are coming out of the fog coming at you. Yes, look, I've done my part. Now it's time for you all to do whatever it is you do. Not the mayor because she's worthless. I don't know how she keeps getting elected. I don't vote for her. She gets another ping in the back of her butt. All of a sudden it feels like something just like poked her.
00:48:22
Speaker
She's going to turn around and look used is going to slide her slingshot back behind her back again. Do you guys think that like your butt has a front? You're not like it's it's you're behind. But is there a front of the butt or is it just the back forever? You're not saying.
00:48:41
Speaker
Depends on where your head is. Whoa, that's deep. Oh my goodness. Does that mean that like if Al turns his head all the way around, that like he has a front butt? Yeah. Dude, that's crazy, man. Yeah. All right, Rascal, it's your scene. Let me see you do something cool, bro.
00:49:04
Speaker
Watch this. I learned this and I learned this in the Navy SEALs. Oh, I love SEALs. You weren't in that film. Isn't it a film? This is real life. He kind of spins around, he spins around holding the shield out and he just lets it whip flying like a pink bong around things. OK. Roll tooties or your superhero. Like some Xena warrior princess shit. All right. You guys remember her, Lucy Lawless?
00:49:35
Speaker
Yes, the queen of all Zena. That's a 13. OK, and then go ahead and roll your 2d6 duty of them. All right. That's a five. And then a d20. Oh. Oh, shit.
00:49:56
Speaker
Well, you definitely take care of the rest. I see you like toss your garbage can lid and it just like flings like a frisbee and just like completely takes out all of the garden gnomes. Just beheads them all. Dude, that was fucking metal. Can you do it again? Once I got my shield back, yeah. You probably have to get it.
00:50:23
Speaker
You know, why don't you get, like, a big fat-ass magnet, dude, and then just pull it back. You know, Tor, like that, but with the shield garbage. I tried that once, and it just... it decapitated someone else, and we don't talk about that anymore. Oh, his capo was detained at home. I forgot about that. That was a good day. Jimmy was a nice guy, but...
00:50:47
Speaker
Mm hmm. Yeah, he was my deputy. And that's what I was like. That's just feeling bad. All right. Yeah. Hold that pulse right there, Rascal. I'm going to like do some sad music and like a black and white filter over this and make it like a real sad moment in the movie. Like R.I.P. Jimmy or whatever his name is. That was the name of my deputy superhero. Uh, Pico Spill. Yeah, Pico Spill. Pico Spill.
00:51:17
Speaker
They miss you, buddy. He pats his chest. Don't worry. I'll put like a cool font on the on the over this over the scene with his name on it. I don't remember Pegos Bilgan. I must be thinking of someone else going to be headed out. I've seen like about probably like 20 beheadings my whole life. So I mean, who can say? Oh, that's nasty. What do you like? You watch queens get executed or something. I think you're thinking the Piddler now.
00:51:42
Speaker
No, he was about 15 of the heads I saw get cut off with him alone. Oh, damn. That's crazy. He was nuts for cutting off heads. Anywho, speaking of cut off heads, let's stop somebody from making these gnomes do this shit. I need to get back home and watch, I think the wheel should be coming on pretty soon. I'd like to buy a vowel dude, right? Are you going to investigate where they were coming from?
00:52:11
Speaker
No, I don't do that kind of thing. I don't like my people's job. Okay. I'll do it. I'll do it with my, um, uh, what do you use to look at things? Uh, I would just do just 2d6. Okay. Just, I just do 2d6s to look around. All right. I'll do that. 3d6s. I roll the lucky number seven. I'm also going to die today.
00:52:37
Speaker
you get to look around and you see as there's like little tiny like footprints that are coming into like there is like a real nice muddy mossy area along the football field where the fog just always sits and it's coming from the direction of the forest
00:53:01
Speaker
Alright, well dudes, we're going the right way. Let's just keep going here. I'm going to use my infrared filter on my camera to find these little bastards. Yes, you should definitely go in there and let us know what you find. Oh, don't worry, baby. I'll do it. You're going to be so impressed with me, you're going to let me suck on your heel for free. Yes, sure. That's exactly what's going to happen. Right. You got her on the rope. That's not my voice. You got her on the rope, Chevy. Let's go.
00:53:31
Speaker
I'm just going to charge into the into the forest with my infrareds on. OK, somebody should follow that one. I'm going to follow him slowly. No, I'm walking normal speed and I'm and I'm running in full steam.
00:53:45
Speaker
Yusta, are you coming with us? Are you just going to be worthless standing over there guarding the Bronco? Look here, sister. I can take care of you just as quickly. I'm just holding my time over here. You just wait. And she wiggles after Milton.
00:54:05
Speaker
Right, so Vivian's going to pull out another bottle of vodka from her beehive and fill up her martini glass and follow in because she just can't deal with you stuff. It went for me monster dudes. I just want to talk to you. Don't talk. Oh my god. I look back around. Why we have this guy with his rash? He's gonna like he's yelling at the monsters as we go in. He's a distraction.
00:54:33
Speaker
Oh, oh, yeah, kind of like Jimmy. Oh, yeah, Jimmy. That's why he lost his head. I remember, I remember now I said, I send him off ahead. I said, hey, go in there and then it happens. All right. Well, OK. Uh, Adam Romi, two to six plus superhero plus superhero. What's the superhero do? That's my biggest step. Just it's fine. I got a fat eight to eight.
00:55:03
Speaker
That's a two, two thirds of a snowman right there. So as you're running into the forest, you're going to see like more gnomes just coming out and I and they're not really noticing you. It looks like they're going on like a mission. Like they have a direction that they are going and they by gosh, well, they're going to make it there neat.
00:55:31
Speaker
Hey bros. Hey bros. Come here for a second. I want to get the interview. I kind of, I kind of hung it down. Like let's wait and see if anything, anything gets them. Yeah. What's up? I want the view. I want the view. Oh, you thought he was talking to us. I thought he was talking to us guys. This guy's so far. I can't, I can't keep track. It's like, let's be cultural differences. I don't know what he's talking about. I heard him talking a few times in the diner, like, uh, about like, uh,
00:56:00
Speaker
He got raised by werewolves or something. I think he's like his family. It's like one of the whatever the monster fuckers. Guys, my parabolic dish is picking up that I heard the sheriff is a monster fucker. You guys want to hear about it? I still don't know. We know if you're talking to us. I don't know. Oh, my God. Let's go. Is there something I can kill? I just.
00:56:21
Speaker
There's like like he doesn't have any idea he's talking to him. It's like there's four gnomes that all of a sudden leap onto Chevy and riding into his arms and his legs like each one has a gnome on each appendage and is buying into him. Is this like hazing? Are you guys initiating me into your into your friend?
00:56:51
Speaker
Last time this happened to me, it was a mosquito threat. I do not recommend it. All you hear is... All right, I mean, whatever you say, bros. Go ahead, do your thing. You're just going to let these gnomes just eat you? I'm a guest in your country. I don't know. I'm not from around here. These are your customs.
00:57:19
Speaker
I had pulled a bushlight can out of my my ass pocket. I start running over.
00:57:29
Speaker
What is with all you people drinking the bush latte? That's ridiculous. Gosh, drink vodka. It's not as much poison. I couldn't find any maddies at the store. Leave me alone. All Nettie carries. Yes, it's all Nettie carries. I know, which is why I made her grab my vodka for the martinis. So what are you people doing? I don't know. I haven't been paying attention.
00:57:53
Speaker
I'm going to try and smash a gnome with his beer can Steve Austin style. I'm getting initiated into the fraternity. You enjoy yourself with them in the fraternity. Hey, guys, one more time. Maybe I'll introduce you to the lady with the heels.
00:58:16
Speaker
Justin, you're having much better luck with my game, I'm just saying. Yeah, buddy, it was all out. Do you gnome smoke, by the way? I know a lady who can take a whole store in her hair. So you get to knock all these gnomes off of a chevroulet as he's laying on the ground apparently allowing these gnomes to just gnaw on his skin.
00:58:45
Speaker
What's your turn, bro? Adam, take four hit points from your your health. I didn't. Do I have health? Shit, I don't know. That's where is it? You start out with 15 points. Oh, good. That's good to know. Yeah. Cool. All right. Oh, yeah. My first new scar in this new area. So nice. So tender.
00:59:12
Speaker
What were you going to do, Vivian? Vivian is just going, no, they have it. I'm pretty sure they have it. And she's going to sip on her martini and just not pay attention to them because she doesn't care. She hates everyone in this town. But it's where all her fans know she is. Yeah, of course, of course.
00:59:36
Speaker
Meanwhile, there are still gnomes coming out of something out of the fog in the forest. Look, as long as Vivian's martini glass is full and unbroken, she is quite content sipping her martini. Okay. Did you guys find, do you guys know where the frat house is?
00:59:56
Speaker
Excuse me, Mr. Nome Ningo. Hey, Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl- Fl
01:00:21
Speaker
All right, you get to take a big old sniff and as these garden gnomes are like still just coming out of the forest out of somewhere, you are going to see
01:00:38
Speaker
It looks like a machine in the distance that has like it looks kind of like the yeah, it's like a big metal machine that looks like a big almost metal birthday cake but on each layer it has like a row of lights that go around each
01:01:05
Speaker
uh top of the layer and it has five of the rows lit up and it's kind of like worrying at like a medium uh pace at a medium pace you guys know that song anyway um okay talk it bro i can see with my with my eyes with my nose eyeballs that there's a machine this way follow me if you want to leave
01:01:33
Speaker
I do want to leave. So yeah, let's go. I sight the leaf. As you get closer, you're going to see all of a sudden there's somebody like kind of behind the machine.
Revealing the Antagonist
01:01:46
Speaker
She was obstructed as you guys were further away because this machine is so large and
01:01:55
Speaker
She looks like she's got a like scientist laboratory jacket on and she's got the big plastic goggles on her eyes with her hair is just kind of like It's red and it's stringy and it's just kind of like everywhere. You can see that it's been singed a few times As well as her jacket has been singed a few times and she's just kind of like mumbling to herself as she's like working on the machine and
01:02:26
Speaker
These people are damn science mumbo-jumbo. He does like science. I mean I struggled a little bit in school, but I played a scientist in a film once and it was quite exciting and I know you guys were there. I saw that movie. That movie was a, it should have had a higher rating in my opinion.
01:02:48
Speaker
Oh, well, that was just, you know, all the nudity and, you know, it was for art. So its purpose was necessary for the science and everything involved. And I don't know who this art fella is, but she seems to really do everything for him. I hope he returns it to her in kind, you know.
01:03:11
Speaker
You there? What are you doing with that machine? Can't you see that these things are coming out? And Yusta's very upset, not that I care. I'm used to her being upset. And honestly, it doesn't bother me. I like seeing her get riled up. But, you know, she had to come and get us to deal with it because she couldn't be bothered. So if you could please cease your infernal nonsense or whatever it is you are doing. Just kiss already, dude.
01:03:39
Speaker
Vivian's glass all of a sudden shatters. Cute monster. There was a fresh martini in there. That's a party fell. She's holding the stem. Like, oh, Vivian is going to charge at the woman with the machine and she's going to try and stab her with the stem of the martini glass.
01:04:00
Speaker
Yes. Yeah. Yeah, do it. Yeah. Meanwhile, Eustace over there just chuckling behind her, holding her slingshot. Okay. It's one way to give Vivian a rage and it's breaking her martini glass. Yep. Roll your Fearless plus a d20 and a 2d6, please.
01:04:23
Speaker
Got an 11, a 6, and a 10 on the d20. Okay. You monster, how dare you? Turn off that machine and she's just gonna go like crazy, just, you know, hitting this woman with the shards of the martini glass and what's left of it.
01:04:41
Speaker
Okay, so you tackle this woman who is mumbling to herself and she, you can see that she's got like almost kind of like a protective barrier on her laboratory coat. So you're hitting her with like the martini glass, but it's not really puncturing.
01:05:07
Speaker
her jacket you haul it you haul it take off that jacket i believe you stole that from my closet how dare you raid my closet for a fabulous jacket that was mine as she says take out that jacket i'm back to like guys hold up let's just see what happens here hang on the way to have to change the battery one second come on grab your sleeve come on man come on
01:05:36
Speaker
All right, action. So Vivian is just trying her hardest to break through. And she still has the cigarette holder. She takes a pool off her cigarette. And she's just trying to use the smoke from the cigarette to obscure this woman's vision and blind her. OK. Roll a d20.
01:06:01
Speaker
Oh, that's a fat number, Jesus. Yeah, so Sarah Bellum, who is this woman that you have attacked, she all of a sudden has like this weird strength, just like, almost like she just
01:06:22
Speaker
hulked out all of a sudden and she throws Vivian off of her and she rips off her laboratory jacket and fur begins to sprout out of everywhere and you can see that she has fully become a werewolf.
01:06:47
Speaker
Oh, hey, don't you work at the diner? Vivian's going to stand up and brush herself off and be like, I can't believe it. That was a perfectly good martini. You are you are terrible, terrible, bad dog, bad dog. Oh, well, let's not get crazy here. Watch your language. Whoa. All right. Rascal, what would you like to do? Rascal.
01:07:16
Speaker
I think that Rascal is going to throw the shield against the ground and try to ricochet it up into the werewolf's chin. Okay. Roll your superhero.
01:07:32
Speaker
All right, it's a 15. Wow. Plus the 2 is a 17. When you have your superhero, you get a plus 2 bonus if you do Faith of Incredible Strength or Flavor. Yeah.
01:07:49
Speaker
So you you thunk your shield all across this lady's chin and just you can hear a crack as it just annihilates her her chin. Go ahead and roll a 2d6 and then a d20.
01:08:08
Speaker
Oh. So it cracks her against the chin. And you can see just a little bit of blood just comes out the corner of her lip. And I mean, she's dazed, of course, a little bit. But she looks right back at you and she just kind of smiles and chuckles. Justin, what would you like to do with Milton?
01:08:34
Speaker
He's going to run over there and what did the rascal you catch your shield.
01:08:47
Speaker
I don't think I caught it back. It just kind of bounced off. So it's on the ground Still it's still midair cuz it like you threw it and it cracked her against the chin So it's still midair flying even better than I'm gonna jump. I'm gonna do a jump up I'm gonna catch it. I'm gonna come down with it on top of the back of her head plop I
01:09:09
Speaker
All right, roll your superhero. Fucking roll it just like 11 plus two is 13. Oh, shit. How did I know he was going to say that? All right, go ahead and roll your 2d6 and then a d20.
01:09:28
Speaker
Damn. All right. You knock this werewolf to the ground with the like to the back of it as it like hits the back of her head and just she falls face first on the ground. You can see like you can physically see like the stars like going around her head in a halo. I called to have those hair too.
01:09:57
Speaker
All right, you have this werewolf knocked out. Does anybody else want to do anything? Do you want to take her into custody? Do you want to take her out? Excuse me, you're single. Take her out meaning kill. Sorry, there was a voice in my head that gave me a different idea of what I was supposed to do here. You guys ever just hear like a
01:10:24
Speaker
Like a lady just talking sometimes is not here. What the hell are you talking about? You guys don't hear it sometimes. Sometimes she'll say, oh, hey, Justin, what do you want to Milton to do? I'm like, I don't know who this Justin is. Um.
01:10:43
Speaker
Ow. Edit that out. I don't know what he's talking about. Let's let's let's hoist this. Oh, you want to take her and we try the rest of these things we do around here. I'm you know, I really imagine. Rest, you got to be supposed to shut off the Nome machine first. Yeah, it's still popping out gnomes. I just grabbed a hold of it. I just like start trying to pull it down like the I'm just going to turn yanking on it.
01:11:08
Speaker
Oh, wait a minute. If it's if it's bad, why does it make friends? What are you doing? I'll take it home. Absolutely not. I'm going to destroy this thing. Oh, I can never have anything nice around here. All right. So are you going to try to smash it? Because there's I mean, you're out in the middle of the woods, so there's nothing really to like unplug it with. Yeah.
01:11:31
Speaker
I'm just gonna try and pull over if it's got like a point of it that sticks up I'm just gonna try and I'm just gonna start trying to pull it down break it destroy it yeah I'm just gonna I don't like this thing I'm gonna get rid of it okay grout roll roll me a d100 holy feck
01:11:49
Speaker
Okay, so you get it partially it's still kind of it's it's pretty like broken but it's still kind of working and these Garden gnomes that are coming out or like they're coming out like Of this machine and then just like instantly breaking as they're like so there's just this like pile of porcelain just like piling up at the end of this machine and
01:12:15
Speaker
I'm just scooching like the ones that are like still remotely intact. I'm like trying to scoot one of my backpack. I'm much like in the background as he's breaking down, just chasing a note like it in here. Come on. Come on. Let's go. You got to get broken. Get that in here. Roll bazaar. So I'm just like in the background trying to catch a fucking gnome. Yeah, breaking the shit. Roll it. I was 11. Treat you.
01:12:43
Speaker
Sounds good. You definitely get a gnome in your backpack. Like you see him like holding his backpack above his head. Like he's like Link from Legend of Zelda picking up a new item and you hear he's just like in the back of like, I knew I could do it.
01:13:04
Speaker
Okay, so rascal the sheriff Are you taking this werewolf into custody are you going to? What are you gonna do
01:13:22
Speaker
I think Rascal looks between the werewolf and the machine, and he thinks right now the machine, destroying the machine is more important right now, just even though it's still, they're breaking, he needs to be taken care of. So I think he's going to run over the machine and try to drop kick it the rest of the way over. Okay, roll a D100. All right. I see you flying across, I'm like, hell yeah, Raz, bring it.
01:13:50
Speaker
You see me like putting snacks in my backpack like, hey, go let the guy. I'm 21. Nice. Your boot just slips right over the top of it by accident because it's so foggy. It's all wet around there. So your boot just kind of slips off the top. You end up sitting on top of the machine. Wow, nuts.
01:14:16
Speaker
You almost had a brother. Hang on. Let me let me get a shot of him. Vivian, what would you like to do? So Vivian's going to pick up the lab coat and put it on and then she's going to walk over. Does anybody teach you boys how to do anything around here? Why do I always have to do everything for myself? You know, why they pay you the big dollars?
01:14:40
Speaker
They don't pay me anything. Oh, man. In my country, you'd be at least five or six stupils. Yes. Well, why don't you start paying me anyway so she's going to try and turn off the machine, break it, whatever. Okay. Roll. Let's see. Roll a D100. Oh.
01:15:03
Speaker
Wow, that's good. She's just tapping it with her fingers like, stop, I tell you, stop. It's definitely not working, that's for sure. Justin, what would you like to do?
01:15:16
Speaker
At this point, Milton's on there. I'm sorry, Millbury is on there. His feet are both up on his vertical. He's hanging on to a big panel or something with his hands. He's got his feet up on it. He's like ass sticking out. He's just hanging off it, trying to yank it with all his might now. He's all holding on to Rascal's shoulders as he's straddling him and jumping onto the machine.
01:15:45
Speaker
I'm just gonna keep trying to rip keep trying to rip. It's all I can do in my life
01:15:49
Speaker
That would have been so funny. All right, go ahead and roll a D100. 196. Oh, shoot. Wow. I've got Justin down. All right. You completely destroy this machine while Rascal is still sitting on top of it. Just kidding. Rascal, you can move off of it if you'd like.
01:16:17
Speaker
Yeah, that's going to hop off and just like move out of the way and like damn back. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
01:16:46
Speaker
insert dramatic music right here. Oh yes. Of course he befriends, you know. All right, so Vivian, what do you do after the machine is taken care of? Oh, somebody owes me a martini. Oh, of course, of course. But you still have a knocked out werewolf that's on the floor. Oh my god, what are you doing with the dog? Are you going to put on a leash? We have leash laws around here for a reason, Rusty.
01:17:13
Speaker
What do you forget about that one as well? I wouldn't mind being... Were you ever in that one movie where the lady wore a leash? Was that you? No, I was the one holding the end of the leash. Oh, cool. I thought I recognized you. For a moment, I thought you were the one, but maybe just wishful thinking. We are a country of perverts.
01:17:42
Speaker
Yes, yes, yes. I don't know whatever it is, what you do, where you're from. You want to come to Swindland sometime? Vacation? I take you. Okay, fine. I will go on an all-paid vacation to wherever it is you are from, Mr. Mercury.
01:18:06
Speaker
Oh, that is excellent. I am going to be so happy to bring you to the places where the people say, oh, wow, it's a cool lady with the heels. And I say, yes, and she's the leash lady, too. Man, you're going to be signing so much ass, you're going to be getting so many stupils to bring back to exchange. Yes, yes. You know, I always do what I can for my adoring fans. So, you know, I truly am a giver because I have this gift and it's what I do.
01:18:36
Speaker
Yes, that is that is so nice. Will you will you sign? Will you sign my cleavage? Sure. Do you have a pen or something? No, I got to get some cleavage to hang on a second. You start tapping on the wolf. Excuse me. Oh, don't touch him. Don't know. She begins me. Oh, she started you making soup with the lady. Hello.
01:19:04
Speaker
She wakes up and she makes a swipe at Chevrolet. Oh, come on, please. No, I was just I was just trying to get your cleavage side. Yeah. So Vivian is just going to hold her cigarette in front of her face and she is going to blow out and make a fireball that hits the werewolf. Roll fearless. Oh, no.
01:19:33
Speaker
Oh man, why can't we all just sit around fire and smoke heaps of that good shit, you know? How it just says rolling the dice. So roll it. Roll it Vivian needs to know what her vodka breath. Oh, that's a 16. Wow. That's like the most you can roll bro. Or almost the most you can roll. Okay. Uh, roll 2d6 and then a d20. Okay.
01:20:03
Speaker
Ten to the fifth ain't bro. She completely just loses all hair or fur I guess on her body and she just kind of stands there stunned and Whimpers for a second then takes off running into the fog into the forest and
01:20:26
Speaker
And so now you're standing there with this machine that is now broken and all of these gnomes that are now just kind of shattering into piles of porcelain. What do you do next? I mean the closing talking heads interviews, obviously.
01:20:50
Speaker
Hey everybody, I was on tearing down the thing duty who was on keeping track of the dang werewolf duty, huh? I don't know. I'm trying to find a new martini glass. Smells like burnt dog.
01:21:02
Speaker
No, I got the good shot of the puppy dog leaving. You know, I think that might be, you know, like some of the stuff I overlap with the talking heads people talking. So like, as you're saying, oh, hey, who was on the doggy duty? My cameraman now will be like, oh, there it is. There's the doggy duty. So technically me, I guess, but I'm not going to tell you because I'm a documentary first guy, you know. Anyways, do you want to go sit in the truck and do your talking heads, Bill?
01:21:30
Speaker
I'd rather not, but I mean, uh, listen, we're asked if this freaking werewolf lady comes back again, making more of these gnomes, don't call me next time because I didn't fuck up. I was, I did my job. I can't help it. We let the werewolf go. I'm not going back into the woods. I'm done. This is bullshit. Call me out here. I swear you can call me out here. I'm just trying to, I just, I was trying to enjoy my day. I just enjoy my day, mind my own business.
01:21:53
Speaker
He just like walks off. Like like in the Chevy just like follows behind them. He gets like, all right, now pretend I'm not here. Just answer. Just repeat the question that I ask you. But don't talk to me directly. Talk
Chaos and Humor
01:22:09
Speaker
to the camera. Okay.
01:22:10
Speaker
Fuck off. This is good, this is good. I'm just following you through the truck to interview. Oh my gosh. You start, I need a martini glass and a martini. What are you doing? You're worthless. The dog ran off because people don't believe in putting leashes on their animals.
01:22:33
Speaker
She doesn't have any hair now. She's like laying on an overturned tree, just like all hanging out. She just seems really weird right now. This isn't her normal used to. Like normally she's all up in your face and she's all about getting in there and you know, getting things done. But it's really weird. Like she just really acts like really aloof right now and she just doesn't seem to really care.
01:23:03
Speaker
Oh my gosh, the freaking people we elect in this town. Yusta, Martini, come on, chop chop. I need the Martini glass. Let's go. Oh my god, Vivi, and I don't even have one with me, okay? If you're gonna, if you want one, you're gonna have to go back to Nettie's because they have a- Oh my god, why are you laying on the tree?
01:23:24
Speaker
Why are you laying on this tree? You are, you are the worst civil servant ever to exist. Look, you guys had that shit handled. You didn't even like need me at this point. And you know what? I had been fighting monsters all morning with Rascal and you know, he's a lot stronger and a lot more like edgy, edgy, uh, you know, he's, he's like better than me at like the combat and stuff like that. So like, you know,
01:23:52
Speaker
I was just taking a break. It's fine. Oh yes, while the citizens of your town are in mortal peril and danger, the dog got away.
Political Satire and Plans
01:24:02
Speaker
Don't you have those laws for reasons? You know, this is just ridiculous. And I don't understand how you keep getting elected. I'm pretty sure you rigged the elections. Of course I never rigged the elections. Everybody loves me. I'm used to be cuter.
01:24:19
Speaker
Yes, right. So... Oh my gosh, so what are we doing now? Do we have to chase down your missing dog, or do we get to go back because I am parched? Yeah, I feel like it'll be alright. I'll just end up taking Rascal over to Cerebellum's house and getting her into custody eventually. You know, it'll be fine.
01:24:45
Speaker
Right, right. Okay, so then we can go home now and be done dealing with your shenanigans because I need a new Martini. Well, I mean, yeah. I mean, like, you know, the boys can help Rascal lift this machine thingy into the into the Bronco and then we can head back to Netty's. Oh, you boys pick up the machine and put it in the Bronco somewhere. Chop, chop.
01:25:13
Speaker
We just left Rascal to do everything. Rascal's already trying to lift it up and carry it over, drag it over, making a mess of the football field. Yeah. Our team doesn't win anyways. Who cares if there's extra lines in it. They won't understand what it means. Those hooligans, miscreants. Although the football teams they play against are always like zombies or stuff.
01:25:41
Speaker
There's no other like other human teams come to town. Yeah, it's like the weirdest thing. There's always like leftover body parts on the field whenever we play at the places. It's the weirdest thing. Oh, it's because these hooligans are always up to no good, these damn teenagers. I've seen the remnants of their parties and the trees with, you know,
01:26:05
Speaker
They're, they're, all their rituals, whatever it is they're doing, practicing Macbeth or whatever it is. They're monsters, they're terrible. These children are up to no good. Like Chevy kind of like walks up behind y'all while you're talking to us. Hey, has your team ever faced up against a dolphin's war piece?
01:26:25
Speaker
No, they're pretty good. The dolphin Warpees. You know, I know a guy I could give him a I give him a jingle for you. His number is like two. Yes. Yes. Why don't you have the dolphin derpies, whatever they are, come out here and they can play on the football field against our team. Hang on. I'm getting a call now. Yes. Hello. It's for you, Fifian. Here you go.
01:26:53
Speaker
Oh, Vivian's gonna take the phone. Hello, this is Vivian. Hey, you guys talking about Dovin? Yes, yes, I heard that that team was very good. I went at the same time. They're both on the same sending stone yelling into it. Bro, did you put your goddamn stone on my stone again? Get your stone off my stone. I believe there's a cross connection here.
01:27:40
Speaker
I don't have any candy. Do you have any candy? Oh my god. So you guys get the machine into the Bronco and you guys make it. Do you guys go back to nitty-gritties? Does everybody go back to nitty-gritties? Oh yes. Vivian needs a martini and a glass.
01:27:50
Speaker
There's the woman there. I thought I killed that son of a bitch in a dream.
01:28:04
Speaker
I'm going home. I'm going home. I'm just going to walk from here. I got it. I got to get that. That's not my voice at all. I was doing, I still doing boom. Hang on. I was still, there we go. Um, no, I got to go get the RV ready so I can take Vivian to swindling to see the, the papals and the fans and to also, you know, maybe check out the, the dolphin workers.
01:28:29
Speaker
Yes, my fans need me and they need to feel inspired and like I care about them because I do very much so. If you could probably get some collectible Martina glasses, dude. Yes. Yes, I would absolutely love them.
Eccentric Desires and Cultural Exchanges
01:28:46
Speaker
And if we can get some of the unbreakable ones, that would be wonderful and make me feel so glamorous and inspired. Okie dokie, Smokey. Get in the car.
01:28:58
Speaker
All right, she's going to get in. But once she has a fresh martini from Nettie. Nettie, you want to come on the trip to Swindland? No, it's okay. I don't think I can really leave this down anyways. Oh, I was going to say, you could like run the business. We could do like a little cafe truck, maybe put tacos in here. Have you ever had a taco?
01:29:22
Speaker
Of course, I've had a taco almost if I... Oh, nevermind. I cannot divulge that information. The last taco I had was from Morocco and it was wonderful. Oh, a taco from Morocco? That is cool, Stu. Where's... What's Morocco?
01:29:41
Speaker
Yes, yes, it's another place. And, you know, they have all these foods like they have, you know, frittatas and other such things that it's quite, quite amazing. Oh, are you talking about Mr. Sako's tacos and maracas? Yes, I do believe that was the place. I'm Googling it right now.
01:30:06
Speaker
Oh my God. And we are going to send off into the sunset as he Googles that. Oh my gosh.
Closing and Reflections
01:30:22
Speaker
Oh, thank you guys so much for playing my game with me. And hopefully we will see Adrian back again next soon. I think he's going to be gone for like two weeks, right?
01:30:35
Speaker
I don't know, bro. It's hard to tell with that German dude. I don't know if their time translates to semiaurs does. Oh, I thought he was American. Oh shit, dude. They're saying I'm an American. I just realized Kevin's voice is the same as Rascal and I didn't realize that when I did the recording.
01:30:55
Speaker
You know, we have like we all have like three or four to six that we rotate through. It's OK. Hey, I noticed I was just doing my own normal voice there. Yeah. You know, I acted pretty well there, but sometimes it's not about sometimes it's not about the voices. It's just about the attitudes you give with the voices. You know, a lot of people sound the same. They just have different attitudes and personality. Yeah.
01:31:17
Speaker
I just like what we recorded yesterday. I said, oh, I only have like one partial voice and I can only do one thing. And then I did the Peter Griffin laugh. That's tobacco. I was trying to look for more words that rhyme with taco. Well, thanks, everybody, for listening. See you next time. Bye. Taco Taco. Taco Taco is from Morocco. Please come home. We miss you.
01:33:14
Speaker
You still look good already.