Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Welcome to the "Fun With Sex" Podcast (1-1)
289 Plays2 years ago
Welcome to the inaugural episode of the "Fun With Sex" Podcast, where hosts Jon and Natalie embark on a journey through the diverse and exhilarating world of sexuality. In this episode, join us as we peel back the layers of our own sexual experiences, sharing intimate anecdotes and personal insights that have shaped our perspectives on pleasure, intimacy, and everything in between.
As your hosts, Jon and Natalie bring a unique blend of honesty, humor, and curiosity to the table, inviting listeners to explore taboo topics and break down societal barriers surrounding sexuality. From steamy encounters to awkward mishaps, no topic is off-limits as we navigate the exhilarating landscape of human desire and connection.
Through candid conversations and thought-provoking discussions, we aim to create a safe and inclusive space where listeners can feel empowered to embrace their own sexual identities and explore new avenues of pleasure. Whether you're a seasoned adventurer or just dipping your toes into the waters of sexual exploration, this podcast is your passport to a world of fun, fulfillment, and endless discovery.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Hosts & Podcast
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello and welcome to the Fun with Sex podcast. So this is our first introductory episode. I'm Natalie. Hi, I'm John.
00:00:09
Speaker
Um, so we are a couple and we're somebody where we've had a lot of lived experiences surrounding sex and sexual exploration. We are polyamorous. We're also both bi and very involved in the queer community and the kink community as well. Um, and really the point of this podcast, um, I know there's such an oversaturation of podcast and there are many pro sex podcasts out there.
00:00:36
Speaker
However, I think none of them really hit the nail on the head of what we're trying to get at, which is we're trying to bring up more unconventional conversations, as well as your just run-of-the-mill sex conversations, like, am I giving head right? How do I flirt? How do I ask someone out? But people may have more deeper questions like that, like, what do I do if I want to explore non-monogamy?
00:01:01
Speaker
What does it look like to have a kink dynamic or a kink relationship? How do I explore my sexual fantasies? How do I talk to my partner about what I desire?
Stigmas in Sexual Exploration
00:01:11
Speaker
So really this podcast is just kind of a tool to educate people and also empower people to have those conversations because
00:01:20
Speaker
The biggest thing I hear from people being somebody who is so open about my sexual life and having an unconventional sexual life is many people you wouldn't expect just run-of-the-mill people or quote-unquote vanilla people are fascinated by this and they really would love to explore things more sexually.
00:01:41
Speaker
But they just haven't really been empowered about how to have those conversations or what it even looks like to educate yourself on sex and explore it. So this is what we're here for. We're here to have these conversations with you because it's hard. It's hard to talk to people about sex. It's so stigmatized and shamed in our society to say that, like, hey,
00:02:02
Speaker
I fantasize about group sex or I fantasize about BDSM or I even fantasize about learning how to flirt correctly and how do I do that or how do I ask for consent in a way that's sexy. These are questions that no one teaches us but then, especially with things like consent, we're just assumed to know.
Natalie's Journey to Non-Monogamy
00:02:21
Speaker
And the reality is that Gen Z is more open about his sexuality according to polling than other generations
00:02:28
Speaker
Gen Z is more likely to be queer, Gen Z is more likely to be into BDSM, and Gen Z is more open to the idea of non-monogamous relationships. But again, who do we have in our generation to talk about these things? And that's where we come in. So this is the first episode that we're gonna do, and it's more just a get to know us episode where we're gonna talk about our own experiences and our own sexuality, just to see if our experiences is something that relates to you. And then in future episodes,
00:02:56
Speaker
We're gonna talk about different topics and we're gonna bring in guests who have other lived experiences to talk about different topics. Yeah. So basically, how did you realize that non-monogamy was for you? I mean, I feel like really to understand where I am sexually now, I think what people need to understand too with the background of this show, especially if you're kind of going into it with the mindset of like,
00:03:25
Speaker
Well, I can't do these things. I can't explore these topics. That's, you know, I've just I have no idea what's going on in the world of sex. I think something to understand is I grew up Roman Catholic and in a very traditional family. So I didn't really have anybody to teach me about sex or sexual exploration or anything like that until I all of a sudden was kind of like thrust into this world.
00:03:54
Speaker
as a woman being sexualized. So, you know, like I started being sexualized from a very young age. And that very much made me want nothing to do with sex, like when I was in high school and everything. But, you know, I think my first sexual exploration once I started having sex was more to do with kink and my desires in that realm.
00:04:23
Speaker
just kind of having the natural inclination that I wanted to do that. But it's very funny now that I'm openly polyamorous with my partner, Dawn, and I have another partner. I feel like I always gravitated towards non-monogamy. So I think back to different scenarios. I never cheated on someone, and still to this day I would never do that, because that's a very hurtful thing to do.
00:04:53
Speaker
Um, but it was definitely like a topic of conversation and all my relationships of people being very afraid that I was going to cheat. And that came up all the time because I was somebody where, you know, I say, I kind of like manifest my next partner or manifest whoever I want to be with next, whoever I have my eyes on.
00:05:19
Speaker
I feel like I will just end up getting that person and kind of make that my reality. But in college, I was very much like bouncing between guy to guy, kind of had a roster, and I would get into situations or relationships and then very quickly bounce to the next one. And it kind of created this dynamic where the partners I were with were always like, okay, but like you were just with that guy, like how do I know you're not?
00:05:48
Speaker
still interested in him, how do I know we're all in college together, we're seeing him around.
Monogamy vs. Attraction: A Societal Debate
00:05:54
Speaker
It was always a topic of conversation of me cheating, even though I hadn't done it or attempted to do it. But it was always kind of hard for me to conceptualize that because I was in the back of my head, well, I am attracted to multiple people at once. I do have feelings for multiple people at once.
00:06:17
Speaker
I never understood that when it was seen as a bad thing of like, Oh, when you're married, you, you're just not attracted to anyone else. Cause I was like, really? I just, I don't feel like, yeah, I don't have that situation. And again, like I'm not saying, Oh, because I see a cute guy at the bar and I'm in a relationship that I'm just going to like go cheat on my partner for monogamous. But like I have to admit, yeah, I'm attracted to them.
00:06:47
Speaker
Um, but basically. And I think that the reality is that like more people than their care to admit still have sexual attraction to other people outside of their primary partner. I mean, even people, monogamous relationships, the whole idea of like, it's normal to admit that you're attracted to a celebrity. It's normal to say that like, this celebrity is attractive, but when it's a day to day person, because that's actually threatening, threatening to the relationship, we're not allowed to admit that we still have sexual attraction to that.
00:07:17
Speaker
also like the idea of like cheating and even like emotional cheating where out in public people have or out in work people have like work wives and husbands and I think it's like half of all relationships more than half have an episode of infidelity so we do and are still attracted to people it's just that monogamy is pushed on us so much that we have to lie to ourselves and pretend that like attraction for everyone else magically goes away as soon as we get in a relationship
00:07:43
Speaker
And if we still feel that attraction, we get shamed for it or we shame ourselves about
John's Path to Open Relationships
00:07:47
Speaker
it. Yeah. So all that to say basically what, and I, in my reflection now that I'm polyamorous, I realized I kind of was in my first non-monogamous situation when I was kind of like very casually with this guy and he left to go abroad and
00:08:13
Speaker
I basically just told him, I was like, hey, if we're not in a relationship, I'm not going to be exclusive to you. I'm fine to start things again when you come back from this other country, but I'm going to date around. I'm going to have fun. I still want to be loyal to you and I still want to pick up when you get back.
00:08:36
Speaker
But I basically like ended up in this love triangle and it was very interesting because like everybody knew what was going on and The man involved knew what was going on Third party friends as well and like looking back now that I'm polyamorous. I'm like, oh damn I really I really was trying to have like two boyfriends at once but like actual non monogamy didn't really like
00:09:05
Speaker
uh, form for me until my next relationship after that, when I was kind of coming to terms with the fact that I was bisexual. Um, and basically what had ended up happening is one of my girlfriends reached out and she was like, Hey, I saw you on Tinder. I'm also on there looking for women. Would you want to experiment and kind of figure this out together?
00:09:34
Speaker
Um, so I asked the guy I was with, I was like, well, would you be fine if I did stuff with her? And he was like, yeah, no worries. So I was like, okay, cool. Um, and then my next relationship after that was with John and I said the same thing. I was like, well, you know, there's this friend I've been hooking up with, are you okay if I continue that? And he was fine with it and everything.
00:10:03
Speaker
Um, but time progressed and I was still in college at this point and I just kind of missed like the thrill of being single and on the dating scene. Like I knew I love John. I knew I wanted to be with John for the rest of my life, but I just kind of miss the fun of like taking someone home from a party or, you know, having a drink bought for you or flirting and
00:10:33
Speaker
just kind of a fun of being on the dating scene and being a single woman. And luckily me and John were already very close and comfortable with each other. So I just kind of told that to him. And for context of our relationship, we were both, I'm not going to say we were into like hookup culture because I don't believe the hookup culture existed. We both participated in casual sex throughout college and that we met each other when we were 20 years old. And the idea was,
00:11:03
Speaker
Well, we deeply love each other, but we also enjoy flirting. We enjoy sexual encounters. And we had to balance that idea of, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But also, at 20 years old, I don't know if I'm ready to say I'm never going to have sex with anyone else ever again. And one of the big things that like forced us into, not forced us, but got us into an exclusive relationship because we were dating for about six months before we became exclusive.
00:11:32
Speaker
was COVID, the pandemic happened and we were going to quarantine together and we didn't want to meet other people. So it was kind of hard to still date each other and still date other people while also a pandemic is going on. So we kind of like rilled that in, we became exclusive.
Realizing Consensual Non-Monogamy
00:11:50
Speaker
But then by the summer, we realized that naturally exclusivity doesn't come natural to us. And that's when we started having conversations about like, hey,
00:11:59
Speaker
Both of us still want to like go out and like meet new people and still like participate in these activities. But because we didn't have a podcast like this, we didn't know that like, that's a thing you can do. And that's a perfectly valid relationship type. We didn't know that none monogamy existed. We just kind of thought that we were cheating, but we knew about it and we talked about it and we communicated with each other. So it was consensual, but because we didn't have the vocabulary to describe our feelings or what we were doing.
00:12:27
Speaker
we just referred it to as like consensual cheating. Yeah. That was, I mean, that was definitely the holdup I would say on us making it official is, you know, I was just in this cycle very much in college where I had like a roster of men to go through. And I was just kind of like, Oh, like that's, that's really over with. Like, you know what I mean? And the thought didn't even occur to me that like,
00:12:55
Speaker
somebody can be the one, but you can also pursue other people. And then the thought didn't even occur to me that like, you can have multiple partners that you have very valid feelings for. And then like that type of relationship style is this, I guess like bad tracking for me. Um, so how I got to this place where before I met Natalie, I was like completely sexually open and like ready to get into a relationship like this four months within dating.
00:13:25
Speaker
Growing up, I grew up Southern Baptist and we just didn't talk about sex. Later on, I'm planning on doing an episode about purity culture and like religious trauma when it comes to sexuality. But for right now, it just didn't exist. In school, sex wasn't a thing we talked about. It was something that married men and married women do together. And then I'll see extent of sex education through basically all the way through middle school. We didn't talk about it at home.
00:13:55
Speaker
We got to high school and it was abstinence only, sex ed, didn't know the body parts, didn't know my body parts, didn't know female genitalia body parts. And I had to basically teach myself sex ed and sexuality. And one of the harms of not having sex ed is when kids have to teach themselves. A lot of times you learn it through porn. And that's where I learned about sex ed, how I learned body parts,
00:14:24
Speaker
how I thought sex was performed, how I thought consent was done, which is like a huge thing is like a lot of people get their only consent education from porn. And also in high school we did the, you stick a piece of tape to somebody's arm and you pass it around to learn about like STIs. And like it had a really bad taste of sex in my mouth, but it was something that like I really desire, something I was really into, but I was like so ashamed to say that like,
00:14:52
Speaker
I want to have sex because this is the upbringing that I had. I went to college and I got into a genders and studies class where the professor, the first question he asked us is, what is sex? And he challenged the entire first hour of our class for the students to define sex. And basically what we learned is that it's really hard to define sex, especially out of a strict medical term. Cause of course people said penetration. And then he was said, well, how do lesbians have sex?
00:15:21
Speaker
And they kept going on and on until we realized that sex is a very complex thing that we need to talk about to understand the experience. So after taking this class, I got it really into gender and sexuality classes. I got my degree in philosophy, but I almost have a certificate in gender and sexuality. And at that point, I learned to discover kink, I discovered non-monogamy, and I had different flings with different people throughout that time in college, but nothing very serious.
00:15:52
Speaker
Just, well, I didn't learn non-monogamy. I learned, I had different, learned kink and I had different flings with people and, excuse me, throughout college. Where was I going with this? Sorry, I lost myself. Oh yeah, I took like differently gender classes and like, I was interested in sex as more than just a physical thing, but like as a philosophy, a manifestation of freedom of like, Hey, sex is pleasure. This is how I want.
00:16:21
Speaker
to feel pleasure and experience life. And this is how I also want my partner to experience pleasure in that these classes slowly started taking the shame of sex out of me and started like adding sex as another item of life, such as going to like your favorite restaurant and experiencing good food or traveling and experiencing new places. So then by the time that me and Natalie dated, I worked through a lot of my sexual trauma. And I was also having like a lot of sex casual
00:16:48
Speaker
sexual experiences for people throughout school, very respectful casual sexual encounters. So by the time that me and Natalie met, we were in a very good place actually, where we were ready to explore our sexuality in a grander sense. Yeah. So I think from there, we started off just kind of
00:17:10
Speaker
agreeing that like, you know, hey, if I'm on a girl's night, you're on a guy's night, you want to flirt with someone, you want to hook up with someone, whatever, that's fine to do. Um, so we started off just kind of doing that. And again, cause nobody talks about nominography. We didn't really know that this was like a thing, like all our friends knew about it and just kind of accepted it. But we were just like, yeah, this is what we're doing.
Finding Community & Vocabulary
00:17:37
Speaker
Um,
00:17:39
Speaker
And I think our real immersion into the non-monogamy scene and community of it all was when we discovered sex clubs. So yeah, for people who are not aware of sex clubs, they are basically places. Very typical to a normal club where
00:18:02
Speaker
You drink, you dance, you socialize, and you're there to meet someone. Many people go to regular clubs to, just with the goal of trying to bring someone home. But this just kind of like fast tracks it, because everybody is genuinely there for the same reason. So people, you know, you can come as a single. Sometimes there's regulations on single men, but if you're a single woman, you can typically always come. But most people come as a couple.
00:18:30
Speaker
And really from there, you know, it just kind of depends what people are interested in doing. And basically, once we found this community, when we were traveling, we were like, oh, there's people who have these experiences where they know that I found my person or I found multiple people that I deeply, deeply love. But I also enjoy having sex with other people. And that's where we were like, the light bulb came on and we were saying like, oh, we can do this as a valid relationship style.
00:18:59
Speaker
And at the time we were already doing kink and this really put like the final check mark on like what we were desiring out of our relationship because we were like, we've been doing this weird dating thing where we were like, if we're out with friends, if we could like flirt with people and like go home with people, but we didn't understand or have the vocabulary. And after going to the sex law, we met the non-monogamous community.
00:19:24
Speaker
And they gave us the vocabulary to one, describe our desires, describe our behavior, but also valid community to bounce ideas off of and like people to talk about sex
Conclusion: Educating & Destigmatizing Sex
00:19:34
Speaker
with. And that's kind of what this podcast at the end of the day is supposed to be. It's supposed to be a podcast to talk about sex. And I can understand that we went really, really strong on the first episode talking about non-monogamy, but the podcast is going to cover a variety of different conversations from, I guess, sex clubs too, but even something as simple as like,
00:19:53
Speaker
How do I ask for consent and make it sexy? How do I incorporate sex toys into my life? How do I make sure that like I get pleasure out of sex? How to orgasm? How to do BDSM and balance that with my political beliefs? And there's like so many other different topics that we're planning on diving into. But again, this was kind of just like an introductory episode so you can get to know us and know where we're coming from and like our experiences and that we struggled with our sexuality and shame too.
00:20:22
Speaker
Yeah. So I think really kind of the goal for this podcast. Um, I think generally in our lives with the people we interact with, we're always like those go-to friends for sex questions. Like anytime something comes up in amongst my friends, acquaintances, everybody is always like Natalie, you know, what do you do in this situation? Like I want my partner to choke me. How do I ask for that?
00:20:52
Speaker
I am really interested in non-monogamy, but I don't know how to find a non-monogamous partner. I don't know if I'm giving a blowjob correctly. I don't know how to ask for a vibrator in the bedroom. There's just so many questions people have, and we just want to show you how to's okay, and we will genuinely answer your questions.
00:21:16
Speaker
and try to really give you a variety of different experiences as well. We've made so many connections amongst a variety of sex-positive communities. So I think there's really a lot to learn. And at the end of the day, as a podcast title is called, we want to show people that sex is fun and that there's a lot of shame. There's a lot of stigmatization that goes with it in our society. But at the end of the day,
00:21:41
Speaker
If you're doing it safely, if you're doing it concentrally, you have good communication. Sex, just like anything else in this world, feels good for a lot of people. It's pleasurable for a lot of people. And we can do it in a way that's healthy, safe, and fun for people who are into that. And that's the idea of the podcast to just show you that there's multiple ways to have sex. There's multiple ways to experience pleasure. And I think this is a good first episode, like a place to stop. Yeah. All right. Thank you for listening to the Fun with Sex podcast.