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00:00:01
Shouldn't You Be Further Along? The Trap of Overthinking
75 Plays2 months ago
In this episode of Wandering the Wild Mess, I open up about a moment many of us face: the feeling that hits us, makes us question our progress and question, "shouldn't you be further along?". As I celebrate one year of my podcast, I reflect on the pressure to achieve more despite how much I've accomplished.
I encourage you to stop comparing your progress to others and embrace where you are. Life is about the journey, not the destination, and we all need to give ourselves credit for the steps we've taken.
If you've ever been hard on yourself due to being trapped in a cycle of overthinking all, this episode for you. It reminds you to celebrate every milestone and trust that you're where you're meant to be. You're enough, just as you are.
Make Sure to Stay Connected:
- Website: www.wanderingthewildmess.com
- YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@utahgirlinnash
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heatherdyann
- TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@utahgirlinnash
Recommended
Transcript
Opening & Personal Reflections
00:00:01
Heather Morgan
Oh, that's great, but shouldn't you be farther along? Shouldn't you be more successful by now? Shouldn't you have it all figured out?
00:00:14
Heather Morgan
Welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. I am so happy you're here. All right, let's get into it because I'm sure some of that resonated with you as a part of your life where you're like, yeah, i did this really cool thing, but shouldn't I be farther along by now?
00:00:38
Heather Morgan
And you can't even get excited for your own success or your own achievement because you're like, yeah, but I don't have this, but I don't have this and I don't have that.
00:00:50
Heather Morgan
We do that so often.
Podcast Anniversary & Joy Amidst Challenges
00:00:53
Heather Morgan
And now is really like the perfect time and the perfect reminder for me to kind of lean into this and share this mindset with y'all because I hit one year for the podcast.
00:01:09
Heather Morgan
Yay. Yay. is So exciting. And as much as I'm so excited and so very thankful that I've had the opportunity to be doing this podcast for the last year,
00:01:20
Heather Morgan
year and I've loved it It's been amazing and I'm so very grateful for you if you've been here for the beginning. And if you're new, welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess. I'm so happy you're here too.
00:01:33
Heather Morgan
ah It's going to be a fun ride. But in a time that I should have really been like very proud and celebratory of sticking with sticking with releasing podcast episodes consistently for an entire year, which honestly I can tell you I hadn't really felt like it'd been that long because i have loved every single moment of it, which is exactly why I continue to do it because It's meant for me and I know that or I wouldn't be so happy and excited to do it. Right.
00:02:06
Heather Morgan
And that's probably another story for another time of just following your heart and your passions because really when they say you don't work a day um when you love what you do, that's how podcasting feels for me. And so it hasn't really felt like a year.
00:02:21
Heather Morgan
And probably because I yap a lot. So it, you know, and now in my life, when I'm talking to my friends or people I meet, I'm like, oh, this could be an episode.
Self-Reflection & Corporate Comparisons
00:02:28
Heather Morgan
And so, so much more to come there. But the point of this is I wanted to share with y'all like a vulnerable story and a moment for me just recently when I hit this one year with the podcast.
00:02:40
Heather Morgan
And I'm out and you know I know that it's ah it's a good accomplishment in the sense that like consistently doing something for a whole year that you could have easily just stopped doing, especially how wild my life is.
00:02:55
Heather Morgan
ah If you know me, like so much has happened in this last year. And I've remained consistent, whether it's been while I've been traveling, navigating new work situations, relationships, like everything. I have held true to my commitment to this podcast. And I am very, very proud of my loyalty to the love of my life, this podcast, Wandering the Wild Mess.
00:03:20
Heather Morgan
So very proud when I say it like that. But the other night I was walking the pub. And I was like – it was right after i hit the year and I was like, wow, you know kind of doing that self-reflection, my little quiet time or walk in. And I'm like, but Heather, shouldn't you be farther along by now?
00:03:42
Heather Morgan
Shouldn't you be more successful by now? Like shouldn't more things have happened for you with this podcast if all of this was –
00:03:55
Heather Morgan
I mean, it was all of those things where you're just like, I don't know. i think about it even like in the corporate world where you could have been at your job for so long and you're like, shouldn't I be the CEO by now? Okay, maybe not like the CEO, but you know what I mean?
00:04:10
Heather Morgan
Like you're doing something for so long and you're like, shouldn't I be farther along in this thing? Right?
Kindness & Self-Criticism
00:04:18
Heather Morgan
ah And that can go to so many things in our life. And the more that i talk to people, the more that I know that to be true, right? So like maybe you've had something in your life for a period of time and you're like, oh, and that's an accomplishment in itself.
00:04:34
Heather Morgan
But then we find a way to discredit that accomplishment, our own accomplishment. We're like trying to put ourselves down about something that we achieved. And it's like, why are we doing that?
00:04:49
Heather Morgan
And I go back to what I've talked about in the podcast before is just really remembering that we need to act as if we're our own best friend. So if your best friend or someone you love in your life came to you and was like – and you knew like, oh, I did this goal and I got – I had this podcast for one whole year. You're not going to be like, yeah, but like are you that successful? Like has it really been that fruitful? Like what have you really done?
00:05:17
Heather Morgan
Like, why would you say that? You wouldn't because you love them. You think they're great. You're so proud of them.
00:05:24
Heather Morgan
But yet we're kind of like that either person that pretends to be your friend that isn't really your friend because no friend saying that. But why would you be that to yourself? and and I had to really like stop myself because I got in this like negative spiraling downward mindset of going like,
00:05:45
Heather Morgan
instead of celebrating the achievement that it was, i was discrediting all of my commitment and time and progress. And really like I didn't know what the heck I was doing when I started a podcast.
00:05:58
Heather Morgan
I didn't even know what it would be like. And look at where I got it. I'm so very proud of it. Is it perfect all the time? No.
Authenticity & Embracing Unpredictability
00:06:08
Heather Morgan
But I think what's amazing about that is that either it life or anything else that we do,
00:06:15
Heather Morgan
Like if waited for each, if we all waited for each perfect polished moment, like are we even living life authentically? We're not. We're just, we're trying to put this image of perfection.
00:06:28
Heather Morgan
And that's exactly what this podcast isn't. That was the life that I was living before. This is wandering the wild mess of it. This is taking life and letting go of what you thought it should be and just owning what it is because we don't need to tie all of these things in our life to like certain check boxes for them to be important or for them to be mad to matter or be celebrated.
00:06:58
Heather Morgan
And when I know in previous episodes, I've talked about this before, which I totally believe and to be true, that you are enough just as you are right now. You don't have to do all these other things to be worthy enough. The people in your life that want you to be in their life, that genuinely care about you and love you, they're not waiting for you to do something special before they care.
00:07:22
Heather Morgan
They're not waiting for you to check some box before you'll matter to them. And those are exactly the kind of people that you need in your life. Those are like the really good feeling people that you're just like, thank goodness I have this person in my life. Those are the best kind of people because they make you feel so loved and accepted for exactly who you are.
00:07:47
Heather Morgan
And I'll be honest, that's how I feel about y'all that are listening because it means so much to me. That you're here taking your time to listen to me yap and my perspective.
00:08:02
Heather Morgan
It's just really – I've learned on this journey and I had to convince myself on this walk that I am doing this for the people that it resonates with.
00:08:15
Heather Morgan
And that's what we have to think about in life.
Purpose & Genuine Connections
00:08:18
Heather Morgan
Showing up as ourselves and being who we are and the right people will stick around and we don't have to force anyone that doesn't want to be there to be there, right? Right.
00:08:31
Heather Morgan
You're just doing it because you love it and this is what you love to do and this is who you are and this is what you want. And like it doesn't – I think about it in ways of – I have a lot of people in my life that ask – that talk to me about – dating and where they're at in their life. And, you know, a lot of questions come sometimes when our insecurities come up.
00:08:55
Heather Morgan
And I have a friend that has been going through a breakup and, you know, she's asked like, well, am I good enough? Like, why doesn't he like me? Like, why isn't he trying to that like, why, why, why? it doesn't matter. And I know that's not what she wants to hear. So that's not what I say.
00:09:12
Heather Morgan
But I do say, You don't, you show up as who you are. And if someone, if it's not for someone that's not really in rejection of you, it's just we're not for everybody at that time, at that moment, et cetera.
00:09:28
Heather Morgan
And we don't want to force ourselves and chase down people that don't want to be in our lives and try to convince them that they should. Right?
00:09:38
Heather Morgan
Because those aren't the people that you want around. Right? if i'm If you're here and you're listening, I want you to listen because you want to be here and listen.
00:09:50
Heather Morgan
Not because I'm trying to convince you to listen to my podcast that you're like, okay, well, i don't like I don't really want to. Then it's not for you and that's okay.
Self-Worth & Overcoming Criticism
00:10:01
Heather Morgan
There's so much power in that realization that wherever you are, whoever you are, all of those things is enough.
00:10:12
Heather Morgan
And if someone doesn't see that value, that's okay. But you know it still exists and their inability to see it does not mean it doesn't exist.
00:10:25
Heather Morgan
You still know it's there. And so when I'm spiraling, I'll go back to me and the podcast because it was really, really hard for me to not judge myself and think that I should be better, that I am not doing enough, that I'm not being enough, that I'm not working hard and all these things.
00:10:52
Heather Morgan
But it doesn't really change where I'm at I'm literally putting myself in a box and I'm just beating myself up, making myself feel like, oh, you did one good thing, but guess what? Here's 12 other things you could have done better. And I'm not going to allow myself to sit in that box anymore because I, if you've been listening through the beginning, i have done that so much that in my life. And even with my divorce, when we talk about this, and this could be you, if you've had a breakup or a divorce and you're going back in your head and you're like, oh, if I would have done this different, if I wouldn't have done that, if I would have, and this could even be with the job or you leaving college. Like if I would have did this degree, if I would have taken this opportunity, this and this could have been here.
00:11:42
Heather Morgan
You didn't, you didn't. And that's okay. But we don't need to relive things that we didn't do and do the shoulda, coulda, wouldas because it's a moot point.
00:11:59
Heather Morgan
We should be proud of where we are and take lessons. Okay. Did I do everything right in my marriage? We've talked about this. Absolutely not. Could I have done more?
00:12:10
Heather Morgan
Absolutely. Did i No.
Acknowledging Achievements & Facing Loneliness
00:12:13
Heather Morgan
Will i be completely different in my approach, in how I communicate, all these things when the time comes again for that to be my life, for me to be a partner and a wife again. Like it'll be a totally different ballgame. I've learned.
00:12:31
Heather Morgan
But beating myself up over all of those things isn't going to change the truth.
00:12:36
Heather Morgan
It happened.
00:12:38
Heather Morgan
And that is really not only when you can accept your past and the things that happened your life. I think you can also give yourself accolades for the achievements that you have today.
00:12:53
Heather Morgan
And for how far you've came. And stop trying to look outwardly for everyone to see how great you are.
00:13:06
Heather Morgan
Because the people that you want in your life already know that you're great outside of having a whole bunch of people see it
00:13:18
Heather Morgan
And I think sometimes even, you know, and this is like a weird, i just want to throw this thought out there because um i wonder if others have thought about this. But i I think that's sometimes why like it gets lonely at the top for people because Because it's hard to determine who is there in your corner because they really see you for who you are and they think highly of you and great of you as you are or if they do because everyone else does, right?
00:13:51
Heather Morgan
It's easy for you to cheer on the person that's at the top that you know everyone is saying, oh, we they're so great. They're so – because you're kind of just following that crowd. But when you're – success is not outwardly apparent to the world and someone sees it before everyone else, those people truly see you and are showing up for you as you are.
00:14:20
Heather Morgan
And I know this kind of goes even to like relationships and men. It's like I think there was a quote by Oprah Winfrey even that I just thought it was a good one. And don't know if I'm wrong about her. It was her. It was either way.
Journey vs Destination & Personal Happiness
00:14:34
Heather Morgan
It's a great quote. But it says everyone wants to ride with you in the limo.
00:14:40
Heather Morgan
But who would be there with you in the on the bus?
00:14:44
Heather Morgan
And i think that that's kind of the piece of life that it's the other side of the coin that sometimes you have to consider as life's coming at you and you're working towards things and goals and and trying to achieve things and beating yourself up that you should have been farther.
00:15:03
Heather Morgan
I almost think it's to stop and say like, this is where I'm at. i'm I'm happy. I'm moving in the needle. I'm moving in the direction I want to be. These are the people I know in my life that genuinely are showing up for me or supporting me at this point in my life and where I'm at.
00:15:23
Heather Morgan
And when I get to where I'm going, That'll be a whole different journey filled with a whole different experiences that who knows will change the way that I am in some ways and the way that people show up for me.
00:15:43
Heather Morgan
And so each part of that journey is beautiful. This beginning stages of wherever you're working towards in your life, there's so much beauty in it.
00:15:55
Heather Morgan
And sometimes it's it's hard for us to see that when we're in it because we think we want to be somewhere else. We want to be further ahead. and we want to have all of these things. We want people to, oh, look at what you've done.
00:16:09
Heather Morgan
But
00:16:11
Heather Morgan
one, chasing people's validation will never, ever make you happy.
00:16:18
Heather Morgan
I'll tell you that.
00:16:20
Heather Morgan
And I know only because I felt like even before in my marriage and and some of my career successes that I felt like people were like, oh, wow, that's so amazing.
00:16:31
Heather Morgan
But if it wasn't what I wanted, it didn't really matter if other people thought it was great. A lot of – this came up when I was back home. I mean, out of the handful of friends, I'm – all my back home friends are mostly married. they And then we had a ton of just friends that we grew up in. Most people in Utah are married. I mean, literally, that's not just a – it's literally like the number one state of marriages to actually people that are married. and And there was a lot of couples that people would have been like ah pretty sure they should get a divorce.
00:17:04
Heather Morgan
Well, ah my ex-husband and I weren't one of them. I would say we were probably one of the last people that you would have thought were going to get a divorce. And yet, so we did. you know And so I think it just – and I've talked about that before, but I bring it up only because just because it looks good doesn't mean that it
00:17:25
Heather Morgan
it is. and and it doesn't even mean it was bad. It's just appearances is one thing. So this outward success that we're like driving towards, if people see this and they think this and then it will be so great.
Redefining Success
00:17:41
Heather Morgan
it No, you have to. You have to love what you're doing, how you're showing up in the world and how it feels for you. You could end up becoming that CEO of the company, but if that's not even what you want,
00:17:54
Heather Morgan
And you're just doing it so everyone's like, look at him. He's a CEO now. And then you're attracting people in your life like the women that are like, i only date date CEOs.
00:18:05
Heather Morgan
Does she love you or does she want a CEO? Yeah. And I think like these are the things – no judgment. Some people, they're just after that. Like we are all on our own journeys. And I always give that grace just because, again, just because i see things through certain lenses doesn't mean I'm the only way to see the world.
00:18:26
Heather Morgan
But all I'm saying is these are there's so many layers to what success and happiness and achievement looks like for everybody. And so we just kind of have to let it be.
00:18:39
Heather Morgan
Whatever it needs to be for you, I realized at that moment that I had to be proud of myself for being loyal and consistent with something that I loved and not tie my proudness and success of what I did to like, oh, but i don't have this and then discredit it like it's no longer important anymore if I couldn't tie it to something bigger.
00:19:06
Heather Morgan
And I think that that is a key piece of us reminding ourselves that to keep going because we love it, even if the rest of the world has to catch up, right?
00:19:22
Heather Morgan
and And I know this seems very obvious, but even – mean, im being in Nashville, I'm so inspired all the time. There's so many – I have so many talented artists, friends, songwriters, et cetera, that just have really – they're very, very talented.
00:19:37
Heather Morgan
a lot of them. and and And it's like they're not on the radio. Their songs may get only ah handful of streams compared to some other songs that get all this radio play.
00:19:49
Heather Morgan
But it doesn't necessarily mean their song isn't good. It may just not be found.
00:19:55
Heather Morgan
And I heard a songwriter at Bluebird Cafe say the other day, and I won't, now I don't remember, but something like you'll probably never even hear some of the best songs that were ever written.
00:20:07
Heather Morgan
because they're just not accessible or shared to the world or are easily found.
00:20:12
Heather Morgan
And I think that's just a good reminder is that we just put out as a creative, you put out and and even if you don't create, right, just being yourself, You being yourself and putting out your authentic self to the world, like some people are going to receive it.
00:20:32
Heather Morgan
Some people, it might not be for them. But you are happy because you're doing what's you.
00:20:41
Heather Morgan
And even in this podcast, I realized that I'm not doing this for specific accolades and validation from anyone else than other than I feel called in my soul. don't don't ba i literally feel called in my soul to just connect with people, to yap, to make you feel less alone, to say that it's okay to let go of what you thought your life should look like and learn to love what it is.
00:21:10
Heather Morgan
That is my message and I still believe that to be true. But yet here I am hypocritically criticizing myself and my accomplishment because I didn't want to let go of what I thought that my life should look like a year after my podcast.
00:21:25
Heather Morgan
And don't get me wrong. When I started my podcast, I didn't even know what I was doing.
Expectations & Gratitude
00:21:29
Heather Morgan
No idea. Like I said, very proud of myself for figuring it out, sticking with it, all the things. I didn't really know or think far enough ahead to be like, okay, well, once after my first year, all of these things should happen.
00:21:44
Heather Morgan
But as soon as I got there, I was like, why haven't all these things happened?
00:21:49
Heather Morgan
And that isn't how we should think about life.
00:21:56
Heather Morgan
And it was almost like I was putting expectations that I didn't even communicate to myself on myself. The same way we do in relationships, right? The same way, and I'm tying back to my previous life because it resonates.
00:22:13
Heather Morgan
You know, I had all these expectations, but I didn't do a very good job at communicating them. I just expected that
00:22:21
Heather Morgan
they would be. And then I was disappointed when they weren't.
00:22:26
Heather Morgan
appreciating what is, ah such a gift. And I think when I think about even relationships, friendships, it's so easy for us in relationships, friendships, our jobs, all the things to criticize what should be better, what isn't working, where we should be, what they should do.
00:22:56
Heather Morgan
Gosh, we could do that forever.
00:22:59
Heather Morgan
But what if we just flipped it and said, I'm really grateful for this. I'm really glad that this is how it is. Why does that seem so much more foreign to us?
00:23:11
Heather Morgan
Why do we allow ourselves to focus on the negative things
00:23:17
Heather Morgan
sad aspects of our life and our relationships and the things that we wish were different instead of just going, I'm happy that this is what it is.
00:23:32
Heather Morgan
We get the things that we want and then we complain that we have them or we complain that we're not far enough along.
00:23:42
Heather Morgan
You get the marriage and then you're like, why did I settle down? You get single and you're like, why can't I find anyone? You get the job and you say, why do I work so much?
00:23:54
Heather Morgan
All of the things that happen in our life are a reflection of the way that we're seeing them.
00:24:04
Heather Morgan
And I had to refocus. It's almost like taking those and I'll go, you know, I'm a Delulu girl. So I will say like rose colored glasses, I'm here for them.
00:24:16
Heather Morgan
Because if I have a choice to see the world one way or the other, i would much rather see things from a ah prettier light.
Contentment & Self-Acceptance
00:24:28
Heather Morgan
I am grateful and thankful that y'all have been here for a year with me. I am so very proud of how far I came.
00:24:39
Heather Morgan
And even though i almost convinced myself that I'm not enough because that's just where we go in our minds sometimes, I knew that I had to remind you, whatever you're going through right now, you're enough.
00:24:56
Heather Morgan
And whatever is coming through to you that's making you think that life is against you, that you should be better, farther, do this, that the people in your life should be like this or be like that.
00:25:15
Heather Morgan
Let's just not. Let's just not. Let's not think your house should be bigger, your truck should be louder, your job should pay you more.
00:25:28
Heather Morgan
Do the things that make those things true or be grateful for what they are.
00:25:34
Heather Morgan
i think those are the two choices, right?
00:25:37
Heather Morgan
Those are the two choices.
00:25:40
Heather Morgan
So you don't need to be further along.
00:25:43
Heather Morgan
You need to be where you want to be.
00:25:46
Heather Morgan
And you will get there when you're grateful for where you're at and you keep moving towards where you want to be. It's just all part of the journey.
00:25:56
Heather Morgan
And I've said this so many times that we we don't need to skip to the top. The journey is is where the the beauty and the art and all of the things and all of the memories and all Everything is.
00:26:10
Heather Morgan
And the last thing I'll kind of end you with is i think back to my first month in Nashville, in East Nashville, and the Airbnb I was at and the little literal lowest point when I first moved here.
00:26:33
Heather Morgan
So sad. so I remember a time I was driving crazy. And I might – I'm not sure if I mentioned this. I was driving. i don't even know where I was going.
00:26:44
Heather Morgan
And i i I really did not – I'd never been that low in my mind in my entire life.
Closing Thoughts on Life's Unique Journey
00:26:53
Heather Morgan
It was so negative and so miserable. ah hate even saying stuff like this because I try to be so positive, but you know, I keep it real with y'all.
00:27:05
Heather Morgan
And I was just, gosh, it was one of those where i will be honest, I was just praying like, God, get this to stop being the way that I'm thinking. Can you get this out of my mind? Because I am I'm struggling.
00:27:23
Heather Morgan
And I have never really been that person before. And i remember I called my best friend. She's a therapist. She was kind of talking me through a little bit.
00:27:35
Heather Morgan
It was just a weird time. But the point of it is, is that even in that moment, looking back, do I want to be there again? No.
00:27:49
Heather Morgan
But it makes me so more so much more grateful for how happy I am now because I saw how dark it could be.
00:28:00
Heather Morgan
i was there at my lowest of lows. I've seen my heart break and just not know how to gasp for air.
00:28:13
Heather Morgan
And because of that, I'm not going to to let myself get there again. and I don't want you to either.
00:28:25
Heather Morgan
You shouldn't be farther along. You're right where you're supposed to be. Your journey is your own. and we're not just checking boxes for everyone else, for Tom, Dick, and Harry.
00:28:41
Heather Morgan
We're not just doing life things. on the terms of what makes us feel like we're good enough.
00:28:49
Heather Morgan
We're good enough just as we are. and
00:28:52
Heather Morgan
So don't forget it.
00:28:54
Heather Morgan
And I know I keep telling y'all I'm ending this, that exciting stuff's coming. It is. It is. I promise you it really is. But As all that comes up, I just want to keep reminding you that you matter. And I'm so very grateful for you being here.
00:29:11
Heather Morgan
So I'll keep putting out these episodes. I'm so very grateful for you being here to listen. i hope it kind of helps just bring your day into perspective, especially when you're down on yourself and not understanding why.
00:29:27
Heather Morgan
If this calls to you and you love, you know, and you enjoy the podcast, I would love for you to give it a rating. Write a review. Let me know what you're thinking. And as always, you can visit my website, wanderingthewildmess.com. Subscribe to my email list.
00:29:45
Heather Morgan
I'm going to start sending exciting things to come out. So you'll be the first to hear all about it. And then also um my affirmation cards. I still have ah few left and more to come on some exciting stuff.
00:29:59
Heather Morgan
Next month is my birthday in April. And so there'll be some special gifts around there. I'm i'm excited about it. So as always, thank you for listening to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan.
00:30:18
Heather Morgan
You matter.