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"Out of Town" Chapter 6 - I was told one time...
183 Plays2 years ago
This week on a very special episode of Friendless, the "Out of Town" reading series continues with Chapter 6 "I was told one time..."
Be sure to check out the Friendless Pensight
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Transcript
Introduction and Novel Title Dilemma
00:00:08
Speaker
Well hey there, sweeties! Welcome back to Pride and List, the only show that tries to teach you how to be a better friend, while I lose every friend I have. I'm your pal James, back once again with a brand new chapter of my ongoing reading series of my new novel, Out of Town, and yes, I still want a better title for the book.
Chapter 6: Visit to Cross Iron Mills
00:00:25
Speaker
This latest chapter is chapter 6, titled, I was told one time, and follows our narrator, as he does a quick popover, into the mall.
00:00:33
Speaker
I swear someday the story is going to progress, but for now, lean back, get comfy, and get ready for the next chapter of my novel, here on Friendless.
00:00:48
Speaker
Chapter 6. I was told one time, Cross Iron Mills is the largest single story mall in North America. Or at least, that's what I was told. And since the person telling me this was also in the process of handing me a fully packed bong, I was inclined both to believe them and for that little factoid to stick in my brain. It was built a while after I'd moved away from the city, so I had no childhood memories of it. But when we moved back, it became, in my mind, the special occasion mall.
00:01:15
Speaker
Helen had started going to a hot yoga studio in one of the new pop-up suburbs on the outskirts of town. I would drive her sometimes, and while she was in class, I would go and walk the mall. One thing I have learned through the years is that old people often have the best hobbies. Taking it slow, puttering, complaining, and mall walking. I would put on some music and do laps of the crowded corridors, occasionally stopping into a store but almost never buying anything.
00:01:43
Speaker
But why would you buy something when you could just not and keep going? I haven't seen this mall in four years as I pull into the parking lot, and I can't help feeling a little thrill of excitement to see what, if anything, has changed.
Nostalgia and Sacred Memories
00:01:55
Speaker
Being a creature of almost unbreakable habit, I park in roughly the same area that I have every time I came to the mall, the north corner just near the Winters and Indigo entrance. I check the clock and see I still have a few hours to kill before Brett is going to be home.
00:02:08
Speaker
This immediately puts some lead in my shoes and I try my best to walk a little slower. First things first, I need a pee break. I'm blasted with an initial wave of air conditioning as I enter the mall and make my way to the washroom, pulling up to one of the urinals. Nothing reminds you of the depths of perversion that the human race is capable of more than a line of public urinals.
00:02:28
Speaker
The absolute pollock-esque portraits that are slashed across the porcelain in hopefully only urine are at once demoralizing and mesmerizing. As I pee, I do my best not to touch any surfaces with my bare skin. With my bladder satisfactorily emptied, I begin my wander.
00:02:43
Speaker
The mall is a small wonder of a bygone era. A time when you had to interact with strangers on a daily basis for even the most mundane of items. A place of chaos and panic, of soft music always playing somewhere in the distance, of the air being so frigidly conditioned it almost feels moist depending on where you stand.
00:03:01
Speaker
A place where you could eat at a dozen different unique places but still end up in line in the Arby's that's somehow still in business in the corner. A place where some of the most formative and important events in modern life happened for a very specific generation of people who were bred to believe they would never grow up and are now having to wear insoles and take hair loss medication. The mall has always been a sacred place for me. A place to spend after school wind downs and weekend afternoon time kills.
00:03:27
Speaker
A place to follow my mom around while she endlessly ran errands, being as quiet and patient as I could while she tried on yet another power jacket. All the attendants commenting on what a good boy I was, something I took a small thrill in. If I was especially quiet, mom would take me to Toys R Us to close the trip out where I could maybe pick up a new Star Wars action figure.
00:03:46
Speaker
I thought at the time this was the way that parents showed love. You do what they want, and they buy you things. That's how love works, right? The mall represented a place of excitement and novelty for me. A place where something new could always be seen, while also wrapped up in the comfort of familiarity. All the same bends and turns, the same soft lighting, the same endless hallways.
00:04:07
Speaker
I walk down the main hall of Crossirons and smile at the storefronts like I'm seeing old friends after returning home from war.
Hot Topic Reflections
00:04:13
Speaker
I've never stepped foot in a single one of these stores and there's nothing on earth that is going to make that change now, but I find myself cherishing their presence. Their neon signs and liquidation sales and pumping music illuminating my path like some late-stage capitalist yellow brick road. I wander further and come to my first stop. Hot topic.
00:04:32
Speaker
A store that, when I was in high school and smack dab in the ideal demographic of shopping there, didn't have a presence in the entire country. You'd only hear whispers of this fabled store where you could buy banned t-shirts and metal studs and new ear stretchers all from the coolest clerks this side of Spencer's.
00:04:49
Speaker
The first locations didn't open up until long after I'd moved away. By the time I came back to Calgary, Hot Topic was in the phase of shilling semi-nostalgic trinkets and throwback t-shirts with a massive supplementation of anime and those weird bobblehead things that someone must be collecting. I don't know who, but the fucking little gremlins are absolutely everywhere and seem to be single-handedly camping comic stores across the nation afloat.
Wrestling T-shirts and Inner Shame
00:05:13
Speaker
God bless those demonic little atrocities. With my legs still vibrating from the highway, I step into a pulsating gothic paradise. I've never been much for almost any of the culture of that Hot Topic sells, but I've always appreciated it. Except for the Slipknot stuff, because come on. But the section that I always check whenever I can, the one that's pulling me in even now, is the wrestling t-shirt section.
00:05:37
Speaker
Hot Topic is the only place in Canada that you can find reasonably priced wrestling shirts. And modern day wrestling is nothing if not a t-shirt chilling factory. Every other week, your favourite wrestler is coming out cloud in some new pattern, some new graphic, and you, the mark, the sweaty sweaty mark,
00:05:54
Speaker
you need to get it ASAP. Your options for buying these shirts are limited. You could go to the website route, double the cost in shipping fees just to have it take a month and a half to arrive, wear it once, and then have it shrink on the first wash. You can try secondhand and wrap yourself in some stranger's stretched out sweat stains, but the options are always beholden to whatever the seller has worn out beyond the acceptable limits of public decency. Or you can try Hot Topic.
00:06:18
Speaker
I wander the store a little bit, squeezing through the tightly packed racks of cartoon teapots and rows of red striped wristbands, working up the courage to look in the area where any new t-shirts might be. I don't fully understand where this hesitation comes from, but it is ever present. See, my shame spiral will allow me to enjoy something, but it won't allow me to believe that anyone else in the world enjoys that thing. In fact,
00:06:41
Speaker
that little voice in my head that sounds an awful lot like my mother when I really think about it. It's telling me not only does the world hate that thing that I like but the world also watches out for anyone who likes that thing and judges that person harsher than even the lowest criminals. Basically my inner voice tells me that wrestling fans are considered worse than pedophiles and that everyone in the store has been waiting for the next sucker to come in and ask about them so that the catch-a-predator trap can finally be strung.
00:07:08
Speaker
I know. I know. I'm exhausting. I finally screw up the courage to go and look at the t-shirt section and find that it's been completely cleaned out. I look around dumbly trying not to attract any attendant's attention and fail. A young girl with baby fat cheeks all covered in piercings comes over and asks if I'm finding everything alright. I can barely hear her over the drum and bass being blasted through the store speakers. She absentmindedly adjusts a pile of anime t-shirts while she talks to me.
00:07:35
Speaker
Uh, yeah, I say. Actually, um, I was wondering if you had any, uh, A.W. T-shirts? I pause, waiting for the handcuffs to come. She just smiles and shakes her head. You know, you're like the tenth person to ask that today. Something screw you with the supply chain. We have no idea when we're getting more. Bummer, hey?
00:07:54
Speaker
Yeah, bummer. Well, thanks. I turn and bolt from the store feeling embarrassed and relieved that this kind little goth was letting me go free. I wander a little more and then stop in at what used to be my favorite shoe store.
Shoe Store Memories and Decisions
00:08:08
Speaker
I don't buy many shoes. At best, maybe one pair a year. And even that is mostly confined to either a new pair of Converse if my insoles have worn out, or a new pair of Toms if the last ones are too flat and rotten from foot sweat. But today, something feels different.
00:08:23
Speaker
Today, I'm feeling odd. I think about the last time I was hanging out at my friend's place back in Saskatoon, while downstairs his girlfriend was having a jam session with her band. As we sat and watched wrestling, each band member came through in a steady procession of cooler and cooler musicians, every one of them a solid 10 years younger than us. When I went to leave, I noticed every single one of them had a different pair of the same boot. I made a comment about it and my friend said,
00:08:49
Speaker
Yeah, bloodstones. They're the comfiest boot in the world. You wouldn't believe it. Me, I've never been great with boots. My feet are narrow and weak. My arches started falling about seven years ago and seem to still have further to drop. Ever since my proto emo pop punk phase in junior high started, I've considered Chuck Taylor's to be the greatest shoe ever created, which I will still stand by, but my feet would heartily disagree.
00:09:13
Speaker
So, thinking about that, I trundle into the store and start looking around, heading straight for the discount section, and of course, find no blood and stones there. The two attendants are young men who watch me a minute, exchange low murmurs. Then finally, the one leading on the counter stands up while the side walks over to me. Anything I can help you find, he asks?
00:09:32
Speaker
Yeah, I say, um, I'm just trying to get a sizing on some bun stones. I need something wide toed for my really shitty feet, but I gotta be real. I'm not going to be able to buy today. I just want to get a size. The guy nods, believe that this will be an easy process. He grabs a black boot and shows me. What do you think of these?
00:09:49
Speaker
Perfect. You have him in 11? He disappears into the back and I sit at one of the benches to wait. He returns with the box and hands me the first boot. These are the kind of boots that have no laces, they just pull over your foot with little elastic sides. I struggle to pull the first one on, feeling the idiotic first prickles of sweat on my forehead and palms. I get the boot on finally and...
00:10:10
Speaker
Jesus wept. It's the compious goddamn boot I've ever had on. I quickly get the other one on and walk around the store feeling like I'm walking on marshmallows. My jubilance is immediately shattered when I glance at the box and see the price. I sit down and quickly take the boots off thanking the kid for his help before turning tail and running from the store.
00:10:28
Speaker
I checked the clock.
Conclusion and Future Plans
00:10:30
Speaker
Still too much time to kill. But with nowhere else to go in the mall, I finish the lap and walk back to the car. All the while, thoughts of those boots haunt me. I can't justify them. Not with the plans I have for the future. Not with the move we're about to make. Not with if I want to be responsible. No. The boots won't be mine. I get back in the car, turn it on, pull out of the lot, get back on the highway, and head for Brett.
00:11:01
Speaker
. .
00:11:20
Speaker
And that's it. Thank you so much for listening through to the end. You are an absolute sweetheart. I hope it was worth it. Listen, I just got a new job and my entire brain has been occupied with navigating that. So I'm worried my editing and creative jobs are starting to get neglected, but I'm doing my best. And you know what? That's good enough, right? I swear all of this is building to something. It's a book, baby. It takes some time, right?
00:11:49
Speaker
I think I'm just saying that out loud more for myself than for any of the listeners.
Final Thoughts and Farewells
00:11:53
Speaker
But there you go. If you want to keep supporting friendless or get more friendless goodies, be sure to sign up for the sub stack newsletter. I'm working on expanding it this month, but with the new job, I'm not totally sure how much I'm going to actually get out, but I do have plans on doing more.
00:12:07
Speaker
Otherwise, you're gonna get at a minimum my monthly roundup of books, music, movies, podcasts, all those goodies, recommendations, as well as writing prompts and tips on how to be a better friend to yourself and to the people around you. While you're poking around on there, please follow all my other links to my Instagram, to my TikTok, to my pen site, where I've written a couple really fun, quick little guides on
00:12:32
Speaker
anything from editing to how to be a better friend there's tons of fun and they're just five bucks each so check them out if that sounds interesting to you otherwise I'm gonna wrap this up I'll be back next week with a brand new interview that I think you are going to love and I really hope you come back for but I'm not gonna worry about that now and neither should you because that is then and this is now so for now I'll just say I love you and I wish you well fun and safety sweeties
00:13:16
Speaker
you