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Club Chat: A darker side of parenting - Grief not Grinch
164 Plays9 months ago
In this Club Chat, we talk about one of the darker sides of parenting: grief and the impact it can have on you and your family, particularly during Christmas period.
Emma bravely shares her tragic story of losing her mum and best friend during her early pregnancy, and the impact this grief has on her as a parent.
Please note that we openly discuss death and loss, which may be upsetting to some listeners.
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Transcript
Introduction to Five Hour Club Podcast
00:00:09
Speaker
Hi I'm Amy and I'm Emma and this is the Five Hour Club Podcast where we navigate life between the school runs.
Exploring the Darker Sides of Parenting
00:00:21
Speaker
In this club chat Emma Openley shares her story about one of the darker sides of parenting. When you experience the loss to someone close to you and the grief that follows and the impact that can have on you and your family. We also talk about what you can do to support others who might be going through something similar especially at this time of year as we near Christmas and the holidays. Please be aware that we talk about death quite openly which may be triggering for some listeners.
Weekly Catch-up and Small Victories
00:00:51
Speaker
Hello, hello. Right, let's start with you. How are you doing? I, do you know what? I'm actually okay this week. I am in a relatively good, productive week. So yes, not much to say, really. I've finally got on top of my washing pile. Apart from that,
Balancing Work, Health, and Mental Well-being
00:01:09
Speaker
I know. a Great job. Apart from that, I am okay. How about you? I just love that. Like, how are you? I did my washing. That is an achievement for me this week.
00:01:22
Speaker
You know, it's it's been really nice. It's been a funny o couple of weeks because um the half term and then I was minding my youngest. and It's been really nice to kind of get back into the swing of things. um yeah i just I've just been sick for the last forever. So it's just like this relentless you know illness. And I don't know if it's my body, you know, like we've said before, if you don't make a decision and oh what is it? If you don't decide, then your body will decide for you.
00:01:52
Speaker
I don't think it's even necessarily that. I just have this really bad casting fashion that just won't go away. So yeah, it's a bit survival mode, and as you know, but I will get there, I'm sure.
Navigating Grief During Holidays
00:02:05
Speaker
I know Emma and I will say I mean you have been working through this and and yeah as much as I want you to rest and can i to anyone listening I'm not dragging her from a sick bed to do this she is willing but she has been a complete hero working throughout this which is possibly why you are still sick Emma and I do keep telling you But I know that this is the way you are. And as you said earlier, it's sort of protecting your mental health over your with your physical health as well and finding that balance to make sure that you also don't go completely mad by just lying in bed resting. So yeah, that's exactly it. Don't worry, like Amy's not, you know, bracing me. She's like, get this work done, do this, do that.
00:02:48
Speaker
No, it's very much me. Like I will. I genuinely have been resting in the past and my husband has been making me rest. um But there's only so much um Netflix I can watch. And I feel bad because, you know, everybody wants to have a bit of a lazy day here and there, but I just need to, for my own sanity, do little bits and bobs where I know that I can do that doesn't take too much brain space that, you know, it it makes me happy. Organizing makes me happy. You know that.
00:03:17
Speaker
I know, I know you're too good, you're too good. Well bless your you Emma. Well in this club chat that we want to talk about, we've been thinking about this and how we can sort of talk about some of the maybe the darker side of parenting that maybe we haven't talked about before and because particularly at this time of year it can be a tricky time for some people coming up to Christmas and the holidays and so we wanted to use this as an opportunity to share our experiences to maybe help others feel that it's okay to feel the way they do if it is a bit of a difficult time of year.
Importance of Sharing Personal Stories
00:03:54
Speaker
So we haven't asked our community about this because it felt a little bit odd to you know ask some of the maybe traumatic past experiences via Instagram but we will be sharing our side of it and if anybody does want to share after this then please do but hopefully this will just be a for us to share to help maybe some of you out there that are feeling the same.
Children's Perspectives on Death
00:04:20
Speaker
So we can we can jump into it. But just so you know, that's it. So it's a bit of a different one this week. Did I tell you something that happened to me the other day? And and this is kind of a ah bit of my reality. and So we were walking to school and my oldest was going in the the front gate and just as he was about to go in the front gate. So and he turned around to me hint and he said, so we just had to talk that home and open.
00:04:46
Speaker
God, I'm laughing because this is the thing like, you don't laugh, what are you going to do? Oma and Opa are his German grandparents, right? Because Chris is German. And he's like, I just had a thought that Oma and Opa were dead.
00:04:58
Speaker
And I was like, oh, oh, God, like, how do I deal with this in the space of one minute when we're already running late? Like, just get in the gates before they close.
00:05:10
Speaker
Oh, no. Like, why did you why did you have that thought? And I could be honest, I can't remember what exactly he said. It was like, oh, I that they that they might be dead.
00:05:26
Speaker
I mean, how do you deal with that? Let's face them one minute. Well, I don't know, but I do know that. So my youngest keeps going at the moment, which obviously we lost our cat recently. And, you know, we'll have moments where I'll be like, are you okay? And he'll be like, yeah, I'm sad. Alf is dead.
00:05:50
Speaker
And they're so brutal. They're like, they're dead. You know, where we our language is like, oh, they've passed away. You know, we've we've laid some trust and they're like, they're dead. You know, we're lucky, at you know, they're in heaven or whatever, because they go to religious school. And then, you know, and this for me, i'm the The reality is I do get this i quite frequently. So then there's another time, oh god, this was really brutal, but also quite funny. i'm So again, my five-year-old did this incredible drawing. I was like, wow, look at this. like This is amazing. um Let's take a photo of this and send this to my family. Maybe this is indicative of how rarely I do this, which is really bad. But um he said, but your, oh gosh. He said, but your family are dead.
00:06:41
Speaker
Oh, no. So really what I should have said was was I'm going to send this. And again, it's not my family. It's your family. It's about two my brothers and sisters, you know, your aunties and uncles and who I am on a WhatsApp group. I'm really bad at WhatsApp groups, right? So then I was like, oh, God. And then my three year old turns around and he was like, your mommy's dead.
00:07:05
Speaker
I'm so, brutal. And what can I do? Like, honestly, I have not been trained to to deal with this. So I said then, honestly, I'm just like, oh, no, I mean, like your aunties and uncles, you know, they're they're still alive. And and yeah, yeah, you're you know, you're your granny. I don't even actually have a name for.
00:07:28
Speaker
Do you know what I mean? Like my mum and dad, because they have passed away, AKA their dad. I feel like we've gone into this conversation ever. Like our toddlers, red and our children moved. We just come straight in and just revealed to everybody that parts of your family are
Emma's Personal Story of Loss and Resilience
00:07:50
Speaker
dead. And I thought this is very brutal. So if you want this.
00:07:55
Speaker
bra And we definitely need to have a trigger warning for this. And I think that also, like, that's the thing about grief. And sometimes, like, especially when you're dealing with a tree in a fly rail and you're navigating this journey, because it is a journey, like, what do you do? And sometimes, oh, my gosh, Shosh, I think I'm just going to cry. Like, yeah, like, you know, oh, God, yeah so it's really, it's really In some moments, there is comic relief, but and then in some moments, like it's incredibly brutal. And it's and definitely something that I'm navigating on a on a weekly basis and on a seasonal basis. And I think one of the reasons why we wanted to have a chat about this is because this is just real life. This is something that that I do navigate on a I'm not going to say daily basis, because certainly we don't talk about it every every day, thank goodness. i But but this time of year,
00:08:50
Speaker
I do generally find significantly harder than other times of year and there's a very good reason for that. So, Emma, if you wouldn't mind then me jumping in and asking if you wouldn't mind sharing why in particular this time of year is difficult for you and and what has sort of led you up to this and to the point where your you know children are talking about it, if you wouldn't mind sharing that. Yeah, yeah, no worries. And I'm happy to share and it's and it's funny, it's one of those things like I'm pretty open about it and I'm pretty open about talking about grief and lust because it is a part of my life.
00:09:27
Speaker
i'm But it's just not something you bring up at a party. It's not something you bring up on a toddler play group. That's why I'm not good at play groups because I'm like, I don't really just want to talk about, you know, like the small talk or whatever. I'm like, let's talk about, you know, ah snake language.
00:09:46
Speaker
grief
00:09:50
Speaker
yeah The moment that you shared this with me, I do remember, so we you shared your main story when we were at NCT on that last day when we were sharing our pregnancy stories and you shared this particular part of it then and I was so taken aback from it which I I know that you know it's an important part of you and I'm so glad that you did and there were other moments following that where we shared particular stories about certain things that were coming up in our in our children's lives and we just locked eyes and said yeah birthday is also hard and this is also hard and we knew there were reasons sort of from our past that were making
00:10:25
Speaker
us feel triggered and feel this way and I think because we have both shared experiences in that way that's probably why we're so close now but I think it's that things in it sometimes you do just need to share these things so that other people know so that they understand maybe your reactions to certain things or why you are doing things and it's not to justify it but it's to just feel on a level with them that you feel like you're not hiding anything. And I know that about you is I know you don't like to hide things. I know you want people just to know this stuff. But yeah, how do you just bring it up in conversation? You kind of don't in it, you know, so yeah, if you if you're if you're happy to share it with the world, I'm happy to share it.
00:11:15
Speaker
I was working as a teacher at the time. And it was leading up to the October half term. So this was about six years is ago now. And so I had planned in a holiday to Grand Canary. It was one of my best friends and my oldest friend. And we had been there a few years previously and it was just such a you know nice thing to do. And she had gone back to university. She was going into her final university i and she had cancer but she was doing really well so anyway we planned in this holiday. and I had found out that I was pregnant so my plan was I was going to do an early pregnancy test, I was going to fly to Gran Canaria, meet Rebecca, we were going to have a holiday and then I was going to tell her I was pregnant and then we were going to fly back to Ireland and then I was going to tell my mum that I was pregnant.
00:12:04
Speaker
i'm So that was the plan and I got a phone call about a week or two, I say in a couple of weeks leading up to the half term from my mother to say that my mum, she had kind of ongoing health issues. We weren't quite sure what was wrong with her, but but we got the phone call to say that it was very likely that she had cancer, like 99% chance that it was cancer. And if it was, it was quite an aggressive form of cancer.
00:12:33
Speaker
So just had to pack up everything immediately and just fly back to Ireland. m At the same time was kind of messaging Rebecca and saying, oh, I just don't think we're going to be able to go on holiday. a and And from her end, actually, her house was declining and she had to defer her final year at the university. So there was a lot of things kind of happening at the same time.
00:12:55
Speaker
Now so at this time again I was about what six seven weeks pregnant it was just at that point where I had to have a snack or else I felt really sick that like you know you you feel hungover and it's really unfair and so you just had you're just knackered and and at that stage I still hadn't done my early pregnancy test but it was such a whirlwind so we had six days ah where mom and So she was diagnosed um and she did have this incredible incredibly aggressive form of cancer.
00:13:28
Speaker
um So it was just such a massive whirlwind and six days later, she did pass away. m But at this time, like I just had to tell people that I was pregnant because I was so tired and and and it just looked like I was hungover all the time. And my mom would be sitting in the chair beside her bed and I would be lying in her bed and it looked like I kicked her out of her bed. So I was like, no, I'm just not feeling great. But she you know it was better for like the most important thing was that it was better for her and it was more comfortable.
00:13:56
Speaker
well it was more comfortable for her to sit in the chair. But if the um the crazy thing that happened was on so in the night before she passed away, myself, my sister, like we spent a night with her and it was actually really nice. um And then in the morning I was like, right I don't know what to do, you know, because the the the last few nights like we we rotated and and we took turns spending the night with her.
00:14:21
Speaker
And I was just really tired. I was like, oh, maybe I'll go back to my hometown. I don't know, having that. And then I'm thinking, oh, it's the Monday morning and I know I can get an early scan done. And it was a 10 minute walk away.
00:14:35
Speaker
So one of my sisters, we decided who would be there and we had to have the conversation of who's comfortable to be there if she does pass away and I was like oh I actually don't want to be there um and I had been through it before so I'd lost that six years previously so I i kind of knew what to expect and I knew that it was close and I just, for for whatever reason, I didn't want to be there. And like my dad, it was weird. Like, I do believe that one of the last things to go is a hearing. And with my dad, I, and it was like, I left half an hour and then he passed away. So it's like, they know in a way, like when it's, when they're ready. So with my mom, I went with my sister and and the sister decided, yeah, I'm okay to to be here and I want to be here.
00:15:23
Speaker
and but we went and we got the early scan done and that was kind of funny because it was the um was it going into too much detail it wasn't on the belly scan it was the internal scan so i was like uh get off here gi you're not going in there to my sister so again like in all these in all of these moments of a real tragedy there's really really funny moments um and like honestly to to the to before like she she you know she she went to sleep or she went to the coma or whatever it is like my mom was flirting her ass off with the doctors I was like mom contain yourself like honestly let's make this up and uneven like
00:16:06
Speaker
God, I'm thinking, trying to get my sister, who's now at his desk at the time, and she was on a round-the-world trip with NASA Geographic, and she was in the middle of, I think she was in the middle of the Himalayas, and you couldn't even reach her by normal mobile phone, like there was an emergency way in which you had to, that honestly is just mad what happened.
00:16:24
Speaker
So anyway, so we got the scan doing and they find the heartbeat um and we literally walked out of the um ah of the place where they scanned me and we got the phone call from my older sister to say that my mum had passed. So like within minutes ah like it's absolutely mad because we have you know the time of passing we have the time of the heartbeat like it's within minutes like it's such a mad, mad story um but what what was also nice is that it was such a silver lining as well and it was such a like escapism in a way that there is you know this this light and because it was yeah really really dramatic time um so then
00:17:10
Speaker
yeah we in the next you know like week or two we had to clear up mum's stuff and and then I went back to school and I remember um the first day of going back to school I was like nobody hug me get away from me do not hug me because I don't want to cry i like I just want to like hold it in um but what was really tragic at the same time was that Rebecca's health was deteriorating And I knew, like, I really wanted to see her in person, but I couldn't see her in person because um I think I felt like maybe a little bit run down with the cold and I couldn't see her. and And I think she was just about moving into hospital. i And again, this was all on the phone.
00:17:51
Speaker
that we knew her cancer had spread and it was gone to her brain. um So yeah, it just was like thinking back to it now, it was just this jumble of just madness all happening at the same time.
00:18:07
Speaker
So went back to work for a couple of months and then and kind of leading up to December, you know, your friend and your close friends, when, when it's their birthday month, you think about them and, and Rebecca's birthday on the 1st of December. So I was leading up to her birthday and she had a birthday and I think after then, I think it was then she went into hospital and I went to spend Christmas with Chris's family in Germany and I got the phone call.
00:18:37
Speaker
to say that Rebecca had passed away. And and so I would just text her every day and watch her all the time. And tim I knew that things weren't okay. because i never It's funny like having a friend with cancer, I would never say, how are you? I goes, what the fuck can you say? like It's not great. And so you would try and think of of of ways to to kind of chat to them God, that's such a horrible collective term of people with cancer, but to to check chat to Rebecca and to not say, how are you? But to to kind of figure out, like, in an inverted way, like, actually, how is she doing? um And I just knew when she said, I'm not great. I knew it was really not great. And I knew that when she stopped texting,
00:19:28
Speaker
And that I, I couldn't think of it. Like I didn't think that that was the situation. So then I got the phone call aim and I just flew back to Ireland like after Christmas. So it was what on the 27th of December. So she had passed on the 21st of December. So, you know, then Ireland happened really quickly. And, and I went back and it was just this, again, this like I was staying with my other a really close friend and just a big,
00:19:52
Speaker
mess of events that this was happening two months after mum and after that um I you know just went back to England and just got on with life and pregnancy and threw myself into work and and And the truth is, when when my oldest came along, like it was it was incredible and it was just such a relief from... And and and I'm going to say, like I didn't really process this grief like all at once. I didn't process it. It would take me years. But the point is this, right? So that is what's happened. So that's like if you know the timeline of it. like
00:20:30
Speaker
winter is pretty ah hard because leading up I think to mom's anniversary it's just that time of year it's like the weather that particular type of weather and it brings you back but it also it's it's like I do associate it with finding you know my flyrails heartbeat and and that a I think, can I say that Emma, I just wanted to, I stopped because I didn't want to interrupt and I just wanted to you to share it wholeheartedly and I know how hard that is for you. I can see it and nobody else will see that, but I can see and I can hear it in your voice how hard for you it is to share that part of your story. And yes, you look at things so brightly and I'm
00:21:10
Speaker
think you know you're incredible for doing that. You look at the silver linings, and you look at the bright side of things, and you look at you know all the things that were positive during that time, but I know i can ah know it was such a dark period of your life, and it was such a relatively short period of time, but actually it has had, I know, a really profound impact on you as a parent, and um we can get into that if you want to, but but know that you know what you went through was a really hard thing, and you shouldn't feel like you have to get over it or you have to look at things brightly or I know you do that because that helps but but it was I know for you it was really hard and and and thank you for sharing it because I um believe there's other people out there he would be feeling and the same kind of thing and
00:21:55
Speaker
in other respects. Just listening to it again, or so like what a shit thing that happens. like You just found out you're having a baby for the first time and like what that so like timing wise, yes, it's beautiful, but also horrendous timing.
Winter Challenges and Joy Creation
00:22:13
Speaker
and Like I have no idea how you managed to get up after that. Honestly, like I literally don't know how, like pregnancy is hard enough. I don't know how you managed to get through that and still be here to tell it the tale. The thing is like, yeah, like obviously I can't take away from the fact that it was hard. And I think ah like that's why like every year, and one of the reasons why I wanted to to talk about this is because
00:22:40
Speaker
everyone has various different stories and um I think this time of year is hard anyway because of the anniversaries and the birthdays and stuff like that but then Christmas comes right at the same time and Christmas is starting in bloody October right and you go into the shops and um like am I just it's it's like society is forcing it down your throat of oh all the families are getting together and friends and it's just like this triple whammy of oh my god dude get this out of in my face right now I don't want to it it makes it worse in a way and I remember I saw a LinkedIn post recently that made me feel so much better and it was this mother who lost her son in it was horrendous like and he was I think about 20 when when he she lost him to cancer but she said something I was like oh my god I didn't realize other people feel this way
00:23:36
Speaker
which she said that she feels repeatedly punched in the gut, like when she feels like the Christmas decorations and the sounds, other people feel like that, like I do feel like that. and And I think it's just really, I think the more that we can share and be honest it's not is to have that realization that leading up to the holidays or leading up to Christmas, it's not positive for everyone. And again, okay, yes, I'm going to put a positive spin on it, but don't get me wrong, there are absolute positive you know things. And I love having a three-year-old and a five-year-old and it's really special and it's really magical.
00:24:11
Speaker
But actually, with time and therapy, I have allowed myself to know and, you know, realise, OK, you know what, there's got to be some days at our hearts and there's going to be some events that I'm going to say no to because I don't want to, because I don't have the capacity to do that. And that's OK. You have to be honest. And actually, as a friend to you, and I know I am, it I am the opposite, right? I am the annoying Christmas person.
00:24:40
Speaker
I am. I jump in. My kids flipping love it. and But the reason I would slightly go over the top of it, and which is similar to why I go over the top of birthdays, is because actually for me it's the opposite. So I i had more, you know, relatively traumatic experience ah you know around Christmas time and birthdays and all those events when I was younger you know one year my my dad pushed over the Christmas tree in a drunken way and I woke up to that on Christmas Eve and so because of that I had this you know real thing about getting in the most perfect Christmas tree and that is that is my thing and actually a few years ago I realized hang on a minute I'm overcompensating for something that
00:25:19
Speaker
hasn't affected my children, it has affected me but actually I need to flip this on its head and be like no you know what it doesn't have to be perfect. I do not to have you know that's not going to change what happened in the past for me you know what you choose a Christmas tree and I love that now I get my boys to choose it I don't care what they choose and it makes me feel that brings me joy because it it's taken that power away from that thing that happened to me in the past but I go the opposite to you. I kind of go over the top and so I know that actually in comparison I know that for you I might be the worst friend to have around yeah because love all of that stuff and you know I want to make it all of those things because you know that's my way but of dealing with it.
00:26:02
Speaker
But I think as a friend to you, I now know that actually you don't need the all of that thrown in your face. You don't need, you know, all of that stuff. And I hope that I can ah be a good friend to you and, you know, accept that and just not throw it in your face and you know if you say no to certain christmas things or you don't want to call you know our christmas drinks and christmas christmas drinks or whatever well you know there's certain dates that i need to be aware of i'm glad i know that about you because hopefully that means i can be a better friend to you and then i don't care if you say no like you have every right to say no and but what i guess i would love to know
00:26:39
Speaker
because I don't necessarily feel that way I would like to know you know more ways that I can support you during this time because it is a dark time and I you know I just you know if there's any more ways I can help you I would like to know because yeah it's important to me as your friend I guess. Well first of all I want to say you're very sweet and absolutely you're not too much with your Christmas spirit absolutely not. I think i think the key thing here is that it's It's just like everything else, isn't it? It's being kind to yourself. And it's nice to acknowledge and recognize why you you know are that way around Christmas and that's okay. but you know But doing it in a way that you're not overdoing it and not stressing yourself out and and you're doing it in a way that fits with you. And it's just about being kind to yourself. That's all it is. a And for me, i'm you know I should say,
00:27:33
Speaker
I wouldn't say this earlier, like I do not want this to be pity party. This is not a pity party. This is just a reality of life. And and I think every year, you know, it does get easier. Like, definitely does get easier. um But there are still those days that it does feel like it just happened yesterday. Like, I don't know if you've ever heard about that analogy of ah with grief or about the box analogy that really helps me.
00:27:59
Speaker
because I think the thing about grief is when you feel it, it's overwhelming. um and And so let's imagine you've got this box and the button is it's like when you feel that grief and it's really raw. And and you've got a ball in the box that's bouncing around. And when you first feel that grief, when it first happens, the box is really small. But over time, the box gets bigger. So you're hitting that button less. But the problem is right when you're a mother. So let's imagine that button is like a trigger moment.
00:28:28
Speaker
When you're a mother, there are so many second trigger moments. Like ah Christmas, birthdays, like baby groups where there is grandparents there. and you know it's just a It's just an ongoing thing, so that the key message is to be kind to yourself and for you to do that as well and recognize, okay, because this is why I do this and this is important to me, but I'm not gonna do it in a way that's gonna stress me
Coping with Grief: Self-compassion and Boundaries
00:28:54
Speaker
out. And for me, it's recognizing, oh, do you know what? I really like, there's something about being out in nature or having a walk by just seeing on a really gloomy day, actually,
00:29:05
Speaker
that for me i really love that i you still want to have those christmas drinks don't you know don't like absolutely like this is who i am like i signed you up don't worry about we just went and called it christmas this is just another thursday exactly like you know but i think i think that's it you know it's you get better over time at recognizing how to be kind to yourself and what to do for yourself and just to recognise and all allow yourself those moments. If you're going to have a moment, and then that's OK. If you, you know, and if you want to be honest and an open with other people, that's OK. And to put those boundaries in place.
00:29:47
Speaker
to say, you know what, actually, that's not going to serve me right now. That's OK. So what do you think we can say to people to to kind of help them to navigate this? um I say therapy, no. Yeah, 100 percent. Like number one. No, no, I mean, like you said, Emma, it's Yeah, parenting, regardless of your past, brings up so many things and you get triggered. And I think it is just, if you can, just taking a step back and recognizing that there's a reason that you feel this way and that it's not your fault and parenting will bring up this stuff.
00:30:30
Speaker
i just like you said, be kind to yourself and find ways that bring you joy and bring you a way to process them that doesn't have to do with anybody else apart from yourself and then communicating that with others who he may you need to know that or we know want to know that about you or you know you feel comfortable with.
00:30:53
Speaker
i I don't know, I just i just feel like, like you said, it's a funny time of year. You either love it or you hate it. And somehow we have to navigate it with our children who ultimately probably still love it at this, you know, love it at this point. So just do what you can do to get through it without, you know, it feeling too hard. Yeah, no, I think that's exactly it.
00:31:21
Speaker
And I think that, um, so going back to that, you know, that lovely LinkedIn post, um, she, she also said, um, so if you start planning Christmas, jumpery days, Christmas parties and secret Santa, remember to give some people the ability to opt out. No questions asked. And I thought that was really good as well. Um, and I think, um, therapy, but do you know what else, do you know what else this makes me realize? And actually I would.
00:31:50
Speaker
And I want to find out more information how to have those conversations with children about this, because I think I've handled it okay. But I think it would be really interesting to find out actual more psychology around it and and and and to have those conversations as well.
00:32:09
Speaker
No, I see that. I know the only experience I can give with this is when we've had our cats, which is not on the same level at all. But when I looked up how to share that kind of news with them, it was very much about being very matter of fact about it, being very factual.
00:32:25
Speaker
it's okay to let them see how you feel about it, let them see you cry, let them see you and just explain I'm feeling sad because of this or that and so that they can start to understand that all of this feeling is very valid and this is the reason why and it you know for them it helps them to process it as opposed to sort of being a you know hiding away from them or a sort of mystical thing or vague or you know something that they can't really understand and it's yeah that vassone yeah that's the only I've ever had is just being very clear with them because then they're able to sort of in their own minds process it and obviously you go into less detail with them about things that have happened but
00:33:13
Speaker
Yeah I guess if that's helpful on those sorts of schools when they just come out with these things but obviously it's really hard for you because you feel those things and they're a shock so you know if it means that you you have a tear and you get upset with them and that's okay and just you know explain and why you feel like that. Yeah I think that makes a lot of sense because it's it's going to be such an abstract concept for them so I think it makes sense why they use that vocabulary that's quite harsh but it's It's not abstract, is it? It's the reality. And yeah that's it. Yeah. yeah right yes september It does reassure me in a way because I think that's pretty much how i how I've been handling it. And i I very much feel like it's okay to be upset in front of them and to explain why. um So, no, it's not going to reassure me.
Concluding Supportive Message
00:34:05
Speaker
No, thank you so much for sharing your story, m because I do think it will help a lot of people. And for anybody who is going through anything, we hope that you're okay. And if you ever want to reach out, then please do. Yeah, i always have to have a listen ah yeah absolutely. um Yeah, please feel free to reach out. But it was actually really nice to talk to you.
00:34:28
Speaker
I know I see you every day, but actually it was a really nice, it was a, yeah, not not weirdly, weirdly nice shop, but I suppose a guitar ticket in a way. Oh, thank you, Emma. Thank you for sharing it. I know you mean sometimes getting these things out, you know, opening up the door is a good way to release something sometimes. All right, so I'll chat to you soon. Speak soon. Love you. Bye bye.