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Club Chat: "Merry" Mental Load
165 Plays9 months ago
In this episode we discuss the madness of the festive season, the mental load that comes with it and tips and tricks for how to get through it!
Wishing all of our listeners the happiest of holidays with your families! Amy and Emma x
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Transcript
Introduction to the Five Hour Club Podcast
00:00:09
Speaker
Hi, I'm Amy and I'm Emma and this is the Five Hour Club Podcast where we navigate life between the school runs.
00:00:20
Speaker
Hello, hello. Hello, how are you doing? I think I've lost the plot. That time of year, honestly, I've lost the plot. Come here, how are you doing?
A Mistaken Show Date and Its Lessons
00:00:32
Speaker
Well, I i finally saw the show that i I thought I was seeing last week.
00:00:37
Speaker
I think it was missing. Tell us about that, Amy. It happened. So last week, we were real frantically trying to get our survey finished and out and we you know we were busy, busy, busy. And I was desperate to see this show that I love with my youngest. So I moved childcare around and I was dashing who they were getting it finished, making sure that I could just work right up to the minute and all of that stuff. And I walk in.
00:01:05
Speaker
And it wasn't on the show.
00:01:10
Speaker
Little things like you just have to laugh or you cry. Did you cry or did you laugh? I cried. I went into the toilet and I just cried. I just cried a little. Luckily my mum's there. She had the boy, but I literally was just like, oh my God.
00:01:23
Speaker
God, what is this? Like, I can't believe how did I get the wrong date? So I got the wrong date for the show. I was there a week early. Luckily, there was another class on. So and my youngest was able to dress me up as a snowman for this little stick man thing that was on, which was lovely. And he enjoyed it. I was literally crying inside. So yes, today was the day and I actually saw the show. we thought And how was it?
00:01:50
Speaker
Oh it was magical. It was worth the stress. Yeah yeah was it was was it worth the stress. You know what I mean I would have preferred to seen it last week maybe not because I was quite stressed but and no it was worth the weight and but it did make me realise that sometimes I just have to slow down because yeah I was all over the place and I would just squeeze in too many things into a week. So yeah, so a little bit. So it feels better this week to have seen it and to be less stressed.
00:02:24
Speaker
and the world so i But the thing is, it's going to happen. We ah we have I'm sure we have all been in a situation like that where it's not necessarily taking on too much, but there's just so much going on. And you're going to like, let's face it, we're all going to drop the balls. That wasn't the biggest ball to drop. You still got to go to the event. And yeah, you just have to have a little cry or a laugh. for like Oh, my God, you're going to have those moments, aren't you?
00:02:53
Speaker
Yeah, I know. it was It was just a moment of realisation for me. It was the first week of December and I thought, yeah, this summit's got to give. And yeah, it was a small snowboard drop, but i but it felt it felt big to me just because it just added to my stress level. So anyway, I think and it eases us nicely into today's club chat, which is...
Understanding and Managing the 'Merry Mental Load'
00:03:14
Speaker
The merry mental load. Yeah, not so merry. Not so merry, yes. So and can I say, I think this is going to be an interesting one because actually, right, we're obviously very similar in a lot of ways, but we're also quite different in some ways. So I think this is going to be an interesting one of about how we both navigate the mental load, because I think i think we tackle it in a different way, which I'm i mean i'm going to be interested to find out.
00:03:42
Speaker
Oh, me too, actually. I did think that. So... Interestingly, actually, so I asked our audience how heavy is their mental load feeling right now. yeah And bearing in mind, this was last week. So this was the first week of December. And for me, it was like, I was at peak mental loadness. Like it was too much going on. I was like a hundred percent heavy. And interesting interestingly, there's quite a few who are sort of down in the lower numbers. And it's sort of the average was around, I'm going to guesstimate because it was one of those Instagram polls. It was about 85% heavy. but I mean, for the first week of December, that is still pretty high.
00:04:15
Speaker
and but I was expecting everyone to be like a hundred on the rich scale you know like really serious crazy time but I think it was the week of, a okay, Christmas is starting to ramp up. Things are starting to happen, but not everything yet. We're building up to the point of getting everything done. We're building up to the point of all the events, all of the things that need to happen. So I think we we're easing in. it and So I think maybe by the time this goes out, people might be feeling a little bit more. How about you, Em? How's your mental load feeling right now?
00:04:47
Speaker
you know ah have the weirdest but I have the weirdest analogy for this and it's only because I cooked a roast dinner recently for like the first time for someone else. I feel like it's a bit like cooking a roast dinner, right? You know, when you start to peel the carrots and the potatoes, it's quite chilled, but then by the end, like you're getting out of everything of the oven and and like you're trying to, you know, deal with the gravy, like um make the gravy at the same time. I feel like we're building up, you know, it's kind of like the calm before the storm. And I think next week as the storm being the end of the roast dinner.
00:05:17
Speaker
If this analogy makes any sense whatsoever. I don't know if I want to come to one of your roast dinners. I don't think do. Amy, I don't think you do.
00:05:30
Speaker
but i'm i feel like we so we have We've been given a timetable of events with all the school activities. and there's just so much and already my five-year-old is absolutely shattered having meltdowns left right and center i think because he's tired and overwhelmed so i'm gonna be honest i'm not massively overwhelmed but i think it's i might be in denial We still don't have our Christmas tree up. We will. we We didn't get it up last weekend because it's I blame the storm. I'm i'm i'm taking things gradually. um So I'm not, yeah, I'm not like peak overwhelm, but next week there is a lot going on and we are going away for Christmas. So next week is the absolute peak. So I'm in denial. I'm i'm absolutely peeling my carrots in the denial phase.
00:06:23
Speaker
ah
00:06:25
Speaker
See, I feel like I'm at the point, I'm going to carry on this on energy, I'm at the point of the roast dinner where I've put everything in the oven, but right? So I've frantically put with carrots, that's all done, they're in the oven, I'm waiting, I'm patiently waiting.
00:06:39
Speaker
yeah like he it's about to break loose because yeah we' we're in this sort of like limbo phase of like okay things are ramping up a little bit we had my busy week last week and I know it's to come so I'm like just patiently waiting for it to come. But it's because I'm also maybe into now that I've actually <unk>m I'm a bit of a last-minuteer, I guess, and I kind of leave everything and I'm like, right, I've done the tree, I've done those big bits at the beginning, but now I'm like, ah, the other bits, I can wait until the last week, you know, watch a few Christmas films and things like that. So, yeah, for me, like, at the moment, it's just trying to wrap up work and trying to make sure that we can, you know, have some time off and and relax and enjoy the festive time. But that's, you know, slowing down nicely, I would say.
Navigating School, Work, and Holiday Stress
00:07:20
Speaker
But when i I was, I did ask our audience and I said, what's the biggest thing on your load at the moment? And and lots of them are saying about work. Lots of them are saying about school related things coming in. And then there was also the lovely thing of illness that sways away this term of years. So people are in and out of illness trying to manage, getting work done, trying to manage with school events and all the Christmas thing that need to happen as well on top of all of the other, the things that come this way.
00:07:47
Speaker
Yeah, definitely. Like, I feel like I'm just, my my ah status is just permanently sick. I was just like, they had a few days there, I was feeling good and then I got hit with the latest cold. That's exactly it. It's, to be fair, it's the usual work stuff. I mean, we were really busy last week trying to, you know, get that survey done and out, just wrapping things up.
00:08:08
Speaker
um and yeah trying to navigate um all of the like when do they wear a Christmas jumper for me that's what it is it's not work stuff it's it's that mental load of okay Christmas jumper I need to order a Christmas jumper because I think he's grown out of his Christmas jumper next year I need to make sure he has at least two to three Christmas jumpers you know and organizing all of that on top of everything because it's not just Christmas jumper day it's all of the invisible stuff as we know that goes behind the Christmas Jumper Day. Well, that's it. And for me, it's like remembering all the dates. i So I think one day from school, we got about five different dates that just appeared, like permission things, doing the Santa runs, Christmas jumper, school fair, didn't all these other things. And like, I wrote it all down, but it's still, I still, I've still managed to miss things. Like I miss showing toilet squirrels. You know, he took a reflector ring from his coach because I forgot to give him something or he forgot to take something for his show and tell.
00:09:05
Speaker
yeah like It's just all these dates. there There's too many of them. There's too many things on different things. So my house literally looks like a bomb sitter. It's just a mess. And that's the thing that's going to have to go because I cannot deal with it. And I think, ordinarily,
00:09:21
Speaker
when I haven't normally got this many things on I I'm like okay well those things need to happen I've got to the point oh I'm saturated I'm like I cannot do any more there was nothing more I can do and actually I'm gonna pull back and stop doing things that I normally would do because it's ruining me that I am one amy he exhausted to the point where I can't think anymore to be able to put in place all of those dates and all of those things that need to happen. um And then that's without thinking about the presents and going through all of those things and all the things that, you know, I didn't book in a Christmas food shop this year, which now I now regret because now I'm like, okay, well, now I'm going to need to go and find time to go to the shop to get all the things that I need to get. So,
00:10:04
Speaker
those things are dropping because I just haven't got enough space in my brain. but oh That's so true and it's just not worth it is it in the grand scheme of things like you've got to you've got to pick like for what input um am I gonna get this again it is gonna make sense am I gonna get the right output from you know so for example in the preparation for my son's dinosaur birthday party you know is is really me getting little dinosaur claws and and cutting out you know the bread is it worth the effort and you know that that is going to cause me for that one second of happiness you do you know what i mean it's getting that out so come here to me oh i'm i'm intrigued now uh what so what kind of things are you pulling back from other than so
00:10:51
Speaker
I'm just saying no to certain things, but I really, and I'm feeling it a little bit. So for example, the other day, my eldest sent to me, mum, where's the magic?
00:11:03
Speaker
He was bringing us in magic. He was like, every week there's going to be magic. He said, there can be magic every week. And I was like, you can't ask for magic and you can't expect it to come on your own like rotor. It just, I was like, it just happens. I said, magic happens when there is space and time to feel magic. I just looked at him and then he brought up the dreaded thing, which I was hoping he was not going to do, but he was like, and where's our elf?
00:11:31
Speaker
Everybody's at school has got an elf. Now I will be honest, I made a conscious decision not to get an elf on the shelf because yeah I'm going to thank my sister-in-law for this, who I know actually does listen. So hi Katie, thank you very much for this. She has four children ahead of me and I watched her for years, get the elf on the shelf out and, you know, hold it with mittens and tongs and all these sort of things, do a big elf breakfast and do all of these magical, wonderful things. But I saw that it was absolutely wrecking her behind the scenes. And I was like, I am not going to do that. I am going to say no to the elf on the shelf. And I'm going to hope that my son does not notice. And he managed to make it to year one before he did, which is great. But I'm still refusing to do it because I know that would just tip me over the edge. And it's things like I, last year,
00:12:21
Speaker
i did a book advent emma i did a bookvent where i wrapped up twenty five like this is seem laugha cut yeah and obviously we opened one every evening it was lovely and magical and I looked at the books this year and I was like absolutely not there was no way I'm going to be able to do this I'm not joking ever on the 30th of November I the day before Advent I didn't even call out the Advent calendar did a and I was like I just sat on this bed the kids had gone to bed and book advent, Emma. I was like I need to get out of the Advent calendar I I did a book advent where I wrapped up 25... needed to order that you know fit it all we put wooden nativity things in there, saw the books, I was like, bugger that, I'm not gonna wrap those things. And I sat on the stairs and I cried and I thought to myself, where is the lovely chocolate advent calendar we used to get as kids? I'd be lucky if I got a chocolate advent calendar as a kid. Like, why can't we just have one of those? Like, why am I busting my balls to fill up these different pockets with different things and do wrap books? What the hell am I doing? Like, there's no way an elf is gonna come into my house as well.
00:13:21
Speaker
but yeah All of this pressure on some things we say things other people do What, you know, I used to love an essay every time that, you know, I i never even had an admin calendar. Back in my days in Ireland, we didn't have any of this admin calendar. Or did we? Or was it just me? I didn't, I totally agree. There is, it's honestly, it is too much. And I want to get your opinion as a primary school teacher though, because I think it's too much for the kids, quite frankly, as in the stuff they do in school. But right, really proud of you for not doing ELF. I don't do ELF for,
00:13:59
Speaker
similar reasons, but I also have an extra special reason for anyone who's listening in Ireland. I grew up absolutely petrified after this character called Podge, i and he was within like our children's TV show called The Den, and he was like the body, and he was like a little puppet thing. So I actually have, I'm scared of puppets, of like things like, so I'm like, the fuck you're getting in my house, Elf, no way, no chance.
00:14:27
Speaker
I just think like it's it's really just choosing your battles. So for example, I went a little, I got a chocolate advent calendar. They're absolutely delighted with that. So for me, I keep things really, really, really simple for as long as I can. So I know in our local neighborhood, they do, they have him an advent like Christmas light hunt. So you can go around and find 24 houses that have these like amazing Christmas lights. And that's going to be an activity.
00:14:57
Speaker
I'm like okay I can handle that I can walk around you know I can walk around the neighborhood and do things like that but I'm also where you know obviously in our last chat like sometimes I do find this time of year quite challenging and its and it's one of the reasons so I do have to strip things back and think about okay what are they gonna really enjoy What can we do in our capacity? And so, but yeah, basically, I'm really proud of you for stripping things back as well, because I definitely stripped things back. And that's against my character. Like I used to be like, I used to be like you and and want to do, you know, the books in the advent calendar. You know, um I had to strip things back and I know because I know actually to keep things simple, everyone's happy and I'm less stressed and it just makes sense.
00:15:41
Speaker
Well, this is it. And I think it's about choosing. So first of all, I think it's about not starting any traditions that you think are going to kill you longer down the line. So don't start them when they're babies and think you have to carry on, because let's face it, they're not going to remember until they're about five that these things happen. Like they had to go back to the cat event, luckily. yeah But also to choose the things that, because it's about, the magic is not about what all the different things that you do. Like the like we said, they're already knackered from school things.
00:16:08
Speaker
There's already a lot going on like the really simple things of just looking at the lights through the window at the car or putting on ah the odd Christmas song. Like I've started to notice those really small things that they do and that they enjoy. And that brings me sort of a moment of calm. And I'm like, that's what it's about. It's not about what it looks like on Instagram or whatever. It's about doing the things.
00:16:31
Speaker
simple, big, well however you like to do them but doing them in a way where you're not stressed by them because as soon as you get stressed and frantic by them it's not fun anymore. It sort of takes it away and they feel that and they feel your stress and so be kind to yourselves and just do the things that serve you as opposed to no you know doing everything because somebody else is doing it. It's just exactly and I've only I feel like I've only just realised this because ordinarily I am a madwoman at this time of year. So I just think, you know what, they're happy as they are. Yeah, they they might want a bit more magic, but the magic is me. I'm just going to say that.
00:17:07
Speaker
but that's what right need um is like me being happy and not stressing because I need to do all these things is what will make this magical and that's what no matter I look back to my Christmases and things and some of them are pretty rubbish and I and actually they were still magical to me my mum it was a feeling that you create it's not about the stuff that you do or things that you buy anyway um do we will move on quickly because we know not we haven't got lots of time because you know people have got busy things to do So is there any other tips that you can share that you think might help people with their mental load at this time of year?
Strategies for Reducing Mental Load
00:17:44
Speaker
God, it's really just what we've been saying. Just strip things back. What is not serving you? And it's going to be more important, I think, to focus on what is not serving you to make you less stressed. And I think that, that for me,
00:18:01
Speaker
Is the biggest thing I'm not going to give like practical tips necessarily to be organized and blah blah blah blah blah it's it's so much is out there. That if you do it all it it is too much especially if you're you know navigating working and everything on top of that it is you just ah have to do.
00:18:19
Speaker
what serves you because we know the research says what and makes happy children into happy adults it's happy mothers so you know let's um and i really agree with you it's taking a step back and enjoying the moment for me that's where the magic happens Yeah now I agree and I will say so our audience did share some tips which actually I do agree with. Some of them things like lists, the main one was lists, just lists and lists and lists. Now I love writing lists but I also forget where I put my lists so that's not helpful. Write a new list on the top of the list, find lists. Yes exactly.
00:18:58
Speaker
and Then, yeah, so Laura at Mindful Generation, she she's a coach and she said, just say no. She also said, get your husband to do it. Now, this is an interesting one for me. Delegate, absolutely. If you've got a partner who can take some of that, fabulous. My husband is very busy and with work and this is not his bag. I might give him, I'll be like, right, we need some Lego and he'll get on the Lego thing, you know, but you know,
00:19:24
Speaker
he was the one who came to me and was like oh do we do we have a christmas shop you know food shop booked and i was like na no no no he was like oh maybe we should do that right oh you could do it but because i've always done it you know that just hasn't happened so i think it is if you know you can delegate delegate but in your house who do you are you the one who buys all the presents or is this like do you have a shed Really good question, actually, and I was thinking we need to do a whole podcast about delegation of partners, like and and that that that oh whole relationship divide. a So in terms of Lego stuff, it's so funny, I was like, OK, are there any little ears around? There's no little ears around. In terms of Lego stuff, yes, I would say to Chris, can you have a and keep an eye out for bigger presence?
00:20:15
Speaker
um And to be honest, the rest of the stuff I've picked up, yeah, i've I've pretty much done everything else, but I'm happy to do that. And like that's why I think we need to have a whole podcast episode on it because I don't want to let that go. um So yeah, it is mostly on me. ah Another tip I would say is, m again, because I think one of the reasons why I'm i'm struggling less this time of year is because I'm going away for Christmas and I want to go away for Christmas every year so I can give some tips and tricks next year for going away for Christmas because I'm going to learn the hard way amitai. Well I was going to say to you and because actually this year I'm not going away at all over Christmas and I cannot wait to just be my pj's and do all of that between Christmas and the year because I'm like I just don't
00:21:01
Speaker
I just like having to go away and pack up all the bags and everything and I know you're gonna have a lovely time and you're gonna have to do this better than I can but I'm like that fills me with another thing that I need to do is pack and yeah get everything ready but it does take the pressure off another way if you're spending it with people who can then... so wait za Yeah, exactly. So that's exactly it. So really, my mental load is a little bit less because I'm not thinking, oh, what are we going to have for dinner? The four of us are blah, blah, blah. And I'm thinking, OK, the logistics of packing presents and on top of everything else. But then once they get there, we're going to be a tribe because it's going to be like with my larger family and we're all going to chip in and cook and for each other. You know, so pros and cons. I feel like we're going to switch next year. I'm like, I'm not going away. And you're like, get me out of here.
00:21:45
Speaker
good Were there any other tips and do you have any tips yourself? The ah the other tips that came through were start early and my question is on that one. How early is early? Because I think I'm pretty early thing. Like I, you know, will write a few things and get some ideas, maybe put some presents aside throughout the year or whatever, just because, you know. Straight the year! Well, not like, I do something on offer and I'll be like, oh, I'll get that now. And I'll put it aside. Oh, that is really nice. So it's like spreading the cost across the year, but just because it's cheap or something. So I might do that. Do you know what? But I'm not like a buy everything in September kind of person. Oh, God, no.
00:22:24
Speaker
Try a few bits throughout the year, then in the last week before it's happening, I'm like, crap, what have I actually got? And then, you know, they panic by. So, I've got another tip, something else that we did. I, in all honesty, right, I know some people want to do it early and and beginning in November, get organized. And if that suits you, amazing. And I'm sure you probably feel less stressed, but I personally just cannot cope before December. So I'm like, first of December, okay.
00:22:51
Speaker
We're gearing up into Christmas. And this year I've been trying to source some of those more expensive dinosaurs because they can cost a fortune. So I've been looking on Facebook Marketplace and Vinted and you can get some amazing deals on Vinted and Facebook Marketplace, you know, if you're on a budget and they're practically brand new. So that's another tip. So if you do start looking in November and December um' you can get some pretty good stuff. Fair enough, yeah that is a great tip. um The final one that came through is which you're like Baileys, wine, chocolate, coffee.
00:23:28
Speaker
Yep. It's literally what I did last night. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So normally I like my, my November when I'm watching I'm a celebrity kind of progresses into December of like, I start with one Bailey's hot chocolate and then it progresses into like a glass of Bailey's. I broke the Bailey's ah hot chocolate seal there a few days ago and I am firmly on the Bailey's. I agree. Very good. Very good. I'm not there yet, but I think I'm, I will be.
00:23:57
Speaker
You're not doing it? I Oh my God. I I'm bringing a lot of chocolate and I'm reading a lot of the advent calendar bits as well. and We just have to do what we can and we will get there. We will, we will. And I do hope that for anyone who is listening, I hope you're okay. It's only a couple of days of the year and just know that it will be over soon.
00:24:23
Speaker
And I hope that you are able to find some peace and quiet time at some point during this year. I like to sit in the car to get some quiet time. I don't know about you. It kind of gives me some peace. Well, this is why I like cooking and roasting. I like cooking and roast dinner because, you know, you can have a glass of wine and peel the carrots and, you know, have some chill time before the roast gets too much. But yeah, no, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas.
00:24:53
Speaker
and have some momentary self and are able to enjoy the magic moment. Well, that's it. Hopefully we'll all get there. And for at least one magic moment in this merry old time. All right, Merry Christmas everybody. Merry Christmas everybody. Bye bye.