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I'm Ro, I have 3 boys and I champion women's wellbeing
163 Plays7 months ago
This is the inspirational story of Ro, the founder of SheCollective, who solo parented twin boys at the age of 22, did everything she could to support her son with a disability whilst starting 2 businesses in her strive for flexibility for her family. This is a story of raw grit, bravery and sheer determination.
Find out more about how she champions women's wellbeing in the SheCollective on Instagram.
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast and Ro's Story
00:00:09
Speaker
Hi, I'm Amy. And I'm Emma. And this is the Five Hour Club Podcast, where we navigate life between the school runs. This is a story of Ro, founder of the inspirational She Collective, who successfully solo parented twins from an early age and did everything she could to defend one of them from the impact of his disability.
Entrepreneurial Journey: Balancing Business and Family
00:00:29
Speaker
She has since founded two businesses in the strife of flexibility and freedom for her family.
00:00:35
Speaker
This is a story of raw grit, bravery, and sheer determination to live life to the absolute fullest. And we absolutely love her. So we hope you enjoy the conversation as much as we did.
00:00:51
Speaker
so Hello, Hello. Hi, it's so amazing to have you here. and So you have such an incredible story. and I'm so excited to share it with everyone. Because honestly, you're an inspiration in so many different ways. i So yeah, I'm so excited to share your story. i'm So you're a mom to three boys, 15 year old twins, a six year old and the founder of the She Collective. So first of all, can you tell us a bit about your life before having children and how your career began?
00:01:19
Speaker
So basically your life story wrote. Well I find this question when I read when i when i read this it still made me laugh because I was like well I didn't really have a life before you know because it was because I was 22 when I had the boys. I was 21 when I was pregnant So, you know, so there wasn't an enormous amount of sort of life before them as such. um And so, yeah, I mean, it was it was an interesting one because I'd always worked since I was 14. So I'd always had jobs and and things so.
00:01:54
Speaker
um but it certainly what was an interesting one was when i had the when i did have the twins though you're you're suddenly presented with that quite an interesting situation with twins because there was no child care free child care before they were three and the amount that i would have to make um you know to actually cover their child care it was almost like a free pass in a way to actually enjoy just be like well there's nothing that I can do um because yeah I wouldn't have been able to kind of cover my weight their their child care at all and stuff but I did I did work from when they were two but yeah there wasn't much career before I have to say No, of course. Yeah, I guess i yeah being the age that you were, was it how was it when you found out you were pregnant? And am I right in thinking you were a solo parent from when they were born
Early Motherhood and Unexpected Challenges
00:02:46
Speaker
pretty much? Yeah, I mean it was, yeah, I was in my last term of uni. I had flights booked to go and live in New York.
00:02:54
Speaker
it was, you know, it was not, it was not planned, not expected. And it was a big, big shock. And um yeah, i don't it was, you know, it was not a long term relationship. And so, yeah, finding out and then discovering that yeah I was going to be doing it alone was a lot. um But I have such an amazing support system. My mum was absolutely incredible.
00:03:18
Speaker
And I think, you know, with twins as well, it is literally double the hormones. So it was such a big kind of thing for me. I kind of almost knew that there was something bigger than just one baby from so early because the instincts and everything were just so strong. But there's, yeah, there's nothing quite like single parenting and there's nothing quite like seeing that single parenting twins. And at that age, I mean, it was,
00:03:44
Speaker
I mean, it is incredible. I literally thinking about that. I mean, I struggled at the age of 30 to have one new baby, let alone that age with twins. And that is a lot. And being a solo parent as well, that's a lot. So how did you do it? Like what, you know? I think what's really interesting is I think I would have struggled a lot more 10 years later. I think the fact that I had no level of expectation um And to the fact that at that age I do think you naturally have a lot more energy um worked my benefit. And i wasn't having to I wasn't expecting anything of anyone because there was no one. um It was all my own rules.
Coping with Diagnosis and Self-Care Strategies
00:04:26
Speaker
um and you know and i And I think what was interesting is that I sort of made so much fun with them. So um I didn't want to be on my own. All my friends had done that thing of leaving uni and moving to London. So like every single weekend I would just pack up the car and I would just take them and we would go to London and we would go and stay with friends and it was my way of getting extra hands. um But we had so much fun like I would still be yeah because they were a total novelty as well.
00:04:55
Speaker
everyone was like oh my god you've got you've got twins and so you know whilst there were loads of dark moments we're sort of trying to keep them quiet and entertained whilst everyone was sleeping off the hangover and i'd spent the night in or whatever it didn't it sort of didn't matter i was sort of like in it with everyone in that sense so it was really really tough but i would say that the first year was actually more fun because i kind of that was a bit different because i was sort of living with the hope that everything was going to get easier but as you girls know it in the second year was there was a huge curveball in that Alfie was diagnosed with spinal muscular atrophy and he was suddenly started getting very very poorly that first winter so when they were just one and that then things turned and they were but it was that was definitely a big turn from oh this is fun I can do this and we're just going to get through this to oh my god this is horrendous being in and out of hospital all the time and then to get the diagnosis and him have
00:05:53
Speaker
the prognosis of two to three years live was just yeah that was that was that was broke me. Well of course it would do I mean it's just listening to that it's just it's hard enough and then you have that on top of it how did you I mean how did you even get through there what you know What did you do, you know, what support did you have with that? Well, I think, you know, I think what was interesting is that when I talked to friends about it, they were like, Oh my God, you were so strong, and so positive and things like that. and and And that just that is so misaligned with how I felt. And so I think that that's the thing is that, you know, I know what was going on.
00:06:31
Speaker
And I know that I kind of was just numbing it all with, you know, like not nothing wrong with antidepressants, but I was on the wrong dose. I was just numb. um And, you know, and drinking quite a lot wine each night. Again, nobody knew because I was just functioning and positive in the day, but it was just hideous. And I think that's one of the biggest reasons that I'm so passionate about what I do, because I know that we can all kind of behave in certain ways to save face or to be, you know, one version to the outside world. And I know what it's like to quite literally feel like you're drowning. And that's why I'm so passionate about women's wellbeing, because I really do understand what it's like to have zero wellbeing, but be still functioning. You can still function, right? It's scary what we can do. So yeah, it was a really dark time.
00:07:23
Speaker
I can only imagine. Honestly, I can only imagine and and showcasing the importance of that. I think you're you're an incredible role model for women and mothers for so many different reasons, but also showcasing how important it is to look after ourselves in those moments. Like I remember um I know I'm jumping jumping forward to the future and I'd love to to go back and kind of understand the evolution of the Xi collective. But I remember what really stands out to me because I've had moments in hospital with my youngest son and it's only like a patch of what you've been through. But I've had those moments of anxiety and and like huge anxiety like going through the roof and being in hospital and I got it like survival mode.
00:08:07
Speaker
And absolutely, you're not even a part of the to-do list, like your bottom of the list. oh yeah And then you get through that and then, you know, emotionally might hit you later, but physically you get sick, you know, and and you've got all the aftermath of it to deal with it later.
00:08:21
Speaker
but I remember on Instagram and your son was in hospital and you were doing like a mini workout like while he was in hospital and and you know even for the help with anxiety and it just makes me realize well if you can do it anyone can do it and it doesn't have to be like an hour long you're going to the gym looking after yourself like that doesn't need to be what self-care is but it's showcasing the importance of that because if you don't look after yourselves how are you going to be fully there and present for your family?
00:08:53
Speaker
It's really interesting that you mentioned that because actually I felt incredibly guilty afterwards because I actually had quite a few negative responses to that from women who were not at that point in their journey and who were almost kind of triggered because that would not be the thing that they were doing and my response to them was you know in those early days I would be sneaking in half a bottle of wine to take the edge off I would be you know letting him fall asleep and then crawling in of into a bowl ball. like I think what's really hard is trying to understand like that wellbeing and like your own wellbeing, it is such a journey and it literally takes
00:09:34
Speaker
years and years and years and you can't work on it all at once and like actually that level of self-compassion in those early days is so important because there are times that I will go into a hospital with him and I will be like right I know exactly what I'm doing I am taking like some healthy food in with me I'm gonna do some exercise I'm gonna do some breath work all of that And there are times that work has been too much and I haven't managed
Relocating for Health and Finding New Beginnings
00:09:59
Speaker
it. And I'm there like, you know, lying in bed with him, shoving the dominoes down my face, like not going to be doing any exercise and both are okay. And I think that what is so difficult is just the harder we are on ourselves, the more we get into that like self-sabotage. And that's just something that I see so
00:10:19
Speaker
so much and yeah so it's it's ah it's a tricky one but now I think what's so nice is that when he gets poorly now I do feel like it's like oh I've got this tool belt and I know what works for me and that has come through so much experimentation. like I always say to people like If they've done breath work and they like didn't really work for me, I'm like, great, we'll try it again a couple of times. It doesn't work for you. That's not in your tool belt. That's absolutely fine. What works for one somebody somebody does not work for everybody by any means, 100%.
00:10:50
Speaker
It's so true. and And I mean, I definitely want to talk more about the She Collective later. But I think what I also love is that you make it realistic, you know, you make it like that this can work, you know, like other programmes. And we have to like set us out the aside like hours of the day to like meal pan and all those things. It's just not realistic. You want to do it for like a couple of weeks. And then that's it. Where this actually works with our lives, like we have lives. We're going to get sick. What are we going to do when we get sick? So to have like that mindset and that support and that, you know, the reality of we're humans, we're not, you know, and they're the reason why like the diet industry doesn't work. Like we've got to be realistic, but I'd love to know.
00:11:35
Speaker
Okay, so you had the twins, you were still really young, um you and you you had that diagnosis, so you knew, you know, you were in a really tricky space. So when did you go, i quote unquote, go back to work? what Like, what were you doing when the twins were really young? How much of a break did you have? And then and then where did you go from there?
00:11:59
Speaker
Well, there was nothing until they were 18 months because it from nine months, well, I was just in medical hell. So I was in and out of hospital. I couldn't even think about it. um And also then once he was diagnosed, I was doing probably four or five appointments a week. So he was in and out of hospital. I was doing appointments. It was just Survival that i don't think i i actually don't think i even it didn't even cross my brain and then when i was approaching the second winter and i basically said to a consultant who's looking after me and i said look if this was your child what would you do and he just said get him to a hot climate because those first two winters you know when they're one and two.
00:12:43
Speaker
are the hardest they will ever be hit by bugs because they're building up their immunity and they were and he was saying you know if you go and i remember actually him saying i understand that you're probably at a point where you're thinking about going back to work but if you go back to work you'll have to go into nursery and a nursery will be a nightmare for him. We all know what it's like, you know, like, it's an, it is a nightmare when they start because you're just like, excellent, I'm now paying for basically still having my child at home because you go in, they get the bugs and then they're like. it So I, he said, get him to a hot climate. And so I got, I, you know, now I look back, I'm quite proud of how creative I got because I knew that I wanted to be in an English speaking country. I knew I wanted to be somewhere really safe. And so the obvious option for me was Australia.
00:13:29
Speaker
but obviously I didn't have money. And so um so I did two things. So I was living and very near my mum. So my mum would come and sit with the boys in the evening and I worked in a bar, ah dodgy dodgy bar, cash in hand, but I would go from eight in the evening. So they'd be in bed until two in the morning.
00:13:53
Speaker
which I don't know how I did because quite often I'd be then coming back and getting up at five and they did not sleep anyway. So they would be up and down, up and down. um And then, so I saved enough money for the flights by doing that. And then I did home exchanges. and So basically I did a deal with like multiple sydney Sydney people, basically, and just kind of just say agreed that they could come and stay in my house. God knows why they would want to, but they were were quite often, they were people who were ah in their sixties who decided to travel. So they were traveling at that time. And then they were going to take what I hadn't thought about was that obviously that then they would want to come in the English summer. And so I had to move out of my house. But at the time it was going to give me this accommodation and I set up four different home exchanges.
00:14:42
Speaker
um which covered me for four months so these were like couples who were going traveling for like four weeks or something and so we went to Australia and when I was in Australia um I actually met somebody and I met this lovely guy who was an Australian guy and um it was really lovely actually and like he sort of the combination of Australia and falling in love like really brought me back to life you know, I had felt like a complete shell of a human. But he was so hands on with the boys and was absolutely amazing. um And then he kind of he was the one who really encouraged me. He said, like, you need to work like you need some time for yourself. Like it's really full on.
00:15:27
Speaker
and he was the one who really encouraged me so he actually moved back to England so he left Australia I came back to England he moved to England and he was the one who really really encouraged me and we're not together now but we're w riskt was really good friends because he was such a great support surprisingly enough he couldn't cope with the English weather i mean god knows why after walda
00:15:51
Speaker
But he was so encouraging. And um I set up. ah So I needed something that was going to work around the
The Overwhelm of Business and Personal Life
00:15:58
Speaker
boys. and And at that time, like I said, I could not put them in nursery. It was too dangerous for Alfie. It was too expensive. So basically, I started a catering company. So I started doing dinner parties for people um and that was meant that I could cook in the evenings whilst they were in bed and then on the weekends I had you know people who could help. I mean it was a real double-edged sword in a way because it then took away my weekends because I worked every weekend you know I'd always been
00:16:30
Speaker
a cook like at at like uni and things so I was utilising my skills but I was also cutting my kind of self off in terms of like it will literally meant that every evening and weekend I was working, because it actually took off really quickly, which was lucky. And it became very clear that I was going to be looking after hens, hence the, you know, mother hen. But there were so many occasions where it was just like, I just can't even describe the level of chaos. Like, this is really, this is really gross, but I cut off my finger.
00:17:06
Speaker
like
00:17:08
Speaker
because I like put it in a blender basically it was absolutely impressive and I had to, this was so horrible I was so sorry but I just remember having to literally put pressure on it because I knew that it was like dangerous like how much blood I was losing grab the twins with like two arms, plonk them in the back of the car, drive down to my mum's and then drive myself to hospital and then four hours later get up, um you know, with this strapped finger to finish making this like, you know, there so many occasions that it was just absolutely bonkers and like
00:17:46
Speaker
Alfie's chair going flying into a load of vintage crockery, getting shouted out for it. like It was just ridiculous. The whole thing was ridiculous. And i now I look back, I'm just like, why? Why would you choose catering? like Catering is known to be one of the most awesome parts. Yeah, massively high pressure.
00:18:06
Speaker
Yeah. Well, I have to say, although you look back and think why, but I look at listen to that and I think, oh my God, that is incredible. All of those parts of that story, I'm like, how did you do that that? You should actually be really proud of what you did, like your creativity, your entrepreneurship, like just your pure grit. yeah I was just like, what? You did that and then that.
00:18:27
Speaker
And then you blend a finger on me. Oh my God. i mean I took them twice, once when they were two, once when they were four. And honestly, there was something that I have this feeling about Australia because it really did literally bring me back to life. Like it was extraordinary because like I remember the first time that we took off on that airplane, like Alfie could barely breathe. He had such a bad chest infection and I thought they weren't going to let us fly. And I felt like, what am I doing? What am I doing? Like, why am I doing this? Like,
00:18:54
Speaker
you know and I just thought that had this real you know I really believe in mother's instincts and I had this instinct that if I could just get him there like we were leaving on the world's wettest most miserable January day and I just thought if I could just get him there and within 24 hours he had gone from literally every breath was like and he went clear as a whistle and we just had the most magical four months where I just was the happiest mum. And I really believe that that's what you need. You need to be authentically happy. I think even children, children who have such good instincts, they can see when you're when you're not really there, when you're not feeling, you know, you haven't got it. It sucks, but... It does. I know, it's really hard to they know. Like, you sometimes don't know that you feel crap at them, how they draw it out of you, don't you? Yeah, I know.
00:19:48
Speaker
But it's right. I mean, it's true. I think being able to find yourself again in that way, it's just incredible to hear because, you know, okay, not everybody's going to go off to Australia to find themselves again, but it isn't when you're in those deepest, darkest moments that you think, is this ever going to end? Am I ever going to feel better about myself again? Am I going to, you know, feel like myself again? That you don't know what it is. It's going to trigger that positive response in you, whatever it may be. But I think it's, you're right.
00:20:17
Speaker
making sure that you do that, because if you don't do that, they're the ones who are gonna feel the impact the most. And as a whole, you know, that cycle is not gonna stop then. So I think it's really important to, if you can, focus on that, focus on yourself in that time as a way to sort of get out of the hole if you can, because otherwise what else are you gonna do? Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. I mean, that's why, that's again, why I'm so passionate about, I just remember that feeling of like almost coming into the light. And like, it's just, you know, and I think that's,
00:20:47
Speaker
that's the thing is like we you can just know then again those different things it's like i I realized that just I wasn't exercising at all at that point but I knew that being outside like that's again that's like that's like in my toolbox forever like you know even on a really grim day it's about just seeing a different perspective seeing the world seeing you know a bit of nature all of that just really you know it really changes your kind of the feeling within you and stuff and so Australia being so beautiful and so vast and having an adventure with them. And also now I look back, you know, I'm so glad that I did that because as you have a child with a disability, like, you know, I i want to be wary of saying, if if anyone does have a child with a disability, I don't want to scare a monkey at all. I hate that. But there are certain things that do become harder because of the mobility. um So, you know, at that time,
00:21:45
Speaker
especially when he was two I didn't even take a wheelchair with me it was just a push chair and he was so blessed me was so skinny because he'd been so poorly that he was just the lightest thing in the world so actually there was no one venture adventure that was out of our like realm, which was just, that's extraordinary. I'm so glad I made the most of that. But that's it. Even just making those memories for yourselves. And, you know, you were told that, you know, you might have only a couple of years, but actually creating that time for all of you in that moment is a really, that's something that you'll all remember, even if, you know,
00:22:19
Speaker
they don't remember you can bring that back to them and give them snippets and that's something that you'll never get rid of now so what a great thing to do that's incredible it was brilliant you absolutely made the right decision like in so many different ways and sometimes we can question our intuition but then when it actually happens like yeah this you know this was absolutely the right thing
00:22:44
Speaker
So we'd love to know, okay, so you went to Australia, you came back, you set up your catering company, you chopped your finger off.
Career Shift and Passion for Wellbeing
00:22:54
Speaker
Catering was interesting because I just, the bigger it got, the harder it got. As in, you know, I ended up with like 20 staff on my books, and a manager, ah a chef, all of these things. And every single time I got it got a little bit,
00:23:11
Speaker
bigger it just got harder there was just it was just harder and harder and harder and my life shrank again you know because actually you all of the events are on weekends and so i found myself like missing best friends, birthdays, weddings, like all of these things. And I was like, I just can't see how this is ever going to change. And I remember it was one day that I was like in Lidl and I was just buying a load of stuff and she, the woman behind the till said turned to me and she said, you must be a caterer. And I was like, oh, that's funny. Like, yes, I am. I mean, God knows why she thought like, but like, it was just like hilarious as in like, you know, if I've got 10 pots of clotted cheese and cheese,
00:23:53
Speaker
clotted cream and like, you know, strawberries and enough stuff for scones. And then she just was seeing like, you know, the quantities, I think. And um she said, how's it going? And I was like, it's the pits. It's awful.
00:24:09
Speaker
and I just was having a bit of a laugh with her and she said I had a catering company for 30 years and I was like oh wow and I said does it ever get easier and she said no never and that is why I left I work here and I have never been happier and it was really interesting and I just thought This is your sign. You were meant to meet this woman. You were meant to have this conversation. And then all the stuff that I had bought actually for that event. So that was a wedding where I was doing a high tea and then a barbecue. And it was the worst weather ever on record in July. And I was doing this barbecue and we had two gazebos, two barbecues all set up and everything.
00:24:51
Speaker
and I was missing a really like ah a wedding I really, really wanted to go to and I had what like rain literally battering me sideways. I had these like angry bestolians shouting in my face and I was like, this is so bad. And then I got into the car and discovered that the two Hindus who that have been going on that night as well, both sets of them, the cook the the chef pre hare was meant to precook the chicken through They were both served raw chicken. I was having to refund everything. It was going to put me in the minus and it was just like enough, enough. Like it was like,
00:25:29
Speaker
There's so much that can go wrong with food, like so much that can go wrong in food, like whether you're working in the restaurant business or catering business or whatever it is, but external catering is like known as like one of the hardest things. And so I just remember getting into bed and my whole nervous system, my whole body shaking and I was just like enough, I have to stop. And so the next day I literally said, I just said, that's it.
00:25:56
Speaker
I am done, I'm done and i and I had to, I had, you know, events on the books that obviously I was going to honour, I wasn't going to let people down so um I didn't take on any other bookings and I sort of let let it go but I did manage to sell it and I think that was a really, not for a lot, you know, I think it was like when you think about selling a business or whatever, I think it was like 15,000 but it was enough to just give me a little bit of time to breathe and um and that was that was great and I went into a admin job that was again actually like a five-hour job which was great because again I was like what the hell do I do now because I've worked evenings and weekends and what am I going to do if I can't work evenings and weekends
00:26:42
Speaker
so i worked in that job but just felt so unfulfilled and stuff and i knew that from my experience of exercise so exercise had been the thing that you know when i got back to from Australia and things so And I ah knew that I basically was plummeting again in terms of, okay, now I'm parenting at home, not in the Australian sunshine. I'm doing this, you know, whilst running, I'd started the business and things. And so it was literally just, in all honesty, if I'm totally honest, it was just like, oh, if I can feel a bit better in my body, then maybe I'll feel better in this situation. So I so i started, so I went to this bootcamp and
00:27:28
Speaker
you know no I'm jumping around a bit here, but that really had been so transformative for me. like it was It was unbelievable. like it The weight thing just literally, I was like, well, i'm not even it didn't even like figure in my head when I was like getting into a car and just like bawling and finding all of these emotions that were just wrapped up inside of me, which is being able to come out.
00:27:50
Speaker
And so when I was faced with this situation of like, okay, I'm i'm not going to cater anymore. Like, what can I do? I really want to have an impact on women's wellbeing. And I've been doing and in and and this admin job at a centre for psychotherapy and counselling. I looked into the training and it was so long and so expensive. And then a friend of mine just was like, just said to me, like, why don't you become a PT? Like,
00:28:16
Speaker
it would suit your skill sets so well. And you are literally like, you never stop talking about how it's completely changed the way that you feel and stuff. So that was how it sort of initially came about um to train as a PT.
00:28:31
Speaker
It's so interesting though, it is, it shows when you look back and you think, okay, well, what was it? They changed it and they had that conversation a little and then, you know, your friends saying to you, or even that piece of you're doing a job because you need a job, but it's unfulfilling and it's not fill filling your cup. You know, it's not making the best of your skillset, but you need a job and you need to work. Yeah. And then just having a, you know, a friend recognizing the impact that the exc exercise is having on you and how much you were getting from it and you realising how much you were, you know, enjoying that piece of it. I think that's just a really important part of your story, just marking actually that is what changed my mind, that is what transformed my, you know, thinking about this in perspective and then essentially, you know, giving you a completely different path and I think
00:29:16
Speaker
Those moments are where you can reflect and think, you know, actually, I made that decision. I did something about that. I took control and made a change. And I think that's a really positive thing to be able to do and to be able to move forward with. Well, it's got to have two elements, I think, when you're choosing what you what path you want to go down.
00:29:35
Speaker
there was the real complication of when i've been in that job ah hilariously in admin which i'm the worst at i mean ah so it didn't set suit my skill set at all so i was losing confidence because i was being micromanaged because i was so shit at my job and so like you know i had that side that side of things but then also like you know i think the thing is is that i just i had to make up every single hour that i would have to take out for an appointment with alphie there was no flexibility whatsoever even though I was being managed by women who had had children it like was blowing my mind like I was literally like oh right I've literally got to come back in at 8 30 this evening to do a bit of data entry because I'd taken an hour off and now like you know at that time I was like well this I hadn't really been in like you know an office job I was like well this would this must be what it's like so so in a way it killed my confidence that I could ever have a job and work for somebody else
00:30:31
Speaker
So it felt that for me that I had to be my own boss. And so it was, there was two levels of it working for me in terms of something that I wanted to do, but it had to work for my family. And that's why like, you know, I just knew that I was, I was facing a dead end in terms of having a child with a disability. Um, oh actually.
00:30:51
Speaker
I was going to do a reel about this this week about this time that I sat in this hospital room and this woman literally said to me she was a parent of a child with SMA and she said you will never work and it really hit me and she just said I'm telling you now the amount of demands of having a child with SMA you will never work like and imagine if i had believed that and taken that on as my narrative like that would be really scary that had the the power to really determine my future and as somebody who is really driven and really loves working and being creative that was heartbreaking at the time but i do understand where she was coming from because
00:31:31
Speaker
you know it's like this afternoon i've got a hospital appointment i've got then i've got another one on monday like then it's the next week and it's like and then it's under his annual review and all of these things if i was working for somebody i'd be filled with anxiety about that i even get worried about letting down sam who i work with but obviously you know she doesn't feel that at all but it's hard isn't it when you feel that you are letting people down that's that's a horrible feeling Yeah and that you had no other choice that you know she could have made you feel completely trapped in that moment that actually this I have no other choice of course you know I'm not going to be able to work or but you didn't you looked at that and thought no I have got another choice I can control all I need to do is just not work for somebody else I just need to you know create the flexibility for myself which you've been able to do which is incredible and I think
00:32:18
Speaker
that's a really great message just to say like you're not trapped in a situation that has been brought upon you like there are definitely things that you can and should be able to do for yourself it's not just because one thing isn't working it doesn't mean that something else can't. 100% yeah I really feel that I see so many women who do feel and I really get it like basically I always say like being overwhelmed basically keeps you stuck and so if you are in that state of overwhelm like that is where like you know again it was the power of like being able to when i felt like i'd move my body i felt like i could shift something i felt like i had like you know i'd quite often come out of a workout and feel indestructible
00:32:58
Speaker
and that was some and feel and it would take me from that moment of feeling totally powerless of feeling powerful and having felt so powerless and so overwhelmed and so in the trenches and all of that that was where I was just like so passionate about like why the hell are we just talking about exercise with weight loss when in fact it's our well-being like it is our mental health like yeah yeah so that that's where I just felt like really passionate about like just trying to help women understand that and so did you then do you retrain then as a PT and it did you have that idea in mind this is the reason I'm doing it this is my plan this is the direction I want to go
00:33:41
Speaker
No, so I started PTing and i did and I decided that what I needed to do was just get some really good testimonials, just get some really good um kind of like people really day experiencing it really well and you know yeah it were enjoying the sessions and things. So I took on some clients and it it was a really low rate. like I was seeing people like 15 quid an hour and I had the most amazing clients initially. They were so brilliant and I just absolutely loved them.
00:34:09
Speaker
And then I got completely booked out really, really quickly, which was great. And I was working, doing group classes and doing that. And, but then kind of felt like, Oh my God. Okay. I'm, I'm like, we're not a family where, you know, I can really afford to just, it's not, it's not a hobby. Like I need to pay the bills and I'm, and I was hardly making anything. And so I was like, right, I'm booked out at this rate. It's time for me to up my rates. And as I upped my rates,
00:34:37
Speaker
um you know I had to kind of get on an equal ladder with it all the other PTs who had the same training as me and things like that but it meant that really sadly it meant that you know then I would get clients who it was you know that's an interesting was an interesting learning curve for me but then it meant that I couldn't those people could no longer afford to train with me but I was still giving them the option to come to my group classes so there was still that option but it meant that as I came creeped up and up then I was getting a completely different clientele. But my clientele became the sort of women who you would be, you'd literally be, I'd be like sweating, like driving from one place to the next, lugging kettlebells out. And they'd be like, I have got such a busy day, I've got to welcome the world, the Waitrose man, then I've got the gardener coming, then I've got all of this. And you know, and I was like still feeling like I was like working my arse off, barely making ends meet.
00:35:29
Speaker
And it was again that disjointment between and I was like, I love these women. They were really great women. Don't get me wrong. They were really fun. And I had a lot of fun with them. But I was like, this is not what I set out to do. And the kind of woman that I really want to help is kind of in the situation that I was in. Like, that's that was what I was really passionate about.
00:35:49
Speaker
And then obviously we had lockdown, and which kind of threw everything, all of my online, ah sorry, all of my face-to-face stuff just got taken away like
Founding The She Collective: A Holistic Approach
00:35:58
Speaker
overnight. And it was quite scary, but as a PT, you were kind of lucky because actually you still had an opportunity, you still had a platform.
00:36:06
Speaker
So I started doing Zoom classes every single day at lunchtime. And I really enjoyed it. I was really surprised. I was like, I thought I was going to hate it. I was so anti online. Like I never had thought in a million years that I'd be working online. And I was really, really surprised by the sense that you you did feel like you were together. But there was something that but then that we we went into that January lockdown.
00:36:32
Speaker
and I really noticed the plummet in a lot of those women's mental health and my mum is a psychotherapist and I remember I got her on to a Zoom call with 50 women who I had been training and stuff on Zoom and things and she started talking to them about their mental health and people were like breaking down and like really like it was like it was extraordinary we were holding the space for women and I just said it to my mum, I just really feel that this needs to be more than exercise. I just don't feel like it's enough. um And so I trained in lockdown to be a mindset coach as well, because I really like was really interested in that side of things. I said, you know, we're so easily rocked when we're busy and we're overwhelmed, we get into healthy habits and then
00:37:19
Speaker
something comes along and i just feel like i'm doing these women in a disservice because actually what i'm offering is like another thing on their to-do list and what i want to be providing is this safe space and all this toolkit of different things that they can use in times like this so it was really my mum was my inspiration because she was just like why do you have to put a line in on it why does it have to be just exercise and nutrition just because that's how other people have done it and if you're noticing that mindset stuff is really important then do that too So I started doing monthly challenges and in that they would get a weekly mindset call and we would jump on zoom and it was small enough that we would literally they'd be there chatting away and the conversations and everything was just so wonderful it was like it was really incredible and I
00:38:05
Speaker
really felt that at that time it was called Row PT membership and I really felt that I didn't want it to be about me, I didn't want it to be The Rose Show, I wanted it to be a collective and that collective would be not only the members but a collective of women's wellness experts because I can't tick every box, like I can't be doing you know like breath work with them and meditations and being a PT and being a nutritionist and stuff So, I mean, I haven't even succeeded in that full collective yet, but we have had, you know, hormone specialists and people who help with their nervous systems and stuff. So that was the idea of really why I changed it from Ropiti membership to and to the She Collective with She Standing for Strong, Happy and Empowered, because that's essentially how I want women to feel, strong, not just in their bodies, but in their minds. and then happy obviously that's a really loose term but it is that sense of just feeling that spring in your step and feeling like you've got that contentment and then um and then empowered because you know when you do have a tool belt and when you do feel like you can do something about your well-being then you are empowered and so it is that education piece to empower people
00:39:15
Speaker
and And I just flippin' love it. I love it so much. Like the women who have come into my world are just, they're magic and it's, yeah, I love it so much. You can hear how much you love it and the reasons why you did it and even just your name and everything. You can just feel all of that through you, which I think is why it's so successful and why so many people are part of it because they get that sense back from you. And like you say, it's just that sort of being able to give women that tool belt of being able to take control of a situation where maybe they don't feel like they can do or they don't feel powerful and you can sort of change their mindset to think they absolutely can. and Just by very small changes, whether that's exercise or mindset or breath work or whatever it is and giving them those options to do that themselves. I think that's a huge thing that you're doing for women and it's just incredible. and we can do it together. That's my big thing is that you don't have to do it alone. I think I felt so lonely in my journey and I've so often thought, is this just me? Is it me who feels like this? Am I the problem? And I think what is so lovely is I've honestly noticed such a shift in the 15 years of the boy's life. I'm so glad that mums are now talking about like like you guys talking about how it's so challenging to to work and and talking about the different aspects of being a parent. No one was talking. were not I remember like taking the boys to baby massage when they were six weeks old and they were both screaming and I'm there rubbing their tummies and all of this. And I went looked up and I said, and it was all my NCT group, which at the time, the only communication we had was via email, because that was no WhatsApp or anything. And I said, is anyone else struggling? Are you are you finding it difficult? and
00:41:03
Speaker
every everyone stayed silent. No one said yes. And I never once heard when the boys were little, you know, my mum had found finding kids really easy. She said, Oh, it's like falling off a log. And you know, she said breastfeeding is the easiest thing in the world. That was her experience. That's great. But that was not my experience at all. And so I felt so so deeply lonely.
00:41:25
Speaker
in my experience of finding things hard and nobody bloody talking about it. and But then it's you know it's it's there's bittersweet, isn't there? Then when I had Fred, I found that actually I ended up Googling in the middle of the night and I hadn't been able to do that before because I hadn't had a smartphone and yeah, it's just hard.
00:41:44
Speaker
Yeah I was going to say, in the midst of setting up the she collective you must have had Freddie at that point and did you did it feel different to you becoming a mum so much later on and like you say with that sort of sense of a community around you maybe?
00:42:00
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, well, for context, so the father of Freddie is the same as the father of Alfie and Charlie, which is... I absolutely love it. I mean, it is a bit of a what like a wild turnaround for the books, but yeah, I mean, he'd come back into the boys' life when they were five. and Very unexpected. i I actually never thought that we were going to that he would ever meet them.
00:42:23
Speaker
he was living a really dark life like it's interesting like men have the capacity to put something in a box and not think about it but actually you know the more that we've talked now he certainly was thinking about it but yeah so we'd got he'd met the boys when they were five i was like i am never gonna like you like all my friends were like don't you care but um but yeah i mean alford got so poorly and it was just yeah it it he we nearly lost him and it really like it really brought down every barrier possible when you're in a room and you're with someone and you're like this is both our children and stuff and so um so yeah i mean we so then they were yeah they were five and i'm actually realizing that it was quite a long time and until we had freddie um because
00:43:12
Speaker
We were together for, he moved in after three months. I mean, my friends had to wrap their head around things pretty fast. um You know, like it was just, it was just, so I was undeniable that I, yeah, I just really, really liked him. And um so we'd got together.
00:43:30
Speaker
after for three three months of him after him meeting boys. And then he moved in, yeah, very quickly and because it was kind of like when we when when the point came where we told the boys, it was like, you have to know where you're headed at that point because you're not going to mess up their heads and stuff. so And he he he was just like, I just want to be with you all all the time. And so he moved from London to Bath.
00:43:55
Speaker
that in itself was so different because that gave me the sport. That was when I was still doing mother hen. though So and he was, we were still together then. And then when I stopped mother hen and started the She Collective, but that Freddie was in between Mother Hen and the She Collective. And so having a child with somebody and having that support was obviously so different, but it was really interesting because I was totally expecting to find it easy. I was like, I've done twins and I've done them on my own. So now I'm having one and I've got a partner. This is going to be easy. And I found it so hard, like so hard.
00:44:33
Speaker
For a start, he was not a simple baby. Not straightforward at all. Feeding, sleeping, oh my god, all of that. And then Freddie got sepsis at three months and he, yeah, was like, it was like serious, serious, like seriously bad. And I think I had so much underlying trauma from so many years of intensive care and occasions with Alfie that basically he in fact I'm actually only just piecing this together so I'm having a revelation on this chat with you like but I'm actually now realizing that I was actually really enjoying it and having a lovely time and kind of really settling into it and when and Freddie got sepsis I think it just sparked off so much hidden trauma inside of me. I then had gone from feeling like I was this mega chilled mum to being feeling so neurotic
00:45:24
Speaker
like i was so scared and worried that he was just going to get poorly or like i asked them to retest him and check that he didn't have sma even though i'd had the genetic testing in pregnancy which had been really hard so I found it really surprising and it's not one, it's three. like And I'd be like hoisting Alfie and breastfeeding Freddie. And, you know, it was just, it was total, it was total madness. I don't think it's ever easy. I don't know. It just emphasises like, it it doesn't matter like what your position is. Like there were so many variables in the mix.
00:46:01
Speaker
of like, so, but I find that really fascinating in particular that you said you find it so challenging with one, like with the partner.
00:46:13
Speaker
Okay. So tell us, Rose. So now you have, you've got the twins who are 15, you've got Freddie who's six and you've got the she collective. How is it all going? What does your life look like now? What do you do sort of day to day, week to week? So give us a picture.
Balancing Multiple Roles and Embracing Wellbeing
00:46:27
Speaker
Yeah so it's I'm so glad that I'm self-employed I don't I still think I would really really struggle to kind of manage the the Alfie element because that is still complicated. So Alfie is now on the first ever drug for spinal muscular atrophy which is incredible because it means that he is stable but and he is still in an electric wheelchair um and he like couldn't open a packet of crisps or take a pen lid off or roll in bed and things so there's quite a lot of nighttime care that needs doing and so I've kind of it's weird because I almost feel like I have two roles because I'm a carer
00:47:07
Speaker
um I'm a mum, obviously, which I really do believe let like is the hardest one, isn't it? Just generally. um And then I'm running the She-Collective and I think last year was interesting. I found myself going into mother hen territory where I was just frantic. I was just like i think what's really interesting is you know when people are choosing their word for the year, my word last year was drive.
00:47:30
Speaker
and my word this year is peace because I really nearly drove myself into the ground last year and i'm and I found that at the at the end of last year actually was particularly I had three or four months where You know, businesses go up and down and it had really like dropped off in terms of subscriptions. I had taken, but I but i had had a year of solo growth. So I've made a lot of decisions based on that. So I'd taken on my first member of staff. I'd taken on various other trainers. I had huge overheads.
00:48:02
Speaker
and suddenly I'd had a drop in subscriptions and I think that's just really natural particularly between September and December in the fitness industry and things but it took me by surprise so much and I just got to this point at the at the end of last year where I was juggling so much and driving so hard and still losing out. And then what happened was weirdly, I just ended up with like all this outside noise in terms of criticism. So I brought in the new trainers and everyone complained about it. I brought in new things and I was like, I'm literally here, you know, trying so hard. And yeah, I wasn't making everybody happy. And I did exactly what I told everybody not to do and totally burn out over Christmas.
00:48:44
Speaker
and I kind of do think that sometimes it's in those rock bottom moments where you just kind of come out the other side and you're like enough like just enough like light with the catering I thought right I can either let this now become a monster and be like a really bad thing in my life and I just have to sustain it and all of that or I just Stop and try and just take some breaths and zoom out and I really have done that and do more of what I love And what I love are conversations like this. I love talking about women's well-being. I love talking to women I love connection and that's what I'm really zoning in on now um So I would actually say that at this current moment
00:49:26
Speaker
that you know it could change tomorrow but that actually things are really good and I really I'm really enjoying it I really yeah I think that we're at a really good place but it is a constant juggle yeah I mean of course it is like you say you've got not only got like two roles being you know your business and your mum but your carer you've got all those extra things we always say them don't mean that you know there's a lot of balls to juggle and it's all these things and which ones are going to drop. But when you've got so many and there's so many glass balls that you have to keep up, then how are you going to, you know, you've only got two hands. But I couldn't do it unless I do what I do, as in I do practice what I preach and that's why so I'm so passionate. So the fourth element that we brought in was not just, you know, um, it wasn't just exercise, nutrition mindset. It was nervous system. Because what I found is that I was doing all of this, but then I had a frantic nervous system. So actually it was two years ago in like two weeks time that I slipped two discs in my neck and they were called the trauma discs. And it was for a reason. And it was because I just was not taking a care of my nervous system. So I would do a high intensity exercise work like workout or whatever. And I'd lie on the floor and I'd go, but what I wasn't realizing was that actually what had happened is I'd been absolutely bringing myself up into that high cortisol level. And yes, it was giving me a buzz
00:50:46
Speaker
But it was not helping me with that kind of just bringing everything down. So I had no choice but to change all my workouts to low impact. And actually, I found that was just a complete game changer for the way that I felt. So like I say, like my journey hasn't been linear. I don't expect women's journeys to be linear. But if I can learn all these lessons, even if it's the hard way, and then pass them on in a way that's delivered hopefully in a really nice human way, rather than somebody kind of standing on their pedestal and going, you need to do this. is more like, listen, I've done so I've learned the hard way for you. Yeah, nothing easy way to do it. And do not worry if you fail along the way because we need to be given permission to fail. Yeah, because that's so normal. Then, you know, that's my sort of hope for it. That's what I that's what I love doing.
00:51:35
Speaker
So it is reassuring to hear because I think I know that feeling that you've had so well that sort of that reach and burnout you just try it you're just doing all of these different things and your nervous system can't take it and you think you know so it is a case of stopping reflecting looking back what can I change what can I do differently or You know, and being, and I think it's really great that you share all of this because that is realistic. It's, you know, what people feel. It's not, you know, you're not setting the bar so high that, you know, you can never burn out. You can never do this. It's, you know, you've done it and that's why it works so well. I became a member of the She Collective. I was humming and hawing about it, you know, for a little while and I was like, is it going to be right for me?
00:52:11
Speaker
Because I am, I don't think Amy knows this, but I am that person who I've been dieting since I was eight years old. Eight years old, I became a vegetarian to lose weight. And like I am someone who struggled for a long time and I'm very, very up and down. And like without sounding overdramatic, like this is the answer, like that I've been waiting for and that so many women in my position need. And what you're saying there about the mindset like it's that Like it's so incredibly fundamental. You can't just like diets don't work, they don't work. no And I mean, yeah, you can join a fitness program. They're designed not to work. Exactly. Because then you're trapped and then you need more and then you need another solution. That's what the diet culture was literally built on. Exactly. Like it wouldn't be millions and millions, you know, pound industry if it worked. If it worked, then he you would you wouldn't have that much money invested in it. So like,
00:53:09
Speaker
I just want to reiterate that you have everything in place that I always felt was missing and it's actually realistic. It is doable and it is life changing.
00:53:20
Speaker
Because even on the days, and and and like having that community, that even though like I had the flu last week, I knew that I couldn't push, like I couldn't get out of bed, but I knew that I could do mindset session. I yeah knew that I had a WhatsApp. Keep one foot in the door. yeah welll beinging Yeah, exactly. And that massively helped knowing that I've got that community. They've got messages, you know, and it's just that being something that we're really bad at and being mothers, it's just being kind to ourselves.
00:53:49
Speaker
So like, it's just, you know, someone to to to hold my hand. And also it's incredibly daunting for someone who hasn't done and like strength training before. There is the exact, you know, programs in place to be able to guide and support you. So.
00:54:03
Speaker
forget sitting in a room with other people talk and getting on the wing scales. Oh my God. Now we seem to be, and I was like, I was literally like wanting to bang my head against the wall yesterday. I saw one of my favorite and influencers standing up and like, and you know, talking about weight loss injections and how great they are and how it's changing her life. And I just thought, like I actually can't, I can't believe it. I cannot believe that we've come this far.
00:54:33
Speaker
to be to be now having women with so much influence standing up and talking about that. i like We have no idea the impacts of these. like I don't care how much research she's done. These are brand new. But the other thing is that that is just she she was like, I just feel like I've always been a bit lazy. So this is the solution. And I'm like, wow. like this is so It's just so depressing. It just takes all of like,
00:54:58
Speaker
Can we just like for a minute remember how flipping lucky we are? Like I am reminded every single day when I, when you have a child whose life goal is to be able to open a packet, Chris, you get real perspective on how lucky you are to have a body that can move. Like the treat is not the chocolate shit. The treat is being able to put healthy food into your body. That is a treat.
00:55:21
Speaker
And it just really, it just makes me so depressed because it's just like, what where at what point are we forgetting about all of those things about like, you know, your energy, your energy, like when I feel my body, like crap food, I feel low energy, like all of these things are so important. It's not just a case of like calories in calories out.
00:55:42
Speaker
It's about like self-respect and having that sparkle and enjoying that movement. And as somebody who trusts me, I flippin' hated exercise. I was so much passion, like so much passion. I was that person who'd be like hiding in PE, like hiding in a locker room. Not going to do it. You know, if I can learn to love exercise, then anybody can. And that's why I always try and make the workouts fun. You know, I just think like the power of music, the power of like doing moves that feel good. Like I try all the moves before and be like, oh, that doesn't feel good. I'm not going to do it. You know what?
00:56:17
Speaker
scrap everything. We just need to talk about the tunes. The tune ah the tunes are on point. They're exactly what I mean. Screw that. You should probably do it, you know, building up some perimenopause and all that malarkey. No, do for the tunes. So Ro, where can people find you? before Before we ask our final questions, where can people find you and the She Collective?
00:56:41
Speaker
Well, I'm meant to be hanging out on LinkedIn, but the truth is I'm trying. I'm actually going to do a post today. No, I'm mostly on Insta and it's and we are the she with we underscore our underscore the she, which is really confusing because I'm actually the she collective, but basically it was taken. Ah, okay. That'll do the job. That'll do the job. We are the she. Okay.
00:57:12
Speaker
So we've got a couple of final questions. um So with everything you know now about your life and your career, what is the one thing you would tell your younger self?
00:57:24
Speaker
There's no rush. I think, you know, I really felt like I've always had this inner driver, which is just exhausting. And maybe it's that sort of like comparing myself to other people, I think because I felt so behind because I wasn't straight into a career, you know. um And I just felt that I just wanted to build everything that I was doing so quickly.
00:57:47
Speaker
and it came at such a cost. And so, actually, I'm going to try and remember that when I'm going forward into this year because, yeah, I just feel that, yeah, no there's no rush.
00:58:00
Speaker
Absolutely. Now that's a really great reminder actually. January's been really slow for me. Normally that really hurts me but actually is what I've been needing to you know warm up to the year and there isn't a rush to do anything. You've got to be doing it. Yeah that's why I was trouble with the whole January thing because I was trying to get people in for that sense of like camaraderie and community of starting on the same day but I really passionately feel that you shouldn't be like the new year, we're all knackered, right? And so actually like there is no rush. Like it's sometimes January is the hardest time to get going. and But yeah, I think it goes with with everything in life. So yeah, there's no rush. Amazing advice. Yeah. Okay, last question. If you could say or do one thing for yourself tomorrow, what would it be? I think that I would love to book some time
00:58:51
Speaker
out in life like very soon where nobody is talking.
00:59:00
Speaker
like Honestly like I just think the thing is I have like you know at work or whatever it might be I am always on like and everything and then at home I am very on. I think I would really like to try and find like 24 hours. I love that idea of going to a hotel right where you're like you're not going with anyone I just want to do it on my own. I want to go and lie in bed aborts by the land and eat crisps. This is our dream. This is our dream. My newest resolution, this one, wasn't a resolution. I said, next year on the 2nd of January, I'm booking a really cheap hotel room so I can just go and lie in a dark room. Oh my God, I love a premiere in. I actually, like, I genuinely like them, you know what you're gonna get. I'm totally, I'm totally up for that. Like, when I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do, like, national events this year, which I'm really excited about.
00:59:45
Speaker
And I am, the thing I am most excited about is that I will get to go and stay in a Premier Inn on my own and just, yeah. That that is the dream. ive I think any mum is like, just put me in a hotel room on my own for a few hours. I'll be happy. Wake up in peace at a time that you'd like. Oh, dreamy. oh Well, I hope that you get there a few times this year then.
01:00:10
Speaker
It's been an absolute pleasure to hear even more of your story right. but You are just honestly such an incredible inspiration for so many, for me too. like It's just to hear everything that you've gone through and where you are now and the fact that it drives every part of you.
01:00:27
Speaker
Thank you. um all Oh my goodness, it's so such a pleasure. Thank you both. What a nice excuse to sit and chat to two women. I love it. Anytime, we're coming. Anytime, anytime. Thanks, Ray. Thank you. Bye.