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Wintering in the Wilderness... and the Surprising Playfulness of the God Who Meets Us There
19 Plays2 hours ago
Just in time for Snowmageddon(-ish?) 2026, we are back for Season 3!
So, it's, uh, been a minute... There may be a few things going on--in the world at large, in our lives for sure, and likely for all you good folks as well.
That predictable flip o' the calendar is often a time that prompts reckoning, reflection, and maybe even recon for the coming year.... Some folks seem to jump in to the new season with glad abandon, harnessing newfound energy, racking up resolutions, and plotting plans aplenty.
Others of us, though, may not quite be sure how we feel about another trip around the sun, the way things are going now... I mean hey, if winter is the season for hibernating, how about we just extend that idea for a bit and stay in bed a bit longer, both physically and metaphorically?
Well, however you happen to look at the turning of the clock and the changing of the seasons, you are welcome here.
Join us for an intimate conversation about naming the darkness, coldness, and emptiness of Winter, yet without letting it totally take us out. Could it be that this kind of season might also be a uniquely meaningful place of preparation and formation? What if, rather than leaving us to burrow in the covers or wander aimlessly, God is a God who might just surprise us in the most unexpected places with his playfulness and delight?
As always, there's a little something for everyone (including a brand new original poem from Wendy!).
And after you listen, please drop either of us an email to let us know what YOU think: What is wintering like for you, right now in this moment? And what are you willing to consider maybe thinking about possibly daring to hope it might become?
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Surviving Saturday'
00:00:12
Speaker
Welcome to Surviving Saturday, a podcast about finding hope in the midst of life's disappointments. We resonate with the powerlessness that Jesus' first followers experienced as they waited between His crucifixion on Friday and His rising on Sunday morning.
00:00:27
Speaker
We feel led to bring light and goodness into a world that aches and wonders when relief will come. Here you'll find no easy answers, just honest conversations about actual pain through the lens of a suffering God.
Meet Wendy and Chris Osborne
00:00:42
Speaker
I'm Wendy Osborne, a licensed counselor based in Charlotte, North Carolina. And I'm her husband, Chris, a counseling intern and family law mediator. Join us as we wait together for more.
New Season & Personal Transitions
00:01:02
Speaker
Hello and Happy New Year. Welcome back. Happy New Year, folks. We are starting a new season of the podcast and we've got some changes afoot at Nurture Counseling. Yes, those changes mainly affect me. I have been doing my counseling practicum at Nurture, ah but my counseling program director decided they wanted me to get an internship experience at a clinic other than the one where my wife is the boss.
00:01:32
Speaker
Bummer. Yeah, kind of bummer. But it makes sense. Yeah, it does. They knew that was happening, but then they decided later, well, maybe that's that's not as good a thing, get some variety
Chris's Internship at Haven Trauma Center
00:01:40
Speaker
of experience. And so fortunately, um the person who's been doing my supervision the whole time is a guy named Dr. Christopher Cook.
00:01:48
Speaker
And I met him a few years ago during a training at the Allender Center. I really like him, really like his vibe. And I am fortunate that I'm going to be able to do the rest of my training ah through 2026,
00:02:00
Speaker
at the counseling practice that he founded. It's called Haven Trauma Center and it's on the web at haven, H-A-V-E-N, traumacenter.com. And I have an email address there for anybody who might be interested in seeing a counseling intern at a very affordable rate, $30 per hour.
00:02:18
Speaker
um And that email address is osborne.com. at haventraumacenter.com. And so I'll still be doing the work that I've been doing, but just under a different umbrella sort
Continued Training & Personal Growth
00:02:28
Speaker
Yep. And then we will still be available to do marriage intensives together. Absolutely. Through Nurture, but you'll be doing your next rotation at Haven. That's right. And we are continuing also, I'm excited this week, we're continuing our training with Dr. Dan Allender and dr Steve Call, who you've heard on, hopefully on prior yeah episodes of the podcast. We're actually headed out ah pretty soon for round two of some training there. And that's been really powerful and and impactful.
00:02:55
Speaker
Yep, very much. um So today we thought as we are now a week and a half, almost two weeks into January, a little slow on the start here, but we just wanted to spend some time talking about um looking ahead into this new year and where God might have been stirring the waters of our heart.
Seasonal Changes & Emotional Reflections
00:03:18
Speaker
hundred percent. um It's interesting. end sort of prompts people to do that. There's something about this magic of the calendar. Oh my gosh, we have to change. And and and I know it takes me a while to start saying 2026, you know, instead of 2025, I write a lot of dates in the way I do, but um it is a good time. Also with the time off, you know, after the holidays and all, there is time to sort of reflect and kind of take stock of things. It's not a bad thing.
00:03:45
Speaker
Yeah. And we've been talking about how even seasonally um with the cold of the winter, not super cold in Charlotte, but relatively speaking, chilly, and the ground um being hard and the ground producing fewer crops than other times of the year sort of mirrors often what's happening um in us as humans, or at least what our bodies are trying to create
Adjusting to Winsley Dale
00:04:14
Speaker
space for. I think I'm more aware of the kind of sometimes frozen, sometimes just wet, muddy state of our backyard. Because one other change of foot at Nurture is, of course.
00:04:26
Speaker
There's a dog. There's a puppy named Winsley Dale who is attending maybe half the sessions a week. That's right. That's the that's the counseling sessions, not his own. thats yeah He shows up either to to sit with Wendy or sometimes clients like to Kind of rub his head or maybe let him sit in their lap. Yeah. Oh, yeah. ah But we're also having to adjust the rhythms of our life.
00:04:48
Speaker
ah to we We have never had a puppy puppy before. And when we adopted dogs before, of course, we had kids in the house who did all the most of the labor, but also they got most of the fun. Mm-hmm.
00:05:00
Speaker
And so this has been different for us to, you know, there's a dog here, he's young, he's a puppy, and we get to have the fun. Yes. And do all the work. Yes. But so we're very, very attuned to kind of muddy, you know, footprints and and kind of what the fallowy ground is is like out there. Yes. What that leave you thinking about when, as far as kind of where you are life-wise, practice-wise?
Coping with Children's Independence
00:05:26
Speaker
Well, I mean, the i love the winter. um i find it cozy to be inside. I find it nice to burn candles. I tend to do more baking sometimes in the winter. i like having a fire. um but i think... This year, as the calendar turned, um ah there was some grief. And for a couple of reasons. One, our youngest child now has their official I'm staying put apartment post-college. So they've been out for a year and a half. But took a year to hang with friends and now has set up shop in Brooklyn, um which is near where our oldest child is. But there is something about, oh, every child now has their own presumably somewhat long term address. yeah And it's apart from us. Yeah.
00:06:28
Speaker
um And so there's excitement in that. It was very fun to take a moving truck up over Thanksgiving and move things in and purchase things in for the apartment and set things up and get a Christmas tree and watch all the life come into fruition. But it's also sad that our home is not the primary home for any of them anymore.
00:06:57
Speaker
That's right. we're We're not even the majority. ah um You know, the majority of the family, at least for a while, was us here. But now there's two in Brooklyn and two here. So it's a tie. Yeah. guess Two in North Carolina. I guess we can say three in North Carolina, two kids and and the two of us. yeah so Yes. Yes.
00:07:13
Speaker
Yeah. And it was ah it was noticeable also just just even the logistics of being able to get together with everybody. Everybody's got a job and everybody's got a partner. And, you know, that means schedules are tight and yeah and negotiations have to be entered.
00:07:28
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, yeah. It comes in handy there. um How do we broker a deal here to get everybody together? Yes.
Aging & Finite Realities
00:07:34
Speaker
And so we had such a lovely time in the mountains at Christmas with all the kids and two of the three partners. And you and I both had a bit of a letdown when we got home because there was such fun and laughter and good conversation and good food. And then we came back and it was quiet.
00:08:00
Speaker
other Other than Wensley Dale. and That's true. Sometimes inopportune barking. Yes. But yeah, it didn't even hit me for a while that it was a letdown. I couldn't even name it.
00:08:11
Speaker
I just knew I felt off. I knew I felt kind of out of sorts and kind of more prone to distraction and, you know, not really just sitting with my heart, unfortunately. Yeah.
00:08:22
Speaker
Yeah. um And then I think the other thing is just, you know, another year um means I'm aging. And I'm now about to exit my, well, I guess I'm still in my mid-50s. But I feel more. The tiredness, the achiness. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune issue in the fall. And, know,
00:08:51
Speaker
while it's under decent control, I just feel finitude in ways that I frankly don't like to feel. Yeah, I relate to that. I've got a couple of of knee injuries that um aren't devastating. Lots of people have far worse ones, torn ACLs and things. I've got like a torn meniscus, but it's enough to cause pain just sort of randomly.
00:09:15
Speaker
But it also inhibits my soccer or running or walking. I've got, again, glad for good medical care and opportunities to care for that. But it just, everything takes longer to get over. I think we had some different ones of us had flu over the holidays and it just takes longer to recover than it felt like it used to.
Wilderness Journey & Theology of Suffering
00:09:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:35
Speaker
And so I think it has me thinking this year about the fact that I don't like Being in places i don't understand, that I don't like being in uncomfortable places. Places that I would call like the wilderness. Like a place that I don't choose to go. Like we used to joke, like I grew up camping and then I think I had my fill. So I'm like a bed and breakfast girl now. Yeah.
00:10:02
Speaker
And i never really understand why people choose to sleep on the hard ground when they can sleep in a nice bed with breakfast the next morning. And so I feel that way with the wilderness that other than a beautiful hike, which to me is still somewhat close to civilization, if someone's paved the path, like the wilderness seems like a place I don't want to be.
00:10:25
Speaker
It is very much a place I don't want to be, even though I was, I guess, technically I was a Boy Scout and I completed Boy Scout merit badges. But that was not my happy place, home place. Hey, go out away from civilization, away from creature comforts. I mean, I wasn't a spoiled, you know, pamperable rituals, not or anything. But I just fending for myself and being kind of, you know, off the grid um is not a place where I feel super comfortable either.
00:10:54
Speaker
Yeah, and so i have a few places in my life where i have been pulled away from the familiar, whether it's the familiar of a youthful body, the familiar of family, um our children being under one roof or always returning routinely to our roof, and shifts in friendships. like i have some places where it seems God has pulled me into the wilderness, and I'm trying to figure out what I do there.
00:11:30
Speaker
And it's interesting because like it's not like the wilderness is not new. We did not just first experience anything wilderness-like in our 50s. It's just it's different. it's It has maybe more of an intensity because I don't have the rebound of youthfulness. And I don't have all the years ahead of anticipation. I'm sort of on that that downward level.
00:11:56
Speaker
backside of a mountain. That's what i was going to say. I think it's harder as well. Wilderness or any kind of frustration or I've noticed, you know, if things don't work or go right, even something simple as trying to find something or find, you know, get some computer program, something to work.
00:12:12
Speaker
I have more of a sense of the finitude of time. Like, look, yeah I don't know how long I have left on this earth, um but yeah I know it's less. And I'm more acutely aware of that in an aging body than I was at 30, 35, 40, where I could sort of take more things in stride. Like, you know what?
00:12:29
Speaker
This is taking longer, but it'll take time to figure it out. Now I'm like, you know what? i don't have time to mess around with stuff not working. I feel like it shows up for me there. Yeah, yeah. um and And then it takes me into this question of what is my theology of the the metaphoric wilderness? What is my theology of suffering and God's presence. like Trite answers don't do the trick the way they did when I was 20.
00:13:03
Speaker
twenty I resonate with that as well. um ah Just being more acquainted with grief, acquainted with um suffering or you know things not working right is sobering, I think. And so ah a platitude of Band-Aid is just not going to It's not going to work. And I would say, too, in the work that both of us do, if not just looking at our own lives, looking at the the suffering and the pain that a lot of people that we know that we care for in our jobs,
00:13:33
Speaker
are walking through and caring. That's sobering. That's like, these are real things going on. And that's before you even step back and look at anything on a national level or a you know country level. That's a whole other layer. Yep.
Balancing Emotional Weight
00:13:49
Speaker
But I feel that too.
00:13:52
Speaker
i I think most of us, and and I had... Quite a few clients come in after the holidays and say, it just didn't feel that Christmassy this year. And I had felt that. But after the fourth or fifth person said it, I just began to conclude, I think we're all feeling this dampness in the air. Like the world is holding so much groaning.
00:14:23
Speaker
And for me, it feels like it's gross to recognize that things accumulate, that there's sort of a larger milieu that we're all in There's a vocational work. What am I doing at work? Like I carry...
00:14:38
Speaker
I recognize more of the weight I carry both in my family law work, but also in my counseling work. Like that is weight. um I used to kind of have this, you know, when I'm, I guess I'm 25, 28, I'm hiking. I'm like, just load my backpack up, keep putting stuff in and I'll keep going, you know? And I have much more of acute sensibility of like, like, and partly it's because of this aging body of, you you know what, I'm going to lift one box at a time rather than try to stack those two. We were putting some boxes up in the attic, putting Christmas decorations back. I'm like, I'm going to be purposeful about, I don't need to be superhero here and try to carry three things when I may just need to carry one at a time and get them all done with nothing snapping.
00:15:16
Speaker
But i I do that physically, but it's a harder transition for me to think of that in terms of emotional weight. I'm getting better at it and going, wait a minute, that was a hard day. Even though it looks like kind of an ordinary day,
00:15:28
Speaker
as a family lawyer, as a counselor. um But that was heavy. you're better You've gotten you've got been really a good influence on me in being able to take stock of and pay attention to, I am carrying more than I realized.
00:15:43
Speaker
Well, yeah, I mean, I've had to. And i think that it's a good practice. Like, you know, years ago, went through a season where I used the ex examine a little bit.
00:15:56
Speaker
um Now I've tried to use a little bit this ritual that Dan taught us. um But whatever it is that we choose, taking an inventory of where the day been taken us.
00:16:15
Speaker
You know, i mean, like, what what did this day ask me to carry, to hold, to hope for, to grieve on behalf of myself or other people?
00:16:27
Speaker
And I feel like as even though I'm getting better at taking stock and and looking back retrospectively, what I feel like I want to happen, a calling I think I'm wrestling with in 2026 is how can I be more proactive at at making space for grief, at making space for um reckoning with the weight of what I'm carrying, even naming, you know honestly, even catching, hey, I'm...
00:16:54
Speaker
i'm i'm ah I'm a little sad I'm down because i had we just had this great time with family. We played these um you know holiday games that we found on the internet. Wendy he found most of them. We gathered these different ah materials and things to do it. and There was just such laughter. and it just was this just and and Nobody had anywhere else to be. and We were in a town where nobody lived and had their life pulling at them. And it was delightful.
00:17:20
Speaker
um And then it it but what I realized later is, but oh my gosh, that used to be life. That used to be, that used to be all in our house and and we set the agenda and we had fun and and kids were always coming up to you like, can you play this? Can you do this? Like play was built in to how we lived and realizing, oh my gosh, we just got a taste of that.
00:17:40
Speaker
and remembered how good it is. And now it's gone again. and we're not sure when we'll have that whole combination of people together again, even just taking stock of that. So as we go to 26, I'm thinking about how to be more aware, like those kinds of hits are going to happen. Those kind of, um, that kind of awareness of the emotional heft of something is good for me, but I need to plan ahead rather than when I get to depletion point and look back and say, Oh my gosh, that was so heavy and I'm done.
00:18:09
Speaker
isn um We had a good opportunity that reminded me when you were talking a minute ago about just kind of thinking
Spiritual Retreat Insights
00:18:17
Speaker
about wilderness. um Our church did something kind of cool that they've done before, ah kind of a little just a Saturday morning retreat that they call Rest in Return.
00:18:27
Speaker
And it's ah basically a couple of spiritual directors leading whoever wants to come through some readings and just setting aside time and exercises just to to you know take stock and to kind of talk about rest for your soul and returning to, okay, who am I? Who am I in faith? All that.
00:18:47
Speaker
What was that like for you? Was that helpful for you as you consider this kind of concept of wilderness? ah Completely. um It's always good for me when someone creates a space for me to stop and contemplate where life has me, who God is in it, how I am with him. um you know, a friend mentioned to us, you know, like, she's like, I can do these things on my own, but I tend to not do them that often. But if someone sets the stage and provides the morning and brings you hot tea and snacks and prompts, then what a glorious opportunity. That's definitely true for me. That's what I'm talking about. Um,
00:19:34
Speaker
When i am at a retreat or something like this and they say, go, and this is your time to talk to God, I am very appreciative because they have said, this is your agenda and we've made space and I've cleared the decks.
00:19:47
Speaker
What what i I'm not good at yet, but I want to change that this year is i can do that. I don't need somebody else to say, block this hour off. i I could do that. And I don't. I have sort of a tortured relationship with disappointment with getting up in the morning And so that's sort of what I'm wrestling with, ah because every time somebody says, go and do this, it's like there's a flood of stuff that comes and I feel stuff and I have thoughts and and and I can bring some shape to them.
00:20:14
Speaker
You one of the things that you do to bring shape to kind of the thoughts and with a retreat and things like this um is your poetry. do you have one that you that's sort of on this topic?
00:20:25
Speaker
Yeah, so this this is what I wrote yesterday as I was sitting um in a cozy chair thinking about um the story of Moses and the burning bush and him being out in the wilderness and um tending to his father-in-law's flocks.
00:20:46
Speaker
And then suddenly God was like, hey, look over here. There's a bush on fire, but it's not burning up. And then it's like he called Moses over, but then he was like, stop, don't come any closer, take your shoes off. This whole like, God, what are you wanting here? you know do you want me close? Do you want me far? What are we doing? What's happening? um And it just made me think of how I feel in some of these changes in my life, which are not ones that i necessarily have picked out for myself. okay So I'll just read it. Yes.
Wilderness Poem & Seeking God
00:21:20
Speaker
It's a i would call it a prayer. um ah Poetry is a prayer. You have brought me out into the wilderness, an invitation to a land I've never seen before.
00:21:34
Speaker
I want to go back to the familiar, to the things I've always known and to the dreams I've always dreamed. There is no one around I recognize and I am lonely here.
00:21:45
Speaker
My heart feels unsettled, afraid of what could await me. I've been warned that you don't come to places like this, that barrenness is evidence of your absence, but I was following you when I got here.
00:22:00
Speaker
i am befuddled and terrified of what this could mean. Are you, the God I have loved for my youth, turning against me? What will become of me without you and without all I have held dear?
00:22:15
Speaker
Tears rush from my eyes and wails explode my lungs. My hands cover my head as my body curls up on cold dirt. It's then that I hear your voice and you are most definitely calling my name.
00:22:31
Speaker
Your calloused fingers wipe my face as your ears tune in fully to my screams. Scarred hands hold mine upon my cheeks as you whisper, I was made from and in and for places just like this.
00:22:48
Speaker
And frankly, my child, so were you. We are here and you are worthy. i am good. This ground is holy.
00:22:58
Speaker
Please stay. and so it just, it was this, I felt God saying, will you just stay here with me? It's foreign. You don't know what's over the next hill, around the next turn of trees, but will you just stay?
00:23:17
Speaker
i have a plan for us here. When? i mean, that just first that you produce that in such a kind of a compact amount of time, it resonates with so much um depth and questions.
00:23:30
Speaker
I love especially the part, I've been warned that you don't come to places like this, that bareness is evidence for absence, but I was following you when I got here. yeah like The frustration of that really feels yeah really palpable.
00:23:42
Speaker
I'm befuddled. What does this mean? Is this wilderness? that you've led me to, like Jesus got led into the wilderness and Moses into the wilderness. Or is this, I wandered off course and I got myself here and I'm just stuck off the map. It's my daggum fault. I'm off the narrow road. And it could feel like, you know, sometimes it's not terribly clear either way.
00:24:04
Speaker
um And then just the honesty of that question, what will become of me if you're not here? What will become of me without you? And then that tenderness of, you know, it's just very visceral there on the cold ground. And then...
00:24:16
Speaker
God's voice and God's presence. That is just so beautiful. Well, I mean, I find i have to slow down and recognize the embodiment of my experience. Yes. And the and in that exhaustion, i think is where I...
00:24:36
Speaker
physically feel his presence, where it's a visceral sensation. It's not a cognitive exercise of like, I'm going to remind myself you're here. It's when I slow down, when I get into that place of exhaustion where it's evident I can do nothing else.
00:24:54
Speaker
that I can feel his presence doing and being. Yes. And that's what that's got me thinking about is i would like to not have to get to the place of exhaustion. I would not like to have, I would like to not have to be spent to go, okay, God, I'm cry out for you now. mean, I think he's, I think he's kind of up there going, you know, i'm I'm like available before you get to, you know, it's like, you know, you can, this is a radical thought for me. You can go to the gas station when your tank is on half.
00:25:22
Speaker
Did you know that? Yeah. I say that because my family did not do that growing up. We rode to the end of e every time, taking some chances sometimes. And sometimes we're only putting like, you know, a couple of times we were a little tighter. At least it felt like we were tight. I don't want to over exaggerate, but like we're putting in $10 and we're not even feeling it back all the way up.
00:25:42
Speaker
It was adulthood before I'm like, you know what? I don't have to wait until below a quarter tank. you know But it's still my instinct is, well, let's exhaust it. But with physical energy, spiritual energy, emotional energy, that's not good. I want to keep doing that.
00:25:57
Speaker
So this rest in return for me, um that same sort of exercise we're doing side by
Playfulness & Spiritual Growth
00:26:02
Speaker
side. ah but separately was powerful um in that Moses story from Exodus three.
00:26:07
Speaker
To me, what captured me was um the playfulness of God. Like I loved, you know, I'd never noticed before, but Moses is just, you know, he's been in Midian 40 years by this point, which means he's got to be like 60. I don't know how old he was when he hit the guy. Yeah. Yeah. But he's, he's in later life and he's still working for his father-in-law.
00:26:27
Speaker
Yeah. He's got to be feeling a bunch of shame and like, well, who am i in the world? Yeah. And so the passage says he wandered far off and he's just wandering through literally through the wilderness and he ends up at Mount Sinai, which I don't think was their backyard, you know. um So he's just kind of aimlessly wandering and God shows up and is like, watch this. And it to me, it just read as playful. Uh-huh.
00:26:48
Speaker
He could have showed up in any way. He could have given him the tablets. He could have appeared in this sky He sets a bush on fire and starts talking to him. yeah and and you got and And I know we all see this like, oh my gosh, you're on holy ground. But to me, it had this sort of, I'm going to surprise you.
00:27:03
Speaker
And I'm going to give you something that, and and and it says Moses was amazed and he probably needed something amazing. If he's that fatigued and he's kind of wandering, I mean he, he, he may have been lost. It's hard to know, but, but I love the playfulness of that. And it it dovetails with what I, what I sometimes, when I listen, hear God saying to me that spending time with me and and getting filled up and ready for the work that you're doing, it doesn't have to be work.
00:27:29
Speaker
It could be play. It could be fun and adventure. Does that concept kind of capture? Totally. Well, I'm even thinking the scene you just described, like it's like God doing this magic trick. Like I have a little client who comes in who's seven and he likes to show me his latest magic trick. And there's something so endearing about it. it's like God saying, Hey, look, it's on fire and it's not going to burn. Right. And outside this space,
00:27:58
Speaker
tree in the wilderness at the base of Mount Sinai that doesn't burn up, that ground is holy yeah out here in the middle of nowhere. So it's like wherever God is, which I believe is everywhere, is holy ground. And so, yeah, i I'm totally with you what you're saying. it's ah a side tangent, but it is related here. um The church we go to has church has a men's retreat every year at Montreat.
00:28:22
Speaker
And the church we used to go to also has ministry at Montreat. I've been to Montreat probably 15 times. I don't know if I've got the right count right. um And I've had really good spiritual experiences there. But it's sort of become a ah joke between me and God, like, of okay, well, there's all these great places along the creek that I've had some kind of you know encounter. I felt like a word. or God's presence or comfort. But I'm like, I've kind of used up all the places and there's not, you know, i can't go to the same place twice. Like, I think I'd probably tried that early on and you never can, you know, well this is the moment. This is where the sun was and this is where this was. And I can't recreate it. And I'm also too ADD probably to expect that to happen. So I was thinking about that in in October going for the latest mentor treat.
00:29:07
Speaker
And I can't even describe it all, but all I can say is God showed up in a way that felt super playful. Like he showed me sort of a symbol or something that I view as an Ebenezer that nobody else would, but that I view as an Ebenezer and they were just placed in a place right where i was walking. And it just made me just laugh and maybe me just go, it's like, you know, I can still meet you here. You have not exhausted all the beauty of of Black Mountain, North Carolina, or how I can show you. And it and it made me just sort of laugh.
00:29:35
Speaker
And then the the the maddening part is, though, is, you know, two weeks later, I'm forgetting that it could be that that fun, that relaxed. And so i'm what I was wrestling with as I was doing this rest-in-return thing was, how can I be more proactive? How can I invite God and and treat ah you know time with God as...
00:29:54
Speaker
This is dad saying, hey, kid, I love you. Let's let's play. Let's do something fun. not let's you know Everything didn't have to be kind of so heavy. And I know that's in storied for me um because of the relationship or or lack of it that I have with my father. I don't have a lot of those moments of father, son, just we're going to have this adventure together. I've got almost none of that.
00:30:16
Speaker
Yeah. So then what happened is after we read through the Exodus passage, um the facilitators had us read this poem by Jan Richardson um that I think was powerful for you. I know it's powerful me i want to share it with you here now.
Presence in Grief & New Beginnings
00:30:31
Speaker
um This is from Jan Richardson's book, Circle of Grace, and it's a poem called State. um And it's on the same theme, so I'll read it right now. I know how your mind rushes ahead, trying to fathom what could follow this.
00:30:48
Speaker
What will you do? Where will you go? How will you live? You will want to outrun the grief. You will want to keep turning towards the horizon, watching for what was lost to come back, to return to you and never leave again.
00:31:02
Speaker
For now, hear me when I say, all you need to do is to still yourself, is to turn toward one another, is to stay. Wait and see what comes to fill the gaping hole in your chest.
00:31:16
Speaker
Wait with your hands open to receive what could never come except to what is empty and hollow. You cannot know it now, cannot even imagine what lies ahead. But I tell you, the day is coming when breath will fill your lungs as it never has before.
00:31:33
Speaker
And with your own ears, you will hear words come to you new and startling. You will dream dreams and you will see the word ablaze with blessing. Wait for it. Still yourself.
00:31:45
Speaker
Stay.
00:31:48
Speaker
Jan has such a powerful way with words because she is a woman who has grieved real pain. Yes. And you can hear it all throughout. You will want to outrun the grief.
00:32:00
Speaker
Yes. And that I think that was the part of that poem that sort of undid me um because i I felt that. I'm like, oh, yeah, that's how I live, to outrun the grief and turning toward the horizon.
00:32:12
Speaker
The only thing that I experienced a little differently was i often turned towards the horizon of Not just, I don't watch as much for what was lost, hoping it'll come back. I'm like, well, what'll come next? What'll come next to fill me up?
00:32:23
Speaker
But it's not necessarily, you know, God or faith or whatever. It's just what's the next entertainment? What's the next activity? What's the next thing I can get kind of lost in and get away from my heart? So it was really powerful for me to hear this invitation from God.
00:32:37
Speaker
um that, hey, this is going to play, but but I need you to stay to do it. And so that what I kind of ah realized as I was, this is when I started to connect the dots of, oh my gosh, we had all that play with our family.
00:32:52
Speaker
And it was so fun. It was a reminder of of older times of of a younger family when play was part of everything. And I was recognizing, wait a minute, that's a real loss. Kids are built in play instigators. And I'm a person who needs play instigators in my life. Yeah. Yeah. And the three best I've ever known, um aside from you, um are are are only marginally available. And they still are playful, fun people. And we we and we still are in contact and all that. But but the center of the house yeah being different. and so They're not...
00:33:26
Speaker
10 and eight and six yeah and they don't live here. yeah And so the the question they had given us at the beginning of the, of the time together was what is held within you that this current season is
Importance of Play & Life's New Phase
00:33:39
Speaker
expanded? What is it kind of piggybacking on that idea of that you talked about of the soil um that gets frozen in the wintertime and it kind of contracts, but it's making space and there's a lot of good stuff happening in fallow soil so that spring can happen.
00:33:53
Speaker
And that's where I realized, oh, my gosh, that capacity and that excitement about play and play as an invitation to be with God in that kind of way, um I can have that capacity and bring that to other people.
00:34:08
Speaker
Like it's, it it made me realize that's what I loved about teaching um when I was a professor and when I get to mentor people still today and into some degree in counseling, I like the fun of let's make this fun. Let's make this playful.
00:34:21
Speaker
um That capacity that I think you and I developed. with these three kids in our house, um well, there's still places for that. And that was sort of a comforting thing. And I felt God just saying, look, this is your call. And so that's my, lot of people in in our church community will pick a word of the year.
00:34:40
Speaker
um I've done it once or twice and found it kind of helpful. Um, this one, it's stay and play. I got three words, but, um, but I'll remember it. You have phrase of the phrase. Exactly. And I want to hold onto that, like stay and play. Cause what my heart is prone to do is to leave and thieve.
00:34:56
Speaker
Uh, what i mean by that is I knew normally and and am leaving this body and this mind and this heart even to think other things or feel other things and to escape the the hard parts. Uh huh. And that's what I was trained to sort do growing up, getting lost in TV, entertainment, whatever. um and And trying to steal joy, steal other people's laughter, steal other people's plays, not steal it, but borrow it. you know Comedian, make me laugh. um And so I hope that will be sort of my watchword for this year and something that we talk about just as a a couple with a less populated nest, populated with but no rugrats, but little cats and dogs. um What can play look like for us? Do you have any thoughts on that?
00:35:37
Speaker
Well, I'm back into bread making. Yes. that's one kind of play.
Excitement for Podcast Continuation
00:35:41
Speaker
That's tasty play too. Yeah, is tasty play. um Writing is play for me.
00:35:49
Speaker
um Yeah, I don't know. Well, and i would say part of it is being back, having the podcast back up. Yeah, that's playful. we enjoy doing this and we are grateful that there are people who listen and appreciate it.
00:36:02
Speaker
ah We hope it's meaningful to you. um Feel free to like, subscribe, share, all that. ah Wendy he hates anybody hearing that. But um we appreciate that if there is a listening audience out there, we are grateful ah because this is something we do that we we hope is nourishing, encouraging for you guys. It certainly is for us.
00:36:19
Speaker
Yep. So take care till next time. Happy weekend.
00:36:25
Speaker
The Surviving Saturday podcast is brought to you by Nurture Counseling PLLC, a counseling teaching and training center based out of Charlotte, North Carolina. We help families flourish one story at a time.
00:36:37
Speaker
Nurture Counseling provides counseling, counseling intensive for couples, conflict resolution coaching, story work groups, seminars, workshops, and retreats to provide a safe and welcoming context for exploring the agonizing experiences of pain, brokenness, and evil that disrupt our lives.
00:36:52
Speaker
and that God often uses to nurture deeper trust and intimacy with Him and with each other. You can find us online at www.nurturecounseling.net.