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Alone, But Not Lonely: A Conversation About Soul Care with Danielle Hughes
49 Plays1 month ago
What comes to mind when you hear the words “self-care”? A bubble bath? A walk in the woods? Maybe… a little guilt?
In this episode, Wendy sits down with her good friend Danielle Hughes—a counselor, spiritual director, and fellow traveler in the world of soul-tending. They talk about what it really means to care for ourselves in a way that’s honest, sustainable, and spiritually grounded.
Danielle shares about her unique upbringing overseas, her current season of parenting and ministry, and how she’s learning (slowly) to listen to her own needs. Wendy reflects on a season of burnout, and the surprising ways she found healing—not through doing more, but through receiving help from others…and from God.
If you’ve ever felt tired but unsure how to stop, or if you know all the right things to do but never seem to get around to actually doing them—this one’s for you.
They also share a new offering for women in Charlotte: Self-Care Camp (yes, it’s as good as it sounds). Come listen in.
**Register today @ Cultivate Charlotte: https://www.cultivatecharlotte.com/store/p/held-a-soul-care-summer-camp**
Connect with and learn more aboit about Danielle here.
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Transcript
Introduction to Danielle Hughes and topic of self-care
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi there. I am super excited to introduce you to my dear friend, Danielle Hughes, in this episode. Danielle is a local counselor and spiritual director here in Charlotte, and we are talking in this conversation about the importance of self-care, specifically as it pertains to our own spiritual formation.
00:00:23
Speaker
We're also going to be giving information about an offering that we will be having for women here in Charlotte on Saturday, July 19th. And we're calling it a self-care camp. So tune in.
Danielle's Role and Experiences at Warehouse 242 Church
00:00:42
Speaker
Hey, Danielle. Hi, Wendy. So you are also an active elder at Warehouse 242 Church, and I consider that a tremendous gift to the local church and really to the church at large.
00:00:59
Speaker
Wondering how you feel about being an elder. You know, i am still learning the ropes, figuring things out. It's something that's been on the table, like a question of calling for me for several years. And so in a lot of ways, it feels kind of like old conversation because the discerning process for me took such a long time, I guess, in my opinion.
00:01:23
Speaker
But it feels good and right. And the timing feels... good and right right now. So I'm learning a lot. And i I do believe that when God offers us a leadership position, yes, it is about leading, but it's also about the work he wants to do in our own lives. And so I'm very curious about the work that God wants to do in my life, not just, you know, through me as an elder, but in my in my life and in my relationship with him.
00:01:53
Speaker
So to be continued. You just stated very well why I love that you are an elder the church I attend. So you were one of the first handful of people that I met when I started going to warehouse.
00:02:09
Speaker
And i was really struck by your warmth and your humility. And that's continued to be something that I've witnessed in you. And I feel like your leadership is very much an alongside.
00:02:26
Speaker
Like I watch you look for Jesus in the reality of your life. And it invites me to a safety to do the the same in life. So I value those things. And I just love the way you said that. It's not so much about leading and what God will do through you, which he certainly has and will, but it's what he will do in you.
00:02:50
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And that's been my, well, first of all, thank you for saying all those kind things about me, but it's just been my experience and leadership that I have felt called to that the work is also about me yeah growing spiritually and it's not just about the things that God is asking me, like the to-do list, so to speak. So, yeah.
00:03:15
Speaker
yeah Well, in an effort to let people get to know you a little bit, and some people have met you. i mean, many people have met you, but some people that listen to this podcast have met you through events you and I have done together.
Impact of Danielle's Childhood Abroad
00:03:29
Speaker
So a couple of years ago, we did an Advent half-day retreat. And this spring, just a couple of months ago, we did a mothering event, which was a half-day event as well.
00:03:44
Speaker
And we have plans to do more of those things, which we'll talk about. But for those who don't know much about you, one of my favorite things about you is that part of your childhood connected to AmeriCorps ah abroad, right?
00:03:58
Speaker
ah Habitat for Humanity. Habitat for Humanity. You were abroad. Yeah. So similar to kind of Peace Corps living conditions, we lived with the people, as they say.
00:04:11
Speaker
we were stationed or i don't know, we were sent to Sri lanka which is an island off the coast of India, when I was 11. We were there for about two and a half years.
00:04:23
Speaker
And then my dad was transferred back to the Habitat International Headquarters, which and was in southern Georgia at the time. It's now in Atlanta. And then I did a year abroad for school in Germany.
00:04:37
Speaker
and then I did my last year in Bangkok, Thailand with my family. And they stayed after I graduated from high school. They stayed probably another eight or nine years in Thailand. And that became...
00:04:50
Speaker
a home of sorts for me. So I would fly home and to Thailand. To Thailand. um So they have since returned. They are in Atlanta now. But yeah, that is formative part of, yeah, who I am. Habitat, was it headquartered at the time in Plains, Georgia?
00:05:09
Speaker
It was on Americus. Americus. Yes. Yes. Very close. And that is we've talked about this very close to where Chris and I grew up. Yes.
00:05:21
Speaker
And so I remember you saying you came back from Sri Lanka and landed in this tiny southern town. And I think people didn't quite know what to do with you.
00:05:33
Speaker
Like, no, it was a very small world to land in. Yes. Yeah. Most of the people that I knew at the time were born either very close to Americus or in Americus and their family, they all their families were there or very close by.
00:05:53
Speaker
My sister is about four years younger than me and and the kids in her class when we returned asked her how long it takes to drive. to Sri Lanka. To Sri Lanka? It just, it would have taken, I'm sure with Google Maps, we could figure it out now. Right.
00:06:08
Speaker
But, you know, but it was 24 plus hour, you know, door to door kind of trip. And in those days, it seems like it took longer, but Yeah, so you were you were people that could of understand what I had experienced. And I think what I had experienced was something that really needed to be processed. Like I needed to process something. and I just didn't have that. And that was one reason that I sought the study abroad program was just to be abroad again, but also with a group of students who knew what it was like to live abroad and value that.
00:06:46
Speaker
yeah I will say to Wendy though that I met some really great friends in Americus that I am still at least Facebook friends with today. So there is no shade towards Americus Georgia and my friends experience.
00:06:59
Speaker
I hear that. It's just yeah when we're raised in the Southern part of Georgia, we often don't go very far. And so you had had a pretty stunning life experience by that point in time.
00:07:13
Speaker
And I just think a lot of kids Probably could not relate. on Okay. we are talking today ah about some offerings that we hope to have available for women on an ongoing basis.
00:07:31
Speaker
One being an Advent half-day retreat that we've done before. one being a mothering retreat that we just did for the first time ah few months ago around Mother's Day.
00:07:44
Speaker
And now this summer, we're planning for another one.
The Concept of Self-care Camps
00:07:47
Speaker
We're planning for a self-care camp.
00:07:51
Speaker
Say, what you want to say about our self-care camp? I know. I'm excited about self-care camp. I mean, it sounds like the kind of camp I want to go to. too, which is what we're doing yet.
00:08:03
Speaker
Yes, which is often how these ideas come up. Right. But I think it's it's something that I like constantly need and yearn for in my own life is just this dedicated space to take care of me and make it and meet have my own needs met, not just physically, and you know, physical needs, but emotional needs and just everything.
00:08:26
Speaker
Take some space. I'm in a family season of life right now. And so my time looks different. My energy looks different than it did pre-kids or pre-marriage. And I need, i just need different things now.
00:08:41
Speaker
And so that sort of extraction out of life into a slower pace or kind of guided experience is really important to me and something that I actually seek out on my own, apart from, you know, leading things like this. But the feedback that I've gotten, I've led a number of groups where there is kind of this retreat portion or extraction portion. The feedback that I hear from women is just that they love it.
00:09:13
Speaker
And so i ah hear that. And I think yeah it's important that we offer that to more people. Well, in what you and I have talked about, and I think this is maybe more me than you, but I am a collector of resources.
00:09:28
Speaker
Okay. And I know a lot of things to do to take care of myself. And I could tell you all about them, but to get away and practice them,
00:09:41
Speaker
takes an extra effort. And so oftentimes I let the first placate for the second. I learn about it and I think, oh, that would be great to go and meditate, to go and meditate on scripture in the park one afternoon with a nice drink and a journal.
00:10:02
Speaker
And that might be as far as I get, unless someone sets up the circumstance. And that's exactly what we want to do. Yeah. Yes.
00:10:13
Speaker
Yeah. So let me ask you this, Wendy. Like, how did you learn to take care of yourself? Like, you have all these resources, but how did you get there?
00:10:25
Speaker
and How did I get there? Well, I think, okay, for starters, I think this is you as well, but I have a pretty long runway. Like, I can do a lot in my own strength.
00:10:38
Speaker
hey And I don't always admit I'm just doing it in my own strength. I might give a nod to God is letting helping me do this, which of course, okay, he is. But it has taken me hitting brick walls and falling down and realizing i am out of runway.
00:10:57
Speaker
I don't have any more energy or strength to pour anything out. And so I'm thinking of a couple of times in life in particular, where things were not working out the way along for them to.
00:11:11
Speaker
And it was over a protracted enough period of time that I came to the end of what I could do. And I remember at one point sitting with my pastor, who was also a good friend and saying, I have nothing left to give.
00:11:30
Speaker
And so the first thing I did is I just stopped doing everything except for making meals for my children and keeping the lights on and hugging them goodnight.
00:11:41
Speaker
I just stopped doing. And then I realized once I was resuscitated a little bit, actually needed to receive.
Personal Spiritual Experiences in Self-care
00:11:51
Speaker
I needed to put myself in places where I was receiving life.
00:11:56
Speaker
And so that's where started reaching out for people to care for me.
00:12:05
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, I would agree with the runway. I mean, I think both of us and I'm sure a lot of our listeners can relate with, you know, high capacity to do a lot of things and then until you can't.
00:12:20
Speaker
Until you can't. Right. Yes. Yeah. And so there was a season, i don't know, it probably started six or seven years ago.
00:12:31
Speaker
and I realized what I was doing is I was collecting mothers. And I was collecting them in the form of counselors, of acupuncturists, of massage therapists, of spiritual directors.
00:12:46
Speaker
I was people that would help me organize my house. Like I was collecting people that could tend to the parts of me that were worn out, body, mind, heart, and soul.
00:12:59
Speaker
And some of them were my age, some were younger. And they all have the ability mother. And now I think I'm also recognizing that there are ways i need to go away without someone else, another human pouring into me, but letting God be the one.
00:13:21
Speaker
And so i wonder what that has been like for you when it's not another human and it's not just a really good nap. but where you're putting yourself in the place for Jesus himself to revive you.
00:13:36
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. I think similar to you, i have learned how to cure for myself in general because of burnout experiences, you know, getting to the end of the runway and crashing instead of taking off.
00:13:51
Speaker
um And so it's been a slow growth figuring out what does it mean to cure for myself? How do other people do that? of course, the question of is it selfish and feeling like, oh, I don't know if I...
00:14:04
Speaker
You know, I'm putting burdens on other people if I go away for a weekend or if I do this. And so I think both of us probably had to navigate those kind of questions, as do many of the women I talk to in my practice. Yes.
00:14:18
Speaker
And i have seen with a discipline of true self-care that no one is actually thinking it's selfish and that I don't feel like it's selfish. And I'm coming back at a different person.
00:14:34
Speaker
So your question about letting the Lord kind of be the one fill your well or your cup I think for me, a lot of times that means silence.
00:14:45
Speaker
And so the question becomes, where can I go? Or what is an experience where I can experience or a situation where I can experience silence and not not like true sound deprivation since necessarily, but there are a couple of retreat centers that i love to go to. And even if there is more of a program going on, oftentimes there are these pockets where you truly are kind of by yourself and there are trails or hikes and you can be really on your own in a very still and quiet manner. And and so I think silence, I think for me, outdoors, paying attention to things going on and being very grounded in what's real and here is helpful for me.
00:15:31
Speaker
And I think that God speaks through his creation a lot and a lot to me. And so that's been a very meaningful space to feel alone, but not lonely because I'm alone with God.
00:15:46
Speaker
i like that alone, but not lonely because I'm alone with God. Yeah. Yeah. I really liked the way you put that. So yeah, I've realized too that partly because it feels so selfish to pull away because technically I have a little more gas in the tank.
00:16:06
Speaker
And maybe I could do a couple more things for my family or my house. I think that oftentimes I hold myself to a standard, even when I get a way to care for myself, to something productive happening.
00:16:20
Speaker
So yeah there was an epiphany with God. He showed me this thing, or i found this verse when i flung open the Bible, it landed in this place. And a few years ago, i was instructed by a pastor friend to go to a park and just let myself wander. She was like, turn your phone off.
00:16:45
Speaker
Have it with you in case there's an emergency, but turn it off and just wander and just be with yourself knowing God is with you.
00:16:56
Speaker
And don't try to make anything happen. If you see a tree, don't imagine it's in some shape. There's the cross of the branches or heart on the leaves. Just let yourself wander and be with God. And there was something in the childlike realm aspect of me just walking around a park for an entire hour by myself and sitting when I wanted to and taking off shoes and putting feet in the water when i wanted to and picking flowers when I wanted to and picking up rocks and then deciding I didn't really like the rocks and putting them back down.
00:17:32
Speaker
Like there was something that allowed me to feel the presence of God in a way that I don't often let myself Yeah. there's in um The word that's coming to mind is like play, right? There's a sense simplicity. and to your point about feeling like have to be productive when you're on retreat.
00:17:52
Speaker
remember the first couple I went on, I was like, I'm going to bring all these books and I'm going to have all this. I'm going come away with all these takeaways, you know, for my time with God. and And that is not what I've learned is helpful for me. it really is going for the walk in the woods.
00:18:09
Speaker
you know, sorting through the racks in the stream, putting them back, stacking them up, knocking them over, and just really just being and allowing God to use our imagination and bring images to mind, bring words to mind, bring memories to mind.
00:18:26
Speaker
And our work is really just to be curious about what is happening to us as we create this space. I think it's it's God's work to do the filling. We don't have to work to fill. We, we just have to like be open to God filling.
00:18:41
Speaker
And that's what I've learned to is restorative for me. Yeah. Well, you know, that idea of play, like I, in those moments, I often witness his playfulness.
Role of Play and Curiosity in Self-care Practices
00:18:55
Speaker
yeah Whether it's in some way something's growing out of the ground or the fact that I've gotten myself lost. You know, I feel His presence. I feel His compassion.
00:19:11
Speaker
And I feel His playfulness. Those are attributes of God that I need far more time with. I'm very used to holding myself to a standard of what I believe he's telling me to do or telling me to never do.
00:19:29
Speaker
And there's something loving in just the relationship of just being in a place quiet. Yeah. Yeah.
00:19:40
Speaker
I think sometimes for me, another thing that's good that I try to keep in mind is leaning towards a different, like a way different than what my tendency is. And so I'm a one on the Enneagram, role follower, type type A.
00:19:58
Speaker
And so for me, play, like I have to be very intentional about play, but play is so good. So I know I'm in a healthy spot if I'm able to joke and there's a lightness about me and playful.
00:20:12
Speaker
And that is a way more balanced place for me to be in. And so even in thinking about, um or even with our work, well, yeah my my work more so with you, because you work with children, but like when I i work only with adults, and so I'm sitting but either online with people or I'm sitting in person with people, just not a lot of movement going on. And so when I am sensing that need for restoration and to be filled,
00:20:40
Speaker
It's been helpful for me to learn to lean into movement and to tactile and sensory experiences to do the opposite of what I've been doing. to gain some of that balance. And so play and being curious and wandering. I love that story about you wandering around the park, having your phone just in case, you know, but like feeling the freedom to not really think or be productive think about anything in, you know, specific, but just...
00:21:10
Speaker
Like seeing what happens, right? Well, and I realized as I did that, I don't ever have an entire hour where there is nothing that I quote, have to think about.
00:21:24
Speaker
Right. There was no laundry to think about switching. There was no meal to think about prepping. There was no phone call to think about making. I was just there to wander and she was waiting for me with a picnic. Right.
00:21:37
Speaker
And so all I had to do was like make it back to that spot. And at there was nothing to prepare for. And the emptying of my mind to let him fill it with his creation and his creative presence was phenomenal okay so we are going to offer women more than ah walk in the woods although it could be included we don't really know but but why don't you tell the people a little bit about what we're hoping to offer on this half day saturday july 19th here in charlotte
00:22:23
Speaker
you know Yeah. Yeah. we are still getting some of the details and logistics together, but our dream and our intention is to offer a very immersive experience where there will be things to experience, embodied experiences. If you've been on a retreat or a mini retreat that Wendy and I have done before, you know, that we love stations with some embodied experiences where you can kind of go at your own pace.
00:22:56
Speaker
And so there will be some of that and some space where maybe if you just need to sit, you can just sit and rest. Or if you need to close your eyes, maybe that is the best thing that you can do for yourself at that time.
00:23:11
Speaker
But it is this idea. It is going to be in Charlotte. And so if you're in Charlotte or in the area, it won't be like, an overnight where you're truly getting away and extracting yourself but it's kind of a mini extraction where you know for three hours you don't have to think about anybody's snacks or running an errand like it really is just time for you to slow down and that said If you want to tell your family it's all day or all weekend, we will write you a note.
00:23:47
Speaker
We will write you an excuse. If your family needs to prove, we will whip one out for you. But we're trying to offer this in a miniature format so that hopefully it's more accessible.
00:24:01
Speaker
Right. I think it is daunting, even though I have somewhat regular rhythm of retreating away. It's still difficult to plan and to think, is this right? Should I be leaving? There's stuff going on that I'll be missing or, you know.
00:24:18
Speaker
Am I contributing enough? So, I mean, even i think that's just part of the deal is that we're faced with obstacles when there's something good that could happen. And so we're hoping that if it feels impossible for you to get away overnight or for a couple nights that this would be accessible to you, or if it feels very scary to even be in a quiet environment, because it won't be a silent retreat, but it will be a quiet retreat. That this would also be um a less daunting setting where you can kind of experiment with what this looks like in your life.
00:24:56
Speaker
And ultimately, my hope would be that that you would feel the nearness of God and some of these experiences that we offer. And then... Work up to regular retreating, whatever that looks like for you. But this is just a small taste of that.
00:25:13
Speaker
And it's a way where you can yeah care for yourself, but also just pay attention to the parts that maybe you've neglected. And so thinking maybe it is thinking about things you need to think about, but it's hard to think about that when you you know have kids running around or schedule's full.
00:25:31
Speaker
Yeah. So just, it's a space and we hope that you'll join us to kind of relax into it. eases and And we, you know, as we were thinking about putting this together, we were talking about how Jesus himself pulled away.
Engagement and Freedom at the Self-care Camp
00:25:48
Speaker
He removed himself from the never ending litany of things that needed to be done. Many of which he could only do. And he still knew that it was important to pull away. While fully God, he was fully man.
00:26:04
Speaker
And he chose this as a rule. And so we want to tell you that while there will be stations and there will be invitations of how to spend the morning if you come, if there are ways you need to come and spend the time, it's yours.
00:26:22
Speaker
So if there is a book or there is music or there is a journal and you need to come and just have access to space away and use it in those ways, you are welcome.
00:26:37
Speaker
There is not a test or a requirement of how the time has to be used. We're just going to offer things up that we think might be invitations as a way to commune with Jesus in your good body, but you are fully free.
Staying Updated and Future Offerings
00:26:57
Speaker
So we will have information for the details coming out both on the podcast, on Instagram, on your website, Danielle, which tell us again, your practice is Cultivate Charlotte, but yeah tell people your website.
00:27:18
Speaker
Yeah. So cultivate charlotte.com is the website and I have a, store if you will on there. um but I'll have information about that on the website. I think we're going to put it in the notes for this podcast. yeah And if you are listening, you're likely connected to me. We're Wendy.
00:27:40
Speaker
Yes. So feel free to ask us directly, but yeahp as soon as we get confirmation on, on the location and some of other details. We'll get that out. We will let you know.
00:27:52
Speaker
And so for now, Saturday, July 19th from nine to 12 in the morning in Charlotte, details to come. There will also be details where you can save the date for an Advent offering.
00:28:07
Speaker
And so that will be forthcoming, but we thought that it would be helpful for people to know what is coming in the future so that if you choose to you can block your calendar and have something to look forward to.
00:28:21
Speaker
So Danielle, anything else as we close that you'd want people to know? Yeah, well, good. Thank you for talking to me about it. And I, for one, am really looking forward to the time because just like you said with your eldership, these events I find are more about what God does in me, even as I prepare, um let alone the day of. But even as I prepare and spend time in his presence, thinking about what we want to offer, he shows up.
00:28:55
Speaker
So We are very much excited we'll see some of you then.