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The State of Men: Navigating Dating with FDS Vetting Strategies
56 Plays1 year ago
The queens take a deep dive into the current state of men in contemporary society, and share practical, no-nonsense vetting strategies to help women spot red flags and low value behaviour.
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Transcript
Introduction to the Meanest Dating Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back to the Female Dating Strategy, the meanest female-only dating podcast on the internet.
00:00:05
Speaker
I am your host, Diana.
00:00:06
Speaker
And I am Rose.
00:00:08
Speaker
And before we get started today with our wonderful scintillating potpourri of issues that we're going to address, Diana, I wondered if I need to apologize to you for just how low and dark I was last week.
00:00:21
Speaker
Was I absolutely unbearable in that last week's episode?
00:00:25
Speaker
If so, I really do apologize.
00:00:27
Speaker
No, no, no.
00:00:28
Speaker
I mean, look, life is shitty.
00:00:30
Speaker
Cycles happen.
00:00:32
Speaker
You know, you're not supposed to be happy every single day of the week.
00:00:35
Speaker
You're a human.
00:00:36
Speaker
What?
00:00:37
Speaker
Allow yourself to be a human being.
00:00:39
Speaker
And sometimes
Emotional Growth and Setting Boundaries
00:00:40
Speaker
it's okay to be in a bad mood.
00:00:41
Speaker
And this is a justified situation in which to be in a bad mood, like to be very honest with you, you know?
00:00:47
Speaker
Okay.
00:00:48
Speaker
You're being very generous.
00:00:49
Speaker
I appreciate that graciousness.
00:00:51
Speaker
Yeah, I would chill out because we got shit forward.
00:00:55
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:00:56
Speaker
We've got stuff going on that we're going to have to deal with together.
00:00:59
Speaker
And sometimes you just need rest, emotional rest, you know, not just physical, but emotional rest.
00:01:05
Speaker
You can't always be at 100 every week.
00:01:07
Speaker
So no apology needed.
00:01:09
Speaker
You had to do what you had to do.
00:01:11
Speaker
And you know what?
00:01:11
Speaker
Sometimes I think it's really good to be vulnerable and do it low because I think people expect that we're just supposed to be this positive ray of fucking sunshine all the time.
00:01:19
Speaker
And I don't know where you got that I'm the positive ray of fucking sunshine because I come on this podcast every week, week after week, spouting incredibly ruthless shit.
00:01:29
Speaker
So I'm very forgiving of people being in a bad mood.
00:01:33
Speaker
I am the Pollyanna of my world, you know, but you're right.
00:01:36
Speaker
I don't always have to be sort of in that mode, especially if there is actual real world shit going down.
00:01:43
Speaker
And I am human.
00:01:44
Speaker
That's a really good reminder.
00:01:45
Speaker
And I think this was something last week when I said to you before we get started, I was like, listen, I've got like 45 minutes to
00:01:50
Speaker
tops, max.
00:01:52
Speaker
That's fine.
00:01:53
Speaker
And I was so proud of myself because that's the first time I've ever been like, um, maybe I can't do like X amount of energy or hours.
00:02:00
Speaker
Like, can we just limit it?
00:02:01
Speaker
And that's the new step for me.
00:02:03
Speaker
So dear listeners, take note, you know, I'm 43 and I'm still learning and adapting and working to really better my life on my own terms.
Valuing Energy and Cultural Beliefs on Life Cycles
00:02:12
Speaker
And that's, I think a lot about what we're discussing today is we're doing this like potpourri post-election thoughts.
00:02:18
Speaker
And one of the things we were talking about before we got on here was like, how as we get older, and we learn to value ourselves more value our our own energy and care that we give to people, we often want to become more discerning about who it goes to so that we're not just, you know, pouring from an empty cup, or like pouring into a bucket with a hole in the bottle.
00:02:38
Speaker
So it's just eternally trying to fill it and it never will.
00:02:41
Speaker
But before we get started with everything else, Diana was telling me this fantastic anecdote before we started
00:02:46
Speaker
Dana, would you fill us in on that?
00:02:48
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:49
Speaker
So, you know, we were talking about how individuals we live through a cycle of different stages of life and how as a collective right now, we're probably feeling like, I mean, it's not just the states, right?
00:03:00
Speaker
That's the reason why last week I really understood because I mean, you know, every country in the world is going through like an extreme right wing shift.
00:03:09
Speaker
And because of the cyclical way in which the world is run, there's lots of lore from different religions and cultures about why things have to be really shitty before they start getting better again.
00:03:22
Speaker
I was just talking to Rose about what Hindus believe, which is essentially that the world is broken down into four stages.
00:03:29
Speaker
And it goes into like basically a golden age, a silver age, a bronze age, and then the age that we're in right now, which is like the iron age.
00:03:38
Speaker
And the iron age is supposed to be the roughest stage because it's the end of the cycle.
00:03:43
Speaker
So we believe that, you know, the four cycles keep rotating.
00:03:46
Speaker
And the first cycle, the golden age is amazing.
00:03:49
Speaker
That last like
00:03:50
Speaker
How long does it last again?
00:03:51
Speaker
Like 17 million, a million years, like almost 2 million years.
00:03:56
Speaker
And then like the Bronze Age is like 1.2 million years.
00:03:59
Speaker
And then the third age, what was it?
00:04:01
Speaker
The Bronze Age is 800,000 years.
00:04:03
Speaker
And the age that we're in right now is 432,000 years.
00:04:05
Speaker
So we are in like year 4,000 of 432,000 years of shit.
00:04:07
Speaker
Say it ain't so.
00:04:08
Speaker
Say it ain't so!
00:04:16
Speaker
shit.
00:04:18
Speaker
Yeah, actually, no, we're 5125.
00:04:19
Speaker
My bad.
00:04:20
Speaker
Oh, oh, even better.
00:04:21
Speaker
Great, Diana.
00:04:23
Speaker
So the point of the cycle is that basically, they say that in the beginning, when it's the golden age, things are really good.
00:04:29
Speaker
But it's kind of like that concept of like good times create lazy people, lazy people create hard times, hard times create like strong men.
00:04:36
Speaker
Like I've seen that pop up on the internet a little bit.
00:04:38
Speaker
But basically, that
00:04:39
Speaker
all of human life, not just like your own personal life, but like what we go through as a collective happens in cycles.
00:04:45
Speaker
And like this stage is like essentially priming itself up to be cleansed.
00:04:49
Speaker
So you're in this stage for the longest time, and then God resets the cycle and it goes back to the beginning.
00:04:54
Speaker
So like we have had multiple cycles of this exact cycle.
00:04:58
Speaker
essentially.
00:04:59
Speaker
And lots of cultures have this belief that like you go through like essentially what is a dark
Themes of Cycles in Cultural Beliefs
00:05:03
Speaker
age.
00:05:03
Speaker
And then the dark age is when, you know, morals are broken down, societal trust is eroded, lots of crime happens, a lot of just negativity, a lot of hopelessness.
00:05:15
Speaker
And it's an age that goes away as well, right?
00:05:18
Speaker
We spend time in that age, like, and when you start thinking about the way that Hindus think about life is that, you know, you're in an eternal cycle anyway.
00:05:24
Speaker
So this is one of many lives you've already lived.
00:05:26
Speaker
So, you know, you're not going to remember how many times you've had to do this, but the soul keeps the count, essentially, right?
00:05:31
Speaker
And I think that if there's any message of hope in here is that if you are going through this right now, you have, I mean, at least from the Hindu perspective, you have been through this many, many times before.
00:05:40
Speaker
Yeah, I'm just thinking about how in philosophy, like Nietzsche coined the eternal return, which is basically, you know, the same things happen over and over again.
00:05:49
Speaker
You're constantly learning from the same sorts of painful circumstances and situations you find yourself in.
00:05:54
Speaker
And I just think it's so funny that everybody's like, Nietzsche, the eternal return, it's so brilliant.
00:05:59
Speaker
And it's like, he got this shit from Hinduism.
00:06:01
Speaker
Like, can we please, can we please point that out?
00:06:04
Speaker
But the idea is that these concepts are sort of eternal and transcend cultures and religions and time itself.
00:06:11
Speaker
And something else you were mentioning before we got started was that one of your friends, a Native American friend, read your indigenous cards.
00:06:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:19
Speaker
She read my medicine cards.
00:06:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:20
Speaker
So basically, what I thought was very interesting when we had this discussion about doing my medicine cards was when she talked about how Native Americans have a concept of a psycho as well.
00:06:29
Speaker
And one of the cards that she pulled for me in my medicine cards was that of the whale.
00:06:33
Speaker
And she called the whale the record keeper of the ancients.
00:06:36
Speaker
And it's essentially this creature that has outlived most human beings and has been with us since the beginning of our evolution as a people.
00:06:43
Speaker
So it's not just our biological evolution, but the evolution of our humanity.
00:06:47
Speaker
And this is something that I thought was very similar to certain concepts in Hinduism as well, because Hinduism, I mean, if you've seen Avatar, The Last Airbender, you know that they got a lot of it from Hinduism.
00:06:55
Speaker
But essentially, it's like when the Dark Age comes upon us, there's going to be like an avatar who comes in to clean the shit up.
00:07:02
Speaker
It's essentially God.
00:07:05
Speaker
Oh, like the Jesus figure.
00:07:07
Speaker
Okay, okay.
00:07:07
Speaker
The Jesus figure.
00:07:09
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:07:10
Speaker
But he doesn't come to rescue the world.
00:07:11
Speaker
He comes to destroy the world.
00:07:12
Speaker
Hinduism is very, you know, much more severe.
00:07:15
Speaker
Yeah, this is why I like Kali.
00:07:17
Speaker
I'm always like, yes, Kali, goddess of destruction and renewal that they go hand in glove.
00:07:23
Speaker
Exactly.
00:07:24
Speaker
In Hinduism, death has a lot to do with rebirth.
00:07:26
Speaker
It has a lot to do with the coming of a new season.
00:07:28
Speaker
So death is not really seen as the ending of something, but as the beginning of a new cycle.
00:07:33
Speaker
So, you know, where we are emotionally, I think we should start seeing it less as the death of something and more as the renewal and the new season of something.
00:07:42
Speaker
And so the animals that came forward in my medicine reading were basically talking about this new renewal, essentially that there's going to be like a long winter ahead of us and that I have to gather my resources and use my talents in a way that is preparing for this long winter so that I can, you know, essentially bloom in the new season.
00:08:00
Speaker
And so, you know, when we're looking at how destructive our societies are becoming, it's very easy, I think, to become morose and become incredibly depressed and say, this is just the end of society as we know it.
00:08:09
Speaker
And in some ways, that is both a good thing and a bad thing, because I think that it's the beginning of a new cycle as well.
00:08:15
Speaker
And if
Women Responding to Societal Changes
00:08:16
Speaker
you start seeing death more as rebirth, it's the death of something that had to die in order for like new shit to come on board.
00:08:21
Speaker
You know, you needed to cleanse out the garbage is essentially spring cleaning.
00:08:25
Speaker
The season of time that we're in in Hinduism is essentially the spring cleaning of humanity.
00:08:29
Speaker
So it's going to collapse, but it's going to collapse to be something much better.
00:08:33
Speaker
And I think that that's what we have to start seeing things as as well, because we already know just purely based on observation and how we're dealing with other people that the system that we have in place and the way that society is set up right now worldwide is just not sustainable.
00:08:47
Speaker
And we know that because women around the world are protesting in their own way.
00:08:50
Speaker
And a lot of women like, here's the thing about what men say is natural to women.
00:08:54
Speaker
And this is something that we heard even from Dr. Ashri Davali talking about how animals behave as well, right?
00:09:00
Speaker
What they assume is natural.
00:09:02
Speaker
Why does that have to be socially conditioned?
00:09:05
Speaker
If it was naturally occurring, most women would crave partnership and children.
00:09:10
Speaker
And most women would be actively striving to improve the birth rates of their country.
00:09:15
Speaker
But as it stands, there's a lot of countries in which women are not being inspired to do that because they can see that the life that they're leading is untenable.
00:09:23
Speaker
And that's natural.
00:09:24
Speaker
I think that has very little to do with social conditioning.
00:09:27
Speaker
I don't believe every woman is on the internet listening to FDS and being like, I want a high value man.
00:09:32
Speaker
More is the pity.
00:09:33
Speaker
No, not at all.
00:09:36
Speaker
Right.
00:09:37
Speaker
We know that our message is rare and there's not a lot of people who are open to it.
00:09:41
Speaker
That's exactly what I was thinking was like, when I talked about this, like sea changes, we are seeing a sea change of women.
00:09:48
Speaker
And it's not because of FDS.
00:09:49
Speaker
It's because they are looking at the facts on the ground.
00:09:51
Speaker
They're looking at the order or disorder of things.
00:09:55
Speaker
And they're opting out because it's not natural to bring a child into such a degenerate, diminishing culture, right?
00:10:02
Speaker
Like society is only getting...
00:10:04
Speaker
more and more perilous, lawless, corrupt, especially when we have so few protections anyways, why would you even try to bring a defenseless child into the world under such circumstances?
00:10:14
Speaker
And women are not.
00:10:16
Speaker
Women are not.
00:10:17
Speaker
They're not because they see the writing on the wall.
00:10:19
Speaker
Now, all these men who are trying to say, like, get back in the kitchen and you need to start popping out these broods.
00:10:24
Speaker
And wasn't there somebody in South Korea who was like, we need to remove the uteruses of women over 30 so that women start giving birth more frequently.
00:10:30
Speaker
It's like,
00:10:31
Speaker
What the hell?
00:10:32
Speaker
How are these the conclusions you draw?
00:10:34
Speaker
Like they are so far into Delulu land that they refuse to actually see what's happening for what it is.
00:10:41
Speaker
And women are just like, we're the practical ones here, right?
00:10:44
Speaker
We're the ones who are gauging.
00:10:46
Speaker
We're looking at the weather vane and we're like, shit's about to get real.
00:10:49
Speaker
If not even worse, let's just opt out of imperiling ourselves further and imperiling an innocent new life.
00:10:55
Speaker
And you know what women who are making this choice, I salute you.
00:10:59
Speaker
And I hope we can continue to build on this momentum because I think that's the only way we actually will see any sort of sea change.
00:11:06
Speaker
It has to reach a critical mass of women opting out for men to even start to say like, I don't know, maybe, maybe we've got some things wrong, you know, and that might not even happen, but that's not the point we have to protect ourselves.
00:11:19
Speaker
Yeah, I think that, you know,
Passionate Individuals and Societal Collapse
00:11:21
Speaker
there can be some level of individual discipline that leads to collective action.
00:11:25
Speaker
I don't know that that's necessarily something that will happen.
00:11:28
Speaker
But, you know, one of the authors I really enjoy is James Baldwin.
00:11:31
Speaker
And he has this quote that I find really interesting, which is that, you know, the world is held together by the love and passion of a very few people.
00:11:38
Speaker
And love is not a very popular movement because most people don't want to be free.
00:11:43
Speaker
And so we're kind of seeing that when it comes to the American elections and just in general, these like huge right wing shifts around the world because men and women ideologically are going in opposite directions.
00:11:53
Speaker
And America is not the only place where this is happening.
00:11:55
Speaker
We're seeing this globally.
00:11:57
Speaker
And I think a big part of it is that it's very true that if I have to push, you know, even farther into his quote, I would think the world is being held together by the love and passion of very few women, essentially, you know, and very, very few people because they're the only ones who can see that there's absolutely no point in engaging with people in bad faith who are
00:12:16
Speaker
you know, determined to misunderstand you, determined to oppress you.
00:12:19
Speaker
There's no winning with those kinds of people.
00:12:21
Speaker
Like when I was younger, I felt like there was something you could do to change people to persuade them.
00:12:26
Speaker
Like I felt like I had to be like evangelizing people on the merits of love.
00:12:30
Speaker
Like I was a missionary of that particular philosophy.
00:12:33
Speaker
And I realized very early on that, yeah, there's a reason that evangelizing people doesn't work because they really have to be ready to hear that message and come at it with some kind of sincerity.
00:12:43
Speaker
if they are being pushed to, if they're being peddled to, if they feel like they're being marketed to.
00:12:48
Speaker
Most people don't come at it and engage with it in, it's like buyer's remorse, you know what I mean?
00:12:52
Speaker
Like, they may be charmed by the way you deliver a message, but then when they actually look at the practical mechanics of it, like, that ends up falling apart very quickly.
00:13:00
Speaker
It's like when all these people ended up buying Stanley cups, and they were like, did I actually need this fucking cup?
00:13:04
Speaker
Like, why?
00:13:04
Speaker
And no other cup do.
00:13:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:09
Speaker
And sure, there are probably some people who genuinely derive enjoyment from buying the Stanley Cup because that's their cup.
00:13:14
Speaker
That's the cup that they wanted, you know?
00:13:16
Speaker
But to say that it's like something every single person would need to be happy is just marketing.
00:13:21
Speaker
And that's the thing, right?
00:13:22
Speaker
Like we are presenting this version of what it takes to be happy to people who may not really agree with it and may actually have different needs.
00:13:29
Speaker
And we don't acknowledge those needs.
00:13:30
Speaker
And I don't think society is prepared to address those needs either.
00:13:34
Speaker
And so, you know, you are seeing these men who are like, maybe if we just went back to when things were simpler, which I think is also very stupid because it was never simpler.
00:13:43
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:13:44
Speaker
It was never simpler.
00:13:45
Speaker
The life that they're trying to go back to was actually a life where their grandfathers endured a lot of hardship.
00:13:50
Speaker
They romanticize their ancestors' struggles.
00:13:53
Speaker
And so coming back to my medicine card for a little bit, the point of the whale was essentially to say that this is an animal that has been keeping a record of humankind way before humans even really understood what it meant to be human.
00:14:07
Speaker
And it talks about a great calamity that befell the people that ended up leading them to come into Turtle Island, essentially.
00:14:13
Speaker
There was a huge calamity that resulted in many people migrating to what is now North America.
00:14:18
Speaker
And because of that calamity, they all had to band together in order to form community.
00:14:23
Speaker
And so what the whale reminds us of
00:14:25
Speaker
is the story of the ancients, which is that history essentially rhymes.
00:14:28
Speaker
It may not repeat, but it rhymes.
00:14:30
Speaker
And it asks us to form community with other people again, because should there be another huge calamity, which is very likely considering the way that our environment is right now, we will need each other again.
00:14:41
Speaker
We will need unity again.
00:14:42
Speaker
We will have to find a way to unite in very, very dire circumstances.
00:14:47
Speaker
And there have been horrible circumstances before this where people have had to do that already.
00:14:51
Speaker
You know, like people had to do that in World War II.
00:14:53
Speaker
People had to do that in all sorts of different wars.
00:14:55
Speaker
So it's not that it's impossible.
00:14:56
Speaker
It's that a lot of what is possible really just comes down to belief.
00:15:01
Speaker
So true.
00:15:03
Speaker
I do like your quote about, and I think you've mentioned this quote from Baldwin a couple of times about the world being held together by the love and care of very few, love and passion of very few.
00:15:12
Speaker
And this is something that if I may humbly assert, I do think a lot of our FDS girlies are on that train.
00:15:18
Speaker
We're not withholding luck.
00:15:20
Speaker
This was a point I wanted to make before.
00:15:22
Speaker
For me, sometimes it's very difficult to
00:15:24
Speaker
to cut off people who I feel compelled to care for or I feel like some sort of obligation to them.
00:15:31
Speaker
And I used to think I was obligated to the whole world.
00:15:33
Speaker
Like the world was lacking in love and care and I had so much I needed to bring it.
00:15:37
Speaker
But of course I got burnt out.
00:15:39
Speaker
I got burnt.
00:15:40
Speaker
I ended up in some really precarious situations because I just wasn't being discerning enough.
00:15:45
Speaker
And so one thing I was saying to Diana was that I really had to switch my mentality from a, you need to withhold because that's not what I'm doing.
00:15:53
Speaker
What I'm doing is I'm reserving and I'm cultivating a discernment over who actually deserves responsibility.
00:16:00
Speaker
these wonderful energies from me because they're priceless, right?
00:16:05
Speaker
Like you can't pay someone to give what I am happy to give if there is merit there.
00:16:11
Speaker
And so what I'm seeing online is, you know, I've been seeing an incredible meteoric rise and like, what is 4B?
00:16:17
Speaker
And everybody's talking, all the women are talking about 4B all of a sudden, which Diana, look at our prescience in our previous episode going over that.
00:16:25
Speaker
But again, for me, it's not like a, oh, I don't want to be around men, period.
00:16:29
Speaker
It's like, I only will have men in my life who have this idea of generosity and mutuality around our relationship.
00:16:38
Speaker
If they are here strictly, like if they're only sending their representative, their best self, to like get me on the hook and then recede back into passive nothingness while I continue to, you know, bring the best of me.
00:16:51
Speaker
that's not anything that brings value to my life.
00:16:53
Speaker
I'm simply not going to have it.
00:16:55
Speaker
And this isn't why I think we need to have this attitude more than ever.
00:16:58
Speaker
Like we're basically entering like an age of fascism, right?
00:17:01
Speaker
We've had a renewal of fascism because you know what?
00:17:04
Speaker
People want the trains to run on time and they want the egg prices to lower and they don't want to have to live next door to a black or brown person, right?
00:17:11
Speaker
They want to be able to legally discriminate and even to be rewarded for it.
00:17:15
Speaker
And so
00:17:16
Speaker
For the people who are making those choices, like, okay, well, they're going to have to live with the rotten fruits of their choices.
00:17:22
Speaker
But as for
Women in Vulnerable Societies
00:17:23
Speaker
me and mine, I'm going to be doing my best to insulate us and to be building our own mutual aid societies because it's really who we have around us that's going to make the biggest difference for us.
00:17:33
Speaker
Like I was saying to Diana, you know,
00:17:35
Speaker
There's not much I can do on a national level right now.
00:17:38
Speaker
That's a shit show that's like beyond my ken or powers to affect any change.
00:17:42
Speaker
What I am doing is in my own life, I'm sort of doing a, like you said, a spring cleaning to see, you know, who is doing their part in my life.
00:17:51
Speaker
And can I recognize those who maybe I need to distance myself a little bit, or maybe I'm just kind of growing differently.
00:17:58
Speaker
into a different direction or into a different, you know, healthier lifestyle that doesn't suit them.
00:18:03
Speaker
And so in that case, you know, how do I prioritize or reassess where my energy needs to go in those sort of situations?
00:18:10
Speaker
And so I think for our listeners, many of you already know this, but like in an era of fascism, women are always the sacrificial lamb.
00:18:19
Speaker
right?
00:18:19
Speaker
We're the most vulnerable, women and children.
00:18:21
Speaker
We're the most vulnerable, we're the most valuable, insofar as like who births and upbrings the new soldiers, right?
00:18:28
Speaker
Who are the handmaidens to like fascism?
00:18:31
Speaker
It always is women.
00:18:32
Speaker
I mean, as we just saw from like 53% of white women once again voted for the Orange Mussolini.
00:18:38
Speaker
And so this is something where if you were uncertain before about like the merits of being extremely ruthless in vetting, may this sort of act as a wake up call to you to realize just how valuable you are and how preciously and fiercely you need to guard yourself because you matter so much.
00:18:56
Speaker
Yep.
00:18:57
Speaker
I think that we're at a stage now where we have to find ways to be
00:19:02
Speaker
productive in a way that makes sense and not exhausting, you know, because at the end of the day, I think that, I mean, let me just bring up this thing about 4B for a second.
00:19:11
Speaker
I think what I'm seeing right now from a lot of women is, I hate to say it, but I think a lot of it is very reactionary.
00:19:18
Speaker
I don't believe it's coming from intention of like, I want to follow this because the truth is for those of us who knew about 4B for a very long time, like I'm not a person who was like,
00:19:28
Speaker
pro that movement in any way in the sense that like, I was like, Oh my god, I'm going to wholesale adopt this ideology and live by it.
00:19:34
Speaker
But that's just how my life ended up panning out because the mechanics of it just didn't work.
00:19:39
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:19:40
Speaker
Like, like the only other alternative was to continue putting myself in a very mediocre dating pool, which I had no interest in.
00:19:45
Speaker
So just by virtue of like living my life, I was already living kind of a 4B existence.
00:19:50
Speaker
You know, it didn't come with any palm.
00:19:52
Speaker
There was no parade to my entering this sort of movement.
00:19:56
Speaker
It just came about as a result of like, what exactly is sustainable in my life right now?
00:20:00
Speaker
And
00:20:00
Speaker
What exactly is bringing me joy?
00:20:02
Speaker
And so naturally, I was like, okay, I'm disinclined to pander to men because I see that as not a winning strategy.
00:20:09
Speaker
And also, it brings me in contact with a lot of men that are not good for me.
00:20:14
Speaker
And it is very exhausting to be around those kinds of men, even with good faith, even with being a very positive and optimistic thinker.
00:20:21
Speaker
it's not something that actually benefits me in any real way.
00:20:25
Speaker
And so I kind of came about like with these like 4B principles, just really merely by accident.
00:20:31
Speaker
And I never really thought of it as like, oh, I need to stick to this very strict ideology.
00:20:35
Speaker
It kind of just happened.
00:20:36
Speaker
What I'm really seeing with a lot of people is like something that's very reactive.
00:20:40
Speaker
It's like, oh, I'm pissed off.
00:20:41
Speaker
So like, maybe we should have like a Lysistrata level of sex, like
00:20:45
Speaker
And it's like, it was possible for those women because those women were not so easily distracted by the internet.
00:20:53
Speaker
I'm sorry, but there were fewer of them.
00:20:55
Speaker
And they were like, we're just going to throw the men out.
00:20:56
Speaker
They're at war.
00:20:57
Speaker
And we're going to tell them we'll never sleep with them again.
00:20:58
Speaker
And all these Greek women banded together and got shit done.
00:21:01
Speaker
And it's very possible in South Korea because, I mean, they consider themselves in a weird way to be an island because, you know, they have an enemy.
00:21:08
Speaker
And so they are kind of isolated and cut off from everyone else.
00:21:10
Speaker
So where the fuck are South Korean men going to go?
00:21:12
Speaker
Like the K-dramas are only going to do so much for you.
00:21:14
Speaker
At some point, you will have to speak English to your lover.
00:21:16
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:21:17
Speaker
Not every single woman is going to learn Korean in order to get you laid.
00:21:20
Speaker
So, you know what I mean?
00:21:22
Speaker
So like there's a limitation there that's already in place where the women can exert some level of control and keeping the men in line.
00:21:28
Speaker
Now, whether that's an effective strategy or not, we will have to see long term data to determine to be determined.
00:21:34
Speaker
Right.
00:21:35
Speaker
But I think that when we come to these reactionary sort of politics, it's like you're not coming at this with any real sincerity, because the first second a good looking man smiles at you and winks at you, you're like back to square one.
00:21:45
Speaker
So really only come to these movements if you plan on having the agenda of staying because otherwise there's really no point.
00:21:51
Speaker
And so it comes back down to, okay, now that the reactionary stage of everybody's anger is going to pass, which would will pass because like all seasons, there is a season for this and it will pass.
Strategic Discernment in Politics and Relationships
00:22:01
Speaker
Then you have to think about, well, what else can I do?
00:22:03
Speaker
Because if you're still intending on dating, then vetting becomes even more important because, you know, going back to the point I made earlier,
00:22:09
Speaker
A lot of men around the world are right wing.
00:22:11
Speaker
I'm hearing a lot of American women be like, I'm going to leave America and go to France where I'm going to have my Emily in Paris moment.
00:22:18
Speaker
And it's like, do the French girls warn you?
00:22:20
Speaker
Right.
00:22:21
Speaker
They have warned you if you've been listening.
00:22:24
Speaker
Have the Korean women warned you?
00:22:26
Speaker
Like all these people who are sitting and consuming this media with absolutely no ground reality of like what men are like in other countries.
00:22:33
Speaker
I'm sorry to break it to you, but men are misogynistic as fuck everywhere.
00:22:37
Speaker
And a lot of them have these ideologies or worse.
00:22:40
Speaker
And what we're seeing even in America is that overwhelmingly men voted for Trump of all kinds of backgrounds, of all kinds of races, of all kinds of financial incomes.
00:22:49
Speaker
You know, all of them were pretty adamantly like, this is a guy that's going to give us what we want.
00:22:54
Speaker
So yeah, sure.
00:22:55
Speaker
It's in our best interest to elect him.
00:22:57
Speaker
Right?
00:22:57
Speaker
I think a lot of men, like from what I know of women who are dating online, like a lot of them were saying that men straight up lie.
00:23:03
Speaker
I mean, of course they do.
00:23:03
Speaker
They straight up lie about their politics on these dating apps because, well, you know, it's easy to pull fast on you.
00:23:09
Speaker
You want to believe what you want to believe.
00:23:11
Speaker
You know, he's like, oh, I'm super progressive.
00:23:13
Speaker
You know, here's my picture of me reading Andrea Dworkin, you know?
00:23:18
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:23:19
Speaker
There he is reading Bill Hooks.
00:23:21
Speaker
And this is true.
00:23:21
Speaker
I think it's been very hard for me to accept this.
00:23:24
Speaker
I think this is something for others to also take seriously into consideration.
00:23:28
Speaker
Men lie without compunction.
00:23:30
Speaker
They consider it part of their tool of persuasion.
00:23:34
Speaker
I don't think they even really think of it as lying.
00:23:36
Speaker
They just think of it as, I will say what I have to say to get what I want.
00:23:39
Speaker
And it's their fault that I can't get what I want unless I say it this certain way.
00:23:44
Speaker
Okay.
00:23:45
Speaker
Even if they get caught in a lie, they're like, well, you know, if you had just been willing to listen, they're always going to have an excuse because ultimately it's to whatever serves their ends.
00:23:55
Speaker
And that's why so many of them overwhelmingly voted for an idiot.
00:24:01
Speaker
I mean, an absolute clown, a clown show.
00:24:04
Speaker
And we're already seeing it with like the pics and people are like, Oh, how dare he?
00:24:08
Speaker
Who could even imagine?
00:24:09
Speaker
It's like, well, this is
00:24:10
Speaker
You know what, I'm not even gonna get into this because like, I could have imagined easily because he'd already shown us who he was.
00:24:16
Speaker
But all this is to say is like, you're right, all these women who are coming at it from a reactionary perspective, or saying like, do I divorce my husband, I found out he voted for Trump.
00:24:25
Speaker
It's like, honey, wake up.
00:24:27
Speaker
Okay, you listen, you might have to stay in a situation because of XYZ.
00:24:32
Speaker
But please take off these blinders.
00:24:35
Speaker
that are keeping reality from you.
00:24:38
Speaker
I mean, because if you are unwilling to deal with reality, you will never exit the dream world of your own creation.
00:24:43
Speaker
And here's the other side of that, Diana, is many women and many people in general don't want to, right?
00:24:49
Speaker
It's easier, it's safer to simply remain in that land where they can just believe whatever lie is told to them, because it's easier than having to be critical and
00:24:59
Speaker
and ruthless and, you know, constantly discerning facts from fiction.
00:25:05
Speaker
And that's, I think, exactly why we ended up in the situation that we're in currently.
00:25:08
Speaker
Yep.
00:25:08
Speaker
And many people are honestly in a position of like, this is going back to the point that Baldwin made about people don't really want freedom.
00:25:16
Speaker
They don't really like having agency, they want to be told what to do.
00:25:19
Speaker
And they want to be told what to believe in.
00:25:21
Speaker
And like, at some point, you will have to choose for yourself.
00:25:24
Speaker
Like a lot of women are like, Oh, can I join 4B and still like date my man?
00:25:27
Speaker
And it's like, are you understand?
00:25:29
Speaker
Absolutely not.
00:25:31
Speaker
You know, you don't have to do the four bathing, right?
00:25:34
Speaker
Like, you're not going to be like the least popular girl at the cafeteria if you don't, you know what I mean?
00:25:39
Speaker
Like, nobody cares.
00:25:41
Speaker
These online movements are just that they're online.
00:25:43
Speaker
I mean, they are applicable to the people who come from those nations for whom they actually end up changing shit.
00:25:49
Speaker
Because, again, they're unified in their messaging and they're unified in their ideals.
00:25:54
Speaker
If you don't share these ideals, you don't have to adopt them.
00:25:57
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:25:57
Speaker
Like, but you need to be practical and smart about who you let into your life anyway, because that is just common sense.
00:26:03
Speaker
And what do we say?
00:26:04
Speaker
Like, make common sense common again.
00:26:06
Speaker
We said this in the first episode, and we're saying it again now.
00:26:09
Speaker
Please make common sense common again.
00:26:10
Speaker
If this is not applicable to you, like, I mean, I follow 4B and I'd never intended to.
00:26:15
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:26:16
Speaker
I never came at it with like, oh, I'm following this movement.
00:26:18
Speaker
It just so happened that my life was conveniently set up that way.
00:26:21
Speaker
And now I don't need to deal with a man if I don't want to, you know?
00:26:24
Speaker
It's true.
00:26:25
Speaker
When I first started to read about it, I was like, oh, wait, that's how I live my life.
00:26:28
Speaker
Like it ended up coinciding with the movement.
00:26:31
Speaker
It was not something that I voluntarily followed because I had already been setting up my life in such a way.
00:26:36
Speaker
Yeah, I didn't choose it.
00:26:37
Speaker
I didn't choose it as an expression of my politics.
00:26:39
Speaker
I chose it as an expression of my authentic self.
00:26:42
Speaker
Like this is just who I am naturally.
00:26:44
Speaker
It has nothing to do with like I'm following an ideology and stuff.
00:26:47
Speaker
If it inconveniences men, good.
00:26:49
Speaker
I mean, I wasn't trying to be convenient.
00:26:51
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:26:52
Speaker
Exactly.
00:26:52
Speaker
If anything, I derive great joy from making their life difficult.
00:26:56
Speaker
I think they could stand to have a little bit more difficulties in life.
00:26:59
Speaker
So I'm happy to help on that front.
00:27:01
Speaker
I'm happy to make it difficult for you to have access to me.
00:27:03
Speaker
I'm fine with that.
00:27:04
Speaker
Make it difficult for men again.
00:27:06
Speaker
And you know what?
00:27:07
Speaker
It's so true.
00:27:07
Speaker
It's like I didn't choose the 4B movement.
00:27:09
Speaker
The 4B movement chose me.
00:27:11
Speaker
I didn't choose the thug life.
00:27:13
Speaker
The thug life chose me.
00:27:18
Speaker
Real gangsters move in silence, as they say.
00:27:20
Speaker
That's right.
Misogyny and Deception in Society
00:27:21
Speaker
I was already moving silently.
00:27:23
Speaker
I guess I'm a gangster.
00:27:24
Speaker
But so it's been weirdly gratifying, but also weirdly annoying.
00:27:28
Speaker
And this is me and all my feelings and all my terrible human messiness because I'm reading all these things from women.
00:27:33
Speaker
And this is where I get really, really petty sometimes where I'm just like, you had to have known.
00:27:40
Speaker
The only reason you didn't know is because you weren't listening.
00:27:44
Speaker
And now that it's going to affect you, not just, you know, your fellow women or anybody else other than you, now that it's going to affect you, now you care.
00:27:53
Speaker
And that I just, oh, it's so hard for me not to be judging that.
00:27:57
Speaker
Just like how, why, why don't you care about people beyond just yourself?
00:28:01
Speaker
I don't understand it.
00:28:03
Speaker
You know what was crazy?
00:28:04
Speaker
I saw someone post something like, you know, I always knew men hated us, but I didn't know they hated us this much.
00:28:09
Speaker
And it's like, you did it?
00:28:10
Speaker
What do you mean?
00:28:11
Speaker
I don't!
00:28:12
Speaker
What?
00:28:13
Speaker
They were, where have you been?
00:28:15
Speaker
It's not like they've been trying to hide it.
00:28:17
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:28:17
Speaker
What rock have you been hiding under?
00:28:20
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:28:21
Speaker
Especially in this era of like online discourse, which is something else we were going to touch on in this conversation was like,
00:28:26
Speaker
The online discourse, the rancor, like vehement disdain, the contempt, like the quickness, with the quickness they had so many new quotes, you know, to throw in our faces like your body, my choice, right?
00:28:41
Speaker
That came up real quick.
00:28:42
Speaker
And it's just like, this is not something that has just like recently popped up for these men.
00:28:47
Speaker
They have been steeping in it for millennia.
00:28:51
Speaker
So when we talk about like how to vet Diana, we've talked about some of the more overt things that we have to vet for.
00:28:57
Speaker
But like, what are maybe some things that it's easy to miss?
00:29:00
Speaker
Like we're talking about like, oh, how could you have missed that he voted for Trump?
00:29:03
Speaker
But there might be smaller things that we could also be looking out for that maybe we just tend to overlook because we're trying to find the grand big red flags.
00:29:12
Speaker
I think that two of the things we need to acknowledge is that men, like they have already taken the temperature of what is going on.
00:29:18
Speaker
And they're aware of the fact that women are pissed off.
00:29:21
Speaker
Okay.
00:29:22
Speaker
And, you know, this is where it comes back to the point about like Andrea Dworkin talking about left wing men, right wing men, it makes no difference.
00:29:27
Speaker
Like they just defer on what they like.
00:29:30
Speaker
One thinks that women are public property.
00:29:31
Speaker
One thinks that women are property.
00:29:32
Speaker
And really, they are equally misogynistic.
00:29:34
Speaker
There's really no distinction between the two of them.
00:29:37
Speaker
But the leftists are going to know that women are pissed off because Trump won.
00:29:40
Speaker
Like both sides, I think, are going to try to be a lot more sneaky about how they worm their way in because sexual access to is still very important to them.
00:29:47
Speaker
And now that women are pissed off, it's at least temporarily a little bit harder for them to gain access.
00:29:52
Speaker
I mean, a lot of these women, I hate to say, is pure copium and pure talk of like, I'm never going to sleep with a man again.
00:29:57
Speaker
Because if you were about that energy, you've been doing it already.
00:29:59
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:30:00
Speaker
Like, there's no giant wake-up call.
00:30:02
Speaker
If you do not have sexual discipline, you're not suddenly going to start exhibiting Olympic athlete levels of dedication to your sexual.
00:30:09
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:30:10
Speaker
Like, it's just not going to happen.
00:30:11
Speaker
It's so true.
00:30:11
Speaker
You know, you got to crawl before you walk and you got to walk before you run and do gymnastics like you're fucking Simone Biles of the sexual Olympics.
00:30:19
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:30:19
Speaker
It's not going to happen.
00:30:21
Speaker
Just give it up.
00:30:22
Speaker
It's fine to have it as like something you want to adopt.
00:30:25
Speaker
But just know that if you didn't come at it with this energy before, it's not going to be like an overnight thing that I just suddenly go cold turkey.
00:30:31
Speaker
Like for a lot of women, this is very hard.
00:30:33
Speaker
Like disengaging from men when you're very used to pandering to them is not going to be something that just happens overnight, you know?
00:30:39
Speaker
Because it really takes a very long time for you to basically rid yourself of that mindset.
00:30:43
Speaker
And you're always going to go back because the fears that society feeds you is going to keep coming back of like, oh, well, what if you wind up alone?
00:30:49
Speaker
And what if you don't get married?
00:30:50
Speaker
And what if you don't have children?
00:30:52
Speaker
Like this is always going to haunt you.
00:30:53
Speaker
So unless you learn to like just not give a shit about it, which takes time, you're not going to suddenly adopt this like very hardline stance against men, which leaves you vulnerable to their attacks.
00:31:02
Speaker
Okay, so one aspect of it is that yes, they are going to lie a lot more to get what they want.
00:31:06
Speaker
And two is that the ones who did vote for him are also going to be very cagey because they know it's not going to get them laid.
00:31:11
Speaker
And so they're going to be a lot more intelligent about how they lie to women now.
00:31:16
Speaker
I do think it's still probably easier to catch them.
00:31:18
Speaker
It's like, whenever you're on like the FDS forums, we could always tell when a man was like live action role playing, because they just don't know women that well.
00:31:26
Speaker
And like, they say these things that are like a dead giveaway all the time.
00:31:29
Speaker
And you know, if I had to give like an example, it's like,
00:31:32
Speaker
Okay, you know, any direct questions about his politics is going to give you an answer that you want to hear.
00:31:37
Speaker
You know, what we suggested when it came to like discovering a man's porn use, for example, was to pretend like you were into porn and ask him like as a casual question, like, Oh, what kind of porn are you into?
00:31:47
Speaker
Like, let's just guard down and make some think you're one of the cool girls.
00:31:50
Speaker
And sometimes it's very good to employ the cool girl strategy to be like, you know, I so love our president elect, Mr. Trump.
00:31:57
Speaker
I just love his book, The Art of the Deal.
00:31:59
Speaker
And I think he's got such great ideas.
00:32:02
Speaker
And if his reaction is like, Oh, my God, are you fucking crazy?
00:32:05
Speaker
Like, here's the thing, like, somebody who is genuinely a Trumper will be very happy about you talking about him in a positive manner, because he's not going to think that you're lying.
00:32:12
Speaker
Because he's lying, right?
00:32:14
Speaker
He's lying to get laid.
00:32:15
Speaker
He's lying.
00:32:16
Speaker
He's not thinking about your lies.
00:32:17
Speaker
He's thinking about his own lies.
00:32:18
Speaker
He's trying to keep his story straight, you know?
00:32:20
Speaker
So I think that, you know, you need to, like, not everybody is going to volunteer information about their politics to you, especially because they know at this stage that women are going to be very upset about it.
00:32:28
Speaker
And so they're not going to directly tell you that they voted for X, Y and Z. Like, I mean, this is not always going to be a guaranteed strategy of like, if you tell him you like Trump, that he's going to suddenly volunteer that he's into Trump as well, because some of them are still intelligent enough to know to play along and pretend and push back.
00:32:42
Speaker
And if they're genuinely one of those leftist guys who's like, I'm a nice guy, I read bell hooks.
00:32:47
Speaker
Like, I mean, I'm not going to say that those men are any better because those men can be just as equally misogynistic.
00:32:52
Speaker
I think ultimately what it comes down to is to find out things in a much more neutral sort of way and find out what he feels about certain topics in a very roundabout way of asking his politics.
00:33:02
Speaker
Not like directly like, oh, did you vote for Trump or did you vote for what did you feel about this election and stuff?
00:33:08
Speaker
But things that are target issues like, you know, seeing a homeless guy, you know, how does he react to homeless people?
00:33:15
Speaker
ask him about like, you know, does he volunteer?
00:33:16
Speaker
Like, what does he do for fun?
00:33:18
Speaker
You know, what does he do as a hobby?
00:33:20
Speaker
Does he spend his time in community with other people?
00:33:23
Speaker
Also, you have to watch out for men who have very antisocial sort of hobbies.
00:33:27
Speaker
We talked about this in the hobby episode as well about like, you know, indoor men, outdoor men, the ones who go to the gym versus the ones who are like sitting and playing video games.
Strategic Thinking in Dating
00:33:34
Speaker
I have found a lot of like the video game men to be incredibly antisocial.
00:33:38
Speaker
So I mean, it's not a red flag in and of itself, though to some women it might be.
00:33:42
Speaker
I think it's in combination with other activities that are also very insular is when you have to start watching out for him being kind of like an online chronic guy.
00:33:49
Speaker
Because sometimes I see these takes that they have online and I'm like, this is clearly the words of a man who has never stepped outside his house.
00:33:55
Speaker
Because he truly believes this bullshit.
00:33:57
Speaker
Like he's like, every woman is on the cock carousel.
00:34:00
Speaker
She's fucking like 50 guys.
00:34:01
Speaker
And like everyone has a body count of like 250.
00:34:03
Speaker
And I'm like, 250? 250?
00:34:06
Speaker
Where did you get these data?
00:34:07
Speaker
Right.
00:34:08
Speaker
And it's like, Oh, it's online.
00:34:09
Speaker
So that means it must be true.
00:34:10
Speaker
And here's the thing, you know, I really like this idea of being much more circumspect in how you present ideas sort of like as a fishing expedition, because like Diana says, I mean, they lie, they're going to continue to lie.
00:34:22
Speaker
It's like, if it's going to get them what they want, they're absolutely going to do that.
00:34:25
Speaker
And so this idea of like, you know, Oh, what kind of porn do you watch?
00:34:29
Speaker
Like, that's a great one.
00:34:30
Speaker
That's what that's been an FTS approved one for quite some time.
00:34:32
Speaker
I think another one that has occurred to me while you're talking is like,
00:34:35
Speaker
I don't know about you, but I have plenty of friends who are single mothers, and we're absolutely screwed over by their husbands or boyfriends or baby daddies.
00:34:45
Speaker
And have you ever actually brought up like those sorts of situations?
00:34:48
Speaker
Like, oh my gosh, my sister's having such a hard time.
00:34:51
Speaker
Like,
00:34:51
Speaker
her ex-husband to actually like pay for these kids sporting activities, even though it's like part of the divorce settlement, you know, just kind of bitch and moan about that and see where he takes it.
00:35:02
Speaker
Because I swear to God, they have a burning hatred for single mothers, which is the weirdest thing ever.
00:35:08
Speaker
But so many of them, that is like a flashpoint, you know, or even just like make up a friend of yours who was literally assaulted and
00:35:16
Speaker
And listen to how he responds to it, because so many of them give themselves away in these situations.
00:35:21
Speaker
They'll be like, oh, well, she was like she was out at a bar late at night.
00:35:24
Speaker
Like, sorry, but like everybody knows, you know, so many of them, that's when it will slip out.
00:35:28
Speaker
Right.
00:35:29
Speaker
Because they love people to blame a woman after she's been punished, quote unquote, for daring to exist while female.
00:35:36
Speaker
So these are incidents where like you might be able to have things revealed to you in a very sort of roundabout casual way without having to put yourself in danger or really just eliciting the most obvious lie.
00:35:46
Speaker
Like, who did you vote for?
00:35:47
Speaker
He's not going to say Trump.
00:35:49
Speaker
Even if you say you voted for Trump, like Diana said, so many of them, they're going to play the long game.
00:35:54
Speaker
And so like, we have to be willing to play the longer game, essentially, right?
00:35:59
Speaker
You've got to have patience with these guys because, you know, they have a millennia of learning all these tricks.
00:36:04
Speaker
Boy talk is all about sharing, you know, how they can fuck us over, how they can confuse us, how they can like ameliorate our concerns temporarily so that they can get what they want.
00:36:14
Speaker
And then, you know, abscond or further continue to exploit you.
00:36:17
Speaker
Like this is what they share.
00:36:19
Speaker
They always talk about women gossiping.
00:36:21
Speaker
Men are the biggest gossips.
00:36:22
Speaker
This is all projection.
00:36:23
Speaker
Are you kidding me?
00:36:25
Speaker
Also, like, they brought in a two pronged approach of electing him because on one hand, yes, they knew that women were going to be upset about it.
00:36:33
Speaker
But now they're going to be a lot more diabolical about the way that they lie to get to you.
00:36:36
Speaker
And if that fails, they have the legislative, you know,
00:36:41
Speaker
basically the backing of human society and the government behind them to get what they want.
00:36:45
Speaker
So men have always played chess and you are playing checkers.
00:36:49
Speaker
Okay.
00:36:49
Speaker
Men have ensured that, yeah, sure.
00:36:52
Speaker
In the group of men you date, there might be the Republican guys, the men who are lying about being Republican and leftist guys who are basically also sometimes very low value.
00:36:59
Speaker
I'm not of this impression that automatically just because someone is from the left, he is going to be like this great sweetie pie because the misogyny that they are cooked under that soup
00:37:07
Speaker
It hits them all the exact same.
00:37:09
Speaker
Okay, they're all cooked in the same boiling water.
00:37:11
Speaker
And until I have evidence to prove that they are above those things, like they genuinely do care about the well-being of women in their lives.
00:37:18
Speaker
Like I am not concerned with, you know, just automatically giving somebody the benefit of the doubt just purely based on like some political ideals that he has.
00:37:26
Speaker
Like some of them are just sexual leftists.
00:37:28
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:37:29
Speaker
They hold these like left-wing ideals just to try to get laid.
00:37:32
Speaker
Like it has nothing to do with whether they believe in it or not.
00:37:35
Speaker
Or they want prostitution to be legal.
00:37:38
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:37:38
Speaker
Things like that.
00:37:39
Speaker
Like, that's why they're liberal.
00:37:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:41
Speaker
Or they want, like, a cookie for being a, you know, barely decent human being.
00:37:46
Speaker
They all want that fucking cookie.
00:37:47
Speaker
I'm so tired of it.
00:37:48
Speaker
But it's so true, though.
00:37:48
Speaker
And, you know, this is where I like your analogy of like they're playing chess and we're playing checkers because this is why I always hype up, Diana, your ability to be ruthless and like your absolute glee in being as inconvenient as possible.
00:38:05
Speaker
Because...
00:38:06
Speaker
that really does separate the wheat from the chaff.
00:38:09
Speaker
You know, like a lot of these guys, they're looking for the easiest shortcut, like the quickest and easiest way to get you to do what they want, because they know typically by the time you sleep with them, they basically got you emotionally locked in and everything is just downhill from there, you know?
00:38:22
Speaker
And that's what we're always like, how he starts is how he needs to go on.
00:38:25
Speaker
And so, and like you say, unless I have somebody who is simply extraordinary, like who is as extraordinary as I, right?
00:38:33
Speaker
they're not even gonna get the time of day, you know, like I'll give them a polite greeting and I'm moving on.
00:38:38
Speaker
And so that's something that I think we really need to start integrating into our vetting strategies is just this like, this knowledge and this deep wisdom that like, men have been putting us in these untenable situations, whether it's legally, extra judicially, governmentally, religiously, like they on all levels, they have got us hectured in.
00:38:58
Speaker
And just a quick, really disturbing stat.
00:39:01
Speaker
I think in the US,
00:39:03
Speaker
the rate of prosecution and conviction on sexual assaults that are reported, right?
00:39:09
Speaker
Reported sexual assaults.
00:39:11
Speaker
There are infinitely more sexual assaults that happen, but the ones that get reported and then prosecuted and then convicted, that figure is somewhere around two or 3%.
00:39:21
Speaker
In other words,
00:39:23
Speaker
Rape is more or less legal.
00:39:25
Speaker
It's extra legal because they don't punish it.
00:39:28
Speaker
And the men know this.
00:39:30
Speaker
If they can just get you to their house or to your house or in their car, you have absolutely no protections.
00:39:38
Speaker
And so really understand that you are so precious.
00:39:41
Speaker
You are so wonderful.
00:39:42
Speaker
You're so valuable.
00:39:43
Speaker
And, you know, women go get raped and go missing all the time.
00:39:47
Speaker
It happens every day.
00:39:48
Speaker
Pregnant women, the number one cause of their death is not actually birth.
00:39:53
Speaker
It's actually their partner killing them while they're pregnant.
00:39:56
Speaker
So, I mean, all of this has already been done terrible for us.
00:39:59
Speaker
And now it's about to get immeasurably worse.
00:40:03
Speaker
And so these are the things I want us to think about when we're like, oh, I just want to find a good man.
00:40:07
Speaker
Like we all do.
00:40:08
Speaker
If you're interested in finding a good man, like we're all there.
00:40:11
Speaker
But that's not what the considerations really have to be in this situation.
00:40:16
Speaker
I think also, you know, if I had to come up with a two pronged strategy for us, the element of surprise is your best friend.
00:40:22
Speaker
Like the reason why men don't pull a fast on me is because they never see me coming.
00:40:26
Speaker
is because I'm very good at creating an impression of stupidity and dumbness.
00:40:30
Speaker
And like, I employ dumb fox a lot.
00:40:32
Speaker
I employ dumb fox a lot because I like men.
00:40:35
Speaker
Let them cook.
00:40:36
Speaker
Okay, let them talk.
00:40:37
Speaker
Men will reveal themselves in what they say.
00:40:39
Speaker
I just let them chat and I act so interested in what they have to say.
00:40:42
Speaker
And I'm very good at playing dumb.
00:40:44
Speaker
Also, because I present as very feminine.
00:40:45
Speaker
So they're very eager to believe that I'm very stupid.
00:40:47
Speaker
So I never talk about my income.
00:40:49
Speaker
I never talk about what I do for work.
00:40:50
Speaker
I'm like, it's just some boring shit.
00:40:52
Speaker
I never talk about my accolades.
00:40:53
Speaker
I never talk about anything that could at all be perceived as a threat.
00:40:57
Speaker
I just have him explain shit to me about like the economy or politics.
00:41:00
Speaker
And I'm like, Oh, I didn't know that.
00:41:02
Speaker
Like,
00:41:03
Speaker
Tell me more than he will tell me where the bodies are hidden and when exactly he murdered them and everything because he genuinely thinks I'm interested.
00:41:09
Speaker
And because most men do not have to vet against you or protect against you in the way that we have to protect against them.
00:41:15
Speaker
They just think it's innocuous chit chat.
00:41:17
Speaker
They don't think that anything I say is something where I'm scrutinizing them.
00:41:21
Speaker
Right?
00:41:21
Speaker
So the element of surprise helps you there because sometimes I'll ask them a question that comes seemingly out of nowhere in our conversation and they haven't had time to come up with a cover story for that one.
00:41:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:41:30
Speaker
I love that.
00:41:31
Speaker
That's so clever.
00:41:32
Speaker
Because listen, Diana, I like that you're playing sly fox.
00:41:35
Speaker
I prefer not dumb fox, but sly fox.
00:41:37
Speaker
Oh, you play smart by playing dumb.
00:41:39
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:41:40
Speaker
Totally, totally.
00:41:41
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:41:42
Speaker
I think my equivalent would be like, I have such a Midwestern, like,
00:41:46
Speaker
game girl, good old time.
00:41:48
Speaker
Like, you know, like I was telling somebody the other day, I was like, people tell me everything.
00:41:52
Speaker
I don't even ask.
00:41:53
Speaker
They just volunteer.
00:41:54
Speaker
And what I've learned is to listen because people and men, especially will absolutely tell you who they are.
00:42:00
Speaker
If you're just paying attention, if you're just listening with a keen ear and like a relaxed smiling expression, they will fucking tell you everything.
00:42:08
Speaker
Just make sure you're listening.
00:42:10
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:42:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:11
Speaker
That's the thing, right?
00:42:12
Speaker
Like at the end of the day, if you ask them very direct questions, they will seem very loaded
Generosity and Strategy in Relationships
00:42:16
Speaker
and they will seem very obvious.
00:42:17
Speaker
If you ask them like, oh, did you vote for Trump?
00:42:19
Speaker
Oh, what do you feel about this particular policy?
00:42:21
Speaker
What do you feel about abortion?
00:42:22
Speaker
What do you feel about women splitting 50-50?
00:42:25
Speaker
Regardless of what he personally believes, he's not going to be very honest with you.
00:42:28
Speaker
Because I mean, even like these so-called left wing men will come at me and be like, well, here's why I think 50-50 is fair because it's just equal.
00:42:33
Speaker
And then I have to sit down and explain to them why it's not actually equal.
00:42:37
Speaker
And I'm like, why am I wasting my energy on this person?
00:42:39
Speaker
Understand that men who do 50-50 are in survival mode.
00:42:42
Speaker
He needs to get his shit together.
00:42:43
Speaker
You just leave him be, okay?
00:42:44
Speaker
He needs to survive.
00:42:45
Speaker
Pookie needs to go and get a job.
00:42:47
Speaker
So I don't sit and try to rescue them from their situation anymore.
00:42:50
Speaker
Because when I was in my 20s, I was like, maybe if I can rationalize this person and have them listen to reason, they will understand my point of view.
00:42:56
Speaker
They don't buy your point of view, not because of like the rationality of it.
00:42:59
Speaker
They don't buy your point of view because it's inconvenient to them.
00:43:02
Speaker
Understand the difference.
00:43:03
Speaker
They're not buying into your point of view because it's not logical.
00:43:05
Speaker
Of course, it's logical.
00:43:06
Speaker
They're not buying into your point of view because it inconveniences them.
00:43:09
Speaker
And it also removes them from your dating pool.
00:43:12
Speaker
And they don't want that.
00:43:13
Speaker
They want you to settle because that's how they get included, which is easier convincing women that they deserve less or asking men to aspire to more.
00:43:20
Speaker
One requires more effort from them.
00:43:22
Speaker
So guess what the answer is going to be?
00:43:24
Speaker
And don't ever forget what Savannah, our beloved Savannah has talked about affirmative action for men.
00:43:29
Speaker
Okay.
00:43:30
Speaker
Basically any relationship with women is affirmative action for men.
00:43:35
Speaker
So do you really just want to be given that milk away for free, honey?
00:43:38
Speaker
Like, I mean, I hate that whole, why buy the milk and the cow?
00:43:40
Speaker
And yeah, we all heard that bullshit, but at the same time, there is a certain amount of truth in that.
00:43:45
Speaker
Like any man is going to benefit from having you in his life.
00:43:48
Speaker
Okay.
00:43:48
Speaker
Okay.
00:43:49
Speaker
Yeah, I was just telling Rose this earlier that I had a conversation with a woman where I told her I was like, Oh, you know, the men in my country are such princesses, I could never date them because I am used to and accustomed to a certain standard of being treated by men.
00:44:00
Speaker
And that includes the men in my life, like right now, you know, my uncle, my gay best friends, like all of the men who helped make me money, like all of these men pour into me in a very specific way.
00:44:10
Speaker
And so I'm very used to being treated a certain way by men.
00:44:12
Speaker
And I don't really believe in having to sit and do this 50-50 bullshit with them and like, you know, pour into them to the expense of not having anything for myself.
00:44:20
Speaker
And this woman pushed back and she was like, no, well, you know, I'm kind of like non-binary or whatever.
00:44:25
Speaker
So like, I'm okay with being the man in the relationship, which I thought was very strange because isn't that binary?
00:44:29
Speaker
And what the fuck does that mean?
00:44:31
Speaker
Because...
00:44:32
Speaker
Because it's absolutely gender essentialism right there.
00:44:35
Speaker
Okay.
00:44:35
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:44:36
Speaker
And I was like, what do you mean being a man in a relationship?
00:44:38
Speaker
And the point is that she thought like generosity is this trait that women are supposed to have in abundance and men are not.
00:44:43
Speaker
I mean, that's not how she explained it, but that's how she implied it.
00:44:45
Speaker
Right.
00:44:45
Speaker
And the truth is what I pointed out to her, I was like, look, generosity to me is not a gender trait.
00:44:50
Speaker
Okay.
00:44:51
Speaker
I already bring a lot to him just by virtue of being here.
00:44:54
Speaker
So he needs to be able to pull his weight because if I'm doing all of that work, I may as well date a woman.
00:45:00
Speaker
Because at least a woman will pour back into me.
00:45:02
Speaker
Exactly.
00:45:03
Speaker
You know, not that women are not selfish too, but I'm more likely to get what I want from any woman than I am from a man.
00:45:10
Speaker
So why would I put all of that effort in for somebody who is not understanding the sacrifices and the efforts that I'm making for them?
00:45:16
Speaker
So I see generosity as the essential to the relationship with me, whether it's in friendship, whether it's in family, whether it is in love.
00:45:24
Speaker
Every single person in my life is an incredibly generous person.
00:45:26
Speaker
I like them that way because I am that way and they're a reflection of me.
00:45:29
Speaker
We've said before that you are the sum total of the five closest people in your life.
00:45:33
Speaker
I like looking at my five closest people and knowing all of them have this quality of generosity.
00:45:38
Speaker
And that is a reflection of me.
00:45:40
Speaker
I have generous people around me.
00:45:41
Speaker
What I would not want is for them to squander their generosity on the wrong people.
00:45:45
Speaker
Are you listening, listeners?
00:45:47
Speaker
The same way I would not want to squander my generosity either.
00:45:49
Speaker
So I don't see it as a gender trait.
00:45:51
Speaker
And I don't see it as like, oh, you know, 50-50 is more equal in this situation because, you know, both of us are making similar amounts of income.
00:45:59
Speaker
Like, your income is not my problem.
00:46:01
Speaker
Since when has it become my problem to save you from the economy?
00:46:04
Speaker
You should have elected me as president.
00:46:07
Speaker
I mean, hello.
00:46:08
Speaker
And also never forget, never forget this system is designed for men to fail upwards.
00:46:16
Speaker
Exactly.
00:46:16
Speaker
How are you failing at a game that was made for you?
00:46:19
Speaker
Okay.
00:46:20
Speaker
This game was made for you.
00:46:22
Speaker
You have all of the resources at your disposal.
00:46:24
Speaker
If you're not succeeding in this, it's because you need to be removed from the gene pill.
00:46:28
Speaker
And the crazy thing was she said something along the lines of like, I just don't believe in that performative game playing.
00:46:32
Speaker
And I'm like, if you don't believe in it, you're already losing.
00:46:35
Speaker
Oh, thank you, Diana.
00:46:38
Speaker
Okay?
00:46:39
Speaker
Because whether you want to play this game or not, if you date heterosexual men, you are playing the game.
00:46:44
Speaker
Now you get to determine whether you want to be the winner or the loser of that game.
00:46:47
Speaker
And let me tell you guys, it's not that fun being the loser of that game.
00:46:50
Speaker
Okay?
00:46:50
Speaker
You wind up pregnant or dead or broke.
00:46:53
Speaker
Oh my gosh.
00:46:54
Speaker
None of these are acceptable options, Diana.
00:46:57
Speaker
Yeah, it's not like Monopoly where the worst you can feel is pissed off at the person who got all the property up front because that just makes the game boring.
00:47:04
Speaker
You should hope for a boring life with a man.
00:47:06
Speaker
It's preferable to the alternative.
00:47:08
Speaker
I was going to say, you know, somebody was asking my aunt.
00:47:10
Speaker
I was talking to my aunt who lives down in Florida.
00:47:13
Speaker
She's not that kind of Floridian, though, thank God.
00:47:16
Speaker
She's not the Florida man.
00:47:17
Speaker
No, she's not the Florida man.
00:47:19
Speaker
She's Midwestern, but like, you know, she was tired of the fucking cold up here, which you know what?
00:47:24
Speaker
If you've lived up here for 75 years, you'd be tired of the winters too.
00:47:28
Speaker
So I get it.
00:47:29
Speaker
Okay.
00:47:29
Speaker
But like we were talking and she was asking about me and like what my life has been like and you know what my updates were.
00:47:34
Speaker
And I was like, listen, auntie, you know,
00:47:37
Speaker
I gotta be honest, like my life has never been more boring and I've never been more content.
00:47:41
Speaker
Like that is such a victory for me because I led a very exciting life for a very long time.
00:47:47
Speaker
And it was a Chinese curse.
00:47:48
Speaker
Okay.
00:47:48
Speaker
Like, you know, the Chinese person may you live in interesting times.
00:47:51
Speaker
That sends chills down my spine when I hear it.
00:47:53
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:47:55
Speaker
Oh, I've been cursed.
00:47:56
Speaker
But like,
00:47:57
Speaker
When I say I led a very exciting life, it was a cursed life.
00:48:00
Speaker
Because when I tell people what I've done in my life, people get like wide eyed.
00:48:03
Speaker
And they're like, Oh, man, I always wanted to do that.
00:48:06
Speaker
Like, what was that like, you know, I get I kind of become a minor celebrity when people find out about my life, because it really kind of has been like, it's a life you write books about, right.
00:48:15
Speaker
But I was absolutely miserable.
00:48:17
Speaker
I was so miserable and so lost.
00:48:20
Speaker
and so confused and so vulnerable.
00:48:23
Speaker
And, you know, I'm lucky I wasn't killed, basically.
00:48:26
Speaker
And so now that I live like this precious, boring life of mine, I'm like, Oh, God is blessed be like, it is so amazing.
00:48:34
Speaker
I never knew how amazing boring can be.
00:48:37
Speaker
And she's like, Well, it sounds like
00:48:39
Speaker
you've really become an adult.
00:48:41
Speaker
And I was like, yeah, I think that's what it is.
00:48:43
Speaker
I think I've like crossed the threshold into official adulthood.
00:48:47
Speaker
That's another vetting point that I think our listeners need to understand.
00:48:50
Speaker
If you are meeting somebody who like, we've talked about the butterflies before and how that's not actually a good thing.
00:48:55
Speaker
That's actually a sign that like your nervous system, your bagel system is sending you warnings that this person is potentially dangerous.
00:49:02
Speaker
What you want is sort of like the warm glow and security and safety and calmness.
00:49:08
Speaker
If this person is not inspiring this sort of strong calmness in you, then basically run away.
00:49:14
Speaker
Okay.
00:49:15
Speaker
Because if you're looking for the butterflies, if you're looking for this, like, you know, the feeling of like your stomach dropping, you are still not fully healed from some of the trauma in your life.
00:49:25
Speaker
And you're not making these decisions from a place of security and health.
00:49:30
Speaker
And we cannot afford to be making these kinds of decisions unless they are made from that place of health and security.
00:49:37
Speaker
Okay.
00:49:37
Speaker
Like if you cannot make it from that place, simply opt out and get some work.
00:49:43
Speaker
It takes some time to do the work because when you come back, that's how you're more likely to find somebody who really is to your level.
00:49:49
Speaker
Yes.
00:49:50
Speaker
And we need to move from a position of reactionary politics to deliberate politics.
00:49:55
Speaker
Okay.
00:49:56
Speaker
You need to move from reactionary to deliberation because a lot of people are incredibly reactive right now.
00:50:02
Speaker
And you need to be intentional and deliberate with your choices in all aspects of your life.
00:50:07
Speaker
Like there's nothing that you can sustain if it comes from a place of
Deliberate Life Choices and Long-Term Perspective
00:50:11
Speaker
reaction.
00:50:11
Speaker
If someone told you something that made you feel terrible about yourself and that day you decided to change and it lasted like a week,
00:50:17
Speaker
That's because it didn't come from you.
00:50:19
Speaker
It came from feeling shame at what somebody else told you.
00:50:22
Speaker
And that's usually not like the solid foundation on which you can build anything.
00:50:26
Speaker
Anything you do from here on out has to be a deliberate choice.
00:50:30
Speaker
That I think is the way that we can change things because we're looking at online discourse right now.
00:50:34
Speaker
And we know for a fact that like, I think a lot of women read like the nasty shit that men say on the internet and think this has to be a minority, right?
00:50:40
Speaker
This has to be like a small pool of them that are just really angry and like really bitter because they can't get laid.
00:50:45
Speaker
And I hope that now you have come to the understanding that that small group of men have been incredibly influential in disseminating their politics to the men around them.
00:50:55
Speaker
Because they're looking for a scapegoat to be angry at, and turns out it's you.
00:51:00
Speaker
You're a very convenient scapegoat.
00:51:02
Speaker
Women will always be the sacrificial lamb.
00:51:05
Speaker
Always.
00:51:06
Speaker
Always.
00:51:07
Speaker
And forever.
00:51:08
Speaker
Until maybe this era of destruction, until this dark age, the age of iron, concludes and the new golden age dawns, you have to understand that you're always going to be, your neck is always going to be first on the chopping block.
00:51:20
Speaker
When they talk about like eat the rich and they joke about like bringing the guillotine out, they say the rich, but what they really mean is you, female.
00:51:27
Speaker
And so this is why with this online discourse, you know, I used to think like, oh, Rose, this is a small minority.
00:51:33
Speaker
Like it's a 4chan, Musk bros, tater tots.
00:51:37
Speaker
Like that's like what, maybe 5% of the population.
00:51:40
Speaker
Well, now that I've seen the votes, I'm
00:51:42
Speaker
Even I have had to revise my earlier estimates.
00:51:44
Speaker
I mean, we are looking at at least half, if not more, of every race, religion.
00:51:51
Speaker
Yep.
00:51:52
Speaker
And the truth is, they might not all be that extreme, but there's clearly some parts of this ideology that appeal to them enough to sway their vote.
00:51:59
Speaker
You know, enough to not want to protect you, enough to want to protect their vision of the world or their ideals over yours.
00:52:06
Speaker
So I do think that there has to be some discernment because you can't afford to get sloppy, right?
00:52:11
Speaker
Sometimes you do have to play dumb to be smart in the situation of like, men are smelling the blood in the water and they know, like somebody who's going to come at them directly.
00:52:19
Speaker
I mean, you can't just be satisfied with, oh, I asked him if he voted for Trump and he said he didn't.
00:52:24
Speaker
Now we're dating.
00:52:25
Speaker
So much fun.
00:52:26
Speaker
And then be surprised when you get married that he winds up being like an incredibly trad husband.
00:52:31
Speaker
And you're like, I didn't know that Bob could be like that.
00:52:33
Speaker
I love how we've made Bob like the sacrificial lamb of our politics.
00:52:36
Speaker
Stupid Bob.
00:52:38
Speaker
But Bob, you know, Bob is like playing the long game with you.
00:52:41
Speaker
He wanted permanent pussy and there you were.
00:52:43
Speaker
So you can't allow yourself to be used in this manner.
00:52:46
Speaker
You know, you have to be a little bit more strategic about what you disclose and how much you disclose.
00:52:51
Speaker
And unfortunately, I'm sorry to tell you guys, if you don't want to play the game, you can join my leagues of just making your own money and living independently.
00:52:58
Speaker
Some of you don't want to do that.
00:53:00
Speaker
Okay, I know, which is such a shame, because it's really nice out here.
00:53:03
Speaker
Okay, it's really, really nice.
00:53:05
Speaker
It's very nice.
00:53:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:53:06
Speaker
Like that was the crazy thing.
00:53:07
Speaker
When I spoke to that woman earlier, she was like, I don't believe in the game playing.
00:53:10
Speaker
And I'm like, by virtue of dating people, you are already doing the game playing.
00:53:13
Speaker
You're just losing.
00:53:15
Speaker
Terribly.
00:53:15
Speaker
You know, I stepped out of the game because I didn't need to play the game.
00:53:18
Speaker
I flipped the fucking board and moved on with my life.
00:53:20
Speaker
And I was like, I don't need to do this shit, you know.
00:53:22
Speaker
So you can do that too, if that is what works for you.
00:53:24
Speaker
And that is what you think will bring you happiness.
00:53:26
Speaker
But if you are dealing with men at all, then yes, you need to be strategic because your life's outcome depends on it.
00:53:32
Speaker
You can't afford to pick a bad game to play with them because the chances of you losing
00:53:37
Speaker
Losing big is very high.
00:53:39
Speaker
Game over.
00:53:40
Speaker
Game over.
00:53:41
Speaker
The house always wins, right?
00:53:43
Speaker
And in this case, men represent the house.
00:53:45
Speaker
So, yeah.
00:53:46
Speaker
Oh, my gosh.
00:53:47
Speaker
And, like, if it's not enough for you to be like, well, you know, I'm willing to take those chances.
00:53:50
Speaker
I'm willing to, like, take that gamble.
00:53:52
Speaker
Okay, all well and good, but are you planning on having kids with this man?
00:53:55
Speaker
Because that's where like, listen, if your self-preservation instincts don't kick in, I get it because we have been taught and they have been beaten out of us for like a millennia.
00:54:03
Speaker
So I get it.
00:54:03
Speaker
Those are really hard instincts.
00:54:04
Speaker
Like Diana said, if you are coming from a reactionary, I'm never gonna.
00:54:08
Speaker
But the next man who asks you to date, you're like, oh.
00:54:10
Speaker
oh, it might be the one.
00:54:11
Speaker
Like, that's okay.
00:54:12
Speaker
We're not saying there's anything wrong with that.
00:54:14
Speaker
We've all been there.
00:54:15
Speaker
But if that's where you still are, then maybe you need to like use the imaginary future child you're hoping to have.
00:54:22
Speaker
In one of my addiction groups, what do we call it?
00:54:23
Speaker
You play the tape forward.
00:54:25
Speaker
That's what they say.
00:54:26
Speaker
They're like, okay, what happens if you're having a really rough day and you're really craving a drink?
00:54:30
Speaker
And you're like, you know what?
00:54:31
Speaker
One can't hurt.
00:54:32
Speaker
What's the worst that can happen?
00:54:33
Speaker
They're like, play the tape forward.
00:54:34
Speaker
What happens?
00:54:35
Speaker
And if you're an addict, you know exactly what happens.
00:54:37
Speaker
Shit goes south in a hurry, right?
00:54:39
Speaker
And you know exactly the ways in which it's going to go south.
00:54:42
Speaker
That's something that you need to start doing as a woman is like, play the tape forward, not just for you, but for your future children or even your grandchildren.
00:54:49
Speaker
And I will say another thing that you can do when you are on dates with men, if you are on dates with them, is something I used to do when I was like, I used to have this habit of like putting them on a pedestal and idealizing them and like coming up with shit that they never said.
00:55:00
Speaker
I was in my total Harley Quinn era of like, oh, he's not a joker.
00:55:04
Speaker
He's actually Batman.
00:55:05
Speaker
No, they're always jokers.
00:55:09
Speaker
But what I did was I used to take little covert notes on my phone.
00:55:13
Speaker
of like interesting things that he said that I thought were kind of yellow or red flaggy.
00:55:17
Speaker
And if I hit a red flag, I would keep it in there because somehow after the date, I always forget about it.
00:55:21
Speaker
If there was like a lot of positive behavior that overtook the one red flag, I would fixate on the positive behavior and be like, maybe that was just a one off, you know, but like, because I bothered to jot it down, I could look back at how egregious I thought that was.
00:55:34
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:55:34
Speaker
And almost all the time, almost all the time I made the determination that I was like, yeah, that's not something I can overlook.
00:55:40
Speaker
That was actually a big one.
00:55:41
Speaker
But because of how long the date was, like, you know, in an hour, you can forget things that people tell you.
00:55:45
Speaker
And so you're like, oh, yeah, well, overwhelmingly, it was positive.
00:55:48
Speaker
So maybe that was not a big deal.
00:55:49
Speaker
And you know, in second thought, I don't really remember what he said anyway.
00:55:52
Speaker
So I'm not sure that I should be making a big deal about it.
00:55:54
Speaker
But normally, when this would happen, like if I jotted it down, it usually was weird and something that I had to look at.
00:55:59
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:56:00
Speaker
Like something I really had to determine and be like, okay, no, actually, you know what?
00:56:03
Speaker
He did say that he was sexually attracted to his niece and maybe that's weird.
00:56:06
Speaker
Maybe that's really weird, you know?
00:56:09
Speaker
Because he bought me like ice cream from salt and straw.
00:56:11
Speaker
I completely forgot about it because I was drowning my happiness in like, you know, caramel crunch or whatever.
00:56:16
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:56:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:56:18
Speaker
I was going to say that the cortisol, not the cortisol, but the dopamine was going up because you were eating delicious ice cream.
00:56:24
Speaker
But this is such a good point.
00:56:26
Speaker
I love this as a tool or a technique, a strategy, if you will.
00:56:30
Speaker
for our listeners, and maybe even for myself, because you know what, I am somebody who likes to take notes.
00:56:35
Speaker
I love a list.
00:56:36
Speaker
Like if you don't like taking notes, maybe you just write a list of like the pros and cons afterwards.
00:56:41
Speaker
Yeah, I usually do it on my phone quickly, because it never looks weird when you're texting when you're on a date, like quickly.
00:56:46
Speaker
I'm like, Oh, I'm just texting my friend, you know, but actually, I was writing a note.
00:56:49
Speaker
I was like, Oh, my friend's going through a really hard time right now.
00:56:50
Speaker
I'm just texting that the friend who's going through a hard time is me, because I'm trying to figure out his bullshit.
00:56:54
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:56:55
Speaker
Or my own friend.
00:56:56
Speaker
I'm like, what did he say?
00:56:58
Speaker
He said that he secretly dreams about his mother and dreams about having sex with her.
00:57:02
Speaker
That's weird.
00:57:02
Speaker
Okay, write that down somewhere, Oedipus.
00:57:05
Speaker
Iva's over there telling you about his mom.
00:57:08
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:57:08
Speaker
It's so brilliant.
00:57:10
Speaker
I love that, Daya.
00:57:10
Speaker
That is so smart.
00:57:11
Speaker
I'm going to take note of that as well.
00:57:13
Speaker
You're right, because I'm a great note taker.
00:57:14
Speaker
And like, of course, my default characteristic is student.
00:57:17
Speaker
Like if I ever have an archetype that I default to, it's the scholar, right?
00:57:21
Speaker
And like, like a scholar, and this is something my therapist actually said to me before.
00:57:24
Speaker
She's like,
00:57:25
Speaker
Rose, when you go out on a date, because she knew I was always like, are they going to like me?
00:57:29
Speaker
You know, like, when am I going to find somebody who just likes me for me?
00:57:32
Speaker
She's like, instead of thinking about it like that, she's like, why don't you look at it as an anthropological expedition where you're going in and you're observing them and you're taking note and you're looking at it from a perspective of what is their behavior like?
00:57:46
Speaker
And then later on, you could review it and start to determine, well, it's not if they like me, do I like them?
00:57:52
Speaker
And that was something that was very helpful to like sort of calm me down off the ledge before I would go on dates.
00:57:56
Speaker
It's like, oh, I'm just gonna look at this as like an experiment.
00:57:58
Speaker
This is just me, you know, doing a little research field trip.
00:58:01
Speaker
And I think that's something that can help us like put a little bit of distance.
00:58:04
Speaker
We have to put
00:58:05
Speaker
a little bit of distance between the situation with men because it's very easy to be overwhelmed by.
00:58:10
Speaker
I mean, I love a strong forearm.
00:58:12
Speaker
I love, you know, the hollow of it.
00:58:14
Speaker
It's so easy when I'm in front of a man to be like, oh, he's so dreamy.
00:58:17
Speaker
But these little things that are under the surface, if you write them down and later on you give yourself time to sort of contemplate them, I think you might see things in a different light.
00:58:26
Speaker
Diana, we are coming up on the end of our discussion today.
00:58:29
Speaker
Have we missed anything?
00:58:31
Speaker
Is there anything else we want to add before we conclude?
00:58:33
Speaker
I mean, I think the main thing to conclude on is that, you know, people need to realize that we have been through this before as a human collective.
00:58:40
Speaker
This is not the first time at the rodeo.
00:58:42
Speaker
Women have been through this and that much worse.
00:58:44
Speaker
And women will continue to go through this and like a lot worse because men refuse to change.
00:58:48
Speaker
So buckle in, strap in, and be a lot smarter about your choices because they have a negative outcome for you.
00:58:55
Speaker
At the very least, if you're not going to be thinking about the consequences to humanity, think about the personal cost-benefit analysis to you.
00:59:03
Speaker
It's going to suck for you as well.
00:59:05
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:59:05
Speaker
If you can't persuade people to be like, well, think about the world and think about the planet and start singing Kumbaya and we are the world, that shit's not going to happen.
00:59:13
Speaker
But what can happen is you thinking for yourself and being like,
00:59:16
Speaker
I don't really like that.
00:59:17
Speaker
That's not really a vibe for me.
00:59:19
Speaker
I don't want to be in a position where I'm forced to make choices that are going to ultimately result in my long-term unhappiness.
00:59:24
Speaker
Because people at the fundamental level deserve to be happy.
00:59:27
Speaker
You know, we deserve that.
00:59:29
Speaker
It's hard being a human being.
00:59:30
Speaker
Ask the whales.
00:59:31
Speaker
We haven't come this far.
00:59:32
Speaker
Ask the whales!
00:59:33
Speaker
We haven't come this far.
00:59:34
Speaker
The whales haven't been accompanying us this far for us, for them to bear silent witness to our continued asshattery.
00:59:41
Speaker
Yeah, the whales remember and they're like, oh my God.
00:59:44
Speaker
Like, that's why they're screaming and crying.
00:59:45
Speaker
They're like, not again, these bullshit humans and their bullshit ways.
00:59:50
Speaker
So, you know, buckle in.
00:59:51
Speaker
Think of the whales.
00:59:53
Speaker
Exactly.
00:59:54
Speaker
We are going to go through a long term turbulence.
00:59:57
Speaker
And I think the best thing to do is to have a long term approach to how you will navigate it, not a short term reactive approach to it.
01:00:05
Speaker
You know, so as all, yeah.
01:00:07
Speaker
As the historians would say, you want to take the long view because it's not just in the daily that history is made.
01:00:15
Speaker
It's in the series of days and weeks and months and years that add up that ultimately get us to where we need to be as a human race, as a society.
01:00:23
Speaker
So ladies, buckle the fuck in, wake the fuck up, and scrotes... Die mad!
01:00:29
Speaker
Die mad!