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The Gift Of Fear + Lilith’s Bittersweet Announcement
27 Plays2 years ago
Lilith breaks down the important themes of Gavin De-Becker's book "The Gift of Fear" and key tips to keep yourself safe around dangerous men. Suck it haters.
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Transcript
Introduction and Lilith's Engagement
00:00:07
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:00:08
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast, the meanest female-only podcast on the internet.
00:00:12
Speaker
I'm Ro.
00:00:13
Speaker
And I'm Savannah.
00:00:15
Speaker
And I'm Lilith.
00:00:16
Speaker
Back from the dead!
00:00:20
Speaker
Buttercup's back!
00:00:21
Speaker
Sorry, I've been gone, ladies.
00:00:22
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:23
Speaker
I don't know how to explain my absence.
00:00:25
Speaker
Like, I'll just summarize it.
00:00:27
Speaker
Where have you been, Buttercup?
00:00:29
Speaker
Where have you been?
00:00:29
Speaker
Well, I'm engaged now, first of all.
00:00:32
Speaker
Yay!
00:00:34
Speaker
Congrats.
00:00:35
Speaker
So there's that.
00:00:36
Speaker
Suck it, haters.
00:00:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:38
Speaker
No, wait, wait.
00:00:39
Speaker
Hold, hold on.
00:00:40
Speaker
We need to go back.
00:00:41
Speaker
We can't speed past that.
00:00:42
Speaker
Tell us the story.
00:00:44
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:44
Speaker
Don't speed past that.
00:00:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:46
Speaker
Okay.
00:00:47
Speaker
So the way that we got engaged is actually kind of
Lilith's Health Challenges and Relationship Concerns
00:00:50
Speaker
unromantic.
00:00:50
Speaker
Let me back up, actually.
00:00:51
Speaker
So the reason why I haven't been recording is I got in a sporting related head injury and it's just kind of affected my mood.
00:01:00
Speaker
I've just been really like low energy and
00:01:02
Speaker
Just getting really fatigued and not, you know, having like memory problems.
00:01:06
Speaker
You know, I thought I might have like a concussion or something, but I don't really fit the criteria for concussion.
00:01:11
Speaker
I don't have like nausea or headaches or pressure or any of like the physical symptoms of a concussion.
00:01:17
Speaker
I was actually diagnosed with PTSD.
00:01:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:01:21
Speaker
And I guess I just have chronic fatigue syndrome now, is what the psychiatrist said.
00:01:26
Speaker
So that's shitty.
00:01:27
Speaker
But anyway, so I was going for a walk with my then boyfriend and we were just like sitting on a bench in Stanley Park watching the sunset.
00:01:36
Speaker
And he said, so I saw your tweet the other day.
00:01:39
Speaker
And my tweet was like, oh, I might marry this guy because this guy's been taking really good care of me.
00:01:44
Speaker
And he's like, did you mean that?
00:01:47
Speaker
And I was like, yeah.
00:01:47
Speaker
And he's like, and so we just talked a bit.
00:01:49
Speaker
It wasn't like a super romantic with like a ring or anything.
00:01:52
Speaker
It was just like, so do you actually want to like get married?
00:01:54
Speaker
And I was like, yeah.
00:01:55
Speaker
And he was like, okay, we'll get married.
00:01:57
Speaker
And you can have my company's health insurance because my company has better health insurance benefits than your company.
00:02:02
Speaker
And so, and it'll be really great for our taxes.
00:02:05
Speaker
And I was basically, I had to get married.
00:02:08
Speaker
I fully, fully support that.
00:02:09
Speaker
I fully believe that women should get the maximum benefits for marriage.
00:02:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:13
Speaker
And so that was the sales pitch is like, yeah, like, oh, and then also the other issue we've been having is like shortly after my head injury, like I had this issue with like some of the male doctors were just like talking over me and my boyfriend was with me in that appointment and they were like, is this man your husband?
00:02:29
Speaker
I'm like, no.
00:02:30
Speaker
And they're like, okay, like,
00:02:32
Speaker
he can't be here.
00:02:33
Speaker
And so yeah, basically, in order to get his support in like a medical context, we have to be legally married.
00:02:38
Speaker
So it doesn't sound super romantic.
00:02:41
Speaker
I wish, you know, we've gotten engaged under happier circumstances.
00:02:45
Speaker
But basically, like, I'd always been a little bit afraid of getting married in part because I was afraid that what if I get married and, you know, I get sick or something happens to me and my husband leaves me or, you know, we all know that study where
00:02:58
Speaker
Women who get cancer, their husband is like six times more likely to leave them, right?
00:03:02
Speaker
So I was always really worried that that might happen to me.
00:03:06
Speaker
I'd always just been worried that, you know, if I got married, he wouldn't take care of me when I'm sick.
00:03:12
Speaker
But my boyfriend, I guess now fiance, has actually been doing a really good job taking care of me.
00:03:17
Speaker
And I've been spending a lot of time in his place.
00:03:19
Speaker
And, you know, his feelings for me haven't changed just because I've been sick.
00:03:24
Speaker
And that's been making me feel really like emotional and like feeling like, okay, this is like the real deal.
00:03:31
Speaker
Like, you know, I don't have to feel anxiety or worry that he's going to leave me because I got sick because like I got sick before we got married and he stayed and he's
Lilith's Temporary Absence and Focus on Recovery
00:03:40
Speaker
been really supportive.
00:03:40
Speaker
And so that's the kind of man that I want to be with.
00:03:44
Speaker
So we're going to have like a three month honeymoon in a warm country.
00:03:47
Speaker
I'm not going to tell you guys which country it is.
00:03:49
Speaker
I don't want to dox myself, but I'm going to go like take the air and hopefully, you know, recover.
00:03:54
Speaker
But in the meantime, I'm not going to be able to record with the podcast.
00:03:59
Speaker
So yeah.
00:04:00
Speaker
I'm hoping that I'll get better and I'll be able to come back.
00:04:02
Speaker
But for now, I just get fatigued over basically nothing.
00:04:05
Speaker
I don't have a lot of mental energy.
00:04:07
Speaker
Like when we recorded the episode with Ellie Arrow, I was flat out exhausted for like two, three days after that.
00:04:13
Speaker
Even this episode, like it took a long time for me to prepare for this episode, but it was really, really important.
00:04:17
Speaker
That's why I wanted to record this episode.
Safety Strategies from 'The Gift of Fear'
00:04:20
Speaker
I really wanted to record this episode today based on Gavin DeBecker's book, The Gift of Fear.
00:04:25
Speaker
I've been reading it the past few months and we actually read it in our book club on the Patreon Discord.
00:04:32
Speaker
You know, by the way, I'm really sorry to the book club for ghosting on you guys.
00:04:35
Speaker
It's I've been dealing with a lot of shit, clearly.
00:04:37
Speaker
So I'm sorry.
00:04:38
Speaker
But I did want to revisit this topic and I wanted to deliver this topic to a wider audience because if there's the one thing that I want more than anything else in the world, it's I want women to be safe when they're dating.
00:04:49
Speaker
Well, not even dating, just like in general, I think you can apply a lot of these tactics and advice and guidance in this book to almost any situation.
00:04:59
Speaker
Exactly.
00:05:01
Speaker
I don't know that I've read this book, although it's been recommended many times, The Gift of Fear.
00:05:05
Speaker
I think I've seen a couple of interviews with the author.
00:05:07
Speaker
Yes, yes, yeah.
00:05:08
Speaker
I haven't actually read the actual book.
00:05:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:11
Speaker
And I always tell women, you know, it's an absolute must read.
00:05:13
Speaker
You got to read it.
00:05:14
Speaker
And a lot of women have it on their reading list.
00:05:16
Speaker
And, you know, life is busy.
00:05:18
Speaker
We all have stuff going on.
00:05:20
Speaker
It's, you know, we're not always going to be able to sit down and have time to read a book.
00:05:25
Speaker
So I kind of wanted to have like this episode be almost like a Cliff Notes episode.
00:05:28
Speaker
version or just condense down the essential information.
00:05:32
Speaker
I do still recommend reading the book because he goes a lot into kind of the theory or the philosophy of, you know, predicting violence and risk analysis and so on.
00:05:42
Speaker
But for the purposes of this episode, I just have like seven key lessons, essentially, for, you know, safety strategies for women.
00:05:49
Speaker
So do you ladies have anything else to add?
00:05:52
Speaker
Or do you want to just jump into it?
00:05:54
Speaker
We're, of course, very sad that Lilith's not going to be able to stay with us regularly right now.
00:05:57
Speaker
But obviously, very happy news, but also some sad news because happy news is obviously just getting engaged.
00:06:02
Speaker
So it's bittersweet.
00:06:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:04
Speaker
Once again, suck it, haters.
00:06:05
Speaker
Yeah, suck on the head.
00:06:11
Speaker
Fuck you guys.
00:06:12
Speaker
I got myself a man.
00:06:14
Speaker
Everyone else can suck my dick.
00:06:16
Speaker
FDS works.
00:06:17
Speaker
Fuck you bitches.
00:06:18
Speaker
Fuck the haters.
00:06:19
Speaker
I got my dream man who loves me and worships me and takes care of me.
00:06:22
Speaker
And that's all I want.
00:06:23
Speaker
And everyone else can die mad.
00:06:25
Speaker
So yeah.
00:06:26
Speaker
About to be on his insurance and go on a three month getaway on his dime.
00:06:30
Speaker
So, you know.
00:06:31
Speaker
Exactly.
00:06:32
Speaker
I love that.
00:06:33
Speaker
Absolutely love that.
00:06:34
Speaker
I love that.
00:06:35
Speaker
Always look at the material benefits of marriage, ladies, if you're, and that is, I think, a fully legitimate reason to marry someone.
00:06:40
Speaker
Obviously, you really love him as well, and he loves you.
00:06:42
Speaker
But, you know, looking past the love goggles and actually looking, what can I get out of this?
00:06:46
Speaker
And your health is so important.
00:06:48
Speaker
So it's really cool that he actually recognized that you would benefit from that in this situation.
Recognizing Warning Signs in Relationships
00:06:54
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:06:56
Speaker
And truthfully, that's been like the hardest thing with retaining people who are involved with FDS is a lot of them do get married.
00:07:02
Speaker
So this is like, it's almost like a rite of passage now.
00:07:05
Speaker
You get married and then you move on and have a happy married life.
00:07:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:07:09
Speaker
So yeah, you're not dating.
00:07:10
Speaker
You're not dating anymore, really.
00:07:12
Speaker
So that's probably why I'll be around for a while.
00:07:15
Speaker
I have no intention of getting married unless, of course, illness, baby fever.
00:07:21
Speaker
I always said, like, I'm never going to get married, yada, yada.
00:07:24
Speaker
Here's the thing.
00:07:25
Speaker
I've wanted a man who's marriage minded.
00:07:27
Speaker
And my fiance, he said to me like, oh, I knew from the first few conversations I had with you, I wanted you to be my wife someday.
00:07:33
Speaker
And it took him three years before we finally started dating.
00:07:36
Speaker
And now a year before, you know, we got engaged.
00:07:38
Speaker
And so, I mean, it's a four year project for him.
00:07:41
Speaker
But, you know, he succeeded in his goal.
00:07:43
Speaker
I succeeded in my goal, which is to have like comfort, safety, happiness, romance, love and all of that.
00:07:49
Speaker
So we both got what we wanted in the end.
00:07:51
Speaker
So, yeah.
00:07:53
Speaker
Awesome.
00:07:53
Speaker
So yeah, we'll get back to our topic today.
00:07:55
Speaker
And then, you know, as much as Lilith can join us, we will be absolutely happy to keep having her back.
00:08:00
Speaker
So, but we might be just be flying as a duo for a while, just prepping the audience for that.
00:08:04
Speaker
So they don't keep yelling at us like, where's Lilith?
00:08:06
Speaker
But you know, whenever she's feeling well and can come back, we will absolutely have her.
00:08:10
Speaker
So today's topic.
00:08:13
Speaker
This episode is about safety strategies for women from The Gift of Fear.
00:08:18
Speaker
The Gift of Fear is a book written by Gavin DeBecker, who is an expert in personal security.
00:08:24
Speaker
He has celebrities and politicians who are his clients, and it's his job.
00:08:29
Speaker
He has a firm basically designed to keep people safe at a high level.
00:08:34
Speaker
But I feel like his philosophies, his writings can be useful for everyday people as well.
00:08:40
Speaker
And yeah, the number one lesson, though, the most important lesson, if there's anything, if you take nothing else from this episode, number one lesson is don't ignore your intuition.
00:08:51
Speaker
It can save your
Understanding the JACA Model and Workplace Safety
00:08:52
Speaker
life.
00:08:52
Speaker
And this is really challenging, especially for women, because I feel like women have been conditioned by patriarchy to ignore our intuition and told that we're crazy or hysterical or that, you know,
00:09:04
Speaker
Or just communicate, he doesn't mean it, he doesn't know what he's doing.
00:09:07
Speaker
It's like, yeah, there's just so much external minimisation that happens when a woman, you know, presents a real problem or a real threat.
00:09:17
Speaker
And in my experience, every shitty relationship that I've had, in the very beginning, like when they were in, you know, supposed to be in the honeymoon stage or when we first started talking, I remember my intuition was screaming at me that something isn't right here.
00:09:30
Speaker
And every time I ignored that, that was when I was in trouble.
00:09:34
Speaker
Exactly.
00:09:35
Speaker
So it's important to understand that in humans, true fear is a survival signal.
00:09:40
Speaker
It's not the same as emotions like sadness or happiness.
00:09:44
Speaker
We evolved fear to keep us alive.
00:09:48
Speaker
And the examples that he provides, that De Becker provides in his book, he opens with the story about Kelly, who's a rape survivor, and she used her instinct to avoid being murdered.
00:09:59
Speaker
And she was recalling the event and how, you know, oh, there were all these subtle cues that led up to her realizing that this man not only was there to rape her, he was also going to kill her.
00:10:08
Speaker
You know, it's like she said, described it as like her instinct took over and she got out of bed when he wasn't there.
00:10:14
Speaker
He was in the kitchen looking for a knife.
00:10:16
Speaker
And then she was able to escape silently and survive to tell this tale.
00:10:19
Speaker
Right.
00:10:20
Speaker
The other example that Gavin DeBecker provides is two police officers where one of them had a dream that one of them would be shot.
00:10:28
Speaker
And the officer that ignored his intuition, who ignored the danger sides, he was the one that got shot, not the one who had the dream was the other guy.
00:10:36
Speaker
And it's important to remember that people experience intuition in many different ways.
00:10:40
Speaker
It could be dreams, it could be an overwhelming sense of fear, a voice in the back of your mind.
00:10:45
Speaker
Dark humor is another one.
00:10:47
Speaker
Like, there's a line in the book where Gavin Becker writes, you know, anytime I have a client that says something like,
00:10:51
Speaker
you know, oh, we'll meet next Tuesday, unless I, you know, unless someone kills me first or something like that.
00:10:56
Speaker
As soon as someone makes a sort of dark humor joke like that, that's when he sits down to ask more questions, because a lot of the times people use dark humor to present fears in a more kind of socially acceptable way.
00:11:07
Speaker
If you're having those kinds of like dark thoughts, like, oh, you know, maybe we'll meet next Tuesday, unless my ex, like, as long as my ex doesn't stab me kind of thing, ha ha ha, like, it could be a fear at the back of your mind, that you're feeling that you're
00:11:18
Speaker
afraid to communicate because you don't want to seem crazy, but don't ignore those feelings.
00:11:23
Speaker
So always remember that your brain is the product of millions of years of evolution, and it's evolved to pick up on subtle cues to keep you safe.
00:11:30
Speaker
So don't ignore your intuition, ladies.
00:11:32
Speaker
So tip number two is know the warning signs.
00:11:35
Speaker
Pre-incident indicators are part of the violent incident, and the early phases of dating should consist of disqualifying these men.
00:11:44
Speaker
And the example that Gavin DeBecker writes, he's like, say a mass shooting, for example, does the mass shooting start when the man physically takes out his gun and starts shooting people?
00:11:53
Speaker
Or does it start when he buys the gun?
00:11:56
Speaker
Does it start when he starts coming up with a plan and so on, right?
00:12:00
Speaker
So if you want to get better at predicting violence and keeping yourself safe, you have to include the pre-incident indicators as part of the violent incident and pay attention to those.
00:12:10
Speaker
So first of all, recognize that every human being is capable of violence depending on the situation.
00:12:15
Speaker
Don't discount someone just because he seems like a nice guy.
00:12:18
Speaker
In fact, seeming like a nice guy is a red flag in and of itself.
00:12:22
Speaker
Yes, especially when it seems very, very forced.
00:12:26
Speaker
And one of the techniques that Gavin DeBecker talks about is the forced teaming technique.
00:12:32
Speaker
And what that is, you know, it happens quite a lot.
00:12:35
Speaker
I see it in general discourse, but, you know, if we're talking about dating and the context of dating, it's, you know, when they are very, very quick to establish common ground.
00:12:43
Speaker
So let's say, for example, you meet a guy at a bar and you tell him, oh, by the way, I'm, you know, going to my home and it's by Central Park.
00:12:52
Speaker
And he says, oh, I always walk by Central Park.
00:12:54
Speaker
You know, let's go together.
00:12:55
Speaker
It's sort of, he's trying to establish a connection, especially, you know, when it's something that is quite intimate to you, that is basically where you live, you know, prematurely.
00:13:07
Speaker
And he's doing that to get your guard down and to make you think that you both have something in common when sometimes you don't.
00:13:14
Speaker
A lot of the times when forced teaming is used,
00:13:17
Speaker
it's not genuine.
00:13:18
Speaker
And you'll recognize that because you'll feel he's trying to get too close too soon.
00:13:22
Speaker
Exactly.
00:13:23
Speaker
And the example that De Becker provides in Kelly's story was that this man was trying to get into her apartment and he said, we have a hungry cat to feed.
00:13:34
Speaker
And it's not his cat, it's her cat, right?
00:13:36
Speaker
So why would he say we?
00:13:38
Speaker
He's never seen the cat before, yeah.
00:13:40
Speaker
Exactly.
00:13:41
Speaker
So, oh, we have a hungry cat to feed.
00:13:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:43
Speaker
So creating an illusion of closeness and putting you on the same team.
00:13:47
Speaker
And it's essentially a disarming tactic.
00:13:49
Speaker
It's trying to disarm potential victims.
00:13:51
Speaker
So even now, I get so skeeved out when I'm talking to a guy that I barely know.
00:13:56
Speaker
And he starts using we statements.
00:13:58
Speaker
I consider that an immediate red flag.
00:14:00
Speaker
I'm like, whoa, who's the we here?
00:14:02
Speaker
Who's we?
00:14:03
Speaker
I'll even say, who's we?
00:14:05
Speaker
What's we?
00:14:06
Speaker
And they put them on the back foot, you know?
00:14:08
Speaker
Excuse me, please.
00:14:09
Speaker
Excuse me, sir.
00:14:10
Speaker
There's no we here.
00:14:12
Speaker
Exactly.
00:14:13
Speaker
Another thing to look out for is charm.
00:14:16
Speaker
Now, obviously, we at FDS, we want men who are socially competent.
00:14:20
Speaker
But if he's a little too charming, and if his charm is being used as a tool of manipulation, that's something to watch out for.
00:14:27
Speaker
Some people are just naturally charming and friendly.
00:14:28
Speaker
And that's more often than not, it's not that big of a deal.
00:14:32
Speaker
But if it's to get something out of you to get you to lower your guard, watch out.
00:14:35
Speaker
Yes.
00:14:36
Speaker
And I really like the way Gavin DeBecker puts it in the book.
00:14:39
Speaker
He said, you need to change it from this man is charming to this man is charming me.
00:14:46
Speaker
Because unlike the example that, for example, Lillith has just said about people who are generally nice and charming is that they aren't generally doing it to a specific person to get something out of that person.
00:14:58
Speaker
You know, men who are charming you, they want something from you.
00:15:01
Speaker
And it's insidious because they want that thing from you regardless of if you are willing to give it to them or not.
00:15:07
Speaker
That is why they resort to the charming technique.
00:15:10
Speaker
It's essentially, just like Leila said, it's to get your guard down and to get you to comply with whatever it is they want.
00:15:16
Speaker
And I've come across low-value men who've actually specifically said, especially men who sleep around, that they use charm to get sex.
00:15:23
Speaker
They do that a lot of the time.
00:15:24
Speaker
Yeah, so if I'm talking to a guy who's turning on the charm, ew, immediate
Balancing Vigilance with Enjoyment in Life
00:15:28
Speaker
red flag.
00:15:29
Speaker
Ew, yeah.
00:15:30
Speaker
Especially men who are more socially competent, who understand that women want to feel like, you know, they matter.
00:15:36
Speaker
They want to feel good about themselves.
00:15:39
Speaker
I guess the evolved low value men will use that to his advantage.
00:15:42
Speaker
And instead of just being an inept incel, they will then try to turn on the charm to get what they want from the woman.
00:15:49
Speaker
Yeah, the phrase turn on the charm.
00:15:52
Speaker
If it's something that they can turn on and off, it's not genuine.
00:15:55
Speaker
If they're just like that all the time, they're just a friendly, charismatic person.
00:15:58
Speaker
That's just their personality.
00:16:00
Speaker
I mean, some people who are like that can also be like serial killers and stuff or like con men.
00:16:04
Speaker
Some people who are naturally charismatic can also be red flaggy.
00:16:07
Speaker
Another thing to look out for is too many details.
00:16:10
Speaker
That's a sign that someone's lying.
00:16:11
Speaker
Honest people don't fear being doubted.
00:16:14
Speaker
And so, yeah, if they're adding a bunch of unnecessary details that are not really relevant to the story, you know, it's a sort of distraction technique to get you to look at the individual trees and not the whole forest.
00:16:24
Speaker
I don't know.
00:16:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:26
Speaker
And they do that because they know they're being deceptive and they don't believe their lies.
00:16:31
Speaker
They believe that other people need to hear extra content in order to make the lie believable.
00:16:37
Speaker
It's like one of the key signs of deception is if people are adding, you know, way too many extra details that aren't even necessary.
00:16:44
Speaker
And actually, that's how some serial killers have been caught.
00:16:47
Speaker
That's the reason why in some murder investigations, the police...
00:16:51
Speaker
They won't release all the information about the crime purely because some serial killers, I can't think of one off the top of my head, but basically they'll dob themselves in during the questioning phase because they'll start to give extra details that the police didn't ask for, you know, that basically links them to the crime because only the killer would have known that because it wasn't public information.
00:17:12
Speaker
So that's actually how, you know, some, you know, serial killers have been ratted out basically.
00:17:17
Speaker
So side note, one thing that this tip reminded me of is that often survivors of childhood trauma also have a tendency to over communicate.
00:17:28
Speaker
So just because someone's doing too many details, isn't always a sign that they're lying.
00:17:33
Speaker
There's also some people where they just learn to sort of over communicate because they were raised in a household that was really like hostile.
00:17:40
Speaker
And they just learn to kind of over explain things in order to be believed because they expect to be treated like a liar no matter what.
00:17:46
Speaker
So
00:17:46
Speaker
There are some people who are like that.
00:17:48
Speaker
So just essentially dig deeper into the behavior as well.
00:17:51
Speaker
Either way.
00:17:52
Speaker
Exactly.
00:17:53
Speaker
So it's something to pay attention to, but it's not always like, oh, this person has nefarious intent because some people are just doing that because they've just been conditioned in that way.
00:18:01
Speaker
And it's unfortunate for them.
00:18:03
Speaker
Oh, another major one is typecasting.
00:18:05
Speaker
So this one I previously referred to this as backfooting.
00:18:08
Speaker
We talked about this in the Lundy Bancroft episode, where, you know, say a man accuses you of cheating to get you to act in a way that's like really obvious that you're not cheating, but you're acting in a way that's beneficial to him.
00:18:21
Speaker
So if a man accuses you of something like, oh, you're probably too stuck up to talk to a guy like me, he's doing that to make you think like, oh, I have to talk to him to prove I'm not stuck up.
00:18:31
Speaker
He knows it's not true and they're trying to capitalise on, you know, women's desire to not be offensive.
00:18:37
Speaker
Because most women don't want to be seen as rude or uppity or stuck up or a gold digger.
00:18:43
Speaker
But when a guy leads with that, it's basically they're trying to bait you into engaging with them.
00:18:48
Speaker
It was just like the other day when someone on Twitter called me a gold digger and I was like, yeah, I am.
00:18:52
Speaker
And what?
00:18:53
Speaker
End of conversation.
00:18:54
Speaker
I'm not going to try and prove that I'm not.
00:18:56
Speaker
I actually am because I also have money.
00:18:59
Speaker
What's wrong with being a gold digger?
00:19:00
Speaker
Like, yeah.
00:19:01
Speaker
And I've also got money.
00:19:02
Speaker
Like, why would I associate with somebody who doesn't when I've worked hard to amass wealth for myself?
00:19:07
Speaker
But anyway, that's just an example of, I don't believe in, for example, you know, when some feminists say we need to reclaim the word slut.
00:19:14
Speaker
That's not really what I'm talking about.
00:19:15
Speaker
But if you don't allow what a guy is saying to affect you, especially if he's saying something negative about you, it will make you a lot happier and a lot stronger because half the time they don't believe the crap they're saying.
00:19:27
Speaker
You know, they're just trying, you know, to bait you into a conversation.
00:19:31
Speaker
For many, many guys, even if you scream at him and say, that's not true, I'm not like this.
00:19:35
Speaker
Like some women do, they fall for the trap and start saying, I'm not like this.
00:19:38
Speaker
They start writing long paragraphs and
00:19:41
Speaker
He still won because what he wanted was your attention.
00:19:44
Speaker
And it doesn't matter if that attention is positive or negative.
00:19:46
Speaker
That's why you literally just say thank you very much or just don't say anything and just ignore him.
00:19:50
Speaker
Just block and delete.
00:19:52
Speaker
Exactly.
00:19:52
Speaker
You have nothing to prove.
00:19:53
Speaker
So don't feel like you have to prove him wrong.
00:19:55
Speaker
Exactly.
00:19:56
Speaker
Personally, my favorite is if a man accuses me of something negative, I just double down, actually.
00:20:00
Speaker
And that shocks them.
00:20:01
Speaker
They're just like, oh, like I wasn't expecting that.
00:20:05
Speaker
You weren't supposed to actually be like that.
00:20:07
Speaker
I was just saying that to get your attention, you know?
00:20:10
Speaker
Yeah, I am a stuck-up bitch.
00:20:11
Speaker
And what?
00:20:12
Speaker
Like, they won't know what to say.
00:20:13
Speaker
Like, they're not used to that answer, right?
00:20:15
Speaker
But yeah, I'm a gold digger and what, you know, what can you do about it?
00:20:18
Speaker
Nothing.
00:20:19
Speaker
So... Yeah.
00:20:20
Speaker
Oh, so another warning sign is unsolicited promises.
00:20:24
Speaker
And this came up in the Kelly case as well, where...
00:20:27
Speaker
he said something like, oh, I'll just put down my groceries and I promise I'll leave after that.
00:20:32
Speaker
That's weird.
00:20:32
Speaker
Like when people make, criminals often use unsolicited promises like that to get victims to trust them.
00:20:39
Speaker
But it's like, why were you making that promise in the first place?
00:20:42
Speaker
It was unsolicited.
00:20:42
Speaker
She didn't say, like, it's not in response to anything that she said.
00:20:46
Speaker
It's just something that he's saying to get her guard down, right?
00:20:49
Speaker
And also it's something that you should do that should be obvious.
00:20:52
Speaker
Like if you're carrying in someone's groceries and you've delivered said groceries, you should leave anyway.
00:20:58
Speaker
You shouldn't need to promise somebody that you'll leave.
00:21:00
Speaker
It doesn't make any sense unless you want to do them harm.
00:21:04
Speaker
And you are saying that just to get their guard down so you can do harm, which was exactly what happened in this particular case.
00:21:11
Speaker
Exactly.
00:21:11
Speaker
And then, oh, and the biggest red flag of all, and we've talked about this on FDS so many times because of how important it is, is discounting the word no, the biggest red flag.
00:21:22
Speaker
If you say no, I don't want your help or no, I don't want to meet you or no, I don't want to go to this restaurant or anything like that.
00:21:29
Speaker
And the guy insists or does not listen to you when you say no, run.
00:21:35
Speaker
First of all, get comfortable with saying no to men and run if he ignores it.
00:21:39
Speaker
A lot of women get scared of saying no because a lot of men do lash out at women and sometimes do react violently in a scary way when women say the word no.
00:21:47
Speaker
But as women, we have to fight that.
00:21:49
Speaker
We have to fight that and get comfortable with saying the word no, because if he responds negatively to that no, that in and of itself is a signal that you don't want a relationship with that person.
00:22:01
Speaker
If you're afraid of saying the word no to someone, that is a sign that you shouldn't be in a relationship with that person.
00:22:07
Speaker
Only be in a relationship with someone if they respect your no.
00:22:10
Speaker
And another red flag is, is if you say no and then they start trying to find solutions to your objections.
00:22:17
Speaker
This is also why I advise women where possible just say no and don't give a reason why.
00:22:21
Speaker
Because let's say, for example, a guy wants to take you out on a date and you think it's too late, but really you don't actually want to meet that guy at all and you say, oh no, it's too late.
00:22:30
Speaker
He'll then say, oh, okay, well we can meet in the afternoon or we can meet in the morning.
00:22:35
Speaker
And then they might try and go back and forth at different angles, even though that is still not okay.
00:22:40
Speaker
But don't allow yourself to be talked down because that is, outside of being violent, that's another tactic that men will do to wear you down is that they will just try to problem solve in quotation marks to get you to say yes.
00:22:54
Speaker
But really what they're doing is they're not respecting your no.
00:22:57
Speaker
And that's, just like Linda said, that is a big red flag.
00:23:01
Speaker
Exactly.
00:23:01
Speaker
And no is a complete sentence.
00:23:03
Speaker
If you say like, no, I don't want a relationship.
00:23:05
Speaker
And he says this in the book.
00:23:06
Speaker
No, I don't want a relationship right now.
00:23:09
Speaker
All he hears is right now, which means that you might want a relationship with them in the future.
00:23:14
Speaker
What you should say is, no, I don't want a relationship with you, which is like, there's no objection that he can handle with that, you know, so don't negotiate with men.
00:23:24
Speaker
And if he ignores your no, run.
00:23:26
Speaker
So tip number three, or lesson number three, I should say, understand JACA.
00:23:31
Speaker
JACA is a tool that I now use all the time.
00:23:34
Speaker
It's J-A-C-A.
00:23:36
Speaker
JACA is an acronym that Gavin DeBecker's firm uses to predict violence.
00:23:41
Speaker
It stands for perceived justification, perceived alternatives, perceived consequences, and perceived ability.
00:23:49
Speaker
And when all four are present, that is when violence is most likely to occur.
00:23:53
Speaker
So for example, perceived justification, that would be like, does he feel justified in his mind to do something bad to you?
00:24:01
Speaker
And men will come up with all kinds of justifications, like she rejected me, she's a bitch, she deserves it, whatever, right?
00:24:07
Speaker
That's why like things like victim blaming are so dangerous, because that increases the justification of
00:24:13
Speaker
in people's minds to cause harm.
00:24:15
Speaker
Alternatives is other alternatives like, you know, you know, say, for example, a stalker, if they have other alternatives, like writing letters, or, you know, trying to get your attention in some way, other than violence, most likely they will try to use the other
00:24:30
Speaker
means.
00:24:30
Speaker
You know, say someone gets fired from their job, and they're at their last wit, and they feel like they have no other option.
00:24:37
Speaker
You know, things like a mass shooting in an office, for example, often happen when people are just really, really desperate.
00:24:42
Speaker
And in their mind, they don't have any other alternatives.
00:24:45
Speaker
Sidebar, but one of the things that was so crazy to me about reading this book is how Americans have just accepted that violence in the workplace is like a thing.
00:24:53
Speaker
Like, bro, what is it like to be an American and just accept that violence in the workplace is normal?
00:24:58
Speaker
Like, that's so crazy to me.
00:25:00
Speaker
Like, are people just afraid of firing people all the time because, oh, he might go on a mass shooting?
00:25:05
Speaker
It depends on the office.
00:25:06
Speaker
I feel like every office has like that one guy.
00:25:09
Speaker
If you heard that he shot up a place, you wouldn't be surprised.
00:25:12
Speaker
I think a lot of it just has to do with our overall exploitative labor culture.
00:25:17
Speaker
So it's just not uncommon for people to just go off the rails because they feel slighted in addition to our very generous gun laws.
00:25:26
Speaker
So I don't know.
00:25:28
Speaker
Yeah, so we'll talk about that.
00:25:29
Speaker
So workplace mass shootings is a great litmus test for Jacka.
00:25:33
Speaker
So say like a worker gets fired, they believe it's unjust that their boss fired them unfairly or something.
00:25:40
Speaker
So that's in their mind justification.
00:25:42
Speaker
Alternatives, you know, is there like a, you know,
00:25:44
Speaker
human rights lawyer or like, are there, you know, workers comp or, you know, other avenues that workers can go to if they feel like they were fired unjustly?
00:25:54
Speaker
Or is there do workers just basically most states are like at will states, right?
00:25:57
Speaker
So your employer can fire you for like any reason, right?
00:26:01
Speaker
Yeah, it's really, really, really hard to prove any type of case against an employer because everyone's at will.
00:26:07
Speaker
You basically have to prove that they fired you for a protected characteristic like race, gender, sex, etc.
00:26:15
Speaker
But even then, most employers aren't stupid enough to do that outright.
00:26:18
Speaker
Most of the time, they create some kind of fake paper troll of you sucking, even if you don't, and then fire you.
00:26:23
Speaker
So it's like, we do technically have that.
00:26:26
Speaker
And then it depends on your state to see how aggressive the enforcement is.
00:26:29
Speaker
But like,
00:26:30
Speaker
Most states don't aggressively enforce it.
00:26:32
Speaker
In most states, you're pretty much SOL.
00:26:34
Speaker
Even if it's like, it has to be like so egregious that a lawyer would take it out and have a reasonable chance of winning and or it's enough to make the company settle because they're concerned about the public perception.
00:26:45
Speaker
But like, at least in all of my years, I've never seen or heard of anyone anywhere in any of my jobs in an extended network successfully win a suit.
00:26:54
Speaker
I think I've heard of like one person who got a settlement for sexual harassment.
00:26:58
Speaker
And it was because it was like they had long receipts of this person who was employed at the company, like using company equipment to like harass them through email and IM and stuff.
00:27:07
Speaker
Damn.
00:27:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:08
Speaker
So maybe that's why like workplace violence is so common in the U.S. is because there's not a lot of alternatives for workers who are in their mind being, you know, who are treated in a way that they perceive as unfair.
00:27:20
Speaker
And the we'll get to ability.
00:27:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:22
Speaker
the gun culture too, is the other problem.
00:27:24
Speaker
Exactly.
00:27:25
Speaker
So perceived consequences.
00:27:27
Speaker
So in the context of like domestic violence, for example, perceived consequences.
00:27:31
Speaker
So basically, does the person committing the violent act think that the consequences are going to be favorable to them or unfavorable?
00:27:38
Speaker
And, you know, if someone is really at their last rope, some people like life or freedom is not that important to them in their mind, like
00:27:46
Speaker
you know, getting even or revenge or so on is more important to them than not going to jail or being alive.
00:27:53
Speaker
A lot of people, for example, commit suicide after these sorts of violent acts.
00:27:57
Speaker
And so, yeah, you have to try to understand not just from your perspective as a reasonable person, but you have to get inside the mind of an unreasonable person of like, what do they perceive as favorable or unfavorable consequences?
00:28:10
Speaker
I have to say too, though, I mean, a lot of it is just scrote nonsense too, because like I said, there's always one guy at the office and it's usually not just isolated to him.
00:28:17
Speaker
People thinking he's going to go postal if he's treated badly at work.
00:28:20
Speaker
He usually has choice opinions about women.
00:28:23
Speaker
He's usually like socially awkward and kind of a drag on everybody, but he's like the most aggrieved person there despite being the least valuable player.
00:28:30
Speaker
So a lot of times it's just like, there's like a dichotomy between their perceived worth and their actual worth and their madness.
00:28:36
Speaker
And then like when sometimes when they're reminded of the reality and sometimes harsh ways, then you see these guys go off, go off the wheels with the shooting.
00:28:45
Speaker
It's almost entirely men, right?
00:28:47
Speaker
And a lot of times it's men between like, well, actually, I don't know if maybe up to 50, to be honest, but like somewhere young men, 18 to 25, or like 25 to 45, you know, guys that might be in their, in their mid career that feel like they're being passed over or something happened.
00:29:01
Speaker
So
00:29:02
Speaker
It's a little bit of a difficult thing because when you think of like actual workplace violence, it's almost entirely that demographics.
00:29:07
Speaker
And they're not the only people exploiting their capitalism.
00:29:09
Speaker
They're just the biggest assholes about it.
00:29:11
Speaker
So that's what I've come to realize from this book is that for a lot of men, it's not about right or wrong.
00:29:17
Speaker
In their mind, what they consider right is them having control.
00:29:21
Speaker
or them getting attention, that's what they perceive as right.
00:29:25
Speaker
You know, so like, in their mind, like the consequences could be like, oh, I get back at my shitty, like, my boss is such a bitch.
00:29:31
Speaker
And she's always telling me what to do.
00:29:32
Speaker
I'm going to put her in her place or something.
00:29:34
Speaker
I'm going to, you know, this woman didn't accept my advances, you know, and she could put a restraining order against me.
00:29:40
Speaker
She's trying to control my behavior.
00:29:42
Speaker
So I'm going to like, kill her, you know, so that I can feel like I'm in control, that kind of thing.
00:29:46
Speaker
Right.
00:29:46
Speaker
So
00:29:47
Speaker
When you're looking at JAKA, you have to understand like what are the consequences from the mind of this like deranged, depraved person with a fucked up value system, right?
00:29:56
Speaker
And then the last one is ability, perceived ability.
00:29:59
Speaker
And this is a huge one in the States is do they have the ability to act on their violent urges?
00:30:05
Speaker
If guns are super accessible and easy for everyone to have, the ability for people to perpetuate violence is very like that threshold is very low.
00:30:13
Speaker
It doesn't take a lot of effort for someone to be violent, basically.
00:30:17
Speaker
So yeah, if someone has like a collection of weapons, if they like weapons, if they've recently purchased a weapon, if they live in a state where there's no background checks on getting weapons and you can just literally walk into Walmart and buy one no problem, the risk of violence is much higher than in any other place where you could live.
00:30:35
Speaker
Yeah, so I'm sorry.
00:30:36
Speaker
I'm sorry, bro, that you have to live in and fucked up.
00:30:39
Speaker
I'm sorry your country is all fucking weird when it comes to guns.
00:30:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:43
Speaker
That's why I'm very grateful for remote work.
00:30:46
Speaker
And I'm going to push for that till the day I die.
00:30:49
Speaker
It's a safety issue.
00:30:50
Speaker
I don't want to be the next target of the office weirdo and deal with just daily microaggressions.
00:30:54
Speaker
I think I recently had a rant on my Twitter about it, like just dealing with certain types of people.
00:30:58
Speaker
It's tough because it's like they're not wrong.
00:31:00
Speaker
Like the system sucks.
00:31:01
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:31:02
Speaker
But like the way that they feel like think to handle that is so self-absorbed that people don't root for him.
00:31:08
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:31:09
Speaker
Like if one thing that's like, oh, I'm doing this for us, but it's usually just some scrote who like feels like everyone exists to serve him and then goes into like massive narcissistic rage injury.
00:31:20
Speaker
And so therefore can't really get the same amount of like union support or support from other people to back them up.
00:31:25
Speaker
And that's just kind of the tough thing because we do need worker reform.
00:31:28
Speaker
But all the guys that are the most, I don't know, like the guys with the hair trigger tempers are not people anybody wants to follow to that, you know?
00:31:35
Speaker
You know, I'm convinced that the whole RTO return to office policy is just by and for toxic people like that who feel like they have the need to have this little like fiefdom in the office of people they can boss around.
00:31:47
Speaker
And it's much harder to do that when everyone's remote, you know?
00:31:50
Speaker
100%.
00:31:50
Speaker
I mean, that's my thought.
00:31:53
Speaker
I mean, you can see most of the people complaining have been men overwhelmingly because, yeah, they're used to having that.
00:31:59
Speaker
It's either like the office busybody or like if it's a woman, but it's mostly men who don't want to have to take on any responsibility for their families, want to cheat while they're at work, or they've been pushing because there's a lot of young men who aren't socialized properly.
00:32:12
Speaker
And usually, let me tell you, I've thought through so many management trainings.
00:32:16
Speaker
about how to help to onboard socially awkward people or like people who are not participating.
00:32:22
Speaker
And like, they always like make it gender neutral or like race neutral or something like that to make it not seem like it's not a particular demographic, but overwhelmingly it's like young men who just have not been, but like young men in general, like they're not socialized properly to exist in an office place.
00:32:38
Speaker
So like there's so much
00:32:39
Speaker
of management is about like onboarding and team building, et cetera.
00:32:43
Speaker
And like, it's easier to get buy-in from most people, but like a lot of times young men are just like, even if they buy in, sometimes they're just, they have a lot of social faux pas, right?
00:32:52
Speaker
And stuff that would like piss people off.
00:32:54
Speaker
So some of the return to office cultures is like specifically in my opinion for them, when they talk about like, oh, we need to make sure like people are getting mentored in the workplace and they're being socialized properly in the workplace and they're making friends.
00:33:05
Speaker
And I keep thinking like, you mean young men specifically, because most like young women will make
00:33:09
Speaker
friends or have like other socializing influences.
00:33:12
Speaker
And furthermore, like it's so hard to get mentors anyway as a woman.
00:33:17
Speaker
So when I hear about mentors, like nine times out of 10, I think men over other men, because it's actually extremely hard to get mentors, male or female for women.
00:33:25
Speaker
That impossible.
00:33:26
Speaker
I don't know.
00:33:27
Speaker
In my personal experience, mentorship from men almost always has a tinge of sexual harassment.
00:33:33
Speaker
Exactly.
00:33:33
Speaker
That was going to be my point.
00:33:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:33:35
Speaker
And mentorship from women often, I hate to say this, but I've had some female bosses in the past that like, they don't mentor younger women, they see them as a threat as like a potential usurper to their queen bee throne kind of thing.
00:33:48
Speaker
And so they see a woman that's like younger than them, smarter than them, prettier than them, whatever perceived threat might be there.
00:33:55
Speaker
Like I just have a target on my back from like female bosses that I've had in the past.
00:33:59
Speaker
Unfortunately, I wish that wasn't the case.
00:34:01
Speaker
But that's been my experience.
00:34:03
Speaker
The thing is, like I said, I kind of went off on boomers like on my Twitter.
00:34:06
Speaker
Sorry.
00:34:06
Speaker
But a lot of it is just like a lot of them.
00:34:08
Speaker
Yeah, they don't want to invest in young people because they don't, you know, they're worried about their own job security.
00:34:12
Speaker
So a lot of it just seems to me, to be honest, I don't even know if that's a gender specific thing.
00:34:17
Speaker
It's so much.
00:34:18
Speaker
OK, I guess we have different experiences, but I'll say like for me and my experience, I'm not even sure it's completely gender specific so much as like generational specific to where especially the people who are older, new, they have a certain way they want to do things.
00:34:29
Speaker
And sometimes the way they mentor you is like not helpful.
00:34:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:32
Speaker
Might've worked for their generation.
00:34:33
Speaker
It's not, you know, it's not necessarily going to work for there.
00:34:35
Speaker
And then sometimes like, it's just a matter of like, they're busy and they don't necessarily want to invest anybody.
00:34:38
Speaker
They're worried about their own life.
00:34:40
Speaker
So like mentorship seems to me like when they do mentorship, quote unquote, in the workplace, it's just something to check off management metrics, right?
00:34:47
Speaker
And it's less like, because they actually feel emotionally invested in most of the people they come across.
00:34:52
Speaker
So like you will find a rare manager that like really likes you and really wants to go to bat for you and advocate you and thinks you're really great.
00:34:58
Speaker
And they think that ultimately it'll be in their best interest to promote you.
00:35:01
Speaker
But there's so little interest for your average like person who's above you to promote you specifically above like lip service.
00:35:07
Speaker
They need to check off their like, I did mentorship as a middle manager.
00:35:10
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:35:11
Speaker
So some of it is just that.
00:35:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:13
Speaker
Well, what you're talking about actually brings us to the fourth point, because we're talking about workplace safety in number four.
00:35:19
Speaker
So tip number four is, if you're an employer, do your fucking due diligence before hiring someone, pay attention to the red flags, and take decisive action.
00:35:29
Speaker
Because violence in the workplace, especially violence against women, is not a rare or isolated incident.
00:35:34
Speaker
If you're an employer, always call references, do background checks,
00:35:38
Speaker
It's actually quite like, even within professions that are very, that should be closely monitored, like government security, you'd be shocked at the number of people who are allowed to work and they don't have a full background check.
00:35:51
Speaker
I know in the UK, they call them employing them at risk because sometimes background checks, especially if you work in government, they can take like literally 12 months.
00:35:59
Speaker
So what they'll do is they will allow somebody to work for them at risk, basically without doing any of the checks or the checks coming back as clean.
00:36:07
Speaker
Oh, I was going to say like between our three major reporting agencies and all the PeopleSoft stuff, like it's almost impossible to be off the grid in the United States.
00:36:14
Speaker
So I don't know if that's like country specific either.
00:36:16
Speaker
I mean, I went and pulled like my credit report.
00:36:18
Speaker
It has every job I've ever had and the salary and everything I've ever had on like my credit report.
00:36:25
Speaker
In the UK, it's a bit more difficult because of GDPR, which are data protection law.
00:36:29
Speaker
We don't have something like the work number.
00:36:32
Speaker
So employers can't easily access that information.
00:36:36
Speaker
The only way they can get it is from HMRC, which is a UK equivalent of the Inland Revenue or the IRS, as they call it in the US.
00:36:44
Speaker
Do you have like a social security number or like whatever the equivalent of that is, like a unique ID number?
00:36:49
Speaker
I mean, we do.
00:36:50
Speaker
We've got national insurance numbers, but that basically has all the positions that you've worked in and the length of time, your salary.
00:36:56
Speaker
But an employer can't access that.
00:36:59
Speaker
But you'll basically need, they'll need to get the candidate to get the letter from HMRC and the candidate will have to give it to the employer.
00:37:06
Speaker
So, I mean, employers basically can't access that.
00:37:08
Speaker
So if there is a reference check in the UK, the employer will have to,
00:37:12
Speaker
to literally call every reference.
00:37:14
Speaker
The only time they won't is if it's developed vetting, which is basically if you want to be a diplomat or work at the top of government.
00:37:23
Speaker
But even that, the reason why DV vetting, as they call it, takes so long is because they have to basically interview everybody.
00:37:30
Speaker
They have to manually check it.
00:37:31
Speaker
There's no central system that employers have access to where they can just see that because of data protection, basically.
00:37:38
Speaker
So what you guys are describing is much more higher level than what Gavin DeBecker is recommending.
00:37:42
Speaker
Like he's saying he has a line in the book where he's like, I have very little patience for employers who don't do the bare minimum.
00:37:49
Speaker
But even small employers, they can't be bothered.
00:37:51
Speaker
That's basically it.
00:37:52
Speaker
They literally can't be bothered.
00:37:54
Speaker
A lot of them.
00:37:55
Speaker
It's so low cost.
00:37:56
Speaker
And it literally could take like a half day to just like call back.
00:37:59
Speaker
Like when someone applies, you don't even have to actually call anybody just like looking out on face value at the application of like, oh, the same phone number for their relatives or their emergency contact is also used as a reference, that kind of stuff like
00:38:13
Speaker
Or, you know, just even just asking them, like, why did you leave your last job?
00:38:16
Speaker
If they say it's, oh, personality conflict or, oh, my boss was an asshole.
00:38:21
Speaker
If you're asking these basic questions in the interview process and they show that they don't have the ability to, like, take responsibility for their actions or, you know, understand the
00:38:30
Speaker
other people's points of view, stuff like that, right?
00:38:32
Speaker
It doesn't have to be super complicated and high level.
00:38:35
Speaker
Like I do recommend doing a criminal background check because one of the things that came up multiple times in this book is that someone with a history of domestic violence is almost always more likely to be in like the workplace, for example.
00:38:47
Speaker
There was David Burke who, you know, shot down, this was like the most deadly workplace violent incident.
00:38:53
Speaker
It was David Burke in US Air.
00:38:55
Speaker
Something like 43 people, I believe, died.
00:38:58
Speaker
As a side note, but totally related, there was a big controversy that blew up this week over this guy who used to have the Twitter handle Waymo the God.
00:39:06
Speaker
Have you guys followed that at all?
00:39:07
Speaker
So he tried to rebrand as a TikTok chef.
00:39:10
Speaker
And what he used to do is write really horrific racist things.
00:39:15
Speaker
He's black.
00:39:15
Speaker
He used to write like horribly racist things against black women, especially dark skinned black women.
00:39:20
Speaker
Oh, yes, yes.
00:39:21
Speaker
I've seen this guy.
00:39:22
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:22
Speaker
Oh, I heard about that.
00:39:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:24
Speaker
Like basically telling them to kill themselves, like comparing them to all types of animals and stuff like probably the worst.
00:39:31
Speaker
I mean, honestly, could have been written by a KKK person.
00:39:33
Speaker
It sounded like Stormfront and also apparently had several was asked to leave his school for a while because of a pending sexual harassment, sexual assault case.
00:39:43
Speaker
And when he was in, I think, undergrad and school,
00:39:46
Speaker
Somehow at some point ended up finishing his schooling and then going on to law school and then got hired into the district attorney's office in Houston, Texas.
00:39:55
Speaker
I think it's Harris County as an assistant district attorney and rebrand himself as this like feel good TikTok chef, except for the Internet doesn't particularly forget.
00:40:04
Speaker
So they pulled up all his old tweets, etc.
00:40:07
Speaker
And so a lot of people were saying like, oh, these guys are just trolling in the Internet.
00:40:10
Speaker
They don't mean this thing.
00:40:11
Speaker
But this guy now has a position of semi-authority in the TA's office of all places and district attorney.
00:40:18
Speaker
And you can't trust him to be like fair towards black women who are victims of crimes.
00:40:22
Speaker
Right.
00:40:23
Speaker
In addition to the actual sexual assault and sexual harassment allegations that are being alleged by different women on Twitter.
00:40:29
Speaker
This is another situation where it just looks like they don't do due diligence on these guys.
00:40:32
Speaker
And I feel like even if they did, men are forever being made excuses for.
00:40:36
Speaker
So like just to reiterate your point, but yeah.
00:40:39
Speaker
And yeah, some of it is also in the employment world is that male candidates are given the benefit of the doubt way more than they should, generally speaking.
00:40:48
Speaker
He didn't even like he was stupid enough to actually use his real name, right?
00:40:51
Speaker
Like he wasn't even like trolling behind a burner account.
00:40:55
Speaker
But it wasn't even subtle.
00:40:56
Speaker
And, you know, that just goes to show, like, you know, the extent of the male privilege.
00:40:59
Speaker
And also bearing in mind that this is a bit of a tangent, apologies, but bearing in mind that the actual recruitment system, it's actually quite Machiavellian in that people are encouraged to lie and manipulate to get the job.
00:41:11
Speaker
Yeah, because if you've ever been in any kind of competitive recruitment process, everybody's embellishing, everybody's lying.
00:41:17
Speaker
And, you know, somehow we've become okay with that.
00:41:19
Speaker
And generally speaking, you know, men are more likely to possess the dark triad traits, which are Machiavellianism, but narcissism and also psychopathy.
00:41:30
Speaker
a lot more than women.
00:41:32
Speaker
And so I'm not surprised that degenerate men, you know, tend to go far in recruitment and in their careers, because ultimately the recruitment processes that we currently have, it rewards that sort of behaviour.
00:41:42
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:41:43
Speaker
But back to David Burke.
00:41:44
Speaker
So the most deadly workplace violent incident was Pacific Southwest Airlines flight 1771.
00:41:50
Speaker
43 passengers on a plane died because this guy David Burke was getting revenge on his boss for firing him.
00:41:59
Speaker
But David Burke had a history of domestic violence.
00:42:01
Speaker
and a bunch of other red flags and like other workplace like, you know, stealing money and like just a bunch of red flags that like had these things been paid attention to, this event might not have happened kind of thing.
00:42:12
Speaker
So had they paid attention to these red flags, this event may not have happened.
00:42:17
Speaker
And so if you're an employer and you do a criminal background check on an employee and find that he has a history of domestic violence in any way, don't hire him.
00:42:26
Speaker
You're putting your employees at risk.
00:42:27
Speaker
Moving forward, hopefully, you know, hopefully I recover from this and get to have a job eventually.
00:42:31
Speaker
But as an employer in the future, I will definitely be doing this bare minimum, like safety background checks for my own employees safety, right?
00:42:40
Speaker
Because I wouldn't want to bring someone on the team.
00:42:42
Speaker
You know, this happens all the time where like,
00:42:43
Speaker
You know, you bring someone on the team, he develops like a fixation or weird hyper fixation on another woman there.
00:42:49
Speaker
And suddenly, you know, not only is she getting like sexually harassed or stalked or so on, like she's in actually very real danger if she rejects him.
00:42:56
Speaker
You know, if you try to fire a guy like that, once he's already on the team, that can be the inciting incident that causes him to act violent.
00:43:02
Speaker
So the best thing is just to not hire these people from the beginning, like at all.
00:43:07
Speaker
And don't be guilt tripped by some of these laws that are coming out that are increasingly trying to hide.
00:43:12
Speaker
They're trying to hide people's criminal records.
00:43:14
Speaker
So I know there's some laws in New York and in California that are basically trying to make it illegal for them to do background checks.
00:43:21
Speaker
I think they're trying to make it illegal to do background checks for apartments in New York.
00:43:25
Speaker
And then in California, I think everything other than like a sex offense is
00:43:29
Speaker
employers are not allowed to see or credit companies or background checking companies are not allowed to disclose.
00:43:35
Speaker
So they're basically trying to make it so that, yeah, people who leave prison have a better chance to reintegrate into society, but that does come with risk.
00:43:43
Speaker
I mean, it depends on the crimes of things like drug crimes.
00:43:45
Speaker
I would consider them very low risk in the workplace.
00:43:48
Speaker
Actually, like one of the best salespeople I ever had on my team was convicted of, was a drug dealer in a
00:43:53
Speaker
past life kind of thing.
00:43:54
Speaker
So like, I feel like people who have committed drug offenses are probably a little bit less dangerous, as long as they're not like, you know, high level, like mobsters, you know, they haven't like committed like murders and stuff like that.
00:44:05
Speaker
But if it's just like possession of drugs, selling drugs, not that that's not a big deal.
00:44:09
Speaker
But like, yeah, like domestic violence, violence against women, huge red flag.
00:44:14
Speaker
That's the concern is that in a lot of these cases, a lot of advocacy groups are advocating for like full ceiling of any type of record.
00:44:22
Speaker
But yeah, if you're an employer or you're a landlord and you need to figure out, hey, I have a building full of kids and now it's illegal to look on this person to see if they have a history of violence against kids or women, you know, that does kind of make it a bit difficult.
00:44:33
Speaker
Like it makes it a little bit less safe for women in those environments.
00:44:36
Speaker
So it's tough.
00:44:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:38
Speaker
So if you're an employer, I highly recommend reading this book.
00:44:41
Speaker
Gavin DeBecker has a list of interview questions that are really valuable.
00:44:45
Speaker
If I'm ever an employer again in the future, I'm definitely going to be asking these questions because it's important to get a sense of this person's value system.
00:44:54
Speaker
Are they capable of acknowledging multiple perspectives?
00:44:56
Speaker
Are they capable of acknowledging how their actions might have contributed to a conflict?
00:45:01
Speaker
You know, beware of anyone who has a pattern of intimidation, manipulation, threats of violence.
00:45:06
Speaker
If they talk about weapons, if they've purchased a weapon in the last 90 days, they have a collection of weapons, run, you know, get a sense of how they resolve conflict.
00:45:15
Speaker
Beware of people who have a sort of paranoia or feel like other people are out to get them because in their mind that can add to the justification leading up to a crime.
00:45:24
Speaker
Also beware of the script writer, which is someone who has really inflexible thinking and
00:45:28
Speaker
They create like narratives around interact, you know, mundane interactions.
00:45:33
Speaker
Don't take responsibility for their actions and always cast themselves as the victim.
00:45:37
Speaker
And also when you're firing someone, be direct, take reasonable steps to prevent high emotions.
00:45:41
Speaker
And like, you know, a lot of the times employers will be afraid of firing someone like this because they think, oh, if I fire someone who's like crazy, they might come back and, you know, try to kill me or something like that.
00:45:52
Speaker
So they transfer them to other departments and make it somebody else's problem.
00:45:55
Speaker
the more you transfer them or kind of jerk around with people like that, the more in their mind, the justification increases.
00:46:01
Speaker
So it's better to just like try to, you know, try to do it in a way, you know, he lists a bunch of strategies about like what day to do it, how to do it and so on in a way that's not going to leave the person feeling really high emotions, which, you know, if they're feeling very, very strong and negative emotions about being fired, then yeah, the likelihood they're going to come back on Monday with a gun is higher.
00:46:22
Speaker
So be aware of that.
00:46:23
Speaker
So moving on to number five, when leaving an abusive relationship, be very careful with restraining orders.
00:46:30
Speaker
This was something that was very enlightening in this book.
00:46:32
Speaker
You know, a lot of people think that, oh, if I just get a restraining order, then I'll be safe.
00:46:36
Speaker
Wrong.
00:46:37
Speaker
Statistically speaking, like a piece of paper isn't going to stop a violent man.
00:46:41
Speaker
In many cases, a restraining order is actually the inciting incident that triggers a man to go from inaction to action.
00:46:48
Speaker
As we all know at FDS, it's important to remember that abuse is about power and control.
00:46:52
Speaker
A lot of these men actually kill themselves after committing violence.
00:46:56
Speaker
And the reason is that in their mind, refusing to accept rejection or refusing to accept a loss of control is more important to them than life and freedom itself.
00:47:06
Speaker
Violent men are not deterred by court orders.
00:47:08
Speaker
Court orders are only effective in cases where there's no prior history of violence.
00:47:12
Speaker
In other words, like someone who's least likely to be violent to begin with.
00:47:16
Speaker
So just as an aside, if you're in the UK or anywhere, I've actually worked quite a lot with police officers in the UK, they will admit to you that if a man has a restraining order, there's fuck all they can do to enforce it.
00:47:28
Speaker
It's literally not worth the paper it's written on.
00:47:30
Speaker
And even if he does break the court order, they've even said they just haven't got the resource to deal with it effectively.
00:47:37
Speaker
Exactly.
00:47:37
Speaker
So understand, like, in the mind of a really depraved man, they're thinking, like, especially say, like, he's married, he has a wife and kids, a house, in his mind, that's his little fiefdom, right?
00:47:47
Speaker
A restraining order is telling him to give up on his whole mini kingdom, basically.
00:47:53
Speaker
He has a lot of investment in that relationship that that piece of paper is now expecting him to give up on.
00:47:59
Speaker
And in his mind, it's like, she's trying to control me, I'm gonna kill her so that she doesn't have any control over me, right?
00:48:06
Speaker
For them, being in control is more important to them than being alive or not being in jail.
00:48:12
Speaker
And so the best strategy in this case is to make yourself unavailable to him.
00:48:17
Speaker
You have to reduce the ability for this person to be violent to you.
00:48:21
Speaker
So go to a battered women's shelter, develop an escape plan, you know, basically run and hide.
00:48:26
Speaker
Like you're actually, you know, if you stay at the house where, you know, he knows where you live and so on, and you get a restraining order against him and he has a history of violence, that's not going to stop him.
00:48:35
Speaker
He's almost...
00:48:35
Speaker
The likelihood of him going to the house and just like killing you is actually, I wouldn't say it's a high risk, but it's very, very possible.
00:48:41
Speaker
It's much better actually to just go into hiding.
00:48:43
Speaker
And it's unfortunate and it's shitty that the onus is on women to have to change our lives to avoid violence for men.
00:48:49
Speaker
But when it comes to safety, it's not about justice.
00:48:52
Speaker
It's not about fairness.
00:48:53
Speaker
It's about keeping you alive, right?
00:48:55
Speaker
So it's shitty, but that's life.
00:48:57
Speaker
And moving on to number six, don't let a man down easy.
00:49:01
Speaker
Be direct.
00:49:02
Speaker
No is a complete sentence.
00:49:04
Speaker
So
00:49:05
Speaker
We've all learned from media, and there's lots of different movies that Gavin DeBecker criticizes in this book that have the plot line, you know, The Graduate is one where boy meets girl, girl rejects boy, boy harasses girl, boy gets the girl kind of thing.
00:49:19
Speaker
Girl accepts boy, whatever.
00:49:21
Speaker
And we've been presented with these kinds of media narratives and a lot of people have accepted those as true.
00:49:26
Speaker
But it's important to remember that persistence after no isn't a sign of love.
00:49:30
Speaker
It's stalking.
00:49:31
Speaker
It's obsession.
00:49:33
Speaker
Do not negotiate after you reject a guy.
00:49:36
Speaker
Block and delete.
00:49:37
Speaker
Any further contact that you have with him after that will be seen as negotiation.
00:49:41
Speaker
If he calls you 30 times and you tell him to stop calling you, he learns that the cost of reaching you is 30 calls and that increases his emotional investment.
00:49:49
Speaker
That's why at FDS we say block and delete.
00:49:51
Speaker
Yeah, any engagement is pay dirt to scrotes, even if it takes them a lot to get to it.
00:49:57
Speaker
Exactly.
00:49:57
Speaker
And there's a line in the book that was really chilling to me.
00:49:59
Speaker
It was like, you'll be thinking of me, you might not be thinking good things, but you'll be thinking of me.
00:50:04
Speaker
Like, so if a guy wants a relationship, and you don't want a relationship with him, in a lot of really depraved men's minds, like the next best thing is like, oh, well, she's going to be worried, you know, that I'm going to come and stalk her, kill her or something like she'll be thinking negative things about like, in the mind of a depraved man, negative attention is still attention.
00:50:21
Speaker
And if you're not going to give him positive attention, then he'll give you a reason to give him negative attention.
00:50:26
Speaker
So it's best to just not give him any attention at all.
00:50:28
Speaker
It's safer to not give him any attention at all.
00:50:31
Speaker
And last but not least, number seven, it's important to pay relaxed attention to your environment rather than paying rapt attention to
00:50:41
Speaker
to your imagination.
00:50:42
Speaker
So in other words, like, you have to pay attention to the reality of the world in front of you, like don't get caught up in worries and anxieties.
00:50:49
Speaker
And this might seem contradictory to everything that I've said so far.
00:50:52
Speaker
But the reality is that if you're full all of the time, we actually lose the ability to sense when we're actually in danger.
00:50:58
Speaker
And what makes it even harder is that media has us afraid of things that are rare, things like sharks,
00:51:03
Speaker
assassinations, even terrorist attacks, like although they take up a lot of media space, it's actually very unlikely for you to die in a terrorist attack.
00:51:10
Speaker
You're much more likely to die in a car accident or something like that.
00:51:13
Speaker
Yet we get into the cars and drive around all the time.
00:51:15
Speaker
It gets us to pay attention to things that are rare and not things that are common.
00:51:18
Speaker
Things like domestic violence or incest are actually much more likely to happen than like, you're actually much more likely to be sexually assaulted by
00:51:25
Speaker
a family member or someone you know than, you know, some stranger, you know, jumping out of you from the bushes on the street, right?
00:51:33
Speaker
So keep in mind that worry is not the same as fear.
00:51:36
Speaker
More likely, it's a distraction that harms more than it helps.
00:51:39
Speaker
So just keep in mind that human behavior is like a chain and the violent incidents are merely the links in that chain.
00:51:45
Speaker
And when you know the signs of like each link leading up to the violent act,
00:51:50
Speaker
human behavior is actually very predictable.
00:51:52
Speaker
Beware of electronic scare tactics, things like local news, viral content, because it can desensitize your fear response and cause unnecessary anxiety.
00:52:02
Speaker
And I wanted to end on a kind of positive note, actually, because although this episode has been very doom and gloom, it's important to keep in mind that
00:52:08
Speaker
Although the world is a dangerous place, it is also a safe place.
00:52:12
Speaker
There are bad and they're violent people, but there are far more people who are good and who are nonviolent.
00:52:16
Speaker
We survive risks and we make high stakes predictions every day.
00:52:19
Speaker
And if we allow our worries and anxieties to prevent us from living a full and happy life, is that actually better than...
00:52:25
Speaker
the actual violence.
00:52:27
Speaker
So I want women listening to this episode to keep in mind that, you know, yes, there are like dangers all around us and things that we should pay attention to.
00:52:36
Speaker
But at the same time, you know, pay relaxed attention to your environment.
00:52:39
Speaker
Don't get caught up in worries and anxieties about what might happen.
00:52:42
Speaker
It's important to kind of, you know, as much as you can live in the moment and enjoy life for what it is in the present moment as much as possible.
00:52:50
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like the name, the gift of fear is really important that it's just a safety mechanism to keep yourself safe, but it's not meant to make you a prisoner of your own mind, you know?
00:53:01
Speaker
Exactly.
00:53:02
Speaker
Such a fine line, you know, like, well, maybe not that fine of a line, but I do think as your BS meter and your ability to pick up on your environment gets more finely tuned, then you can actually relax.
00:53:12
Speaker
So it has like the
00:53:14
Speaker
Maybe the opposite effect that you start to feel more confident, right?
00:53:17
Speaker
Instead of paranoid, because you start to feel more confident in yourself to remove yourself from a situation that's not safe versus like feeling like I never know when things are going to happen.
00:53:24
Speaker
That's why I'm a big advocate of knowledge being power, because you can kind of relax and feel like something's not going to come out of left field that I didn't see coming.
00:53:32
Speaker
I have the ability to take care of myself.
00:53:33
Speaker
I have the ability to see the signs in front of me, connect the dots and remove myself as needed.
00:53:39
Speaker
You know, quietly slip out the back if you need to.
00:53:42
Speaker
also yeah like understanding that like it's running away escape that's another point that i forgot to mention but like it's much better to disengage from the threat than to try to engage in a war like he talks about throughout the book like a reasonable person cannot win a war with an unreasonable person like you know they're going to be willing to do shit that you cannot i cannot tell you how long it took me to learn that specific lesson jesus christ like please internalize that
00:54:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:54:11
Speaker
Like if a guy's being crazy, like I know that in the past, sometimes I've talked about how like, yeah, sometimes I troll guys into blowing up and then, you know, that their angry reaction is used against.
00:54:21
Speaker
I do that in certain situations, but I actually avoid doing that as much as I can because like truly depraved men are willing to do things that you can't even think of, you know?
00:54:31
Speaker
And like people like me or people like Gavin DeBecker, where maybe you were raised in a more like dysfunctional, like he talks about how, you know, as a child, his parents were really violent.
00:54:39
Speaker
And part of the reason why he became like a security expert and a kind of like guru on violence is because of he witnessed those things in childhood.
00:54:47
Speaker
Right.
00:54:47
Speaker
And so I actually kind of relate my childhood and his childhood were actually had some similarities.
00:54:52
Speaker
And so someone raised in that environment, you know, you learn to pay attention to what are the danger signals that
00:54:58
Speaker
I mean, for someone who had some dysfunctional upbringing as well, like, yeah, there's a temptation to engage with it because you want to like, yeah, you want justice.
00:55:05
Speaker
There we go.
00:55:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:07
Speaker
You want justice.
00:55:08
Speaker
You want to like make things right.
00:55:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:09
Speaker
Like, that's the thing.
00:55:10
Speaker
Like, I have the same thing where like sometimes, you know, when I spot like toxic traits in someone that I see recognized in my own parents, for example, there's like a flicker of like, it's almost like I'm going to make things right for all those times as a child that I was done wrong kind of thing.
00:55:25
Speaker
But now I've achieved more wisdom.
00:55:27
Speaker
I've achieved more maturity.
00:55:29
Speaker
This illness actually has kind of forced me to like reevaluate a lot of things in life and sort of think more critically about what's actually important.
00:55:36
Speaker
And like winning fights with crazy people.
00:55:39
Speaker
I'm now at a point where I'm like, I don't care about winning fights with crazy people.
00:55:42
Speaker
I'm like, fuck these people.
00:55:43
Speaker
Like, I don't even want to be on Twitter anymore because it just doesn't matter.
00:55:46
Speaker
Like, I just rather like
00:55:47
Speaker
just cuddle with my fiance and my dog and like, you know, just watch TV and like give each other head scratches, like shit like that, right?
00:55:53
Speaker
Like just the simple things in life that make things enjoyable, that give me joy.
00:55:58
Speaker
Those that make me happier than like winning petty fights with crazy people.
00:56:01
Speaker
Like, you know, it's better to not engage with unreasonable people in general is the lesson.
00:56:06
Speaker
Or at least if you're going to like try to change things, you have to do it in a smarter way because like, yeah, you will get exhausted trying to out crazy, crazy.
00:56:14
Speaker
Or energy efficient way.
00:56:16
Speaker
There we go.
00:56:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:56:17
Speaker
Energy efficient way.
00:56:18
Speaker
So I feel like with, I mean, specifically, I guess with FDS, like it's more effective in the sense of like, it's more of a collective consciousness raising than like us trying to be necessarily like individual battle warriors, even though obviously, cause we're, I guess, somewhat, uh,
00:56:32
Speaker
I'm not really public, but I guess people know our voices and who we are.
00:56:34
Speaker
But, you know, we sometimes take the slings and arrows of that.
00:56:37
Speaker
But like, yeah, I mean, a lot of things that are shitty in life exist.
00:56:41
Speaker
And it's always a balance between like what you can do to keep yourself healthy and then like fighting the good fight for the next generation or so.
00:56:48
Speaker
Right.
00:56:48
Speaker
Like sometimes you have to lose individual battles to win the war.
00:56:51
Speaker
So sometimes like disengaging with like nutty people at
00:56:55
Speaker
I never want to tell people they're wrong for feeling or wanting a sense of justice for shitty things in the world.
00:57:00
Speaker
But just knowing that there's probably smarter ways or more efficient ways to go around it.
00:57:04
Speaker
And sometimes you have to play the long game, right?
00:57:06
Speaker
And playing the long game is tough.
00:57:08
Speaker
But yeah, disengaged from crazy people because they're in their element and you're not.
00:57:13
Speaker
But even playing the long game, if it's like with someone who's inconsequential to your life, like why invest that much time and energy, right?
00:57:19
Speaker
If you're in a situation where it is life and death, like you're an oppressed person and this person has more power than you.
00:57:25
Speaker
And it actually is about life and death.
00:57:27
Speaker
And I can actually see, I can actually see why live it, you know, playing the long game would be necessary.
00:57:32
Speaker
But like for me personally, if this person isn't like a real danger to me, you know, I don't really want to like, I don't care about scoring justice points against crazy people anymore.
00:57:41
Speaker
It's like, fuck it.
00:57:41
Speaker
Like that shit's behind me now.
00:57:43
Speaker
Literally, like just sitting on the couch, chilling with people that I care about, or just like having those kind of moments of intimacy and so on are more important to me than winning battles.
00:57:53
Speaker
And so that's just for me personally.
00:57:55
Speaker
But you know, I'm hoping that women listening to this episode that your takeaway will be like, yeah, there's a lot of shitty fucked up, crazy depraved men out there that are a danger to you.
00:58:02
Speaker
And it's important to enjoy your life anyways.
00:58:05
Speaker
Because if you allow the fear of those crazy people to prevent you from enjoying life, then you're letting those people win.
00:58:12
Speaker
Yeah, don't let the terrorists win.
00:58:13
Speaker
Terrorists hate our freedoms.
00:58:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:58:16
Speaker
Yeah, don't let the terrorists win.
00:58:18
Speaker
Terrorists hate us being happy.
00:58:19
Speaker
And a lot of these fucking crazy depraved men are terrorists in a way.
00:58:23
Speaker
So yeah, that's it.
00:58:25
Speaker
Thanks for listening.
00:58:26
Speaker
Yes.
00:58:27
Speaker
Thanks for coming back.
00:58:28
Speaker
Savannah, do you have anything to add?
00:58:30
Speaker
No, that was everything.
00:58:32
Speaker
Okay, so that's our show.
00:58:35
Speaker
Please check us out on the website, thefemaledatingstrategy.com.
00:58:37
Speaker
You can discuss this episode on the forum.
00:58:40
Speaker
Also check us out on our Patreon where we have weekly bonus content.
00:58:43
Speaker
You can talk to us on the Discord.
00:58:45
Speaker
That's at patreon.com forward slash thefemaledatingstrategy.
00:58:49
Speaker
You can also follow us on Twitter at fem.strat and on Instagram at underscore thefemaledatingstrategy.
00:58:55
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens.
00:58:56
Speaker
And don't let the terrorists win.
00:58:58
Speaker
See y'all next week.
00:58:59
Speaker
Die mad.
00:59:01
Speaker
you