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Episode 32: How to Protect your Peace
3 Plays1 year ago
Have you ever been in a situation where you need to protect your peace, but you froze or became tongue-tied?
Shannon found herself in such a situation where one of the senior executives in the company that she worked for massaged her in front of her colleagues. It was uncomfortable for her. Shannon was tongue-tied and frozen. All she could do was look at her colleagues, hoping someone would say something to stop it. Unfortunately, they were as frozen as she was. She wanted to tell him to stop, but how would he take it? Shannon's experience is an example of how sometimes we want to protect our peace, but the circumstances make us overlook our boundaries.
In this episode, we have an in-depth conversation on how to protect your peace and why it is essential. We'll share the definition of inner peace, how we can save it, and our experiences with safeguarding our peace. We've come to appreciate that getting to a place where you have inner peace is not an overnight job. It takes work, but the beauty is when you protect your peace, you do it for yourself and not for other people.
Are you ready to learn more? Listen to this episode.
Key Talking Points of the Episode:
[01:51] Protecting inner peace in chaotic environments
[06:03] What do we mean by protecting your peace?
[06:36] What is inner peace?
[10:32] The essence of setting boundaries
[21:14] Setting up boundaries in professional spaces
[30:28] Decluttering for mental and emotional peace
Magical Quotes from the Episode:
"Boundaries are there for yourself. It's not for others."
"It's really powerful just to recognize the pattern."
"There's power in pause."
Note: This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Protecting Your Peace
00:00:05
Speaker
Welcome to Psychic Girls Next Door.
00:00:07
Speaker
We are your hosts, Lily Hiberino and Shannon Miller.
00:00:10
Speaker
This podcast is for all spirituality enthusiasts and psychics next door to share tools, experiences and spiritual practices that align with your highest vibrational self.
00:00:20
Speaker
So in this episode, we will talk about about well, about, about and I just... We're talking about protecting your peace.
00:00:31
Speaker
Yeah, I think I wrote it down like
00:00:34
Speaker
About what?
Why is Protecting Peace Important?
00:00:36
Speaker
You're so peaceful.
00:00:36
Speaker
And I am very peaceful.
00:00:38
Speaker
And then I just got caught up in my own words.
00:00:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:40
Speaker
It flew out of your body.
00:00:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:42
Speaker
So we are talking about protecting your peace, what it means and how we protect our peace.
00:00:48
Speaker
There you go.
00:00:48
Speaker
There you go.
00:00:52
Speaker
We wanted to build up this episode because it's so important.
00:00:55
Speaker
Oh, I know.
00:00:56
Speaker
And I think there's so much information that just wanted to come through.
00:01:00
Speaker
And I'm like, OK, let's do one thing at a time.
00:01:04
Speaker
There's me talking, my spirit guys want to talk.
00:01:07
Speaker
So it's like a party over there.
00:01:08
Speaker
Exactly.
00:01:10
Speaker
Even in chaos, you can find peace.
00:01:12
Speaker
And I think this is going to be a really good episode, especially with everything going on.
00:01:17
Speaker
Like so many planets have been in retrograde.
00:01:20
Speaker
Mercury's currently in retrograde, which makes sense why you might have, you know, thought too much about your own peace over there.
00:01:28
Speaker
But it's going to be...
00:01:31
Speaker
an outlet for everyone to just understand like you can protect your peace in a chaotic environment in a chaotic you know you know if your your inner realm feels chaotic it could be because of your outer realm and if your outer realm is chaotic you can create a calm peaceful inner realm so that is my intention for today's episode
00:01:56
Speaker
Yeah, I agree.
Navigating Chaos and Consciousness Shifts
00:01:57
Speaker
I mean, has this year been chaotic or what?
00:02:01
Speaker
Oh, yes.
00:02:02
Speaker
It definitely has.
00:02:03
Speaker
Oh, my goodness.
00:02:05
Speaker
I don't know about you guys, but this year has been intense.
00:02:09
Speaker
Yes.
00:02:09
Speaker
It's just so many levels.
00:02:12
Speaker
Transition shifts.
00:02:14
Speaker
And I don't think this is random.
00:02:16
Speaker
I think this is very intentional.
00:02:18
Speaker
You know, that we're all going through this big shift in consciousness because I think it was much needed.
00:02:26
Speaker
I think so, too.
00:02:28
Speaker
I definitely feel like so much change has happened, like not only like for us on a personal level, like, you know, things that are no longer serve you will leave your life.
00:02:40
Speaker
And that can feel very chaotic.
00:02:43
Speaker
but it can also bring you peace and which inspired me to, to, you know, this app to kind of bring up this topic today.
00:02:51
Speaker
Um, like I recently left my job, um, and I was laid off, but I was like, you paid me to leave.
00:02:58
Speaker
What a blessing.
00:03:00
Speaker
And it was really, it was a really turbulent, chaotic work environment.
00:03:04
Speaker
And I, I,
00:03:05
Speaker
I was realizing I attract a lot of those.
00:03:08
Speaker
I, and it's like, I realized I have this picture in my space of like, I can handle it.
00:03:14
Speaker
Like I can, you know, like I was attracting those types of chaotic environments because I do have the ability to create inner peace for myself.
Creating Inner Peace Amidst Chaos
00:03:25
Speaker
and peace for others as well.
00:03:27
Speaker
And I think that is one of the gifts we both have to provide perspective, to provide another alternative way of looking at a situation which can provide people like the mental clarity and peace that they need to get through a situation.
00:03:43
Speaker
And I apply a lot of those tools in the workplaces I've worked in.
00:03:48
Speaker
But every workplace I've worked in has been, at least said like in startup land in, you know, the Bay Area has been very chaotic.
00:03:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:57
Speaker
Well, I think it's whatever it's going on in the astral plane, it's also like reflecting in this physical plane.
00:04:05
Speaker
And it reflects, of course, in our lives.
00:04:07
Speaker
But people would always say, oh, but how do you keep yourself?
00:04:11
Speaker
Well, you look peaceful.
00:04:12
Speaker
Well, sometimes it's not that peaceful.
00:04:15
Speaker
You might not feel peaceful inside.
00:04:16
Speaker
You might not.
00:04:17
Speaker
You know, sometimes there might be this inner turbulence going on.
Setting Boundaries for Personal Energy
00:04:22
Speaker
But peace is something that you create.
00:04:25
Speaker
It's not something that others can give it to you.
00:04:28
Speaker
No.
00:04:28
Speaker
You know, something that comes from the inside out.
00:04:31
Speaker
That's basically what it is.
00:04:34
Speaker
And I feel that especially with people that are empaths or you do, you know, you facilitate either healing for others or you're just someone that likes to serve others to you, there is a way that we...
00:04:49
Speaker
And I think that we can translate our inner peace, you know, to others around us too.
00:04:54
Speaker
So I also believe that our inner peace creates like a ripple effect on others that are around us.
00:05:00
Speaker
You know, I probably mentioned in many episodes how I, you know, I used to work with children.
00:05:09
Speaker
And for me, one of the things is that I remember some mothers would come to me and be like, oh, but my child is just so calm when they're with you.
00:05:19
Speaker
And I said, well, they match my energy.
00:05:21
Speaker
Of course they are.
00:05:22
Speaker
Right.
00:05:22
Speaker
You know, they're calm because I am calm.
00:05:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:25
Speaker
And that's how I am on the inside.
00:05:27
Speaker
You set the tone.
00:05:28
Speaker
Yeah, I said the energy set the tone and my energy just translates into that space.
00:05:32
Speaker
But again, it took me a lot of work to be in the space because I think also being, having this inner peace is also very intentional.
00:05:45
Speaker
You know, you do set an intention to create this peaceful space for yourself.
00:05:50
Speaker
And this is what we're going to talk about, too.
00:05:52
Speaker
Like, how do you create this inner peace and how to protect that?
00:05:57
Speaker
Right.
00:05:57
Speaker
Because I think that's really important.
00:05:59
Speaker
So basically, I just kind of want to go into, I know people, they like definitions too, what it means to protect your space.
00:06:06
Speaker
So basically protecting your peace and your space or your energy even, it just means that you're caring for and then you're safeguarding your physical, mental, emotion and your spiritual self in ways that you define for yourself, basically.
00:06:22
Speaker
So, and it is a personal journey.
00:06:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:25
Speaker
You know, I don't think there's going to be right and wrong and you have to do what works for you.
00:06:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:31
Speaker
But you basically, you make decisions and you set boundaries for yourself that are in your most, in your highest and best interest.
00:06:40
Speaker
Yeah.
Deliberate Calmness and Clear Decisions
00:06:41
Speaker
And even taking a step back from that, like on positivepsychology.com.
00:06:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:47
Speaker
Peace of mind or inner peace refers to a deliberate state of either psychological or spiritual calmness, despite the potential presence of stressors.
00:06:59
Speaker
So in a homeostatic psychological state, which results in optimal functioning of the of the mind, being at peace is.
00:07:09
Speaker
is going to obviously bring you like more, you know, clearer thoughts, being able to make a decision without having to feel rushed.
00:07:19
Speaker
I think that's a good example of like when you might not feel that inner peace, if you feel that sense of like time not being on your side.
00:07:27
Speaker
And, you know, like I've been watching a lot of Doctor Who lately.
00:07:31
Speaker
So time lords our thing, like being able to like, you know, feel this constant pressure of like, like a weight,
00:07:39
Speaker
like an elephant sitting on your chest because you have to either make a decision in a certain amount of time or you have it's like all this inner internal chaotic static going on and like coulda woulda shoulda you know pastime information can cause you to go into places of your mind that do not feel peaceful and
00:08:02
Speaker
Um, so anything can really trigger it, but it's a matter of like figuring out how you are going to one, create your own peace.
00:08:12
Speaker
Like what does the peace mean for you?
00:08:14
Speaker
And two, like how to protect that.
00:08:18
Speaker
Um, and like, there can be several ways to do that.
Learning to Say No and Recognize Needs
00:08:22
Speaker
And one thing that typically works for me is when I am in those chaotic work environments, I like to say, oh, I'm the eye of the storm.
00:08:31
Speaker
And in my last job, I got caught up in the hurricane.
00:08:36
Speaker
It is easy to do to when you do not respect your own boundaries or even know that that new situation might be uncomfortable.
00:08:49
Speaker
And if it's uncomfortable, that means you need to create a boundary so that it doesn't happen again.
00:08:55
Speaker
And I think it can be every situation is a learning opportunity.
00:08:59
Speaker
Right.
00:08:59
Speaker
But being able to understand that this is a pattern or behavioral pattern that I do not like.
00:09:07
Speaker
experiencing from somebody else, or this is an environment where I don't feel safe, or I don't feel peace, or if the chaotic, turbulent nature of it is impacting my own internal peace, that is when you might need to, like, address, like, change.
00:09:26
Speaker
Right.
00:09:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:28
Speaker
Well, boundaries, I think it's a great start.
00:09:31
Speaker
Just learning how to say no.
00:09:33
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:09:34
Speaker
Oh, and that is so hard.
00:09:37
Speaker
I know.
00:09:37
Speaker
I mean, I think we all go through that.
00:09:39
Speaker
Like, I think that's one of the hardest is learning when to say no and being able to stand up for yourself.
00:09:48
Speaker
You know, whether when you're feeling overwhelmed or you need to ask for help sometimes, you know, and you have to set the boundaries, not only with that, because boundaries there for yourself.
00:10:01
Speaker
It's not for others.
00:10:03
Speaker
You know, you set the boundaries and...
00:10:07
Speaker
And then the scene of like, well, you know, what if people, they don't respect it, but it's not about others respecting.
00:10:14
Speaker
It's about you committing to keep your boundaries up, you know, because you can't change others.
00:10:21
Speaker
You know, you can't fix others, nothing.
00:10:24
Speaker
You know, I wish we could, but we can't.
00:10:27
Speaker
That's not how life works.
Personal Experiences of Saying No
00:10:29
Speaker
The only person that you can change and the only person that you can set boundaries with is within yourself.
00:10:36
Speaker
And that starts right there.
00:10:38
Speaker
Like for me, it was a huge concept because I mean, years ago, we didn't even know about this thing about boundaries.
00:10:47
Speaker
So this concept of boundaries, it's like, it's pretty recent that people actually started like,
00:10:52
Speaker
actively using it and actually saying you know what yeah this is good for my mental health yeah you know mainstream society yeah it became way way more popular and people really owning that term and i love that uh and for me it was huge especially as a people pleaser or former people pleaser where to me just saying no to others it was terrifying yeah so it took me work to
00:11:18
Speaker
to get to the space where I feel comfortable protecting my peace and my energy.
00:11:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:25
Speaker
Just by saying no, whether it be to, you know, places, situations, events that I just don't want to go.
00:11:32
Speaker
Oh, totally.
00:11:33
Speaker
You know, or things that I don't want to do just because others are doing it doesn't mean I have to do it.
00:11:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:40
Speaker
And that feels peaceful for you.
00:11:43
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:11:44
Speaker
I create myself.
00:11:45
Speaker
Right.
00:11:46
Speaker
Jomo.
00:11:46
Speaker
Jomo.
00:11:47
Speaker
The joy of missing out.
00:11:49
Speaker
I have Jomo every day.
00:11:50
Speaker
Oh, totally.
00:11:51
Speaker
I don't have, I'm not one of those people that have the FOMO, the fear of missing out.
00:11:55
Speaker
That has never been me.
00:11:56
Speaker
No, I'm like, sometimes it's like in my mid twenties, like maybe like, I don't know, 10 years ago, I would
00:12:04
Speaker
be more kind of fall prey to like the it wasn't necessarily FOMO but it was like a lack of how to say no yeah I think we all go through that especially in a younger like when we're younger you know I've definitely like have been through that especially like my teenage years yeah like herd mentality or like oh everyone's doing it like maybe I'll try it out
00:12:27
Speaker
Yeah, well, you're kind of still, like, trying to figure out your own identity.
Overcommitment and Recognizing Patterns
00:12:31
Speaker
So you kind of have this group mentality that you kind of go with, you know, what people, everyone else is doing.
00:12:38
Speaker
Like, oh, you know, I have to do it, too.
00:12:40
Speaker
Right, right.
00:12:40
Speaker
And, like, sometimes, like, that isn't going to serve you.
00:12:43
Speaker
And I think it's maybe recognizing, like, is this going to serve me?
00:12:48
Speaker
And, like, that's a good way for you to discern that.
00:12:51
Speaker
how to make a decision when you are putting your piece first, like being able to like understand like, okay, I don't know if I need to really do this or like for me, I have a bad, I don't know if it's a bad pattern.
00:13:06
Speaker
I don't want to put judgment on it, but like I have a pattern of getting hyper excited in the moment and getting overzealous and committing to this future plan
00:13:16
Speaker
And then when the day comes, I don't want to do that plan at all.
00:13:21
Speaker
I don't feel like I want, I don't want to.
00:13:24
Speaker
It's not even a personal thing against whoever I'm supposed to hang out with.
00:13:29
Speaker
I just got hyper excited and, you know, a few days ago and I feel like...
00:13:34
Speaker
I am now in this inner, not peaceful place of having... You created a mini chaos.
00:13:41
Speaker
Yeah, I created my own internal chaos by over committing and in the moment.
00:13:49
Speaker
For a future date.
00:13:51
Speaker
And now I recognize like that is my pattern.
00:13:54
Speaker
So like as someone who is trying to change patterns and actively doing the work to change patterns that no longer serve me, how can I in that situation be?
00:14:06
Speaker
protect my peace and not create an, you know, such a turbulent internal, you know, dissonance conflict, like past people pleasing tendencies, like, oh, I'll just do it.
00:14:18
Speaker
I'll just go show up.
00:14:19
Speaker
But then it creates like this internal dissatisfaction with like, I don't want to go, but I already committed to going.
00:14:26
Speaker
And then I am, you know, damned if I do, damned if I don't.
00:14:29
Speaker
But what you can change is your perspective of that.
00:14:33
Speaker
There's a third option.
00:14:35
Speaker
It's learning from, you know, those situations and saying, okay, I need to keep this in mind for next time when somebody's like, hey, let's do this and this.
00:14:47
Speaker
I love the idea.
00:14:48
Speaker
I'll let you know the day of.
00:14:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:51
Speaker
I think it's really powerful just to recognize the pattern.
00:14:55
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:14:55
Speaker
I think you just kind of have to validate yourself for that.
00:14:57
Speaker
Thank you.
00:14:59
Speaker
But it is awareness.
Pausing and Prioritizing for Peace
00:15:01
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:01
Speaker
It's just like noticing.
00:15:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:03
Speaker
Where am I creating also the chaos?
00:15:06
Speaker
Because we also create chaos unconsciously and consciously.
00:15:12
Speaker
But there's such power in pause.
00:15:16
Speaker
You know, like we were talking about before we started recording this podcast, it's about just pause.
00:15:22
Speaker
You don't have to like...
00:15:24
Speaker
answer or tell people right away like what your plans are or give them a straight answer there's always power in just pausing and just saying you know what let me get back to you on that yeah i need to practice that more yeah let me get back to you oh that sounds great but let me just i need to kind of look at my calendar and i'll get back to you and actually get back to the person right like follow through follow through and oh it's not gonna
00:15:51
Speaker
Yeah, it's not going to, it's, I'm not available, kind of stand in your truth, because in many ways, you're also honoring yourself.
00:15:58
Speaker
Right, you're respecting yourself.
00:16:00
Speaker
You're respecting your needs, like say, you know, when you mention like, oh, in the day, like, I don't feel like going, I mean, you never wanted to go in the first place, probably, you know.
00:16:09
Speaker
Maybe, yeah.
00:16:09
Speaker
I like the idea in theory.
00:16:12
Speaker
I like the idea in theory.
00:16:13
Speaker
The more you kind of sat on the idea, you're like, oh, yeah, no, that's not a good idea.
00:16:18
Speaker
And then, you know, but then listening to yourself in that moment is just like a moment to honor your needs because your need was like, I don't want to hang out with others.
00:16:29
Speaker
I want to be by myself.
00:16:30
Speaker
Right.
00:16:31
Speaker
I want to stay home.
00:16:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:32
Speaker
So that is honoring your needs.
00:16:34
Speaker
So I think that also is a way of protecting your energy and protecting your peace.
00:16:39
Speaker
It's just honoring.
00:16:41
Speaker
What do you need?
00:16:42
Speaker
Right.
00:16:43
Speaker
What is it that you're feeling?
00:16:44
Speaker
Oh, I'm feeling tired.
00:16:46
Speaker
You know, I want to create this peaceful space for myself.
00:16:49
Speaker
I'm going to take a nap.
00:16:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:50
Speaker
Then, you know, you created a space for yourself because if you...
00:16:54
Speaker
Like, don't rest and then say go into a situation and you're tired and you're cranky and then you might create, you know, something unpleasant or chaotic or whatever.
00:17:04
Speaker
And I feel like our society is very, at least in the U.S., like it's very into productivity.
00:17:10
Speaker
like you know you have to be doing things you have to be hanging out with people you have to be doing creating and you know what doing the dishes doing like I'm always running through my to-do list and same you know like that sense of like hyper productivity sense of urgency yeah it's like false sense of urgency like why are we rushing right right why do we have to like
00:17:33
Speaker
Check off everything in our to-do list.
00:17:36
Speaker
Like, for who?
00:17:37
Speaker
For who?
00:17:37
Speaker
Like, what are we rushing around for?
00:17:40
Speaker
And which, you know, urgency and chaos are very... I call them cousins.
00:17:44
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:45
Speaker
Because it's like that sense of, you know, and also, like, where's the root of the urgency really coming from?
00:17:50
Speaker
People don't stop to question that enough.
00:17:52
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:52
Speaker
Like, it'd be one thing if you're working in an ER, absolutely.
00:17:56
Speaker
Like, life or death situations, like physically life or death, actual life or death ER.
00:18:02
Speaker
But I would always joke when I was in EA at, like, a startup, I'm like, oh, we're not working in ER.
00:18:07
Speaker
Like, you know, like, the work can get done tomorrow.
00:18:10
Speaker
Like if it's, you know, for a morning meeting, sure, let's stay like a half hour, get it done, like figure it out.
00:18:16
Speaker
But also like that comes back to like, how do you prioritize your time to protect your peace?
Impact of Chaos on Personal Peace
00:18:22
Speaker
Because I think that can be like, you know, prioritization and like what you focus on, you will manifest into your life.
00:18:29
Speaker
So like what you're paying attention to, your thoughts, your feelings, all of that goes into their variables of how you
00:18:38
Speaker
your peace can be impacted either positively or negatively.
00:18:42
Speaker
Right.
00:18:43
Speaker
So like being able to understand, like, what are your personal variables that impact your personal peace?
00:18:51
Speaker
What are the ones that you can control?
00:18:53
Speaker
What are the ones that you can't control?
00:18:55
Speaker
And then if it's something you can't control, why are you trying to control it?
00:19:00
Speaker
Yeah, because in reality, you can't.
00:19:03
Speaker
You can't.
00:19:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:04
Speaker
And on that same note, I want to say that there might be people listening to us, too, that might come from very chaotic family environments.
00:19:11
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:19:12
Speaker
So their definition of peace, it's also varies broadly from my definition of peace.
00:19:21
Speaker
what peace is maybe they don't even know what peace looks like right right you're so used to like being feeling unsafe yeah you feel unsafe you always feel chaotic so therefore every situation in your life is chaotic so that becomes the norm right right that's chaotic environment you know whether being career job relationships uh but i think and sometimes it takes
00:19:44
Speaker
either someone from your outside point of view or something that triggers you to look at it under a different perspective.
00:19:54
Speaker
Because a lot of people might say it, oh, you know, some people might thrive in chaos.
00:20:01
Speaker
Some people do thrive in chaos.
00:20:02
Speaker
Yeah, they thrive in chaos because it's all, it's familiar.
00:20:05
Speaker
They're born in chaos.
00:20:06
Speaker
They know how to navigate that.
00:20:07
Speaker
So it's familiar.
00:20:08
Speaker
So it feels safe in a way.
00:20:11
Speaker
And that's all they know.
00:20:12
Speaker
So when they maybe say, for example, a relationship, they meet someone that is not in this chaotic energy.
00:20:21
Speaker
And they're like, oh, this is boring.
00:20:23
Speaker
You know, they would say it's boring because all they've known is chaos in their life.
00:20:29
Speaker
And then when you meet someone that doesn't match that, it doesn't mean that it's boring.
00:20:33
Speaker
It's just it's unfamiliar.
00:20:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:35
Speaker
So because it doesn't match what you've always been to.
00:20:38
Speaker
So I think it's always look at it from a perspective of curiosity.
00:20:43
Speaker
And just want to explore what that looks like, you know, because it's also this ability to regulate your nervous system.
00:20:53
Speaker
Self-soothing.
00:20:54
Speaker
Self-soothing.
00:20:56
Speaker
Because the more you're kind of like in this hyper like state, like you're so like hyper vigilant, like everything you always like in this situation.
Setting Boundaries in Uncomfortable Situations
00:21:05
Speaker
I always call like was it a deer caught in the headlight?
00:21:07
Speaker
Oh yeah, the fight or flight.
00:21:10
Speaker
So that's like a very heightened state that the body gets to and oh my god that just creates a whole plethora of like you know.
00:21:19
Speaker
Fight, flight or freeze.
00:21:21
Speaker
And then you know for me I'm like I'm more of a I mean I depends on the day but I typically tend to be avoidant so I might freeze.
00:21:31
Speaker
Because I don't know how to handle those situations.
00:21:33
Speaker
Or, like, one, you know, at one workplace, someone gave me a massage in front of people.
00:21:38
Speaker
And I was like, oh, yeah.
00:21:41
Speaker
Like a shoulder massage?
00:21:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:43
Speaker
Oh, that's awkward.
00:21:44
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:44
Speaker
And it, like, literally, the woman who I worked with, I was standing with a group of people, and the woman who I worked with literally backed up a few feet.
00:21:53
Speaker
She felt so uncomfortable.
00:21:54
Speaker
And I felt uncomfortable.
00:21:56
Speaker
I was like, I didn't, this person came up from behind me and massaged me.
00:21:59
Speaker
And I'm like, this is so inappropriate.
00:22:01
Speaker
Like, did you say anything?
00:22:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:03
Speaker
I like told, I didn't say anything to the person.
00:22:06
Speaker
I froze up because this was someone who I, he like was one of my executives.
00:22:10
Speaker
And it's like when, you know, they are a person in power and I've been in HR before where I'm like, I'm going to tell HR, but what good will it really do?
00:22:19
Speaker
Like this person's going to have to have a really awkward conversation with that person.
00:22:24
Speaker
And then the person who's going to be impacted at the end of the day is me.
00:22:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:28
Speaker
Because, you know, by me setting a boundary with someone in the workplace, which you would think that would be a boundary in general, like a common sense, like you don't touch people in the workplace.
00:22:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:39
Speaker
You think it's common sense, but it's not common sense for a lot of people.
00:22:44
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:44
Speaker
No.
00:22:44
Speaker
Especially like, you know, people who are.
00:22:47
Speaker
set in their ways and maybe, like, 30 years older than you or whatever.
00:22:52
Speaker
So, and it, like, Hayes is a really nice person, too.
00:22:56
Speaker
Like, I wasn't, I kind of took myself out of the situation and I was, like, I wasn't offended.
00:23:01
Speaker
I was shocked.
00:23:02
Speaker
I don't really like being touched.
00:23:04
Speaker
I'm about consent culture.
00:23:06
Speaker
Like,
00:23:06
Speaker
Did I give you consent to touch me?
00:23:08
Speaker
Did I give you consent to, like, you know, behave in that way?
00:23:12
Speaker
No.
00:23:13
Speaker
Like, and also maybe that's a good thing to question.
00:23:17
Speaker
Like, would I give consent to the, in the situation?
00:23:21
Speaker
If the answer is no, that's a good way to protect your peace.
00:23:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:25
Speaker
Just either saying no or walking away.
00:23:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:29
Speaker
If that was an option.
00:23:30
Speaker
Oh, totally.
00:23:31
Speaker
It was like, I was one of like, it was him and me and then two other, three other colleagues who witnessed it.
00:23:38
Speaker
And it was like really awkward.
00:23:40
Speaker
And I felt like, and I was giving them like the help me look like, oh my God, please like somebody just say something to this man.
00:23:47
Speaker
And like, no one said anything.
00:23:48
Speaker
We all froze up.
00:23:49
Speaker
and just waited for it to like end after a minute of him massaging me and I was just like oh my god and then I told like my other people who I like you know at work but it was just like in that moment I froze up because I'm like I was playing out if I were to be like don't touch me you know then that would have offended like people and like that would have made it dramatic or not or yeah maybe that in my mind that was like you know if I had spoken up
00:24:19
Speaker
I think if I had really felt truly uncomfortable, I would have, like, batted him off and, like, physically defended myself.
Empowerment Through Boundary Setting
00:24:26
Speaker
But I think in the moment, I was like, God, when is this going to end?
00:24:30
Speaker
And, like, it was just... But it also was me not respecting my own boundaries that I know very well and my people close to me know very well.
00:24:40
Speaker
Like, I'm not... I will give the appropriate hug.
00:24:43
Speaker
the hello and goodbye hug but i don't want people sitting smack dab next to me on the couch i don't you know i i like uh creating space for others and i also like others creating space for me and i don't think there's anything wrong with that i think you know we all have our own boundaries as far as like either physical touch or you know how people talk to us and etc but it is just such an awkward situation where
00:25:10
Speaker
you don't have control over what the other person is doing.
00:25:13
Speaker
Exactly.
00:25:14
Speaker
Especially at the workspace.
00:25:15
Speaker
And you're just kind of like sitting there because one, you're like the employee.
00:25:22
Speaker
Right.
00:25:22
Speaker
And there's just so many things that it's going through your mind.
00:25:26
Speaker
Like the power dynamics involved, the influence.
00:25:28
Speaker
I know nothing's going to be done.
00:25:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:30
Speaker
And you're like, well, I'm going to get fired if I say something.
00:25:33
Speaker
But then I have the same pattern too.
00:25:36
Speaker
Like if I find myself in situations...
00:25:40
Speaker
where I'm either being confronted or there's a conflict I freeze and my at least not so much lately it would be just to avoid also like I would avoid or just you know not even going to it and just turn the other way
00:26:00
Speaker
Oh, totally.
00:26:01
Speaker
And not being, you know, not being in the space of like... So acting like it didn't happen.
00:26:05
Speaker
Oh, we'll talk about it tomorrow and never talk it again.
00:26:09
Speaker
So it's basically just avoiding, you know, the conflict.
00:26:13
Speaker
And I've been like that since I was brought up that way too.
00:26:17
Speaker
Like you just don't confront people.
00:26:19
Speaker
Right.
00:26:20
Speaker
That's just not acceptable.
00:26:22
Speaker
That's how I grew up and I was punished when I did that.
00:26:25
Speaker
Because it makes other people feel uncomfortable.
00:26:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:28
Speaker
And other people feel bad.
00:26:29
Speaker
Because it's always about the others, you know, it's the good girl, it's that good girl mentality.
00:26:35
Speaker
But I think as we, at this day and time, and I love it, that we are all going through this, you know, this journey of really standing up for ourselves.
00:26:46
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:26:46
Speaker
And not really tolerating.
00:26:48
Speaker
you know, people that are not... Serving us.
00:26:54
Speaker
Yeah, serving us.
00:26:55
Speaker
Or respecting us.
00:26:57
Speaker
Or when we feel also in power to say no to things.
00:27:03
Speaker
Because to me, that was not a reality.
00:27:06
Speaker
Even if you had asked me maybe like, I don't know, like seven years ago, if I would ever say no to things, that would be, oh gosh, never.
00:27:15
Speaker
Can you imagine saying no?
00:27:17
Speaker
You're obligated.
00:27:18
Speaker
You have to do it.
00:27:19
Speaker
Like, you know, it doesn't matter if you don't have money, you have to go blah, blah, blah.
00:27:24
Speaker
So all this like very past time narrative.
00:27:29
Speaker
And then today just being in the space when I feel empowered.
Engaging in Resonant Activities for Peace
00:27:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:33
Speaker
To say, no, this doesn't align with me.
00:27:36
Speaker
That doesn't resonate with me, you know?
00:27:38
Speaker
But even for us, like in the space of spirituality, right?
00:27:41
Speaker
We get bombarded with so many different techniques and gurus and all this stuff and frameworks.
00:27:52
Speaker
And, you know, people are into a lot of different stuff, whether it be astrology, tarot, whatever.
00:27:58
Speaker
And there's some stuff that doesn't resonate with me.
00:28:01
Speaker
You know, and I don't feel like I have to dive in into every single thing.
00:28:06
Speaker
So I'm going to protect my peace and my space.
00:28:09
Speaker
Just like really putting my energy where it resonates.
00:28:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:14
Speaker
And that's how I protect myself, you know, because I don't think I need to know everything.
00:28:19
Speaker
Yeah, that's true.
00:28:21
Speaker
To be in every single, like, you know, event or workshop or class or whatever that is.
00:28:29
Speaker
Totally, yeah.
00:28:30
Speaker
And, like, you find your inner peace in, like, through learning.
00:28:34
Speaker
I think that's, like, really, like...
00:28:36
Speaker
There's some inherent things like you'd know for sure that make you feel at peace.
00:28:40
Speaker
Like for me, a shower at the end of the day, you know, clean sheets, like, you know, on a very physical, like survival home environment type of way.
00:28:49
Speaker
That is so easy for me to create peace at home.
00:28:52
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:52
Speaker
Create a physical space.
00:28:54
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:54
Speaker
for peace, lighting a Santa candle, things like that.
00:28:58
Speaker
That definitely creates a peaceful environment.
00:29:01
Speaker
But also another thing for me that works, it's staying grounded in present.
Benefits of Being Present and Grounded
00:29:07
Speaker
And I know it's hard for a lot of us in this culture of what's happening next.
00:29:14
Speaker
And what are you doing next week?
00:29:17
Speaker
Or what are your goals for this and that?
00:29:20
Speaker
It's a future.
00:29:21
Speaker
Always like future time stuff.
00:29:23
Speaker
So it's just taking a moment just to kind of like look where you're at.
00:29:30
Speaker
You know, you're not in past time.
00:29:32
Speaker
You're not in future time.
00:29:34
Speaker
You're just grounded and present, you know.
00:29:37
Speaker
And that's just like a peaceful state to be in.
00:29:41
Speaker
That alone can just be very powerful, just to be sitting in your body, like, fully grounded, not feeling like you have to be anywhere or say anything or do anything, just fully present.
00:29:57
Speaker
And then see what comes up.
00:29:59
Speaker
See if there's anything preventing you from doing that.
00:30:02
Speaker
Yeah, and it feels nice on the body.
00:30:06
Speaker
It just feels so nice.
00:30:07
Speaker
And once you get into the state, you're like, oh, I want more of this.
00:30:12
Speaker
I want to create more of this.
00:30:13
Speaker
And sometimes I also have to create a space for myself.
00:30:17
Speaker
Like, I like to go for a walk at the beach or at the park.
00:30:21
Speaker
That brings me peace.
00:30:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:23
Speaker
Because then I can also stay present and I stay grounded in nature.
00:30:27
Speaker
Nature is great for getting to a peaceful state.
00:30:32
Speaker
Yeah, if you're not a meditator, walking is basically like physical meditation.
00:30:37
Speaker
Yeah, it definitely is.
00:30:38
Speaker
Or swimming.
00:30:39
Speaker
Yeah, walking meditation.
00:30:41
Speaker
I think it's great.
00:30:42
Speaker
Even space where you can just...
00:30:45
Speaker
Kind of declutter, I think, like your mental and emotional state, whether it be, you know, as we spoke, like walking, being in nature, journaling, with your movement.
Decluttering for Mental and Physical Peace
00:30:58
Speaker
Perfect for Virgo season that we're all experiencing.
00:31:00
Speaker
Oh, is that so?
00:31:01
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:31:02
Speaker
Decluttering, like cleaning out, you know, your spaces, whether that be physical, mental, emotional.
00:31:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:10
Speaker
Because that, the clutter itself to me is chaotic.
00:31:14
Speaker
You know, however that looks like to you and just getting rid of all that and both physical, emotional and mental levels, that to me brings a lot of peace.
00:31:23
Speaker
I feel peaceful just thinking about it.
00:31:25
Speaker
Oh, totally.
00:31:26
Speaker
Like I cleaned out
00:31:28
Speaker
I had help from Shoka and Brittany.
00:31:31
Speaker
Brittany came over the other day and we cleaned out my closet.
00:31:34
Speaker
And I'm going to give a lot of it away and then hopefully sell it on ThredUp.
00:31:39
Speaker
But, you know, if it doesn't sell, that's fine.
00:31:42
Speaker
But long story short, I felt like the energy of my room shift.
00:31:49
Speaker
because I got rid, I went through a box of, like, bills from 1984.
00:31:55
Speaker
Not really, but, like, you know, like, old papers.
00:31:58
Speaker
That you didn't need anymore.
00:32:00
Speaker
No, like, I'm like, do I really need this work agreement from, like, five jobs ago?
00:32:04
Speaker
No, I don't need that.
00:32:06
Speaker
And then I saw some things that I'm like, oh, I want to just digitalize it and put it on a file on my laptop, and then I can get rid of the actual papers.
00:32:16
Speaker
So there's ways to, like, you know,
00:32:18
Speaker
declutter your space in in several different ways.
00:32:22
Speaker
Yeah, I think that's a good start.
00:32:25
Speaker
It's a good start.
00:32:26
Speaker
It's a good start.
00:32:27
Speaker
Start with small
Closing Invitation to Engage with the Podcast
00:32:28
Speaker
steps.
00:32:28
Speaker
Yeah, and like just but really understand like what does peace feel like to you not only in your mind but in your body?
00:32:37
Speaker
yeah just be intentional with it i think that's a good place to start but i hope that you found this episode helpful and please share with your friends if you enjoyed it leave us a review we are on social media instagram tick tock youtube follow us feel free to send us a message
00:33:01
Speaker
And thank you so much for being here with us and sharing your energy and time.
00:33:06
Speaker
And we'll see you on the next episode.
00:33:08
Speaker
Thank you so much from the peaceful psychic girls next door.