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If A Man Chokes You, He Hates You
41 Plays2 years ago
Releasing a Patreon Episode this week! Weird millennials are harrassing Gen-z because they don't think violence during sex is empowering.
'Safe Word' tweet that set off the twitter firestorm:
https://twitter.com/elliespendejo/status/1595830745016438784?s=20&t=UMh1JFgQpqLZ-7ztfoNesQ
https://twitter.com/postnuclearjoan/status/1596602123055235075?s=20&t=UMh1JFgQpqLZ-7ztfoNesQ
https://twitter.com/doctorbaixue/status/1596546595168059393?s=20&t=Dp8UIQ1UZGq999Kxmn8-ug
Choking article: https://www.psypost.org/2022/10/choking-during-is-surprisingly-common-among-college-students-even-though-most-dont-find-it-very-pleasurable-64059
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Transcript
Introduction to BDSM and Kink Shaming
00:00:00
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:00:01
Speaker
Welcome to the bonus content.
00:00:02
Speaker
And this week we are back to kink shaming and roasting the BDSM Quincy.
00:00:08
Speaker
I'm on my kink shaming 24-7, so I never let up.
00:00:12
Speaker
I never have to get ready because I stay ready.
00:00:14
Speaker
Yeah, it's just like, but what's...
00:00:17
Speaker
really getting to me now is the clear grooming and pressure that is being levelled against younger women, particularly Gen Z, about their sexual boundaries and how the BDSM community, in quotation marks, are basically seeing these women's sexual boundaries and that they think that kink is gross, it's abusive, which they are correct, that they see it as a personal attack on themselves.
00:00:43
Speaker
And this is why we are back to roasting them.
00:00:46
Speaker
So what happened?
00:00:47
Speaker
So explain what happened.
Consent and Safe Words: Why Are They Necessary?
00:00:48
Speaker
So there's been a series of tweets around the idea of consent and the safe word.
00:00:54
Speaker
So we'll drop a link to this particular tweet, which basically set off a huge debate around consent and safe words.
00:01:02
Speaker
And it says, the concept of a safe word scares me because why doesn't know or stop suffice?
00:01:09
Speaker
And you want me to believe BDSM doesn't revolve around rape culture?
00:01:14
Speaker
This person has an excellent point purely because it shouldn't take a safe word before your sexual partner knows that you are uncomfortable or that you're in severe discomfort.
00:01:26
Speaker
And the thing is as well is that when you are in a BDSM like session, if you're being whipped or tied down or flogged, then your body can enter the fight or flight response and you can actually forget what your safe word is.
00:01:40
Speaker
Like purely because of the stress
00:01:43
Speaker
of the situation, because even though they say it's only role play, the body doesn't know that.
00:01:48
Speaker
So when you are being, you know, beaten up or being consensually raped in quotation marks, you know, the body doesn't separate that from a real rape.
00:01:57
Speaker
And so you'll still have those same reactions, including potential loss of memory and the freeze response as well.
Gender Dynamics and Critiques of BDSM
00:02:04
Speaker
And not to mention as well, like the safe word is if we look at the average BDSM relationship, it's always, you know, the man who is the dominant and the woman who is the submissive.
00:02:15
Speaker
And on average, the average man can do a lot more damage physically than,
00:02:20
Speaker
to a woman than the other way around as well.
00:02:22
Speaker
So this is why the safe word to me is just irresponsible and reckless.
00:02:26
Speaker
And when I was in the community and even now, the number of women who were blamed when they were raped or sexually assaulted or the scene went too far and they were really, really badly hurt, the number of women who were blamed because they didn't use the safe word was really, really high.
00:02:42
Speaker
Like victim blaming was rampant.
00:02:45
Speaker
And it gave these dominants who should have known better, who should have been able to read their body language in advance, it just gave them a get out clause, basically.
00:02:55
Speaker
And then they'll be like, well, it's, you know, it's, you know, he went too far, but you should have safe worded.
00:02:59
Speaker
So the blame is 50-50 at best.
00:03:02
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I don't see how the BDSM community can try to justify the idea that they exist outside the boundaries of what normal male-female dynamics are.
00:03:15
Speaker
And what often happens is that it creates a hierarchy in which
00:03:18
Speaker
There's a lot of victim blaming and men are prone to take advantage of a situation where they have plausible deniability for abusive tendencies.
00:03:30
Speaker
I feel like that's pretty straightforward and clear and people are in outright denial.
00:03:35
Speaker
There's a follow-up tweet I just sent that says, basically, there's a lot of Gen Z women on Twitter who are complaining about millennials harassing them.
00:03:45
Speaker
And also TikTok as well, which I'm really happy to see because TikTok is so bad for like BDSM and just general advice around sex for young women.
00:03:53
Speaker
So this one was from at Post Nuclear Jones says, I'm not done talking about this because I'm so sick of millennials harassing Gen Zers and grooming them into thinking that sexual abuse is empowering and then having the audacity to get mad when we feel uncomfortable because young people setting boundaries is unacceptable.
00:04:09
Speaker
Consent is sexy until it's a teenager telling you to fuck off because you're a creep.
00:04:13
Speaker
Have you ever considered that maybe it's not the kids who are too puritanical, but the problem is actually yourself and your inability to act like a normal adult?
00:04:20
Speaker
Read.
00:04:21
Speaker
Read.
00:04:22
Speaker
Read for filth.
00:04:24
Speaker
I mean, I feel like, I mean, I agree.
00:04:26
Speaker
I can't stand these millennials who are like this either.
00:04:28
Speaker
And I totally get why Gen Z is like, what the, I'm glad they're rebelling
Mainstream Influence: Media's Impact on BDSM
00:04:32
Speaker
against it.
00:04:32
Speaker
And I'm like, I feel like all the millennials who are doing this should feel like olds, you know, like, I feel like I'm totally fine with the age shaming of this.
00:04:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:40
Speaker
just like shut up second shut up third wave feminists like stop telling stop trying to groom the youths into this like completely fucked up lifestyle and it's absolutely true you know as i've said before this isn't to promote bdsm as a practice but bdsm went rapidly downhill when it became mainstream and anybody thought that they could do it and do it well
00:05:03
Speaker
And even people within the community that I still speak to at the moment would say the same thing.
00:05:10
Speaker
There was a marked shift in the quality of the community when things like Fifty Shades of Grey came out, when there was an explosion in BDSM erotica, when porn became more BDSM focused, like choking became the norm in pornography.
00:05:27
Speaker
It really, really caused the community to rapidly decline as well.
00:05:32
Speaker
And it's continuing to go downhill.
00:05:33
Speaker
And this is why I'm really glad these, you know, these, that Gen Z are pushing back on this because BDSM, just like any other almost patriarchal institution, it's relying on the grooming of women.
00:05:47
Speaker
So a lot of women, I know, like I got into it when I was only 18.
00:05:52
Speaker
A lot of women will be 18, 20, 21.
00:05:55
Speaker
And obviously at that point, the community is often saturated.
00:06:01
Speaker
you know, with, you know, with the men who are much older than them, at least 10 years older than them, than some of them.
00:06:06
Speaker
So already, if these young women were to enter into BDSM, they will be, they would be on the back foot in quite a, in quite an obvious way in terms of age differences as well.
00:06:20
Speaker
And it's not like these older men, they have any clue what they're doing.
00:06:23
Speaker
A lot of them are just porn sick losers who just want to find a willing victim to enact their... Exactly.
00:06:30
Speaker
You know, to enact their fantasies from, you know.
00:06:32
Speaker
And, you know, people are asking the question, you know, why do these men get off on physically hurting women?
00:06:37
Speaker
And it's porn.
00:06:38
Speaker
I didn't meet a single dominant who didn't watch porn.
00:06:41
Speaker
And they all said it, like, I watched porn when I was younger, I don't watch it now.
00:06:45
Speaker
I mean, one of them literally said to me, right, I used to watch porn, but I don't have to now because I found real women I can enact my fantasies on, basically.
00:06:55
Speaker
And so there was that escalation from watching it in a screen to actually doing it on
Generational and Gender Debates Over BDSM
00:07:00
Speaker
women.
00:07:00
Speaker
And he still watched porn, by the way, because he used to be on all the Reddit, like, not safe for work subreddits, which is porn, but yeah.
00:07:07
Speaker
So...
00:07:08
Speaker
So a lot of this was kicked off by a couple of tweets from these like weird kink positive people on Twitter.
00:07:16
Speaker
You know, there's people like the anime profiles and like the 100 pronouns and just chatting shit about social justice issues.
00:07:25
Speaker
Those sorts of people.
00:07:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:07:26
Speaker
A lot of whom are like, yeah, I don't know.
00:07:29
Speaker
They're just, they're just trying to like push the culture wars a certain way and push it towards a like very kink,
00:07:36
Speaker
forward vision of the future because apparently this is like progressive and i don't really get the idea of like why kink is like inherently progressive right because so much of the politics surrounding it are still often very sexist and still follow along male dominance and female submissive roles which has been preached by the church and shit forever so i don't know what they're talking about like
00:07:59
Speaker
I don't know either.
00:08:00
Speaker
Like I said, sometimes I feel like all of kink is just bizarro world Christianity while they're saying everyone else is a Puritan.
00:08:06
Speaker
It's very weird.
00:08:07
Speaker
So let me see this other one that was... So there's a tweet, me getting tied up, having fun, enjoying myself, feeling refreshed and cheerful afterwards.
00:08:16
Speaker
Random red films online.
00:08:17
Speaker
No, no, no, you're not having fun.
00:08:18
Speaker
You're being traumatized and victimized.
00:08:20
Speaker
I know your brain better than you do.
00:08:21
Speaker
And then like below there was a bunch of Gen Z people were like, looks like it's your age and then dot, dot, dot.
00:08:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:27
Speaker
And then like, not going to lie.
00:08:30
Speaker
And then, then the guy replies, this is like some kind of, I'm assuming like fake doctor called Dr. CM chat.
00:08:36
Speaker
And the replies, not going to lie.
00:08:37
Speaker
It's really sad to see so much of Gen Z being radicalized.
00:08:42
Speaker
What?
00:08:43
Speaker
And then a bunch of people respond like, no, it's very good that we are staying away from sexualized violence.
00:08:48
Speaker
And then the kink person, Dr. Chadden, goes, please touch grass.
00:08:52
Speaker
And then that's your reaction to me criticizing violent structures against women.
00:08:56
Speaker
And then Dr. Chadden goes, the fact that you think BDSM is inherently violent, a structure against women shows how badly you need to touch grass.
00:09:04
Speaker
Okay, but if, okay, so I don't understand what the argument is.
00:09:11
Speaker
Jonah Bark replies, oh no, a Gen Zer thinking that sexual violence is bad.
00:09:15
Speaker
The kids have gone too far.
00:09:16
Speaker
Do I have to call the police to check your hard drive?
00:09:19
Speaker
You say that sexual violence is bad and you get 30 people in your quote tweets screaming about how you're oppressing them with your kink shaming.
00:09:27
Speaker
And the concept of, like, kink shaming is just absolutely ridiculous.
00:09:30
Speaker
And, you know, first of all, if you feel, you know, personally offended that somebody doesn't, you know, share your sexual preferences, that's a you problem because you've clearly made your sexual preferences your entire identity, which, again, is a you problem.
00:09:45
Speaker
But secondly, it's just like...
00:09:47
Speaker
You know, say for example, I was eating cheesecake, that's my favorite food.
00:09:51
Speaker
And then somebody says, I don't like cheesecake.
00:09:54
Speaker
And then I'm like, you're food shaming me.
00:09:55
Speaker
It's ridiculous.
00:09:56
Speaker
Do you know how stupid that sounds?
00:09:59
Speaker
But it's because they make, it's because they make the kink their identity.
00:10:03
Speaker
And that's why when people, if they rail against it, they feel personally attacked.
00:10:08
Speaker
Like there's so many people in the community who are like, I'm a submissive and that's literally their whole identity.
00:10:14
Speaker
Yeah, I think that's, it's that as well.
00:10:16
Speaker
It's like, once again, when your logic and justification is built in a flimsy house of cards, any type of small, like flick at the bottom makes people really, really nervous.
00:10:27
Speaker
And they start freaking out unjustifiably because they know a lot, there's a lot of truth in what people are saying, right?
00:10:32
Speaker
And they don't want to have to examine that.
00:10:34
Speaker
So it's easier just to just react and say, you guys are being Puritans.
00:10:38
Speaker
You don't understand my beliefs, et cetera.
00:10:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:40
Speaker
But don't you think it's weird that this sort of, you know, not being willing to examine your sexual preferences or where they come from, it's the same people that say, if you don't want to date a trans person, if you don't want to date someone who's fat, or if you don't want to date someone who's disabled, you need to really examine your preferences and see why.
00:10:56
Speaker
Right.
00:10:57
Speaker
But they don't take their own advice when it comes to kink.
00:11:00
Speaker
I mean, even when I was like neck deep in the BDSM community, I never once believed that it was compatible with feminism.
00:11:06
Speaker
And it was around the time I was like sort of starting to get into radical feminism as well.
00:11:11
Speaker
And there was a period where I almost held both of them at the same time, but I knew that they were not compatible with each other at all.
00:11:18
Speaker
I always knew that.
00:11:19
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:19
Speaker
I mean, there's been a really, it's, it's, I'm actually encouraged to see like how well Gen Z seems to be breaking down so much of the common tropes that people are trying to
00:11:29
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:11:30
Speaker
To base force on them.
00:11:31
Speaker
The people have put forth, especially millennials, to say that this is going to be like a feminist act.
00:11:36
Speaker
So here's a pretty good tweet.
00:11:37
Speaker
BDSM is rooted in male supremacy and therefore illustrates the sexualized version of social and cultural meaning of gender complementarianism.
00:11:45
Speaker
Eroticized gendered violence reifies heterosexuality, femininity, and masculinity.
00:11:50
Speaker
BDSM is the erotic counterpart of male domination.
00:11:54
Speaker
A common rebuttal to rad femme criticisms of BDSM is, but what about male subs who want female doms?
00:11:59
Speaker
By definition, they all top from the bottom.
00:12:02
Speaker
Their fantasies are extremely heteronormative.
00:12:04
Speaker
Penetration is degradation.
00:12:06
Speaker
Feminization is humiliating.
00:12:07
Speaker
Women are props to them.
00:12:09
Speaker
So yeah, it's extremely heteronormative and extremely patriarchal, while the king people are trying to argue that it's not.
00:12:16
Speaker
And like I said, I feel like they just don't want to address that cognitive dissonance of it.
00:12:20
Speaker
So they just keep like reacting.
00:12:22
Speaker
To anybody who says like, not even criticizes them, but just says like, it's not for me because it's way, way, way too close to enacting sexual violence.
The Dangers of Choking in Sexual Practices
00:12:32
Speaker
And that apparently is a problem for people even stating that because they don't want to have to examine to the extent that they're participating or reinforcing.
00:12:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:42
Speaker
And so we came across an article that talks about choking during sex and how common it is amongst college students.
00:12:49
Speaker
And to the shock of absolutely nobody, this article actually found that most people or most women...
00:12:58
Speaker
because it's primarily women being choked, don't find it very pleasurable because they're being strangled.
00:13:05
Speaker
Like, you can't, you know, someone else can't choke you.
00:13:08
Speaker
You choke on a piece of food that went down the wrong hole or if you ate too fast.
00:13:12
Speaker
But what is happening is strangulation, essentially.
00:13:16
Speaker
And...
00:13:16
Speaker
I would be curious to talk to someone who actually is into this sexually because like I don't find anything sexual about it.
00:13:23
Speaker
I mean, in fact, like it just feels like violence to me with a guy.
00:13:28
Speaker
It just feels like rape and like it doesn't feel good to me at all.
00:13:30
Speaker
Like if a guy is trying to like cut off my air passages while I'm having sex with him.
00:13:34
Speaker
I guess, you know, bare minimum credit awarded.
00:13:37
Speaker
But when I was in the BDSM community, a lot of people within the community made it very clear that there is no safe way to choke somebody.
00:13:46
Speaker
There's absolutely no safe way to do it.
00:13:48
Speaker
And even if the person seems fine afterwards, it can cause all sorts of issues.
00:13:53
Speaker
It can lead to a stroke.
00:13:54
Speaker
It can lead to, you know, brain damage.
00:13:57
Speaker
And the problem is...
00:13:59
Speaker
the men doing the choking, they get it from porn.
00:14:02
Speaker
They've got no idea what they're doing.
00:14:04
Speaker
And a lot of the dominance, they're not even trained in basic first aid.
00:14:07
Speaker
So if the submissive was to black out for whatever reason, which was really, really common, there were stories from lots of women who would say, you know, he choked me till I passed out, which is so dangerous.
00:14:19
Speaker
He basically, that's attempted murder, basically, or the bare minimum attempted manslaughter.
00:14:24
Speaker
Yeah, I'm trying to think.
00:14:25
Speaker
I mean, okay, so related, but okay.
00:14:28
Speaker
So if just think about it, just logistically, when you're having sex, and someone's choking you, like if you're doing missionary, a guy basically has to have his hands around your neck and kind of like, he has his weight, right?
00:14:39
Speaker
Like on
00:14:40
Speaker
on his hands usually, which makes it kind of, yeah, pretty dangerous that if you're not careful, you could actually hurt yourself that way.
00:14:48
Speaker
Even if you're doing it, if you're doing it doggy style, like he could probably choke you from the back of the neck.
00:14:52
Speaker
I've had guys like maybe hold the back of my neck or hold my hair or my head, but like, or even my shoulders, but like- Yeah, yeah, that's fine.
00:15:00
Speaker
But this is like around your neck, like, and it doesn't, it doesn't actually take a lot of pressure
00:15:06
Speaker
to basically strangle somebody, especially if we look at the strength of the average man, like their grip strength is so much stronger than women's.
00:15:14
Speaker
Yeah, I kind of can't imagine, like I'm just trying to think of like, just straight up, just from a logistical standpoint, if you're doing it, I think thinking through it, if you're being choked in such a way, like during sex, like it's almost in a place where a man would have to throw his weight behind it.
00:15:33
Speaker
because like he'd have to be gripping you in such a way that you would hold his weight.
00:15:38
Speaker
So that's, that's what makes it so insanely dangerous to do.
00:15:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:42
Speaker
So dangerous.
00:15:43
Speaker
So this article says choking during sex is surprisingly common among college students, even though most don't find it very pleasurable.
00:15:52
Speaker
And this is by Emily Maness.
00:15:54
Speaker
And so it begins, choking during sex was once taboo, but has become an increasingly popular topic in today's society.
00:16:01
Speaker
But just how common is it?
00:16:03
Speaker
A study published in Archives of Sexual Behaviour suggests that 40% of undergraduate and graduate students have participated in sexual choking.
00:16:12
Speaker
The rise of social media and internet pornography has led to rapid increase in sexual choking, especially among adolescents and young adults.
00:16:21
Speaker
I mean, have you, and there's also a lot of women who have reported that men just choke them without even asking.
00:16:27
Speaker
Yeah, I hate that shit.
00:16:29
Speaker
That they'll just start like, that they'll just start slapping and choking them.
00:16:32
Speaker
And I guess this happened to me a couple of times and it feels like rape.
00:16:37
Speaker
Like it actually just feels like assault in the moment.
00:16:39
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:16:39
Speaker
Because you're not expecting it.
00:16:41
Speaker
Right.
00:16:42
Speaker
And I'm like, what the fuck are you doing?
00:16:43
Speaker
Like I basically have to tell them like it kind of it kind of like actually activates my fight or flight response.
00:16:48
Speaker
Yes, it would.
00:16:49
Speaker
It would.
00:16:50
Speaker
And as a person who's like experienced like a physical abuse in my past like that, I have a very like reactive thing to it because of choked by insane people before.
00:17:01
Speaker
But.
00:17:02
Speaker
So it's like, it's not, it's not something you can just do to somebody without, with the expectation that they won't react violent because it's a violent act.
00:17:10
Speaker
Right.
00:17:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:11
Speaker
But thanks to porn, because now it's so normalized and important.
00:17:14
Speaker
These porn sick men just think that it's just part of sex now.
00:17:18
Speaker
And it's really, really bad.
00:17:19
Speaker
Though sexual choking has a long history, for most of history it has been considered controversial and risky.
00:17:25
Speaker
It is controversial and risky.
00:17:27
Speaker
It's not considered, it actually is.
00:17:29
Speaker
Like, the pure mechanics of it, there's actually no way to basically strangle somebody safely.
00:17:37
Speaker
There's no way to do it.
00:17:38
Speaker
Each time you put your hand in that region and apply any amount of pressure, there's always a risk.
00:17:45
Speaker
So sexual choking can involve using hands or limbs or the ligatures to squeeze the neck and restrict airflow.
00:17:51
Speaker
This is strangulation.
00:17:53
Speaker
That's... This can lead to blurry vision, a loss of consciousness, or even loss of bowel control, but can also cause a side effect of euphoria.
00:18:01
Speaker
So if you actually lose control of, like, your bowels, that's, like, the first stage of dying.
00:18:07
Speaker
I'm not even kidding.
00:18:07
Speaker
But it's true, like, when people are about to pass away, they often empty their bowels because their muscles have relaxed.
00:18:15
Speaker
That's like first stage of dying.
00:18:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:17
Speaker
So I don't get the euphoria thing either.
00:18:19
Speaker
Like I know for some people, you have to be pretty aggressive in cutting off someone's air supply to the point of like, yeah, of being at risk of dying for you to experience euphoria.
00:18:30
Speaker
So that's why like the choking thing outside of that doesn't even really make sense.
00:18:34
Speaker
Right.
00:18:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:35
Speaker
To me, like as like an erotic practice, because the only way to actually get the euphoric high is like quite literally cutting off the, like you have to choke someone to the point where you're cutting off the air supply to their head.
00:18:47
Speaker
Otherwise you wouldn't get that quote unquote euphoric feeling.
00:18:50
Speaker
So then if they're not doing it to that, if people are like, oh, you're just kind of choking me.
00:18:54
Speaker
Like the question is like, well, then what's the...
00:18:56
Speaker
Like, what's the erotic stimulation with that besides, I guess, just, like, the violence aspect of it?
00:19:02
Speaker
There was, like... Do you remember the choking game that was going around?
00:19:05
Speaker
I have friends that are teachers, so... Oh, my God.
00:19:07
Speaker
No, I don't remember that.
00:19:08
Speaker
Child.
00:19:09
Speaker
Okay, so... Maybe, like...
00:19:12
Speaker
Actually, I think it was a while ago.
00:19:13
Speaker
It was maybe like 10 years ago now.
00:19:15
Speaker
Maybe not 10, maybe like eight or nine years ago.
00:19:17
Speaker
So there was a trend of kids trying the choking game where like they would choke their friends so they passed out.
00:19:25
Speaker
And it was like, essentially my friend who's a teacher said that the school had to like immediately suspend anybody who even mentioned it because they were so afraid.
00:19:37
Speaker
Like there was one kid that tried to do it to another kid and then that kid...
00:19:41
Speaker
I think they did pass out.
00:19:42
Speaker
And after that, it was like anybody mentioning the choking game, anybody attempting the choking game, immediate suspension, because it was like, it was a thing that kids just decided to do as like a meme, but it was actually causing harm.
00:19:55
Speaker
And,
00:19:56
Speaker
So when you just look at that, like you can just think about like how impressionable children are and like where they got that from and probably some something on TV or some porn sick kid who unfortunately was exposed to it.
00:20:05
Speaker
It's like extremely dangerous.
00:20:07
Speaker
So I don't understand why people are trying to pretend like it's a responsible activity when so often.
00:20:13
Speaker
When so often, like, it's so easy to lose control.
00:20:15
Speaker
Like, if a child can strangle another child, you know what I mean?
00:20:18
Speaker
There's, like, the difference between a male and female.
00:20:20
Speaker
And reasonably, with children, they're around the same strength.
00:20:23
Speaker
But a fully grown adult man versus an adult woman, it feels like there's no... There's, like, there's so much of a size and strength differential that that would even be more dangerous than just two kids with, like, weak little kid hands doing it.
00:20:36
Speaker
So...
00:20:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:38
Speaker
But even kids, again, like that region of the body is just so sensitive.
Power Dynamics in Financial Domination
00:20:43
Speaker
Like, and again, people can appear to be fine, but especially if you're choked to the point of losing control of your bowels or losing consciousness, you actually need to go and see a doctor and actually get checked over because that can easily lead to a stroke.
00:20:57
Speaker
If you cut off air supply to the brain, that's brain damage.
00:21:00
Speaker
And once your brain cells are damaged, they're not coming back.
00:21:03
Speaker
So it's really like people just don't understand how crazy fucked up this is.
00:21:09
Speaker
And just like Roe was touching upon, I don't see what sexual euphoria is worth you, is going to be worth any of that.
00:21:16
Speaker
And again, the people bearing the brunt of this are women, even in situations where...
00:21:23
Speaker
the submissive is male, which the BDSM community love to say, when you talk about how it reflects poorly on gender dynamics, they're like, well, you know, there's male subs too.
00:21:34
Speaker
But first of all, like male subs often play the role of the woman in the dynamic anyway.
00:21:40
Speaker
So there'll be like sissy where they basically cosplay as a woman.
00:21:44
Speaker
So there's that.
00:21:45
Speaker
And also, you know, female doms, they don't go around choking male subs because they just don't have the physical strength.
00:21:52
Speaker
What tends to happen is that they get financially rinsed, which I'm all a fan of.
00:21:57
Speaker
It's called financial domination.
00:21:59
Speaker
And to the shock of nobody, that's really the only king that's acceptable to shame in the community.
00:22:04
Speaker
Oh, wow.
00:22:06
Speaker
Interesting that.
00:22:07
Speaker
Probably because women benefit.
00:22:10
Speaker
Probably because women finance.
00:22:11
Speaker
But some of these women, they literally rinse these guys for like, these professional fin doms, as they call themselves, they literally rinse them for like their wills, inheritance.
00:22:20
Speaker
Yeah, they get a lot of money out of it.
00:22:22
Speaker
But that's the only kink that's actively shamed in the community.
00:22:25
Speaker
Wonder why that is.
00:22:26
Speaker
Definitely.
00:22:27
Speaker
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
00:22:28
Speaker
They're so full of shit.
00:22:29
Speaker
Like they have the exact same type of patriarchal and misogynist tendencies as everybody else because they don't exist outside of our culture.
00:22:36
Speaker
They just sexualize it.
00:22:38
Speaker
Right.
00:22:40
Speaker
It's just so weird.
00:22:41
Speaker
It's just so weird that they can't they refuse to do the mental work of unpacking that or like get angry when other people do.
00:22:47
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:22:49
Speaker
Exactly.
00:22:50
Speaker
And so the article continues.
00:22:51
Speaker
The current literature fails to differentiate between choking as a game, choking as assault and sexual choking, which this study seeks to correct.
00:23:00
Speaker
But again... But what's the difference?
00:23:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:03
Speaker
The end result's the same.
00:23:04
Speaker
Like, I just don't get it.
00:23:06
Speaker
Like, again, the body does... Choking as a game was something the kids were doing.
00:23:11
Speaker
Exactly.
00:23:11
Speaker
And the body doesn't know the difference between you being choked because you consented in quotation marks to your dom doing it and you being choked because Ted Bundy 2.0 is after you.
00:23:22
Speaker
It doesn't know the difference, really.
Choking and Its Societal Implications
00:23:24
Speaker
I despair.
00:23:24
Speaker
For their study, Debbie, I think that's perhaps Herbenick, and colleagues examined 4,242 participants who were undergraduate or graduate students recruited from a university in the Midwestern United States.
00:23:38
Speaker
Is that a Republican or Democrat in the Midwest?
00:23:41
Speaker
Politically?
00:23:42
Speaker
Depends on which state.
00:23:45
Speaker
It's mostly purple when you go to the more eastern, midwestern states, purple to blue.
00:23:54
Speaker
And then on the western, midwestern state, they're pretty red.
00:23:57
Speaker
The ones that are straight up flyover states and there's nothing in there.
00:24:01
Speaker
Okay.
00:24:01
Speaker
Just wanted to see if there was any.
00:24:03
Speaker
As far as like, there's not too many major cities and they have a low population density.
00:24:07
Speaker
Those are more red.
00:24:09
Speaker
But it's pretty, it's purplish.
00:24:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:13
Speaker
And so participants were 62.9% undergraduates and 37.1% graduate or professional students.
00:24:22
Speaker
That's a really badly written sentence.
00:24:24
Speaker
Anyway.
00:24:24
Speaker
The participants completed measures on demographics, social life, Greek life involvement, I'm guessing sorority involvement, a lifetime history of choking and or being choked, the age of first being choked, how many partners they've choked or been choked by, consent, the method frequency of choking, choking intensity, responses to being choked, and if they ever lost consciousness or caused a partner to lose consciousness from sexual choking.
00:24:50
Speaker
The results showed that around 40% of participants had partaken in sexual choking, and this was more common in undergraduate students than graduate students, and being choked was more common in women than men.
00:25:01
Speaker
Of course, right?
00:25:02
Speaker
This is why I think they're all full of shit.
00:25:04
Speaker
What a shock.
00:25:04
Speaker
About this being, yeah, some kind of gender-neutral activity or feminist activity.
00:25:10
Speaker
It's just the same shit, different smell.
00:25:13
Speaker
It's just different smell, right?
00:25:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:15
Speaker
Okay, so on average, participants were 19 years old when they first experimented with sexual choking.
00:25:22
Speaker
But a quarter of participants reported first being choked between 10 and 17 years of age.
00:25:27
Speaker
Wow.
00:25:28
Speaker
Yeah, like I said, it's very common in physical abuse, right?
00:25:30
Speaker
It's a way to intimidate and scare children.
00:25:33
Speaker
So if you've experienced physical abuse from parents or cousins or whatever, choking is very common.
00:25:42
Speaker
It's a fear thing.
00:25:43
Speaker
So to then take that and then try to normalize that through sexualization as an adult, it feels like it's just inflicting more trauma, right?
00:25:51
Speaker
It's very common as also in men who end up murdering their significant others, that if someone chokes you, they hate you on some level, right?
00:26:01
Speaker
Like they choke you, they're intending on inflicting damage.
00:26:05
Speaker
And like that is actually most people's experiences with it until it gets like weirdly sexualized when you're an adult.
00:26:12
Speaker
Right.
00:26:13
Speaker
So if you have a bully, a bully will choke you.
00:26:16
Speaker
So anybody experiencing it as a child, more than experienced it 100 percent in a violent contact.
00:26:22
Speaker
There's no context in which someone chokes you that's not intended to do harm or be violent.
00:26:27
Speaker
The primary form of choking participants engaged in utilize manual choking with one's hands rather than with a ligature.
00:26:35
Speaker
On average, intensity of.
00:26:38
Speaker
What's ligature?
00:26:39
Speaker
Sorry.
00:26:39
Speaker
What's that word?
00:26:40
Speaker
I don't know that word.
00:26:41
Speaker
A ligature is like a, it's like a rope or like something else besides the hands that you can tie around to choke somebody.
00:26:47
Speaker
So it can be like a rope or a scarf or just anything else really besides your hands.
00:26:53
Speaker
On average, intensity of choking was on the low end at 3.8 out of 10, but men reported using higher intensity when choking a partner than women did.
00:27:03
Speaker
Fucking, is anybody surprised by this?
00:27:06
Speaker
Like, I just, when they do these studies, I just wonder how they get funding.
00:27:10
Speaker
Does somebody not think this shit's fucking obvious?
00:27:12
Speaker
Like, of course men are going to use a higher intensity because especially forearm and hand strength, like men, they are vastly ahead of women.
00:27:21
Speaker
Even the average untrained man is probably stronger than a woman who like deadlifts 100kg regularly at the gym.
00:27:28
Speaker
This seems like it's intent as well.
00:27:30
Speaker
Like they intend to... Yeah, they're just more aggressive.
00:27:33
Speaker
Exactly.
00:27:33
Speaker
It's that aggression, which is just... Less than 1% of participants have shared that themselves or a partner ever lost consciousness whilst engaging in sexual choking.
00:27:46
Speaker
But most commonly, participants reported experiencing head rushes, feeling as if they can't breathe, got watering eyes, the inability to speak and difficulty swallowing.
00:27:55
Speaker
But feeling as if they can't breathe.
00:27:57
Speaker
Yeah, being choked.
00:27:58
Speaker
Yeah, like that's... Surprisingly, pleasure from being choked was only experienced by the minority.
00:28:04
Speaker
Right.
00:28:04
Speaker
Wow, what a surprise.
00:28:06
Speaker
What a surprise.
00:28:07
Speaker
Like I said, I don't think anybody who chokes you likes you in some level.
00:28:10
Speaker
In fact, at this point, I feel like they...
00:28:12
Speaker
They hate you.
00:28:13
Speaker
They hate you.
00:28:14
Speaker
And I don't mean that.
00:28:15
Speaker
I'm not even saying that as a joke.
00:28:16
Speaker
I'm saying that it's like a serious thing.
00:28:18
Speaker
Because when I think about when I think about the men who like just choked me or like tried to put their hands around my neck as part of a sexual experiences versus those who didn't, they were it's like they had some general objectification or contempt for women.
00:28:32
Speaker
Right.
00:28:33
Speaker
And and I feel like the sex was just an opportunity for them to, quote unquote, display their dominance.
00:28:39
Speaker
because there was some kind of underlying contempt so i'm actually at the point that a man does that and you didn't ask him for it that he hates he hates women on some level yeah he's a misogynist i actually think there's like a psychological thing behind it oh 100 he's a misogynist because there are men out there like there are women in the bsm community who will say like i told my boyfriend to to slap me and to choke me and he was visibly disgusted like he was i can't do that
00:29:02
Speaker
And again, like these, these doms, a lot of them have a Madonna whore complex in that they will seek out a submissive.
Psychological Critiques of BDSM
00:29:10
Speaker
They can choke, slap, beat up or whatever, but they would never do it to their girlfriend or their wife as well.
00:29:17
Speaker
And so even they know they sort of compartmentalize women into the women they can use and abuse.
00:29:23
Speaker
And then the women that they won't do that to.
00:29:26
Speaker
Because even they know that it's really degrading, it's really dangerous.
00:29:29
Speaker
And it's like, why would you subject somebody that you love and care about to that level of harm?
00:29:34
Speaker
I even think about this.
00:29:36
Speaker
Me and my sister and brothers used to fight.
00:29:39
Speaker
We would box each other.
00:29:40
Speaker
I can't remember any time we fought that we'd strangle each other.
00:29:44
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:29:44
Speaker
There's a point of contempt doing that.
00:29:51
Speaker
Like we'd kick each other, we'd wrestle around or whatever, but like strangling someone to me is like an actual act of hatred.
00:29:58
Speaker
Like you actually want that person to die on some level.
00:30:01
Speaker
Like we would just fight because it was funny to fight.
00:30:03
Speaker
Or you want to risk them dying.
00:30:05
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:30:06
Speaker
It's just, yeah.
00:30:08
Speaker
And even the people saying I derive pleasure from being choked, I don't really believe that.
00:30:12
Speaker
What they think, I think these women we're talking about, probably, they just see it as, oh yeah, I did it for daddy Dom and that's what makes me happy.
00:30:20
Speaker
but they see themselves in relation to how much they can withstand from their DOM.
00:30:25
Speaker
Because if you go onto any of the BDSM subreddit, at some point you'll see them showing off their bruises, showing off the marks around their neck or whatever.
00:30:34
Speaker
And it's like they, I think, unfortunately, they see more pleasure in being seen as a usable object than actually deriving pleasure from themselves, from the act, if that makes sense.
00:30:46
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like you have to be deeply porn sick at that point because it's not, like I said, deeply porn sick and male identified, to be honest.
00:30:53
Speaker
Male identified because there's no exact, I'm trying to figure out like how to describe it, but like, okay, there's nerve endings in the clitoris.
00:31:01
Speaker
You know, if you actually choke someone to the point of passing out that maybe they'll have an orgasm, you know, from asphyxiation, like people have the erotic asphyxiation, but people that just like glamorize,
00:31:14
Speaker
being punched and having bruises and just being choked just for the aesthetic of it.
00:31:19
Speaker
Like that.
00:31:20
Speaker
I can't think of any explanation besides male identification.
00:31:24
Speaker
Like it's, it's just like them embodying the porn sick aesthetic of a woman who's into that.
00:31:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:31
Speaker
Right.
00:31:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:32
Speaker
So we found that more undergraduate students rated being choked as very pleasurable compared to graduate students, which may reflect the rapid pace with which choking has moved into the mainstream among young people.
00:31:46
Speaker
The researchers noted.
00:31:48
Speaker
They said what?
00:31:48
Speaker
It said basically undergraduate students were more likely to say that being choked was pleasurable, like versus graduate students.
00:31:56
Speaker
So there's an age difference.
00:31:57
Speaker
So the younger the participant, the more likely they are to say that being choked is very pleasurable.
00:32:03
Speaker
I'm guessing, I'm just going to spitball here, but maybe these younger undergraduate students, they've not had much sexual experience.
00:32:12
Speaker
So they can't actually see that they're not getting a good deal.
00:32:16
Speaker
And it's perception, right?
00:32:17
Speaker
Because I think a lot of times they're influenced by the perception that it should be pleasurable, right?
00:32:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:23
Speaker
So often I think it's easy to influence women, especially in these sexual studies, to a certain result because if you've been told all your life, like, oh, it's pleasurable to do this.
00:32:33
Speaker
Or like they're experimenting and they still like the taboo aspect of it.
00:32:36
Speaker
Because I remember, you know, when you're young and you're more experimenting sexually, like you just think like, oh, I'm doing something kind of taboo or like I can withstand a certain level of abuse.
00:32:46
Speaker
And so you find that you find that sexy more so than the act itself.
00:32:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:49
Speaker
And once you start to learn the thought process behind the act, you find it way less sexy and just realize, oh, wait, you know.
00:32:56
Speaker
And the article continues,
00:33:11
Speaker
If it is not very pleasurable and yet carries significant risks, it is curious how choking has grown so quickly in prevalence.
BDSM, Legal Implications, and Public Perception
00:33:22
Speaker
I think it's just become part of the sex posi media and as an extension, it's now part of pick me politics, really.
00:33:32
Speaker
Yeah, pretty much.
00:33:33
Speaker
That's really it.
00:33:34
Speaker
This particular study took significant steps in better understanding the characteristics of sexual choking.
00:33:40
Speaker
Despite this, there are limitations to note, and one such limitation is that measures were all self-report, and people frequently don't remember if they lose consciousness in sexual choking situations.
00:33:51
Speaker
That is also true.
00:33:52
Speaker
There's also something called the social desirability bias in psychology that really affects self-report questionnaires in that people, even though they know that their answers aren't going to be consumed by the general public, but they will still answer in a way that is socially desirable to them.
00:34:10
Speaker
So, you know, let's say if an undergraduate generally didn't like choking,
00:34:15
Speaker
But the dominant narrative is that choking is fine, it's sex positive, it's kinky, you're cool, whatever.
00:34:21
Speaker
They will still answer in a way that affirms choking as a practice because of social desirability bias.
00:34:27
Speaker
They want to be seen as being socially desirable as well.
00:34:31
Speaker
Additionally, this study did not differentiate between choking that stops breathing, choking that prevents blood flow to the brain, or choking that does both.
00:34:39
Speaker
This can be significant for how choking affects the body and what side effects people experience.
00:34:45
Speaker
With choking now prevalent among youth, it will be important for parents, educators and clinicians to consider how to educate young people about choking during sex, its potential for lethality and health consequences, as well as legal consequences for those who cause injury or death by choking their partners.
00:35:03
Speaker
This is actually a really understated point, is that in a lot of jurisdictions, I know in the UK and Canada, and I think the US, some states, BDSM is actually illegal because a person cannot consent to their own harm.
00:35:16
Speaker
So even if somebody has given consent for choking, that consent is not deemed valid by law because you can't consent to your own harm.
00:35:25
Speaker
Like legally, obviously in practice, that doesn't hold up in a court of law because the court system is also a piece of shit for patriarchy.
00:35:35
Speaker
But actually, it's not.
00:35:36
Speaker
That's actually quite a good point is that it's not actually legal.
00:35:40
Speaker
And I know in the UK, the recent domestic, the new domestic violence bill that came out in 2021 has specifically called non-fatal strangulation, which is what choking is, a crime.
00:35:53
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:54
Speaker
I mean, it's, it's quick.
00:35:55
Speaker
It's interesting.
00:35:56
Speaker
I don't know if there was any cases in the United States cause I haven't looked into it, but I know that we can't consent to this movement that was in the UK was because there were specific cases where men were using.
00:36:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:06
Speaker
The rough sex defense.
00:36:08
Speaker
Yes.
00:36:09
Speaker
Rough sex as a defense.
00:36:11
Speaker
There's been a couple of cases in the United States where someone died as a result of rough sex.
00:36:17
Speaker
And it was like left alone in the media because the perception was that like,
00:36:22
Speaker
I forget exactly how it was.
00:36:23
Speaker
It was framed, but it was like the person was arrested.
00:36:26
Speaker
It was thought that more than likely the person died as a result of rough sex.
00:36:32
Speaker
And so rather than say that they gave them like involuntary manslaughter charges rather than like first and second degree murder.
00:36:39
Speaker
So there's been a couple of cases like that, but I don't know if it was like, I don't know if it's been to the extent that it's been in the UK.
00:36:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:47
Speaker
There's been a couple of women who have died due to the rough sex defence.
00:36:52
Speaker
I think since 1970, I think about 70, I want to say 70 men have tried to use that defence.
00:37:00
Speaker
So yeah, and again, with this whole thing around the safe word as well, like if somebody's got, if somebody's lost consciousness, if somebody can't breathe, if they can't speak, how can you expect them to use a safe word?
00:37:11
Speaker
They also say you can use a safe signal if you're being choked, but again, that's not gonna help you if you've lost consciousness, like it's not gonna help you.
00:37:19
Speaker
Given the challenges.
00:37:21
Speaker
And I Googled it, it seems like so much of it, so much of the discussion about choking during sex
00:37:27
Speaker
And the resulting murders have occurred in the UK, meaning like outside the US.
00:37:33
Speaker
I'm wondering if it's because often, I think in the United States, like you get minimum involuntary manslaughter.
00:37:39
Speaker
Minimum.
00:37:41
Speaker
Is it a federal crime?
00:37:43
Speaker
Is that a federal crime, manslaughter?
00:37:45
Speaker
Well, it's a felony.
00:37:46
Speaker
It depends on like what jurisdiction you committed in, but like, it's generally like a felony, but it's in, you know, whatever state you committed in.
00:37:53
Speaker
Ever since I've heard that federal prisoners don't get parole, I'm just like, just make this like a federal crime.
00:37:59
Speaker
So if they get like... Well, it depends.
00:38:02
Speaker
Like, it has to be a crime against the state, which is different.
00:38:04
Speaker
So like, you don't have... Yeah.
00:38:07
Speaker
So like, that's a completely different thing, like crimes against other people versus like crimes against the state or crimes that occur across state lines.
00:38:17
Speaker
So like, if you choke someone and you bring them from like...
00:38:20
Speaker
uh ohio to illinois or something then that becomes a federal crime because they require because it's uh you're transporting someone across state lines so it's just it's just like a difference in where the crime is committed what states the crime is committed in if it's like if it has like implications for the larger state that's a different type of thing right okay
00:38:41
Speaker
It's a difference between like, okay, if you get caught with possession or growing drugs in your backyard versus like you're importing drugs from over the border or importing drugs between states or something like that.
00:38:53
Speaker
Right.
00:38:53
Speaker
Okay.
00:38:54
Speaker
I see.
00:38:55
Speaker
Given the challenges of providing medically accurate information to young people about even basic sexual health information, we acknowledge that most high schools will not address choking or rough sex.
00:39:06
Speaker
Nor would most teachers likely have sufficient expertise in this understudied area to teach about choking in a way that is accurate and does not further stigmatise already marginalised communities.
00:39:17
Speaker
The BDSM community, if they are marginalised, it's entirely their own fault.
00:39:21
Speaker
If they weren't busy shoving their kinks in everybody's face, kink shaming would not be a thing.
00:39:26
Speaker
And if they just basically shut the fuck up about people expressing discomfort with BDSM in general in a valid and constructive way...
00:39:35
Speaker
then it would also not be an issue.
00:39:37
Speaker
But they put themselves out there and then play the victim when it's not well received.
00:39:44
Speaker
And it's like, your bedroom preferences don't have to be common knowledge.
00:39:48
Speaker
Like, we don't have to see your bruises.
00:39:51
Speaker
We don't have to see you being, you know, led around on a leash in public.
00:39:55
Speaker
We don't have to see you in fetish gear at Pride events.
00:39:57
Speaker
Like, if they are marginalised, it's entirely their own doing.
00:40:01
Speaker
Again, before BDSM became mainstream, BDSM has been around for a very, very long time.
00:40:05
Speaker
Kink-shaming is only a recent invention, purely because people are just talking about it more openly when nobody asks them to.
00:40:11
Speaker
They're not marginalised, and I feel like, again, this is a complete insult to people who are genuinely sexually marginalised, like people who are bisexual, people who are gay.
00:40:22
Speaker
You being into, you know, if a man is into beating up women in the bedroom, that's not going to get him the death penalty, unfortunately, in a lot of places, whereas being gay actually will.
00:40:35
Speaker
And this is where we're seeing the real consequence of the BDSM community trying to hitch their wagon and struggles to the LGBT plus community.
00:40:45
Speaker
But by extension, the poly community are also trying to do that as well.
00:40:49
Speaker
Yeah, I really hate that.
00:40:50
Speaker
And I kind of see why there's been a movement as of late for lesbians and gays to kind of separate themselves from the rest of the letters because they're like, we're not like, we're just homosexuals.
00:40:59
Speaker
We're not into all this other shit.
00:41:01
Speaker
That's clearly a choice, right?
00:41:02
Speaker
Like, you're not like... Yeah.
00:41:05
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:41:05
Speaker
Like there was an early discussion about how like sexuality is not a choice and that basically that some people's sexual orientation is either heterosexual or homosexual or somewhere in between.
00:41:14
Speaker
And then they're getting all these people that are like, I have to wear a puppy mask and be spanked with a tennis racket and it's my sexuality and I can't help it.
00:41:22
Speaker
And you guys have to accept this.
00:41:23
Speaker
And I'm like, we don't actually, I mean, you can do whatever you want in a free country per se, but the idea that like, that's the same as being a heterosexual as an a homosexual, like your sexual orientation is kind of,
00:41:35
Speaker
insane right like and i kind of see why a lot of gays and lesbians are trying to like separate themselves from the rest of
BDSM's Intersection with LGBTQ+ Issues
00:41:42
Speaker
the like the queer because queer community because people are just slowly backing away into the bush like homer simpson style
00:41:48
Speaker
Honestly, that's what it seems like because there's just like fully insane people who are trying to just push whatever agenda they have under the LGBTQ banner.
00:41:56
Speaker
And like, I feel like that's not really fair.
00:41:58
Speaker
And it's offensive.
00:42:00
Speaker
Let's be real.
00:42:00
Speaker
Like, again, like, you won't get the death penalty if you're into being choked by your partner.
00:42:07
Speaker
anywhere in the world.
00:42:07
Speaker
And the fact, in fact, the more like, if you go to like the Middle East or Africa, they would be like, yeah, that's great.
00:42:14
Speaker
Because again, it reinforces their gender dynamics.
00:42:17
Speaker
This is why it's laughable when they think that they're reinventing the wheel.
00:42:21
Speaker
It's like, you're not, you're really not.
00:42:23
Speaker
Men think not being able to be perverts in public is oppression.
00:42:27
Speaker
Is oppression.
00:42:27
Speaker
Right.
00:42:28
Speaker
Legitimately oppression.
00:42:29
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:29
Speaker
Because let's be clear, it's mostly the males of the alphabet lettered community.
00:42:34
Speaker
I don't know all the letters right now.
00:42:35
Speaker
It's LGBTQIA++ something.
00:42:38
Speaker
Like...
00:42:40
Speaker
I don't know.
00:42:41
Speaker
I'm actually asking.
00:42:42
Speaker
So I don't know either.
00:42:43
Speaker
Because they're, they've been adding a bunch of like acronyms.
00:42:46
Speaker
So yeah.
00:42:47
Speaker
And so it's gone from like, hey, people have a different sexual orientation to like, quite literally, if you say anything about whatever sexual behavior I have, even if I'm doing it in public, then you're the one with the problem, which is kind of crazy.
00:43:00
Speaker
Because I'm like, once again, if they were just mostly doing this within their own home, no one would really care or know.
00:43:05
Speaker
But it's become like public discussion because they want to like quite literally parade it, right?
00:43:10
Speaker
Or like put it on media, put their sexuality as part of their identity or part of their LGBTQ identity.
00:43:18
Speaker
And some of these people are just spicy straight, which a lot of the kays and lesbians have pointed out, right?
00:43:22
Speaker
Like they just...
00:43:23
Speaker
They're in completely heteronormative relationships, but they just, like, want to have, like, weird sex, and so now they think they're oppressed, which I think is really... This is true.
00:43:32
Speaker
It's just offensive and stupid.
00:43:34
Speaker
Like... It's legit offense.
00:43:38
Speaker
Like, you having weird sex is not, like, on anywhere near the level of, like, gays and lesbians not being able to get married, right?
00:43:46
Speaker
Like, that's just completely different.
00:43:48
Speaker
No, like, nothing's, like...
00:43:51
Speaker
It's just, it's just, yeah, like, but again, it's that need to be special and different that is also contributed to this as well.
00:44:01
Speaker
Like the idea, it's just that when we're talking about you, do you remember the praise kinks?
00:44:04
Speaker
And we found out there was literally just somebody just saying nice things to you.
00:44:09
Speaker
Nice thing to you is now a praise kink.
00:44:10
Speaker
That's literally what it is.
00:44:12
Speaker
And it's now a kink.
00:44:13
Speaker
Like, what the fuck?
00:44:14
Speaker
Like, it's just that need to be special.
00:44:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:17
Speaker
that I think as well.
00:44:17
Speaker
And again, a lot of these people, they just make... This is why I found the community quite repelling at one point because I would go to parties or events and people would just... Being a sub was their whole identity.
00:44:30
Speaker
Like, you couldn't even have a conversation with them without saying, this is what I need to call my daddy.
00:44:35
Speaker
Like, I have this protocol.
00:44:37
Speaker
Like, I have to do this.
00:44:38
Speaker
Or they would be like... You would literally message them and they would say, I can't talk to you unless my daddy approves.
00:44:44
Speaker
And I'm just like, what the fuck?
00:44:46
Speaker
I'm not...
00:44:47
Speaker
interested in your dynamic stop trying to get me involved in it yeah it's become a very polarizing cultural moment so it's interesting to see it'll be interesting to see how it shakes out because yes there's been a lot of things that are clearly clearly being pushed that are harmful towards a lot of people but especially women under the guise of sex positivity uh king positivity queer positivity you know so many things like that so i think
00:45:14
Speaker
there's, you know, there's clearly like a culture
Conclusion and Listener Engagement
00:45:17
Speaker
war about it.
00:45:17
Speaker
And it'll be interesting to see where Gen Z shakes out.
00:45:20
Speaker
I think they're probably going to shake out how we're kind of shaking out, which is like totally fine to be gay and lesbian, but it's a completely different thing to be pushing kink on people against their will.
00:45:31
Speaker
Right.
00:45:32
Speaker
So I don't know.
00:45:35
Speaker
So yeah, let us know your thoughts about BDSM choking slash strangulation slash kink shaming in the comments.
00:45:42
Speaker
And we will see you next week.
00:45:43
Speaker
Bye-bye.