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Beyond the Game: How Youth Sports Build Life-Long Mental Skills
39 Plays2 days ago
What are the best ways to build resilience in young athletes? How can I help my teen handle pressure? In this episode of The Positively Healthy Mom, host Laura Ollinger sits down with Nick Gumpert—author of Starting, podcast host, and former collegiate athlete—to discuss the vital importance of proactive mental skill building.
While many parents focus on physical stats, the real "win" in youth sports is the development of a mindset that lasts a lifetime. Nick shares how we can move away from toxic positivity and instead give our children the tools to navigate heavy emotions, high expectations, and the "athlete-to-life" transition.
In this episode, we discuss:
- The Power of Proactive Mental Health: Why we need to teach kids mental toughness before a crisis hits, rather than reacting to the fallout.
- Navigating High Expectations: How young adults (ages 14-24) can take ownership of their own story and manage the weight of external pressure.
- The "Starting" Framework: Lessons from Nick’s book on laying the groundwork for success in business, sports, and personal growth.
- The Rat Race of youth sports and how it impacts parents and families.
It’s Never Too Late to Start
One of the biggest sources of "parent paralysis" is the fear that if a child hasn't specialized in a sport by age five, they’ve already lost the race. Nick debunks this myth with the powerful story of a high-level athlete who didn't even start playing competitively until the age of 14. This episode serves as a reminder that development isn’t a straight line. Whether your child is 8 or 18, they can still "catch up" and excel. It’s about the mindset and the willingness to start, not just the years on the field.
Are you ready to help your teen build a resilient mindset? Tune in to learn how to transition from a reactive parent to a proactive partner in your child's mental well-being.
Resources For Parents Of Teens
Nick Gumpert’s Book Starting
Connect with Nick Gumpert on Instagram @realgump365
Connect with Laura on Instagram @positivelyhealthycoaching
Join Laura’s webinar on April 30th
Meet Laura OllingerLaura is the founder of Positively Healthy Coaching and host of The Positively Healthy Mom Podcast. She is a Teen & Parent Well-Being Coach who is passionate about helping teens and parents thrive.
She specializes in guiding teenagers and young adults toward a path of self-discovery, self-esteem, and resilience. She is here to help them navigate life's challenges and social skills with confidence and purpose.
Laura helps parents find the balance of supportive parenting versus overparenting. She helps them set healthy boundaries with their teens, teach positive communication techniques, and provide other tools and strategies to help them strengthen their bond with their teens.
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Transcript
Introduction to Lifelong Sports Skills
00:00:00
Speaker
For every single student athlete, you've got the mental side of the game, right? You've got the technical of how good can I get at soccer, baseball, volleyball, whatever sport they play. You've got the tactical piece of the in-game decision making.
00:00:11
Speaker
You've got the physical component of how good a shape can you get in and be in.
Guest Introduction: Nick Gumpert
00:00:15
Speaker
And you've got this mental piece that stays with them their entire life, whether they played the sport or not. Right. So that that's been a very niche driven space that I've I've been very intentional to immerse myself in because it facilitates that without me again as you alluded to being on the field monday through yeah monday through friday monday through thursday hello and welcome to today's episode of the positively healthy mom i'm your host laura ollinger teen and parent well-being coach and founder of positively healthy coaching and today i'm super excited to introduce you to nick gumpert who is a small business owner He's a podcast host, which I was very honored to be a guest on his podcast called Mental, which is for young adults talking about mental skills and the author of a book for young adults as well called Starting.
00:01:04
Speaker
And that's all about helping them build their mental skills. So you can tell there's a theme here, building these mental skills. So Nick, welcome to the podcast. Thanks, Laura. Great to be here. Yeah. Awesome.
Transition from Player to Coach
00:01:15
Speaker
Okay. So today, i mean, one of the reasons why i was really excited to introduce you to the moms who are listening is your background of being a soccer coach. And so tell us kind of like the history of that, um what your experience was like while you were a coach kind of, you know, dealing with the parents and then also coaching and supporting the athletes.
00:01:38
Speaker
Sure. Yeah, so it dates back to my transition from player, what am I going to do next, to it really was seamless for me. Right place, right time was some of it. um In my hometown, the the local soccer club was going through a change in leadership, and the director at the time was my college coach and said, hey, would you...
00:01:55
Speaker
be interested in taking this position as a director and become ah a coach simultaneously, um, to occupy those roles and felt like, you know, what is the space I was comfortable with? I understood. I felt like i understood well, obviously different perspective, uh, from a player yeah to, okay, how do I put that hat, uh, that coach hat on that director? Now you're overseeing other people.
00:02:15
Speaker
Um, what does that entail when you've never done it? Um, nonetheless, I ah definitely embraced it and went with that and went into that space, stayed in that space for over 15 years. um Kind of a loaded question for me just because I started in Colorado, a relatively small town where we just had one soccer club.
00:02:31
Speaker
um That's where I currently am today. But I found an opportunity to move into Southern California, which is for youth soccer. It's kind of the mecca, I think is fair to say, for youth soccer specifically because you can play all year round.
Balancing Coaching and Personalization
00:02:44
Speaker
The competition levels. um Found my way into an academy level setting where I was also a coach and a director in that environment. So you get a lot of the same questions regardless of what level the kid is playing at, right? What are you going do for my kid? What's next?
00:03:01
Speaker
How do I keep pushing them? Like that doesn't change from small environment to big environment. It's just a different environment. And... there again your your environment will shape your experience to say now you know what hard looks like right that is harder or that is better because you have a different perspective of what that uh opportunity entails so it definitely an interesting one just because you're constantly having those one-on-one conversations right it's how do i help your daughter when she's on the team
00:03:32
Speaker
Right. And how do you find that balance? and That's probably the thing I miss most. Not being in coaching anymore is I enjoy tackling that challenge of how do I personalize it in a team setting? How do I still bring it back to each individual player?
Parental Guidance in Youth Sports
00:03:45
Speaker
Because that is important.
00:03:47
Speaker
Right. You're a teacher, ah for you know, at the end of the day, really. And how does a teacher um work with the class of 30 but still make sure that tyler is on the fast track because that's what tyler needs to be on and suzy needs to not worry about comparing herself to tyler because she needs she's in a different space and place is he yeah so that's definitely um 15 years of experience and being a former player and then um you know you get so much kind of um
00:04:18
Speaker
what's word I'm looking for? Almost just like depth of experience and depth of knowledge. Like you've probably kind of seen it all. Like at this point, there would be like nothing you haven't seen. what would be some kind of helpful feedback for parents who, you know, kids are no matter what level they're playing at, um whether it's club and private or school and public and and all the things What do you think is like kind of the most helpful approach or mindset that a parent can have about their child in sports?
00:04:52
Speaker
Hopefully this is reiterating versus being groundbreaking for for the listening parents out there, but it's allow your kid to run their
Enjoying Child's Sports Journey
00:04:59
Speaker
own race. I alluded to it just a little bit ago, and I think it's such a big challenge, right? Because society sets us up to compare, to say who has more money, who has more stuff.
00:05:09
Speaker
Your kid comes home saying, I want that because I saw my best friend have that, right? This comparison culture is normal, but it doesn't mean it's healthy. And so it becomes a very challenging focal point to bring it back to and reel things in to say, i understand that my son's best friends, maybe it's plural, are absolutely killing it. And my my son or daughter, they're not one of the top five. How do I still support that versus demonize them or say you need to commit more because maybe it's not their thing.
00:05:38
Speaker
Right. And so it's being in that supporting role versus that lead role as a parent to say, you need to get here. What if they don't want to be there? what what What if their goal is more for the participation and the friendships than it is to say, i want to be really good at that, right? And then I would piggyback on that idea to say, it doesn't mean it's a waste either.
00:05:58
Speaker
Just because they don't want to go after the college scholarship, it's not to say they shouldn't play club club soccer. And I think a lot of parents lose that perspective of they so they look at it something to say, it's so expensive.
00:06:09
Speaker
I've invested so much money over so much time. Now it's a waste because you're not going to go after the scholarship and I know you're good enough.
Non-Transactional Value of Sports
00:06:16
Speaker
It's like, again, be in that supporting role, not that lead role when it comes to their decisions.
00:06:22
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, question. Like, what is the value that they get out of... for that What does the child get out of that club sport um if they're not going to play in the future? Like, what is it that they get from that?
00:06:35
Speaker
I mean, ah I think a lot of... That answer is very dependent on what is their experience with their coach and their their teammates, right? Because if they have a really good coach, they're learning a lot. They're probably enjoying it because they're a good coach. Why are they a good coach in your kid's mind? Because they're seen as a person. They're not overseen as just, a they'll get in when they get in and doesn't matter. And they need to deal with competition and feel what it's like, right? Once you're seen, it's like, wow, that was worth it, right? Regardless if I'm going to go play pro or college or not, it's like I maximize that experience.
00:07:10
Speaker
And same thing with the teammates environment, right? If there's so many deeper lying issues that are going to form your child within that team dynamics standpoint that go beyond, again, the scholarship opportunity or then playing at the next level opportunity. And again, sometimes we have to zoom out and not just stay zoomed in on the situation at hand.
00:07:31
Speaker
Yeah. And, and just kind of viewing it as such a transactional thing. Like I give money so my kid can be in this thing so they can have this experience. So in their minds, they want that, like an ah ROI, right? Like they want to return on investment. And yeah sometimes the experience is, is is the ah ah ROI, right? Like for the child, like they are getting so much out of that. And I think, um,
00:07:56
Speaker
parents, and and even I see this in other avenues of lives where I have a client right now who the mother is really struggling because the daughter needs to let go of this toxic friendship.
00:08:09
Speaker
And she keeps saying, but they've been friends since second grade. And I'm like, great. And this is a toxic friendship for your child. So we need to draw the line in the sand and say the past is the past. Right.
00:08:19
Speaker
And so almost like where I'm going with is saying like, if you are paying a lot of money to be in club sports, like enjoy that and then draw the line in the sand. Now we're going to college, not playing sports. And that's okay. The past is the past. You had fun while you were there. You enjoyed it while you were there. It great while you were there. And now let's move on and not keep dwelling. But I paid all that money. Why aren't you doing it? would edit it Like, you know, like just kind of nagging or just like obsessing over the lost kind of spent cost. What do they call that? Cost and accounting, I think. um Yeah. So what are your kind of thoughts about that? Like, I mean, I know you kind of said it, but is there anything else on that topic? Just really getting the most out of the experience.
00:08:59
Speaker
Again, I think it's important to remember, too, that because it's going to be its it own experience. don't get in that rat race of comparing again because I may love the coach and my best friend may hate the coach, right? or Or vice versa. And I think that's such an important thing to remember because it's like, you might love a restaurant and recommend it all day long. And I go to that restaurant and she's like, Laura, that was... oh yeah how much there yeah that's great and and sports environments are similar in that it's like how could you like coach coach thompson because he was always on all over my kid and you're like but that was that wasn't my experience my experience was he took time to know me and he invested this in me and that's just the reality of it again it's it's that comparing game to not expect the same as somebody else is getting um because Think of it as your friend group.
00:09:50
Speaker
Why are your best friends, your best friends? It's based on your preferences and you're going to treat them a certain way and give them a certain amount of your time. And other people you don't know as well, or you just don't care to, they're gonna have a different experience.
00:10:01
Speaker
Right. yeah And youth sports is similar.
Nick's Book 'Starting' and Its Insights
00:10:04
Speaker
It's like those experiences, again, don't get caught in that race of comparing to say, isn't my kid having a great experience? Because her best friend is different model, different makeups.
00:10:13
Speaker
Right. And that's going to mold them. Yeah, yeah. So tell us a little bit more about your book. um I'm just dying to know kind of like, what are some of the lessons in there that you are, you know, sharing with young people?
00:10:27
Speaker
Sure. no I appreciate that. um from From a book standpoint, I really went after the first part is you writing your story, taking accountability. We all, I think, appreciate the idea of saying, Laura, I'll hold you accountable.
00:10:40
Speaker
But all of a sudden, once you bring it back to me, like, hey, Nick, what'd you do last week? it's like, let's not go there. Right. and it might be a scary answer. Right. So helping young adults recognize that that opportunity is in front of you ah of you writing your story.
00:10:56
Speaker
Don't deflect and blame and say, well, I can't do this because I don't have that. Right. I think too many people wait to have more time, have more experience, have more fill in the blank before they can start doing those things.
00:11:10
Speaker
flip-flop them, start doing more things, start having more experiences. And that's going to allow you to, in return, have more, more opportunity, right? And it's going to open doors versus waiting the door to be open. So that's, that's my first part dealing with setbacks.
00:11:25
Speaker
is such an important piece chasing happiness right the goalposts continue to shift okay you made the top team congratulations student athlete now next year those goalposts shift don't they and it's not just about making the team anymore it's about being the top five or top three or you're at the top are you going to play an age age group up or are you going can you maintain that top of your team in year two year three year four right so it's it's chasing happiness is a big focal point and big ah big key and takeaway for me for why I wanted to write it is how can I be a proactive resource, not a reactive one?
00:12:00
Speaker
Meaning how can I maybe plant seeds to say, oh, I can add that tool in my tool belt as a 14-year-old kid. I don't have to wait till I'm 18 years old before I can apply that that concept.
00:12:11
Speaker
Or a 16-year-old who's maybe lost. Like, I'm so overwhelmed right now. I don't know where to how to pick myself back up. Right. And planting some of those seeds through stories, through characters, because I think we can all relate to any character. Right. It's like, why do you go see a Marvel movie or a Disney movie?
00:12:30
Speaker
You see yourself in some of these characters like, damn, that's that's me. And that's a cartoon. Like, how did that and hit it? So, so on point.
00:12:41
Speaker
Right. So that relatability to try try to use different stories to different characters to paint pictures. Cool. So this, so it sounds like this is for really any age, right? Like there's not a, um, so it's just for any kind of kid who is looking for some guidance and support from an experienced adult who's a former coach. And is that kind of your market? Okay.
00:13:02
Speaker
Yep. And that not even necessarily experienced for me. I tried to intertwine these these examples again through characters and to be a little bit more specific and in part one i introduce a new character for each idea um within you writing your story versus the chasing happiness is following one person and it's it's following his story from high school and in into college right the messiness of relationships the messiness of what's next how am going to shift from high school to college Do i stay at home or do I move out of state?
00:13:34
Speaker
And I think all of these are very, again, very relatable to that young adult who might be in the Midwest, but they can relate to, okay, am I going to stay at home or am I going to go to Chicago or New York or Florida to get out of home, right? To get out of that comfort zone and and tackle some of those what become real life issues, real
From Coaching to Writing and Podcasting
00:13:53
Speaker
life challenges. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just so great. So next question is shifting over to now you're a dad and you have been for four years. So you have a little guy and a adorable baby little girl. Am I? That's right. And yep you have also have this beautiful wife. And so tell us now, like, how have you changed since being a coach to now being the dad of a little guy who's getting kind of starting to get active and and getting involved in things?
00:14:20
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, my little guy was the reason why I got out of coaching. i I made a very intentional decision at that time, had had a few mentors ahead of me saying, hey, Nick, going to stay in this space and you get to a place where you have a relationship and you have little ones, like I wouldn't recommend staying in it. Like it's it's hard. Yeah.
00:14:37
Speaker
Right. It's hard. It's so hard for coaches. So I tip my cap to any and all youth coaches, because the reality is you can't shift those training times. Right. that You're locked in. Kids have to go to school. And in the United States, like you're not doing training at 2 p.m.
00:14:52
Speaker
for them to go back to school. Right. It's not an academy setting, you know, as some international spaces allow and create. So with that being the case, like I don't want to be that dad, especially a new young dad to say, okay I'm never at dinner.
00:15:05
Speaker
And I'm gone from five to potentially 9 p.m. ish because I'm not coaching one team, but I'm coaching two teams and I got to go see other coaches coach their teams. So I'm filling the hat of the director role and doing that on a regular basis. Yeah. Right. So you don't end up being in the leadership position. and People are just like, I never see the guy.
00:15:21
Speaker
I don't even know who my director is. Yeah. So it's it's like choose your heart. And the hard one I chose was, okay, I'm going to shift out of the coaching world so I can be a present parent. So it's presented its own challenges for sure. But again, the opportunities, it's like, how can I take initiative if going to ask kids to take initiative to say, let's create a new path.
00:15:43
Speaker
Not sure what all that looks like yet. But let's create it the way I want to create it as much as possible. And now I get to influence that versus play reactionary. And my wife's pissed off at me because I'm never there. And now I really got to make a decision and and go from there. So, yeah, I feel like that answered a question I didn't even know I had. Which is um kind of like that's what brought you into the world of doing your podcast and writing your book, right? Because you still wanted to be able to have a positive influence on youth, but you just weren't able to do it in the of confined setting of that coaching world. So does that is that what it was?
00:16:20
Speaker
No, 100%. It allowed me to keep a foot in the door in the soccer space because we moved back to Colorado three years ago now. And and i had worked with the executive director who's still the executive director here in Colorado. And he said, hey, what do you want to do? I understand you't you got out of coaching.
00:16:35
Speaker
You're probably not looking to get back into it. What's a role that that we could facilitate? And I said, sports psychology would be brilliant because I think every coach... yeah It's such a challenging pillar for every single student athlete. You've got the mental side of the game, right? You've got the technical of how good can I get at soccer, baseball, volleyball, whatever sport they play. You've got the tactical piece of the in-game decision-making.
00:16:56
Speaker
You've got the physical component of how good a shape can you get in and be in. then you've got this mental piece that stays within their entire life, whether they played the sport or not. Right.
Athletic Journeys and Success Stories
00:17:05
Speaker
So that that's been a very niche driven space that I've, I've,
00:17:11
Speaker
been very intentional to immerse myself in because huh it facilitates that without me again as you alluded to being on the field monday through yeah monday through friday monday through thursday yeah yeah okay that just like clears up so much in my mind and so i would really love to if you're willing to share a little bit more about your wife i know she was a d1 athlete and so tell us like her experience coming from that world and now being a mom Yeah, I mean, sharing a little bit about her backstory, she's one of 10, so much different.
00:17:42
Speaker
I'm one of technically five, grew up with two older siblings, though, having half and and step siblings. But so i'm I'd say I'm one of three, but she's literally one of 10. And now she's grown up in Southern California.
00:17:56
Speaker
where she's having to commute one hour one way, sometimes an hour and a half one way, depending on LA traffic, um to go do the bare necessities. I mean, you're talking about waking up at 4 a.m. m to get to school by 5, 5.30, because you're not going to get there to try to time it just right, right? So yeah it's like having that lifestyle on a regular basis all through high school,
00:18:15
Speaker
created her experience of like the grind is is what it is like there's no her parents weren't going move closer to pasadena it's not affordable for them right so they're living more just farther away to because lifestyle and affordability it's interesting with her she she didn't play competitively until the age of 14 primarily based on cost and having so many siblings doing so many things it's like can't afford it can't afford it yeah And then she was, she got her reps in, right? She, I think this is such a cool lesson for so many parents out there who feel like, is my kid behind their 11? They haven't started competitive yet, right? They haven't had individual trainings.
00:18:52
Speaker
Like they've missed out on so much. It's like, slow your roll. You're good. You're good. And I think my wife's kind of proof in the pudding to say she got and ah into competitive at age 14, but it allowed her to just experiment, try, get really good at so many things, being in the environment that she was, which wasn't competitive.
00:19:10
Speaker
Right. And then she, as you alluded to, she still got the D1 scholarship. She was recognized as an all American in high school in Southern California and scoring 30 plus goals a season. Um, but she wouldn't have had that.
00:19:22
Speaker
I don't think had she not had the prior, you know, she didn't have to start competitive at age seven, which is what it starts at in Southern California. they're just like what? Yeah. Tryouts for seven year olds. Yeah.
00:19:33
Speaker
Yeah. And, but that's, that's what it demands. That's what the environment demands. That's the expectation of so many parents to say, we need that. Right. If you're a soccer club director saying, no, we don't. They're going say, I'll go to the club that does because I know it's important.
00:19:48
Speaker
And so it's, there's the challenge, right? It's, it's the paying customer. Yeah. Yeah. How do you, like, how do you work with that? Like as a parent is what i'm kind of going with this, where maybe your child can,
00:20:00
Speaker
kind of gets tired or it doesn't have a passion about one sport and does want to try something new and they are on the kind of quote unquote older side, which could be like eight, right? Or it could be 12 or it could be 14, whatever it might be that's considered old to try something new um in our world. And so how do you encourage that parent? Like the wife the story of your wife is perfect where she like I know you said reps, but like how do you feel, i think where I'm going with this is how do you feel like becoming successful in that sport is attainable for that child?
00:20:32
Speaker
I think, number one, come from the reference point of remind yourself continuously there are no guarantees. Right. So regardless of how good a student athlete may be at the age of 12, maybe they're just like, how is that kid doing that at that age?
00:20:47
Speaker
That's not a trajectory for where they'll be in 10 years, because I think there becomes a challenge sometimes as if if there isn't that resistance. And from a mental standpoint, it's like, well, things just were easy for me. I was the fastest kid on the field. I didn't have to become as clean technically because I was able to get away with it.
00:21:05
Speaker
Again, it's it's what pillars are in place to guide that player to continue to challenge them or to continue to let them ride the wave of what it feels like.
Confidence in Diverse Sports Teams
00:21:15
Speaker
And then at the age of 14, they've hit a wall and the parent doesn't know what to do because they they were good two years ago. They're really good. yeah They were the best.
00:21:23
Speaker
And now they're not. Right. um So I think, number one, remember that. Right. You're never guaranteed the success in future just because you're killing it right now is an important one.
00:21:33
Speaker
With that being said, being in Southern California, such a challenge of, well, my kid needs to be pushed, so they need to play a year up. It's like, I understand that. But ah again, it's a different experience because if they're playing a year up, they're one of the, let's be honest, for a lot of those players, they were the bottom five players, but they're being pushed specifically to the parents liking, right? Versus if they stayed in their age group, they're one of the top five.
00:21:57
Speaker
What is that experience like mentally for that 10 year old to be a top five player versus a bottom five player? That's a much different space and place to take up to say, I can build my confidence with this environment and I'm getting beaten down.
00:22:11
Speaker
Like, how do I develop confidence when I'm not even relied on and nobody socially, right? You think of when those kids get older and they're plan a year or two up, what's their social circle of friends?
00:22:22
Speaker
So often you play on team sports because you hang out with them off the field. If I'm playing two years up and I'm a sophomore, I'm probably not hanging out with the seniors. Right. Could. Yeah. But yeah, it's just different.
00:22:32
Speaker
Right. or Or in Southern California, it wasn't out of question for a really top female athlete to train with boys and even play with boys teams. OK. Again, socially, you have no friend group.
00:22:43
Speaker
Right. Specifically in that soccer world. So. yeah But what's the trade off? Trade off is they're in a fast, physical, fast thinking environment on a regular basis. The trade off is as a person.
00:22:56
Speaker
They're isolated. They can't relate to anybody. Nobody else has that experience.
Encouragement for Trying New Sports
00:23:00
Speaker
My parents never had that experience. Can't relate to them. My best friend doesn't have that experience. She's playing basketball or she's on, you know, playing her age group. So things to be mindful of, there's always a ah cause and effect, right? There's there's always going to be a trade.
00:23:14
Speaker
And I think often parents will forget the, I'm giving this up to get this in return.
00:23:22
Speaker
Just a quick pause in this episode with Nick to tell you about a free live webinar I'm hosting on April 30th at noon central time just for moms. It's called Get Through May Without Losing Your Joy, Your Mind, or Yourself. And it's exactly what it sounds like.
00:23:37
Speaker
Sign up at PositivelyHealthyCoaching.com. The link is at the top. It's completely free. See you there.
00:23:46
Speaker
Yes. Okay. So I love kind of hearing... that. And because the idea is, yeah, I guess what you're saying is some kids maybe peak early, right? Like they have a great starting out of the block and then maybe they have injuries or they get burnt out or maybe it's just not their sport after all, right? They excelled a lot at a young age. And so I like that idea just because it does leave room, some opportunities open for those kids who maybe do want to join a sport at a later age. What are your thoughts about that?
00:24:19
Speaker
A quote comes to mind when I think about that and it's don't be afraid to start over because you might you might like the new story better. right And I think when you don't allow yourself the opportunity to start something new, you're always left with what if.
00:24:33
Speaker
right yeah So by by starting a new sport, again, using my wife and as an example, not that she tried a new sport, but getting into competitive soccer at age 14 versus 6, 7, 8, as so many do in Southern California, it it allowed her the experiences experiences that she did. And then she was really ready and in a space and place to excel when the opportunity presented itself.
00:24:54
Speaker
You know, and I think too many people choose not to allow, maybe it, maybe it's, maybe it is changing sports. I've always played basketball and now i want to do football. I'm just like, oh you know, I think as a parent, sometimes you cringe it because you're God, what, how's that going make me look?
00:25:11
Speaker
What am I going to tell my, family my social group to say, Hey, how's your son doing? And you're like, he switched sports and how are they going to judge me? Et cetera. Right. Again, you ran your race. You're the parent now, let them run their race.
00:25:23
Speaker
and yeah And support them as best you can, because now you're setting them up to succeed and excel as best they can. Right. And I think that's such an important reminder, because, again, who's to say you might not like that story a little bit better anyway, because, yeah again, it puts you in a different social group.
00:25:38
Speaker
It puts your kid in a different social group. Yeah, I think there's a lot to be said for that, because I think that's where, you know, parents, you know, they're, I know they have good intentions, but sometimes those decisions do come based off of like, oh, but those are my people, or I i hang out with these people, and now we, I don't know anybody on that team, or that board, or whatever, and it's new, and so it's like, Or it's kind of like, now that we're saying it out loud, it's like a little bit silly, like, right? Like we need to and remember as parents, we need to be agile and and and following what, you know, the athlete's heart is telling them. And so if that requires us to go make new friends, then who knows, maybe we'll like these friends better, right? Maybe it works out better, right? that' Kind of, right? Is that where you're going with that?
00:26:17
Speaker
No, 100%. And and i'll pay but I'll play the pessimistic card real quick because yeah maybe it's, well, they don't know anybody and I don't know anybody. And there again, there's no guarantee that they're going to excel and be good and and whatever. and it's like, you know what? yeah It's still to be an experience to gauge what was worth what, right? And what what does better look like?
00:26:38
Speaker
You never know what better can look like if you're just stuck in the same space and place for so many years. Right. So I think sometimes play that worst case scenario. It gives you appreciation for what you did have.
Making Decisions and Embracing Adaptability
00:26:49
Speaker
And now you have something to compare against versus, again, wonder, I should have done that. I should have given it a try. I should have fill in the blank. Mm hmm. Yeah. And then is there anything else on the topic of.
00:27:03
Speaker
Like, as we're talking about this, it's making me just think of not just pressure, but it's making me think of like this ticking time clock, right? Where it's like, we have a very limited amount of time to, you know, excel or achieve. And then all of a sudden they're on to out of the house, they're leaving the nest and we did, we miss our chance. And like, how can you kind of encourage moms to like, just take a breath, right? Like, what would be your thoughts about just like this idea of pressure and time?
00:27:30
Speaker
I think when we worry, so often we we worry about things that happened or things that will happen. And we forget about the that present moment saying, how do i how do I just take this in for what it is?
00:27:42
Speaker
And again, let my son or daughter figure things out on their terms. So I'm helping set them up to succeed as they get older. Because I think that's a tool every parent wants, right? Is to not have that 30-year-old living at your house, having no plan, having no idea how to have a plan.
00:27:59
Speaker
because you've always done everything for them. But hold on, I'm just helping them. And yeah there's there's two sides to that. So that's where I would go with that thought is, again, zoom out a little bit and allow your yourself to see that, what where are we going?
00:28:15
Speaker
And more specifically, where where is she or he going so I can best support that that situation? So you're again, you're not driving it, you're helping guide and steer and support it.
00:28:28
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And maybe we add in there just like some level of faith that it's going to be okay. Right. think like Sure. Because I see, and and i I was certainly one of them, and I probably still am, but I see a lot of parents who overthink the decisions. And maybe that's a judgment. I'm not trying to be judgmental, but like there's a Facebook comment that some mom is trying to decide. Well, if this happens all the time. so She's trying to decide if she should start her child in kindergarten or hold them back, you redshirt them and them be.
00:28:59
Speaker
Be the oldest one or the youngest one. Like that is the this classic ongoing. I'm sure you're totally nodding your head. So you're like, yes, this is a big conversation that everybody has. And then everybody puts in their opinion and it's the best thing ever. And oh, no, just go for it and do all these things.
00:29:12
Speaker
And I remember, i I didn't ever have that decision, but I remember debating about this preschool decision and I was driving myself crazy. Like, should I send him to this? Because that's where he'll be in the future. It was like the preschool program in the elementary or hold him at the private or the private preschool where he was, where he had his buddies.
00:29:32
Speaker
And I was like driving. And now it's so funny because he's 16 and I'm like, oh my gosh, what was I worried about? It's so silly. Yeah. fine either way, right? Like, he's good. he'd say I was yeah totally overthinking that. So how can you just kind of like give some perspective and some encouragement to, you know, keeping in mind that the moms mostly listening are kind of that, you know middle school, high school moms, but there probably is some decision that they are very much overthinking. So what is your perspective?
00:29:58
Speaker
Stop trying to find the best decision and make the best of the decision. i think so many people are looking for the perfect, and here's the exact situation that they're in and da da da it's like stop looking for the perfect answer make a decision and make the best of that situation right how do I now maximize the decision that was made because I think a lot of people paralyze themselves in moments of time and then it's indecision and then it's like oh if we would have just made a decision a little bit earlier like it would be on such a different path and now you have that regret
00:30:32
Speaker
coming in. So it's like, make a decision, make a confident, educated decision. Just be okay that there's not a perfect one at the end of the day. Just like there's no perfect best friend. They're going great. And then puberty hits and then they're like a different person. And you're just like, they're an animal.
00:30:46
Speaker
Like, I don't want my kid hanging out with anyone anymore.
Nick's Projects and Mental Skills Emphasis
00:30:48
Speaker
anymore Things will naturally shift and that's normal. And, and normalize that. Don't, don't, uh, don't stunt your, your decision-making through, through thinking there's a perfect decision to be made.
00:31:00
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Man, lots of good thoughts today. Lots of great ideas and concepts and encouragement. Is there anything that we didn't touch on that you feel like is just really important or did we kind of cover everything?
00:31:13
Speaker
No, I think you did a really good job of of hitting it, finding different angles um to to present and what have you. So I appreciate the time and and some of those ideas.
00:31:25
Speaker
Honestly, I think we did it. So how can people find you going forward, share your podcast, your book again, and your Instagram? Perfect. Yeah, you can find me on Instagram at RealGump. That's R-E-A-L-G-U-M-P 365.
00:31:38
Speaker
um that That's my main platform that I like to to share information in. Podcast is called Mental, and that is geared towards young adults and helping them build the mental skills that will really set them up for life.
00:31:50
Speaker
Right. And then the book is called starting. And there again, it's geared towards young adults. um I'm going to having a second book come out this this next year is my expectation um to hit a few different other pain points of young adults.
00:32:05
Speaker
For example, what do you do when you're overwhelmed? How do you pull yourself out of that rut? How about self-talk? is Is your internal voice the only voice that is with you your entire life? Is it one that builds you up or breaks you down?
00:32:17
Speaker
And if it's one that breaks you down to say, I can't do that. I'm not good enough for that. I don't have enough enough experience for that. What are techniques that a young adult can then implement to say, okay, I haven't done that yet.
00:32:28
Speaker
And now I can lay the groundwork to get there. Right. So something to be on the lookout for. But yeah, the book starting that is out. Again, these are these two resources are really meant to be proactive.
00:32:40
Speaker
It was my intention and is my intention yeah to say, how can we get ahead of it versus react to the crap? The fallout happened. Now we need to address it. Right. Yeah. Yeah. so Yeah. I'm glad you said that because I do find also. parents get paralyzed when they're in that reactive stage because it's almost like so big at that point, then they're almost trying to like, they're a little bit denial and they can't quite like you're saying, like make a decision to do something, but it would have been way better, way easier if we just went the proactive mail method or way in the first place and not having to like resort to, oh my gosh, now we have a really big problem. So um I love kind of like your line of thinking and does your second book have a title yet?
00:33:23
Speaker
Evolving. Perfect. Okay. Well, Nick, thank you so much for the time today. I really appreciate the conversation and lots of good tips for our listeners today. So appreciate it. Thank you so much.
00:33:35
Speaker
When you get a chance, please go to the show notes and click on the link ratethispodcast.com slash TPHmom to give my podcast a rating and review.
00:33:46
Speaker
And if this episode resonates with you, be sure to share it with your mom friends who are going through the same things. Be sure to tune in for next week's conversation. Until then, keep up the good work.