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Raising Teens in a Digital World: Body Image and Self-Esteem
33 Plays5 days ago
How do we help our high-achieving teens navigate the relentless pressure and beauty standards of a digital world? Between academic demands, athletic performance, and the curated perfection of social media, today’s teenagers face unprecedented challenges regarding their body image and self-esteem.
In this episode of The Positively Healthy Mom, we sit down with Leslie Rose-Dethloff, a master-certified health, life, and nutrition coach specializing in the transition from adolescence to adulthood. Leslie shares her expert insights on how parents can support their teens and college students in building a foundation of confidence and sustainable health.
Key Conversations in This Episode:
- The Impact of Technology and Social Media: Explore how a highly technical world and constant exposure to screens affect teen body image, self-esteem, and confidence.
- Identifying Disordered Eating: Learn to recognize abnormal behaviors like restrictive dieting, binging, or cutting out entire food groups to control weight.
- The Shift from Manager to Mentor: Discover how to transition your parenting style from managing your teen's life to walking side-by-side with them as they gain independence.
- The Freshman Formula: Essential preparation for high school seniors to manage lifestyle factors like stress, sleep, and dining hall options before launching into college.
Common Questions About Teens and Body Image:
How do I know if my teen's sugar consumption is a problem? It becomes a concern when the behavior is frequent, consistent, and begins replacing normal, healthy meals. Rather than strictly taking sugar away, parents should focus on shifting a teen's mindset to see food as nourishment and fuel.
What should I say if I notice my teen is dieting or cutting out food? Step in early and create a safe, non-judgmental space by using curious language. You might say, "I noticed you’ve been eating differently lately and cutting out carbohydrates; I’m curious what’s going on and how I can support you?"
Meet Our Expert:
Leslie Rose-Dethloff is a master-certified health, life, and nutrition coach who helps teens, college students, and parents overcome challenges related to weight, eating, and negative body image. Through approachable mindset shifts and sustainable lifestyle practices, she empowers the next generation to launch into adulthood with confidence.
- Website: LeslieRoseCoaching
- Instagram: @leslierosecoaching
- Freshman Formula: Healthy Lifestyle Habits To Thrive At College
Resources From Your Host, Laura Ollinger
Connect with Laura:
- Free Webinar: Get Through May Without Losing Your Joy, Your Mind, Or Yourself
- Instagram: @positivelyhealthycoaching
- Rate this podcast!
Recommended
Transcript
Societal Beauty Standards and Teens
00:00:00
Speaker
It's really more about our beauty ideal, our appearance ideal in society, of being thin, of having perfectly symmetrical features, of you know being a certain height. And you for the guys, again, being more developed and and stronger and having muscles and that six pack or whatever. yeah um So there, you know, and it comes from the fitness industry. There's there's so many areas that it's coming from and it does make it very challenging. and so And because they're so connected, our teens are so connected, they they see it all the time.
00:00:35
Speaker
and it's in the face almost 24 seven. And it is rewiring their brains and it is having an effect. And there is a research on this. So it it it is a known concern that this is happening.
00:00:48
Speaker
And so we have to really be cognizant of that and try to help manage that as much as possible.
Introducing Leslie Rose Detloff
00:00:56
Speaker
Hello, and welcome to today's episode of the Positively Healthy Mom. I'm your host, Laura Ollinger, teen and parent well-being coach and founder of Positively Healthy Coaching.
00:01:05
Speaker
Today, I'm very excited to introduce you to Leslie Rose Detloff. Leslie is both a mom and master certified health, life, and nutrition coach who understands the challenges of raising teens and launching them into adulthood with the confidence they're ready to live healthy and confidently.
00:01:22
Speaker
is as her role as a health and wellness coach, Leslie guides teens, college students, and their parents in overcoming weight, eating, and negative body issues. So this is going to be a really important topic today, obviously a very sensitive topic. um So I'm really excited to get into it. So Leslie, what makes you so passionate about doing this work with teens, young adults, and their parents?
00:01:46
Speaker
ah Well, first of all, thank you so much for inviting me to be on the podcast today. I'm really excited to talk to everyone today and share the information that I have. And hopefully it helps anyone listening who may be faced with some of these challenges that we're going to be talking
Leslie's Personal Journey
00:02:00
Speaker
about. So thank you. So why I'm so passionate, I think, is really because...
00:02:05
Speaker
I see, well, firstly, I was touched personally, and I'll get into that um if you if you want me to. I can talk about that. But also just um being around teens, working with teens, and seeing what they're going through in today's highly technical world, um always turned on.
Body Image and Eating Challenges
00:02:24
Speaker
screens and devices and what's happening with body image, what's happening with confidence and self-esteem related to that. And what the outcome often is for a lot of young girls, especially is eating. They start to connect their eating with their body
00:02:43
Speaker
and feeling like they need to change what they're eating. They're fearful of gaining weight. They're fearful of being different, being um noticed. and And so they oftentimes will start to take into their own hands their eating.
00:02:58
Speaker
And unfortunately, it doesn't always go great. So that is why i think it's so important to really and especially your audience with moms wanting health, you know, and having that perspective of health and wellness and healthy lifestyle. It's really important. I, as a mom, went through it myself, very health focused, and yet my daughter still had challenges.
00:03:21
Speaker
And so I thought, okay, you know, I've got this under control. i We've eaten healthy since they were little. that It won't be a problem. And it was.
Early Signs of Disordered Eating
00:03:31
Speaker
So i had to work through that challenge with her and um helping her to overcome what she was dealing with. And and a lot of it is oftentimes related to body size, shape, perceptions, beliefs that develop because of what they're exposed to today.
00:03:51
Speaker
Yes, yes, which, yes, is ah we all know kind of just right in their face at at any moment that they pick it up, and pick up their device, they're going to see something that's probably triggering. So what are kind of the beginning ways as far as how a child might develop an eating disorder? In other words, you know, I know kind of sometimes it starts this like slippery slope of dieting or cutting out certain groups, like types of foods. So like, tell me more about that.
00:04:19
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. So um really the first phase is what we call disordered eating. And that is just abnormal eating behavior. So it's dieting. And in our culture, dieting is very highly accepted. But for a young body that is developing and growing and changing, that is absolutely something that you don't want to have your child do.
00:04:42
Speaker
They need the calories. They need the nutrition. And when they
Approaching Teens About Eating Habits
00:04:45
Speaker
start cutting out the As you mentioned, cutting out foods, cutting out carbohydrates, cutting out fats and being fearful of fats, and going vegan. You know, there are some very good things about vegan, but you can be a very unhealthy vegan. And what that does, though, is it's it's a way of them masking what they're really doing.
00:05:05
Speaker
They're, you know, saying, well, I want to go vegan, but what they're really doing is trying to control what they're eating in a way to try to manage or lose weight. Even when they don't need to, you can have a child who is looks healthy on the outside and seems like an average-sized person, and and they are still fearful and wanting to control what they're eating and those calories and what's coming in. So dieting is definitely an early sign if they're wanting to diet, if they're wanting to restrict foods, if they're wanting to eliminate foods. um The other end of the spectrum can be when they can't control their cravings. Because they're doing that and then they're binging. And it can be occasional.
00:05:48
Speaker
and But these are the things that start to grow over time and can, has a potential of moving into an eating disorder. So the one thing that I think oftentimes moms don't realize, parents don't realize is it's essential to step in as soon as possible.
00:06:04
Speaker
Because once that starts to develop, it's very difficult to unravel. So it's really critical to to step in and say, hey, I notice you've been eating differently lately. I've noticed that you've been cutting out carbohydrates. I'm curious what's going on here. Why why are you doing that? What do you, you know... And understanding where their thinking is and trying to make it a safe, open space so that they feel comfortable and they are willing to divulge what's going on. How are they feeling about themselves?
00:06:35
Speaker
How are they perceiving themselves based on what is the information that they're taking in? And that's where things like social media come in. Yeah. I'm so glad you gave us some language of what to use if we do notice something, because I know as moms, we know what a delicate, sensitive issue this is. And to the idea of like even bringing it up at all seems scary and like we're somehow going to damage them or cause them some pain or make something worse that wasn't already there. Like, you know, it's like so...
00:07:09
Speaker
Having those tools as far as like how to like notice it, get curious about it, just have them try to open up without um judgment from us, I'm assuming, and just like being really like a safe
Parenting Styles and Empathy
00:07:22
Speaker
space. Do you have anything more to add on to that? Because I think that was such a key part, that conversation part.
00:07:28
Speaker
Yeah, it is a key part. And it's what I work with moms on is helping them to connect with their teen. You know, as they grow and change, they're going from child to, you know, transitioning into adult. And so the teen years, that's one of the reasons why they're so difficult is because they're trying to establish independence. And we're still kind of managing instead of now mentoring And so there is some changes that we need to make and we need to adjust.
00:07:55
Speaker
And some parents are able to do that and others it is more of a struggle depending on the child, depending on their background, whatever it might be. So learning to connect and those are some ways of doing it. is by having curious, thoughtful conversations, showing empathy, showing acceptance, even if you're uncomfortable with what they're doing, just saying, okay, I see what's happening for you, and i know that must be tough for you.
00:08:21
Speaker
Let's talk about that. Let's talk about what we can do. How can I support you? Asking them versus telling them versus trying to control trying to manage. we There's that tendency to come in and swoop in and fix. Yes. You know, we want to help out. We want to manage. We want to solve it for them, but they have to figure out how to solve it. And it's our guidance and our support that we're there kind of walking side by side with them instead of leading or pushing them.
Sugar Consumption and Healthy Food Mindset
00:08:52
Speaker
Yes. That's the key difference. Yeah, you and I are very much in sync because this is the type of thing I'm talking about all the time, but not specifically in relation to the food part, but just in relation to the relationship and all that. So, yeah, makes so much sense. What about because this is something I do hear a lot of. um I've had multiple clients where the mother was concerned about.
00:09:14
Speaker
The daughters, and this is multiple people. So there's just kind of this fear when daughters are eating a lot of sugar, because that's super common for teenagers to like do a lot of junk food, do a lot of sugar.
00:09:26
Speaker
and so i moms start to get nervous, right? And so it's like at what part, because i don't know, does that fall into like, that's not really disordered eating. That's kind of like normal teen eating. But like, where is the line on that?
00:09:42
Speaker
Yeah, ah it is a gray line, but I think it's when it is consistent, it's frequent, and it's replacing normal healthy food, right? and It's replacing meals, and or it's cutting back on meals, and they're and they're focusing mostly on that. They're preferring it. They're eating it before a meal and then eating less. Like, if you're noticing a change, then that's when it's important to step in have conversations, and and do what you can to support. There's also great ways that you can do, you know, things that you can do at home to make shifts where you're not taking away. The last thing you want to do is take away. Right.
00:10:18
Speaker
they're resourceful. They're smart. They're going to figure out how to get that. And I think it's not so much being concerned about the sugar per se, but more about their mindset around food and helping them to look at food in a different light.
00:10:36
Speaker
And managing that so that it's more about food for nourishment and food for fuel. And you start talking in those ways. And that's how I help a lot of moms it is helping them to understand that the way that you shift the dynamic and and the thoughts, then it's opening up possibilities for them and it's getting them to think in a different way.
00:10:59
Speaker
Like, why am I eating all this sugar? And isn is it serving me well? And yeah, I'm noticing that I'm not focusing so well at school or at homework at home after I just had a bunch of candy or sugary foods or whatever.
00:11:12
Speaker
And then the other thing that you can do at home is look at what you're serving, what is available, what is in the pantry, in the cabinet, And are there ways to cut back on the added sugar in things?
00:11:23
Speaker
So and there's a lot of different ways that one, you can just go and do and make changes at home that are supportive, but not taking away things.
Balancing Baking and Creativity
00:11:33
Speaker
It's just better than sort of foods. Right. And then having those conversations and role modeling it.
00:11:41
Speaker
Like, you know, you also need to be thinking about, am I eating carbs? as a good example, the way that I'm eating. Am I eating a lot of sugar? And am struggling with sugar? And what should I do about that?
00:11:53
Speaker
So teens definitely notice and they definitely will call you out if they feel like you're hypocritical. Yeah. You know? Yeah. yeah Yeah, there is one other thing that's coming up for me right now, which is I've also seen and, you know, same in my own family where a lot of girls love to bake.
00:12:12
Speaker
And so baking and like cook and bake, but like the baking just seems like the fun part, like it's a fun activity because you're making like a sweet treat. And so it's kind of like this, again, gray zone because we're happy that they're doing something they love. It's a hobby. They're not actually, they're not using technology. They're being productive. and But then it becomes this like, again, slippery slope where, oh, they've created all these treats. So now they're going to eat them and test them out. And and what are your thoughts about that?
00:12:39
Speaker
Yeah, I think, again, you want to be careful about, you know, saying, oh, we can't bake or don't bake or that's unhealthy. It's all about balance, right? It's, you know, sweet treats are fine. Those are all good as long as there's a good balance of healthy, nutritious food throughout the day. And um and it is a creative outlet for a lot of young girls. And it is fun. And it is, you know, they're they're active they're doing that, like you said, versus being on screens and things. and So there's nothing wrong with it. It's just more about the frequency. Is it becoming a gateway for them to be eating those sweets all the time? Are they sharing those treats with everyone specifically? neighbors, friends, whatever, or is it they're just consuming it themselves? So in noticing those nuances and what's going on and talking about, you know, how can we bake a little bit differently using wheat instead of white flours, using monk fruit sugar instead of white table sugar, and using honey or or maple syrup, you know, finding different ways of or using fresh berries in a baked good versus a fruit or an applesauce or, you know, things like that. So getting and that can be creative and that can be fun trying to bake with them.
00:13:57
Speaker
So that you can see how they're baking and give them suggestions. But in a way that it's collaborative and that it's something that you're doing together and you're finding a common bond is great. So, yeah, there's nothing wrong with having those sweets and with the baking process. And I think it's just, you know, support it, but just also keeping an eye on it and making sure that it's not going in a way that it does start to raise a red flag. Like, OK, are they really,
Causes of Body Image Issues
00:14:25
Speaker
you know, baking too much? And is it too many sweets and not in not eating well the rest of the time?
00:14:31
Speaker
Right, right. OK, well, thank you. That's that definitely clears ah it up so much.
00:14:37
Speaker
pause in this episode to tell you on April 30th at noon central time, I'm hosting a free webinar for moms called get through May without losing your joy, your mind or yourself.
00:14:49
Speaker
And if that title just hit you somewhere, go save your spot right now at positively healthy coaching.com. If you can't make it live, no worries, sign up anyway in advance and I'll send you the recording.
00:15:02
Speaker
And so what should moms know about the causes? I know we've kind of like identified as the technology ah ah and being a big source, but like you mentioned that there are like three major causes of kind of weight and body image issues, or um i don't know if that's categorized as body dysmorphia or kind of like, can you help us like maybe define those terms and then also kind of give us the causes of them?
00:15:27
Speaker
Yeah. Well, I think i I like to put it more in the term of body image because body dysmorphia is like a diagnosed disorder by body dysmorphic disorder. But body image challenges are more about just feeling uncomfortable in your own skin, feeling like you're different than and comparing yourself and judging yourself and not being satisfied with how you look.
00:15:51
Speaker
And again, it can be in any body or shape. It doesn't matter or size. I think causes one is the rapid changes that are happening with with adolescents. Right. and They're going from being a child with no shape at all. Most of the time, you know, or very and simple to developing, they're developing breasts or get developing hips for the girls and for the guys. you You know, they're starting to change in their shape and their shoulders. And maybe they're not growing as quickly as as. some of their peers and they're feeling kind of, you know, and small and and like kind of punky. yeah yeah um So I think it's it's, you know, it's a combination of things. They're going through these changes. there Sometimes the changes are rapid. Weight gain is, it happens. It happens in the adolescent years. And it's something that Sometimes they'll gain a bunch of weight all at once, and then they grow out, you know, they start growing up, getting taller, filling out more, and so then that all kind of settles in. But it's during that time when maybe they've gained weight, they've gained weight.
00:16:57
Speaker
15 pounds, 20 pounds, and they're really getting uncomfortable. And so then they start developing some of these behaviors. So just the natural process of maturing and body changes can trigger some of these behaviors and and self-beliefs and and discomfort with their body.
00:17:14
Speaker
The second one, which we've touched, you know, kind of ah referred to a few times, is social media, but it's not just social media. It's it's really our society. It's, you know, and television. It's, you know, advertising, brands, things.
00:17:30
Speaker
And then social media. But it's it's a combination of all that. It's really more about our beauty ideal, our appearance ideal in society, of being thin, of having perfectly symmetrical features, of, you know, being a certain height. And for the guys, again, being more developed and and stronger and having muscles and that six-pack or whatever. Yeah. um so there you know and it comes from the fitness industry there's there's so many areas that it's coming from and it does make it very challenging and so and because they're so connected our teens are so connected they they see it all the time
00:18:09
Speaker
and it's in it base almost twenty four seven And it is rewiring their brains and it is having an effect. And there is a research on this. So it it it is a known concern that this is happening.
00:18:22
Speaker
And so we have to really be cognizant of that and try to help manage that as much as possible. We can't take away, i mean, it depends on the family and what their approach is on on devices, smart devices and things like that. But for the most part, you know, you you don't necessarily want to take away social media, but maybe managing that, reducing the amount of time on social media, having conversations about it, things like that.
00:18:49
Speaker
And then the third one is from peers, you know, and it can even come from within the family. So people around them, your environment, you know, have they Since they were little, have they been called pudgy or, you know, having nicknames that make them feel and make them focus on their body? It could be friends who are very conscious and doing their own things on their own diets, um saying things about their own bodies that are an influence. and It could be someone else in the family, a grandmother, ah you know, another relative who is making comments and kind of picking, maybe picking on their eating and things like that.
Boosting Teens' Self-Esteem
00:19:26
Speaker
So so there are several different areas that this can affect someone.
00:19:30
Speaker
And as a young person growing and changing, they're just much more more vulnerable because they're very self-focused, trying to figure out who am i How do I fit in this world? How do I compare?
00:19:42
Speaker
and And so this is an area that that can bubble up. i mean, you think about some kids who start to self-doubt and start to struggle. whether it's anxiety, loneliness, self-confidence, things like that, they might start to get into smoking or vaping to feel better.
00:20:01
Speaker
They might get into marijuana or something else. They might get into drinking. they might you know There's the number of things that they can do to kind of numb themselves or feel better, to get a dopamine hit, right and you know to distract and release, and food can be that.
00:20:19
Speaker
And so if they're feeling bad about their body, Sometimes food becomes, oh, well, this will solve it for me. And if I start changing how I'm eating, if I you know start doing that, I'm going to be able to change my body and then I'll be happy.
00:20:34
Speaker
Yes, yes. That kind of leads me into my next thought, which is just about like self-esteem, low self-esteem. You know, there's obviously that correlation between like you know low self-esteem and and poor body image. So what can moms do to help with that?
00:20:51
Speaker
Yeah, I think it is, again, watching social media, who are they around, um having those conversations, being open about, you know, the ideal body is doesn't really exist. I mean, that there no one can ever have a perfect body. No one can ever be perfect, and that's okay. To be, you know, imperfect is perfectly okay. Yeah.
00:21:14
Speaker
um So I think that, you know, just continuing to have those conversations, what are you looking at? How does that make you feel? and and staying connected and understanding where is their mind at?
00:21:29
Speaker
That's the key is really don't assume you know, don't assume you understand, really doing your best to try to get in there get on their map, get in their mindset, understand where they're coming from. and even if you can't fully agree or accept, just letting them know that you're there to support them and that you want to help them make good, healthy choices in their life. Because we're developing them to launch, right?
00:21:56
Speaker
We want them to be healthy, functioning, happy young people. When they go off to college, when they go off to a career, when they move out of the house, we want to know that they're going to be
Recognizing Need for Professional Help
00:22:09
Speaker
okay.
00:22:09
Speaker
And so it's very important for us to stay tapped in as much as possible and be that guide that makes them feel safe and makes them feel like, okay, if I'm struggling, I can talk to you and that you are going to support me.
00:22:24
Speaker
Yeah, that's also leading me to my next thought, which is when we our kids launch and they're kind of off and and, you know, many of them go to college, some don't, but wherever they are, when does a mom need to call you because they're concerned? Like, how does that even work? Because, you know, they're far away. We can't really, besides maybe FaceTiming them necessarily, we're not there.
00:22:47
Speaker
And so at what point do we just need to like step in and say, okay, something's not right here. i'm concerned. We need some help. Like, what does that look like? Yeah. So i think it's a little different for everybody. But I think the first thing is, as a parent, is making sure that you have the the tools and the practices in place to support them.
00:23:10
Speaker
So because while we often think that, oh, they won't listen to me, they're not listening to me. It's because we're not speaking the same language and we're not truly understanding them.
00:23:21
Speaker
So it's important to first educate yourself and make sure that you are really on the same page and you're understanding them. so that you can support them because that's often why they will reject us is because they feel like you're not listening to me even though you feel like you are.
00:23:38
Speaker
And they're feeling like you're not listening to me and that you don't care because you're not empathetic enough. So again, it's, you know, it all depends. Every situation is different. But when they start to go off to college, um I have a program for first year college students called the Freshman Formula. And it's for them.
00:23:57
Speaker
And it really helps them in a number of lifestyle areas. Oftentimes when high school seniors go off to college or before they go off to college, the total focus is on academics, the dorm room. just getting prepared and ready.
00:24:13
Speaker
But what we completely overlook is how are they going to live on their own? Are they truly ready for for the lifestyle factors that they're going to be facing? Making new friends, getting sufficient sleep so that they are able to study and perform at in their academics. and Eating well so they're they're fueling their body.
00:24:34
Speaker
And you know there's all of a sudden they're in a dining hall, there is no one's cooking for them. There's no rules or restrictions and and it's just like an open field and they have to kind of navigate that and figure out that out on their own. So are they prepared for that? um You know, movement and exercise. yeah There's there's a number of lifestyle areas that often get overlooked. Stress management. How are they going to cope? You know, when things do get stressful, they're on their own for the first time most of the time.
00:25:04
Speaker
Like truly on their own and they're feeling overwhelmed and uncomfortable. what What do they do? How do they manage that? so So my program really helps with that. But besides that, I think it's also like when to step in is when you start to see like you start to notice things that are changes that aren't quite normal. And yes, there is that transition period when when um a child goes to college.
00:25:32
Speaker
There's going to be that first, you know, three to, I mean, anywhere. It can be up to like the first year, year and a half of transition. But the more primed they are before they go, the quicker they assimilate and they do better. But if you're seeing those signs, then the best thing is first to talk to them about it.
00:25:53
Speaker
um There's often a lot of universities, a lot of colleges have support services so that you can guide them to those. And having conversations, being in touch with them, get on the phone frequently, talk about what's going on.
00:26:07
Speaker
Again, letting them know that you're there supporting them, that you are concerned. And that there are outlets, there are resources. And then the option is, you know, bringing in someone like me who can work with them directly one-on-one and be able to help them.
00:26:24
Speaker
The key with that is they have to be willing to to do the work, right? You can hire someone, but if they're not willing, it's impossible. Most likely not going to go well. and They have to want to be able to talk about what they're going through.
Finding Leslie Online
00:26:40
Speaker
They have to want to be able to do the work and put the time in and the the energy that sometimes is a little difficult because there is it's emotional work, it's um inner self work, because that's where it's coming from originally.
00:26:54
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, that's great. ah Well, Leslie, thank you so much for spending this time with me today and sharing with our audience all this wisdom. And so how can people find you going forward?
00:27:05
Speaker
Yeah, so they can find me on Instagram or Facebook at Leslie Rose Coaching um or my web website, leslierosecoaching.com. Okay, fantastic. Well, thank you again.
00:27:16
Speaker
Thank you.
Community Support and Engagement
00:27:21
Speaker
When you get a chance, please go to the show notes and click on the link ratethispodcast.com slash TPHmom to give my podcast a rating and review.
00:27:32
Speaker
And if this episode resonates with you, be sure to share it with your mom friends who are going through the same things. Be sure to tune in for next week's conversation. Until then, keep up the good work.