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6AM Practice | The Positively Healthy Mom with Jace Riley
33 Plays28 days ago
Welcome to another inspiring episode of The Positively Healthy Mom Podcast with your host, Laura Ollinger. This week, we’re joined by Coach Jace Riley—founder of @6amPractice and father of three athlete sons—for a high-impact conversation about what really goes on in the minds and homes of young athletes.
Jace shares how 6AM Practice was born, why hustle culture isn’t enough, and what parents actually need to say to their kids before and after the game. Whether your child is the star player, benchwarmer, or just trying to find their place, this episode is packed with perspective-shifting strategies that build connection, confidence, and communication.
💡 Highlights include:
- The “Parent’s Heart, Athlete’s Brain” bridge
- What to say (and not say) before a game
- Nutrition, sleep, and screen time tips that actually stick
- Turning game-day failures into powerful teaching moments
📲 Follow Coach Riley: https://www.instagram.com/6ampractice
🌐 More episodes: positivelyhealthycoaching.com/podcast
📸 Instagram: @positivelyhealthycoaching
🎧 Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share this with a fellow sports parent who needs to hear it.
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Transcript
Pre-game Communication Strategies
00:00:00
Speaker
I think something that was really powerful and important for parents was you talked about kind of like what to say before the game and you have the three levels of athletes.
00:00:10
Speaker
And so it sounded like for the the starting at the starter, you worked hard all week, you got this. What about for the kid who's on the bench, the sixth, you know, player in in a basketball scenario? On the bench, you can be involved in the team.
00:00:25
Speaker
So if they see their value, they just want to, people just want to be valued in the job that they do. Right. So when you're on a team, you have a job, right. And just want to be valued.
00:00:36
Speaker
Um, you you have these conversations with them about why the bench is important. Why, why you can have an impact in the game and never even go in the game. I'm so glad we're having this conversation.
Introduction and 6AMPractice Origin Story
00:00:47
Speaker
I've always wondered like what to say in this scenario. is all yeah Welcome to the Positively Healthy Mom podcast, where positive parenting meets well-being.
00:00:58
Speaker
Hello and welcome to the Positively Healthy Mom podcast. I'm your host, Laura Olinger, teen and parent wellbeing coach and founder of Positively Healthy Coaching. I am extremely excited to introduce you to someone that you actually may already be familiar with. You just don't even know it because you might be following him on Instagram.
00:01:19
Speaker
This is Coach Riley of 6AMPractice on Instagram and you Coach Riley, have a huge following. I've been following you for years. And thank you so much for accepting my invitation to come on my show. So welcome.
00:01:35
Speaker
Well, thank you for having me on the show. And let me tell you, that's the best intro I've ever had. I'm so jacked right now. Everything I worked for it paid off. on so Well, it's working. It's working because I've been following you. I found you and I was so excited that you agreed to come on the show. So that's where we're going to start. Like, how did 6am practice start? Like, what is the purpose of it? And what's your mission behind it?
00:02:00
Speaker
So the, the whole 6am practice came about in a ah weird way, right? Okay. And so my son, my son was in junior high and he was going to start playing basketball. So we wanted to start going to the gym in the morning. So we went to this local club that's got a gym.
00:02:18
Speaker
And we go at 6 a.m. So we're going in the mornings and he's hustling and we're just doing stuff. And during that time, I discovered YouTube. Like I was, I didn't watch YouTube. I was like, what a YouTube schmoo tube, whatever. i I mean, this was like nine years ago and I'm always behind the curve when it comes to like the the low, the low.
00:02:37
Speaker
the next thing right you're you're a slow to adopt new technology face well facebook like i'm like everybody i know lives around me i don't need facebook and then youtube was just like vines and stuff so i didn't really see a purpose in it okay right i know and so i discovered eric thomas the hip-hop preacher right with a youtube video and it just and i'm like this is the stuff that's on youtube hold up so i discovered the world of motivational videos which my son would watch as we went to, you know, I'd pull some up on the phone and he'd watch them as we drove to the gym in the morning.
00:03:10
Speaker
Cut to summertime. He's at a summer camp and him and his best friend, they're on opposite teams. And they're the two best players in the school, right? They're at the school camp. And,
00:03:22
Speaker
camp championship. um They're guarding each other. and My son makes the buzzer beater, deep three, blah, blah, blah, blah. blah Right. You know? And so I'm there, I'm watching it. i'm I'm the only dad there. I thought it was a big game, right? I show up, there's no other parents there. It's just me and the coaches in the campus. But I'm like, I'll watch it, right? you kind of busted in. Parents aren't even invited, but you're what I- Well, they were like, he's like, I got the championship game today. i'm like, well, you always go to the championship game. Like, that's what it is, right? So luckily I went because- So he makes the shot. Next day I go to work and I'm talking to this this guy that I know and he's a hockey coach and he's a hockey dad. He's all in. Right. And so I'm telling him the story of what happened at the basketball game.
00:04:04
Speaker
And he knew me and Eric had been going to the gym because I talked sports with him stuff. And so he goes, well, you know why he made that shot? And I go, why? And he goes, 6 a.m. practice.
00:04:15
Speaker
And I go, and I go, and I think to myself in my head, I go, that's a brand like, hold up. Like,
Guidance for Student-Athletes Beyond Hustle Culture
00:04:22
Speaker
okay. And then I go, what do you mean? And he goes, well, in the hockey world, 6 a.m. Practice is a common thing. That's when people get up and do the extra practices and stuff like that. So I'm like, oh, okay.
00:04:31
Speaker
So I started thinking about it. started looking on Instagram, saw a bunch of motivational posts. And it was all like Wayne Gretzky, 100% of the shots you don't take you miss, right? Just the the same old, same old. And I'm like, well, I can come up with something better than that.
00:04:49
Speaker
Because what I realized was, was that at that time, And this was like, it's only gotten worse. But at the time, it was like six, seven years ago. um The hustle culture was huge.
00:05:01
Speaker
Grind twenty four seven all this other stuff, right? And the kids, they're just taking that literally. but But they don't know what to do, right? They've got it grind 24-7. What does that even mean, right? It doesn't mean there's no systems. It's just stuff.
Athlete Mindsets and Social Media Influence
00:05:18
Speaker
and I'm a process guy. Like I like systems like, cause they're repeatable and you get, you know, you know, a plus B equals every time if you do this and you know, the outcome is known.
00:05:29
Speaker
So I was like, well, what these kids really need is not to be told to work harder, but how to work and what to work on. Okay. Because that really just wasn't out there.
00:05:41
Speaker
So I started looking at things that student athletes would deal with. So school work's a big one. um Sleep is a big one because of the gamers, right? They stay up all night on their phones, they play whatever, right? You know, sleep, nutrition, ah because they're grabbing fast food and just whatever's convenient.
00:06:02
Speaker
And, you know, just the basic stuff, right? That every parent struggles with. And so you you look at, there are certain types of athletes Right. There are athletes that want to make it to the next level, whatever that is.
00:06:19
Speaker
D3 in college, Juku, whatever it is, they just want to play at the next level. Maybe it's they're going from JV to varsity or whatever. There's those guys. And then there's guys that just play the sport to be on the team.
00:06:31
Speaker
They just, they're there. They get to leave school early. Like they're pretty good, but they don't have any intention of going pro or anything like that.
Parenting Athletes: Stresses and Social Aspects
00:06:39
Speaker
Right. They're just there for the fun of it.
00:06:41
Speaker
Right. But they're good, but they're skilled. They're athletes. Right. So, there really wasn't a path for any of these kids, no matter what it was. Right. And a lot of the kids who were just in it to be in it right for high school and stuff like that, it was almost like they were made to feel like, well, you're not doing it all the time. You're not trying to take it to the next level. You're not as good. Right.
00:07:04
Speaker
And the influx of social media on kids is crazy and insane. Right. It's crazy. There, it used to be parents were, you know, back in the good old day, kids would be at school for a third of the day. They'd be at home a third of the day and they'd be asleep a third of the day. So the, out so parents had somewhat of more of an influence on the kids.
00:07:26
Speaker
Well, now a social media, it's the parents get a very little piece of the window. Very little. i mean oh absolutely. It doesn't matter if your kids in sports or not in sports.
00:07:37
Speaker
Yeah. So, Those I, all my boys are grown up now. And during those times of when they were in high school and we were playing all these sports, there was a lot of stress because, you know, you got to get to practices. You got to do this. You got to do that. You can't do everything. Like there's just all this stuff that, you know, they want to go to extra camp. So that's a financial thing, just other stuff like that. And a lot of parents are like, you know, these camps.
00:08:07
Speaker
So two things. Are camps necessary? I don't know. Maybe they are. Maybe or they're not. Like, I'm not here to say that they are. But a lot of kids want to go to the camps just because their friends are going to the camps and the kids on the team are going to the camps. So it's more of a social thing than i like, I want to go get better type thing. So parents got to see it as that. So there's all these crazy things that parents don't really know about.
00:08:32
Speaker
and you know, yes, we're the adults, but this is our first time raising an athlete or having a kid because athletics is no longer cheap. there' There's a financial contribution to it.
00:08:43
Speaker
Right. Absolutely. And so, you know, with this and that and all this other stuff, I'm like, there needs to be like a medium of where, because kids are going to be on social media. And I'm, like I said, I'm 51.
00:08:58
Speaker
Guys and, you know, people my age, there we're on social media too. We grew up with half of our lives with absolutely no internet and the of and the other half with internet. I've had 25 years with that, 25 years with, right? I never thought of that it that way, but yeah, it's very true. So I know the best of both worlds, right?
00:09:18
Speaker
And so i you you're not going to get your kids away from social media. You're just not. So What do they consume while they're on there? I wanted to have a platform and have a voice that would give kids actionable item, things that they could do. Basically, all the stuff the parents want to tell their kids. because Kids don't listen to you. They don't listen to you. Right.
00:09:43
Speaker
It has to come from somebody else, right? So who's the number one person in most kids life if they play sport? Well, it's coach. it Yeah. Coach says, stop drinking soda. He's throwing everybody's sodas out. You tell him to stop drinking soda. He doubles down, right? It's just, is that's how it is. So I wanted to become, and at 6 a.m. practice, our goal overall is we're the bridge between the parent's heart and the athlete's brain. Right?
00:10:13
Speaker
We basically tell the kids what they want to know and the advice that they need in a non-condescending way. We're not talking down to them. Right. But it's the message coming from the parents.
00:10:26
Speaker
Right. So like posts that I do about sleep always get shared because sleep is an issue and kids don't think I could run on four hours of sleep. I don't need eight hours of sleep.
00:10:38
Speaker
Yes, you can run on four hours of sleep. It's not healthy over an extended period of time. And if you want to be an athlete, kid, the easiest thing you can do to improve your performance is get your sleep on lockdown. Get eight hours a day. That's the easiest quick. You you have total control. you have everything, right? Next is food.
00:11:00
Speaker
I got picky eaters. I don't got picky eaters. They eat garbage, this, that, this, that. Well, mom, I can play eating McDonald's or whatever. Yeah, you can. No, you shouldn't.
00:11:11
Speaker
And then here's why. Because if they don't have buy-in, they're not doing it. Right. And I
Family as a Supportive Team in Sports
00:11:20
Speaker
didn't know what I didn't know. And I played sports when I was growing up, but I still didn't know a lot of stuff. Cause again, this is our first time raising an athlete.
00:11:29
Speaker
Yeah. So I started asking parents, what do they have problems with? And, you know, and it's always the tip, you know, food, nutrition, sleep, grades, um, you know, phone time,
00:11:42
Speaker
theyre They're not holding up their end of the deal, right? Just stuff like that. So I started looking at how can how can how can the parent talk to the kid in a way that the kid does what the kid needs to do? Not what the parent wants him to do, but what he needs to do.
00:12:00
Speaker
Yeah. Right? And so...
00:12:04
Speaker
That's been basically the genesis of 6 a.m. is to have those conversations with your kids. So sports is a very short period in your life because let's just say, listen, grade in junior high, grade in high school, going to go play college.
00:12:21
Speaker
you're probably not going to the games, parents. You're not taking them to practices. You're part, you know, maybe they're televised, you can stream them or whatever, but your part in the athlete's world is gone. It's over with, right? yeah So you really want to enjoy the six to four years, right? Junior high, and is if they start early in elementary school or whatever, but you know, you probably have it six to four years of a time where even if they never play ball outside of high school,
00:12:51
Speaker
you will have a treasure trove of great memories and fun times or a treasure trove of arguments and, you know, not knowing what to say after the game or before the game and all of this stuff. Because again, there's a high level of stress when it comes to sports. And I'm not even talking comp leagues or any of that other stuff. I'm just talking a basic flatline.
00:13:16
Speaker
Your kid plays in high school. There's a cost to it. There's a cost to it, right? And so
00:13:26
Speaker
to make parents and athletes a team again, right? they Families used to be a team. When the kids are younger, right? You know, you're a team. ever It's a cohesive unit. Everybody gets along for the same thing. And then as they grow up and they get older, they become teens. And that's the way it is, right? You're not going to stop that.
00:13:45
Speaker
But there's a way to communicate to them that it's a little different. For example, um like before a game, right?
00:13:58
Speaker
Kid has a game. What do parents usually say? you're going to play, you know, what are you going to do today? You're either asking them questions, right? Like, are you ready? Are you ready? They don't want to hear questions. They're, they got other things they're worried about, and but different kids worry about different things. So if your kid's a starter, he worries about,
00:14:21
Speaker
letting everybody down, letting the team down. Will he perform at a high level? Right. He's got that level of stress, right? yeah If your kid is the sixth man, right. Or comes off the bench, but fairly often he's in every game, right. You know, they count on him because teams got to have a bench. If you're on the bench, listen, you can still contribute to that team in ways you're never going to know.
00:14:47
Speaker
And you just got to do it, right. You just got to do it. Um, So there's there's all these things about what, you know, even if you're, even if the parents, see, this is this is this is somewhat emotional, I know, for a lot of people. Yeah. Because there are a lot of,
00:15:13
Speaker
um arguing with your kid isn't fun. And they're just dumb arguments, right? You don't got your cleats, right? You didn't get the playbook. You forgot to tell me practice changed times, right?
00:15:25
Speaker
But again, they're kids. Sports now is so grown up. they're acted They're like many adults, right? There's all these things, NIL money, this, that, this, that, all this other stuff is so serious. So how do you how do you talk to your kids so they hear you?
00:15:42
Speaker
Right. So if they're a starter, they have these expectations. If they're coming off the bench, they have a different set of worries. If they're the kid who almost never gets put in the game except for the pity minutes.
00:15:56
Speaker
Right. They've got they're thinking, like, does it even matter that I'm here? Like, I don't even play. Right. yeah So you can't say the same generic thing to a kid before a game. You got to look at where are they at?
00:16:09
Speaker
Right? yeah And so you eat, and then you don't ask them questions. You just say something specific. So the high performer, you're like, listen, you worked hard all week, trust in the process. You got this. And that's the conversation, right? There's no eye rolling. Kid gets a little hyped. Okay. that Knuckle bump with dad or mom or whatever. Right. Boom. Connection. Right. So now that I'm getting goosebumps now, the day is in a positive because you've all had game days where something, they weren't, they didn't get up on time. Rah, rah, rah. And now there's a lot of tension
Healthy Habits for Athletes
00:16:44
Speaker
in the house. And it's just like, listen, these memories are so fleeting. We want to have as many good ones as we can.
00:16:51
Speaker
Yeah. So how do parents talk to the kids? How do they get them to do the stuff they want to do? And again, The parent's heart is always in the right spot. You just have to know how to communicate with the athlete's brain.
00:17:05
Speaker
Right. So if you tie nutrition into not listen, you're supposed to get your protein or it gives you energy. Like you're just parroting what everybody says. yeah If you tell them how, you know, hey, I noticed you were tired after that other game or that other practice.
00:17:24
Speaker
What did you have to eat? And then as the parent, you got eat, well, you had fast food. So let I'll make you a deal. We're going to put together, you can call it like the performance pantry, right? And I want you to pick one thing that is, and you know, whether it's, you know, nuts or whatever, something, and but it has to be healthy-ish, right? yeah yeah And then as the parent, you have to make that available for them as easy as possible because we're creatures and I'm just as bad.
00:17:56
Speaker
If I can grab something that's pre-packaged, pre-made versus mixing something up, that mixing is going to take me three minutes. Yeah.
00:18:07
Speaker
I don't do it. yes i don't do it. You have to wash something or cut it. Yes. Yeah. Right. We're creatures of you know simplicity. Right. So as the parent, you have to set up the household for those successes. So now you're no longer nagging your kid, telling them what to do. You're saying, look, dude, you want to be an athlete.
00:18:30
Speaker
This does this and this does that. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. show them the proof, lead them down the way, and then they're going to decide or they're not going to decide.
00:18:41
Speaker
Yeah. But there's no more argument. It's not do it because I said, do it because, because listen, just kid, just trust me, just do it. They're not going to They have to realize the benefit to them. And the benefit to them is being a better athlete. So maybe get more playing time. Maybe you impress that person you're trying to impress. Maybe...
00:19:03
Speaker
whatever you get in the game more often. If they're willing to do that, that's what i was talking about. The athletes who want to play at the next level, if they're willing to do that stuff, you've shown them the way yeah and you've communicated in a way that is nonjudgmental,
00:19:21
Speaker
right?
Parental Role and Expectations in Sports
00:19:22
Speaker
You're the guide. You're not. So we at 6am, the parents and the athletes, you guys are the heroes. Right? That every every story is your own story, right?
00:19:34
Speaker
My job is to just be the guide and just say, look, like, so for example, another example is, is, know, what do you say after the game, right? That's such a hot topic. Like, you know, I love watching you play. What if they didn't play?
00:19:49
Speaker
What if they, what, like, what you can't script that stuff, right? You have to look at, so, Athletes will view the game usually in ways of one or two. We either won or we lost.
00:20:02
Speaker
Right? That's that's it. if If you're one, everybody's happy. If you lost, everybody's sad or whatever. But, which is fine, but if you're a parent and you want to communicate with your athlete after the game, because listen, I'm a firm believer
00:20:23
Speaker
that parents are more than an ATM and a chauffeur. I completely agree. And that's what we've been, that's what we've been relegated to. Yeah. Pay all the fees.
00:20:33
Speaker
Yeah. Get your kids to the games and practice, sit in the stand. Don't coach your kid. Don't do whatever, blah. blah And listen, they're horp but parents have ah do desperately contribute to the current,
00:20:51
Speaker
ah Status of the game. There's a lot of a lot of stuff gets out of control real quick, right? and Here's the reason for that. I believe is if you think that this sport is your kids way out Right, like he wants to play D1. You just want your kid to go to college Yeah, well, you just want them to go to college, you know You call it just so college is so expensive nowadays. It's so crazy expensive I i mean That's a whole nother topic. um
00:21:25
Speaker
But if if they're just trying to get to the next level and sports is the only way versus somebody who's just playing sports and they know their kid's not going to be professional and they know whatever, to them it's it's sports and what what are they going to learn afterwards? So the parents that see it as a personal thing, those are the ones that Those are the ones that take it a little too far when it comes to yelling at coaches, yelling at the referees, right? Yeah. Because if you ain't ever roughed a game, please. It is so hard. You don't even know. my gosh.
00:22:00
Speaker
Listen. You cannot pay me enough money You have no, you have no clue. Even if it was a totally positive atmosphere and you got paid like a thousand dollars a game or whatever. yeah It's so hard. Are you looking in the right? Cause we're, we assume that refs have instant replay and they say things in slow motion and they always have the angles. mean, if you're a ref and all of a sudden you look at something over here and then you turn around and something happened in there and you didn't call it. Yeah.
00:22:30
Speaker
Yeah. Oh my gosh. Sorry. I didn't see it or whatever. Right. So
Communication Strategies with Athletes
00:22:35
Speaker
crazy. Yeah. That's a, that's a whole nother thing, but um coach, I would love to go back a little bit because I'm tracking multiple themes that we've got going on here. And I think, I think something that was really powerful and important for parents was you talked about kind of like what to say before the game and you have the three levels of athletes. And so it sounded like for the, the starting at the starter,
00:23:00
Speaker
you worked hard all week, you got this. What about for the kid who's on the bench, the sixth player in in a basketball scenario? My kids are football players, so I know that terminology better. And then, um or the kid who doesn't play at all or doesn't play much. Like, what did you say both both before and after the game to those three levels of athletes?
00:23:22
Speaker
so the So before the game, so the kid who like comes in off the bench and stuff like that you just have to, they have to see their importance as a player's being on the bench.
00:23:33
Speaker
yeah So you gotta to be like, listen, man, when you're on the bench, you're in the game. That's how you're in the game without being in the game, right? You're hyping the bench up. You're talking to each other. You're paying attention. um You can shout things out. Again, different sports. I come like, you know, I talk basketball cause that's what I know.
00:23:51
Speaker
Yeah. But on the bench, you can be involved in the team or you can be sitting back,
00:23:58
Speaker
disgusted that I'm on the bench or whatever. Right. So if they see their value, they just want to, people just want to be valued in the job that they do. Right. So when you're on a team, you have a job, right. And just want to be valued. um Even if you know, you're not very good or you're not going get a lot of playing time. So you, you, you have these conversations with them about why the bench is important. Why, why you can have an impact in the game and never even go in the game.
00:24:26
Speaker
Right. Because because attitude is contagious. Right. When a team is humming, when a team is in line, they're unstoppable. ah you can't be in line if you got guys on the bench with bad attitudes, right? So you're part of, you help them win. You participate in practice.
00:24:44
Speaker
So maybe you're, maybe you're second string or whatever, right? Well, that's who the first string practice is against. That's like Rudy. That's one of my favorite movies, right? Oh yeah. Classic. They're the practice squad is what gets the team in ready for the thing. And if we don't do our jobs, they're not ready to play Purdue or whatever, right? That it's all like, you Every athlete should watch Rudy. I love Rudy.
00:25:06
Speaker
um Such a great movie. such a great Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I just, yeah, i remember watching that when I was little. And then, yeah, my kids have seen it It's just, oh. It's great. Yes. It's great. um And then for the kid who doesn't even get in the game, well, their goals are set outside of practice. And again, you, you so like you have, for them, you have to set smaller daily goals. Everybody should have daily goals anyway. Yeah.
00:25:31
Speaker
Right. And so over like, and if you have a game, so I, so I have what I call goals within the game. Right. So if you're on a team and so this is what you say after the game, right? So after the game, it's not win or lose.
00:25:47
Speaker
Right. Because what if they lost, but they played spectacular. Yeah. Right. Or what if they won, And the they played horrible.
00:25:57
Speaker
They had the worst game of their life. Right. So I'm so glad we're having this conversation. I've always wondered like what to say in this scenario is also, that's a different thing. Right. yeah So, so you have to be, okay, you, you, so you have goals within the game, right? So this game, I'm going to have three assists and two steals and five points. Or whatever it is, right? Or I'm going to get two 50-50 balls or whatever it is, right? You set goals for yourself inside the game because you can't always control the outcome.
00:26:27
Speaker
Your entire team can be on fire and playing. I said earlier you're unstoppable, but sometimes you get stopped because the other team is just a little bit better. Yeah. Right. And it doesn't matter. Every, you did everything, everything, the best that you could and you still lost. Right.
00:26:42
Speaker
So you have goals within the game. Right. um And then you just talk about, you know, you say, Hey man, like if they're on the bench all the time, you're like, I saw you when they had that timeout, you were the first man in the huddle, dude, your time is coming because if you really want to be on a team and you want to get better, you will do the things that you need to do to get better.
00:27:05
Speaker
Yeah. And you just got to put in the time, right? So everybody, well, I got to make varsity. I do this. No, you need to be where you need to be to get playing time. I believe it's better to be on JV.
00:27:17
Speaker
if you get to play the whole game, then if you're on varsity and you get no time or two minutes or something like that, you're not, you're,
00:27:26
Speaker
yeah the game is where you really learn stuff and play mean that's the purpose of the whole sport is the game right yeah but that's not what where it all happens it's it's just so you got all this stuff and there's all these dynamics and stuff and so after the game maybe they fouled out or maybe they made a big mistake and their game just went downhill after that right you don't look at the win unless you look at what had happened to them in the game So if they made a mistake a mistake and they spiraled out, right, which is common, right? One mistake and you're kaput.
00:28:00
Speaker
You talk to them about, you know, um how do you reset in the game? right? Because all athletes make mistakes. Every single athlete makes mistakes. The better ones just reset faster.
00:28:14
Speaker
That's all that is. If you think you're not going to make a mistake and you're worried about making a mistake, you're going to make a big, big mistake, right? It's just part of the game, right? Reset faster. It's like that. So,
00:28:27
Speaker
you, you, you, as a parent, you want to be able to talk to them about these things, but the kid needs to see the family as a team. Yeah. Family is first team, right? I don't care who you are, what sport you play. It doesn't matter. You don't do what you do without a team, even in, even in individual sports, tennis, golf, whatever. No, you got a team around you that helps you out and do things. Right. So,
00:28:58
Speaker
When you have that dynamic set up, right? Then you can have these little conversations with your kid about positive things and not after the game, you know, they stunk and, or they didn't do really well or whatever. And it's like, well, it's just a game.
00:29:13
Speaker
Don't worry about it. Right. You know? Almost nobody thinks on those terms. Right. You know,
Validating Teen Athletes' Feelings and Learning from Performance
00:29:20
Speaker
they don't. it' Don't worry about it. What are you're talking about, man? Don't worry about it. Yeah. No one's this, that. They've got all these things going on. And what may be related to the game may not even be really related to the game.
00:29:32
Speaker
Maybe somebody was making fun of them at school because they weren't getting playing time or, so or I don't know, they're trying to impress a girl because the girl likes the other dude and the other dude plays more or whatever. is i don't know. Yeah.
00:29:43
Speaker
There's always something deeper, right? That's what, yeah, that's what we call. I, so it's funny because you do for parents and teens in sports, what I do for parents and teens in the rest of their life.
00:29:56
Speaker
So everything that you're saying totally vibes with me so well. And it's, I call that dismissing or invalidating. So if they say, oh, I think I flunked my math test and a mom or dad says, oh, you probably did fine. Oh, it's no big deal. Or, oh, I bet you're being too hard on yourself.
00:30:12
Speaker
Well, you're dismissing and invalidating what they just said and what their concern is. Their concern is that they don't think they did well, right? And so this is like in the sports context. context And so if they didn't do well in a game, like,
00:30:26
Speaker
I can just imagine because I know a lot of the parents that I've worked with in the past, like as far as clients where a parent might be well-intentioned, they're trying to support, they're trying to give advice, they're trying to cheer them up, they're trying to make them whatever it is like you said earlier, coming from a good place.
00:30:42
Speaker
Yet I can see this scenario playing out in so many ways where then the teenager feels attacked, they feel criticized, they feel invalidated. And and what I love what you're saying is about your family has to be the teen because your teenager needs to know that you're on their side.
00:30:59
Speaker
And I think that's where the disconnect happens because when a teenager is disappointed in themselves, a lot of times they're worried about disappointing their parent. And so then it feels even worse. Like they'd rather just be disappointed by themselves and not have to like insult to injury is when the parent is also disappointed. And then maybe the coach and the play teammates are disappointed, right? It's just so much.
00:31:18
Speaker
So yeah, how do you... support and like find a way to give some positivity and encouragement if your child did like really badly let's just say they had a terrible game like what do you say in that situation so then you turn you just turn it into a positive right which is okay so there's a term and it's kind of okay but it's like you know you don't lose you learn right? Because you might have a bad game and listen, you're going to be in a slump.
00:31:47
Speaker
It's going to happen. You're going for whatever reason, you're going to play horrible. Like let's not act like that's not going to happen. If you play enough games, you're going to have a bad one or two, right? Or you get in a slump, right? Okay.
00:32:03
Speaker
So it's a slump. You got to play through it, right? You had a bad game. Okay. You know, What, what did we, what did we learn? What did you learn? Right. Cause so what you have to, you have to set them up in these things where it's like, you know, um I journaling, right. So you can either do, um game journaling or you can do practice and game journaling. Right. okay So like game journaling is just after the game or after a practice, right.
00:32:35
Speaker
within i don't know as soon as as soon as possible it doesn't have to be immediate right but like within the next you know 15 minutes or so have key things that you write down at what happened at practice right did i run out of energy um did i give 100 today what like habits right did i do all these habits and you know did i did i listen to coach when was i locked in with coach or whatever when when they were talking And so after the game or after a practice, if you don't write stuff down, your brain will lie to you. You'll think about it later on and you'll be like, that's not the way it happened. Like, this is the way I remember it. Right. Right.
00:33:16
Speaker
And so if you're serious about playing sports, right. I want to get better. Just, you know, whatever you have to review what you do. And so if you, if they have a post game routine where they review themselves, right. They sit and they be honest, right. I mean, it's painful to be honest, but you know, yeah like if you're an athlete, you know, yeah um you write those things down.
00:33:41
Speaker
And so writing them down, like, you know, gets it off your chest. I acknowledge it Okay. Okay. What am I going to do this week or next week to make sure this doesn't happen again? Because it's usually just a behavioral issue. Sometimes I decided to skip breakfast today.
00:33:57
Speaker
just ran out of energy or whatever it was. Right. So now when they play a bad game, there's already something that's set up for them that they're already doing.
00:34:08
Speaker
hmm. Right. And as the parent, they're always, you know, don't be a second coach. Don't do this. Don't do that. Which is, that's why if you establish the family team, the adult's role is to do a few things, right? Get them to practice, pay for fees, ah do the shopping, like the athletic meals or whatever it is, right?
00:34:31
Speaker
who Brothers and sisters have a role. right so every so even if those kids don't play sports or they're younger they got a role like because you know we got to leave on time so it's your job to do whatever so everybody feels important everybody has a role the common goal is is whatever it is right billy playing football or ice skating or whatever it is right um and so then when the family pulls together Those moments of playing bad, having a horrible game, they don't hurt as much because your team is there to support you. And even if you guys aren't talking about it and you don't have to have a deep down, to like in all honesty, when you got to have a conversation with your kid, it's usually when something's gone wrong.
00:35:17
Speaker
yeah right Like they did something bad. They, you know, whatever, right? There's a conversation. We need to have a conversation, son. Like that ain't never good. but I'm going to pause my conversation with coach Riley right here because we still have so much more to talk about. So stay tuned for next week for the conclusion of this episode.