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Solving Picky Eating in Teenagers: Using Agency and Exposure with Katie Kimball
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Are power struggles over the dinner table draining your energy?
If you think picky eating is just for toddlers, think again. For many moms of teens and preteens, the battle over nutrition only gets harder as kids seek more independence. In this episode of the Positively Healthy Mom Podcast, host Laura Ollinger sits down with TEDx speaker and creator of Teens Cook Real Food, Katie Kimball, to discuss how to transform your teen from a passive consumer to a confident chef.
We dive deep into the transition of responsibility—the moment in adolescence when parenting teenagers shifts from doing everything for them to preparing them for independent living.
In this episode, we answer your most pressing questions:
- “What do I do when my teen refuses to try new foods?”
- “How do I stay connected to my teen without nagging about their diet?”
- “How do I reduce the “what’s for dinner?” overwhelm and burnout by reducing the stress of family meals?”
- “How can I help my teenager build confidence through cooking?”
The Two Secrets to Ending the Food Fight: Agency & Exposure
Katie Kimball reveals her research-backed strategies for raising resilient teenagers who actually want to be in the kitchen:
- The "Hook" Strategy: How to connect cooking to the things your teen already cares about—whether it’s fueling for student athletes, the chemistry of baking, or saving money for their first car.
- Agency over Authority: Why letting your teen choose the seasonings or the cooking method can stop a power struggle before it starts.
- The Power of Exposure: How simply having your teen wash produce or prep a side dish provides the sensory exposure they need to eventually try new things.
- Reducing the Mental Load: Why teaching life skills in the kitchen is the ultimate mom burnout recovery tool, turning your family into a "team" rather than a restaurant.
Tune in every Wednesday for more deep-dive conversations with experts designed to help you navigate the high-pressure years of parenting teens with more connection and less stress.
Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
- Exclusive Link for Listeners: https://raisinghealthyfamilies.com/PositivelyHealthyMom
- Katie Kimball: Follow her at on Instagram @raisinghealthyfamilies
Connect with Laura Ollinger:
- Follow on Instagram: @positivelyhealthycoaching
- Learn More: ThePositivelyHealthyMom.com
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Transcript
Teen Development and Food Boundaries
00:00:00
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, it makes sense. Toddlers and teenagers run along the same lines as far as their brains are developing so quickly. And they're in that developmental stage of life where they're figuring out their boundaries again, right? They're figuring out where mom and dad's power stops and where their power can start. And as teens, they're really trying to push. And so one of the pushes could be like, mom made the food. i don't like it. like Like, it might not even be physiological. It could be psychological. Yeah. And also they're probably exposed to a lot more highly palatable ultra processed foods, which can kind of dull our senses in a way where we get used to that that zip of flavor and dopamine. And then we're like, oh, vegetables are kind of boring, right? So the answer, Laura, is that exposure is golden okay and agency is golden.
00:00:46
Speaker
So those are the two things we want to give our teens when it comes to food. We need to get them exposed to foods at a lot of different stages. Sending your teens to the grocery store is brilliant.
Introducing Katie Kimball
00:00:57
Speaker
Hello and welcome to the Positively Healthy Mom. I'm your host, Laura Ollinger, teen and parent wellbeing coach and founder of Positively Healthy Coaching. And today I'm so excited to introduce you to Katie Kimball of Raising Healthy Families.
00:01:10
Speaker
She helps change kids' relationship to food, both through work in the kitchen and helping parents of picky eaters. She's a former teacher, two-time TEDx speaker, which I'm really excited to hear about that, writer and mom of four kids and creator of kids cook real food course, teens cook real food course, and some really cool virtual summer camps and lots of blogs for kitchen stewardship. She's on a mission to connect families around healthy food, teach every child can cook and instill all those important life skills. Love that word life skills. So important so Katie, welcome to the podcast.
00:01:46
Speaker
Thank you so much. I have got to work on reducing the words in that bio because I just I'm I'm like the idea person. Right. So I'm like, let's do this. Let's do this. it And then my bio just kept getting longer. So, yeah. Well, that's a good thing. OK, that's a good problem to have. Right. yeah Lots of experience, lots of ideas. I love the creativity in it. So I was like, what is your how did you develop this passion around kids cooking and kids in the kitchen and and kids and teenagers and developing these life skills?
From Teaching to Nutrition Advocacy
00:02:14
Speaker
Well, I think, I mean, I was born with the heart of a teacher. That's what I went to school for. And then I only taught in a classroom two years before I went home to have my kids. I knew I couldn't do both well with my perfectionist tendencies. And then, you know, having a baby is a wake-up call. I think for a lot of moms, we're like, oh my gosh, food matters. What? So for me, that was that was my sort of beginning of my conversion to digging deeply into research on nutrition and food and quality and stuff like that. and And so my teacher brain was always going, like, how can I help other moms not hit all the stumbling blocks I hit? How can I help them not burn the biscuits, you know, and like, and figure out how to wade through this research that's constantly changing and so controversial. And so that was that was the beginning of my life online was actually helping the moms. balance their budget, their nutrition, their time, and care for the environment.
00:03:08
Speaker
And I started hearing really similar stories from a lot of people in my community. They'd say, Katie, I really want to cook healthy, but my mom never taught me to cook. So I'm like, i don't it's not about cooking healthy. even know how to cook at all. yeah So that was where I realized, like, gosh, if we aren't comfortable in the kitchen as the mom generation, we're certainly not teaching our kids. right And in 20, 25 years, the kids are going to be going, oh, I wish I could be healthy, but my mom never taught me to cook, you know? And so for me, that just felt like a calling to step into that gap as a teacher and a mom. And like, how can I not only make healthy eating easier for moms, but also like the whole family unit? as a team and get kids into the kitchen. And then it's, I mean, it's just, as we talked about, my bio is kind of full now. It's snowballed from there into this massive passion because it started out really practical. Like, wow, kids really need to know how to cook so that they can nourish themselves, so they can help around the house, yada, yada. But the more I worked with thousands of families, the more I realized that the confidence, the resilience, the creativity, like I i could go on listing words forever. There's so many benefits to cooking. And so now I'm like super cheerleader that this is like not only a life skill to teach, but the most important life skill.
00:04:20
Speaker
Wow, I love it. And what a great time of year. Also, we're starting off January 2026, recording this podcast, and it's always a time for renewal. I'm not a big, like, resolutions or whatever, because we all know those fail. right um But it's more setting yourself up for success, setting an intention, you know, kind of just getting comfortable with something that you're maybe not comfortable with, and kind of like more easing your way into that.
00:04:44
Speaker
So what are like, let's start this off with like, how can we we get the moms and the kids and the teens more comfortable with this idea. Like where do we start with this topic?
00:04:56
Speaker
Well, I just, I mean, I've spent the last six months putting together a massive new course.
Creating Cooking Courses for Teens
00:05:01
Speaker
So it was 10 years ago this month that I released Kids Cook Real Food. So I've been teaching kids to cook for a long time. And it's so it's so thrilling to me right now that I now get to move on to teens, which I thought, Laura, I got to tell you, I thought it would be like, oh, I'm going to kind of teach the same basic skills, but up-leveled a little bit and like cooler and edgier, right? yeah yeah Turns out it's like four times as big.
00:05:26
Speaker
Wow. Okay. It's huge because i I kept thinking, what would a young adult in his or her first apartment need to know? and And there was just more and more and more. And then it's like, oh, I got to do grocery shopping and meal planning. um So it's been...
00:05:42
Speaker
It's been a huge six months for me understanding like what a parent of a teen might need to do first. Right. And so I think I always talk to my community about the gradual release of responsibility that from the time they're born to the time they leave our house and a little bit further. Sometimes we're we're consistently releasing a little bit more responsibility from our purview into theirs. And so when they're teens, that process really amps up. It's that hockey stick graft. You know, we we're really letting them do so much more. So how do we get them? Oh, my gosh. How do we get them interested in being in the kitchen when they're a little surly and a little bristly? And I think the first step has got to be to figure out what is their motivation going to be?
00:06:23
Speaker
So what is your teen love? Are they in drama? Are they in band? Are they an academic, you know, science geek? Are they in the sports? and And figuring out what is going to be the hook. So if they're into sports, then you've got to talk about fueling your body. And if you want to fuel your body well, what does that mean? And what kind of research can you do? And, you know, if you want to fuel your body well, you're going to have to have skills in the kitchen because when you leave home, I'm not following. I'm not going with you, kiddo. You know, right? I'm not cooking your meals. And it's really expensive to buy pre-made healthy food. Yeah. Which it is. So if you're, you know, you're going to have but not an infinite income, especially as a young person. So like that would be the athletic bent for a science geek You can totally like I'm kind of a science geek myself. And so I love digging into the science of how food works, not only in our bodies, but how cooking works and why we get round crispy bits and The difference between like wet heat and dry heat. it's I mean, I totally science geek out in teens cook real food. But I think that's that's the parent's question is looking at your teen or, different you know, each one of them is different if you have multiple and thinking what would be
00:07:30
Speaker
their own motivational hook and figuring out how to have some conversations to attempt to toss the ball to them and give them some ownership of their health and their cooking and see if we can like reel them in like we're fishing because it's probably not going to work to be like Hey, guys, what do you think? Should we, like, start learning to cook tomorrow? i Yeah.
00:07:51
Speaker
That works great when they're five. Right, right. Not when they're 15. Exactly. Yeah. All the eye rolls and the, Mom, what are you talking about? Why? That's weird. That's cringy. All the things. Yeah. Yeah. Mm hmm.
00:08:03
Speaker
Okay, well, great. Okay, so just kind of like the idea of hopping into their strengths, kind of like hooking them in getting the interest going. And so what would be the next step? Like, is it?
00:08:13
Speaker
yeah Yeah, like, where do we go from
Motivating Teens to Cook
00:08:15
Speaker
here? I don't even want to fill in any words. I want you to kind of like tell us like, what's the next step? Yeah. Well, it's so hard to answer because the hooks are all going to be different, right? But I think the next step for any parent, I know our brains are so full, our schedules are so full. And so there's always psychological roadblocks.
00:08:32
Speaker
So really, the first step is to get the teen somewhat interested, even if it's 1%. And the second step is to get rid of your own roadblocks, that this will be too hard. It's too big of a task. They're going to be messy. You're going to have to nag them. You know what i mean? Like, we just need to figure out how to break this down into something really small. So I would not say...
00:08:50
Speaker
Ask your teenager to make dinner. like Some people do that. yeah And it's cute and it's sweet, but it's huge. And so I would say let's figure out one skill or one task or one piece of a meal that maybe you can try to pass on to them. And again, that what that piece is, is going to kind of depend on their hook. I often say the best best time to create a snowball effect of motivation is if a teen can cook for someone else outside their immediate family. Because they no longer care what you think as the parent, right?
00:09:22
Speaker
But to get to receive authentic praise from other adults or peers is gold. So if you can find a time where maybe the grandparents are coming over, that's kind of a soft one. Maybe their friends are coming over. Maybe you're going to a party or potluck and you need to take some food. Okay. So if you can get your teen involved in that and then somehow let it be known that That they were involved in it without being overt like, oh, guess who made the food? Like, that's why I tell the parents of kids. Not the same for teens.
00:09:52
Speaker
and they can And they can see people. Like, you know, either people who are eating don't have to say, holy good job, Billy. We're so glad you made this meal, you know. Yeah. They just enjoy it. Like, it's a pleasure, you know? And so for a teen to then see that, it's this immediate positive feedback loop.
00:10:08
Speaker
And ideally, it would motivate them to hopefully come back and learn new skills. So get over it. You have to get over your own psychological roadblocks once you get their motivating hook. And then figure out what's like one small task or one small recipe that they can learn to make preferably to serve others.
Teaching Intuitive Eating
00:10:26
Speaker
And then that, this hopefully, ideally, right? Cringers crossed, the snowball will begin.
00:10:31
Speaker
Okay. Well, that's such a great idea. And I had never even, would never have thought of that, like that cooking for outside of the family or for guests or anybody to get, like you're saying that praise and like, that's that positive reinforcement and probably some dopamine pumping in the rain there and that excitement. And and then that's that really just pride. And that's that intrinsic motivation that then helps them want to do it again or do it more and kind of get more into it. So My next question is, how do you, and I think it might depend on the kid, like you said, with the personalities, but how do you encourage the health part of it, like the health um and nutrition part of it?
00:11:07
Speaker
Yeah, it's, oh man, it's so important because I know, especially like if you are a mom for whom nutrition is important, you're you're probably in worry stage. If they're in high school, you're thinking, oh my goodness, like high schoolers eat, horrible food and they're just going to leave home. They're going to forget what vegetables even look like when I'm not putting them on the table. You know, it can be very stressful. And so I'm a huge fan. I work with a lot of parents of picky eaters and I always tell them that the greatest gift we can give our kids is to teach them to listen to their bodies.
00:11:37
Speaker
And I was raised in the 80s and ninety s In some ways, we were taught to break our communication with our bodies, right? We were taught to eat beyond fullness, clean your plate. There are starving children in Africa, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. We've all had that.
00:11:49
Speaker
You know, and and and yet especially now, like there's food everywhere. So we really are are taught and trained, not with verbal words, but by our environment. We're trained to eat when we see food.
00:12:00
Speaker
Instead of eating when we're hungry. And so I think helping your teens to understand what their feelings of hunger and satiety feel like is huge. That really should start earlier. But if you have teens, it's never too late.
Handling Picky Eaters
00:12:13
Speaker
yeah But also just to listen to how food makes their body feel.
00:12:17
Speaker
So that would be a question for your parenting toolbox is, you know, how did that meal make you feel? Open-ended and just let them break it down if they're willing out loud or even at least you've planted the seed by asking the question because sometimes food makes us feel really heavy and slow and clunky, you know, sometimes food makes us feel energized.
00:12:36
Speaker
There are probably tons of teenagers, tons of adults walking around with undiagnosed food sensitivities. right because Because we're not listening to really how this food makes our body feel. And so what a great gift, right? If they can start to listen, even if they seem like they don't care as teens, they have that foundation And that question, your voice in their head consistently saying, how did that food make you feel? Or how do you how do you want to eat for how you want to feel would be the pre-dinner question, you know? um
00:13:07
Speaker
And at least when they're in their 20s, standing in the grocery store, maybe your voice will be in their head saying that. Right. Right. Wow. This is all such great stuff. and i I love getting that mind-body connection going and like really feeling into that.
00:13:22
Speaker
So next question is, and I'm thinking of my own kids where, you know, they all have kind of different palates and... They go through these phases and my kids are all pretty healthy. Like they all love to work out. They're all in sports. But like, let's just say one of them or no, two of them, I would call like the pickier ones. And any each time I say ah what they say, what's for dinner? And I say this, they're like, ew, gross or whatever.
00:13:47
Speaker
and But the problem is, it's like, well, what do you want? And they they never know what they want. They know what they don't want, which is basically everything. Yeah. they don't know what they do want. And so it's funny because I actually just sent my um two of my kids to the grocery store out of school still for the holiday break. And I just sent to them to the grocery store. I'm like, here's my credit card. Go. We need we needed food. I'm like, go for it. So I'll be interested to see what they bring home. And I trust them, you know, to a pretty strong extent. I'm sure there'll be some little treats in there for sure. Yeah. How do you address those picky eating kids? Because, you know, it's not just the little ones like the toddlers and all that. It's funny because they were actually better as younger children eating their broccoli, raw vegetables, all the thing. And now it's like there's something funny that happens when they're teenagers where it's not that they're anti vegetable. It's just that they're just picky. What is that? Yeah.
00:14:36
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, it makes sense. Toddlers and teenagers run along the same lines as far as their brains are developing so quickly. And they're in that developmental stage of life where they're figuring out their boundaries again, right? They're figuring out where mom and dad's power stops and where their power can start. And as teens, they're really trying to push. And so one of the pushes could be like, mom made the food. i don't like it. Like, like it might not even be physiological. It could be psychological. um And also, they're probably exposed to a lot more highly palatable ultra-processed foods, which can kind of dull our senses in a way, where we get used to that that zip of flavor and dopamine. And then we're like, oh, vegetables are kind of boring, right? Yeah. the answer
00:15:17
Speaker
Laura, is that exposure is golden and okay the end agency is golden. So those are the two things we want to give our teens when it comes to food. We need to get them exposed to foods at a lot of different stages. Sending your teens to the grocery store is brilliant because they have to pick up that food and put it in the cart. And especially if it's produce, they're getting some actual like physical exposure with their skin. We want our kids to be, our teens to be washing food. Oh, you don't like cauliflower? That's okay. Scrub this cauliflower, It doesn't matter. They don't have to eat it for the exposure to count. They can cut up the cauliflower. Okay. So any exposure to a food, whether it's tactile, um olfactory, through smelling or tasting, counts. And it can help them sort of become friends with that food, almost like an inoculation. So that's super golden, which just means pulling them to get them involved in the kitchen. And then having some agency is huge. Obviously, it's what all our teens want. They want choice. They want control of their environment. And so let's say let's say you you figure out like, okay, I think my first step, my first thing that I want my teen to do in the kitchen is just be in charge of like a side vegetable.
00:16:25
Speaker
Right. I'm going to make the main course. and We're just going to say, what should the side vegetable be? Because first of all, we don't want to give or even our teens like complete wide, expansive choices. what What do you want to eat? It's so common. Like you just said it. And it's our gut reaction. It's our knee jerk. Right. Like i want you don't want to eat what I made. What do you want to eat? But yeah that's like too big of a slate for them to choose. So you can say, you know, go check the freezer, see what frozen vegetables we have or fresh vegetables, where you know, however your family structure is.
00:16:51
Speaker
and And I would love you to choose one for tomorrow's dinner. Or two or make a mixture. Right. And ideally, this is paired with some actual teaching. So like when I teach in Teens Cook Real Food, we teach how to saute, sweat, roast, um ah air fry. Like we teach all these different methods for making your vegetables.
00:17:11
Speaker
And then we teach some lessons on flavor and how you can layer in the flavor, how you can, you know, sniff all of your herbs and spices and see like what goes together. So I just actually yesterday read a and fantastic story from one of our 50 testing families because I'm crazy. I ran the course through 50 families. I had like 2,700 pieces of feedback. um And she lives in Texas too. And she said, this was amazing. My picky teen chose some spices. And I want to say it was like turmeric, paprika, and cinnamon.
00:17:40
Speaker
Which is unique. Yeah. Very kind of Middle Eastern almost. Yeah. And then the then the picky teen chose to use like his blend of spices on a chicken stir fry, I believe. She was like, i can't even believe it. Like, not only did we like it, even though it was a little unique, but he liked it and he ate it. And it's that control piece, I think, you know, where you're like, i have smelled the spices. i have made the choices.
00:18:04
Speaker
have added these to my food. You also get inoculation. You're like smelling while you're cooking. And what this actually does, which is a bummer for the adults, but it's great for picky eaters, is it dulls your senses a little bit. So it's almost like you've been, you know how when you go to a restaurant and like the first bites of food are just delectable, you're like, I could eat this all night.
00:18:22
Speaker
yeah Thank goodness that feeling doesn't last forever. All the way through where we would all eat like we'd overeat way too much. Right. So we are designed that our senses get dulled as the meal goes on as we're eating the same thing. And so that kind of begins when you're the cook.
00:18:37
Speaker
Again, bummer for us. That's probably what we love when other people cook for us so much. Yeah. but it's great for our preferenced eaters because they're already sort of going down that decline and if they're especially if their senses are running a little high which is often the case for piggy eaters or like they taste things like too vibrantly and then it can be it can overkill their senses so smelling out while they're cooking
00:19:01
Speaker
They're also
Cooking as Confidence Building
00:19:02
Speaker
engaged. And so, you know, as humans, we like to close our loops. We like to finish what we start. All of those things while they're cooking can can put forth hope, I guess, more hope that then they will eat and enjoy what they've made. It's I mean, it's almost like a magic potion. Like it doesn't work every time, but I feel like like witches and wizards, like putting all these little exposure and agency into the cauldron, like stir it up and out comes a great eater.
00:19:27
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. One of my other I'm going personal now on my real family because, you know, I assume it applies to other of people. I like to when I cook and big quantities of things, I'll always often put things either for leftovers for, you know, the next day or two or in the freezer. Yeah.
00:19:43
Speaker
One of my children cannot stand it when something comes out of the freezer. They're like, that's gross. It's been in there. And I'm like, why? It's the same thing we already ate before. But it just bothers her that it was previously frozen.
00:19:56
Speaker
Do you have any tips for that? That is really interesting. And I love that your podcast is now a counseling session. This is I do that as well with my guests. I'm like, let's just talk about my life. Yeah, um that's fascinating. i so I still think probably exposure and agency are the answers. So let's say she has cooked something. And then you're like, oh, man, we're going on vacation and we can't finish these leftovers or whatever. Like if it's something that she has some ownership and investment in and then it goes into the freezer and comes back out. I think that would be like one piece of the puzzle. Yeah. Helping her understand like it's really not that different. Right. But I do. I think sometimes as as adults and as grownups, we see things from a very pragmatic level like. Right.
00:20:35
Speaker
Food. It's the same food. But kids and teens are going to interact with their world a little differently. So to give your daughter credit. Sometimes the texture really does change when things come out of the freezer. so I think that's that's something to be really aware of, that she's not actually just, you know, having a psychosis. She's a normal human.
00:20:55
Speaker
and And so that's where conversation about texture is key. and And this is, again, for like all eating and all cooking. It's fascinating to take, let's say, a head of broccoli or a stalk of asparagus. And if you saute it in bacon grease,
00:21:09
Speaker
Versus if you steam it. Versus if you steam it twice as long and it gets, you know what i mean like oversteamed. Yeah, real It's falling apart, right? Yeah. Versus if you roast it. Mm-hmm. Those are all incredibly different, like, sensory sensations in your mouth, aren't they?
00:21:24
Speaker
Mm-hmm. And so this is these are wonderful conversations and experiences for kids and teens to have because then, you know, if they say, I don't like broccoli, right? it's an immediate like, oh, really? Like what? Broccoli cooked how?
00:21:36
Speaker
a Because now, they're the i don't like broccoli. You know, there's like 12 different kinds of broccoli. So now you need, as the teen, you need to prove your point that I've tried, you know, all these different preparations and all these different seasonings and all these different sauces. So I think that's also what what learning to cook can do and like playing with things. um we had a We had actually a guest chef, which was so much fun. We went spent a whole day at his cafe. So he taught like flavor, the role of acid and sauces and herbs and spices and stuff. And so when you build that foundation of knowledge for your teens, now they're not going to look at broccoli as broccoli.
00:22:17
Speaker
They're going to look at it as potential. And they have these like dozen different ways that they can make it theirs. And that's the ownership piece, which is so powerful.
00:22:28
Speaker
I love that because it's such a coaching question. It's like for me, when I work with clients, it's usually like, nobody likes me. i don't have any friends. I'm so stressed out. I can't do this big assignment. It's like these big kind of catastrophic statements. um They're very extreme. It's very black or white.
00:22:44
Speaker
And I'm like, really? Nobody likes you? Like not even your best friend, not even your teacher, not even your mom, not even. And then they're like, oh, well, actually, No, that person. Oh, yeah. Oh, wait. And then all of a sudden it's like we have 10 people that like, you know what i mean? And so it's like just taking these big statements and like what you're saying. I love that idea because then they have to kind of prove it. It's like, can you prove this in a court of law? No, I can't prove that. You know what I mean? So right you're dismantling their statement of truth.
00:23:09
Speaker
Yes. Oh, my gosh. i This is so great. um The last part it for me that still feels stuck is just I know as a mom, you I do. And and i I know I'm not the only one who the exhausted question is, what are we go to have? Right. Like that's the like, what are we going to have for Right. and And then there is this just kind of i enjoy cooking, but it's like the work to figure it out, that mental load, this going to the store cooking.
00:23:38
Speaker
preparing and then the cleanup. It's all the stuff that's not the fun stuff, it feels like. You know, if you just walked into a professional cooking set and everything's already pre-diced for you, yeah, that's for me. And then somebody's cleaning up after you and they've already decided, right? And so how do you just address that with families in general, like getting over those big hunts?
00:23:55
Speaker
I mean, family teams and shared responsibility can really lighten that mental load. I'm going to I'm going paint a picture of the end game. OK, listeners, remember, don't compare your beginning or your middle to my end. But because I've been teaching my kids to cook for 10 years, I've got 20 year old, a 17 year old and a 14 year old who all make one meal a week completely independently. And so that only leaves me with four.
00:24:20
Speaker
um Like reduce mental load. That's amazing, right? Yeah. So there is an investment of work on the front end. okay But the the goal is that you don't have to do it all. It's so nice. And we also have a strong rule in our family that if you cook, you don't have to clean up.
00:24:37
Speaker
regardless of whether you're the parent or the child. So no one who could, the everyone if you're the cook, man, your feet are up at the end of the meal wow and the rest of you know the rest of the family cleans up. um And I think that's also instilling a heart of service in my kids, which is really important for me, you know, that we're all contributing to this meal. There's there's a cook or maybe there's two cooks and then everyone else is is going to clean up and take that load from the cook. So that's, any anytime you can teach your kids a task,
00:25:07
Speaker
It feels like a little higher on your mental load at first, but the goal, just like investing money, is that it's a lower, there's an ah ROI, there's a lower mental load at the end. Plus, it's so much better for them.
00:25:18
Speaker
Like, not only are we building future adults, right? Like, you you you and I, we both want to launch our kids into the world, like, able to fend for themselves and feed themselves. Of course. Right. Absolutely. Yeah. um But there's so many benefits, too, to the teens cooking now. We talk about mental health and reducing anxiety and increasing resilience. Like and things are going to go wrong in the kitchen and they're going to have to learn how to deal with, you know, the pizza that slid off their tray into the bottom of the oven. True story for my kids. um What to do if you forgot to thaw the meat? What what happens if you burn something?
00:25:50
Speaker
pivot and figure out a new side dish. It's um the the kitchen is such a low pressure, generally low pressure, low key environment to make mistakes, mess up and learn from failure. And that's what we want for our kids.
00:26:03
Speaker
I'm sure you do that in your coaching. Like, how can we learn from failure? Like, this is the arena to practice. I love it. That was the word I was going to say arena because so many times you hear how sports is like the perfect way to like practice life and and or games and like how you play a game is how you do life and all the things. But I've never heard this concept. And so it's really I'm excited about it. Like the kitchen is this arena to get just build these skills and develop these kind of emotional regulation, which is something I you know work with kids a lot on and parents as well. And so the last piece that is I found myself needing to do was that boundary of the cleaning up. So my kids are great. They will go cook themselves you know breakfast or or lunch. They'll go make whatever.
00:26:46
Speaker
But then I find they leave it out. It's just out. And so I had to challenge myself with, you know, my son sitting comfortably on the couch watching a football game. And so it's like, you don't want to just walk in there and be like, hey, you didn't clean up or hey, you left a mess, right? Like that kind of like barky order controlling kind of behavior. And so I thought, okay, this is my challenge to how do I phrase this question so that it's effective um and empowering to him. And so I can't remember my exact words, but it was something like, hey,
00:27:15
Speaker
How could I help you build the habit of remembering to clean up after yourself? Did it work? He laughed. First of all, you laughed when I said um And so he's just like, oh, like he knew, right? Like he knew. He's like, he he realized that he does have this habit of leaving the stuff out. And so it's funny because I know I'm i'm like, I'm here to help. Like, how can I help you build the habit Right. But in reality, I didn't need to help. All I needed to do was ask the question. And yeah and so um I would love to kind of like throw the ball in your court, which is with all this experience you have.
00:27:50
Speaker
What have you learned as far as like using the language to empower and not um push away or control or diminish or anything like that?
00:28:02
Speaker
I think we need a really robust parenting toolbox because, you know, your son left, which was awesome. He's like, oh, yeah, my mom, the coach, yeah she's doing the thing. I have a teenager who would scowl in disgust at that exact phrase, probably. So I think i think that's a wonderful tool, right? It's going to work for some parent and child personality pairs. um For me, I tend to use a little bit of a sarcastic humor as well. I'll say things like, did you bring a tip for your waitress?
00:28:30
Speaker
Or did you bring a tip for your busser? can clear that for you, you know? And they're like, ugh, mom. But they do it. um and that So that's very much my personality coming through. I think also just the the general comment, like,
00:28:44
Speaker
i I see food is out, right? Just walk to the kitchen. I see there's some bread on the counter. Oh, yeah. um Or the milk the milk's going to spoil whoever left it out. It's an observational statement. I hope it goes away. Yeah, where it's not it's not a nag. It's not ah even really personal. It's just a yeah true fact. at This is what I see. and And I do like to talk to you a lot about that family team.
00:29:05
Speaker
Like, listen, I can do this and you can do this and we can all do this. But if I'm doing all of it, it's going to end up causing some downstream problems in the family. I'm probably going to be crankier tonight. We won't have time to watch stranger things together.
Fostering Family Teamwork
00:29:19
Speaker
You know what i mean? Like, yeah it's it's the the basic, like, cause and effect that really we use from the time they're one and up just shifted to a little bit, a little bit more like critical thinking style, I guess, for teens. um And we definitely have some structure. and We have some expectations where everybody eats, everybody cleans, you know, we'll we'll say phrases like that. And so I think part of it is building a family culture that we do clean up after ourselves.
00:29:47
Speaker
Believe me, Laura, this is not perfect. My house is constantly a mess. We're constantly rebuilding the family culture. But it just gives you sort of some phrases that you can say then, like, you know, whoever made the mess, please clean it up kind of thing. And if that's something common it doesn't feel as naggy as long as you don't let that one tone into your voice, which I'm still working on eradicating fully. Yeah, tonality is so important. Yes, yes.
00:30:12
Speaker
Well, a lot of, and I can hear kind of the teacher in you too. So this is like so fantastic because I know... Lots of moms who they don't want to burden their children, right? Like they're, and and that's, that it's true. Like our teenagers are, they're tired. They've had sports, they've had school, they still have homework and they're, you know, on a school night type of thing. Don't want to be like, oh, and by the way, here's one more thing for you to do. Right. But I love the idea just that this has been in and a instilled at a young age.
00:30:40
Speaker
But B, it's not too late, right? And kind of like to start these conversations again, great time of year. If you're listening to this currently or, you know, if you're somewhere in the future listening to this episode, it's never too late, right? Because of the skills you're teaching, not just like kind of those life skills, but also that like you went back to that emotional resilience, that like mental health and well-being as far as like we're a family, we're a team and moms.
00:31:04
Speaker
are notoriously kind of stressed out, burned out, and that we all need to like lift this load together of like being a family and living together and and that it's setting them up for success for their future living and and things like that. So Katie, just any last thoughts that we didn't touch on that you feel like is important for the moms to listen to today?
00:31:21
Speaker
Well, love that you just said future living because so i was just thinking, oh, we talked about the tool of humor and the tool of observation and the tool of family culture and team responsibilities, but I forgot the tool of future casting.
Preparing Teens for Independence
00:31:31
Speaker
Okay. I think especially once your teen is 16 and up, you know, they got their driver, there's they're starting to look toward leaving home. And and we can encourage that. i think that's a good thing because they really do, like developmentally, they need to start to break from us. And it can be aggravating and difficult and painful because sometimes they do that in really painful ways. But as long as they understand that we're okay.
00:31:54
Speaker
with them leaving and make that a topic of conversation. You know, when you're off on your own, um I'll actually tease my kids. I'll say, oh, when you have your own house, I am going to come over and get the milk down to the last tablespoon and put it back in your fridge. And I'm going to laugh so hard. okay so yeah I know I'm so sarcastic. but I love it. I love it.
00:32:14
Speaker
You could say, gosh, you know, when you're off on your own, i really want you to have a lot of skills. So let's think about that. Like, I want you to imagine if this was your house, take a look around. What would you need to do? Right? if When you're an adult, what will you need to do? And um I've actually been having fun lately. I've been collecting all the times I said that in the course. When you're a young adult in your first apartment, you might. Or, you know, when you have your own paychecks, they're not going to be infinite. Like I i took great pride, I guess, and joy in telling these teens, like, let's think about that. Let's think about being in a college dorm or being in your first apartment. Because I kind of want them to imagine so that they prepare well.
00:32:52
Speaker
Right, right. That's definitely something I've ah coached a lot of clients going off to college. And just there, they just had this like big sense of overwhelm or anxiety. And so I literally do exactly what you're saying, but just in more of a life way, breaking it down into, okay, let's come up with a packing list. Okay, let's look at like, we literally I had a client like Google what their dorm room, the layout was going to be like,
00:33:15
Speaker
So they could plan for that because they didn't remember how the where the walls were and how the roommate was going to be and all this stuff. So it's like anytime you can break it down and to have them visualizing, imagining, imagine your best day at college. What's that going to be like? Imagine your worst day at college and you need some support or you need some help or you need some self-care. What's that going to be like? So that way, when they are having a rough day, they're like, oh, yeah, I remember I talked with Coach Laura about this. And so that way they're more prepared. So I love that you're doing this in such a like a very concentrated way, which is so like, as we all know, a pillar of health is is the way we eat and how we fuel our bodies and and just those healthy habits that are a lifetime, lifetime skill. So Katie, this has been amazing. Like, I feel so excited about what you're doing. This is awesome.
Further Resources and Courses
00:33:59
Speaker
So how can people find you?
00:34:01
Speaker
please go to raisinghealthyfamilies.com slash positivelyhealthymom. So that's a special link just for podcast listeners. And it's going to take you to the best parts of Teens Cook Real Food. So if it's closed, you can get on the wait list. You can get some freebies. And if it's open, get the good stuff. You get to join. But i'm I'm really thrilled to just share this with the world. So raisinghealthyfamilies.com slash positivelyhealthymom.
00:34:24
Speaker
Perfect. And I'll make sure that link is everywhere in all the show notes and everything. So Katie, thank you so much for your time. I've really enjoyed this conversation and I'm excited about what you're doing. This is awesome. Thank you, Laura. Now you have to text me about how the grocery trip went. Okay.
00:34:37
Speaker
Oh, I will. I'll let you know what what what came home that was very intelligent or maybe a and not as wise decision, but yes, I'll let you know. but that's So good. All right. Awesome. Thank you.