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Stop the Overwhelm: Practical Strategies for Busy Moms to Reclaim Calm
21 Plays6 hours ago
How can busy moms of teens manage stress and stop feeling overwhelmed?
In this episode of The Positively Healthy Mom, we sit down with Michelle Gauthier, a professional life coach and host of the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast who helps women transition from chaos to intentional living. This episode is a must-listen for high-achieving moms who feel buried by the "mental load" of managing careers, households, and the unique demands of raising teenagers.
Key Conversations in This Episode:- Stress vs. Overwhelm: Understanding why you lose the ability to think clearly when stressors become unmanageable.
- The "Recovering People Pleaser": Why high-achieving women struggle to say no and how to begin setting essential boundaries.
- Over-Functioning for Teens: How stepping back from managing your teenager's life builds their adult competence and restores your identity.
- The Love and Fit Test: A simple two-question framework to decide what earns a spot on your calendar and what stays off.
Why do I feel like I've lost my own identity now that my kids are older? Many moms tie their "enoughness" to helping their children function, often adopting their kids' hobbies and friends’ parents as their own friends. Reclaiming your identity starts with small, daily neuroplasticity exercises—focusing on things you enjoy (a smell, a song, a color) regardless of whether your family likes them.
How do I find "White Space" when my schedule is already packed? Creating white space isn't about finding extra hours; it's about shifting from "doing more" to intentional outsourcing and automation. By automating finances or hiring help for chores like laundry, you create the calm necessary to be truly present when your teen finally steps out of their room to talk at 10:00 PM.
Meet Our Expert:Michelle Gauthier is a professional life coach who helps busy, overwhelmed women create a more calm and intentional life. A former corporate executive and current single mom of two, she walked away from a 20-year career to help hundreds of women navigate home and work life with ease. In her spare time, she enjoys the gym, reading self-improvement books, and watching her kids' sporting events.
Guest Links:
- Website: michellegauthier.com
- Instagram: @michellegauthiercoaching
- Podcast: Overwhelmed Working Woman
- Free Resource: What's Causing Your Overwhelm? Quiz
Connect with Laura:
- Free Webinar: Get Through May Without Losing Your Joy, Your Mind, Or Yourself
- Instagram: @positivelyhealthycoaching
- Rate this podcast!
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Transcript
Introduction and Welcome
00:00:00
Speaker
I have much more time with my kids in the evenings. And as you know about teenagers, you know, sometimes they might be in their room for two straight hours and then they come out at 10 o'clock and want to have a conversation with you or whatever. So I just want to be around. I just want to be hanging around.
00:00:15
Speaker
And so the other thing I do is I outsource just everything that I don't like that doesn't feel like a good use of my time.
00:00:25
Speaker
Hello and welcome to the Positively Healthy Mom podcast. I'm your host, Laura Olinger, teen and young adult wellbeing coach and founder of Positively Healthy Coaching. And today I'm so excited to introduce you to my guest because we have actually known each other for over 30 years, if we're gonna be a little honest about our age. yeah We actually went to the same high school. We were not in the same grade, but Michelle Gothier, Parkway West Longhorn, welcome to the podcast.
00:00:51
Speaker
Thank you so much. It's so great to be here. it Wouldn't it have been funny if we knew back in the day in 2026, I'd be on your podcast? I know. there is i can't even imagine being able to predict that this is what would be happening. what is a podcast? Or what is a life coach? Any of those things.
Coaching Overwhelmed Women
00:01:10
Speaker
All the things. So Michelle, I really want to give you this wonderful introduction because you're so awesome. You're professional life coach who helps busy and overwhelmed women create a more calm and intentional life. I just love the sound of that. And you have a podcast of your own called Overwhelmed Working Women. So I know we're going to have some awesome things to talk about today. So I can't wait to get into it. So Let's start off just with the idea of what you're seeing, kind of the types of clients that you work with as far as like
00:01:42
Speaker
the need to help and coach overwhelmed working women.
Understanding Stress vs. Overwhelm
00:01:46
Speaker
Tell me about that. Yes. Yeah. It's funny. Sometimes just in, you know, social situations or something, I'll say, oh, I'm a life coach and I have a podcast called Overwhelmed Working Woman. And every woman's like, that's me. I feel like the whole world is overwhelmed right now, especially women and even more, especially moms, because we just take on so much things that are seen and unseen. You know, we' we're the ones who are always think of everything, planning everything. as well as managing jobs and all of that. So what I'm really seeing is a lot of women who are feeling stressed and overwhelmed and have gotten to the point where they think, I don't want to do
Managing Time and Avoiding Burnout
00:02:24
Speaker
this anymore.
00:02:24
Speaker
I have everything that I ever worked towards, and it just does not feel good because I'm so stressed and overwhelmed. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, they come to you, they find you and like share about some of the tools that you use with them, because I know like one of the things like what you're saying is,
00:02:43
Speaker
we just take on a lot as moms, like, right? Like we kind of take on all these roles. Like not only are we moms, we're managing things for our kids. You have teenagers. i have teenagers. Even like with teenagers, there's things moms still have to manage with their lives. And then we're, you know, things with the house and things with the family and, you know, all these things. So when they come to you, it's like, what, how are some ways that you can help them?
00:03:07
Speaker
Yes, yeah. Well, the first thing that we talk about is the difference between stress and overwhelm. And the way that I would describe that is that stress is something where there's pressure maybe to get something done. Sometimes I think stress can be good. It feels like, yes, there's this thing I need to do, but it's manageable. And then overwhelm is when there are so many stressors happening at the same time that it becomes unmanageable. And kind of the hallmark of feeling overwhelmed is not being able to think clearly.
00:03:37
Speaker
So here you've got this huge to-do list and all these people who you're taking care of, and then you've lost your ability to even think clearly to say, I'm going to prioritize this thing first, and then I'm going to do that. Because when you're in overwhelm, that's kind of how it feels. So the first thing I like to talk to women about is just that, like, this is why you can't think clearly because you you're completely overwhelmed. So let's start taking that apart. What is one part that we can start working on? And it's different for every client, but I would say if you were to ask me what is one thing or a couple things that I work on with every client, it's usually people pleasing, ah how to say no, ah how to manage their time in a different way, and then how to be the most productive. But I think it all starts. I know you are also a coach, and so there's a lot about mindfulness, but I think a lot of it starts with
00:04:28
Speaker
Looking at the beliefs and the ways that we've been brought up and have been living our life up to this point to see if it still
Setting Boundaries and Recovering Identity
00:04:34
Speaker
serves us. And I find that most women, in fact, I think I can say unequivocally, every woman I know who's not a people pleaser has worked to get there.
00:04:44
Speaker
Yes. back and That's what I call myself, a recovering people pleaser. yes I mean, I don't know if we say pastor, president. Yes. Yeah. You know, like working on that because we finally have acknowledged that that's where we are or were and we get so burned out. And at some point you have to start drawing boundaries because you that's not sustainable to live like that. Exactly. And I think...
00:05:06
Speaker
The reason that people are coming to me at the time that they're coming to me is because they have been doing that their whole life. And I tend to work with people who are achievers and accomplished. And so their only gear that they have or their only strategy that they have when they feel overwhelmed is to do more and, you know, to take care of everyone else. And that just stops working. Like it it gets to the point where it's too much and it's impossible for a person to do it. So we have to really start looking into to The idea of taking care of yourself. And I don't mean like no shade on a pedicure. I don't mean just like getting a pedicure or something like really, truly thinking about what do you want for yourself.
00:05:47
Speaker
I mean, tend to feel pretty uncomfortable with that idea. Well, i what I want for myself comes after my husband and my kids and my boss and my whole team at work has what they need. Then I can think about what I need for myself. Mm-hmm. And you can imagine how much overwhelm that causes, because when you're doing that, if you just think about a calendar, if you're saying yes to everything that everyone's asking you about, your calendar is jam-packed and it's full of things that other people want from you instead of what you want.
00:06:17
Speaker
Yes. And it reminds me of someone I'm working with right now who um I call, in you know, kind of over-functioning as a mom for one of her children. Like one of them is very, very self-sufficient, kind of the classic, you know, firstborn, very responsible one, who also, you know, could end up becoming a people pleaser. But like the younger one is like what I call under-functioning for this kid's age. Yeah.
00:06:42
Speaker
And so it's kind of like getting that awareness like, oh, I'm doing too much for this child or for someone else or for others. And then it's like can be very uncomfortable if that's been the pattern for this, you know, this kid's I think 14 15, 14 to then have a mom like step back and be like, OK, it's all you now. Like it it can be a a little uncomfortable.
00:07:06
Speaker
Because it's not their identity, right? It's not their belief. belief yes And then it's hard because it's like, oh, well, now my kid's going to suffer because they don't know how to function without me. And I'm like, and they're going to not know how to function without you when they're an adult. So like, better do it now. Take those steps back now, right? Yes, absolutely. And we also sort of tie our own enoughness to that, to like, I am enough because I am helping my child function every day. And so if I'm not, or I'm helping them less, then who am I? Like, what's left behind? And even to the point that I will say to the women who I work with, what do you like to do for fun? Or what are some things that you would like to do just for yourself? And I'm not
00:07:52
Speaker
again, like being negative towards them, but they will often say, I don't know. i don't know anymore. I go to my kids' soccer games. I am interested in this thing that my kid does. My friends are my kids' friends' moms, you know, and it's all about like their spouse, their job or their kids. And and they kind of lose their own identity in the process.
Impact of Personal Prioritization
00:08:13
Speaker
Mm-hmm. That's so true. And even even if you think about it in terms of like food, right? Like we're always in, you know, food's a big thing for moms and like, how are we going to serve our family and the grocery list and and making things?
00:08:25
Speaker
We're always like cooking things that we know our kids will like or that our may if we have a spouse, like that our spouse will like. But like, when's the last time you just made a dinner because you like it, right? like Right. Like that doesn't really happen because we don't want to hear the complaints. We don't want to hear the pushback. Yeah. But I think that's just kind of like a metaphor in a way for just kind of everything else is like you lose touch with your own taste for things or your own likes and wants and desires because and and in a way, I don't want to say we're forced to, but in a way, it's like there's pushback in some way from our family if if we have too much focus on that. And so I think like getting that space and getting that clarity
00:09:04
Speaker
is huge. And I remember my very first coach that I had a coach years and years ago who said um same exact thing. and and And I was so out of touch that she said, OK, this is literally your homework assignment every day for 10 minutes. You sit down and you just focus on the things that you like. It could be a taste, a smell, a color. a song. It could be literally anything, but it's the brain activity, like getting that neuroplasticity, getting those, you know, neurons connected of like focusing on myself and focusing on the things that I enjoy and that bring me without like, do my kids like it? Does my husband like it? Does anybody like it? Right. Who cares? It's about you. So it's like, that is huge. Like, I just want to make sure that I'm making, like, I think we're both making this point together that this is huge, like getting that awareness.
00:09:51
Speaker
Yes. And the good news is it can come back. You know, it's a habit. We've gotten in the habit of serving other people and paying attention to their needs over our own. But there was a time in our lives where we didn't do that. And we can get that back and even grow into being able to manage it where it feels really good, where you feel like, I am taking great care of my family because I'm taking great care of myself and I'm enjoying things more and being more present and all of that. So even if someone listening is thinking, i have no idea what I like doing anymore, all hope is lost. It's totally not. It's the first step to solving the problem is just noticing that you're really doing ah probably too much for everybody else.
00:10:33
Speaker
Yes. And this is where it gets fun, because think about the mom who is really in touch with herself, who really does know what she likes and knows what her boundaries are, knows how to say no, isn't doing the people-pleasing stuff.
00:10:46
Speaker
Think about what a good example she's setting for her teenagers or her kids. And, you know, and it doesn't even matter the age, to be honest, but, like, What an amazing example, because we tend to repeat what we know. And so it's like if our moms were people pleasers and doing everything and exhausted and overwhelmed, we end up becoming that. But if we kind of break that cycle, then think about the example. And then our kids grow up and they're not kind of, quote unquote, suffering in the same like world of overwhelm that maybe we were familiar with in our past.
00:11:17
Speaker
Yes, I think that's such a great point. And I feel like women who are around our age, like I don't know about your experience, but I grew up, my dad worked and my mom stayed home and they both worked really hard. And now I'm a single mom and I'm doing what both of my parents did. So I feel like many women in our position are doing the jobs of both of our parents, but we've kept on like the people
Balancing Work and Family
00:11:43
Speaker
pleaser process. part that we may have learned in my case, definitely did learn from my mom. So then what do we do with that as we're also trying to manage owning businesses? You know, there's it's too much. There's too much. Yes. And sometimes it's kind of like the business is almost like another child, right? So it's like you're caring for a lot of people and a lot of things. Yes. Like, when do you get a break? So tell us, like, what is your secret for your life? Because I'm a single as well, raising four teenagers by myself. And it is a lot. I am doing both jobs and both roles. So I think a lot of our listeners today can can learn from you. What is Yeah, yeah. I think, well, it's interesting because I, of course, had to break a lot of old patterns. So the first thing was learning what those were. But when I started my own business, it was around the time that I was also getting divorced. And I previously had a job where I traveled a lot and it was a very high stress corporate kind of job. And I thought, I just can't do this anymore and have these kids on my own. And I decided that I wanted to start my business, which I'd been working on for a while, like I'd been doing coach training and all that stuff. So I started my business and I noticed that I immediately started doing the same work habits that I had done for my whole 20 year career. As soon as my kids would go back to bed, I'd go to my office and I'd do some work. And it was kind of comical because I had like two clients. You know, I just started my business. I didn't even have that much work to do. And I thought, wait, if I want to be successful at this, And I feel like as coaches, it's very important to walk the walk and talk the talk. You know, I can't be like secretly overwhelmed on the side. So I set up a system of rules for myself, boundaries for myself that, you know, I start work around nine. I finish work by four every day.
00:13:28
Speaker
And i don't ever work outside of my office. I used to take my laptop everywhere. I take it to my daughter's horse lessons. I would just throw it in my purse if I was going somewhere so I could like sneak something in. So I have very strong boundaries around my time.
00:13:42
Speaker
And that means that I have much more time with my kids in the evenings. And as you know about teenagers, you know, sometimes they might be in their room for two straight hours and then they come out at 10 o'clock and want to have a conversation with you or whatever. So I just want to be around. I just want to be hanging around. And so the other thing I do is I outsource just everything that I don't like that doesn't feel like a good use of my time. Like I have a laundry service that comes on Tuesday and picks up the dirty clothes, returns it back on Wednesday. I have someone who cleans the house. um i I just hire anywhere possible. And I know
00:14:20
Speaker
people might be thinking like, well, I don't know if I can afford that. The laundry service is not even that expensive. Like before you say I can't outsource that, check, check and see. Or can you like trade with a friend or something?
00:14:35
Speaker
pausing this episode to tell you on April 30th at noon central time, I'm hosting a free webinar for moms called get through May without losing your joy, your mind or yourself.
00:14:46
Speaker
And if that title just hit you somewhere, go save your spot right now at positively healthy coaching.com. If you can't make it live, no worries, sign up anyway in advance and I'll send you the recording.
00:15:00
Speaker
So I really, um I also pick up, there's a health healthy meal kind of place close by. So I will often pick up just like bulk chicken breasts or whatever so that I have plenty of healthy food on hand so I don't always have to cook. So I have lots of like tips and tricks that I do in order to really, i am like very strict on my time, how I spend my time.
00:15:23
Speaker
Yes, i love all those ideas. I love it. And i too started to kind of, if you to call it cheating on food, where I started a a meal service. And I've done some in the past. It's not that I've never done it before.
00:15:37
Speaker
But what I noticed is the overwhelm in myself when I was even trying to choose which one to pick. Yeah. Because you go on and there's different, you know, and I'm gluten-free and I'm picky about certain things. And so i'm like, well, and then I'm like, I walk away I never get back to it for a week or two. And then I'm like, now I'm back at the grocery store and I'm all annoyed about it. i'm like, right. And so it's like carving out the time to even make the decision to have enough brain space in your brain to be able to like say, OK, this is how stepping, you know, two steps back is going to get me 10 steps forward because it's going to end up leaving me so much time in the long run. So I really, too, I get that. I had to work really hard on like, so I have my weekly delivery. I love it.
00:16:18
Speaker
It's amazing. My kids don't love it all the time, but I say, guys, it makes my life so much easier. So yep um that's a huge one. But I love all your other tips as well about the laundry and all these things. to Yes. And you're right. It takes time to research that and get those things set up. yeah So it is important to realize this is going to take me more work for a minute in order to get this thing set up. The other thing I did too was with my finances, it's, you know, to go all through those and set it up and set up a budget. But I now have it where each one of the bills just comes out automatically. I know the date date that it comes out. I can go and I can see them. So I had this task of like going through the mail and paying bills that's just now gone.
00:17:00
Speaker
Like it just, ah it's all automated because I set it up that way. So little things like that um I feel like add up over time where I feel like I am available to drive my kids to practice. I am available if someone wants to talk come out of their room and talk to me at 8 o'clock at night. Yes, yes. I love that. and And so that way, at that time, you can be truly present with your kids, which is serving both you and them because, A, you don't feel like guilty, like, oh, I'm too distracted or busy or tired right now. So it's serving you in that you you know you're being your best self for them And it's serving them because you're giving them your full attention. So yes, exactly. And it's really helpful during the workday too to know, OK, I'm clocking out at 4 o'clock. So I'm sitting at my desk. Like, for example, I don't go out to lunch. Like sometimes my friends, not anymore. Now they now they just know. I tend to have a lot of clients around the lunchtime hour because they think they want to talk to me on their lunch. But if I go out to lunch and take like an hour and a half or two hours of the workday, then I'm not going to be able to get all of the things done that I want to get done if I just work between my work hours. So when I'm working, I'm not kidding around. I go to the gym before that. I come back and I am seriously working and just fully entrenched, which then feels really good when you quit for the day. It's like... okay, I did it. I stayed on task. I knew I had to record a podcast today, whatever. And then I can just close that door and open the door to just being the home mom. Yes. Yes. I love it. You just like lock in and then you can yes can get out. That's it so beautiful.
00:18:34
Speaker
So last kind of topic I want to hit on is you brought to my attention the idea of white space on your calendar. And I've i've talked to other ladies on my podcast about calendaring and calendar coder coding, but I never heard of the word white space. And I was like, whoa, that sounds amazing. That sounds refreshing. Like, I love this concept because then it's like, well, then what do you do if you have white space on your calendar? So tell us, besides gym and hanging out with your kids, like, what do you do with white space?
00:19:04
Speaker
Yeah, that's a great question. First of all, I think you're what do you do with white space on your calendar? I think what a lot of women do is they fill it in. like They try to put something in there. And so just getting comfortable with the idea that you have a calendar that has white space on it can feel uncomfortable sometimes, especially if you're used to being like fully booked at all times, you you know, practices at night for two different kids and all that kind of stuff. So first you have to get used to the idea of having
Creating Intentional White Space
00:19:33
Speaker
white space. And then I just think of that as calendar.
00:19:38
Speaker
time to create the type of life that I really want to have. So for me, the type of life that I want to have is one that does not feel overwhelming, and it feels calm, and it feels fun, and I feel present in it. So when I'm thinking about what's going to go on my calendar, i use this thing called the Love & Fit Test that I teach my clients in order to decide if something's going to go on my calendar or not, because I want to leave that white space open for the possibility of whatever may come during that time. So the way that the love and fit test works is if someone asks you to do something.
00:20:12
Speaker
So, for example, just this week, somebody asked me to do something for my daughter's team. Can you cook a meal or cooks some make some cookies or whatever it was? And so I asked myself two questions. Number one, do I absolutely love this idea? That's the love part of the love and fit test. And then number two is, does this fit into the type of life that I'm trying to create?
00:20:32
Speaker
And the second question is not, does it fit into my calendar? Because when you work to get white space on your calendar, you might be like, oh yeah, there is that white space, but does it fit into the the definition of the life that I'm trying to create? So the first question, do I love this idea? i was like, yeah, actually I do. I really love making cookies and my daughter would be super excited if I made cookies. So yes, I do love it. And does it fit into the type of life that I'm trying to create? Then I had to look and see,
00:20:59
Speaker
How is this week? When exactly am I going to do that? I know it sounds silly, but making cookies is going to take like an hour at least, you know, so I look to see. I'm like, OK, yes, it will still fit into the type of life I'm trying to create where I am available for my kids and I'm not overwhelmed and I'm calm and I'm enjoying life. And so I said yes to it. But if it would have been an absolute no, like if somebody would have said, do you want to go out on Thursday night at eight o'clock and go check out this new band downtown? The answer would have been, I do not love that idea. And that does not fit into the type of life I'm trying to create. Because for me to be not overwhelmed, I want to go to bed at nine o'clock and I want to get a great night's sleep and I want to get up in the morning and go to the gym. So that's an example of where it would be no and no. And if you consistently apply that, then your calendar starts really reflecting what works for
Connecting with Michelle Gothier
00:21:49
Speaker
you.
00:21:49
Speaker
no I love it. Oh my gosh, this is inspiring me so much to look at my calendar and look for my white space and do the love and fit test. ah Michelle, this has been awesome, this conversation. How can the listeners find you?
00:22:03
Speaker
Well, they could listen to my podcast, which is called Overwhelmed Working Woman. I feel like everything we touched on in here, I have an episode about, like an episode about how to plan your week, the love and fit test, all those things. So if you like what I'm saying, you would definitely find more there. And then if someone's interested in doing one-on-one coaching, my website is michellegothier.com.
00:22:23
Speaker
And I've got a couple of things on there. One kind of fun thing is a free quiz where you can find out what's causing your overwhelm. So I took all the things that I've learned from my hundreds of clients at this point and made a quiz to help you see, okay, it's this thing. It's the way I'm managing my time that's making me feel overwhelmed. Or it's because I'm saying yes to to too many things. So that's kind of fun. And it gives you um things that you can do about each one. And then there's a link to set up a free consultation with me if you're interested in doing coaching.
00:22:53
Speaker
Awesome. Well, thank you again. This has been amazing. And I just know the listeners got at least, I i know I got multiple things out of this conversation, so I'm sure they have as well. um All the links will be in the show notes, so they'll be able to find you. And thanks again.
00:23:07
Speaker
Thank you.
00:23:12
Speaker
When you get a chance, please go to the show notes and click on the link ratethispodcast.com slash TPHmom to give my podcast a rating and review.
00:23:23
Speaker
And if this episode resonates with you, be sure to share it with your mom friends who are going through the same things. Be sure to tune in for next week's conversation. Until then, keep up the good work.