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“I’d Choose You Again” : The Words Every Adopted Child Needs to Hear
22 Plays5 days ago
What happens when adoption is celebrated instead of kept secret? Cambria’s story is a moving testimony of openness, healing, and unconditional love. From “gotcha days” to becoming a mother herself, this episode explores the lifelong emotional journey of foster care, adoption and the importance of being fully known and loved.
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Pause and Think' Podcast
00:00:02
Speaker
We all have a story, and at times we feel we're walking it out alone. Let's pause and think. Join us for honest conversations about adoption and parenting as we lament, encourage, give hope, and explore our true identity and worth in Christ.
00:00:23
Speaker
Hi, and welcome to another episode of Pause and Think. My name is Jackie Darby. I am your host today.
Reconnecting with Cambria
00:00:30
Speaker
Unfortunately, Aisha cannot be here with us, but i am here with this very special guest that we have. I know I say that every time that we have a special guest, but really, she's a special guest, especially for me because I'm at Cambria,
00:00:48
Speaker
back when she was in grade school in fifth grade at the Christian school that our kids studied at as well. And i know that Cambria's story is going to touch your life and just bring hope and
Cambria's Adoption Journey from Guatemala
00:01:05
Speaker
encouragement. So welcome, Cambria. Hi, thank you for having me. ah So Cambria, tell our viewers where you're at right now.
00:01:15
Speaker
i am currently in Riverside, California, so I moved up here when I was well to the states back to the states when I was 12 so currently in the states right now. Okay, so we're not going tell all the details about Cambria's story, but um I know Cambria's married now. And so she lives in California because her and her family moved back while she was in in grade school or yeah, grade school. And so Cambria, why don't you go ahead and tell the viewers some of your story?
00:01:50
Speaker
Yeah, so I was born in Guatemala and then was grew up in Guatemala, but when I was three, my parents came down as missionaries, um and they ended up starting the adoption process to adopt me. um It did take a very long time, six years, so during when I was from three to nine years old, I was actually their foster kid. And I was actually able to live with them that whole time. So to me, when I was three, I just felt like, you know, I was part of their family, but we were just doing a lot of paperwork to to finalize that. So...
00:02:26
Speaker
Yeah, finally got finalized when I was nine. And then i was adopted into their family. And then we stayed in Guatemala for a few more years. And then when I was 12, we moved back to the States. And then at 14, we actually went through the re-adoption in the States. And that gave me citizenship and then also changed my name legally from Claudia, which was my birth name, to Cambria.
00:02:51
Speaker
um So yeah, so quick, quick snippet of that. Yeah, so I love your story because your parents were also missionaries. We were all fellow missionaries.
Identity Struggles in a Missionary Family
00:03:03
Speaker
And that's why we're all at CAG because our school was a school to serve the missionary family community. And that's where we met.
00:03:13
Speaker
And your your dad was actually a teacher at the school. He was kid's teacher. Yeah. so that was awesome. And we're just so thankful for all the amazing teachers who served and were able to give our kids a good education as we served on the field.
00:03:29
Speaker
So it's interesting because you came to your parents' house when you were just three years old. And so initially, like you said, they fostered you, correct? Yes. Were they able to talk to you that about foster, that they were your foster family?
00:03:54
Speaker
Or did you know from very little on that that was the intention to adopt you? I think from early on, I knew that was the intention to adopt me. um i never, i I think I was conscious enough to know like at three, because I was in an orphanage at three, that like I went from being around a dorm of 50 girls and having schedules and eating with a bunch of people to then like now I'm in a home with a family. So I was definitely conscious enough to know like, oh, this is a change and this is now like a family for me. And they were always verbal from the beginning, like, you're mine. Like, I never felt like a foster, like, oh, this could be temporary. It was like, no, you are ours, and it's going to be forever.
00:04:40
Speaker
Wow, that's that's incredible because not every foster family can actually tell their child from middle on because you never know which country you're in and just the government legalities if you're going to be able to actually be able to adopt the child. So tell us about your family. Were you brought into the family with other siblings? I know the story, but please tell the listeners your story. So I have, yes, I have three um adopted brother siblings. So I was the only girl coming into the family. um And honestly, wouldn't have it any other way. I loved growing up with my three brothers. i had two, two brothers that were eight and 10 years older than me. And then the one that I'm closest to, he and I are pretty much like six weeks apart in age. So It was just the two of us. He was my best friend growing up from from three years old to you know, so we're still very close. But yeah, so the three brothers and then obviously my two parents.
00:05:39
Speaker
Yeah. And so your parents had three biological kids of their own. Yes. Yes. Okay. And so tell tell the listeners, how did you feel? Because you know unlike my story, I was adopted out of the country and immediately went to the United States, which was not my country of origin. But you were went into a home of missionaries who were from the United States, but you're Guatemalan within the Guatemalan culture. So how did you feel about that?
00:06:17
Speaker
um If being Guatemalan, being raised by the missionary family, it was... hard because I was definitely, it felt for me like I wasn't necessarily like white enough to fit into my, that culture, but I definitely wasn't like Guatemalan enough to feel Guatemalan, especially because I didn't speak Spanish as a little kid. um i had to have definitely learned it through the years, but I was not fluent in Spanish or anything like that. So in school or around
00:06:48
Speaker
just Guatemala, it didn't really necessarily feel like I fit in one way or the other. I was kind of just in the middle where I was like, I can, you know, speak English. I don't have an accent. So I sound more American than I do Guatemalan. But then I struggled with not being able to speak Spanish that well. So it kind of if found I found myself like kind of in the middle a little bit.
00:07:13
Speaker
And I'm sure as a child, it was a little confusing to you um because you were being raised by an American family within your culture of origin, yeah the Guatemalan community. But I know um that in CAG, the school at CAG, there was a lot of other families who had a heart Just like your parents for foster care slash adoption and understood just the need, the great need in this country, because there are so many orphanages in Guatemala and a lot um are run by American missionaries here. So as missionaries, we're very aware of that need for vulnerable kids within the orphanage system here. But you told me prior to our conversation today about all the different families at the school that
00:08:11
Speaker
also were kind of in the same situation as as you, that they were American missionaries, but also were in the process of adoption. So how did that affect you? How how did that make you feel knowing that there were other families that were walking through the same as you?
00:08:30
Speaker
if It helped me a lot because it felt very normal to be adopted. It wasn't ah something that was taboo. It was very like, you know, everybody around us had an adopted sibling. um So it wasn't something out of the ordinary. It made me feel not weird in any sense.
00:08:50
Speaker
Just felt like another family that had an adopted kid. It was it made me feel, yeah, ah like a lot more normal. Yeah. That's awesome. and I love that you explained it, you know, it wasn't taboo, because oftentimes in Latin America, we find that that adoption is being hidden, or it's secretive, that there's some sort of shame um in the word adoption. And often, sadly, it's been hidden from the child that they are adopted for whatever reason. It was hidden from them. And some kids don't find out until their 20s and 30s that they're even adopted. So I love the fact that you explained it, that it wasn't taboo. There was no shame.
00:09:38
Speaker
And the fact that you were in school with other families that were just like your family in the process of adoption, that it was very normal for you. And I think, as you were saying, that that really helped you in the whole process of adoption and and accepting adoption. Like it
Transition to the U.S. and Cultural Shifts
00:09:59
Speaker
was just normal, like you said, it was normal. And you weren't the only family who who was going through that situation. So I love that. I love that your parents were so open and honest and created that community for you. yeah Correct?
00:10:18
Speaker
Yeah. That's awesome. And so now that brings us to the time um when your parents felt called back to the United States and you were transitioning from Guatemala to the United States. So go ahead and share about that time.
00:10:38
Speaker
Yeah, so we moved back to the States when I was 12. So I was going into seventh grade, which is not a fun time to move. um And it was, i really hated it for about a year. I was, ah was i had never, I mean, we'd only been in the States on summer vacations. And maybe, i think the most we had stayed up here was maybe three weeks at a time. So it was completely,
00:11:05
Speaker
foreign, completely new to me in terms of like living in this place. um And just the community and everything like that was losing all of that. um In Guatemala, we had a really tight knit neighborhood community. um so just going from all of that to moving to the States to a new new place that I had never really lived before, um new school systems. I started going to like a public, so it was a public charter school. So not anything like the small little Christian school that we had gone to. um
00:11:40
Speaker
So it was a lot of change and I was not a fan. Yeah. yeah So tell us, Cambria, how possibly your adoption played into the whole identity and worth um and just your feelings. Did your adoption play into the fact of just that whole unsettled transition?
00:12:08
Speaker
I think so, yeah. I think one thing that didn't necessarily help is my name still hadn't been changed legally. It was still Claudia. um And i did though I did have my family's last name from being adopted in Guatemala, my first and middle name hadn't changed yet. And so moving to the States, um I went by Cambria.
00:12:30
Speaker
but In all my paperwork and all my class documents and stuff, everything was Claudia. So when a teacher would take role, they would take role as Claudia. And I'd have to explain to them that I actually went by Cambria. um And they would give me very confused looks because Cambria and Claudia don't really have anything similar, not any type of nickname or anything like that.
00:12:52
Speaker
um And then it kind of was, a oh, well, I'm adopted, but it my my name's not changed yet. um But it was... It wasn't very common to have it people around me that were adopted. So when I moved back to the States, it was definitely a weird... um I felt more um like, not like necessarily like an outcast, but definitely more like just different than everybody because of that. So that didn't really help just because I had already but moved to a new place that I wasn't familiar with, a new culture that I was getting used to. And then also having to feel like I had to explain that every time didn't help either. um
00:13:35
Speaker
So I feel like that really helped, like struggled with my identity, I guess, in a sense. um Just not really knowing. I was like, i am this person, but I still have the name of of another person that I don't really, not familiar with, you know, but working towards the new name and everything like that. Yeah. Yeah.
00:13:55
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. And having to explain every time that came up about your name, yeah just brings you back into why you had to explain for the fact that you were adopted. And so that can be very awkward and uncomfortable for us to have to explain why we have a different name or why we are how we are. And even though, you know, we talked previously, you're in Southern California, um,
00:14:24
Speaker
near mexico So it's not that there weren't other Latinas children or Latinos near you or in your school system. It was just the whole cultural change, the um neighborhood change, the community change, you lost everything.
00:14:43
Speaker
several families, friends that were the same as you. So it really kind of set you apart again, which brought up the adoption. But what, tell us what your parents did throughout that process from the time you were three. Yeah.
00:15:03
Speaker
I know you shared with me how they always used to tell you some things that just
Adoption Celebrations and Belonging
00:15:09
Speaker
reinforced. And so I don't want to, I don't want put the words in your mouth, but go ahead and share.
00:15:15
Speaker
Yeah, I think it was just it was always known to me that um I was adopted and it was something that was celebrated. We celebrated my gotcha day every year, whether that was just like a little outing or a little cake or something, just celebrating the day that I came into the family. And what a blessing i have been to the family, but what a blessing they have also been back to me. Um, so just celebrating gotcha day and then, um, just always being open and honest about the conversation. It was never anything that was like secretive. And then at the same time, like I have a tattoo on my forearm
00:15:51
Speaker
of words that both my mom and my dad have told me um but it's in my mom's handwriting and it says and i choose you in a hundred lifetimes in a hundred worlds in any version of reality i'd find you and i'd choose you and it was just another thing that they reiterated of like we get we got to choose you and god chose you for us as well um and so it was just Reiteration again of just how loved and how chosen I am being in that family. And that just helped a lot because it never really felt like I never felt like it was a burden to them. Sometimes I did feel bad that like they paused their life for so many years because to to go through the adoption. um
00:16:39
Speaker
But reminded again that it was a choice for them and they would choose it again and and again, regardless of how long it took. I love that. and there's so many things that you said that were really important. One that I want to bring out that your parents were very honest all the time with you. It was not a hidden secret like we've talked about, but they were very honest and there was not no shame in it. They expressed, you know, how they chose you, how God chose you. you
00:17:14
Speaker
we know that our words can bring life or death to somebody. And the fact that they can constantly, they were consistent in speaking that over you and letting you know through their, their words that you belonged, we chose you. we you know, this just didn't happen that we chose you. But more importantly, that God chose you. And I believe that, those words that they constantly, consistently spoke into your life brought life to you and helped you through that that difficult time. So that's that's really encouraging. that' I hope parents who are listening can hear how important that is as parents to just constantly be speaking those words over your child's life and to your child and letting them know how chosen they are.
00:18:08
Speaker
That's beautiful. So I know that you received, according to your Facebook, one of the most special Christmas presents last December. So tell our viewers about this wonderful Christmas present.
Motherhood and Connection to Birth Mother
00:18:25
Speaker
Yes, as you can see in the room that I'm in, um i had a little baby boy on Christmas Day, and he's just been perfect. He's five months old and five days, and yeah, it's just been such a blessing to have my own baby.
00:18:43
Speaker
Well, congratulations, first of all, to you and your husband. That's so exciting. makes me feel old because, you know, you were just in fifth grade when we really started our little relationship. And now you're married and you're a mom. So I'm just, I'm amazed at just what a beautiful woman that you're evolving into and that you're able to sit here and share your adoption story and not just share your story, but now you have a baby And we talked about how just the emotions that are involved in be becoming a first-time mom and just how...
00:19:27
Speaker
God gave us the opportunity to birth our own child. And we talked about how it kind of stirred up some emotions in both of us when we carried our babies, when we birthed our babies. So go ahead and share with our viewers about some of the emotions that you that you started dealing with.
00:19:50
Speaker
Yeah, um it definitely made me think about my birth mom a lot more. um Just thinking about all the milestones that she also went through with me and like through pregnancy, you know, when I first started feeling my culture kick in my stomach and when he started moving more and just little things like that where had thought about my birth mom a lot more in terms of like, oh, like she felt me and like I was that baby for her, you know, and then going through birth and experiencing that and, you know, just remembering her and just thinking about you know, her going through all these things with me. And then just, it brought up a lot of like curiosity, a lot more questions of like, oh, I really wonder what happened to then get to the point where she no longer had me anymore. Whether, you know, just, it could be so many what if, or like, you know, wonder if this was it, if that was it, so many scenarios. um
00:20:50
Speaker
But yeah, it definitely made me think about her a lot more, which in the past it wasn't, I never really thought about them or her ah too much. But yeah, definitely going through caring Coulter and birthing him and having him and just knowing that I was that for somebody else. And then for whatever so reason and situation, she no longer got to care for me anymore. it um yeah definitely brought up a lot of emotions of of sadness for her. and then also just kind of more
00:21:25
Speaker
curiosity questions of kind of wonder what happened. Yeah. yeah So what you're saying is that you still don't know the details of your story and why you were actually given up or put into the orphanage system.
Contentment with Adopted Family
00:21:45
Speaker
Yeah. Which for us, you know, there's a lot of question marks and we will probably maybe never know the answers to some of those questions. yeah And But knowing you and knowing where your life's at and just the peace that you have, despite the fact that you don't have the answers to those questions, what what brings that peace into your life?
00:22:13
Speaker
um I think just having the adopted family that I have, like, and knowing the, like, having the relationships that I have with my brothers and with my my parents, um it almost makes me not want to have anything else because that is just, like, I just love that, what I have so much that sometimes when I think about the possibility of, like, going down the route of, moon maybe figuring things out, it just...
00:22:40
Speaker
I honestly just don't really have much desire to go to to figure that out because where I'm at right now is I'm just, I'm so content with the family that I have, the family that I've built and the baby that I have. um I just, I don't think that I'd want it any other way. And I know I'm just so thankful that God has been so big in my life and has been such a, you know, has just put all these blessings there that there's not a a want for anything.
00:23:14
Speaker
different, I guess. Yeah. So would you say that your faith has played a big part in, in just coming to grips with your adoption story and being content?
Encouragement for Adoptees
00:23:28
Speaker
Yeah, a hundred percent. I would. Yes. And so Cambria, what words of encouragement, um, would you give,
00:23:40
Speaker
a fellow adoptee who might not be where you're at today, who still might be struggling with the whys or just some questions or emotions that they're going through, what words of encouragement could you give a person like that if they might be listening to us today?
00:24:00
Speaker
Yeah, um I would just say, you know, all your thoughts, all your emotions, all the questions that you have are completely normal to feel and feeling them or having those questions isn't you being ungrateful in any way towards your you know, adopted family. It's important for you to have conversations even with your adopted family or finding friends or a community around you that um can just be there for you. um I'm in a, like, even Facebook groups are really great. I'm in a Facebook group that's adoptees with Guatemalan roots and people, they do meetups, they do just converse about feelings that they may be having. And I feel like it is helpful to hear other people have similar feelings to you because it makes you feel less alone in what you're feeling. and the questions that you have. um
00:24:56
Speaker
So definitely finding support around you um that encourages you to ask questions and have those things, but also let you know that it's okay to to feel those and to have those. And it's important to to work through those emotions and and those feelings.
00:25:15
Speaker
That's so good because community is so important. And that's why we're having this time to pause and think and to have this conversation because in case you're not part of a community, somebody's listening and they're not part of a community, community they can listen to us. and hear the encouragement to get involved in a community because it's so important for us to be able to process. And so sometimes we need to process with those we can identify with. We might feel a little more open and free to be able to talk about
00:25:48
Speaker
our feelings or just what we've walked through without feeling like we're hurting somebody's feelings or just having the freedom to be able to do that. And so I have one more question for you as we wrap things up. Um,
00:26:04
Speaker
I know we talked a lot about um your family and just what i what an important, important part of your life they have been because they chose you and how, you know, they've always been so affirming and honest. But, you know, there are parents who are struggling with their child because of wherever that child is in their process, if they're a lot younger or maybe even in the junior high years when you really struggled during seventh grade, what would be something that just comes to the top of your mind? something it that you could encourage parents in if they're listening to us today and just walking through a hard season, like when you were in seventh grade, what would you what would you say to them now that you're a parent and you're an adult um and you you're on the other side, the healing side of your adoption process? So what would you say to them?
Advice for Adoptive Parents
00:27:08
Speaker
Definitely just being open and honest with your kids about this everything in the situation. I know there's some parts of some adoption stories that may be a little traumatizing or hurtful, but I think just having the honesty and open to be able to communicate that with your kids. I know you know sometimes it's dependent on age dependent, but with my parents, like as I grew up, I learned a little bit more and more. um That was, you know, where I was at was okay. um But definitely being open and honest and then um allowing space for them to feel their feelings as well. Because I think that we don't want, as adoptees, we don't want to make our parents feel um any type of way or hurt their feelings because of what we're feeling. Because
00:28:02
Speaker
you know, they tell you these stories and how what everything that they went through to maybe adopt you is very difficult, all these things. And so if we have feelings of, you know, of all of this stuff, it could, we could feel like we're hurting their feelings and we don't want to do that. So I think as a parent, just allowing your kids to have space to feel those and allowing, um not letting them hurt your feelings, but just kind of having that open and honest his conversation. um I think really goes a long way.
00:28:34
Speaker
That's really great to hear because, you know, our podcast is Pause and Think, where we have real and honest conversations. And so honesty and transparency is just so important. And we are very passionate, Aisha and I, about sharing and encouraging parents and adoptees just to be honest, to find that community and create that space, just like you said.
00:29:02
Speaker
Well, Cambria, I am so blessed that you were so willing to be on this podcast today and just be able to share with others that, you know, it is so possible with the Lord in our lives to grow into beautiful women who are not ashamed to talk about our stories and and to show God's goodness, but to also share, you know, about the real feelings, the struggles that we've gone through, and use that as an encouragement to others. So thank you so much. And I just want to thank all the viewers who are listening, taking time to pause and think today to listen to this story. And I just pray that you were encouraged and you find hope in listening to Cambria's story.
00:29:53
Speaker
Thank you. you. Thanks for joining us for this episode of Pause and Think. For more resources and information, go to whosami.org.