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Called to Love Across Cultures: Adoption, Identity, and Raising a Child Between Two Cultures
23 Plays15 days ago
In this episode of Pause & Think, we sits down with Marlena Smith to discuss what it means to raise an adopted child with roots in two cultures? Marlena reflect on a deeply personal adoption journey shaped by missionary life in Guatemala. Together, they explore what it means to adopt while living in the country you serve, navigating cultural identity, belonging, and faith—both for parents and children.
Marlena shares how God led their family to adopt a Guatemalan child while raising biological children overseas, the unexpected twists of a special-needs diagnosis that later changed, and the importance of early intervention, community support, and trust in God’s provision. As their family later transitions back to life in the United States, the conversation turns to preserving culture, language, and identity for a child whose heart belongs to two places.
This episode gently wrestles with questions many adoptive, missionary, and third-culture families face: Who am I? Where do I belong? And ultimately—whose am I? It’s an honest, faith-filled conversation about grief, gratitude, intentional parenting, and creating safe spaces for children to process their stories over time.
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Transcript
Introduction to Adoption and Faith
00:00:02
Speaker
We all have a story, and at times we feel we're walking it out alone. Let's pause and think. Join us for honest conversations about adoption and parenting as we lament, encourage, give hope, and explore our true identity and worth in Christ.
Friendship and Beginnings
00:00:23
Speaker
Hi, and welcome to another episode of Pause and Think. Here we are, Aisha, another year, and we're sitting here with a special guest, Marlena Smith. She is from the cold north. um Well, I called north because i I was from Illinois. And so you are from the Midwest, Michigan. You're sitting there in your cozy little office. I see the Michigan buck on the wall.
00:00:50
Speaker
And we are sitting here in Guatemala. In the Guatemala City, your beloved Guatemala City, San Cristo, where we became friends.
Adoption Journey Begins
00:00:58
Speaker
a I am so glad that the Lord has allowed us to continue our friendship and um You're a very dear sister to me, Mar. And I was just so happy to be hosted by your beautiful family just a few months back and enjoyed our time together in Michigan. So we're going to chat today about our more personal journey through adoption. We met each other when I first adopted my first little girl through adoption.
00:01:33
Speaker
She was six when she came and that's where you and I met and you guys were in the first stages of actually, you know, thinking about it.
00:01:44
Speaker
But you came to the support group and maybe you want to start there. oh you're going to get me teary eyed. I mean, we haven't even started. um Yeah.
00:01:55
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. We. um We knew, even before we had biological kids, we had talked about adopting someday, but the timing of it, we just kept praying about. And just like anything, it just takes time for all of that peace to come in for the timing. And so after our fourth biological was born, we We were already living in Guatemala and knew that we were and we were missionaries in orphan care. So our heartbeat was for that. But for us personally, as a family, we didn't feel that peace. And Chad and I being on the same page with the timing of that, is that kind of went back and forth to throughout the years. And yeah, when all of that just kind of.
00:02:38
Speaker
Came to that point, we said, okay, well, we don't know any other foreigners who've done it as Guatemalan residents because at that point, international adoptions had been shut down. Closed. Yeah, those were closed, but we knew that we could do it because we had our residency and had lived there long enough.
Finding Peace in Adoption
00:02:54
Speaker
um And so we just felt this piece, both of us, about starting it, and our youngest at the time was four. Yeah. But we didn't really know how all of that would work being foreigners doing it. And it wasn't even an international adoption from the States. It was different, that paperwork too. And so, but we both had peace that this was what we were supposed to do. So when we met you and met others, Guatemalans that had gone through the process, that was comforting just to kind of know, okay, yes, this is what we're doing. These are the next steps. This is what to anticipate.
00:03:28
Speaker
Um, And knowing that we weren't alone in that journey of working with the Guatemalan government to do all of the the paperwork, um that was super helpful, just not being alone in that
Adopting a Deaf Child
00:03:40
Speaker
process. Because that could have felt overwhelming in and of itself.
00:03:43
Speaker
Oh, the paperwork. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I remember. I remember those those days. And you actually visited our house when just the day after the week of the second adoption. So you witnessed that transition in our family as well. um And I remember your little one hadn't hadn't come. And maybe talk to us a little bit about how that process unfolded.
00:04:12
Speaker
what your expectations were. And, you know, i remember we shared so many stories and questions and frustration, in the you know, in the whole, you know, that time and just share a little bit about that.
00:04:26
Speaker
Yeah, you're bringing me back, Aisha. Yeah, i I think that
00:04:34
Speaker
i I think it was part of our faith journey as well, just God continuing to help us discern who and when. We felt a nudge towards special needs, but special needs, we still had to determine a profile with the government when we when we went into the process. And so for us, it was,
00:04:58
Speaker
Long story short, we were going to a church in Guatemala that had a really great deaf ministry, and we felt this nudge towards adopting a deaf child. And God had put some different people in our path before that that you can kind of see how why he was nudging us towards that.
00:05:13
Speaker
um So when we started the process and when i had when we met you even, trying to figure out, okay, what does that look like? How do they write the profile for us to be approved for a deaf child?
00:05:25
Speaker
um We have four biological children. None of us know sign language. It's different in Spanish than in English. Like, is this really what we should be doing, right? And... And again, we felt that peace that this is just that next step. And so um we all started taking sign language at the church that we were at there in San Cristobal. And then we um we had the support around us that we really thought was the right thing. So that was earlier in the spring when we started the paperwork. And then by Christmas is when we were...
00:05:59
Speaker
told that we were matched with a child, with a boy who was deaf in both years, they said. And um and at the time, he was about a year and a half. And so um when we went into it, God also put the pediatrician that we had taken our other kids to there in the city had a speech therapist that happened to be from Texas, but living in an orphanage, working with kiddos with special needs in Chimaltenango. And she said, I would love to offer speech therapy in your home.
00:06:32
Speaker
And she started the week that our Sam came
Cultural Preservation
00:06:35
Speaker
home. And so um that was a gift because she knew English, Spanish, and she knew the whole speech pathology world that we were just starting to learn. um And that's how all of that started. So, yeah, I don't know if you want me to keep going, but that's kind of the initial. yeah Yes. Well, Marlena, your story really intrigues me because we're fellow missionaries. um we've We both have a love and a heart for Guatemala and the people and and just the call that God called us, you know, why he called us is ah this country.
00:07:10
Speaker
um But then as you and Chad not only allowed the Lord to use your lives and your family's life here, but you also went, you dove in deep because- now you wanted to adopt. And so it is unusual because you're living within Guatemala and you're, but you're going to adopt a Guatemalan child. So maybe share with us or the listeners um some of the dynamics or maybe the conflicts or even the blessings of living within the country where you're serving and adopting a child from Guatemala, because I'm sure
00:07:51
Speaker
you might've gotten a few um interesting looks, especially because when Guatemala shut down, it was kind of known for, you know, stealing kids. Kids are being stolen. So tell us, tell us about those, those times.
00:08:09
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. I think um it definitely, though that was always in her in our mind, especially being out in public um initially, because it was more rare to see that because adoptions, international adoptions had been closed in 07. So by the time we received him,
00:08:32
Speaker
It was seven years after that. And so there weren't you weren't seeing foreigners walking around, you know, receiving their children. So it it it was different. um But at the same time, I feel like we had such a strong, at that point, strong Guatemalan community that surrounded us. Like, I still remember when he turned two years old, we had a big party. Because in Guapley's culture, we had it at one year. But he wasn't one with us. We didn't have him yet when he turned one.
00:08:58
Speaker
And so we wanted to throw this big party, and we did, in in our home, in the soccer field behind our house. And those were mostly like Guatemalans. There were some missionaries there, too. But, like, just the community that surrounded us and our church, our friends, ministry, like, we just, we felt we felt very supported in that and knowing that um that we would be able to have the cultural context together.
00:09:22
Speaker
Even foreigners that he would have um being in that culture. And I think, if anything, coming back to the States five years ago, like almost six now, has been challenging for other reasons because he is Guatemalan and wanting him to still have those. Like we just did the Rosca Reyes Guadalajara.
00:09:42
Speaker
Tuesday yeah and I went out and bought one at Walmart because I'm like I still want some of these cultural things for him to still have them we chose a place that was more diverse than this end of town um with more of the Spanish culture and so I do feel like there's a level of trying to be intentional now moving back because we had all of that when you know first first seven years or so um still living there and so Seeing the value in that, I'm kind of jumping all over the place, but seeing the value and knowing that that's his birth country. But now we've moved back. And right now he's actually taking Spanish lessons virtually with a Guatemalan teacher from our Spanish school in Antigua. And so still wanting him to have that because our older kids that are biological that grew up in Guatemala for a lot longer, Spanish is not their first language, but a lot easier for them than him coming back here in early elementary.
00:10:40
Speaker
And then being Guatemalan here and then not speaking Spanish, especially if we're around you know other Spanish friends here, then trying to explain that's a whole other thing, too.
Cultural Identity and Integration
00:10:50
Speaker
So just trying.
00:10:52
Speaker
OK. Wow. So you really made an effort, a really conscious effort to keep both, you know, both um I'm picturing a tree, both fruits safe.
00:11:08
Speaker
because he is American through you. Like he inherited that culture and that's real and beautiful and rich. He comes from Guatemala and you want to preserve that. And it's a very, you know, a very, of I don't know what the word would be, but an interesting dynamic that your American kids are very Guatemalan as Jackie's kids are as well. We've about this often because they grew up loving Guatemala and being very surrounded. And you guys, I think, did a very good job in loving the the people that you served.
00:11:48
Speaker
You never were like your own little American yes culture within Guatemala. You were very much integrated. Integrated. And that speaks volumes. And so now to have that extra effort to make Sam love his Guatemalan side is beautiful. And I love that Chad gets to travel a lot back. So that's a very helpful part of the puzzle, I think. Yes. And the fact that he spent his first years with you
00:12:22
Speaker
in his country where he was comfortable and that you, I love it because I feel like our family did the same. We, we love the Guatemalan people. That's why we're here. Not just to live our own little American life within a foreign country, but you did the same. And now that you have Sam with you, you, um,
00:12:45
Speaker
guarded his culture and really honored it by continuing with, you know, the piñatas, which who wouldn't? I mean, those are like the best for my kids. He gets their piñatas in Michigan.
00:12:59
Speaker
Yes. yeah But also now him back in the States, you're also still trying to cultivate and, and preserve his cultural background for him, but my question as an adopted um child as well. um Does Sam embrace all of this as well, is this in very important to him or is he kind of in that stage where.
00:13:27
Speaker
I'm just American now or no, i am still Guatemalan. You know how I would love to yeah hear a little more about his thoughts if you could.
00:13:38
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. i think I think it's probably all of the above. It's a mix of that. he um He's in middle school now, and so middle school is its own world, as you all know.
00:13:52
Speaker
um But I do think, like, even your book, the Who's Am I book, we got this. Actually, last year or year and a half ago, we thought that we would be fostering and with the intent to adopt. And so we had gotten it even for them, but we've used it with Sam even since then. And that's another story. But he, um I would say for.
00:14:19
Speaker
I would say he has probably similar to us where it's like Aisha said, where those roots are in two places. The heart the heart is in two places. He's been back a number of times with us as a family, as well as Chad at least once, maybe twice just Chad. And he went down together at a ministry trip. And he was able to actually see his birthplace in Guatemala as well, which was in the city. And that was super significant and meaningful.
00:14:47
Speaker
I'm sure as he gets older, it would be helpful to do that again, right? Every stage of life is a little different, the lens that you're looking through that part of your story. But I think for him stateside now, like he's in i in an environment where he's and in ah in a cultural environment. We've tried to be intentional about having diversity in different ways. Yeah.
00:15:10
Speaker
And we we keep learning that, too, because I feel like that's changed some depending on where we're where we're at, whether it's school or church, and trying to find those those ways of making sure that he's...
00:15:25
Speaker
that that we're in diverse circles, if that makes sense. So that way that he can still see, but what does it look like to be diverse in an American circle and be a, yes, that's kind of a whole nother. It is complicated. it' Very complicated, but trying to be intentional with that, praying towards that. And I think for him, i think he's some days he probably, like he was all about getting that special bread for the, um,
00:15:53
Speaker
um Right. How we say it in English. The king's thing. Yes. But because that's what we've done and we've done it more up here than when we lived down there. He was little. And so I do feel like some of those things trying to keep the or even staying up late, like till midnight. Right. i will see i do't all and you We don't have some of those traditions up here, but I bought tamales at Trader Joe's and made them for dinner last week. I got an all black cow. Right. Right.
00:16:22
Speaker
So some of those things that even, and then seeing his older siblings still love that and miss that. So I think he did probably is grieving that part that that's their childhood and they no longer live there.
Safe Spaces and Identity
00:16:34
Speaker
and they're grieving that in different ways than he will be in being an adopted child of a missionary family who's now relocated back to the states there's a lot of layers there that we're still learning and we'll always have to keep praying and probably apologizing for those mistakes with he's an adult someday but I think just knowing that part of his story too is so beautiful of knowing that he was born there. and Again, i don't know if I even said this, but he's not deaf. We thought he was deaf. We have testing saying that he was 50% hearing loss in both ears. um He's not even hard of hearing. And so that being a part of his story that as he grows older, well, you know, I don't know, maybe maybe for him, he will never even say that. I don't know. But to me, that was as a mom, as a dad, knowing that he, um
00:17:29
Speaker
That God allowed us to enter into that with that mindset. He provided people like that speech therapist and who was amazing and stayed with us for a few years. And by the time we got back to the States, he didn't even need speech therapy because he was so advanced.
00:17:45
Speaker
that early intervention was key and that God provided that, that we didn't even really know we needed. um Just to see that and and knowing that as parents, seeing how God, I think those are the things that we have to keep returning to teenage years, in his young adult years, when we don't know how he's going to respond to different things with his story.
00:18:06
Speaker
Yeah. I was, I was going to add that just the fact that you guys have the intention and the open space and open mind to keep that you know on the table, like everything that it involved. It's it's not only a bicultural household, but so many layers. And that he knows that there's open avenues to talk about it. and you know That goes a long way. So I want encourage people listening to us to even just having that openness will yield fruit eventually. And the second thing is what you mentioned, children change.
00:18:49
Speaker
So when they love a certain thing at a certain stage, they probably won't later on and vice versa. So we have to be able to adapt along with their stages and ask the Lord for guidance to provide what they need.
00:19:07
Speaker
at different points of their story. But I think healing families are very intentional in providing
Challenges of Mixed Cultural Identities
00:19:15
Speaker
that. We actually have taught so much about being a safe place for lament, even for your older kids and thinking they lost, you know, ah a chunk of their childhoods as well, like not being able to remain in the space or the city that they grew up in.
00:19:36
Speaker
Even if it's a good change, even if they are blessed and they're flourishing, they, you know, they lost something. Exactly. And, you know, your kids are definitely third culture kids growing up in different cultures, but yet within a certain culture of the house. And we we can so relate because our kids absolutely love Guatemala. They consider themselves Guatemalans, but yet in the States, they're Americans. And it bothers our daughter even like when she has to do so much explaining and people, somebody will say, oh no, you're just, you're American.
00:20:17
Speaker
Like, just kind of like, erase or, or just deny, dismiss that whole huge chunk of her life. That's so important. And she, you know, it, it bothers her because she does absolutely love and you cannot erase those chapters. And so going back to Sam, you know, I love how you you and Chad are so intentional for him, but all your kids, because like you said, your older kids who are American, spent a big chunk of their lives here in Guatemala, but yet you are trying to be very intentional about keeping those roots and, um,
00:21:02
Speaker
Just keeping that culture alive in their lives, you know, by going and having tamales, by even though they're from Trader Joe's, um not at all, probably like Guatemala, but but you you were intentional.
Journey of Faith and Adoption
00:21:16
Speaker
And that's what I love to hear, that you tried, you know, to create that space and meet your child, Sam, where he's at in his life. And I love like how you brought out and how you also acknowledge that Aisha, what he's feeling today.
00:21:34
Speaker
I can guarantee you it won't be that when he's 25. But also I know as an adult adoptee now how God has brought so much healing to my life, things that used to bother me or that I would well would want to deny in my life. I am fully open to it. And now I embrace it now because am understand my story is not just for me, it's it's the Lord's story. And that's how you guys are raising Sam. And, you know, the whole...
00:22:08
Speaker
part about him being deaf and now he is absolutely not deaf. He's not even hard of hearing. I love that. And i just hear, so I hear so much of God in all of your stories. So i just really admire you guys. Yeah, yeah I really um am encouraged by your faithful walk, Mark, and the fact that you are So, you know, I see that you are into details and you are so um careful with each of your children. It's admirable. And i really take note and i just pray that the Lord keep sustaining you and that everything that happens in a very private manner have eternal impact um within your home and your ministry. And
00:23:01
Speaker
everything that goes forward from your, from your life and your, yeah, and your fruit. So thank you for your time. And thank you for chatting with us. We really enjoyed it. And we hope that you enjoyed it as well.
00:23:19
Speaker
Thank you so much. um Can I add one last thing? Yes. Really quickly. Your book, like the the whole Who's Am I? and even the podcast when I was listening to this even a few weeks ago, um the Who's Am I? for For a long time, the Lord had just used, had just kept up kind of reminding me, I was asking the wrong question when I would ask,
00:23:47
Speaker
Whether it's things like adoption and all discerning sorts of things, right? And I would, i a lot of times in my insecurities, I would be asking him in my prayers, who am I? Who am I to do this? Or who am I that you're calling me to do this or asking me to do that, right?
00:24:02
Speaker
The whole Moses thing. And I don't know why never hit me until I was literally walking, listening to your podcast. And the who's am I? I'm like, that's it. That is the question. I was asking the wrong question. It's who's am i And identity has been huge as well. And just the Lord reminding me that, you know, being his mija amada, his beloved daughter. Hmm. That new name of of what that means, but whose am I? And i when I think about whether it's Sam, as he's continuing to grow, or other kids that grew up there and then now are transitioning here unexpectedly when we had to move back, like all of those identity questions, especially in the teen years, like...
00:24:41
Speaker
whose am I is such a beautiful, significant thing for them and their stories as they're processing that. But I'm like, I don't necessarily have that story, but I'm still asking who am I on other things. And there's things that, whether it's the grieving or the lamenting and those parts of us, like i love, I just love
Conclusion and Resources
00:25:00
Speaker
that title. It's so powerful. So thank you for ministering even in those ways that just God uses. And you don't know how he'll continue to use even just the name.
00:25:10
Speaker
Yeah. wow Well, thank you. Thank you for those words of encouragement. And it's our heart that as people watch and listen to our podcast, that um you are also encouraged as the listener or viewer. And so thank you for taking this time out to pause and think with us. And we hope you come back for the next episode.
00:25:33
Speaker
Thanks for joining us for this episode Pause and Think. For more resources and information, go to whosami.org.