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Attached on Purpose: Facing the Hard and Holy in Foster Care
13 Plays1 day ago
In this moving continuation of Pause & Think, host Aixa García sits down again with José and Sherry Salazar to tackle one of the most common fears about foster care — “I could never do it. I’d get too attached.”
With honesty and grace, the Salazars unpack what it means to love deeply, let go faithfully, and depend on God through heartbreak and hope. They share how their children have grown through the beauty and pain of fostering, what it looks like to pray for biological families, and how the global Church can rise to meet the needs of vulnerable children.
This episode reminds us that attachment isn’t a weakness — it’s a reflection of God’s heart.
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Pause and Think' Podcast
00:00:01
Speaker
We all have a story, and at times we feel we're walking it out alone. Let's pause and think. Join us for honest conversations about adoption and parenting as we lament, encourage, give hope, and explore our true identity and worth in Christ.
00:00:23
Speaker
Hi, welcome back to Pause and Think. This is Aisha Garcia and we are at the Darby's. We're at Jackie Darby's house and she's letting us have as much cookies i will as we want.
00:00:37
Speaker
Don't think for a minute that that plate is full all the time. We have had some in the middle of taping. But she's ready with more. And so you see that plate and it it looks intact, but it it has been attached. Yes, they're so good.
00:00:53
Speaker
The recipe is on the book, Who's Am i So ah you can you can make them at home if you wish as well.
Sherry and Jose Salazar's Foster Care Journey
00:01:01
Speaker
um And we were just chatting with Sherry and Jose Salazar about their foster care ah journey. But more than that, it really living on mission. And that has played out for you guys as opening up your home for many kids.
00:01:19
Speaker
But not only that. um And we have to touch on this point because What's the number one comment we get when we talk about foster care?
00:01:31
Speaker
We can even say it out loud and I think we would do a chorus. I would get too attached. I couldn't do that. I could never do that. Yeah, like you're robots. That's why you were able to do it because it's like you'd never get attached.
00:01:47
Speaker
So like let's go about that mindset. And to a certain extent, I understand yeah that fear. yeah how have And you have shared before, Sherry, that this is what you your first response to this was.
00:02:05
Speaker
I could never do that. I'd be heartbroken. um So what's the process, do you think, for a person to go from that to let's do it?
00:02:16
Speaker
So we can go into that. And what's your response when people tell you that?
00:02:24
Speaker
Well, think one thing is that believing that we can't do hard things like, um yeah, like take up your cross and follow me doesn't Include. it It isn't easy, you know.
00:02:39
Speaker
um So I understand the fear because um yeah the grief part is real. um It is hard um if you're attached and you should be attached because otherwise we're not doing it well if we're not attaching um to the child when they're with us. And so... um Yeah. um Understanding that suffering is part of the equation if you're obeying the Lord, right?
Faith and Mission in Foster Care
00:03:05
Speaker
Right, right. Yeah. yeah And Jose, what do you, because you are always in contact with so many people in churches.
00:03:13
Speaker
What's your, you know, gentle way of... you know, challenging that statement. Yeah. And I could say i have two different answers for this because there's different ah ways of looking at it. But one, I understand.
00:03:29
Speaker
um And when I talk to men or different people, like, yeah, I can do this. I can never let him go. You know, I understand that. But, uh, what comes to to to the thought is what we all do. We think that we are called to do things on our own.
00:03:50
Speaker
that sentence, on that sentence You don't see God at all. You're focusing on yourself. And me and what I could do and I know do. And yeah, of course, we cannot do that.
00:04:03
Speaker
And we shouldn't do that. We shouldn't do anything. You know, if you want to be a pastor of a church, you shouldn't do it on your own. You know, if you, you know, being married, it's like you don't do it on your own.
00:04:15
Speaker
You know, taking care of my biological kids is like, I don't do it on my own. I'm always depending on God. So, of course, looking at foster care on that way, like I cannot do it. Of course, you cannot do it. You can't. You know, but if you bring, and I help people bring God into the equation, the answer will be different.
00:04:32
Speaker
ah But just having people just take the time and to be able to process their way of thinking and seeing, okay, ah God is knowing this equation. I'm trying to do it all my own.
00:04:47
Speaker
And then when you you you surrender by scripture and what he has already said, it's like, okay, ah yeah. And then it just takes time just to try to sharpen a little things here and there to be able to to do it so but if you bring that to the equation i mean god is calling us to to do this he's inviting us to do this he's redeemed us to be able to do this kind of work you know and uh not looking at or a kids from hard places or or families at risk as projects you know but actually as people and god calls us to
00:05:21
Speaker
and go and meet people. yeah Like we have brothers and sisters out there, you know, and we go out there. Yes, exactly. You know, and they're part of the family and we just, In obedience, we we follow that and and we do this. But if if we answer that question and say, can I do this with God by my side?
00:05:38
Speaker
The answer would always be yes. You know? Yes. You know, and he has left us a beautiful body of believers, resources. We have everything as believers to be able to say yes.
00:05:50
Speaker
So I think most people should be saying yes to this because we're... we are aware of the gospel that has saved us and we can depend on it to be able to do hard things.
00:06:02
Speaker
You know, even though we may not understand, we don't see the outcome. in Every case that we get is different. You know, every channel is different, has a different history, but he has provided yeah and sustained us for every single channel. And the other way is just most people, um you know, they don't, they may say with their mouth that they want nothing to do with the prosperity gospel.
00:06:26
Speaker
But within their quiet lives, they really cherish the prosperity gospel in their life. where They don't want any suffering, any sickness, any trouble, just security.
00:06:39
Speaker
And the list goes on and on. So although we may say it like, yeah, the prosperity gospel. Theology, what like it's in the head. It's in the head, but practicality is like we're not risking anything.
00:06:51
Speaker
We're not willing to give anything. All our resources are for us, for our growth, for our, you know, for everything that we desire. And they're they're not being seen through the lenses of the gospel.
The Importance of Attachment in Fostering
00:07:02
Speaker
So although we may say with our mouth, I think our actions and our we still cherish that ah safety that we want everything to be according to our plan, our little bubble where nothing is going to come and interrupt us.
00:07:14
Speaker
yeah and in And I was like, oh, I can do this for my kids. like Your kids will be okay. you know Because it's your job to shepherd them, disciple in the midst of things.
00:07:26
Speaker
So it's those fears that are real, but may may be mal-informed. Yes. The need to be able to be enlightened with the gospel and the truth of God. Absolutely. You know my opinion on what Jose thinks about this, although I have my own opinion. But yes, what God says.
00:07:43
Speaker
It's the truth. Is Psalm 23 a reality for you? Is just something that you memorize, you know, our church, Sunday school, or whatever, you know? Would he provide for you? Would he yeah bring you to places?
00:07:57
Speaker
You know, would he walk with you in the valley of shadow? death would he be the one that you can lean on when you can't do with that anymore it's like yeah so just to be able to have people respond to that question with a biblical foundation it would be different just having people think yeah that way yeah And, you know, it's just such a self-focus because we're caring about our heartbreak.
00:08:26
Speaker
And something that has helped me to look at this is we're getting to choose. We're getting to choose to do this. yes Children that are in these very tight spots in limbo, they don't get to choose. They So we, who's going to choose them?
00:08:44
Speaker
Because they they don't get to choose whether they have this life or not, whether they are rocked or not, whether they're, you know, somebody's looking out for them or not. So we do have that choice.
00:08:56
Speaker
And The fact that we don't really see beyond the heartbreak yeah um is very telling because I have to put this in here.
00:09:07
Speaker
Attachment is what makes us functional human beings in the world, in society. If a child doesn't become securely attached early in life, at least to one caregiver,
00:09:21
Speaker
he doesn't have the ability to translate, like like to, to transpose that later on. Cause you do like a copy and paste to other relationships and then you carry on that.
00:09:34
Speaker
So even when a child doesn't remember you, you, Consciously, I always encourage foster parents and say, what you did is is eternal value. it has eternal value.
00:09:46
Speaker
What you did to so that little brain, that little heart, spiritually, what you did has ah meaning, a transcendence that doesn't you know hold hold it. It doesn't... um expire You know, so that is a beautiful way of looking at it.
00:10:05
Speaker
And you guys touched on a point that's really important, which may be the second objection to foster care. Oh, no, my kids, like my referring to your biological kids.
00:10:17
Speaker
That would be horrible to watch them, you know, go through that, you know, loving a baby and then giving up that baby. And recently I had the privilege of being a part of an event that was fantastic in Paraguay.
00:10:32
Speaker
Um, And they did a panel. It was outstanding. It was the ah a family that is doing foster care and a family that adopted a little girl that this other family took care of.
00:10:47
Speaker
And they actually, they're like the dream, um you know, coupling for me because the foster family, they had two biological kids and they prayed And they were so clear in saying, we're going to pray that little, don't remember her name, ah gets a forever family that loves her and that allows us to know about her. And the little kids were so aware that she was in need of a permanent family that that they weren't going to be the permanent family.
00:11:19
Speaker
And so they were praying for that. And the Lord answered in such a beautiful way. These other, the parents now are Christian. And they have vowed to be family.
00:11:29
Speaker
And so they are the uncle and aunt. The foster parents have become like family. And the little kids are cousins. And now the amazing thing is they were telling that story in the platform, but it was a very laid back event. that The children were flowing free there. Wow.
00:11:48
Speaker
And they got to the platform and you could see the display of affection between these three kids and the parents just very comfortably chatting in the sofas. And I was like, this is what it looks like. This is what it looks like. Now, the bio family is not there, okay? the the the From the little girl that was, you know, fostered and then adopted.
00:12:12
Speaker
But I'm certain these two families have that into account. Like they're praying for that bio family as well. ah But that's just like a dream ah scenario where you get that collaboration, that partnership between all the responsible adults that are caring for this child, for this life.
00:12:32
Speaker
um And you can see that, of course, the letting go is hard. Yeah. Especially when you don't have the luxury of continuing that relationship. Sometimes you really have to say bye in very crude ways. Sometimes you go to the judge with the baby and you come back empty handed and your kids are like, that happened
Supporting Foster and Biological Families
00:12:52
Speaker
to you guys. So tell us more about that.
00:12:56
Speaker
Yeah. Because it's been hard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, each case is so so different, each child. um But you go ahead. yeah i mean Yeah, I mean, we got into foster care, of course, to be able to provide a safe home for for the kids that we were going to be receiving, but but we wanted to serve the biological family.
00:13:19
Speaker
And that was our main um motivation to get into foster care. o And that has helped us ah throughout the process because, yeah, we welcome the kids. they We're providing them through hardship and and and different things and difficulties. But um we wanted to be able to cheer for the biological family, tell them we're praying for them.
00:13:43
Speaker
And I'll do a little side note with that. That for me personally did not happen until after doing Vida in Limbo. Wow. With, I mean. Yeah. Life in Limbo. Life in Limbo. It didn't, you know, for me to like do that and for me to be put in the place of the biological mom,
00:14:00
Speaker
That was maybe, I don't know, nine, 10 years ago that I had that. Yeah, that happened to me too. Of like, yes, we we can do this for that motivation. But that wasn't my motivation before. oop Sorry.
00:14:14
Speaker
So you saw yeah, foster care just, you know, it's messy. It's... You never figured it out. There's not like a clear path or an equation that tells you AB plus equals C. Every case, every child is different and you don't, you never know what's going to happen.
00:14:32
Speaker
But just try to live faithfully each day and to be able to respond to what God gives us every day with our eyes on him. But also, so what we do with our kids is like, yeah, we, we talk about it. We pray before, like when I get a phone call, uh,
00:14:49
Speaker
I call Sherry first. We agree. And then we gather the kids. We have going to into Becca's school. We have pulled her out of school and said, Becca, we got to school this call about this child.
00:15:02
Speaker
ah We've been praying, but we want to hear your opinion. That's awesome. in We want to see what you think. And because these these things happen really fast. It's not like I have a... It's emergencies. It's emergencies. You have to respond quickly. So I just ask, please give me some time. And we move quickly. And we already been preparing our hearts for all of this. But it's just the last step. Is this the kid that God wants us to care for?
00:15:24
Speaker
And we pray, we talk, we involve the kids. And then we move forward. And then as the case progresses, the information that we're getting, we're using it on how our family can pray.
00:15:35
Speaker
You know, so once ah we know more about the biological family, we start moving in the direction of praying for the biological family on the specific need that they have. That's amazing. As the there's no biological family or relatives, we move into adoption and in praying for the adopted family that is going to be his forever family now, you know. And one of the things is like foster care tends to be, it could blindside you on a way that you think that you are the only good thing that is happening to that child. Yes. You know?
00:16:09
Speaker
Yeah. And it's not. Yeah, the Lord is bigger. Exactly. it's like And I told Sharon, the kids and all the people, like God, just using us um for this specific time to be able to care for this child. But he's been providing before and he will will provide after.
00:16:25
Speaker
ah He loves him more or her more than we do. So on just trying to put our intention and putting ourselves where we belong in God's story, ah you know, and to be able to serve with open hands, you know, and.
00:16:41
Speaker
And I was going to say with that, like he also loves our biological kids. And we think this has been good for them to be challenged.
Impact on the Salazars' Children
00:16:48
Speaker
And um no, even with the hard parts, like it has been so good for them.
00:16:56
Speaker
They have ah a perspective and a maturity that I don't think their peers, that you know, don't get exposed to these kind of situations, um you know, lack.
00:17:08
Speaker
They have, ah yeah, some many more layers. to They understand the human drama in a different light, I think. Yeah, they have to because of the conversations. Always, you know, as age-appropriate as can be, but the conversations that we have to have with them on a regular basis and because information is helpful course. For them to, you know, not to just wonder. And so, yeah, they will see somebody and maybe, you know, they have eyes for seeing. We go to Antioquia and then we see a kid just walking with something. The kids will be like, where are their parents? Where are the parents?
00:17:45
Speaker
And things like that. They're looking everywhere. Like even a church, there's just a kid or anywhere we go. They're like, oh, where the parents? You know, and they're seeing things like that. Like God is, I mean, God surprised me by the way that he's allowing them to see him to be able to do foster care. their They're more compassionate.
00:18:06
Speaker
They're more caring. They see the lonely. ah And just because we have opened our house and two kids didn't have anything. So it's we're grateful. Like God is has put a really...
00:18:21
Speaker
yeah a burden for becca her oldest uh for the unreached so you know it's like what kind of what can i start a university that would allow me to go to an unreached place you know she's 15 and she's reading like let the nations be glad there's like reading all these books like yeah she's talking about this things like it's god's work uh that he's doing on their lives and know they're gonna have their own journey i don't i think their lives will be completely different from now They have been. in um But yeah, just like this is something that Sherry and I decided and we're doing, but now this is something that we do as a family or as kids play a role. yeah Yes, that's amazing. doesn't matter their age.
00:19:02
Speaker
And, you know, that brings us to to like the closing comments, which I want us to talk about.
Global Church and Foster Care Mission
00:19:10
Speaker
what's your prayer for the global church in this whole thing? Because I see a clear connection between foster care and caring for the vulnerable family and discipleship. Yes. Like what you guys have been telling me that your kids are – thinking and praying and paying attention to has everything to do with a little disciple.
00:19:33
Speaker
They're discipled in that way. And foster care has made it even more clear to them what's needed. So what's your prayer for the global church concerning foster care and adoption? in Just to that, it's like, yes ah we live, we want to give, but to others and as we say to the kids we are not going to be able to do this because this family needs that this let's do it you know they're willing to sacrifice that they know that they won't be able to receive something but we say like we are on the same boat we have the same mindset we want to be able to be a blessing to others and our kids like i know
00:20:13
Speaker
And I'm okay. Bringing them along on the mission instead of just demanding of them is quite different. That is the discipleship totally aspect. yeah Just to answer your question, I mean, we can do church without Jesus.
00:20:29
Speaker
It's possible. It is very possible. You know, we gather, we do all these things, and we forgot about forget about the person of Jesus. So my prayer for the for the global church is just...
00:20:42
Speaker
And God says, it test me and see that I'm good. You know, test me. That's a challenge. Yeah. Yeah. But just like, yeah. What are those things that you have to give up ah to be able to to test God and see if he's good instead of controlling your life with everything that you own, that you have.
00:21:00
Speaker
Just test me. and see if I'm good. And it's kind like, kind of see he's sarcastic. Also, like, just prove me, youre you know. It's like when my son wants to play basketball, and we're like, sure, give it a try. That's a good prayer. If all in the global church see God yeah for who he really is yeah yeah and his goodness.
00:21:23
Speaker
Yeah. yeah we lot more crazy All the kids would be taken care of. ah hu Absolutely. Yes. Just in Guatemala alone, we have 44,000 registered churches.
00:21:36
Speaker
That's way more than kids in the system. If one church gathered around one child would be taken care of So you are absolutely right.
00:21:49
Speaker
And so, you know, we couldn't have put a better
Conclusion and Call to Action
00:21:53
Speaker
ending to this. This was a bow on top, a cherry on top. And we just pray that this encourages you and your heart in whatever stage of your journey you are.
00:22:04
Speaker
ah We want to ah just um walk alongside you. And we are so blessed to have Salazar family here today. We love chatting with them and doing life with them has been ah delight and a privilege. and So share your story, go to whosami.org and let's catch up with each other and maybe we can have a conversation one day. So Jackie and I will be here and are thankful for this space and...
00:22:35
Speaker
Wow. God is doing amazing things. So thank you guys. Thanks for having me.
00:22:41
Speaker
Thanks for joining us for this episode of pause and think for more resources and information, go to whosami.org.