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Ep. 44: How Journalling Supports Good Teen Mental Health - with Stacie Swift
106 Plays3 years ago
If you're on Instagram, you'll probably know today's guest for colourful illustrations and mindful musings on supporting our own wellbeing. In episode 44 Helen Wills talks to Stacie Swift about how to convince teenagers to start journaling to develop positive mental health practices.
Stacie is a mum of three, and an illustrator who creates the prettiest posts, with the most gorgeous words on wellbeing and self-care. She’s now published a book - The Positively Awesome Journal (affiliate link) – to inspire people to start journaling, and it’s characteristically both GORGEOUS to look at, and thought provoking and inspiring to work through.
As Stacie says, the journal is "A reminder that you matter too.” And THAT is something that I think we’re all in need of remembering, every day.
How journaling supports teen mental health
Stacie says she turned to her drawings and musings when she was a teenager herself, and found it gave her space for her own feelings, to process difficult things in her life, and feel better equipped to tackle daily problems.
All of us feel pressure to focus on "doing better," on what we did wrong, and teenagers have more pressure on them than ever before. Stacie's journal encourages time spent looking at our achievements, and the things that are good in our lives, as well as giving space to acknowledging when life is difficult. She describes journaling as an anchor in life.
Designed to promote and encourage mental well-being, it is the perfect pick-me-up to help keep you uplifted, motivated and understood. You can finally write that ‘not-to-do’ list, prioritise your tasks, learn how to set social media boundaries, make your own luck, complete a feeling forecast, create a dream log, fill out a meal plan, give thanks, celebrate your progress and find plenty of room for self-reflection - all in one safe place.
Stacie is very down to earth, and describes herself as a work in progress where wellbeing is concerned, so she's very easy to listen to. Have a listen to the episode for all her wisdom.
You can find more from Stacie Swift here:
More teenage parenting inspiration from Helen Wills:
Helen wills is a teen mental health podcaster and blogger at Actually Mummy a resource for midlife parents of teens.
Thank you for listening! Subscribe to the Teenage Kicks podcast to hear new episodes. If you have a suggestion for the podcast please email teenagekickspodcast@gmail.com.
There are already stories from fabulous guests about difficult things that happened to them as teenagers - including losing a parent, becoming a young carer, and being hospitalised with mental health problems - and how they overcame things to move on with their lives.
You can find more from Helen Wills on pare
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Transcript
Introduction to Teenage Parenting Challenges
00:00:00
Speaker
You wouldn't expect anyone else in your life to get through a day and do five hundred things before you said to them well done. Welcome to the Teenage Kicks podcast where we take the fear out of parenting or becoming a teenager.
00:00:24
Speaker
I'm Helen Wills and every week I talk to someone who's been through something difficult as a teenager but come out the other side in a good place and has insight to offer to others who might be going through similar.
Meet Stacey Swift: Illustrator and Author
00:00:43
Speaker
I'm so excited today because I've got Stacey Swift on the podcast. If you're on Instagram, you'll probably have seen Stacey's posts because they get shared all the time. And that's because they're an absolute joy to read and to look at. Stacey is a mum of three and an illustrator who creates the prettiest posts with the most gorgeous words on wellbeing and self-care.
00:01:09
Speaker
She's just published her second book, The Positively Awesome Journal, to inspire people to start journaling. And it's characteristically both gorgeous to look at and thought provoking and inspiring to work through. I've had it for a few days and I feel like I want to rush through it because I can't wait to get to some of the pages that I've seen further ahead, but I'm taking it one step at a time.
00:01:34
Speaker
To give you a flavour, I'm just going to read this from the welcome page. This journal is a space to record the good and bad days, to work through the ups and downs, and a place to focus on self-care and positive wellbeing. It's for you to use whenever and wherever.
00:01:52
Speaker
to fill in, to share, to encourage. It's yours. A reminder that you matter too. And that is something I think we're all in need of hearing every day. Seriously, if you're having a bad day, go and find Stacey's account and follow her. She always makes me stop and rethink myself. She's like a daily dose of vitamin me.
00:02:17
Speaker
But then come back here and keep listening because I know that Stacey's going to have lots to say that will change your day for the better. Stacey, welcome to the podcast. Hi, thank you so much for such a lovely introduction. Well, it wasn't hard to write, to be fair. I've loved your Instagram account ever since I found it. I've been following you probably
00:02:38
Speaker
probably only about a year, but I found you because people were sharing your posts and I just, well, I have to say, me being me, I look at your posts and go, oh, I like her colours, because that's very me. But then you stop and read, read the things in your illustrations and your graphics and then read the caption beneath it. And it is like taking a deep breath.
00:03:01
Speaker
like a tiny little bit of meditation every time I come across you. Is that the sort of thing you had in mind?
Art as Emotional Expression
00:03:09
Speaker
Yeah, I think the bright colours I think in particular is something that has become quite synonymous with my artwork and my style of drawing. And I do quite like the way it kind of pops up in an Instagram feed and
00:03:22
Speaker
captures people's attention. But yeah, I think there's always a bit more depth to it. I think the illustrators can be quite simple, but the message behind them or the words that I'm choosing to share in the caption always has a bit of a deeper meaning.
00:03:38
Speaker
Yeah well and that's why I always scroll down and read the caption because the illustrations always make me think oh that's lovely or oh gosh but then you read what you have to say behind it and that then is the part where I slow down and think okay yeah how do I think about that a bit more today because it does have the ability to stop you in your tracks and where do you get your inspiration from it?
00:04:03
Speaker
So all of my work usually comes from something that I'm experiencing or thoughts that I'm having. You see a lot of my posts relate to motherhood or juggling work and parenting or just sort of everyday
00:04:18
Speaker
juggles and struggles that come with adulthood, the emotions that maybe we don't always talk about, or things that you don't realise other people are feeling as well. So I like to put those slightly messier topics out there, but package them in a way that are quite visually appealing, but also people can relate to. So yeah, it's all very personal. And if it's not something that I need to hear myself, it's something that words I'd maybe like to share with a friend if I know that they're going through a particularly
00:04:46
Speaker
bumpy time or advice that I think people in general might might need to hear on a daily basis. That's actually a really good point because I and I don't think I'm unusual quite frequently think about other think about the people in my life and think gosh
00:05:04
Speaker
I wish that person knew this. I wish she knew how lovely she is, how kind she is, how supportive she's been, how helpful she is to me. I wish she knew what value she has to me, but we never actually say those things out loud. It always feels a bit too, a bit uncomfortable, like it's a bit too intimate. Yeah. And I think I can tag someone in a post or share a picture
00:05:33
Speaker
and you know, repost it, resend it onto them is a really nice way of putting all of those big feelings into something quite simple without having that sort of overwhelm or overbearing kind of feeling that you're passing on to other people. So yeah, it's lovely to see when people do share those posts or tag their friends in a positive message because I know then that that's been a bit of a pick me up in someone else's day and hopefully cheer them up in a, you know, in whatever else they're dealing with in that 24 hours.
00:06:03
Speaker
And we never know actually, do we, what we say, how it's then taken and transformed into the thing that the other person needs, because we're not having the same experience as them.
Positive Content in Negative Spaces
00:06:15
Speaker
Exactly. And I think even on a good day, it's just nice to know that, you know, someone's thought of you or your friends are there and appreciating the relationship you have or something you've done for them. So yeah, it's a lovely, I think it's a lovely way to be able to use social media to kind of add a bit of positivity and a bit of good into
00:06:33
Speaker
sometimes feeds that don't always feel that way. Yeah, I think that's the reason why they stand out and that's the reason why they get shared so much because there is so much negativity online, not so much on Instagram. I have a lot of conversations on Twitter and Twitter can just get so nasty so quickly. I don't need that.
00:06:56
Speaker
And I don't know about TikTok and Snapchat. Well, I do know about TikTok and Snapchat. My teenagers are mostly on TikTok and Snapchat, and that can be lovely too, but equally there's some toxic stuff there. So I don't think it's a coincidence that your stuff gets shared so much because people need to see, people are attracted by vibrant colours, but people need to see positive things and it resonates more, I think, it resonates more than the negative things.
00:07:24
Speaker
We tend to, this is a question I wanted to ask you later, I'll do it now. I think we tend to just skip over them quite often and just go, yeah, that's nice and move on. Whereas reading your captions will make you stop and actually take time to think about it. And I know that that's what, when the press release came for you, it was wellbeing warrior. And I was like, yeah, I love that.
00:07:49
Speaker
We need wellbeing warriors in the world. Because we need to stop and think about the good things and not just the hard, the bad, the difficult things. What drew you to, what made you slow down first of all and think about positive things?
00:08:09
Speaker
And the reason I ask that is because later on I was going to ask you a question. What do you say to someone like me who says, yeah, no, it's lovely, but I haven't got time. I've got to work. I've got to look after the kids. I've got to walk the dog. I've got to do all the life I've been for all the people in the house and clean house. I just haven't got time for me for that space. What do you say to people like that? And does it relate to how it gradually dawned on you?
00:08:35
Speaker
know that I'm still like that and I think sometimes even knowing how important it is it doesn't make it any easier to put that into practice. I'm still there putting everyone ahead of me on my to-do list until I have to really stop myself and it is a choice I think to
00:08:51
Speaker
slow down and recognize that looking after myself means I can look after those other people better. I can fulfill all those roles at a much better capacity and in a much better way if I'm looking after myself. And I'm not always amazing at it, but I try and I think that's a lot of what my page shares. It's not necessarily things that I'm doing perfectly. It's things that I know I need to remind myself about. I know that I need to slow down.
00:09:20
Speaker
I know that I need to stop feeling guilty about certain things. I know that other people aren't portraying a much more perfect version of their lives than reality. I'm not saying that I've got all the answers. I think everything I post is a reminder to myself that I need to remember this stuff too.
00:09:43
Speaker
And by posting it, I'm making time already to kind of process those thoughts and commit to doing something that's that's mine. And I think that's why the introduction of my book of the journal is You Matter. And I think that's the overriding theme is You Matter. You need to take time back for you. And if that's completing a journal page while the kids are playing and you've set up an activity for them or
00:10:07
Speaker
you want to take a bit of time back for yourself while they're watching Poor Patrol as it is for my children. That'll be different as they get older. It's fitting in those little moments for yourself where you can. Do you know what? Those are the posts that I like the most and you've written it in your book in numerous places, one of them that I just read this morning.
00:10:30
Speaker
there's always tomorrow just because you didn't do it perfectly today. And that's one of my big bugbears is that I never get to the end of my to-do list. And so I look at it every day and feel like a complete failure every day because I haven't ticked off the 715 things that I've added to my to-do list. And I know how ridiculous it is, but sometimes I need that reminder that I'm not perfect like anybody else and it's
00:10:56
Speaker
good managing that expectation you wouldn't expect anyone else in your life to get through a day and do 500 things before you said to them well done and some days you are running on empty and you're still trying to push yourself to do those 500 things maybe you need to stop and say well actually i have nothing to give but i still manage to
00:11:17
Speaker
feed my children, you know, do my work. There were three things I did really well today, actually. And that was enough. And that's more than good enough. And yeah, I think that's what I'm hoping that people will take from my work is that you don't have to be perfect. And it doesn't all have to be done now. And the reason I share that is because I need to know that I need to remember that. So it's kind of like therapy for you. Very kind of
00:11:44
Speaker
like self-help in the truest form in that I am reminding myself that this is all okay. I don't have to have it together all the time. That's a complete reframe for me because I post things like that sometimes in amongst my medley of stuff and it usually is when I'm really struggling. I had a post that was one of my biggest posts recently where I really wanted to post a picture of myself in a nice new jumpsuit that I'd bought
00:12:12
Speaker
And I got to the end of the day and went, oh, God, I never did do that. And I've got no makeup on now. And I look terrible and I can't do it. And I just lay down on the bed and I took a selfie of myself lying on the bed. Well, I just can't do this today. But here's the things that I had done. And by the time I'd written down all the things I'd done, it was a lot. And a lot of people expected people to go, oh, yeah, me too. I'm like that. But a lot of people went, you did loads.
00:12:41
Speaker
Exactly. And I think we don't ever stop. We're always just pushing ourselves to do the next thing. And so it's taking that time to reflect on all the things that even if we're reflecting on things that didn't go very well, and knowing that we got through them, or that day did not go perfectly in any way, shape or form, but we've survived it. And we'll get on to do the other things that we wanted to do tomorrow. It's yeah, I think it's a really like that honesty is
00:13:08
Speaker
It's just needed, I think, and it's knowing that other people are in the same boat. Yeah. Yeah, really, that helps so much. Where do you think it's come from, Stacey, this whole, let's call it perfectionism, that we're just never satisfied with what we've achieved?
00:13:24
Speaker
I do think there's an element of comparing yourself to other people, and you're only seeing, even if it's not in real life off of social media, you might see moms at the school gates and they look like they've got it all together, but you haven't seen them shouting at their kids to get their shoes on 15 times that morning. We're projecting our own perceptions of people. We're not actually getting the full picture, and we're drawing comparisons that aren't really there, I think.
00:13:50
Speaker
But I do also think it comes back to me as well as like feeling like a good enough mum. That's a really big thing for me is feeling like I'm doing enough and I'm giving my children everything that I want to give them. And so I have this own view of what I should be doing. And when I don't reach my own expectations, that's when I get those sort of negative feelings and that doubt. So I don't think it's always something that's an outside thing. I think it can be our own
00:14:16
Speaker
our own expectations that we're building up that actually aren't that realistic in the first place. Yeah, you're making me think actually back to before I had kids, which is ages ago now. I don't know whether I was such a perfectionist then, but you're right. You want your child's life to be the absolute best thing it can be, don't you? That's innate in us. And I've definitely sat in bed at night going, oh my God, I wasn't a good enough mum today.
00:14:45
Speaker
I need to try harder. I remember that one time I lost my temper, and my husband would be like, but for the rest of the day, you know, you took them out, you went, you did activities with them, they've had a lovely day, they've gone to bed happy. And they've gone, they've been nights when I've gone to bed and I've cried because I've just felt so awful that, you know, there was that one tipping point where I didn't be the mum that I really wanted to be. But actually, being this perfect Mary Poppins person all the time,
00:15:10
Speaker
isn't possible. And also probably isn't very a very good thing to show our children because we need to be able to show that life has you know, we all have moments where we might lose our temper or not be able to control our emotions as well as we want to. And it's normal, okay to express the negative stuff as well. So it's
Creativity as Teenage Emotional Outlet
00:15:27
Speaker
the it's again, it's just the constant reminder to yourself that
00:15:31
Speaker
the good and the bad are both okay. Yeah. Yeah. And that's where the journaling I think is going to be so useful and I am going to completely work through your journal because it speaks to me immediately. A lot of things just don't speak to me because I just think I haven't got the time to sit down and write. And that is a real mind block that I have. But there's things in there that I really definitely want to do. And when you talk about the one moment in your day where you weren't so great as a parent,
00:15:57
Speaker
I still, even now, my daughter's nearly 17, and I still now remember quite painfully the look on her face when I rushed through the fifth incarnation of Prince Philip to Sleeping Beauty because I hate role play. I hated it.
00:16:19
Speaker
and I was bored and she wanted to do it over and over and over again and I just I remember doing the whole story in about 30 seconds flat and she looked at me super confused and I still remember that and berate myself for that today and so that I've got some work to do.
00:16:37
Speaker
clearly on all the things that, and I know I'm a good mom. I know there are brilliant things that I did then and do now. That just wasn't my thing. She probably doesn't remember that. She doesn't. That's probably not a huge memory for her at all. No, I apologize to her frequently for that now. I still bring it up and go, I'm so sorry, Maddie. And she's like, you are ridiculous, mom, shut up. I do think as well there's a lot in the saying, sorry, because I think sometimes we can feel like if our parents played her behave in a way that we
00:17:07
Speaker
you know, isn't how we'd want them to behave. Well, they do something that makes us feel not so great, which I think is what we're assuming our kids are feeling when we do these things, that the saying sorry is actually a huge part of that. And I think being I'm saying that I did something, I didn't feel very nice when I was doing it. But I apologize if it made you feel that way. That's teaching them a lesson. So I feel like even if there are these moments,
00:17:32
Speaker
We're still giving something to our children by showing that we can apologize and move on from it or maybe keep it in our minds for the next decade and bring it up every now and then. Yeah. I'll bring it up until I'm a grandma, I think.
00:17:49
Speaker
In fact, I'll be so good at role play. Yeah, because I won't have to sterilize bottles and cope with bedtime and bath time then. It's easier for some people than it is for others because of the circumstance they find themselves in on the day, isn't it? Yeah, and I do think as well just there are some things
00:18:08
Speaker
you just don't like. My husband loves an outdoor activity. Absolutely adores being outdoors with the kids. I'm like, let's do crafts. Let's do some baking. That's my comfort zone and that's where I'm happiest.
00:18:21
Speaker
So I think we can't expect to be great and this super mum that can do every activity will be interested in everything our children love to do because sometimes it is just boring. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because we're all different. No, you're right. Roleplay was boring to me. Craft was boring for me. I didn't do that stuff, but I did other things.
00:18:42
Speaker
I'm hoping that there are some teenagers listening. I know that this conversation so far will have been awesome for moms who feel they're struggling. But I think there's bits in there that teenagers, if they are listening or watching, if we put this on YouTube, might take something from. Stacey, you said to me that you began your journaling journey
00:19:08
Speaker
because of your, or throughout your teenage years? So yeah, well, I've always had a sort of like craft and art and illustration has always been my thing. So I've always been very creative and I've always really liked writing. And so those two worlds, they didn't necessarily exist in the traditional sort of journaling sense, but I used to write a lot of poetry. I used to do a lot of drawing and it was something that
00:19:34
Speaker
There's always been a really good outlet for me and a good space that is my own that I can kind of... I sort of use it to process things or as an escape when things are feeling a bit heavy. And that is definitely something that started or was very useful during my teenage years. Did you have a tough time as a teenager? I mean, I guess you must have had some things because all teenagers do, right? Looking at my kids now, I just think the pressure on them
00:20:02
Speaker
to succeed peer pressure. But I remember peer pressure, you know, 40 years ago being a massive issue for me. So it must it's always been the same. So I'm guessing you felt some of those things. Yeah. And I think as well for me, my teenagers, when I was 14, my parents separated. And there was also a lot of it was a time of kind of family upheaval. There were some quite big family revelations that all happened within quite a short
00:20:28
Speaker
that time frame. And so I was 14 and dealing with really big family issues. And in that time, my mom also struggled with her mental health and I became kind of a support for her. Obviously, she was her and my dad were no longer together. So I was the eldest child. And there was a lot of kind of just making sure that she was okay. And and helping her when she didn't feel too great.
00:20:54
Speaker
at 14 years old and onwards. So it's definitely a time where I think I got to understand the importance of mental health. And it was a time where there was just a lot going on and a lot of really big and confusing and quite scary and overwhelming stuff happening with the adults around me. And I had to navigate my way through that.
00:21:14
Speaker
Yeah, it's interesting because I look at my kids now and think how adult they are. They're 14 and 17. I said to my son last night, you're so wise. How do you get to be so wise at 14? And they are because they've learned so much. It's a revelation to me. But we forget that their brains aren't fully developed.
00:21:38
Speaker
they understand a lot but it's a lot of things are quite some things actually they process much more easily than we do they don't get hung up about them but other things it's it's a lot when there's big emotions going around that you've never experienced before it's a lot to deal with and especially if your if your parents well it is the age when you start to realize that your parents aren't perfect and haven't got it all together all of the time so
00:22:04
Speaker
Is that when you turned to journaling as a support? Yeah. I wasn't really traditionally journaling them, but just using writing and drawing, so the aspects of journaling, but I felt like I didn't necessarily know that there was that name for it then. It was just such a big escape for me. It was just something that I felt was my own.
00:22:32
Speaker
has always been my interest. And I think when there's lots of chaos around you, having something that you can kind of anchor yourself with and hold on to can be a real help. And I think that's where my creative journey has really helped me from all the big ups and downs of my life.
00:22:51
Speaker
Yeah, well I suppose actually I kept a diary and it's a real typical teenage girl thing to do to write a diary, isn't it? So that's the same kind of thing. So what is the difference between a diary and a journal? Having never done a journal before, I'm totally new to this.
00:23:08
Speaker
I'm sure there'll be people that will have a very clever definition between the two, but I think for me, a diary is more of a kind of outpouring of thoughts and feelings where with a journal, you're going to be working through those thoughts and feelings. There may be prompts or certain activities that you kind of choose to work through rather than sort of free writing or... Yeah. ...documentary things in a diary form. So I really hope for the journal you kind of dip in and out of it. If you want to think about
00:23:38
Speaker
and your priorities there's an activity for that if you want to think about how you can support your self care with a meal plan there's things for that so it's it's kind of more prescribed if I think that's actually really good if you are a bit scared of a blank page as well that there's this kind of structure to it more so than you'd get with just opening a blank book and then being expected to
00:24:00
Speaker
Philip. Yeah, so it's less an outpouring of emotions, which actually can probably be a bit scary at the time. More of a practical workbook to help you focus on the things that are going to make a difference to your wellbeing. I think that you were saying you find it quite like, oh, I don't have time to just write things. Actually, if you think, do I have time to fill in that
00:24:26
Speaker
little box on that A5 page, well, you probably do have a few minutes to do that. And so I think it's much more contained, which hopefully means that you'll be able to
00:24:36
Speaker
fit it in to more spaces within the day. Yeah, I'm thinking of it a bit like, well, it's guided, isn't it? A bit like a meditation that's guided. I could no way in a million years lie down on the floor and be mindful and think about nothing. I need an app and a guy talking me through the processes of how I calm my body down. So is it similar to that in a written form?
00:25:00
Speaker
I think that's a really nice analogy actually, or like a comparison. I think having, yeah, having someone that's saying to you, now we're going to talk about X, Y, Z and having a place to do that. And it's very specific that that can be really helpful. And also might bring up things that you wouldn't otherwise think of on your own. You might not think, Oh, what do I need in my self self-care toolkit today? That wouldn't naturally be what you'd write in your diary. But when you have that laid out in front of you and it explains
00:25:28
Speaker
give you some pointers or some prompts, then it's much easier to fulfil those activities. Yeah, I'm just going back to my notes actually because I wrote down a few things that I'd flipped through and thought, yeah, I like that one, I'm going to do that. It starts with an exercise to write positive things about yourself. And immediately I just thought, well, how often do we ever stop and think about how great we are at something? We just don't do that. I don't know if it's a British thing,
00:25:57
Speaker
or if it's human? Probably a bit of both but I think as well even as a teenager like that's something body identity and body image was so kind of overwhelming for me. I felt really kind of conscious of my body and my size and how I looked and so I think if you're thinking about it from that angle like being able to stop and be like actually I look really great or I'm really good at
00:26:25
Speaker
I don't know what you might be really good at. I'm really good at football, I'm really good at writing and you're sort of focusing on the things that you really like about yourself. As a teenager, I never did that. And as an adult, I still find it quite tricky. So having to force yourself into doing it, I think can be really positive and maybe reframe some of the things that you don't look so favourably on about yourself.
00:26:48
Speaker
Yeah, I like the fact that it's at the beginning of the book as well, so you can go back and have a look and remind yourself on a wobbly table actually. Yeah, really, I have really good eyebrows. For example, I don't personally, but if that's what you've written in your book, on a day when you're just feeling like your face is not where you'd like it to be.
00:27:08
Speaker
you know, on a particularly spotty day or a tired day, a grey day, a limp hair day, I've really great eyebrows. When you go out and someone says, oh, that's a lovely dress, and it kind of you're like, oh, thanks, like, you can feel it, that kind of picks you up. It does. So you're sort of doing that for yourself, and knowing that that's there, if you do need a compliment or something to kind of boost you a little bit, that you've already thought about those things, and you know that you actually are
00:27:35
Speaker
really amazing in so many different ways. And as you say, not just the physical things, but the I'm great at sport or I play the saxophone beautifully or I'm just a nice writer or I'm a really good friend.
Reflecting on Personal Strengths
00:27:51
Speaker
Exactly. There are so many different things that could fill that box. And I think if it's something that initially, maybe you don't feel comfortable thinking, you might not have something that comes to the sort of forefront of your brain about your physical appearance. But actually, you're quite confident in the fact that you're a good friend, that that's something you can go back to. And when you do start feeling a bit better about yourself, or more able to talk, that you use more positive self talk, you can go back and add to it as a never ending
00:28:17
Speaker
kind of activity that you can keep going back to. Yeah, definitely. Do you recommend that people dip in and out of the book or is it something that you benefit from working through from the beginning? I'm a bit of a... I'll caveat that with the fact that I'm a bit of a perfectionist. I think it's Maya Spriggs. There's a personality questionnaire that labels you as two different types and I'm a complete a finisher.
00:28:40
Speaker
Both my types are about working through it methodically and getting to the end. I think it does work both ways. There's no there's some of the introduction pages that are slightly more. This is a beginning. This is the start where you can maybe think about you. But there's no kind of strict order or way of filling out the book. It can be that maybe today you think you do need to think about self talk. And so you do that activity.
00:29:06
Speaker
But actually, you're finding that not having a meal plan for the week is quite overwhelming. And you think that would really help your ability to cope with other things. So you're going to fill in that page that you're prepared for next week. So I think there's, yeah, there's lots of ways to use it. And I really want people to be able to use it however suits them. So I think once you start adding too many rules or thinking, I'm not doing this right, that's when it's easy to just put it down and think, oh, no, I can't do that right now. So yeah, I think however you want to use it is absolutely perfectly
00:29:36
Speaker
Absolutely fine. Yeah. So again, I'm thinking about teenagers using this journal and it is, I mean, it's beautiful. It would speak to teenagers. So there's no reason why they wouldn't want to. But again, I'm thinking about my daughter, for example, who is, her life is super busy.
00:29:57
Speaker
And when she's done with all the stuff that she has to do, she's getting ready for A levels, she just wants to mindlessly scroll through TikTok or rewatch Friends for the 15th time because that's what she needs to switch her brain off. What would you say? How would you tell her
00:30:22
Speaker
to carve out the time to do the exercises in this book.
00:30:29
Speaker
I think it's one of the things that recognizing that it's not a chore, that it's something that is both beneficial and can take off some of that pressure that's in your brain. But when you have that list of expectations and jobs to do and things to tick off and exams to sit and there's so much you're carrying around with you that to just spend a little bit of time on unloading some of that offloading it and putting it on paper. And if you do that before you start scrolling on TikTok or
00:30:56
Speaker
You know, once you've watched an episode of Friends and you're feeling a little bit more relaxed and you do it before you go and have a shower and get into bed or, you know, whatever, however you run your day, I think it's just finding where it fits in for you, but recognizing that it doesn't have to be another thing on your to-do list. There's no expectation of you to be doing this perfectly or to make it into a really big, a big deal that you have to, you know,
00:31:22
Speaker
tick off another box, I've done my journaling today. But I think as well, because I've tried to keep my books in a really similar vein to my Instagram posts. So they're a natural progression from if you see my work on Instagram, you're someone that spends time on social media, then not a million miles away from the post that you'll see on my page. So there's already a correlation between if you enjoy that, then you might enjoy this. And if you find that useful, and you like
00:31:50
Speaker
thinking about your mental health and practicing self-care, then this is something maybe you should explore and it might benefit you. So hopefully you'll find it inviting.
00:32:01
Speaker
Yeah, definitely. Definitely. And I'm kind of getting there with the, you've said it a couple of times now, don't see it as a thing to tick off your to-do list, see it as a nice thing to do for yourself. And I'm thinking for me, when I'm rushing through my day and I suddenly get to about three o'clock and I'm exhausted and I find that I'm actually not doing anything of any value, but I carry on sitting there for the next two hours because I can't stop work till five o'clock.
00:32:30
Speaker
And I look back and go, I did nothing in those two hours. Nothing. And I'm trying to remind myself that what would be better thinking that I've got two hours left when I could work is to take half an hour to go for a walk or have a cup of tea. It's one of the things you suggest, make a hot drink and sit and just enjoy the hot drink. And that potentially, if I'd done that,
00:32:57
Speaker
I may not, and that's fine too, but I may have regained the energy to go back and actually create something useful out of my working hour that's left. So maybe the journal should be one of those. As you say, before you get onto TikTok, just take a moment for yourself. And another thing, I'm making two points in one statement here, but another thing, when you said it about your Instagram post being similar,
00:33:24
Speaker
I guess it's just a small extension of that because we look at your posts, we read the caption, we do take the time to share it, so we're taking the time to think about it. It's just putting those words in pencil or ink, isn't it? Does it just cement it a bit more when you do that?
00:33:47
Speaker
I think as my Instagram posts are often quite personal. So I think it's taking, the image can I think often be interpreted and relatable to lots of different situations. And then I'll explain why I've chosen to post those words or that image. But this book, you can put anything in there that you want that's directly meaningful or relatable to your own experience. So I think it's just taking the
00:34:13
Speaker
the kind of bones of what I'm giving you and then that's yours and that's your space. And that's something that you can use the kind of graphics and the recognizable formats that I've already kind of put out there, but then it's yours to make your own. So it's kind of like the next step where it becomes something that you create.
00:34:34
Speaker
Yeah, that's a really good way of thinking about it. I've just gone back to my notes again because a couple more things that I wrote down, just to give people an example of stuff that I looked at it and think, well, why wouldn't I do this? This is gorgeous.
00:34:49
Speaker
You've got a double page of people who make life sparkle. And it just made me think instantly of two really good friends of mine. And then I thought of all the people that we get caught up in, I mean, being on Twitter doesn't help me, but we get caught up in mood hovers.
00:35:09
Speaker
when we do better to just try and spend more time engaging with the people who make us feel good. I'm messaging those girls today. We have a group Facebook chat that every now and then one of us will post something. Then we have a really long conversation, the three of us. I'm just thinking, I'm going to do that every day. I need them in my life every day.
00:35:30
Speaker
There are people that are people that just make you feel better for being around them or for knowing them. And actually doesn't even, that was one of the first pages I created for the book actually. And it was something that, I thought there's so many people in daily life that just make that day a little bit better. And not necessarily always friends and family. Like my Hermes delivery man is the loveliest man and he always stops and has a chat. And if I'm not in, he'll find a place to put my parcels.
00:35:57
Speaker
And he actually makes my days better by just being really, really friendly and doing his job really well. And the lollipop person at the school, they, lovely, really, really lovely, always makes a point of saying hello to the children. And that makes my day better. That makes my mornings nicer because they've gone out of their way to be polite, to be kind.
Recognizing Everyday Positivity
00:36:17
Speaker
I think there's going to be a big mix of people that actually we don't necessarily stop and think about, but who are adding to the sparkliness of our everyday life. You're so right. You've just made me think of my postman and it was Christmas time, a post woman put on a local Facebook group a long post about how hard
00:36:39
Speaker
Postman and women work at this time of year and how not many people say thank you or wish or even more wish them a nice day. And what a massive difference that makes to them. And I thought, Crikey, really? It does make that much difference. I mean, I would say thank you to my postman if he hands me stuff, because exactly like your Hermes delivery person, he's really good with my parcels. I get a lot and he knows what to do with them. He's brilliant.
00:37:09
Speaker
And he jokes about when I'm having a particularly busy run. So, yeah, he does make my day brighter. And so I started not just saying thank you, but saying, well, have a good day. And that made me feel better knowing that maybe not him, but some post people really appreciate and have a nice day. So it's a whole lifting. And you might just start recognising that. It does. It makes you feel better. By default, you feel happier.
00:37:36
Speaker
because you're recognizing the points where people are making you happy, you're understanding the things that
00:37:43
Speaker
that you value. And so you can put more of that out to other people again. And so it's this just whole kind of idea of making life a little bit nicer. And then on the days when you're not feeling great, you have this kind of reserve where you're already building up these things that make me feel better because you're doing them already. Yeah. And it's comforting actually on the days when you're not feeling great to know that actually, although today's a bit rubbish, life itself is generally pretty good. It's okay.
00:38:13
Speaker
Yeah, it's so easy to moan and to find like, it's so easy to think things that kind of annoy you or the gripes that you have and things that haven't gone so well that actually being really conscious about taking time to recognize the positive people and the good stuff and the things you're really grateful for. It's like an automatic mood booster. And
00:38:34
Speaker
I think it just makes life that much nicer and easier. Yeah. Yeah. No, you're right. We're so conditioned. I've been trying to do it for a while now, but there was, unfortunately, I'm ashamed to say there was, but I'm not ashamed because, I mean, the channel stays with now. I'm not ashamed because we're only human, but there was a period of time where I just
00:38:59
Speaker
I don't know why, but I just had to say the thing, I had to complain in my own head about the things that didn't work, the people that were a bit mean, the rude things that I'd seen, the bad stuff that happened, the puddle that I'd wet my trainer in.
00:39:14
Speaker
And it doesn't take away any of those things. It's just that focusing on those things stops you from recognizing and noticing some of the other things. People have said this to me before, the happiest people are the people who try to make other people happy.
00:39:31
Speaker
And that was a bit of a reach for me to get my head around, but I just started doing it. You know when they say, oh, just smile and you'll feel happier. And that's actually true, even though my teenager's like, oh, just smile and you'll feel happier. I do feel quite kind of patronising. Yeah. And you never want to detract from the fact that it is also OK to voice the negative stuff. There's a real place for that. But I think just making a conscious effort to
00:39:58
Speaker
give a similar amount of space or some more space to the good stuff too. Slaves you kind of spiraling into this thing of, well, everything's a bit rubbish. Yeah, yeah. And there might be a day when everything's a bit rubbish, but then you can remind yourself that yesterday wasn't so rubbish, so tomorrow probably won't be.
00:40:16
Speaker
or you can look back and be like, Oh, it actually is really like something that's happening in my life is really awful. And that is just the case. Sometimes, you know, last year I had some really awful, awful things happen. And those times there were very few things I could grasp on in the every day that felt really positive. Um,
00:40:37
Speaker
But there were things that did exist. There were things that I could think, actually, this is all terrible, however. And I had this kind of reserve of good stuff. And they just haven't banked away for the days when it feels like the worst does happen. That little shining light can keep you going.
00:40:58
Speaker
keep pushing forwards and give a bit of oomph when you need it. Yeah and you've just reminded me actually that of course everybody has really difficult times when there isn't a solution other than to just keep going.
Supporting Teen Emotional Health
00:41:13
Speaker
I've been through that, my kids have been through that.
00:41:17
Speaker
And as a mum of teenagers who still have, they do still bring their problems home to you sometimes. They don't tell you everything and that's hard, but they do tell you some things and when they do, you know it's because they're really not coping with it. It's really bad for them.
00:41:36
Speaker
I had one of those recently, and I just couldn't make it better. As a mum, you just want to go, oh, but, and what if you try? There was nothing, and I didn't want to be glib and say, oh, but, and what if you try? Because my mum made that mistake with me, cheer up, it might never happen, or take it as a compliment, that kind of stuff.
00:42:01
Speaker
And I found that actually what helped her the most was to just sit there and go, God, that's really shit. I'm so sorry. Yeah. So I think that's sometimes just that's just what you want to hear. And you don't need someone to give you answers because there is no answer. You just need someone to sit with you and sit in that moment and be like, you're right. You're right. And you're OK to be feeling as bad as you're feeling because there's there's no easy answer to this. And I think what you were saying about teenagers
00:42:30
Speaker
finding it hard to express some of those big issues or problems, that having a space to write that down and maybe the things you might not have a name for or you don't quite know how to identify those feelings or how to put those thoughts in order, having a space where you can write that out before maybe you then go on to speak to someone about it, like a trial run for processing your emotions before you seek some comfort or help from other people. I think that is also another really good reason
00:42:58
Speaker
for teenagers to use journaling or some kind of writing or creative activity to process things. Because it can be a lot. Yeah, you're right. And it's difficult to name what you're feeling sometimes. And actually, that's one of the things that I've been working on trying to do better with recently is
00:43:18
Speaker
not reaching for the distraction. It's really easy when you're busy and you feel rubbish to reach for the glass of wine or the bar of chocolate. And I really want to teach my kids not to develop those habits of distracting themselves. There is a place for distraction, isn't there? But not to routinely distract themselves from how they're feeling, but to actually recognize how they feel, try and name how they're feeling.
00:43:45
Speaker
and feel it and let themselves feel it not just just because it's a negative emotion doesn't mean you shouldn't recognize it and feel it i'm saying this right i feel like i'm not that makes perfect i think yeah i think that's exactly it is allowing yourself to know that.
00:44:01
Speaker
it's all right to feel crap sometimes and that everyone does. There's not an easy fix and there's nothing you're doing wrong by not feeling better. Because I think sometimes you think, well, you know, why can't I just cope with this more? Why can't I be dealing with this the way that
00:44:17
Speaker
I see other people dealing with similar situations. And that's just not real life. We'll all have different capacities for handling things. We'll all be able to get through different situations with different levels of help. And I think that's true of all adult life. There are going to be things that you were saying that some people find very simple. They may have a different support network. They may just have different capabilities and interests. And that kind of, yeah, it really
00:44:47
Speaker
impacts how you're able to navigate your way through different situations, but all of us do get through them. We're all resilient and we're all surviving those really tricky days and those really rubbish times. So yeah, I think knowing as a teenager that you will get through the tough times, but there's no, you just have to go through it. There's no opt out option.
00:45:09
Speaker
No, and if you choose an opt-out option, it may not be the healthiest thing. And also, talking about other people looking like they're handling things way better than you, that's not necessarily true always, is it? People, as you said earlier, just put a veneer on things and they may not be coping very well at all underneath it. So it's okay to not cope. I know from personal experience that sometimes I can look like I've got everything together, but it's a bit like a swan underneath. I'm like, oh my God.
00:45:39
Speaker
I can feel the overwhelm rising. And it's not until you kind of reach that kind of volcanic eruption of actually, I'm not hoping very well. Yeah, that like, you seemed like you were okay. Yeah. Until I wasn't okay. Yeah. Yeah. So I think it's just yeah, there's, there's a lot of things that we assume about other people that we then use to kind of beat ourselves up with that that isn't necessarily true or
00:46:08
Speaker
or real. Yeah. Yeah. And actually, when you when you actually that's part of the journaling and the mindfulness, isn't it? That when you is realising that your your webbed feet are paddling really hard under the surface before it breaks you and you have to then take well, heaven knows how much time out. Yeah. Just taking those moments every day. Understanding yourself. So if I am understanding the things that I do find hard or the things that I
00:46:36
Speaker
I find quite tricky to deal with or that bring up a certain level of emotion. But I've worked that out. And so I know that that's where I need to talk to someone else to step in and, you know, do that job for me or seek a bit of extra support when I know that I'm going to be dealing with x emotion that I find a bit a bit a bit hard. So yeah, I think there's sort of self understanding
00:47:02
Speaker
It's just a really useful starting point for dealing with everything else life might throw at you. Yeah. And we don't understand ourselves actually, if we don't do these mindful practices. I've had some coaching recently and I've, I've just been, every time I'm there, I'm sitting there going, oh my God, that's so true. I didn't know that about me.
00:47:22
Speaker
So I started having counselling sessions and it's the same thing where we have a very kind of on the surface, kind of not particularly deep and invested involved, sorry, conversation. And then there'll just be a point that she makes and I'm like, oh,
00:47:37
Speaker
Oh, yeah, that explains that my whole life. What a joy if we could teach our kids to know themselves in that way before they get to adulthood and suddenly need a counselor and a life coach. And I think it's just having this kind of understanding that it's all right to take that time to kind of understand yourself and pick apart the things that
00:48:08
Speaker
you like and dislike or you want to do differently and the things you find overwhelming and the things you do really well and just realizing that all those little pieces are all okay. And that is what makes you you. Yeah, knowing that those are the little pieces just can just really help you react differently or kind of
00:48:27
Speaker
respond to situations in a more measured way or in a way where you can get the support that you need rather than just being very reactive and getting burnt out or overwhelmed. Yeah, in a way that works for you. Yeah. Yeah.
Connect and Share
00:48:40
Speaker
Stacey, tell people where to find you on Instagram and everybody seriously, you have to go follow Stacey on Instagram and where to get this awesome book. I was calling it an awesome book, but it is actually The Positively Awesome Journal.
00:48:54
Speaker
So on Instagram, I'm Stacy Swift, and on Facebook as well. And my website is StacySwift.com. So everything is just, if you know my name, you'll be able to find me. And the journal you can buy in all good bookshops, I think is the... Buy the book. I feel like I'm on TV when I say things like that. So yeah, Amazon, Waterstones, all your independent bookshops should be able to order it in for you. And that'll be sort of a worldwide Amazon sites in the bookseller.org.
00:49:23
Speaker
Yeah, it should be everywhere. Amazing. Amazing. Brilliant. Everybody, go follow Stacey. It's in pre-order, the book, is it, at the moment? Yeah, the journal comes out on the 8th of July, so that's coming soon.
00:49:39
Speaker
Excellent, so go pre-order. And I guarantee there will be something in it, even if you don't complete the whole book, there'll be something in it that will make you think, oh, I really want to do that. And I've already got six dog-eared corners. Sorry to spoil your beautiful book with corners. No, that's why I want it to be loved and used and to show that it's kind of been something that's helped, like a resource to help people. Yeah, perfect. Thank you, Stacey. Thanks so much for chatting today.
00:50:12
Speaker
Oh, how gorgeous is Stacey? That was such a lovely chat. I really enjoyed chatting to her about how all of us are a work in progress. We had a little chat afterwards and she openly says that she does not have it all sorted. As you heard in the podcast, she's just there trying to do the best thing for her own wellbeing and inspire us to do the same.
00:50:36
Speaker
Go and order her book. Go follow her on Instagram. I promise you, she will be a little breath of fresh air in your Instagram feed if you don't already follow her. If you've enjoyed the Teenage Kicks podcast, I would love it if you consider subscribing or giving me a rating and review wherever you listen to your podcasts.
00:51:04
Speaker
It really helps other people to find these important conversations about teenage life. And if you know someone else who might get inspiration from this episode, please do share it with them.
00:51:16
Speaker
There are lots more episodes, so have a browse and see if anything else strikes a chord for your family. And if you have feedback or a suggestion for a future episode, please do email me on Teenage Kicks Podcast at gmail.com. I love to hear from my listeners, and I'm always looking for more stories to tell. There are more parenting teens tips on my blog, Actually Mommy, and you'll also find me talking about the teenage years on Instagram at I am Helen Wills.
00:51:46
Speaker
I'll put all the links in the episode notes. Thank you so much for listening. Come back next week when I'll be chatting to another brilliant guest about the highs and lows of raising teams.