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Ep. 106: It is possible to grow out of teenage anxiety
203 Plays1 month ago
Owen Wood suffered from anxiety as a young teenager. He tells me how he coped, what his parents did to support him, and what helped him at school during those years. We talk about how travelling on a budget during Race Across The World taught him to have faith in himself, and how he copes with the nerves of travelling alone now.
Owen says that, just because you're an anxious teenager, it doesn't mean you're going to be an anxious adult. The trick, he says, is to try new things anyway, and to have faith in your own ability to take care of yourself. The more you experiment and realise that you can survive difficult things, the more confident you become.
Who is Owen Wood?
22 year old Owen Wood lives in Hertfordshire and is currently training to be a commercial airline pilot. However, you might know his name from season 4 of Race Across The World, which he won along with his friend Alfie Watts. After winning on the show last year, he went straight back out to Southeast Asia to do it all over again! He’s now planning on doing the same in Australia later this year. We talk about how it felt to be on the TV programme, and stress and excitement of the race.
You might be forgiven for thinking that Owen owes his travel confidence to a carefree attitude to life, but he talks openly about his struggles with anxiety as a teenager. He’s now an ambassador for teenage mental health charity The Mix, a website for teenagers and young adults where you can find information and support for most issues you might face as a teenager.
Useful links:
- Free counselling at The Mix
- Owen on Instagram
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Transcript
Introduction and Personal Reflection
00:00:00
Speaker
Before I was 20, I was completely different. Like I wouldn't really try too much, I don't feel. And I would just ah assume that I couldn't do it. But now that I've tried lots of different things and realized I can do it, it's like, oh, I'm probably capable of a lot more than I think I am, which is, and I think everyone's the same, honestly. I think everyone is a lot capable of a lot more than what they think they are. They just need to try things.
Normalizing Anxiety with Helen Wills
00:00:25
Speaker
Welcome to the Teenage Kicks podcast and to the final episode of this season. We talk about anxiety a lot on this podcast and what I've learned through our conversations and through my work as a counsellor is that anxiety isn't something we need to be afraid of.
00:00:44
Speaker
It's a normal part of life. In fact, a life without anxiety can be quite dangerous. And it's the fear of anxiety that causes us the biggest problem, not the anxiety itself.
00:00:57
Speaker
If this resonates for you and you think counselling might help, do get in touch for a free conversation about whether I'd be the right counsellor for you. You can find me at HelenWills.com.
Owen Wood on Mental Health Stigma
00:01:11
Speaker
conversations around anxiety becoming more normal and less stigmatized but we don't often hear men talking about their mental health it's something i think we need to model to our teenagers and boys need to see it every bit as much as girls do that's why i'm so grateful to today's guest who openly shares his journey with anxiety through his early teenage years 22-year-old Owen Wood is here today to talk to me about mental health in young boys, something that doesn't often get talked about.
00:01:47
Speaker
Owen lives in Hertfordshire and is currently training to be a commercial airline pilot. However, you might know his name from season four of Race Across the World, which he won along with his friend Alfie Watts.
00:02:00
Speaker
After winning on the show last year, he went straight back out to Southeast Asia to do it all over again, hopefully with a phone and a bit more cash this time. He's now planning on doing the same in Australia later this year.
Supporting Young Men with Anxiety
00:02:13
Speaker
You might be forgiven for thinking that Owen owes his travel confidence to a carefree attitude to life, but he talks openly about his struggles with anxiety as a teenager.
00:02:25
Speaker
He's now an ambassador for teenage mental health charity, The Mix, where he hopes to support other young men and boys with anxiety. Owen, thank you for giving us your time today. Welcome to the podcast. Thank you.
00:02:38
Speaker
It's so good to have you here because, well, I mean, we're going to talk about the show. You must be bored with talking about the show by now, but I'm still really excited it. No, go for it. Any questions far away.
00:02:49
Speaker
But um we weve we've got so many episodes on this podcast about teenagers struggling with anxiety and it's heartbreaking for me and I know that there's common themes around it but we don't very often get to talk to young men and boys who've experienced anxiety and yet my sense is that I mean as a mom of a both a boy and a girl I'm around teenage boys as well as teenage girls and my sense is that there's plenty of anxiety amongst boys girls don't have the monopoly right Yeah, I think, you know, the stigma around boys' mental health has always been, you know, a very different way to, like, girls' and women's mental health. Like, you know, boys aren't really as open to expressing it, especially when
The Role of Support Systems
00:03:34
Speaker
they're younger. they just You just find they kind of hold it in, and that can often carry into, like, you know, post-teenage life, you know, young adults, and even into, like, you know, your middle ages. It's just there has always been that stigma around not really talking about it. But i think very slowly –
00:03:48
Speaker
in today's world that that is kind of being broken down and you know those um hurdles and you know boundaries are slowly kind of fading and boys do feel more open to talking about it which is obviously a very good thing Yeah, it's starting to shift. um I mean, the stigma about ah saying that you're in therapy or you need support with mental health is less, but I feel like it's it's still there for for everyone. and and that the There are barriers to talking and that's why things like The Mix and you and others talking so openly about your own issues is is so helpful because it kind of normalises it, I think, makes people realise that
00:04:27
Speaker
This isn't something you have because you're weird or there's something wrong with you. this is is It's like physical health. Everyone gets a cold. Everyone has anxiety at times. It's really normal. But being able to talk about it is where you get the support.
00:04:40
Speaker
it's that is Is that what you found? ofm sort i'm jumping the I'm jumping ahead. I want to go back in a minute. But is is is that have you had people to talk to?
Owen's Early Experiences with Anxiety
00:04:50
Speaker
Yeah, no, of course it's, you need, um you know, people to talk to, you know, you've got your family, you've got your friends, but you know, a lot of people might not have that or they might have that and feel like they can't be open to, you know, parents, brothers, sisters, or friends. They just might feel like they can't talk about that sort of stuff to them.
00:05:06
Speaker
So that's why like you mentioned, services like The Mix and other like mental health charities and services like that are really good nowadays because, you know, everything's online, especially like teenagers are always online.
00:05:17
Speaker
So it's good for them to have an outlet such as The Mix. um You know, that is an online service and that can be accessed very easily. And that's one of the many things that is being utilised nowadays to kind of break down that stigma about not talking about mental health.
00:05:33
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, that's a really good point, actually. And we'll we'll bring it up here. I've got the Mix links in other podcast episodes and um i'll put I'll put it in here as well in the show notes. But um the Mix offers, is that right? ah and The Mix offers some online counselling in various formats. It's like an online service, yeah. And they have information on pretty much any any teenage issues and mental health. And yeah, it's just ah it's just a really good overall online service for teenagers, basically, and anything they could need advice or help on.
00:06:03
Speaker
Yeah, it does. It is a really good service. So, Owen, take us back a little bit. What's what's what's it like for you growing up? What what are your earliest memories? how How did you get through um junior school? And tell us about when you landed in secondary school, which is where, as I understand it, your anxiety really began to kick in.
00:06:28
Speaker
Yeah, so I don't, honestly, I don't really remember a lot from like, you know, primary school, like nursery, obviously in junior school. I don't i only remember vague very vague memories and those memories are all all good ones, to be honest, you know, just kicking around with your mates in the playground at school and, you know, learning how to count to 10. I don't really remember much else. But yeah, like you said, getting to secondary school was kind of where...
00:06:48
Speaker
that kind of shifted and like, that's where a lot of the problems started for me, you know, transitioning, transitioning into year seven. That's where a lot of the problems came in for me, you know, just this sudden kind of wave of anxiety crashing down on me and it feeling like I couldn't really do much about it And just, yeah, just feeling like trapped in that kind of system where you're just worrying about everything and you know, no matter how much anyone tells you not to worry or tries to help you, it just doesn't help. Like I was very fortunate to have people like my parents, you know, certain teachers at school and friends to kind of have that outlet and you know, they tried to help and ah honestly they did.
00:07:24
Speaker
But, you know, when you're worrying that much, being told to just don't worry about it or just get on with it doesn't really doesn't really cut it. When when you're when you're dealing with stress and anxiety in that way, you know, you need a bit more than just don't worry about it or it's OK, you'll get through it.
00:07:38
Speaker
yeah. yeah Yeah. Looking back, what what do you think it was about secondary school, starting secondary school that kickstarted all of that? I think just, you know, I'm a lot different to how I was back then. So I'm trying to think how, like, put myself in the mindset of year seven me. But, like, transitioning from primary to secondary school is obviously a very big jump. And, like, a lot of you know, primary schools don't prepare their students very well for um for the jump to secondary school, in my opinion. Mm-hmm.
00:08:10
Speaker
but So it's, yeah, it's stuff like that. and And just, you know, it's the transition that makes it worse and, you know, moving in with not many friends and stuff like that. And I think deep down, I've always been and I always be a more anxious person, a bigger overthinker than most people. that That's just who I am.
00:08:26
Speaker
But rise it's kind of how you deal with that and how you overcome that in some sense. so Yeah, I guess, I mean, know I think for most people it is quite a big step up. i I can remember, and I'm far too old to remember how I felt when I was 11, but I remember very clearly being really quite anxious in my first three years of secondary school until I found my people because it it is such a shift.
00:08:55
Speaker
and It's big step. It's not just the size of the building and the volume of people you don't know, is it? room It's just the into a complete environment change. You know, you're going from one normality to a complete alien world that you're not used to yet. And it just does take time to get used to it.
00:09:12
Speaker
Some people settle in absolutely fine and have no problems. Some people take, you know, a year or two to settle in. And that was that was me, you know, throughout year seven, eight. I just really struggled to like settle in. You know, i always i always had, you know, a good group of friends. Like I had my family around here. I was always, you know, I was a all right at school. I wasn't a genius, but you know, was i was I was doing fine at school.
00:09:31
Speaker
So realistically, I had nothing to be worried about. However, I was still more worried than 99% of the people
Managing Anxiety through Distractions
00:09:39
Speaker
at the school. And that's just kind of part of who I was or who I am.
00:09:43
Speaker
um But it's just about how you kind of deal with that and how you ever overcome it.
00:09:48
Speaker
So, yeah, how did you deal with it? Did you seek support at school? Yeah, so obviously I had my parents, they were like the main driver of my support. And then obviously they have support groups at school that that help you out with that sort stuff.
00:10:02
Speaker
you know, your form tutors and certain teachers that, you are really willing to, you know, put their foot out and really help you. But I think for me, it was, I feel like a lot of people say like, oh, they did loads of different things to try and help. I feel like for me, I kind of just ended up growing out of it a bit.
00:10:17
Speaker
Like it was just the time that it took. for me it's to kind of my mind check just to kind of naturally shift obviously the help and support from my parents and people like that did really help and aid that but i feel like it was just a gradual shift naturally in my attitude towards certain things and that's something that can't necessarily be sped up or you know forced it kind of just happens and obviously when you're in the situation where you're stressing over everything, you're overthinking everything. It's hard to think like, oh, you know, maybe I'll be okay one day, but now I'm past that. It's easy for me to see that like, oh yeah, it was just a bit of a, ah you know, a little bit of a rough patch and it just took a bit longer for me to overcome.
00:10:58
Speaker
Yeah, that's a really interesting point you've made that um actually you caught you can't fix it and you can't step away from it and you can't prevent it.
00:11:12
Speaker
you It sounds like what you're saying is you you just have to get... the right support for you until, until your body almost relaxes and you trust that you're okay. You're in, ah you're in a safe space.
00:11:28
Speaker
You have to just kind of trust the process and like, you know, it won't always be like this forever. And that is when people would say that to me, like, oh, you'll be all right. Eventually I know what it's like to be in that situation. And be told that and think that like you, you can't just believe that, or you know, you're not just going to believe someone who says, oh it's going to be all right. Cause if they're not stressed or worried, it's easy for them to say, So I get how saying that isn't easy to take on board, but you kind of just, you can only do what you can do. You just need to find out what does kind of help a little bit for you and just keep building on that.
00:11:57
Speaker
And then eventually your body will ah start slowly adapting to that and you your mindset will change. Yeah. i Yeah.
Mindset Shifts and Self-Trust
00:12:06
Speaker
i'm I'm also mindful of the fact that 11, year seven to nine, which you said were the worst times for you. That's kind of 11 to 13, 14 coming up.
00:12:16
Speaker
That's, that's the classic age when puberty kicks in and your hormones are all over the place. yeah ah Hormones are definitely a driver of anxiety and those are going to settle down at some point. So I guess that's some reassurance. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
00:12:28
Speaker
But like you said, in the moment, it doesn't help. you know it so When you say, I'm really worried about something and someone said, we don't need to be. That's not really the answer, is it? It doesn't help. What did help for you?
00:12:40
Speaker
help for you Honestly, it's hard to remember because it was it was like a lot it was a good 10, 11 years ago. now It's hard to remember what helped. But like I often just went for you know what gave me the most comfort, you know talking to my parents, even if they weren't saying like, oh, you know don't worry about this or you know we'll we'll help you out with this. Just talking to them about something completely unrelated helped or...
00:13:02
Speaker
You know, teachers, I remember one of my particular teachers at school, he wouldn't necessarily talk about what I was worried about. He would just try to distract me from it. And i remember like I remember that really well helping me out. So it's not always about tackling the problem straight on saying, right, don't worry about this. We can try help do this. It's not always about that. I feel it's about...
00:13:23
Speaker
giving the your child or you know your your student or whoever that distraction and then they'll kind of naturally shift their attention away from their anxiety and overthinking onto whatever you've distracted them with that's what i felt like helped helped a lot with that or helped a lot with me Yeah.
00:13:42
Speaker
Yeah. That's a really good point. and And actually it's a really good one for parents to remember. And I probably say this in every week on the podcast at some point, I, as a parent have a real urge to fix my kids problems because that's what I've been doing from the moment they were born. Oh, you've got you've fallen over and hurt your knee. I'm going to put a plaster on that and give you a cuddle and that's going to make it better. I'll fix that. Yeah. And when our kids get older, it's really hard. and One, it's really hard to fix their problems for them because they're more complex. And two, they don't want you to because they're getting to the point where they need to learn how to fix their own problems in the way that yeah they want, not in the way that their mum wants. So um fixing doesn't help. But...
00:14:28
Speaker
Like you said, moving, not not focusing on the specific worry, but talking about anything and everything. is Yeah, yeah. It sounds like that was a relaxing thing for you, maybe um knowing that you were part of something accepted by people, you fit you fitted in with people. Yeah.
00:14:47
Speaker
Yeah, no, exactly. Just kind of that having that distraction was the main thing for me. You know, it's like you say, it's not always about trying to directly fix the issue, you know, trying to indirectly fix it by distracting them or, you know, talking about something that's completely unrelated or, you know, getting them to play a sport that's completely unrelated to their anxiety. Like just not always trying to talk about the issue facing because sometimes the more you're like,
00:15:10
Speaker
to someone who's really worrying and overthinking, this is how I find it. The more you're like to them, oh, don't worry about this. Like it will be okay. The more that would actually just wind me up because I'd be like, you are not in my situation. You might've been,
00:15:22
Speaker
10 20 years ago whatever but you're not in my situation now you don't really completely understand how i'm thinking so being told to not worry about it or calm down that would just wind me up even more and make me even more anxious so i feel like yeah just taking shifting the attention away from the problem the anxiety the overthinking whatever it may be onto something else that's what i found really helpful like i i had counseling for a little bit when i was younger one of the main things they talk about is you know your happy place like You know, just think about being in your happy place, wherever that is on holiday at home in your nan's house, whatever yeah stuff like that, just directing your attention away from the issue. And kind of, and that's how I've, that's what i found help probably the most I'd say.
00:16:06
Speaker
Right. That is a real um ah therapy technique is to help somebody visualize and feel like they remember what it's like to be in a place where they feel relaxed and happy and comfortable. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
00:16:21
Speaker
Yeah. That's really nice. and Really nice way to handle things in the moment when when you're feeling overwhelmed by feelings. Yeah. feeling so um do you so do you still get moments of anxiety now as an adult yeah yeah yeah I think like like I was saying earlier like it's it's always going to be who like kind of who I am or who I you know I'm always going to be more of an overthinker or more of an anxious person than a lot of people but that's it's more just how you deal with it now like I say I'm a I'm a lot less anxious and overthinking as as I was you know nine ten years ago or whatever yeah just because I know kind of how to deal with it better and
00:16:59
Speaker
Now I'm growing up, i can I'm past the main bit of it, and I can see that 99% of the stuff I was worrying about either never happened, didn't matter, and and wasn't a big deal.
00:17:09
Speaker
So it's easy for me to say to people who are, don't know, 13, 14, 15 now, just don't worry about it. like Don't worry about your exams in school, because in the real world, they don't matter. As much as you think it's easy for me to say that, but telling a 13, 14-year-old, they're not going to believe that because they're in the midst of exams or...
00:17:26
Speaker
or or whatever you know but it's just yeah now I'm kind of past that it's I know how to deal with it i know how to cope with it and it's a lot easier but I'll always be more of a overthinker or anxious person than a lot of people you know it's just who you it sounds like what you're talking about is that with time you learn to trust yourself and your own capabilities to handle what life come what life throws at you Yeah, I think now like I'm at 22 and like a lot of my friends and the people I was, you know, close to school with and stuff like that. Now everyone kind of does is doing different things. You kind of realize that you're always on sounds quite a cliche, but you're, you're on your own path. Like everyone's doing different things and it doesn't really matter what they're doing.
00:18:06
Speaker
You're on your own path and you'll get to where you want to be eventually. Like you just got to kind of trust the processes, you know, just trust what the universe is saying or whatever, you know, you just kind of got to go with it. You're on your own path.
00:18:19
Speaker
Everything's happening to you for a reason. And if you just, you know, be good person, do what you like, what you enjoy, then I believe that you'll you'll get there and you'll overcome a lot of the things that you were ever worrying about.
00:18:32
Speaker
I love that. Yeah. Yeah. it ah It really is just, I'm getting a sense of just trusting yourself and knowing that you can handle whatever, whatever comes your way.
00:18:43
Speaker
And I suppose the more you're tested with with these situations that induce anxiety, the more practice you get that. And the more experience you have that tells you that you actually probably can handle whatever's coming up next. Yeah.
00:18:57
Speaker
Yeah, no, exactly. I think I'm nowadays, I can't speak for myself two or three years ago, but in the past year or two, like I've obviously touching on the race, like they're doing stuff like that. And the solar traveling I just did kind of throw myself into situations is what I like doing. I like trying different things now, even if I'm like, I don't think this is going to go well, or I don't think this is going to work. I'm like, I want to try it anyway, because worst thing happens is it doesn't work. And i'm like, all right, cool. I know that doesn't work. I don't need to do that again.
00:19:26
Speaker
um you know best case scenario it does work i'm like great cool i'm glad i tried that and now i can keep on doing that or do that again so i just throw myself in the deep and it's kind of is it is the best way as hard as it is sometimes like i'm still apprehensive about some things but it is the best way to kind of well it's that whole cliche of feel the fear yeah feel the fear and do it anyway isn't it it actually is true um yeah But then the more you do that and the more you realise stuff, more stuff will go right than you probably think, you know, then you'll be more encouraged to kind of do it again and again. And it kind of just builds on itself. It's just, it is always that first little step in any in anything in life. but also It's always the first little step, that's the hardest. But as soon as you kind of overcome that, each step becomes a little bit easier to kind of get up. That's how I see it.
00:20:13
Speaker
Yeah, that makes sense.
Balancing Stress and Excitement On-Camera
00:20:15
Speaker
Yeah. yeah is some ah Talking about the show, yeah i remember watching it and thinking that you were actually pretty laid back and it was Alfie that was um the one that was most stressed most often and you were usually talking him down. And and i I didn't really get the sense that you you were an anxious person. I definitely got the sense that Alfie was. Yeah, I think...
00:20:37
Speaker
honestly i kind of surprised myself but i surprised myself in that aspect because i thought i would be a lot more anxious than i was of course i was really like i was very stressed out a lot of the time i think i just not suppressed it i just didn't show it as much because i knew if i kind of if i let my emotions kind of out you know especially in on front of the camera then i'm more likely to think about it and let it get to me but i was like if i can kind of just keep these emotions and feelings at bay and like let them out in drips and drabs to you know Alfie or you know members of the crew and and stuff like that if I kind of just let it out slowly and then in a controlled way I'll be much less likely to get stressed out so I honestly I surprised even myself that I wasn't like you know stressing out 24 7 but you know it's good that we didn't because Alfie was like you said a bit more bit more stressed showing that he was a bit more stressed out I was a bit more calm so we balanced each other out quite well which was all you needed on the show like you needed that balance
00:21:31
Speaker
Yeah, no you you really did. And you operated really well as a pair. ye um what I think what you're talking about, it sounds like you, you didn't, ah you as you said, you didn't suppress any of your emotions, but you, you let them out in a thoughtful, considered way. and you and how I how yeah, just controlled how let them out. I feel, we yeah.
00:21:54
Speaker
yeah yeah that makes complete sense and that is doable we don't have to process all our emotions overtly in one go and yeah and and then get scared of the outbursts of the emotions we also don't have to lock them inside us and never deal with them we can do it in a really calm thoughtful way for a lot of people who like you know, if I was to try do that two or three years ago and let them out in like a slow controlled way, I wouldn't have been able to do that.
00:22:20
Speaker
So I can understand that, you know, your emotions are there for a reason. Like it's hard to control them a lot of the time, you know, if everyone control their emotions, then, everyone would be happy and everyone will get on, but it's not like that. They're not meant to be easy to control. It's just taken me a while to kind of understand how to do that and the benefits of doing that. But if I was asked to do that, if I did the race two years prior, I would, would have been completely different. 100%.
00:22:45
Speaker
and name so Yeah. Yeah. Again, on the ah the benefits of experience and learning. well um What was the scariest or most anxiety-inducing part of the show for you? can you Was there anything that particularly stood out?
00:23:00
Speaker
um like Obviously, ah yeah it's really weird because you were in like this little you're in this little light bubble of like you had real life and you've almost stepped out of real life into this bubble of the TV show where realistically...
00:23:14
Speaker
the only thing that matters is the tv show like we really wanted to win which obviously we did in the end which was good yeah but i so i don't know it's a really weird feeling to explain but obviously you've got being on camera that's a very big thing i've never done anything like being in front of a camera or media stuff i've never been i'm still really not massive into social media or being in the spotlight like it was good for a while but it's this this is not who I am so I think that part of it was the scariest like loads of people knowing who you are you know loads of people having you know opinions which is fine um on you but it's just kind of yeah people knowing who you are and a lot about you is a weird feeling yeah yeah yeah quite exposing i imagine yeah exposing yeah
00:23:57
Speaker
I, and that's, but that's really interesting that it wasn't the stuff that happened and the mishaps that you had along the way, all the new experiences that caused anxiety. It was, it was the, the, the sort of social pressure of the whole situation.
00:24:13
Speaker
Yeah. I think obviously when we were out there, there were a lot of situations that I was like anxious about, are we going to get to this checkpoint? You know, are we going to be first, second, third, fourth at this checkpoint? Obviously there was that. But I think, you know, the excitement of the race kind of, that was, it was more of an exciting feeling for me. Like, of course it was stressful, but I was, it was just exciting. And like being in these different countries, you know, running around everywhere, cha chasing buses and trains. I just found that more exciting more than anything.
Solo Backpacking and Making Connections
00:24:41
Speaker
But then obviously being on camera and, you know, all this stuff after and people always wanted to talk to you and stuff like that, that was like, or because it's like I've never experienced that before but by by the end I was like I did quite enjoy it and you know I got used to it but at first that was like a big thing like seeing yourself on tv and on social media it's a lot but yeah yeah definitely well and and so why did you why did you choose to go straight back out there to the same kind of same area and has that been more relaxing or or less
00:25:15
Speaker
So I, so yeah, I came obviously came back from the show and then the TV show came out. So i had a few months um ah back at home and whatnot, works and yeah, did a lot of media stuff. But then yeah, obviously I went back out to Asia just because I'd always wanted to do it like solo backpacking, you know, as I say, I just always wanted to see what that was like, you know, go away by myself, see what happens, not have the stress of being on TV, not having to get to a checkpoint, you know, just having my own money, you know, my phone,
00:25:43
Speaker
just being able to do it on my own terms. And it was obviously it was still, you know, anxiety inducing sometimes like you walk into a new hostel, And you know, like people who have done it will understand, but like you walk into a North Hill store and you're like, you don't know anyone. You're like, right, I've got make new friends. I've got to start all over again, basically.
00:26:01
Speaker
yeah then you realize that everyone else is in the same boat you. Everyone's trying to make friends and then you just get on with people really easily. So it was, it was, there was still anxiety involved with this, ah with the trip I just did, but it was a lot less. It was a lot more chilled out because I was doing everything on, on my own terms.
00:26:18
Speaker
a yeah that makes that makes sense and actually i really like that um that once you realize that everyone else feels exactly the same as you then ah none of it feels so scary right exactly like I've been talking like recently since getting back from my trip i've been a bit like not not lost but it's just like I've just got back from this trip you know i haven't got anything big planned for a while you can feel a bit like lost And then you feel, then you start to overthink and then you're like, oh, well, but you know, maybe am I doing the right thing? Like, you know, am I, am I doing life right?
00:26:50
Speaker
And then you talk to other people and you realize everyone's in the same boat. And then you realize everyone's in the same boat about a lot of different things. And then you're just like, oh, it's not just me who feels like that. That's why it's good to speak to people because a lot of people you'll find will relate to you.
00:27:05
Speaker
And then it just makes you feel a little bit better because they're kind of dealing with the same thing. And then you can talk to each other about it and, you know, so on. That is just making me think that talking is, we always say talking to somebody about your problems rather than hiding them and but and feeling ashamed of them yeah is useful just because just hearing the words out loud makes them less scary. But um that's a really good point you just made that you'll always find someone who feels similarly, even if they're not in exactly the same situation. Right.
00:27:39
Speaker
Even those kids at school that seemed like they got all together, the really popular kids, I'm yeah convinced that the majority of them are only, and and the bullies, the people that are ah really tough at school, I'm convinced that they're only doing it because actually underneath all of that,
00:27:56
Speaker
they're feeling scared too. And it's a protective mechanism. And it's it's only when you talk to someone and you realise the truth of that, that you go, all right. So everyone is just dealing with the same thing in a different way. basically Yeah, that's why it's good speak to people who couldn't and get it out because you realise that pretty much everyone is dealing with something, you know, no one's ever just in a state of Very rarely one's just in a state of, I've got nothing to worry about in my life. Like everything's just like, everyone's always, even if your life seems to be going great, you've always, I guess you've always got that underlying value of, ah, something's not quite right here. like
00:28:35
Speaker
happened after the race just quickly when it came out of the race everyone's oh like it must be great like you know you're you're famous now I never called it it was never famous for me it was never like that but like everyone used to say oh you know you can recognize all the time you're doing all these cool things i was like yeah that I am and like I love it and I wouldn't change any of it But then they kind of assume that my life is perfect and nothing's wrong. And I'm like, oh, great. This is so brilliant. life I've got nothing to worry about.
00:29:00
Speaker
Of course, it was great. But I still had loads to like worry about. i still had a lot like, oh, am I doing this right? you know Should I be doing this? Should I prioritise my time on this? or So being in a sort of situation where on the outside, everything in my life looks, you know, great or perfect as people say, I'd be like, yeah, it's cool. It's great. I've really loved it. But there's still a lot, you know, going on on, you know, going on my life that people don't know about, you know, never's ah nothing's as, um, nothing is as like face value.
00:29:30
Speaker
Like there's always underlying stuff that you don't know about. That's why social media is quite toxic in my opinion. That's why I'm not, not the biggest fan of it. Yeah, no, you're right, because we're able to filter what we put on social media. Even the people that talk about mental health on social media, they still don't say the things they don't want the world to know. And that's normal. but And that is actually, it's what we do all the time. we We hide the stuff we don't think other people will like or approve of. Yeah, exactly.
00:30:00
Speaker
It's self-defeating in a way. And actually, if we can get comfortable enough in our own skin with our own appreciation of who we are and know that we are enough for ourselves, then it becomes easier to say who you really are to other people. And then if they don't like that, they can take it or leave it. It's not a problem. exactly. Because there's more people in the world for you.
00:30:24
Speaker
Yeah, no, exactly. Yeah, you just you'll find the right kind of group of people or you'll kind of find out who who you like and what you like, but, you know, not everyone's for you and not you're not for everyone and that that's okay.
00:30:35
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is okay. Yeah, that's a really important message. So um i I'm wondering, ah it sounds like you've really got your head screwed on around anxiety, which is, you know, hats off to you because you're still quite young and i definitely...
00:30:54
Speaker
was wrapped up in anxiety ah until not that many years ago. I've only just figured this stuff out recently. um What's it? How is it really scary? I'm changing tack completely now, but is it really scary to fly
Passion for Flying and Self-Confidence
00:31:10
Speaker
a plane? I don't think I ever could.
00:31:12
Speaker
Um, honestly for me, no, I've just, I've never really had like a fear of flying or, or anything like that. I've always just really enjoyed it. Like, you know, when you're on a plane and people like you get turbulence and people are like really scared. They think the plane's going to crash or whatever. I honestly, I find turbulence fun more than anything, but I just, it just doesn't, it just doesn't, it's just never really fazed me not sound arrogant or anything, but just, it's never really fazed or anything like that. I've just found it more interesting and more enjoyable than anything.
00:31:43
Speaker
Yeah, I'm not scared being on a plane ah because i I'm the sort of person that will will assume that the person in charge of flying the plane knows everything they need to know and takes their job very seriously.
00:31:55
Speaker
So I just hand over all control to someone else and I can do that. yeah But um if i ah if I was actually flying it I suppose I'm speaking to the fact that I don't trust myself to be to be perfect enough to fly a plane. But you you it seems like you're really chilled.
00:32:11
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I'm no way. I'm not perfect in any way, but like it's, yeah, i can you've kind of just got to trust yourself. And like, because I found something in the pilot stuff that I really like, genuinely enjoy. And I found that I genuinely really want to do this for like the rest of my life.
00:32:26
Speaker
Because of that, I've realized that like, I do need to trust myself. And if I can't, then maybe this isn't the right job for me, but because I can trust myself doing that. Because I really enjoy it and you know i think i've got i think I've got what it takes, hopefully, to do it.
00:32:40
Speaker
I do trust myself and I do back myself and I think that's important to do. you know I haven't backed up myself or had a lot of confidence in myself for a lot of my life. So it's nice to have you know just a one or you know just a few things, the pilot being one of them.
00:32:55
Speaker
feeling that you know what i can actually do this you know i mean so yeah yeah i mean where does that come from you say that you haven't trusted yourself all your life well is it just the experience that you've talked about and the and the learning that you're capable Yeah, no, it's just exactly like you kind of, this is why I talk about throwing yourself in the kind of the deep end and trying different things, because you need to learn what you're good at, what you enjoy, what you can be confident and confident in doing. And I think, you know, a lot of different things I've done throughout my life for, you know, being quite closed off and not really tried lots of things.
00:33:29
Speaker
I feel like that kind of limited, you know, my mindset thinking, oh, I probably can't do this. And then I just wouldn't bother trying it. But now I'm like, if you think I probably can do this, if if if I give it a go and then I'm like, oh, actually I can do this. And then it just gives you that kind of confidence. So you just gotta, like I said, try different things and see what you like. But I was, I've only been like this the past couple years, you know, before I was 20, I was completely different. Like I wouldn't really try too much, I don't feel. And I would just ah assume that I couldn't do it.
00:33:58
Speaker
But now that I've tried lots of different things and realized I can do it, it's like, oh, I'm probably capable of a lot more than I think I am, which is, and I think everyone's the same, honestly. I think everyone is a lot capable of a lot more than what they think they are. They just need to try things.
00:34:12
Speaker
boom That's such a great message. um That's going to be the clip but for this podcast. Good. um Yeah, no, that's so good. Just just give it a go. Fake it till you make it, I suppose. is Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, no, you've got to do that sometimes.
00:34:27
Speaker
Yeah, and then if you don't make it, you've got the capacity to accept that it's that's not the thing for me. Yeah, exactly. And then at least I think for me, the regret of not trying something is worse than failing something.
Parental Role in Teenage Anxiety
00:34:39
Speaker
That's how I always see it because I hate the thought of getting to like, I don't know, like 30 years old, 40 years old and thinking like, oh, damn, I wish I tried this when I was 20. That's a lot worse than trying that thing at 20 years old and failing or not enjoying it. That's that's how I see it.
00:34:55
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Were your parents, you you said that your parents were a support, they must have been aware that you were you were having problems with anxiety. well What was it like for them? Did they ever talk to you about it?
00:35:11
Speaker
um I think nowadays, not really so much because it's just not really a topic that needs to be discussed with them anymore. Because they I don't worry about a lot of stuff, you know, or not, ah I don't worry about as much stuff as I used to.
00:35:24
Speaker
um But if I do, I still go to them. I still go to them about pretty much anything and everything, you know, I'm very open with them. And I think that's because of... I was open with them and, you know, they helped me a lot when I was younger. So I think a lot of the problems I have nowadays, i I do like trying to kind of work on myself and dealing with myself, but i still lean on, you know, my friends and my family and there's no shame in that.
00:35:46
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. And what do they do for you that helps and in terms of, or or or what did they do for you that helped other than just listening? because i i'm I'm imagining parents listening to this episode with kids who are anxious, and boys in particular who are anxious, and and and thinking, how do I help them? Especially as teenagers tend to be pushing their their parents away at this point, naturally, because they're separating.
00:36:17
Speaker
I think, yeah, honestly, it's it's hard for me. I'm not a parent, obviously. It's hard for me to give out advice. But I think what they would do for me is kind of just, they would kind of let me work things out kind of on my own. You know, they wouldn't push me too much. They wouldn't be they wouldn't be over-attentive. You know, they wouldn't be trying to nag me all the time. You know, what's on what's wrong. They would let me try work things out a lot on my own. But whenever I was...
00:36:41
Speaker
whenever I felt like I needed them and I wanted that help they would always be there without a question but I feel like they gave me a good amount of space to kind of be able to work things out on my own and then they would like fill in and help me with you know any other stuff that I i felt like I wanted to talk to them about you know they weren't too pushy or like over the top about helping because I they knew that would kind of just set me off more and make me more worried so they would give me a bit of breathing room to kind of figure stuff out on my own.
00:37:08
Speaker
And then they would always be there if I wanted their extra support and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a fine line that parents have to figure out how to tread. And that I know from a parent point of view that when it gets bad, your anxiety, that a parent's anxiety is as much of the problem as their kid's anxiety. Yeah, I bet, yeah. When my kids aren't happy. There's this saying, and I really don't like it, but it's kind of true, and you have to you have to work really hard against it, is that you're ah you're only as happy as your unhappiest child. Yeah.
00:37:43
Speaker
And so many parents will get that, I know. And you have to, when you realise that, you have to figure out how to make yourself happy, even though your child's not happy. And that's probably the toughest gig as a parent.
00:37:58
Speaker
Yeah, I bet. yeah But it's, yeah, it's really important that parents actually, you know, the message to you is you you also need to look after yourself whilst this is happening for your child. Yeah.
00:38:10
Speaker
Yeah, you can't really, I'm not a parent, so I can't speak for parents, but like, you can't look after someone else if you haven't looked after yourself properly.
Journey from Anxiety to Self-Confidence and Open Communication
00:38:17
Speaker
Like I found that in like relationships a lot, like if you're not kind of happy with yourself or like, you know, or, you know, you're looking after yourself, then you're going to find it hard to like, look after someone else or be with someone else. Cause you, you haven't looked after yourself first.
00:38:31
Speaker
And I guess I'm going to assume it's the same kind of thing in terms of parenting. Yeah, yeah, exactly that. Yeah. And you're right. It's it's all relationships. you you really need to be comfortable and and happy with where you're at and who you are before you, well, not before, if you're going to be alongside somebody else who's also struggling.
00:38:54
Speaker
It's a really important point. You're very wise for 22. Yeah.
00:38:59
Speaker
ah twenty two no I don't know. I'm not. I'm nothing special. I'm nothing special. No, you are. Don't say that out loud. me You are. You are very special. You won race across the world. You obviously got, you're obviously great in relationships with, uh, when you find the right people, cause you and Alfie have been friends for such a long time and you got each other through, yeah through all of that.
00:39:22
Speaker
Um, and yeah, you, you sound like you have, you've reflected on your own process and you know yourself pretty well and you handle that handle that well so good advice um thank you for talking to me today is there anything else you would want to say to kids going through anxiety a sort of final message um I mean, i kind of just touch on what i've said before. I think speak i've always like speaking out to whoever it is is the most important part. Even if it's just the mate or you know your parents or whoever, like for me, that is always the most important part, just speaking out and not not dealing with it all by yourself. you know Dealing with it a bit by yourself, trying to figure your own stuff out, I think is good.
00:40:07
Speaker
But you know always that people are there for a reason. you know People care about for your reason. So you know utilize that and use that to your advantage. That's kind of what I would say. Yeah, really good message.
00:40:18
Speaker
Owen, is there anywhere that you would like people to find you if they want to connect or anywhere you direct them to if they need to reach out? obviously like we touched on before saying the mix they're a great they're a great online service always always visit them you know just search the mix in google their website will come up anything on there instagram as well you know my my my dms are open you know obviously i don't see all of them because i get quite a few sometimes but yeah just message me on instagram i can always try help out on there to anyone who needs a little bit of advice so yeah i'm always always open to those two things for sure
00:40:55
Speaker
That's really kind. I will put a link to your Instagram and to the mix in the show notes. Thank you again so much for your time today. It's been really fun talking to you. me I've enjoyed it. Thank you.
00:41:06
Speaker
Thank you so much for listening. If you've enjoyed this episode, please give it a rating on your podcast app. And if you know someone who might benefit from listening, do share it with them.
00:41:17
Speaker
It also means a lot when you give me feedback. So if you have comments or suggestions for another episode or know someone who'd like to tell their story on the Teenage Kicks podcast, do you get in touch at Helen at HelenWills.com or come and find me on my blog, actuallymommy.co.uk.
00:41:37
Speaker
Head over there now for more articles on the joys, and there are many, of parenting a teenager. Bye for now.