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FATE Core - Bloodbath 1.7: Waffle House Of God
21 Plays1 day ago
Today the crew makes their way to the Shining City on the Hill where their first and more pressing mission is to find a breakfast spot
Also at the time of this episode release, it's Atom's birthday!
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Origins
00:00:30
Speaker
Okay, ah David, do you want to do the intro this time? ah Hey, guys, welcome to Role Players. This is the official Role Players podcast. If you're listening to another Role Players podcast, it's fake.
00:00:44
Speaker
ah Delete it. Unsubscribe and like, comment, favorite. That's what you click the notification bell. Yeah, that's it. I like that there. You know what?
00:00:55
Speaker
When I first started this podcast, yeah when we first started this podcast, excuse me, um there were two other role players that I had found later, like months after we started.
00:01:07
Speaker
There was one called the Thankless Role Players. There was one called Role Players Against World Hunger. And then there was one I found that was a streaming podcast. uh, service only called the role players with the, in the beginning where we're just role players.
00:01:22
Speaker
And you know what? They're all dead and we're the only ones still going. So that just goes to show that we're the real deal. Jessica Biel. So, um, just recognize, okay, we are role players.
00:01:35
Speaker
Damn right. Yeah, that means something, I guess. That means something. We so we had have star power. We have staying power. They didn't. And you know what? I hope they're all doing well. But you know what? Sucks to suck, I guess.
00:01:47
Speaker
But anyway, what happened last time? Here's
Episode Recap: Bathhouse and Water Magic
00:01:50
Speaker
what happened last time. They went to the bathhouse of the damned, which is a neutral area in potentially a purgatorial area where Roy got taken there by Lilith. And theyre like, oh, that what are guys doing? Lorelai's like, oh, I'm going to put on a wig.
00:02:03
Speaker
And so she did. So she could pretend like she was Lilith. And then ah you always call yourself John Hitman on Zencaster. So I forget what your real name is. They get it. If you say John Hitman, they understand.
00:02:16
Speaker
OK, John Hitman Tobias ah was like, oh, let's go in disguise, baby. And then they did that. And then shenanigans happened. And then Lorelei blew up Lilith's locker. And Roy was like, I'm so cool. Listen to my cool stories with my girlfriend Lilith.
00:02:32
Speaker
And then Lorelai was there and he's like, yo, it was my girlfriend. Well, she's like, no, bitch, I'm just in disguise, bro. And then they escaped. But then there was a water elemental named pool and he was really chilled most of the time.
00:02:44
Speaker
But he was upset that there was some shenaniganery going on. And then they very mercilessly killed him when he pursued them by attaching car batteries to his nipples.
00:02:56
Speaker
And then somehow through all that shenanigans, Roy obtained water magic while in possession of pools, water gem that he left behind after he died. And the truck fell back to Earth after being in a water pool or like a whirlpool.
00:03:12
Speaker
The Lorelei used her magic to save everybody's life, which is, you know, and interesting, considering she's an evil girl and whatnot. Character development. didn't want to die too, darling.
00:03:24
Speaker
Oh, that's, I guess, you know,
Character Banter and Preferences
00:03:26
Speaker
you could maybe you can't call it altruistic, I suppose. um And then you guys landed. And then I think ah Tobias said something shitty about pool and Roy was like, water in your face.
00:03:38
Speaker
And he's like, now give me a gun, bitch. Perfect. That's where we are now. So you guys are in the truck getting ready to leave the bathhouse of the damned. ah No mission given because we're picking up right where we left off.
00:03:52
Speaker
Take it away, kids. ah After the murder happens. ah OK, sure. Here's a gun and. handsome and What would Roy like? what would roy like I think he's a little old-fashioned. I think he'd be he'd be fond of... like ah ah like Well, not even old-fashioned, but like modern old-fashioned, like a Smith & Wesson 500. You know, really big.
00:04:18
Speaker
He'd be really down with that. Yeah, let me see if I got one of those in here, so I roll resources. just Just to start things off with the old resources. How's that sound? Just based on just how high you roll, and then we'll kind ah Oh, they're plus three.
00:04:35
Speaker
A plus three is pretty good. So, uh, what was he asking for? Like a revolver? Gigantic handgun. A Smith & Wesson 500. Let find one for you guys. Like a hand cannon? It's not like huge, huge, but like it's pretty big.
00:04:47
Speaker
It's pretty big. It takes 50 Action Express, right? I think so. that's that really long barreled, um, magnum. Yeah, you could say it's like a giant, it's ah it's a large magnum.
00:05:01
Speaker
Yeah. You know what? It's a, you get, because you roll the three, you only have a medium side. It's a Smith and Weth in 300. Three 50. It's a ladies. Yeah. It's a ladies. Yeah. It your jeggings pocket.
00:05:17
Speaker
yeah it fit's right in your your jet your your jeggings pocket He takes it. That's a breast cancer ribbon on the handle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got a little it's got a little like charm on the bottom of ah like the breast cancer awareness side. Yeah, and it has it has ah it has that stick figure symbol for ladies on it.
00:05:37
Speaker
yeah Oh, with the skirt? yeah Yeah, with the skirt. And it's also... um it's ah The size is different. It's pink. And bullets are measured in different sizes than they are for men.
00:05:53
Speaker
and so It's like, why are they measuring it in centimeters and not millimeters? It's a 350 centimeter. That's fucking big. Holy shit.
00:06:09
Speaker
They really just confuse everybody. um Okay, so that's what you have. You have a.350 Magnum..357.
Telepathic Arguments and Misunderstandings
00:06:13
Speaker
Yeah,.357. Yeah, get it right him. It's a.350. Because it's girl's gun..350. Oh, yeah. That damn Loch Ness Monster. Oh, no. Oh, no.
00:06:20
Speaker
That's when realized that
00:06:29
Speaker
oh no that's what i realized that's when i realized that pool twenty feet tall this all you Water And then he's like, you know what? was damn,
00:06:49
Speaker
It all comes full circle. Oh my god. That's like the greatest, one of the greatest things on TV I've ever seen in my life. um Anyway, what are we talking about? Okay, so you gave him a gun. So you guys just go back home now or like you leave purgatory?
00:07:04
Speaker
Yeah, we're going to try to leave purgatory. Okay. um Can I roll to leave purgatory? Yeah. Can you please roll a drive roll to see if you can leave purgatory? Okay. Plus three on the drive roll. You what, three is pretty good. You're wasting all your good rolls now. Yeah. Hopefully I mark XP if I fail.
00:07:24
Speaker
Right? actually Actually, you know what? You mark XP if you succeed. So make sure you track that. Oh. Oh. Yeah. From the rest of this episode, I'm making up this mechanic right now. Every time you succeed, make sure you put a tally somewhere and don't know what the total is later. All right.
00:07:42
Speaker
Something cool will happen. Maybe. Oh, shit. Okay. um Okay. So you guys head back towards the way you came through a portal, I think, is what I said. i don't remember. um You know, like to play this show fast and loose these days because, you know, it's just less stressful that way.
00:07:59
Speaker
um So... um Lorelei, you get. Oh, before I forget anything else, before i get to Lorelei, don't forget that Josh gave you guys three golden pins to get into the Shining City on the Hill.
00:08:16
Speaker
um Roy, I don't know if he knows that, but the other two of you got them. and I think John Hitman stabbed himself with one already. I don't remember if Lorelei did. Did you? i think you get right I think so. Yeah. i Yeah.
00:08:31
Speaker
And I found what I took from my sister. Oh yeah, she wasn't going to originally, I think. ah But maybe she did. So you're saying right now that at some point you stabbed yourself with a golden pin?
00:08:44
Speaker
I remember at some point doing it. Okay. I mean, I believe you. I i don't remember enough to know otherwise. so Oh, wait. No, no, no, no. I didn't because I was like, no, no, no, darling. You have no idea what this would do to me. But then weren't you convinced later on to do it? Yeah, I thought somebody convinced you to do it. Oh, maybe I did. i can't remember. Maybe you sat on it and it's in your butt.
00:09:07
Speaker
Let's just say if we go there, you're going to stab yourself. You're leather jacket and accidentally... um pinched herself with it. Oh, I thought there was a pocket in here. um Okay, so Lorelai, you get ah I don't want to call it a phone call, but you kind of get like a telepathic ringing in your head while you're you're in the backseat driving towards, well, we're driving away from the bathhouse.
00:09:36
Speaker
Yes, hello. Sister, were you going through my things lately? I don't know what you're talking about. oh I think you do, dammit.
00:09:48
Speaker
My locker is... well, it's not really there anymore. And somebody said that I was here earlier thrashing the place about, and I wasn't, and my boyfriend is missing.
00:10:00
Speaker
Were you take... did you take my stuff? And did you take my boyfriend? Don't... what? You don't have boyfriends. You're the one who just loves to just play everybody.
00:10:11
Speaker
You have like 16,000 of them. I used to, but now I'm a monogamous lady demon, okay? Monogamous-ish? You mean you have like six or seven instead of 1,700?
00:10:26
Speaker
not at all. I settled for roy after you made me have my other boyfriend dead. Whatever. What do you want? I want to know if you have my stuff and if you have my boyfriend.
00:10:41
Speaker
Your boyfriend came willingly with me. I don't know what you're talking about. Were you wearing a wig disguised as me telling people that you're me? People said that I was here already and I wasn't.
00:10:57
Speaker
No, of course not. I wouldn't step foot in there. Are you lying? No. you always You always say no when you're lying like that.
00:11:11
Speaker
You always go, oh, I know you're lying voice. ask you again, sister. Are you lying?
00:11:22
Speaker
talk to him. he is right here. yeah put them on but Sure. She like mashes her, like takes um Roy's head and like mashes it up against her face and puts her ear up against his ear. You're gonna have to like, cause he's, uh, wait, no, he's in the, he's inside. Nevermind. I thought he was in back of the truck. She just like leans up and like puts her head to your head. She mashes your head up against hers. Like, like, like, like, like practically headbutts him. He's like, oh fuck. What are you doing? Shut up and listen.
00:11:55
Speaker
Hello, Roy. Lilith. Darling, are you there, baby? yeah Yes, hello. Lilith, what's happening? Are you playing with your guns again? i told you I hate when you do that when i'm when we're talking.
00:12:07
Speaker
but from so sorry about that. ah um Did you get a new gun? i told you I don't like those big ones. Well, it's it's ah just shoot it once. I'm sure and you i'm certain you'll enjoy it.
00:12:22
Speaker
I don't have punch on Oh my god, just tell her that you wanted to come with me already. I actually did not. I thought you were Lilith at first. I've practically been kidnapped, Lilith. knew it! you are lying. You are giving me the signal to rescue you. lie.
00:12:39
Speaker
What? The signal. You know, the signal. You gave me the signal to get you out of there, and so I did. We had a signal? Of course, yeah. Sounds like you can't keep your story straight, sister.
00:12:54
Speaker
It wasn't for... Whatever. Just shut up and tell her. tell her what? That you were leaving with me.
00:13:06
Speaker
i'm not a good liar, Lilith. That's why I'm telling you to tell her. Yes, and if I were to tell her anything other than the truth, I would be a liar.
00:13:18
Speaker
I'm not a good one. You knew you were leaving with me because you knew that this guy over here was driving the car and you were like, get us out of here.
00:13:28
Speaker
Get me out of here. Help me. I was getting bored of the bathhouse. i thought I still thought you were Lilith. I thought she had just obtained Tobias as well. Like she has ah had attained me years ago.
00:13:40
Speaker
years ago So lying. He's lying to you, Lilith. You know I don't. I can't lie. Yes, you can. Well, all right. well Let me find out if you didn't just brainwash him.
00:13:52
Speaker
Roy, honey, what was the name of the man that you watched me strangle on our first date? Ah, I remember it well. He was very similar to Tobias for a second. I thought he was Tobias for a while, but we later learned his name was Arnold, uh, fuck, what was his last name?
00:14:12
Speaker
Apologies, it was nearly 100 years ago. It was a long time ago, but you can do it. Arnold what? Arnold, uh, uh, hold on. Wait, no, it wasn't Arnold.
00:14:23
Speaker
I'm sorry, it was Franz Ferdinand. My my apologies, I forgot. Oh, I thought I had you. Franz Ferdinand. Yes. Remember we did some time travel. That was fun, wasn't it?
00:14:34
Speaker
Very much so. My sister can't do that because she sucks and all. So just watch it, Janelle. Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry. I fell asleep there for a second. Now, um whatever. If you want to go back with her, then just go back with her. We'll fucking leave you here and then she can come pick you up. We're already a ways from the bathhouse.
00:14:55
Speaker
It'd be useless at this point. She could come and get you. Obviously, it wouldn't be such a hard thing since she knows how to teleport more. So boring, to be able to just go anywhere that you want, whenever want. Darling, I'll be, I'll be, I'll meet you in the Shining City on the Hill whenever you're ready.
00:15:17
Speaker
I have a free pass to go in and out as as often as I want. Very well, then that would work out. Does that so, wait. He then looks to Lorelei and Tobias and goes, you guys have a pass to the shining city of the hill?
00:15:35
Speaker
Duh. We found out it's a fake one, by the way. Oh, no kidding. So, uh... Right, of course it's not the one in heaven. Are you daft? Who is that talking in the background? Hold on, get here. Put me on the line and Tobias takes his... He takes, like, his thumb and his pinky and he makes, like, a little phone gesture. Yeah, you get it.
00:15:59
Speaker
yeah He puts her hand on his shoulder. Who is this? Look, Roy is done with you. I did not say that. conference he Look, he's done with you. He doesn't want any. He hates demons. All right. I still hate demons. He's all right.
00:16:18
Speaker
See, I told you. Hangs up. Wow, that guy was rude. I told you. He tends to be cut sometimes. Damn, I didn't end the conversation for everybody.
00:16:30
Speaker
ah so doesn't know how demon magic works. Tell me, Adam, has Lilith ever taken Roy to the fake Shining City on the hill?
00:16:42
Speaker
No, she's never taken. She does not. All right. No, um I I wouldn't think that she would because like I think she was still trying to kind of break you in, so to speak, to trust you before she could take you in there. Right.
00:16:54
Speaker
But I think she had she probably had mentioned she was going to take you there after she picked you back up from the bathhouse or something. Oh, I see. I think she was just leaving you there to stew for a bit while she took care of some business.
00:17:05
Speaker
Right. So, yeah, I'm sure she's mentioned that she can get in. i She probably you know what? I would say she probably even mentioned that she was trying to let that she was going to get you guys in before they let her other boyfriend die.
00:17:19
Speaker
um So you very well may even have a golden pin already. She might have given you one. Oh, OK. She probably didn't tell you what to do with it, but she told you like, hey, this can get you in.
00:17:31
Speaker
I'll take you there when I come pick you up. he like He like reaches into his bag and goes, oh shit, I think I forgot about the bathhouse. and Hold on. You what? Wait, no, I have it here. ah I'm still on the line, you fuckers. We have an extra. Oh, we do.
00:17:51
Speaker
Yeah, here. Where did you guys get this? I don't remember. die, you know, some dude. I just, I don't remember his name. Only the lord and savior.
00:18:07
Speaker
It's no big deal. Some dude we met. Some dude. The man who sacrificed himself for us. That's all he is. you know as Some surfer dude. um evil Evil.
00:18:19
Speaker
so Well, darling, if you want to lose that, that you know, secondhand bitch and come hang out with me once you get to the Shining City, just just come find me.
00:18:30
Speaker
You'll see the signs of Lilith. Trust me, darling. Second hand, bitch. I was born first. And yet second hand on account of everyone only knows me and you're forgotten in the history books. Only because everyone sticks their tongue up your bum.
00:18:47
Speaker
And I like it. I know. That's why yours not. which That's why you're the favorite. That's why I'm the favorite. If only you would let people lick your arse, then you'd be the favorite. It's your, it' it you made your choices.
00:19:03
Speaker
It's disgusting. No, it's a natural part of life. Monkeys do it. Tortoises do it. Everyone likes bumps. You're disgusting.
00:19:15
Speaker
You're disgusting. I'm hanging up. Hey, don't say that about my girl, bitch. That's my girl. That's my girl. Don't call her monkey. She just elbows him in the face. now You're just lucky I put you on. I'll see you soon, darling. Click. And
00:19:37
Speaker
you're like, hello? Who is this? How'd you get this number? Who's calling, please? Hello? Wrong number. Wrong number. Wrong number.
00:19:48
Speaker
It's so okay, darling. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. but Um, okay, so you have a call. Lilith says she's on the Shining City on the hill. But then, Tobias, you get a call on the truck phone.
00:20:02
Speaker
Um... Who is it? It's from your good old friend, um... Who's name? the Chef. The Chef. That's who it is. Oh, the Chef! We haven't heard from a Chef in a while. I'll answer.
00:20:15
Speaker
wait, Chef! It's been over a hundred years. What's been happening? Alright, first of all, does no one say hello anymore when someone answers the goddamn phone? Apparently not.
00:20:28
Speaker
Right. who Okay. Where the hell have you guys been? Because I've been trying to get a hold y'all for like, I don't know, fucking forever. How long is forever?
00:20:40
Speaker
I don't know, at least like two weeks.
00:20:44
Speaker
Man, what's with this time shit, man? Like... like Lorelei, I felt like we were in there for what, 45 minutes? ah I don't know, darling. It felt like a lifetime. It just was so dreadfully boring. Okay, yes, it was awful and boring. Yes, yeah, I get it but... Wait, where did y'all go? What are you talking about? I went into purgatory for a second.
00:21:05
Speaker
You went? Okay, how did you get into... Please explain. It burned down my sister's locker, isn't it wonderful? don't know what the fuck you're on about.
00:21:16
Speaker
I may have accidentally caused World War One. I even got a leather jacket. Ian, wait, hang on. You all are throwing way too much bullshit at me. Tobias, all right, listen. Okay.
00:21:29
Speaker
You went to purgatory for how long? Well, um, Thorinly says, ah oh it was a lifetime. it wasn't. It was about 45 minutes. Maybe all right. Apparently 45 minutes in purgatory is about two weeks and whatever shithole we all live in.
00:21:45
Speaker
That's interesting because, you know, Roy got kidnapped. Well, for me, it was a day ago or something. was not that long. yeah Yeah. And he said it was it's been 100 years for him. So I have no idea what this time.
00:21:58
Speaker
but theres i have no idea what's going on time right now. OK, all right. You know what? I don't have time to... Is everyone alive and okay and they can just do stuff, right? That's what I need to know.
00:22:09
Speaker
Yes. One of them's about to not be. It looks like Lilith, or they not fucking Lilith, Lorelai. Okay, y'all. Same goes for you, darling. Y'all just kiss already. Fuck.
00:22:20
Speaker
Gross. She's kissing my sister. Oh, shit. Jerry. Jerry. Oh, you guys probably don't know what that is. No.
00:22:30
Speaker
yeah Oh man, that's some good. Okay. Now that I do need to know all about. So please write it in excruciating detail for me to read when you get back. um That sounds like a hoot of a story. You're kissing the the one demon chick sister. oh dude, that's fucking crazy.
00:22:47
Speaker
Yeah, for someone who hates demons, it's wonderful, isn't it A hundred years and you tend to, ah you tend to find one of them not terrible. Oh, just one of them. Okay.
00:22:59
Speaker
That's incredible. You know what? I tell you what, you guys are going Y'all are giving me a lot of good, ah good filler from my memoirs when I ultimately get a get the retriever to write them for me.
00:23:11
Speaker
um Now, look, I had to get royalties, darling. Well, if you're dead, then no, if you're alive, then I'll think about it. Yeah.
00:23:23
Speaker
She assassinates all of us. She doesn't have to pay this royal case. She like red laser sights fix all three of you. All the windows just like shield up real quick and just a bomb goes off in the truck. Yeah. um All right, listen, I don't know if y'all got anything going on on account you haven't done a job in two goddamn weeks, but like I have something need doing.
00:23:47
Speaker
um If y'all have the capacity from apparently being in purgatory and going on a hundred year date with the fucking first demon bitch. So what? a Tobias, y'all got time for a little side gig or what? You know, what do you do? Well, I think we were going to try to get into the the city again.
00:24:05
Speaker
You're going to the city, the shining one on the hill? Yeah, we all got the pass. Wow, I have missed so much in these past two weeks. We got passes, each and every one of us. So you're just going to go straight into the shining city on the hill and then do what?
00:24:19
Speaker
ah Let's see, checks notes. going to fight Lorelei's sister. We're fighting, we're fighting Louis? That's what it sounds like. That's what sounds like. Lorelei is at least, and I'll probably help her.
00:24:33
Speaker
Where have you been? Oh, God. What are y'all talking about? We're supposed to be taking down everything. but what What's this got to do with Lilith? Like, you can fuck her up on your own time. That's not what the city is for. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Because Lilith... i Roy...
Mission Planning and The Shining City
00:24:55
Speaker
Somebody give him a new gun. You know he doesn't know how to use guns. Stop giving him shit. oh he knows how to use guns. I taught him. All right? Listen, Lilith is not... a force for good in this world, right?
00:25:08
Speaker
Right. I have experience picking them out, and when I hit control, she glows bright red. Okay? yeah Right. So, yeah, but, like, that's not what... The Shining City on the Hill is, like, the place that, like, where all of the angelic forces, like...
00:25:27
Speaker
You know that's where they do all the stuff and then they send all their minions everywhere. Like that's like the heart of where all the mean bastards live. One of several other ones we have to infiltrate, but that's the angel headquarters.
00:25:40
Speaker
Well, so you're saying it's not like the best place to just start, right? Like, I mean, you can do whatever you want. I'm just saying, I don't know what your plan is. Aside from let's go rough, you know, have a rough and tumble with, you know, the queen of the devils when there's goddamn demons or demon hunters there that are just going to find y'all and just smoke you all together.
00:26:01
Speaker
Well, maybe we can use them to smoke. What's her name? Checks notes. Lilith. Right, but Lilith's not even the one that's in charge of the devilry. is your beef Lilith aside from- Are you sure about that?
00:26:14
Speaker
Yes, I'm super sure. He's slipping through his notes. He doesn't have anything. No, you don't. I don't have anything that says like Lilith is like the one that is- She's just kind of the party girl of the war.
00:26:28
Speaker
she's not real She's just kind of benefiting from the fun of it, but like she didn't start it. Hmm. Ah. That would be Lucifer fucking Morningstar. Thank you very much. Oh yeah, of course.
00:26:39
Speaker
But, you know who he is. He's the most famous one. Fallen angel. You know the guy, right? Yeah, I'm aware. I've met him. You've met Lucifer fucking Morningstar. When? Yeah, I'm a fucking, i I'm like the embodiment of all the past hitmen. You think they go to heaven?
00:26:54
Speaker
No, yeah that's a good point. No, they absolutely don't go to heaven. ah Um, um, Well, okay, so you guys walk into there, you start a tussle with the people, you know, the the the servants of heaven.
00:27:06
Speaker
Then what happens? Do you have a plan? If you can get in there and fuck them up, great. But you gotta to go in there with a plan, not just go fight Lorelai's bitchy sister. I just want to take out the sister because she's been literally kidnapping. She literally kidnapped Roy and she's got some kind of spell on him. Roy, you got spell you? Literally or figuratively.
00:27:27
Speaker
i
00:27:30
Speaker
Roy, are you under control? Are you in a spell right now? Be honest. Completely honest, not on a spell. so He's good. It's a figurative spell, but a spell nonetheless.
00:27:41
Speaker
That's called love, my guy. Right, yeah. Anyways, so I don't want Roy here to be under that spell anymore, so I figured out I would just get rid of the source, and also she's interfering with her plans all the time.
00:27:57
Speaker
And also, frankly, I don't like her. So, well, look, I don't like her either. I'm fine with the, if y'all want to smite What's that?
00:28:09
Speaker
Smart choice, darling. Right. You're an intelligent choice, I just have to say. Listen, if you guys want to go and kick Lilith's ass, that's fine. But again, what is your plan after that? You're going to be in the headquarters of the angels. What are you going to do then?
00:28:25
Speaker
Scout around. see what we can find i mean you haven't had boots on uh uh the ground in the shining city of the hill ever to uh look around that's true happening that's why i want to know like if you're gonna do a recon mission after you find a quiet way hopefully to kick a demon lady's ass fine but like if you're just gonna go there and start blowing shit up i'd like to know what you're blowing up and who's there and if you're gonna make it out alive or if i gotta start cooking up some more yeah
00:28:53
Speaker
I say we do recon, personally. After we do not kill Lilith. we can Do you want to sit this one out, buddy? You just said it was a good idea, darling. i said it was not a good idea.
00:29:07
Speaker
No, you, I heard you. You just said it was a good idea. you would say that.
00:29:15
Speaker
I have it recorded now, darling.
00:29:19
Speaker
Have you been recording this entire conversation? Of course I have, darling. you always do that for like quality quality assurance or something like that? No, for evidence later.
00:29:32
Speaker
Fascinating. Okay, so I mean, yeah, we're going to go up there and smoke a demon. we're not. i'm going Okay, you may not.
00:29:45
Speaker
ah But I have a feeling the you know the angels there won't be too upset about it. Well, that well, if you take Lorelei in there, then you're taking two demon ladies in there.
00:29:57
Speaker
right Right. Back to the drawing board, then. I mean, again, if you can get in there, i just please just don't go like don't go loud if you can help it. Collect information if you can figure out where everybody is. It's in charge.
00:30:12
Speaker
And then, you know, let's go from there because this one's the trickiest one because the shining city on the hill is impenetrable. They only let certain people in. And I don't exactly know who's in charge over there because, you know, far as I know, you know, Joshua Christ and his buddy have nothing to do with this shit.
00:30:32
Speaker
So he ain't doing it. The big G man's got nothing to do with it. So we got to figure out who the fuck is leading the charge on the angel boys.
00:30:42
Speaker
Oh, okay. Well, yeah, i can I can be convinced to spend an episode gathering ah some information. Spend an episode? like Like a manic episode? No, like, ah i just forget it. All right, fine. Forgotten.
00:30:58
Speaker
um So, all right. So just try not to go loud. If it does, just make sure you have a plan to get the hell out of there safely, okay? You guys have been the best.
00:31:08
Speaker
Don't tell anybody else I said this. You guys have been one of the better batches of people I've pulled out of the bath recently, and I'd like not to lose you anytime soon. Aw, thank you, darling.
00:31:19
Speaker
appreciate that. It was just an observation.
00:31:25
Speaker
Aw, it's so sweet of you to notice all my hard work. Thank you so much. Excuse me, my hard work. How's angel doing, by the way? Is he doing okay?
00:31:35
Speaker
I don't know. Nobody else is feeding him, so I'm not sure. Oh, well, the squirrel was supposed to be feeding him. Oh, well, I'll grab a new one at the Shining City. The squirrel fell back into the bath and now he's like eight foot tall and has a billy club.
00:31:52
Speaker
Oh, so he got even better. Wonderful. can say that, but now the only thing he can say is shit. ah okay Quite literally.
00:32:03
Speaker
Say something, you big nut squisher. shita Shit, shit. See? See what I'm talking about? Fucking stupid. I'll fix him. Don't worry. He's not broken. I'll be home later, to darling.
00:32:14
Speaker
Shit, shit. She wasn't talking to you. Anyway, sorry about that. We sounded happy to hear you. Who? Talking to Lorelai. He totally did.
00:32:28
Speaker
I mean, now I'm not don' i'm not an i'm an an expert in squirrel shit language, but yeah. He sounded very happy to he yeah to hear from me.
00:32:38
Speaker
I'm still on the phone. Like, are we done talking? Oh, yeah, sorry. You had some fucking you were there. You want us to do some scouting? I understand. Okay, well, I had a different thing for y'all to do, but if you're going to go scout the Shining City, this can wait. Oh, my goodness. here What did you need us to do? Nothing. i just now that i love that you Now that I know that y'all are actually going to go in there and do some smart shit, then go do that.
00:33:02
Speaker
Uh, okay. I mean, is the other thing a threat to you, like, immediately that we should handle, or? No, now that I know that we got somewhat semblance of a plan, no. The, the hail smoothie can go another day. Okay, we're gonna go there. then it'll fine they just make a few more.
00:33:18
Speaker
The hail smoothie, that sounds awesome. It is awesome, but, like, only if we're doing it. But we'll take care of that another day. Well, you're going to in there and scout but listen, my priority, number one, is ah he shuts the window in the back of the truck so Roy doesn't hear. No, Roy's inside, remember? Oh, shit. just He shuts the window between the back seats in the front.
00:33:43
Speaker
ah It's a limo. Just like a partition shot. And he whispers, kill Lilith. This is number one. We'll get some other.
00:33:54
Speaker
But we'll scout for you, too. Whatever. If you can do two turds with one bone, that's fine. Just make sure you don't get killed. All right. And I'll make sure to disguise Lorelai so if she's not detected.
00:34:08
Speaker
Right. Yeah. Use that voodoo that you do there, buddy. Okay, cool. well That's all I got for now.
00:34:17
Speaker
And hey, guys. Yeah. ah love I love y'all. Right. Love you too, chef. Hangs up.
00:34:28
Speaker
ah Okay, so are you going to go back towards the Shining City on the hill? Yeah. Any other pit stops along the way? Any conversations to have? Any people you want to swing by and see?
00:34:41
Speaker
Roy makes his way into the back of the truck and rechains the ah the ah the cross to his... Oh, hold on. Sorry, I'm getting a good call. Yeah, it's Chef. She's calling you back.
00:34:54
Speaker
What the fuck is my phone? Nope. It was an alarm. was in a long Okay. Chef's just like, hey, Roy, you still there? I want to call you separately for a second. Yeah, yeah. Roy goes, ah like, as he walks into the back of the truck, he closes the window and says, yes.
00:35:13
Speaker
Oh, can I help you? Your cross is ringing. its Yeah. It's just vibrating the entire truck. He's like, Roy, I would just want to make sure this number was still in service. That's all. I didn't really have anything to talk about. I just want to make sure it worked.
00:35:26
Speaker
Understandable. oh All right. right. Well, call me from this number if you need anything, okay? I just want to make sure it works. Will do. Thank you, chef. All right. I love you. Right back at you. says as he hangs up.
00:35:38
Speaker
And he rechanged the cross to be a little more secure around his arm so it doesn't come off as easy. Excellent. I'd say
Entering the Shining City
00:35:45
Speaker
in most cases it probably wouldn't, but I think Lilith is just in a whole other league that she was like, nah, you can't have that. Right. um um Okay, so you climb the back, you rechain your giant cross to your arm, um and Jon, Hitman, Tobias, do you go straight to the Shining City, or do you stop anywhere? Hell we're just stop before we hit that godforsaken...
00:36:11
Speaker
ah What do you call it? A drop off point where it turns but where it's like the fucking rainbow road or whatever. And you just got to believe in the fucking magic road. Uh, he's going to stop right there, right? Where the because that's where the Marian's at, right?
00:36:24
Speaker
Yes. All right. Well, we're not stopping because of the Marian, but that's just. Yeah, that's a side effect, I guess, of stopping here, but. All right. So slams in the brakes. All right.
00:36:38
Speaker
Okay. Okay. Lorelei. Yes, darling.
00:36:44
Speaker
Here. And
00:36:49
Speaker
he's going to hand her um what's a good what's an expensive good perfume perfume brand? Versace. Oh, probably a Dior Versace. All right.
00:37:05
Speaker
He hands her DeSachi or whatever, you know, some fucking... Okay. And some speed stick.
00:37:16
Speaker
Here, put this on. They're going to smell you. Look, I'm not trying to be mean. This is just... I'm trying not to get us killed there, okay? I understand, darling.
00:37:28
Speaker
OK, so yeah, where that and then um he pulls down like the ah the mirror on the passenger side because i she was in the passenger seat and um we're going to we're going to disguise you, obviously. And I would like to roll my to Steve to disguise.
00:37:45
Speaker
laura Okay, well, and what are you trying to make her create an advantage? um But trying to do a great advantage. First, all right, we're trying to create an advantage. So let's see what you do first and then kind of go from there. So let's kind of make it ah ah To try to get her past the people in the city and the hill, I'm going to say at least a three.
00:38:04
Speaker
Okay. I'm going to make her blonde because I think that all the angels would be blonde and blonde-haired and blue-eyed. Okay. White supremacists or something. That's what I imagine.
00:38:16
Speaker
um With pale skin because why not? Or no. Actually, they'd be orange. Yeah, they'd probably be orange. Yeah. So that's what she's going to do. She's going to like a, you know, Trump supporter that PNG basically.
00:38:31
Speaker
There you go. Gotcha.
00:38:34
Speaker
All right. So let's see that deceive check to make you plus four is a four. So you create one advantage that you can use. You or you and your team can use while you make the disguise for her.
00:38:49
Speaker
So yeah what does the disguise look like? ah She looks like, um, a young blonde woman who got a spray tan recently, which is what I imagine all the angels. There you go.
00:39:03
Speaker
It looks like she looks hideous. But that's what I imagine all the angel, like the the the lady presenting angels to look like for some reason.
00:39:15
Speaker
All right. If they look different than that, Adam, then let me know. I mean, you wouldn't know for sure, but like, I'm sure what you did is just fine. um I think I think it'll pass. I think it'll be OK.
00:39:31
Speaker
um OK, so ah you did the thing. um So remind me again. OK, so go through the list one more time. She looks like Margot Robbie with a blonde wig. Is that what you said?
00:39:44
Speaker
Yeah, and orange spray tan, you know, or spray tan. Right. OK. Yeah. And. ah Blue contact lenses. I don't know what color. lies eyes are, but we're going to make some reuse some contact lenses.
00:39:58
Speaker
Okay, very good. They're green, darling. Well, they're blue now. They're blue now. Okay. Oh, wonderful. I've always wanted blue eyes. ah And is ah this is like the trash angel spot, right? So I'm making her smell like whatever crap rich people wear in this world.
00:40:21
Speaker
ah Okay, so you're... You said you're making her smell like rich people or dress like rich people? um I would do both, actually. Sorry. Okay, what kind of clothes are you... Somehow you're, like, doing this while you're driving. No, no, no. We are parked right before the Rainbow Road area. Oh, yeah, so you're doing this just, like, sitting in the in the front seat of a car? you're Like, I have yeah all these clothes in my pocket. Okay, very good.
00:40:45
Speaker
Yeah, well... Very saved last dance, darling. So, I don't know I'll let her dress herself. I trust her discretion. i don't know does anymore lie What does Lorelai put on?
00:41:00
Speaker
Does she get undressed in the car? Does she like put up a magical veil? Does she disappear somewhere? What kind of outfit would she on? I feel like she would just snap her fingers and her outfit would change.
00:41:14
Speaker
You could have just done that yourself this whole time.
00:41:18
Speaker
I change my dress with the snap of the fingers all the time. I just can't change my appearance. Oh, okay. All right. All right. that's That's the limit. I got you. So you just change your dress?
00:41:29
Speaker
Yes. Okay. So you're ah you're wearing a nice... What does your dress look like? d So her dress before was, like, black.
00:41:41
Speaker
And I feel like she would just go the opposite way and it would look like a wedding dress. Like from the 80s. The big poofy shoulders and everything. Okay.
00:41:55
Speaker
So you're in a nice bright white dress with poofs everywhere. Tobias, are you also disguising yourself in some way?
00:42:06
Speaker
roy are you just wearing what you're wearing? Like you guys going to tag team that or just... Come as you are. I mean, what would ah Tobias recommend ah Roy to do? He'll do it.
00:42:18
Speaker
um Like if he thinks that, ah you know, the man who hunts demons isn't like, I don't know, what's the phrase? Isn't as convincing enough to ah be let into the city. However, if you would like him to disguise as an angel, he's not opposed.
00:42:33
Speaker
No, no, I think you look fine. All right. Yeah. you You definitely look the part of a demon hunter. And I don't know why they would ever. Like, if you have the pass, I don't know why they wouldn't let you in.
00:42:44
Speaker
Yeah, right. um Well, these guys might remember us, but we have the passes now, so it doesn't matter. Anyways. um True. Hitman's going to change and do a white suit.
00:42:57
Speaker
ah no Oh, Put on some sunglasses. You're going to look like you're marrying Lorelai. this is you I thought this was just how angels dress, so that's that's what we're doing. Alright, very good.
00:43:15
Speaker
um So, you guys and Roy is just going to stay his long jacket and his usual garb
00:43:26
Speaker
OK, so you guys head towards the city like you do. You do the make believe drive over the invisible road again. I believe I believe now because you've done it before. Yeah, yes. um Yeah.
00:43:40
Speaker
So you drive up through. You hit that checkpoint. You see that there are three angels standing at the checkpoint, one of whom has like a badly kind of blackened ah right wing. that Lorelei had damaged in a previous battle.
00:43:53
Speaker
um And they're just kind of standing there. You see the wing is kind of like bandaged up and um ah they're just kind of standing there and you see another car pulls through and drives up.
00:44:05
Speaker
And you see, as you guys roll up, the one just says like, all right, let me see here. Let me see your pass. Um...
00:44:15
Speaker
Tobias holds out his um his ah i don't remember. I stabbed myself, but you didn't really say, but you said you did it in a place that hurt. no he turns to the left a little bit and it's like right in his chest and it's bleeding a little bit.
00:44:29
Speaker
Yeah, that's. I mean, very few people put them anywhere other than their arms. Why would you do that to yourself?
00:44:38
Speaker
People who put it in their arms aren't true believers. Hey, you know what? That's fucking metal as hell, man. So I'm with you. Absolutely. More people should stab themselves in the chest. We've always said that.
00:44:50
Speaker
um So, ah all right. I need your passengers. The one in the back seat or the one in the passenger seat, one in the back truck. You know, let's see them. see your passes. Lorelai just holds up like her leather jacket lapel, like ah from like the seat.
00:45:08
Speaker
Like, cause she held it, or she took off her jacket, obviously, but she has it on, like, the center console. So she just holds it up and shows the part where it's all on her leather jacket.
00:45:20
Speaker
Ma'am, it's supposed to be in your body, in case you lose your garments. um On account of sometimes people's clothes do explode in the Shining City on the Hill. So, you need to make sure that's, you know, you know in the body. So, gonna have to ask you to give yourself the old prick.
00:45:38
Speaker
I already did. i just, I took it off right now because I wanted to dress up. Well, you can dress up. Just stab it underneath your nice, pretty wedding dress. Do I have to? I already did it.
00:45:52
Speaker
ah You see the one that has like the blackened wing kind of steps for it says, you know what? Just fucking, just, yes, you have to do it. I'm sorry. I'm really angry right now. Somebody like, you look, and he kind of stares at you for a minute. His eyes kind of like widen for a second. Then he can squint his eyes and he's like,
00:46:10
Speaker
Anyway, no, she was wearing a black dress. um um But yeah, no, you just fucking stab yourself with it because it's got to go in the chin in the skin because in case you change your clothes, then you lose your pin.
00:46:22
Speaker
OK, so just put it in your body. Quit being weird, you're holding up the line. Oh my god, fine. ah oh So mean to me. It's like my dad. I just can't even believe it anymore.
00:46:34
Speaker
Well, our dad kind of abandoned us, okay? So... We all have daddy issues. Whatever, dude. That's what happens when people stop believing, okay?
00:46:47
Speaker
ah we See, that was so hard. Good job It doesn't go with my dress, though. just keep it in there and take it out where you leave the city. The guy with like the black and wing is like losing his shit. He's like so angry. And the one kind of like puts his hand on his shoulder and walks him away. And the other one just comes up. He's a little bit bigger, kind of like, you know, a little bit more mellow ah atmosphere around him. and he's like, you're going to have to accuse my partners. um We kind of had a little bit of a fight a few weeks ago with like a crazy lady. Funny enough, they're driving a similar truck, but you guys are all wearing white and that guy's wearing a red jacket instead of a blue jacket. So,
00:47:23
Speaker
different people. um I'm pretty sure this is a different color truck.
00:47:30
Speaker
Oh, you're right. It is a different color truck. Yeah. So yeah, I mean, yeah, which I don't, no one can afford to go to a spray and pray. So, or whatever. So pray and pray ah it's a pray and spray. Pray is always first.
00:47:45
Speaker
Of course. Prayer is always first. My child, John man is shaking his head. He looks so fucking disappointed in these, in these guys right now. ah And you see the one, he says, um, your friend in the back in the long jacket. Yep.
00:48:01
Speaker
Your pin, sir. ah Yeah, he he's he's got his, he like ah shifts his hair. It's in the ah top ridge of his ear. It's stabbed through your ear? Yeah, like through the top ridge.
00:48:13
Speaker
Oh, wow. It's a tragus piercing. yeah that's ah That's pretty mauler. Wow. You know, we don't see a lot of people get creative with the piercing, but I dig it. You know, just make sure you remember to flash that bad boy. Anybody asks for identification.
00:48:27
Speaker
The pin just pretty much identifies you for them. OK, so this you guys first time in the city. It is for these two, but not not me. Oh, you've been around. What's your favorite part of the city?
00:48:41
Speaker
We all know the best part of the city is the Waffle House. he You know, i we, a lot of us had to fight to get that Waffle House in there. It's worth it though, wasn't it?
00:48:53
Speaker
ah Absolutely, yeah. It's the only place that's open all night. That's right. I've heard tales. Is it open on Sunday? ah That's where we all go to pray. That is very interesting.
00:49:07
Speaker
It's just a Waffle House on the side of the megachurch. Yeah, you know, it's just ah all things are holy at the Waffle House. That's what we say anyway. I mean, does a sign of the cross in response to that?
00:49:20
Speaker
ah ah You know, go ahead and roll a deceive role against this guy real quick. OK, just to make sure I'm going plus five. You're plus five. OK, I'm to say this dude probably has, I'd say, like a I'd say like a two um and in empathy. So I'm going have more that.
00:49:40
Speaker
ah Yep, you beat him by a couple. He only got a three. So he's like, yes, absolutely. So ah please, ah you know, you know the rules. Make sure everybody else knows the rules. And please enjoy your stay at the Shining City on the Hill.
00:49:53
Speaker
And do make sure that if
Exploring the City and Quest for Waffle House
00:49:55
Speaker
you can afford it, that you do bring some offerings. As you know how much ah we need them for our, you know, and he winks, our business.
00:50:05
Speaker
so Of course, of course. And well, I don't need to show you what's in that briefcase in the back, do I? Oh, no. i um i believe I know a believer when I see one. I know a supporter when I see one.
00:50:21
Speaker
And um please enjoy your stay. ah hope your guests enjoy yourselves. And um please just, you know, before you leave, no hurry. But if you want to drop that off sooner than later, I know nobody would be upset. But please take your time.
00:50:36
Speaker
Well, sounds good. um Anyways, we'll be off now. All right. Well, you know, fair travels to you. And um if you happen to see um ah before you go, there is, you know, I probably shouldn't tell you this, but there is a bit of a manhunt going on for somebody who allegedly infiltrated the city. So um if you just...
00:51:01
Speaker
Everyone is is handling it. You don't have to worry. But if you hear tales of somebody who snuck in, we don't even know if it's true. But if they did, just know that it's being taken care of. So please don't let that affect your opinion of the Shining City or the denizens therein, okay?
00:51:18
Speaker
Who snuck in Roy like leans an arm on the back of the truck and leans in a little bit. If you wanted to tell. I... Again, I don't want to cause a stir. I don't want to cause alarm.
00:51:32
Speaker
So, I mean, we don't even know if it's true. You know, some people will say things to get a rise out of people when we should just be rising for our Lord. um so And kneeling.
00:51:44
Speaker
And kneeling. And kneeling when it's, yes, rise and fall at times appropriate. And um some say um some say that a demon person got in, which I don't.
00:52:02
Speaker
Yes, i don' i I don't feel that is possible. So, well, don't even bother yourself with that. Come close for a second. Any John Hitman beckons, you know, the angel to come in.
00:52:13
Speaker
Alright, he leans in and goes, yes, my child. You see that man back there and you can tell he's an experienced hunter. Oh, is he?
00:52:24
Speaker
Oh, yes. I mean, the size of his cross alone is a sight to behold. It seems your Schwartz is as big as mine. Yes, I see your Schwartz is as big as mine.
00:52:35
Speaker
Yes. Yes. So he is he coming to help us with our um pest situation? yeah I was on a vacation ordinarily, but I'm always willing to lend a hand.
00:52:49
Speaker
I'm not allowed to say, you know, one way or the other, but we're aware of the situation. Put it that way. All right. Well, um then I know that the city is not only in good hands, but in good company. So yes, please enjoy your stay.
00:53:08
Speaker
Here's my card. and What's the card say? says John Goodman. Goodman. Is it like a window washing service or something?
00:53:19
Speaker
yeah Yeah, it's a cleaning service, but the cleaning is in quotes. nice I love John Goodman.
00:53:32
Speaker
Just give me a call if you hear anything. John Bloodbath. Yes. And your wife, Roseanne. um So. um Oh, yes. Very good. Well, I will. ah I'll definitely keep you in mind. And what did you say? It says on it again. John Goodman, the what?
00:53:48
Speaker
I'm a cleaner. John Goodman, the cleaner. Yep. For professional cleaning services. No trace left behind.
00:54:00
Speaker
love it. That's good. And you see, he goes around he goes run to the passenger seat real quick and says, and ma'am, he sticks out his hand to like hold your hand. um He says, my sincerest congratulations on your nuptials.
00:54:15
Speaker
I assume... my god, thank Now I assume, that you know, you you wait you are waiting until you enter the city for you to consummate your relationship.
00:54:29
Speaker
Of course. Excellent. um I sense a very great purity around you, and I just appreciate the... You know, I know abstinence is difficult, but it is the right way to truly A weight to be, you know, touched by by those who should be touching. Yes.
00:54:54
Speaker
Of course. Yeah. Roy's sniggering, but his back is to their conversation, so they can't see it. He's laughing that she's pure.
00:55:06
Speaker
She's trying to hold it in. Well, you know, I'm sure your dress will be spotted which as you enter the city. Asriel, I'm sure, will pay you a visit, as he does have first rite of passage on any new bride entering the city. Oh, shit.
00:55:22
Speaker
So, he will he will find you. ah But just I just want to let you know, don't be alarmed. It's very normal. It'll be over before you know it. That's fucking wild. That's wild. Thank you. So nice. That's some Uda Hussein type shit. Holy fuck. We're going to be off now.
00:55:41
Speaker
Okay. We got some work to do. Of course. Yes. ah Much cleaning to be done. He says with a wink and ah steps off and goes towards his compatriots that are kind of bickering in the background.
00:55:52
Speaker
And you guys are left to your own devices to head into the shining city on the hill. All right. I hit it. Hit the pit the gas. Yeah. You hit the gas and the car goes me and you guys go to the shining city on the hill and you after maybe like another five minutes of driving on like this kind of vacant space above ground, um you come up to what seems like kind of like a shimmering wall of like kind of like ah like ah like an like an energy field, so to speak.
00:56:23
Speaker
And you see just beyond it, very vaguely, because like you can see the shining city on the hill from almost everywhere, on at least where you guys are on Earth. um It kind of glistens and everything, but like now that you're up close to it, all you can really see, it's almost like you're looking through like stained glass, where like you can kind of see beyond it, but it's also kind of like kind of blocking some of the view.
00:56:42
Speaker
Um, and you kind of hear like a, a choir start to sing. And then, um, you hear a woman's voice. It says like, are you here pure of heart to enter the city, the shining city on the hill?
00:56:57
Speaker
Uh, Tobias puts his AirPods in.
00:57:01
Speaker
After a few moments of silence, you hear, are you here pure of heart to enter the city, the shining city on the hill? Somebody else answers. Oh my yes!
00:57:14
Speaker
How did you know? oh i'm just a recording. ah Gets the whole up. what's a recording?
00:57:25
Speaker
ah you here as pure of heart to enter the city, the shining city on the hill? Yes! How did you know? whata Oh, I'm just a recording. um And then... Oh, what's recording? Hi, are you here, peer of heart?
00:57:42
Speaker
To enter the city? shining city?
00:57:50
Speaker
Yeah. Lorelai plays this game for like 20 minutes. Yeah. ah Until John Hitman finally realizes what's going on. Yeah, she's like, we've been sitting here a while. Damn, um but I went through a whole album and we're still sitting here. Shit.
00:58:05
Speaker
It's like the the recording starts skipping because it's ending the near like the CD. Hi, are you here? Pure, pure, pure, pure. You just hear like, just open the damn door. Come on. um And then you see the shining, shimmering wall just starts to like dissipate.
00:58:28
Speaker
Yeah, I'm going to go to the Waffle House. Go straight. Okay. Do you know what's the Waffle House right away? No, you can't see the lava house right away. But like and the moment you get past the shimmering field, um you enter into like just like before you know it, like it's very weird, like because you don't see that you're entering a city like you can see it from afar. It's like this big, like just illustrious looking city.
00:58:52
Speaker
But like when you get up to it, you don't see it at all. But the moment you pass through like the shimmering wall, you're just in a town like this big city. Like there's gold streets everywhere, buildings with like gold and silver inlets.
00:59:04
Speaker
um flashing lights clubs it just looks like a big bustling city that you would see in like non-apocalyptic you know world earth um so like there's just a lot going on skyscrapers and shit is it walkable or is it like a gigantic strode with like you know pizza hut uh speedway sheets get like different gas stations and then I mean, I would say imagine if you're in Columbus, Ohio, from one end to the other end of Columbus, Ohio, like how long that would take you to walk like you could do it, but it would take you a while unless you took trains and like the trains, automobiles.
00:59:45
Speaker
All right. um um John Hitman slash Tobias is going to look at his phone. Actually, no no, we have car play or whatever. Right. So we're checking the maps on the car. All right.
01:00:00
Speaker
Okay, and you're going to put in the coordinates for the Waffle House. He's going to just take two fingers and then push them together to zoom out. OK, and I want to see he's going to try to see where he is.
01:00:11
Speaker
ah You are in like, ah strangely enough, you know, through the magic of the bloodbath, you do kind of have like a little bit like it's building the map out as you're in there. So like think of it like a video game where like you explore the map and the map fills in as you explore it.
01:00:26
Speaker
So it's filling in for you. And there's a lot of question marks all over the map. um And you're like in like a little bit of like you've you've dissipated some of the cloud where your truck is showing on the map.
01:00:37
Speaker
Oh no, wait. And and then I hit like, he has like a limit on zooming out.
01:00:43
Speaker
So just making ah we're in like an instance zone. all right. So we're not actually, i was just checking to make sure that we're not in like, you know, i the middle of like Kentucky or something, you know, like,
01:00:56
Speaker
No, you're in like an unfamiliar terrain like your your your map has to be built out because it's never been mapped before. um So, yeah, at least by like the technology that you have.
01:01:08
Speaker
um So, yeah, you're just an unfamiliar territory. So if you're in Kentucky, your map would say you're in Kentucky.
01:01:16
Speaker
So, you know that you've entered the fabled yet fake land of the shining city on the hill. So say Joshua Christ and his best friend, Beth. is it Hmm.
01:01:29
Speaker
What do you do? You're in a big magical city. There's life. There's energy. There's lights. There's there's libations everywhere you look. People are just having a good time.
01:01:41
Speaker
Roy sticks his head. He's hungry. Roy sticks his head into the window and says, we could always ask for directions towards the Waffle House. No, no, no. I can smell it. ah ah Let's have you do a notice roll with your smeller. That would be an investigate roll. No, it would be a notice roll. It's four. I rolled negative one on the most important rule the game.
01:02:10
Speaker
Oh, man. You're smelling so much good stuff. Like, there's a restaurant not far from you called The Little Lamb um that, like, smells heavenly.
01:02:22
Speaker
Um... There's a place called No Shellfish here. um No, I take it back. It's called Don't Be Shellfish. That's what it's called. Don't Be Shellfish. So yeah, you're smelling like some of that going on right now. So you can't quite find your way to the Waffle House. But you do see somebody else is behind you. They pull up and they're in like a little forward focus.
01:02:45
Speaker
And they're like, wait, wait, wait, wait. Like, hey, fucking move. I got shit to do today. uh tobias blasts him in the fin eye roy brings out his gun uh okay okay settle down there mr pull off to the side of the road yeah you put your four ways on no just he just slows down lets him pass oh okay i gotcha okay so yeah the guy goes passing
01:03:17
Speaker
He gives you the finger, but it's blurred out. It's censored when he drives past you. um um Because giving the bird is... Unheavenly. It's a sin.
01:03:28
Speaker
It's a sin. You can't bird people in in this place. um so You pull over, ah let that person pass, and then, yeah, you're kind of on like a little bit of ah the street on your own for a second.
01:03:40
Speaker
There's like cars coming to and fro. There's like people on cycles and people biking and like so it's kind of like, yeah, they're like the nightlife right now. um When you see somebody comes up to your window ah and just says like driving. Oh, you're still driving. Oh, I thought you pulled. Yeah, no, I just got just slowed down to like let him go, let him pass because he was honking.
01:04:00
Speaker
All right, yeah, we see somebody goes to come up to your window, but then you keep driving and so like, ah okay, I'll get you next time. We're doing like 50. I mean, they're angels. is that ah So, um yeah. so speaking of which, you do see there are a lot of people with wings that are kind of like, you know, they're kind of resting on their backs, walking around. There are some that are flying around the sky.
01:04:24
Speaker
Some of them are wearing like a sword like Roy. You'd see this probably the best. There are like angels that are flying around that are wearing like blue and gold armor, mostly gold with like kind of like blue kind of ah trim on them and such.
01:04:36
Speaker
Um, and, uh, they're flying around. Some have their weapons out. Cause as you guys remember, they are like, they do have a ah hunt right now for someone that they heard infiltrated their city.
City Dynamics and Angelic Encounters
01:04:45
Speaker
Um, so you can kind of tell, like they're kind of looking around, like kind of surveying the area, but trying to be nonchalant about it.
01:04:52
Speaker
Um, And yeah, so where do you guys, so your your smell roll failed for fighting the Waffle House. Roy or Lorelai, do you want to investigate anything or go anywhere or help him find the Waffle House? Roy wants to help him find the Waffle House.
01:05:07
Speaker
He smells in the air. Lorelai would not know what a Waffle House is. Roy doesn't either, but he knows it must be good. um So do I roll a notice, you said?
01:05:20
Speaker
ah Sure. Copy. Okay. Mediocre. Mediocre is a big fat goose egg, but better than a negative one. I'd say that like maybe like you're recognizing like like through the window as like the map is coming up, you see question marks are kind of starting to like fill themselves in. Like don't be shellfish and little lamb and like a few other businesses as you drive past them are starting to kind of populate themselves.
01:05:48
Speaker
So like you can at least tell that you're like in a district where like food is like the main thing here. But you also remember that they said that they built the Waffle House right into the side of like the big church.
01:05:59
Speaker
So you probably need to find the big church, whatever that is here. So not that you had a lot of good direction, but at least you have a little bit more to go on. um So before you explore that further, Lorelai, there anything that you would like to do? Because you are a demon person inside of the stronghold of the angel people in the shining city on the hill.
01:06:20
Speaker
Is there anything you'd like to do? She's probably just going to try to keep a low profile just because she is a demon in a place where she probably isn't the most welcome.
01:06:33
Speaker
Okay, okay. Is there anything that you're doing? Are you like chatting up anybody on the way past? Are you looking for anything? Like what does keeping a low profile look like? Or she just not doing anything at all? i so I feel like she'd just be sitting there like watching, just watching everything.
01:06:49
Speaker
Like watching people walk by, seeing what Tobias is doing and trying to mimic what he's doing. Like trying to act as human as possible.
01:07:02
Speaker
Trying to act as human as possible. Okay, okay. Yeah. um Okay, I like that. So let's have you do a little deceive roll for that. um Just to kind of keep up the charade in your nice white outfit.
01:07:18
Speaker
um And let's... Go to three. Three's pretty good. You know what? I was going to give you a two marker. That's my base, my default. But I think three's good. So yeah, I think you're still... doing your thing no one really looks at you all that much although occasionally as like angels fly past the truck they do clock that you're wearing like a wedding dress so they just kind of like give you like a like a wink and a nod and then they fly off um so there's a lot of people who are kind of like tracking that about you because like there's not a lot of people that show up dressed that way um so uh yeah so do you do anything else or do you just keep your cool
01:07:54
Speaker
Oh, she's going to keep her cool. um She's trying to mimic everything that Tobias does. Perfect. So Tobias... Tobias jumps on top of the truck and does a does a kickflip on a skateboard and then... No, he does not. He kickflips the truck. He just off-solve the fucking bed and it flips around.
01:08:16
Speaker
He makes the truck do an ollie. Yeah. I saw someone draw like a dude kickflipping a horse and that was I gotta find that picture.
01:08:28
Speaker
Incredible. I think it'd be funny if he's like, no, that's what humans do all the time, Laurel. I do it. You can't do this? What do you mean? I thought you were cool. um So ah Roy gives whatever information she has been able to glean to Tobias about how to find the area where the Waffle House is.
01:08:50
Speaker
If that's still your destination, ah you now know that you need to find the megachurch that's there because the Waffle House has been built into the megachurch. Oh, yeah, that's right. The megachurch. Yeah. Yeah. ah How could I forget?
01:09:04
Speaker
How could you forget? You've quote unquote been here before. yeah i don't know why i don't know why he lied about that, but yeah. So you know what? I'll have you. Let's have you do an investigation role if you'd like to start piecing together like parts of the map you have uncovered areas.
01:09:22
Speaker
OK, and let's call it. Well, you got a negative one. I was going to say, if you get a two, we'll still say that you're on the right track, but you're at a negative one right now, unless you have any fate points or any aspects you'd like to invoke.
01:09:37
Speaker
No, he doesn't have awaited. Well, the culmination of generations of hitman's could be used for like anything, but I'm going to save it for. You know, not searching for a fucking Waffle House.
01:09:49
Speaker
Sure, sure, sure, sure. So yeah, I'm going to say you end up in like a different part of town where like there's a parade going on right now. um And so like you see like ah ah an angel lands in front of your truck and kind of like immediately your truck comes to a halt um without you pressing brakes.
01:10:08
Speaker
Huh? Yeah. at the brakes. Yeah. And he says he's wearing ah he's wearing a ah ah policeman's hat um and he comes around to your driver's side and he says, now, sir, we have a parade that we're trying to have come through the streets. You're going to have to go around on account of, again, we have a parade.
01:10:30
Speaker
Okay, yeah. So I just turn around and then we're trying to get to the Waffle House so I can just I can make a left over there and then go down like a mile, make it to the left, right? And then... are you here to pray at the Waffle House? Yeah, yeah, but then that'll put me on like Main Street, right? To get over to the Waffle House, right? Yeah, if you don't want to... been here Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to get on Portland Main Street. That's the one that takes you down to the right church and then the Waffle House is attached to the back end of the church on the kind of they don't want to mess up ah the facade on the front.
01:11:05
Speaker
Yeah, well, we' we're hungry for some prayer and, you know, some breakfast food, to be honest. Right. i mean, aren't we all? And just may I say congratulations on your nut fools. I'm very happy for you that Asriel will be visiting you soon.
01:11:20
Speaker
He truly does not visit very many people. So um congratulations on your opportunity to meet the man himself. Thanks. You might want to tell him to hold off, though. It'll be a little awkward visit.
01:11:33
Speaker
What on earth do you mean? Well, I'm not ah the husband. Oh, well, I just assumed because y'all were wearing like the same colors.
01:11:44
Speaker
What? You're her dad? Yeah, I'm the father. Oh, well, OK. Look at me. I'm like 60, right? Look at me. I'm bald already. takes his police hat off. He's like, me too, man.
01:12:00
Speaker
I get plus one on all my rolls of this guy. Oh my god, honey. Don't be so hard on yourself. Of course we're trying to get to our wedding. We have to get to the Waffle House because that's where our reception is. Listen, he's going to pull in the police officer. hi honey Listen, the groom left her at the altar and she's delusional.
01:12:23
Speaker
Oh god, You're so silly, Goose. Oh, so you mean she's not she's not married after all?
01:12:33
Speaker
Not yet, but if you're willing, I'll drop this guy right here oh ah Ma'am, as yeah as I just earned my wings. I'm on patrol. you know I'm on i'm on ah beat duty right now, and I can't like lose my wings right now. Perfect, you have room to move up.
01:12:52
Speaker
Yeah, but if I if i if i can do anything unbecoming, then I lose my wings, ma'am. Honey, hold on one second. I need to talk to the officer, okay? He's going to hand him a card. Tobiah's going to hand him a card. Is this cleaner on it? This is John Goodman cleaner. If you see anything suspicious, we're looking... Well, don't think it's a secret anymore, but we have an uninvited guest here, right?
01:13:19
Speaker
Well, well word word travels fast around here. I don't know how you knew that, but yeah, absolutely. We have a little pest problem that we're looking to take care of. so Well, I can clean up the messes that pests leave behind, if you know what I mean.
01:13:34
Speaker
So just give me a call. Right, okay. ah Yeah, I'll do that. um And he kind of like looks up at Roy, who's like towering with this massive cross in your truck. He's like, and so are you... like Part of the business, sir, or?
01:13:47
Speaker
Oh yeah. Roy only nods. Wow, you're a very imposing gentleman. um It's amazing that you do not have wings. He is, and well, he's he's ah still human, so.
01:13:59
Speaker
all right I mean, i was human until maybe, yeah i don't know, like a couple weeks ago. Wow, that's fast. All right, well. There's a way to turn humans into angels.
01:14:10
Speaker
I never considered that. Yeah, it's called dying. Well, yeah, if I'm being honest, I did. i did you know I ate a sandwich out of the garbage that I thought was still good. um and ah But, you know, i i said I said my prayers. I came here. I sacrificed whatever it is they needed, and they turned my spirit into what you see before you. And, you know, what it's all right, I guess, ah you know.
01:14:31
Speaker
It's not exactly what I was hoping for, but not the afterlife would be different, but Hey, you know, I'm talking to you normal life. Yeah. It just feels a lot like normal life, except to have a different job that is it's ah it's okay. I guess different job, different boss, right?
01:14:44
Speaker
Yeah, but I can fly now. So that's pretty, pretty, pretty nice. I've very jealous of that, but anyways, yeah, give me a call if you hear anything. And, uh, so I got it at Portland, Maine. That's right. Okay. Yeah. Portland main street. Uh, we'll take you straight down to the mega church.
01:14:59
Speaker
Yeah. Thanks man. Um, Appreciate it. Yeah, you're welcome. and ah so So sorry about your daughter and her delusional state of mind. that's all right It's alright. You know, I felt that way right before I died. My daughter, those bunnies over there.
01:15:13
Speaker
are those bunnies? ah Yeah, they have wings. squirrels.
01:15:20
Speaker
Yeah, we got flying rabbits here, but they're not the pest. People actually like them. but they And they cannot breed, so we don't gotta to worry about being like a bunch of like little... Bunny's flying around. That's kind of cool. Actually, here, take a couple more cards, too. Give them to your partners.
01:15:34
Speaker
Yeah, we'll do. And here's ah here's ah here's my card. And he he hands you a little green card that's on it with gold letters. And it says, ah help me.
01:15:45
Speaker
What? What? It says, help me. And then like just as quickly, just as quickly as the letters, like you read the letters are like flashing and like gold print, like the card turns white and it looks like just like a playing card that he handed you.
01:15:59
Speaker
And he says, so yeah, call me sometime, please. If you need my services or whatever. All right, well, good luck getting out of here, I guess. I don't know.
01:16:10
Speaker
No, I know. I don't want I love it here. Everything here is great. um And he starts looking up and he's like screaming. He cups his hands through his mouth. Everything is great. I love it here. My job is fantastic. He's like, what are you trying to do when he like flies off?
01:16:25
Speaker
um And you see like you see like some somebody in like gold armor like gives chase like up in the sky. We just killed the guy. Again. Again.
01:17:19
Speaker
well Doesn't it look good already?