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E10: POV of a Partner
49 Plays1 month ago
Navigating terminal illness is difficult for everyone involved. In this episode, we bring on Emma’s husband Will. He shares insight into his perspective as not only a partner, but a true part of the Gladstone family and as both Doug’s son-in-law and friend.
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Transcript
Introduction of Will
00:00:04
Speaker
Hello. Hi. We're back in the stew with another special guest also by popular demand. Sort of a different stew today. hey but Different stew today, but we wanted to go, we wanted to do this interview on the home turf of the person that we're interviewing.
00:00:22
Speaker
This is Will, otherwise known as my husband, otherwise known as protectee when he's protecting specifically Haley, but everyone else. um And this is our Humble abode.
00:00:35
Speaker
Humble abode. you want to introduce yourself? Sure. I'm Will. I am the husband of the glorious Emma Gladstone ah and the brother-in-law to Haley Gladstone. Not glorious?
00:00:50
Speaker
um No, sorry. No, glorious too. And yeah, I'm excited to be here. Awesome.
Will's Family Integration
00:00:59
Speaker
Well, Will and I got married in June of last year, so June of 2024, and but he's been in the cut.
00:01:06
Speaker
um I can't pull that off, can I? No. Okay. It was not, it's so natural. Will's been- a part of the family. Yes. Will's been a part of our family, Sid, for over nine years, um which is crazy, because I can't, I mean, I can't really remember, like, pre-Will time. When I think about our family, I also think about Will.
00:01:28
Speaker
Same. same Yeah, it's crazy. I met- I met you when I was 19 years old. A spring chicken. started dating when i was 20 years old. And I met Haley when she was a freshman in high school.
00:01:46
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Wait, let's talk about the first time you guys met because that was hilarious. At Colgate? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. So and then well both but well all three of us actually went to Colgate. so that's sort of funny. Um, but I was visiting.
00:01:59
Speaker
we play an influence on that, by the way? Or like, did you play did you just want to go to Colton? No, I actually, I'd say at first when I was like applying, i loved visiting and like when I visited you without Emma there too, that was really nice.
00:02:14
Speaker
Sounds really weird. It's more fun. No, but I'm just saying like, I loved it, but I almost didn't want to go because Emma went. I was like, I want to do something different. Yeah. But then I realized that was sort of BS and I loved it and I went. So yes, in short, you did.
00:02:26
Speaker
You were a freshman in high school and I remember you were, sorry mom, I remember you were walking around to everybody at the frat house being like, hi, I'm Hailey, I'm freshman. I'm a freshman and I had to follow up and be like, in high school, away.
00:02:40
Speaker
I was literally like sticking my hand out meeting all these boys and was like, a freshman. I'm a freshman. They're like, my god, what dorm are you? And I was like, high school. You were a 14 year old. A dorm her parents house.
00:02:51
Speaker
like It's not good. Yeah, I don't really know why they let me do that. But it was fun. It was fine. I just, I drank the blue drink, which I have at that age, but I did You were also like, for me, i you were so excited to meet Will.
00:03:03
Speaker
I think because you had heard a lot about him from me. It was early in your relationship. It was yeah, it was super early in the relationship. What Maybe like two months? Yeah. It was like fall. It was like Flapchecks and Flannel's party.
00:03:14
Speaker
Yes, it was. No, it wasn't. It was the spring. Flap Jacks and Flanders is in the spring. Okay. Anyway. She was been official for a few months. Well, yeah, because we came and babysit that summer. Yes, you're right. ivan So we had sort of just started
Family Dynamics and Support
00:03:26
Speaker
dating. It was your first, like, introduction to Will. And I think, mean, Will was the first, like, very serious boyfriend that I brought home.
00:03:33
Speaker
Yeah. um So it was sort of like, who is this? What's the deal? Like, I don't know. The first and the last. First and only. First husband. Yeah.
00:03:44
Speaker
Yeah, but i I, it was just like, I don't know, we we got along very well right away. I think Yeah, he was like giving you piggybacks around the front house. Yeah. No, it was ridiculous, but that was super fun.
00:03:55
Speaker
don't know, it is interesting because I feel like you've obviously been a part of our lives for so long, but I feel like Maybe I'm just thinking self-centered right now, but I feel like a lot of those years were very formative for me in the sense like you you've seen both my graduations from high school and college. And I think that's very interesting because like, don't know.
00:04:11
Speaker
I was like like, did you have braces when you?
00:04:16
Speaker
No, i didn't have braces in high school. I got them off in seventh grade. and then my boyfriend at the time told me that I looked better with them on when the day I got them off. What guy. I was like, wait. Keeper. i feel i I want to refocus. I feel like we're tangenting. We could talk about Will, honestly, probably all day. And all of our like escapades. Yeah, and all of our escapades. um The three of I mean, Will is one of the things that I love the most about him is how close he made an effort to get to my whole family and then how close he's now naturally become to my whole family. Like I, if he said he was going on a four hour road trip with my mom, I would be like, that's great. Like that, none of that would make me nervous. Yeah. I would just be like, okay, perfect.
00:04:55
Speaker
He isn't individually. I'm like, he, you, have an individually amazing relationship with every single person in our family. So I feel like, and this is sort of the crux of what we want to talk about today, just what it's now like to be, well, you were on the front lines for my dad's accident through the diagnosis, through everything. And then sort of what it's like to be so ingrained in, in our family that you're not, I mean, you're,
00:05:21
Speaker
doing an amazing job of being here and being a resource for me. But like, this is also a really big life change and inevitable loss for you. and I think, I think you've been balancing that stuff really well, but I'm also seeing it from my POV. So I think Haley and I and the guests, the viewers would like to just hear what your experience has been like over the last year of this crazy wildness. Yeah.
00:05:51
Speaker
Yeah. Not a year yet, but almost. year We're a month out from April. eleven We are, yeah, crazy. Yeah. um It's been hard.
00:06:03
Speaker
ah it definitely has its ups and downs. I think at the beginning it was harder. um And I don't know like the stages of grief. And I know you guys talked about like pre-grief and all of that.
00:06:17
Speaker
um But it did feel a little bit like a grieving period when we first got the news post honeymoon. Yeah. um I think that was a week after our honeymoon.
00:06:28
Speaker
Yeah. um Of the official diagnosis. Yeah. um and i guess on my end i've had two main focuses um the first of which is making sure that you're okay um which depending on what's going on in life, right? That can be hard, but it's also really fun to do and fulfilling.
00:06:58
Speaker
And i it's, I signed up for that job when we got married. I signed up for that job when we started dating. It's something that I want to do, right? um Maybe it happened a little too fast post-marriage, but again, that's, you know, it's
Strengthening Bonds During COVID
00:07:17
Speaker
life, right? a um Things come at you fast and you, there's no way to necessarily prepare for it, but um you have to jump in and and take part and try to do your best to make sure that your partner feels loved and protected. Protectee.
00:07:37
Speaker
And, um, that you can do whatever you possibly can to alleviate the situation right um and then the second focus i would say is on the wider gladstone family um so haley you lucy becky doug um because i've known you guys for so long um but not just because i've known you guys for so long um i One of the things that I love about you um specifically is how close your family is.
00:08:11
Speaker
That attracted me to you very early on because family is so important on my end and how tight my immediate family nucleus is as well.
00:08:22
Speaker
um So I think the values were there from the get-go and ah to what you guys were saying, like, I think um it was, if it always felt natural.
00:08:34
Speaker
Whenever I first met you guys, whenever I spent time with you guys, spending time with your parents, spending time with you and Lucy, um it never felt like a chore. ah It never felt nerve wracking.
00:08:48
Speaker
um It always felt comfortable. um And I've always really appreciated that. And I think COVID too, living with you guys and being captured slash kidnapped for two and a half plus months. We we absolutely did hold you hostage. You fully did. It was like one week that turned into two months or what was, it was like a couple of days. He said he was going to come up for like a week or two. And then he, he actually tried to I know. Mom did leave. No, it was dad. It was dad. was like Dad was like, you I'm sorry, you can't go. And like, that was that. I assumed it was mom. So what actually happened was, but dad was like, lock in the door. no
00:09:30
Speaker
What actually happened was, was, he's like enough girls. We sort of got news on COVID. And I remember Emma coming over to my apartment that I had just signed a month before COVID hit, which sucked because, yeah, uh,
00:09:46
Speaker
ah for obvious reasons. Um, but Emma came into my room and started to cry knee cry because you said, i want to be with you, but the world is essentially ending. So, I need to go up and be with my family.
00:10:05
Speaker
I said, i totally get that. Um, however, um, you know I need to be with my family too. um But separately from that, I was nervous that I mean, no one knew what COVID was yet, whether it was real, whether it scam, how it yeah transmits, et cetera, et cetera. Who ate what? That? Exactly.
00:10:26
Speaker
And so my initial reaction was, I'm going to stay put in my apartment for two weeks or whatever. And I'm just going to make sure that like I'm fine so that I don't transmit it to anyone if I do potentially have it.
00:10:41
Speaker
Because that would make me feel Very, very shitty if I was the person to give it someone. That was like the scariest thing. Right. So Emma was, Emma, you were crying because i said essentially, no, I'm not coming with you. Well, it was. You you went up and i in the back of both of our minds was your 25th birthday at the end of March. while ago, man.
00:11:05
Speaker
So i i spent my two weeks i in self-isolation my little two-by-four apartment, um which definitely helped my psyche.
00:11:16
Speaker
um And Emma and I were talking, and I thought it would be a good idea to go up and go to your house with your family and celebrate your twenty fifth birthday.
00:11:29
Speaker
Little did you know, you'd never escape. Yeah. i i essentially i essentially said, i I'm okay to come up for like two weeks, but then I want to go see my family. Because at that point, I would not have seen them for a month. And i see for context, I see my family probably once a week. Yeah. um and I think I had to find a catalyst to leave at one point because Doug essentially said to me, you're not going home.
00:11:55
Speaker
um And it was no, it was it was mainly because you can't go back to the dirty sidewalks with the gum on it. Streets. and Yeah, he was nervous about you going back to New York. And I think he also like really liked having you around. Oh, totally. And I'm really happy that I stayed. just think it's hilarious. It was really funny that you actually didn't have an option. He did not give you an option.
00:12:19
Speaker
um But I think that even just speaks to your guy's relationship. Like he was, I think he- Comfortable keep him hostage? Yes. No, but more bigger than that. I think that our dad would have- grown to love anybody that we brought back if they were someone that he could see loving us and being great person for us.
00:12:40
Speaker
But even beyond that, like he just loves you as a human being, like on the side of being my partner, which I think is super special. um And I think that relationship grew a lot during COVID when he was like, oh, great. I have a dude around now. I don't have to like keep watching I don't know. Chick flicks. Yeah. I mean, I remember when I first came up to Boston to like really hang out with her parents. And remember being like slightly nervous for that trip because it's, you know, you want to make a good impression. It's a girl that you really like.
00:13:18
Speaker
And... You want to have good manners, et cetera, et cetera. And I remember leaving that trip and like the first call it five or six or seven trips up to Boston.
00:13:32
Speaker
And I would call my parents on the way home and they would ask me, how was it? You know, like, how was the trip? Did you have fun, et cetera? Tell me what you did.
00:13:42
Speaker
um And my answer every single time without fail was it was fantastic. Doug and Becky treat me like a king. They do. And they do. We just had to get more food in our fridge. Yeah. Well, you guys eat like birds. No, but that's the that's the thing. Like, not having a brother. Like, it it was shocking to us.
00:14:02
Speaker
Yeah. It was. We were like, you want how many tacos? I think I had eight tacos that night. Yeah. Two or two. I probably had four. To be fair, ate an incredible amount during COVID, and I still lost 15 pounds when I was with you guys for two and a half months.
00:14:22
Speaker
That's insane. Which says a lot. so Almond dad. ah No, but the point is, like um Doug and Becky both have always treated me um like one of their own.
00:14:36
Speaker
And... It's extremely nice and it's lucky and I feel loved by them. um And I couldn't ask for anything more.
00:14:50
Speaker
I mean, like that to me is hitting the jackpot. Who do you like in our family most to the least? Rank them, including Shai. Uh-uh. We're not doing that. Shay is first.
00:15:02
Speaker
Emma's last. Emma is like smack in the middle somewhere. Who's last?
00:15:10
Speaker
um I'm kidding. We're
Navigating Grief and Priorities
00:15:11
Speaker
obviously not doing that. Yeah, no, I know. You're closer to the bottom.
00:15:18
Speaker
Looks like my dad has to go higher now. That sucks. Yeah. has brain cancer. are You have to rank him higher. Your dad was always in the top ranks. But Shay is first. Yeah.
00:15:28
Speaker
a little per You know that Shay and my dad are in a race right now? a Yeah, and dark. I dropped that as a joke last night a couple times and like people laughed because they felt like they had to and it was pretty good.
00:15:42
Speaker
I feel like you have to laugh so they always good. the Those are sort of my favorites. um Well, I think bringing it back to what we were sort of originally thinking about, i just, I think um just hearing more from you about like the similarities, I guess, and differences in grieving for partner's parent who's going through something versus like, I don't want to say versus your own, but it just like, there is an element of you have to be strong.
00:16:11
Speaker
it's ah It's almost like what Haley and I were talking about with our grandparents passing and feeling so upset about that because of our own relationships. But then also being like, okay, now I have to step up and be here for my parents. Like, what is really my role in this? Like, how have you sort of been navigating Yeah.
00:16:28
Speaker
Yeah, I think my role in this is to try to alleviate your anxiety, your stresses, and try to make you feel as good as possible at all times, which is just not going to happen all the time, too.
00:16:45
Speaker
Right? Yeah. like yeah I think a learning curve for me throughout all of this was like, ah we're pretty good about sitting down and talking about things, whether that's like easy or hard or stressful, et cetera.
00:17:02
Speaker
um And we've had some tense conversations over the last, call it six to eight to 12 months. Right. um And usually in those conversations, we're able to find a resolve um in the past. Right.
00:17:17
Speaker
And I think that, in this current situation, while you're looking for a solution, there just isn't one. Right. And you can only take the conversation so far ah because the reality is like the conversation isn't really going to change anything on the backend.
00:17:40
Speaker
It's not going to change the reality of what's going on to Doug, to the family, to you, cetera. Yeah. And so it's hard. i would say, honestly, i it's not a fun position to be in.
00:17:58
Speaker
um And at the same time, it's made me think about like my family and what would ever go on like if it were to happen to us. Which...
00:18:10
Speaker
you know, everyone dies one day, right? And that's horrific, but that's that's life. Also, when you're in a situation like this, it's hard to not imagine what it would be. It makes it more real, I feel like.
00:18:22
Speaker
Totally. And what I would say... and I cannot imagine. ah literally... so Even going through this right now still. I cannot imagine being you in this situation.
00:18:36
Speaker
Or you. Honestly, same. It is. and it Yeah. But like I... I would be a train wreck. um I certainly would not be doing this.
00:18:49
Speaker
So sort of crazy kudos to you two. i can't express enough how proud of how proud of I am of both of you. for being able to turn something that is such a negative into something that can potentially be a positive.
00:19:09
Speaker
And, you know, like the slogan, it's like, whether you watch it or not, it helps you too. Right. And I think that's so true. Yeah. um And I think it's great that it helps you too. Me personally, i would never do this in a public forum, right?
00:19:23
Speaker
But I think it also is such a testament to who you both are and how um you guys are able to still be creative and And in a way entrepreneurial too, i when shit hits the fan, right?
00:19:41
Speaker
um But on my end, like if this were to ever happen to me, what I think about is you and your role and similar to how I'm doing that now, right?
00:19:54
Speaker
And
00:19:57
Speaker
where the fact of the matter is like something that I've had to, or the way that I feel at least, and something that I've i thought internally about for a long time, um is sort of, you have to, for the first time in a relationship, you have to be comfortable coming in second.
00:20:23
Speaker
And what I mean by that is my vision of relationship, and the reason why love you so much too, is that relationship is a 50-50 partnership through and through.
00:20:35
Speaker
um And then there are going to be times in your life like this now or whenever it happens to me down the road where the one of the partners cannot be the priority.
00:20:51
Speaker
And that's fine, right? i think moving forward, like whenever there is some sort of resolve, then it goes back to fifty fifty But my role in all of this is...
00:21:05
Speaker
I want to make sure that you're okay or that you're ah as okay as you possibly can be in the moment at that time. But also to like take a step back too and not try to be in the focus necessarily or knowing that our relationship, which is so strong and has been building over the last nine and a half plus years, needs to take a back seat to other priorities at the moment, right?
00:21:37
Speaker
ah And so I think about that you whenever i will potentially go down this road as well, where I know for a fact that you will, A, play the same role, but also want to.
00:21:52
Speaker
and want to help me. Right. um But in that sense, it's hard. Right. And there's a lot of alone time, um
Marital Challenges and Adaptation
00:22:03
Speaker
which is okay. I, I like alone time sometimes.
00:22:06
Speaker
ah We also did a year and a half of long distance. um good purpose So we had some training for it, but it's a lot of missing you.
00:22:17
Speaker
And yeah, That can be hard. But sometimes it's, you know that in the back your head that you need to be where you need to be because that's the priority right now.
00:22:33
Speaker
And that's a good thing. think that's well said. Really well said. I also think, like, what I'm trying to say is I think it's interesting, not that there's, like, a good or a bad time for the situation to happen, but I do think, like, it's, like, you literally just got married and you just had your honeymoon. And then, like, I think maybe, like, at least I would think about it how...
00:22:55
Speaker
you would not expect this to be happening like right now because no one would. But it just is interesting because it is like sort of like, oh, the first year of marriage, you expect to kind of like be with each other all the time. Or would imagine, or like the honeymoon phase, like continuing for longer, but it's like that sort of got jerked from you guys. So I just want to acknowledge that because it sucks.
00:23:13
Speaker
Yeah. We got hit with in sickness or in health, like very early, pretty like a week after our wedding, essentially. If not even before too. Yeah. And I think that's super hard. I think on the flip side, like,
00:23:26
Speaker
it's It's difficult right now to balance prioritizing our family and our relationship and his work and friends. I can't imagine going through this and doing this with, like, young kids.
00:23:39
Speaker
Like, that would be really hard, I think. like could Yeah, but kids but ultimately, like, it will happen. Totally, totally. And that is something that we will need to navigate. And we will navigate it, right? mar i can't i can't I can't imagine it either.
00:23:53
Speaker
But, like... but You figure it out. Sort of like this. You figure it out. We couldn't imagine this situation, figure out. You can't do anything but figure it out. No. And I think, like, you're, I mean, to not be spending the majority of my time with you, I think that's really hard on both of us. And I think, like, our dad is extremely vocal. Every time I'm in Boston, he's like, well, what about Will? Like, is that this seriously this isn't fair to Will? Yeah, and that's a nice sentiment, right? But, like, you need to be there, too, though. Yeah.
00:24:22
Speaker
You know? And I'm telling you, like. like But the relationship in this, ah trust me, I would not say it in any other circumstance, but the relationship in this current circumstance should take a backseat, right? I feel comfortable with us where I know we have a strong and enough relationship where I'm not worried about it on the back end at all.
00:24:48
Speaker
It's more just like, okay, how do I... how do I spend my time now? Right. um Whether that's diving in deeper into work, whether it's finally are exercising for the first time in my life, whether it's, whether it's watching a lot of TV or playing video games or spending more time with my family, you know, there are different ways you There are different ways to make sure that, you know, you're not just sitting on the couch alone, et cetera.
00:25:24
Speaker
Yeah. And keeping yourself entertained. Right. Yeah. And I mean, you come back to Boston with me quite a bit, but I do also think like you've done a really nice job of towing the line of knowing where you can't expend your effort to come back because you need it here. Yeah.
00:25:41
Speaker
And then also like giving us space too. Like I think you've done that exceptionally well. and Like, yeah, I want you there. I want you wherever I am, obviously. Like that's my preference. But I also, i don't want you to have to uproot your life in the same way that I've uprooted mine because it's just it's different is everyone priorities. It's different.
00:26:01
Speaker
This whole thing is sort of, there's no rule book for how to do this correctly or how to act correctly in this. And I just, I think you've done such a great job I don't just overall, it's hard. Like ever I, it comes up so often like, Oh yeah, we got married in June and everyone's like, oh that's amazing. Like how's married life? Like how's that first six months being married? And I'm like, so annoying. pretty like you inside and i'm like And I don't want to get into it. So like, that's great.
00:26:31
Speaker
No, last, last night I went out and it's not the person's fault. Like how are they supposed to know? That's a normal question. It's the same thing as someone being like, hi, how are you? Like it's not. Yeah. Yeah. and not Not well, bitch. What does Dorinda say in Real Housewives? Not
Social Interactions and Humor
00:26:44
Speaker
well, bitch.
00:26:45
Speaker
I was out last night and I saw some people that i haven't seen in, I don't know, some people that I haven't seen in three months and some people that I haven't seen since the wedding. And, you know, they don't know what's going on. And they're coming up to me and saying, you know, how's married life?
00:27:02
Speaker
And... Wow. So bad. First off, first off, in my opinion, and and like a sort of a pet peeve, like, I think it's a dumb question. you Yeah, you have to do that. It's like, I just put a, but i put a ring on my finger. and put a ring on There is no, there is no difference.
00:27:20
Speaker
My response to that is typically the same each time. It's like, yeah, it's good. feel like it's the same. I don't say it's great because I... e Because it's not? Well, no, because I think that's a lie.
00:27:32
Speaker
Do you think that there's people out there that are like, oh, they're on the bra? So i get i get that reaction sometimes. no like No. They're like like, oh, it's not not great. like So fabulous. Yeah, it's like you're not having the time of your life. Tell them respectfully to mind their own beeswine.
00:27:49
Speaker
No, but the point is, like I don't want to... And Haley, to your point, it's like someone asking, hi how are you? Right? I don't want to then just unload on them. Like, well, actually. Sometimes that's fun, though. I do that sometimes. week after we got married, ah my father-in-law got diagnosed with grade four brain cancer.
00:28:09
Speaker
And then you give them little finger guns and they walk away. Yeah. Like... You're going to love this one. I guess it could sort of be funny to say that to someone once and just see how they squirm. I do it a lot, actually.
00:28:22
Speaker
Yeah. ah I've never done that. But like i um I get that question all the time. And I never know really how to respond to it.
00:28:32
Speaker
It's weird question for the circumstance. Relationship-wise, I think we're great. um But like overall, mentally, like no, I'm not 100% there right now. I don't think you are. i don't think you are. No, never been worse. I mean, let's be real.
00:28:47
Speaker
Yeah, it's been tough. So someone comes up to you, you haven't seen in a long time. Hey, how are you? How's married life? It's like, well... Yeah, go fuck yourself. You know, it's like... You tell them.
00:29:01
Speaker
No, I mean no offense, but like seriously go fuck yourself. Like... Doubling down. No offense, but actually go fuck yourself. I really like you. I mean, disrespect. I really like you. want to keep being friends with you. at the same time, like...
00:29:19
Speaker
ah Yeah, it's like one of those triggering comments. I don't know. yeah I understand. It's very fair. yeah I feel the same. It's not fun. Which sucks that that's a triggering comment because it's literally what every single person says at the onset. People just don't know. i mean, and and I feel like people are probably asking you different questions than they're asking us even too. But people just still, and it's no it's not their fault. I wouldn't know what to say, nor do I even know what I want people to say. But people just don't know what to say.
00:29:48
Speaker
It's uncomfortable. what am i I don't know what to say. Like, for the majority, I'm still uncomfortable talking about it. Genuinely. And, like, I come over to your house with all five of you guys.
00:30:01
Speaker
And, like, everyone's talking about it openly. There's running jokes going on. Some of them are really, really dark. and But that's a way for you guys to cope with it. And I love that, right? At the same time, though, like, i i think that I operate on a slightly different level.
00:30:21
Speaker
And I i think... I don't love talking about it all the time. yeah But I also suppress things, which is not healthy. So... Well, again, there's not like one right way to do it, I think.
00:30:33
Speaker
There's also times where like, I'm like, the can we... like I'd rather talk about politics than what we're talking about. With mom? Yes. Like there's sometimes where I'm just like, i I can't do it anymore. But then there's also times where I find it to be like, helpful. And I feel it like healing. So it just like it depends. Yeah. And I also think like, I mean, I think we want dad to set the tone. Like if yeah he feels like talking about it, I want him to feel like he can openly talk about it.
00:30:58
Speaker
And if he says, I don't want to talk about it, then I think we should all table it and put it somewhere else. yeah I think we do an okay. Yeah. We do an okay job of that. But also like, if you're him, like this is what he's thinking about day in and day out. Not that it's not what we're thinking about, but no, but it's completely different for yeah the person with the actual diagnosis and like yeah the worries that he has for us and how we're feeling, which is crazy.
00:31:22
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I, uh, It's funny, small things have started to take me off that never used to take me off before.
00:31:35
Speaker
and then something, like some small things make me so excited now that I never thought would make me excited. Like what? Yeah, good question. Now I need to have an example of it and I don't have any examples. um i like ah i like when i um I, get bored pretty fast now.
00:31:59
Speaker
which I don't know what that is, but like... I think that's like an overstimulation. I like... When I want to hang out with friends now, you know, sometimes it's fun to like go to a bar and drink or whatever. But I honestly, I actually get really bored by that now.
00:32:13
Speaker
Like I can't just... I'd rather sit on the couch, watch TV with you than like go to a random bar where I'm like sort of uncomfortable in the seat because it's a tall chair and like my legs are just swinging.
00:32:26
Speaker
Versus. so specific. So understand. Versus. and like and like drinking some drink that I have to pay for that I could get for free in my own apartment. And it like doesn't taste good. And yeah, and it doesn't taste good. Versus ah sitting here on the couch and like eating some good Chinese food and just like hanging out with you. That is what we do a lot.
00:32:46
Speaker
So like that stuff, while it's okay, once in a while, I i get bored by that now. um And the things that I've noticed on my end, like where I try to take things day by day now or like week by week.
00:33:00
Speaker
And um the days where I have a really good day is where like something spontaneous happens, but it's like a rando activity, right? Where it's, oh, I went to this restaurant I've never been to ah before. And like I had this dish that was phenomenal or you know we walked to a new neighborhood in new York City that was it's sort of fun and we popped in and out of shops or we went bowling even though we've never done that before but like do you want to go not really even but like my ah my point is it's more activity related than
00:33:38
Speaker
i going somewhere else and just like drinking I will say I understand that and I think I don't want to like put words in your mouth by any means, and so but I do think that um I felt similarly where like certain things I'm bored by or like I don't want to exert energy for because I think my energy and just like overall tolerance for people, for things, for...
00:34:04
Speaker
Like, i don't know, my irritability too is just like higher. My energy is lower. My irriability irritability is higher. Social batteries. Yeah, it's like the 100% thing that we talk about. Like my 100% is probably like my 60 these days.
00:34:14
Speaker
I only have so much energy. Yeah. And so like I've stopped being able to like exert that with people I don't want to. Like I just don't. yeah situations that are no but i I want to I want to exert that energy for everyone that I know I like most of the like pretty much everyone in my life that is currently still in my life right like I love being around um and I like spending time with them um so don't get that idea that I don't like you but get it from me
00:34:46
Speaker
get it from me i I also think it just, um it's hard right now. You know, it that's the crux of it, right? None of this is easy.
00:34:58
Speaker
yeah um It's just figuring out how to make it, you know, day by day and have a good day. um And there's only so much social battery and you want to be a hundred percent, but it's hard.
00:35:15
Speaker
Yeah, I think and it's it's hard to not be hard on yourself when you're not. like That's one of the things that I've struggled more with is like, okay, if I can't get up and work out, if I can't finish this project for work, like not really being mad at myself and just knowing like, okay,
00:35:32
Speaker
not everything's going to happen like it used to. You don't have the energy like you used to. I have a really awkward conversation because I just couldn't like carry the conversation, which usually I'm pretty good at. It's like, that's fine. Like to not let those things give me anxiety is hard.
00:35:45
Speaker
And that's why, I mean, I even said this in our wedding vows before all of this, like my happy place is not on the couch by myself. It's like on the couch with you. Like it's always, it's wherever you are. I think it's just that added nice comfort and,
00:35:59
Speaker
it's hard to not spend as much time with each other when I'm in Boston and going back and forth. But when I am here and you're here, it's like, I don't want to make a plan. i don't want to see anyone. I don't, I just want to be like Zen sitting with you. Cause that's my favorite space.
00:36:15
Speaker
And then sometimes we do need to make a plan, right? We need to make an effort and we need to show up. It's about us. Yeah. And we do that, but it's just, it's my preference be doing this. I'm with you. I'm with you. Unless there's something like really cool happening.
00:36:30
Speaker
Like what? Like what? You both need like to get your examples more ready. I was like kind of kidding. I don't like i don't know. like Bullying? Yeah, like bullying. I think we should go bullying.
00:36:41
Speaker
I do think it's important to have something to look forward to. I totally agree. Is there anything else that you do you or that you want to start doing as sort of like a coping mechanism just to counter how you're feeling and all of that stuff? Like I don't even know if I have a really good answer, but like I started doing acupuncture and that's like a nice Zen for me. And I think it's been helpful. Like, has there been anything that you've changed or that you've wanted to change ah aside from like planning things to look forward to that you think have helped you through this?
00:37:14
Speaker
Yeah. I, um, I just started getting back in the pool last couple of weeks. So that's, that's actually, your swim that's felt really good.
00:37:26
Speaker
in terms of my mind. It's like the one thing where like, when you're swimming some sort of long distance, like your mind just sort of melts, which is nice.
00:37:37
Speaker
um And the other thing that I need to do that I have not done yet, which is just silly of me is I need to go to some sort of therapy and talk to someone, which I have not done for whatever reason. i don't know. Maybe that's laziness or it's hard. Also not and wanting to go and talk about it, but yeah um that is something I do need to do.
00:38:00
Speaker
And I recognize that. It's easier said than done though. Much easier. You saying you even acknowledging it as big step. Yeah. I think that's huge. Yeah, totally. I think a lot of men specifically don't think that they need mental health help or feel like weird about doing that.
Therapy as a Coping Mechanism
00:38:16
Speaker
And I know you don't have that stance and I so appreciate that about you that you're even open to trying it. Cause I feel like I know a lot of people that would be like, I'll figure it out. Yeah. Very close. do i will not Use resources that are helpful. It is nothing to do with like a gender thing for me. It's more just like, i I did try it once when I was a freshman in college and I went twice to the same person and I just thought they sucked.
00:38:41
Speaker
So, yeah. And that's my only experience with it. And so like in the back of my head, I'm like, and this might be a waste of time, but that's not an excuse. Like I need to, um, I know that at the end of the day, if you find the right person for it, uh, it can only be helpful.
00:38:59
Speaker
So, um, I need to do that. I haven't done it, but I need to. That's good. I'm proud of you for even thinking about it. And just in general, I think Like we said at the top of this conversation, we're all in a hard spot. You're in an even another layer of a hard spot, just given the nuance around your role, our relationship, our recent marriage. It's just a lot. Too long to navigate. Yeah, but I think you've done a really, really nice job. And I don't think I could get through this nearly as well as I have been without such a supportive partner. I agree with that. appreciate that.
00:39:36
Speaker
that's my goal. I want to make sure that you're okay. yeah well Same with you. you know. All time. Thanks. My besties.
00:39:47
Speaker
yeah Hands are sweaty. Me too. It's really warm in here. well Thank you again for being on. it' pretty Thanks for having me. We both love you so much. We all love you so much. And I love you too.
00:39:58
Speaker
You're just the best. Love it.