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E12: highs, lows, and everything in between
45 Plays17 days ago
In this episode, we talk about the struggle of navigating and processing feelings — good, bad, and ugly.
Tune in as we discuss our tumultuous rollercoaster ride, while constantly reminding ourselves that nothing you’re feeling is wrong.
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Transcript
Back in the Studio
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey, Haley. Hey, Hey, H. We're back in the OG stew. Yes, it feels good to be back. Back in the chair, back in everything. i know, it's very comfortable. It's nice. um Yeah, feeling ready to go. um so today, yeah but are we talking about?
00:00:19
Speaker
Well, I think it's interesting to talk a little bit about emotions life. the way that they ebb and flow or more so just like having a good week or a bad week or a good day or a bad day. I think that we've both experienced different waves of that. Sometimes like you're having a bad day and I'm actually doing kind of well and we can lean on each other.
00:00:37
Speaker
But I think there was like a couple weeks ago that we were like, I don't want to record an episode. It's not in my cards. And we didn't because we had to listen to our bodies. So I think acknowledging that and maybe be talking a bit about our highs and our lows and everything in between.
Dealing with Family Illness and Emotions
00:00:54
Speaker
Yeah, i think that's I think that's definitely been a constant struggle throughout this is sort of, I mean, like, pre your dad being diagnosed with a terminal illness, it's like navigating regular emotions, I think are hard.
00:01:08
Speaker
And I think like, well, this put everything in perspective, it also sort of like forced us to be really in touch with our emotions on a day-to- day to week by week basis. Mm hmm.
00:01:18
Speaker
um you and I are interesting because i do feel like we don't have our lows at the same time never like almost never I think it's like really you think it's intentional well what it makes me what it reminds me of is like you know when couples like married couples oh you think we're a couple sorry continue um married couples have the like a hundred percent system where like the husband or but like wife or whatever will come home and be like, I'm at 20% today. So their partner needs to pick up the other 80%. I've actually never heard that. Oh, I love it so much.
00:01:53
Speaker
Like you can just be super, like you always need to get to a hundred for each other and then for kids if you have them, yeah but mostly for each other. um So if someone's down, it's like leaning on each other. but Yeah. It's like that analogy. Yeah.
00:02:05
Speaker
It's like you come home from a really bad day at work and you're like, I'm so sorry.
The 100% System and Trauma
00:02:08
Speaker
I'm at a 10 today. And then you have to step Right. And then your partner can like, play the bigger role, make dinner, do something. i mean, recently, I feel like at least with Will, I'm always a sub 50 and he's been just taking on so much more, which I am so grateful for him for, but it also, it is hard. um But I do think that's like sort of how we operate and not intentionally and not on purpose. It just ends up being like, if you text me and you're like, I am, I'm crying. I'm having the worst day ever. Like I just, I'm in a really bad funk.
00:02:38
Speaker
more often than not, I'm not feeling that way. But even if I am feeling a little sad, I'm sort of like, all right, like I have to pull out so that yeah we can, so that I can be helpful to you. And I can be like, and sometimes talking to you or someone who's suffering or hurting more more, no, but like just talking out feelings with someone who's going through something or hurting and like makes sense.
00:03:02
Speaker
It, like, it sort of gives yourself, like, it gives you advice at the same time. No, it's healing, I think. Yeah. That's the word. That's, like, the, um, a big reason why some people, like, want to go into therapy to, like, help themselves.
00:03:15
Speaker
Well, it's not a thing that, like, I mean, as you were getting your, um, master's in social work. Yes. Isn't that a thing where it's, like, people who are therapists, like, are trying to dissect their own issues? Yes. Like, I just started, um this trauma and its impact class, actually.
00:03:30
Speaker
And we've had just one class so far. It's like a half semester class. And this professor is incredible, actually. I mean, great first impression. But she sits us down in our class. We're sitting down in class. She didn't sit us down.
Public Support and Vulnerability
00:03:42
Speaker
And she was like, okay, so like all of, like every single person here has like experienced trauma. Like why else would you be here? Like has anyone not? No, hands go up. Because obviously like in some way or form you have. mean, no, I just think it's interesting. Like it's not, I don't want to say the cliche of like misery loves company, but like it does in some ways.
00:03:58
Speaker
And I also agree with you. in the sense like when you texted me like down last week, I actually was feeling okay. i just like put my energy into like feeling bad for you and wanting to like help you.
00:04:09
Speaker
And maybe that's subconscious. But I also think in general, we just like, like ah you've never texted me and been like, I'm really sad. And I've also been like in my lowest, like I'm usually like, I think that we just, yeah different times hit us because it is, there's not like a method to the madness. It's just sort of like sometimes like coming home or um coming back from being home back to the city is tough.
00:04:29
Speaker
For both of us. But it it flows. I've recently been more sad at home. And then like fine coming back. Which is really weird. Is that why you've been being so mean at home? I'm not been being mean. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I've been like sleepy and stuff. Yeah no I'm joking. I'm like deep.
00:04:43
Speaker
No I completely agree. And I actually have to say like specifically with the other week. When I was particularly down bad. um And again it's like it's no other real reason. Like I think we announced that we going release an episode. There are some weeks that are harder than others.
00:04:57
Speaker
And so many people reached out and they were like, we saw your post. Like, I hope you're doing okay. um Like, did something happen? And I'm like, wait, no, I
Accepting and Validating Emotions
00:05:05
Speaker
show to me. Get new friends.
00:05:08
Speaker
um No, um no, but like I, and it wasn't a million, like a couple of people were like, Hey, is I your post. I just wanted to check in. And it's like, I, it wasn't anything specific.
00:05:22
Speaker
It just, I think we had like a harder weekend at home and it was, It's just though this whole thing's tough and it hits. Sometimes it hits hard and sometimes it is totally bearable. And it's it doesn't like there's no real reasoning behind it, I think, is what is the crux of what we're trying to get at. Like you don't need to have something really bad happen that day to have a bad day.
00:05:45
Speaker
I think for us, you're just we're just sort of navigating like how we can cope when we do feel things like that instead of trying to not feel them or like a lot reasoning or um what's the word that I'm looking for? It's justification yeah we don't need to justify what we're feeling that way we just need to look say okay this is why I'm feeling this or I am feeling this way period yeah I'm feeling this way period and like I mean we used to say i feel like all the time nothing your feelings ever wrong or you know like your feelings are valid yeah yeah and I totally agree with that and I think it's something that my friends also like we talk about sometimes and I don't think you like emotions are unpredictable sometimes even if you're not
00:06:26
Speaker
going through something. But I think emotions in general and like my conversation with people about it, the way I feel about it, despite a situation you might be going through like us, but just like in general, like something I would tell like my best friend is like, no, your emotions are fine. You do not need a reason that you're sad right now. You're sad.
00:06:42
Speaker
Okay. Let's feel your sadness. Let's talk about it. Yeah. And she and I have talked about this a lot. She's very, very emotionally in touch. And I consider myself to be also emotionally in touch. And We were like like, it's so interesting because we always, when we're like helping each other,
00:06:58
Speaker
will say like, okay, well, what would you say if this was me? Like when you flip the roles, you're so much kinder to your friend. You're so much kinder to your sister. Yeah. Most of the time and you're so much into
Challenges of Expressing Emotions
00:07:07
Speaker
yourself. So I think thinking about that and like how I literally like preach all the time, all emotions are valid. Like feel what you need to feel. Like you don't need a reason to feel it. Like literally what you were saying, like outside of this circumstance, but for some reason, like literally I'll be like in therapy talking about it. And I'm like, but I just don't know why this week was so hard. Like why?
00:07:25
Speaker
And she's like, dude, you don't need a fucking reason. yeah But it is for me. And I'm curious what you think. Like, I really like control. Oh, yeah. And that unknown of like feeling almost like I feel out of control because I'm like, well, why on this random Tuesday am I sobbing?
00:07:41
Speaker
but like last Friday, I was like queen of the world, like having fun. It's yeah, I think consistency and control are two huge things for us. And there are two things that we don't have.
00:07:52
Speaker
a lot of at all right now. Yeah. And just like, because we can't, we don't have control over our situation with dad. We don't have like any consistency in terms of our schedule or regulating our emotions. It's just hard. And I think just acknowledging that it's hard and it's okay that it's hard is something that it it's like you said, it's really easy to give that advice to somebody else.
00:08:18
Speaker
And tell them why it's going to be okay and talk them through it. But then when it's you, it's like, I can't, I'm like, for some reason, cannot listen to my own advice. No, never. And I just have such a hard time with it. Yeah. And I felt so guilty about not wanting to record.
00:08:31
Speaker
Um, I stayed home from work and I felt like instead of just being okay and at peace with taking a day and being home, and like just being in my emotions like I don't want to leave the apartment and it's like I spent so much time being like why do you not want to leave the apartment it's pathetic that you can't leave the apartment versus just saying okay I that's how I feel I don't want to do that today and I'm just gonna let myself be it's so hard to let yourself be it's so hard especially for you I think got me too but I think you are so constantly go go go yeah to the point where like i what you were saying about like lack of consistency and like lack of routine I feel like
00:09:06
Speaker
That's sort of something that, correct to me if I'm wrong, but for work and stuff, like you're traveling a lot, you're doing this, like you're constantly
Routine and Emotional Transitions
00:09:12
Speaker
on the go. yeah I never have her routine. No. But especially not now. Especially not now because I'm been saying i am someone who really likes routine and I feel like for the past two months I have had no longer than a week, seven days straight in one place.
00:09:25
Speaker
And then like I'm going home or I'm going, I'm like traveling. So it's nice. I have some fun things I'm doing, but it's tough to feel like I'm constantly packing a bag and constantly doing this. And like, yeah I'm struggling with that right now with the home and back to New York. And like every time it's like a big transition of seeing friends and then being with family and like sort of like not leaving the house. And then like I'm here and I'm pushing like three birthday parties into one weekend. Yeah.
00:09:48
Speaker
It's a lot. And I just feel for you because I know you always are tired sort of doing that. So maybe it makes you more of a vet with it or maybe... I'm just not as good at it. But no, I mean, I don't think you can, I feel like I don't have a real choice because if I was such a routine person, I would be constantly breaking my routine and I would drive myself insane. That's not why I don't have a routine. I think I'm just built like that. Like I'm, I think I'm type B in my entire personal life you and type like a minus at work.
00:10:15
Speaker
Maybe. I don't know. Yeah. That makes sense. Maybe. um yeah, I have a lot of, ah talk I have a lot of trouble prioritizing like me and myself and, that stuff. And it's a lot easier to just get stuff done and be organized, like and be busy when it's not just you in return.
Finding Joy in Fitness Tracking
00:10:33
Speaker
Although I will say, um, I did just get this aura ring and i want one i love, I love it.
00:10:40
Speaker
i realized this is, and you're going to love this because I know you accuse me rightfully so of not being very neat and tidy. Um, yeah, no, I'm a mess. I'm all over the place, but,
00:10:52
Speaker
um The other day i was like folding laundry. I was bopping around. I was like doing dishes, doing stuff. And my ring was like sensed exercise. And it was like, oh, activity. What were you doing? Housework. And I was like, housework burns calories.
00:11:06
Speaker
Like game changer. Game changer. Game changer. Game over. I'm going to be the, I'm Marie Kondo. Like game over. had no idea that housework burned calories. I had no idea.
00:11:17
Speaker
It's like, it's my new favorite thing. You're doing the laundry, doing squats. No, I'm yeah i'm texting Will. I'm like, don't do the dishes. Please don't the dishes. Like I have to do the dishes. So I can put calories.
00:11:27
Speaker
They took that for you? Oh yeah, completely. Honestly? Because there was no upside to it before. Like having a clean home and nice? No. No, I just wanted to get my activity score all the way up. That's basically it. That'll do it.
00:11:38
Speaker
Yeah. So that's, that's your plug for the Oura Ring. I actually have a lot of plugs for the Oura Ring. It also has been sensing my stress, my relaxation, my sleep. Um, And it's, I mean, even just going back to what we were talking about earlier of like giving yourself grace, it will say like, hey, you really didn't sleep well last night.
00:11:56
Speaker
And then my activity score for the day or my activity goal, I guess, rather for the day is way lower. Like if I sleep for four hours, it's like, all right, you have 100 activity score. So you don't have to, like, if I don't go to the gym, I can still fulfill it.
00:12:10
Speaker
And it's sort of like this is where you're- Exactly. It's like, this is where your readiness is. This is what you should be doing based on how awake you are, how much energy you probably have.
00:12:22
Speaker
Okay. I like that because I, I mean, I don't have one. I've been thinking about it. And I know like back when the Apple watch was a thing, it would like yell at you. The Apple watch is still there. It was like, yes, but like when it, okay.
00:12:33
Speaker
But like when they first came out. or yeah. It's like, stand up. It was like, oh, hi, laziest piece of shit ever. Why don't you take a step for once? And it like sucked and it made me like anxious. So Wait, that's how I feel with New York Times brain games. Like, I won't play for a week and then I'll play Connections and it's like, great job with your huge streak of one day. of like, why are you doing it? Like, that's not making me want to do it more. Or it's like, next time because I completely failed it. like Or like, phew. I'm like, well, I still got it. Don't say phew. That's so mean. New York Times is is kind of bitchy.
00:13:06
Speaker
They are. But like, it's it's sort of, I like it. No, it's good. They're edgy. It's like, really edgy. But yeah. Um, but yeah, no, I, so the aura ring, I mean, it's like, I, it's just nice to you have something else other than me telling myself, okay, you're tired. You don't need to do as much. It's it's like validation again, it's validation. And like apparently I apparently just get that from myself. Well, you should get the ring.
00:13:30
Speaker
Cause I love like academic validation. So i when Emma and I were thinking about what we wanted to talk about this episode, um she sort of was thinking about talking about like those weeks that you're not feeling well and just emotions overall, even flowing, what we were just speaking about.
00:13:45
Speaker
And I thought that that was interesting. So I reached out to a close friend of mine um and wanted some input. And I was just like, what else do you think we could talk about sort of under that umbrella? And she had some good questions that she was like, I like when you do questions with each other. And I think sort of hearing might be helpful for myself, like might be helpful for your other friends and just might be helpful for you guys to talk. So maybe we could do some those.
Struggles with Motivation and Self-Image
00:14:08
Speaker
Yeah, great. Phone a friend questions. I love it. So one thing she was asking me was um what situations are the hardest for you guys when you're feeling down? So I guess if you want to answer that.
00:14:20
Speaker
What situations? Like, yeah Meaning like what are the hardest tasks to accomplish or like what makes us feel down? I, I interpret that as like, what's the hardest for you when you're in a week of feeling down or a day of feeling down? Got it Um, that's a good question. Um, I think the hardest thing for me is honestly, like, I mean, and this sounds cliche, but like getting up and I think like taking care of myself, like,
00:14:49
Speaker
I honestly like I'm not trying to be funny and this is really embarrassing and I probably shouldn't share this publicly but like when I was it's not that bad it's pretty bad when I was down last week I like didn't shower for a number of days not like a crazy number but like I'm an everyday showerer don't like to not shower for one day so not body shower no I like didn't shower for like I mean you were so bad for three days which is gross That said, it just like, it was too hard to do.
00:15:22
Speaker
And it, I think we talked about this in an earlier episode. It's like, you and I are very privileged in the sense of we've not, I think we've experienced anxiety and other like mental illness or mental illness adjacent feelings.
00:15:35
Speaker
But like depression is not something that was really in my, um, Depression is foreign to me. Yeah. It was not in my like Pandora's box of, of Mental illness. um and And I get it. And it's sort of like when you're talking to someone who's going through that or you see it in the movies or whatever, it's like, it's so classic.
00:15:54
Speaker
Oh, I can't get up. I can't get out of bed. And I mean, I think of the like count to five, like five step theory. or more ro than yeah Mel Rovin theory where it's like, for two one yeah, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, go. And I'm like, why can people not just do that?
00:16:08
Speaker
And I think that's actually an extremely helpful tactic. But when you're in that spot, when you're in that like deep, dark, you can't do anything. And it's really challenging. And I like, again, I feel really grateful that that's not something that strikes me often, but even experiencing it as incrementally as has been happening to me in the past couple of months, it's really hard.
00:16:30
Speaker
Yeah, definitely. um, yeah, I mean, and this week it's so drastically different. Like, even thinking about, like, I showered this morning and, like, I'm going to shower again tonight. Like, I, like... Yeah, because the weeks are different.
00:16:43
Speaker
Um, so, yeah, I was super stinky last week. What did you do? What's the hardest thing for you? Um... Please say shower. That's not mine. Um...
00:16:55
Speaker
I struggle with a lot of things. The first thing that came to mind for me is the sleep. And I think it's sort of a vicious cycle. And I struggle with sleep in general, but just like restlessly not being able to sleep or sleeping too much. And I just think,
00:17:11
Speaker
that part of my life gets really impacted when I'm not feeling that great. You know, it sometimes is like, I'm not leaving bed and I'm sleeping for 12 hours and then I'm still exhausted. Or it's like, I'm sleeping for 30 minutes.
00:17:22
Speaker
And then I feel more down because of that and back and forth. But that's sort of consistent with me. So I also think, and this is pretty like basic, like if you look up like feeling down and like the DSM-5, like it's like whatever.
00:17:37
Speaker
Um, But I think, like, my motivation gets really low. And whether that's motivation to work out, motivation to cook. For me, like, motivation to do schoolwork. That's really negative. that Because that's already kind of hard for me. Like, I i think that's hard for everyone.
00:17:52
Speaker
Like, I can't imagine being back in school. Like, writing an essay, like, guy goodbye. Literally. Because like, it's not like I'm getting paid. So, like, what's my motivation? Like, not failing. But, okay, I'm not going to fail. academic validation. It's really hard. It is really hard. And I don't want to don't complain about that ever really because I see my friends who are working a nine to five and I have like a three hour class and then a two hour class and then like I have other crap going on of course but like but it's just like it's it's such a different world that I'm not going to complain to people who are working.
00:18:21
Speaker
Yeah. And I just don't like to do that but it is a different beast sometimes so I'd say that my motivation gets low and that also can translate into like motivation to like talk and like socialize and be with friends like yeah I a lot of times like stay in my room and like like computer like cocooning but watching like shitty ass reality tv show yeah no I totally I mean it's similar it's just like doing the most basic of things whether it's holding a conversation it's like we talked about before like not having your sparkle like yeah we're very performative
00:18:54
Speaker
When I feel like, yeah, I feel so boring. and Like I'm not adding anything. And then it just sort of perpetuates the cycle of feeling down. I think we just need to like accept when that happens and be like, yeah, I'm not feeling great today. Cool.
00:19:08
Speaker
Hopefully feel better tomorrow. yeah Call me, call you, call Lucy, like maybe call mom and dad depending on how we're feeling. But like, I just think if we can stop beating up ourselves for feeling not great, whether it's a couple days or a day or an hour or so, whatever it might be, like,
00:19:24
Speaker
That will hopefully be beneficial. Yeah, super. It's so much easier said than done. Oh, yeah. So much easier said than done. But no, I agree. And it is like, and I don't know if this is one of your questions later, so sorry for a J in the G. Jumping the gun is in the G. But Just for anyone else who's not insane.
00:19:42
Speaker
Good point. um I, like... sometimes when it's like, okay, give yourself, give he yourself grace. And I say that a lot. I know I've been repetitive with that, but like give yourself grace, like applicable. Yeah.
00:19:53
Speaker
Like stay in bed for the extra hour, skip the workout, whatever. I, there, are there isn't stuff that is like additive to that that, that makes me feel better. It's not like, okay, treat yourself to ice cream. Like do this.
00:20:04
Speaker
Like when I'm in that spot too, I'm also just so down that then I think I start to, I actually don't know if I've talked to you about this. I think I start to have like really bad self-image issues too. So it's not like, okay, eat a comforting bowl of pasta because then I feel even shittier after like if I do that. And it's it's almost just like there's no fix to yeah that level of lowness. And it's hard.
00:20:28
Speaker
That's really hard. I'm sorry. Because I, yeah, I mean, I think it's easier said than done to be like, go get like a cookie and you'll feel better. Cause like sometimes that helps, but like sometimes when I do that and then my stomach hurts and i feel really gross and like, I didn't want to do that. But yeah, I think honestly, it's like better in the moment, but then it's, it's almost like a small peak to then accidentally dip into a bigger valley when it's that stage. like I have no problem doing, eating whatever I want and like, yeah like treating myself to stuff when I'm feeling normal and regular.
00:21:00
Speaker
It's just when I am in that. in that down spot that I'm like. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah. Um, no. And I think there's like the whole idea of listening to your body and whether that's yeah your body telling you it's craving something or your body telling you it wants to stay in bed or totally just like that. My body connection is really important. And I, again, always preach that to other people, but God forbid I take it to myself. God forbid.
00:21:24
Speaker
Um, but yeah, no, I mean, I think, I think that makes sense. and that's interesting because i definitely think I've felt similarly.
Support Systems and Unexpected Comfort
00:21:32
Speaker
maybe not to the same extent, um, as you, but I under, I really understand what you're saying and we haven't talked about that, so it is interesting.
00:21:40
Speaker
Hmm, food for thought. I, or not. Ironic. I think it is though, like, when you're not feeling good in a good headspace, like, everything kind sucks. Everything's Everything's bad. Like, I don't think I'm, like, looking cute. No. When I feel bad, I feel ugly. I feel, like, gross. I feel, like, wormy. Like, I don't know. Wormy?
00:21:57
Speaker
um anyway, what are your other questions? Okay, Back to it all on tangent. Um... Okay, this one, i think, is sort of, I feel like we maybe have talked about this, but... We've been exhausted a lot of stuff at this point.
00:22:09
Speaker
Outside of family, who do you want to spend the most time with when you're feeling down? Could be no one. i was to say you, but your family. Totally, but if we're also friends. um And then Will is my family now, too. I mean, I think, like, I think I have...
00:22:27
Speaker
We both have an amazing support system of amazing, great friends. And it really depends on like what I'm feeling. Like there's a certain type of down where I rely on like one of my specific coworkers and i know she'll pull me out of whatever I'm in. Or there's a very different type of down where like I rely on one of my best friends from school. And then there's another type of down where like if I just need a really, really, really good laugh, like, you know, I'm calling my high school.
00:22:54
Speaker
Yes, it's like it's, it just depends on, on the mood really, but it's, I am so grateful to have such great support in so many different areas. And then I also think like there's people that have been through a similar situation or understand what we're going through to another degree. And those people are really helpful to tap into as well. Cause sometimes you don't have to say anything and it's just helpful to know that someone else can be like,
00:23:22
Speaker
I got it. Like, I know they get it. And sometimes just a check in from someone like that is super helpful too. No, I totally agree. I think I completely echo what you said. I think absolutely lucky to have a support system, but for me too, it's also, it's not like I have one go-to. I have a lot go-tos, which is fabulous, but it is like, what am I needing? Do I want to cry and talk about it with a particular friend? Like,
00:23:48
Speaker
Or do I want to get my mind off it? Or do I want this? And then, like, it is such an amazing circle. But then I also, like, this past weekend had actually three people come up to me and talk about the podcast of three people that I'm not very close with.
00:24:04
Speaker
More, like, we're friendly. We're friends, for sure. But, like, haven't seen them in months and, like, haven't really talked about it. And, like, so outwardly came up and talked about it. But with, like, this as the avenue being, like,
00:24:15
Speaker
oh my God, like i've been listening to your podcast. Like it's amazing. Like it's really sweet whatever. And offered, and one of them in particular offered a lot of support because I didn't know, but she was describing like her connection with neuro-oncology specifically. And like all of that. And I was just like, oh, that is so amazing. I didn't know that.
00:24:32
Speaker
And like, why would I, maybe I've known that. Maybe it would have come up, but it was just an interesting like support. And like, that felt really good that I now know I have also like, I can reach out to her if I wanted to.
Family Dynamics and Emotional Triggers
00:24:42
Speaker
And don't know. It's just, it's,
00:24:45
Speaker
It really depends. I think we're lucky. I definitely think like sometimes like I need my high school friends. Sometimes i need my college friend. Sometimes I need like my long distance friends. Sometimes like, yeah, it really, it really depends. But I think we're lucky. And I think definitely for the most part, I feel like I go to you or Lucy.
00:25:04
Speaker
oh But that's again, different. That's like friend and family combo. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I think probably family first. Not because I don't think we're all friends, but it just, in the context of that question.
00:25:16
Speaker
Well, yeah, and I think that's why when my friend was asking me, she was, like, outside of family. Right. I think she knows for us because she knows our family very well. Right. Yeah, I'm getting at that. Okay. Another one we were at, she was asking about, was what are are triggers that people wouldn't necessarily think are a trigger?
00:25:32
Speaker
I don't know if you have any, but, like, sometimes, like, there's certain things that might, like, set you off. I don't, like, I mean, it's funny. I feel like we watch TV all the time and they make cancer references. But if but it doesn't... Yeah, or like dead parents. mean, it doesn't... That, to me, doesn't do the same thing.
00:25:47
Speaker
It's sort of... For me, I think it's... When I think about the future and I think about, like, time that we may not have, um like, when I see young children with grandparents, like, that is really big turner for me. And Dad has said that that used to really get him and that used to make him cry and now he's sort of, like...
00:26:08
Speaker
He has that in check now. I don't. That, I think probably because of, like, my age and that some of my friends are starting to have kids and stuff. um I spend a lot of time with my nieces who are absolutely amazing and wonderful. But, like, it is hard to just have to see that and see families, like,
00:26:29
Speaker
experience grandparent love like that's really hard to see yeah so that's a really good segue into mine because this is also something i probably know but i haven't said but i get really triggered by the future and like even like the conversation of kids like triggers me because i'm like i feel like i'm so far away from that so like weddings and anything like that gets me and like I know and me and dad were talking about that the other day and I was like left because I was just like yeah and it's selfish of me no I don't think so I think you're doing the right thing for you there's a little bit of like resentment in like my age order like I'm like a part of me that's like angry where I'm like
00:27:14
Speaker
fuck you for being born first. Like, I'm like jealous that you have that experience and I don't know if I will. But also it's also, that's insane. No, it's not insane. totally get it. And it's funny because I have moments actually of the reverse where like I was home by myself for four days the other week. You came back to New York and I stayed for the week. And I was like, I've not, it hasn't been me with mom and dad like that.
00:27:37
Speaker
two-on-one since I was two years old. So I, and my adult. And I had it for a while. Yeah, you had it for four years. um And like, yeah, I mean, Lucy and I were in the cut. Like, we were, we were coming back. were, we were so good. No, like, but like was diff. Like, it was like, we were like tight.
00:27:53
Speaker
Yeah. No, you guys. And that, and that's really special time. And I think, we, and then it's like Lucy who lives on the other side of the country. Like, we have to think about, like, well, how are we even complaining? Like, we went home last weekend and it's not that easy for her. Yeah. Totally. But I do think it's like the mentality of how are we even complaining? Like, you're being pissed that you're the youngest and you, dad,
00:28:15
Speaker
might not make it for all of your milestones, like that's valid. Me wishing that I had more my own. Yes, back to the emotions are valid. Yeah. I know. We shouldn't, like we can still feel like we wish we were home more, even though we're home more than Lucy. doesn yeah It's not all about comparing yourself to other people. I think you know it's what you're feeling and feel what feeling.
00:28:32
Speaker
And it's weird. You're so, so, so right. And it's weird because like i didn't want to tell you that because I didn't want you to like interpret it as like me, like resenting you. because That's not the case. It's like, it's almost like, um, I resent people whose parents don't have brain cancer. Like nice say you that's just how we're processing this stuff. And it's, and then, and then you think, okay, well I know people that whose parents are hard to pass.
Coping with Guilt and Comparisons
00:28:53
Speaker
I know people who's,
00:28:54
Speaker
both their parents have passed and it's like that is so i can't like i it hurts my heart to think about them in that situation but that doesn't mean that we can't be sad about the situation that we're right now like i yeah i think it's like there's that weird sense of guilt around a lot of these emotions because i think we've been very lucky in a lot of ways but like i'm still like fucking gonna be pissed i am i'm gonna let you be sad and you're right hundredn for and that makes me feel better because like it's like me being like sad about future things and like a little like oh like like that doesn't mean that I like am mad that you had that experience I'm just like I'm just like I want it because that was such a fun day for you like you know yeah and I've seen what it could be right it's not like we're resenting people that are having a great time and we're like fuck you for having a great time no it's like I want that for myself it's jealousy almost yes and that's like that's a great monster
00:29:47
Speaker
The cringe. And that's also an okay feeling. Yeah. like I think just the feelings are okay. I remember dad always actually used to say when he was growing up that grandma would always be like, why are you so angry?
00:29:59
Speaker
Don't be so angry. And he was like, i I'm angry. Like, that's how I feel. I can't just not be angry because you asked me to not be angry. It's like when someone's like, just don't be anxious. And I'm like, oh, thanks so much.
00:30:10
Speaker
Yeah. I'm like, okay, good one. often Oh, have you tried to set a schedule? I'm like, oh, no, that's a great idea. That will help. Like, no. I was joking with mom the other day because i remember one time I told her I was feeling down in high school and she was like just go outside and eat a banana like genuinely said that and that's like such a bit I feel like of like go outside and eat a banana no no but it's like the bit of like parents specifically being like come on like don't it's okay why the long face yes like I saw this like um like I guess me or whatever that was like a girl texting her dad and it was like dad like I'm really anxious don't what do I think I'm having a panic attack and the dad's response was hey honey go thing I don't know do push up like oh my god I saw that too that was really good it takes a bath so that's equate for like just go
Parental Advice and Humor as Coping
00:30:55
Speaker
outside like you can't sleep like how cheap great idea like I'm like shit never thought about that I remember one time I told mom have a stomach ache and she just goes no
00:31:04
Speaker
I mean, I'm sorry. Do we want to talk about mom's approach to ailments? I had a wart on the bottom of head. was low-key recently. No, it wasn't. Oh, really? Why do I remember it then? Because we talk about it all the time. Okay. and i Yes, I outed myself for not showering for three days. I don't have warts on my feet. Okay. I just want everyone to know that.
00:31:21
Speaker
No warts here. war a Wart clean. It's wart-free zone. Wart-free zone. Anyway. I had a wart on my foot in about fourth or fifth grade. And i was like, mom, can you take to the doctor? I have wart on my foot.
00:31:32
Speaker
And she dead ass looks at me and is like, uh, no, just wish it away. was like, pardon? Come again? But in her defense, like, no, no, no, no. Her top teeth, like, were straight. Her bottom teeth weren't.
00:31:46
Speaker
But her top teeth were straight and she would just, like, push on them and they would, like, become straight. I, that sounds like an old wife's tale to me. I don't, I think she just always has straight teeth. But anyway, you know, like wish it away.
00:31:56
Speaker
Wish it away. so i was like, okay, so I'm going to sit like in my bed every night and be like, please, please, solid please get this wart off my foot. Like take me to the doctor so they can fucking freeze it off. Did you ever get it frozen off?
00:32:08
Speaker
No, I, I wished it away and it went away. Okay. Cause honestly, maybe she ate because I had a wart once also a long time ago. Did you also wish it away? No, I got it frozen off and it was the most painful thing in the world. Seriously?
00:32:20
Speaker
Yeah. But I feel like there's shit that you can, like, do at CVS now that will, like, get rid of stuff. No, mine was bad. You mom took you to the doctor? Yeah, the dermatologist. Okay, so that's literally perk of being a youngest child. Like, I had to wish away my warts and you got treated. ah you're probably calling the ambulance. Okay.
00:32:35
Speaker
There was one time, and I didn't dial. I was passed out. Anyway, um Are there any other questions? Yeah. Do we want to do any more? We could do one more. Let's, let's wrap it up. Let's do one more.
00:32:49
Speaker
i mean, are there many more? There's one more. Let's do the one more then. That's great. I know we sort of talked about this, but just like she was talking to me about coping and wondering like what ways um we cope without necessarily trying to cope. So thinking about maybe like things that have been a coping mechanism that aren't like the stereotypical, like talk to someone, like go on a walk, like things that like,
00:33:13
Speaker
Oh, like for me, like low key, like, and this is like probably controversial, but like, I love going out and going out with my friends and like having a few drinks or more than a few drinks. Like that is something that like, I like to do to get my mind off stuff sometimes. And yes, there's, there's a line of like, if I get too drunk or I drink too much and then like, I'll feel shittier in the morning. Like, absolutely. And like, that is something that I think everyone deals with. And like, genuinely, like, I don't know, but I like, I really like,
00:33:41
Speaker
being social and like laughing, being with my friends and literally like not thinking about it. I think that that's a great answer. I think I maybe have the same answer. I'm definitely less fun because i'm older than you. You're pretty fun.
00:33:52
Speaker
I went out with you Friday and I had a lot of fun. I had a lot of fun. And Saturday. Oh my God. I know we had a lot of fun. We had a lot of fun. No, I agree. I mean, I think like, i I like all of that. I'm trying to get back into reading because I definitely get like a high from reading. You do.
00:34:09
Speaker
I love reading, but i I feel like I can never get focused enough. It's almost like a what I imagine a runner's high to be. Like I've never run more than two miles. Runner's high doesn't exist. Some people get it.
00:34:20
Speaker
I trained for a half marathon and all I did was hurt my knee. and then not Not everyone gets it, but some people get it. Okay, anyway, um moving on. But no, I think like. I wouldn't say that reading is my answer because I'm not doing it as much as I want to, but I'm trying to think of things like that, that I know like once I break through the barrier and actually do it, a copy it makes me really happy.
00:34:39
Speaker
Like, um, like burning calories, doing housework. Oh, perfect. It all circles back. It all circles back. Well, I think like going to be in Florida. I think that you should read that. I'm actually going to bring a book. Wrap it up. To wrap it up, wrap it
Gratitude and Family Support
00:34:51
Speaker
out.
00:34:51
Speaker
i while we were talking about all of this and just talking about like being there for each other, last week or whenever it was that I was feeling super down, keeps coming back to that.
00:35:03
Speaker
But, um, I just, Lucy, who we talk to probably every day, but I think am more probably in touch with you just because we're in the same city, so specifically went, like, so far out of her way just to, like, make sure that I was good and to be there for me and actually lent me some amazing, amazing advice. She has such good advice. She has such good advice. It's, insane. No, it's insane.
00:35:26
Speaker
um And it just, like, that, I just wanted to end with a little shout-out to her because it was so incredibly meaningful to me. Mm-hmm. I was, I called dad i just like talk to dad. And when I was like, sort of pulling out of it, I was feeling fine. I just wanted to say hi.
00:35:40
Speaker
And then mom hopped on the phone and she was like, Oh, I was just on the phone with Lucy. And I told her that you called and she was like, Mom, Emma's having a hard week, hang up with me and go talk to her. Like she probably needs you right now more than I do. And it's like,
00:35:51
Speaker
I know. That's really cute. I know. oh my God, I'm going to cry. I know. Just the self-awareness, like when you're hurting, yeah but then to be able to pull out of that and also help someone else. I mean, I think that's our reasoning behind doing some of this podcast anyway, is to to try to hopefully speak to other people that are going through a tough time.
00:36:13
Speaker
But it was just, it was really, and Lucy is always helpful and always amazing. and she's actually the best person to call when you're really not feeling like doing stuff. She is. But it was just like very specifically um touching. know she actually did that to me a couple weeks ago. I was having like a more of a bad day than a week, but it was like a rough day.
00:36:35
Speaker
and she was like. So you didn't spend three days not showering? No, I didn't not showering. Sometimes twice. and And she called. we were texting, like, the group chat, the three of us. And I was like, oh, shitty day, like, whatever.
00:36:46
Speaker
And she like, do you want to talk? And I was like, eh, it's fine. Like, I'm about to go to class anyway. And she still called me, even though I was like, no. And she was like, I just love you. And we talked for, like, five minutes. I had time. And she just, like, was like. She's so wonderful. It was like that. Like, she. And that's, like, the sister thing, too. She gets But it's also the sister thing with, like, all of us. But, like, when I'm like, no, no, it's fine. Like, but you know I want the call.
00:37:06
Speaker
Yeah, but she's really good at that. She's so really good at that. And not in a pushy way. No, because I couldn't find it if I was at Oz. I think she's sort of like, all right, well, this is what I would want. And then I try to. She's very in touch. Yeah, she's very in touch.
00:37:19
Speaker
Yeah. she's So maybe we can just take a page out of Lucy's book and start to treat ourselves how she treats us. I think that's a great idea. Let's do it. Let's do that. i thought we were going to like cheers, but we can shake.
00:37:31
Speaker
Sick. All right. Awesome.